`curl sorz.org`

ah.plain.txt

                  -oooooooooooo- -::::::::::::::::::::-
     .---------.  oMMMMMMMMMMMM+ dMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
    .NMMMMMMMMMN` oMMN:...-yMMM: /+++++++++++++yMMMo+++`
    .NMMhyyydMMN` oMMN.   `mMMd                /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.   +MMN:                /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.  `dMMs                 /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.  /MMN.   -hhhhhhhhhh/  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.  dMMo    :MMMNmmmNMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN. +MMN.    :MMN.```yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.`NMMy     :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN. +NMMo    :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.  :NMM+   :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.   /NMN+  :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.    yMMm` :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.    -MMM/ :MMN.   yMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.    `NMMs :MMMysssmMMs  /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN.    `NMMs :MMMMMMMMMMs  /MMN`
    .NMMMMMMMMMN` oMMN.    +MMMo :MMN:......`  /MMN`
    .NMMmhhhmMMN` oMMNyhhhmMMMm. :MMN.         /MMN`
    .NMM/   oMMN` oMMN/MMMMMmo.  `:::          /MMN`
    `sys-   `---  oMMN.....`                   /MMN`
                  oMMN.                        +MMN`
                  oMMN.               `soo++/+yNMMd
                  oMMN.               `dMMMMMMMMMh.
                  oNNm.                :+++++++/.

ah.sh

#!/bin/bash
read request
while true; do
    read header
    [ "$header" == $'\r' ] && break;
done

printf "HTTP/1.0 200 OK\r\n"
printf "Server: lolcat-ah\r\n"
printf "Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8\r\n"
printf "\r\n"
/usr/bin/lolcat -f ah.plain.txt

lolcat-ah.socket

[Unit]
Description=Listen on http and return `lolcat ah.txt`

[Socket]
ListenStream=127.0.0.80:8000
Accept=true
MaxConnections=1


[Install]
WantedBy=sockets.target

lolcat-ah@.service

[Unit]
Description=Write out lolcat ah

[Service]
Type=simple
User=nobody
Group=nobody
WorkingDirectory=/opt/lolcat-ah/
ExecStart=/opt/lolcat-ah/ah.sh
StandardInput=socket
StandardOutput=socket

PrivateDevices=True
ProtectSystem=strict
ProtectHome=True
NoNewPrivileges=True