Happiness is an outcome, not a mandate, because the expectation of a constant state of happiness will cause you to constantly wonder, "Am I happy? Am I happy enough? Could I be happier? Should I leave this relationship? I'm happy, but maybe I could be happier somewhere else." This obsession with happiness and its relentless pursuit inherently creates massive uncertainty and self-doubt.
In a society that mandates happiness, the suffering doesn't disappear, but you need to find a new legitimacy. This is how notions of trauma, burnout, and many others became so widespread in the vernacular. If you put it in the framework of trauma, it becomes legitimized. Yes, trauma certainly exists — we can all agree on that, but the term itself has evolved to umbrella all the circumstances and events that have caused unhappiness. Whereas, in truth, unhappiness is simply part of life. One of many states of being in a wide spectrum.
So, what do I propose? Happiness is an outcome — it’s a moment in which we get to experience joy, bliss, contentment — and that’s a beautiful part of life. But a goal for an everlasting or continuous state of happiness? We’re setting ourselves up for disappointment by discounting the range of the human experience.
For the exploration of more topics like these, visit my blog at https://www.estherperel.com/blog
Last active
July 20, 2022 02:32
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Happiness
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