Time Machine!

time-machine.js

var timeMachine =
{
	minute: 60,
	hour: 3600,
	day: 86400,
	week: 604800,
	month: 2419200,
	year: 29030400,
	negMinute: -60,
	negHour: -3600,
	negDay: -86400,
	negWeek: -604800,
	negMonth: -2419200,
	negYear: -29030400,
	monthNames: ["January", "February", "March", "April", "May", "June", "July", "August", "September", "October", "November", "December"],
	dayNames: ["Sunday", "Monday", "Tuesday", "Wednesday", "Thursday", "Friday", "Saturday"],

	divide: function(difference, period)
	{
		return Math.floor(difference, period);
	},

	suffix: function(day)
	{
		var j = day % 10;
		if (j == 1 && day != 11)
			return day + "st";

		if (j == 2 && day != 12)
			return day + "nd";

		if (j == 3 && day != 13)
			return day + "rd";

		return day + "th";
	},

	timestampToDate: function(timestamp)
	{
		return new Date(timestamp * 1000);
	},

	parseDate: function(date)
	{
		if (date instanceof Date)
			return date;

		if (typeof(date) == "string")
			date = parseInt(date);

		return timeMachine.timestampToDate(date);
	},

	getFormalDateString: function(date)
	{
		var t = timeMachine;
		date = t.parseDate(date);

		return t.dayNames[date.getDay()] + " " + t.suffix(date.getDate()) + " " + t.monthNames[date.getMonth()] + " " + date.getFullYear();
	},

	getFormalTimePeriod: function(date)
	{
		var t = timeMachine;
		date = t.parseDate(date);
		var difference = (date.getTime() - new Date().getTime()) / 1000, value = 0, text;

		switch (true)
		{
			case difference > t.year:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.year);
				text = 'year';
				break;

			case difference > t.month:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.month);
				text = 'month';
				break;

			case difference > t.week:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.week);
				text = 'week';
				break;

			case difference > t.day:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.day);
				text = 'day';
				break;

			case difference > t.hour:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.hour);
				text = 'hour';
				break;

			case difference > t.minute:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.minute);
				text = 'minute';
				break;

			case difference < t.minute && difference > 0:
				return 'less than a minute';
				break;

			case difference > t.negMinute && difference < 0:
				return 'less than a minute ago';
				break;

			case difference > t.negHour:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negMinute);
				text = 'minute';
				break;

			case difference > t.negDay:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negHour);
				text = 'hour';
				break;

			case difference > t.negWeek:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negDay);
				text = 'day';
				break;

			case difference > t.negMonth:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negWeek);
				text = 'week';
				break;

			case difference > t.negYear:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negMonth);
				text = 'month';
				break;

			case difference < t.negYear:
				value = t.divide(difference, t.negYear);
				text = 'year';
				break;
		}

		if (value > 1)
			text += 's';

		return value + ' ' + text + (difference < 0 ? ' ago' : '');
	}
};