Pairin-test-reflections

career-development.md

What is your greatest strength and how do you know?

This is always a difficult one for me to answer. I never seem to be able to actually give-up, even if I want to. I also feel that I am gifted with working as a team towards a goal or a project. I would identify these as my greatest strengths as they are common trends throughout my life that I see as positive.

How do you work best?

Environmentally I need quiet, internal focus and drive and a checklist. Within a group I am happiest when I am not the leader, and we are either all contemporaries or there is another defined and reasonable leader.

What is your greatest area of improvement?

Increase sense of self-worth/confidence. In the past I would all feel that I never had anything to contribute and through gaining more life experience I know that is no longer the case. It feels good.

How do you hope to maximize your strengths for your new career in software development?

Not quitting and being a helpful, harmonious team member are two traits that will serve me in any work environment. Having some developing people skills and cultivating greater empathy should allow me to work very well interdepartmentally and between teams.

How might knowing about your strengths and working preferences benefit you as a software developer?

I would also choose to advocate for self-awareness. Knowing where you are is one of the steps for planning where you want to go. As a software developer, my whole career will be centered on continuous learning and growth. I need to be aware of how I can ensure that happens given my unique set of traits/gifts. I have a strong attention to detail, curiosity, a desire for a team to function well and beyond expectations.

What efforts do you make to manage your learning process? Are these efforts successful? What challenges have inhibited your ability to manage your learning process effectively?

This is an area I have always felt I fell short on. I had gotten as far as knowing that as much I want to work with music, I often retain more without that added distraction. I know that I need to go over things I’ve “learned” to keep them fresh. Throughout school I’ve built a framework of study for the test and then whoosh all that knowledge is gone. I would not say these efforts are completely successful and I’m looking forward to building a better toolkit to actually master skills. I still have strong learning and work avoidance behaviors. Like I need to write this paper but I don’t want to, or things don’t feel right. I’ve gotten past this by just asking for five mins focused work on that project. It’s a small ask and it’s not hard to give just five mins. Once I start I have trouble stopping and voila my paper is done. Some challenges that have routinely hamstrung my ability to learn have been cognitive dissonance, self defeating thoughts, anxiety triggering a mental spiral that stops everything.

I recall these happening first in elementary school, I never felt ready for timed math quizzes. We’d start and as soon as I hit a problem that was even a little bit difficult my mind would start in on me. “See, you can’t do this. You should have studied harder. You aren’t good at math”. I’d try to move on to find reassurance of my abilities in another question that I did understand but more often those math quizzes ended in low scores and tears.

Coding has been similar until I started Turing’s program. I am always second guessing “can I actually do this”. What I’ve gotten right this time is allowing myself to be a beginner and accepting that the frustration of learning is natural and leads to where we want to go.

How do Sierra's and Coate's material relate to your current process for learning?

These are great resources and I needed both them. Coate’s article complements my newly acquired appreciation for being a beginner and taking joy in those highs of understanding. Sierra’s addressing why I’ve always felt drained cognitively and why I’ve always chosen the marshmallow or the cake, until recently, with IT IS ALL ONE TANK has been the highlight of my day. That idea brings together why I’ve failed at improving so many times before. Trying to do too many things at once, using up all my juice on multiple projects effectively ensured they’ll never be mastered. I appreciated her humor and her recognition that I am only human and that is a great thing to be!

What role does your emotional state of mind play in your learning? How do your successes and failures at learning affect your emotional state?

As described above, my emotions have completely blocked my learning in the past. As I’ve grown up I can take a moment and recenter myself to continue learning beyond my emotional upset. It’s not 100% effective, but I’ve seen progress with it. I know that I tend to neg myself and my learning ability. I do not feel like an intelligent person and these past few years have not been a kind teacher. Everything used to smack of desperation around me and I found I was only able to learn essentials of what will make money now, how will we have food for today. I had no energy for high thought or learning, or grand schemes. As we’ve come away from that low point I feel like I can look up and enjoy the stars again so to speak. I have the mental space and semi-financial stability to learn and grow again in intentional and mindful ways.

Now that I’ve had major lows and discredit my previous highs I can say that I’ll figure it out. It’s not black and white, pass or fail. Learning is constant and everything is information one way or another. Even though Turing is a hail mary for my family and the pressure is high to succeed and finally fly the nest, I know that I will give it my best. If I “fail” I’ve still learned and we can go from there. I am resourceful, I am capable of learning and I don’t believe that we have to be stuck where we are.

How will you prepare yourself to be at your best with your learning process while at Turing?

Mod 0 has helped create some habits that have served me well so far. Pre Learning lessons, reviewing covered material, daily practice, and agency. I know I’m going to be scared to start Turing in earnest, that is part of why I am doing it. It scares me. I know many of my own pitfalls when it comes to learning and my emotions, the pressure of my situation but I also believe that I can do this. I will accept the struggles of learning something difficult.

I will record my triumphs and make note of where I could improve. I will make every effort to fully embrace Turing and it’s resources. I will give back and help in any way I am able. I truly believe we are all in this together and I want all of us to be happy and to do good work.