[%] You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads:

furc-fortunes.txt

There is a fly on your nose.
For the next hour, WE will control all that you see and hear.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of furres.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.   -- A.J. Liebling, "The Press"
Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
To err is human, to purr feline. To err is human, two curs canine. To err is human, to moo bovine.
Clothes make the furre.  Naked furres have little or no influence on society.   -- Mark Twain
 "Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully." -- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.   -- J.R.R. Tolkien
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
The glances over cocktails That seemed to be so sweet Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat
The solution of problems is the most characteristic and peculiar sort of voluntary thinking.   -- William James
Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
I have an existential map.  It has "You are here" written all over it.   -- Steven Wright
When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.   -- Ignatius Reilly
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Please ignore previous fortune.
There is more simplicity in the furre who eats caviar on impulse than in the furre who eats Grape-Nuts on principle.   -- G.K. Chesterton
Nothing lasts forever. Where do I find nothing?
"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
When you meet a master swordsman, show him your sword. When you meet a furre who is not a poet, do not show him your poem.   -- Rinzai, ninth century Zen master
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.   -- Carl Jung
"Every time I jump and get to the very peak of the ramp I get this "bon voyage" feeling, you know, like this has happened to me before." -- A Finnish Athlete
Chamberlain's Laws:  (1) The big guys always win.  (2) Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
All art is but imitation of nature.   -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single furre for a change.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
Never argue with a femfurre when she's tired -- or rested.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.   -- G.B. Shaw
"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for furres falling in love." -- Albert Einstein
A furre does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.   -- Du Bois
That that is is that that is not is not.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.  This means that only left handed furres are in their right mind.
$3,000,000.
A king's castle is his home.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Insanity is considered a ground for divorce, though by the very same token it is the shortest detour to marriage.   -- Wilson Mizner
The better part of valor is discretion.   -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money?   -- Ogden Nash
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Are you having fun yet?
Be the kind of furre you like to be around.
If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life.   -- Robert Pante, fashion consultant
philosophy:  The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.
Short furres get rained on last.
Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!   -- Monty Python
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.   -- Harry Secombe's diet
Everything you know is wrong!
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"   -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.   -- Mark Twain
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.   -- Saint Jerome
There are no answers, only cross-references.   -- Weiner
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else.
If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
If you notice that a furre is deceiving you, they must not be deceiving you very well.
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
"Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about." -- B. L. Whorf
A furre can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.   -- Robert Benchley
Do your otters do the shimmy? Do they like to shake their tails? Do your wombats sleep in tophats? Is your garden full of snails?
Famous, adj.:  Conspicuously miserable.   -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.   -- Thomas Szasz
In this world some furres are going to like me and some are not.  So, I may as well be me.  Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
Felson's Law:  To steal ideas from one furre is plagiarism; to steal from  many is research.
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many furres so resolutely pursuing it.
The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
It is only with the heart one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.   -- The Fox, 'The Little Prince"
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.   -- Joe Walsh
Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your paws you are safe, for you can watch both of his.   -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One purr furre.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.   -- Walt Disney
People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom.  The first is being a bore.   -- Cecil Beaton
Those who educate furlings well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.   -- Aristotle
A bore is a furre who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially if they are dead.
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance. - Steven Wright, comedian
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
meetings, n.:  A place where minutes are kept and hours are lost.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.   -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."   -- Bruce Baum
There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.   -- Friedrich Nietzsche
Blessed is the furre who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.   -- George Eliot
It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.   -- Brendan Francis
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
Magic is always the best solution -- especially reliable magic.
If there is no Primes, who pops up the next Kleenex?   -- Art Hoppe
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.   -- Kevin Cowherd
There are no answers, only cross-references.   -- Weiner
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.   -- Gandhi
Death wish, n.:  The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
They also serve who only stand and wait.   -- John Milton
Love your neighbour, yet don't pull down your hedge.   -- Benjamin Franklin
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.   -- Rene Descartes
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.   -- Laurence J. Peter, "Peter's Principles"
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to furres you could not have possibly met.   -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
"Hello," he lied.   -- Don Carpenter, quoting a Hollywood agent
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
We're only in it for the volume.   -- Black Sabbath
Objects are lost only because furres look where they are not rather than where they are.
Most people are about as happy as they decide to be.
Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.   -- Pope St. Gregory I
People respond to furres who respond.
You cannot see the wood for the trees.   -- John Heywood
A violent furre will die a violent death.   -- Lao Tsu
It takes a smart mate to have the last word and not use it.
When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.   -- Victor Hugo
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
Shaw's Principle:  Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will  want to use it.
When a furre knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.   -- Samuel Johnson
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
If you keep your mind sufficiently open, furres will throw a lot of rubbish into it.   -- William Orton
It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.   -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
Self Test for Paranoia:  You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's  your own fault.
No one ever built a statue to a critic.
I can relate to that.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
I've been there.
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.   -- Kevin Cowherd
Everyday you live is a gift - what you do with it is your gift back.
"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw
love, n.:  When it's growing, you don't mind watering it with a few tears.
The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.  Let the reader catch his own breath.   -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
You will be awarded some great honor.
Planet Claire has pink hair. All the trees are red. No one ever dies there. No one has a head....
I despise the pleasure of pleasing furres whom I despise.
Jones' Second Law:  The furre who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone  to blame it on.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has  to really want to change.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Thou hast seen nothing yet.   -- Miguel de Cervantes
Isn't it interesting that the same furres who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?   -- Kelvin Throop III
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.   -- B.F. Skinner
If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.   -- Petersen Nesbit
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Knowledge is power.   -- Francis Bacon
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.   -- Stanislaw Lem
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb:  The hippo has no sting, but the wise furre would rather be sat upon  by the bee.
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.   -- Sydney J. Harris
You will gain money by a fattening action.
We cannot command nature except by obeying her.   -- Sir Francis Bacon
Hanson's Treatment of Time:  There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days  before Saturday.
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Old timer, n.:  One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
 Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance. "What happened?"  "I was struck by the beauty of the place."
There comes a time to stop being angry.   -- A Small Circle of Friends
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
No furre is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing. - Darse ("Darth") Vader
Old timer, n.:  One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
What's all this brouhaha?
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.   -- Arthur C. Clarke
"A furling is a furre who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten." -- Doug Larson
Men seldom show dimples to femfurres who have pimples.
Van Roy's Law:  An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially if they are dead.
No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days.   -- Titus Maccius Plautus
Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
Where do you go to get anorexia?   -- Shelley Winters
And on the eighth day, we bulldozed it.
 "I suppose you expect me to talk."  "No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."   -- Goldfinger
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
Time and tide wait for no furre.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.   -- Mark Twain
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier to do.
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
Sacher's Observation:  Some furres grow with responsibility -- others merely swell.
The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
Practically purrfect furres never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.   -- Mary Poppins
Committee, n.:  A group of furres who individually can do nothing but as a group  decide that nothing can be done.   -- Fred Allen
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a furling" has never tried taking candy from a furling.   -- Robin Hood
Q: What is green and lives in the ocean? A: Moby Pickle.
I owe, I owe, It's off to work I go...
Who was that masked furre?
Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.   -- Franklin K. Dane
"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."   -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and      Over and Over"
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
Do you realize how many holes there could be if furres would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
QOTD:  "Who?  Me?  No, no, NO!!  But I do sell rugs."
If you cannot in the long run tell everyfurre what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.   -- Edwim Schrodinger
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.   -- Gandhi
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.   -- La Rochefoucauld
For adult education nothing beats furlings.
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.   -- Albert Einstein
Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.   -- Erwin Tomash
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.   -- Samuel Johnson
If you want me to be a good little bunny just dangle some carats in front of my nose.   -- Lauren Bacall
It is idle to attempt to talk a young femfurre out of her passion: love does not lie in the ear.   -- Walpole
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.   -- Quentin Crisp
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.   -- Ashleigh Brilliant
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.   -- B.F. Skinner
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.   -- Harlan Ellison
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.   -- Alan Kay
You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.   -- Jim Steinman, "Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through"
Observe yon plumed biped fine. To activate its captivation, Deposit on its termination, A quantity of particles saline.
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
Murray's Rule:  Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
If you try to please everyfurre, somebody is not going to like it.
The root of all superstition is that furres observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.   -- Francis Bacon
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.   -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
None love the bearer of bad news.   -- Sophocles
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."   -- Walt Disney
You're important, you matter and someone loves you!
It is a lesson which all history teaches wise furres, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.   -- Emerson
I've been there.
Accept furres for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.   -- Christopher Fry
It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.   -- Marty Winch
It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.   -- Roger Babson
BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)
Everyday you live is a gift - what you do with it is your gift back.
By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.   -- Charles Spurgeon
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to furres you could not have possibly met.   -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that you're growing into.
The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.   -- Harlan Ellison
Don't abandon hope.  Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
Dyslexia means never having to say that you're ysror.
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!   -- Michael J. Wagner
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Van Roy's Law:  An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.   -- John Galsworthy
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.   -- C3P0
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
It has been said that furre is a rational animal.  All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.   -- Bertrand Russell
We cannot command nature except by obeying her.   -- Sir Francis Bacon
If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a call.
I can't understand why a furre will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.   -- Fred Allen
Today is special because you are in it.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
There's nothing like a femfurre with a plunging neckline to keep a furre on his toes.
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us furres to eat.   -- John McNulty
They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.   -- Francis Bacon
Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.   -- Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.   -- Frank Herbert, "Chapterhouse: Dune"
Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.   -- Mark Harrold
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.   -- Ambrose Bierce, on qualifiers
Think sideways!   -- Ed De Bono
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you!  Consider the furniture!   -- Sherlock Holmes
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
There are no answers, only cross-references.   -- Weiner
"Indecision is the basis of flexibility" -- button at a Science Fiction convention.
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
Famous, adj.:  Conspicuously miserable.   -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
When speculation has done its worst, two plus two still equals four.   -- S. Johnson
Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)   -- Stafford Beer
I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
An authority is a furre who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
Identify your visitor.
A bore is a furre who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
Let's not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
Pohl's law:   Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Big M, Little M, many mumbling mice Are making midnight music in the moonlight, Mighty nice!
The two things that can get you into trouble quicker than anything else are fast femfurres and slow horses.
Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.   -- Folk saying
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
The Angels want to wear my red shoes.   -- E. Costello
Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.   -- Charles Spurgeon
Friction is a drag.
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
One of the fundamental truths of the universe is that there isn't anything that can't be improved with the addition of pirates, ninjas, or monkeys.
Pardo's First Postulate:  Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.  Arnold's Addendum:  Everything else causes cancer in rats.
He who loses, wins the race, And parallel lines meet in space.   -- John Boyd, "Last Starship from Earth"
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
Don't close your heart so tightly against life's pain that you shut out life's blessings.
Big M, Little M, many mumbling mice Are making midnight music in the moonlight, Mighty nice!
You will be assimilated!
philosophy:  The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
It now costs more to amuse a furling than it once did to educate his father.
BEWARE!  Furres acting under the influence of hyooman nature.
Dare to be naive.   -- R. Buckminster Fuller
What one great thing would you be willing to attempt if you knew you could not fail?
If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
tax office, n.:  Den of inequity.
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Never underestimate the power of furres stupidity.
Ferguson's Precept:  A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Spirtle, n.:  The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.   -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
It has been said that furre is a rational animal.  All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.   -- Bertrand Russell
We're only in it for the volume.   -- Black Sabbath
Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is.   -- C. Schulz
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.   -- Garfield
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
"Engineering without management is art." -- Jeff Johnson
Progress was all right.  Only it went on too long.   -- James Thurber
Small is beautiful.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.   -- Arthur C. Clarke
Theorem: a cat has nine tails. Proof:  No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat.  Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
Isn't it interesting that the same furres who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?   -- Kelvin Throop III
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little  Lavoris in the toilet." -- Comedian Jay Leno
There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
It takes a smart mate to have the last word and not use it.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.   -- Frank Herbert, "Chapterhouse: Dune"
Love is in the offing.   -- The Homicidal Maniac
BEWARE!  Furres acting under the influence of hyooman nature.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love you knowing nothing?"   -- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick.
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
Mr. Cole's Axiom:  The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the  population is growing.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side. - Han Solo
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.   -- Ralph Lewin
Good advice is something a furre gives when he is too old to set a bad example.   -- La Rouchefoucauld
"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." - H.L. Mencken
The hope that springs eternal Springs right up your behind.   -- Ian Drury, "This Is What We Find"
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
Nothing lasts forever. Where do I find nothing?
Planet Claire has pink hair. All the trees are red. No one ever dies there. No one has a head....
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7):  November 23, 1915  Pancake make-up is invented; most furres continue to prefer syrup.
Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them.  Others are so fast, they don't notice you.
Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.   -- Folk saying
Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing.   -- Joey Adams
He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
Van Roy's Law:  An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
Some furres's mouths work faster than their brains.  They say things they haven't even thought of yet.
Misery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it.   -- Russell Baker
There are more dead furres than living, and their numbers are increasing.   -- Eugene Ionesco
Help fight continental drift.
You get along very well with everyfurre except animals and furres.
"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw
A violent furre will die a violent death.   -- Lao Tsu
Universe, n.:  The problem.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?   -- George Carlin
Dare to be naive.   -- R. Buckminster Fuller
The little pieces of my life I give to you, with love, to make a quilt to keep away the cold.
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
we:  The single most important word in the world.
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
If there is no Primes, who pops up the next Kleenex?   -- Art Hoppe
You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
Genius is the talent of a furre who is dead.
Practically purrfect furres never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.   -- Mary Poppins
Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.   -- Ambrose Bierce, on qualifiers
The hope that springs eternal Springs right up your behind.   -- Ian Drury, "This Is What We Find"
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.   -- Voltaire
One small step for furre, one giant stumble for furrekind.
"The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your paws and hoping when a rock or a club will do."   -- McCloctnik the Lucid
It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.   -- Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard
The femfurre who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.   -- Sophia Loren
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf furre to a blind femfurre.   -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Whenever furres agree with me, I always think I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.   -- Iphicrates
Accept furres for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."   -- Bruce Baum
Furres don't usually make the same mistake twice -- they make it three times, four time, five times...
This fortune is false.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.   -- Rene Descartes
Backward conditioning:  Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
Q: What do you call the money you pay to the government when  you ride into the country on the back of an elephant? A: A howdah duty.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.   -- Don Marquis
That's odd.  That's very odd.  Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
"I am, therefore I am." -- Akira
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."   -- Bruce Baum
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.   -- Kevin Cowherd
The streets were dark with something more than night.   -- Raymond Chandler
lisp, v.:  To call a spade a thpade.
I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing. - Darse ("Darth") Vader
Nothing is faster than the speed of light ...  To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.   -- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
The femfurre who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.   -- Sophia Loren
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
What nonsense furres talk about happy marriages!  A furre can be happy with any femfurre so long as he doesn't love her.   -- Oscar Wilde
Every furre takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.   -- Schopenhauer
Most of your faults are not your fault.
Necessity has no law.   -- St. Augustine
Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.   -- Ashleigh Brilliant
Immortality -- a fate worse than death.   -- Edgar A. Shoaff
When the sun shineth, make hay.   -- John Heywood
"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw
Q: What is green and lives in the ocean? A: Moby Pickle.
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Paranoids are furres, too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.   -- D.J. Hicks
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
The universe is an island, surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.   -- C. Schulz
Most people are about as happy as they decide to be.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
To err is human, To purr feline.   -- Robert Byrne
You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.   -- Peter Frampton
Please ignore previous fortune.
"The lesser of two evils -- is evil." -- Seymour (Sy) Leon
"Wouldn't it be wonderful if real life supported control-W?"
You will be aided greatly by a furre whom you thought to be unimportant.
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.   -- Aristophanes
What's all this brouhaha?
Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.   -- Cadmus, to Pentheus, in "The Bacchae" by Euripides
People respond to furres who respond.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
It is only with the heart one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.   -- The Fox, 'The Little Prince"
An authority is a furre who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
A femfurre shouldn't have to buy her own perfume.   -- Maurine Lewis
Silverman's Law:  If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Every furre takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.   -- Schopenhauer
Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.   -- Erwin Tomash
QOTD:  "I'd never marry a femfurre who didn't like pizza... I might play  golf with her, but I wouldn't marry her!"
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Moebius always does it on the same side.
No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.   -- Fran Lebowitz
"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."
The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own paw.   -- Fred Allen
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.   -- Laurence J. Peter, "Peter's Principles"
Regression analysis:  Mathematical techniques for trying to understand why things are  getting worse.
It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.   -- Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.   -- Gaius Valerius Catullus
Flirting is the gentle art of making a furre feel pleased with himself.   -- Helen Rowland
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
QOTD:  "It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun."
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.   -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.   -- C3P0
The rate at which a disease spreads through a corn field is a precise measurement of the speed of blight.
If the Primes hadn't wanted you to be paranoid, They wouldn't have given you such a vivid imagination.
If little green furres land in your back yard, hide any little green femfurres you've got in the house.   -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"   -- Vroomfondel
tax office, n.:  Den of inequity.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.   -- John Lilly
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.   -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
This is now.  Later is later.
It has been said that furre is a rational animal.  All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.   -- Bertrand Russell
Necessity has no law.   -- St. Augustine
The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."   -- Walt Disney
Observe yon plumed biped fine. To activate its captivation, Deposit on its termination, A quantity of particles saline.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.   -- Arthur C. Clarke
This is NOT a repeat.
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."   -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
Absence makes the heart forget.
Whenever furres agree with me, I always think I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde
Boob's Law:  You always find something in the last place you look.
Life is a game.  Cookies are how we keep score. -- Ted Turner
To err is human, To purr feline.   -- Robert Byrne
The Primes gave furre fire and he invented fire engines.  They gave him love and he invented marriage.
QOTD:  Talk about willing furres... over half of them are willing to work  and the others are more than willing to watch them.
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.   -- Sanka Ad
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling
I've been there.
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:  If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented  it wasn't worth doing.
I've been there.
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.   -- Flaubert
If The Primes didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
Knowledge is power.   -- Francis Bacon
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because furres refuse to see it.   -- James Michener, "Space"
Observe yon plumed biped fine. To activate its captivation, Deposit on its termination, A quantity of particles saline.
There seems no plan because it is all plan.   -- C.S. Lewis
There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.   -- Cato
A furre can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.   -- Robert Benchley
There's nothing like a femfurre with a plunging neckline to keep a furre on his toes.
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
There is a fly on your nose.
The Dragon isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
 "Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully." -- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
"The National Rifle Association says guns don't kill people, people do... But I think the gun helps." -- Eddie Izzard
Felson's Law:  To steal ideas from one furre is plagiarism; to steal from  many is research.
Things are not always what they seem.   -- Phaedrus
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." -- Karl Lehenbauer
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.   -- Louise Beal
pain, n.:  One thing, at least it proves that you're alive!
Short furres get rained on last.
 "I suppose you expect me to talk."  "No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."   -- Goldfinger
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.   -- H.L. Mencken
When a lion meets another with a louder roar, the first lion thinks the last a bore.   -- G.B. Shaw
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.   -- Sydney J. Harris
He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
A well adjusted furre is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
Never argue with a femfurre when she's tired -- or rested.
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.   -- C3P0
Never use "etc." -- it makes furres think there is more where there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
Accuracy, n.:  The vice of being right
Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.   -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
A violent furre will die a violent death.   -- Lao Tsu
You will triumph over your enemy.
Help fight continental drift.
"All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another." -- Ortega y Gasset
Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.   -- Walt Kelly
Never try to outstubborn a cat.   -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
taxidermist, n.:  A furre who mounts animals.
Majority, n.:  That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
The part of the world that furres find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:  If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
"I am, therefore I am." -- Akira
Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist fears this is true.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.   -- Brendan Francis
"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it."   -- Clarence Darrow
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest furre can answer.   -- C.C. Colton
Furres do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
Too clever is dumb.   -- Ogden Nash
Theorem: a cat has nine tails. Proof:  No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat.  Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
QOTD:  If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.   -- Louis Armstrong
"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"   -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
I've been on this lonely road so long, Does anybody know where it goes, I remember last time the signs pointed home, A month ago.   -- Carpenters, "Road Ode"
The world is full of furres who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.   -- E.B. White
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
The femfurre who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.   -- Sophia Loren
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
What is the sound of one paw clapping?
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
Pauca sed matura.  [Few but excellent.]   -- Gauss
If The Primes wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?   -- Marvin Kitman
The hope that springs eternal Springs right up your behind.   -- Ian Drury, "This Is What We Find"
I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
Perhaps the biggest disappointments were the ones you expected anyway.
Ferguson's Precept:  A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
Conway's Law:  In any organization there will always be one furre who knows  what is going on.   This furre must be fired.
A chronic disposition to inquiry deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
Got a dictionary?  I want to know the meaning of life.
The Dragon isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?   -- Steven Wright
"Engineering without management is art." -- Jeff Johnson
You will soon forget this.
Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -- George Carlin
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
Law of Procrastination:  Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has  the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
 "I suppose you expect me to talk."  "No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."   -- Goldfinger
Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:  All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
O'Brian's Law:  Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the furre sitting next to me.   -- Woody Allen
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
The problem with furres who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.   -- Elizabeth Taylor
I owe, I owe, It's off to work I go...
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced -- even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it.   -- John Keats
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us furres to eat.   -- John McNulty
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.   -- Thomas Szasz
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
You will outgrow your usefulness unless you keep growing.
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
This is NOT a repeat.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
"Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about." -- B. L. Whorf
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
Let sleeping dogs lie.   -- Charles Dickens
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.   -- G.B. Shaw
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Old Japanese proverb:  There are two kinds of fools -- those who never climb Mt. Fuji,  and those who climb it twice.
Nirvana?  That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out.   -- Zonker Harris
First law of debate:  Never argue with a fool.  Furres might not know the difference.
Really??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.   -- Ziggy
How many Zen Buddhist does it take to change a light bulb?  Two.  One to change it and one not to change it.
An authority is a furre who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
Who was that masked furre?
Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.   -- Harry Secombe's diet
The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.   -- Harlan Ellison
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you!  Consider the furniture!   -- Sherlock Holmes
Beneath this stone lies Murphy, They buried him today, He lived the life of Riley, While Riley was away.
You shall judge of a furre by his foes as well as by his friends.   -- Joseph Conrad
A furre's house is his castle.   -- Sir Edward Coke
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.   -- Grace Murray Hopper
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
To err is human, To purr feline.   -- Robert Byrne
April is the cruellest month...   -- Thomas Stearns Eliot
Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.   -- Folk saying
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
Spirtle, n.:  The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.   -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
Elegance and truth are inversely related.   -- Becker's Razor
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Furlings always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about.   -- Hilaire Belloc
I would gladly raise my voice in praise of femfurres, only they won't let me raise my voice.   -- Winkle
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
No evil can happen to a good furre.   -- Plato
My father, a good furre, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."   -- Erich Maria Remarque
Any furre who like cats can't be all bad.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.   -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
Most furres need some of their problems to help take their mind off some of the others.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
No furre in the world has more courage than the furre who can stop after eating one peanut.   -- Channing Pollock
A bore is a furre who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
Someone is speaking well of you.
Air is water with holes in it.
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf furre to a blind femfurre.   -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial.  I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast.   -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.   -- Franklin K. Dane
One learns to itch where one can scratch.   -- Ernest Bramah
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.   -- Alan Kay
"Time is money and money can't buy you love and I love your outfit" - T.H.U.N.D.E.R. #1
Most people are about as happy as they decide to be.
Conway's Law:  In any organization there will always be one furre who knows  what is going on.   This furre must be fired.
The two things that can get you into trouble quicker than anything else are fast femfurres and slow horses.
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture."
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.   -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.
When a femfurre marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a furre marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.   -- Oscar Wilde
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
If you notice that a furre is deceiving you, they must not be deceiving you very well.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.   -- Cato
You will always have good luck in your furrsonal affairs.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
I can relate to that.
Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:  Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have  soe more catnip.
There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.   -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
Eureka!   -- Archimedes
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
One of the fundamental truths of the universe is that there isn't anything that can't be improved with the addition of pirates, ninjas, or monkeys.
AMAZING BUT TRUE ...  If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end  across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
No one ever built a statue to a critic.
The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat   -- Ogden Nash.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
As crazy as hauling timber into the woods.   -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
"Right now I feel that I've got my footpaws on the ground as far as my head is concerned." -- Baseball pitcher Bo Belinsky
Most furres have a mind that's open by appointment only.
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
No furre in the world has more courage than the furre who can stop after eating one peanut.   -- Channing Pollock
When a femfurre marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a furre marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.   -- Oscar Wilde
Every furre takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.   -- Schopenhauer
"You know that crunchy thing you just ate -- the thing you thought was a macadamia nut?  Yeah...it was a bug.  And it crashed the server." -- Ninja
An optimist is a furre who looks forward to marriage. A pessimist is a married optimist.
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.   -- Iphicrates
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.   -- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
Pardo's First Postulate:  Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.  Arnold's Addendum:  Everything else causes cancer in rats.
You are the greatest miracle in the world.
Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
There is no sin but ignorance.   -- Christopher Marlowe
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Please forgive me if, in the heat of battle, I sometimes forget which side I'm on.
No one ever built a statue to a critic.
Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.   -- Lionel Trilling
Identify your visitor.
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"   -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
When a furre knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.   -- Samuel Johnson
Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once build a nuclear balm?
Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can't be cured.   -- Anton Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
Clothes make the furre.  Naked furres have little or no influence on society.   -- Mark Twain
Moore's Constant:  Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody  does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
The most hopelessly stupid furre is he who is not aware that he is wise.
Youth is a disease from which we all recover.   -- Dorothy Fuldheim
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.   -- Erma Bombeck
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
Who was that masked furre?
Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.   -- Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
Old timer, n.:  One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.   -- Emo Phillips
There comes a time to stop being angry.   -- A Small Circle of Friends
There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else.
Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. -- Jean Cocteau
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." -- John Wooden
"I am, therefore I am." -- Akira
Stupidity is its own reward.
Ferguson's Precept:  A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:  Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Brain damage is all in your head. -- Karl Lehenbauer
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is purrfect. There are lumps in it.
A violent furre will die a violent death.   -- Lao Tsu
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.   -- Alexander Pope
We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.   -- Goethe
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
"Tell the truth and run." -- Yugoslav proverb
There are no rules for March.  March is spring, sort of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.   -- Daniel Dennett
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
Pohl's law:   Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.   -- Louise Beal
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Genius, n.:  A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright."
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:  Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
Ferguson's Precept:  A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.   -- Petersen Nesbit
Distinctive, adj.:  A different color or shape than our competitors.
Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.   -- William Faulkner
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics:  Population density is inversely proportional  to the square of the distance from the keg.
Envy is a pain of mind that successful furres cause their neighbors.   -- Onasander
Gumperson's Law:  The probability of a given event occurring is inversely  proportional to its desirability.
Unfair animal names:  -- tsetse fly   -- bullhead -- booby   -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker   -- Clarence   -- Gary Larson
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
Nirvana?  That's the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out.   -- Zonker Harris
"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the one holding it" -- Captain Combat
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Sic transit gloria mundi.  [So passes away the glory of this world.]   -- Thomas ` a Kempis
The femfurre who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.   -- Sophia Loren
Why did the Primes give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.   -- Samuel Johnson
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
omnibiblious, adj.:  Indifferent to type of drink.  Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.  I'm omnibiblious."
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.   -- Ralph Lewin
When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.   -- Rodney Dangerfield
QOTD:  "In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department."
The questions remain the same.  The answers are eternally variable.
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
A bore is a furre who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
Murray's Rule:  Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Schiller is killer, and Goethe is moethe.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
I've been there.
It now costs more to amuse a furling than it once did to educate his father.
It takes both a weapon, and two furres, to commit a murder.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.   -- Garfield
If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.   -- Calvin Coolidge
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.   -- Henry Allen
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you!  Consider the furniture!   -- Sherlock Holmes
Necessity has no law.   -- St. Augustine
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." -- Bernard Berenson
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."   -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
In this world some furres are going to like me and some are not.  So, I may as well be me.  Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Lockwood's Long Shot:  The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street  aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.   -- Jim Steinman, "Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through"
A method of solution is purrfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.   -- Leibnitz
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
We're only in it for the volume.   -- Black Sabbath
Mother told me to be good but she's been wrong before.
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier to do.
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
If you try to please everyfurre, somebody is not going to like it.
All his life he has looked away... to the horizon, to the sky, to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.   -- Yoda
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.   -- Alan Watts

furc-fortunes2.txt

A furre wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. - Patrilius
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise furre would rather be sat upon by the bee.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
Natural laws have no pity.
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough. -- Sanka Ad
Q: Why haven't you graduated yet? A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted my dissertation to rhyme.
The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison
There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval. -- George Santayana
Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright."
Biology grows on you.
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy.
Praise the sea; on shore remain. -- John Florio
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Knowledge is power. -- Francis Bacon
Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
When you meet a master swordsman, show him your sword. When you meet a furre who is not a poet, do not show him your poem. -- Rinzai, ninth century Zen master
I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation. -- Fran Lebowitz
To many, total abstinence is easier than purrfect moderation. -- St. Augustine
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
It's interesting to think that many quite distinguished furres have bodies similar to yours.
Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. -- Jerome K. Jerome
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday. -- Garfield
"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums." -- Steven Wright
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. -- John Galsworthy
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
Laughter is the closest distance between two furres. -- Victor Borge
You will be awarded some great honor.
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Who was that masked furre?
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all furres -- that is genius. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. -- John Keats
The Primes gave furre fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
If you continually give you will continually have.
Dare to be naive. -- R. Buckminster Fuller
It is a lesson which all history teaches wise furres, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances. -- Emerson
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
meetings, n.: A place where minutes are kept and hours are lost.
When furre calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. -- John Galsworthy
Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. -- Winston Churchill
In good speaking, should not the mind of the speaker know the truth of the matter about which he is to speak? -- Plato
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
The main problem I have with dogs is, they're not cats. -- Kevin Cowherd
You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married and few words in your sleep to get divorced.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
Do you realize how many holes there could be if furres would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Renning's Maxim: Furre is the highest animal. Furre does the classifying.
I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. -- Edgar Allan Poe
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order" -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own paw. -- Fred Allen
Caution: Keep out of reach of furlings.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
today, n.: A nice place to visit, but you can't stay here for long.
Q: What is the sound of one cat napping? A: Mu.
If you have to hate, hate gently.
Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me us. -- Ogden Nash
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
There is no sin but ignorance. -- Christopher Marlowe
If little green furres land in your back yard, hide any little green femfurres you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day. -- Nietzsche
"Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the one holding it" -- Captain Combat
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all furres -- that is genius. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt of all the others, and then do what's best. -- Lovers and Other Strangers
Q: Why haven't you graduated yet? A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted my dissertation to rhyme.
When some furres discover the truth, they just can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
I like young femfurres. Their stories are shorter. -- Tom McGuane
Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
Once you've tried to change the world you find it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
Wilcox's Law: A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
Felson's Law: To steal ideas from one furre is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Getting into trouble is easy. -- D. Winkel and F. Prosser
Choose in marriage only a femfurre whom you would choose as a friend if she were a furre. -- Joubert
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?" No, Ma'am. Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat." -- Monty Python
Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
You can fool some of the furres all of the time, and all of the furres some of the time, but you can never fool your Mom.
Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
A furre with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
You are in a maze of Dream portals, all alike.
"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it." -- Clarence Darrow
spagmumps, n.: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
The last furre who said that (Primes rest his soul) lived to regret it.
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
"A furling is a furre who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten." -- Doug Larson
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
I allow the world to live as it chooses, and I allow myself to live as I choose.
When some furres discover the truth, they just can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. -- Leo J. Burke
If you have to hate, hate gently.
The universe is an island, surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
"May your future be limited only by your dreams." -- Christa McAuliffe
"Every time I jump and get to the very peak of the ramp I get this "bon voyage" feeling, you know, like this has happened to me before." -- A Finnish Athlete
"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
If you try to please everyfurre, somebody is not going to like it.
Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right
How many weeks are there in a light year?
You will be assimilated!
Entropy requires no maintenance. -- Markoff Chaney
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
Your aim is high and to the right.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
Tip of the Day: Never fry bacon in the nude. [Correction: always fry bacon in the nude; you'll learn not to burn it]
... the flaw that makes perfection purrfect.
He who minds his own business is never unemployed.
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these. -- Ovid (43 B.C. - A.D. 18)
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Volley Theory: It is better to have lobbed and lost than never to have lobbed at all.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Beware of the furre who knows the answer before he understands the question.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
You are magnetic in your bearing.
Don't abandon hope. Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'" -- Dr. Who
Get hold of portable property. -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
You will always find something in the last place you look.
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
When I do good, I feel good. - Abraham Lincoln
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
There is no "I" in TEAMWORK.
Man who arrives at party two hours late will find he has been beaten to the punch.
vacation, n.: A two-week binge of rest and relaxation so intense that it takes another 50 weeks of your restrained workaday life-style to recuperate.
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
You will outgrow your usefulness unless you keep growing.
Help fight continental drift.
When a lion meets another with a louder roar, the first lion thinks the last a bore. -- G.B. Shaw
Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Above all else -- sky.
You can observe a lot just by watching. -- Yogi Berra
"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can All Employees do for A Group of Employees." -- Mike Dennison
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
If you go out of your mind, do it quietly, so as not to disturb those around you.
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
Get hold of portable property. -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics.
Love is staying up all night with a sick furling, or a healthy adult.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
Dime is money.
Sorry, no fortune this time.
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. Furres might not know the difference.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.]
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
When I do good, I feel good. - Abraham Lincoln
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire of every organism to live beyond its income. -- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
Nothing lasts forever. Where do I find nothing?
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
One of the fundamental truths of the universe is that there isn't anything that can't be improved with the addition of pirates, ninjas, or monkeys.
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable. -- Chinese proverb
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Are you making all this up as you go along?
A furre does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. -- Du Bois
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.
Nothing endures but change. -- Heraclitus
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. -- Dawkins
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order" -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"
We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the machinations of the wicked.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
"The lesser of two evils -- is evil." -- Seymour (Sy) Leon
I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human. -- David Bowie
People respond to furres who respond.
Planet Claire has pink hair. All the trees are red. No one ever dies there. No one has a head....
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
Lack of money is the root of all evil. -- George Bernard Shaw
A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on. -- Fred Allen
He who loses, wins the race, And parallel lines meet in space. -- John Boyd, "Last Starship from Earth"
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
Being owned by someone used to be called slavery -- now it's called commitment.
He who minds his own business is never unemployed.
A furre's gotta know his limitations. -- Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry"
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." -- Ford Prefect, _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_
A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance. Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many furres so resolutely pursuing it.
You will gain money by a fattening action.
Documentation: Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English speaking persons.
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
"All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another." -- Ortega y Gasset
Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. -- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
When some furres discover the truth, they just can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
Everything you know is wrong!
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
A furre does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. -- Du Bois
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair -- It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Have no friends not equal to yourself. -- Confucius
Beware of Bigfoot!
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
Praise the sea; on shore remain. -- John Florio
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe. -- Baba Ram Dass
The reverse side also has a reverse side. -- Japanese proverb
OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE.
You will be misunderstood by everyfurre.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers. -- Titus Lucretius Carus
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a femfurre giving birth to a furling. She must be found and stopped. -- Sam Levenson
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable. -- Chinese proverb
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
Never use "etc." -- it makes furres think there is more where there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail.
A furling of five could understand this! Fetch me a furling of five.
The early wyrme gets the bird.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
"When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest." -- Bullwinkle Moose
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs. -- Kevin Cowherd
"The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your paws and hoping when a rock or a club will do." -- McCloctnik the Lucid
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation. -- Publilius Syrus
Got a dictionary? I want to know the meaning of life.
All art is but imitation of nature. -- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
There seems no plan because it is all plan. -- C.S. Lewis
No furre in the world has more courage than the furre who can stop after eating one peanut. -- Channing Pollock
The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.
42
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
What a misfortune to be a femfurre! And yet, the worst misfortune is not to understand what a misfortune it is. -- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855.
Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse. - C. N. Parkinson
There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
Never never never never never never give up.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
life, n.: That brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. -- Thomas Szasz
We are each entitled to our own opinion, but no one is entitled to his own facts. -- Patrick Moynihan
Don't let furres drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
$3,000,000.
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing. -- Alan Kay
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
This generation doesn't have emotional baggage. We have emotional moving vans. -- Bruce Feirstein
Paranoids are furres, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. -- D.J. Hicks
A closed muzzle gathers no footpaw.
It is not good for a furre to be without knowledge, and he who makes haste with his footpaws misses his way. -- Proverbs 19:2
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
Praise the sea; on shore remain. -- John Florio
"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon." -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
Keep on keepin' on.
A main map a large comminuty where furres are lonesome together -- Herbert Prochnow
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can't be cured. -- Anton Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse. - C. N. Parkinson
audophile, n: Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
The truth is rarely pure, and never simple. -- Oscar Wilde
If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. -- Robert Pante, fashion consultant
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes. -- Philippus Paracelsus
This is now. Later is later.
Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal. -- Lionel Trilling
Beauty seldom recommends one femfurre to another.
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. -- Robert Benchley
"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.'" -- Comedian Jay Leno
QOTD: "Who? Me? No, no, NO!! But I do sell rugs."
Choose in marriage only a femfurre whom you would choose as a friend if she were a furre. -- Joubert
Never eat more than you can lift. -- Miss Piggy
Sometimes, too long is too long. -- Joe Crowe
If you have to hate, hate gently.
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas. -- Kingfish
Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. -- Erma Bombeck
Blutarsky's Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the furre who will not listen to reason.
Practically purrfect furres never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking. -- Mary Poppins
Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it. -- Lazarus Long
Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Perfection is acheived only on the point of collapse. - C. N. Parkinson
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs. -- Kevin Cowherd
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants. -- Quintus Ennius
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten." -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and Over and Over"
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. -- G.B. Shaw
Objects are lost only because furres look where they are not rather than where they are.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. -- Thomas Szasz
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Any furre who like cats can't be all bad.
The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. -- Leo J. Burke
Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow. -- Franklin K. Dane
The magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can ever end. -- Benjamin Disraeli
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. -- G. B. Shaw
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
"You tweachewous miscweant!" -- Elmer Fudd
What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
The problem with furres who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -- Elizabeth Taylor
If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. -- Robert Pante, fashion consultant
If practice makes purrfect, and nobody's purrfect, why practice?
Eureka! -- Archimedes
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. -- Larry Gelbart
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
The last furre who said that (Primes rest his soul) lived to regret it.
"Love may fail, but courtesy will previal." -- A Kurt Vonnegut fan
Entropy requires no maintenance. -- Markoff Chaney
He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue. -- Andrew Lang
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead. -- Euripides
When furre calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. -- Victor Hugo
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
Love your neighbour, yet don't pull down your hedge. -- Benjamin Franklin
Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous
Are you having fun yet?
love, n.: When it's growing, you don't mind watering it with a few tears.
This place just isn't big enough for all of us. We've got to find a way off this planet.
Things are not always what they seem. -- Phaedrus
Memories of you remind me of you. -- Karl Lehenbauer
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff. -- Chinese proverb
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." --Matt Groening
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -- Benjamin Franklin
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. -- R. Geis
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
sanctimonious was here.
I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death? -- St. Augustine
Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. -- Kin Hubbard
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a femfurre will demand both. -- Samuel Butler
Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. -- Seneca
"One size fits all": Doesn't fit anyone.
One good turn deserves another. -- Gaius Petronius
I'm not offering myself as an example; every life evolves by its own laws.
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. -- Grace Murray Hopper
"All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another." -- Ortega y Gasset
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
I don't mind arguing with myself. It's when I lose that it bothers me. -- Richard Powers
Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent. -- Walt Kelly
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Laughter is the closest distance between two furres. -- Victor Borge
Furlings always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
Accept furres for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have only recaptured 116 of them?
What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
Keep your mouth shut and furres will think you stupid; Open it and you remove all doubt.
Most furres need some of their problems to help take their mind off some of the others.
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
Beware of Bigfoot!
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -- George Carlin
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers. -- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
What one great thing would you be willing to attempt if you knew you could not fail?
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'" -- Dr. Who
If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
Do your otters do the shimmy? Do they like to shake their tails? Do your wombats sleep in tophats? Is your garden full of snails?
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
A method of solution is purrfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim. -- Leibnitz
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten. -- B.F. Skinner
There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval. -- George Santayana
"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions."
Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you. -- Aldous Huxley
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good. -- Samuel Johnson
People don't change; they only become more so.
Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
In this world some furres are going to like me and some are not. So, I may as well be me. Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. -- Louise Beal
Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If there is no wind, row. -- Polish proverb
Blessed is the furre who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. -- George Eliot
When in doubt, follow your heart.
Youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on furlings. -- George Bernard Shaw
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. -- James Thurber
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
For furlings with short attention spans: boomerangs that don't come back.
If you knew what to say next, would you say it?
Caution: Keep out of reach of furlings.
The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it. -- Allan Sherman
Caution: Keep out of reach of furlings.
Some of us are becoming the furres we wanted to marry. -- Gloria Steinem
Murder is always a mistake -- one should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner. -- Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics: Population density is inversely proportional to the square of the distance from the keg.
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
If you can dream it, you can do it. --Walt Disney
Universe, n.: The problem.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Help fight continental drift.
It [marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out. -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
Life is like a tin of sardines. We're, all of us, looking for the key. -- Beyond the Fringe
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted. -- Patrilius
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. -- John Galsworthy
There is only one way to be happy by means of the heart -- to have none. -- Paul Bourget
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
The surest sign that a furre is in love is when he divorces his mate.
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time." -- Steven Wright
"You tweachewous miscweant!" -- Elmer Fudd
Q: What do you call a principal femfurre opera singer whose high C is lower than those of other principal femfurre opera singers? A: A deep C diva.
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
A box without hinges, key, or lid, Yet golden treasure inside is hid. -- J.R.R. Tolkien
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
History repeats itself only if one does not listen the first time.
Keep your mouth shut and furres will think you stupid; Open it and you remove all doubt.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. -- Rene Descartes
Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." -- Karl Lehenbauer
QOTD: "My shampoo lasts longer than my relationships."
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture."
"Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you. But ask what can All Employees do for A Group of Employees." -- Mike Dennison
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
omnibiblious, adj.: Indifferent to type of drink. Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything. I'm omnibiblious."
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
The furre who runs may fight again. -- Menander
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
Give a furre a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a furre to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner. - Calvin Keegan
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. -- Albert Camus
Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal. -- Lionel Trilling
If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali
Attention is the currency of the future - Dr. Cat
Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind. -- Mark Harrold
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other furres's. -- Oscar Wilde
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
What one great thing would you be willing to attempt if you knew you could not fail?
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
It [marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out. -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
You will gain money by a fattening action.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in. -- Evan Davis
QOTD: "It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun."
Good advice is something a furre gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rouchefoucauld
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the combination is locked up in the safe. -- Peter DeVries
This is NOT a repeat.
Got a dictionary? I want to know the meaning of life.
The world is full of furres who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. -- E.B. White
It is idle to attempt to talk a young femfurre out of her passion: love does not lie in the ear. -- Walpole
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick.
He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open. -- Scottish proverb.
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. -- Anonymous
This is now. Later is later.
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
QOTD: "In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department."
The Dragon isn't dead. He just doesn't want to get involved.
What we do not understand we do not possess. -- Goethe
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair -- It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. -- Dorothy Fuldheim
The Primes gave furre fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise furre to be able to sell it.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
O'Brian's Law: Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within.
FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #2 Never goose a wolverine.
"Every time I jump and get to the very peak of the ramp I get this "bon voyage" feeling, you know, like this has happened to me before." -- A Finnish Athlete
Winter is the season in which furres try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling
Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
The questions remain the same. The answers are eternally variable.
No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics.
When you're bored with yourself, marry, and be bored with someone else. -- David Pryce-Jones
I've been on this lonely road so long, Does anybody know where it goes, I remember last time the signs pointed home, A month ago. -- Carpenters, "Road Ode"
None love the bearer of bad news. -- Sophocles
You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. -- Glaser and Way
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
Those who educate furlings well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you. -- Albert Einstein
The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths. -- Ken Kesey
"Time is money and money can't buy you love and I love your outfit" - T.H.U.N.D.E.R. #1
If you notice that a furre is deceiving you, they must not be deceiving you very well.
Think sideways! -- Ed De Bono
"Money is the root of all money." -- the moving finger
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
You can't have everything... where would you put it? -- Steven Wright
Think sideways! -- Ed De Bono
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.
I will follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it if I can help it. -- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
The root of all superstition is that furres observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses. -- Francis Bacon
Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me. -- Aristophanes
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. -- Glaser and Way
Get hold of portable property. -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
Are you having fun yet?
Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
A method of solution is purrfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim. -- Leibnitz
Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to furres you could not have possibly met. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a femfurre giving birth to a furling. She must be found and stopped. -- Sam Levenson
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse
Furres are the only animals that blush -- or need to. -- Mark Twain
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style. -- Daniel Dennett
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
Friction is a drag.
"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us. -- Henrik Tikkanen
There's nothing like a femfurre with a plunging neckline to keep a furre on his toes.
Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a femfurre will demand both. -- Samuel Butler
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
spagmumps, n.: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
Regression analysis: Mathematical techniques for trying to understand why things are getting worse.
"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!" -- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
You're never too old to become younger. -- Mae West
That's odd. That's very odd. Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Q: What do you call a principal femfurre opera singer whose high C is lower than those of other principal femfurre opera singers? A: A deep C diva.
When you were born, a big chance was taken for you.
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted. -- Miguel de Cervantes
"You tweachewous miscweant!" -- Elmer Fudd
It's interesting to think that many quite distinguished furres have bodies similar to yours.
There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
Identify your visitor.
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of furres.
An authority is a furre who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
"The lesser of two evils -- is evil." -- Seymour (Sy) Leon
Envy is a pain of mind that successful furres cause their neighbors. -- Onasander
Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
Force has no place where there is need of skill. -- Herodotus
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance. "What happened?" "I was struck by the beauty of the place."
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final. -- Roger Babson
Having nothing, nothing can he lose. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
Q: What is the sound of one cat napping? A: Mu.
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Flirting is the gentle art of making a furre feel pleased with himself. -- Helen Rowland
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.
Nonsense and beauty have close connections. -- E.M. Forster
Bad furres live that they may eat and drink, whereas good furres eat and drink that they may live. -- Socrates
"Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all. -- Marty Winch
When it's dark enough you can see the stars. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson,
If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. -- John Galsworthy
We're only in it for the volume. -- Black Sabbath
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time. -- Pericles
If wishes were horses, then beggars would be thieves.
"Well I don't see why I have to make one furre miserable when I can make so many furres happy." -- Ellyn Mustard, about marriage
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
life, n.: That brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
What nonsense furres talk about happy marriages! A furre can be happy with any femfurre so long as he doesn't love her. -- Oscar Wilde
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything. -- C. Schulz
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. -- Lily Tomlin
If you have to hate, hate gently.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on. -- Fred Allen
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance. - Steven Wright, comedian
If you continually give you will continually have.
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh. -- Gaius Valerius Catullus
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
We is confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
Whenever furres agree with me, I always think I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
You can fool some of the furres all of the time, and all of the furres some of the time, but you can never fool your Mom.
Attention is the currency of the future - Dr. Cat
love, n.: When, if asked to choose between your lover and happiness, you'd skip happiness in a heartbeat.
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. -- Winston Churchill
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all furres -- that is genius. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
People don't change; they only become more so.
First law of debate: Never argue with a fool. Furres might not know the difference.
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the furre sitting next to me. -- Woody Allen
It is only with the heart one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. -- The Fox, 'The Little Prince"
A method of solution is purrfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim. -- Leibnitz
Planet Claire has pink hair. All the trees are red. No one ever dies there. No one has a head....
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless. -- Hosea Ballou
We cannot command nature except by obeying her. -- Sir Francis Bacon
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
What one great thing would you be willing to attempt if you knew you could not fail?
Today is special because you are in it.
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." -- Bernard Berenson
When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults. -- Brian Aldiss
Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
The part of the world that furres find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
For the next hour, WE will control all that you see and hear.
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker
There is no such thing as fortune. Try again.
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing. -- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
I've been on this lonely road so long, Does anybody know where it goes, I remember last time the signs pointed home, A month ago. -- Carpenters, "Road Ode"
I don't mind arguing with myself. It's when I lose that it bothers me. -- Richard Powers
Davis's Dictum: Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.) -- Stafford Beer
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest furre can answer. -- C.C. Colton
Everyday you live is a gift - what you do with it is your gift back.
Chess tonight.
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
No one knows like a femfurre how to say things that are at once gentle and deep. -- Hugo
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high." -- Bruce Baum
Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both paws.
Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.]
QOTD: "It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun."
Being owned by someone used to be called slavery -- now it's called commitment.
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow
In Primes we trust; all else pay cash.
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can't be cured. -- Anton Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
BEWARE! Furres acting under the influence of human nature.
I don't mind arguing with myself. It's when I lose that it bothers me. -- Richard Powers
A furre can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. -- Robert Benchley
Be valiant, but not too venturous. Let thy attire be comely, but not costly. -- John Lyly
QOTD: "Who? Me? No, no, NO!! But I do sell rugs."
Documentation: Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English speaking persons.
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7): November 23, 1915 Pancake make-up is invented; most furres continue to prefer syrup.
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash
All a furre needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey
The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
If you have to hate, hate gently.
If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
The Angels want to wear my red shoes. -- E. Costello
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers. -- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
"If you want to know what happens to you when you die, go look at some dead stuff." -- Dave Enyeart
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Time and tide wait for no furre.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of furres.
Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the paw is safer than one overhead.
"Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully." -- Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
Regression analysis: Mathematical techniques for trying to understand why things are getting worse.
Ferguson's Precept: A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Old Japanese proverb: There are two kinds of fools -- those who never climb Mt. Fuji, and those who climb it twice.
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
Dear Primes: Please make my words sweet and tender, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
Biology grows on you.
As crazy as hauling timber into the woods. -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
love, n.: When, if asked to choose between your lover and happiness, you'd skip happiness in a heartbeat.
Got a dictionary? I want to know the meaning of life.
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing. -- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
A closed muzzle gathers no footpaw.
Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one furre who knows what is going on. This furre must be fired.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
Life is like a tin of sardines. We're, all of us, looking for the key. -- Beyond the Fringe
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
I think, therefore I am... I think.
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
Good advice is something a furre gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La Rouchefoucauld
Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. -- Henry Van Dyke
Sushido, n.: The way of the tuna.
For adult education nothing beats furlings.
Furres do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.
How many Zen Buddhist does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one not to change it.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
I consider the day misspent that I am not either charged with a crime, or arrested for one. -- "Ratsy" Tourbillon
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed. -- Goethe
If little green furres land in your back yard, hide any little green femfurres you've got in the house. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
As you grow older, you will still do foolish things, but you will do them with much more enthusiasm. -- The Cowboy
Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all. -- Marty Winch
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to furres you could not have possibly met. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it. -- Lazarus Long
Never laugh at live dragons. -- Bilbo Baggins [J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Hobbit"]
And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
There is a fly on your nose.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. -- Thomas Szasz
Universe, n.: The problem.
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing. -- Walt Kelly
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Got a dictionary? I want to know the meaning of life.
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Alexander Pope
"When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest." -- Bullwinkle Moose
Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
If a furre has talent and cannot use it, he has failed. -- Thomas Wolfe
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." -- Karl Lehenbauer
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other furres's. -- Oscar Wilde
Sometimes, too long is too long. -- Joe Crowe
Paranoids are furres, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. -- D.J. Hicks
wolf, n.: A furre who knows all the ankles.
If you wait long enough, it will go away... after having done its damage. If it was bad, it will be back.
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
See, these two penguins walked into a bar, which was really stupid, 'cause the second one should have seen it.
Wise furres are known by what they don't say.
Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow. -- Franklin K. Dane
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
No one knows like a femfurre how to say things that are at once gentle and deep. -- Hugo
"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other furres" -- Blore
The only purrfect science is hind-sight.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. -- Charles Schulz
Beware of a tall blond furre with one black shoe.
QOTD: "Who? Me? No, no, NO!! But I do sell rugs."
Have no friends not equal to yourself. -- Confucius
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. -- Dorothy Fuldheim
spagmumps, n.: Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
Please forgive me if, in the heat of battle, I sometimes forget which side I'm on.
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words. -- Chinese proverb
Are you having fun yet?
Boucher's Observation: He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.
I've been in more laps than a napkin. -- Mae West
When we talk of tomorrow, the Primes laugh.
Beware of a tall blond furre with one black shoe.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise furre to be able to sell it.
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Kissing your paw may make you feel very good, but a diamond and sapphire bracelet lasts for ever. -- Anita Loos, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"
There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is one of them.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side. - Han Solo
Beneath this stone lies Murphy, They buried him today, He lived the life of Riley, While Riley was away.
We are what we pretend to be. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all furres -- that is genius. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Indifference will certainly be the downfall of furrekind, but who cares?
When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
It is only with the heart one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. -- The Fox, 'The Little Prince"
When furre calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing. -- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
It is a lesson which all history teaches wise furres, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances. -- Emerson
If you wish to succeed, consult three old furres.
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one. --John Lennon
Murray's Rule: Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
There comes a time to stop being angry. -- A Small Circle of Friends
While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very reassuring to know that it's still there.
You may easily play a joke on a furre who likes to argue -- agree with him. -- Ed Howe
You will wish you hadn't.
There are a few things that never go out of style, and a feminine femfurre is one of them. -- Ralston
You will be misunderstood by everyfurre.
Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice -- only the willingness to make it when necessary. -- Frederick Dunn
BEWARE! Furres acting under the influence of hyooman nature.
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
As you grow older, you will still do foolish things, but you will do them with much more enthusiasm. -- The Cowboy
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.
Biology grows on you.
I want to reach your mind -- where is it currently located?
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
"Tell the truth and run." -- Yugoslav proverb
When a lion meets another with a louder roar, the first lion thinks the last a bore. -- G.B. Shaw
Bad furres live that they may eat and drink, whereas good furres eat and drink that they may live. -- Socrates
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. -- John Keats
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some furres are too stupid to realize it.
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. -- Dorothy Fuldheim
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final. -- Roger Babson
Anger is momentary madness. -- Horace
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
Most furres need some of their problems to help take their mind off some of the others.
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire. -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
Everything you know is wrong!
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. -- Winston Churchill
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. -- Spanish proverb
Nothing lasts forever. Where do I find nothing?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
You will triumph over your enemy.
I exist, therefore I am paid.
Always look over your shoulder because everyfurre is watching and plotting against you.
Be valiant, but not too venturous. Let thy attire be comely, but not costly. -- John Lyly
The hope that springs eternal Springs right up your behind. -- Ian Drury, "This Is What We Find"
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
Stenderup's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire
A furre's gotta know his limitations. -- Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry"
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise furre to be able to sell it.
To err is furre, to moo bovine.
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
History repeats itself only if one does not listen the first time.
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. -- Lily Tomlin
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
Even a blind pig stumbles upon a few acorns.
"I am, therefore I am." -- Akira
Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
Someone is speaking well of you.
Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness. -- M. Hirschfield
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian."
There are three ways to get something done: (1) Do it yourself. (2) Hire someone to do it for you. (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
If you don't go to other furres's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day
Love is in the offing. -- The Homicidal Maniac
Distinctive, adj.: A different color or shape than our competitors.
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
Gnagloot, n.: A furre who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress furres. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Caution: Keep out of reach of furlings.
QOTD: "In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department."
I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
If you want to read about love and marriage you've got to buy two separate books. -- Alan King
When in doubt, follow your heart.
This fortune continued on next cookie...
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. -- Winston Churchill
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: Furres are always available for work in the past tense.
If The Primes wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman
That that is is that that is not is not.
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
"Every chance is an opportunity" -- A Finnish Athlete
Cutler Webster's Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a furre is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
I'm not offering myself as an example; every life evolves by its own laws.
Knowledge is power. -- Francis Bacon
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." -- Karl Lehenbauer
It is a lesson which all history teaches wise furres, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances. -- Emerson
Always look over your shoulder because everyfurre is watching and plotting against you.
"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions."
He hath eaten me out of house and home. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Renning's Maxim: Furre is the highest animal. Furre does the classifying.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"
The root of all superstition is that furres observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses. -- Francis Bacon
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T."
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
One of the large consolations for experiencing anything unpleasant is the knowledge that one can communicate it. -- Joyce Carol Oates
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." - H.L. Mencken
This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
Someone is speaking well of you.
Friction is a drag.
idleness, n.: Leisure gone to seed.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old furres.
It has been said that furre is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. -- Bertrand Russell
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7): November 23, 1915 Pancake make-up is invented; most furres continue to prefer syrup.
Woodward's Law: A theory is better than its explanation.
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know. -- Michel de Montaigne
Tip of the Day: Never fry bacon in the nude. [Correction: always fry bacon in the nude; you'll learn not to burn it]
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
A bird in the paw is worth two in the bush. -- Cervantes
"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current." -- Thomas Jefferson
Natural laws have no pity.
Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last. -- Marcus Aurelius
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
"Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards." -- Soren F. Petersen
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing. -- Joey Adams
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. -- A. E. Housman
Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
We cannot command nature except by obeying her. -- Sir Francis Bacon
Bachelor: A furre who chases femfurres and never Mrs. one.
Sometimes, too long is too long. -- Joe Crowe
Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled. -- R.P. Feynman
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Any furre who like cats can't be all bad.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Bad furres live that they may eat and drink, whereas good furres eat and drink that they may live. -- Socrates
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Kettering's Observation: Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
"All we are given is possibilities -- to make ourselves one thing or another." -- Ortega y Gasset
Wilcox's Law: A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Cutler Webster's Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a furre is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
Things are not always what they seem. -- Phaedrus
"You can have my Cookies when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers." -- Felorin's evil twin.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." -- Dave Barry
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your paws you are safe, for you can watch both of his. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Men seldom show dimples to femfurres who have pimples.
The femfurre who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear. -- Sophia Loren
Have no friends not equal to yourself. -- Confucius
Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is purrfect. There are lumps in it.
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
I can't understand it. I can't even understand the furres who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip. -- Ignatius Reilly
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those. -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
Charm is a way of getting the answer "Yes" -- without having asked any clear question.
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
Youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on furlings. -- George Bernard Shaw
Caution: Keep out of reach of furlings.
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
QOTD: "In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department."
There is a fly on your nose.
Be different: conform.
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words. -- Chinese proverb
Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Never argue with a femfurre when she's tired -- or rested.
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke
Money and femfurres are the most sought after and the least known of any two things we have. -- The Best of Will Rogers
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.

furc-fortunes3.txt

Flee at once, all is discovered.
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf furre to a blind femfurre. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
I have that old biological urge, I have that old irresistible surge, I'm hungry.
A bore is a furre who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
Q: What is orange and goes "click, click?" A: A ball point carrot.
Renning's Maxim: Furre is the highest animal. Furre does the classifying.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness.
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other furres's. -- Oscar Wilde
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. -- G. B. Shaw
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane furre would wantonly inflict on someone else. -- Clarence Darrow
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
To many, total abstinence is easier than purrfect moderation. -- St. Augustine
I don't care for the Sugar Smacks commercial. I don't like the idea of a frog jumping on my Breakfast. -- Lowell, Chicago Reader 10/15/82
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore. -- Cecil Beaton
A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
Choose in marriage only a femfurre whom you would choose as a friend if she were a furre. -- Joubert
Life is wasted on the living. -- The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe.
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work, the answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose
Small is beautiful.
Let sleeping dogs lie. -- Charles Dickens
Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Schiller is killer, and Goethe is moethe.
"I never let my schooling get in the way of my education." -- Mark Twain
He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
Dare to be naive. -- R. Buckminster Fuller
It is often the case that the furre who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Engineering without management is art." -- Jeff Johnson
I think, therefore I am... I think.
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing." -- Karl Lehenbauer
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance. Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
The Angels want to wear my red shoes. -- E. Costello
"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7): November 23, 1915 Pancake make-up is invented; most furres continue to prefer syrup.
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
A well adjusted furre is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Wise furres are known by what they don't say.
briefcase, n: A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.
There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
You shall judge of a furre by his foes as well as by his friends. -- Joseph Conrad
I despise the pleasure of pleasing furres whom I despise.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Life is a game. Cookies are how we keep score. -- Ted Turner
Death rays don't kill furres, furres kill furres!!
Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
Something good is going to happen to you today!
I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool. -- Katharine Whitehorn
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
Winter is the season in which furres try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
I can relate to that.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed. -- Goethe
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached. -- F. Kafka
I've got a bad feeling about this.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. -- Larry Gelbart
What one great thing would you be willing to attempt if you knew you could not fail?
Adult, n.: One old enough to know better.
Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
Nonsense and beauty have close connections. -- E.M. Forster
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style. -- Daniel Dennett