Why are we talking about empathy at a software development school? How can you develop the "skill" of empathy? And why should you care?
When I saw that we'd be reading about empathy in software development/the tech industry, I assumed a lot of the information would be about the bias that can be unintentionally implemented into programs (like what AI is quite publically dealing with now) because of the internalized biases their creators carry. But understanding empathy on a more broad level, on a day to day basis, is important because we can potentially tackle those biases and misunderstandings even earlier on in the process. Empathizing with others can help personal and professional growth, but you can also help others who may not have the courage or capacity to stand up for themselves the same way. I recognize that being a white person, I've had a lot of privilege and I can use that to help others and make change. But I'm also a queer woman, so there are spaces I haven't felt as comfortable speaking up, and I've had others do the same for me. Empathizing brings people together in all settings and can be a catalyst for change- Helping to dispurse power in a hierarchical society and give a voice to those who are often overlooked.
When I was young, my mom always bragged about me during elementary school (a moment I dont remember that well). Apparently my teacher called to tell my parents that she was proud of me. There was a new kid in class who was shy and would sit alone at lunch every day, so I decided to make friends with them so they wouldn't be alone at lunch and recess. I also got called to the principal's office because she overheard me telling two girls that I will be friends with any person regardless of race (after being bullied by two white students who told me I shouldn't have Black friends). I grew up knowing that I should take time to get to know others, give them a chance and a voice. I feel like I was raised to be empathetic, but I was also taught to be cautious and mindful of my safety.
I really enjoyed all of the articles and the TedTalk, but I did want to mention one specific thing stood out to me in the "Can You Teach People to Have Empathy?" article that I find important. I think radical listening and looking for the human behind everything are two really wonderful pieces of advice that I am going to try to implement on a daily basis. The "become curious about a stranger" is good advice, however I feel like it comes from a place of privilege, specifically male privilege. The story about the author getting to know a homeless man he would walk by every day was very sweet and endearing, but the only thought that popped in my head while reading this section was, "As a woman I could never do that because it could be dangerous." I was taught not to stop to help men (and sometimes women if it was late or dark and I was alone) because they could be dangerous or faking something to hurt/abduct me. It's really unfortunate, but it is the reality of being a woman in our society. We have to spend an incredible amount of energy in most scenarios to weigh whether it's worth risking our safety or not. So, while I find that piece of adive really nice, I plan to implement this in a different way. If there is a shy coworker who is maybe not being heard, I want to take time to stand up for them or hear them out. If there's a cashier at a place I regular or a maintenance person I see around my building, I want to set aside time to ask how they are doing and let them know that I'm appreciative of who they are. There are definitely ways to implement this advice that also feels safe for women and I just felt the need to bring this up.
- What role does empathy play in your life and how has it helped you?
- Empathy has helped me in every avenue of my life, both personally and professionallu. I have been able to work through issues in friendships and relationship by practicing radical listening/listening empathetically. I've learned from mistakes, especially in professional settings as well, learning to empathize with people I wouldn't normally interact with in my everyday life. Empathy helped me stay in the customer service industry for over 10 years. However, I love the way that these articles discuss this process. I think many people see empathy as something you learn and then you're empathetic just like that. But it really is a continuous process as you learn and grow personally and as you interact with different kinds of people. Reading these made me realize that practicing empathy is indeed a practice that needs to be actively worked on.
- How does empathy help you build better software?
- When I started higher education I chose to pursue Psychology in hopes that I eventually could help others. As I continued on my educational journey I began to realize that there are more ways than going into human-centered field to help others. The technology industry is growing so quickly and has the capacity to impact everyone in positive ways. Like Spalding discussed in her article, technology can be an aid for those that are differently abled and really help improve their lives. Empathy can help us personally, among our teams, and help us to develop better products that could potentially change peoples' lives for the good. My favorite quote from all of these is: "Ultimately everybody will know everything. And the question is: Will it make a difference?" I really hope so. I'm excited to explore the way I can implement and improve my own empathy skills.
- Why is empathy important for working on a team?
- Understanding where others are coming from and how they feel can help build trust among your teammates. Taking time to hear other people's ideas or even just hear their feelings about an issue can develop better communication in a team. When people feel heard and understood, they will feel potentially more comfortable, more productive and willing to contribute. This empathy that fosters communication and well-being can also lead to more efficient work and overall happier team members. Some teams/companies may be missing out on really creative and innovative ideas because the people with those ideas don't feel comfortable speaking up, so I think this is an issue that should be addressed more often.
- Describe a situation in which your ability to empathize with a colleague or teammate was helpful.
- I did a service year with Americorps last year and we had a few late hires. Our training was 3 40-45 hour weeks, so when these two hires came onboard after the rest of the AC members had two weeks to bond, it was a little hard for them to connect. I invited them to walk to a coffee shop for lunch so we could get to know each other, and a few others joined. Then next day, all of us (13 total AC members) sat outside together for lunch and I could tell that the new hires felt more comfortable around us. Joining a group of 11 people who have trained from the beginning together was probably a little intimidating, but all it took was a moment to recognize this and try to help them feel like they belong (because they did belong!).
- When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
- I worked with someone at a previous job who could "do no wrong" in his own eyes and I rarely felt that he was practicing empathy. I find people that can't empathize and/or those that can't recognize their own mistakes are the hardest to be empathetic towards. Working in corporate America for 5(-ish) years, I ran into this situation a few times. I found that the best way to handle this was to spend time with them one-on-one, especially outside of work like getting a coffee or lunch together. I found that this attitude was often a facade that they upheld at work when they felt insecure or overwhelmed. But once they got to know me a little, they would open up about themselves a little as well, which would also lead to a more comfortable and understanding work relationship.