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betterCodingThroughEmpathy.md

How does empathy help you build better software?

Empathy helps a person understand others by putting themselves in the place of others. If you feel, accurately, how others feel, you then are aware of things they want, need, like, or struggle with. Some of these insights might not even be things that they are aware of or comfortable asking for, for instance a car that runs silently or a different, ergonomic shape to a product that they otherwise love. The beautiful thing about empathy: it's a lot like approaching a problem from multiple different angles and perspectives. Except in this case, we can do it, sometimes wordlessly, with each person applying their own specialized set of knowledge-sets and skills and perspectives. When viewed this way, Empathy is an awesome tool of unleashed potential and creativity.

We can also tell what matters. It's so easy sometimes to fall victim to tunnel-vision and for a number of different reasons -- personal interest, sunken-cost fallacy, or sometimes even apathy. If we focus on the wrong thing or we lose sight on what is important, this can easily lead to wasted time/money, delays, an unfinished product, stressed people and/or (possibly worst of worst of all) disappointed users. Empathy, therefore, isn't something nice to have; it isn't a luxury, the metaphorical cherry on top. It is absolutely necessary, and we must be vigilant that we don't lose sight of that fact.

hurdlesToEmpathy.md

When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?

I consider myself very lucky because I find myself naturally very empathetic. However, I definitely am not an infinite well of Empathy either. Like patience or cheerfulness, I think empathy is a limited mental resource for the vast majority of us. For me, at least, when needs become unmet — if I'm starving, if I feel sick, or especially if I'm exhausted or sleep-deprived — my supply of all mental resources quickly dries up (AKA become grumpy). I think the best strategy when faced with a situation like this should look something like this:

1. Recognize (the situation) — notice that I'm grumpy and why.
2. (become a) Recluse — politely try to break away. If impossible, try to communicate to others the situation.
3. Replenish (the brain chemicals) — take a nap, eat a snack, drink coffee, take some medicine.
4. Recuperate (social losses) — apologize as soon as I'm feeling better to those who might have noticed also.

They say, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” and in this particular case, this is why it is so foundationally important to prioritize health and self-maintenance. I take good care of myself and thankfully, so far I'm generally pretty healthy. It might seem that if this were the case that I must be an infinite dynamo of Empathy. But, unfortunately, there are still situations that cause me to shut down Empathy-wise.

The few situations that come to mind are pretty diverse, but I think the underlying cause to them stem from the same root: perceived apathy on the part of the other party. According to my Pairin personality test, I'm a "People Developer". It felt pretty apt — a side of me that I've definitely noticed. In general, it is extremely positive and rewarding for both parties. There have been a few occasions, however, where I've exerted real effort to help people and then was met with what I perceived as laziness or apathy. In those moments, I remember feeling used and closing off considerably to those people, and with that, losing a lot of Empathy for them as well.

In these situations, I think it's really hard for me to maintain an even head. I've thought about what to do in those situations. The best adaptations I've come up with are:

1. to lower my initial expectations, so the disappointment isn't so devastating, and 
2. realize there may be a lot more going on than we/they realize and that it should never feel personal. 

Since creating and implementing this coping strategy, I haven't had situations pop up where I've needed them, so I can't comment on their efficacy. However, I think a healthy amount of emotional-distance is a good thing, so I'm optimistic they will change my outcome next time.

importanceOfTeamEmpathy.md

Why is empathy important for working on a team?

In any group of humans, from two-person partnerships to whole countries and even the world at large, there is always a struggle to balance Individual Freedom / Happiness and the Collective Responsibility. The virtues of Freedom and Happiness are largely self-evident, but Collective Responsibility -- sacrifice of the individual for the group -- is sometimes understated in it's importance. It can take many forms: bringing in food to share, recognizing achievement in others, lending support when needed, even just not talking over someone else in a meeting to name a few examples. It is the glue keeping groups working together and the oil keeping people working smoothly together; It prevents people from becoming antagonistic and induces cooperation instead of competition.

At the heart of Collective Responsibility is Empathy for the people you work with. Empathy is feeling what others feel and wanting them to be happy. It is impossible to practice Empathy and push your responsibilities onto others. It is very hard not to WANT to do something nice for them. Even practicing the minimum amount of Empathy and consideration creates a pleasant, efficient work environment.

A team without Empathy is easy to imagine, since many of us have, unfortunately, been on one in our professional/educational history. These teams very often have unmotivated teammates that leave slack for others to pick up, a high rate of people quitting, and a vague sense of negativity permeating everywhere. Work is already a struggle sometimes, but in these settings in can feel impossible. Therefore, for our OWN sakes, we must have Empathy for the others on our team.

personalRole.md

What role does empathy play in your life and how has it helped you?

It's a funny thing to be asked about the role Empathy has in a person's life, like being asked about the effect that the air we breath has on us. For most of us, Empathy is so commonplace and necessary for me, it becomes difficult to narrow the field enough to accurately communicate.

It's helped me interview; sensing what an employer is looking for and communicating that has led to a great career in the service industry in a few of the nicest spots in Seattle.

It's helped me at work; I've gotten along very well with all of my coworkers and it has made working as positive and rewarding as possible. It's given me a positive relationship with all of the bosses I've had, too, which the effect that has on a person's life can't be overstated.

It's helped me interpersonally; I have a fantastic group of caring friends and an amazing romantic partner. Neither of which I would have if I weren't able to navigate (or avoid!) conflict in a thoughtful, Empathetic way.

It's helped me with my living situation; my roommate (from craigslist!) and I have had a great arrangement for 5 years.

Empathy has created for me a rich, satisfying experience filled with people I care about in every facet of my life.

professionalEmpathyExample.md

Describe a situation in which your ability to empathize with a colleague or teammate was helpful.

In Seattle, I previously worked at this rooftop bar that was known to be one of the hot spots during the beautiful summers there. The shifts at the bar were typically very long and on particularly nice days, they were especially grueling -- very busy, hot heat, impatient guests, and even though we would try our best, we often would go without any breaks at all. One of the ways I coped was to plan ahead; I made sure to eat well before a shift, I would bring in snacks that were easy to sneak behind the bar and a refillable bottle for water to help stay hydrated.

One summer, there was a week that quite a few of the other bartenders took a trip together. As a result, I was scheduled to work a series of long shifts consecutively with a newer coworker. He was gaining the reputation of being somewhat difficult to work with -- he would become very negative, start complaining, becoming snappy to aggressive guests and closing and at the end of the night sidework would take forever or be left undone. Since we were going to be spending a lot of time together, I wanted to really be proactive to make things positive. So on the first day we started working together, I decided to bring in sandwiches for us to eat before our shift, and a bottle of water for each of us. I made sure to keep the atmosphere light and playful between us behind the bar, which really was not hard at all, and was especially mindful to coordinate giving each other breaks as often as work would allow. At the end of the night, our light playful mood gave us a ton of energy and momentum to clean the bar in record time! The rest of the week were some of my favorite shifts working there. We would alternate who brought food in and as we learned each others rhythm, we developed 'flow'. It didn't hurt that we were making even more money than we usually did -- we were working faster and more efficiently. People definitely feel (and therefore tip) better when they can tell the staff are genuinely having a great time.

For the entire rest of the summer, there was a noticeable change in the dynamic behind the bar; everyone was attentive of everyone else's physical needs, so much friendlier, and just considerate in general. I like to think I played a role in cultivating that.