NYTCween.js

function(){                                                                                                                                                       
  var $$ = function(query){
    !!(query && query.nodeType == 1) ?
      this.dom = [query]
    :   
      this.dom = [].slice.call(document.querySelectorAll(query));
  };  
  
  $$.prototype.remove = function(){
    this.dom[0].parentNode.removeChild(this.dom);
    return this;
  };  
  
  $$.prototype.css = function(rules){
    for(i in rules)
      this.dom[0].style[i] = rules[i];
    return this;
  };  
  
  $$.prototype.append = function(html){
    var el = document.createElement("div");
    el.innerHTML = html;
    for(var i = 0; i < el.children.length; i++)
      this.dom[0].appendChild(el.children[i]);
    return this;
  };  
  
  $$.prototype.enHatMan = function(){
    var parent = this.dom[0].parentNode;
    this.remove();
    $(parent).append("<img src='" + enHatMan() + "'/>");
    return $(parent.lastChild); 
  };  

  var $ = function(query){
    return new $$(query);
  };  
  
  $.getJSON = function(url, cb){
    var name = "json" + (new Date()).getTime();
    window[name] = function(data){ 
      cb(eval(data)); 
      delete window[name];
    };  
    $(document.body).append("<script async src=" + url.replace("=?", "=" + name) + "></script>");
  };  
  
  var tweet = function(message){
    window.open("http://www.twitter.com/?status=" + encodeURIComponent(message));
  };  

  var id;
  var bounce = function(){
    if(id) { id = setTimeout(bounce); return; }
    
    //nyt whitelists twitter refers
    bitlyfy(function(url) {
      tweet("I just took down the paywall at NYTimes.com and so can you! " + url + " #stealing #imajerk");
    })
    id = null;
  };
  
  var bitlyfy = function(cb) {
      var endpoint = "http://api.bitly.com/v3/shorten?longUrl=" + encodeURIComponent('http://' + window.location.host + window.location.pathname) +  "&format=json";
      $.getJSON(endpoint + "&callback=?", function(response) {
        var hash     = response['data']['hash'];
        var shortUrl = "http://bit.ly/" + hash;
        cb(shortUrl);
      });
  };
  
  var enHatMan = function() {
    var hatMen = [
      'http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li7y79w7Ps1qzp87ao1_250.gif',
      'http://davidcole.me/drop/nytwhat.gif',
      'http://petervidani.com/images/nyt.gif'
    ];
    var getRandomHatMan = function() {
      return Math.floor(hatMen.length * Math.random());
    };
    return hatMen[getRandomHatMan()];
  };

  var liberate = function(el){
    el.dom.innerHTML = text.replace(/(cost|price|expense|payment|money)\s/i,"freedom ");
  };

  var liberate_all = function(){
    var collection = $('.articleBody p');
    for(var i = 0; i < collection.dom.length; i++)
      liberate($(collection.dom[i]));
  };
  
  var hide = {};
  hide.the = function(el){
    $("#" + el).enHatMan();                                                                                                                                             
    setTimeout(bounce);
    return this;
  };

  hide.and = hide;
                                                                                                                                                                           
  hide.the("overlay").and.the("gatewayCreative");
  $(document.body).css({overflow:'scroll'});
  // old school
  $(document.body).append('<audio controls="no" preload="auto" autoplay style="display:none"><source src="http://thejefflarson.s3.amazonaws.com/new-sapps/themessage.mp3" /></audio>');
  liberate_all();
})();