ZALGO
T̵̸̴̙͒̈̑ͅͅh̢̢̬̳̱͔͕͐̽ë̗͉̲̲ͫ̓̕͠ ̪̰̣̔̑͌̐̌͢C̪͎͎̜ͤ̂ͪ̀͢h̙̦̝̎͛̇ͬ͂ͬä̴̢̺̹̮̰́̏͘o͒̕͏ͨ̀̌̂̌͠s̜̪̣͕̠̓͊͐͡ ̛̜̤̪ͤ͊̌̄͊S̰̻̖͙ͪ̆̈́̐͝c̛͎̫͚̣̞̝ͧ̕r̸̟̙ͧ͛ͩ́ͫ͜i̬̻͖̅ͨ̏̀̚͘p̯̲̜ͨ͒̑̑̕̕ṫ͚̲̫̆̒ͣ͠ͅ.̱̻̲̀͂͏̠ͧͦ ͚̩͛͐̾̒̀͝ͅH̡͙̙̀ͬ̇̚̚͢E͙͙̦͙̱ͫ̇ͪ̈ ̣͚̗̱ͬͬ̐͂̃Ĉ̨̩̠̍̅́̍͡O̪̖ͤͬ̐̍ͮ̋ͨM̨͇̭̗̜̗͒͟͝E̸̤̗̱̘ͦ͛͢ͅS͚ͧ̎ͭͥ̈̂͢͡.̮͎͓̓̀ͤ̽͗̕.͇͛͋͏̬̘ͤ͌͛.̢̡̳̰͓͑̑̋͊
Usage
zalgo("Your text")
or you can specify the optional zalgifying density (default is 9, suitable for most cases):
zalgo("Your text",15)
Current implementation is just 129 ͔̭͇ͥ͌̓̍̉͠b̷̨͕̝̞̅̔̎̿y̢͖͉͊ͣͫ̓̌̕.̙͔̠̐ͮͤ̍̅͝.̙̺̺̦̺͍ͦ̊͘.̮̬̭̥ͣ̀ͫ͢͠ ͉ͧ̅̾ͬ͏̠̓͜Ò̶̞͖̳̗͔͙̔H̵͍̳̦͂̂̐͘̚ ̟̰̘̄ͥ̐̒͗ͅN̟͏̭͔̪͛ͪ̉͂O̗̹͒̀͛ͪ̅͘̕!̡̜͎̈́͆̐͒͂ͣ ͍̗̤̯̣ͮ̈́̔ͅH̶̨͈̳̎͋͗͂̎E̢̧̧̦̩͓͇ͣ͐ ̖̣̦͓͆̈́͜͢͜C̟̦͎̼ͩ̔͘͜͟Ö̭̜̰̇ͧ̈́̔͝M̠͛͛͆͊̒͌̍̋Ȇ̟̬̗̱ͮ̓̈́͘S̵̭̪̮̓ͩ̍́͢ ͉̯͇̦ͥ͗͊͛̈A͚͕̺̔̐̔͛̈́͜G̸̛̤̳̻ͫ̚͢͡Ą̣͚̱̺̎̄̌ͅÌ̛͍̯͛ͤ̊͂́N̨̨͍͇̋̓͐ͤ͟
How about a non-array approach?