Transcription of the 2005 Kenyon Commencement Address -May 21, 2005
Written and Delivered by David Foster Wallace
(If anybody feels like perspiring [cough], I'd advise you to go ahead,because I'm sure going to. In fact I'm gonna [mumbles while pulling uphis gown and taking out a handkerchief from his pocket].) Greetings["parents"?] and congratulations to Kenyon's graduating class of 2005.There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meetan older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says"Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for abit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes"What the hell is water?"
This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches, thedeployment of didactic little parable-ish stories. The story ["thing"] turnsout to be one of the better, less bullshitty conventions of the genre, but ifyou're worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fishexplaining what water is to you younger fish