Please contact me for a transaction. Claudia.
Thanks for your response to my previous email and very sorry for the unconventional way I have made this contact with you. My name is Ms. Claudia NG Chun Hiu with Fubonbank (HONG KONG). I am Senior Vice President and Head of the corporate Banking.
History of my transaction: I am emailing you about a deposit a deceased customer left without a recognised next of kin to the sum of Nineteen Million Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars. The late customer has a personal account with us and he made a fixed deposit to the sum of US$19,800,000.00 in our branch. I would humbly appeal that you preserve the subjects of this email personal and reverence the truthfulness of the information you come by as a result of this email. I have been in charge of this department for years and to best of my knowledge, I have discharged my duty with equity and fairness.
However, I cannot claim these funds without presenting someone to stand as a next of kin otherwise our Bank will convert the funds into the public treasury. This is why I have come to you for the deal to take place. I am emailing you because I noticed that you and Mr Zackary the late customer have the same surname. I am ready to place you in a position to instruct the Bank to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving next of kin. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is, I will simply make you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.
This is a fair deal without any risk attached either on your part or on my part as long as we comply with the laws governing the claiming of funds in our Bank. I do not want you to come down to sign the late customers Funds Release Order because you cannot defend the source of the funds during the signing as our remittance department may decide to ask you some significant questions which you may not answer correctly thereby jeopardizing the transaction. Therefore you will inform our establishment that you will not be able to come down for the signing. I will work with an attorney to perfect all arrangements in your favour and the funds will be paid to you for our own use.
Please if you are interested in continuing with this transaction, I request you to get back to me soon as possible so that we can proceed towards the positivity of this deal. I am a Single mother with four children and I see this as an opportunity to give them a better life. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. Let us collaborate together if you don’t want to please keep it yourself only. Many Thanks,
Claudia, this sounds like a very exciting opportunity indeed! I can hardly believe my good fortune!
Please, tell me more about Mr. Zackary. Do you by any chance have a recent photo of him? I had an uncle Zackary (who looked very much like a young George Clooney) who had lived abroad in Hong Kong, and I wonder if perhaps he is your deceased customer. Please, if you can, send me a picture of your customer so I may determine my relation to him.
Also, I am very interested to learn more about your life as a single mother of four children. I am sure that is very difficult for you. I do not have children myself, but many of my friends do, and I know that they require a tremendous amount of patience, money, and Cocoa Puffs. What are your children's names? I would love to hear more about them. I absolutely love kids.
Anyway, please forgive my rambling. It is very late here and I have been drinking many American beers and smoking lots of American methamphetamine, which has a tendency to cause me to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
How shall we proceed forward with this transaction?
Mr. Robert Downey Jr., MD.
Good day, Thanks for your email. I will like to tell you that in inheritance the next of kin can be anybody, it is not compulsory for the next of kin to be related to the late customer, it does not even matter if you are from different countries but in this case the uniqueness of the same surname with you we bring us to a perfect conclusion. The most important thing is that there must be documents to show for it, which would make you a sole next of kin to the late customer. You should not have anything to worry about, I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking, and you have my word. The attorney will prepare the necessary Affidavits which shall put you in place as next of kin to Mr Zackary he will obtain the necessary clearances from the Hong Kong authorities which will cover all the aspects involved in this transaction.
The lawyer will handle all matters of probate on your behalf, he will have all the documents completed, and with these documents he will come forward to my bank to support the application which you will put forward to my bank that will speedy the immediate release and transfer of the funds to the account you shall open in a Bank I will recommend to you soon. My experience as a Banker will make this transaction scale through with ease all I want you to do is to follow my instructions very well. I promise you that you will not in any way regret your collaboration with me. We can do this if we join our hands together and work in one accord and also you will need to assure me that I will have unlimited access to my own 50% share once the funds has been transferred into your account In a bank I will recommend to you because the funds is going to be transferred into your account and not mine so you are the one to assure me that you will get my own share to me. I will need you to provide me with your following information so that the lawyer will start work on the process.
Country of Residence:
Please also scan and email to me an identification document either passport or driver’s license or a national identity card along with the required details above.
Once I get this information, I will also send you my identity so that you will know whom you are transacting with. I will have my lawyer go ahead to process the relevant documents which will make you the next of kin to late Zackary. I requested your information above as this documents will be presented at the probate office here in Hong Kong so as to give this transaction legal backing and legitimacy. Upon receipt of this information the lawyer would go ahead and procure this documents and as soon as we have secured the documents, you will make official application to my bank on the strength of this documents that the funds should be released to you as the bona-fide next of kin to the Late customer Immediately your application is received and approved by my Bank after due consideration an approval of funds will be issued to you as the rightful owner of the funds You need not to worry as I would use my position to facilitate the approval and the subsequent release of the funds to you. I am currently working on a corresponding Bank that you can contact and get an account with once I am done I will let you know the Bank that you need to contact and get an account opened in your name be patient with me please; You will be required to open an account in your name in this Bank. The money would be transferred to your account which you will open, this is the best way for a transaction like this to stop all interference from your country of residence and it will also protect us from my Bank. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude, so you should listen to my instructions and follow them faithfully. Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name as my bank will be aware that it is from me, this is why I need you.
Looking forward to a good collaboration with you I so much rely on you my new found friend.
Thank you for your timely response. I cannot describe to you how frustrated and irritable I become when perpetrating bank fraud with international businesspeople who do not reply to my emails in an expedient fashion.
I am still very excited about the business opportunity with which you have been so generous to present me, however I do have several concerns:
You have not yet sent me a photograph of the deceased. I would very much like to know if he is in fact my uncle (who, again, looks exactly like George Clooney). I will still proceed with the transaction even if the deceased is not my uncle -- I simply wish to know if he is alive or dead. He was always very fond of extreme sports (skydiving, bungee jumping, golf), and I wonder if perhaps his penchant for chasing exhilaration may have finally caught up with him.
You have not answered my questions about your children. In my country, it is customary to become familiar with business associates before moving forward with a transaction. I would very much like to know about your children. Do they like Pokemon? Do they listen to Lady Gaga? Perhaps they prefer the musical stylings of Mumford & Sons. This information is of great concern to me.
I have already scanned the documents you requested, and will happily send them to you as soon as you are able to comply with my stated requests.
Please do not delay. I need the money as quickly as possible, as the new Sony Playstation 4 is set to be released very soon and I have already spent most of my discretionary funds on Hot Pockets and Magic: The Gathering trading cards.
You are the wind beneath my wings,
Robert Downey Jr., MD