jimbocoder

#!/usr/bin/perl -w

#
# Jim's evil wildcard dns backend for front gate tickets
#


use strict;

$|=1; # pump a little bit and let em know it's goin on (no output buffering)

jimbocoder

// This function steganographically (kinda) encodes the iso language code into a gmail email address.
// dot characters are used because gmail ignores these when routing mail, but we can still write gmail filters based on them.
function langemailification($lang) {
    global $multiplexer_email; // I'm so sorry. I learned it from watching YOU.
    list($user,$host) = split('@', $multiplexer_email);

    // Break the user part of the email address into two parts: the first character, and the remainder.  Call them A and B.
    // We'll insert our dots 1) between A and B, and 2) after B.
    // Like so: A...B...@gmail.com
    list($a,$b) = array(

jimbocoder

nginx better with high or low ssl concurrency?	high: needs enough to saturate the CPUs, but no point in going higher than that
try high vs low haproxy -> nginx	high
try high vs low haproxy -> varnish (this path is only for non-SSL connections, so less important)	who cares, but high was better
note: nginx will be limited by the number of connections haproxy sends it, so maybe just set nginx super high, and use haproxy to throttle it.  removes that variable from the equation.	
dont run irqbalance/ksoftirqd.  explicitly assign cpu affinities	
net.core.somaxconn is default 128!!!!!!!!!!	
do NOT run any firewall	
"PRIMARY
stuff
irqs:

jimbocoder

# Purge the following packages

account-plugin-aim
account-plugin-facebook
account-plugin-flickr
account-plugin-jabber
account-plugin-salut
account-plugin-twitter
account-plugin-windows-live
account-plugin-yahoo

jimbocoder

# Modified version of what `composer _completion -g -p composer` generates
# Composer will only load plugins when a valid composer.json is in its working directory,
# so  for this hack to work, we are always running the completion command in ~/.composer
function _composercomplete {
    export COMP_LINE COMP_POINT COMP_WORDBREAKS;
    local -x COMPOSER_CWD=`pwd`
    local RESULT STATUS

    # Honour the COMPOSER_HOME variable if set
    local composer_dir=$COMPOSER_HOME

jimbocoder

function compose() {
    $fxns = func_get_args();
    $outer = function($identity) { return $identity; };
    while($f = array_pop($fxns)) {
        if ( !is_callable($f) ) {
            throw new \Exception('This should be a better exception.');
        }
        $outer = function() use($f, $outer) {
            return $f(call_user_func_array($outer, func_get_args()));
        };

jimbocoder

#!/usr/bin/env php
<?php

$safeHome = preg_quote(getenv('HOME'), '/');
$path = preg_replace("/^$safeHome(.*)$/", '~$1', getcwd());

$delim = "\xe2\x8b\xaf"; // ⋯
$maxlen=5;

$abbreviator = function($component) use ($delim, $maxlen) {

jimbocoder

{
  "REPORT_TITLE": "Report for the month of xyz",
  "QUOTE": {
    "TYPE":  "zipcode",
    
    "DRIVERS": [
      {
        "Age": "30",
        "Sex": "Female",
        "Good_Student": "Yes",

jimbocoder

#!/bin/bash

if [[ ! -x /usr/local/bin/ngrok ]]; then
    TMPFILE=`tempfile`
    curl -s 'https://bin.equinox.io/c/4VmDzA7iaHb/ngrok-stable-linux-amd64.zip' -o "$TMPFILE.zip"
    sudo unzip -f "$TMPFILE.zip" ngrok -d /usr/local/bin/
    rm -f "$TMPFILE.zip"
fi

jimbocoder

# encoding: utf-8
require "logstash/filters/base"
require "logstash/namespace"

# Filter plugin for logstash to parse the PHP severity field from a php error log
# message embdeeded in a syslog (RFC3164) message, and adjust the standard syslog
# PRI field accordingly.
#
# This is necessary because PHP by default logs all syslog messages at priority
# "notice", even things like fatal errors!  This makes it impossible to do any alerting