ShutDownEverything.cs

using Octokit;
using System.Collections.Generic;
using System.Reflection;
using System.Threading.Tasks;

namespace ShutDownEverything
{
    static class Program
    {
		const string APIKey = "HAHAH NO NOT THIS TIME FUCK YOU";
		const string RepoOwner = "tgstation";
		const string RepoName = "tgstation";

		static async Task Main()
		{
			var client = new GitHubClient(new ProductHeaderValue(Assembly.GetExecutingAssembly().GetName().Name))
			{
				Credentials = new Credentials(APIKey)
			};

			var tasks = new List<Task>();
			foreach (var I in await client.PullRequest.GetAllForRepository(RepoOwner, RepoName, new PullRequestRequest { State = ItemStateFilter.Open }))
				tasks.Add(client.PullRequest.Update(RepoOwner, RepoName, I.Number, new PullRequestUpdate { State = ItemState.Closed }));

			await Task.WhenAll(tasks);
		}
    }
}