DONE REVIEW Michael Fogelman's /On Mindful Review/

jwd - scratch - On Mindful Review Review - (20180918).org

REVIEW Michael Fogelman’s On Mindful Review

• State “DONE” from “TODO” [2018-09-18 Tue 12:30]

• State “TODO” from [2018-09-18 Tue 11:15]

Inaccurate metadata

The PDF metadata doesn’t match the document.

          title:
      author:
     subject:
keywords-raw:
    keywords:
     creator:
    producer:Skia/PDF m71
      format:PDF-1.5
     created:Wed Dec 31 17:59:59 1969
    modified:Wed Dec 31 17:59:59 1969

Grammar, punctuation, and spelling

I haven’t checked any of these with the exception of capitalized terms.

Missing background information

Who’s Shinzen?

Who’s Soryu?

What’s MAPLE?

What’s CML Monastic Academy?

Who’s Upasaka Culadasa?

Technical terms?

commitment

dissatisfactoriness (dukkha)

Also, replace “dissatisfactoriness” with “dissatisfaction” unless it has a particular meaning.

practice

distraction, uncomfortable

mindful review

unskillfully, hurting

strategies

Responsibility

Awakening

consider, recent actions

intentions/thoughts/states of mind

celebrate

alternate intention

positive outcome

effective

technique, integrate, Wisdom, Love, Power

Other questions

How did you ensure you didn’t presume positive intention?

I don’t know the context of the described event nor the community in which it took place. Where I come from, when we speak politely, we call assuming the good will of others ”Pollyannaism.” Doing so might have been correct and reasonable given the circumstances, but the text doesn’t make it obvious one way or the other.

Claim weakly supported by following sentences.

The claim made by the topic sentence gets little support from the remainder of the paragraph. How would one incorporate the feedback after “turning down the volume” so to speak? Again possibly clear to most readers, but not easily understood by all.

Why does the subject change?

And all of sudden you discuss breathing exercise and its daily practice. The paragraph’s fifth sentences states a similarity and returns to the main idea, mindful review. Did you mean to prod the reader with a quick digression?

Term appears before definition.

What’s “mindful review?”

Mindful review still not defined.

And it won’t get defined for three more paragraphs.

Why did you make an introspective assumption?

Why did you assume some mental difficulty lay at fault? I understand that one can control one’s reactions, but if so, you seem to have leaped to the conclusion. Was this an elision of intermediate steps for brevity’s sake?

Practice what?

Captialize [mM]indful [rR]eview consistently.

Unactionably vague.

Make use how? Again, possibly obvious to most readers.

Why not discuss Awakening?

Would most readers already know this material?

Suggest downloading these videos from Youtube.

youtube-dl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czLrzIkbNIw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGi2URuBRz4