Yesterday something happened that I needed to apologise for.
In a team call, person A was asking for help with a team problem, and I was in the process of explaining to them how they could fix it by doing X. Person B thought I was talking about them, and interrupted "oh, you mean by me doing Y?", I dutifully ignored the interruption and continued talking to A, I was explaining what I meant by X when B interrupted again. I again ignored the interruption and tried to finish my sentence, but distracted couldn't remember the technical term for a thing and in the slight pause B interrupted again.
"Can I please just finish my **** sentence?" I blurted out.
I did then finish my sentence in the silence that ensued. I explained that I was talking about what A could do with X, and that yes, B could help by doing Y, but hopefully that wouldn't be necessary unless X failed. We moved on.
I try never to lose my calm, measured demeanour. I try and avoid swearing, especially in a professional context. I try and treat everyone with respect. Yesterday I failed. I have since apologised.
When I was a young child, I struggled with expressing myself in words. I would search for just the right words. Sometimes the wait became unbearable for my mother, who would guess what I meant and interject. This was bad enough when we were alone, but particularly irksome when in company. I know I still carry baggage on this, and I try to be mindful of when it pops up, but sometimes I fail.
I once heard that for a business, trying to always be perfect is impossible; you will inevitably deliver a defective product or a substandard service. What is more important is what you do afterwards. Do you try and cover it up, or blame the customer? Or do you do whatever you can to make it right? This resonated with me.
I think it is important for myself, in a position of leadership, to:
- acknowledge that I am fallible;
- make it safe for others to fail;
- strive to make it right afterwards when I do fail;
- model the behaviour that I hope for in others.
I recognise that humans are imperfect with respect to being consistent and disciplined. I will always make mistakes, no matter how hard I try not to, no matter the fact that I recognise the mistake and know how to not make it again. The important thing is not for me to demand perfection of myself (or others), it is to 'make good' when I inevitably do fail.