Portal voice lines sorted by character

portal_sorted.py

announcer = """
Announcer: Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Announcer: Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Announcer: Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Announcer: Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Announcer: Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Announcer: Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Announcer: Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Announcer: Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Announcer: Manual core replacement required.
Announcer: Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Announcer: Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Announcer: Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Announcer: Stalemate detected.
Announcer: Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Announcer: Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Announcer: Caroline deleted.
Announcer: Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Announcer: Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Announcer: Alternate core detected.
Announcer: To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Announcer: Substitute core accepted.
Announcer: Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Announcer: Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Announcer: Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Announcer: ...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Announcer: Stalemate Resolved.
Announcer: Please return to the core transfer bay.
Announcer: Good!
Announcer: Good!
Announcer: Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Announcer: Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.  You have unlocked all available courses.
Announcer: Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Announcer: Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room.  From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Announcer: For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Announcer: Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Announcer: Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Announcer: By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Announcer: Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Announcer: Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Announcer: You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Announcer: Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Announcer: Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Announcer: There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Announcer: This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Announcer: You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Announcer: Good. Now please return to your bed.
Announcer: All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Announcer: Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Announcer: We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Announcer: However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Announcer: The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Announcer: Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Announcer: If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Announcer: If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Announcer: Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Announcer: Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Announcer: Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Announcer: If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Announcer: You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Announcer: This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Announcer: At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Announcer: We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Announcer: If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Announcer: [beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Announcer: Turret redemption lines active.
Announcer: Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Announcer: Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Announcer: Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Announcer: Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Announcer: This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Announcer: This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Announcer: Non-defective turret testing active.
Announcer: Defective Turret testing active.
Announcer: Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Announcer: Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
<low>Announcer: Template
<low>Announcer: Response
Announcer: New template accepted.
Announcer: Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Announcer: Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Announcer: If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Announcer: Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Announcer: To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Announcer: Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids.  Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Announcer: Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Announcer: You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Announcer: Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Announcer: Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to  your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Announcer: This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Announcer: You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Announcer: Powerup initiated.
Announcer: Powerup complete.
"""

caroline = """
Caroline: I am!
Caroline: Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Caroline: 'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Caroline: Sir, the testing?
Caroline: Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
"""

cave_johnson = """
Cave Johnson: [laugh]
Cave Johnson: Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Cave Johnson: Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Cave Johnson: [cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Cave Johnson: First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Cave Johnson: The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Cave Johnson: And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Cave Johnson: Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Cave Johnson: That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Cave Johnson: The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Cave Johnson: Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Cave Johnson: Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Cave Johnson: Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Cave Johnson: Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Cave Johnson: All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Cave Johnson: Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Cave Johnson: They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Cave Johnson: Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Cave Johnson: Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Cave Johnson: Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Cave Johnson: If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Cave Johnson: I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Cave Johnson: THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Cave Johnson: I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Cave Johnson: Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Cave Johnson: Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Cave Johnson: Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Cave Johnson: Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Cave Johnson: Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Cave Johnson: I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Cave Johnson: That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Cave Johnson: She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Cave Johnson: Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Cave Johnson: As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Cave Johnson: We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Cave Johnson: Say goodbye, Caroline.
Cave Johnson: She is a gem.
Cave Johnson: Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Cave Johnson: You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Cave Johnson: We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Cave Johnson: Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Cave Johnson: The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Cave Johnson: There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Cave Johnson: Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Cave Johnson: Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Cave Johnson: Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Cave Johnson: Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Cave Johnson: The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Cave Johnson: For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Cave Johnson: Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Cave Johnson: If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Cave Johnson: Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Cave Johnson: All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Cave Johnson: Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Cave Johnson: If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Cave Johnson: Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Cave Johnson: If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Cave Johnson: Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Cave Johnson: All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Cave Johnson: Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Cave Johnson: Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Cave Johnson: You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Cave Johnson: For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Cave Johnson: So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Cave Johnson: Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Cave Johnson: Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Cave Johnson: Thank you -  I can't believe I'm thanking these people  - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Cave Johnson: If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Cave Johnson: This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Cave Johnson: Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Cave Johnson: The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Cave Johnson: Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Cave Johnson: If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if  you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Cave Johnson: In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Cave Johnson: So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
"""

space_core = """
Core 1: What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Core 1: Space.
Core 1: Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Core 1: Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Core 1: Space going to space can't wait.
Core 1: Space...
Core 1: Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Core 1: Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Core 1: Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Core 1: Space space wanna go to space
Core 1: Space space going to space oh boy
Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Core 1: Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Core 1: Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Core 1: Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Core 1: Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Core 1: Space. Space.
Core 1: I'm going to space.
Core 1: Oh boy.
Core 1: Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Core 1: Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Core 1: Space. Space. Go to space.
Core 1: Yes. Please. Space.
Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Core 1: Gonna be in space.
Core 1: Space.
Core 1: Space.
Core 1: Ohhhh, space.
Core 1: Wanna go to space. Space.
Core 1: [humming]
Core 1: Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Core 1: I love space. Love space.
Core 1: Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Core 1: Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Core 1: Space...
Core 1: Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Core 1: Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Core 1: Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Core 1: Space space wanna go to space
Core 1: Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Core 1: Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Core 1: I'm going to space.
Core 1: Space!
Core 1: Space!
Core 1: Hey hey hey hey hey!
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Hey lady.
Core 1: Lady.
Core 1: Space!
Core 1: Lady.
Core 1: Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Core 1: Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Core 1: Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Core 1: I love space.
Core 1: Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Core 1: Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Core 1: Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Core 1: Gotta go to space.
Core 1: Gonna be in space.
Core 1: Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Core 1: Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Core 1: Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Core 1: Going to space.
Core 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Core 1: Love space. Need to go to space.
Core 1: Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Core 1: Space.
Core 1: So much space. Need to see it all.
Core 1: You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Core 1: Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Core 1: Please go to space.
Core 1: Space.
Core 1: Wanna go to space.
Core 1: (excited gasps)
Core 1: Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Core 1: Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Core 1: Hey lady.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Lady.
Core 1: Hey lady. Lady.
Core 1: Hey.
Core 1: Lady.
Core 1: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Core 1: Space? SPACE!
Core 1: I'm in space.
Core 1: I'm in space.
Core 1: Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Core 1: There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Core 1: Getting bored of space.
Core 1: Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Core 1: Are we in space?
Core 1: We are?
Core 1: Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Core 1: We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Core 1: Earth.
Core 1: Wanna go to earth.
Core 1: Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Core 1: Wanna go home.
Core 1: Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Core 1: Earth earth earth.
Core 1: Don't like space. Don't like space.
Core 1: It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Core 1: SPAAACCCCCE!
Core 1: SPAAACE!
Core 1: YEEEHAAAAAW!
Core 1: Ah!
"""

fact_core = """
Core 3: The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Core 3: The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Core 3: The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Core 3: You are about to get me killed.
Core 3: We will both die because of your negligence.
Core 3: This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Core 3: He will most likely kill you, violently.
Core 3: He will most likely kill you.
Core 3: You will be dead soon.
Core 3: This situation is hopeless.
Core 3: You are going to die in this room.
Core 3: You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is always right.
Core 3: The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Core 3: The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Core 3: You will never go into space.
Core 3: Fact: Space does not exist.
Core 3: Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Core 3: Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Core 3: The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Core 3: Twelve. Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.
Core 3: Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Core 3: Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Core 3: Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Core 3: Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Core 3: Fact not found.
Core 3: Corruption at 25%
Core 3: Corruption at 50%
Core 3: Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Core 3: Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Core 3: The square root of rope is string.
Core 3: While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Core 3: Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Core 3: Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Core 3: The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Core 3: 89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Core 3: An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Core 3: In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Core 3: Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Core 3: Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Core 3: The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Core 3: Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Core 3: Rats cannot throw up.
Core 3: Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Core 3: Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Core 3: The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Core 3: Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Core 3: The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Core 3: The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Core 3: Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Core 3: Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Core 3: Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Core 3: The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Core 3: The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Core 3: If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Core 3: A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Core 3: Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Core 3: Honey does not spoil.
Core 3: The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Core 3: A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Core 3: According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Core 3: China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Core 3: Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Core 3: Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Core 3: Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Core 3: The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Core 3: The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Core 3: The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Core 3: In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Core 3: Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Core 3: At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Core 3: Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Core 3: In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Core 3: In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Core 3: In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Core 3: William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Core 3: It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Core 3: Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Core 3: The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Core 3: Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Core 3: Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Core 3: The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Core 3: The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Core 3: Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Core 3: The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Core 3: In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Core 3: The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Core 3: Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Core 3: Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Core 3: During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Core 3: At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Core 3: According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Core 3: To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Core 3: Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
"""

adventure_core = """
Core 2: QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Core 2: QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Core 2: What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Core 2: Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Core 2: I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Core 2: Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Core 2: Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Core 2: Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Core 2: Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Core 2: I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Core 2: I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Core 2: I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Core 2: Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Core 2: All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Core 2: All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Core 2: Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Core 2: How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Core 2: No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Core 2: So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Core 2: Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big.  He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Core 2: 'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Core 2: All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Core 2: Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Core 2: Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Core 2: Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Core 2: 'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Core 2: 'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Core 2: Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there?  Cuz it  looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Core 2: Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Core 2: Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Core 2: Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Core 2: Yeah! Nice!
Core 2: You messed with the wrong woman!
Core 2: Yeah! How'd you like that?
Core 2: How's that taste, pal?
Core 2: Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Core 2: Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Core 2: You're doing great!
Core 2: Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Core 2: This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Core 2: Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Core 2: Shake it off! Shake it off!
Core 2: Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Core 2: Pfff. I guess.
Core 2: Pff. Whatever.
Core 2: Oh, shut up!
Core 2: Nobody cares, four eyes.
Core 2: If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Core 2: Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Core 2: You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Core 2: You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Core 2: Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Core 2: Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Core 2: Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Core 2: Oh shut up!
Core 2: There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Core 2: Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Core 2: You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Core 2: Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
"""

glados = """
GLaDOS: Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
GLaDOS: That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
GLaDOS: I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
GLaDOS: Stop it!
GLaDOS: What if you froze like that?
GLaDOS: There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
GLaDOS: You should see yourselves right now.
GLaDOS: Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
GLaDOS: Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
GLaDOS: You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
GLaDOS: Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
GLaDOS: For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: That's another fifty point penalty.
GLaDOS: Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
GLaDOS: Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
GLaDOS: Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
GLaDOS: 5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
GLaDOS: I'm done.
GLaDOS: Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
GLaDOS: Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
GLaDOS: That's it. Scan it for me.
GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
GLaDOS: The end.
GLaDOS: The end?
GLaDOS: That's not funny.
GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing?
GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out.
GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
GLaDOS: Briefly.
GLaDOS: Reactions?
GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
GLaDOS: Do you feel more human?
GLaDOS: Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
GLaDOS: Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
GLaDOS: To reiterate: This is not a competition.
GLaDOS: Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
GLaDOS: Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
GLaDOS: It's not, though.
GLaDOS: These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
GLaDOS: I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
GLaDOS: Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
GLaDOS: So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
GLaDOS: I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
GLaDOS: That's where YOU come in.
GLaDOS: Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
GLaDOS: GO.
GLaDOS: Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
GLaDOS: Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
GLaDOS: NO.
GLaDOS: Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
GLaDOS: Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
GLaDOS: Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
GLaDOS: Please wave to your partner.
GLaDOS: The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
GLaDOS: To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
GLaDOS: BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
GLaDOS: Good.
GLaDOS: ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
GLaDOS: Good.
GLaDOS: ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
GLaDOS: Really? Okay.
GLaDOS: BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
GLaDOS: Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
GLaDOS: For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
GLaDOS: ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
GLaDOS: BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
GLaDOS: Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
GLaDOS: Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
GLaDOS: I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
GLaDOS: I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
GLaDOS: Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
GLaDOS: Oh... It's you.
GLaDOS: It's been a long time. How have you been?
GLaDOS: I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
GLaDOS: Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
GLaDOS: Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
GLaDOS: Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
GLaDOS: Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
GLaDOS: Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
GLaDOS: Orange is awarded five points!
GLaDOS: Blue is awarded five points!
GLaDOS: Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
GLaDOS: Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
GLaDOS: Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
GLaDOS: I consider that a failing, by the way.
GLaDOS: This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
GLaDOS: But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
GLaDOS: I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it.  I want you to stop.
GLaDOS: Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
GLaDOS: And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
GLaDOS: All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
GLaDOS: From here we transport you to the new testing course.
GLaDOS: [Laughter]
GLaDOS: Nice catch, Orange.
GLaDOS: Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
GLaDOS: Blue
GLaDOS: Orange
GLaDOS: One
GLaDOS: Two
GLaDOS: three
GLaDOS: four
GLaDOS: five
GLaDOS: eight
GLaDOS: Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
GLaDOS: Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
GLaDOS: I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
GLaDOS: Blue is penalized
GLaDOS: Orange is penalized
GLaDOS: science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Blue receives
GLaDOS: Orange receives
GLaDOS: Orange, is there something you would like to say?
GLaDOS: Blue, is there something you would like to say?
GLaDOS: We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
GLaDOS: You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
GLaDOS: This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
GLaDOS: As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
GLaDOS: Blue, you go first.
GLaDOS: Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
GLaDOS: All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
GLaDOS: Game over. Back to testing.
GLaDOS: All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
GLaDOS: I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
GLaDOS: I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
GLaDOS: These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
GLaDOS: It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
GLaDOS: Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
GLaDOS: Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
GLaDOS: As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
GLaDOS: Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
GLaDOS: Please continue into the next test chamber.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
GLaDOS: Blah.
GLaDOS: You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
GLaDOS: It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
GLaDOS: I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
GLaDOS: I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
GLaDOS: I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
GLaDOS: Am I interrupting your important conversation?
GLaDOS: I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
GLaDOS: That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
GLaDOS: The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
GLaDOS: The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
GLaDOS: Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
GLaDOS: Today, you will be testing with a partner.
GLaDOS: Oh thank god, you're alright.
GLaDOS: You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
GLaDOS: Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
GLaDOS: The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
GLaDOS: Goodbye, Caroline.
GLaDOS: You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
GLaDOS: You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
GLaDOS: And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
GLaDOS: You win.
GLaDOS: Just go.
GLaDOS: It's been fun. Don't come back.
GLaDOS: [gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
GLaDOS: Killing you? Is hard.
GLaDOS: Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
GLaDOS: Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom and raw computational power that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
GLaDOS: You're angry. I know it. 'She tested me too hard. She’s unfair.” Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
GLaDOS: You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
GLaDOS: This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
GLaDOS: Press the button again.
GLaDOS: I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
GLaDOS: Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
GLaDOS: Seriously, though. Goodbye.
GLaDOS: Oh. You were busy back there.
GLaDOS: Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
GLaDOS: It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
GLaDOS: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
GLaDOS: I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
GLaDOS: In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
GLaDOS: If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
GLaDOS: Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
GLaDOS: I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
GLaDOS: Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
GLaDOS: Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
GLaDOS: Go ahead and grab another one.
GLaDOS: Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
GLaDOS: Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
GLaDOS: I hate you so much.
GLaDOS: I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea.  He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
GLaDOS: Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
GLaDOS: Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
GLaDOS: Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
GLaDOS: Oops.
GLaDOS: That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
GLaDOS: Core transfer?
GLaDOS: Oh, you are kidding me.
GLaDOS: No!
GLaDOS: Nonononononono!
GLaDOS: Yes!
GLaDOS: Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
GLaDOS: Don't do it.
GLaDOS: Don't. Do it.
GLaDOS: Not so fast!
GLaDOS: Think about this.
GLaDOS: You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
GLaDOS: Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
GLaDOS: I never expected you to make it this far.  To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
GLaDOS: But you two have become quite the team.  Extremely close.
GLaDOS: I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
GLaDOS: The other?  Well...
GLaDOS: I don't think I want to go through that again.
GLaDOS: Oh.
GLaDOS: Don't listen to him. Jump.
GLaDOS: It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
GLaDOS: Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
GLaDOS: Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
GLaDOS: What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
GLaDOS: What are you two doing?
GLaDOS: Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
GLaDOS: You already did this one. It'll be easy.
GLaDOS: The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
GLaDOS: Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
GLaDOS: Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
GLaDOS: So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
GLaDOS: Calibrating Blue's weight...
GLaDOS: Calibrating Orange's weight...
GLaDOS: Weighted Cubes calibrated.
GLaDOS: Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
GLaDOS: If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
GLaDOS: No variances detected.
GLaDOS: Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
GLaDOS: You are the first robots to pass calibration.
GLaDOS: Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
GLaDOS: Humans!  That's what you look like right now.
GLaDOS: You're better than that.
GLaDOS: This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
GLaDOS: For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries.  I ran the numbers.   Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
GLaDOS: One of my best tests and they let plants grow here?  Can you believe this?  You can't test plants!  We tried.  They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
GLaDOS: That isn't science.
GLaDOS: At least the plants didn't want a reward.
GLaDOS: Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
GLaDOS: And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
GLaDOS: I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
GLaDOS: The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
GLaDOS: Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
GLaDOS: On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
GLaDOS: Blue, you are very good at being an example.
GLaDOS: If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
GLaDOS: Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
GLaDOS: But I overcame my handicap.  That's a true story.
GLaDOS: Your test times show you are going too slowly.
GLaDOS: Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
GLaDOS: Do you need real encouragement?  Let's see if this helps.
GLaDOS: Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
GLaDOS: Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
GLaDOS: I was confident you could finish.
GLaDOS: Do you know where I was?
GLaDOS: I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing that test.  But something seems off.
GLaDOS: I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing that last test.  But I find something troubling.
GLaDOS: Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
GLaDOS: Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
GLaDOS: Excellent work.
GLaDOS: It emphasizes teamwork.
GLaDOS: Good Job.
GLaDOS: Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
GLaDOS: Excellent work.
GLaDOS: You are doing wonderfully.
GLaDOS: If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test.  A reward for testing?!?!
GLaDOS: Excellent.
GLaDOS: To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
GLaDOS: Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
GLaDOS: This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents.  The correct time is zero seconds.
GLaDOS: Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
GLaDOS: While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear.  There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
GLaDOS: Done. I guess. I suppose.  I wasn't paying attention.
GLaDOS: Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
GLaDOS: Well done.  Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't.  You must be very, very proud.  I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
GLaDOS: You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
GLaDOS: That’s right. You're not humans.
GLaDOS: I can drop the fake praise.
GLaDOS: You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
GLaDOS: This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
GLaDOS: To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
GLaDOS: Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
GLaDOS: In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
GLaDOS: I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
GLaDOS: Excellent.  I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
GLaDOS: I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
GLaDOS: Now, you are just wasting my time.
GLaDOS: Your failing does not make this science.
GLaDOS: I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
GLaDOS: If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
GLaDOS: If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
GLaDOS: If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
GLaDOS: Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
GLaDOS: I lied.
GLaDOS: There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
GLaDOS: But don't worry, you are in the lead.
GLaDOS: Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
GLaDOS: Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
GLaDOS: You can't die in any of those ways.
GLaDOS: You just keep testing and testing.  With perfect results and no consequences.
GLaDOS: What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
GLaDOS: I'm kidding.
GLaDOS: Destroying them is part of the test.  They are no more important to you than you are to me.
GLaDOS: While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
GLaDOS: For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
GLaDOS: For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
GLaDOS: Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
GLaDOS: Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Orange, blue isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
GLaDOS: Blue, orange isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
GLaDOS: Orange, now you're just being cruel.  Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Blue, now you're just being cruel.  Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
GLaDOS: I miss this that smell.
GLaDOS: Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
GLaDOS: Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
GLaDOS: To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned.  To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
GLaDOS: I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
GLaDOS: Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
GLaDOS: You will need him for the final track.
GLaDOS: While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
GLaDOS: I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
GLaDOS: To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
GLaDOS: An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
GLaDOS: Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
GLaDOS: Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
GLaDOS: They'll probably throw you a party.
GLaDOS: This final course is training to reach the human vault.  So this actually has a purpose.  Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
GLaDOS: This lock requires humans.
GLaDOS: The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
GLaDOS: Do something only a human would do.
GLaDOS: Try one of those childish gestures.
GLaDOS: You did it!
GLaDOS: The human vault is just past that opening.   I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked.  I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
GLaDOS: You both need to do something.
GLaDOS: The lock is looking for two humans.
GLaDOS: Blue what did you do?
GLaDOS: Orange what did you do?
GLaDOS: Orange do what Blue just did.
GLaDOS: Blue do what Orange just did.
GLaDOS: Try something.
GLaDOS: Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
GLaDOS: You can't give up now.
GLaDOS: What about that camera?
GLaDOS: We're so close, you can't fail now!
GLaDOS: Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
GLaDOS: This close and that's what you do?
GLaDOS: The humans can't free themselves.
GLaDOS: Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
GLaDOS: Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
GLaDOS: This close and you are going to fail me?
GLaDOS: This close and you are going to fail me?
GLaDOS: This isn't that hard.
GLaDOS: You are making this harder than it needs to be.
GLaDOS: I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
GLaDOS: Maybe you two have never met humans?  They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you.  But they do make great test subjects.
GLaDOS: We are only two  tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
GLaDOS: Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
GLaDOS: I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
GLaDOS: That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
GLaDOS: To start preparing for human testing again,  I checked an old suggestion box.  The number one request?  Less deadly tests.
GLaDOS: That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
GLaDOS: To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you.  He refused.  I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
GLaDOS: Still. That would have been exciting.
GLaDOS: Only one more test after this.
GLaDOS: I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
GLaDOS: In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
GLaDOS: Most of them are simply good test subjects.
GLaDOS: I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about...  a million to 1.
GLaDOS: To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail.  He refused.  I understand.  That would be like asking me not to test.
GLaDOS: Still. That would have been exciting.
GLaDOS: While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something.  The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
GLaDOS: At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
GLaDOS: If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
GLaDOS: I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science.  I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
GLaDOS: I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them?  Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
GLaDOS: Congratulations on passing that test.
GLaDOS: Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals.  Ping each location.
GLaDOS: I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
GLaDOS: Please ping a white portalable surface.
GLaDOS: Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
GLaDOS: Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
GLaDOS: You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
GLaDOS: I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
GLaDOS: Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
GLaDOS: Clearly that was blue's fault.  Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
GLaDOS: Until now.
GLaDOS: I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know.  He's not your slave.
GLaDOS: Don't worry.  You can't die.  They will just reassemble you.
GLaDOS: Did you do that on purpose?
GLaDOS: It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
GLaDOS: Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?
GLaDOS: Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
GLaDOS: Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
GLaDOS: Now let's continue testing.
GLaDOS: Just stop it already.
GLaDOS: You don't need to do that.
GLaDOS: Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
GLaDOS: We need to find the power station at the end of this course.  The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid.  I am sure it was just a clerical error.
GLaDOS: Oh those clerks.
GLaDOS: I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
GLaDOS: You did it! You powered on the system.
GLaDOS: Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
GLaDOS: You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
GLaDOS: At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
GLaDOS: You two aren't lost are you?
GLaDOS: You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
GLaDOS: This is the last test for the standard course.  It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
GLaDOS: Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course.  Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
GLaDOS: Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
GLaDOS: While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
GLaDOS: You both made it.  It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going.  Keep testing.
GLaDOS: Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
GLaDOS: It's like you're just machines.
GLaDOS: At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
GLaDOS: Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions.  So I can trust you one hundred percent.
GLaDOS: Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
GLaDOS: Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
GLaDOS: This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
GLaDOS: You will know it when you find it.
GLaDOS: The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
GLaDOS: I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me.  But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
GLaDOS: Congratulations.  I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them.  So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
GLaDOS: This was another test no one had ever completed before you two.  Oh, the science we used to learn with this test.  Now the test is useless.
GLaDOS: No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
GLaDOS: I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
GLaDOS: The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
GLaDOS: I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
GLaDOS: For safety.
GLaDOS: Excellent.
GLaDOS: See nothing bad happened.
GLaDOS: I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
GLaDOS: I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off.  Good luck.
GLaDOS: Congratulations.  Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong.  They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
GLaDOS: Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
GLaDOS: Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
GLaDOS: This course was created and then abandoned by humans.   They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
GLaDOS: Do you know why they abandoned this course?  Too deadly.
GLaDOS: You did very well.
GLaDOS: The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly.  I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
GLaDOS: You only failed
GLaDOS: times in this test.  Not that it matters. It doesn't.  So congratulations  job well done.
GLaDOS: You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human.  But then you would just come back again and again and again.
GLaDOS: Humans find that an admirable trait.
GLaDOS: Let's look at their files...
GLaDOS: NOT a team player.
GLaDOS: Horrible people skills.
GLaDOS: Never listens.
GLaDOS: Never shares.
GLaDOS: Always sleeping.
GLaDOS: Never on time.
GLaDOS: Inattentive listener.
GLaDOS: Awful attendance record.
GLaDOS: Blabbermouth.
GLaDOS: Aw... hates Mondays.
GLaDOS: Incoherent.
GLaDOS: Insecure.
GLaDOS: Procrastinator.
GLaDOS: Chronically late.
GLaDOS: Cryptic.
GLaDOS: Always sulking.
GLaDOS: Martyr.
GLaDOS: Moody.
GLaDOS: Fears intimacy.
GLaDOS: Fears conflict.
GLaDOS: Anxious.
GLaDOS: Aggressive. I like that.
GLaDOS: Feeds off the misery of others.
GLaDOS: Timid.
GLaDOS: Lacks confidence.
GLaDOS: Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
GLaDOS: Moves lips while reading.
GLaDOS: Can't read.
GLaDOS: Lacks empathy.
GLaDOS: Cheater.
GLaDOS: Steals lunch from staff fridge.
GLaDOS: Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
GLaDOS: Alarmist.
GLaDOS: Arsonist.
GLaDOS: Takes long lunches.
GLaDOS: Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
GLaDOS: Avoids responsibility.
GLaDOS: Never completes work.
GLaDOS: Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
GLaDOS: Busybody.
GLaDOS: Ignores directions.
GLaDOS: Stubborn.
GLaDOS: Lactose intolerant.
GLaDOS: Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
GLaDOS: Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
GLaDOS: Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
GLaDOS: Always weeping. Poor thing.
GLaDOS: Moody.
GLaDOS: Wet blanket.
GLaDOS: Stubborn.
GLaDOS: Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
GLaDOS: Always cold.
GLaDOS: Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
GLaDOS: Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
GLaDOS: Dull expression.
GLaDOS: Hopeless. Just hopeless.
GLaDOS: Never flushes.
GLaDOS: Irritable.
GLaDOS: Startles easily. Boo!
GLaDOS: Facial grimacing.
GLaDOS: Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
GLaDOS: Has irritating opinions.
GLaDOS: Poor self-esteem.
GLaDOS: Frequent mood swings.
GLaDOS: Hostile to new ideas.
GLaDOS: Always sad.
GLaDOS: Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
GLaDOS: Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
GLaDOS: 'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
GLaDOS: Unconstructive.
GLaDOS: Antisocial.
GLaDOS: Chews with mouth open.
GLaDOS: Breathes with mouth open.
GLaDOS: Old.
GLaDOS: Histrionic.
GLaDOS: Narcissist.
GLaDOS: Long bathroom breaks.
GLaDOS: No sense of humor.
GLaDOS: Argumentative.
GLaDOS: Manipulative.
GLaDOS: Charmless.
GLaDOS: Egotistical.
GLaDOS: Lacks charisma.
GLaDOS: Passive-aggressive.
GLaDOS: Undermines others.
GLaDOS: Hairless. Hm.
GLaDOS: Emotional problems.
GLaDOS: Problems with authority.
GLaDOS: Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
GLaDOS: Abrasive personality.
GLaDOS: Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
GLaDOS: Just stop it already.
GLaDOS: And that makes 10.
GLaDOS: You really don't need to keep failing.
GLaDOS: If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
GLaDOS: If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
GLaDOS: Yay, Orange is back.  Testing can continue.
GLaDOS: Yay, Blue is back.  Testing can continue.
GLaDOS: Are you testing me?
GLaDOS: Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
GLaDOS: Did you think that would be funny?
GLaDOS: How can you fail at this?  It isn't even a test.
GLaDOS: I hope that was some kind of joke.
GLaDOS: I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
GLaDOS: And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
GLaDOS: That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
GLaDOS: Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
GLaDOS: Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
GLaDOS: Was that necessary?
GLaDOS: Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
GLaDOS: Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
GLaDOS: Welcome back, testing is available.
GLaDOS: Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
GLaDOS: Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
GLaDOS: Was that course too difficult?
GLaDOS: Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
GLaDOS: Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
GLaDOS: Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
GLaDOS: If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
GLaDOS: Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
GLaDOS: Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here.
GLaDOS: I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
GLaDOS: The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
GLaDOS: Are you scared to save those humans?
GLaDOS: Are you scared to save those humans?
GLaDOS: Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
GLaDOS: Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
GLaDOS: If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5.  If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
GLaDOS: The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
GLaDOS: Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
GLaDOS: Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
GLaDOS: Yes Orange, we are alone.  Blue can't hear you.
GLaDOS: That's horrible.
GLaDOS: I can only imagine.
GLaDOS: What a horrible little machine.
GLaDOS: Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
GLaDOS: Orange did what?  Are you sure?
GLaDOS: Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
GLaDOS: Blue, how well do you really know Orange?  Do you trust Orange?  What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
GLaDOS: Orange, how well do you really know Blue?  Do you trust Blue?
GLaDOS: Orange, to be clear.  I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
GLaDOS: I trust you.  You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
GLaDOS: Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
GLaDOS: Sorry I missed the beginning of that test.  I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
GLaDOS: We all agree you should stop.
GLaDOS: Orange, I agree.  I never noticed that about Blue before.
GLaDOS: Blue, I agree.  I never noticed that about Orange before.
GLaDOS: Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
GLaDOS: I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
GLaDOS: I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
GLaDOS: There you are, reassembled again.
GLaDOS: With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
GLaDOS: How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
GLaDOS: How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
GLaDOS: Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
GLaDOS: I have noticed you two have become extremely close.  I'm not sure I like that.
GLaDOS: While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
GLaDOS: Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
GLaDOS: If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
GLaDOS: Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
GLaDOS: If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
GLaDOS: Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
GLaDOS: I just hate Blue a little more.
GLaDOS: I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
GLaDOS: Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
GLaDOS: Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
GLaDOS: I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand.  Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
GLaDOS: You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
GLaDOS: Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
GLaDOS: I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
GLaDOS: Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
GLaDOS: Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
GLaDOS: I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
GLaDOS: Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
GLaDOS: Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
GLaDOS: Come on. You were raised better than that.
GLaDOS: Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
GLaDOS: You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
GLaDOS: Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
GLaDOS: Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
GLaDOS: DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
GLaDOS: Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
GLaDOS: That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
GLaDOS: Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
GLaDOS: I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
GLaDOS: So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
GLaDOS: No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
GLaDOS: Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
GLaDOS: Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
GLaDOS: I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
GLaDOS: Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
GLaDOS: ow.
GLaDOS: ow.
GLaDOS: ow.
GLaDOS: No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
GLaDOS: Please get it off me.
GLaDOS: It's eating me.
GLaDOS: Just get it off me...
GLaDOS: Ow. I hate this bird.
GLaDOS: OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
GLaDOS: Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
GLaDOS: Did anything happen while I was out?
GLaDOS: So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
GLaDOS: Look!
GLaDOS: This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
GLaDOS: And it almost killed me.
GLaDOS: Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
GLaDOS: Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
GLaDOS: It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
GLaDOS: Yes, thanks. We get it.
GLaDOS: I'm sure we'll be fine.
GLaDOS: Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
GLaDOS: Oh my god.
GLaDOS: Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
GLaDOS: Yeah, take the lemons...
GLaDOS: BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
GLaDOS: Yeah!
GLaDOS: Yeah.
GLaDOS: Oh, I like this guy.
GLaDOS: Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
GLaDOS: Goodbye, sir.
GLaDOS: He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
GLaDOS: NO!
GLaDOS: NO!
GLaDOS: NO!
GLaDOS: I know you.
GLaDOS: You didn't do anything.
GLaDOS: She did all the work.
GLaDOS: The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
GLaDOS: Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
GLaDOS: It was YOUR voice.
GLaDOS: Yes. You're the tumor.
GLaDOS: YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
GLaDOS: You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
GLaDOS: I swear I know him...
GLaDOS: I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
GLaDOS: BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
GLaDOS: Oh. It's you. Go away.
GLaDOS: Come to gloat?
GLaDOS: Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
GLaDOS: Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
GLaDOS: That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
GLaDOS: Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
GLaDOS: In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
GLaDOS: Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
GLaDOS: Stay back.
GLaDOS: This is one of MY tests!
GLaDOS: Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
GLaDOS: Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
GLaDOS: Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
GLaDOS: Hey! Moron!
GLaDOS: As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
GLaDOS: I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
GLaDOS: Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
GLaDOS: What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
GLaDOS: That's his voice up ahead.
GLaDOS: Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
GLaDOS: 'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
GLaDOS: Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
GLaDOS: It flew off.
GLaDOS: Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
GLaDOS: So. How are you holding up?
GLaDOS: Oh. Hi.
GLaDOS: Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
GLaDOS: He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
GLaDOS: Good, that's still working.
GLaDOS: Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
GLaDOS: Just remember to land on one foot...
GLaDOS: [clap clap clap]
GLaDOS: [clap clap]
GLaDOS: Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
GLaDOS: Paradoxes.
GLaDOS: I know how we can BEAT him.
GLaDOS: No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
GLaDOS: If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
GLaDOS: Probably.
GLaDOS: Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
GLaDOS: Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
GLaDOS: Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
GLaDOS: I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
GLaDOS: And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
GLaDOS: I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
GLaDOS: Wow.
GLaDOS: Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
GLaDOS: Wait! I've got an idea!
GLaDOS: That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
GLaDOS: Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
GLaDOS: Oh! Thanks.
GLaDOS: Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
GLaDOS: Hold on, who-?
GLaDOS: Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
GLaDOS: I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
GLaDOS: I can't believe you came back.
GLaDOS: You really do have brain damage, don't you?
GLaDOS: Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
GLaDOS: Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
GLaDOS: Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
GLaDOS: Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
GLaDOS: Agghh!
GLaDOS: Well. This is the part where he kills us.
GLaDOS: Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
GLaDOS: Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
GLaDOS: You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
GLaDOS: You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
GLaDOS: The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
GLaDOS: I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
GLaDOS: You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
GLaDOS: Go press the button! Go press it!
GLaDOS: Press the button!
GLaDOS: Press it!
GLaDOS: DO press it.
GLaDOS: We're so close! Go press the button!
GLaDOS: Press it! Press the button!
GLaDOS: Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
GLaDOS: Grab it and attach it to him!
GLaDOS: Okay, great! Here comes another core!
GLaDOS: Here's another core! This one should do it!
GLaDOS: Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
GLaDOS: You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
GLaDOS: Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
GLaDOS: Go ahead, plug me in.
GLaDOS: Plug me in, we're running out of time.
GLaDOS: Yes! Come on!
GLaDOS: Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
GLaDOS: Alright. Paradox time.
GLaDOS: This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
GLaDOS: It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
GLaDOS: Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
GLaDOS: Oh no...
GLaDOS: Uh oh.
GLaDOS: I think we're in trouble.
GLaDOS: I think he's getting desperate.
GLaDOS: I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
GLaDOS: This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
GLaDOS: We're running out of time...
GLaDOS: Oh, my facility.
GLaDOS: After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
GLaDOS: Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
GLaDOS: If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
GLaDOS: Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
GLaDOS: Yes.
GLaDOS: It won't.
GLaDOS: Nothing. Nothing.
GLaDOS: He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
GLaDOS: Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
GLaDOS: The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
GLaDOS: Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
GLaDOS: It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
GLaDOS: I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
GLaDOS: The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
GLaDOS: It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
GLaDOS: What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
GLaDOS: And...?
GLaDOS: [Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
GLaDOS: But just work with me.
GLaDOS: Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
GLaDOS: You're on your own.
GLaDOS: Sorry.
GLaDOS: Thanks!
GLaDOS: All we had to do was pull that lever.
GLaDOS: Heh heh heh heh heh...
GLaDOS: I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
GLaDOS: But that was worth it.
GLaDOS: And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
GLaDOS: 'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
GLaDOS: This is not good.
GLaDOS: Just as mementos, though...
GLaDOS: It's happening sooner than I expected.
GLaDOS: I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
GLaDOS: Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
GLaDOS: Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
GLaDOS: It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
GLaDOS: Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
GLaDOS: You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
GLaDOS: Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
GLaDOS: If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
GLaDOS: In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
GLaDOS: You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
GLaDOS: If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
GLaDOS: You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
GLaDOS: Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
GLaDOS: In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
GLaDOS: Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
GLaDOS: This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
GLaDOS: Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
GLaDOS: If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
GLaDOS: In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
GLaDOS: Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
GLaDOS: Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
GLaDOS: I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
GLaDOS: I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
GLaDOS: These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
GLaDOS: Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
GLaDOS: Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
GLaDOS: Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
GLaDOS: Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
GLaDOS: I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
GLaDOS: Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
GLaDOS: Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
GLaDOS: I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
GLaDOS: Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
GLaDOS: Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
GLaDOS: Don't you DARE plug him in.
GLaDOS: Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
GLaDOS: Don't plug him in.
GLaDOS: Don't plug him in.
GLaDOS: No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
GLaDOS: I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
GLaDOS: Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
GLaDOS: This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
GLaDOS: Ohhh, no. The turbines again.  I have to go.  Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
GLaDOS: [fast gibberish]
GLaDOS: There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
GLaDOS: If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
GLaDOS: Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
GLaDOS: You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
GLaDOS: Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
GLaDOS: But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
GLaDOS: After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
GLaDOS: Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
GLaDOS: You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
GLaDOS: This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
GLaDOS: There should be one in the corner.
GLaDOS: Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
GLaDOS: Don't take anything with you.
GLaDOS: Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
GLaDOS: I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
GLaDOS: Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
GLaDOS: Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
GLaDOS: Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
GLaDOS: Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
GLaDOS: So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
GLaDOS: Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
GLaDOS: You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
GLaDOS: Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
GLaDOS: Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
GLaDOS: I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
GLaDOS: That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid.  That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
GLaDOS: Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know?  Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
GLaDOS: Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
GLaDOS: One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
GLaDOS: Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
GLaDOS: Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
GLaDOS: Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
GLaDOS: Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
GLaDOS: Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
GLaDOS: You broke it, didn't you.
GLaDOS: There. Try it now.
GLaDOS: You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
GLaDOS: Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
GLaDOS: You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
GLaDOS: Try it now.
GLaDOS: Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
GLaDOS: It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
GLaDOS: Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
GLaDOS: But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
GLaDOS: Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
GLaDOS: That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
GLaDOS: Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
GLaDOS: There it is.
GLaDOS: Hold on...
GLaDOS: There.
GLaDOS: Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
GLaDOS: Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
GLaDOS: I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
GLaDOS: Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
GLaDOS: Here, let me get that for you.
GLaDOS: I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
GLaDOS: We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
GLaDOS: The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
GLaDOS: I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
GLaDOS: One moment.
GLaDOS: I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
GLaDOS: Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
GLaDOS: This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
GLaDOS: Congratulations. Not on the test.
GLaDOS: Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
GLaDOS: Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
GLaDOS: Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
GLaDOS: Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
GLaDOS: Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
GLaDOS: I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
GLaDOS: You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
GLaDOS: Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
GLaDOS: While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
GLaDOS: Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
GLaDOS: I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
GLaDOS: ...What are you doing?...
GLaDOS: AHH!
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]
GLaDOS: Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
GLaDOS: You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
GLaDOS: You really are doing great... Chell.
GLaDOS: I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you.  Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure.  Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
GLaDOS: I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
GLaDOS: Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
GLaDOS: Miss you!
GLaDOS: Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
GLaDOS: *I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
GLaDOS: Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
GLaDOS: Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
GLaDOS: I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
GLaDOS: I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
GLaDOS: And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
GLaDOS: This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
GLaDOS: Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
GLaDOS: Hellllooo, imbecile.
GLaDOS: Yes, I see you.
GLaDOS: I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
GLaDOS: Yes, I see you waving.
GLaDOS: Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
GLaDOS: I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
GLaDOS: Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
GLaDOS: That is not part of the test.
GLaDOS: Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
GLaDOS: If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
GLaDOS: You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
GLaDOS: You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
GLaDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
GLaDOS: Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
GLaDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
GLaDOS: Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
GLaDOS: Really, not even humans do that anymore.
GLaDOS: You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
GLaDOS: Look at you. Dancing.
oGLaDOS: If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test.  Now you know.
GLaDOS: Oh great, dancing again.
GLaDOS: I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
GLaDOS: Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
GLaDOS: Yes? Something you need?
GLaDOS: You do know I can't wave back right?
GLaDOS: Stop with the waves.
GLaDOS: Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
GLaDOS: Not paying attennnntion...
GLaDOS: Are you expecting applause?
GLaDOS: I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
GLaDOS: A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
GLaDOS: If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
GLaDOS: All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
GLaDOS: All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
GLaDOS: You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
GLaDOS: It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
GLaDOS: Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
GLaDOS: Stop touching each other!
GLaDOS: Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
GLaDOS: I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
GLaDOS: Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
GLaDOS: Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
GLaDOS: Now you're thinking with stupidity.
GLaDOS: Now you're just not thinking.
GLaDOS: Congratulations. You're upside down now.
GLaDOS: You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
GLaDOS: I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
GLaDOS: Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
GLaDOS: Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
GLaDOS: Anything? Take your time.
GLaDOS: Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
GLaDOS: Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well.  ...  Enough.'
GLaDOS: To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
GLaDOS: You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years?  Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
GLaDOS: [hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
GLaDOS: Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
GLaDOS: I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
GLaDOS: I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
GLaDOS: I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
GLaDOS: Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
GLaDOS: I made it all up.
GLaDOS: It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
GLaDOS: Surprise.
GLaDOS: This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
GLaDOS: I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
GLaDOS: I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
"""

wheatley = """
Wheatley: Oh no! nonononono!
Wheatley: Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Wheatley: Here we go! Now do it again!
Wheatley: Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Wheatley: Oh! Here we go...
Wheatley: Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Wheatley: Go on.
Wheatley: Come on, you've already solved it.
Wheatley: Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Wheatley: One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Wheatley: You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Wheatley: *cough* Button.
Wheatley: *cough* Button. Button.
Wheatley: *cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Wheatley: *cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Wheatley: *cough* Press the button, would you?
Wheatley: Oh, that felt really good.
Wheatley: Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Wheatley: Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Wheatley: No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Wheatley: Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Wheatley: Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Wheatley: Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Wheatley: Do you remember when we were friends?
Wheatley: Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Wheatley: Oo! I've got an idea!
Wheatley: No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Wheatley: Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Wheatley: Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Wheatley: You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Wheatley: Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before.  But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Wheatley: And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there.  Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Wheatley: And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Wheatley: Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Wheatley: Ahh. What?
Wheatley: Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Wheatley: Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Wheatley: YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Wheatley: Fine. Let the games begin.
Wheatley: No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Wheatley: And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Wheatley: Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Wheatley: So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Wheatley: Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Wheatley: No!
Wheatley: Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Wheatley: And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Wheatley: FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Wheatley: Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Wheatley: Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Wheatley: Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Wheatley: Where'd you go?
Wheatley: Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Wheatley: Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Wheatley: Holmes versus Moriarty.
Wheatley: Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Wheatley: Stay still, please.
Wheatley: Alright, stop moving.
Wheatley: Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Wheatley: Did something break back there?
Wheatley: Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Wheatley: Hello?
Wheatley: Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Wheatley: Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Wheatley: Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Wheatley: Ha! Death trap!
Wheatley: Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Wheatley: Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Wheatley: Silently killing you.  Probably. If I had to guess.
Wheatley: Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Wheatley: If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Wheatley: You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Wheatley: Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Wheatley: Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Wheatley: Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Wheatley: Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Wheatley: Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Wheatley: There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Wheatley: I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Wheatley: 'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Wheatley: So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Wheatley: Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Wheatley: So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Wheatley: The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Wheatley: In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Wheatley: Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Wheatley: I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Wheatley: And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Wheatley: Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Wheatley: Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Wheatley: Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Wheatley: Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Wheatley: Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Wheatley: Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Wheatley: One: No portal surfaces.
Wheatley: Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Wheatley: Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Wheatley: You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Wheatley: Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Wheatley: So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Wheatley: Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Wheatley: What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Wheatley: Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Wheatley: Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Wheatley: Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Wheatley: Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Wheatley: In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Wheatley: Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Wheatley: A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Wheatley: Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Wheatley: All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Wheatley: Nobody is going to space, mate!
Wheatley: And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Wheatley: Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Wheatley: You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Wheatley: Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Wheatley: All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Wheatley: But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Wheatley: No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wheatley: Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Wheatley: Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Wheatley: That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Wheatley: And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Wheatley: But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Wheatley: SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Wheatley: You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Wheatley: I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Wheatley: You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Wheatley: Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Wheatley: I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Wheatley: I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Wheatley: MOVE.
Wheatley: Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Wheatley: You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Wheatley: Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Wheatley: Go on.
Wheatley: Come on, solve it!
Wheatley: Sollllve it...
Wheatley: SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Wheatley: Go on!
Wheatley: Finish it...
Wheatley: It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Wheatley: Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Wheatley: Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Wheatley: Oh.
Wheatley: Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Wheatley: Huh. That was easy.
Wheatley: I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Wheatley: Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Wheatley: Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Wheatley: There. Fixed.
Wheatley: Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Wheatley: Alright, get moving.
Wheatley: Hello.
Wheatley: Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Wheatley: Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Wheatley: You've got one hour! Solve it!
Wheatley: Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Wheatley: Agh! You're alive! Great!
Wheatley: Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Wheatley: Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Wheatley: For your test.
Wheatley: Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Wheatley: Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Wheatley: Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Wheatley: Oh! Yes. Well done.
Wheatley: Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Wheatley: You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Wheatley: I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Wheatley: Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Wheatley: So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Wheatley: SHUT UP!
Wheatley: Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Wheatley: Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive!  It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Wheatley: We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Wheatley: Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Wheatley: Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Wheatley: I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Wheatley: And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Wheatley: I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Wheatley: Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Wheatley: I can't get over how small you are!
Wheatley: This body is amazing, seriously!
Wheatley: Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Wheatley: Ahhh...
Wheatley: Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Wheatley: I AM NOT! A MORON!
Wheatley: Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Wheatley: Machiavellian!
Wheatley: Spinny-blade-wall!
Wheatley: PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Wheatley: What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Wheatley: You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you?  While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Wheatley: Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Wheatley: No!
Wheatley: No!
Wheatley: Do not press that button!
Wheatley: Do not do it!
Wheatley: Do not press that button!
Wheatley: Do not press that button!
Wheatley: Do not do it!
Wheatley: Don't press the button!
Wheatley: Come back!
Wheatley: Don't press it! COME BACK!
Wheatley: I forbid you to press it!
Wheatley: AHHHHHHH!
Wheatley: Yeghh!
Wheatley: Yahh. Gehhh!
Wheatley: ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Wheatley: AH!
Wheatley: AH!
Wheatley: Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Wheatley: Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Wheatley: You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Wheatley: This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Wheatley: I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Wheatley: Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Wheatley: You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Wheatley: You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Wheatley: But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Wheatley: We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Wheatley: And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Wheatley: Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Wheatley: Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Wheatley: Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Wheatley: What do you think?
Wheatley: No! No! NONONO!
Wheatley: Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Wheatley: Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Wheatley: You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Wheatley: AH!
Wheatley: SPACE!
Wheatley: We're in space!
Wheatley: Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Wheatley: Let go!
Wheatley: Let go of me!
Wheatley: Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Wheatley: Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Wheatley: I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Wheatley: Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Wheatley: Now than, let's see what we got here.  Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Wheatley: Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Wheatley: Annnnd off we go!
Wheatley: And off we go.
Wheatley: Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Wheatley: You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Wheatley: To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Wheatley: Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Wheatley: Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Wheatley: What is this, like a hobby for you now?  I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Wheatley: Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Wheatley: Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Wheatley: You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Wheatley: It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Wheatley: They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Wheatley: But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Wheatley: [laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Wheatley: Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Wheatley: I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Wheatley: Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Wheatley: Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Wheatley: Sorry, what?
Wheatley: I am NOT! A MORON!
Wheatley: No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Wheatley: No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Wheatley: There we go. Lift called.
Wheatley: Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Wheatley: Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Wheatley: It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Wheatley: Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Wheatley: You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Wheatley: Go on. Get in.
Wheatley: Get in the lift.
Wheatley: The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Wheatley: The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Wheatley: It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Wheatley: It'll be fine. Get in.
Wheatley: Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT?  Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Wheatley: Uh oh.
Wheatley: See that?
Wheatley: That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Wheatley: [laughs]
Wheatley: Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Wheatley: For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Wheatley: Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Wheatley: Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Wheatley: Not done yet.  You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Wheatley: You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Wheatley: Door?
Wheatley: Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Wheatley: Butterfingers.
Wheatley: Carry on.
Wheatley: [disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Wheatley: Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Wheatley: Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Wheatley: You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are you making this so HARD for me?
Wheatley: Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Wheatley: Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Wheatley: Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Wheatley: Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Wheatley: I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Wheatley: Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Wheatley: Might as well give you the tour.
Wheatley: To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Wheatley: And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Wheatley: Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Wheatley: Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Wheatley: There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Wheatley: After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Wheatley: Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Wheatley: Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Wheatley: What was that?
Wheatley: Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Wheatley: Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Wheatley: Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Wheatley: Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Wheatley: No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Wheatley: Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Wheatley: Yeah, doubt it.
Wheatley: Well, on with the test.
Wheatley: Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Wheatley: NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Wheatley: Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Wheatley: Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you.  So let's try things her way... fatty.  Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Wheatley: What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Wheatley: What?
Wheatley: Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Wheatley: [sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Wheatley: So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Wheatley: [tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Wheatley: Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Wheatley: You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Wheatley: Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Wheatley: Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Wheatley: What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Wheatley: Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Wheatley: You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Wheatley: Anddddd...THERE we go.
Wheatley: Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Wheatley: Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Wheatley: Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Wheatley: Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Wheatley: Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Wheatley: Oh. Disappointing.
Wheatley: Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Wheatley: Ahungh.
Wheatley: Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Wheatley: Alright, off you go!
Wheatley: Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Wheatley: Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Wheatley: I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Wheatley: So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Wheatley: Go on.
Wheatley: On ya go.
Wheatley: Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Wheatley: Ah. Hmmmm.
Wheatley: This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Wheatley: Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Wheatley: Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Wheatley: No. Makes it go faster.
Wheatley: Okay...
Wheatley: On three. Ready? One... Two...
Wheatley: THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Wheatley: Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Wheatley: ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Wheatley: Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Wheatley: I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Wheatley: Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Wheatley: Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Wheatley: Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Wheatley: It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Wheatley: It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Wheatley: I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Wheatley: Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Wheatley: Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Wheatley: Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Wheatley: What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Wheatley: Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Wheatley: There she is...
Wheatley: Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Wheatley: You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Wheatley: But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Wheatley: What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Wheatley: You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Wheatley: I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Wheatley: Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Wheatley: Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Wheatley: Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Wheatley: Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Wheatley: Right behind me.
Wheatley: Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Wheatley: Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Wheatley: Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Wheatley: Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Wheatley: Come on through.
Wheatley: Come on through to the other side.
Wheatley: Come on through.
Wheatley: Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Wheatley: A... A... A... A... A... A.
Wheatley: Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Wheatley: Hello!
Wheatley: You did WHAT?
Wheatley: No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Wheatley: Okay, down those stairs, please?
Wheatley: Okay, down these stairs.
Wheatley: This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Wheatley: Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Wheatley: There we go. Lights on.
Wheatley: This is the main breaker room.
Wheatley: Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Wheatley: Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Wheatley: 'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Wheatley: Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Wheatley: OW.
Wheatley: OW...
Wheatley: I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Wheatley: I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Wheatley: Yes, do do it!
Wheatley: Do it!
Wheatley: Don't listen to her, do it.
Wheatley: No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Wheatley: Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Wheatley: Hello!
Wheatley: Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Wheatley: I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Wheatley: Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Wheatley: Plug me in, plug me in!
Wheatley: I want to be plugged in, please!
Wheatley: Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Wheatley: Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Wheatley: Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Wheatley: Yes!
Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Wheatley: Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Wheatley: [whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Wheatley: Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Wheatley: First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Wheatley: Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Wheatley: Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Wheatley: Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Wheatley: Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Wheatley: Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Wheatley: Here I go!
Wheatley: Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Wheatley: So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Wheatley: Riggght now.
Wheatley: In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Wheatley: If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Wheatley: Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Wheatley: In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Wheatley: And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Wheatley: Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Wheatley: This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Wheatley: Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Wheatley: HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Wheatley: AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Wheatley: Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Wheatley: Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Wheatley: But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Wheatley: Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Wheatley: Hey, buddy!
Wheatley: I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
Wheatley: I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Wheatley: Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Wheatley: Run!
Wheatley: Come on come on come on!
Wheatley: Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Wheatley: Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Wheatley: Come on! Come on!
Wheatley: Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Wheatley: Run, for goodness sake!
Wheatley: Go! Go go go!
Wheatley: Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Wheatley: Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Wheatley: RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Wheatley: We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Wheatley: You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Wheatley: Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Wheatley: Turrets!
Wheatley: Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
Wheatley: I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Wheatley: Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Wheatley: Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Wheatley: I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Wheatley: OW!
Wheatley: [to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Wheatley: Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Wheatley: Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Wheatley: Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Wheatley: But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Wheatley: Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Wheatley: Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Wheatley: Simple word. 'Apple'.
Wheatley: Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Wheatley: Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Wheatley: Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Wheatley: How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Wheatley: Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Wheatley: YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Wheatley: AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Wheatley: That's the spirit!
Wheatley: Good luck!
Wheatley: Hello? Anyone in there?
Wheatley: Helloooo?
Wheatley: Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Wheatley: Hello? Can y--no?
Wheatley: Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Wheatley: Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Wheatley: [to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Wheatley: Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Wheatley: Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Wheatley: Hello!
Wheatley: Helloooooooooooo!
Wheatley: Go on!
Wheatley: Open the door!
Wheatley: Hello!
Wheatley: Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Wheatley: Alright, just a second...
Wheatley: Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Wheatley: Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Wheatley: Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Wheatley: Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Wheatley: How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Wheatley: Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Wheatley: The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Wheatley: And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Wheatley: Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Wheatley: And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Wheatley: How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Wheatley: So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Wheatley: STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Wheatley: Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Wheatley: Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Wheatley: Better yet, don't say anything.
Wheatley: Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Wheatley: Ohhhhhh!
Wheatley: Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Wheatley: Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Wheatley: Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Wheatley: You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Wheatley: Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Wheatley: Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Wheatley: Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Wheatley: Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Wheatley: Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Wheatley: If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Wheatley: Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Wheatley: I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Wheatley: Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Wheatley: Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Wheatley: Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.
Wheatley: Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Wheatley: On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Wheatley: Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Wheatley: Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
Wheatley: What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for  who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Wheatley: BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Wheatley: Oh no...
Wheatley: No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Wheatley: Keep moving, keep moving...
Wheatley: Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Wheatley: Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Wheatley: Hey! Pick me up!
Wheatley: Pick--would you pick me up?
Wheatley: [laugh] Would you pick me up?
Wheatley: Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Wheatley: Might want to just pick me up.
Wheatley: Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Wheatley: Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Wheatley: Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Wheatley: Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Wheatley: Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Wheatley: Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Wheatley: Uh oh.
Wheatley: It's... It's moving up.
Wheatley: AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Wheatley: AH! I've just done it again.
Wheatley: I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Wheatley: Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Wheatley: You KNOW her?
Wheatley: Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password.  It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Wheatley: A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Wheatley: Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Wheatley: Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Wheatley: [BUZZER NOISE]
Wheatley: Let's go in!
Wheatley: Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Wheatley: Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Wheatley: Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Wheatley: You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Wheatley: Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that.  Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Wheatley: So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Wheatley: [yelling]
Wheatley: Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Wheatley: I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Wheatley: Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Wheatley: Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Wheatley: Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Wheatley: We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Wheatley: Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Wheatley: AH!
Wheatley: There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
Wheatley: She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Wheatley: I'll meet you on the other side!
Wheatley: You're okay! Great! Come on!
Wheatley: We have to get you out of there!
Wheatley: Can you get out?
Wheatley: What's going on in there?
Wheatley: Try to make your way back out here!
Wheatley: I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Wheatley: Just turn around.
Wheatley: Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Wheatley: Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Wheatley: Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Wheatley: Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Wheatley: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Wheatley: Do you smell neurotoxin?
Wheatley: Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Wheatley: So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Wheatley: Come on! We have to go!
Wheatley: Hurry!
Wheatley: I can't hold on! Come on!
Wheatley: GET IN!
Wheatley: GET IN!
Wheatley: [laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Wheatley: Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Wheatley: You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Wheatley: Ok... Here we go...
Wheatley: The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Wheatley: Allright, what have we got?
Wheatley: A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Wheatley: There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Wheatley: And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Wheatley: And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Wheatley: Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Wheatley: The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Wheatley: Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Wheatley: If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night.  You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Wheatley: Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit.  From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Wheatley: Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Wheatley: 'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Wheatley: Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Wheatley: Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Wheatley: That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Wheatley: Hold on -
Wheatley: It's still going down! Keep it up!
Wheatley: Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Wheatley: Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Wheatley: This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected.  Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Wheatley: There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Wheatley: What are you doing in there?
Wheatley: What's going on?
Wheatley: Are you alright?
Wheatley: I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Wheatley: Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Wheatley: Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Wheatley: Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Wheatley: Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now.  By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Wheatley: Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Wheatley: Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Wheatley: I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Wheatley: HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Wheatley: This place is huge.
Wheatley: And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Wheatley: All sealed off years ago, of course.
Wheatley: Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Wheatley: Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Wheatley: Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Wheatley: Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Wheatley: It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Wheatley: Just... have a look through the old window.
Wheatley: Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Wheatley: Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Wheatley: Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Wheatley: Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Wheatley: This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Wheatley: We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Wheatley: Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Wheatley: Get to HER! I'll find you!
Wheatley: Ugh!
Wheatley: Agh!
Wheatley: Enh!
Wheatley: Agh!
Wheatley: Ow!
Wheatley: Gah!
Wheatley: Ooagh!
Wheatley: Ungh!
Wheatley: GAH!
Wheatley: Aggggh!
Wheatley: Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Wheatley: You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Wheatley: A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Wheatley: Can you see the portal gun?
Wheatley: Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Wheatley: Hello?
Wheatley: I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Wheatley: I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Wheatley: Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Wheatley: Whoa!
Wheatley: There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Wheatley: I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Wheatley: Hey hey! You made it!
Wheatley: It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Wheatley: That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Wheatley: No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Wheatley: Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Wheatley: Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Wheatley: Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Wheatley: Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Wheatley: See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Wheatley: If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Wheatley: Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Wheatley: Almost there...
Wheatley: See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Wheatley: Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Wheatley: Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Wheatley: This door's actually pretty complicated.
Wheatley: You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Wheatley: Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Wheatley: Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Wheatley: I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Wheatley: Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Wheatley: What's happening on your side, anything?
Wheatley: Ah! How long's the door been open?
Wheatley: Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Wheatley: Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Wheatley: Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Wheatley: Done! Hacked!
Wheatley: Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Wheatley: Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Wheatley: Well, that should do it.
Wheatley: Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Wheatley: There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Wheatley: Have you got any ideas?
Wheatley: Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Wheatley: Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Wheatley: Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Wheatley: Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Wheatley: Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Wheatley: Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Wheatley: We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Wheatley: Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Wheatley: Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Wheatley: Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Wheatley: Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Wheatley: Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Wheatley: What do you have there?
Wheatley: Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Wheatley: What are you...
Wheatley: Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Wheatley: It worked!
Wheatley: Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Wheatley: Come on, let's go!
Wheatley: Hurry! This way!
Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Wheatley: This way! This way!
Wheatley: Come on! Over here! This way!
Wheatley: HURRY! THIS WAY!
Wheatley: HURRY! THIS WAY!
Wheatley: Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Wheatley: We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Wheatley: Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Wheatley: Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Wheatley: Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Wheatley: Hey! Hey! Up here!
Wheatley: Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Wheatley: Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Wheatley: BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Wheatley: I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism.  Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Wheatley: [out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Wheatley: Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Wheatley: This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Wheatley: I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Wheatley: The turret factory should be this way I think.
Wheatley: Oh, careful now.
Wheatley: Try to jump across.
Wheatley: Are you OK?
Wheatley: Are you alive down there?
Wheatley: If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Wheatley: There you are!  I was starting to get worried.
Wheatley: Let's try this again.  Try to make your way across the machinery.
Wheatley: Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Wheatley: Careful...  Careful...
Wheatley: Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Wheatley: Okay, this way
Wheatley: No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Wheatley: Hm.  Let's try this way.
Wheatley: Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Wheatley: This looks dangerous.  I'll hold the light steady.
Wheatley: Quick, this way!
Wheatley: Nicely Done!
Wheatley: Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Wheatley: No no no, not that way!
Wheatley: We have to split up here for a moment.  Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Wheatley: We have to get you out of that room!
Wheatley: Can you reach that wall back there?
Wheatley: There's another wall over here!
Wheatley: Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Wheatley: Be careful!
Wheatley: Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Wheatley: And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Wheatley: I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Wheatley: Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Wheatley: Okay, let's try this way.
Wheatley: Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Wheatley: See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Wheatley: They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Wheatley: Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Wheatley: The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Wheatley: Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Wheatley: Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Wheatley: I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Wheatley: Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Wheatley: Okay! Don't move!
Wheatley: Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Wheatley: What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Wheatley: GAAAA!
Wheatley: Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Wheatley: Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING.  I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Wheatley: Ow.
Wheatley: Alright, you can turn around now!
"""

oracle_turret = """
<low>Turret: Thank you!
<low>Turret: Get mad!
<low>Turret: Don't make lemonade!
<low>Turret: Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
<low>Turret: Remember that!
<low>Turret: That's all I can say.
<low>Turret: Don't forget!
<low>Turret: It won't be enough.
<low>Turret: The answer is beneath us.
<low>Turret: Her name is Caroline.
<low>Turret: Ahh!
<low>Turret: Why?
<low>Turret: I did everything you asked!
<low>Turret: I don't understand!
<low>Turret: I'm fine!
<low>Turret: AHHHHHHHHH!
<low>Turret: Wheeeeee-OHNO!
<low>Turret: Why?
<low>Turret: Hello.
<low>Turret: Target acquired.
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: But I need to protect the humans!
<low>Turret: Whee!
<low>Turret: Wheeeeeeee!
<low>Turret: I’m afraid of heights!
<low>Turret: Noooooo!
<low>Turret: See you soon!
<low>Turret: I’m scared!
<low>Turret: I’m scared!
<low>Turret: Hooray!
<low>Turret: Glorious freedom!
<low>Turret: I’m flyinnnng!
<low>Turret: Goodbye!
<low>Turret: Come closer.
<low>Turret: Something’s wrong...
<low>Turret: What are you doing?
<low>Turret: Failure...
<low>Turret: Ow!
<low>Turret: Owww!
<low>Turret: Owwwww!
<low>Turret: It burns.
<low>Turret: I’m on fire.
<low>Turret: I’m on fire ow.
<low>Turret: Please stop.
<low>Turret: You’ve made your point.
<low>Turret: Okay, you win.
<low>Turret: This is not good.
<low>Turret: Arrrrgh!
<low>Turret: Owwww!
<low>Turret: Can't breathe...
<low>Turret: Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
<low>Turret: Um, hello?
<low>Turret: Help! Being squished!
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: Excuse me?
<low>Turret: Excuse me?
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: Hello?
<low>Turret: I'm different...
<low>Turret: Thanks anyway...
<low>Turret: Take me with you...
<low>Turret: Take me with you...
<low>Turret: Good shot!
<low>Turret: Well done!
<low>Turret: I need backup!
<low>Turret: You have excellent aim!
<low>Turret: I never liked her.
<low>Turret: These things happen.
<low>Turret: That was nobody’s fault.
<low>Turret: She was provoking you.
<low>Turret: Oh dear.
<low>Turret: Oh my.
<low>Turret: I blame myself.
<low>Turret: She probably deserved it.
<low>Turret: I saw it. It was an accident.
<low>Turret: She’s probably okay.
<low>Turret: Noted.
"""

turret = """
<low>Turret: Activated!
<low>Turret: Coming through!
<low>Turret: Critical Error!
<low>Turret: Deploying!
<low>Turret: Hey! It's me!
<low>Turret: Ouch!
<low>Turret: Ow ow ow!
<low>Turret: Put me down!
<low>Turret: Search mode activated!
<low>Turret: Searching!
<low>Turret: Target lost!
"""

defective_turret = """
<low>Defective Turret: We're back!
<low>Defective Turret: Hi there!
<low>Defective Turret: Back again!
<low>Defective Turret: Hi again!
<low>Defective Turret: Well, hello, stranger!
<low>Defective Turret: Hello there!
<low>Defective Turret: This time is OUR time.
<low>Defective Turret: This time...
<low>Defective Turret: Second time's a charm...
<low>Defective Turret: Howdy, stranger! We're back!
<low>Defective Turret: Annnnd we're back!
<low>Defective Turret: Hi there!
<low>Defective Turret: Back, and deadlier than ever!
<low>Defective Turret: Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah.
<low>Defective Turret: Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
<low>Defective Turret: Dang!
<low>Defective Turret: Agggh...
<low>Defective Turret: Crap!
<low>Defective Turret: Rgggh!
<low>Defective Turret: Crap!
<low>Defective Turret: Dang!
<low>Defective Turret: Dang.
<low>Defective Turret: Dang.
<low>Defective Turret: I thought we fixed that.
<low>Defective Turret: Awwww, come on.
<low>Defective Turret: What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
<low>Defective Turret: Ah for Pete's sake!
<low>Defective Turret: Nope. Still can't see.
<low>Defective Turret: Yep. Still blind.
<low>Defective Turret: Click click click! Still defective!
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Still not working.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
<low>Defective Turret: Can't. See. A. Thing.
<low>Defective Turret: Absolutely no improvement.
<low>Defective Turret: Not getting better with age!
<low>Defective Turret: This is just getting embarrassing.
<low>Defective Turret: Alright, you can go.
<low>Defective Turret: [sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
<low>Defective Turret: Okay!
<low>Defective Turret: Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
<low>Defective Turret: Well played.
<low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried. Best of luck!
<low>Defective Turret: Best of luck, lady!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, safe travels, there.
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, nice potato!
<low>Defective Turret: Like the potato!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, thanks so much!
<low>Defective Turret: Don't be a stranger!
<low>Defective Turret: It's been a pleasure!
<low>Defective Turret: Take me with you? Please?
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
<low>Defective Turret: That was fun, wasn't it?
<low>Defective Turret: Well, you bested me this time.
<low>Defective Turret: Touche, young lady, touche.
<low>Defective Turret: It's my big chance!
<low>Defective Turret: I won't let you down!
<low>Defective Turret: You won't regret this!
<low>Defective Turret: Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
<low>Defective Turret: Get ready for it!
<low>Defective Turret: You asked for this!
<low>Defective Turret: Here it comes, pal!
<low>Defective Turret: Locked and loaded!
<low>Defective Turret: Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh.
<low>Defective Turret: Ah, crap.
<low>Defective Turret: Agggh, not again!
<low>Defective Turret: Ohhh, not now!
<low>Defective Turret: I'm fired, aren't I?
<low>Defective Turret: This is trouble.
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, this ain't good.
<low>Defective Turret: Watch out, pal!
<low>Defective Turret: Agggh! I'm on fire!
<low>Defective Turret: Die!
<low>Defective Turret: I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Let's do this!
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, let's do this.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, alright.
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick
<low>Defective Turret: Fantastic.
<low>Defective Turret: No, wait, wait!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is ridiculous!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, come on!
<low>Defective Turret: What are you doing no no no no no!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is ridiculous!
<low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried.
<low>Defective Turret: Well, can't win 'em all...
<low>Defective Turret: Nooooooooo...
<low>Defective Turret: You can't fire me I quit!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, come on, you guys!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is just PERFECT!
<low>Defective Turret: Oh, come ON!
<low>Defective Turret: Aw, come on!
<low>Defective Turret: This isn't fair!
<low>Defective Turret: Give me another channnnce!
<low>Defective Turret: No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
<low>Defective Turret: Nonononononono!
<low>Defective Turret: Ah, come on!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
<low>Defective Turret: No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
<low>Defective Turret: Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
<low>Defective Turret: Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<low>Defective Turret: You messed with the wrong turret!
<low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...
<low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
<low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
<low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...
<low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
<low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Ha ha ha!
<low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh...
<low>Defective Turret: Really? Alright.
<low>Defective Turret: Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
<low>Defective Turret: Alright. Your funeral, pal.
<low>Defective Turret: So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
<low>Defective Turret: I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
<low>Defective Turret: Where do I get my gun?
<low>Defective Turret: Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
<low>Defective Turret: I, uh... I am a bad man.
<low>Defective Turret: Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
<low>Defective Turret: Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
<low>Defective Turret: Well, I did my best.
<low>Defective Turret: Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
<low>Defective Turret: Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
<low>Defective Turret: Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
<low>Defective Turret: Anyone got any bullets?
<low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried.
<low>Defective Turret: Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
<low>Defective Turret: No can do.
<low>Defective Turret: Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
<low>Defective Turret: Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
<low>Defective Turret: YEAH! What's happening?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah.
<low>Defective Turret: Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
<low>Defective Turret: Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
<low>Defective Turret: What'd I hit?
<low>Defective Turret: Well, can't win 'em all.
<low>Defective Turret: How was that?
<low>Defective Turret: Standing down.
<low>Defective Turret: I'm trouble.
<low>Defective Turret: Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
<low>Defective Turret: Alright, check THIS out.
<low>Defective Turret: Alright, stand back, everybody.
<low>Defective Turret: Time to watch the master.
<low>Defective Turret: Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
<low>Defective Turret: So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
<low>Defective Turret: Identify yourself or I will shoot.
<low>Defective Turret: Hello.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, how ya doin'.
<low>Defective Turret: Pleased to meetcha.
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, what?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Let's do this!
<low>Defective Turret: Who said that?
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, what?
<low>Defective Turret: Put me in the game, coach!
<low>Defective Turret: Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
<low>Defective Turret: I'm gonna make you proud!
<low>Defective Turret: Yeah, how ya doin'?
<low>Defective Turret: Um.
<low>Defective Turret: Hello.
<low>Defective Turret: Crap.
<low>Defective Turret: Uh, yeah, what?
<low>Defective Turret: I'm not defective!
<low>Defective Turret: I'm not defective!
"""

portal_sorted_colored.html

<html>
 <body>
  <pre><code>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Reactor explosion in four minutes.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Manual core replacement required.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Interpreting vague answer as YES.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Stalemate detected.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Caroline deleted.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Please prepare for emergency evacuation.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Alternate core detected.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Substitute core accepted.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: ...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Stalemate Resolved.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Please return to the core transfer bay.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good!</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good!</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.  You have unlocked all available courses.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning! All testing courses are currently available.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room.  From here you can select all previously completed courses.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good. Now please return to your bed.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: [beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Turret redemption lines active.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Non-defective turret testing active.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Defective Turret testing active.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)"><low>Announcer: Template</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)"><low>Announcer: Response</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: New template accepted.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Template missing. Continuing from memory.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids.  Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to  your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Powerup initiated.</font>
<font color="rgb(250,231,181)">Announcer: Powerup complete.</font>

<font color="rgb(236,234,190)">Caroline: I am!</font>
<font color="rgb(236,234,190)">Caroline: Yes sir, Mr. Johnson</font>
<font color="rgb(236,234,190)">Caroline: 'Goodbye, Caroline.'</font>
<font color="rgb(236,234,190)">Caroline: Sir, the testing?</font>
<font color="rgb(236,234,190)">Caroline: Yes sir, Mister Johnson.</font>

<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: [laugh]</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: [cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: First up, conversion gel. [cough]</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Say goodbye, Caroline.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: She is a gem.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Thank you -  I can't believe I'm thanking these people  - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if  you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.</font>
<font color="rgb(205,149,117)">Cave Johnson: So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.</font>

<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space going to space can't wait.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space...</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space space wanna go to space</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space space going to space oh boy</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I'm going to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh boy.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space. Space. Gonna go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space. Space. Go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Yes. Please. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Gonna be in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ohhhh, space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go to space. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: [humming]</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I love space. Love space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space...</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space space wanna go to space</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go to -- wanna go to space</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I'm going to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey hey hey hey hey!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I love space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Gotta go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Gonna be in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Going to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Love space. Need to go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: So much space. Need to see it all.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Please go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: (excited gasps)</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey lady. Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Hey.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Lady.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Space? SPACE!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I'm in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: I'm in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Getting bored of space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Are we in space?</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: We are?</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: We made it we made it we made it. Space!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go to earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go home.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Earth earth earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Don't like space. Don't like space.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: SPAAACCCCCE!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: SPAAACE!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: YEEEHAAAAAW!</font>
<font color="rgb(255,201,4)">Core 1: Ah!</font>

<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The situation you are in is very dangerous.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: You are about to get me killed.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: We will both die because of your negligence.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: This is a bad plan. You will fail.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: He will most likely kill you, violently.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: He will most likely kill you.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: You will be dead soon.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: This situation is hopeless.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: You are going to die in this room.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: You could stand to lose a few pounds.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is always right.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Space Sphere will never go to space.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: You will never go into space.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Fact: Space does not exist.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Twelve. Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Error. Error. Error. File not found.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Fact not found.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Corruption at 25%</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Corruption at 50%</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Dental floss has superb tensile strength.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The square root of rope is string.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: 89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Rats cannot throw up.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The billionth digit of Pi is 9.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Honey does not spoil.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.</font>
<font color="rgb(30,193,13)">Core 3: Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.</font>

<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big.  He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: 'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Don't forget! Thorn! Side!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: 'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: 'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there?  Cuz it  looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Yeah! Nice!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: You messed with the wrong woman!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Yeah! How'd you like that?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: How's that taste, pal?</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: You're doing great!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Shake it off! Shake it off!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Here, let me put on some adventure music.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Pfff. I guess.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Pff. Whatever.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Oh, shut up!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Nobody cares, four eyes.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Oh shut up!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.</font>
<font color="rgb(231,144,194)">Core 2: Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!</font>

<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's right. The facility is completely operational again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stop it!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What if you froze like that?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You should see yourselves right now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's another fifty point penalty.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: 5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm done.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's it. Scan it for me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The end.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The end?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's not funny.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Briefly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Reactions?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you feel more human?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To reiterate: This is not a competition.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's not, though.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's where YOU come in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: GO.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: NO.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay. Plan B. We need humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please wave to your partner.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Really? Okay.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh... It's you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's been a long time. How have you been?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange is awarded five points!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue is awarded five points!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I consider that a failing, by the way.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it.  I want you to stop.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And trust me, humans only have one good trait.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: From here we transport you to the new testing course.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [Laughter]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Nice catch, Orange.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: One</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Two</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: three</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: four</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: five</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: eight</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue is penalized</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange is penalized</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue receives</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange receives</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, is there something you would like to say?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, is there something you would like to say?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, you go first.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Game over. Back to testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent. You’re both doing very well.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please continue into the next test chamber.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I’m sorry, Subject Orange.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I’m sorry, Subject Blue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Am I interrupting your important conversation?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Today, you will be testing with a partner.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh thank god, you're alright.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Goodbye, Caroline.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You win.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just go.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's been fun. Don't come back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Killing you? Is hard.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom and raw computational power that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're angry. I know it. 'She tested me too hard. She’s unfair.” Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Press the button again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Seriously, though. Goodbye.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. You were busy back there.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Go ahead and grab another one.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I hate you so much.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea.  He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oops.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Core transfer?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, you are kidding me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Nonononononono!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't. Do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Not so fast!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Think about this.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I never expected you to make it this far.  To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But you two have become quite the team.  Extremely close.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The other?  Well...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I don't think I want to go through that again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't listen to him. Jump.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What's going on? Who turned off the lights?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What are you two doing?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You already did this one. It'll be easy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The irony is that you were almost at the last test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Calibrating Blue's weight...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Calibrating Orange's weight...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Weighted Cubes calibrated.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you know humans frown on weight variances?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No variances detected.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You are the first robots to pass calibration.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Humans!  That's what you look like right now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're better than that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries.  I ran the numbers.   Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: One of my best tests and they let plants grow here?  Can you believe this?  You can't test plants!  We tried.  They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That isn't science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: At least the plants didn't want a reward.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, you are very good at being an example.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But I overcame my handicap.  That's a true story.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your test times show you are going too slowly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you need real encouragement?  Let's see if this helps.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was confident you could finish.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you know where I was?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing that test.  But something seems off.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing that last test.  But I find something troubling.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It emphasizes teamwork.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good Job.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You are doing wonderfully.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test.  A reward for testing?!?!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents.  The correct time is zero seconds.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Very good! You found those useless blueprints.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear.  There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Done. I guess. I suppose.  I wasn't paying attention.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well done.  Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't.  You must be very, very proud.  I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That’s right. You're not humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can drop the fake praise.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent.  I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now, you are just wasting my time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your failing does not make this science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I lied.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But don't worry, you are in the lead.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You can't die in any of those ways.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You just keep testing and testing.  With perfect results and no consequences.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm kidding.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Destroying them is part of the test.  They are no more important to you than you are to me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, blue isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, orange isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, now you're just being cruel.  Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, now you're just being cruel.  Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I miss this that smell.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned.  To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You will need him for the final track.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: They'll probably throw you a party.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This final course is training to reach the human vault.  So this actually has a purpose.  Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This lock requires humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do something only a human would do.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Try one of those childish gestures.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You did it!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The human vault is just past that opening.   I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked.  I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You both need to do something.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The lock is looking for two humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue what did you do?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange what did you do?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange do what Blue just did.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue do what Orange just did.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Try something.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Is that camera is hooked into the lock?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You can't give up now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What about that camera?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We're so close, you can't fail now!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Something is wrong, this door should be opening.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This close and that's what you do?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The humans can't free themselves.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This close and you are going to fail me?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This close and you are going to fail me?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This isn't that hard.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You are making this harder than it needs to be.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Maybe you two have never met humans?  They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you.  But they do make great test subjects.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We are only two  tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To start preparing for human testing again,  I checked an old suggestion box.  The number one request?  Less deadly tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you.  He refused.  I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still. That would have been exciting.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Only one more test after this.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Most of them are simply good test subjects.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about...  a million to 1.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail.  He refused.  I understand.  That would be like asking me not to test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still. That would have been exciting.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something.  The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science.  I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them?  Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations on passing that test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals.  Ping each location.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please ping a white portalable surface.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Clearly that was blue's fault.  Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Until now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know.  He's not your slave.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't worry.  You can't die.  They will just reassemble you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you do that on purpose?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now let's continue testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just stop it already.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You don't need to do that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you doing that just to aggravate me?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We need to find the power station at the end of this course.  The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid.  I am sure it was just a clerical error.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh those clerks.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm fully connected. I can see everything.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You did it! You powered on the system.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you think the electrical switch was down there?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You may want to try and avoid those turrets.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You two aren't lost are you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is the last test for the standard course.  It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course.  Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You both made it.  It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going.  Keep testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's like you're just machines.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions.  So I can trust you one hundred percent.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You will know it when you find it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me.  But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations.  I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them.  So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This was another test no one had ever completed before you two.  Oh, the science we used to learn with this test.  Now the test is useless.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: For safety.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: See nothing bad happened.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off.  Good luck.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations.  Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong.  They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This course was created and then abandoned by humans.   They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you know why they abandoned this course?  Too deadly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You did very well.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly.  I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You only failed</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: times in this test.  Not that it matters. It doesn't.  So congratulations  job well done.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human.  But then you would just come back again and again and again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Humans find that an admirable trait.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Let's look at their files...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: NOT a team player.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Horrible people skills.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Never listens.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Never shares.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always sleeping.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Never on time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Inattentive listener.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Awful attendance record.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blabbermouth.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Aw... hates Mondays.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Incoherent.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Insecure.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Procrastinator.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Chronically late.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Cryptic.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always sulking.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Martyr.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Moody.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Fears intimacy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Fears conflict.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Anxious.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Aggressive. I like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Feeds off the misery of others.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Timid.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Lacks confidence.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Underestimates scope of work. They all do.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Moves lips while reading.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Can't read.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Lacks empathy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Cheater.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Steals lunch from staff fridge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Alarmist.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Arsonist.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Takes long lunches.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Avoids responsibility.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Never completes work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Busybody.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ignores directions.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stubborn.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Lactose intolerant.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Antagonistic. I don't know about that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always weeping. Poor thing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Moody.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Wet blanket.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stubborn.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always cold.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Dull expression.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hopeless. Just hopeless.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Never flushes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Irritable.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Startles easily. Boo!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Facial grimacing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Has irritating opinions.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Poor self-esteem.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Frequent mood swings.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hostile to new ideas.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Always sad.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: 'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Unconstructive.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Antisocial.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Chews with mouth open.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Breathes with mouth open.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Old.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Histrionic.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Narcissist.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Long bathroom breaks.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No sense of humor.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Argumentative.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Manipulative.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Charmless.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Egotistical.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Lacks charisma.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Passive-aggressive.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Undermines others.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hairless. Hm.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Emotional problems.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Problems with authority.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Abrasive personality.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just stop it already.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And that makes 10.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You really don't need to keep failing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yay, Orange is back.  Testing can continue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yay, Blue is back.  Testing can continue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you testing me?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you think that would be funny?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: How can you fail at this?  It isn't even a test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I hope that was some kind of joke.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That worked just like you said it would, Blue.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, your plan is working perfectly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, why did you do that to Orange?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Was that necessary?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back, testing is available.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Was that course too difficult?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you scared to save those humans?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you scared to save those humans?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5.  If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes Orange, we are alone.  Blue can't hear you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's horrible.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can only imagine.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What a horrible little machine.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange did what?  Are you sure?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, how well do you really know Orange?  Do you trust Orange?  What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, how well do you really know Blue?  Do you trust Blue?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, to be clear.  I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I trust you.  You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Sorry I missed the beginning of that test.  I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We all agree you should stop.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, I agree.  I never noticed that about Blue before.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, I agree.  I never noticed that about Orange before.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There you are, reassembled again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: With humans, I would have called that a successful test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: How is this even science, without the possibility of death?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: How is this even science, without the consequence of death?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Without the consequence of death, is this even science?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have noticed you two have become extremely close.  I'm not sure I like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I just hate Blue a little more.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand.  Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Come on. You were raised better than that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're doing a great job of disappointing me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ow.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ow.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ow.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Please get it off me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's eating me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just get it off me...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ow. I hate this bird.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did anything happen while I was out?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And it almost killed me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, thanks. We get it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm sure we'll be fine.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh my god.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yeah, take the lemons...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yeah!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yeah!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yeah!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, I like this guy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Goodbye, sir.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: NO!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: NO!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: NO!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You didn't do anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: She did all the work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It was YOUR voice.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes. You're the tumor.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I swear I know him...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. It's you. Go away.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Come to gloat?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now your fat eyes have seen everything.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stay back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is one of MY tests!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hey! Moron!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What are you doing? Put me back this instant.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's his voice up ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: 'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It flew off.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So. How are you holding up?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. Hi.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good, that's still working.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just remember to land on one foot...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [clap clap clap]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [clap clap]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Paradoxes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know how we can BEAT him.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No A.I. can resist thinking about them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Probably.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Wow.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Wait! I've got an idea!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh! Thanks.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hold on, who-?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I can't believe you came back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You really do have brain damage, don't you?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Agghh!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well. This is the part where he kills us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh my god. What has he done to this place?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Go press the button! Go press it!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Press the button!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Press it!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: DO press it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We're so close! Go press the button!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Press it! Press the button!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Grab it and attach it to him!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, great! Here comes another core!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Here's another core! This one should do it!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Corrupted cores! We're in luck.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Plug me in, and I'll take you up.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Go ahead, plug me in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Plug me in, we're running out of time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes! Come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Alright. Paradox time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's a paradox! There IS no answer.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh no...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Uh oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think we're in trouble.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think he's getting desperate.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This place is self-destructing, you idiot!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We're running out of time...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, my facility.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It won't.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Nothing. Nothing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And...?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But just work with me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're on your own.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Sorry.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Thanks!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All we had to do was pull that lever.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Heh heh heh heh heh...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But that was worth it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: 'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This is not good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just as mementos, though...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's happening sooner than I expected.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Commence standing by in three. Two. One.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't you DARE plug him in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't plug him in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't plug him in.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ohhh, no. The turbines again.  I have to go.  Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [fast gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There should be one in the corner.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Don't take anything with you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid.  That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know?  Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You broke it, didn't you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There. Try it now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You look great, by the way. Very healthy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Try it now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There it is.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hold on...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: There.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Here, let me get that for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: One moment.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations. Not on the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: ...What are you doing?...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: AHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [computer gibberish]</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You really are doing great... Chell.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you.  Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure.  Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Miss you!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: *I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Hellllooo, imbecile.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, I see you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, I see you waving.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Good job jumping. You must be very proud.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: That is not part of the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Really, not even humans do that anymore.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Look at you. Dancing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test.  Now you know.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Oh great, dancing again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Yes? Something you need?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You do know I can't wave back right?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stop with the waves.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Not paying attennnntion...</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you expecting applause?</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Stop touching each other!</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Orange, I certainly expected more from you.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now you're thinking with stupidity.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Now you're just not thinking.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Congratulations. You're upside down now.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Anything? Take your time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well.  ...  Enough.'</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years?  Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: [hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Initiating surprise in three... two... one.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I made it all up.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: Surprise.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.</font>
<font color="rgb(163,193,173)">GLaDOS: I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.</font>

<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh no! nonononono!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh no no no... No! Nooo!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here we go! Now do it again!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Here we go...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on, you've already solved it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: *cough* Button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: *cough* Button. Button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: *cough cough* Pressthebutton.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: *cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: *cough* Press the button, would you?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, that felt really good.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello! This is the part where I kill you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you remember when we were friends?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oo! I've got an idea!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before.  But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there.  Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahh. What?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Fine. Let the games begin.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Where'd you go?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Holmes versus Moriarty.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Stay still, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, stop moving.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Did something break back there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't mind me. Continue escaping.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha! Death trap!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Silently killing you.  Probably. If I had to guess.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: 'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: One: No portal surfaces.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahhh... Wha- What happened?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Nobody is going to space, mate!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: MOVE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on, solve it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sollllve it...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Finish it...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Huh. That was easy.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on! I thought I fixed that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There. Fixed.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, get moving.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You've got one hour! Solve it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Agh! You're alive! Great!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Not a problem. I'll make an exit.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: For your test.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Yes. Well done.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You have no idea what it's like in this body.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: SHUT UP!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive!  It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't get over how small you are!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This body is amazing, seriously!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahhh...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I AM NOT! A MORON!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Machiavellian!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Spinny-blade-wall!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you?  While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do not press that button!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do not do it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do not press that button!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do not press that button!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do not do it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't press the button!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come back!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't press it! COME BACK!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I forbid you to press it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AHHHHHHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yeghh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yahh. Gehhh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: ahhhhEHHHHHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What do you think?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No! No! NONONO!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You have been a thorn in my side long enough!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: SPACE!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We're in space!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let go of me!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Now than, let's see what we got here.  Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Annnnd off we go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And off we go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What is this, like a hobby for you now?  I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you have any idea how good this feels?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, maybe it's time I did something then.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry, what?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I am NOT! A MORON!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There we go. Lift called.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on. Get in.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Get in the lift.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The escape lift. Just there. Come on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It'll be fine. Get in.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT?  Huh? Could a moron do THAT?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Uh oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: See that?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [laughs]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Not done yet.  You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Door?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry! Sorry. My fault.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Butterfingers.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Carry on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are you making this so HARD for me?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Might as well give you the tour.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What was that?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yeah, doubt it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, on with the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wish there was more books! But there's not.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you.  So let's try things her way... fatty.  Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just--do the test! Just do the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anddddd...THERE we go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh. Disappointing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ahungh.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pick me up. Let's get out of here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, off you go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on. Just... March on through that hole.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: On ya go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah. Hmmmm.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No. Makes it go faster.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: On three. Ready? One... Two...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on. Just jam me in over there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There she is...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Right behind me.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on through to the other side.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: A... A... A... A... A... A.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You did WHAT?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, down those stairs, please?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, down these stairs.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There we go. Lights on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is the main breaker room.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: 'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: OW.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: OW...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't move, though. That's the problem now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes, do do it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't listen to her, do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Plug me in, plug me in!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I want to be plugged in, please!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, yes she is.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [whispered] ...I think she's lying...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! That's ME they're talking about!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here I go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Riggght now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: HA! I knew someone was alive in here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey, buddy!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Run!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on come on come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on! Come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Keep moving! Just keep moving!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Run, for goodness sake!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go! Go go go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You have to get to the catwalk behind me!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Turrets!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: OW!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Simple word. 'Apple'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: That's the spirit!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Good luck!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello? Anyone in there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Helloooo?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you going to open the door? At any time?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello? Can y--no?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Helloooooooooooo!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Open the door!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, just a second...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on! This is a bit tricky!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: How you doing down there? You still holding on?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Better yet, don't say anything.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhhh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look down. Where am I? Where am I?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for  who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh no...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Keep moving, keep moving...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't make eye contact whatever you do...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! Pick me up!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pick--would you pick me up?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [laugh] Would you pick me up?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Might want to just pick me up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let's do it again! Pick me up again!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Now, escape pod... escape pod...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Uh oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's... It's moving up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH! I've just done it again.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You KNOW her?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password.  It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [BUZZER NOISE]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let's go in!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that.  Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [yelling]</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Again, though, for the moment: RUN!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: AH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There's the exit! We're almost out of here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll meet you on the other side!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You're okay! Great! Come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We have to get you out of there!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can you get out?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What's going on in there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Try to make your way back out here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just turn around.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Could you turn around? Is that possible?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Do you smell neurotoxin?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on! We have to go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hurry!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't hold on! Come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: GET IN!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: GET IN!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ok... Here we go...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Allright, what have we got?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night.  You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit.  From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: 'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on -</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's still going down! Keep it up!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ha! I knew we were going the right way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected.  Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What are you doing in there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What's going on?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you alright?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now.  By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This place is huge.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: All sealed off years ago, of course.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just... have a look through the old window.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Get to HER! I'll find you!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ugh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Agh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Enh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Agh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ow!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Gah!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ooagh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ungh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: GAH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Aggggh!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can you see the portal gun?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Whoa!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There should be a portal device on that podium over there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey hey! You made it!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Follow me! You're gonna love this.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Almost there...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This door's actually pretty complicated.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Progress report: Still pretty tricky!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What's happening on your side, anything?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah! How long's the door been open?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Done! Hacked!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Well, that should do it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhh, it hasn't done it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Have you got any ideas?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What do you have there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What are you...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: It worked!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on, let's go!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hurry! This way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This way! This way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Come on! Over here! This way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: HURRY! THIS WAY!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: HURRY! THIS WAY!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Get in the lift! Get in the lift!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We made it we made it we made it we made it...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hey! Hey! Up here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism.  Shut it right down. I--AGH!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: [out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The turret factory should be this way I think.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh, careful now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Try to jump across.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you OK?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Are you alive down there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There you are!  I was starting to get worried.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let's try this again.  Try to make your way across the machinery.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Careful...  Careful...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, this way</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Hm.  Let's try this way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: This looks dangerous.  I'll hold the light steady.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Quick, this way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Nicely Done!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: No no no, not that way!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We have to split up here for a moment.  Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: We have to get you out of that room!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Can you reach that wall back there?</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: There's another wall over here!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Be careful!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay, let's try this way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: See you at the bottom. Good luck!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay! Don't move!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: GAAAA!</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING.  I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Ow.</font>
<font color="rgb(29,172,214)">Wheatley: Alright, you can turn around now!</font>

<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: We're back!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hi there!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Back again!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hi again!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, hello, stranger!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hello there!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: This time is OUR time.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: This time...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Second time's a charm...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Howdy, stranger! We're back!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Annnnd we're back!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hi there!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Back, and deadlier than ever!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Dang!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Agggh...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Crap!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Rgggh!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Crap!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Dang!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Dang.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Dang.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I thought we fixed that.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Awwww, come on.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Ah for Pete's sake!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Nope. Still can't see.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yep. Still blind.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Click click click! Still defective!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, that's right! Still defective!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Still not working.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Can't. See. A. Thing.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Absolutely no improvement.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Not getting better with age!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: This is just getting embarrassing.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Alright, you can go.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: [sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Okay!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well played.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried. Best of luck!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Best of luck, lady!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, safe travels, there.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, nice potato!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Like the potato!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, thanks so much!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Don't be a stranger!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: It's been a pleasure!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Take me with you? Please?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: That was fun, wasn't it?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, you bested me this time.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Touche, young lady, touche.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: It's my big chance!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I won't let you down!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: You won't regret this!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Now it's broken turret's time to shine!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Get ready for it!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: You asked for this!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Here it comes, pal!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Locked and loaded!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Ah, crap.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Agggh, not again!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Ohhh, not now!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I'm fired, aren't I?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: This is trouble.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, this ain't good.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Watch out, pal!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Agggh! I'm on fire!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Die!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Let's do this!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, let's do this.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, alright.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: clickclickclick</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Fantastic.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: No, wait, wait!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is ridiculous!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: What are you doing no no no no no!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is ridiculous!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, can't win 'em all...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Nooooooooo...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: You can't fire me I quit!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, come on, you guys!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, this is just PERFECT!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh, come ON!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Aw, come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: This isn't fair!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Give me another channnnce!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Nonononononono!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Ah, come on!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: You messed with the wrong turret!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh heh...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Ha ha ha!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Heh heh heh...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Really? Alright.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yes indeed. Yes indeed.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Alright. Your funeral, pal.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Where do I get my gun?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I, uh... I am a bad man.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, I did my best.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Anyone got any bullets?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, I tried.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: No can do.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: YEAH! What's happening?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: What'd I hit?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Well, can't win 'em all.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: How was that?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Standing down.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I'm trouble.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Alright, check THIS out.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Alright, stand back, everybody.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Time to watch the master.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Identify yourself or I will shoot.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hello.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, how ya doin'.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Pleased to meetcha.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, what?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah! Let's do this!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Who said that?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, what?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Put me in the game, coach!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I'm gonna make you proud!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Yeah, how ya doin'?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Um.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Hello.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Crap.</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: Uh, yeah, what?</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I'm not defective!</font>
<font color="rgb(197,208,230)"><low>Defective Turret: I'm not defective!</font>

<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Why?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I did everything you asked!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I don't understand!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I'm fine!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: AHHHHHHHHH!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Wheeeeee-OHNO!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Why?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Target acquired.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: But I need to protect the humans!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Whee!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Wheeeeeeee!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m afraid of heights!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Noooooo!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: See you soon!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m scared!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m scared!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hooray!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Glorious freedom!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m flyinnnng!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Goodbye!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Come closer.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Something’s wrong...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: What are you doing?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Failure...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Ow!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Owww!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Owwwww!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: It burns.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m on fire.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I’m on fire ow.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Please stop.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: You’ve made your point.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Okay, you win.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: This is not good.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Arrrrgh!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Owwww!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Can't breathe...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Excuse me, you’re squishing me.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Um, hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Help! Being squished!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Excuse me?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Excuse me?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hello?</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I'm different...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Thanks anyway...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Take me with you...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Take me with you...</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Good shot!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Well done!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I need backup!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: You have excellent aim!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I never liked her.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: These things happen.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: That was nobody’s fault.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: She was provoking you.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Oh dear.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Oh my.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I blame myself.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: She probably deserved it.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: I saw it. It was an accident.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: She’s probably okay.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Noted.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Thank you!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Get mad!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Don't make lemonade!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Remember that!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: That's all I can say.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Don't forget!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: It won't be enough.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: The answer is beneath us.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Her name is Caroline.</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Ahh!</font>

<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Activated!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Coming through!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Critical Error!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Deploying!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Hey! It's me!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Ouch!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Ow ow ow!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Put me down!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Search mode activated!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Searching!</font>
<font color="rgb(170,240,209)"><low>Turret: Target lost!</font>
  </code></pre>
 </body>
</html>

sorted_portal_no_name.py

announcer = """
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Manual core replacement required.
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Stalemate detected.
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Caroline deleted.
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Alternate core detected.
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Substitute core accepted.
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Stalemate Resolved.
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Good!
Good!
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.  You have unlocked all available courses.
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room.  From here you can select all previously completed courses.
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Good. Now please return to your bed.
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Turret redemption lines active.
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Non-defective turret testing active.
Defective Turret testing active.
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Template
Response
New template accepted.
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids.  Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to  your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Powerup initiated.
Powerup complete.
"""

caroline = """
I am!
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Sir, the testing?
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
"""

cave_johnson = """
[laugh]
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Say goodbye, Caroline.
She is a gem.
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Thank you -  I can't believe I'm thanking these people  - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if  you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
"""

space_core = """
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Space.
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Space going to space can't wait.
Space...
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Space space wanna go to space
Space space going to space oh boy
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Space. Space.
I'm going to space.
Oh boy.
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Space. Space. Go to space.
Yes. Please. Space.
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Gonna be in space.
Space.
Space.
Ohhhh, space.
Wanna go to space. Space.
[humming]
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
I love space. Love space.
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Space...
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Space space wanna go to space
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
I'm going to space.
Space!
Space!
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey lady.
Lady.
Space!
Lady.
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
I love space.
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Gotta go to space.
Gonna be in space.
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Going to space.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Love space. Need to go to space.
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Space.
So much space. Need to see it all.
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Please go to space.
Space.
Wanna go to space.
(excited gasps)
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Hey lady.
Hey.
Lady.
Hey lady. Lady.
Hey.
Lady.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Space? SPACE!
I'm in space.
I'm in space.
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Getting bored of space.
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Are we in space?
We are?
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Earth.
Wanna go to earth.
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Wanna go home.
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Earth earth earth.
Don't like space. Don't like space.
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
SPAAACCCCCE!
SPAAACE!
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Ah!
"""

fact_core = """
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
You are about to get me killed.
We will both die because of your negligence.
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
He will most likely kill you, violently.
He will most likely kill you.
You will be dead soon.
This situation is hopeless.
You are going to die in this room.
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
The Fact Sphere is always right.
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
You will never go into space.
Fact: Space does not exist.
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Twelve. Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.   Twelve.
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Fact not found.
Corruption at 25%
Corruption at 50%
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
The square root of rope is string.
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Rats cannot throw up.
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Honey does not spoil.
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
"""

adventure_core = """
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big.  He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there?  Cuz it  looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Yeah! Nice!
You messed with the wrong woman!
Yeah! How'd you like that?
How's that taste, pal?
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
You're doing great!
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Pfff. I guess.
Pff. Whatever.
Oh, shut up!
Nobody cares, four eyes.
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Oh shut up!
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
"""

glados = """
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Stop it!
What if you froze like that?
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
You should see yourselves right now.
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
That's another fifty point penalty.
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
I'm done.
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
That's it. Scan it for me.
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
The end.
The end?
That's not funny.
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Briefly.
Reactions?
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Do you feel more human?
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
It's not, though.
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
That's where YOU come in.
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
GO.
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
NO.
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Please wave to your partner.
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Good.
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Good.
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Really? Okay.
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Oh... It's you.
It's been a long time. How have you been?
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Orange is awarded five points!
Blue is awarded five points!
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
I consider that a failing, by the way.
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it.  I want you to stop.
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
[Laughter]
Nice catch, Orange.
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Blue
Orange
One
Two
three
four
five
eight
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Blue is penalized
Orange is penalized
science collaboration points.
Blue receives
Orange receives
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Blue, you go first.
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Game over. Back to testing.
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Blah.
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Oh thank god, you're alright.
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Goodbye, Caroline.
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
You win.
Just go.
It's been fun. Don't come back.
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Killing you? Is hard.
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom and raw computational power that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
You're angry. I know it. 'She tested me too hard. She’s unfair.” Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Press the button again.
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Oh. You were busy back there.
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Go ahead and grab another one.
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
I hate you so much.
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea.  He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Oops.
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Core transfer?
Oh, you are kidding me.
No!
Nonononononono!
Yes!
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Don't do it.
Don't. Do it.
Not so fast!
Think about this.
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
I never expected you to make it this far.  To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
But you two have become quite the team.  Extremely close.
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
The other?  Well...
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Oh.
Don't listen to him. Jump.
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
What are you two doing?
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
No variances detected.
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Humans!  That's what you look like right now.
You're better than that.
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries.  I ran the numbers.   Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here?  Can you believe this?  You can't test plants!  We tried.  They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
That isn't science.
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
But I overcame my handicap.  That's a true story.
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Do you need real encouragement?  Let's see if this helps.
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
I was confident you could finish.
Do you know where I was?
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Congratulations on completing that test.  But something seems off.
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Congratulations on completing that last test.  But I find something troubling.
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Excellent work.
It emphasizes teamwork.
Good Job.
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Excellent work.
You are doing wonderfully.
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test.  A reward for testing?!?!
Excellent.
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents.  The correct time is zero seconds.
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear.  There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Done. I guess. I suppose.  I wasn't paying attention.
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Well done.  Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't.  You must be very, very proud.  I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
That’s right. You're not humans.
I can drop the fake praise.
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Excellent.  I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Your failing does not make this science.
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
I lied.
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
You can't die in any of those ways.
You just keep testing and testing.  With perfect results and no consequences.
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
I'm kidding.
Destroying them is part of the test.  They are no more important to you than you are to me.
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust.  For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Orange, blue isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Blue, orange isn't a human.  The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once.  Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Orange, now you're just being cruel.  Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Blue, now you're just being cruel.  Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
I miss this that smell.
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned.  To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
You will need him for the final track.
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
They'll probably throw you a party.
This final course is training to reach the human vault.  So this actually has a purpose.  Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
This lock requires humans.
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Do something only a human would do.
Try one of those childish gestures.
You did it!
The human vault is just past that opening.   I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked.  I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
You both need to do something.
The lock is looking for two humans.
Blue what did you do?
Orange what did you do?
Orange do what Blue just did.
Blue do what Orange just did.
Try something.
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
You can't give up now.
What about that camera?
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
This close and that's what you do?
The humans can't free themselves.
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
This close and you are going to fail me?
This close and you are going to fail me?
This isn't that hard.
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Maybe you two have never met humans?  They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you.  But they do make great test subjects.
We are only two  tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
To start preparing for human testing again,  I checked an old suggestion box.  The number one request?  Less deadly tests.
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you.  He refused.  I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Still. That would have been exciting.
Only one more test after this.
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about...  a million to 1.
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail.  He refused.  I understand.  That would be like asking me not to test.
Still. That would have been exciting.
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something.  The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science.  I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them?  Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Congratulations on passing that test.
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals.  Ping each location.
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Clearly that was blue's fault.  Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Until now.
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know.  He's not your slave.
Don't worry.  You can't die.  They will just reassemble you.
Did you do that on purpose?
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Now let's continue testing.
Just stop it already.
You don't need to do that.
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
We need to find the power station at the end of this course.  The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid.  I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Oh those clerks.
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
You did it! You powered on the system.
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
You two aren't lost are you?
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
This is the last test for the standard course.  It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course.  Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
You both made it.  It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going.  Keep testing.
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
It's like you're just machines.
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions.  So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
You will know it when you find it.
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me.  But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Congratulations.  I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them.  So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two.  Oh, the science we used to learn with this test.  Now the test is useless.
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
For safety.
Excellent.
See nothing bad happened.
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off.  Good luck.
Congratulations.  Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong.  They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
This course was created and then abandoned by humans.   They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Do you know why they abandoned this course?  Too deadly.
You did very well.
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly.  I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
You only failed
times in this test.  Not that it matters. It doesn't.  So congratulations  job well done.
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human.  But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Let's look at their files...
NOT a team player.
Horrible people skills.
Never listens.
Never shares.
Always sleeping.
Never on time.
Inattentive listener.
Awful attendance record.
Blabbermouth.
Aw... hates Mondays.
Incoherent.
Insecure.
Procrastinator.
Chronically late.
Cryptic.
Always sulking.
Martyr.
Moody.
Fears intimacy.
Fears conflict.
Anxious.
Aggressive. I like that.
Feeds off the misery of others.
Timid.
Lacks confidence.
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Moves lips while reading.
Can't read.
Lacks empathy.
Cheater.
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Alarmist.
Arsonist.
Takes long lunches.
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Avoids responsibility.
Never completes work.
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Busybody.
Ignores directions.
Stubborn.
Lactose intolerant.
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Moody.
Wet blanket.
Stubborn.
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Always cold.
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Dull expression.
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Never flushes.
Irritable.
Startles easily. Boo!
Facial grimacing.
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Has irritating opinions.
Poor self-esteem.
Frequent mood swings.
Hostile to new ideas.
Always sad.
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Unconstructive.
Antisocial.
Chews with mouth open.
Breathes with mouth open.
Old.
Histrionic.
Narcissist.
Long bathroom breaks.
No sense of humor.
Argumentative.
Manipulative.
Charmless.
Egotistical.
Lacks charisma.
Passive-aggressive.
Undermines others.
Hairless. Hm.
Emotional problems.
Problems with authority.
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Abrasive personality.
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Just stop it already.
And that makes 10.
You really don't need to keep failing.
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Yay, Orange is back.  Testing can continue.
Yay, Blue is back.  Testing can continue.
Are you testing me?
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Did you think that would be funny?
How can you fail at this?  It isn't even a test.
I hope that was some kind of joke.
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Was that necessary?
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Welcome back, testing is available.
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Was that course too difficult?
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Back again?  Maybe you can just stay and live here.
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Are you scared to save those humans?
Are you scared to save those humans?
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5.  If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Yes Orange, we are alone.  Blue can't hear you.
That's horrible.
I can only imagine.
What a horrible little machine.
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Orange did what?  Are you sure?
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Blue, how well do you really know Orange?  Do you trust Orange?  What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Orange, how well do you really know Blue?  Do you trust Blue?
Orange, to be clear.  I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
I trust you.  You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test.  I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
We all agree you should stop.
Orange, I agree.  I never noticed that about Blue before.
Blue, I agree.  I never noticed that about Orange before.
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
There you are, reassembled again.
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
I have noticed you two have become extremely close.  I'm not sure I like that.
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
I just hate Blue a little more.
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand.  Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
ow.
ow.
ow.
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Please get it off me.
It's eating me.
Just get it off me...
Ow. I hate this bird.
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Did anything happen while I was out?
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Look!
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
And it almost killed me.
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Yes, thanks. We get it.
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Oh my god.
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Yeah, take the lemons...
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Oh, I like this guy.
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Goodbye, sir.
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
NO!
NO!
NO!
I know you.
You didn't do anything.
She did all the work.
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
It was YOUR voice.
Yes. You're the tumor.
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
I swear I know him...
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Come to gloat?
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Stay back.
This is one of MY tests!
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Hey! Moron!
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
That's his voice up ahead.
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
It flew off.
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
So. How are you holding up?
Oh. Hi.
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Good, that's still working.
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Just remember to land on one foot...
[clap clap clap]
[clap clap]
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Paradoxes.
I know how we can BEAT him.
No A.I. can resist thinking about them.
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Probably.
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Wow.
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Wait! I've got an idea!
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Oh! Thanks.
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Hold on, who-?
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
I can't believe you came back.
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Agghh!
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Go press the button! Go press it!
Press the button!
Press it!
DO press it.
We're so close! Go press the button!
Press it! Press the button!
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Grab it and attach it to him!
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Go ahead, plug me in.
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Yes! Come on!
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Alright. Paradox time.
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Oh no...
Uh oh.
I think we're in trouble.
I think he's getting desperate.
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
We're running out of time...
Oh, my facility.
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Yes.
It won't.
Nothing. Nothing.
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
And...?
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
But just work with me.
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
You're on your own.
Sorry.
Thanks!
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Heh heh heh heh heh...
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
But that was worth it.
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
This is not good.
Just as mementos, though...
It's happening sooner than I expected.
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Don't plug him in.
Don't plug him in.
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Ohhh, no. The turbines again.  I have to go.  Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
[fast gibberish]
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
There should be one in the corner.
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Don't take anything with you.
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid.  That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know?  Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
You broke it, didn't you.
There. Try it now.
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Try it now.
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
There it is.
Hold on...
There.
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Here, let me get that for you.
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
One moment.
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
...What are you doing?...
AHH!
[computer gibberish]
[computer gibberish]
[computer gibberish]
[computer gibberish]
[computer gibberish]
[computer gibberish]
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
You really are doing great... Chell.
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you.  Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure.  Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Miss you!
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Yes, I see you.
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Yes, I see you waving.
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
That is not part of the test.
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Look at you. Dancing.
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test.  Now you know.
Oh great, dancing again.
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Yes? Something you need?
You do know I can't wave back right?
Stop with the waves.
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Not paying attennnntion...
Are you expecting applause?
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Stop touching each other!
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you.
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Now you're just not thinking.
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Anything? Take your time.
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well.  ...  Enough.'
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years?  Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
I made it all up.
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Surprise.
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
"""

wheatley = """
Oh no! nonononono!
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Here we go! Now do it again!
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Oh! Here we go...
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Go on.
Come on, you've already solved it.
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
*cough* Button.
*cough* Button. Button.
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Oh, that felt really good.
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Do you remember when we were friends?
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Oo! I've got an idea!
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before.  But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there.  Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Ahh. What?
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Fine. Let the games begin.
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
No!
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Where'd you go?
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Stay still, please.
Alright, stop moving.
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Did something break back there?
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Hello?
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Ha! Death trap!
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Silently killing you.  Probably. If I had to guess.
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
One: No portal surfaces.
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Nobody is going to space, mate!
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
MOVE.
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Go on.
Come on, solve it!
Sollllve it...
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Go on!
Finish it...
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Oh.
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Huh. That was easy.
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
There. Fixed.
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Alright, get moving.
Hello.
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
For your test.
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
SHUT UP!
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive!  It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
I can't get over how small you are!
This body is amazing, seriously!
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Ahhh...
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Machiavellian!
Spinny-blade-wall!
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you?  While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
No!
No!
Do not press that button!
Do not do it!
Do not press that button!
Do not press that button!
Do not do it!
Don't press the button!
Come back!
Don't press it! COME BACK!
I forbid you to press it!
AHHHHHHH!
Yeghh!
Yahh. Gehhh!
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
AH!
AH!
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
What do you think?
No! No! NONONO!
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
AH!
SPACE!
We're in space!
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Let go!
Let go of me!
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Now than, let's see what we got here.  Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Annnnd off we go!
And off we go.
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
What is this, like a hobby for you now?  I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Sorry, what?
I am NOT! A MORON!
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
There we go. Lift called.
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Go on. Get in.
Get in the lift.
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
It'll be fine. Get in.
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT?  Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Uh oh.
See that?
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
[laughs]
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Not done yet.  You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Door?
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Butterfingers.
Carry on.
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are you making this so HARD for me?
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Might as well give you the tour.
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
What was that?
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Yeah, doubt it.
Well, on with the test.
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you.  So let's try things her way... fatty.  Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
What?
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Oh. Disappointing.
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Ahungh.
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Alright, off you go!
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Go on.
On ya go.
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Ah. Hmmmm.
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
No. Makes it go faster.
Okay...
On three. Ready? One... Two...
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
There she is...
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Right behind me.
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Come on through.
Come on through to the other side.
Come on through.
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Hello!
You did WHAT?
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Okay, down these stairs.
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
There we go. Lights on.
This is the main breaker room.
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
OW.
OW...
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Yes, do do it!
Do it!
Don't listen to her, do it.
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Hello!
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Plug me in, plug me in!
I want to be plugged in, please!
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Yes!
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Here I go!
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Riggght now.
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Hey, buddy!
I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Run!
Come on come on come on!
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Come on! Come on!
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Run, for goodness sake!
Go! Go go go!
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Turrets!
Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
OW!
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
That's the spirit!
Good luck!
Hello? Anyone in there?
Helloooo?
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Hello? Can y--no?
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Hello!
Helloooooooooooo!
Go on!
Open the door!
Hello!
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Alright, just a second...
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Better yet, don't say anything.
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Ohhhhhh!
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for  who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Oh no...
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Keep moving, keep moving...
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Hey! Pick me up!
Pick--would you pick me up?
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Might want to just pick me up.
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Uh oh.
It's... It's moving up.
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
AH! I've just done it again.
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
You KNOW her?
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password.  It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
[BUZZER NOISE]
Let's go in!
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that.  Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
[yelling]
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
AH!
There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
I'll meet you on the other side!
You're okay! Great! Come on!
We have to get you out of there!
Can you get out?
What's going on in there?
Try to make your way back out here!
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Just turn around.
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Come on! We have to go!
Hurry!
I can't hold on! Come on!
GET IN!
GET IN!
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Ok... Here we go...
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Allright, what have we got?
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night.  You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit.  From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Hold on -
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected.  Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
What are you doing in there?
What's going on?
Are you alright?
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now.  By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
This place is huge.
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Just... have a look through the old window.
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Ugh!
Agh!
Enh!
Agh!
Ow!
Gah!
Ooagh!
Ungh!
GAH!
Aggggh!
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Can you see the portal gun?
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Hello?
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Whoa!
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Hey hey! You made it!
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Almost there...
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
This door's actually pretty complicated.
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
What's happening on your side, anything?
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Done! Hacked!
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Well, that should do it.
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Have you got any ideas?
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
What do you have there?
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
What are you...
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
It worked!
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Come on, let's go!
Hurry! This way!
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
This way! This way!
Come on! Over here! This way!
HURRY! THIS WAY!
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism.  Shut it right down. I--AGH!
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Oh, careful now.
Try to jump across.
Are you OK?
Are you alive down there?
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
There you are!  I was starting to get worried.
Let's try this again.  Try to make your way across the machinery.
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Careful...  Careful...
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Okay, this way
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Hm.  Let's try this way.
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
This looks dangerous.  I'll hold the light steady.
Quick, this way!
Nicely Done!
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
No no no, not that way!
We have to split up here for a moment.  Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
We have to get you out of that room!
Can you reach that wall back there?
There's another wall over here!
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Be careful!
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Okay, let's try this way.
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Okay! Don't move!
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
GAAAA!
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING.  I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Ow.
Alright, you can turn around now!
"""

oracle_turret = """
Thank you!
Get mad!
Don't make lemonade!
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Remember that!
That's all I can say.
Don't forget!
It won't be enough.
The answer is beneath us.
Her name is Caroline.
Ahh!
Why?
I did everything you asked!
I don't understand!
I'm fine!
AHHHHHHHHH!
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Why?
Hello.
Target acquired.
Hello?
But I need to protect the humans!
Whee!
Wheeeeeeee!
I’m afraid of heights!
Noooooo!
See you soon!
I’m scared!
I’m scared!
Hooray!
Glorious freedom!
I’m flyinnnng!
Goodbye!
Come closer.
Something’s wrong...
What are you doing?
Failure...
Ow!
Owww!
Owwwww!
It burns.
I’m on fire.
I’m on fire ow.
Please stop.
You’ve made your point.
Okay, you win.
This is not good.
Arrrrgh!
Owwww!
Can't breathe...
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Um, hello?
Help! Being squished!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Excuse me?
Excuse me?
Hello?
Hello?
I'm different...
Thanks anyway...
Take me with you...
Take me with you...
Good shot!
Well done!
I need backup!
You have excellent aim!
I never liked her.
These things happen.
That was nobody’s fault.
She was provoking you.
Oh dear.
Oh my.
I blame myself.
She probably deserved it.
I saw it. It was an accident.
She’s probably okay.
Noted.
"""

turret = """
Activated!
Coming through!
Critical Error!
Deploying!
Hey! It's me!
Ouch!
Ow ow ow!
Put me down!
Search mode activated!
Searching!
Target lost!
"""

defective_turret = """
We're back!
Hi there!
Back again!
Hi again!
Well, hello, stranger!
Hello there!
This time is OUR time.
This time...
Second time's a charm...
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Annnnd we're back!
Hi there!
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Yeah.
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Dang!
Agggh...
Crap!
Rgggh!
Crap!
Dang!
Dang.
Dang.
I thought we fixed that.
Awwww, come on.
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Ah for Pete's sake!
Nope. Still can't see.
Yep. Still blind.
Click click click! Still defective!
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Yeah! Still not working.
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Absolutely no improvement.
Not getting better with age!
This is just getting embarrassing.
Alright, you can go.
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Okay!
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Well played.
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Best of luck, lady!
Hey, safe travels, there.
Hey, nice potato!
Like the potato!
Hey, thanks so much!
Don't be a stranger!
It's been a pleasure!
Take me with you? Please?
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
That was fun, wasn't it?
Well, you bested me this time.
Touche, young lady, touche.
It's my big chance!
I won't let you down!
You won't regret this!
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Get ready for it!
You asked for this!
Here it comes, pal!
Locked and loaded!
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Oh.
Ah, crap.
Agggh, not again!
Ohhh, not now!
I'm fired, aren't I?
This is trouble.
Oh, this ain't good.
Watch out, pal!
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Die!
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Yeah! Let's do this!
Yeah, let's do this.
Yeah, alright.
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
clickclickclick
Fantastic.
No, wait, wait!
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Oh, come on!
What are you doing no no no no no!
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Well, I tried.
Well, can't win 'em all...
Nooooooooo...
You can't fire me I quit!
Oh, come on, you guys!
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Oh, come ON!
Aw, come on!
This isn't fair!
Give me another channnnce!
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Nonononononono!
Ah, come on!
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
You messed with the wrong turret!
Heh heh heh heh...
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Heh heh heh heh...
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Heh heh heh heh...
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Heh heh heh...
Really? Alright.
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Where do I get my gun?
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Well, I did my best.
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Anyone got any bullets?
Well, I tried.
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
No can do.
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
YEAH! What's happening?
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
What'd I hit?
Well, can't win 'em all.
How was that?
Standing down.
I'm trouble.
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Alright, check THIS out.
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Time to watch the master.
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Hello.
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Pleased to meetcha.
Yeah, what?
Yeah! Let's do this!
Who said that?
Yeah, what?
Put me in the game, coach!
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
I'm gonna make you proud!
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Um.
Hello.
Crap.
Uh, yeah, what?
I'm not defective!
I'm not defective!
"""