I'm David Kay.
I'm Nick's first client in his new career as a coach.
They say there's a sucker born every minute, and [pointing at self] now you know they're telling the truth!
[Smile]
What I'd like to do today is to take a moment to celebrate Dr. Nick Wong through the lens of a painful and candid story.
When I met Nick, I was down on my luck.
[Pause]
To clarify, I was down on my luck BEFORE Nick came into the picture.
[Smile]
It was just over a year ago, May 2017.
I came to Nick with the question: "Should I go work for Apple? Or should I take one more stab at entrepreneurship?"
At that time, I had just received a very attractive offer to work with the Siri team at Apple down in Silicon Valley.
Most of my friends and family encouraged me to take the job. They knew of the mountain of stress and heartache that I had endured as I was running my own business over the years.
They knew that I had hit rock bottom once before and now, here I was once again, dead broke with no obvious way out.
I seriously doubted my ability to ever make it:
"Maybe I'm just a loser? Maybe I don't have what it takes?"
"Maybe the right thing is to go down to Silicon Valley and to learn to climb the corporate ladder?"
"They're offering a lot of money. And you negotiated SO HARD for it. They must really want and value you if they're giving you what you asked for."
"Wouldn't it be so nice to not have to worry about survival for a while?"
But something wasn't sitting right with me. My dream had always been to be a successful entrepreneur.
So, I went to consult with the oracle.
[Point at Nick]
I met Nick at KPU campus in Richmond.
We sat down for our first coaching session, and he gave me one of the most bizarre looks I've ever seen!
[Mimic intensely staring, tight-lipped Nick expression]
It looked like he wasn't sure he wanted to be my friend or eat me for breakfast.
At the time, I thought there might be something seriously wrong with this guy!
Looking back, I think we were both nervous and hadn't yet built up enough comfort and trust with the other party.
[Short Pause]
...at least I HOPE that's what was going on!
[Concerned/corner-of-eyes look]
[Smile]
But we were both dedicated to getting the job done. Laying aside any initial discomfort, we thoroughly grappled with the topic of going to Apple.
I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent guy, but Nick was always one step ahead of me, asking the hard questions and really getting me to look at the situation from all angles.
And, I didn't appreciate this much at the time, but he emphasized the importance of not only what I THOUGHT, but how I FELT about the alternatives.
Blech.
[LOOK OF DISGUST]
We didn't reach a firm conclusion at the time, but the conversation with Nick had planted many ideas in my mind which sprouted over the following two days.
In an self-asserting (and father-defying) act, I declined the Apple offer and embarked on the wild plan of finally, before the age of 30, becoming a successful tech entrepreneur. I broke the news to Nick, who asked himself: am I actually helping people? I just helped this guy decline an incredibly lucrative job offer. And he's now going off to chase a dream with no real prospects in front of him? Thank God I'm no longer a doctor -- I might be breaking the Hippocratic Oath right now!
Luckily, both for me and for Nick's conscience, after a long and winding road, that wild decision paid off:
The money started flowing and Apple became a distant memory.
I stopped pinching pennies on groceries and bought a lovely standard-transmission Red Mazda to celebrate all of the progress that I'd made.
Armed with financial success, I became much better at asserting myself and saying "no."
Life became all about stamping out emotion and ruthlessly chasing efficiency and optimality.
I was beginning to live the dream!
[Smirk]
[CONFUSED LOOK]
My heartless approach served me so well that I took it into all aspects of my life.
This Spring, Nick invited me to spend some quality time with him and Paul.
At first, I accepted, but I later became apprehensive and exercised my newfound ability to assert myself and canceled in a callous, disrespectful manner.
Nick and I didn't speak until our weekly coaching call a few days later.
[Pause]
I stepped out of my shiny, new, red Mazda in an anonymous park in Burnaby. [Put phone to ear] Nick picked up the phone. Something was wrong. We didn't make it too far into the conversation before I heard this strong, intelligent man in emotional turmoil on the other end. We were speaking about my treatment of him: "You sick, sick man." "Now I'm beginning to see why people call you a dick!" He said, choking back his tears. "I feel no remorse," I said to him, with crossed arms and a blank expression, staring into the distance.
He regained his composure and decided to put on his most professional tone.
He told me, "I'm not sure I'll be able to be your friend, but I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to be your coach."
There are those of you in the audience who already know me. For those who don't, I'll confess that I've been something of a broken individual for most of my life, tempered but damaged by the fire of my upbringing. On the one hand, I've done well for myself in career, but I've also broken an engagement with one of the women in this room, I've spent more time in the throes of depression and anxiety than I'd like to admit, and I've broken my word more times than I'd like to remember. But what I'm learning is that the world is truly a mirror. When we look out into the world, we see how we feel on the inside. For most of my life, I've been closed off to love and acceptance, both from myself and others. When I looked out, I saw a cold and hostile place, full of adversity and contempt. Whether the world, myself, or the people around me, rather than to accept and celebrate, my default was to reject and decry.
And yet, despite my stubborn clinging to shame and unworthiness, Nick has been more than I could have asked for in a co-pilot on my life's journey:
patient, supportive, and, yes, I can finally say this with a straight face, loving.
Indeed, perhaps the biggest gift that Nick has given me is not that of business success, but the consistent, subtle reminder that suffering is a choice. And that the vale of tears is of our own making.
I can see now that he's been trying to win me over for quite some time now, explicitly with his poking and prodding, hinting and hijinks, but also implicitly, through the safe and comfortable place he provides for me every week: a place where I am free to share both my brightest, and my darkest, thoughts and feelings.
He's been there for me through thick and thin, showing me by example what professionalism, dedication, and compassion truly mean.
Iris, I am so excited for you. You know better than I do that Nick is an incredible human being. I'm sure that he will adore you and support you for many years to come.
Nick, I wish you the best.
I'd love to offer you advice for this momentous next chapter, but it seems that you actually learn the most by watching me flail and struggle.
Which works for me, as I do that by default!
[Grin]
In any case, I have personally born witness to your legendary forgiveness and grace. I am forever in your debt.
May your union with Iris continue to lift you up and help you to become more truly yourself.
Everyone, please raise your glass and join me in toasting this great man and the love and acceptance that he embodies in this world,
"To love and acceptance."
Thank you,
David
a little more and I would have cried :) Good speech!