DIONYSUS
Let’s see—what style do I use at this point
to knock upon the door? Which one to use?
What’s the local style of knocking here?
XANTHIAS
Stop wasting time. Try chewing on the door—
act like Hercules. You’ve got his height and might.
DIONYSUS [knocking]
You in there! Doorkeeper!
AEACUS [from inside]
Who is it?
DIONYSUS
It's great Hercules!
[Aeacus bursts through the door and grabs Dionysus very roughly.]
AEACUS
O you abominable, you shameless reckless wretch—
villain, villain, damned smiling villain—
the man who made off with Cerberus my dog!
You grabbed him by the throat and throttled him,
then took off on the run, while I stood guard.
Now you’re caught—black-hearted Stygian rocks,
and blood-dripping peaks of Acheron
will hold you down. Roaming hounds of Cocytus
will gnaw your guts to bits—Echnida, too,
and she’s a hundred heads. The Tartesian eel
will chew your lungs, your kidneys bleed
from entrails Tithrasian Gorgons rip apart.
I’ll set out hot foot in their direction.
[Aeacus lets go of Dionysus, who drops to the ground in terror. Exit Aeacus back into the house. Dionysus lifts his tunic and inspects his underpants.]
XANTHIAS
What have you done?
DIONYSUS
I’ve made an offering. Call the god.
- Aristophanes, Frogs