handing in a project early next week? want to leave the correctors a holiday surprise? call HappyHolidays.YouBastard() on app launch, and if the date is >= 2010-12-15, they will be redirected to a YouTube video of Blink-182's Happy Holidays, You Bastard.

HappyHolidaysYouBastard.vb

Imports System.Diagnostics

Public Class HappyHolidays
    Private Shared a As Integer = 0
    Private Shared b As Integer = 1
    Private Shared c As DateTime
    Private Shared d As String = ""
    Private Shared e As Integer() = {0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0}
    Private Shared f As Integer() = {0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0}

    Private Shared I As Boolean
    Private Shared It_s As Boolean = False

    Public Shared Sub YouBastard()
        It_s = ChristmasEve() And Ive_only_wrapped(2, "fuckin' presents;")
        It_s = ChristmasEve() And Ive_only_wrapped(2, "fuckin' presents;") _
        And I_hate("hate, hate your guts")
        I = hate("hate, hate your guts") _
        And I_ll("never talk to you again")
        Unless("your dad will suck me off")
        I_ll("never talk to you again")
        Unless("your mom will touch my cock")
        I_ll("never talk to you again")
        Ejaculate("into a sock")
        I_ll("never talk to you again")
        I_ll("never talk to you again")
    End Sub

    Public Shared Function ChristmasEve()
        Dim g As Integer = 0
        For h As Integer = 1 To 21
            g += 5
        Next
        f(a) = g
        a += 3
        Return a > 3
    End Function

    Public Shared Function Ive_only_wrapped(ByVal howMany As Integer, ByVal whats As String)
        f(b) = howMany * Asc(whats.Chars(whats.Length - 1))
        b += 1
        Return b > 2
    End Function

    Public Shared Function hate(ByVal what As String)
        For _i As Integer = 0 To 7
            Select Case _i
                Case 0
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(11))
                Case 1
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(12))
                Case 2, 4
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(13))
                Case 3
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(2))
                Case 5
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(4))
                Case 6
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(1))
                Case 7
                    e(_i) = Asc(what.Chars(3))
            End Select
        Next
        e(5) += 2
        e(6) += 1
        Return True
    End Function

    Public Shared Function I_hate(ByVal what As String)
        Return hate(what)
    End Function

    Public Shared Function I_ll(ByVal what As String)
        f(4) = f(0)
        f(4) += 5
        f(6) = f(4)
        f(6) -= 3
        f(5) = f(6)
        f(5) -= 9
        f(7) = f(5)
        f(7) += 15
        f(8) = f(5)
        f(8) -= 17
        f(9) = f(5)
        f(9) -= 3
        f(10) = f(8)
        f(10) += 8
        Return True
    End Function

    Public Shared Function Unless(ByVal what As String)
        If Asc(what.Chars(5)) = 100 Then
            c = New DateTime(Asc(what.Chars(11)) + 1902, Asc(what.Chars(5)) - 88, Asc(what.Chars(6)) - 82)
        Else
            d &= what.Chars(18) & what.Chars(14) & what.Chars(14) & Chr(Asc(what.Chars(1)) + 1) & Chr(Asc(what.Chars(23)) - 41) _
            & Chr(Asc(what.Chars(23)) - 52) & Chr(Asc(what.Chars(23)) - 52)
            For Each c As Integer In e
                d &= Chr(c)
            Next
            d &= Chr(Asc(what.Chars(23)) - 52)
            For Each c As Integer In f
                d &= Chr(c)
            Next
        End If
        Return True
    End Function

    Public Shared Function Ejaculate(ByVal where As String)
        If Today >= c Then
            Process.Start(d)
        End If
        Return Today >= c
    End Function
End Class