Phrases for Work

phrases-for-work.md

Thanks to https://www.berro.com/entertainment/phrases_work.htm

• Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• The beatings will continue until morale improves
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• Busy, you thought busy was a policeman. "In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• It's nice to see that you're not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you're an idiot.
• I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-YOU.
• I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.
• Would you like me to chew your food for you while I'm at it?
• Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??
• Here's a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room
• And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
• Do I look like a freaking people person?
• This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah,
• and it's called my office)
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• You!... Off my planet!
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• A PBS mind in an MTV world.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• When you take a long time, you're slow; When your boss takes a long time, he or she's thorough.
• When you take a long time, you're slow; When your boss takes a long time, he or she's thorough.
• When you don't do it, you're lazy; When your boss doesn't do it, he or she's too busy.
• When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he or she's only human.
• When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
• When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. When your boss does it, he or she is being firm.
• When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he or she is being original.
• When you please your boss, you're apple polishing. When your boss pleases his boss, he or she is being co-operative.
• When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he or she is on business.
• When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss is a day off sick, he or she must be very ill.
• When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it's because he or she is overworked