Best PHP framework which makes PHP sort of... useless... I guess?

off-rails-example.php

<?php
require 'off-rails.php';

get('/', 'index');
function index() {
    echo 'Hello, world!';
}

get('/old-main', 'redir_to_main');
function redir_to_main() {
    redirect('/');
}

whatever('/*', 'error404');
function error404($page) {
    give(404);
    echo "I'm sorry, but $page doesn't exist (also XSS!).";
}