Shakespeare Insult Kit

shakespeare_insult_kit.rb

#!/usr/bin/env ruby -wKU

# Paste this code into a TextExpander snippet to have the Shakespeare Insult Kit a keystroke away
# Just set the Content of the TextExpander snippet to 'Shell Script', and give it an abbreviation
# Shakespeare Insult Kit: http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html

print "Thou " + ["artless","bawdy","beslubbering","bootless","churlish","cockered","clouted","craven","currish","dankish","dissembling","droning","errant","fawning","fobbing","froward","frothy","gleeking","goatish","gorbellied","impertinent","infectious","jarring","loggerheaded","lumpish","mammering","mangled","mewling","paunchy","pribbling","puking","puny","qualling","rank","reeky","roguish","ruttish","saucy","spleeny","spongy","surly","tottering","unmuzzled","vain","venomed","villainous","warped","wayward","weedy","yeasty","cullionly","fusty","caluminous","wimpled","burly-boned","misbegotten","odiferous","poisonous","fishified","Wart-necked"].sample + " " + ["base-court","bat-fowling","beef-witted","beetle-headed","boil-brained","clapper-clawed","clay-brained","common-kissing","crook-pated","dismal-dreaming","dizzy-eyed","doghearted","dread-bolted","earth-vexing","elf-skinned","fat-kidneyed","fen-sucked","flap-mouthed","fly-bitten","folly-fallen","fool-born","full-gorged","guts-griping","half-faced","hasty-witted","hedge-born","hell-hated","idle-headed","ill-breeding","ill-nurtured","knotty-pated","milk-livered","motley-minded","onion-eyed","plume-plucked","pottle-deep","pox-marked","reeling-ripe","rough-hewn","rude-growing","rump-fed","shard-borne","sheep-biting","spur-galled","swag-bellied","tardy-gaited","tickle-brained","toad-spotted","unchin-snouted","weather-bitten","whoreson","malmsey-nosed","rampallian","lily-livered","scurvy-valiant","brazen-faced","unwash'd","leaden-footed","muddy-mettled","pigeon-liver'd","scale-sided","bunch-back'd"].sample + " " + ["apple-john","baggage","barnacle","bladder","boar-pig","bugbear","bum-bailey","canker-blossom","clack-dish","clotpole","coxcomb","codpiece","death-token","dewberry","flap-dragon","flax-wench","flirt-gill","foot-licker","fustilarian","giglet","gudgeon","haggard","harpy","hedge-pig","horn-beast","hugger-mugger","joithead","lewdster","lout","maggot-pie","malt-worm","mammet","measle","minnow","miscreant","moldwarp","mumble-news","nut-hook","pigeon-egg","pignut","puttock","pumpion","ratsbane","scut","skainsmate","strumpet","varlot","vassal","whey-face","wagtail","knave","blind-worm","popinjay","scullian","jolt-head","malcontent","devil-monk","toad","rascal","Basket-Cockle"].sample + "!"

Looks like a lot of fun! Unfortunately, as a "script snippets only" user of ruby, my system has only ruby 1.8.7 installed.
Apparently array.sample was added around 1.9, current version is 1.9.3

TextExpander does not pass the exception/error back to the user, even with the -w arg (I'll look into making that happen, at least as an option) so you'll just get an empty snippet expansion if you don't have a more recent ruby installed.

Swap "sample" for "shuffle.first" and it'll work with 1.8