My bashrc(Thank you linuxquestions.org, ubuntuforums.org, stackexchange, and others I'm forgetting)

# ~/.bashrc: executed by bash(1) for non-login shells.
# see /usr/share/doc/bash/examples/startup-files (in the package bash-doc)
# for examples

iatest=$(expr index "$-" i)

# Disable the bell
if [[ $iatest > 0 ]]; then bind "set bell-style visible"; fi

# Ignore case on auto-completion
# Note: bind used instead of sticking these in .inputrc
if [[ $iatest > 0 ]]; then bind "set completion-ignore-case on"; fi

# Show auto-completion list automatically, without double tab
if [[ $iatest > 0 ]]; then bind "set show-all-if-ambiguous On"; fi

# If not running interactively, don't do anything
case $- in
    *i*) ;;
      *) return;;
esac

# don't put duplicate lines or lines starting with space in the history.
# See bash(1) for more options
HISTCONTROL=erasedups:ignoredups:ignorespace

# append to the history file, don't overwrite it
shopt -s histappend

# Check the window size after each command and, if necessary, update the values of LINES and COLUMNS
shopt -s checkwinsize

# If set, and Readline is being used, the results of history substitution are not immediately passed to the shell parser. Instead, the resulting line is loaded into the Readline editing buffer, allowing further modification.
shopt -s histverify

# for setting history length see HISTSIZE and HISTFILESIZE in bash(1)
HISTSIZE=1000
HISTFILESIZE=10000

# If set, the pattern "**" used in a pathname expansion context will
# match all files and zero or more directories and subdirectories.
#shopt -s globstar

# make less more friendly for non-text input files, see lesspipe(1)
[ -x /usr/bin/lesspipe ] && eval "$(SHELL=/bin/sh lesspipe)"

# set variable identifying the chroot you work in (used in the prompt below)
if [ -z "${debian_chroot:-}" ] && [ -r /etc/debian_chroot ]; then
    debian_chroot=$(cat /etc/debian_chroot)
fi

# set a fancy prompt (non-color, unless we know we "want" color)
case "$TERM" in
    xterm-color|*-256color) color_prompt=yes;;
esac

# uncomment for a colored prompt, if the terminal has the capability; turned
# off by default to not distract the user: the focus in a terminal window
# should be on the output of commands, not on the prompt
#force_color_prompt=yes

if [ -n "$force_color_prompt" ]; then
    if [ -x /usr/bin/tput ] && tput setaf 1 >&/dev/null; then
	# We have color support; assume it's compliant with Ecma-48
	# (ISO/IEC-6429). (Lack of such support is extremely rare, and such
	# a case would tend to support setf rather than setaf.)
	color_prompt=yes
    else
	color_prompt=
    fi
fi

if [ "$color_prompt" = yes ]; then
    PS1='${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}\[\033[01;32m\]\u@\h\[\033[00m\]:\[\033[01;34m\]\w\[\033[00m\]\$ '
else
    PS1='${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}\u@\h:\w\$ '
fi
unset color_prompt force_color_prompt

# If this is an xterm set the title to user@host:dir
case "$TERM" in
xterm*|rxvt*)
    PS1="\[\e]0;${debian_chroot:+($debian_chroot)}\u@\h: \w\a\]$PS1"
    ;;
*)
    ;;
esac

# enable color support of ls and also add handy aliases
if [ -x /usr/bin/dircolors ]; then
    test -r ~/.dircolors && eval "$(dircolors -b ~/.dircolors)" || eval "$(dircolors -b)"
    alias ls='ls --color=auto'
    #alias dir='dir --color=auto'
    #alias vdir='vdir --color=auto'

    alias grep='grep --color=auto'
    alias fgrep='fgrep --color=auto'
    alias egrep='egrep --color=auto'
fi

# colored GCC warnings and errors
#export GCC_COLORS='error=01;31:warning=01;35:note=01;36:caret=01;32:locus=01:quote=01'

# some more ls aliases
alias ll='ls -lahF'
alias la='ls -A'
alias l='ls -CF'

# Add an "alert" alias for long running commands.  Use like so:
#   sleep 10; alert
alias alert='notify-send --urgency=low -i "$([ $? = 0 ] && echo terminal || echo error)" "$(history|tail -n1|sed -e '\''s/^\s*[0-9]\+\s*//;s/[;&|]\s*alert$//'\'')"'

# Alias definitions.
# You may want to put all your additions into a separate file like
# ~/.bash_aliases, instead of adding them here directly.
# See /usr/share/doc/bash-doc/examples in the bash-doc package.

if [ -f ~/.bash_aliases ]; then
    . ~/.bash_aliases
fi

# enable programmable completion features (you don't need to enable
# this, if it's already enabled in /etc/bash.bashrc and /etc/profile
# sources /etc/bash.bashrc).
if ! shopt -oq posix; then
  if [ -f /usr/share/bash-completion/bash_completion ]; then
    . /usr/share/bash-completion/bash_completion
  elif [ -f /etc/bash_completion ]; then
    . /etc/bash_completion
  fi
fi

# To have colors for ls and all grep commands such as grep, egrep and zgrep
# Guide for LS_COLORS: https://web.archive.org/web/20180106090557/http://linux-sxs.org/housekeeping/lscolors.html
export CLICOLOR=1
export LS_COLORS='no=00:fi=00:di=4;100;93:ln=01;36:pi=40;33:so=01;35:do=01;35:bd=40;33;01:cd=40;33;01:or=40;31;01:ex=01;32:*.tar=01;31:*.tgz=01;31:*.arj=01;31:*.taz=01;31:*.lzh=01;31:*.zip=01;31:*.z=01;31:*.Z=01;31:*.gz=01;31:*.bz2=01;31:*.deb=01;31:*.rpm=01;31:*.jar=01;31:*.jpg=01;35:*.jpeg=01;35:*.gif=01;35:*.bmp=01;35:*.pbm=01;35:*.pgm=01;35:*.ppm=01;35:*.tga=01;35:*.xbm=01;35:*.xpm=01;35:*.tif=01;35:*.tiff=01;35:*.png=01;35:*.mov=01;35:*.mpg=01;35:*.mpeg=01;35:*.avi=01;35:*.fli=01;35:*.gl=01;35:*.dl=01;35:*.xcf=01;35:*.xwd=01;35:*.ogg=01;35:*.mp3=01;35:*.wav=01;35:*.xml=00;31:'
alias grep="/bin/grep --color=auto"

alias edit="nano -u -c -W --tabsize=4 --smooth"
alias nano="nano -u -c -W --tabsize=4 --smooth"


# Color for manpages in less makes manpages a little easier to read
export LESS_TERMCAP_mb=$'\E[01;31m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_md=$'\E[01;31m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_me=$'\E[0m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_se=$'\E[0m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_so=$'\E[01;44;33m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_ue=$'\E[0m'
export LESS_TERMCAP_us=$'\E[01;32m'

export JAVA_HOME=/usr/lib/jvm/java-8-oracle
export PATH=$JAVA_HOME/bin:$PATH

# Extracts any archive(s) (if unp isn't installed)
extract () {
   if [ -f $1 ] ; then
       case $1 in
           *.tar.bz2)   tar xvjf $1    ;;
           *.tar.xz)    tar xvJf $1    ;;
           *.tar.gz)    tar xvzf $1    ;;
           *.bz2)       bunzip2 $1     ;;
           *.rar)       unrar x $1       ;;
           *.gz)        gunzip $1      ;;
           *.tar)       tar xvf $1     ;;
           *.tbz2)      tar xvjf $1    ;;
           *.tgz)       tar xvzf $1    ;;
           *.zip)       unzip $1       ;;
           *.Z)         uncompress $1  ;;
           *.7z)        7z x $1        ;;
	   *.ace)       unace x $1    ;;
           *)           echo "don't know how to extract '$1'..." ;;
       esac
   else
       echo "'$1' is not a valid file!"
   fi
 }

# Search running processes
alias topcpu="/bin/ps -eo pcpu,pid,user,args | sort -k 1 -r | head -10"

# Show current network connections to the server
alias ipview="netstat -anpl | grep :80 | awk {'print \$5'} | cut -d\":\" -f1 | sort | uniq -c | sort -n | sed -e 's/^ *//' -e 's/ *\$//'"

# Show open ports
alias openports='netstat -nape --inet'

# Searches for text in all files in the current folder
ftext ()
{
	# -i case-insensitive
	# -I ignore binary files
	# -H causes filename to be printed
	# -r recursive search
	# -n causes line number to be printed
	# optional: -F treat search term as a literal, not a regular expression
	# optional: -l only print filenames and not the matching lines ex. grep -irl "$1" *
	grep -iIHrn --color=always "$1" . | less -r
}

# Copy file with a progress bar
cpp()
{
	set -e
	strace -q -ewrite cp -- "${1}" "${2}" 2>&1 \
	| awk '{
	count += $NF
	if (count % 10 == 0) {
		percent = count / total_size * 100
		printf "%3d%% [", percent
		for (i=0;i<=percent;i++)
			printf "="
			printf ">"
			for (i=percent;i<100;i++)
				printf " "
				printf "]\r"
			}
		}
	END { print "" }' total_size=$(stat -c '%s' "${1}") count=0
}

# Goes up a specified number of directories  (i.e. up 4)
up ()
{
	local d=""
	limit=$1
	for ((i=1 ; i <= limit ; i++))
		do
			d=$d/..
		done
	d=$(echo $d | sed 's/^\///')
	if [ -z "$d" ]; then
		d=..
	fi
	cd $d
}

# Show current network information
netinfo ()
{
	echo "--------------- Network Information ---------------"
	/sbin/ifconfig | awk /'inet addr/ {print $2}'
	echo ""
	/sbin/ifconfig | awk /'Bcast/ {print $3}'
	echo ""
	/sbin/ifconfig | awk /'inet addr/ {print $4}'

	/sbin/ifconfig | awk /'HWaddr/ {print $4,$5}'
	echo "---------------------------------------------------"
}

# IP address lookup
alias whatismyip="whatsmyip"
function whatsmyip ()
{
	# Dumps a list of all IP addresses for every device
	# /sbin/ifconfig |grep -B1 "inet addr" |awk '{ if ( $1 == "inet" ) { print $2 } else if ( $2 == "Link" ) { printf "%s:" ,$1 } }' |awk -F: '{ print $1 ": " $3 }';

	# Internal IP Lookup
	echo -n "Internal IP: " ; /sbin/ifconfig eth0 | grep "inet addr" | awk -F: '{print $2}' | awk '{print $1}'

	# External IP Lookup
	echo -n "External IP: " ; wget http://smart-ip.net/myip -O - -q
}

# For some reason, rot13 pops up everywhere
rot13 () {
	if [ $# -eq 0 ]; then
		tr '[a-m][n-z][A-M][N-Z]' '[n-z][a-m][N-Z][A-M]'
	else
		echo $* | tr '[a-m][n-z][A-M][N-Z]' '[n-z][a-m][N-Z][A-M]'
	fi
}

function jobs_count {
    cnt=$(jobs -l | wc -l)
    if [ $cnt -eq 0 ] ;then
        echo -ne ${cnt}
    fi

    if [ $cnt -gt 0 ]; then
        echo -ne "\e[93m${cnt}\e[m"
    fi
}

# grep history
hgrep () { 
    history | egrep --color=auto "$@" | egrep --color=auto -v "hgrep $@"
}

#Task List
TASKFILE="$HOME/.bashtask" #Hidden for neatness
NC='\033[0m' # No Color
LIGHTRED='\e[1;31m'
LIGHTBLUE='\e[1;34m'
if [ -f "$TASKFILE" ] && [ $(stat -c %s "$TASKFILE") != 0 ] #Check if file has content
then
    echo -e "${LIGHTRED}Task List${NC} as of ${LIGHTBLUE}$(date -r "$TASKFILE")${NC}"
    echo ""
    cat "$TASKFILE"
    printf '%*s\n' "${COLUMNS:-$(tput cols)}" '' | tr ' ' "-"
else
    echo "Yay! No tasks :)"
    printf '%*s\n' "${COLUMNS:-$(tput cols)}" '' | tr ' ' "-"
    touch "$TASKFILE"
fi
alias tasklist="bash"
function taskadd() { echo "- $1" >> "$TASKFILE"; } #Example: taskadd "Go grocery shopping"
function taskin() { sed -i "$1i- $2" "$TASKFILE"; } #Insert a task between items
function taskrm() { sed -i "$1d" "$TASKFILE"; } #Example: taskrm 2 --> Removes second item in list
function taskcl() { rm "$TASKFILE"; touch "$TASKFILE"; } #Delete and create a new taskfile

#Converting audio and video files
function 2ogg() { eyeD3 --remove-all-images "$1"; fname="${1%.*}"; sox "$1" "$fname.ogg"; }
function 2wav() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.wav"; }
function 2aif() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.aif"; }
function 2mp3() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.mp3"; }
function 2mov() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.mov"; }
function 2mp4() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.mp4"; }
function 2avi() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.avi"; }
function 2webm() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" -c:v libvpx "$fname.webm"; }
function 2h265() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" -c:v libx265 "$fname'_converted'.mp4"; }
function 2flv() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.flv"; }
function 2mpg() { fname="${1%.*}"; ffmpeg -threads 0 -i "$1" "$fname.mpg"; }

#Converting documents and images
function 2txt() { soffice --headless txt "$1"; }
function 2pdf() {
    if [ ${1: -4} == ".html" ]
    then
        fname="${1%.*}"
        soffice --headless --convert-to odt "$1"
        soffice --headless pdf "$fname.html"
    else
        soffice --headless pdf "$1"
    fi
}
function 2doc() { soffice --headless doc "$1"; }
function 2odt() { soffice --headless odt "$1"; }
function 2jpeg() { fname="${1%.*}"; convert "$1" "$fname.jpg"; }
function 2jpg() { fname="${1%.*}"; convert "$1" "$fname.jpg"; }
function 2png() { fname="${1%.*}"; convert "$1" "$fname.png"; }
function 2bmp() { fname="${1%.*}"; convert "$1" "$fname.bmp"; }
function 2tiff() { fname="${1%.*}"; convert "$1" "$fname.tiff"; }
function 2gif() {
    fname="${1%.*}"
    if [ ! -d "/tmp/gif" ]; then mkdir "/tmp/gif"; fi
    if [ ${1: -4} == ".mp4" ] || [ ${1: -4} == ".mov" ] || [ ${1: -4} == ".avi" ] || [ ${1: -4} == ".flv" ] || [ ${1: -4} == ".mpg" ] || [ ${1: -4} == ".webm" ]
    then
        ffmpeg -i "$1" -r 10 -vf 'scale=trunc(oh*a/2)*2:480' /tmp/gif/out%04d.png
        convert -delay 1x10 "/tmp/gif/*.png" -fuzz 2% +dither -coalesce -layers OptimizeTransparency +map "$fname.gif"
    else
        convert "$1" "$fname.gif"
    fi
    rm -r "/tmp/gif"
}

diskcopy(){ dd if=$1 of=$2; }
alias tracert="traceroute"

#Generate a random strong password
alias genpasswd="strings /dev/urandom | grep -o '[[:alnum:]]' | head -n 30 | tr -d '\n'; echo"

#Expand current directory structure in tree form
alias treed="ls -R | grep ":$" | sed -e 's/:$//' -e 's/[^-][^\/]*\//--/g' -e 's/^/   /' -e 's/-/|/'"

#List by file size in current directory
sbs() { du -b --max-depth 1 | sort -nr | perl -pe 's{([0-9]+)}{sprintf "%.1f%s", $1>=2**30? ($1/2**30, "G"):    $1>=2**20? ($1/2**20, "M"): $1>=2**10? ($1/2**10, "K"): ($1, "")}e';} 

#Show active ports
alias port='netstat -tulpan'

#Use this for when the boss comes around to look busy.
alias busy="cat /dev/urandom | hexdump -C | grep 'ca fe'" 

#######################################################
# Set the ultimate amazing command prompt
#######################################################

alias cpu="grep 'cpu ' /proc/stat | awk '{usage=(\$2+\$4)*100/(\$2+\$4+\$5)} END {print usage}' | awk '{printf(\"%.1f\n\", \$1)}'"
function __setprompt
{
	local LAST_COMMAND=$? # Must come first!

	# Define colors
	local LIGHTGRAY="\033[0;37m"
	local WHITE="\033[1;37m"
	local BLACK="\033[0;30m"
	local DARKGRAY="\033[1;30m"
	local RED="\033[0;31m"
	local LIGHTRED="\033[1;31m"
	local GREEN="\033[0;32m"
	local LIGHTGREEN="\033[1;32m"
	local BROWN="\033[0;33m"
	local YELLOW="\033[1;33m"
	local BLUE="\033[0;34m"
	local LIGHTBLUE="\033[1;34m"
	local MAGENTA="\033[0;35m"
	local LIGHTMAGENTA="\033[1;35m"
	local CYAN="\033[0;36m"
	local LIGHTCYAN="\033[1;36m"
	local NOCOLOR="\033[0m"

	# Show error exit code if there is one
	if [[ $LAST_COMMAND != 0 ]]; then
		# PS1="\[${RED}\](\[${LIGHTRED}\]ERROR\[${RED}\])-(\[${LIGHTRED}\]Exit Code \[${WHITE}\]${LAST_COMMAND}\[${RED}\])-(\[${LIGHTRED}\]"
		PS1="\[${DARKGRAY}\](\[${LIGHTRED}\]ERROR\[${DARKGRAY}\])-(\[${RED}\]Exit Code \[${LIGHTRED}\]${LAST_COMMAND}\[${DARKGRAY}\])-(\[${RED}\]"
		if [[ $LAST_COMMAND == 1 ]]; then
			PS1+="General error"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 2 ]; then
			PS1+="Missing keyword, command, or permission problem"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 126 ]; then
			PS1+="Permission problem or command is not an executable"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 127 ]; then
			PS1+="Command not found"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 128 ]; then
			PS1+="Invalid argument to exit"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 129 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 1"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 130 ]; then
			PS1+="Script terminated by Control-C"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 131 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 3"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 132 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 4"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 133 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 5"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 134 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 6"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 135 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 7"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 136 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 8"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND == 137 ]; then
			PS1+="Fatal error signal 9"
		elif [ $LAST_COMMAND -gt 255 ]; then
			PS1+="Exit status out of range"
		else
			PS1+="Unknown error code"
		fi
		PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\])\[${NOCOLOR}\]\n"
	else
		PS1=""
	fi

	# Date
	PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\](\[${CYAN}\]\$(date +%a) $(date +%b) $(date +%d)" #Date
	PS1+="${BLUE} $(date +'%-I':%M:%S%P)\[${DARKGRAY}\])-" # Time

	# CPU
	PS1+="(\[${MAGENTA}\]CPU $(cpu)%"

	# Jobs
	PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\]:\[${MAGENTA}\]$(jobs_count)"

	# Network Connections (for a server - comment out for non-server)
	PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\]:\[${MAGENTA}\]Net $(awk 'END {print NR}' /proc/net/tcp)"

	PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\])-"

	# User and server
	local SSH_IP=`echo $SSH_CLIENT | awk '{ print $1 }'`
	local SSH2_IP=`echo $SSH2_CLIENT | awk '{ print $1 }'`
	if [ $SSH2_IP ] || [ $SSH_IP ] ; then
		PS1+="(\[${RED}\]\u@\h"
	else
		PS1+="(\[${RED}\]\u"
	fi

	# Current directory
	PS1+="\[${DARKGRAY}\]:\[${BROWN}\]\w\[${DARKGRAY}\]\[${RED}\]$(__git_ps1)\[${DARKGRAY}\])-"

	# Total size of files in current directory
	PS1+="(\[${GREEN}\]$(/bin/ls -lah | /bin/grep -m 1 total | /bin/sed 's/total //')\[${DARKGRAY}\]:"

	# Number of files
	PS1+="\[${GREEN}\]\$(/bin/ls -A -1 | /usr/bin/wc -l)\[${DARKGRAY}\])"

	# Skip to the next line
	PS1+="\n"

	if [[ $EUID -ne 0 ]]; then
		PS1+="\[${GREEN}\]>\[${NOCOLOR}\] " # Normal user
	else
		PS1+="\[${RED}\]>\[${NOCOLOR}\] " # Root user
	fi

	# PS2 is used to continue a command using the \ character
	PS2="\[${DARKGRAY}\]>\[${NOCOLOR}\] "

	# PS3 is used to enter a number choice in a script
	PS3='Please enter a number from above list: '

	# PS4 is used for tracing a script in debug mode
	PS4='\[${DARKGRAY}\]+\[${NOCOLOR}\] '
}
PROMPT_COMMAND='__setprompt'