essays.csv

#AUTHID,text,ext,neu,agr,con,opn
1997_504851.txt,"Well, right now I just woke up from a mid-day nap. It's sort of weird, but ever since I moved to Texas, I have had problems concentrating on things. I remember starting my homework in  10th grade as soon as the clock struck 4 and not stopping until it was done. Of course it was easier, but I still did it. But when I moved here, the homework got a little more challenging and there was a lot more busy work, and so I decided not to spend hours doing it, and just getting by. But the thing was that I always paid attention in class and just plain out knew the stuff, and now that I look back, if I had really worked hard and stayed on track the last two years without getting  lazy, I would have been a genius, but hey, that's all good. It's too late to correct the past, but I don't really know how to stay focused n the future. The one thing I know is that when  people say that b/c they live on campus they can't concentrate, it's b. s. For me it would be easier there, but alas, I'm living at home under the watchful eye of my parents and a little nagging sister that just nags and nags and nags. You get my point. Another thing is, is that it's just a hassle to have to go all the way back to  school to just to go to library to study. I need to move out, but I don't know how to tell them. Don't get me wrong, I see where they're coming from and why they don't  want me to move out, but I need to get away and be on my own. They've sheltered me so much and I don't have a worry in the world. The only thing that they ask me to do is keep my room clean and help out with the business once in a while, but I can't even do that. But I need to. But I got enough money from UT to live at a dorm or apartment  next semester and I think I’ll take advantage of that. But off that topic now, I went to sixth street last night and had a blast. I haven't been there in so long. Now I know why I love Austin so much. When I lived in VA, I used to go up to DC all the time and had a blast, but here, there are so many students running around at night. I just want to have some fun and I know that I am responsible enough to be able to  have fun, but keep my priorities straight. Living at home, I can't go out at all without them asking where? with who?  why?  when are you coming back?  and all those  questions. I just wish I could be treated like a responsible person for once, but  my sister screwed that up for me. She went crazy the second she moved into college and messed up her whole college career by partying too much. And that's the ultimate reason that they don't want me to go and have fun. But I'm not little anymore,  and they need to let me go and explore the world, but I’m Indian; with Indian culture, with Indian values. They go against ""having fun. ""  I mean in the sense of meeting people or going out with people or partying or just plain having fun. My school is difficult already, but somehow I think that having more freedom will put more pressure on me to  do better in school b/c that's what my parents and ultimately I expect of myself. Well it's been fun writing, I don't know if you go anything out of this writing, but it helped me get some of my thoughts into order. So I hope you had fun reading it and good luck TA's.    ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_605191.txt,"Well, here we go with the stream of consciousness essay. I used to do things like this in high school sometimes. They were pretty interesting, but I often find myself with a lack of things to say. I normally consider myself someone who gets straight to the point. I wonder if I should hit enter any time to send this back to the front. Maybe I'll fix it later. My friend is playing guitar in my room now. Sort of playing anyway. More like messing with it. He's still learning. There's a drawing on the wall next to me. Comic book characters I think, but I'm not sure who they are. It's been a while since I've kept up with comic's. I just heard a sound from ICQ. That's a chat program on the internet. I don't know too much about it so I can't really explain too well. Anyway, I hope I'm done with this by the time another friend comes over. It will be nice to talk to her again. She went home this weekend for Labor Day. So did my brother. I didn't go. I'm not sure why. No reason to go, I guess. Hmm. when did I start this. Wow, that was a long line. I guess I won't change it later. Okay, I'm running out of things to talk about. I've found that happens to me a lot in conversation. Not a very interesting person, I guess. Well, I don't know. It's something I'm working on. I'm in a class now that might help. The phone just rang. Should I get it?  The guy playing the guitar answered it for me. It's for my roommate. My suitemate just came in and started reading this. I'm uncomfortable with that. He's in the bathroom now. You know, this is a really boring piece of literature. I never realized how dull most everyday thoughts are. Then again, when you keep your mind constantly moving like this, there isn't really time to stop and think deeply about things. I wonder how long this is going to be. I think it's been about ten minutes now. Only my second line. How sad. Well, not really considering how long these lines are. Anyway, I wonder what I'm going to do the rest of the night. I guess there's always homework to do. I guess we'll see. This seat is uncomfortable. My back sort of hurts. I think I'm going to have arthritis when I get older. I always thought that I wouldn't like to grow old. Not too old, I suppose. I've always been a very active person. I have a fear of growing old, I think. I guess it'll go away as I age gradually. I don't know how well I'd deal with paralysis from an accident though. As long as I have God and my friends around, I'll be okay though. I'm pretty thirsty right now. There isn't much to drink around my room. Ultimate Frisbee, I haven't played that all summer. Fun game, but tiring. I'm out of shape. I'd like to get in better shape, but I hate running. It's too dull for me. Hmmm. it's almost over now. Just a few more minutes. Let's see if I make it to the next line. Short reachable goals!  Whatever. Anyway, what else do I have to do tonight. I guess I could read some. My shirt smells like dinner. It's pretty disgusting. I need to wake up for a 9:30 am class tomorrow. I remember when that wasn't early at all. Well, I made it to the next line. I'm so proud of myself. That's sarcasm, by the way. I wonder if I was suppose to right this thing as a narrative. Oh well too late now. Time for me to head out. Until next time, good bye and good luck. I don't know. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_687252.txt,"An open keyboard and buttons to push. The thing finally worked and I need not use periods, commas and all those thinks. Double space after a period. We can't help it. I put spaces between my words and I do my happy little assignment of jibber-jabber. Babble babble babble for 20 relaxing minutes and I feel silly and grammatically incorrect. I am linked to an unknown reader. A graduate student with an absurd job. I type. I jabber and I think about dinoflagellates. About sunflower crosses and about the fiberglass that has be added to my lips via clove cigarettes and I think about things that I shouldn't be thinking. I know I shouldn't be thinking. or writing let's say/  So I don't. Thoughts don't solidify. They lodge in the back. behind my tongue maybe. Somewhere at the point of hiding but   dinoflaghelates, protistas and what was that sea weed. I think about the San Luiz valley and I think about the mushrooms in cow shit. I think about the ticos and I think about the chiggers that are living in my legs. I itch. I coat myself with clear nail polish in hopes to suffocate the bugs that are living in my legs and I remember Marco. I remember Ecuador  and I think about my thoughts and what I am not supposed to be doing in this assignment. Thoughts. I wonder if I think in sentences I wonder what affect my slowish typing has on my stream of consciousness and I wonder if there is a way that typing speed can be measured in this study  so that so link some generalization of dorky 301 psyc students. green and the table in my kitchen makes me want to vomit. orange. What an absurd color. wish I wasn't in the united state. My greencard runs out in a few years wonder what I do. I hope Dr. Linder gets back in his lab because I really need to find out if he has funds to pay me. May have to go back to the library. Brainless job of nothingness that would make me wallow in the world of boredom which isn't entirely bad. Need to focus on school organics and such. Period. Two spaces after the period. Mistakes and I want to eat not hungry and I wonder how many people talk about food in there little computer ramblings  Feel open and Happy that I am not having to edit this. Type type I don't know what I am think Hannah Imi and Osdprey house. I remember when I went down to that . she had spiders on hurt wall pain all over the place and we painted clouds on the ceiling and the blue walls were so obnoxious. Carey. Sex sex sex. yeah. This is a strange assignment and Portonoy's complaint is ringing in my head. Eager to finish so that I can start for Whom the Bell Tolls and get on with it. Bio and Carbon atoms bonds and orbitals. Thinking  about the electron configuration that surrounds the last letter in my first name and I think that I must have been granted a full ""s"" orbital  one up and one down. spinning on opposite directions and I am thinking about Scottish poetry about Mike in his kilt and about my guitar that I am slowly slowly slowly learning to play. I wonder what goes on in this study. I wonder if those happy little bored entertained grad students will scan words and I wonder how I can mess up this study? Random words like . don't know. ;Me me me me me and I wish that some things were easier and I wish that I had been keeping my eye on the clock. Wondering how long I have been typing and wishing that I was finished because I need to find out if I have to / will work in the Botany lab again and all that . ILS Belly and the Flamenco. Bjork and Rozamond Cockrill kickin' it in Saratoga Springs. I hate Molly's cat and wish that it could be exchanged for a worthwhile ferret. Type type type. I have managed to waste over 20 minutes of time I think. Who knows. What If I was to write this out and it took 30 minutes to write and 15 minutes to type. Thinking about nothing and wishing that some financial aid would come my way. Need a job and a sprinkling of time. Time to go and sign outta here. trees ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_568848.txt,"I can't believe it!  It's really happening!  My pulse is racing like mad. So this is what it's like. now I finally know what it feels like. just a few more steps. I wonder if he is going to get any sleep tonight!?  I sure won't!  Well, of course I have a million deadlines to meet tomorrow so I'll be up late anyway. But OH! I'm so so excited!  Yes!  Yes!  I can't believe it is finally happening. Wait! Calm down. We aren't officially a couple yet. What if I end up not liking him?  That would be horrible. Oh great, I wonder how long it'll take me to finish those Calculus problems?  I'll get it done. Don't you always, Amy?  I can't believe Bob did it!  He really did it!  He is THE miracle worker. If things turn out all right I will owe him more than I can ever repay. I wonder what Steve is doing in Malaysia right now?  An entire month!  I'll likely clean out his refrigerator by then. Omigosh!  Food, lunch tomorrow, what will I ever say to him?  He is perfect in every way imaginable. It is so important for him to think of me the same way. well, maybe not Perfect, but certainly dynamic. Who would have ever thought!  Good things do indeed come to those who wait!  Oh, I'll have to remember to sign the poster he made tomorrow morning. I hope Steve's alarm clock is reliable and I don't oversleep. That would be tragic if I slept 'til noon and missed the lunch. Thank goodness Portia is coming along. I will definitely need her support as well as Bob's. just having her there will take away some of the tension and put me more at ease. I'll have to rehearse what I say beforehand. things can only get better from here, right? hopefully. oh, I'm so nervous!  He will be too. maybe even more so. it'll be ok. Why in the world do humans put themselves through such torture. maybe love is really worth it?    ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_688160.txt,"Well, here I go with the good old stream of consciousness assignment again. I feel like I'm back in freshman HS English class again. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you, but my English teacher freshman year made us do these assignments constantly, and mine were always completely ridiculous, like, ""wow, I'm really hungry. I wish I could go to Taco Bell. ""  They really had no point, except as busy work. In a psychology class, though, I can see the reasoning behind an assignment like this. Just letting my mind go free, and putting my random thoughts down in writing could be a big help in figuring out why I'm such a psychological screw-up. Well, that's not true. I don't want y'all getting the wrong idea about me, being that today was the first day of class and all. I'm really not a nut case. People may think I am, but really, I'm a normal kind of gal. Actually, down here in Texas, I guess I'm not normal. I don't like to eat biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and country fried steak with fried okra for dinner. I'm from Connecticut, and we don't even HAVE okra, much less worship it like it's some kind of vegetable goddess. My mind is starting to go blank--performance pressure I guess. I'm on the spot here--I don't want you all to be bored while you're reading this, if you ever do get around to reading this, that is. Well, I'm not going to stress just yet, so you're probably going to have to listen to some of my random, incoherent babbling for a few paragraphs. These computers are a big old pain in the ass. Here in the SMF, sure, they've got a bajillion computers, but unfortunately, we've got 42 bajillion students trying to use them, all at the same time. I think I'll be spending quite a few late, late nights in the computer center, just to get my stuff done. Yippee. That's what college is all about--late nights in the libraries. Yeah. Right. At this point, I don't even know what college is all about. I probably shouldn't say anything though, seeing as how I'm going to have to write another one of these thingys in a few days, where the topic is ""college""  Blah, blah, blah. I can't believe I'm actually doing this assignment on the same day that is was assigned!  Go me!  Talk about dedication. I really can't believe this. In high school, procrastination was my middle name. No, it was my first name. By second semester, I have more free periods in a day than actual classes, so I didn't have to do a damn thing. It was great!  Unfortunately, because of that, I'm going to have to work that much harder here at UT, to get those studying skills back up to par. High School. Now that was a trip. When I was there, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I hated that school, that town, everything except my friends, of course. Then, my family moved, right after graduation, and I learned real quick that there were worse places to be than in my old town. At least back home I have my friends and my boyfriend and my piece of crap car, and I knew what there was to do. After I moved, I had no friends, no life, no car, no nothing. I worked all day. That's it. now, though, I'm ready for this whole college thing. Austin seems like a fun city, where I might actually enjoy spending the next four years. Oh yeah. While we're on the subject of ""four years,""  why is it that all the professors & administrators that give speeches and stuff always make it sound like we'll be in college for like, 5 or 6 years?  I'm sorry, but I plan on graduating in 4 years. What's the problem here?  What are people doing, that they can't graduate in 4 years?  I just don't get it. no offense if any of y'all reading this took like 7 years to do your undergrad work. I'm not trying to knock you, just trying to figure this out. Well, it's 9:19, exactly 18 minutes after I started this nifty little piece of writing that makes no sense and has no point. I'm not really sure if I have fulfilled this assignment, like if I was supposed to analyze my personal stream of consciousness, where it took me, and what that means regarding my own personality. I guess if I had to, I could say that my mind works in mysterious ways, and even if the above essay seems to be illogically connected, to me, I can see the patterns. Yeah. I just went back & tried to read this over again, and I've got to give a suggestion. For these assignments, make the box we're writing in a box where you can see the whole line of writing at one time, without have to scroll across , because it's a real big pain for me, and I'm sure it's just as big a pain for you when you're trying to read it. Unless, of course, when you read it, you can see the whole line at once. I don't know, just a suggestion!  Thanks for taking the time to give us all the opportunity to get an easy 10 % of out final grade through these writing assignments! ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_722902.txt,"Today. Had to turn the music down. Today I went to the KVRX meeting. I  will hopefully have my own radio show. I don’t know what I will talk about. I have considered in great depth and. Jeez this songs starts off quietly. cool beginning. should start louder. oh well can't all be perfect. My roommate is playing the same game . he plays that game too much and spends too much time with it. does he get homework?  I just don't know. This song is rather erotic. in a very deep and disturbing way. I can't decide whether I actually want to study medical technology or not. I love many things form chemistry to mycology to religious studies/. speaking  of which I had a very good time at my PSA meeting. Pagan student alliance. ahh. gotta love that screech the chairs let when you push them back. ahhhhh. well. oh yeah at the meeting I met several people. Caleb seems rather worried about one of the women. though he is bound and like wise I am unable  to speak ill of her. Well I am in charge of running our booth Monday. or is it Tuesday. That song is one again. his team (my roommate) I s winning. YEESH. Well I guess if he enjoys it. my typing is rather poor and this assignment is taking a long time. 20 minutes. been 5. . lalalalalalalal. Yes the meeting. I talked about shamanism. which apparently comes from a Siberian word. being that there are several hundred different shamanic following in this world. due to the vast number of tribes that speckle our world. Peter Steele has a very sexy voice. I would love to make love to this song,. Well. too much. info. /. Dtos are fun ellipses. that word too is fun. I think that perhaps I am slowly running out of things to say. . That song reminds me of my young age. riding in the car and talking to my  family. the streetlights were bright back then and things were happy. or where they. perhaps not,, I don't remember that well. My car was full of all of us and the  dog wasn't around. She isn't anymore either. epilepsy has taken her from this incarnation. I wonder what she is  doing now. Does she know that I miss her???? I  wish I could find out. Possibly clairvoyance. That is of course under the assumption that spirits are all equal. they are. I know. For I am. Yes I was and shall be. ever. My childhood bears a interesting mark of past fuzziness. I can't seem to recollect exact details like others. very brown. ,. fuzzy is the best word. The 80's really did suck. I wonder why that CD is still lying there on the answering machine. I love bright circling colors. they interest me. not in a psychotic manner but in a very hypnotic manner. they calm. I like to be calm and sedate/. Though activity on occasion is good. . . . Grey is not a good color. neutral  yes but very passive. though passive is good. Taoism. there's a philosophy. They believe that by doing nothing they do everything. interesting. I am currently reading Aleister Crowley His hermetic order seems rather interesting though a bit on the abnormal and almost eccentric side. I remember reading stories about spiders. And milkmen in fields with roses. no daisies. yeah daisies. Looking down upon the daisies as they look up to me. I want to do a past life regression and find out who I was. I wonder if I have been anyone famous or popular. Wow I am saying some rather strange things. interesting. I didn't. . My head hurts. and my room is hot. I would like to stop this. I have 3 minutes left and nothing to say except for watching my fingers press the buttons is a rather enjoyable activity. they press slowly and heavy. sometimes fast and lithe. I mean light. yeah light. so I hope I am doing this right. I am putting my consciousness on record for others to read. I guess that's cool. It should be interesting though I have said very little. I wonder what other are saying. ahh the three minutes have passed and my typing ill now slow to a halt. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_724708.txt,"Stream of consciousness. What should I write about. Am I supposed to have some kind of direction or am I supposed to write exactly what I am thinking. This feels like a very strange assignment. for homework it seems that it I pretty easy. Actually it would be pretty intense if this was worth more than however much it is worth. Hmm  for some reason I am blanked out, and it seems like I am thinking about nothing. Oh well. Lets see what happened today. I lucked out on my econ quiz, I was actually able to guess my way to a 100. What are the chances of that. having faith definitely pays off. I always say that it is important to have faith. That’s my motto in life. Have faith and have fun. Life is a funny thing. One minute your there and gone the next. It is like Louie the Lug Mcgurg for example. He died tragically at 18. I am 18 what happened. Somebody stepped on his fingers. And that killed him. well he was hanging of the 11th story of the hotel at the time. Poor lug. No Poor Mrs. the Lug. Now she is on the streets selling apples. The point is that the lug did not plan ahead and the government got everything. Oscar was a damn intense movie. It seems very difficult to figure out what I am thinking. Wen I try I blank out, and I keep trying to figure out what stream of consciences s then. Life is good. This entire internet business is pretty cool. I never would of thought I could write a paper, and then send it to a teacher by pushing a submit button. I wonder how much longer I will be writing this. I only have ten more minutes left. Everyone always asks what you are thinking about, when you are just sitting there thinking. Usually you say nothing because you just don't want to tell them. Now I am trying to think of what I am thinking and I am getting nothing. Cricket is a great sport. There is going to be the Sahara cup going to be played in Canada. It is India vc. Paistan. One of the biggest cricketing rivalries in the world. Team Pak is going to be victorious. Aamir sohai is a great Cricketer. I can not believe that they dropped him from the team. Granted he was a little out of form, but he would have taken the Indian crap bowlers around the park and back. This is beginning to seem kind of silly. I hope that was your point. I wonder if any body is actually going to read this. For some reason I doubt it. Whoever is reading it though I feel sorry for. That is a lot peoples garbage talk you have to read. Maybe it isn't. I have no idea what it is. This screen is really weird. How come only three lines have popped up. I have been writing for 15 minutes. Is this some kind of ploy so we can not see what we have written. I can not believe that I only thought about that now. In fact I just noticed that only this much was on the screen. Very Very Interesting. I am getting tired of typing. I am waiting for these final minutes to tick away. I hope you gain something out of this, because I don’t think I will. actually I might, but I have no idea how. I was thinking about quitting early, but what if you had some kind of device that told you how long I was on for. That is actually pretty scary. only god knows what technology can do nowadays. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading this. It is quite possible that I have enjoyed writing it. It is fun and relaxing to write something, without having o go back and proofread. It seems like you are an expert typer actually. Anyway now my 20 minutes are up, so have faith and have fun. If you read this give me an A. Even though It does not matter. This completion grade stuff is amazing. All my classes should do it. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_724794.txt,"The RTF305 Usenet site is a piece of garbage!  I just sent my first required message, only to have another person's name in the From slot!  Now I probably won't get credit, and worse yet, I can't access it again!  The computers here suck!  It's bad enough I wait in line just to use one. Well, that's it, I have  got to get my own. Or perhaps, bring my old one from home. It seems different, even though basically everything is the same. It's on my desk at home right now. That antique desk where I spent hour after hour perfecting my work,  listening to my favorite music right now. I hear Journey, and String right now, now if that stereo down the hall would shut up!  What are they paying  for anyway?  They come miles upon miles, after earning the right to be here, and then squander it on stupid sound effects, and loud music. If I wanted to hear Inspector Gadget during the Simpson’s, I would change the channel!  I only get to watch t. v. for 30 minutes or so a day, and I certainly want to choose, and if my roommate and I don't choose, why should that inconsiderate shmuck down the hall get to!?  Speaking of halls, that turn was so tight in the one off of my computer room. I used to feel plush carpet under my feet, and the cold, refreshing taste of Coke when I walked quickly into the room to begin my work for the night. And all those shows that I missed! I missed countless mindless hours of television. Pure, mind-numbing entertainment, what can beat that. I see industrial carpet on the wall right now. How plush my bed was!  Jake used to love when I gave him nip, or scratched his ears at night. It reminds me of when that  bumpkin exterminator came to the large, clean, inviting house thought he was a bob cat. So the vet called him ""big-boned"", that doesn’t mean he was obese. So he ate 3 bowls a day, and was a 20 pound cat with a gut. That reminds me of ""Cats"" when the twenty pounder is the human equivalent of 300 or so pounds. That theatre rocked. I. M. Pei is awesome, but that other guy on t. v. is an eccentric freak. The Myerson is cool, I could go for some more hot chocolate now, just like during the Christmas musical we went to. That guy was pretty short who my mom worked with, and bald as a bowling alley floor. I have to play pool before I go insane!  That basement used to smell musty, but the sleepovers were fun.  ",0,0,0,1,1
1997_628043.txt,"I'm really unsure about this assignment because I'm afraid I won/t be able to think of things to say for 20 minutes so I'll start off with why I'm so mad right now. last night Allison, Rebecca, and Stephanie and I went with Paul and trey to go coon hunting because Allison and I went with them last weekend and it was fun, so anyway we drove for an hour to get to Killeen over this bridge that they hang prostitutes from no that was later first we went to this house that was so trashy that Rebecca didn't even want to go inside to use the bathroom so she went outside that’s gross then we drove to the place for hunting and  they made us get in the bed of the truck and trey drove about 50 mph and we were flying all around we played this I’ve never game I didn't realize that Rebecca and Stephanie are just like me that’s cool so then we go over this bridge that smells like shit or rotting carcasses or something and we were so scared because Stephanie was telling a ghost story abo9ut a bridge and then trey turned around and we went over the bridge about 3 more times we were so scared then we get to the field and Paul was already being an asshole and they took the dogs out Allison had begun Paul had Jodi and trey had flip and they left the walker bitch spice in the truck so we start walking toward the creek which turned out to be raw sewage and I refused to go any further and Paul screamed at me that I was a bitch and he didn't give a fuck what I did so I went back through the woods with no flashlight so I could get in the truck I have never been more scarred in my entire life I prayed the whole time and I took spice out because I was afraid that I was going to get raped and murdered or something I was bawling and trying to tell my parents through telepathy that I loved them and that I would miss them because I was going to die then I heard a voice yelling my name and asking for help it was trey he was coming back to make sure I was okay I was so happy then about  30 minutes later the others came back, they looked like night of the living dead with briars and thorns all in their hair they told me they wished they'd stayed with me then they got in their bras and panties because their clothes were soaked with sewage and we drove home the whole time Paul is bitching to Allison about everything and treating her like shit I think she could do so much better but she's in love and I told her that but we didn’t get home until 4am and I had a 10 class that I've missed too much already but I made it and that has basically what has been consuming me today I’m sorry if its not what you wanted. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_708036.txt,Today was a tough day for me. I can't believed I failed to talk to  Asweenee. No girl has ever had that much power on me. Its probably the sun kicking in. I can't wait to go to the football game on Saturday. UT  is definitely going to beat Rutgers b/c Rutgers lost last week to a weak team by more than 20 points. Calculus class is going to be boring tomorrow because the professor is going to continue his lecture on limits. I hope we get no homework or else I will be very busy Wed. night. That phone next door is driving me crazy! Why does Kyle have the ringer on so high? I need to buy the Bush CD soon. The songs on that CD will pump me up and let me overcome my fear of talking to Asweenee. I hope she remembers me from the concert and knows that I am not some weird freak. Neal seems to enjoy studying Chemistry for no reason because he does the extra problems even though they are not due at all. I guess he feels insecure about his ability in Chemistry. I hope the Giants win next week at Jacksonville. It should be a good game but knowing my luck they won't even televise that game. Who cares about the Cowboys?  Tonight I want to email Steve and tell him my difficult conquest for a girlfriend. Maybe things will clear up the next few days and I will finally have the courage to do what I am so good at: socializing. I have never froze up like this in a long time. Maybe I am thinking too much about screwing up. I know I am better than that. Baseball season is almost near the homestretch. I hope the Yankees can catch up to the Orioles and go back to the World Series. My parents are probably trying to call right now and are wondering why the phone line is busy. I wondering how Linh is adjusting at Rice?  I hope she is not getting too depressed about not seeing Paul because I am not there to help her get through this hard time. I am glad I was there for her this summer because she needed a good friend who could understand her. I really miss her a lot but at the same time I know she will be fine. I sound like her parents. I wonder how Craig's drive to Minnesota is?  His dad is probably giving him a lecture after what happened to him this summer. This room needs more AC. AC. The idiot next door is blaring his music. Spice girls suck!  If he is going to listen to music at least show some taste. I think I am starting to feel the effects of the Hunan chicken. That stuffed dog looks like Snoopy. Neal must be attached to this toy. ,1,1,1,1,0
1997_665915.txt,"Well, I am sitting in the library right now, you know the one across from  Jester Center. I am hard at work trying to think of things and writing  them down as I go along. Oh, I just heard someone moving in  his seat making  a creaking noise. There he goes again. Why can’t he this guy sit still. Boy am I sleepy, my neck has a cramp and there goes that guy again moving in  his in his seat. Oh, the fountain (I had to look up for this one) is making  noise. Okay. it stopped now. Boy am I tired. I wish I was sleeping right now. I can hear people walking in the distance and someone flipping through pages  in a book. I wonder what he is looking for. It is probably something for his  ultra tough class. Man, I am tired. Excuse me but I have to stop writing for  a second. Boy I really can not see anything without my glasses. My eyesight  must be really bad. Go figure, I have been wearing glasses since the 7th grade. I liked them at first and thought they were cool but I despise wearing glasses. It hurts my ears and gives me a headache  sometimes. Ah, just needed to pull  the chair in a little. Man, I wish someone was here to massage my neck and  shoulder, preferably a girl. This just can not get any worse, now I am  beginning to feel pain in my forearm from writing so much. I think I am really  out of shape for my forearm to be hurting so much. Wow, this is truly horrific,  everything around me is a blur. Man, if someone killed every one in this room  and I saw him. I would probably not be able to identify him or even describe  him to the police. Boy, my sight is so bad. Good, I only have about eight more  minutes of writing. I wish I can go to sleep right now, but no, I have to  finish this writing assignment. Man, does this mean I would have to type this  on the computer. Great, well I will be getting out of here real soon. Oh, I can  see much better now. What is with the neck cramp. Things could not get any  worse for me. Here I am sitting here and having to write for at least twenty  minutes on the stream of my conscience. My eyes are drooping and heavy, my  chest is in pain from the way I am sitting, and my right arm is so tired. Please stop! Dude, I have about three more minutes. Time sure flies by real  fast. Yeah right! Cool, that guy has an outline of a roadrunner on the back of  his shirt. Man, well is he not a little too noisy. I mean we are in the library,  man, and people are trying to do a writing assignment for psychology here, man. Dude, I just heard the door opened and shut. Alright, I can finally stop now. Hope you like it. That was twenty minutes of my life down the tube. Thanks a  lot. Just kidding. Ha! Ha! ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_820679.txt,"I have done this assignment three times in the past ten minutes and the computer has changed screens when I was looking t the keyboard, so I apologize if you have received several copies of this assignment already- in case you haven't I will write everything I have written already because it is what I am mostly thinking about - firstly though, my roommate is in the next TV room  and listening to the TV very loudly with apparently no regard for the fact that I am doing homework- the volume on the television is stopping me from having any complete thoughts which I suppose is ideal for your purposes but quite irritating to me- I have always disliked stream of consciousness writing especially since we read Virginia Woolfe last year in my English class- We were given a similar assignment and I was told that I could not complete the assignment to my teacher's specifications, mostly because I think more clearly that I speak in most circumstances and even then I have to rework the thoughts over and over in my head before I feel they are strong to enter into an argument. I greatly enjoy debating, and I have never been accused of making a completely outlandish argument before( unless that was my goal in the first place, which falls under a different train of though so I won’t mention that here) but my brother and father would argue constantly as I was growing up and the insults and reasons behind those insults that be passed back and forth would be unorthodox and so deprived of reason that I made it my goal not to speak, especially in a debate, unless I was sure that my argument could not be beaten by any irrational statement-I mean rational statement I would let the irrational statements defeat themselves-  My favorite aspect of debate would actually be --this all gets back to a time when we were assigned to write a bill that we would take to a fake model united nations conference and we would have to present a bill that we wanted passed- in fact, my partner and I rarely wanted the bills we proposed to be passed, but we just wanted people to have to argue against them, in most cases we would try to make our bills interesting or at least darkly satirical, so that the only arguments that could be made against them would be based on moral rationalization rather than common reason- the moral debates would most likely get everyone interested and could be defeated by one who was willing not to be moral- none of our bills ever passed-As I write this I find that I am often losing my train of thought but I don't believe that that is how I usually think- as a result of the confines of this experiment I am discovering that I am thinking more quickly than I normally do and I can't explain why that is other to keep typing, however, when I am normally thinking, I still try to think slowly and articulately so as not to speak something that makes me look ignorant-this is said mostly to point to out possible flaws in the ways of tracing thoughts . now in fact I a running out of things to say-before I finish, which is still about seven minutes away- I'd like to apologize for the many spelling errors that are sure to be found in his assignment-  don't mean the errors that are natural such as words that I just don't know the spelling of but rather, I mean the words that look as if they have been written by an idiot because I am not a very talented typist and my fingers are slipping over the keys, I would go back and fix these errors but that seems contradictory to the nature of the assignment  2:53 that was the time at which I am writing this I am also realizing that occasionally there is no clear and concise thought n my head which I can write down or there are just so many thoughts that I an not possibly transfer them onto paper at the rate at which they are passing through- I hate leaving the impression with anyone that I am ignorant and I think that is the main reason I dislike this assignment, because I don't see how anyone can read this and not see exactly that- it is my hope that at least everyone will appear ignorant and then at least I will be on even ground - I also hate writing this to a professor of psychology because I am sure it is analyzed more than is necessary- if this assignment is done honestly then you could probably jut talk to someone and get just as many honest answers- well -I've just hit nineteen minutes and I suppose that last sentence is just a good a place to finish off as any where. ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_780901.txt,"well I am just sitting here thinking about how I cannot wait to get home and go to sleep now I am thinking about my girlfriend and how much I really care for her I don't know, now notre dame football just popped into my head and I decided to slow down my typing because I am typing faster than I can think. I just thought about why we cannot stop and think about this project then I asked a question to myself about my ring, and why it is so dirty. well you see I am this huge notre dame fan and would give anything to go there but I didn't get in d so I am going to have to wait another year of so. I feel bad for not correcting these words as I go. why did I not , now this girl I used to know my freshman year of highschool popped into my head she was cool but now I have a really cool girlfriend, she is the sweetest thing in the whole world, she loves to cuddle which makes me very happy, the movies we have seen pop into my head, now I think I am doing this assignment wrong. well let's see Mrs. dolce, Mrs. angel  I guess we are just supposed to put our thoughts and not dwell on them  my best friend and I playing soccer together, I wonder how he is doing. he moved to Dallas. Teresa again, Baxter, the trial he is working on, the driver  to where ever he wants me to go, notre dame versus purdue, how the guy that  cut my hair didn't know a thing about notre dame, but said he did. Teresa and how I think of her all of the time how long this whole little get together on the computer is going to take. I am really not enjoying this because I feel I think about Teresa way to much, oh well, I wander where the send button is on this computer. what time will I have to get tomorrow morning so that I can get all of my computer science homework done. I hope Teresa and I stick together for a long time. I think she is cool the whole question of love comes up though and I don't know if I love her yet I might but I don't know. I feel very sorry fore Amy, now Alexis is in my thoughts, she is cool b but I am already taken so nothing is going to happen there. I am very content. French class really sucks but I am at least  trying, hopefully my teacher sees this and helps me out more than she has in the past. my hair looks pretty cool right after it is cut. I thought I heard someone in the library, Oh well. This whole return thing is annoying. I keep hearing weird noises. The skyline is pretty cool the lights are so numerous. these office buildings really scare me at night, especially when nobody is here, every little  noise makes me jump. well this is very exciting but I only have 12 minutes left,  I am not even half way done. Teresa and one of our first dates, what that thing across the river is, I really  hope my care doesn't get a ticket, that would make this day very bad. although this day has been pretty good do far, and it only has an hour left. only one more day before I get to see  Teresa. and two till notre dame plays purdue. I am living the good life. pay day is on Friday. my math teacher would make a great Santa clause at one of these malls over the Christmas holiday. I wonder what time I will finally get home. I really cannot wait. this is pretty cool being able to get off work and have  computer access just one floor up. only eight minutes left, I am very excited. there are a bunch of motor cycles outside they are really annoying, but oh well. I still to go home and work on my computer program so that I can just get get her tomorrow and right it up. If I get here at 5 that gives me two hours to do this  lovely project, and I am sure I will be doing the second assignment. I must sound really rude but really I am extremely tired and cranky so I'm sorry if I seem grouchy. I wonder how often Teresa thinks about me because I think about her a whole lot. more noises, they are really scary. my nose itches. the green lights are cool on that building across the lake. will it is almost time for me to sign off, if I can only find the send key I would be a happy man. my head is now hurting, I hope teresa's straw project comes out o. k. I wonder what the friends I am going to meet  are like. If they are like her they will be cool. see ya ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_606398.txt,"Ok I've put this off long enough and you say that 25% of the class has already completed this assignment so I think its time for me to too. 20 minutes. jeez that seems like a really long time now that I’m sitting here and just RAMBLING on and on and on and on. . this is all typing on one line. do I have to hit return to send it to the next line?? I think I’m gonna try it and see what happens. Whoa. that was WAY cool man. like totally. so cool. I'm gonna have to do it again!!! Well I’m bored right now. 1 minute elapsed. I just ate dinner I had a hamburger. it seems that’s what I eat every night now. I’m so boring!!! :-)  <<~~that's really cool isn’t it?? say yes say yes. but you cant cause you Don’t SPEAK!!!  No doubt ROCKS!!!  Don't speak. I know what your saying. so please stop explaining. don't tell me cause it hurts. that song is so good~~I used to love it before they started playing it on the radio 24-7. I like sad songs. they make you think. and thinking is good for the soul??  teacher?? pick me pick me!!!  I'm raising my hang but no one's calling on me!!!  It always seem like I misspell no one. because that would be pronounced NOON would it not?? if I said NO  space ONE. then that would sound ok but it looks SOO weird!!! AHHHH!!!  I am  slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. slowly am I going crazy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. you know what?? this is a really really cool assignment!! I think it'd be cool if I could jut talk to someone like this totally going off on tangents whenever I want to. speaking of tangents. i hate precalculus!!!  I don’t think I should take calculus in college cause my roommate( who I will get to later) says its really  hard and he's quite the WIZ at math. I’ll take it at community college maybe,. yeah yeah yeah. ogh my roommate kareem. he’s a friend of mine from Houston. its like we've been together 24-7 since we moved in together and its really kinda annoying. i feel bad cause he was like one of my best friends and now its like I don’t wanna be around him anymore!!. so I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want. if you want my future forget my past. if you wanna get with me. better make it fast. SPICE girls SUCK!!! I’m listening to a new CD right now that I got at the radio station at UT---91. 7 KVRX. I'm applying for a position there as a DJ or something. that should be thrilling. I just wanna be heard GUYS!!!  if you wannabe my lover you gotta get with my friends. if the song was called gotta get it would be COOLER!!!  this is  gonna be like so long!!! I still have 11 minutes!! what am I gonna do!!!  there was this girl in front of us in PSYCH. today who my friend says is really stuck up and superficial so I kept whispering ""superficial"" to see if she'd turn around. she never did. so does this mean she's NOT superficial  or she IS. she just doesn’t know it. as often is the case. I think this paper rocks man!! I bet ya'll get some really freaky ones like the end of the world  is coming to Austin!!!!  the MTV video music awards is on in 2 hours1! what if I get like caught in the net and I cant watch the awards!?!?! that would suck!!! I'm going home in 2 weeks~~~ my friend is having a bisexual encounter tonite ~~that's pretty weird huh??  I don’t really understand the concept of bisexuality~~ isn't it either on or the other?? well I think of myself as bisexual. and HEY NOW you cant go printing this all around the class cause  I haven’t really told. well anyone except like 3 people. but its so weird~~~~so so so weird~~i could be a lab rat couldn’t I??? I m not a rat!! I wanna be a guinea pig. all my gay friends say they don’t believe in bisexuality. to each his own I guess. I have a lot of gay friends case I worked t the gap this summer~~~that was actually like the coolest job I've had THUS far in my illustrious career in the working world. 5 minutes to GO!!! yay!!! HOW in the hell are  y’all gonna read all this!!!!  my roommate just came home. what a DORK. he’s in the bathroom rite now. I told him he cant be in here cause he’s interrupting me but it's really cause I don’t want him to see what I wrote!!!  uh OH . phone call. I’m talking on the phone call. on the phone call?? that was naji. that's kareems friend. that I seemed to have bonded with better than kareem has. I feel bad taking his friend away from him but  I cant help it if I get along better with him ya know ya know?? this is really long!! what if I like typed for 4 hours!?? sucks to be YALL!! :-)  well this has been a BLAST. and 20 minutes is up. in one minute. kareem just screamed so he could get his name on this paper. little did he know his name is already in it. from before!!! ok. well its been 20 minutes and this was really cool. I LOVE YOU!!! whoever reads this!!!  knowledge is power. and teachers go around giving it away for free~~how sweet!!! well actually I believe there were some fees included in this class. and its not like the teachers aren’t compensated in some sort so Somebody’s paying for them to  give away the knowledge. SO anyway. its been real. I'm actually sad to go. I've become so attached. talk to you later!!! love y a more!!! ~~~~~~joshua ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_606357.txt,"sitting here just writing stuff down on paper. thinking about going out tonight. I’m pretty happy because the navy paid me some more money. so there is money to go out with. I’m doing this on paper hoping it's a little easier than just typing. time goes slow when you are waiting on it. that girl is really cute. I can not concentrate on one thing for that long of a time. there are people here talking which takes my attention. the football game tomorrow. I’m not going. every body seems to be gung-ho about going. I don't see the big deal. watch it on tv who is lance corporal ruther. being late for pt would suck because they make you write about that stuff. thoughts are a weird thing everything you look at will bring on a thought the books, people everything they talk about will make you think a certain thing and it's not like you can ignore them when there in the same room. there's too much time for me to make up today. I can't do it. I wonder what they'll do. probably not much I’ll have about three quarters of I so it shouldn't be a big deal. it's good that we have it but it should be open alot later than just 9 o'clock. extra study. the ROTC unit is good that way I guess I wonder how late I have to stay there today. it doesn't really matter I guess but I want to go out tonight this is my one night to go out and get drunk so I plan on doing it not real bad but some. people are trying to figure out there total hours. I need to but I doubt it'll help it's funny how people use there study hours. mostly trying to figure out little things to do. everything but study. I think that's time I hope this is close to what the assignment was. my mind is pretty simple so it's hard to write for that long about what it's doing. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_111389.txt,"always a problem. My hair is really wet and I should go dry it, but this assignment is what I need to do now. I almost slept through my eight o clock class, but I somehow made it. Ok this show keeps getting cheezier and cheezier oh dear. I have to cash a check and deposit it so my check book balances, which is something that needs to be done and really quickly because I will have to pay extra for all the hot checks I have written- uh oh. My twenty minutes probably seems shorter because I am a slower typist than most people. Kristen is a psycho whore, I hate hate her. Something shocking happens on this show every 5 seconds. I don't think that Days of our lives is a good show, but I seem to be addicted to it anyway. Keri is so nice and her and Austin are finally together, but probably not for long because there is s ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_196603.txt,"Psychologists. Always trying to understand how the mind works, and how it doesn't work in some cases. Can such things be understood, or are we merely deluding ourselves that knowledge of any kind can be attained?  I guess I've always found psychology to be a very pretentious field. though an interesting one. We all want to control our lives, and anticipating the actions and desires of others helps us maintain that facade of control. Perhaps I'm getting into a more philosophical realm at the moment, but that is where my thoughts take me. Is free will merely an illusion?  I've thought about this a lot. Unfortunately there are no definitive answers to this or other questions. Is there a god?  I've never heard a logically sound argument for the existence of a god. I allow for the possibility of a deity, but it certainly wouldn't be the Christian God. I think ultimately that I have to agree with the existentialists. There is no proof for or against the existence of a god, so we should stop wasting time speculating and just deal with this life. Few people can deal with that. Our fear of death makes us create religions, so that we can pretend there is some semblance of life after our earthly bodies die. These are not new thoughts, I'm just thinking on demand; my mind moves most easily to the pathways it knows, and I present some of the more coherent ideas here. Is someone actually reading this?  Do you understand that I am human?  I am not an object. I am in a body, but I am not the body alone. I am a mind, vast and complex. I am. Do you feel superior because you can analyze minds?  I ask you this, so that you can ask yourself. Do you enjoy treating people as objects?  Do you even admit in your conscious mind that you treat people as objects?  Perhaps not. It's possible that I'm being slightly unfair to you and your profession. Still, it is good to raise questions. We are all just a bit too complacent and easily controlled. I see the need for religion, but I think many of us are above that. I don't need to buy my morality from someone else. What moralists and philosophers do I respect?  Plato, for his logic. Kierkegaard, except the theism. Kant, for his explications of metaphysics and epistemology. Nietzsche, except at the end of his days. LaVey, except for his dependence on rituals and his arrogance. Psychologists and behavioral scientists?  I stay away from most. At some point I'll get back into it, but I was just too turned off by Freud and his pretentious assumptions. Other reading?  Fiction, lots of it. I would name a few dozen authors but then why subject myself to the judgments of someone I can't even see. Music. I find music to be very important. You can't get by without music. And you can't just listen indiscriminately either. I think a real understanding of notes, rhythms, chords, and instrumentation is required before one can say anything about any kind of music. Do you understand music?  How are you reacting to my questions?  You must be used to asking the questions instead of having someone else ask them. Are you getting anything out of this?  Is this more interesting than most responses to the same assignment, or do you even care?  Are you turning to a colleague and saying ""hey, this kid was actually making a futile attempt to understand my motives. ""  Fun with role reversals!  I considered producing a surreal and rambling narrative for this assignment, but then you might have taken that a bit too seriously (""bob, we got another wacko here""). Ah well, time passes and other pursuits await. Goodbye for now.  ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_636228.txt,"1  Freestyle- trying to write down thoughts that are moving so slowly now-- after spending the day walking up and down the Drag so many times (seems like millions!) in the hot sun. then waiting in line for this computer for ages. I wonder if this is right because its only making one long line instead of lots of lines Maybe I was supposed to press RETURN! Cant think right now except about going home to my new apartment, which is the first apartment that I've ever had. Very big, clean, airy, light, very TEXAS. I wish I had an apartment that was more original, as if there were only one like it in the whole world. With hardwood floors  and pets allowed. So I could get a Lasa Apsa. But I’m going to sneak a ferret into my place because they are the CUTEST!!! You can bend them in half and twist them around everywhere and they are so playful. Anyway if I had a ferret I would name it Camilla cuz we used to have a kitten named Camilla but we had to give it  away. If I had two children I always thought I would name them Madeline and Jack, but now I’m not sure because Jack sounds like a name for a psychopath--- like in the Shining. These are the ultimate boring thoughts but my brain is in slow motion so oh well. I’m absolutely starving right now I could eat yum pasta and artichokes and sushi and olives and steak (not all together!) I have weird taste in food because of growing up overseas I can remember being so little and my parents would take us out for Asian food-- me and Liz only four and five and eating spicy kimchi (MMMM) or fighting over what was the best piece of sushi. And when we only babies our favorite treat was FISH EYES, which I wouldn’t be able to stomach now. That was in the Philippines, where we left when I was two, and my only memory of it is a grayish image of lizards on the window above my crib. Some memories are suspicious- like I wonder if they are really mine-- maybe at a young age (like 5 or 6), somebody told me how I loved the lizards outside my window and my mind just fashioned a blurry picture of the view from my crib. Its hard to believe that a person can remember things that happened such a long time ago, especially when you cant remember what you had for lunch the day before yesterday or the name of your high school Physical Science teacher (Mr. Stockwell??) My minutes are nearly up, thank God cuz I need FOOD! Which will probably be Capn Crunch or a tuna sandwich since we need to go grocery shopping. Interesting exercise, too bad my thoughts are nowhere near as beautiful as the stream of con. in Ulysses. Right now food is the main thing on my mind, thank you for reading this. ",0,0,1,0,1
1997_430457.txt,"     Well, I feel good about the fact that I am getting this assignment done  well before it is due. Today is one of those days that I feel really  motivated to do my homework, as opposed to those days in which I don't   do anything worthwhile. The excitement of college is starting to wear off and I think that the reality of the fact that I am here is finally sinking in. I really hate the way this typing field doesn't automatically move the sentence down to the next line! I really don't seem to be thinking about anything  interesting right now. I am just feeling average, not extremely excited or  unhappy. I really cannot think of anything to type. I think my mind is clearing  itself like it usually does when I sit down to right a paper. No stray thoughts seem to be coming to me. I am fairly excited about this psychology course. I think this course will not only be very interesting but helpful as well  because I plan to go into medicine. Boy, this twenty minutes is going by slowly. I think I might be typing too much too fast. Perhaps I am supposed to sit and wait till a thought comes to me before I type. I have tried to type in my current thoughts and feelings. My roommate is typing on his computer as well, annoying. Now he has turned on his fan, which is fairly loud . he switched it off. Still no  stray thoughts. I guess composing these sentences are thoughts. This assignment  is all I am thinking about right now. Four minutes to go. Three minutes to go. I have to go out and buy an answering machine today. I have to get back before nine  so I can make the upper East Jester floor meeting. Free pizza will be there! I hope its Double Dave's. Oh, they have good pepperoni rolls, I don't know about their pizza. Well, it has been 20 minutes.   ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_475795.txt,"Okay here it goes. I am freezing in this computer lab doing this project that no one will ever read but, hey, I don't want to be negative. Let's start with something else. I want to start over already. I do that every time. Just like when I am about to serve a volleyball, I always get stuck for some reason and have to start over. it is like I don't trust what I am about to do. All I can really think of right now is how the professor, I don't even know his name, was talking about thinking about my Dog. Oh yea, Pennebaker. I am not really thinking anything at all now. this really makes this assignment difficult. I know that I’m not spelling any of these words right. My hands are so tired, I’m sure why. This reminds me of when I was a little girl, and I would lay in bed at night and try to see if I could think nothing. But I would always seem to be thinking two thoughts at a time. I would be thinking I'm thinking nothing, I'm thinking nothing"" and at the same time, I would be singing a song in my head or something. I don't see how this project can work really. It seems like I have so many thoughts per second, that by the time I write down one thought, so many are missed that you don't get and accurate stream of consciousness. Some bell just went off. I thought it might a fire alarm but it's not. I don't think it would matter if it was, no one seemed to care. I always think about thoughts people have while they are one stage. And dreams. my friend Amber, her mom owns this weird new age shop where they have a lot of drean stuff. There is this woman that will tell you your future. Just like when I was working in New York, John, my boss, went to a psychic and I always think about this woman who's eyes are green like she is possessed or something. I thought john was really dumb to go to those things. He also did cocaine, man he was really messed up. I wish I would not have stayed at that job as long as I did. I wonder why there are some people like John, then there are some people that have a head on their shoulders. I guess I'm going to being learning about that in psychology. I hope my little brother makes it into this school next year,  Mom and Dad say that his grades aren’t good enough. That sort of breaks  my heart. I wonder how in the world I can really write down my thoughts when half the time, I don't even know what I’m thinking. It seems like the thoughts overlap some times. I can't wait till the results of the audition go up today. This assignment is funny, I bet a bunch of people come in here and write on this thing like it's a diary or something then someone out there reads it and tired man I'm tired 5 o’clock this morning I am just pushing buttons helping some guy out there make an experiment I am not even looking at the screen haven't been this whole time really I like pressing the space bar this makes me so self conscience because I am having the stupidest thoughts my eyelids are closing I don't want to go to lunch with that girl today she is so young my head id getting heavy this is funny like a dramatic comedy I guess I think in theatre terms a lot, huh I also think about my dad right now when I was growing up I can't remember when I started this thing but I think in a few minutes I will be done red headband cold on my arms nothing to do until noon sound of the computer next to me typing of the keys  this chair hurts my back every time I push it up it falls down I brought an extra pad today oh, if that guy reads this I hope he don't get grossed out by that part. I love finding out about god. that sky was so beautiful sun big whole when I get sleepy, no one can understand me. big guy to my left sound again cut thoughts I just erased something I wrote down I ruined the experiment sounds off flipping pages that's it twenty ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_356326.txt,"I miss the way my life used to be a little bit. Everyone else seems to be having a so much fun which is cool and really I'm not having a bad time at all, it's just I feel like I'm missing something in my life up here. I don't have all the close friends around me that I used to which is bothering me in a way. Things will be get better I know it, cuz this is the way I feel at the beginning of my life after a big change happens. I'm kinda irritated at Marissa I guess because she just has it easy with the new people she's met. She always meets boys cus she's so pretty and silly. She's a perfect little blonde. I love her really and I have a good time with her I'm just tired of feeling like she's luckier. I think I like John which is really annoying but it's not my fault he wrote that dumb e-mail. I feel somewhat satisfied that he realized he does like me but can't have me cus I have someone else in my life. This computer is annoying. I hate computers that aren't like the one I have at home and that I know. I miss being able to chat on-line to Amy and steph and everyone else. I wish I could go to Canada just for the hell of it. I'm probably not the girl he would be looking for. he seems like the buff good looking ty0pe that everyone knows. oh well. My stomach keeps making these nasty noises whish gets embarrassing in class. I'm worried about school work. I know that I just need to keep on top of things and I'll be less stressed out and stuff. I just n4ed to get up tomorrow , go to class, then come back and do my Latin and then some math or something . Then do my bio after Latin and go to the discussion. I'll go run those errands and make those phone calls. maybe marissa will do them with me so we can hang. if not I'll call christina or someone. I want to get involved with the Wesly group so I can feel I have somewhere else to belong. I'm getting down, I can tell. I don't know why I can't get pepped again. I guess I shouldn't have gone home this weeke4nd. it made me homesick when I got back. maybe I just need to call someone or talk to a friend. john later or maybe Liz. Brady would be ok too. poor Brady likes me and I feel confused about him. I need to write to shawna or maybe call her too. what a phone bill. I need that cellular if I want to call Liz lots. I hate typing cus I look at the keys a lot. my fingernail looks nasty. I remember that day still and how calm and quiet it was. I miss a lot of stuff. I need to stop being this way, get some sleep and then get up and go about my day. this weekend will be cool at the football game. I just need to be friendly and meet people and stuff. one more minute I guess till I can stop. well, I bet I can stop now.                           ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_530565.txt,"  I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!!  I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept  I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex?  There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me?  I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened?  My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_378670.txt,"My neighbor from across the hall is letting me use her computer because she is online. I went to Kinsolving and the lab was closed, that stunk. I'm very tired because I did not get very much sleep last night. Some girls on my wing and I were going to go to some Frat parties, but we wound up staying in the dorm and watching movies. It turns out one of my roommate’s friends is also in this psy. class, I thought that was really neat, although the class is so huge, it doesn't surprise me. I haven't seen very many of my high school friends here at UT, I really didn't want to talk about college because that is the other assignment, but it seems to be the most foremost thing on my mind right now. The Cowboys are kicking off their season tomorrow at noon!!!  I worked for them for about nine months, so I am somewhat obligated to watch, that and the fact that my step-father has been a fan for 23 years or so. I was able to get him a bluebook autographed by Troy Aikman for Father's Day this year!  I really enjoyed giving that to him I love giving gifts, it's my most favorite thing to do!!!  I love to make people happy and some people think I'm crazy for that, but I think it's great. That's another reason I have enjoyed my intern ship with the Cowboys so much. When I get a letter about a sick child, my heart sinks and to know that sending something from the Cowboys will make them feel better or at least distract from the state they are in. Let's see 7 more minutes of writing. My roommate and I were talking about our special talents, I told her mine was finding holes in sidewalks!!  Yes, if I walk down Guadalupe, I WILL fall in every hole and look like a fool in front of at least 20 people that happen to be walking by!! That is something else, hey!! I just found out that my step-mom got a new car, and my dad bought her old one from her. This is a man who says he cannot send me $100 a month, but can take a two week vacation to South Dakota and buy a new car in the same month!! Anyway, that subject somewhat depresses me. ok 2 more minutes of writing, I can handle it, hey I'll bet you can tell I'm a slow typer now, can't ya!!! Well it sure has been great talking to you. And as our good friend TEX would say: Goodbye and good luck.     ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_814703.txt,"I'm feeling jealous right now. I got an email from one of my friends. She informed me that my x-girlfriend is now dating a new person. It makes me mad. I don't know why. I don't like her anymore. Oh, well, just forget it. I'm hot. maybe it has something to do with the recent news. I guess I just need to ""cool off"". I really like it here at UT. everybody is very nice. I’m trying to think of what to type. I’ve got this particular song in my head, and I can't get rid of it. it's aggravating. I’m tired. I wish I could take a nap, but the dorms are to loud. wow, she's pretty. I wonder if she'll be my future wife. maybe, maybe not. I wonder if I should ask Emily to dinner tonight. I can't think of a way to ask her without making it sound like a date. I fear being rejected. I guess that's what pisses me off about my x. she ""just friended"" me, but I think the real reason was never mentioned. I hope she rots in hell. Emily’s really nice. she seems really mature. I almost consider her a big sister, but not really. she just acts like she could be. I’m getting sick of jester food. it all tastes the same. like shit. she's attractive. every girl here is really pretty, with some exceptions of course. so far, it seems like college has been all play and no work, except for this of course. there's so many people here. sometimes it's overwhelming. so much diversity. and yet, so much organization. I really like the atmosphere. the game last night was a blast. I’ve never had so much fun at a game. so much spirit and energy running through the air. being in the band is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. it's taught me a lot. I think I’ve grown up so to speak. the idea of a computer lab strikes me as funny. all these people here, right next to each other, but there's still a sense of privacy. no one ever seems to look at other people's work. so much organization in so much chaos. I like Macs better than PC’s. I don't know why. they just appeal to me more. I wish I had a girlfriend. it's been a long time since I’ve been with someone. I miss it. I like the fact that my parents live here. we don't always get along, but I think that if they lived in another state, or even another city, I wouldn't be doing half as well here. I like the security. it's nice not having to miss them. and to not be homesick. I wish I could stay here forever. I don't want to have to get a job. but, at the same time, I often feel bad that my parents have to pay for my education. I’ve always been that way. I really love my family, I just don't know how to show it very well. I’m ready to start doing more work in classes. they're starting to get boring. I wonder what's to become of Ginny. I’ve always liked her, ever since high school. she lives so far away, Alabama. I’d love to date her. maybe because while I was with her, I never got the chance. damn, I wish I had the opportunity now. girls are so pretty. why?  sometimes, they get in the way of more important things. sometimes I like the distraction, but sometimes it hurts me. I think I’m going to do well here. no problem. I’m very good at adaptation. I think my time's about up. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_472441.txt,"Wow, this day has been hectic. I feel relieved that I got the math class I needed, finally. The people in the math dept. (at least sitting at the desk--- the ones I had, unfortunately, to deal with!)  They were so rude and just did things at their own pace as if the students don't have classes or things to do. It was so annoying that the lady wouldn't let me fill out the permission form myself. I mean, I'm in college for God's sake!  I can read and write and understand things pretty well. I think I can fill in the blanks for a unique # myself -- she wouldn't let me take it home since I hadn't decided which exact class of the 6 that I wanted. Then I had to come back the next day and wait in the long line again and deal with the same rude lady. I know their jobs are tedious and boring, but I don't like having to deal with adding and dropping either. You know, I just want to do it on Tex but I can't anymore!  The biggest pain was all the running around I had to do for this and the frustration it gave me!  I had to go to the professor's office find out his hours, then go to his hours the next day, sit in on class, find out that he doesn't accept late assignments and I've already missed 2 because of not being there, then trying to do the homework, getting the book, doing the homework, getting help from a friend, going back to the math dept. to find out if there was an opening in the class which there wasn't, going back at 8am to wait until they decided to open their doors around 8:45, find out the professor I wanted still doesn't have an opening and almost having to go through the whole process again, but the lady finally being nice to me and letting me go into another class and another professor without getting all the stuff signed. She said we were the last 5 people to get in and they had to take us so we didn't (thank G-d) have to go through it again. Now lets just hope I can understand this professor and that maybe he'll let me make up the assignments I've missed. I used to like math, but at the moment I am very ticked off at he entire idea of math because of this whole ordeal. In every other aspect of the university, or in many of them but not really all, I feel like I matter and I am not just my ssn. But dealing with this I feel like I am just being pushed around and can't get what I want. I know I won't always be able to get the classes I want or the times I want, I didn't get exactly what I wanted even registering in the first orientation this summer, but I am definitely lucky in that I got almost what I wanted it seems to work out. I just feel so unimportant because of this math dept. lady who could care less about me and my problem. I really expected her to tell me I had to go through the whole procedure again. Maybe she does have a heart since she didn't make me do it. I don't know. I just feel so, so small and belittled I guess. I don't know how to put it, I just feel bad in some strange way. Other than that problem and a few others that I need to take care of, I am really doing well here. I really feel at home and that I belong here. Coming from Atlanta, GA and moving, I know I'd love it, but I tried not to get my hopes up too high so that if things didn't work exactly as I planned I wouldn't be disappointed. I guess it worked because I do have to deal with these few problems and another big one, but I am still loving it!  I am so glad to be here!  I really feel like I mad the right decision. I'm meeting so many people and some of them I've already become great friends with because they are already caring and helping me with my problems and I'm helping them too. I'm really making some great bonds here!  I feel so loved!  And they don't call me to go out because they feel badly for me or anything, I feel that they genuinely want to hang out with me. Maybe that's just my perception but I really feel that way. and now I'm questioning myself, but I am serious and not just trying to make myself believe that. at least, I think so. But now I think I'm analyzing it all too deeply because I'm thinking -- but what if subconsciously I'm really just making myself believe that. I don't know. But I truly feel that it is a genuine feeling that I have that my friends are true friends for true reasons!  Ok. I think I'll stop here before I analyze every bit of this!   ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_339562.txt,"As I sit here in my dorm room, I am thinking about what I am supposed to do tonight. I have signed with the fraternity Sigma Alpha Mu and I am not sure what pledging is going to be like. It could be tough and it could be easy. My roommate is here and he is going to take a nap so I need to try to be quiet as I type. I am kind of anxious about this year and what the year will be like. There are so many people here and I am not sure whether I am fitting in well or not. Anyway, I get side tracked easily. I am going to the house at 7 PM and there we are going to be introduced to all the older guys and then we will probably introduce ourselves to the rest of the pledge class. I am anxious to meet all the cool guys who I am going to be spending the rest of my life with in college and hopefully there after also. I miss all my close friends at home. I live in Atlanta Georgia and they are mostly going to UGA but some of them are spread out across the country. I miss my friend Pamela the most and my best friend Michael the 2nd most but hey I hope they come and visit but if they don't oh well. My mom worries me cause she thinks I am doing alot of bad thing s here at school but really I’m not and I am being a good kid and trying to make good grades. I miss my little brother too. he is 13 years old and he is in 8th grade. I hope that he is having fun in junior high school cause I know I did. I keep telling him that high school is the best time of your life. He believes me but he cannot wait until next year when he can go to high school. My great grandmother is very sick and she is 97 years old. I went to visit her the day before I left for school and I was thinking that I may never see her again. She has lived a long and happy life and whenever the time comes, I know that god was the one who wanted her up there. M<y roommate is going to nap now for real and I am supposed to wake him up in an hour. I hope I’m not still typing by then. The room is quiet now and I am the only one still making noise. My suite mates are all out at class and they will be back soon. I kind of always think about what I am going to be when I get older and when I am married and who am I going to marry and what my profession is going to be. I want to be an orthopedic surgeon but that is very hard to be and I am not sure if I can be that. But I set my goals already and that is my destiny for my future. I want to be successful and have a family of 4 and a nice looking, perfect wife who loves me for who I am not for what I look like or how much money I make. I am ending my stories with a quote :Shoot for the moon cause if you miss you will be amongst the stars. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_760578.txt,I just got off AOL with my best friend form back home I get to go back to see her this weekend her family loves me her mom wants us to get married one of these that would be cool with me she’s hot I don’t know though cause I still really like my ex girlfriend we have talked a lot since I came here she goes to school in Hawaii we broke up but we have still dated on and off I really miss her I don’t miss many of my other friends too much that s ok I am watching Sniffled while I do this I love this show it is the funniest I love school here except it is always busy I passed up on a frat party to do this and cause I got to work at 8 am I cant afford to go any longer with out sleep it has been a week since I got more than 4 hours of sleep I think ill sleep early tonight I will ask one of my friends form back home to our pledge party this weekend I'm an ATO were number 2 on campus in ratings what are ratings any way nothing this girl is hot I wanted her for a long time in kingwood but I never really got far with her she is an a d pi they are a big sorority here I'll ask her tomorrow I think but she has a boyfriend I want some taco bell it is my favorite food I ate Mexican food for 4 nights in a row I haven’t had any for z ,1,0,1,1,0
1997_767473.txt,"I have been typing friends and family for a while now, and I noticed today that my most creative writing is then!  When I have no worries, no cares, and just let go of all those ideas that I keep losing when it comes to the time when your dreaded English class requires a ten page paper. < and I'm wondering why this line will not stop, this page must be really long!  Wow, or the typing very small.  (Deep breath), the guy next to me just passed out onto his keyboard but- up(!) he's okay. Back to the computer idea. I believe that sometimes computers get mad at me for figuring them out, so they crap out completely. Just simply have no cure at all. The one story I want to tell is short and sweet, but a little scary. IT is the reason why I thought I'd never use a computer again, but I went against my promises, and forced myself to join this growing, technological world once again. This is really difficult. I wasn't going to write this in the LAB, but I have a large space of time between my two classes today, a four-hour space. Which is good, I do believe. I think that there are some people at the LABs who are a little too curious about what is being written on computers next to them. Ya know, ""I wonder what other people are up to?""  I admit that I've looked at a few words typed up on someone else's screen, but not as rudely as the guy who is sitting next to me. Possibly, if I tell him straight out, he'll stop, but, nope, I'm a little too shy for that. I think he'll catch on if he reads this. GET A LIFE! no, that is a little cruel. I actually have changed my mind. You can read my screen if you want.  I changed my mind after I saw the movie ""DREAM WITH THE FISHES"" very good movie. It won't be out on the screen by the time you read this I don't think. I may actually be gone by then too. I wonder. How can you stand reading -actually, I changed my mind. I'd enjoy reading people's true odd thoughts. But I like to put a visual subject to their writing, I like to know what their appearance is. I ask myself, is that wrong to want to know what that person looks like?  I really don't give a shit about what I look like once I'm out in public, but -I got off the whole point-  Some people's beliefs have to be proven by their actions, and sometimes their actions will be expressed through the appearance. These are such strong words that can honestly screw someone over; especially if they are into politics.  What the hell, I need to read back and see what I was aiming for. Oh, the guy who likes to read the screen, and the movie (!) it's time to compare and contrast. In ""Dream with the Fishes"", one of the two main characters, the one who's point of view is taken throughout the movie, he is a very simple, depressed, and desperate, business man. His favorite pastime (which the second character made him admit to him) was looking at people through his binoculars, through the city windows, across to the apartment buildings. This is a really good movie, I suggest seeing it. Okay, I'm going scatter again. Well, the second character knew all along that the business man watched him, but didn't mind. He knew that it was all the business man had, so he let him. This was not the main portion of the movie or anything, it's not that dull, it was just a simple twist to make the movie a little more unique. That brings me to another point, why must people spend so much time making movies which resemble fifty other movies?  Maybe a hundred or more?  I don't even bother to go to the ones with same plots, or no plots. But I AM a movie freak!  I might even want to get into that someday. I'll have to improve on my grammar a bit, and get used to being in the dark a lot, with fictional, or replayed stories being projected in front of me. I COULD do that. But I think my interests will take their own path, according to availability. Oh!  I just remembered that I need to get some toothpaste, and possibly some other stuff, but being a typical college student, I think I can only afford toothpaste. I HAVE noticed around here that these kids around me are very rich actually. (with a sly movement of the eyebrow)  What's up with that?  This is supposed to be real life right?  Well, another form of real life just growled at me, I'm starving, and must go. Thank you very much if you read this. You know a few secrets which I would tell no one. Well, not real individual secrets, just train of thought that I would never admit to someone else. And although you have my name, it's no matter cause I don't know who you are. See ya ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_743186.txt,"Okay, I’m not so sure where to begin. only that I feel betrayed. betrayed by a friend that I valued. I don't understand how it happened, but I know that things will never be the same again. I sort of thought that college might bring us closer together, but I have discovered that no matter where we are, he is a million miles away. I used to think I could get through to him, but I guess I was wrong. my friends tell me he is a part of the past, and that I should look to the future, but right now I think he just breaks my heart. perhaps I’m thinking a little to much about this. I just need to get over it. until I do, I won't be able to connect with others because I’m not reachable right now. my friends all warned me this would happen, but, as usual, I wouldn't listen. I just can't help it, I want to do things my own way. do I understand myself? no. sometimes I think that I am a total psycho and I’m surprised I haven't scared people off already. I've met some nice people, but I’m just not open for new friends right now, which is such a bad idea at this point in my life. well, it's not that I’m not open to making new friends, it's that I have to let go of the past before I can pursue anything else. the trouble is that I know he is not thinking about this as much as I am. perhaps that is what hurts me the most. just knowing that our friendship meant more to me than to him. I talk to his friend, and his friend says to give it time. I’m trying to, I swear. I’m entirely too emotional about these things, I guess. I miss my best friends. I need someone to talk to. I’m not sure about this whole sorority thing, but maybe I’ll find my friends there. who knows?  thank God all those girls don't fit the sorority stereotype. that would be hell. but some of them are actually very cool. that makes me feel better because when I first met them all, I was scared shitless. I was so afraid, I almost cried. sometimes I think about what I’m getting myself into, and I get scared again, but not like that. I’ve never been scared like that. this such a scary place for me right now. maybe if I felt secure with my friends. I just think that this one guy will never really talk to me again, and it bothers me a lot. I just need to find something else to occupy my time. I really think he thinks I’m a psycho. I’ve got to stop thinking about this. remember what Ashley said: don't try to force things, if it's meant to be, it will happen. I’m trying to keep that in mind, Ash. I guess everything is up to God at this point. it's all a matter of trust. At times I’m just not willing to let someone else handle it. I’ve just got to let go. of everything. this guy is not the only thing I’ve been worrying about. I worry about my best friends. all of us at different schools. I think about what they're doing and if they're drunk right now or scared. sometimes I worry about myself. I kind of have a low self esteem. this sounds strange, but I think I like it. not liking myself. I think, in a way, it keeps you from getting arrogant. but on the other hand, maybe that, too, is a different kind of arrogance. thinking about yourself all the time, whether it be good or bad. why can't I reach you?  where are you?  I've got to stop thinking about things. the trouble with me, is that I don't obsess over many things, but the ones I do, it's often and it totally eats away at my life. it can kill me pieces at a time. I’ve lost my appetite and sometimes my desire to go out. but when I’m sitting there, holed up in my room feeling sorry for myself, I know that the rest of the world is moving on without me. especially here. at college. where no one cares. oh, Matchbox 20 is on the radio. that song really ""Push"" really hits me. some songs make me cry if they fit a particularly depressing aspect of my life well enough. I want to connect with other people the way that song connects with me. I just need to keep an open mind and get out there and do it. Carey told me once that I need to get off my butt and do things because I’m not always going to get an invitation. this reminds me of Tim off in Colorado. I'm so glad Patch called to see if I could come home for Tim's birthday. I guess the relief lies in the security that comes from anything associated with Pre-college. but I wouldn't go back if I could. I was the one of my friends saying how excited I was to leave. and I was. I’m glad I’m here, but now that I’m here, I don't know what to do. I really like this stream of consciousness stuff, and this is not because I’m trying to kiss butt or anything, it's just that I write a lot of stuff like this to let off steam. it's my own form of closure for the problems in my life. I’m thinking about going into journalism, but who knows?  it was the FBI last week. I think that if you don't have anyone to talk to, you have to at least write things down. I’m starting to be friends with Brian. I hope we get to be good friends. the trouble with college is that people all know that everyone needs friends, but you can't be best friends with everyone. the friend that you find that you really relate to is rare. I’m still searching. I feel like I’m Holden Caulfield in Catcher. this kills me.  ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_747589.txt,"Stream Of Consciousness      As I sit behind this bleak, gray screen, I find myself wanting to yank my  dirty blonde locks of hair right out of their follicles. Sure, so far college has been a lot of fun. Why doesn't this program allow me to scroll down to  the next line without pushing ""enter""? Am I supposed to keep on typing without pushing ""enter"" until I hit some kind of barrier and can't type anymore?  Well,  I'm going to operate on the assumption that I should make my own right margin. Back to being completely stressed, I have so many things that I have to do  right now, that is, before tomorrow. So, why the heck am I doing this  assignment when I have until the 12th to turn it in?  I guess that's my nature. I tend to want to do the ""fun"" things first. If my mother could see me now, she would freak. I wonder what would happen if I got my upper ear pierced?  I bet my mom would kill me. She nearly freaked out when I had my belly button pierced. I feel extremely guilty for having done that behind her back, but I  feel even more guilty for upsetting her and ruining my innocence in her eyes. My roommate wants me to pierce her ear for her. I honestly don't think that I am capable of inflicting that kind of pain on another individual. Sure, I can  pierce my own bellybutton, but when I see another person in pain, I feel twice as bad as they most likely do. Oh well, I'll just give Tracy the money to go  have it professionally done. This pushing ""enter"" is really beginning to  frustrate me. I keep typing way over the right limit and having to erase and go back and re-type what I already typed. I think I need a computer. I  hate having to work and concentrate amongst all the hundreds of other people  here at the SMF (the Smurf. I smile everytime I hear that). I wanted to buy a computer, and I do have the money since I sold my motorcycle, not by my own  choice, but by my mothers. I realize that was a run-on sentence, but I'm not  about to go back and fix it. I wonder if anyone is actually going to read this or not. I'm just glad that I haven't had any demented thoughts since I have  started typing. Not that I have those often, but we all have certain weird  thoughts that we really don't care to admit having. At least, I hope so. I  bet whoever reads this is going to think that I'm a bad person. I'm really not. I like to think of myself as daring and thrill seeking. My mother likes to  think of me as unconventional and improper and borderline ignorant. So, here I am at UT to prove her wrong. I've taken a step in the right direction by joining a sorority. I think that should be fun as long as I can stay on the  good side of the girls in the sorority. It has been my experience that after  anyone has known me for a long enough period of time, they grow tired of my companionship and toss me aside like yesterday's trash. This is one of the most confusing and hurtful things in my life. I don't understand it. I think I'm  the nicest person that I know. I'm always willing to do things for others to  make them happy. I'm a great listener, and I put everything I've got into  everything that I do (friendships especially). I've been told that things will  change and that things will get better in college. So far, I've found that to  be very true. I've met so many wonderful people that I can't wait to know  better, but the first 18 years of my life has me trained to wonder how long it will be before they drop me. Oh well. my twenty minutes is almost over with and I have successfully typed myself into a foul mood. I really hope  no one reads this. I'm going to leave the Smurf, go back to Castilian and  enjoy being with my new friends while they still like me!    ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_882637.txt,"I am sitting in my suitemates room listening to them hang up a poster. I need to go and wash clothes, and I am also kind of hungry. I feel like I don’t get out of this dorm much but what am I going to do. I want to call my grandma and see how she is doing and my computer needs to be fixed. Right now I am getting bored in this room because its not mine. They really need a TV in here I couldn’t go without one. with no TV and video games I would get bored very easily. I feel like playing pool but I am not that good at it, and it just frustrates me. My brother is the one who can fix my computer so I need to give him a call. Haven’t seen him in a while. Haven’t seen my sister in an even longer time, need to talk to her too. she always studies and her cats are really cute. Every time I think of my sister, I think of her cats at the same time. Thinking of her cats reminds me of when they were at my house, with my dogs, one of which just died. I miss that dog. We’ve had him I guess since I was in second or third grade, He was eleven, so that would mean we’ve had him since I was seven,  thetas a long time, had a dream about him last night, him and my other dog Brittany, who died a year before him. It always makes me sad when I think about those dogs. Now the stereo is playing and it reminds me of how loud this thing can play,  just hearing bass in my room. Gotta stop  hitting the wall when that happens. I need to go out tonight, haven’t done that in a while, did my studying, now just need to find some place to go. I wonder how my dad is taking all his kids being off to school. Haven’t really talked to him about it and I don’t know how to bring something like that up. I really miss my 4 wheeler at home, I loved riding that thing,  I wonder if there is anywhere to ride up here. need to win the lottery so that I can get some more  4 wheelers. my last ride in El Paso was the day before I left, with a friend of mine, who now for some reason I feel a lot closer to. its weird. Cant wait until Thanksgiving so that I can ride. Now all I can think about is that my twenty minutes are almost up and I wonder what I am going to do after I’m done here. Probably just kill time until I go and eat dinner. Hope they have something good tonight, because the lunch menu sucked. Feel like hanging out with some of my friends from home tonight, haven’t done that in a while. OK, times up. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_821162.txt,"Ok twenty minutes. what am I going to do tomorrow night?  What am I going to do tonight I've got lots of work to do. Man, there's lots to do and little time to do it in. I can't  wait, till I finish this. only. too much time left. What else, to write about. I have no stream of consciousness. ok, it's great to be next door to the RA, there's always a party next door, it  makes it easier to study that way. what else, what else. I’ve got lots to do  tonight. what else. Austin, cool place. my roommate’s studying, that’s what I've got to do. I wish I had a TV. it gets so boring at night. I’ve got to call my girlfriend, man I miss her. . boy I’m tired. this doesn't look like a lot of writing for. . 6 minutes. only six minutes. that means there's fourteen minutes left. I've got a real impressive stream of consciousness, and I’m a good speller too  Fish think better than I do. what else. uh. I've got to go to the store buy  some food. go work out tomorrow. am I almost done yet. nooo. lots more time left  A guy in a coma, probably has a better stream of consciousness. what do I need to do tomorrow. I think I’m going to apply for a credit card. why not?  man I’m hungry. ten minutes left. halfway through. psychology. I hope this class will be interesting. it's a lot different than I thought it would be, all we do is fill out surveys about stuff. Oh well,, I’m not looking forward to doing these experiment/research requirements. But it's gotta be better than writing a paper  I guess he paper is used as an alternative, because they know nobody will want to write a paper. and they want everybody to participate in the experiments seven minutes left  UT, UT, there's a game on Saturday, I’m gonna have to get my tickets tomorrow before  they're all out. I don't want to sit all the way up at the top. my first game, can't wait, gonna be cool. I’m glad I didn't go to Aggieland five minutes and counting. What else. chemistry. I’ve got too much to do English. she assigned over one hundred pages of reading in two days. Chemistry. calculus. way too much too think about. college is gonna be more difficult than highschool, I can already tell this. three minutes. not bad. Wow I just got e mail I wonder who it is,,, I’d like to know, but I've got two minutes left. It doesn't seem like its been twenty minutes. but oh two minutes left. I’m sure this is not what they wanted. but that’s me twenty four hours a day  pretty sad. oh well. come on come on one minute. yes  well this has been fun, at least I've gotten it finished. alright. ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_748062.txt,"Today has been the worst and most stressful day ever. All I want is for  something to go right!  I tried to dot his paper about thirty seconds ago but it didn't work because again I've messed something up! I was talking about this in my last stream of consciousness paper that I thought was gone but realized after I had erased half o of it that it was really still there! AAhhh!  Can something please go right?   My Ethernet card was not properly packaged and is causing me and a few others serious drama because we've all been trying to make it work for four days now. I don't even know if I'm supposed to push enter when I get near the end of the line but I figure better safe than sorry as far as grades go. I just looked at the clock and I've only been writing for four minutes. Why does time go  by so slowly when it counts. Speaking of timing, mine is the worst!  I always like guys either before or after they like me but never while they like me. Whenever I like a guy I'm to shy, stupid, scared,  immature to let him know, and by the time or if he likes me I have lost interest!  Or they never have interest in the first place and I find that challenging and will pursue that guy instead  of the  one who likes me!  Or in one case I'll find out that after liking me four two straight years, he decides to change sex preferences when I like him. AHHH!  Actually I had my chance and now I'll have to live with regret forever, or until he wants an opposite sex relationship!  Ten minutes to go and I'm running out of self-deprecating and embarrassing stories of my miserable unromantic life! I want someone who respects the fact that I'm not a traditional female and that likes my odd sense of humor and is also funny himself and finds me attractive. . Which reminds me as I look above my roommate’s computer of another guy who I let slip through the cracks Even though there was a slim chance of anything ever happening, I never acted on my feelings,  Wait a minute I did spill my guts while playing truth or dare with him and other friends. I wish I could play truth or dare with the other guy I like(d) so that he'll know that it was me and not him that kept us ;apart, I liked you then and I liked you up until I found out there was no chance for us and I resented you a little!  Someday I'll get up the courage to tell him!  It is about twenty degrees Fahrenheit in my lovely room in Jester East on the tenth floor. The air Conditioning vent is blowing right in my face as I type. I have been having stomach problems all day, and they are starting to resurface,  I almost passed  out at the draw for the football game against Rutgers this Saturday, I refuse to paint my face half orange and half white as my roommate hopes I will. One minute to go and I'm starting to feel relieved that I wont have to think about this particular assignment ever again. Five percent of my grade is secured and pretty soon I'll be doing those psych experiments and that will be easy too. I'm majoring in psychology but I used to want to be an architect. Oops, I got carried away and wrote one minute over, now it is two. ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_867722.txt,"OK. I don't know much about this computer stuff. I was lucky  to even get on to this homepage. Well I just got disconnected and I think my tension level just went up a few notches. I am felling really sick  already and I went this day to end. I was planning to go work out tonight but it is too late. I still have math and history work left to do. I  really hate math, I can't understand anything that is being said. It really makes me feel like an idiot. I look at my friends here and they all understand everything that is being said . I wish my math class in high school had taught me more. I guess tomorrow I will get up to go run. Ok. I just hit another wrong button , now I really feel worthless. I am going to have so much trouble this semester, when am I going to get to the classes that I really want. It is looking like I'm going to graduate college in another twenty years. As long as I do my best then I guess everything will work out. I miss my family and my friends back in Ohio. I wish that I could go back sometimes. If there was anything to go back to. I don't think that they really care that I am so far away. It is like I think to myself that things might be so much better there. Like if I  went back then my life would all make since. I think that I would be confused anywhere I go. Well my typing is starting to slow down now. My hands are getting tired. God, I should have taking a typing class in High school. My sweet mate is  watching late night and it is starting to get on my nerves. It is so loud. please let my twenty minutes be up. I need to get my act together if I don't then I will just be wasting my parents money. Maybe I should give my parents a call. But I think that I will wait for them to call me. I need to prepare for school. I need to try to socialize more. If I could manage more time. Maybe I should be an actor and work as a waiter in New York in the mean time. But there I go again with my fantasies. I'm probably stuck with a boring life like most people. Well my twenty minutes is up, I hope that my slow typing  has ruined this survey.  ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_784675.txt,"I am so pissed right now because I was almost done and then my sweetmate's phone rang and I got disconnected and now I am just hoping that the phone doesn't ring again, I would like to get this done before the weekend begins. I am very excited about this weekend I think that it is going to be alot of fun. We are doing many things, let's see. Tonight we are going to Hillele first, which is a religious service (Jewish). Those are always nice,. Hillel reminds me of camp which I love. I go to a religious overnight camp in Wisconsin, Ramah. In my last letter I was wondering if anyone is even reading this, maybe you are just checking that we did this and that's it. I mean, it has to be incredibly boring to read 500 of these. although, as a psychologist maybe it is totally interesting, you get to analyze all of us. Those surveys well, I thought they were sort of pointless, just because as the teacher said (or you said if you are reading it), the research is meaningless if the patient knows what is being tested. It's not that I knew the hypothesis for all the surveys but they were pretty obvious and I could tell what the researchers were looking for. I like psychology so far though, I don't know if I am going to agree with everything though. I will have to see, but a friend of mine told me that it gets very logical and I am not the biggest supporter of logic. That must sound very stupid, well, that's not exactly what I mean, but I read this book, actually a short story, Teddy by JD Salinger, who I love and Teddy said you have to look at the world without logic to understand things better. He said that when Eve bit in the apple, she was really biting into logic. This seems very long, I have been writing for a while I also think I should stop because I am very nervous that the phone ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_665910.txt,"my roommate just called- she wants me to go get the vacuum cleaner from Vivian. I don’t want to do this because she'll say something about my bike, or the music. and I have to tell her about the fire alarm batteries being out because it was beeping. just while I was writing this I was thinking several different thoughts. I think it's not good that I don’t respect vivian's wishes. I really admire her because she's so old. I am not as nice as I used to be. it's funny to think about  writing for twenty minutes straight. but then again, we're always thinking, so why  should it be hard to write what you're thinking. it's getting easier for me to put my  into words, which is good for my relationships, and not to mention my future. I still don't talk that much though because I don't like saying something about nothing. but I guess that's a skill too. oh well- not one of mine. James and I have been getting along really well. ever since I fell asleep on his couch wishing to end the relationship because the passion was not there. then he picked me up in his arms, and took me to his bed and I must have cried for 30 minutes at least. he's so good to me. turns out the passion was dormant. for us to have fun and not argue so much, we've both realized each other's work loads, acknowledged my problems about the past, seeing how we react to each other, and respond lovingly to each other. thinking of what I just wrote sounds unnatural to me. but in reality, in this case at least, it came automatically. he realized how upset I was, and I realized how much he  cared. he's pretty much the leader. his feelings are much more dominant, and he's stronger and truer than me. maybe because I don't always know what I want. then he makes it apparent that  he's what I want. I miss being able to play the field, but what good is that when I have a really good person already?  he makes me laugh and we love, which is most  important in the person I share most my time with. men with potential, men that can show me the world. they can be my friends. like Sean. like jt. probably like any one that comes into my life- everyone has something to offer. and I will take it. James just has more than the average Joe. oooo - I've already spent 15 minutes. I should do this everyday for 10 minutes. not only is it a break from numbers, but I acknowledge my  thoughts, and I can go back and read it in the future to see my development. I want to be a model or an actor. I want the spotlight. sometimes. I want  to be a better gymnast. I don’t want to be judgmental. I want a copy of this. ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_704970.txt,"Today I bought the new Omoide Hatoba CD. Pure noise and noise art are very interesting forms of music. Sometimes there are lyrics to these songs. Most of the time they are just phrases being repeated, or just screams. Some bands have gone so far as to create their own languages. This type of music bypasses your brain and hits you straight in the gut. Words are a very limiting way of expressing how this music makes you feel. I need to remember to go to the video store tomorrow and rent ""purple rain. ""  Prince is very talented as a musician and actor. I would love top see him in concert. I really hope that the October 24 pavement concert will be confirmed soon. I cant believe that my English teacher is good friends with the lead singer. This is a strange assignment, it makes me wonder what other people will write, and who will read this. Will anyone read this?  What if someone writes something truly ""offensive""  It's not their fault. One cannot be responsible for their words when they free write. Can you imagine if there was an assignment where the teacher tells the students, ""Ignore all social constraints and act freely for the next 20 minutes""?  That would be pretty wild. In my everyday speech I often swear. By not swearing in this am I limiting myself. But how far can one free write?  How much can you open yourself up until its just words thrown together?  Grammar is not important to this, yet I assume you expect some common grammar to hold this together. Am I not free writing now?  I would like to go on tour with a professional wrestling league and write about their tragic lives. Professional wrestlers mutate their bodies with steroids to the point where they no longer seem human. They destroy their bodies and on occasion fight in steel cages. I wonder if they ever look in the mirror and ask themselves, ""what have I done?""  ""I'm not even human anymore""  Their job is to fake fight. The world of celebrities is quite interesting. I wonder if their is an equation that could make someone famous. I could use the scientific method. My hypothesis could be  ""If one writes a song on the piano (Elton John style) about celebrity after they die, it will be a success. ""  I could have started this when Versace died and continued it when Diana died. Of course this would not sum it all up,  but after numerous studies, I feel I could ultimately find a mathematical secret to success in the entertainment field. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_660638.txt,"Ok, I'm doing this stream of consciousness thing. MTV is on in the background, and I'm remembering when I went to see them in concert at Jamboree in Tinley Park ,IL. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I came from IL all the way to Texas. I don't feel crazy though. I wanted a change and I really love it down here. I wonder what Taveau is doing right now. She isn't answering my e-mail. Ok, it's only been a day , I'm just being impatient. Anyway, I wonder why she doesn't go by Taveau. I like it a whole lot better than Melanie. And I seriously wonder if she's straight or not. I just want to come right out and ask her, but that's not really something you want to ask someone you just established contact with. I hate Hanson. They're such one hit wonders. And the one hit is called MMMMMBop. How incredibly stupid is that? They're like a younger , related New Kids. Speaking of New Kids, how about Spice Girls? There's another total lack of talent engineered for success. It's sad when losers like that are valued in our popular culture. What's a great idea? That commercial just said something was a great idea. I know what a great idea would be: if I would start to do my Calculus homework. Sometimes I wonder if I actually want to pass that class. I wonder what I could do to welcome Daniela-my roommate-back home after this weekend. God, she's so stuck on her boyfriend. I guess that 's pretty typical for our age group, but still. I don't know, I guess I just don't understand that level of dependence. Then again I moved from Joliet, IL to Austin, TX with exactly eight minutes of crying. I wonder if that makes me psycho or just morbid or something. Chris Rock is so funny. I love this commercial. Whoever had the idea of having Chris Rock in imitation videos for promos needs to get an award. God, I hope Jewel doesn't come on . That one song makes me so incredibly homesick for my friends. I do miss them , but I don't really miss my parents all that much . Daniela is always telling me how cold that is , but I can't help it, it's not intentional, it's just how I feel. Ok, Jewel did come on, but at least it was just YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME, OOPS I just hit the tab key and scrolled way down to the bottom. I'm so dumb with computers, I swear. I know so much less about them than all the people around me. I'm confident I'll learn, but I just wish we would've had that experience prior to college. Daniela's talking about that one snoopy girl in her Plan 2 group. She's really screwy. She doesn't even know if her computer is a PC or a Mac. I guess I'm one up on her. hey, how much longer am I supposed to write? only a couple more minutes. Oh well. Jamiroquai's on now. I saw him in concert too. Oh, that just made me a little sad. We all went to that concert about two weeks before we graduated, and we all sang FRESHMEN together, and , I don't know. I feel like I'm babbling, but I guess that's pretty much the whole point. I remember Dr. Pennebaker telling us not to worry, some one would eventually read these. Well, I don't really care if anyone reads this or not. I 'm not really saying much of anything. I don't even feel like I'm saying anything important. I wonder if I should have put on that survey thing that I was bisexual. Not only is that non-confidential, but they may not want me because I could upset the demographics of their study. Oh well, I'll let them deal with that. Time's up. I hope this was at least somewhat interesting to whoever got condemned to read this. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_881327.txt,"Well right now I have to go to the bathroom but I can't because I'm doing my assignment. I am also very hungry I drank an orange juice for breakfast and I didn't eat much for lunch So now food is on my mind. I have to go to my dorm and read a lot because I haven't read anything for any of my classes including psy (oops! should I have written that!??) I also hope that I get a job at BEVO's on the drag. I would have to work early in the morning but I really need money right now because I am so broke. I feel awful because of all the expenses my mother has to pay. I just want to help out a bit. I need to go exercising I went to the gym yesterday for about 30 minutes and I went walking for about an hour. I am, trying to lose weight for this  dorm function on the 27th all these girls are going to be in these skimpy bathing suits and usually wear a T-shirt over mine. Not this time!! I'm gonna wear a bathing suit without a T-shirt what an accomplishment that will be!! I still have to go to the bathroom. Not real bad it's just  like this nagging pain in my bladder (sorry that's kinda gross!) But that's exactly what I'm thinking! My shoulder hurts. It feels sore, my right one. Not from typing I think It's from walking last night. It was really weird because my fingers got swollen from all the blood rushing into them while I was walking last night. I felt really good because I was getting lots of exercise. I'm also glad because I quit smoking I  never really started but I smoked 1 then 2,3,4,5,6,7!! and that's when I decided that It was a bad habit and  I didn't want to get addicted. There are some many wonderful things to look forward to lung cancer, smoker's hack, bad breath, smelly clothes and emphysema! Besides my mother would kill me before and of those other things got to. My dad smoked and he finally quit. But know he smokes cigars occasionally I told him to quit so now I'm taking my own advice. The minute I finish I going to the bathroom and after that I'm going to go EAT  I'm starving' food, food, I want food. After that I'll do my Lab, study, take a bath and go to bed. I can't wait!! Well I'm not really looking forward to the studying part but that's the reason  I'm here!! Well I've come to the end of my twenty minutes so I guess I'll have to say. . ADIOS!!!  ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_884710.txt,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_880321.txt,"I guess I won't be looking forward to this weekend. Why? I won't be going home. At least I'll be able to get some work done if I stay here. It's hard to concentrate at home because there are so many distractions. All I know is that I have to focus on my  studies. This feels weird just babbling on. I don't even know where this is even heading. I feel like such a fool sitting here typing up things on this screen that don't even  make sense. I'm stuck. Okay, never mind, I'll think of something to say. At least  I should be happy that I was able to get access to this computer. Stuck again. It's amazing how  when I'm asked to say things, I usually don't know what to say. This feels weird. Maybe the next time  I do this, I should do it in a private place, so people won't be wondering what the heck I'm doing or constantly looking over at my screen to catch a glimpse of what it is I'm doing here. Who cares anyway. I can't believe have so much work to do when I get back. Forget about that for now. I'll deal with that later. I wish I wouldn't procrastinate sometimes. This assignment is so similar to the one that I had to do everyday in my high school sophomore English class. I couldn't believe all the things I had written. I think this guy sitting next to me is getting annoyed. He's making some sort of grunting sounds. Oh well, I guess he'll have to put up with it for  another ten minutes. I'm so nervous about tomorrow. Going out to join the tennis club. I haven't played in awhile. I hope  they have plenty of extra balls because they might be losing a few tomorrow. I need the exercise anyway. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_336857.txt,"I'm thinking about Robbie and the email he sent. E-mails. How could that be that he loves me. He doesn't even know me?  I should not have gotten so flustered the first time I read the letters. I should not have told anyone. Now he has become a sort of pariah in my mind, a weirdo, an outcast, never to be touched by me. An that was wrong. He was brave and poetic enough to bring tears to my eyes. I didn't tell that to anyone. I only went off on the fact that it ""weirded me out"" , thus I became the dumb blonde, the snob, simplifying this event into something that was ""weird. ""  Now, after I have read the letter again I realize how beautiful it is. Yes, he pairs me with his other love, marijuana, but even so. To him that is beautiful. He said I am what he needs. Angelic, a blazing conflagration in his heart. And none of my letters reached him. They were all sent back. So it is as if nothing has been said, even though my letters were written before I got to the love part of his. How can this be?  An ogre he is, always high on acid or pot. I have hardly talked to him. Before I left we stayed up until 3am, me, him and Aaron. Sitting on the grassy bank of the Mississippi River. Being attacked by mosquitoes.  The sad thing is I know that in a week  I will dismiss  the situation, knowing his explosion of emotion must have been a result of drugs. But forgetting his poetic words, and how I may have brightened up his life. He wants to write movies together. That would be great if we could stay friends with the same old people always, me and Robbie and Keith moving to California after I gRADUATE, MAKING MOVIES. Yeah, like that would happen. And good old Aaron tagging alongside us, loving me. This morning the sun was low-- I am not used to mornings-- and it was cool. Perhaps I should start getting up earlier. The girl just sitting next to me was very flustered. I wish I could have helped but I didn't Have My if# with me. You know how in The Canterbury tales Chaucer capitalizes random Words just for the hell of it ?  Well that's how I type when I'm not thinking. I have a burn on my middle right finger and it hurts when I type. I talked to my brother and my ex-boyfriend on the phone Sunday night. I was good. I am so glad I talked to Woes. He wants us to say ""I love you""  as friends when we talk. I couldn't get up the nerve this conversation but maybe next Tim I will. Its just so sappy and Embarrassing (note that capital E).  He is an awesome friend , though. It sucks so bad that he is a fundamentalist.  I had a dream last night about Adam. The one that is soon to be gone to Israel for a year. I think I'll write him letters. He called me the other day here at Texas of all things. But I had to let him go bc Liesel was on the phone. Then I called back and he was gone, never to be heard from again. In my dr4eam we kissed. Like last summer and the summer before. In my dream he was in love with me all over again, in love with my smell. I was so happy and so was everyone else.  That sucks so bad that he's a devout Jew.    ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_311198.txt,"right now I feel somewhat relaxed after having seen one of the most gory movies of all-time. The title of the movie is Event Horizon in which a ship is taken over by evil spirits which have been taken onboard through a dimension warp. My brain feels completely clouded over because I don't really want to start school. I also want to bet on football pretty badly. This past weekend I lost a pretty nice piece of change while none of my teams covered the spread. I hope to do much better this weekend, but it has me worried.     My toe also seems to be giving me trouble because it got infected about one year ago but it never seems to get all the way healed. Maybe there is a chance that it will give me problems for the rest of my life. I'm pretty tired right now since it is 1:15 in the morning. I feel I have had a productive day though because I went to class today and got meaningful information from them. Especially in this class. I usually have no sort of interest in scientific things like the brain but the lecture seemed really interesting. I liked the explanations that were given from several things in everyday life. It has also just hit me that Mr. pennebaker said he was from midland, which is also my hometown. I think its a pretty good place, you just have to have a little imagination that's all. I'm thinking that since I ran so much this evening my back might actually be sore because of it. Hell, I don’t know though. I could use a nice woman in my life right now, but I am extremely picky unless I've been boozing it a little. It is cold somewhat in my room right now and there are many things that I must take of before tomorrow. I need to do some laundry and do some reading for class. I get extremely irritated when things don't operate smoothly. I wish I knew more about computers so that I could take care of my email problem. A nice cheeseburger would be excellent right now but I don’t really want one do to the fact that I'm trying to lose a few lbs. I’m debating whether or not to turn the TV on and watch a movie or just go straight to bed. Last night I almost got in a fight with one of my pledge brothers and to tell you the truth. I think the guy knows I could have killed him because he is not crazy enough to take me. I'm really not in a position            do some work for a good cause. I need a damn job so I can get some money to pay off some debts and be in good standing with my parents. One thing I've noticed recently is that everyone talks bad about people behind their backs. I mean I've sat down and talked bad about probably everyone I know. People pick out one person's weakness or what they consider to be a weakness and bash them pretty good when they aren’t around. I know people say stuff about me when my back is turned but hey so did i. I figure its nothing to think about to seriously unless someone is spreading lies. That is bullshit. I've been writing now for 22 minutes I’ll stop. is there any that I could  ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_378661.txt,"Stream of Consciousness? Well actually I've never done this before but it seems like there's nothing to it. I just tell you what I'm thinking, right? Well here is what I am feeling. Right now I am feeling anticipation because I have a load of laundry going downstairs. I really cant wait till its done. I guess this feeling of Anticipation is only natural since I am doing laundry. If I wasn’t doing laundry and I still felt like I was waiting for something then that might be a little bit out of the ordinary. I am also feeling a tad fatigued, considering that I have been up on my feet all day. I sense that I could also trace that to the fact that I only  got five hours of sleep last night. I cant stop typing for twenty minutes I cant stop typing for twenty minutes. This stream of consciousness stuff is really bizarre. It really makes absolutely no sense to me. That might be considered a  feeling of confusion or bewilderment stemming most likely from my misunderstanding of this assignment. From what I write will you guys over there be able to tell  what kind of person I am? There you go, another sensation: one of curiosity. That is I wonder why on earth am I doing this. I guess there can also be a slight feeling  of frustration since I am doing  something that I do see the purpose of. One thing that I do notice is that there are no margins on this site, so if I wanted to I could write and write and write and write and make one really long line , in a sense a veritable stream of consciousness. That wasn’t very clever. Anyway I was also wondering how many people create a phantom margin like I have been doing what does that tell you or me about me. Do I like order or do I like being able to see everything that I have written in front of my face. Well do you know what? Its both. I like order most of the time. I need to keep on typing I need to keep on typing I need to keep on typing. Another sensation I feel you say? Hunger. I have not  eaten in a while. Also I only ate one meal today. I guess that is a sign of stress. I am usually not that stressed out. I don’t really feel too much stress. My sleeping patterns are relatively normal(except for last night). I really cant figure out what this assignment does. Is this supposed to help me or you? IS this apart of some survey or something? From analyzing all these stream of consciousness documents will you be able to certain things and similarities we all share, thought patterns and what not? By the way, who should I be talking to anyway? I have been using ""you"" for a while. I feel like I've been talking to ""you"" for so long and we haven't even met. How's it going? My name is Walker. It is a  pleasure to meet you, ""you. "" Introductions aside, let's get back to this S. O. C. nonsense. Actually, let's not; my time is up. Take it easy. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_693196.txt,This seems hard to do. I am not exactly sure just what I am thinking . The music I’m hearing is not bad shit at all. there is this girl I liking her. she is cool as shit . I’m anticipating going to a soulfood party in a little while . I finally feel like I am on top of things this and the girl put in a fan-freakin -tastic mood . thinking thinkin I hope me and my roommate stay friends and we don't want to rip each others heads off  by the end of the year nas is cool . is that what I am hearing ? not sure. I am afraid of computers . I wish this dam assignment could have been done on loose-leaf no. the theory about computers- I don't want to learn how to use computers because they will eventually be so easy to use you could be a paraplegic(spelled that wrong) with no arms (chino) and still work one. 20 minutes seems long . this ain't that bad  I hope no one reads this if so how is it (mobb deep) going take a break or a leak 69 this assignment can't be done wrong can it? my friend keeps putting on different hip hop in the back ground. purple haze home beer I have not drank nearly as much liquor as I wanted to  since I got here or as much as I used to back home you can't drink in the streets here and all those other rules are really retarded . is that dela soul ? ---yes  niceah that girl  my neighbor to say the least . that would be cool as shit if it lasted  hip hop find it man or no wait up play biggie smalls that song that starts off with his beeper going off I can't type someone finally agrees with my theory on computers walker is an arrogant bastard . !!!! sucka after that put on the one I want to hear yeah  time is almost up uuuu this song I was good wu tang mystery what must go on I want to stop now  I can not type for skit it has been twenty minutes? I am not sure so I will continue wu tang wutang wutang wutyang wwutangwutangwutang the wu why did they drop out of their tour punk ass niggas --quote tupac don't shed a tear for nigga. these boots were made for walking? your mom. the potato in the Saturday night fever stance nice drawing really tazwhat a tool this is getting to the point of using only one finger I want to learn how to speed read . the play rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead just popped in there I think I went over the allotted time see you later peeeeeaaaaacccceeee ,1,0,1,0,0
1997_394566.txt,"I've done alot of self-analysis lately. I realize a few things about myself. I'm a bit obsessive and I believe that may hinder the growth of my current relationship The person I started dating is a wonderful guy, but I take all the small things to heart His dealing with a alot of coming out issues and that makes it much harder on him. The  nature of the relationship itself is freaky even for me here is this guy. I've been  best friends with him for three years now. He and I have been roommates for about two years and it's like all of a sudden the doors of our relationship have flown open. He is now doing things that before I didn't imagine with him. He was a friend now he's something. Do I want this? Yes, I guess. I have talk to numerous people about  this, like Renee. She is a wonderful friend. Her whole entire existence revolves around  one thing right now. Sex! It seems to be a common search for people our age. What if you settle for less, because emotionally that person is so well suited to you. Is that bad or good. I view that as okay. I need reach within myself and learn whether or not. Settling  for less is good or bad. I do know one thing. I do great work, when motivated. I become more goal orientated lately. Setting one tasks and completing it well. It is time consuming  but I believe it will be more beneficial to those I serve. I've been struggling to pick a major  and right now I don't know. I'm so lost I really just need some direction. This school year  has just been really confusing. My whole life has changed in a matter of one month, but I'm happier. Happiness is really a weird word. I think sometimes it just adding a little bit of energy to a  doomed project. Who knows time to reconsider my thought and self image. Life would be easier,  if there wasn't some guy up there scrambling our thoughts. I don't believe in a higher being, but  maybe there is a higher bean. hehehehe!!!! I used to believe in God then during some ""clarity"" I thought who would do right by making animals who feed off of each other. Either emotionally,  physically or mentally, finding those symbiotic relationships I guess is one of life's little hills we must all conquer. I love life! ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_677691.txt,Why am I doing this assignment?  I do not want to be here? I think I want to go to sleep. I wish Greg would shut up so I could do my homework. When I play basketball I wish Dustin would pass me the ball. But he never passes the ball so why am I complaining. My wrists hurts because the keyboard is in the wrong position. But I will not say anything because this is not my computer. I hate this keyboard because the keyboard is sorry. I wish I could go to sleep. But then again I never sleep. I wish Dean would get out of this room. Why did I come here?  I wish I stayed in Houston. Dwan needs to leave now. But he will never leave because he is going to sit down and talk. Kind of like what he is doing know. I hate this song . They play this song way too much. When are they going to leave. I wish Greg would turn off his computer and stop playing the music. I wish this assignment could be shorter but then again the is homework so it is not supposed to be fun. I wish I brought my own computer but I don't care. Greg needs to shut up. Greg is talking to one of his many girls. He has so many that people call him the mack. The computer is going to be burnt out by the time I am done with this assignment. Greg better leave or I will have to beat him up. Luckily Greg left so I do not have to beat him up. I think my friends listen to more Korean music then I do. God I wish I could get off this computer but I have to stay on here for a while. The reason is because I have to study for my chemistry quiz tomorrow. Hopefully it will be easy because I do not know what is going on in that class. I need to go talk to the chemistry department about switching my chemistry teachers. Hopefully they will let me because I have no clue on what is going on. Today I ate some lunch around eleven o'clock. Yes the food was nasty because it was from Jester. I think they intentionally make the food here disgusting so that we will stop eating and study more. But I don't think so because everybody winds up either working out or playing basketball. I wish they would turn off this music because sound gay. Anyway when is this assignment going to end. I really need to go study for my chemistry class. I just need to type for about ten more minutes. I wonder who this song is by?  Then again why did I care it is stupid. I need to talk to someone but I lost their number so I guess I won't have my blanket. I need to find that guys number but I lost it so I guess I will never find it. I hate HOT I think they are gay . So I do not know why Dustin is listening to it. I wish I could take these speakers and just break them because they are so gay. Why doesn’t he listen to some other music that sounds better. I wish I could go back home and drive my car. I miss driving my car. I got a Honda Civic. It is silver and it is all mine. I am thinking about bringing it up next semester. I wish they would turn this music off but then again why do I care. I wish they would play some Tupac or Snoop. I have two more minutes. I wish the two minute would go by faster. I need to get some carpet for my room . I'm thinking about switching my major. I might go to business or I might just stick Psychology and try to go into physical therapy after I finish college. I have one more minute left and then I am done. Toad is stupid. I hate Puff Daddy this song is sop overplayed. ,1,0,1,0,0
1997_419343.txt,"I have so much to do. I need to go get ready for track, but I would really  like to sit down and relax. perhaps go outside and sit by the pool and  catch some rays. I c9ompletly failed my music quiz. I wish I could have  prepared better. I  have been running around and it would feel so nice to just sit down and relax. What am I writing about. This seems so odd to  'sit here and write what I am thinking. I feel like  I should be trying to  keep my typing neat. and worry about spelling/grammar. Oh well. I am very sore. I wish that I didn't work out so hard because now I'm  paying for it. I really need to go read my kinesiology work. I wonder if  the person who reads this what she thinks, She must get so many strange responses. I hope this goes through the email system in time. I have  random thoughts. I guess everyone's thoughts are random. I wonder How Catherine is doing. I really need to call her but I don't have the m money for this month to spend on more long distance calls. It's so weird being away from dad and mom. I almost miss the nagging, but I guess  Kelly's taking their place. She really mad me mad last night. I wish she would be more considerate when getting dressed in the morning and ready for bed at night. The boyfriend thing is getting out of hand. Why doe's so someone want to go around and tell people that her boyfriend is psychotic? I hope Lauren's roommate mobes out so that I can talk about mobing in with Lauren at the end of the semester, but I feel bad leaving Kelly, but if she is going to be this much of a perfectionist and somewhat inconsiderate I have to look out for myself. I hope John is doing well with his Steave  situation. I know that I could help him out, but I don't want to be the know it all little sister. John is so sweet and I don’t' want Steve to  push him around. I think I've been writhing for a long time yep, it's been 20 min. bye. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_473952.txt,"This is a stream of consciousness paper for my psych. class. That is the only class I actually enjoy going to. They have about a katrillion people in that class and it is freezing cold, but that's okay. Almost all my classes except for English have 456,897,456,789 people in it. There is a cute guy in almost every single one of my classes, or if not in class, on the way to it. That's what college is all about. That's why I came from Louisiana to Texas. New people. It's so different out here. I love my roommates. They are so cute, and have really cute friends. I have one that is my favorite though. That's Gibby. He's so cute. anyway Lisa is so mad that the damn computer won't work. I believe that is a direct quote. She want to go call Adam, her lifeguard lover. Sometimes I think she's jealous because I found my little Gilbert within 5 days of coming to the great state of Texas. At first I didn't like it here, but now I love it. I know 345,231,859,635 guys, and about 4 girls. Today I got to go with Brady, our fine neighbor to go wash his Rodeo. I got to vacuum. It was great. I love him. But not as much as I (secretly) love room 1432.  The bus rides have been hell, but we ride with the neighbors. I hate to stand up. I hate that almost as much as I hate not sitting on the end of a row in class. I think it's the extra elbow room that I get. I hate those desks too. I am used to having about 565 sq. feet of desk area. Oh well. Anyway, yesterday, I bought Gibby some boxer shorts. I gave the salesman a hard time because I didn't know any of his sizes. oh, well. I don't want  to limit myself so soon after coming to Texas. I want someone to play with, but I also want some time to explore the great wide dating field. There is a nasty rumor going around the apartment saying that Marc likes me. I think Marc is an awesome guy, but I don't know how willing I am to give Gibby up. It has gotten to the point where everyone asks me where Gilbert is, and what he's doing. Okay, I may talk to the boy but I don't know every single blessed move he makes. Now as for Dark Chad across the street I would like to know. He is so cute and artsy and he is an avid fan of party girl. okay I think my time is up, so Ill say good bye till tomorrow. Thank you, Simone Theriot ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_904901.txt,"You know, when typing on a computer, twenty minutes is a long time. Figuring a person types 60 to 80 words per minutes, they will be typing between 1200 words and 1600 words per minute. I wonder if this assignment would be more effective if the students had to write it in pen, so that you could also see how they changed their mind. I know that I have already erased and retyped. I don't mean that I have taken the stream of consciousness out of it, just that I will change my mind on how I want to phrase things. I want this to make sense to any poor, unfortunate person who has to read this thing, and sometimes I takes me a while figure out a way to phrase thing that will accurately get the message of what I am trying to express across. Okay, I have managed to confuse myself with this stuff that I am saying. Somehow I don't consider it to be a good sign when I can confuse myself with something that I am thinking. It's too bad that I type faster than I think b/c right now I can even get all of my thoughts down. Wow, it finally put me on another line!  I don't have any idea what time I actually started typing. I remember looking at the clock at 5:13, but I was already typing then. I guess that I will just count that as my starting time, I am guessing that it really doesn't matter how long I write. Back to the confusing myself thing. you know, I have a habit of confusing myself. I will ask myself questions or think about ideas which really are lacking in logic, or else they have a strange logic. For example, at my high school, I am famous for my opinions about being normal. I once told my friend that I was the only normal person, and that the rest of them were all abnormal. Having said this, I realize that if I am the only normal person, that would make it abnormal to be normal, and normal to be abnormal. This would mean that although I was the only normal person in the group, I was really abnormal b/c it is normal to be abnormal and abnormal to be normal. At first this appears to make no sense, but once you think about it for a while, it starts to make perfect sense, at least to me anyway. And those people who have been blessed enough to hear this theory get it eventually. I have no idea if I am supposed to be writing this thing as if I was talking to someone, but that is really the only way that I can write it. I am used to writing emails a lot like this, and I have a tendency to talk like this too. I will say, or write whatever is on my mind. This  results in a lack of sentences in my emails. I separate the thoughts with little dots. everything is in sentence fragments. I just write what I am thinking at the time. That is why I was so happy about this assignment, imagine, I am getting a grade for doing something that I do all the time!  But then again, it's not like the people I write to hate my emails. In fact, most of them love my emails. My boyfriend, Justin, always tells me how much he loves my emails. And lately, I have noticed that I have been influencing people with the way I write. More and more of my friends have started writing very stream of consciousness emails to me. I like them though, b/c I think that they give a greater insight into how a person if feeling and what they are thinking. I am a terrible speller, and a bad typer too. I can type really fast, but I am not high on the accuracy. Sometimes I do really great, but other times, well. it's embarrassing. I think that in college I am gonna major in typos and creative spelling!  I haven't eaten anything today. It is 5:26 now. I guess after I finish this I will go back to the dorm room and then I will go eat dinner. Or maybe I won't. I am not really that hungry but I feel bad about wasting meal tickets. Last week I didn't eat anywhere near the two meals a day that we bought. I might just go and eat some yogurt that I have in the fridge. The advantage to not eating, and then getting all this extra exercise walking around this school, is that it will help me get in shape. This is ridiculous, it has been 15 minutes and I am only on the [now] fifth line!  You know, I don't like typing. I think that I am a candidate for carpal tunnel. I am exaggerating a bit, but my hands get tired quickly from typing. I think that I strain them b/c the table is too high and therefore I am resting my hands on the keyboard too much. I just moved the keyboard to my lap and that actually helps. I am a semi computer nerd. I know about software, and how to use the web. However, I am not a hacker, and my knowledge of hardware is not the best. maybe average. I can build my own computer, or do anything illegal. but put a program in front of me, and I will either know how to use it, or else I will figure out how to use it fairly quickly. I am glad that this about finished. It is actually tiring trying to keep up with what I am thinking. I just finished psych class and so I decided to stop at the pcl library and do this before I forget. I meant to do these assignments this weekend, but I forgot. actually, I just didn't get time. My best friends online boyfriend came to Houston this weekend, and I am friends with him too, so I wanted to meet him also. He flew in from Anderson CA. quite far. We had never met him before now. He is really nice too, only. he is a bit inappropriate acting, in that he was feeling me, and he even French kissed me. he felt on Amber (my friend) too, and kissed her more. but the point is, his hands should only be up one person's shirt. and that is Amber, not me!  I hope that this won't really get published b/c this stuff about Giovanni is not something that I want everyone to find out about. He was still really nice, and I liked him. just not romantically. I guess maybe he is just like that. I did tell Amber about what happened. I needed to, if she didn't mind(which, for some reason, she didn't), then it's all good. well, 'cept that I don't want him to kiss me, or feel up my shirt or in my overalls. That is why I won't let him do it again. however, I don't know when or if I will see him again, so it may never come up. Anyway, time is up, so I am gonna submit this thing, and hike it back to the dorm. actually the dorm isn't too far!  I might sit outside and read the paper before going back though. It will depend on how I feel. Okay, here it is. hope it was helpful, or served the purpose it was supposed to. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_847162.txt,"I have to go to an experiment for Psychology in 45 minutes. My hand really hurts because I burned it on my curling iron. I had a really awesome dream last night but Rachel woke me up from it. I miss my mom. I wonder how she is doing. I will visit her soon, though. I have a lot of homework this weekend. I am only concerned about Chemistry since I haven't had it since 10th grade. My hand still hurts. I did my aerobics today. I wonder what the experiment will be this afternoon. I hope that I finish early. I have not been writing that long but it feels like forever. I am glad that my roommate and I are getting along. She is my best friend since seventh grade. My hand is feeling better now. I hope that my hair isn't losing its curl because I have to leave for the experiment right after this. I wonder when my cough will finally go away. The MTV music awards last night were cool. The funniest part was Marilyn Manson. My hand has a red spot on it from the burn. I wonder if we are still gonna go to the frat party tonight. I have a lot of homework still. I hope that I don't fall into the trap of freshman laziness and have my grades slip. My face itches. I am slightly worried about my earring hole--whether or not it's infected. Now my nose itches. AUGH!  Only five minutes have passed!  I want to go back to my room and work on my chemistry so that I'll feel better. I am excited about tomorrows football game. My back is getting sore so I'd better sit up straight. I'm glad that I'm getting this assignment out of the way. I wonder if Kevin and Briar will get married. I hope so because I really like Briar and it would be cool for her to be my sis-in-law. I wonder who I'll marry. What if I don't find anyone?  That would totally suck. However, I refuse to settle for just anyone. I wonder if I should change my major to Psychology. I love stuff like these experiments. The girl next to me just introduced herself and left. She seemed nice. Her name is Sherrie. I will never remember that. If I major in Psychology, I don't know if that will hurt my chances of getting into Med-shcool. I don't know what to do. My hand hurts again. Oh, wow, I'm almost done!  This assignment is so easy and kinda fun. Now my arm itches. My boss was named Sherrie. This girl probably didn't even spell her name like that. Now my hands are getting cramped. I feel kinda bad about talking about Kristy because she was cool today. But that doesn't make up for her being annoying every other day. Now my head itches. I think that I have dry skin. At least my mosquito bites are gone. I wonder if Melissa and Rachel are back yet. I have to cough again. This is getting really annoying. Russ is so cute. I would love to date him if he wasn't me brother's best friend. My hand really hurts now. I hope that I am almost done because I can't type much longer. I am glad that it's the weekend. Pennebaker is so funny. All my classes are cool. OWWWW!  My hand. I am a pain wimp. Three more minutes!  Lots of people that were in here are gone now. I like Kinsolving because I don't have to go to Flawn for the internet. My fingernails look very pink today. I forgot to take my vitamins today!  My  hand really hurts and my eyes are getting tired. My fingers feel swollen. I wonder when I will meet and date some guys here. Hopefully it will be soon. I hope that no one is standing behind me reading this because I'm sure they'd wonder why I am writing this diary. My time is up!  Yeah!  I have to go to my room to check my hair and lipstick again before I go. Bye! ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_821194.txt,"I’m in the mood to write and so I decided to do this writing assignment. sometimes I get in this mood to write anything and everything that’s on my mind. I guess it only happens when I’m bothered by something. time and time again thought it always seems to be about people and my interactions with them and how they are so I don’t know. how should I describe. I guess I was too sheltered to know how much people can hurt someone. why are people so selfish and care so much about their own well-being?  why does it hurt the good guy to be good. it seems the nicer you are, the more naive and innocent. the more you get hurt. you’d think id get the hang of it by now. but I don’t want to become like them. whoever’s reading this. are you Christian?  I am. or I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ and I try to follow his ways. but it hurts so much because to win is to lose and yet I know I’m doing something wrong because in psalms its says to be as harmless as doves and wise as serpents. I think I've got the harmless as doves thing down, but I’m not very wise. I always get so hurt. I don’t know what to say. my thoughts don’t seem to be flowing and I cant seem to get what's on my mind out on this screen. I wish everyone were. how come I cant think. but I’m supposed to write for 20 minutes so I guess ill continue. no, I’m not totally disappointed with all people or anything if that’s what it sounds like. in fact I love my first roommate. she was so good so unselfish. so caring and hardworking. then there's my second roommate. I gave so much to her. honestly. and literally. she never once cooked for me yet I always for her. she never once cleaned yet I never complained. I bought the groceries and cooked and she ate. I cared for her well being. I never said anything to hurt her. I don’t even know how to describe. I really did care about her well being. as roommates, I thought of her as my sister in caring about her. and I tried to show her gods love. her mom came to visit for a month. I gave up my bed and moved into the living room  since we had a one bedroom. living with anyone’s mother, anyone else would complain. the whole month she was there. I still cleaned. but she did cook. although I didn’t eat at home that much. I tried to go home late and leave early because it wasn’t very comfortable with someone else’s mom at home. I tried my best. and I really thought my old roommate appreciated it. then the day before they moved out I noticed I was missing some silverware and a pair of shoes and since the mom was packing, I presumed she must have misplaced. so I left a note before I left for school to check for me - that I’m not sure how many silverware because I lost some in moving before and so its not too many I’m sure, but a few. when I came home that evening. there were my pair of shoes and a few silverware she took out all her silverware and started to make me look at every single thing saying, ""look! this is ours,""  then another wrapped piece,  saying ""look,""  and more and more. I was so shocked. I told her I didn’t mean to accuse her of stealing, if that’s what she had mistaken it, but  she said no, that’s not it  well its been over 20 minutes now. and in the end she ended up misplacing more of my stuff and I wasn’t going to bother asking about them. but it hurt me. not that she took the stuff, but to come out like that. after living together. I have a third roommate now (thank goodness the 2nd was only for the summer)and I hope everything goes well. I wrote about this because I saw my 2nd roommate today. and though we never fought I don’t think were friends anymore. and every time I think of her,  I’m hurt. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_339543.txt,"Well, here I go, writing for 20 minutes. This really feels weird, but I  guess I have to do it. Actually I am glad I am doing this assignment because I dreaded doing it and now I can get it over with. It's just that 20 minutes seems like such a long time to sit here and write about nothing. I just don't know what to do and I feel very uncomfortable. Hmmm. Princess Diana died early this morning. I have felt so sad. When I first heard of her car accident last night I tried to pray for her, but I felt as she would not want to live but rather die. I have been reading and studying about near-death experiences and most people studied/interviewed have said that they usually do not want to come ""back"" after being pronounced dead. Anyway, I think she is in a better place, hopefully there will be no media hounding her wherever she is at now. The ceiling fan in this room bothers me when it is on high. Sometimes I'd rather be hot than have to hear the loud roaring noise. My dogs just came upstairs. I wonder what they are thinking about?  Do they think like we do?  What could be going through their minds?  I know I am supposed to write without worrying about grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. , but I do, and I try to correct everything as I go. I keep looking at the clock and time is going very slow. I notice we have two clocks now on the desk. One is new, a prize or rather a gift for purchasing something. This room has so many things in it. I wish it was a bigger room. I like spacious things, I hate to feel crowded. I seem to be complaining so much right now, I guess I am tired and a little sleepy, and get grumpy. Why do we have some many things!  So many papers, junk, wiries, toys things, things, things!  Do we need all these things?  Can we live without all this things?  Yes, we can! Thank God! I can't stop writing but I would like to. Oh well. I just thought about a bakery, H. E. B. bakery to be exact. I keep craving sweets, so maybe that is why. I saw a white cake with pink frosting. My sister also came to mind. Hmmm, this is interesting because she is a professional baker and creates luscious deserts!  It is so dark outside, I hate having the windows closed, I like to hear the outdoors. I love the outdoors. Oh God 3 more minutes of this. I just feel like my mind is completely empty right now. I wonder if this happens when one is really tired?  I feel very old today. I like this computer, I guess I am pretty lucky to own one. I'm sorry I have been so negative, but this is how I feel right now. However, my time is up , hip hip hooray! Bye!  ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_451062.txt,"Right now there is really not much going through my head. I woke up about an hour ago from a nice, long sleep and my mind is clear. I guess I have some worries about school, like am I studying enough and really am I going to make it, but I guess that all depends on my actions. I am also real worried about the social things getting involved with my school work. There is just always something going on, and sometimes it is hard to choose to study over all of the fun things, but so far I feel that I have done a pretty good job, but then again it has only been two weeks. I am enjoying where I am living, and as of now my roommate and suite mate situation seems OK. It is weird to think that after knowing for so long that I wanted to attend UT, to actually be here going to school and not just visiting. It really hasn't hit me yet, but it probably will soon. It also feels weird to have to pick up the phone to have to talk to my parents and not have them be in the next room or just down the hall. And for it to also cost money to have to talk to the people that I am used to talking to on a daily basis. I also have some scared feelings going through me, fears that most people have. For example, you hear all the stories of these awful things that have happened on college campuses and in college dorms, which sometimes makes it hard to go anywhere alone. You are always having this fear inside you that something might  happen to you if you take one step into the wrong direction. That is really scary for me, probably because of things that have happened in the past. When I was in 4th grade my family was robbed at gun point in our house and the threatened to hurt or even kill. One of my sisters and I slept through it, but my parents, my other sister, and my house keeper all had guns held to their heads. No one was hurt, but it was still really scary. then 3 years ago the sister who was asleep with me was out to eat with a friends family and they were followed home and were also robbed at gun point, and had pillowcases put over their heads, but could still feel the gun against their head. In this situation, no one was hurt either. But I am the only one who has never had a gun to me or was threatened, and I fear that I might be the next, and that really scares me. Well, my 20 minutes is almost up, and it went by a lot quicker then I imagined that it would, and I really enjoyed figuring out what to right about. It was really interesting. ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_476707.txt,"I just got back from aerobics. It was really hard and kicked my butt today. I learned how to box. I really wish I knew how to box. I could kick George Forman's butt. George Forman lives 5 minutes from my house in Kingwood. I have seen his house before and it is really cool. Mark lives around there. I wish I could punch Mark's face in now. He is such a jerk. I hope he is happy without me. That was a profound statement. This assignment is so boring. Why do we have to do this. I hope I don't fail out of college. My dad would kick my butt and make me go to Kingwood College. That is not cool. I would absolutely kill myself if I had to go to Kingwood college. Jeremy went to Kingwood College. now he goes to Tech. haha. I wonder if I will ever see him again. Maybe so. Steve is so much better than he is. I wish Steve would have asked me out a year ago instead of Jeremy. I have so much work to do tonight and I'm so tired. plus I have to got o that mixer tomorrow night. But I hope I don't have to go to my eight o clock class tomorrow. eight o clock classes should be outlawed. No one should have to be awake that early. The food here really sucks. My Mom's cooking is so much better than this stuff. it's like prison food. That was really gross in the move Sleepers when Kevin Bacon's character made those boys eat their food off the prison floor. Then he beat them up. That movie was really disturbing. I bet stuff like that goes on in all kinds of prisons. I 'm against the death penalty. ""Why do we kill people to show  other people that killing is wrong?""  That is my most favorite quote of all time. Kevin Bacon's character deserved to die though. Kevin Bacon is really good looking. Every time I see him in a movie, I remember him dancing in Footloose and I start to laugh. His character's name in that movie Was Ren. Like Ren and Stimpy. I hat that show. It used to be really funny, but now it is just disgusting. These guys that eat in the Kinsolving cafeteria are disgusting. None of the good-looking guys come by our dorm. We must be losers. Why would they come by our dorm?  We are the best looking girls in our dorm. Everyone else is disgusting. Except for Jenn, Katie, Amanda and Alison. I'm glad Allison and I are becoming friends. It is really cool how her dad and my dad roomed together and now Ali an d I will room together in our apartment next year. I think my dad wants me to room with her and Katie in a apartment next year. Maybe one other girl. I can't even think to next year. I will be 19 on Friday. That seems so old. Princess Diana was 19 when she married Prince Charles, I think. That is so sad that she died. I've watched so many news stories on her lately. It makes me sad. I want to watch the funeral on Saturday. I hope we get home from Waco on time. I'm excited to go to Waco. It will be so much fun and Steve will make my birthday really nice. Although he is trying too hard. That is a turnoff. But he is such a sweet guy that I could never do anything to hurt him. He has really low self-esteem. And he is quite inexperienced. He is so much better than any of the other guys I have dated--but I don’t know if I like him. I like jerk guys I guess. Really good-looking cocky guys. Like Mark. and Jeremy. and Linsey. I wonder why Lindsey never liked me. I wish he would have. Even though he is a player, I bet I could change him. Yeah right. Wishful thinking. He is the best looking guy I have ever dated. Even though it was a short fling. It was worth it. He is so good-looking. Why does Steve put up with a jerk like him for a best friend?  I have no clue. Poor Steve--I think he lives in Lindsey's shadow most of the4 time. That really sucks. I'm glad I don't do that. I can't wait for the weekend--It will be awesome. And I also can't wait for the 20 minutes to be up so I can finish this stupid assignment. My hands are getting tired. I should add that to my list of aches and pains form my aerobics class. I hope Kathryn doesn't come to that class on Thursday. I don't think Katie and I could stand it. Well, my time is almost up and I need to do my other buttloads of homework tonight. Later. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_490124.txt,"I am going to take 20 minutes to do this psychology assignment. It's the end of the first week, and I already have tons of homework. I am getting a little homesick. It's ridiculous. I miss El Paso, even though it is soooo boring. The phone is ringing, but I am not going to answer it. I need to go to a store and buy a calculator. If I keep busy, I won't get as homesick. I am watching tennis on TV at the same time that I am writing this. I have such compassion for Monica Seles with everything that she has been through. Oops, miss-hit. I miss playing tennis at home. I am doing laundry, so I probably need to get the clothes out of the dryer, but I don't want to yet. Bad call on the Henman match. I am going to have to shower before I go to Hillel tonight. I've got a real bad headache. I need to figure out how to send and receive mail on my new internet service. Maybe I'll just unplug my phone, and use the existing AOL just for mail. Great Shot!!  I'll go through the internet for everything else, but since everyone already knows my AOL screen name, I'll keep it for the mail. My parents would be paying for it anyway, since it's on their account. Before I am done typing this, I need to get the unique number and professor's name and everything. I'll have to find it. This assignment is actually kind of fun. I'm really homesick, but I'll get over it sometime (hopefully). It's really hot in this room. Grandma and Grandpa are coming in, but I forgot when. I have so much that I need to do, that I forgot what it all is. My twenty minutes is up, I need to check my laundry. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_492073.txt,"Well, here goes nothing. I decided to do this assignment while waiting for class. I arrived at 3, class starts at 3:30,my bad. Guess I'll just transfer it to computer later. This hallway isn't particularly quiet. The door next to me squeaks. Not like a mouse mind you, but that annoying oil-me-sound. This hallway looks different than all the others. I don't know why that is exactly, it just does. I don't seem to be having that many creative thoughts. My suite-mate told me that you become most creative during the late hours like 2 and 3a. m. I guess this is my creative down-time. Boy, I could sure use a little down-time. Too many things still left to do. Somewhere in here I have to eat dinner. I refuse to eat from the death carts again today. Granted, they do have good eggrolls. But I just don't want figure out what the meat is. Dog would be very bad. I've got a dog, or at least I had a dog. I had to leave him at home. I guess I'll see him at Christmas. I like it how the semester ends at Christmas. Less to worry about over the holidays. Unlike high school. I hated it when teachers would have tests right after long vacations. Not that I did bad on them. It just meant I had to think about the upcoming test for the duration of break. Y'know, it's going to be hard to type all this one-handed. I fractured my finger about a week before class. For the time being my finger is immobilized. You'd be surprised at all the times we use our pinky and take it for granted. It is a very essential finger. Only 5 more weeks or so, and it will be healed. Personally, I can't wait. I've really had an interesting time as a new student. Adapt to college and adapt to the loss of complete hand movement. Which is essentially the loss of my left hand. I wonder how long this is typed. It's 2 pages written. OUCH#@** My leg is asleep. Pins & needles are always a fun sensation. I wonder how much longer it will be till class. Almost there I think. I feel good that I actually completed a paper weeks before the deadline. It's not a first, but it's close. I've decided one thing about UT, TEX hates me. He asked me if I wanted him to search for one of my classes, and of course I said yes. So TEX replied that my class had been added from 7-9. No problem, right?  He neglected to mention p. m. I am no longer enrolled in anthropology. GOOD-BYE AND GOOD LUCK. ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_595469.txt,"I am in Mollie's room right now using her internet-I hope she doesn't care. I get really frustrated with computes sometimes. I wish I understood them better. I only like Email. I like Email because I can talk to my friends in New York. I can't wait until I get to see them on my birthday. I hope they are just as excited as I am. Meg is talking about her boyfriend. Everyone has a boyfriend here in Hardin House. Alot of them are far away though. I guess that would be pretty hard to deal with. If I really liked someone far away I would be really sad here. Last night was really fun. I had a good time with my friends. Sixth street is always fun because there are such a variety of people there. One of these nights I am going to sing karyoke. Then maybe someone will discover me and I'll become famous. I think my friend Rob will be famous someday. Je and Andy and Frederick. They are so awesome--I can't wait to see them. I wonder what will happen with Andy. I keep wondering about him. He has a girlfriend, but she is depressed and she brings him down. Maybe I'll learn more about her depression in this class. I just hope he's happy. Rob is not happy with Amy right now--she really lied to him and Caleb. They are trying to get revenge now. They wrote a letter about her and they are going to put it up in the restaurant where she works. It's pretty mean and I bet she'll be really embarrassed. I told Rob that revenge is a scary thing because it can consume you. He said ""I know, but I've never been so furious in my life. "" I feel sorry for him because I know he really liked her. I warned him though. I knew the second I met her that she was up to no good. She came between two best friends and she didn't even care. I wonder how my friends at schools far away are doing. I think Abby, at Arizona is doing really well. She has made two ""soul-mates"" from Las Vegas. I bet they are so crazy on the dance floor! I miss Abby--especially dancing with her. She is so much fun. I guess I'll see her on OU weekend. Then I can tell her all about my trip to New York. Kelli will be home from Georgia, too. I can't wait to see her either. I hope she's been behaving herself. She breaks a lot of hearts. Her mom is really lonely by herself, I know she can't wait for Kelli to come home. I bet their phone bill is very expensive. I hope mine is not too bad. I've talked to Rob and Andy several times. I'm so glad I talked to Andy though. We really confessed a lot to each other, It was good to get some of those things off of my chest. The situation is pretty good right now, I hope Rob doesn't make the situation worse--if he is a real friend he will encourage Andy like he said he would. I think my friend Dallas in Arizona is miserable. He has never really been his own person-- he relies too much on other people for his identity and now he knows no one a t school, He will really grow from this experience though. I should call him, but then again ===That phone bill! That (the save in $) is the good thing about Email. I can always send him regular mail, too. I like real mail. You can write your true feelings so much easier in a letter. That is why I like to write Andy, ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_597598.txt,"I've decided that I want to write for travel and leisure magazine. I love to write. I think I am pretty good at it too. My brother went back to Houston to interview for a job with a real estate agency. He want s to be a commercial realtor. No matter what my brother decides to do he will be really successful. I'm not saying that I am a psychic or anything like that, but I know how badly my brother wants to be successful, and when he wants something, he goes out and gets it. Brian and I have become much closer as I have gotten older. He is being so nice to me since I got to Austin too. I think he is realizing that I am not such a bad kid after all. He always tells me to be careful and look out for myself because he won't always be in Austin to take care of me. My brother and my dad look a lot alike too. my dad is really tall: Six feet seven inches tall to be exact. H played basketball in high school, but he wasn't good enough to play in college. I think that is why he always pushed my brother to play so much that he drove Brian away from the sport. I played field hockey in high school. If I didn't come to The University of Texas, I was going to try to play field hockey at a division one school. I'm really happy with the decision I made though. I am having so much fun here. I really miss my family, or, I guess you could say, lack thereof, in Houston. I miss my mom and my step-dad, and my dad. My brother told me that he was so much happier when he moved to Austin. I could tell too because he didn't come home very much his freshman year. I don't think my brother likes my mom very much because whenever he comes home, they fight. I think my brother is still bothered by the divorce. I never gave myself a chance to be bothered, so I think now that I am away from home and I have all of this time to think, the divorce is starting to bother me. I wonder what parent's weekend is going to be like. I guess I'll ask my brother what he did when both of our parent's showed up ready and willing to steal him from the other parent. I will just divide up the weekend: one parent gets me one night, and the other parent will get me the next night. What is sad, is that I want to get them the whole weekend: both parents on both nights. I hate it when my friends' parents are around because it makes me think of how I can't have my real family back together ever again. By the way, I have a terrible habit of feeling sorry for myself. Things could be so much worse. I feel really lucky to be able to attend college, live where I live, have both parents who love me, be blessed with so much athletic ability. I know I am lucky, but every now and again I like to play the victim. My boyfriend is the best friend I could ever have. He always wants me to feel like I can talk to him, but he never lets me make excuses for myself if you know what I mean. He always reminds me that everyone has their hardships, but those who choose to overcome their hardships instead of letting their hardships overcome them, those are the ones who end up being happy. Twenty minutes is up! ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_677293.txt,"September 4, 1997      Well, here I go beginning my stream of consciousness. I really don't know  why I put the date up at top, just that I do that with everything, apologize if it offends you. Right now I am freaking out on my foot, which is almost killing me today. I swear I think I have the largest foot blister ever created currently on my foot and its not fun because I can't run, jog and it even hurts to walk on the thing. I have trouble putting on socks because the blasted  thing hurts so bad. I'm really beginning to wonder what I did to deserve that, I really don't think I've messed anyone up really bad lately. I've actually been kinda nice lately, which I usually am. Well, I guess nice unless you  consider what I did on Monday night. You see, some people keep calling up our dorm room and asking if its the Perry Castaneda library. I had been telling  them that it wasn't until I got sick of it. So some girl called on Monday and asked how long we were open. I told her we'd be open until 12:00 midnight  and that if she hurried she could catch us before we closed. I guess it was  kinda mean but I also thought it was really funny. Well, my hands are already starting to hurt me and that's not good because I have about fourteen minutes left. anyway, I'm starting to get hungry now but I still have more work to do so I figure I'll leave after I'm done with it all, which will take forever. Oooh, look at her, I guess I'm definitely going to have to move after I'm done here. Oh, by the way, I'm in the SMF at the library so I can be easily distracted while I'm doing this. I must confess I do that quite a bit, like the girl sitting next to me in class today, of course, I did listen to the lecture, but it was still kind of a distraction. Anyway, wondering what to type now to let you know  what's going on in my sick little head. Hey, you ever hear why ice is no longer  available at the Texas A&M cafeteria?     The senior who knew the recipe graduated. I have alot of questions like that. For instance, if you throw a cat out a window, does it become kitty litter?  If olive oil is made of olives,  what is  baby oil made of?    Why is abbreviation such a long word?   Why do they put Braille on ATM machines?  Speaking of blind, what about those signs that say, ""No Eye Seeing Dogs. ""  I mean, who's that sign for?  The blind man or the dog? At the special Olympics, do they have reserved spots for non-handicapped persons? How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work?   Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?  Does a radioactive cat have 18 lives?  If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?   If Styrofoam packs everything, what do they pack Styrofoam in?  Why is it that you drive on Parkways and park on  driveways?  If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick on the  pan?   If Alsups is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?  Why is it that whenever you transport something by ship,  its called cargo and when you transport it by car, its called a shipment?  Why do they call it taking a dump when you're actually leaving something?  Anyway, those are the crazy things that go through my mind. Hopefully, I won't be classified as a loony and become subjected to further tests or something. Until next time. ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_739678.txt,"So many things I need to get done this week. All of the thinking and remembering gets stressful, but at the same time it's so much fun to be on my own. I had a great workout today at World's Gym. I feel bad that I couldn't do a step aerobics class, but their schedule didn't blend well with mine. Tomorrow I will accomplish more. I think my day and my feelings are dependent on the amount of exercise I get. I love the feeling when I'm lying in bed at night that I ate very healthy and gave my heart a great workout. I wonder if I'll be happiest being a nutritionist. I've never been able to put my finger on exactly what I want to be. It makes me wonder about those people who become something great and recall in an interview that it's what they wanted to do their whole life, since they could remember. Could that actually be?  I know I've wanted to be very successful since I could remember. I've always wanted enough money to buy without thinking twice about my purchase. At around thirteen or so I decided that becoming a doctor was my goal and nothing could stop me. Now, in actuality, it's possible. I've always made the grades excelling in math and science. I do know it takes a great deal more, but I feel I'm moving in the right direction. My ultimate question is, did I set my goal on becoming a doctor at such a young age because of that profession's stereotype?  Doctors have lots of money and great cars, and I wonder if that's what made me so determined?  But, at the same time biology is my favorite topic to study. I have this strong love for the learning channel when they're showing a surgical procedure. Nothing can take me away from the TV. But possibly it's my subconscious telling me that I need to love it?  I think I'm thinking about the whole thing a little too hard. I need to start going with the flow of things instead of always feeling I need to have my agenda totally planned out. I feel so much better if I've sat down and scheduled my next day. Sometimes I follow the schedule minute by minute, and sometimes I don't. It really doesn't bother me either way if I actually stick to the whole thing. I'm noticing my times up and I almost feel sad. No ones probably going to read this whole thing, or maybe not at all. But I now see why people find diaries therapeutic. This is just like having a diary. I like it and it made me feel better than I did 22 minutes ago. Thanks, whoever! ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_754654.txt,"My name is Laura Van Hoesen and I am thrilled!!! to be here at UT. I've always loved Austin ever since I visited here when I was younger speaking of which I have been feeling like I was a little kid lately because I am in a new place with new people everything is new. Sometimes new is fun like in relationships. new is the best feeling in the whole world until it wears off it is sad and almost laughable how people can get tired of one another. Like my roommate and I are VERY  tired of each other right now. Every little thing she does annoys me and I am sure she feels the same way about some of my habits. I have several annoying ones. My boyfriend says he has not found any, but that leads back to the whole newness thing. He doesn't quite know me. and I'm not quite sure I want him to . I want some McDonald's right now because I am starving I haven't eaten since this morning because I have been running all over campus getting things done. I went to a meeting for the Pom squad tryouts and I had a memory rush from high school The chick who is the director is one of my old drill team director's friends and lets just say I don't like to think of drill team much. Although it seems to be on my mind alot lately because I have been questioning weather or not I should be in Kilgore or not. I am really truly happy for Tracy and brooke and Regina, but I can't help but be envious. I know Regina is loving shoving this in my face but I wish she wouldn't Why can't we just be friends again like we were last year all of this other crap had to start and now its finished kind of. I guess not totally finished because I am still stringing Earl along. I don’t  mean to be so selfish but I like having someone there for security. I have always been given security from my parents and I am used to that feeling I miss my parents they do so much for me like my mom getting this new job one that I don't even know if she likes just to make more money so I can go to UT. My sister loves to spend my parents money and I am finding out how easy it is when you're far from home and you don't see the negative effects your money spending is having on them they must really totally love us. I can not even fathom what having a child must be like sometimes I want to have children and get married and settle down and other times I don't want any of that mushy stuff. That is kind of what Earl is there for. Incase I decide to pursue the romantic side in me which I seriously doubt so I should just let him go and I am really bad at typing I used to be better but I guess I am a little out of practice I tool 2 typing classes in high school which I had a nice time in we have such an awesome senior class. I was so proud but now everybody is gone off to do their own thing I can't spell either I have always had that problem ever since I was little my whole family makes fun of me for it especially my sister. I wonder how long I have been typing I haven't typed like this since staying up all night writing and typing my senior research paper on Shakespeare. I love Ms. Holloway she was a great teacher I wonder how heather is doing in Atlanta I should call her tonight and see if she likes her class. It would be awesome to live in Georgia the Indigo girls are from Athens Georgia and I have always wanted to go there and see their home town I think where people are from say alot about them. like my cousin is from Angleton and she a real heavy accent her whole family does I hope she is ok. She went a little crazy after her father died, but who wouldn't my mother is crazy. poor woman is going through so much right now and Suzanne has to be feeling the same way with both of her daughters moving out at the same time. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_854291.txt,"MMM I was just thinking about the rolls  from Kinsolving. My friends are in my room just got really quiet so I felt very conscious of there presence. I don't know what I'm thinking about!!  I am now looking at my nails-- I've been biting my nails so there not very long anymore. I'm wondering how long 20 minutes is going to be for this assignments. I really miss my friend Monica, my best friend. She would be able to make friends so easily here at UT. I am worried because I need to make study buddies. I hope my classes won't be too hard. the back of my desk is old-- well, not the back of my desk the drawer is cold   I'm so blank   I guess  when I have to write down my thoughts, it's harder   My typing sucks-- I type okay but I make a lot of mistakes that keep me from typing all of my thoughts. I hope I don't gain weight  while I am here. I need to lose 15 more pounds but it's so hard when I have to eat in a cafeteria-- there are too many temptations  I wonder where Aubrey is, she didn't even tell me What just happened to my computer-- I thought I had lost my entire entry  I am so tired  I walked a lot today. I've already written for about 14 minutes-- that went by pretty fast  should I go the Grease thing? I don't want tulle on my window-- is that the way you spell tulle?  Roni just told me it is spelled tulle. How am I suppose to know how to spell tulle  I wish someone was in love with me-  I wish I could find someone to love. Most of the guys around here seem to ignore my presence I remember this episode of Friends  The guy is so rude  I love Friends  it is so funny  Wow, it's practically been 20 minutes-- my wrist hurts from typing so much  That girl is so funny-- I can't wait until the new episodes come out-- if I have time!!  That settles it-- it's been over 20 minutes. So I guess I'll you go  ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_855808.txt,"  I like the idea of doing class assignments over the WWW. it's much easier. I think someday all assignments and teaching will be done through a web of interlinked computers. Students will sit at home in the same spot every day and fulfill their college requirements without ever seeing a professor or fellow student. I wouldn't like that however. Something would be lost without the direct personal lectures. A person telling me something with a unique style and delivery leaves a greater impression on me than any computer text ever could. I feel like I'm sticking with this subject too long, I'm thinking with too much structure. But I think that is the way I am. Before I communicate, whether by typing on a computer or talking to someone, I usually have a solid idea of what I'm going to say. I don't usually have spontaneous outbursts or a direct communication of a free flowing consciousness. I hear someone whistling in the hall, he's probably an active who will make me clean some mess up. oh well. Wow I reached the second line, I just figured this entire submission would be one never ending line of text; like some huge sentence that rambles on and on and says nothing. Isn't that ironic. I have something in the back of my head that says all this writing is just meaningless rambling. But if this is an exercise to allow my free flowing mind to be translated onto paper, that would mean that what I'm thinking is just meaningless rambling. It's always like that. My mind just jumps from random thought to random sensation (this chair isn't too comfortable) at light speed. No matter how fast I write, I don't think I could ever capture the zany, random, chaotic, and highly elusive thoughts that tickle my neurons for a millisecond then become forgotten in the same instant. But if they become forgotten how do I know about them?  I wonder what I'll do tonight. I'm not sure at all. It's one of those times when I could have fun doing anything. I might. I don't know. it doesn't even matter. I don't know what else to write. I'm at a loss. Maybe by brain just hopped down a frequency. I just went from the imaginative (sort of) colorful thought chord (you know the kind you get when you read a good sci-fi book), to a superficial lethargic tone. I feel like a cave man, the only thing my mind says right now is ""food. ""  Thank you. ",0,0,0,1,1
1997_858052.txt,"I am sitting at my kitchen table right now and I am really frustrated. I am trying to write an English paper and it is so bad. I think I am so stupid sometimes. It really frustrates me when I can't do something perfect. I am also feeling kind of lonely today. I wish I was living at Hardin House because that is where all my friends live. They all seem to be making so many new friends and I just don't feel that way. I am loving college in some ways and in other ways I hate it. I really want a boyfriend. Alot of my friends have been asked to all these pledge lines and I just haven't. Am I ugly?  Am I fat?  Sometimes I just want to know what exactly in wrong with me. I am tired of drinking. Everybody in Austin is an alcoholic. It makes me feel terrible and lazy. It is fun for a while and then the next day you feel like crap. My roommates still aren't back yet from San Antonio. What's wrong?  My other roommate is getting in the shower. I wonder why. I wonder why Bobby Piper hasn't called me. He was my date a few nights ago. He was such a gentleman. I don't think we could ever date though. I am not a very good dancer. I get real nervous when I am on the dance floor. My friends from Arkansas left today. I didn't go out with them last night. I read my friends paper and she was talking about how drunk she was at the time. It kind of shocked me. It was kind of funny though. I think it gives me more self-esteem when guys like me. Is that horrible?  Diet coke is so gross. Why am I drinking one right now?  Should I call my brother?  His girlfriend is so awesome. She is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I love my brother too but he gets drunk too much. I hope he doesn’t become an alcoholic. I wish people would come see me. I get kind of lonely sometimes or maybe it is that I don't want to be doing my work right now. I kind of like homework though because when I am done I get a feeling of accomplishment. That is also why I like to run. Because when I am done I get a feeling of accomplishment. I am really nervous about my English paper. I don't think it is very good. I am going to rewrite it now since I gave been rambling for twenty minutes. I need to pray. I wonder if God is always listening. Oh well, I'll stop now. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_872282.txt,"I am currently sitting in the computer lab in the lobby of Jester. I have just finished my final class for the day, so I figured that I would go ahead and get caught up on my homework for my psychology class. I have never taken any kind  of psychology class, so I don't really know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a hard class because some of my other ones are pretty hard, and I wasn't use to doing a lot of work and studying in high school. I liked high school a lot, and kind of wish that I was still in it. I sort of miss all of my friends and it just isn't the same to party without all of them. I went home for the Labor Day holidays and partied with them, but now that I'm back in Austin everything has changed back again. I haven't really met many people since I've been here, but I can say that there are quite a few weird people. Hopefully I will get use to Austin soon because it hasn't really worked out too well just yet. I've  already received two speeding tickets, a parking ticket, and had my truck towed once since I moved in two weeks ago. My parents aren't too happy with me right  now, so I've got to get good grades to get them off of my back. I keep screwing  up on this computer and don't really know what I'm doing. I never have been too good with computers-even though I have taken several classes in high school. I  can type rather quickly, but that is about all. My fingers are getting tired of typing because I haven't typed all summer. I guess I need to get use to it since I'm going to be doing a lot of it now that I'm in college. I'm not too happy  right now because I have to type this paper in the lobby computer room. I just  brought back with me a notebook computer that my mom gave me, but I can't get the CD-ROM to work. The stupid thing won't read the disks for some reason, so I haven't been able to hook up the UT Connect package that I just bought. I think I made a few people mad when I went to purchase that UT Connect package because  there was a long line and I sort of cut to the front on accident. I was just  trying to ask the person a question about what line to get in, and he thought  that I had already been waiting, and that it was my turn. Even though the guy that I cut in front of looked kinda pissed, I wasn't about to turn around and  get at the back of the line. Last week I waited in it over an hour and even  though I feel kinda bad for that guy, it was worth it. My eyes are getting tired of staring at this screen and I'm for my time to be up. I guess I still have a  few minutes until dinner starts so I'll write for a little while longer. I didn't get much sleep last night because I just couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Some friends and I watched the movie The Program, and that lasted until about 2:30, and I still couldn't go to bed after that. I didn't have to wake up until 10:00, but I only had like 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can go to bed tonight with no problem. My hands are getting a little sweaty from typing so much, but I really do like to type. I'm not all familiar with the internet and the web, but  I would like to be. I'm in an English lab class, so that will probably help me out a lot. I'm sitting next a guy that can type about 400 words a second-at least that's what it sounds like-and it is kind of getting on my nerves. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_898394.txt,"I’m so uptight about writing this. There is so much on my mind that I do not even know where to start. Cristina is trying so hard to get Donny to live with her and it works out great if he does, but I just do not know how it will work. if my sister starts to bother him then he will tell me about it, and by the same token if he bothers her I will be the first to hear it. I do not understand why I am so lazy lately. it took me an hour to just decide to get down here to do this and all of my other classes are the same way. I am so nervous about trying out for spirits and dance team on Wednesday I just do not know if I can do it, it all sounds like fun, but what if Disney and Lauren get in and I don't? I am the one who told Lauren about it in the first place and I don’t think that it would be fair. I need to get my room clean before mom and dad get home , do some homework, take a nap, read a few chapters for psychology, I’m so glad that I got Jessica’s drivers license mailed to he she’s probably going to be pissed off because it took so long but I have just been so busy. I wonder how she’s doing since Anthony’s not around/ maybe ill call her later after I have done everything else. . I totally forgot to tell Cristina that I got a 49 out of 0 on my very first math quiz. mom should be happy, she'll probably just say it was easy anyway but I’m happy about it and I know Donny will be too. some time soon I need to go to the mec to find out if my Spanish credit is in yet. I cant believe I never would have guessed in a million years that I would be a sophomore in college by the end of my first semester. Donny and I are going to be late to dinner at cricky's tonight if he has to mow so many people's yards, but why am I worried about it they talked an agreed on a certain time then its none of my business. I hope he wont get rid of Nikki, I love that cat and if I did not live at home I would take her. maybe Donny and I will get married at the end of this year after all then we wont have to worry about stupid little things like this and rent will be alot easier to pay if there are two of us contributing to the cause. I wonder what our babies are going to be like. I think that all of the boys will be just like him, moody. what will it be like to engaged as sophomores in college, that is if we aren't engaged in a month that would be wonderful I know it would motivate me to work alot harder. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_953313.txt,"Stream of Consciousness  Well here I am. I wonder why the professor asked us to do this? I had to do this once before. I can't remember what class it was for. I think it was for English class. I liked my English teacher. I think her name is Mrs. Siskovic. She was a good teacher. She sounded when she read to us. I'm glad I took that dual credit English class, now I don't have to take English in college. That is one less thing to worry about. I wonder if I turned off the oven? Oh yeah, I did. I can't believe I left the refrigerator open all night. I'm just glad my milk didn't spoil. I just bought it. At least I don't think it spoiled, it tasted pretty good in my cereal this morning. I need to buy more cereal. That new cereal is pretty good. I think those fish sticks upset my stomach. I think next time I'll buy fish fillets. I like fish and fishing. I wonder if there is any place to fish around here. I think lake Wytnie is close but I'm not sure. Then again it be far. I don't know what to get my girlfriend for her birthday. I think I'll get her a card, some flowers, and take her out to dinner. I really miss her. I hope she goes to St. Edwards next year so she will be closer and I can see her more often. I can't believe I have to go to ACC next semester to take college Algebra. I must have skipped a question and didn't skip it on the answer sheet. I've already taken calculus in high school and I made an A. I can't believe I scored so low on the SAT 2 math part. I wonder if there is any more Kool-Aid left? I think there is grape, get some when I'm done. I'm real thirsty but he said not to stop once you've started. My hand is cramping. I think this callous on my finger is getting bigger. I hope I can figure out how to get my computer to work on the internet. I guess I'll just ask somebody. I hate to ask people things, especially directions. I think I'm done. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_454962.txt,"Right now I am very hacked off because it has taken me 30 minutes to find this home page using this very complicated computer. I'm not used to using Macs and it is very annoying. I also don't know why this screen doesn't scroll down. That is very annoying also along with this keyboard I’m using. Well I'm tired of complaining so I will start thinking about something else. I have to leave for my home town in 30 minutes because I have a court date tomorrow. My stepdad will be here and I'm sure he's going to complain about traffic. I hope he takes me to eat somewhere because I'm tired of dorm food. I can't think of anything to write so I'll write that. This assignment is very weird and I don't know how anything can come of it. What should I say?  I don't consciously know what I am thinking so I don't know what to type. I'm just sitting here trying to think of something profound to say. That is stupid considering that I don't have to say anything important but I guess that is what I'm used to doing when I write an assignment. Right now I'm staring at a picture of a whale's tale as it dives into the ocean. It really looks kind of stupid and I can't think of anything else to say about it. You psychology people are strange and I wonder what the heck you’re going to do with all these papers that are basically garbage. Are you going to do some experiment or what?  This is not what I am good at. Just writing what I think because I usually think about 3 or more subjects at a time and I can't type fast enough to get everything I'm thinking onto the page. Oh Well. Oops I made a grammatical mistake. this is very boring and I'm tired of typing. thank God I only have two more minutes of this. Hey now it's only one minute. Well, It's been nice sharing what 's in my brain with you and I hope you have fun studying what I've written for hours upon hours. I hope it helps in whatever you hope to accomplish. See Ya. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_499267.txt,"I have done these things before and I really don't think that they work. I had to do one in English one time and I hated it. I guess maybe it works for some people but your conscious of what your doing so it seems like it really isn't a true way to examine your thoughts like if you were simply thinking in a park or something right now I will indulge the assignment and try to switch my thoughts all around. I love scream, its on the tv right now and I like this movie. ;  I here that the second one is do out this winter so I’m excited. I really enjoy some of the lectures in the class especially the ones lately about the various functions of the brain. The brain is so complex. I used to think about the brain and wonder if my brain knew I was thinking about itself. Hmmm, I don't know what to say  exactly. I am gonna play some pool after I get done writing this paper. I have a pool table at home so I am probably better than average but lately I've been playing worse and worse. It really frustrates me too. I hate when I don't play basketball for a while because then I go back and I'm just A LITTLE OUT OF RYTHEM OR I MISS A SIMPLE SHOT OR SOMETHING. Recently I have smoked a cigarette every once in a while and I feel bad about that because I always pre3ached against it to my friends and it is bad for athletes because it effects your breathing a little because you can't breathe in as much. I'm being A BIT Distracted by the tv and my twenty minutes are half way up. I don't know I f  I can really   fill up another ten minutes but I guess I can because I have to. It really isn't hard because its just free thought but its controlled free thought because I've got the monitor and keyboard in front of me so I don't think your mind can wonder as much. along those lines I don't know if I agree with the stats that the teenage male thinks about sex every eight seconds or whatever because I know I don't think of sex that much. Imagine if when you were talking to your dear old granny A hot naked women flashed into your mind. how bizarre and distracting that would be to everyday life. I often wonder what the stats for how much women think about sex is. I wish that they thought about it as much as guys, but if they did the population of the earth would be worse than it already is and we really can't have that lets see   mgmhmmhfmfm sorry . I coughed. ehehehehe  I think I have come to another point of not really being in a thought process. I wonder how weird the papers are that you guys get I would love to be able to read some of them . I think that you should post some of them in class  so we can all laugh at the similarities that are sure to exist between our entries. I don't know what I’ve been told . I like led zep but not all of their stuff. It is pretty good though . I wonder if classic rock will be around for several more decades . I hope so Oh my time is up so I'm gonna go know. Bye bye baby!!!! ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_732894.txt,"College seems very stressful. It's not like high school where you are playing only to get into college, now, more or less, you are playing for the rest of your life. It seems rather dramatic when you think about it. How can an eighteen year old hold the future in his or her hands. That seems rather demanding. However, the possibility of greatness and success can motivate five- year olds, it seems. Anyway, 40000 people is certainly a lot to contend with. Pressure seems to fill the air everywhere. Not that I mind it at all. I kind of like the atmosphere that engulfs Texas. The attitude of ""wanting to learn "" is beneficial to everyone involved in the higher education process. High School seems like a distant memory now that I'm here. It's extremely hard to imagine that only a few months ago I was a Senior. Man was that fun to say. I enjoyed every second of my senior year, but this year will be so much better. Thinking of the Princess Diana tragedy. . She was a wonderful woman. I think that outside her death, the biggest tragedy to come out of this deal is the fate of her children. I couldn't possibly imagine the stress and trauma of losing my mother. That's seems incomprehensible at my age. I look now to the rest of the school year. It seems so intimidating right now. I don't know how the courses will be and I hope that my work ethic will stand firm. I think that my favorite quote is ""Greatness courts failure""  I don’t think there is anything more true in this world than that. I first heard it on Tin Cup. What a great flick. I saw Boyz in the Hood last night for the first time in years. Outside of the young boy giving the Reagan Bush '84 sign the bird, the movie was spectacular. Funny how there were riots in Los Angeles on the night of the movie's premier. That seems odd. The movie is very sympathetic to the myriad of problems in South Central, LA and automatically, there is public outcry. That's like riots in Scotland when Braveheart was released (Didn’t happen, but serves as a sarcastic counter point. The best movie of all time maybe Braveheart, but the best movie of last year was Jerry Maguire, hands down. Good love story and date flick. I recommend it to anyone who reads my babble here. Furthermore, it is imperative to realize the implications and the modifications of absolutely nothing. I just like typing implications and modifications. Do do do a da da da. Theme of a funny commercial I saw yesterday, one of the many considering how bored I was. Slothfulness can certainly be enjoyable, though ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_857525.txt,"It's 5:27 and I am beginning this assignment. It's an interesting one. You never really pay attention to how your mind jumps from one thing to another, at least I don't. My roommate just came in. She thinks I am mad at her and I am a little. I'm always waiting on her and it's annoying. I hadn't eaten anything all day and I was about to go to the cafeteria and she wanted me to wait for her . Thirty minutes later we start walking to the cafeteria and she decides she's not hungry. I had waited for nothing. We get along very well, but I don't think she realizes what she does. She keeps interrupting me while I'm writing this and it's timed. She got mad at me just now because I asked her to be quiet. She left the door open and there's someone playing their music pretty loudly. I really don't like the girls next door. We get along with the girls who live a couple of doors down very well. The one's next door just aren't very friendly. My roommate heard one of the girls slamming stuff around and griping because I was playing Ozzy Osborne. One of them is in choir and she's always doing voice exercises. I hope my roommate doesn't start acting like I'm mad at her or vice-versa. She's on the phone. Her guy problems are pretty entertaining. I try to help her out, but I really can't empathize with her. She has a completely different approach and understanding with the opposite sex. Zack is going back to Graham tonight. He's one of my friends from home. I've known him since kindergarten. I've also been infatuated with him since kindergarten. Maybe he'll decide he likes me too. I doubt it though. That's a depressing thought. Oh well. There are plenty of other guys around here. In Graham there were not even close to as many. Population:9,000. Graduating class: 134. That's why I came here. I wanted to be in a place with many other people. I have definitely found that place. A lot of people from Graham thought I was crazy for wanting to come here. I guess different people want different things. it makes sense. One of our friends from down the hall just came in. She's very cool. She's going to let me use her computer to type this, which is sweet of her. It's very beneficial to know people. Everyone has something to offer. Of course, you have to give also. Some are better at that than others. I know I’ve given plenty of cigarettes. Hopefully I've contributed more than just that. I've offered advice, which of course I always thought was good advice. I've tried to be friendly. I've given complements. I've loaned money and shared food. O. K. , I've done my part so far. I think school is going to go well. I just can't let people take advantage of me like I have in the past. I think I can manage the academic  part pretty well. The only thing that is difficult so far is Calculus and that was to be expected. I've been doing my best though, and that's all I can do. ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_897072.txt,"Well this really pisses me off. I write you assignment to send to you but I get no connection. So I save it and try to do send it again. It got lost, even worse I have to do this again just turn this stupid thing in. For something I have already did, this really pissed me off. So to make sure you get this thing I'm thinking about emailing this to you. And to think I actually did truly analyze myself for this project, tell you my true feelings and you don't even get to see it. This is what is really going in my sub- consciousness. You well probably are not going to get a  memo like this class. Too bad, I really had a great paper or memo you could have really thought about. It was about time, and since I have to do this the Second TIME, it's  even hardier to write about. Speaking of time I have about 5 minutes left so here it goes. I feel that time is one  of the most under-rated things in this world today. Just  look at me I'm writing this memo for the second time today and have to do the other one tomorrow. Now that was a lot of stress for just one day. Still I accomplish more things under pressure, I think that is what I'm best at. Well it  is time for me to depart, so I hope I well learned something in your class. Man, this really is stress releasing. ",1,0,0,0,0
1997_913103.txt,"First I am wondering why I am doing this assignment - this seems silly but still my mind is always wandering and therefore this should not be difficult. I hope Camille calls me back this evening. I really think I should be a happy guy as long as she stops talking about her dog. She is silly with her blonde hair I am hungry Jester food is so amusing I wonder if I can eat that food everyday after I graduate the girl sitting next to me is very ""not amusing"" I hope she does not stand up, for she probably wouldn't appreciate what I say about her I wonder if anyone else stares at people they find unattractive she probably thinks I want to take her on a date or something because I keep looking at her, but in reality the only place I would take her is to the zoo and tell her to stay there I don't enjoy typing but I suppose it keeps my fingers from getting fat when I took keyboarding in tenth grade I learned to type fairly fast but the only thing I remember typing in that class was the sentence Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. who said that Kennedy Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country how exciting I would like to think that includes women as well because they can die too oh no the ugly girl just caught me looking at her I acted like I had a bug in my eye she is talking with the girl next to her, and surprisingly enough she is typing the same silly assignment I am  I really hope she is in the same lecture class as I am because I would like to sit next to her and ask her why her hair smells so bad is it a lack of shampoo or is it a hereditary flaw  either way I remember whey I watched Back to the Future part III when they were in the 1880's I bet everyone smelled back then  Clint Eastwood has been in alot of western movies I really do not like this computer because the more I write the more the screen moves over as if the line is a mile long  I have written for seven minutes already and I have only written seven lines  one line a minute is about as fast as I eat a taco but taco bell has this new hot sauce that they call FIRE how scary I can drink that stuff it is so hot I threw some on our fire in our chimney at home and it put the fire out  the girl working at the counter in the computer lab is not amusing either  Those glasses she is wearing went out of style when Marsha Brady graduated highschool  if she has binoculars she can probably see my screen from her seat so if she kicks me out before twenty minutes I wonder if Mr. Pennebaker would be sympathetic  why are there pictures of whales on the wall maybe to remind most of the girls in here they ought not to eat too much I had a girlfriend named Paige Scott in seventh grade and we called her whale  but I didn't care because she was so nice  That is good  All guys should only care about personality to an extent, anyway  that's why I like Camille. maybe two or three girls have come through my life that I could honestly say I didn't care what anyone else thought about them because I like them anyway. the last to own that title got pregnant last month so I was kind of angry with her. Most girls would probably break up with their boyfriends when they only offer to pay for 1/3 the cost of an abortion and they spend that money on marijuana  I was happy to lend her the money maybe she'll realize she's better off with me anyway because I would have paid for the entire thing and I would have gone through the procedure I God allowed me too  how long has it been now ok five more minutes   what would you like to know?   SUBMIT YOUR PAPER  that sounds silly I would rather crumple it up and throw it at my teacher   Teachers should tell the class more about themselves so may be I would now rather or not it was acceptable behavior to throw my exams at them. Do they like baseball?  I went to look up my friends number at the university of Texas And m but he was not listed. The computer seemed to think he was the head of the alumni or something. Doubt it - he probably won't graduate because he smells too  he and Bevo ought to share a bathroom. he used to have a shaved head and a little horn on top. Which reminds me of the dumbest thing he's ever done when he worked at a video store and stole 12 porno movies. His parents are head of the Christian Mission Church or something and they were kinda mad. he has no scruples he had to pay 180 dollars for those movies and he wanted to watch them at my house. Doubt it I don't steal from video stores and I will not agree to his stealing them either, but I did watch this movies at his house. they were exciting I guess one of the girls names was heather Hooters she was pretty but I doubt she was 100% natural is anyone I know going to read this?  That's ok cause I am happy with who I am   I will tell the whole world I love, well something, I won't mention because if the president of this university knows he will transfer me to a and m. ok I love farming. The sound of the plow chu chu chu through the grass is almost enough to bring me to orgasm. one more minute can you tell I 'm looking at my watch I shouldn't treat this as a paper where I am talking to someone else but rather just with myself but how can I think about anything else when my fingers hurt so much from typing maybe Camille will call but I hope I can hold off on calling her - time to eat - Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.       Oops I almost hit the clear button. ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_913224.txt,"TOday was an easy day for me since I only had two classes to attend. IN math, I really had a hard time staying awake. I didn’t know if it was because I knew the lesson already or was it that the teacher was boring the heck out of me. Either way, I was very tired and at times, I just dozed off. In my EDP class, I had to find information on financial aide. I also had to start a checking account at the credit union. By chance in the corner of my eyes, I could a brochure on financial loans for students. So I picked it up and will bring it to class for my presentation. Right now I'm stuck in my room and typing my psychology assignment which is due on Friday. It's an easy assignment because it will be graded on whatever you completed or not. I probably will need this grade to bolster up my average since psychology isn't really an easy class. Tomorrow will be a more challenging day with 3 classes to attend. English at 8 in the morning is a killer time for me. I had no choice but to take that time slot because all the times were filled up. I tries to call TEX many times, but had no luck. Now I have to get used to waking up early every Tuesday and Thursday at about 7:30 in the morning. It's a pain in the butt, but the good thing is that I can come back and sleep some more since my next class is at 3:30 which is psychology. I really need to take a nap before my psy class because last week on Wednesday, I didn't take one and when I attended the class, I had a hard time staying awake. I'm glad that I'm in college now because I feel more independent than at home. My mom would always get on my nerves with all her questions and nagging and now she isn't able to do it anymore. But it gets to a point where I kind of miss the questioning and the nagging which I think is contributed to homesick. I can't wait until thanksgiving when I get to go back and see the family because I really miss my baby brother. I would always take his pillow and blanket just to tease him but my mom would end up shouting at me to give it back. I also miss playing basketball with my 1tenth grade brother. He is trying out for the basketball team at his high school and I hope he makes it. He still thinks he can beat me, but that won’t probably ever be true until I'm about 60 and he's 57. This weekend, I hope to attend the football game with my friends again. I went to the one last week and we blew away Rutgers by a lot. It was a great game because there were a lot of people in attendance and the place was packed. A packful of people screaming and cheering for the longhorn football team was one of the greatest moment I have ever saw because I have never attended a college football game before. It was quite hot and I was wearing jeans which was dumb of me. I definitely learn my lesson and will wear shorts to all the day games. I might even paint my face to show some school spirit. Maybe not. After I finish this assignment, I will have to start working on my English paper which is due next Thursday. I kind of have a idea of what to write about but it might take awhile before I fully understand the assignment. The good thing about it is that my teacher is very nice and she will be willing to help me if I need it. My EDP teacher also mentioned a writing center which I could go to if I have problems starting an idea or need my paper to be edited. I think that is cool because in high school, there wasn't a writing center that would help you with your paper. You had to go to the teacher for help and sometimes they make you do all the thinking even when you don't have a clue. I guess that's one of the luxuries for being in college because people want you to succeed and that's a great feeling to have. The one thing I keep on forgetting to do is to buy my psy book. I may have to run by co-op and see if they have it since BEVO's was out of them. Textbooks are very expensive in college, but it's probably worth it when it comes to things you don't understand or for the test. The good thing is that you can resale them back to the store. I think my time is up so that's all I'm going to write. I think I changed the subject like 6 different times but I think that's the purpose of this essay. So, that's all.   ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_919361.txt,"Ok, my thoughts for 20 min. It's 9:35 right now so I'll be done at 9:55. I feel like a moron doing this. I don't even know how to use internet. I wish Robert hurry up and come set up my Ethernet. I really need to write Katherine a letter. I bet she's mad at me since I wrote Megan and not her. Where and when and how am I going to type this up. It's only been 5 min!  15 more minutes of free thoughts. Kelly sure has been on the phone for a long time. she's always on the phone with 'T', Teresa. They always get in fights too. I wonder if it's ok for me to ask her about that guy she met in Dallas that asked her out. Probably not since she turned red and silent when Sandy pointed out her hickey. I guess I won't say anything. My hand kind of hurts now. I think alot faster than I write. I wonder if that was someone at he door just a second ago. You know, maybe I'll write up both of these assignments tonight and then type them up on different days. Nah, I don't feel like doing the college one tonight. I am such a bad typist. This would have been so much shorter if I just typed it rather than transpose my thoughts. I don't think I'll worry about spelling correctly when I do type this. Kelly is still on the phone and Robert has not come to fix my computer yet. I guess I have less power over him since he made out with some chick  on Saturday. Sexual tension can be such a powerful tool. Hmmm, what time is it? 9:50, only 5 more minutes to go. My head itches, now my nose. Ah, that's much better. I wonder if Mike really does like Sandy. It seems like it sometimes. Channing hates Mike because of it. can't believe I spilled out some of my innermost secrets to Mike and he's so rude to me sometimes. I sure do miss Nick. I wonder if he'll write me. As soon as Georgia gets my letter she'll probably send me his address. I'm not going to write to him though unless he writes me first. I really like my handwriting. It looks very similar to my mother's. What time is it now? 9:56. I'm done. I can't believe I thought such stupid things in these past 20 minutes. ",1,0,0,0,1
1997_938066.txt,"I don't know what I should be doing right now. I mean life is so complicated and strange to me. My father says I can do whatever I want to at university and he will be happy with it, but the thing is if I do what I want then he would be pretty upset with me. Hell, he would disown me. I don't know why I have to do things in order to please him but I have to. Its like I have no choice. I am just starting to get his trust back and I don't want to lose that little bit that I have. You could say that I'm destined to do what other people want me to do. That is the way that society is these days. We are all conformed to a certain structure in life that we have to follow; and if we don't conform then we are outcasts and shunned by society. The ""norm"" they call it. Why does there have to be a ""norm"". I don't see why we can't live the way that we choose and be free. Oh well, back to happy thoughts. Amanda. There is a happy thought. I wonder. I wonder what?  I don't know. I guess I wonder if it will work. I'm nuts about he she is nuts about me, but we don't get to see each other as much as we would like. I guess that is true about a lot of couples. But I still don't know. What I do know is that I want to stay together, even though everyone is talking about us. I don't care how old she is. Hell, she is only 2 years younger that me so that doesn't matter. People are just making a big deal out of it because I am in college and she is a sophomore in high school. She is still a lot more mature than a lot of people older than me. She understands a lot of things. I guess that is because she grew up in Saudi. People there are generally more mature than people here in the states. We are forced to grow up faster than people here. We lose our innocence faster, and have to learn about the world and society as a hole much quicker. Lets leave it on this note. These are strange days that will challenge our true selves. I wish I could go deeper than that but I'm not going to spill all of my guts to a computer. Later babe. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_417075.txt,"Okay, now is the time -- I usually don't have trouble writing for a long period of time - at least typing, because I think I type faster than I write. I am continuously writing e-mails to people. In fact, one semester I was even addicted to the Internet!  I was always on it. I wasn't as bad as my roommate at the time thought he never even went to class!  I couldn't believe it. At least I knew to be addicted at nighttime!  Anyway - I enjoy typing and I really enjoy writing my thoughts. This stream of consciousness reminds me of my senior year in high school when we got to read James Joyce in my English class. It was the best book I read all year - the Portrait of the Artis as a Young Man - does this computer have a way to skip to the next line, or do I do that myself?  Well - I shall do it myself. OK - anyway - about Stephen Dedalus - in James Joyce. The entire book was written the way I am writing this essay. I guess it is an essay -- I always thought they were spelled like S. A. !  but - that seems stupid when you think about it. Psychology really seems interesting. But - I know the tests are hard. I am graduating in December and I have always wanted to take Psy. I just never had the time when it came to  my major and all the government, etc. classes I had to take. I can't wait to  graduate. There is so much red tape at this institution. Yesterday - just to add into a class that wasn't even full - My God. You would think the class is controlled by Zeus himself!  I had to fill out forms - and then I had to make inquiries and get permission from the professor. Just so I could take Accounting 310f for Non- Business majors that isn't even a grade for me since I am taking it pass/fail. Now does that not sound stupid. Sometimes I think education has become too much like government. Not enough quality - just a lot of  quantity of BS where nothing is really ever accomplished. The status quo just seems to prevail. I think that is terrible. but -if you think about it - it makes sense. This institution cares not if I get a good education- but rather if I am able to  jump through all the hoops it places before me. Whether I can read the fine print and take all the courses and get all the red tape cut before I graduate. Is that what the college experience should be about?  I guess college prepares  a person for life. Not in the classes taken per se - but in the lifestyle of the student. So - if I understand that life is simply college magnified, and if I can jump through all the hoops placed before me in college and actually graduate with my 120 hours, then maybe life won't be as complicated and difficult. The question then becomes if life gets more simple and less strenuous and frustrated, then shouldn't college follow in suit?  Since I don't believe that will ever happen, I guess the college is here to stay. If anything - college prepares a person for graduate school!  Law school, oy - a Yiddish expression - I can't wait for that!  I am taking a course now on constitutional law by Dr. Perry. I absolutely love it. - It mystifies me, the Constitution. What does is cover - what responsibilities does it have. How does one know?  All these questions can be answered and asked in this class. There are only 10 people in the class - compared to the 500 or so in PSy. class, I would say that's pretty good!  I think I figured out how to do these lines on this computer I just have to push return before getting to the end of the line instead of  writing one line to eternity. How does the TA actually know that I spent 20  minutes on this?  What if I simply type really fast and I get more words on the screen than the next guy?  What if I say -- well, it's only been 5 minutes but - I gotta go?  Who ever thought of that movie with Woody Allen about the future and sex is regulated!  DAMN!  I promised myself to write about everything in the world not having anything to do with sex. I thought that for 20 minutes  I could think of not having sex. Damn. I guess I am just a typical 21 year old guy who can't get his mind out of the gutter. that really upsets me I always thought I could be more than the average Joe. Well - that shall be for my next paper on the college experience. Boy - are y'all gonna love that  or what?!!  GOTTA GO NOW -- THE PROFESSOR IS CALLING ME!!!  ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_475230.txt,I wish it was Friday actually I wish it was next Friday then I would be going home vacuums really bug me I want to change the channel but I don't want to get up but duck tales really sucks and even though I’m not even watching it and just hearing it bugs me I guess that's something you just have to deal with if you're lazy I want to talk to Stephen but I don’t want to call him because I called last but he hasn't called me which really doesn't make much sense but guys don't make any sense anyway so its ok I don't want to go to calculus tomorrow but I should because I’ve already missed it twice I wish it would rain I want to get caught in the rain I want some Dr pepper but I don’t want to go buy some because I don't want to spend the money I want to get an exhaust even though I haven't even found anybody to race up here I should write to Christina I need to check the mail who cares about the kennedys I hope I have some mail but I really doubt it I never get mail my room looks so boring I don't like living in a dorm it really sucks but I guess this is better than jester it's kind of hard to think and write at the same time I hate typing why are her clothes still hanging there what's wrong with using the dryer I need to do laundry double your pleasure double your fun my boobs itch I guess I shouldn't have tanned for so long     ,1,0,1,1,1
1997_497680.txt,"Philosophy. can one truly think that one knows nothing?  If one truly thinks that one knows nothing, doesn't that mean that he in fact truly knows something. that he knows nothing. If God is omnipotent can he make a rock so heavy he can't carry it?  God. If he were the perfect God why hasn't he made himself present to the entire world?  How can this world think so highly of itself that it thinks it has found the right religion already. Maybe the true God has never been seen, has never been thought, has never been written down before. There always exists the possibility that perhaps the world came about in a way no one has every thought of before. It's possible and very probable. Can one truly put all his faith in God. If God is an almighty, omnipotent being, can one put his entire life into God's hands?  But then God says not to be foolish. Is it foolish to want an explanation. Maybe the confusion is meant for a reason. Have to get an application to College of Engineering. To be a genius wouldn't be so bad. It wouldn't be that great either. Everything has its ups and downs, black, white, heaven, hell, etc. Perhaps the goal is to reach a true balance. Maybe then we'll be content. Then again to be content and balanced you would have to have some discontent. Fashion is definitely too emphasized in this world. When will comfort be in?  It will probably take off like a forest fire. People will realize there are plenty of more important things than clothes and appearance. Of course that doesn't mean stop bathing and wearing dirty clothes. People need to get priorities straight. Why waste your time taking a speeding ticket to court. Time is money. Time is more valuable than money. Without time we are nothing. Without money, we are without money. Time will never wait nor come back. Smurfs. I remember Smurfs. Back in the childhood days when things weren't so complicated. A tiny blue creature was simply a tiny blue creature. Not a tiny conniving blue wench searching for self promotion or upholding a social image or making the extra buck. It was a time of snowmen and berry fights and rope swinging and rock climbing and tadpole watching. Nothing more, nothing less but perhaps invaluable. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_499606.txt,"It is late and I need to get so sleep but I trying to stay awake writing  this assignment. I am so glad I finish the English paper. I can now relax  for about two before he gives us another one. I hope I'll be able to wake  up tomorrow to go to class at nine in the morning. I hate English the most. Writing paper gives me a headache. What the hell is Quyen listening to. I glad I got a lot done today. I can't wait till next weekend comes back  around. Maybe next weekend I be able to relax and not have to work. Just ten  more minutes and I will be done. This writing assignment is stupid but I am  glad it is easy. It not so bad. My back hurts. I should take so Tylenol. Maybe it will help. Shit, I forgot I have a reading assignment in biology. After this, I am going to take a shower and climb straight to bed. Working and going to school is getting real tiring. I am hunger but I am also very  sleepy. There probably nothing in the fringe to eat anyway. That reminds  me I need to go to the store tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some real healthy  food this time. My eyes are dry. I need to take out my contacts. I think has been twenty minutes now so I'll stop here. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_568086.txt,"When I first decided to go back to school I knew from my current job at Texas School for the Blind that I wanted to enrich my knowledge in the fields  of the social and psychological sciences. I soon realized that most of the more detailed social science classes required PSY 301. This brings us to the present. I have always had a strong interest in the ways and whys of peoples reactions to life. Since I was a young girl people have come to me for answers to questions on their lives or advice of different content. Supplying folks with this help has never over taxed my own brain and I have even found it to be very rewarding. I always chalked my natural abilities up to my own experiences as a child. I was ordered by law to see a psychologist because of the fighting of my parents over my sister and myself. I did the Rohrshac(inkblot test) , the what do you see in the clouds thing and many other ""buzz"" tests of the day (circa mid 1970's). Anyway, these test never showed my little 5,6,7, and 8 year old psyche to be under too much mental duress and I was an above average student at school. I even skipped lessons in 1st grade and was moved to 2nd because I knew how to read. However, since the death of my father last year and the pre-grieving of watching someone be taken by AIDS, my need to make heads or tails out of some of the reasons and whys my own life has unfolded as it has , has become an intensified desire I must look further into. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_572720.txt,"As I sit her and begin this assignment so many things come to mind. I feel overwhelmed with things I need to do, but I'm glad I'm getting this assignment completed at last. My watch is bugging me it continues to hit against the desk. If I only could get and stay comfortable I could get so much more done. I feel  like I make to many excuses, yet I always get done what I need to get done. I miss home, not completely. I don't want to be there now, for no one is there friend wise really, but I just miss the security. I can't wait till I'm busier here at school. There is so much I want to do. There is a smudge on my computer screen, just enough that the words beneath it are  a little blurred. I wonder where the name Bevo came for the mascot of UT. Names are so funny. I mean who comes up with them. My name is strange and unique. People always ask me how I got it. I know it is derived from my grandfather's name, but I don't know how they logistically came up with it. Is Logistically a word. I doubt it . I'm always coming up with words like that.  I had the best weekend. It was a lot of fun. I got to spend some time with friends I hadn't seen in a while. I only wish it wasn't so rushed. We were constantly doing stuff. I just wanted to hang out and chill, but Oh no we had to party non-stop. I don't drink so I feel as if I'm not always that much fun. I know that is stupid. But that's how I feel.  Feelings are so weird they suck sometimes and are awesome other times. They are so demanding. I mean whatever you are feeling takes so much energy be it positive or negative. I feel lonely now. But I'm glad. I need to spend time with myself. but I'm the kind of person that can't stand being alone. That's something I'm going to have to work on.  I played soccer in high school. But I had surgery my senior year and couldn't play. I kinda want to play again, but I'm worried I'll suck since it has been so long. I cant believe I've used the word, ""suck"" so many times that is so rude and un-lady like. excuse me. Well I don't even know who I'm apologizing to. I just know if my mother knew I used that word she would have a few words with me.  I just realized I need to flip my calendar. I can't believe it is already Sept. It seams like just yesterday summer was here. I'm not as good of a typist as I used to be, I keep hitting the wrong keys, or should I say striking the wrong keys.   Typing is a lot like playing the piano you strike keys in a planed out order to create something. It's kind of neat when you think about it. Everything is like that. A lot of little things put together is what creates the whole picture, piece of music or art. I can't wait to get married. Well that's not true. I can wait to get married but I can't wait to find My soul mate. I believe God intended for us to only be with one person, and that person was created for us, just like we were created for them. Well anyway I can't wait to meet him. I miss my cat. I remember the professor mentioned writing about our animals, and that made me think of my cat. I love him. He is so cute and inviting, I don't think he has ever met a stranger, or an enemy. It would be nice if there were more people like that.  I hope I don't get that carpal tunnel disease or whatever from typing incorrectly, that would not be good. I miss my friends, but most of all my best friend he is so awesome, but he's not dealing with this whole separation thing well, or maybe I'm not dealing with it well and he is doing just fine. Either way I'm not happy with the situation. I think I have the wrong edition book for my psychology book. I hope it doesn't make a difference. I guess I will find out tomorrow. A rose is so beautiful. I just spotted a picture of one. It is so symbolic. How It's beauty is dangerous to the touch. An important lesson to be learned and cherished, well I've been at this for just over twenty minutes now so I think I'll call it quits. But his was fun. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_579130.txt,"I sit in a chair. I wonder . I wonder about life. we have many options. to live, to die, or get cancer. cynical ideas always cross my mind. I question everything that comes my way. anything. why are dachshunds the best dogs to have. I always look for different things. like the outside world. there are some things you just can't reveal. sometimes there are no answers to questions and no questions  can answer. I can't write. I would like to be a screenwriter someday but I can not write complete  thoughts. I am really scatterbrained. I have many ideas but I am afraid that I will fail listen. I always have a ear that listens to weird noises, give me an apple. I would like to eatan apple tonight. tonight is a good a good night. tonight will be never  the same again. there will always be room to live in another night. I hope I can learn how to type faster cause I have many strange and honest thoughts  running through my mind tonight. I will think of why I am writing this. I don't want to think about it cause it will take up too much of my other  ideas. I like to read why people are the way they are. I think every body’s brain I s incredibly strange. infinity is a concept that cloud not be conceived not in this brain, or anybody else’s. some day will the word mean something or will it? that I can not explain or will try to explain or think like I know I can explain. I like to talk to people about their spirituality ideas ideas ideas. I know that I will sleep exceptionally well . I am typing this at night because I was really thinking and I am not able to put all of it on paper. listen to me listen  to me I am rambling. I am a really drained for thinking about my future. I am almost certain that I know what I want to do but  I am afraid of failing and never be able to be happy. I do have confidence, ambition and ] think that I will be successful. I have been writing/typing for at least 20 min. I could go all night but instead I will make my mind ' wander of into some other tangent. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_736454.txt,"Well, I'm not really sure what types of things I'm supposed to be saying. I miss my boyfriend so much. I hope he has a safe trip home. I hope he doesn't fall asleep. I feel really sleepy myself. I hope I can stay awake for this twenty minutes. Time seems to go by so slowly when you're sleepy. Especially when school work is involved. I wish I was a better typer. It is so hard to just think normally when you're typing on a computer. People probably think I'm not a very interesting person. I try to be, but I think I was born to be boring. Be boring and study my life away. I really don't mean to be so studious. I mean I want to do well in school, but I think I'm too caught up in it. Everything makes me nervous. It is so strange because even though I know this isn't going to be ""graded"", I feel nervous about doing it wrong or not doing a good job. I miss my family and my friends. I don't think I appreciated them enough when I was home. It is so hard to build a friendship up from scratch. It took years to be so close to them, and now I have to start all over. I'm truly lucky to have people that share all of my memories and understand all of my feelings. I wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them. I'm so paranoid. I'm always concerned that people are deceiving me in relationships. What if they don't mean ""love"" in the same way that I do?  I hate being hurt. I like to be in control and be omniscient. I like to have the upper hand with people. Unfortunately,  I think most of the time I'm the vulnerable one. Is that normal?  Probably. If I tell myself that enough I might believe it. Could someone really love someone enough that they would die for them if they had to. So many songs make that claim. It must be a truly amazing love. I am still in awe when I think about what Jesus did for me and everyone else. He died a most humiliating and painful death so we wouldn't have to. What love!  How sad though to think that not everyone accepts it!  I feel so guilty when talking to someone that doesn't accept it. I feel like there is something I could say to solve it, but I just don't know what. I know I'm not doing everything I could for Christ, and therefore not being quite good enough. I know I can't be perfect, but I try so hard to be. It feels that I come up short a lot in my life. It is so stressful. I'm probably going to die at an early age because of it. I can't stop though. Kale is so wonderful. He would do anything for me. I can't imagine anyone loving me that much unless they have to. My parents have to, but he doesn't. It is amazing. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_752353.txt,"Right now I'm sitting in the computer lab at my dorm. I'm really bored and really want to get this writing assignment out of the way. The direction say that I should type for 20 minutes. I have 18 minutes to go. I'm a really slow typist. I was just watching TV with my roommate and then I came down here to check my e-mail. My dad sent me a really sweet message. I really miss him but I'm really not homesick. I'm having a lot of fun up here at school and meeting a lot of new people. I really like all of my classes. Okay, fifteen minutes to go. My ankle really hurts because I sprained it. There were some girls in here that would not shut up and they were really getting on my nerves. One of them just hit my chair as she was leaving and didn't even apology. The letter after y on this key board will not work. Okay, I'm supposed to be living in a really nice dorm and this computer won't even work right. Oh well. I fell really bad for my roommate because she and her mom got in a fight tonight and she was crying when I came home and stuff. She really is a nice person and we get along really well. Only 11 more minutes to go. Well, I'm really excited about the football game this weekend. My friends went and got tickets for me and my roommate to sit with them. We are on the fifty yard line on the first row. I can't wait. My parents are leaving for Maine in about two weeks. They have a huge trip planned to New York, Washington, Maine, Boston, and somewhere else. I'm really excited for them. They need some time to get away. My dad really works too hard so this will be a time for them to relax and have some fun. They just celebrated their twenty-seventh anniversary. I think that is really cool and I admire them for being so happily married for so long. My roommate just came in to check her e-mail. I wonder if she has any. She is now e-mailing one of her friends. I wonder if Keith will call me back tonight. I hope that he is not too mad at me. I guess I find out soon enough. I had so much fun this past weekend. I spent the weekend with my four friends that have an apartment here in Austin. My roommate went home for the weekend so I just hung out with them. We had a BBQ one night and watched movies and went swimming and laid in the hot tub and just relaxed. It was so much fun. I think that I'll spend this weekend with them again. Gabe kissed me this past weekend and I really don't know what to think. He calls me a lot now to check on me and to make sure I get home okay and to see what I'm doing and stuff. We've been friends for a long time so I really don't know what to think. Well, my twenty minutes if officially up, so see ya later.      ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_813369.txt,"My mind is totally blank right now. I am just happy that got in the computer lab and was able to use a computer without a long wait. I am kind of lost as to what  to write. I am thinking about how much time I have to pass before my next class  starts and I am wondering what to do to make the time go faster. I saw one of my  friends from high school today. I am happy that I finally saw a familiar face. Why is that light blinking on the CD-ROM door? I did not put a CD in the drive. I hope I doing this assignment right. I want a new day planner. I am tired of  looking at that Nike symbol on mine. I want a leather one but my parents don't think I should $50 for a day planner, so oh well there goes that. I need to paint my fingernails. They are so plain looking. I think I might paint them tonight, oh no  I can't. I have precal homework to do. I need go and have them painted and maybe  I can treat my mom also. She needs to pamper herself. This chair is quite comfortable. I like how the back gives in when you lean back. I need this for my computer at home. There are a lot of Dell computer boxes in the corner of this room. I wonder how many are there. I wonder if the MTV music awards are going to be good tonight. I missed the awards last year. I don't even who won. I hope its not raining right now or when I am ready to  leave. My hair will frizz so bad and I'll have to blow-dry it out to make it smooth again. I wish I could where my hair naturally curly but its just too frizzy. My niece has the best hair and her mother doesn't take care of it. What are doors to side of this room for?   Where do they lead?  My hands are cold. My feet are cold, too. I wonder if this shirt makes me look fat. The stripes are going horizontal. I need to start back to exercising like I used to. That boy is kinda cute who just walked by. My finger are really cold. The air conditioning must be up pretty high in here. I am always colder than most people. Maybe I have small blood vessels in my hands and feet or something. I just can't get over how Princess Diana died. She seemed to  be such nice person. What is this black cord wrapped around the bottom of the monitor?  What is it used for?  I am sleepy and I have another class to go to today. I hope I perk up. I 'e never seen a window button on a computer before but then I've never used a Dell computer before either. How wide are the margins on this sheet. I'm try to keep my typing neat. I always like things to be neat and organized. My mind is blank again. I wonder what my mom is cooking today if she is cooking. My back is itching. I just realized that my legs are sore from that walking I did yesterday from the Robert L. Moore Building all the way to Calhoun hall in the six pack. My legs shouldn't be sore. I was a cheerleader in junior high and high school. My pen is coming out of my day planner. I never really fit right anyway. My day planner is  kind of different. maybe I don't need another one. Maybe I've been around my parents too long, but then my mom is my best friend. I tell her everything since I don't have a sister. My brother hasn't taken me to the  movies in a long time. I wonder how he and his wife are doing. How do leave this computer lab. I guess the same way I got in. My handwriting is terrible. I hate having to write checks or sign my name. I just can't make my  handwriting flow like some peoples. I think I drank too much sprite. All that ice might be making my hands and  feet cold. I need to go and warm up. This air conditioning is really chilling me. I should paint my nails red like I have my toes. I need to go read for my Ancient Greek class. I haven't read the Odyssey since the ninth grade. Maybe I will understand it better this time. I only remember the Cyclops. My hands are too cold. I  need to warm up a bit.     ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_819809.txt,"Okay, I just started writing or well I guess typing. I am still kind of emotionless because I just woke up. You know how when you first wake up and you just need to go to the bathroom but after that you don't know what to do. I'm not hungry or thirsty or anything. I am kind of cold though, because the fan is right over my head. I have a pretty good feeling because I got to this page alot easier than I thought I would. Right now the only thing I really think about is a situation I am in. I am dating this guy and he's really great, but he keeps asking where our relationship is going and I don't really know. The big problem is that this guy I dated off and on for over a year is about to be transferred (he's in the Army) to Kaline which is pretty close to here and he calls and writes but never asks if I am seeing anyone new. I don't know if this is because he doesn't care and just wants to be friends or if he just assumes that I am waiting for him. Knowing him he will probably expect me to drop anyone I happen to be involved with as soon as he moves down here. This is something I normally would not mind doing, but I really like this guy I am dating so I don't know what to do. My bathroom is making the weirdest noise right now. I probably need to have that checked out. I am having to shift positions right now because I am not very comfortable and my neck is starting to hurt. Now my nose itches so I have to rub it. My room is a huge mess because they just set up my computer and won't let me throw away any of the boxes so they are piled up in my room until I have the chance to take them home. My hands are starting to shake a little so I must be getting hungry. My roommate should be getting back from class pretty soon and maybe she will make me something to eat. I kind of don't like it when she is in the kitchen though because she tends to make a pretty large mess and it tends to take her a few days to clean it up. You can't really say anything to her because she gets real defensive and it starts a fight. I really miss my cat, Black Jack, I have had her since I was two and she is BEAUTIFUL!!!  I think my twenty minutes are about up and I am really hungry, so I'm going to end this. BYE!!   ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_831768.txt,"  Ouch, that hurts. Damn, damn, damn. I really don't care much for playing Doogie Howser as a homework assignment. My understanding is that I get to talk about anything I feel like. Well, today I feel like talking about the absence of love. I've never, and I never will. I know this because I know myself; I've been acquainted with myself for the past 18 years. But, you know what?  Love doesn't come easily to someone who's never been given the chance to cry over another. And disappointment rides high among those who look toward the intangible as an archetype. And perhaps, love may not be recognized by one who stages the downfalls and disappointments by crowning the archetype. And what becomes of these kings?  They assure an even greater upset. My hell!  Who knew they'd turn out to be. human-of all things?  They've been raised by nourishing mothers who want to keep the cycle from breaking down. It's a revenge thing. What's revenge if our elders can't play?  And don't think the players of the game don't know. They all do. In fact, they're the unpolished beads hung through a thin thread patiently awaiting the cut that shatters all they hold. The dirty bastards don't mean it on the surface, but somewhere inside, not too deep, they feed off of this perverse pleasure. These prowling demons inside sense it. They know it and follow it by every word that falls from your mouth. They know it by every action pouring out of your senseless heart. But, wait, hold on. There is a simple solution to this problem. Find that beating cacophony that wakes you in the midst of terror, and do the smart thing all women should have accomplished by the age of 10. Rip it out, spit on it, and flush it down that damn toilet. Praise God for victory!  No more heartbreaks, no more suicidal tendencies (so I've heard), no more anything. Anything. Anything. I guess, I wouldn't know. Coming from one who's never been within a foot of love, it may seem an improper thing to do. But for those who have ridden on this vanishing wave, I'm sure the former action seems more than appropriate. However, and oh, I apologize so profusely for changing the tone so quickly-it loses audience, but I do have other things to do. um, however, if this route of throwing the heart is chosen, don't forget to wave goodbye to the emotions which allow one to cry, laugh, or even, yes, of all things-the sole feeling which gives you a natural high for days, the sole feeling that allows you to run around the world three times blindfolded on one leg without any replenishing substances-the feeling of love. Go ahead. Hypocrite would be a swell characteristic for this girl. But, must I ask, what is it that consumes two people who are in love?  The look in their eyes, the energy radiating through their bodies?  What is it that makes them. beautiful?  All of the time. I've never felt a consistent beautiful for longer than two days. consecutively. My dear, patient friend, that's exactly how I know it must be this emotion that I've never felt. It must be love. That emotion not specifically defined by anyone. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_870133.txt,"I'm feeling a little tired right now. I usually don't suffer from severe lack of sleep as I have this weekend. It's pretty interesting the way it affects my ability to concentrate. I feel like I don't read as well or  communicate ideas as well. This is really a weird assignment but I feel  like I would be taking the easy way out if I were to sit here and dwell  on that for twenty minutes so here goes. Someone is tapping on a table  or something in the next room. I hate it when people make a big ruckus  doing something like that and then they can't even keep a beat. Something I think is interesting is the way people can become dependent on new  technology in a matter of months. When my roommate and I first moved here to Austin we didn't have e-mail capabilities at first and I felt  completely cut off from the outside world. I was so relieved when we  were finally back online. I just figured out what that tapping was. It's  my roommate playing electric bass but it's not plugged in so there isn't  much pitch distinction. Like I always say: bass should be felt not heard. Speaking of my roommate, everyone has told me that it's a bad idea to live  with a friend at college and I think they were right. It's not that I don't like the guy. It's just that his annoying traits got magnified tenfold as  soon as we moved into a 15 foot by 8 foot room. Some friends came down from my hometown this weekend. Their visit made me  realize that as soon as I left for college, everything changed. Most of my relationships with people have been faded a little by the move and I'm sure it's an ongoing process. There are a couple of people, however that I actually feel closer too and surprisingly they're not here in Austin with me. I'm still trying to understand that. I guess when you're separated  from people by large distances, you kind of sort things out in your head and figure out who and what is important. It's like post traumatic  prioritizing. Ok, I think I've said what needed (or didn't need) to be said. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_897420.txt,I’m sitting at the computer. I just got done working out. my arms and chest are sore. The pain is good though. I want to go out. I want to start playing golf again but it is too expensive golf is fun but I like to go out partying but its expensive my girlfriend is bothering me oh well I like it my friend is talking about a boat it makes it harder to write but it is ok because I’m using his computer I want to play lacrosse but it is very rough I don’t understand how they play but don’t hurt themselves badly ya know well anyway I feel like running oh not really it is weird how my mind says stupid things that make no sense I think I will go to the steamboat and watch those two girls play again this will be their last time to ever play like it is a monumental breakup or something but hey what if one of them becomes good maybe I will be able to say yo man I saw them play live. noway  bro yea. cool They are pretty good I cant believe e I ever liked country music because it is all so fake I mean nobody writes there songs they don’t do anything but sing and look pretty especially the women. if you are ugly it is nearly impossible to be a country singer. unless you are Leann Rimes then you can tell every one that you are 14 and that’s ok because instead of the rednecks saying damn she’s got a nice ass I guess they could say she’s only 14 and that makes them happy. but if you think that ugly women is 14 you are sadly mistaken she’s back ok well I sure miss my Jim Roam I liked that show but it is on the air in Austin oh well Austin is cool anyway even if there is no damn parking. I miss the old days of just driving around town and then thinking to myself  I go there and hey what do you know there is a parking spot or even a whole lot of parking spots. yea but then I would have to live in my boring ass town where there is nothing to do at all I mean take tonight for example I’m going to watch a band play in pearland I would be sleeping but here I’m going to start drinking a couple minutes in fact I will start drinking now oh no there is a man possessed by alcohol on the computer you must stop him he could easily kill some innocent family of 4 walking along and that would be very very unfortunate. ok whatever I’m crazy no not really so I am just about done here according to the little clock in the bottom of the screen in the bottom of the screen cool I’m going to party I quit bye  ,0,1,0,0,0
1997_934160.txt,"Wow, I'm pretty tired right now it's been a heck of a weekend. staying up for Diana's funeral was pointless, but nevertheless interesting. I wonder if I'll have that kind of burial when I die. I think my grandfather  should at least had a funeral twice that size. he was the second greatest man to ever walk on this earth besides Jesus Christ himself. I'm listening to the live dcTalk album right now and it rocks. There is no group of celebrities that I admire more than them. Their music has meaning. It isn't just the meaningless stuff about drugs, shooting somebody up, or scoring with someone. It is stuff that is relevant to our world and to our generation, not to mention it is the best musically sounding stuff out there. I wish more people knew about them. I know they would agree with me. the game this weekend surpassed my expectations. At first I thought it was going to be lame 'cause the crowd was soo dead, but as soon as we scored the crowd went wild and the atmosphere from then on was electric. UCLA will be a very tuff game next weekend. My parents are coming up for the game. Surprisingly I don't miss them all that much, although  I do care about them a bunch. Maybe it's just because I'm soo busy with school I really hope that my edp paper is not that hard because I lack the motivation. I really wish my acne would go away. I believe life would be soo much better if it were gone. The confidence and social skills would be so easy and fun. I wouldn't be soo much of a hermit. I hope I can get my hair to grow out to the right length and get it colored they way I want to. I also hope that I can acquire the presence I am seeking as far as my appearance goes. It would really be awesome if we won a national championship this year and Ricky Williams won a Heisman Trophy or even James Brown( by the way I hope he is okay). Richard Walton did a great job backing up and filling in. Gee I hope I make it to class on time and I really hope my future girlfriend is there to ask me out. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_952275.txt,"I wanted to write about something traumatic that happened to me because, apparently, traumatic experiences and how to deal with them is a pretty big fandango in this class. Something just happened, though, so I want to write about that and see where it takes me in the next nineteen minutes or so. The computer assistant in the theatre department (where I am right now, being a theatre major and all) just complimented me on my hat, a black fedora I bought in Greenwich Village about a year and a half ago. I was visiting for about a week over spring break and auditioning for the elusive Experimental Theatre wing of NYU's Tisch School of the Arts. After a fairly successful audition I concentrated all of my efforts of exploring, something I had done about seven or eight months earlier the first time I visited. This time I was alone, though. The time before I had my brother, eighteen months my junior and my closest friend, at my side and all was well. This time I had to w2ait a couple of days for his arrival, since he couldn't get off school and I could, being a senior and having a few excused absence ""college days"" on my hands. So I set out to explore and found a bar in the mob district of Little Italy that didn't ID and I found myself drunkenly wandering the streets of New York, stumbling upon Strawberry Fields in a haze and not realizing the significance until about a week later. After three days of being lost in my drugged little haze my brother joined me. When I picked him up at the airport I noticed that I had taken to thinking of myself as a New Yorker. I had adopted the city and there was a definite change in the way my brother and I related to each other. This changed over the next four days, though, as he assimilated into New York the way I had and we set out to Little Italy to begin our evenings with a little pasta, a Nat King Cole impersonator, a jug of white wine every night, and a restaurant owned by the mob.  After taking in as much of the culture and the underbelly of the city we found ourselves down to our last (having just dropped twenty bucks on some Thai food that smelled like sewer filth). It was our second to last day in the city and we decided to thrift store shop and try to extend our dollars as far as they would go. Then we saw them. In a small shop in the Village (not that there aren't a billion of them) we both saw fedoras that just said ""you"". We ended up dropping our last fifty dollars on our new hats and had to pay for our ride to the airport ( a limo, surprisingly cheaper than a taxi because it had a set fare) with a handful of quarters. We hadn't eaten for two days and there wasn't a meal of any kind on the plane (not even peanuts) so we wound up in Houston on a two hour layover with nothing to do, empty stomachs, and no money. I ended up begging, trying to sell a stack of demo tapes I had cut for two bucks a pop. I ended up selling two, and we ate the best Taco Bell that has ever been eaten by a human. I remember that the only people who bought the tapes were other musicians. Maybe it's a karma thing (""Wow, that guy looks pathetic. Better buy his tape because that could be me someday. "")  One way or the other they understood. I was upset just because my plan was to randomly hand out this stack of tapes to people as they departed for different corners of the country, hoping that they would like it and that underground distribution would abound. Maybe it worked: I still don't know. I know it was passed around quite a bit in south Texas, but not much further than that. Oh, well. By the by, I'm really tired right now because my band played a two hour show last night. We haven't played that long in about a year, since clubs usually limit you to an hour or less. We used to go two hours without even trying when we were playing for our friend's parties, but now we've gotten lazy. Last night really woke us up. I was so drenched in sweat that I actually had to wring out my shirt after the show. We didn't even get a decent crowd until the last thirty minutes or so. That's ok. Better things will come along soon enough. We play every Thursday at Black Cat, which has no cover and is all ages. For some reason, this alone does not attract a crowd. It's really upsetting. I know we're not a bad band, so it's really frustrating when you can't talk people out of disco dancing at Bob Popular to enjoy a free show that accepts all ages and doesn't involve a DJ. Someday. About that traumatic experience. About five months ago I was hit by a car while I was crossing the street into Trudy's off Guadalupe. It was late and I was wearing all black and the guy didn't see me. I was looking the other way because I saw the car that hit me but he seemed too far away to reach me. I was more concerned about cars coming from the other direction, which is a curving road that is hard to see down. When he hit me his fender shattered my leg and I was thrown onto his windshield. He didn't brake until then and the force of him braking as I hit the windshield sent me flying into the road about twenty feet out. I never lost consciousness and never really felt all that dazed or affected by it. I just calmly looked up, announced that my ""fucking leg was broken"" and asked one of my friends to call 911. Then I just lay down in the road waiting for the ambulance. It started to rain. That night I was taken to Brackenridge and left alone for about an hour at a time in the ER. Only one of my friends cam to visit me. She held my hand while they pieced my leg back together and set it into a cast. They had already pumped me with morphine and I heard them mumble about amputation a time or two, but eventually they settled on inserting a rod from my knee to my ankle. The morphine did nothing to me, though, because they gave it in light doses and after years of recreational drug use I wasn't really affected. That and the pain was coming from the one part of my body where intravenous drugs couldn't possibly go. I ended up just biting down on a folded-up blanket, not wanted my screams to disturb others in the ER. Over the next three days I was observed and recovered quicker than anyone imagined. My family came to be with me from San Antonio, except for my dad who was in Orlando on business. He wanted to rush to Austin to be with me but I didn't want him to see me tied up to machines and weak. I knew he couldn't handle it. After about a half hour of coaxing he stayed in Orlando. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol in twenty years after getting a kidney removed before I was born. That night he drank himself into submission. Slowly my friends from the theatre department began creeping in until I had a steady stream of visitors and a room full of flowers, candy, and porn (don't ask). The faculty came to make sure that I was alright, something I never would've expected, and one night my nurse ( a Mary Poppins sort of woman) turned my bed so that I could see the tower lit up in orange. I've never had school spirit or pride in any organization whatsoever, but for some reason I cried. For some reason I loved the sight of the tower at that moment. I've recovered completely. I was angry for a while and spent a lot of time screaming and damning anyone who could walk while I made my way around in a wheelchair. I marveled at the fact that, even when I was on crutches, nice families at the Arboretum would still pull their children closer and hold their purses tighter. I began to keep a journal, but by the time I had written five entries my anger was gone. My depression was gone. I couldn't even dwell of death, which I know I had cheated. I was just glad to be alive and to put it all behind me. Now I'm physically and emotionally recovered. I don't have nightmares and I don't fear cars. I don't know why. Maybe I'll learn that this semester. For some reason I recovered very nicely in all aspects from this whole awful little episode.  The good thing is that I'm happy and sober now. I had attempted suicide twice this past year, once just two weeks before the accident. Then I was put in a situation where I didn't try and death actually came for me, and I fought to stay alive. That's always struck me as odd. Oh well. For whatever reason I am a happier, if quieter person. Things are good. I'm looking forward to psychological experiments this year. Now I'm off. I've written for about thirty minutes and I think it's time for a cigarette. Bye bye now.   ",0,0,0,1,1
1997_450562.txt,Today was a good day I enjoy life. I wish I was at home with my girlfriend. she is so pretty I am in love yet it is not here. I wish that she could be here to join me. Frat life is demanding yet it should be a good payoff in the near future I wish I could sleep I am so tired that it is hard to stay awake at times during the day I really enjoy this kind valentine assignment it lets me express my true feelings  and thoughts with no real worries except that if it will arrive when it needs to. 20 minutes is a long time to write continuously but it really is neat to think off all the things that go on in my head. like home and vlentina. that is her name the lovely girl that I left back home when I came to college. I am scared that I will not do as well as I can I hope so I don’t want to let me dad down he is very important to me even though he is a bit scary at times. but that is how they are supposed to be right? oh well I hope my dog is doing ok I love her so my thoughts drift now into wanting to be on some other planet that is why I love astronomy. even thought it is kind confusing. but it is fun nonetheless I love to use the internet I think that it is so neat. I do however wish I could find a good use for it. all I ever do is waste time going from place to place not knowing where I am going. kinda like life we seem to wander from place to place and never seem to  truly settle down at least that is the way things seem right now in a few years  however I am sure that my opinion will change. I know that once I can complete college which is my number one goal above all else. then to have fun and party. I hope this week we will have a good party I know we will. we always have the best parties. and there  are always girls there. yet I do wish that valentina could be there. even though  she did start to bother me before I left. now it seems that we have gotten closer at the same time that we are apart. is she the girl for me? I do not know and whish  that I did. it seems that way at times. yet then at other times she just bugs me to death an \d all I can think of is getting away from her. I never want to loose her though. I do really care for her. I am looking forward to seeing here soon on my birthday she will stay with me I hope. but I will probably not see her that much since I am so  busy I guess I will just have to make the time to see her. I hope that she loves me I really do. I miss my parents and my old room. my room i\ here is great and I have  fun with my roommates all of whom are from my home in fort worth. so we get along well not like some of the girls that came here boy they cant stand each other and we have only  been here for 3 weeks. not even a full month. I cant believe I am writing this much I normally cannot write this much when working on a paper but now I can I guess I don’t really have to think about what I am writing just write it. I think that it is neat . wow that was a fast 20 minutes. I can't believe that it is over oh well I still have on more assignment to do. ,0,1,0,1,1
1997_491971.txt,"I hope I can finish this assignment in time because I am really stressed right now. I have a lot of stuff to do. I have to go to eat dinner at the house in a little bit and then I have to do my calculus homework. I don’t have time to sleep or anything I have been having fun but I am so tired and I think I am getting sick. I am definitely stressed out. I have to get up to go to the bathroom. I wonder if I have met the girl that I am going to marry in the past three weeks. all of this is just so overwhelming . I am in terrible shape and my body hurts all the time. I am hungry and tired and dirty, but I know that I will be okay once I can get organized and get on top of things. I need to talk to my family ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_496933.txt,"Stream of consciousness---I am not sure what to write at all  everything in my head  comes in little spurts of information. ""Turn the radio on, turn the radio up, and this woman was singing my song,  lover is crying cause the other won't stay. my stomach hurts and I have to go to the bathroom, I think I just saw Jacob Biddle Now that I have to think about something I can't. which is strange because usually I think too much about  everything right now that song by Lisa Loeb keeps running through my head even though I really hate that song. I feel really bad for Princess Diana's kids. but I actually have that morbid curiosity  to see the pictures of the accident scene and it makes me feel awful. do I have to work tomorrow?  My bangs keep getting in my face---I should never have gotten them My roommate is bothering me right now. she always leaves hair on the bathroom sink and on the floor  and it really disgusts me, especially in the morning when I am already in a bad mood, and  sometimes she gets this real high moral attitude with me like she knows better and doesn't want to break the rules by painting the walls because Mr. Lay might get mad, yet she has all this pot in her closet What a hypocrite!  I hope I make Texas Angels, although I have to admit that I thought the whole thing was really fake  Okay, now really nothing is going through my head I wonder if the people next to me are looking at what I am writing, they better not, that is such an invasion of privacy, although I would look at theirs  any day. there is this disk sitting right here and it is not mine but I want to use it because I didn't bring a disk so that I could check email but I don't even know whether or not it is formatted for a PC, that guy was really cute. I wish I was in Paris right now. wow these computers really filled up fast ---there is already a line to get on them oh well too bad for them. oh damn I forgot to go get that course packet for government, oh I need to call that New York Times number I think they changed the computer system here in the SMF because the setup is different, that guy reminds me of somebody but I can't think who, I wonder if I can check my email without a disk If that is Brian Patridge he sure got fat. I wonder if I need to bring my psychology book today, but I don't think I have time to walk all the way home and then walk back, I will just share with Tina I need to check on my stocks, maybe they have finally earned me some money, and I need to get my portfolio going. I want my car back  ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_511579.txt,"Yuck, what a cruddy day. I had to go to 4 hours of classes and then I had to wait 30 minutes for the freaking bus to pick us up. Then I had to stand up for most of the ride home. And it was really hot on the bus. Luckily today wasn't too hot outside though. I saw on the news that we are expecting some rain and cooler weather. That's good. I guess. I don't know about the rain part though. I hope I can find my umbrella. I hope I didn't lose it when I moved up here. I live in a really neat apartment now. I like it a lot. And my roommate is really nice too. I was kind of worried about that. I transferred here from A&M this semester. I like it here. But it's not really any different than in College Station. Just bigger. My classes aren't any harder so far. I hate calculus. I'm usually pretty good at math. I think it's also because my TA that teaches our discussion is horrible. He hardly speaks English and doesn't know what he's doing at all. Of course I don’t' really know what I'm doing at all either but. Wow 20 minutes is a long time. Lots of random stuff kind of floats through your head. Like the fact that I can see that I have email and I really want to check it. I just checked it before I started writing, I guess somebody wrote back. I wonder who. Probably Amy. Amy was supposed to transfer this year too and be my roommate but she forgot to send in her transcript. She's kind of spacey about stuff like that. But she's like the sweetest person I know. Actually I don't really know a lot of people here. That's kind of sad considering I knew practically everyone at my high school and I had a lot of friends at A&M. My roommate at A&M just rushed a sorority this year. Neither one of us rushed last year. I'm happy for her. I wonder if I should’ve rushed this year. Then I’d know more people. But my boyfriend goes to school here. But he doesn’t know that many people here either. The year just started so I guess I'll meet more people as it goes by. I need to go workout tonight. I haven't worked out really well in a few days. I feel much better and more relaxed after I work out. I'm still feeling kind of stressed after my gross day. I have a lot of homework to do and a lot of other things on my list. I always make lists. I wonder what that says about a persons personality. I'm really organized and like to plan things. Maybe that's part of it. Strange. I wanted to plan a trip to go tubing in San Marcos before school started but we never got around to it. I hate how my boyfriend makes fun of me and says that I never plan anything. I know he's just kidding, but it gets on my nerves. He just doesn't understand I guess. Wow I just got a weird flashback of high school. I was a cheerleader and I just thought of some performance we did. I wonder where that came from. My typing has gotten really good over the past year. I used to not be that great. I think all the emailing made me better. I wonder who that email is from?  I haven't seen a lot of the people that I know here. I guess I should call them and get together. I feel like I don't have time though. I have to do homework, and work out and I need time to myself just to vege. Speaking of vegetables, I need to go to the grocery store too. I need vegetables, noodles, rice, chicken, cookies, hmm what else?  Milk. I like milk, especially with my cereal. I need more cereal too. I always want to get pancake mix. yummy. only a few minutes left. That's good because my back-neck-shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting at this computer. I need to get a cable so I can hook up my printer. Not that I need it yet but I should get that taken care of. My mom said she is sending me a package with cookies and candy and my last paycheck from work (lifeguard)and other stuff. that is something to look forward to. I haven't gotten any mail lately. I paid my rent today. through January. I need to call my bank and have them transfer some money form my savings into my checking. or else we could have some problems. but my grandfather is the president of the bank and my aunt is the CEO so I don't think that they'd let me bounce a check. That's going to be a shock when I have to go out and get  a real job and find a real bank. Time's up. Yea!   ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_597205.txt,"I'm thinking of being tired. It's been a long weekend, Mama was a great lady. I loved Granny and Pap. Too bad I didn't attend the University of Kentucky. I could be there now. I love snow. My 1st snowman on the top of Pap's truck. Charles and Lori are on their walk. The dog was asleep the whole trip home because of, Labor day weekend, Canton was almost empty, I don't know my way around Austin. Round Rock High School. I'm so glad that my phone line is working now. 3-7 service days. I can't understand you lady. It's been 5 minutes. My hand is beginning to hurt. I heard winter is going to be harsh, burning trailer on the side of the freeway - WHATEVER - Missouri nurse was a bimbo that got in our way. Mom and Dad. Disney and Daisy dog. The Ranch - I haven't been there in a while. I still need some books. AHHHHHH. I need a job because I'm about to run out of money. It's been ten whole minutes. I'm 1/2 done. Kevin, ""I love you!""  come home in Sept. My b-bay. Friday the 13th next year. I hate horror movies, Freddy Crugar under the blanket, Jennifer is a *****. My mouse pad is ugly. teddy bear computer as a graduation present. WHATEVER - I need a CD rack PMS curtain san finally be finished. GOD. green light is on the computer, annoying. I wonder what everyone else thinks about when they write this. paper 1st is definitely better KEYS. Ohh-la-la, Sexy!!  Why is there a screwdriver on my desk? I don't even own Only 5 minutes! I see you. I think Mars is what did you say?  Where did that turn the page over. I'm done with that side. A hole in the paper, spiral. crystal clock, I hope pimples on my chin I say a car down the driveway. NO-I need to pictures are taken all day long. Keyhole. Paper is almost running out. Write smaller. OK?  Orange is not a good color. Wish there was another sometime. Oh, I'm almost done the clock says 9:42 PM. on labor day. School tomorrow. BYE-BYE!!! ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_679495.txt,"I finally got into this thing. that took forever. I hate asking questions so it took even longer. I think people are always thinking weird things about me, which I know is bad , but I always do. the good thing is that everyone I've come in contact here has been really helpful. I really cant wait for this weekend. the weeks are so long. I haven’t made any new friends here. I have a lot friends that  came with me from high school to UT and to other schools in San Antonio. I see them every weekend. I’m being really antisocial right now. the thing is that the friends I have are really close to me, and they know everything there is to know about me, and vice versa. I spent the last two years of my life with them, it may not seem like a lot but it was two very important years of my life. I feel really comfortable around them. I m not good at  meeting people so I cant imagine being at  the same level of friendship with other people especially in college where everyone just does their own thing. so I look forward to every weekend. people around me probably think I’m weird sitting here just typing continuously. I’m sure, actually I’m almost positive there are weirder people here. id really like to finish this already, but I just looked at the clock and I still have time left. I’m going home, back to El Paso next Friday. its going to be strange. I never expected to go back so soon. I was with this girl for about 5 months before I left, and it was really serious. we talked about spending the rest of our lives together. she was supposed to move here, but she had issues and commitments that were obviously more important. She cane to visit last month for about 3 weeks before school started. we got in  a big fight and she left on really bad terms. it was my fault, but I couldn’t have her leave on good terms or it would have hurt more. so I acted like a jerk and we fought the last week and a half she was here constantly. Anyway I’m really afraid of running into her, because ill be there for a whole weekend and we hang out a t the same places. I think its really funny how a lot of people here think El Paso is so small. its as big as Austin, and no one knows it. ki heard someone say that they though it only had one high school. it actually has 30-40. oh well it rally doesn’t matter, I’m glad I’m here now. I really like it,  I cant believe I’m in college and actually grown up and that I actually have real responsibilities. but I very lonely. I miss her so much, and she wants to try the whole long distance relationship thing, but I cant. I really loved her. I've never been so close to anybody in my life, and after everything we shared and as close as we were, it seems like ill never experience that again with anybody. and if I do finally find someone and then we break up I have to go through this whole pain thing again. I know its normal to feel like this, I just moved away from a city I've lived in for 18 years and I just broke up with someone I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with, but its all a little overwhelming. the thing that bothers me the most is that all this takes up too many of my thoughts, and it takes away from what I really should be concentrating on. I really want  to do well here at UT, I have a lot to prove to a lot of people. I’m sick of always having this sob story attached to my life. I went to an all boys private school that was small compared to other high school, my graduating class was about 150. everyone knew that I moved out of my house and how I had trouble with my mom, and everyone feel sorry for me, and I’m sick of this whole drama thing, my life is so full of drama.  I went over by a few minutes I guess that’s all   ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_750427.txt,"I have never used Julie's computer before. It's kind of weird. I don't  like the font being used on this computer. I wish there was a way I could  change it. I am also very irritated that I am still on the same line that  I started on. Maybe if I press enter it will start a new line. There you go. Much better. I am kind of tempted to use this fan connected  on the  desk here, even though I am not hot. I just feel like using it. Alison is funny. We keep writing each other email even though we could be sitting right next to each other. Carrie is coming to visit tomorrow. I am so excited. Chris said that he might come the next weekend. I am in love with Chris. He has no idea though. I wish I could tell him, but I know that he does not feel  the same way. He is always talking about how picky he is. I am certainly  not his type. God I wish I was. I told him that one day I would be perfect for him. Sigh. I can't wait to see him. I keep thinking of my exboyfriend. He has to be the biggest jerk known to man. The problem is that I don't think of the bad stuff, only the good. Ok, this is driving me crazy. I don't know how this page has been arranged, but I don't like it . ARGH!  Someone just  died in Carries dorm last night. It sounds horrible. I would be so scared if someone down the hall from me was killed. I've got ten minutes to go. I  can dig it. I don't really like Amber. She gross. Smokes too much. I don't smoke that often. Julie just found one of Jason's hidden cigs. It was funny. He was all saying, I've never seen that before. He's cute. Today's his  birthday. I haven't gotten him a present yet, although I know what I'm gonna get  him. I'm sleepy. I almost feel asleep in biology. Someone did and Billie put the spotlight on them. I wonder what someone reading this would be thinking right now. Who the hell is Billie probably. That would be an interesting  job. Reading all the submissions. People's minds are fascinating. I wish I c could read people's minds. Thoughts are cool. You know most of the time  people are really thinking about sex or something else taboo. Actually, I don’t really know if that's true, but I've read statistics. I don't think  about sex all the time, but I do often remember kisses, or picture myself  kissing someone. I hope that's normal. Kissing is so romantic. It can  mean so much. How depressing it is to not have someone to kiss. I often  feel sorry for myself. I don't think that's wrong. My sister just walked in. I was kind of worried that she would see what I was writing. Is that wrong, to be writing about kissing. It is kind of personal. I'm thinking about  dogs now. They are so cute. I really love baby animals. I can't wait to  live in an apartment or house where I can own a mutt. I'd like to own a dog with Chris someday. I think it would scare him if he knew how much I thought  about him. I don't know if I really am in love with him, but I often think I  am. If only I could be forty pounds lighter. I had planned on losing five pounds a month. I haven't checked since moving to Austin. I don't think I’ve lost any weight though. I tend to eat a lot of cafeteria food. We are  going out to dinner to night. I need to ask Julie if she has a scale so that  I can weigh myself. I wasn't to sure I wanted to go. It's with J and J and  friends I don't know. I hope I get along well with everyone. I wonder if my train of thought that I'm typing is a good representation of how I really think. Wow, I've written for 24 minutes now. Those last ten minutes flew by. My hand hurts now so I guess I'll stop. I feel as though I should thank you  for listening. Thanks         ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_750977.txt,"Here I am sitting in the computer lab trying to track my thoughts. I am thinking that I shouldn't worry about what to think. I am not exactly sure why this assignment is necessary, but then again I am no psychologist. Whoa, change in thought. Now I am thinking of England and of how I wish I could go there to see the sights and see a close friend who lives there. Now I am sad because this reminds me of Princess Diana and of what a wonderful woman she was. I was truly saddened when I heard she died. She was on of those people that you dream of meeting some day even if you are only around her for  a moment. She was the type of person that could make your whole year just by smiling at you. This sadness takes me to other places, I am now simultaneously thinking of a close friend of mine who is clinically depressed and of old friend of the family who was homosexual and died this year of AIDS. I am a Christian and I have strong Christian beliefs but when tragedy strikes those you love the most there is wonder and doubt involving a supposed loving God. Sometimes I praise God for the things he does but other times you ask yourself why. I have always been a dreamer, setting my goals high, but sometimes I wonder if what I want to do with my life is right or if God wanted me to go off and become a minister. Life is never simple but I just try to roll with the punches. A minister of mine once said that some people build up barriers around themselves in order not to get hurt. They try to experience the least amount of pain as possible by blocking themselves out, but then he said that these same people cannot experience love very much. At the same time as protecting themselves from pain they are limiting themselves to a lesser degree of love then is possible. I want to be one of the people who can experience love greatly, but in reality I have been hurt before and there are definite walls to protect myself from that kind of pain again. Whenever you go on a date and you are nervous everyone says just be yourself. I think that is a huge crock of shit. I am a multi faceted person, I don't even know what being myself would be. Is that the self that you express outwardly, where in my case I am jovial and make people laugh or is that the self inside that has deep emotions and is very, very sensitive and sometimes insecure while also being loving and caring. Sometimes I feel like I have all of this love stored up inside of me and no one to give it to. I try not to dwell in these places for any significant amount of time. I think IO like who I am, but its just that I really haven't figured that out completely yet. At first I didn't know what to write, but now I am glad we did this assignment. It is good to get your feelings out from inside when you don't want to tell anyone and you don't have a diary. Bye-bye. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_778356.txt,"This is really strange. I have never had to do anything like this assignment in my life. Actually the only time I ever use a computer is to play solitaire. I took a couple of computer classes in high school but never learned anything about the internet. I went after class today to set up the computer account but the office had already shut down. I was able to set up an e-mail address but I just learned that I can't do much with it just yet. I never set up an account with the university so I can't check my mail from the apartment just yet. I came into the computer lab in my apartment complex and fortunately a guy in here kind of helped me to understand what is going on with the computer situation. He let me use his account to do this writing assignment with one restriction-I can't do anything illegal while I am logged into his account. The funny thing is I would not know if I was doing anything illegal because I know nothing about computers. I think before I go to class tomorrow I am going to set up my account at school. Maybe the people in the Hogg building will have some handouts for the ""computer illiterate"". I wonder if I am the first person to do this assignment. Probably not, there was only about 500 people in my class and I am sure someone has done the assignment by now. I figured I should do it ASAP so I won't fall behind in my homework assignments. I was a pretty good student in high school but then again I was always reminded when assignments were due. I already have post-it notes all over my room to remind me of the things I have to do for all my classes. There is a pool right outside of the computer lab I am sitting at and I am thinking I may have to go swimming. I think I will invite some friends over to keep me company. It is really cold in here and my fingers are beginning to freeze up. I am in here alone. The song to ""Friends"" is playing loudly on the TV in the sitting room next door. A girl who works in the office just shut the door and said ""Good Night"". It is quieter now and I am beginning to run out of things to type about. I talked to my boyfriend right before I came over here. He goes to Ole Miss in Mississippi. I haven't talked to him in a few days so it was nice to hear his voice. He has an e-mail address so I think I am going to attempt to e-mail him. I wonder if anyone will read all of this stuff I just wrote. I think with over 1000 entries due it is not too likely someone is going to read this entry. Oh well I have written a little longer than the set amount of time - ""Little"" being the key word. I am sure with all of the computer technology whoever checks this assignment will know exactly how long I have been typing. I suppose after I set up my account at school I will be able to write my second assignment. I will talk to you then!!  TRICIA VERONA  ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_870336.txt,I feel kind of alone. I feel like I can't trust as many people as I use to. The people I trust are miles from me. I miss them. I miss talking to them everyday. Even though we still keep in touch it's not the same. I miss my hometown. I miss playing highschool basketball. College is going to be hard for me because I never study and when I do Study I can't study that long because I get tired because tired. It feels like my life is just beginning because I'm experiencing new things. I wonder if I'm going to meet the perfect girl up here. I'm kind of scared of this assignment because I don't know if I am doing it right but I think I am. I need a haircut because my hair is starting to get shaggy. I like getting haircuts. I'm tired but that's nothing unusual because I 'm always tired. I think I'm going to visit my home town this weekend. I want to see a good movie because I haven't seen one in a while. My eyes are starting to hurt because I have to stare at the keys hard. ,0,1,0,0,0
1997_890630.txt,"Well I'm finally doing this writing assignment. It was not in my mind at all so I totally forgot about this stuff. This assignment is taking me back to the seventh grade because in my English class. damn I keep messing up on my typing. well back to what I was talkin about. We had to write at the beginning of every class for five or ten minutes about anything that came to our mind; of course if we didn’t wanna write a story or something. So what I would write a lot is something like ""I think this writing assignment sucks, . its stupid. and I’m bored. I'm bored. "", on and on and on. I also just would like keeping writing the alphabet in random order. Well now I'm listening to this tired ass song from Puff Daddy, ""Ill Be Missin You""  It talks about death of a friend. To me that is very scary. Cuz I always imagine how it would feel when you die or like where do you go. Its just a scary feelin that you don’t know when we might not be here anymore. I had a few people that I knew die. Its just a sad thought. Now I’m thinking about how college isn’t that bad. Only if it wasn’t for me being lost in Calculus. I mean I shouldn’t have any trouble; I was Valedictorian and I feel very stupid, upset, frustrated, and scared. Oh shit. I just flinched cuz I got startled by the fact that some guy across the hall here just slammed the door very, very hard. Two times and said ""jack ass"" so loud that I heard him while I’m sittin here typing in my dorm room. Well I need to start getting on the ball and do all my reading and homework, especially in Calculus. For some odd reason its just not clicking for me. and math is supposedly one of my best subjects. I guess that was in high school. and I even took calc. last year. Oh, now the Men In Black song is playing. I think that that movie wasn't as good as it was in the previews. So now I don’t really have anything else to talk about. Actually I cant wait to talk about my college experience cuz boy do I have some problems right now. Oh damn there's a phone call and I got up to get it but I don’t know what happened. Well I’m going to be going home tomorrow so I’m not going to the UT vs. Rutgers on Sat. I think I’m gonna go to the library in a few minutes after I finish writing on here. I’m actually finished so I guess I’m Out. PEACE. ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_910659.txt,"I can't believe I am doing this, and that I actually am getting through it, because this is the first time that I have ever logged on to the world wide web, at least I think that is what you call it. To tell you the truth it is actually easier than I thought it would be, I expected it to be very difficult, but it's not all that bad. Anyhow all this computer stuff is fairly new to me and so it is rather confusing for me at times. But I guess I am coping with it and handling it the best I can. Though I am always afraid that I will hit one button and the whole place will shut down. Actually, that is a true nightmare that I have had before. Which reminds me that I have been having really strange dreams lately, and all of them concern a different aspect of school. Which I guess is because I have just moved here from a really small town. And when I say small, I mean really , really small, like about fifteen hundred people in the whole town. Now compared to that Austin is a real shocker. I guess it just takes some getting used to , and learning new things when you move from a farm to a fast paced city. So many things are different and yet so many things are the same. A funny thing happened when I first moved here a week ago, I found out that my cousin, she is the same age as me, is living in the apartment directly above mine. to me this is such a coincidence, really when you think about it is. Just think of how many apartment buildings there are in Austin, and I unknowingly chose the exact same one that she did. And she and I only used to see each other once a year, but now we see each other nearly every day. Christmas, when our families all got together was the only time we saw each other,  I am already looking forward to the Christmas season because of the weather that we have at that time. I am so tired of this ninety degree weather. I can't wait for a cold spell or a norther to blow in and cool everything off. But I guess that won't happen for a while yet anyway. That reminds me that I have to pick up a raincoat or an umbrella before this weekend, because I am planning to go to my youngest brothers football game, and I want to be prepared in case it happened to rain. More than likely it won't rain, but I know that If I don't get a raincoat or umbrella then sure enough it will pour. I don't usually enjoy watching football games, actually I don't ever enjoy watching it, but my brother begged me and begged me to come see him, so I finally told him that we would come watch him this Friday. he's supposed to be really good. But I don't even remember what position he plays anymore. The reason that I don't really like football is that I don't understand the rules very well, and I think that if I knew them better then I would be able to follow along with the game better and enjoy it much more. I am not much of a person who likes sports and athletics much anyway. I like to do more calm, less active things. One of my really good friends happens to be getting married this weekend. I wonder what the wedding will be like, considering the man she is marrying is so strange. I wonder how long that marriage will last. But I am glad to be going to her wedding, because I will be able to see all of my old friends from high school again, and catch up with what they are doing now. I haven't seen them is a really long time so that should be interesting. Well, I am way past my twenty minutes, and must get to class, so I must end here. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_971112.txt,"alright. what can I talk about. well the only thing I’m really thinking about is richie. I love him so much. ok why can I now see what I’m typing. anyway, I g ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_992649.txt,"Aug. 31  Note: I wrote this paper over a week ago and I am just now typing it. You said we could write it down first and then type it.  I have finally found the inspiration to write this paper. Today is August 31. The time is 1:30 A. M. I am watching television and at the same time trying to write this paper. Today is a very sad day for many . The new of Princess Diana’s death has just unfolded. It is very strange that every time a prominent ""celeb"" dies the world acts as if they knew them personally. I case in Princess Diana's death the world did kind of know her rather intimately since her life was unfortunately always being publicized. I just looked around my room watching my roommate and another one of my friends gasp in horror of the tragic news. The newscasters are explaining how her death occurred. I think she was a very lucky woman and very unfortunate at the same time. Diana's ""Princess fairy tale"" seems to be more a tale of horror. I keep thinking about her children. I think their mother was the only one who truly let them know what being young and living life was all about. I think that small ounce of joy will die with her death. My sweetmate just walked in. It seems all of a sudden we've got a party in our room . It's very hard to concentrate on writing this paper and listen to the news all at the same time. The phone is ringing. I hope it's not for me. I always get interrupted when I doing something important. The phone is for my roommate. Her mom calls twice a day at the same time every day to check how my roommate is doing. Maybe she heard the new of Diana and it made her even more anxious to call. Whenever someone dies it always reminds us of what is most important. The time is 1:41 A. M. I am really getting tired and it's hard to write this paper, but if this paper means making the grade I want, I guess I'm going to have to force myself to keep going. They are discussing the ""fairytale"" wedding and Prince ""charming"" . It seem ver sad that she only experience the fairytale for such a short period of time. This whole disaster is making me ver nostalgic. I'm starting to think about some of the friends I lost in reckless accidents. The only difference is , they died from their own irresponsible actions. I'm thinking about a friend of my, I suppose we can call her ""Sorry"" because her life really is a sorry tale. She is a girl who possessed so much potential and ability, but ruined it because she decided she cared more about drinking, driving, and fun more than her future. Her irresponsible ways killed a friend who was in the same car. This friend was pregnant. Two lives lost in 1 instant. Three other lives in the car were saved by fate I suppose. ""Sorry continues to drink, drive, and live recklessly. I have lost alot of respect for her. I kind of think her current actions are more sign of self-destruction. I guess she feels her future fun times are going to be cut off very soon and she might as well have fun while she can. Her court date for involuntary manslaughter is coming up. I wonder how reckless ""Sorry"" can be in prison. ",1,0,0,0,1
1997_471070.txt,"The problem I have with this writing assignment is that there is so much going on in my life right now that all of these different worries and concerns keep popping into my head. The one thing that I am looking forward to is that today I am meeting my parents in La Grange for dinner. They are giving me my fraternity dues in the form of a check and my answering machine . My pledge brother Brian is listening to MTV right now so it is very hard to concentrate and rigit is pissing me off. My humanities course is causing me a lot of stress because the teacher did not pass out any kind of syllabus so I have no idea how I will be graded. It just occurred to me that this essay is sounding more like the second writing assignment than the first, but I guess it doesn't really matter if school is what's on my mind. The girl next door has been on my mind a lot. Lately I find myself wondering what she is doing even though we agreed to be just friends because she lives next door. And now that I think about it another girl is always on my mind too. However she lives upstairs and I'm pretty sure I could hook up with her if I wanted. I am very excited about my fraternity. I am looking forward to our bar tap on Friday and I have promised myself I wouldn't drink until then. I really need to establish a routine, because I think once I do that I will be a lot less stressed. I need to start working out again to so that I won't feel like a complete piece of crap for partying too much. Last night I went to San Marcos to see the girl I am kind of dating but actually I don't feel any kind of affection for her. Which is something I should tell her because she apparently likes me alot. I think I am starting to get kind of sick . Probably has something to do with the fact I go to bed between 5 and 6 every night, but at least I scheduled afternoon classes. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_473999.txt,"Hi my name is Brandi and I am writing this assignment, mainly cuz you told me too. Right now I am really tired and worried about my grandfather who happens to be in the hospital right now. I feel stupid writing about absolutely nothing just what I think about and since that is what I was thinking that is what I typed. I am really wondering when this line is going to end cuz it is pretty darn long. I wonder what my boyfriend is doing at the University of ATM right now. I wonder if he misses me or forgot about me. though I know that he didn't forget about me. I mean who would I am an unforgettable person. This apartment/dorm is so terribly hot. I haven't figured out how to work the air conditioner yet. I believe that it is broke, my room mate can't figure it out either. Let's see I have wrote for about 5 whole minutes so far, and this is a lot harder than it sounds. Let's see what can I do this weekend. Hummmm. there is the football game, a party I was invited too, go home (which I don’t see happening), go see my grandfather (which I am not real sure about doing), or study. I believe I will take options one, two, and four. I don’t want to see my grandfather because I hate to be around sad situations. they depress me and I hate to feel sad or depressed. I figure I can make myself that way why put myself into that situation. I love my grandfather but I don’t want to go there. There is also the fact that if I don’t acknowledge it then it might not be true. that is the way I think. If I don’t see it then it doesn't happen. illogical but it works for me. My friend just came over and I let her in she is now washing my dishes, she is one of my best friends and I have known her since kindergarten, but boy can we get on each others nerves. Not kidding because we really do. We have gotten to be like sisters almost especially this past summer and we just were around each other too much. And when we argue it is usually over irrelevant things, or really really stupid things. We also argue over the race issue. she is black and I am white, that is one issue that can really tick me off. I don’t understand how people can be so stupid and childish. Why should we look at race instead of the people. that issue really makes me mad. I really have completely nothing to say at all. I did receive a letter well email from my boyfriend today and it really made me happy. he told me that he missed me. It had been awhile since I have seen him but hopefully he will be able to come see me this weekend on Sunday since there is a STUPID football game on Saturday. I really miss him and wish he was coming here but it makes me happy when I hear from him and see him. I guess since I am a female one of the most lovable things I like to do is hug someone, but only at certain times. cuz when I am sad, it will make me cry in a heartbeat. kind of what happened yesterday. I told my room mate about my granddad and she gave me a hug and I wanted to just cry, but I hate to do that in front of people. Lord have mercy it is HOT. I am about to catch on flames I am soooooo hot. well I have typed for twenty minutes so I am leaving now. I sure am glad cause it is really hard to just wait until your mind has something to say. I mean when you aren't thinking about it you can think all day long but when you are trying to think of something to say you cant do it. never fails. happens to me every time. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_650973.txt,"Well this is it , I guess?  My first writing assignment in Psychology. I sure hope that no one calls and interrupts my internet access. Watch!  Now that I've said that, someone will probably call. I'm the type of person that thinks that way. I mean, that if I say that I don't want something to happen, then I think that it probably will. The thing is, that those negative things that I think will happen seldom do. I guess I am just a cynical person like that. Wait, is that cynical or pessimistic?  I don't know!  Maybe I just think that way because I think it's humorous, or maybe I'm just trying to keep myself in check. Whatever it is, I just think that way sometimes. Enough about that. There sure are a lot  of fine women here at UT. Well. Maybe it's because I went to an all boy school for four years that I think that way. No, that's not it. These girls would look good regardless of where I went to high school. The good thing is that there are a lot of girls, the bad thing is that I haven’t met one yet. I have always been shy around girls and going to an all-boy high school didn't help anything. Well, I will say it right here!  I am going to do my best to get over that. With all these girls, I just can't let them pass me by. I see how happy my roommate and friend is with his girlfriend. I also hear countless stories of all these ""fine"" girls that he has met. I want to be the one with the stories and the girl. Not that I want  my friend to not have the stories and the girl, but I want those things, too. Heartbreaking story:  there is this real ""fly"" Asian girl in my Chemistry class. On the first day, she sat right next to me!  Then I don't see here for a couple of days. Today I see her, finally!  And she's holding some dude's hand!  Oh well, I guess?!? There's an addiction that I must get over. Not drugs, or alcohol, or anything bad like that. You see, I love to play at the local arcade. I must spend about two dollars every other day in there. My money isn't limitless and everytime I put a quarter into the arcade machine, then that's one less load of laundry that I can do. Now do I want 20 minutes of entertainment or clean clothes. I don't know. It seems that every free moment I have I am in that stupid arcade. A tie-in with the last paragraph: maybe I don't meet any girls because I am in the arcade all the time. Prediction:  I get out of the arcade, I take on an outgoing attitude, and I will meet a girl. Before I finish with this writing assignment, let me tell you about the two addictions that I have that I don't really care to get rid of. I love the Simpsons, and hip-hop. There's something about both of those that I just find pure joy in. In both cases, I see, here, and enjoy things that most people don't. It seems that the more obscure or ""hidden"" the things that I find enjoyment, the more joy I find in it. I guess it's that I am such a fan of both that the ordinary just isn't quite good enough. That's sort of bad. I should just enjoy the Simpsons and hip-hop for what they are and stop looking for the obscure. Well, this wasn’t so bad. With this  being the first assignment, I guess I'll see you( the psychology web-page) tomorrow . ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_653713.txt,"I have a feeling this is going to be a long 20 minutes. I don't even know where to start, and I don't think I really care. oh well. USC plays Florida St. tonight. I hope USC crushes them. I wish I was in California right now. Sunny skies and 70 degrees. My roommate is an idiot. I don't think he thinks before he speaks. He is the clumsiest person I have ever met. what else should I say?  I still feel sick from last night. Too much Beast!!  I've got to get replenished for tonight. Lots of good football and beer. Hopefully some bitches will be here. I smell food in the kitchen. I'm hungry as fuck. All I’ve eaten this morning is Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles. I need more milk from the store. The Cowboys play tomorrow night at 7:00. Dallas is the greatest city in the world. Nobody does it better!!  I can't wait to get home in a month or so. I need to go to the bathroom, but I guess I can hold it in for another 10 minutes. This is a waste of time. I wonder what you people can find out from this stuff. Random thoughts are weird. My eyes hurt. I need to go to the bathroom. It sounds like Tennessee is beating UCLA. I hate UCLA. USC is the shit!!  I need to call my old roommate from USC. I need to eat. This is boring. I wonder how much time I have left. It looks like 10 minutes more. My roommate is obnoxious. He never stops talking and usually says nothing of importance. I think he has some serious problems. Maybe not. The girl next door is hot. I hope she comes over tonight to watch the UT game. She's got a great body. I'm still hungry. I need to get a job. My funds are running a little low. I waste too much money. I hope I win the lottery tonight. I hate this assignment. I guess it's pretty easy though. I better get an A in this class. I hate BA101. It is a pointless class. I need to do my assignment in there. I miss my homies in Dallas. I love kickin' it with them. You can't beat good friends and good beer. I wonder why I like to drink. It makes me feel good at the time, but I feel like shit every morning. I don't even remember when I started to drink in high school. Malt liquor is nasty, but when you're on a budget it hits the spot. Magnum. When I turn 21 I'm going to go nutty. Las Vegas here I come. only 3 more months. I better not fuck up when I turn 21. I need to keep getting good grades. Only 2 more years of this crap. I can't say that I've learned anything significant in college. All it's taught me is that you have to have one to get a job, but from there it is all on your shoulders. I like my summer job. Real world experience is better than book learning. I'm pretty sure they will hire me on after I graduate. I love computers. I guess that's why I'm an MIS major. They have so much power it is unbelievable. I need to eat. When I'm done maybe I’ll order a pizza. My roommate is so loud. I'm gonna yell at his lazy ass. All he does while I'm at school is sleep and watch TV. Rough life. I need to take out the trash. I need to get some beer for tonight. Maybe something ritzy. I need to get a job. I wish all assignments were this easy. Too many classes and not enough time. I need to find a girlfriend. The girl next door has potential. It's Party Time by Tracey Lee is on the radio. It's the jam. I love rap music. The beats are great and that's why I love it. He is the clumsiest person in the world. If my window is broken I will kick his ass. What a fool. It's Party time, whoa yeah it's party time, we havin a party. Time's up. ",0,0,0,1,0
1997_830141.txt,"this is the second time I am doing thin assignment. I checked to day and my social security number had no 1 or 2 by it so here I am. I am watching tv the news actually and they are giving the weather and my tummy is full because I just ate corn and chicken mmmmmm that was good now I feel tight and warm a little. it a good feeling. my ear itches. oh today’s lecturer was GREAT well all the lecturers are great but the reading is dead I mean dead I need to really concentrate on the reading. my  girl friend is laughing at me because I have set my schedule book with all the things I have to do and on Mondays I have a poetry class and I have a lot to read and write for that class so for the first few Mondays I was writing everything I had to do but I got tired of doing that so I began writing ""shit loads""  my head itches and so dose my leg man how could that guy rape a 55 year old woman he was really fucked up. now the flowers are going away for Diana. anyway mars is coming into view. did you know that the song from 2001 a space odyssey the song in the begging I forgot its name and the composer but he composed that song after reading nietczhe. pretty neat huh? well I think my time is also most up there are no more tickets left for the big game. I don't like football unless it is soccer. far and few between are my thoughts. mmmmm what do you write when you don't want to do this and when there is a distracting tv girlfriend work and my Chihuahua well that is it twenty minutes good by good sirs and madams!!!! ",0,0,1,0,1
1997_835717.txt,"it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression.       This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I  can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier.     That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer:  Is friendship or a relationship more important?  all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around.     I wonder if this philosophy or psych?  Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind.   The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music.     The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination. ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_854391.txt,"After the first day of class, I went to my dorm room and tried to sit down and do this assignment. To my luck, I was unable to get connected to this address. Oh well. my sister id talking to me right now. she actually thinks I’m listening to her. I guess that is why I am a theater major. right now she's reading me The Principal from the Black Lagoon. My sister is a special education teacher in Killeen, Texas. We are at my mom's elementary school, in her office. She happens to be a Principal. The reason I’m back at home this fine labor day weekend is because I was unfortunate enough to be born in September. Yes I am still seventeen. Back to what I was thinking about. oh yeah I am home now because I need to have my parent's permission to do the experimental research for this class. I am going back to school on Monday. I feel bad leaving my room in such a mess, but my roommate went to fort worth to visit her best friend at TCU. Gretchen is her name. She is not having such a grand time at school so she convinced Kristin, my roommate, to go up there and visit her. Well I only have ten minutes left to type. I am so glad you don't plan to read these assignments because the typographical errors are plentiful. My sister is such a dork. she is singing everything that she would normally speak. She graduated from the University of Texas. (along with her husband)  She keeps asking me if I am excited about going to school at UT. Of course I am. She wishes she had majored in Theatre. Don't get me wrong she loves teaching, but her first love was the theatre. I need to get organized. I still haven't called my friends to go hang out with them, and I have been home for a couple of days now. I have no idea why I haven't called. Maybe it's because I know I have a lot of things to do such as homework, or laundry, or last minute items to buy from Wal-Mart. It has nothing to do with not wanting to see them. I guess well I don't know . I guess that's why I am in this psychology class. I always wanted to take psychology in high school, but I never had time to take in my schedule. The psychology teacher was also my honors English teacher my sophomore year. She was a pretty cool lady. Well twenty minutes have passed and as much as I would like to continue chatting with you, but I have a lot of other homework to do. I am also very tired. I stayed up half the night . IT was a sad night learning of Princess Diana's death. I have the chills.  ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_890127.txt,"It is quiet in my room, Josh is asleep and all I hear is the fountain that I bought at Sam's gurgling and trickling in the background I wonder if it will ever break, no it probably won't because it has a one year warranty the room is cold all of the day except for right now when it is hot outside and warm in here why doesn't the school let us have our own a/c units it is a pretty neat school though, I can't wait until I see my girlfriend, it kinda makes then end of the week have some meaning to me for a change, I don't think I talk that much on the phone, I think it's more like ahh I really don't know, but it's not that much when I type, the fountain's sound kinda melts into the background, and I almost forget that it's there, and then when I stop it comes back again, I guess my mind focuses on the clicking of the keys, and once they stop, then it tunes in to aural noise it's only been 8 minutes and I feel like I've been typing for a really long time, I wonder if the kids who were putting up a fit about having to use the computers for this assignment are actually going to do it, my mom's that way about computers, it's not so hard to get a hang of, besides, it beats writing on paper for sure I think I need some more paper for the printer and then a new computer and a guitar I hope I win the lottery so I can buy the computer and the guitar, I think I can swing the paper, though man, they weren't kidding about poor college kids, I never thought I would actually be subsisting on 6 hours of sleep and  those damn Ramen noodle cups that I'm sure are poisoning me even as I speak or rather type, but at least they aren't as poisonous as Jester food I think there was some human in that burger I just ate, my stomach knows for sure what it ate, but I just can't figure out what it is maybe I should order Chinese food and hope fully there won't be real Chinese people in it because that would probably upset my stomach too I really don't like people who eat people but I dislike people who eat tarantulas even more, that was so gross seeing them on the sticks at the natives roasted them over the fire actually, I like the Discovery channel quite a bit, it sure beats the dumb talk show about love triangles between a man and two dogs of different sexes that type of stuff pollutes the airwaves much like a sort of flying landfill I wonder where all the trash is going to go in the near future, I think they should make the criminals eat it or recycle as much of it as they can I think my room puts out more coke cans than the entire state of Texas but at least we recycle them back home I get money for doing it but here I just get sticky fingers and a desire to drink another coke I wonder if you could put a pool table in here, that would be cool and so would a tiger, I always wanted a tiger, one of those black and white bengals but I would have to get it fixed and declawed and maybe dull it's teeth or something I think if I had one then nobody would complain because it is a tiger after all, and I could say sic-em and the tiger would bite off their heads or something now I really wand a tiger, but I would settle for some neons in my fish tank, I wonder where they are sold. . . . ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_913820.txt,"As I am sitting in the computer room at the Castillion, I am thinking of how dull and boring this room is. The walls are a dull gray color and I am all by myself. The chairs are scattered unorderly throughout the room. I am now trying to decide about what I should do for this weekend. I told my parents I was leaving here Thursday night but I now realized I have a sorority function that night and also on Friday. I then thought about leaving Friday afternoon, but that would mean missing the UCLA game on Saturday. I also have a sorority field day on Sunday which is not mandatory, so I think I am just going to go home Friday night and miss the game Saturday and also the field day Sunday. My classes this year are overwhelming. I am so swamped with work that I'm worried it will not all get done. When I leave this weekend, I hope to get some studying done considering the Castillion is one big party 24 hours a day and it is very difficult to sleep here. I wish people would take others views in mind and be a little more considerate instead of knocking on your door drunk beyond belief at 3:00am on a Tuesday night. I am going to eat at Subway as soon as I'm finished with this paper because I'm starving and I can't concentrate very well. I have about 7 pages to read in philosophy tonight and about 25 pages in biology. This is such a big difference than in high school when you didn't even have to pick up a book to make an ""A"" in an honors class. I know that some of my friends are going to have a tough time here at UT because their parents were so protective over them and now that they are on their own with 6th street so close, they are going to go crazy. Some already have. My roommate here is great. I grew up with her and we get along very well. I am lucky considering there have been several problems with rooming situations in our dorm. The mail situation at this dorm is terrible. My father sent me an overnight package and it didn't arrive until one week later. The food at this dorm is good though. Well my time is now up and I am going to go eat, finally.              ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_916622.txt,"In the eighteen years of my life I've realized that man is either born without a conscience or with one. I was born with one. In my heart I bleed at the injustices of the world, of the rights taken from humans because they had not the power. What is more distressing comes not from the fact that the injustice is so evident but because of the powerlessness of the victim. I believe that education can free a man. An educated society becomes more aware. It can offer self-esteem, knowledge, influence, and the voice to speak out. It has become my belief that I or anyone else who is willing can make a difference. The conscience in me longs to make a difference. To scream at the top of my lungs, ""This is wrong! You are wrong! Give back his rights! Give back what does not belong to you!"" but I know in the bottom of my heart that humans, no matter how hard they may try will never rid the earth of its total harshness, because some men were born with feeling and some without. This gives no excuse for not trying to make a change for the better because with every change, an initiation must begin. Though my eyes see the sorrow of the world, I am a person who strives to look for the positive in people. My first encounter with an individual has me searching and finding his good qualities. More likely I am opt to say something good about a person rather than bad. Within me I feel no intimidation toward others strengths and I take pleasure in finding and praising someone else's gifts. Determination is the driving force of my soul. Being perceptive of other's nature has allowed me to see that it takes more than intelligence to reach a goal. I know only if I want it can be done and within my veins is a spirit that keeps me aiming to reach the top. It seems forever that I have expected highly of myself. With every aspect of my life I feel a certain pull to be the best I can be. Rarely do I accept being less. My love of knowledge and natural curiosity arrives from my need to grasp my world to better understand it. I cannot accept just reading new knowledge. It is utterly important for me to comprehend it as well. This allows me to know the unknown, to conquer all the earth's secrets for I do not like being put in the dark. I must see all things with my eyes, my heart, and my brain. This gives me confidence and strength. Hopefully, I will conquer all my fears, build my character, and use it to make a difference in the world. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_917639.txt,"stream of consciousness - well, The first thing that comes to mind is why exactly do I have to do this? I know college is going to be more difficult than high school, but projects like this don't have any meaning to me, honestly. I am wondering what will become of me after my collegiate studies. I want to become a doctor but then again I want to be a musician too. I mean I have been playing the piano, singing, acting, speaking, directing bands, and performing for almost all of my life. I want to continue but a part of me is saying - You need to become a doctor because you love biology, anatomy, and physiology; you can be financially secure if you become a doctor! I want to tell myself don't worry about it and what happens will happen. I don't know what to write about anymore! I'm laughing at myself because whatever I am typing I am literally reading it out loud to myself as I write it. I'm thinking is that normal? Anyway, I'm now listening at the keys of the keyboard and the sound that they make, and I am amazed as just how fast I type without formal or informal training. I then think about how blessed I am to be here in college with the opportunity to follow my dreams, once I figure out which dream is possible or realistic. How do I know that my major is the right one? I mean, I am now a microbiology/pre-med ,major and I don't know if that's my fate. Should I be in the college of fine arts and the school of music attempting to become a vocalist which is my other dream for myself. I am looking at how long I have been typing. Only 13 minutes. The phone just rang and I had to answer it; I hate that happened because I was interested to find out what this paper would end up like if I would write continuously. What am I talking about? Well, anyway, I enjoy music and stage. I like volleyball and am very upset that there aren't any male teams in high school or college that are competitive with other schools. My contacts are bothering me; somehow I have the ability to blink awkwardly and move my contact around so that they feel somewhat more comfortable. well, I was just disturbed for about 15 minutes because one of my friends came over to ask how to install his Ethernet card. But guess what I am almost done . I just have a few more minutes. I don't what to write about. I hope that this class is going to be very beneficial. I hope to learn alot because psychology, esp. the physiological aspects really interest me. I'm wondering whether or not I will get an ""A"" this semester for PSY 301. Well, I'm done! ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_950082.txt,"Well I was a little worried about using the Internet because I have never used before. I have used e-mail last year a little but for the most part this is a whole new experience to me. Today has been a good day I really enjoy my Monday and Wednesday class schedule. Except for the fact that I do have to get up at 7:30, but that is actually a good thing because my day is done at 10:00am and I have the rest of the day to do primarily whatever I want. I'm a little worried about the amount of stress that college has been. It is entirely not that bad because I do tend to be a organized person and good with managing my time. Although I do have to admit the reason why it has probably been so hard to get back on track this year is because my Senior year in high-school I got that little thing called ""senioritis"". I was hoping to be able to do this assignment from my computer in my dorm room, but the communications company has had a hard time getting my Ethernet Link set up. This is kind of nice though coming to the Undergraduate Library and getting acquainted with their systems. I have not decided what I am going to do this weekend, because it is one of my really good high-school friends birthday and she is going to school at A&M University. So therefore a lot of my friends are going to go down to College Station and surprise her. I really want to go but I want to stay here and go to the football game that is if I get a date. Which as of now I don't have one, but I am in a sorority here on campus and we have a mixer tonight with a fraternity so maybe I will get lucky and someone will ask me. Anyhow though these little events such as a mixer kind of make me uncomfortable because my boyfriend goes to school at Louisiana State University and it's strange trying to interact with other guys. Well I think I completely said that wrong it is not hard at all to interact with the opposite sex, but we decided mutually that we needed to try and date other people and not stay completely focused on someone who is 8 hours away. Anyhow this is really strange this assignment because I keep getting this urge to go back and re-word what I have just said. I do realize the point of the assignment and that is not what matters. I am really hoping that I have a great first semester at college. I am already enjoying it tremendously but I am a little nervous about the academics. My father will not allow me to bring my car up here until ""my grades have proven worthy"" as he says. I thought that was going to be a big deal but everywhere you go is within walking distance so it truly doesn't matter. Well I just glanced at my watch and it has been 23 minutes so I will be going back to my room now. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_950779.txt,"this week is the most religious week in my religion. I haven’t been fasting like I should be. it's gets kind of difficult being in school and all . but maybe I should try harder. I mean, aren't I supposed to be responsible enough to handle things on my own. my parents sent me off to college hoping I can learn to be more responsible and independent. maybe I’ll try to fast tomorrow. actually, I have been kind of bad lately. I have been eating things I should not be. and I have also been eating after dark. I wonder . how much am I going to pay for this later?  I mean in terms of sins and punishments. I am, basically, a decent human being. many other people think so. but then again, it matters what I think and if I think I am a descent person. well am I. or not?    I am . but I could be a lot better. -guess everybody can. but oh well . why do I stress about little things so much?  maybe I get it from dad. he always gets uptight over little things. man, come to think of it, I act like dad a lot. I mean I get aggravated at little things, I have, more or less, the same morals and practices. I gotta stop stressing so much or I am not gonna be able to handle college too well. it seems like I try to seem calm and collected in presence of other people, but in reality I’m stressed. I seem to have a lack of self confidence. but at times, I feel more confident about myself than ever. is that uncommon?  I dunno. my lack of self confidence really does bother me. and it affects the way I am perceived by my peers. some people, like my friend *******, I mean you can just tell by the way he talks and carries himself, that is extremely confident and secure about himself. I want to be like that but I also need to be who I am, you know?  I go through phases of feeling high and low self esteem. I think my brother has a lot of effect on me. it seems like I’m always feeling less confident about myself when I am around him. he has a great way of bringing out the worst in me and making me feel like crap. he does well too. butt he only does it to his family. isn’t that weird?  to everybody else he is a terrific guy. but little do they know that he treats his loved ones the worst. or so it feels like it. but I never have the guts to stand up to him. why don't I. it's because I’m not confident of who am and what I stand for and what I want to be. and <----- that really, I mean really bothers me. and until I figure all that out, ill continue to feel just I am feeling now, maybe worse. my brother is always in the back of my mind. if I buy a shirt, will he get mad that it costs too much, or I already had one like it, or I don’t need another one. I hate him being on my shoulder in every thing I do. how can I get him out of my head. some time I wish he wasn’t so smart and intelligent. then maybe he'd respect me for my own person, not the way he is or the way he wants me to be, maybe like an equal, maybe like a brother, and not a puppet. man I got some problems with myself. but I guess everyone does, right?  what make mine so much more important than others?  at least I have my health, great family, money, an education, shelter, food. where am I inside myself. I must know. I’m dying to find out so I can get on with my life - with some meaning and reason. I feel chaos . ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_959163.txt,"clicking of the keyboards, a bunch of freshman psy 301 students. pennebaker glasses. the computer man has a dark and conservative sense of humor?  who cares. people smelling the library books. Korean couples. It is twice that I said today about two different people that I hardly know these people, but I really miss them. The computer proctor's laugh is the same as always, like an unusual yet common icon that. keyboards. I feel like a small ant in a row of computers. the library hums. shelves of books to hide in. humid outside. my roommate and Luke. she's happy?  She really misses her friends. he laughed again. he has a strange sense of humor. low voice. I have no structure or purpose to my thoughts because I came to the computer with no purpose but catching the breathing patterns of my thoughts. backpack, lunch box. zipper. cough. school supplies. the table is smooth and shiny, like in all typical libraries. Shara was here last time. Ashley Odem at the tower. Aren't they categorizing me?  it doesn't seem so. there must be some kind of positive--computer beep, boring monochromatic computer games, 10pm at a church person's house, old kids that are nice and well-rounded. Jan reminds me of a deer. her boyfriend is spazmatic, if that is a word. talking. abelardo ireguas. esther has this distinct smell--like her house--not necessarily bad. short guy's hoarse voice. phobia. short ""dancing-man's weird son"". carrot, pickles?  what does he remind me of?  screen doors?  who cares. she is always tired and kind of moody, and I really really hope it is not contagious. woman wearing yellow and short hair. science. Mrs. Smith. biology lab. Mrs. pitts is colorful. she laughs at the right times. she has a bunny nose. computer, two guys who know my parents. I must stop smoking, I can't stop. I made it worse!  Why did I say that to what's his face, back in Arlington?  He may think I'm a moron. He's a moron. no, it's okay. finger stuck in elevator. shara has a helpless look on her face. the Blacklock twins, facial hair, boring people, volleyball. Hospital air. mommy--So fragile. organization of shelves. computer grunts when it thinks. keyboard. I don't feel like writing long and comprehensive sentences because I have nicotine in my system. computer beep, boring monochromatic computer games. I don't explore on computers, I can't. perfectionist. I will get rid of that!  it's a waste of time. BALANCE. church on Fri and Sun, will I blend and belittle the past?  yes?  yes. Structure. plastic mug, sunny and old porch. Submit, in a nice. I'm irritated. okay, she looked away. I’m still irritated. I hate it when I’m irritated!  my mom irritates me, some peoples heads irritate the life out of me, if they act like my mom. computer, worthless projects. I’m irritated. I’m irritated, like only being pierced by a fire would alleviate it. I sometimes hate it when I lose control, but it is sometimes fun. paranoia. lose track of time and dimension that all people share and get into my own mode, like falling off into space, and then I get paranoid when people have a blank stare, or silence. whatever. no, not whatever. I must stop thinking in wasteful cycles!  I--there's that laugh again. I think he's funny. I just know I’ll run into him again!  I just know it. some foreign setting (in the United States). me happy and self-conscious. that laugh again!  it's sunny outside, and gross picnic food, trees, breeze. backpack, voice, tall guy, it's already been twenty minutes, but I can't stop. I wish I could do both assignments today!  I don't understand why I can't. Peeping shelves. harmony. trendy crap. woman laugh like mid-thirties with a freckled tan and sunglasses and I gotta go be a semi-perfectionist. I had fun. key ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_976604.txt,"Okay. I'm in the stupid SMURF lab. there are so many people here. I saw Brian downstairs. Sometimes he worries me. He met a new guy the other day and already had sex with this guy. I don't know if he used protection or not. but it worries me. He's so. so. spontaneous about things. I don't ever really know if he thinks things through. He just does as he pleases which isn't a bad thing. but it can be dangerous. I wish he'd just look at himself and what he's doing and decide if it's the right or wrong thing to do. He doesn't need to be going around having sex with whomever whenever. He knows and I know that he's a whore. It's not a surprise to anyone. But, he doesn't care. so it seems. Of course, I call him a whore jokingly but in a way I'm serious about it. He knows what can happen to him and it sucks that he doesn't care. Man. Men!!! Men suck! Josh needs to realize that I will never be with him again. He thinks things will change. he's so wrong. For two years I had to put up with his shit and all his lies. There is no way in hell I'd ever even give a second thought to going back out with him. He knows he's an asshole and I let him know that a long time ago. How dare he even bring up the idea of us getting back together. He's a 12 year old trapped in a 24 year old's body. He has no idea what a good relationship is and he doesn't know the meaning of trust. He needs to grow up and realize that he can't always get what he wants. and when he can't get it he needs to just give up and move on with his pointless life. I've moved on and he needs to realize that. I'm not there to be at his beck and call and I'm not there to just be there when no one else is. He lost whatever respect I had for him a long long long time ago. Why is it that I always seem to get stuck in the worst situations when it comes to relationships? Hell. let's see my record thusfar: hmmm, Josh is the asshole, Jay was just a jerk, Seth is the only man I ever loved and he's in California, Craig was someone that I could consider a ""summer love"". but he's at another college. Well, screw it!!  I need to concentrate on getting all A's and B's this year so I can get that free plane ticket to anywhere in the US. Plus, I get $50/A!!  I need the money. I'm poor now and I have bills to pay!  Damnit all to hell. bills!!!  Responsibility!!  Yeah, I have responsibilities as an adult but I don't think the 'rents realize that. I'm 19 years old. 20 in April. yet I'm still a little girl who can't do anything right for shit according to them. What the hell do they know?  I'm not living with them now and they don't see how hard I work to get where I am and how hard I try to be social, to get the education I need, and to get a job worth having in this freakin' town!!  It's hard to find a job. but I've done it. And what do they say when I tell them this?  ""that's nice"". What is that? Why don't they just tell me how they really feel. ""Oh, well, that's still not the real world so it doesn't count""  I swear they piss me off. My mom is the worst. She wants to lecture me about dishonesty and all that shit. Well, HELLO! Guess who's fixin' to eat her words!! I caught her smoking this past weekend. Yep. right there by the side of the house puffin' away like a chimney. What was that you said mom?  You quit smoking?  Right. and I was so proud of you!  All that's blown to hell now. So, I caught her. and what did Miss ""Liane, I can't trust you"" do?  Well, she decides to kiss my ass to try and make up for her lie. Yes sir! She bribed me with four 60-minute phone cards and $50. OH and she even told me that I could just pay for my speeding ticket without having to take the class. . Yes, that means it would go on my record but ""oh, that's okay. it's not much more on your insurance. Besides, we just got a load of money back from the insurance company because of our good  driving records"". Oh yeah. she was brown-nosing BIG TIME. I have lost a lot of respect for her for doing that. I don't know whether I should just forget about it and let her do what she will or tell my dad and have him deal with it. I swear. this world is nothing but a big mass of contradictions! I'm not saying that I'm perfect. but I've learned over the past few years about what I want out of life and what I don't want. I'm living my life the way I want to. as stress-free as possible and as happy as possible. When I'm put into these stupid situations it just makes life that much harder and it sucks!  I'm so tired of looking at this computer screen. I think it's about time for me to stop thinking. Yep. it is about that time. Thank God. Now I have to go help Brian with his Spanish work that he swore was gonna be ""SOOOO EASY"". I knew he'd have trouble. and I knew he would turn to me. I'm no bilingual. but what the hell. I do what I can to help my friends out. I've been called ""too nice""? How the  hell can someone bee ""too nice""????????? ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_978989.txt,"O. K. Here I am in the computer lab in my dorm. I really do not know what to say because I have never had an assignment like this before. Anyway, college life is very different from my high school life. I do no t drink therefore being with a complete different crowd of people, I find myself being very uncomfortable. I suppose once I get settled and used to my new surroundings that everything will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I love UT. I could not wait to get here, it is just the whole different atmosphere. I have met a lot of interesting people so far and I am sure there are many left to find and meet. My classes are so much more time consuming than I ever expected. I joined a sorority this year and now I never seem to have any time to myself. Then there is the whole boyfriend situation. My boyfriend goes to A&M. Real convenient right. I miss him so much when I am here. He is the best person I have ever met in my entire life. His generosity, compassion, sensitivity, and love amaze me. I am so happy when I am with him. He is coming tomorrow to see me. Needless to say I am counting down the hours and minutes until he arrives. I have so much planned for us to do. I am fine being with out him. Long distance relationships are harder than you think they would be. We are making it work however. I have never trusted anyone as much I do him. I think it is the same with him. I am not nervous about him being in a different town or setting - I know he would never do anything to hurt. It is just the whole being apart thing. it has only been two weeks since we have seen each other. Sounds like a short time to everyone else but they just do not understand. that is another thing. I do not think many people understand me. My boyfriend, Jay does- very well- it is almost scary well he knows and understands me. it also provides comfort though. I cannot believe this whole paper has turned into a description of my life with my boyfriend. Anyway, he is coming tomorrow like I said and I cannot wait. Next weekend I am going home to Lufkin. Jay is going with me. I was on drill team and will be returning to the homecoming game. It will be a nice break from the hectic college world. I miss my bed. there is something about YOUR bed. the ones here are not the same. I miss my dog too. She is so sweet and loving. She used to sleep with me and now there is not a lump in the foot of my bed. Well I believe my time is up. this was fun. I have never sat down and written out my thoughts and feelings - I think it helps!       ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_435058.txt,"this is by far one of the most interesting assignments I have ever had to do  not the first stream of consciousness assignment, rather the first time I have ever submitted anything to an instructor via the web. this technology is absolutely amazing and exciting because it is potentially so very dangerous. it is as if no one is safe anymore. I am very hungry right now and I could really use a lunch break, but there never seems to be any time to afford that type of luxury. I am writing this in the student microcomputer facility and there are a whole lot of computers in this place, I guess they need this many to accommodate 40. 000 plus students, this sure is a big school but there are a lot of advantages that come with that. I am beginning to wonder if this class is simply a tool for all of the psychological researchers at this school. it is obvious that one of the reasons UT has one of the best research departments in the country is that they take advantage of a class that at one point or another every student at this place has to take. this provides for an enormous field from which to gather information. in its own way it is rather sneaky. however, it is not necessarily a bad thing. I am actually thinking of being a psy major. I think I may double major with a BA in music and another liberal arts degree . I sure am glad I switched out of my performance major. I just didn’t want to compromise my love of music for the narrow path I was treading. there was simply no t enough room for my own creativity to get involved. my stomach is becoming impatient with me. 20 minutes is a lot longer than it seems. it would be interesting to read different responses to this assignment because I bet that a lot of people think about a lot of different things. . in a class of five hundred it would be hard to have one general make-up. this keyboard is very stiff and rather annoying to type on . oh well. I wonder how much money is spent on computers at this school every year. I don’t want to think about it. it is strange being a sophomore in a class with so many freshmen. at least I know what to expect. I am gradually running out of things to write. this type of writing forces you to think about what you are thinking about which is a very strange concept. I think the radio show went well last night  I hope to get all of the technical kinks worked out by nest week so that we don’t look so incompetent. I don't think I spelled that right. just goes to show that most of your primary education is soon forgotten. probably why they don’t hire people right out of fourth grade. my roommate’s hair is orange and pink right now and he wants to bleach those colors out and make it purple. I told him that no one would take him seriously that he needed to be serious about his non-conformity. that word is soooo overused and really annoying. sort of like the e-coli scare or playing the race card. we live in a society of sheep who blindly follow whatever is hip and chic without ever questioning what they are doing. this stream of consciousness is about to come to an end due to the fact that my 20 minutes are just about up if any one had to actually read this, I apologize for the sloppy spelling, bad grammar and weak syntax. I guess that's what being a TA is all about, huh? ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_452377.txt,"I am very frustrated with this computer. I am the most computer illiterate person, and for this day and age, that is no good. I want to check my e-mail but it is telling me my password is incorrect. I am famished right now. I have had this job on my mind all day. I really want to teach dancing but she wants me to teach tap along with ballet, jazz, and cheerleading. I am not the most qualified person to teach tap and I feel I would be doing my students a great injustice be teaching that class. Also she has me working on Saturdays and if I ever want to go home I will have to find a substitute teacher. This is going to take up a lot of my time and as a freshman I need to make the grades. Especially around finals I will need time to study and that is when the studio is going to have a winter show. That means I would have to choreograph six dances and find music. But the thing is I really want to teach dancing like I did back home. This is such a hard decision because I already accepted the job and I feel bad backing out on Sherri, the owner. I guess after writing all of this out there are more cons than pros. My friend Chad is sitting next to me and he keeps asking me how to spell words. He is interrupting my train of thought. I love typing on computers I just don't know too much about them. I really want to check my e-mail. My dad me something and I would like to read it. I think I'm hungry for Chinese food tonight. But chips and hotsauce sound so good. Really I think I want Italian. I can always eat Italian food. I guess it is since I am almost 100% Italian. The food a Jester is really bad. I have been living off tuna and speghettios that I keep in my room. You know I think I'm going to quit my job that I just got two days ago. I really need to call her right now but I'm at the Flawn, so I will do it when I get home. My arm is kind of  hurting from typing. Maybe I have carpal tunnel syndrome. Just kidding. I was looking for the submit button but I'm not sure which one it is. I'll have to ask Chad. He is my boyfriend and my best friend. I wasn't sure if I would want a boyfriend my first year of college, but right now I am glad I have him. I think a lot of it is we are more like friends most of the time. Or really a lot like brother and sister. But I love him. Well I have a lot of other homework and studying I can be doing so this is the end of my thoughts. Well those will never end but this is the end of me recording them. Bye!     ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_455853.txt,"I'm sitting here at my boyfriend's place, and I am hungry. That's about the biggest thing on my mind right now. When I have to write my thoughts down, I just can't seem to know what I feel at that specific moment. Well, I guess,  right now I can say I'm thinking more about what I am actually going to type rather than what I am feeling or what kind of emotions I possess. OK, so now my boyfriend is trying to give me ideas on what to write. I, of course, told him that I will write only what is on my mind right now (which is HUNGER). Princess Diana's death just popped into my head. I can't believe she is dead,  even though I never paid attention to her. She was just one of those people  who I thought would always be in the news until she was ancient. Just a shock. The Hansons are stupid. I just now saw an MTV commercial with them on it. As you can guess, I am not a big fan. I thought they were kind of cute at first,  but the more I heard their song, the more I disliked them. Celine Dion needs to come up with some songs of her own. She is always remaking the old ones. All I can say is that she can't sing them as good as the people who first did. I never get E-mail. I know it's my only my first week of school, but I like  to get mail. Plus, E-mail is new to me. I've never had an E-mail address before. I was really uncomfortable today when my boyfriend's roommate, girlfriend, and  her friends came over. I can never seem to get comfortable around his friends. It's like they scrutinize me. I definitely do not like to be in the spotlight. Well, only if it's for a good thing. Like for an achievement or if I know for sure that I will not be embarrassed. Otherwise, I'd rather just be apart  of the crowd or stand in the back. Being uncomfortable is the worst feeling. Oh, goodness!  It has been twenty minutes already. Time flew by. I kind of  liked doing this. It was kind of a relief to just sit and type and not worry about sticking to a certain topic or subject. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_552216.txt,"Today is the Friday before labor Day. My boyfriend is picking me up and we are going to drive back to Houston. I am excited about going home. My suite mate is also going home this weekend. That is fun. Her parents don't want her to come back so soon. In one way I don't really want to go home either. I am going because I will get to spend time with my boyfriend. His name is Jonathan-by the way. My room mate is sleeping. I kinda feel bad about typing while she is sleeping, but I have things I need to get done. One of those things involves typing. She has been really mood lately as far as people being quite. She needs to understand that living with three people is hard. I have Flower from Bambi on my desk. I got her from my boyfriend. I collected all of the McDonald's toys. I had all the characters from Bambi except Flower. I don't remember why I mentioned that to him, but he went to an Antique store and found Flower!  It was really sweet. He gave it to me when I was sick. We have a really good relationship. It is really hard being away from him. We have only been dating for three months, but we have spent every hour of every day of those three months together. There was only one day we spent apart. He went to his dad's house. He went there early in the morning. I was really tired that day. I don't remember what I did but I was tired after. It was a long day with out him. I think my friends started to feel neglected because I was spending so much time with Jonathan. Most of them understood. I did make time for them-but just not as much time as  I was spending with them before Jonathan and I were together. My friend Jessica and I got into a big fight because I was spending so much time with Jonathan. That was part of the problem. The other part of it was that she stopped taking her Prozac. Bad move. She really upset me. We going in a fight at 3rd period and I was crying at 4th. I went to talk to a friend of both mine and Jessica's about the situation. Jessica showed up and started yelling at me even more. I was none too happy. Lauren told me that Jess was under alot of stress because of family problems and other things. I didn't understand why she couldn't be happy for me. Jonathan was my first real boyfriend. Jess has gone through many. I am always happy and supportive of them and her relationships. For once I wish she could do the same for me. It has all worked out now and Jessica and I have talked. We are friends again. That is good. I hate it when people are mad at me. I do not do well with enemies. My mommy always taught me to never make enemies. I still call my mom mommy. I don't know why. It is just one of those things. One of Shoshana's friends would tease me about that. That's OK. I'm well over that!  I have my next class at 2-3. I don't know what I will do until then. I think I might do some of my work-but that is not likely. I think I will return some e-mail and stare at the walls. I'm good at that!  It's my hobby, next to sleeping!  Until next time I have to type-I think I will go now!   ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_595934.txt,"I am so down in the dumps right now because I have just broken off  a two year relationship. I seriously  hope I didn't just throw away the best relationship I ever had or will have. I can't help but feel slightly unattractive right now because Mark has already started to get over me quite well and Reid and Eric don't treat me the way they used to. I don’t understand why people can't simply be honest about the way they feel. I probably have spent half of my life wondering what everyone else was thinking. I t is such a waste of time. If I saw a girl and she seemed really nice, I don't see why I couldn’t just go up to her and be like, ""hi""  And  guys won't ever meet a girl with the intention of gaining a friend. The whole process is so much more exasperating than it seems worth at times. The friends I have now are my good friends. I just instantly clicked with them. There wasn't any of this trying not to seem overly eager to hang out with you bullshit that usually goes along with the turf of making new  friends. That's sort of why I resent Plano I guess. The stupid system and expectations they have totally just messed me up in the head. I don't have nay self-confidence. It is hard to feel like you are somebody in a class of 1500. I wasn't good at any sports, or at least not good enough to play there. so why did I come to a school with 50000 people full of clicks just like it was in high school?  I will probably be perpetually putting on the front of self-confidence and self-assuredness. that’s what sucks about the world. Everybody just bullshits everyone else. People are so insincere and self-serving. I know I am. there are so many rules that govern the group that you belong to. You can't wear what you want or anything. I am not saying that I don't like the way that I look but every now and then it would be cool to go out in what I want to wear  or whatever and I could know that people weren't  talking about  it behind my back. Looking at my thoughts on screen makes me so ashamed of them. I'm nit a bad person. I just kive up to every part of the whole Greek system that ever gave it a bad name. rush is such a load of crap. everyone acts like they know or care who you are. it all turns out to be the same people in the same crowds that they ran around with in high school. I wish the rest of the work wasn't like this too. But I guess is doesn’t matter where you go because it will always be the same old bullshit. pretty girls date the cutest boys who have the good luck to bring home the big bucks to raise their kids in an upper middle class lifestyle. so it goes. Kurt vonnegut really knew what was up. That's why I like him because he doesn't preach all this ""the sun will come up tomorrow crap""  he knows that if the sun comes up tomorrow you will probably get a really bad sunburn and die of skin cancer in the end. I hope mark doesn’t meet any girls at this party I just don't want it to be too late to have him back once I get this whole lifestyle change thing out of my system. ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_654932.txt,"To think about what life has become can be kind of scary. I wish I had a penny for every time I was about to mess up and I think I would be a very rich woman. If I only knew at 15 what I now know at almost 21, I could have saved myself alot of pain and confusion. Then couldn't we all have?  I get scared sometimes when I think about today, two weeks from now and even years from now. The future is a very scary thing especially when you don't know what it could bring. I wish I hadn't made some of the choices I've made but those are over and done with aren't they. The only thing I need to learn how to do now is to learn from my mistakes. I feel really bad sometimes because I try to force my ideas and ideologies on those younger than me but I feel older and wiser than my years. I feel alot older than 20 sometimes yet I think, "" hey I'm only 20, I have so much life to live""  Yet I'm scared to live that life. I wish I could just go with the flow instead of worry about every choice I make all the time. Even when I go with the flow I don't know what I'm doing and then I worry about what could happen after the fact. Another thing that really bothers me is the whole concept of love. What is it and how do I know if I've found it or not. When I was 15 I knew alot more about love than I do now. Why do I ramble on so, it is the same dilemma and the same problems I face every single day. I really should just give up and go with the flow. not worry about things so much. Life's too short to worry right,. All I'm doing is stressing myself out over nothing. Stress is not something I should have in my life. My whole world is sheltered and taken care of and paid for. What do I really have to worry about. Not that my dad doesn't have stipulations on what I do but it is all basically taken care of with no questions asked. Life shouldn't be that easy right?  Maybe that's why I continue to torture myself with these unnecessary dilemmas. I'm one of those drama people to I need drama in my life, something always going on or I get bored. I need conflict but not too much because then I get way too stressed out. I just don't know what to do with daddy's little girl who seems really messed up in the head,  There I go again creating drama, I'm not really messed up but sometimes I try to convince my self that I am to try to get counseling or something. I think it's a hidden Freudian issue. I should have had counseling when I was a child but I never got it because I didn't really need it. Maybe I was really traumatized as a child and now it's coming out subliminally. Ok enough kelly, this is not like you. I really don't think all of this I just do sometimes. Who knows  I sure as hell don't. My dog is so cute now. too bad I don't live with him. I want to be taken care of pampered in a way, just plain babied. That's what should happen for women isn't it. No we should be strong and independent but I don't really feel that way. I would love to live a life similar to my mom's. She isn't as taken care of as I would like to be but my daddy does all right by her. Who knows what life will bring maybe I will quit thinking about it. oh. the clock on my computer says I've been typing for twenty minutes. Cool this is a really good stress reliever and I really felt like I was talking to someone. Cya ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_673123.txt,"I really don't like doing homework. How many hours of my life have been                                                                                                   spent doing homework? I'm sure the  number is unreal. Of course the only time I actually think about mundane things like how many hours I've spent doing homework  is when I'm doing something really boring like. well  homework. Its really warm in my room. I guess I'll have to go down and  get another maintenance request form. There's something seriously wrong with  our air-conditioning which is just not a good thing in Austin, Texas  in the summer. The last time the maintenance man came, he turned the vents down toward the floor. This was his ingenious plan. Great. Needless to  say, that didn't work. So back down to the dorm office I go. Joy of my life. I really wish I was in the mountains. We missed our hiking trip  this summer because we were to busy  showing horses. We went to Canadian  Nationals, but surprise, the horse show was located in the only existing  ugly portion of Canada. Oh well, I'll have to focus on our Christmas  skiing trip and think of the cold snow as I sit in my sweltering room. Well twenty minutes is up. I'm gone.  ",0,1,1,1,1
1997_714973.txt,"I will now try to track my cluttered and random thoughts. as they occur. I am thinking of the love of my life; my girlfriend. We have been together for quite a while and I am truly excited to be a part of her life. I wonder how much longer we will stay together, because I am hoping that my neurotic and almost unbearable tantrums won't strip us apart from each other. Anyway, I try desperately not to think of such negative possibilities, yet they plague my mind sometimes. I have just taken a glimpse of my surroundings. I have a gorgeous view to my right. two large windows forming a 90 degree angle provide a soothing sight. Everything seems tranquil outside, since I am not part of it right now. Everyone looks pleasant and kind, although once I leave this room I know very well that those same serene faces I saw from my fourth story view are far from angelic creatures waiting to befriend someone like me. I like having the security of this window quite a lot. It isn't as if I seclude myself from the rest  of the world at all times, or even want to for that matter, but when life is overwhelming in its abusive tendencies, a break from the constant interactions of it can be appreciated. I am more of a solitary person in these respects. I like to be alone. I like to have the opportunity to just think and think until my mind swells with confusion, questions and lack of answers. I can only speculate why things are the way they are, but this is what I am good at. I like to think without anyone pestering me with questions or remarks of disapproval. I play along with the narrow-minded each and every day and the jeers and taunting that accompanies such individuals. My privacy keeps me sane and feeds my need to vent any emotional clogging. These people who seem so distant from people like me are the same people I am left to befriend, because unfortunately, like any other human being of this world, I need friendship, companionship. It is a necessity. I hate to admit it, simply because I want to view myself as some sort of rebel or ultra independent, yet I know this to not be true. Yet, time after time I find that it is terribly difficult to maintain friends because I am left with people in college(the most convenient to meet) and I have had so little in common with such people. The cycle repeats and repeats. I am late for a class now because I wrote this damn thing, but this is my fault for not watching the time more closely. When I start to ramble about my life I REALLY RAMBLE about my life. Advantage or disadvantage????  I don't know yet. At least I can listen to others. good reason to be a psychology major, right?   ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_739542.txt,"I’m sitting here drinking a beer. what is that picture on my desk-I stole this calculator from a party and I don’t know why-I feel so bored- I've been doing homework all day and it's labor day-what a waste there are tons of people by the pool and I want to go there-its scary though what am I going to eat for dinner-I think that I’m getting fat-I drink too much and am not exercising enough my girlfriend doesn’t want me to order playboy-what’s up with that- she also wont let me smoke my life is controlled-I don’t think that I want to be an engineer anymore-they make lots of money but it might be boring I worked all summer and then had to spend all my money paying my lawyer- I hate lawyers they're scum-I hate fratboys too-although I wish I was in a frat I don’t know anyone at this school-I want to transfer to atm because I know lotsa of people there I have a scholarship here though that I cant just leave. my shoulder is hurting-its from leaning over this keyboard-this has got to be the easiest writing assignment of my life I normally hate writing assignments-I definitely am not going to do that research paper why does this page have no ending width-these sentences are getting really long when am I going to finish my other hw? I missed the first two days of one of my classes and now I don’t even know what the hw assign are. the gate outside my window keeps opening and makes this squeaking noise my roommate is worthless-he’s supposed to get our dishwashing rack and get the exterminator to come but he's too lazy and all that he does is sit around and play his computer game I just looked at the clock and its only been 10 minutes-20 minutes is a long time when you are thinking about it-I remember when I played soccer 40 minutes seemed like 4 hours especially when you were losing I wonder what my family is doing right now-I miss my brother-he’s going to come to school here next year-I cant decide if we should live together or what-it would be a lot of fun I don’t know if I could handle another year in the dorms-they suck especially the bathrooms and the food-actually everything about them is bad- I wonder if anyone is going to be able to read my typing I don’t type like I’m supposed to. I only use about half of my fingers and I don’t use any particular order most of my words look misspelled because I hit the wrong key first aha-15 minutes-only five more to go I wonder if everyone counts down the minutes in their papers-I bet that about 90 percent of the students write a line about how much time has passes ,etc my neck is really starting to hurt now-I worked on the computer all summer-8 hours a day but my neck still isn’t used to it I wonder how many words I've typed so far my brain seems to be at a standstill-should I get drunk tonight? do labs start tomorrow I hope not I love punching the enter key   it feels like I've accomplished something every time it gets punched my friends ought to be here pretty soon of course they’ll want to get drunk its so quiet in here-I’m glad I have a computer and didn’t have to go all the way to the ugl have I almost filled up the entire page-it looks like I’m almost at the bottom I am almost there-I guess that’s why you made the width unending time up    ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_815468.txt,"As I write this paper I am still filled with the stress, but know gets much worse. I have been hired for a job, and I am still pondering if it is possible to handle both a job and school. I guess you can call it greed about money, but I need it to stay here. I am also thinking that this to easy. College is supposed to be hard, and yet my hardest class is my Microeconomics. With all this stress I still have the one thought in my head. What if I was not born?  Would it be less stressful?  This is not a suicide letter, but the thought of me not being born always enters my mind. Is life nothing but work and school, or is it much more. I do not know I guess I am always thinking about the negative aspects of life. The world is not like peaches and cream. Tonight is a busy night. I have to do my laundry, and do some reading. I guess I am psyching myself out. And yet I am alone in a city that is surrounded by my burden. I do not know what the point of writing this. I guess I need the grade, but even then I wish why I can not be truly happy about my life. To think that some where around the world somebody is happy, and it makes me sick to think about that. Life is not fun and games it is a weary journey that must be gone through, but I can't rest my feet until I am done and gone. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_819301.txt,"I'm pissed. I just sat here for twenty fuckin' minutes thinking I'm all bad ass and shit, trying to do this assignment and all along I was doing it wrong. Oh well, I really shouldn’t be cussing. I find this rather relaxing in a way. I'm feeling lazy the last couple of days have been very draggy. So right now I'm thinking that I'm a fat, short girl with a high self esteem is that possible? Anyway right now I'm feeling let me think of what I am feeling. I'm feeling exited because I get to go home this weekend. I get to see my boyfriend and family. I was just noticing that I worded that differently. Wrong it's family and boyfriend. I haven’t been home in a while, so it will be great to eat some home cooked food. So do you get some freaked out nutcases in these assignment? I meant to put an 's' but I was too lazy to go back. Yesterday I killed my roommate and her soul will be back to haunt me as I sleep. She was a weird little bitch anyway. I got the kitchen knife and stuck it in her head. I didn't like her head anyway. It was weirdish. And of coarse I'm just joking. I am a pathological, no compulsive liar. Right now I hate my stomach it sucks because it is so damn huge. You see I’m pregnant and it gets in the way sometimes, all the time. That is why I have not been home in such a long time. My dad would strangle me. Yeah so my boyfriend and I had a fling  one night, an unprotected fling and this is how I got in trouble. He then left me because he couldn’t handle the publicity, it would be bead for him. seeing as how he's a politician and all his wife would freak, so I got myself a new boyfriend and now he believes that the baby is his. Men are so dumb!!!!!!!! My roommate is always forgetting shit, it's fuckin' annoying the hell out of me I mean you can't carry a fuckin' convo. with the girl I wish   could kick her ass right here in front of all these ugly people. They can't stop me I'm mega bitch. She wants to go into mass comm. This is my message to her ""GOOD fuckin' luck!!!!!!!!"" oh well, I’m calm now. well, I was going to go on but it has been twenty minutes . Yes   type very very slow. ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_834761.txt,"I love this song. It reminds me of Plano, and when I hung out with my old friends. I wonder where they're at right now?  I wonder if they're ok, and if they're doing well at college. Where’s my roommate. He should be back by now. He must be eating. I wonder why this c. d. keeps skipping, I know it's not scratched. I can't wait till tonight. I can't forget about my laundry in twenty minutes. It better still be there when I go for it, or somebody's losing a leg. Actually, I trust most everyone on this floor because they're all pretty cool and I've met most all of them. The guy down the hall, he's pretty cool, he just isn't used to Texas life. the heat yes, since he's from Hawaii, but the people no. Should I rush a frat, or not. There are many great advantages to this, but I really don't want to join a bunch of guys I don't know and find out they're a bunch of losers, or drugees. I guess I'll never know until I decide to join, it's just whether or not I think they're cool. A lot, if not all of my friends, have joined a frat, so I can find out who likes their frat, and who doesn't to figure out which one I'd like to rush or pledge. I'm actually rushing them all, because there is no reason not to. My sister will give me the drop since she went here not to long ago. I'll ask here and get here to help me out because a lot of her friends are alumni's of the better frats. This part of the song is the best. It always makes me feel so happy, like I could do anything. Wait one sec, I have to sing along. Dangit, when is Susan going to call back, there are so many Plano people here in Austin I feel like I'm at high school all over again, just a bigger neighborhood to party in. I don't like driving here to much because there are no medians, and the speed limits aren't posted anywhere. I'm not used to having to drive sooo aggressively here. I mean I always drive aggressively, but I wonder if people here take offensive driving, instead of defensive driving. Now it is time for me to go take a safe walk, since my car is so dang far away. ",1,0,0,0,0
1997_857408.txt,"I’m feeling a little stress coming on now, because I’m think about everything  I have to do, but have yet to start it. sometimes I can't resist going out with  friends and that is really bad, because then I don't have time to study. I  don't know what else I’m feeling right now. I’m just sitting in front of a  computer in the pcl and typing along. even though the paper doesn't not need correct spelling and stuff, I still go back and correct it(I guess cause it's a  habit). right now I’m observing people as they walk by. I really enjoy this  assignment, because it helps me to put all my thoughts and feelings on paper,  instead of holding them in ( as what I normally do)  I generally don't like to  tell people my feelings inside, I guess cause I’m very paranoid and I don't  trust others with my personal secrets, even if they were really close friends  of mine. I can't wait until later(6:00p. m. when I go practice my throwing of  footballs. I’m really excited about intramural football. most of the people  on my team are really nice. I’m just a little scared about the real games b/c  I’m afraid that the guys on the other coed I’m teams will run into me and hurt  me. I was really sore this morning, after I woke up b/c of football practice  yesterday morning. football practice was pretty fun. I enjoy going through  all the drills and practices. at first I wasn't too sure about playing I’m  football, but when one of my friends asked me to join her team I was like sure. our team makeup is kinda funny. we have all upperclassmen guys and mainly freshman girls. I just thought that was kinda interesting. well, I’m looking  at the clock and it seems like I have five more minutes of writing time. right after I do this assignment, I’m going to go study on the fourth floor. I really don't want to be left behind in my classes. I already am and that's  not a good way to start off my college years. in high school I studied  constantly and now I rarely get to study b/c there is so much stuff going on  and I usually give in to my friends when they want to go do something. I  think time really does fly by. before I know it, it's time to go to sleep again I wish I had nothing to worry about. I always wondered what my life would be like  if I was rich. it would be much more relaxing I think. well, it's already been  twenty minutes and I would write longer, but I really have got to go studying. I can't wait until I get to write paper 2, because I have a lot to say about my  college experience so far. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_917210.txt,"well t. Today is Monday and this has been a really shitty day. This is my 5th time to turn in this assignment. Right now I am at my boyfriends house b/c my computer was as getting interrupted by the phone ringing. I did not know how to turn off the call waiting. So every time that I was going to turn in the assignment the phone would ring and I would have to start over. Well let's see I am from midland and I come from a family of 7. there are 3 boys and 2 girls. There names are Carla(25), Ian(23), Tony(20), Tina(me)(19), and then there is  jimbo (18  Carla and Ian are my half brother and sister. There last name is Umlauf, there grandfather is Charles Umlauf a sculpturist who passed way not too long ago. Ian and Carla are both graduating in December. Ian is majoring in art, and Carla in Sociology. Carla is also getting married in May. Tony is the majoring in engineering. He is so sweet!  Then there is me, a sophomore here at U. T. majoring in Elementary Education. My little brother is Jimbo, he is going to school in Florida in St. Augustine. He is playing baseball at Flagler University. I hope he does well. So all 5 of us are in college right now. Carla Ian Tony and me all go to school here at the university of Texas, and Jimbo in Florida. I have two roommates, they are cousins to each other. I lived with them last year at the dorm. Things are going okay I guess. They can get really annoying sometimes. I am glad that I have my own room so I don't always have to listen to them. Because they are cousins they tell each other anything. I mean that they will fight about anything. They will say things to each other that you normally would not say to a roommate, like you are being a bitch or that looks like shit on you. I don't know I just don't like listening to them all the time. They share a room and I have my own, thank god!  I hope things will start settling down!   ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_937003.txt,"I am pretty up set that this is my second time on this assignment. the computer I did this on the first time disconnected the first time I did this exercise. I wish I had time to do it over yesterday but I had to study. studying is taking up alot of my time. more than I expected I would have to. I didn't know that college would be this tough. Oh' this is my favorite part of Scream. to bad that I have to keep writing. I really dig this assignment. I think it is pretty cool that the ten points is free. T he assignment isn't that  hard to do if you can find time. That is one thing that I wish I had more of. I wish that reading come a hell of alot easier than it does. I just wish that the first time would be enough. But for me it isn't. I wish that some times I was as smart as some people I know. the load of school is really beginning to weigh me down. I guess you guys will label that as stress. I always feel that I AM being constantly studied in psy. I always wonder what that would when I do a certain thing or think a certain thought. I really enjoy the class but I am way behind. I have a lot of reading to do in that class . I have alot of catching up to do. Especially in that class I am way behind on the chapters. I just want to have some time to do the things I want to do. I want to go an play basketball and lacrosse or just watch TV. I just want to relax and have fun . Studying sucks. It makes me sick and it never leaves my mind. Always know I should study but I don't. I am so lazy when it comes to doing the tings I have to. Man the moving is getting good but I don't want to tell my roommate to turn it off. I like it to o so I wouldn't to turn it off either. I sure do think this twenty minutes seems to be taking a long time. You think that it would go by quickly but not when you want to do something else. I am really excited about next week when I go to see Nate and Emily in Dallas and Memphis. I hope I CAN get a better car so I can make it. I am also excited about the football game this week when we sit on the 40 in row 5. That's sweet. I think this is taking so long. you guy's should make this 15 or 10 minutes long next time. too bad we couldn't do that for the other two due in December. I am two shy to ask the Prof. in class, maybe after class or before. He'll probably laugh in my face when I suggest it. The last four minutes are taking too damn long I just want to finish and do something else. I want to watch the movie and not study. Studying blows. I wish things were a hell of alot easier. the clock is going to slow. I am sick of writing. this is taking too long to finish. I want to do something else than this poop. the writing is getting very boring. there is another good part of the movie coming up. the movie is pretty good and I have to do this crap. there it went the best part and I missed it because of this crap. It may seem harsh but that is what I am thinking right now and that is what you asked for. yeah I done with this. ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_953720.txt,"Here I go. I keep thinking whether or not I am doing this right. I can't seem to spell anything right. I am going to correct all my spelling after I am done. This line just keeps on going. There was just a commercial with people that that said ""I am in the woods"" and it sounded like the other add that says ""I am Tiger Woods"". I am so glad the Cowboys won today. I am not even looking at the screen now, because I was losing my concentration. Only 5 minutes have gone by. I wonder when my roommate will get back. I still don’t know why my phone won't work. This line just keeps on going. It is a little bit hot in here. I am getting tired. I sure am glad I got this chair. I wonder how Jason is doing. I wonder bow many of my friends are in Rockwall now. I had a dream about Kim again last night. I wonder when I will see her next. I sure wish I could type better. Now it has been 10 minutes. When is Audra going to call. It is 10:30. Time sure does go by faster here. I need to think about all the  things I need to do tomorrow. But I don’t want to. It has almost been 15 minutes. I am anxious to mail my letters. I wonder if I have any mail. I just found food on my shirt. I wish I had something better to eat. I wonder  Oh there showing the tennis highlights now. I am glad that Agassi is doing better. I am noticing that I am writing ""I wonder"" a lot. It is starting to get harder to type now because I am getting tired. I think the twenty minutes are up. I am stopping now. ",0,0,0,1,0
1997_954441.txt,"Hello!  I really wish I would have learned to type when I was a kid. I have been using computers since I was like seven, but I was never taught like the proper way to type with like which finger goes on which key so I have always ,made up my own little combination and it is kind of weird. I also have to look at my fingers the whole time. I am really tired. I need to catch up on my sleep but I am staying at a friend's house tonight, so something tells me I won't be getting much sleep tonight. But I get I'll get over it. I totally forgot what I was saying. I guess I am brain dead right now. I am actually feeling a little homesick. Not for high school or any thing, but for the way things used to be back home. I had like 4 close friends that were always there and I could be totally natural in front of them, but here it seems like I have to pt on an act, which is the exact opposite of how I figured it would be. My computer is so stupid!  That is why I have to use my friends computer because I can't do anything but play asteroids on my computer because It is so complicated. I am not thinking of any thing to write about right now. I am totally stuck here with out a thought!  That is really not cool because I still have 15 minutes to go !   I have 4 dogs at home. They are very cute except for one, but I feel bad for her because when she was a kid she was beaten up and when we found her collar was embedded into her neck and her back leg was broken. She's better now, but she freaks out ROUND STRANGERS. she HAS NEVER BITTEN ANYONE, BUT MAYBE SHE WILL. my Dad is so great. He always takes in animals that people drop off in front of our house and he has always been so original. Like a month ago he decided to take up golf and he has never played a day in his life so he goes out and hits golf balls on the runways of our airport and he bought this old nasty golf cart and drives around in it. He is just so cool. There are a few strange guys that keep on walking in the room asking for food. My friends have very odd hall mates. that sounded really stupid,. I don't even know the proper name for some  one who shares a hallway with some one else. I got a really bad hangnail today and I bit it off even though your not supposed to and it hurts like crazy. I wonder if any one ever cusses a lot on this. It's not like my grade would drop if I wrote FUCK in really big letters would it?  I guess not since I just did it. maybe I’ll  do it a gain DAMN I don't know why but that's fun! Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I hope someone does, but that would be the most boring job in the world I would figure. All you do is read like 5 pages of someone's ramblings, though I am sure some of them are cool. Sorry mine won't be , but I can't think of anything!  Actually, I used to watch Nick at Nite all the time when I was a kid. I had this old black and white TV in my room and I would watch Dobi Gillis , Patty Duke and Get Smart. That one had to be my favorite, because Maxwell was so cool! They had the coolest little devices and ways to get KAOS . I really wish They still showed it on TV. The Nick at nite channel really sucks. all they show is Petticoat Junction and THAT girl. Not very interesting, if you ask me!  I am really not thinking of any thing to say right now. IOK I am trying to think of something. I feel bad because Josh is trying to sleep and here I am clicking a way on his computer how rude!  I really hated that show Full House, but I always watched it. I'm so glad they took it off the air. It is so odd, sometimes I can instantly do those magic eye things but other times I can't do them at all. Well, my 20 minutes are up. Bye! ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_972805.txt,"I hate it when you get so confused and you don't know what to think about anything. Sometimes you think you are making the right decision but then you start to doubt yourself. I guess I tend to do that a lot lately. I never know if what I am doing is right or not. Will it work in the long run? Oh well. School gets to be confusing but I guess that is at least something  that is relatively constant. I don't think I deal that well with change. But I am not so sure anyone really does. Things tend to be uncertain a lot more that a lot of people like to  admit. The only thing that I know for sure is that no one person stays the same no matter how much they would like  things to. Personally, I have always thought that it is possible to care or even love more than one person at the same time. I am not sure why or when monogamous  relationships came around but I am not exactly sure they work. I actually have a lot of proof, just look at the divorce rate. But I guess that is not really proof of anything except for the fact that people have given up forgiving other people for their mistakes. Everything changes schools, and people and everything else. When you see people that you have known a long time in a different setting, why does everything seem so weird. Some of them seem nicer others have changed so much that you can't even recognize who they are. Anyway, I am really tired of thinking about this. Computers can really get so annoying. I realize that they are supposed to be a good thing but they can be really confusing too. I guess everything really is. I am getting really tired of talking to myself or at least that is how I feel I wonder what draws certain people to certain things. Like what makes me like  the color pink and someone else absolutely detest it?  My next question is  why do I put things off?  I guess because I don't like to admit to myself that I actually have work to do. Plus I guess I am just plain lazy. There's nothing like having a few really close friends but then that can be a bad thing too. But another problem is when you have a group of friends, and of course if there are guys and girls in the group as there normally one of them becomes attracted to another and of course that can become a huge problem. The worst thing is that if something does happen between those people then it will eventually seriously affect the  rest of the group. La La La!!! I feel so retarded right now and my time is up. So I guess this is goodbye. At least until I do my next righting assignment. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_475931.txt,"My roommate is trying to sleep, so I hope that I am not going to bug her by typing. I'm using her computer because mine is at home. I have no idea how to use the internet I need to go get my e-mail address so that I have one but I don't feel like it. I still have to get my books for two more classes tomorrow morning- I can't forget that. I miss my boyfriend- I hope he comes down this weekend cuz' I can't go up there again till he comes down to see me-I just wouldn’t feel tight about it. He is such a jerk-I wish I could just meet someone else and get over him but it's so hard. I can't believe that Heather and Sebastian broke up this weekend-that's so sad. It seems so weird that relationships can totally dissolve so fast-where do the bonds you had with these people go so suddenly?  Relationships are so weird-love is weird. I would really like to meet someone that I am as attracted to as I am to Matt and that I love undoubtedly and someone who I know loves me that way, too. I would give anything to know exactly hoe Matt feels about me-why does he still have to play games with me-I f he cares about me, he should tell me-I do. I wonder what he will think when he gets that letter-I hope it doesn't freak him out-maybe I should have sent it-he's probably going to let all his friends read it and then I'll feel like a dumbass like always. I keep making mistakes and I know we aren't supposed to worry about them but I can't quit fixing them. I wonder if anyone will actually ever read this?  I wish my roommate’s boyfriend and his friend would leave-they've been here three freaking days-that’s a little inconsiderate-I think and she keeps drinking all my lemonade-doesn't she realize that costs me money-I wouldn’t care if she'd ask-but that is so rude, she doesn't even say thank you. That guy gives me the creeps and he just sits on our coach all day. I wish Emily and Lori could call me with their phone number-I really miss them. I need to call Cynthia, too, and see what sorority she got into. I wonder if she's seen Emily and Lori-will that all stay friends?  I feel left out-I wonder in Cynthia saw the bracelets-she will be so pissed at me if she did-I'll call her after 5. I can't wait to go play volleyball-I've got to finish my drama reading after this, too. I wonder if I am doing this right-I can't tell exactly what thoughts to write cuz some come to me while I'm writing others and then I lose them-I  need to write a poem-I've been losing so many good ideas and that pisses me off. only 11 more minutes to go. I haven’t typed in along time,  I would love to be with Matt right now-I am so glad that I haven't been thinking about him as much as I did before we moved-That would kill me, maybe I'm shielding myself a little cuz I still; feel like he is going to be the first person to really really hurt me-why is it that my self esteem hinges so much on his interest in me?  That is certainly not healthy, why did I just type certainly instead of definitely was thinking defiunatle, that was an idea for a poem that I still haven’t written down I need to remember that-I hope I like my poetry class-it will suck if I hate it after all the trouble I went to get in it. I'm glad that the part about my roommate’s boyfriend is gone now, I'm afraid she’d walk in and read it-now she'll walk in and read this-oh well-three days is too long-I wonder if Matt will stay the night here when he comes or at t8m's house of that other guy who lives in Austin. I am anxious to go to College Station thought, but will I stay at Matt's house or at Emily and Lori's house. Will that be mad at me if I stay at Matt's. The computer just went back to the main menu cuz I guess I pushed Ctrl-whatever that menas-2 more minutes-I am so glad I didn't just lose the whole thing-I'd have been pissed beyond belief-my hands are getting tired. I have heartburn from my dada's chili still-I hate chili-why did I eat that anyway?  I can't believe Princess Diana is dead-it seems so weird-she is just as vulnerable as anyone but it never seems that way-now two princesses have died in car accidents-cars are so dangerous-time is up-Yay! ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_551651.txt,"My stream of consciousness is being disrupted by several things at this time. My computer has been giving me nothing but continual stress and troubles. First, my computer is a piece of crap. I called a guy to come hook everything up to it and he basically laughed and was unable to figure it out. Then the guy told me to take it to the campus computer store. I carried the entire, heavy hard drive to the store in the heat. While there, everyone I talked to laughed at me. I ate dinner alone, as I usually do since I have not made very many new friends. I have had no sleep because of how many classes I've had to take this semester because of credit hours and retouching courses. I am so stressed out. I just learned that my CDROM drive isn't working so I'm about to cry because now when I go home this weekend I have to convince my parents to fork over a bunch of money they don't have so my computer will be like everyone else’s'. My roommate’s Dad went through and installed everything one can possibly think of so she laughs at my computer problems which makes me feel worse. I miss my home and my dogs and my boyfriend and my friends so much that now I'm crying. All the stress I'm feeling is making me depressed and hungry and tired all the time. Gale, my roommate keeps me up really late at night and then wakes up at 6:30 to put on ALOT of makeup. She is so loud that I want to scream, but instead I keep my mouth shut because it feels like when I open my mouth to say things that might hurt peoples feelings or make them mad I end up losing the close relationship I had with them. So I guess I'm sort of keeping everything inside so that I don't lose any few friends that I made. It seems like everyone makes better grades than me here. I am so scared because I have so many questions about UT but nobody seems to know how to answer them. I knew that moving up here would be a big change, but I thought I could handle it. I know that once I adjust I will grow very strong and independent from this experience, but I feel that I may not be ready. I don't wear makeup for some reason that I have never been able to figure out. I always feel like I need improvement in something. Like with this essay, even though I know the length of it does not matter, I still feel it must be long to be acceptable. When I walk around to my classes I see so many people that they all look the same to me. It is so hot outside when I walk. I'm so thirsty right now that I am going to send this paper so I can get a drink. Then I'm going to call my mother and beg for a computer like everyone else has so I can feel like I fit in more. I won't get it so now I've got to prepare to use Gale's computer all year. My boyfriend is driving up here on Friday to spend the day with me at UT. I wish I had my own apartment so I could get some sleep. ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_556474.txt,"Well, here  I am writing continuously for twenty minutes. The weird thing is that this keyboard is laid out differently than the one I have back home so it makes typing really difficult. Not to mention the fact that yesterday I got a cut on my finger and hitting the I button tends to hurt a little bit. I am a little concerned about coming to the end of this line but apparently it will automatically wrap my words for me. I am going on a trip to the beach tomorrow. Well at least that's the plan. We don't have anywhere to stay not to mention any food. Oh well, it hopefully will be a lot of fun. I am sitting at Mac 9. I wish they had IBM's in here. That would make my life a little easier. The computer in my room crashed and I can do absolutely nothing on it right now. It's weird I have been writing for about five minutes and I am only on my third line. Well I guess that's what long lines will do to you. There were really long lines at the student computer center the other day. MY roommate was such an angel and stood in line for me when I went to class. A girl just walked in to the computer room with headphones on. I think that is a little weird. I guess she likes to listen to music and type at the same time. I guess you can do laser copies in here. I will have to remember that. I went out for coffee last night with my roommate and his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun and I got checked out by someone really cute. I wonder if this computer lady will help me figure out my e-mail in a little bit. Last time I asked she dismissed me very quickly. That shirt reminds me of McDonald's. The one a guy walked in here wearing. I really wonder what you are going to learn from me by reading this. Probably that I am very random, (all my friends tell me that) They also tell me I am a crack head. I'm not really, it's just an expression they use for me because I am so random and jump from subject to subject. Don't you think it's weird that we still write stop on stop signs. We could probably save a TON of paint if we didn't and besides who doesn't know that a red octagon means stop. That sounds like a really bad commercial. I have to go to class at 1:00. I feel weird telling people that I am going to Acting class. I feel very pretentious. I really think I am going to like the class though. I have been in theatre since fourth grade I just completely lost my train of thought. It got derailed you could say. I wonder what derailed it? Oh well, I guess that's what you are trying to figure out from me writing this. Life imitates art. I miss Ronnie Geva. Not really, but she is someone whom I am supposed to miss. I really miss Amanda. She is one of my best friends in the world. I called her the other night and when I heard her voice I could do nothing but cry. The computer lady walked by. Apparently she chooses whom she likes to help and who she doesn't. I never know when to use who and whom. I think I am going to save this really quick so that I won't accidentally lose it. Wait never mind that would lose my train of thought. I think it would at least. I really wish I could read some of the other students stream of consciousness papers. I want to see how similar they are to me. Maybe they aren't similar at all and I am the weirdo in the group. That's what my sister would like to have me believe. She pretends that she doesn't miss me but I know she does. I wonder how this whole e-mail thing is going to work. I can't wait to e-mail my dad and Amanda. I would e-mail my mom too but I don't know her school e-mail name. It's scary how many e-mail accounts my family has, I think the grand total is eight. Maybe nine. I don't know if my sister has one at school or not. It depends which class she is in. Nine accounts and four people. There are way to many ways to reach us. This is an odd power PC. This computer contains the fonts necessary for the software packages Plato and Socrates. I  wonder what those are. Probably some English programs or something. At least that's what the name implies. El tiburon means shark in Spanish. I think there is an accent but I am not so sure. Fireworks are really cool. My mom and I love to go sit under them and feel the booms. A couple of years ago there was a grass fire near where we were sitting. It was kind of exciting. Not something like rescue 911 but still it was interesting for us. I hope you find this interesting and not just some drivel about me. Drivel is such a fun word. It reminds me of dribble. Well, I have to jet. I hope I didn't write for too long but It is fun getting your thoughts out on paper. Like I am doing now, Auggghhhh the insanity. Or sanity, however you want to see it I guess. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_652829.txt,"It is 12:53 on Tuesday and my roommate and I just finished eating lunch and  came down to the computer lab to work on our assignment. My computer in our  room is not hooked up to the Internet yet, so for the time being I have to come  down here. That's ok. The guy just came over because we forgot to give him our  IDs. Oops. Oh well. Anyway, I'm really sad lately. I miss all my friends from high school. Everyone I've met so far has been really nice and everything; I just miss how close we all were last year. I could go anywhere, to any school function, and see people that I knew and would feel comfortable with. Here, it's not that there are so many people - it's just that there are so many  people that I don't know. Every face that I pass on campus is another stranger. Actually, I have seen a few people that I know from other places. Earlier today I saw Brittany. But it's just not the same as walking down the hall and knowing every single person. I was so comfortable there. I don't know. I should  probably be writing on the other assignment topic, since I'm going off about  high school and college and what have you, but I'm kind of just blabbering so  whatever. I am ready to be comfortable with lots of people again. I miss my comfort zone that I had at Anderson and I want it back!!   Hey!  I just looked at my watch and it has already been ten minutes. I guess I  can't really say that it's been ten minutes, because of that guy that came over. It's probably been more like seven minutes. I don't like this keyboard. It's kind of hard to type on. This assignment is actually harder than I thought it  would be. I mean, it's not hard, because I'm not really writing on anything in particular, but it is kind of hard to think continuously for twenty minutes. I think it's crazy that so many Anderson people are in my psychology class. It  also freaks me out that Alex is in our class. Since you don't know about Alex, just let me say that he is the most intimidating person in the world. I think  underneath that tough guy Russian thing he has going for him he's really  probably a very nice person, but I don't know how easy it is for me to look past  the fact that he actually chased someone with an axe on the last day of school our junior year at City Park. So I wouldn't fail Alex if I were you. He might come to your office with his axe (do you spell it ""axe"" or ""ax""?  I don't know) or his machete or any of his other assortment of weapons that he totes around with him. I would really like to get to know him though - I think he would be an interesting person to get under his skin and see what he's really like. Not to mention the fact that it would be cool to have him be your friend in case someone was giving you trouble. I think that time is probably almost up, but I would kind of like to keep  writing. I think I will. The temperature in this room is perfectly comfortable. I don't know where that thought came from. I am scared about having to write papers. What if my professors don't like the way I write?  I've always loved to write, but I like writing creatively. I'm pretty bad at comparing and  contrasting and all my research papers are boring. I mean I got good grades on  them, but later I'd go back and read them and be like ""Hey did I actually write this?  Yuck. ""  I think I'm probably being hard on myself. I wonder how many  times I have used the word probably in this assignment so far. I bet a lot. I hate when people don't know that a lot is two words and not one. I wonder what Angie's deal is. She used to be so nice, but ever since Dis and  I rushed she has been so rude. That's her problem, I know. And it kind of  always justifies the fact that I didn't like her that much. I always had to  act like I did, and she was nice enough, but just something about her has  always rubbed me the wrong way. That's what I told Brian. Brian -- what to do about Brian?  I wish I knew I wish I could have some answer. I hate  leading  him on the way I did the other night, but that just seemed unavoidable. I know he needs me  and that's what I love about him. When I'm around him I feel  special and needed and important. But I just don't know if that is enough. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_678907.txt,"I can't wait until tomorrow. I have only one class from 9 to 10 and then its time to go to the Matchbox 20 concert. I love Christie so much and I can't what to see her tomorrow. Christie, I hope you'll give me another chance some day. Your the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. God I've changed so much this summer. I am so excited about pledgeship. I love you mom. I am going to study my rear off though to get a 4. 0. I wish I was living at Towers because Jester SUCKS. And the food is nothing special at all. I got to ask mom and dad for some cash. I really can't wait to get back to Houston to see everybody there and especially Dean, Cassie, Mrs. Smith, and of course Christie. I need to keep working out. It's doing me alot of good. Carter needs to tone it down in there so that I can finish this paper. Holy cow my mind just went blank. Oh wait a minute. 2 great looking girls are swimming over at the Theta house. I hope the Rockets win it all next year because the Bulls are really pissing me off. College is going to be tough but I think I will do just fine. I am going to be more than successful one day. I don't hope this, I know this. For the love of God. I type so slow it's not even funny. That's what I need to do is take a typing class because this is ridiculously to short and it should be much longer. Only one more minute of writing and then I'll. . . . . . Oh, what do you know. times up. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_696460.txt,I am in this big state of confusion. Everything toward school work right now is going easy but all my feelings for my friends and my boyfriend are burning inside of me. I feel as if my classes are going to turn right around on me and kick me  in the butt. I don't know if I should stress out about them or later. Carlos is  starting to act like a jerk. I hope he hasn't found someone else. I broke up  with him last night because of the way he has been treating me. I regret it but  I feel as if I did the right thing. I am so confused! Eventually I will get back with him. Boy do I miss him. My legs are very sore from lifting weights yesterday I hope that my legs get in shape. I really want to lose weight. I feel very fat sometimes. Well my cousin Danny is coming down from the Army this weekend. Should I go home to see him or stay here?  I know if I go home I will probably call Carlos  and we will probably call Carlos and we will get back. I guess my cousin going  home can be an excuse for me to go down and talk to Carlos. Another reason to go down home is for Melanie's license plates. Again that is another excuse. Lately Melanie has been on the phone all the time making me mad because I want to use the phone also. G-whiz my legs are hurting. I really need to find a job here around campus. I want to work in the library but hopefully there won't be any hassles. Jason my neighbor is crazy. Him and his  girlfriend are really cute together. Why can't Carlos and I be like them. Both Jason and Irene love to work out. Whenever I go I go with them. Well actually I have been  going everyday with them. I need money!! This show that is on is weird. I have listening  to it while I am writing. It is making me sad. Well I better go my time is up.      ,1,0,1,0,0
1997_697427.txt,"wanna see the real you- I love this song. by the suicide machines. I saw them last spring break with the descendents. good show. now green world is on. this is weird, trying to write continuously for 20 minutes. you tend to think  differently when you're forced to. like today, those questionnaires in psych class. I think I analyzed them too much and tricked myself into answering  differently. oh well. I have a lot of shit I need to be doing like returning that journalism book and buying the packet for that class. that class sucks. how  can journalists shove a camera and microphone in someone’s face when they’re in mourning or whatever. and those guys who caused the princess Di's wreck just for some pictures. it makes me sick. do they have no feelings or sympathy  whatsoever? does anyone? how the hell am I going to find a job that I like that doesn’t require making it to the top, no matter who you step on to get there. I guess all jobs are like that I’m just not a competitive person at all. never was. I don’t need to put other people down or be the best at everything in order to feel good or proud like tough guys. sure I’m proud of what I can do but I could  never hurt another soul doing it. well the music’s off now and its quiet here in  my castilian dorm room except for the fan. my boyfriend and my friends are  upstairs, probably watching t. v. I wonder if he wants to go to that less than  Jake show tonight I want to. they’re pretty good. my back hurts. I need to go  to a chiropractor cant believe this stuff going through my head. how boring. I do think about interesting things sometimes. a few nights ago my boyfriend (kevin) and me and three other girls got into a huge (drunk) argument about  how the world would be different if women were in all power. then we starting  arguing, are gender differences biological or environmental? kevin thinks  they’re environmental, and has a nerdy, stubborn, math/scientist guy and shows  very little emotions. marita and I said no, its about 50/50, because women are  born with these instincts that men will never know until they grow uteruses  and give birth. ok I have 5 more minutes to write. my hair feels weird. I cut  about a foot off 2 days ago. it was down to my waist now its to my chin. I feel  bald. I wonder if I should dye it again. last year it was purple. man I’m doing  it again, rambling on about boring stupid shit. I wonder if everyone else  sounds as dumb as me, chatting away about stuff nobody really cares  about. for twenty minutes. all to make a good grade. why is so much emphasis  placed on grades I wonder. they don’t measure your intelligence. some people  always do their homework and make good grades. that me. some people study and  study but still bomb tests. that’s me too. tests suck. especially true false  questions. I analyze those too much until I confuse myself. kevin doesn’t have to  study and aces every test. no fair. well looks like my time is up. if anyone  actually read this, sorry. fun job huh. I guess you’ve read much weirder  stuff than this anyway. well adios. ",0,1,1,1,1
1997_733444.txt,"As I sit here trying to think of something to say, my mind is completely blank. This kind of thing always happens when I am trying to write. I guess the only thing on my mind right now is whether or not I am going to make it at such a big school like UT. I have to walk a lot and the studying is sometimes hard. I am a music major a the time, but I really hate it. I think it is a worthless major. It's too much work for nothing. Music majors don't make ANY money. I think that a big part of going to college is learning how to make money. I guess if I was really devoted to playing the piano money really wouldn't matter to me, but I couldn't see myself sitting on my ass playing the piano the rest of my life. I really want to do something exciting. Another thing that is bothering me right now is the fact that I go to school 16 hours a week and I am only getting credit for 12. That's four hours I am not getting credit for. All of which are of course music classes. I only get 3 hours for a 5 hour Musicianship class and I only get 1 hour for a 3 hour ensemble class. I really like it here, but I miss my friends back home. I think it is going to be weird seeing them again during thanksgiving and Christmas. I want to know how their schools are and if they have been to any good parities or if they have made many friends. One thing about going to UT is that it is hard to make friends here because there are so many people. I  have, though, made friends with many people that I live with along with some people in my classes. I went to a pretty cool concert this weekend. I went with some of my friends that are still in high school. I miss hanging out with them. It was like old times again. I went with my old boyfriend and all of his friends. I was the only girl as always but that's what I'm used to. I guess I have to keep my attention on what I am doing here though. So that I can survive through college. I think my mom is going to be mad because I may have maxed out my phone card, but that is kinda off the subject. My mind wanders like that sometimes. Tamesha is beating up her CD player. She is sitting next to my cursing at her portable CD player. Now she is blowing the dust out of it because she thinks that it might work better if she does that. well my time is up, and just in time too because my mind just went blank again. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_736254.txt,"My love for computers and hate for computers is simultaneously growing as I sit here and write this assignment. I don't understand any software but everything for IBM, and the Macintosh is completely foreign to me. I must have already asked at least 30 questions regarding the system, but hey I am new to this whole Apple thing. Apple should just get rid of itself entirely and sell itself to Microsoft and the computer world will be a lot happier. Every time I type the word a lot, I am reminded of my English teacher in 10th grade, or maybe it was 9th who dispelled the myth that a lot was one word. I'll begin to type it as one, but then realize that I should have written it as two. I think it is really strange how some teachers you remember their words, but cannot remember their names or faces. I see a lot of people around campus just like that although I remember their faces and words, for the life of me I cannot remember their names, and I would fell absolutely terrified if they were to come up to me and use the overly cliched phrase, Azi, do you remember me?? More than likely I would not, or I would be to involved in my own thoughts to try to recall who the individual standing before me was. I do that a lot. People will have said that they may have called my name 3 or 4 times before I responded by just looking up. My thoughts consume me sometimes. I have a problem with daydreaming. I know that it is not necessarily a bad thing, but nonetheless it can get in the way of a lot of really important things. It is a good thing that in this particular assignment, daydreaming is the foundation for all my thoughts, and will assist me in coming up with ideas to write. I was talking about my thoughts, and how I daydream. Well, lately all I can think about is the perfect scenario for me to meet the man I am to marry. It seems foreign, and should probably not clutter the mind of a Freshmen in college, but it has been particularly bothered me. I have only really been involved in one serious relationship, if it can even be called that, and that in itself was a summer fling. I went to a summer church retreat, and I think this is where everything started to form, regarding marriage, because I met guys for the first time that I could honestly see myself marrying. This has never happened before, and as I glance around the campus, I just don't see them there, and it frustrates me knowing that they are somewhere else, and I am here longing for there company. It is not like I need there company, no yes it is that was a lie. I miss them a whole lot because I have never, ever been able to relate to a guy like the guys that I met at this church retreat in California. I think I forgot to mention that most of them are dispersed throughout Cali, and I have very little chances of seeing them ever again, unless I actively seek a job to where I can live, go to school, and everything in the wonderful Golden State of California. All of there pictures, guys and girls from the retreat are plastered on the wall above my desk, and I miss them terribly. I have to go back some day, I haven't enjoyed myself, and have been so completely relaxed as I had in California. I know it has nothing really to do with the beaches, although it plays a little  bit of why I would like to go there, and the earthquakes certainly are not the reason I would want to maintain a lifestyle there, it's the people of my religious community. it's a bond, a connection that going to a Baptist church, or a Jewish synagogue embodies. That spirit is completely alive in the people in my religion, just like any religion. It would be ideal if I could just go to school there, get a chance to meet a bunch of people. Get my education, get my education, get my education, finish my education, and I stress this because that is a big part of my life, but I am continually fascinated by marriage, commitment, meeting the man of my dreams, meeting the man of my dreams. It's nothing particularly fancy, or romantic, I am not asking for the Ken and Barbie playhouse world with the plastic pink convertible, I just want to get married, start a family, and live my life with all the values, challenges, and commitments it has to offer. I just don't think that I can have that right now, and that is why I spend so much of my time thinking about the endless possibilities of everything having to do with relationships and evaluating my life with and without everything, and just dreaming, night and day about how wonderful and how absolutely dreadful it would be to be married. The challenges are endless in the pursuit of life. And if I may I would like to end with a statement that Linda Ellerbee made after every news statement, perhaps my favorite statement ---and so it goes. ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_771125.txt,"Here I am doing psychology homework. I should be watching late night television. Conan is just now coming on I missed all of Letterman. Letterman is the best late night talk show personality. I need to call Tasha, I wonder if she's still out she has that 12 o'clock curfew. Is the time zone the  same here as it is in Mississippi? I'll have to ask her when I call . I hate typing  I'm not very good at it  but I've had a lot of practice lately since I've started E-mailing frequently. Yes Only thirteen minutes left. I feel sorry for anyone who has to read this because it is a very jumbled stream of consciousness. Tomorrow I have to get up early for Calculus. It stinks that my earliest class is the one that is the hardest to sit through anyway. I don't like Tuesdays  (or Thursdays) for that matter because I have to get up early and don’t get back from rugby practice until  after nine or so and then I 'm too tired to do anything else but sit around moan and watch TV. Eight minutes left I'm over the hump. the view from my room when the moon is full reminds me of Van Gogh's Starry Night with the tower lit up and all, it helps if I have my contacts out though. everyone I know has gone out and partied this  week except for me . I wonder if doing this at midnight counts as tomorrow for turning it in . Because I'll probably try to do the other assignment in about twenty two or twenty three hours. my wrist is starting to hurt I wonder if it's from typing or if it's from falling on it  this weekend. I need more posters for my side of the room to brighten it up because its kinda boring. Oh yeah I just ran out of my twenty minutes but I'm still typing  I think Lucky Charms brainwashes little kids into thinking that they are eating something special by changing the size shape and colors of their marshmallows al the time. ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_797745.txt,"I just messed up. it has been a while since I’ve typed. It probably won't turn out to good. I wonder what time it is. I am kind of worried about my friend from Sealy. I just got off the phone with her and she has lost twenty pounds. She looks really good but she wants to lose twenty more and I think that is a little to much . This assignment is so easy and I keep messing up. This keyboard feels funny. the backspace key seems further away than usual. I just stopped typing because I can't figure out why when you get to the end of a line it won't continue to the next line it just keeps going. My roommate is standing behind me reading what I am writing . I don't care if I misspelled something because they aren’t checking on spelling. I am so glad Chase called tonight. It makes me feel so much better to know that he cares a little. If he didn't call though I was going to call him and figure out whets up between us. I can't believe it is ten o'clock. I have been studying since about six. I talked on the phone though with my friend for about 30 minutes. I wonder why the words skipped down to the next page. I hope I didn't mess this up. I cant wait to get y hair cut tomorrow. I hope it turns out good. I cant wait to see Chase. I hope I am doing this right because there is only two lines of words appearing on the page. I wonder who my roommate is calling. Maybe it is that girl he met this weekend. about 15 minutes has already gone by. I am going to go on a diet tomorrow. I wonder why he keeps pushing all the numbers on the phone ,I keep hearing that beeping noise. I don't have that much time left and then I am going to take a bath. I can't seem to capitalize my I's. I wonder what the next writing assignment is about. I think I am going to do it tomorrow night so that I can get it out of the way. I wish I could type really fast. I wonder how fast Mary can type. I need to do some more reading tonight before I go to bed and I really need to see my math TA before class tomorrow so that I can get some help with my math. I wonder why the e didn't stay at the end of the word it skipped down to the next line. my typing has gotten better though since I started this assignment. I wonder who just came in the door. I have about one more minute to write. I wonder what my roommate is studying. I don’t know what else to write. I wonder if they are ever going to read this. If someone happens to read this HI!  I bet its pretty boring reading all of these. My time is up Bye! ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_816150.txt,"At his time I am at the lab listening to everyone in here typing and some coughing as well. The laser printer doesn't seem to stop printing. I am at the Communications Computer lab doing this assignment. I am wondering whether or not I will be going home, Dallas, next week on Friday. I am hoping my friend will take me. I also hope I can bring back my sister, who is presently in Dallas, so that she can live with us. That way I don't have to worry about cooking or getting food for dinner. I am glad my Pre Calculus professor gave me permission to take my midterm on Monday, the day after I get back from Dallas--If I go. I just looked at the proctors. They are helping some people out with their passwords. I wish I could get a job as a proctor. I think that would be an easy way of getting some money. Most of them don't even know what they are doing. I just thought about my major. I hope I can get into the Texas Creative Department in Advertising. That would be really neat since I like to do stuff like that. I just read that a lot of students in advertising have earned awards. But I just looked at some of their work and I don't think it would be all that hard to do. I just looked at my watch, I have about fifteen more minutes before I can send this message. A lot of people are leaving the lab know. That stinks, I wish their was a better computer when I got here. Right now I'm stuck with this old IBM comp. --the only one in the lab that's still using Windows 3. 11. I wish I was home with my family right now. Especially since they left for Denver today. If only I didn't have school right now, then I could live at home and help my dad with our family business. A lot of these computers in here are down. It sure would help if someone would fix them. Jesse Holman Jones--so that's who this building is named after. Who is he?  I've never heard of him. The sign on the wall says, ""Lumberman, Banker, Publisher, Statesman. ""  What does that have to do with Communications(except ""Publisher""). I still have to do my rough draft for English. Oh well, I will probably do it tonight when I get home. Not like I can get any work done their. My brother is too loud and annoying. He doesn't let me study in peace. He is pretty stubborn--likes to have everything his way. Just because my parents aren't here, he thinks he's my guardian or something. I wish I lived in a dorm instead. That would have been cool. That way I could have met new people and friends. Not only that, it's right there on campus and they have cafeterias. That would help a lot. Now I only have six minutes to go. This thing is taking a pretty long time. If it weren't for this assignment I could have been working on my English paper right now. I hope that paper turns out good. At least my professor liked my proposal-he said I did an ""excellent job. "" In class he was saying how rare that case would be. Hopefully, I'll do well in this class. I really don't like English classes. Their so boring. All you do is discuss a lot of things, write papers, and practice grammar. I thought my English class would be very large, instead it ends up having only 25 people. I hate small classes. At least all my other classes have over one hundred people. Well, I'm done. I guess I will send now. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_854163.txt,"Damn. Rum and Coca-Cola sure does taste good. Pretty fucking good, in fact. Hitting return after every line of text that I type really sucks. I see danger danger danger on the corner sent by me shadows the ways straight away you ran from me heard you calling yes I heard you calling heard you calling yes I heard you calling NO rules. Why do all the good groups have to stop recording before I get a chance to see them?  Why does everything piss me off?  When I smile, people see the devil. The devil's cool and all, but he's still the devil. In my dreams I saw you there it was kind of neat because after all I recognized you but it was still a dream about me about you about we never had a chance to get to know each other really well you were always this and I was always that and we were never it became a big problem when you took the easy way out of my mind but as I was saying it was a dream and you were there and so was I and I knew it was a dream but how could it have been a dream when it was so real life experience I started to fly, I started to defy gravity pulls us all back down to earth mother earth you angel you rock you bitch you have made everything so wonderfully evil because of you I am here and without you I would surely perish and it is all your fault and scar and torment you place deep inside of my soul wish is to be free yet I am not for I stand here wondering waiting for the time when I can be liberated, walk freely as you intended  but I saw you there you were. And you were dressed differently too. Not wearing earth clothing. Of course neither was I. Red, red, red. honor, courage. blood. Blood from me, blood from you, blood from US, from we, who I saw there we were wondering, waiting for something grand to happen upon us while we stood there. The clouds flew overhead like a fast motion video as the world passed us by. holding onto my trusty staff I heard the world around me scream, shout, laugh, cry. crumble  and crumble did I lost my eyes that day I found something different and the world has not been the same since I found them everything has been a little wild a little different a little crazy how things like this end up working out when we see each other, and when we went out back into the world from our little sanctuary from the world we were stuck in, hurt in  side my brain is where this shit all resides and I have a feeling it's stuck here because I'm still here and you're not ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_877563.txt,"I really have no idea what to write about. I am home for the weekend from my first half week of college. It feels like I have just been on vacation and am home now. Some of my friends wanted me to go dancing with them tonight, but I took some allergy medicine and I have no desire to dance. The medicine makes me so tired. My dad is very upset with my cat because while I have been away, she has gone to the bathroom on lots of his important papers. She only does that when she is upset about something. I guess she misses me. We used to have a cocker spaniel named lady, but we had to get her put to sleep a while back. She was a wonderful dog. I am bringing my fish back with me when I go back to Austin tomorrow. That is the only kind of pet we can have in the dorm. I had to sell my horse before I left for college. I had had him for almost three years so it was really hard. I still haven't sold all of my equipment. I can never find enough time to go out to the barn and get it taken care of. Princess Diana died in a car accident this morning. I really didn't think that all of that royal family stuff mattered to me, but I guess after hearing so much about her life in the last couple of years, we all feel like we have some connection with her. Anyway, I think it is really really sad. I especially feel so bad for her children. I was watching 60 Minutes on TV a little while ago and they showed a clip of the two boys on a fishing trip with their father. My brothers and I used to fish a lot with the family too. It is weird to think that my brothers are getting so old. One of them is 22 and the other one is almost 26. That is hard to believe. I just turned 18 on Friday. It was sort of nice to come home for my birthday where people actually care that it is my birthday. I am also glad I came home because that way, I can be sure that I keep in touch with my friends who are still in high school. I want to go to the homecoming football game at my high school. I am already getting excited about my ten year high school reunion. I think it will be so cool to see how much people have changed. I went to Camp Texas at the end of the summer and a girl that was in my group lived near where I used to live in Houston. She told me that a girl I used to know in elementary and middle school was killed by some guy. It was so shocking and really sad. I mean, I didn't know the girl really well and it had been many years since I had seen her, but it still made me think about how things like that really can happen to anyone. My roommate at Towers is really cool. I am glad we get along. I was worried I might get some freak. I can just imagine that if I had to request a change of roommates how acquired that would be to see the old roommate around campus knowing that you had ditched them. Twenty minutes of writing is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I think I still have a few minutes left. I think we have some raccoons living under our house because you can hear them sometimes scurrying around. Sometimes they are really, really loud. We used to have a mouse in our house so we had the exterminator put out one of those little sticky trap things. Well, it caught the mouse, but then my cat tried to get the mouse so she ended up getting the trap stuck to her paw. It was in the middle of the night and I heard her running around the house like a freak. Finally I got up to see what was wrong and I took the trap off of her. The mouse appeared to be dead so I put it in a baggy but when I got up in the morning, I found out it was still alive so I tried putting it outside but it was too stunned to move so I put it in a little cage until it recovered its senses. It finally got better so I let it go. I had to let it go far away from my house though  because my mom was afraid it would come back in. My cat got lost for eleven days once when we lived in Houston. It was so sad. I cried everyday until we finally found her again. I think my twenty minutes is up now. ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_878492.txt,Trying to track my thoughts. That's weird because I don't even know were to start. At the moment I am wondering who just called because I thought one of my roommates would of answered it but they didn't and who every it was hung up. I am also worried about my food that is cooking in the oven. It is suppose to be done in thirty minutes and I sure am hungry. I kind of mad at the moment because the Cowboys just lost to the Cardinals and they shouldn't have. To tell you the truth its kind of hard to sit here and just type what I am thinking  because I not thinking of anything. One of my roommates is talking on the phone and being really loud but she does have a big mouth. She is talking to my other roommate and asking him if he wants to meet the person on the phone for lunch tomorrow but they never ask me but I don't mind because the guy they are meeting gets on my nerves. That was weird. An icon came up on my screen and said my connection has been idle for twenty minutes and will disconnect if I don't  click on the stay connected. I guess that means I have been typing for twenty minutes or maybe not. It is weird the way I have been typing for so long and I am just on the second line. I know I have typed more than that I hope. My back is starting to hurt from sitting awkwardly in this chair and typing  but I guess I have typed for twenty minutes so I can stop now. I probably didn't type that much but I am not a good typer and I make a lot of mistakes. I guess I'll stop now. ,0,1,0,1,0
1997_878676.txt,"Today is only the sixth official day of class, and I am already stressed out. I know that I don't necessarily have to do everything in one day, but I feel  just so overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I wish I was already set  into the swing of things and simply taking things one day at a time. I get  nervous every time I think of what possibly lies ahead. I also have to start  looking for a job. I feel I do not have the time to work, but I believe mom and dad when they say it will help me adjust better if I have set things to do. I  guess it will also help me manage my time better, possibly even help me. I mean 5-10 hours a week is not a lot and it could even be interesting depending on the type of job I could find. I can look in to this of Friday considering I only  have one class, although I seriously think I should take an extra hour or two  to simply lay down and rest. I haven't done that in a while. What else do I  have to do on Friday?  Look for a job, call home, rest, read, do homework, and  whatever else comes up. Let's see, Saturday. The game is on Saturday, so I  guess I will do game stuff most of the day and go out after the game. At least  I will be able to get off campus and breathe a little easier. So far, I guess I like it here. I mean I am having fun and enjoying myself but I just got use to  doing nothing during the summer. No reading, no calculus, no tennis, no Stu. -Co. or NHS meetings. Not to mention the constant weekend out of town tournaments. Yet, I do miss tennis. Even though it took up a lot of my time and effort, it  was always a blast. I miss the team especially, and all my close friends. I am  the only one of my closest friends that came to UT, but I guess it is all working out fine. If I went with them to college, I would be at A&M. Naah, I'm OK here. I can always call them. I miss home. I knew that I would be homesick. Even  though I like being here, I sometimes wish I was still at home, in my house, with  mom, dad, and even Lori & Angie. Gosh, I never thought I would miss those two brats this much. OH, I miss grandpa and grandma and my nanny. I need to call  her tomorrow. It's already to late. I wonder what they are all doing right now. They are all probably asleep. I'm hungry, actually just thirsty. I could really go for a big, tall glass of sweet tea with a lot of ice. I can't wait for this  weekend. Hopefully I will be able to sleep in late, or at least till 10:30 am. Going to bed very late and waking up extremely early is just not a compatible combination. My legs are so sore from all the walking I have to do every day. I'm used to jogging and walking at least 3 miles most days, but walking here is  exhausting. Uphill, downhill, up and down stairs. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I need to get everything I need ready for tomorrow, but I think I am just going to lie down and watch TV till I fall asleep. I am so tired.                                                                                                                                                                                                                 ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_892321.txt,"I like this assignment I’ve done this before in my secret notebook at home which I had to bring here so peoples won't see I want to use them as my lyrics for when I’m a famous singer like Courtney love or Kathleen Hanna my body aches but I had so much fun mad crazy fun at the concert I wanna go moshing all the time even if my rents are mad at me now for saying it I should have just been quiet about the bruises but no I also have to tell them everything I don't know what my problem is I’m already in college and I still feel guilty about stuff like this zach de la rocha is fine I can't believe I saw him in person and tom morello the guitarist who went to Harvard just like my cousin. he's so kewl telling me to drink beer and skip class and all that but he doesn't understand that's just not how it goes just cuz his rents are millions of miles away and everyone in the world thinks he's smart it's not gonna work for me too I wanna try swimming (swimming means getting drunk) but I won't oh hey I have to put things in parentheses cuz people don't always understand what we're saying in our code like I wanna hook up wit some krazyass gungees like a fine black man aw yeah yes indeed I ain't gonna marry no stuffy-assed conservative person like rents want nope I don't think so man that guy in bio is damn fine but why did he quit calling me? maybe he's gay like Andrea but we don't know if Andre is totally gay he IS a theatre major and all his friends are girls how could I have doubted Brian damn him he stole josie away from me no it's ok I like me some Brian Valerie is kewl but gee whiz can she make it a little less obvious wit her boyfriend hello and the crazy suitemates next door they are so funny but I don't even know their last names hmmmmmmmm well anyway after this I gotsta head on over to parlin and to the experiment me nooferz the labrat aw yeah I gotta grow out my hair man people don't think I’m a pretty girl anymore whatever happened to the Peter’s days? I miss me some chili's but too bad it shut down those guys were skanks for real I wonder if people are looking over my shoulder and saying what the hell is she writing heather is kewl that's so weird how we're already such good friends and we've only known each other for 2 weeks weird oh god why won't that bitch north get the fuck outta my life I hate seeing her uglyass scary nasty face all over jester I wish she'd just move to India or something damn what a skank why couldn't she have stayed at you of H????!?! fuck if I know she's gonna be around for the rest of my life I think how the hell could I have been friends with her for so long. so after reading the 7 habits book, I’m a little ashamed to say that I think that I might be slightly enemy-centered meaning my thoughts focus on my enemy a lot. that is so dumb and immature but I don't want to get into old lifestyle again how can anyone be so mean and selfish and uggghhhghh I fucking want to break this computer now but it's ok so 15 minutes are up hmmmmm. I love college I love being free as the wind I hate getting lectures from my dad but I guess it's cuz he's just looking out for me but sheeesh what a way to waste a phone call hey I got my own phone plan now and I’m gonna have to start payin bills goddammit I forgot to send the visa card application grrrrr I like the weekend and I kinda like weekdays but I wish I could oh damn I forgot what I was sayin cuz I looked up oh yeah I wish I could do fun stuff all the time and I want to start a collection of boys yup boys I wonder where I would put my collection ha yer so funny well anywayz maybe I should call papooo uncle and soni auntie in new yawk I miss that place so bad I’m on a crazy mission to do well here in UT and then transfer to Columbia where I got some alumni in the house yeah and I can hang out in the village and Harlem and call heater diamond again and maybe actually say something and I can meet up wit mike d and meet Adam yauch my hero for all times and buy all the Adidas sneakers in the world it's not too cold in here like it used to be in taylor white skool that god awful place in Katy I’m glad outta there like buster Douglas cuz yo one more year and I thinks I would have to start slammin my head into the wall or something these thoughts are quite intimate won't you say I hope I’m doing this assignment right I need to get some sleep man but I don't like sleeping in the night only in the day but that don't help none when I gotta class at 8 in the morn well well ow my muscles are sore but it's a good sore I’m proud of it my nails are real shitty as I look down at this keyboard they have turned orange when will they ever be normal colored again? well it's about that time to break forth the rhythm and the rhyme I’m out wit full clout SUBMITTING NOW ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_914301.txt,""" Stream of Consciousness ""  Everyday about now, I am still sleeping. I feel good just having barely six hours of sleep. I thought I would be feeling more tired and exhausted, but It has not hit me yet. This morning, while watching CNN, and still seeing the coverage of Princess Diana, made me sad. It makes me think why everyone in that crash died and the bodyguard did not. He had ten hours of surgery. What pain I thought. I kept on asking myself why did G-d let him live. Why not someone like Princess Diana who did so much for the world and has two young boys to help grow up. She did so much for other people. She even raffled her dresses of for charity. What a women. I'm feeling a little bit tired now. The psy experiment I did today was a fun experiment. I enjoyed it. I sat next to a cute girl. I hope today's classes will go fast. I would like to take a nap today. Just to sleep and rest for an hour. It was nice seeing one of my brothers in my fraternity on campus today. It was a nice surprise. Also, I saw one of my friends from home on campus. It is exciting walking home from campus or going a different route because of the unexpected people you see or new or old friends you see. My mother went on business and I hope she is doing well. I hope she got well rested today. I hope to talk with my sister and she how well she is doing. I try to put myself in a better mood everyday. I think about a lot of things and it gets me worried. An example is I worry about friends, family, grades, whether I am behind or don't understand something in a class. I also do not like change. I don't like a change in atmosphere or any change whatsoever. Like going home this summer was hard because of a change in atmosphere and a change in obeying my parents again with a curfew etc. I try to get along with all my fraternity brothers, but sometimes I feel it is harder than normal. I spoke with my mother and she says you can't be friends with everyone. I have so much to thank for but I feel that I am always asking G-d to help me in a situation. I enjoy life and enjoy the pleasures it gives me. I enjoy school and friends. I feel everyone has there moods and their times they feel good and bad. I had a very rough summer due to the fact that I had irritable bowel syndrome. It was very painful and I did not like the pain. A doctor prescribed me some medication. What upsets me is that one of my friends I feel is rude at times. I feel this because last night he was rude when I went to his room and he started yelling that I was disturbing his speech. I continue to be nice to him. I am always debating whether or not to be nice to him. He can be nice at times, but a jerk at other times. I feel that he maybe insecure and have no real friends. Sometimes I'm angry at him and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I feel sorry for him and sometimes I don't. I walked into my fraternity house this morning and saw our cleaning man. The fraternity buys all his children gifts for Christmas and I think it's nice. Sometimes I feel sorry for him. He is a nice man. I also feel sad sometimes because I wish the relationship with me and my father would be better. I do not get along with him very well. Sometimes I get very upset thinking about it. I often thank G-d that I have an excellent relationship with my mother and my uncle and sister. I miss my dog. He is so cute. I didn't spend that much time with him this summer and forgot to ask my parents how he is doing. Usually I hear him barking when I am on the phone with my parents, but I have not heard him recently. When I visit home in a couple of weekends, I would like to spend a little time with him. He is a very nice and loving pet. He is old but still wild. I hope my girlfriend comes home with me. She said she would. Her father is coming up to Austin on Thursday and we are going to dinner with him. This makes me a little bit nervous, but who wouldn't be ? I think. I miss my family. They are coming up for parents weekend which should be nice. I hope to go to the football game this weekend, some of my friends drew tickets for the game already. I have not given my ID to anyone. I will call up some friends tonight and see if they want to go. Sometimes it is hard to ask my frat bros if they are going etc. Maybe I won't go to the game-- it is a good time to relax. I will see. I hope to watch Melrose Place tonight. I have a lot of homework but I hope to watch it anyway. I have a lot of reading to do and I hope I complete. I think I will or come very close to it. I sometimes do not feel 100 percent. Right now I am getting a little tired. I think I might nap after lunch. I think we are having steak today. I usually think of steak for dinner but I guess it is okay. Yesterday I read for a long time. I didn't get as much reading done as I would of liked, but I am trying to keep up and I understand most of the information in the readings. I have to buckle myself down and get my priorities straight. Maybe I won't go to the game and instead study for my classes. I would get a lot done because no one would be here. I am more tired now. I hope today's classes go fast and I have plenty of time to do work undisturbed!! I hope to see my girlfriend and not argue with her. She is truly my best friend. Guy or Female -- I think she is my best  friend. Another best friend is my friend Traylyn. He is nice and I have known him since third grade. I am probably going to pray later today. I was hoping to do it this morning but couldn't get myself to wakeup extra early to do so. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_936626.txt,"It is now 12:32 and so I cannot wait until 12:52 because at that time my writing will be done. I type slowly anyway so I shouldn’t have too much trouble typing for twenty minutes and producing much of a paper. I am not thinking about much at the moment except for the fact I am hungry and stressed out. The first week or two of school seemed pretty easy and then all of the sudden, yesterday it hit me. I am in college and at this point I need to get my priorities straight. I am enjoying myself too much and need to have more focus. My mind is just wondering a million miles a minute about nothing in particular. I need a job, but I’m so busy with school and stuff with my sorority, which is another story. I am not the proudest to be in a sorority. Don't get me wrong, it's a great honor and a fun time, but I don't like the whole association that comes with it. My whole life does not revolve around guys and partying and allowing myself no friends or life outside of the sorority, as many of them do. In fact, I like so many people outside my sorority and would like to get to know them better that it makes me wonder if this is a good, more importantly, healthy fit for me?  I love Austin because of it's diversity and that became one of the main factors in choosing schools between SMU and here. There are so many interesting people and I want to get to know them all or at least try. Wow, it's already been over 10 minutes and this has not been too hard. I used to write daily in my journal at home, but haven’t had too much spare time to do that here, so maybe that is why I have been able to do this, and express myself so well. I enjoy so much being able to express myself on paper, which may explain why I write so much-journal, letters, poems. It helps me gain a sense of relief and since I don' express my feelings out loud too often, I need to do this daily, if not more so I can release all that I feel. I am excited about doing psychology this year because I hope to decide between the two majors I am struggling with. I am at the moment down for premed/nutrition and I really do want to go into medicine, but I've also always been interested in criminal psychology. It may be a little depressing, but I find it very interesting, and definitely want a job I love. A few months back, I read Helter Skelter and this encouraged my psychology path a little more, so I am hoping this class will help with my decision making. I guess we'll see. It is 12:51 now and time for me to stop. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_453155.txt,"Wrecks. They are the worst things ever. I can't believe princess Diana died  yesterday. It shows that anyone can die at any moment. Of all people, a  princess, a mother, an internationally known woman, a philanthropical figure  in this world. It's sad. Yesterday I was running down the street to pick up  an anklet for a friend and I saw a wreck happen. it is scary. luckily no one  was hurt but it could've been alot worse. The anklet was awesome though. I  kind of wish that the one I bought was like hers but that’s okay because I got  an even better one later on in the day. I had to sit for almost an hour to  wait for the police to come because I witnessed that stupid wreck. and then  they didn't show so I just gave the girl my name and phone number and then I  left. I have better things to do, like eat. The food here really isn't that  bad. I haven't been eating from much of a variety though. Everyday I eat  from a choice of about four meals. I can live like that though. My roommate  is really starting to bother me. I should have known this would happen , but  everyone always thinks ""that will never happen to me"". Just like getting in  a car wreck, getting pregnant, or getting a disease like aids or something. I hope I never get any of those things. I don't know what I would do. I'd  feel like such a failure. It does happen to so many people though. And  everyone deals with it in a different way. to each his own. And everything is  just fine to me just now. no need for me to change my life,  I have my friends , my boy, my studies, my sorority, and my own life here in college. Being away  from the parents is such an amazing feeling. just the fact that we are proving  to ourselves that we can do it on our own. feed ourselves, discipline  ourselves, control ourselves, wash our laundry and all that stuff. I’m doing  okay. but I know for a fact that not everyone has been handling themselves as  well as I have. I am me and I am okay. ",1,0,1,0,0
1997_459891.txt,"Such a new, big place to be. So many people to meet and things to do. I  hope it all turns out alright. This is such an important time in my life. Hopefully I will do well in school and also have a tremendous amount of fun. I have already met so many people that I can't even remember all their names. This is such a confusing time for me. Trying to settle on a new group of friends  and trying to fit in. Because I joined a fraternity I don't think making friends  will be a big problem, but I still don't feel totally comfortable with them yet. Everyone tells me that those will be my best friends four the next few years and   probably for the rest of my life and I hope they're right. I can't wait for   longhorn football season to start. I've been such a huge fan all my life and now  I am finally able to go to the games as a student. I'm trying to think of  something else to talk about. Oh, I got it. My girlfriend and I just had our   one year anniversary today. I feel really bad because we could not really go out. I did bring her breakfast in bed though. she gave me the most amazing present I   have ever gotten. it was a book she put together of pictures and other things   that we have done together over the past year. I almost cried because she put   so much time effort and love into it. I just glanced at my clock and I only  have a few more minutes to keep on writing. I’ll finish up by talking about  school. I hope I start off my college career off with a good semester and then  keep it going throughout my college career. That would then lead to many good  career opportunities and a happy, successful life.      ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_513925.txt,"Wow! I cant believe that Brian still hangs around here. That idea about the red churches in England is really outrageous. The queen will never go for it. Anyway it was random of me to have seen him. I haven’t seen him since Joe played. Our power went out at the dorm and it really sucks. I waned to this assignment there but I obviously couldn’t. The rain today was so random. It was sunny then light again. My dorm seems o be the only one that lost power though. This keyboard is sticky and I don't like it very much. I cant wait till the weekend. At least I donut have too much work to do immediately. Most of it is due Tuesday. That boy is sooo cute. I donut understand why all of the cute ones are jerks 99 percent of the time. Can we say Josh?  He totally ignored me at that party but he e-mailed Ilse for my number What's up with that? Jerk. I wish he would just make it easier on he both of us and just give me a call. Hello it's not that hard. I hope I meet some new guys soon cause these sure aren’t doing the job, I wouldn’t mind seeing Jordan again. He is sooooo hot. However I know that I could never have a good relationship with a boy like that. Shit, I couldn’t even hold Steven's attention. Then again he's a jerk. Anyway, I wonder how the boys are doing in apartment life. I just donut see them all living out on their own. I wonder how James and Julie are doing at A&M ?  They should be coming down for a weekend soon enough. I guess Adi would call me if she's planning to come back any time soon. it is really convenient having been from here. I already know my way around and I know so many people. it is awesome. I cant believe my roommate was so loud last night when I was obviously trying to sleep. That is totally inconsiderate and she knows that I have an eight o’clock. I'm never loud when I have to get up at seven in the freakin morning, I feel like I should be loud sometime just to get my point across,  I donut want to be rude to he though because I have to live with her a whole year and I might as well make the most of it Anyway my twenty minutes is over so I'm out. ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_571199.txt,"Today my aunt Caroline came up to visit me. she was on a trip out here for business meetings. She told me a bunch of stories about her life at UT when she went here 25 years ago. she told that she was almost raped by a serial rapist the police had been trying to catch for two years. He had been stalking her for weeks, and she never even knew. the only other person I knew who this had happened to is a friend of mine who had an abusive boyfriend who would rape her on a daily basis. she's finally doing a lot better, but still has kind of a loser boyfriend. guys are just weird that way. I've been going out with the same guy for close to two and a half years now, and it looks like we might get married!  I'm really excited about that, we've had lots of plans about various things, but I don't know. we want a house and kids and that whole thing. today in art class, one lady had a quilt as her piece to express an emotion and it really brought me that sense of home. It was so pretty, it had a floral design, but also had these powder green and white solid pieces. It really made me feel at home and almost at my grandma's house. she's got a quilt her mother made, and it is about seventy years old. It was made from material of old clothes that no one fit into anymore. Their family was so incredibly poor that they lived out in the countryside, and worked in the fields. my grandmother has told stories of her life, some gruesome and some amazing. she used to be the one to cut off the heads of the chickens they ate, and it was nothing to her just normal. other times she can remember riding through the country side on her horse where there are now huge freeways and shopping centers. I often wonder what it would be like living back then. she gave me a magazine clipping of how life was like as a teacher back then (she was a teacher, and I am going to be a teacher) and I’m am really glad that we are well on our way into the twenty first century!  they used to not be able to be married, have children, they had to go to church every Sunday, clean the classroom at least once a week on their hands and knees with a hand brush, and all these other gruesome things. the only thing I have to worry about are the guns and cuts that go on in the schools (maybe it would be better to go back to the old days, huh?)  I want to be an art teacher, but I’m not sure how that will all work out. my major will allow me to be an artist but with an all-level teaching certificate on the side. so. I can either be a starving artist or a starving teacher!  (both kind of sad)  however, I don't really want to have to be out there working, I’m more of a homebody, and want to be the typical housewife. everyone I know thinks I’m crazy, but that has been my goal (perhaps ""dream"" is too strong a word) ever since I can remember. I have also wanted five children since the time I was about eight years old. I actually come from a family of four children, so maybe the fifth I want is an unconscious way of somehow ""outdoing"" my parents. that has often worried me because it's kind of what it sounds like, but I really don't feel that way. my parents were actually the ones who first brought it up, so I don't know. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_592869.txt,"I do not know what to write about for twenty minutes. It took me so long to get a computer at this place, and I would like to E-mail my best friend in Arizona since I never get to see her. Well, I guess this is the coolest assignment that I have had so far since it doesn't require any thinking- well, it actually does. in fact, that's all this assignment is about. But, I mean it is not hard. I am really worried about my classes this semester. I feel like I have been going to school here for a while, but it has only been a week. I have a lot of reading to do. I think my classes are not too hard, but I KNOW THAT THEY WILL GET HARDER, I JUST HOPE THAT I DO WELL. Oops, I just turned the caps lock key, sorry!  Well, I am now thinking about what I should eat for dinner. I am also thinking that I don't want to gain the freshman-15. I eat pretty healthy food in the cafeteria, but I eat a lot more than I did at home. but I guess since all of my classes are miles away from each other, I will be OK. My boyfriend is coming to see me sometime soon, I wish that he was here right now. I hope that he is doing OK because I wonder about him. He's always changing his mind about our whole relationship- whether he thinks it will work out or not. One minute, he is all for it, and another, he thinks it will never work because we are too far away from each other. Anyway, all I know is that I really care about him, and that I have to leave the rest up to God to figure out. I feel really exhausted right now because I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, and then I woke up and went to class after a cup of coffee, something I think I'll have to get used to drinking now that I am here. that's one thing I really miss about College Station, though (even though there can't possibly be that much to miss in a town like that except for the people)  I miss the Java shakes I used to get at Sweet Eugene's, this coffee house I love so much. I thought that by coming to Austin, I would surely find a replacement for the Java shake, with all of the many coffee houses here, but I have yet to find something to beat it. Although I did find this shake called a ""Skinny Banana Espresso Shake"" at a coffee house on the drag called Metro. My really good friend Maria and I go there every Friday now to get one- it's like one of our new little Austin rituals, so we can make sure to stay close by seeing each other once in a while, and making an outing of it. It's really weird though how people you least expect to get so close to, you end up not being able to live without seeing!  Maria and I haven't ever been this close, but lately, we have so much in common. I just hope this isn't one of those ""since you're from my hometown, let's be best friends until I meet some other people"" kind of thing. Ok I have about six minutes left,  this is actually pretty cool, getting to know how my mind works and all. I already realize how many different topics my mind changes to in just 20 short minutes. I wish my mind did not wander off so many times, because that's really not good for my grades. Like sometimes in class, I will sit there thinking of my boyfriend instead of listening. But, then I go back to paying attention until I start wondering how my dog is doing all alone at home. Well, actually, I haven't thought about my dog during a class yet, but it could happen. Besides, I wanted to bring her up in some way in this little writing experiment, and that was the best way that I could think of. Anyway, as I was saying, I really hope that my dog does not die early since it is do lonely right now. My mom says she just sits on the staircase waiting for somebody to come home- that would be me or my brother. Ok, now I am thinking about me brother, who is the sweetest guy on earth. I hope that he is doing Ok right now. I thought that now that we live in the same city and all, we would actually get to see each other more, but we are so busy, I really don't get to see him until the weekends. Anyway, I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here to help me out. For example, I wouldn't have even known about this big computer lab. well, I am sure that I would have found out somehow, but I didn't have to find out myself. I mean, I don't want to be all dependent on him or anything, but I learn a lot from him, and I learn a lot on my own, too. Well, I think that my twenty minutes are up now. So maybe I will submit this and E-mail my friend Jimena. Or, maybe I won't. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_652904.txt,I just wrote for about  18 minutes and I accidentally cleared it all so I’m just going to write poetry.      good enough. hey your glass is empty its a hell of a long way home . why  don’t you let me take you its no good to go alone. I never would have opened up but you seemed so real to me. after all the bullshit I've heard its refreshing not to see. I don’t have to pretend . she doesn’t expect it from me. so don’t tell me why I haven’t been good to you. don’t tell me I haven’t been good to you. just tell me why nothing is good enough                                                                                hey little girl would you like some candy . momma said its ok. the door is open come on outside . no I cant come out to play . its not the wind that cracked your shoulder . who’s there that makes you so afraid you’re shaking to the bone . you know I don’t understand you deserve so much more than this so just tell me why he’s never been good to you don’t tell me why he’s never been there for you. ill tell you that why is simply not good enough. I can be good to you and I will be there for you and ill show you why your so much more than good enough. that was just some stuff I made up in my head I hope it is what you were looking for in this stuff. ,0,1,0,1,1
1997_736918.txt,"This is my stream of consciousness writing for psychology class. I'm going to use periods and capitalize out of habit O. K. I had a dream two nights ago and I was at some Hollywood awards ceremony. This lady introduced me to kirstie Allie as I was sitting at a table. I looked over, and it was not Kirstie Allie but Andie Mcdowell, some other actress. Anyway, it was weird. Then on the very next night after that dream, I was watching a movie on T. V. and she was in it. I rarely see her on T. V. and I was astonished. It is very relevant, because I am reading a book right now called the Celestine Prophecy. This book is very cool. It talks about some ancient manuscript found in Peru that is going to change every human beings consciousness. It is very involved, but the first insight in this manuscript says that at the end of the 20th century people are going to become more and more aware of these coincidences. It is amazing because I have been having many of these lately such as that dream. Also, on the way over here  I turned on my car, and I thought of this song by Jewel. I turned the station and that song was on the radio. Unbelievable, right?  I don't think so, man,/. this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Ok I finished a focus question for history class before I came here and I also watched Seinfeld. It was the one where Jerry picks up a deaf lineswoman at a tennis match. George makes a mess of himself with an ice-cream sundae and they get it on T. V. George’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he doesn't know why then Kramer tells George alright I'm not gonna sit here and talk about Seinfeld for 20 minutes. I am so happy like not really just kidding alright wrong here we go alright You are all just a bunch of hacks. Lets get ready to rumble in the Bronx Joy boy girl swirl pearl grapes of wrath. Nietzche's theory on Dionysus man Let's call ourselves the Doors man. Like the doors in your mind, acid. Aldous Huxley. When the doors of perception are cleansed, we will see things as they truly are, immaculate. That was a line from Oliver stones, The Doors good flick. It is total irony how Jim Morrison has a poem where he says, Did you have a good life when you died, Enough to base the movie on. He must have known they would make a movie about him. Strange days. I'm taking Tai Chi classes. That should be very beneficial to me. I must do well in school this semester. Man that is a big deal to me Wow I'm really looking forward to the UCLA football game. It should be a good one. I really want a piece of glass you  know. My grandmother died last week on the same night Princess Diana  died. Was that some kind of luck, or what. I want to die at a reasonable age. Death, now there's something I could talk about Nope let's see Mi hermano no va a California para la funeral. Neither am I. Is that wrong, I don't think so. Man let's just increase the peace I can't believe I just said that There is a reason to live. We are all one consciousness functioning at different levels on the same paralysis of unending consequences of our reaction to the global warming issue in South America for the love of Peirre. They are going to read my thing and go nuts man. Who am I talking to. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone I think as if someone were with me. This is a good thing, for the love of my family is always going to be there. ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_890898.txt,"I cannot believe that I am actually writing and doing my assignment on a Saturday. I am actually right now in a friend's apartment and trying to talk to a friend before this assignment writing, and I got nowhere with my friend. I feel so bad for my friend, Jimmy. He is so depressed, but he won't even talk to me. I feel like I should be there to help him out, but he won't say anything. I guess that I should talk about myself and not about other people, but I am just so worried about him. I have been so extremely busy today. I woke up at 7 this morning. And I had to go to a BASIC meeting, which I am very involved in. I just happened to be 2 minutes late, and now I have to do something very humiliating in front of everyone next Friday. I guess I don't mind if I do it to learn not to be late anymore. Then I had to go see my cousin and his wife for lunch. I didn't want to go, but I felt compelled to go in order to show support for my cousins since he is a pastor of a new church. I am glad that I went because they are my family and they helped to support me when I needed them most. Actually, my friend Jimmy, which I just mentioned earlier, totally bailed on me when I asked him to help me move b/c he had a truck. I asked way in advance, and I called him the night before, and I even told him that he could back  out and I wouldn't even mind. He actually said to my face I don't want to do it when I had driven all the way from Houston to Austin. I couldn't believe that he had said that! I was so mad! I mean for someone to make a promise and then say no really hurt my feelings. Then he said he would help, but only when he called an hour later. I got prideful, and I said that I would take care of it myself. Then I realized my pridefulness, and I prayed to God to break me down. He definitely showed me how I need to be more patient these days. I then called him back later and asked to borrow his truck if one of our mutual friends would drive the truck. Our mutual friend had before, but Jimmy somehow didn't want him to do that for some extremely strange and bizarre reason. it wasn't as if our friend hadn't driven his car before. I don't know. I then thought about and then prayed some more, and then I realized how he was nice enough to help me, even though he couldn't follow through with his promise. I went to California on vacation, and I had bought him a key chain b/c I knew how stressed he was. I put a little letter of apology, but he didn't even thank me for the gift, or even said that it was partly his fault for not helping to move. The fact was that if I wasn't living by myself, then I could have gotten more help. And if he said that he was too busy, I would have understood, but he  said that he could. Everyone said that he should have been better about the situation. But he is so depressed and distraught and etc. I wished that he would ask for help sometimes and try so hard to handle everything by himself. I know that he is angry and bitter and mad at so many things and at so many people. I just don't understand why he is acting this way. I also have a feeling that he likes this girl  who was an old roommate. Everyone knows. For some reason he is just acting more cranky and weird. we all think that he should just be open and honest. I hope that my (girl) friend can handle the situation well. She doesn’t happen to know, and I don't want her to have to be stressed out about something that might hurt the both of them. I just hope that everyone gets better. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_893217.txt,"the end of this song is so weird. what was Andy on when he thought of it. now this song is pretty cool. it bumps. too bad my sax solo was gay. I think that funk is the coolest type of music. I can't believe that maceo parker is  playing at antones. I am so there. I can't believe I remembered the number man, I wish I could get rid of my damn computer virus. what a pain. my knee hurts. I so stupid for busting it. I think that my dorm room has to be the coolest in jester. jeff is such a pimp. too bad he sounds kind of white. josh is the coolest though. he's just about the funkiest drummer I’ve ever played with. I don't know if I’m supposed to be pressing enter, but if I don't I start writing off of the screen. I think that I’m gonna like psychology. it's pretty interesting. I hope my stereo is bugging anybody. the concert tonight is gonna be cool. I just hope that I don't get killed. this song  cracks me up. I gotta leave in 20 minutes. I better have a lot of sugar to keep me awake. I can't believe how tired I was last night. maybe I should  have slept over at the girls place. I got to record my CD and send it to b. I’ve gotta find out when I need to take defensive driving. these pizza rolls are so good. man, jester food sucks. the only good thing is the cereal. salads are ok. the pizza is decent too. my new hat sucks. it's really  uncomfortable. my brother is so whipped. me and my twin brother aren't really a lot alike. he is so disgusting when he's around his girlfriend. I guess that keyboarding class paid off. paid or paid. ly or lie. die or. . . well maybe not. what the hell am I talking about. this is a pretty crazy assignment. over half way done. it pisses me off when my posters fall off of my wall. CD’s over. what do I want now. how 'bout a little screaming headless torsos. they are the coolest. jo jo meyer is the most amazing drummer in the world. too bad I can't go to the first game. I still gotta get that sports package. some much to do, so little time. almost done now. my mind has gone blank. I’ve got to wash my clothes. if I don't do that tomorrow, I’m gonna smell all damn week. I’ve got to read a lot this weekend. this is boring. I’m sure who ever might read this cares very little about what I’m saying. oh well. looks like my time is up now. just gotta push the submit button. bye. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_896354.txt,"  Right now I'm thinking how much easier it would be to write assignment  number 2. If there are no right or wrong things to write, I guess I should not worry. I believe I worry too much. It is hard to make this paragraph line up, the ends of each line that is. Right I feel blank but the nice  thing is since I wrote it out, my assignment is not a blank. If all assignments were this easy, I'd worry less. I'm hot, hungry and tired. All a  result of college life I guess. So far, the class has been interesting. I have a feeling the class will get more serious. I generally stay away from computers, technology intimidates me. I like the simple things in life but  the entire world is advancing so I must. For example, I am turning an assignment through the internet. Its pretty crazy to me. My typing is slowing due to an interest in a video that is on and extreme hunger. I be hitting  the submit button now.    ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_917937.txt,"I returned to Austin Monday night at about 12:30 a. m. thinking I would be able to simply crawl into bed. Wrong. Upon opening the door to my room I was mugged by an extremely intoxicated friend. Her name was Sally and the source of her angst was my best friend Sean. They, as I am, are both from Houston. They had broken up their one-year relationship two weeks before they were to leave for UT. Unfortunately, they both reside in the private dormitory The Castilian. Unfortunately only because there is an exorbadent amount of tension between them, and I being friends  with both of them, am forced into an awkward situation. Sally declares she is ""so totally over Sean"" and is willing to forgive, forget, and become friends. Simultaneously, she has been extra nice to me, extra offense to Sean, and picked up a nasty habit - getting totally plastered every night she has been in Austin. She has a lot of frustration with Sean, and regardless of what she thinks, needs to find more positive ways of venting it. Sean's feelings toward Sally are fickle and skeptical. Sean addresses some  interesting questions Sally is unable to answer. Such as, why all of a sudden do you want to  be ""friends"", what do expect from our friendship, and why did you suddenly latch onto Bryan as a friend. Sally's motives remain unclear and yet she doesn't seem to want to  discuss any of the many issues at large. In turn, this makes the situation of the three of us living within 20 seconds of each other an awkward one. Am I to take a side? Most definitely not!!! I refuse! Yet how can I befriend both Sally and Sean without functioning as a mediator. This is one of the many issues that trouble me and make the transition from High School to Huge UT College life challenging. Thank you. ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_931356.txt,"  It is Tuesday night, about 8 o'clock, and I don't really have time to do this assignment but I know that I have to so I'm going to do it anyway. I'm about ready to throw this computer off the desk right now because I am so mad. I have the most annoying boyfriend in the world whom I want to kill. Not really kill, maybe just hurt really bad. He thinks he knows everything in the world and he doesn't, nor will he admit that he acts this way. Everyone around him can see this accept him. It really bothers me. When I try to tell him he just says ""whatever, I don't think I know everything"" but he really does act this way. It bothers me so much sometimes that I get so upset and frustrated that I want to cry. But O well. There is nothing I can do about it and he is to stubborn to even listen to me so I guess I can either find a way to deal with it or not. And if I can't or if he doesn't change I guess this relationship will fail after almost 2 years. What a waste. O well, I tried. I guess we will have to wait and see. So anyway that is what is on my mind right now and I can't believe that I have been writing for almost 20 minutes. It seems like 5 or 10. That is pretty nifty. I like this assignment alot. It made me feel alot better, so gracias. I'm kinda worried that something might happen to this and whoever is going to grade this won't ever get it. I have really bad luck like that. I guess I'll find out at class next time. Hopefully my social security number will be on the big list. If not, I guess I'm screwed. I wonder if anybody is going to read this ? I hope not. I will sound pretty dumb. Maybe everyone else will to. Guess what the buzzer for 20 minutes is going crazy so even though it has been great, I must depart. So long till tomorrow. ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_416158.txt,"I’m tired, stressed and I really don't feel all that good right now. my stomach hurts but I’m tired. I feel pressured. pressure from everywhere. school, work, life. how do I know what I’m doing with my life is what I was meant to do?  I love amy she means the world to me. I wish that I hadn't broke up with her last year. it ruined a lot of things in my life. but I thought that I would be happier with someone else and I was for a short period of time but not a day went by that I didn't think about amy and wonder if she is really the one. I miss my grandpa who died on the first day of school this year. I’ve had a really tough time dealing with his death. I guess I just thought that he would never die. after all grandparents aren't supposed to (I think). I just have a hard time dealing with death. but paw paw is most assuredly in heaven right now looking down on me making sure I’m living my life as a Christian. I will see him again, I know!  the thing is that paw paw really loved amy and she loved him. we were together for almost two years before I broke up with her for selfish reasons which I never found out what they were. I hate to be alone so I started dating janna who is a nice girl but I knew that it was all wrong but I enjoyed the companionship,  which is wrong but was good because it helped me to realize that amy is the one for me. the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. paw paw knew it. how ironic it was that I broke up with janna only one day before paw paw died and began seeking love from amy. he would have wanted us together. but I messed up and things are hard now,   she still loves me but she is afraid to trust me. I need her!  ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_451854.txt,"Right now I am thinking about my girlfriend and what she is doing. Why is this guy behind me being so loud in the study center. I almost forgot how to spell ""center. ""  This guy is trying to be as loud as possible. What is going on tonight?  I sure do have a lot of homework. Why doesn't this guy get a megaphone so he can be even louder?  Shut up Please!  I hate this kid. Why is this girl laying on the couch doing her homework?  I had fun last night. I wonder what my roommate did. This guy is really pissing me off. What the hell is his problem?  I swear to everything that is holy if he does not shut up I will make the next four years of his life a living nightmare. What is my friend Jeremy doing right now?  This is boring. Not hard though. This seems so stupid of a time. It's only been five minutes I still have fifteen more to go. What classes do I have tomorrow?  SHUTUP ASSHOLE!!!  I have Calculus and English. One hour classes not too bad. I am tired. I am going to take a nap later. I am getting tired of writing. Getting sleepy. What is this guy next to me doing?  This guy that walked in is a real dork. I wonder what he did last night. Only ten minutes to go. This jerk is moaning out loud now. What is he thinking?  I am going to kill him. This guy's headphones are way too loud. I am hungry. Why?  I just ate. I am getting tired of waiting. This is boring. Only eight more minutes that I have to listen to this inconsiderate bastard. That guy wants that girl. I am through now. I am going to my room to sleep. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_490275.txt,"and now its time to write about this wonderful stream of consciousness stuff  that we learned about in our high school English class and about all the greats  like william faulkner. you know, its kind of annoying that I should have to  hit enter at the end of each line as though this were a typewriter, you might  look into the text instructions for this window in the original scripting to see if it can be made to auto-return like some of the others do, but this is still a  rather well laid out page and method of submitting a psych project. kudos to  you. I wish my other teachers would do this. so what am I thinking about. well there's the Washington/Pittsburgh football game on TV right now. I have  no idea whose winning or anything like that because I’m not really paying THAT much  attention to it or anything but Washington did make a great touchdown a while ago (aha! Washington’s in the lead thirteen to seven) marvelously exciting I know. lets see. what else. well now here's a good one. I have to write this bioethics paper about an case  study (why don’t the delete options work properly in this window) on this couple who undergo an ""amniocentesis"" test on their newly discovered child (don’t worry its still in her womb) and they find out that the child has a genetic disorder  called turner syndrome. what I have to do is write about this case and give my  Prof. an opinion one way or the other as to whether the couple should abort  the fetus or keep it. which means in turn that I have to come to some sort of  conclusion as to my beliefs on abortion. what a task. what a mind-consuming task but then maybe I shouldn’t tell you that I’m thinking of something other than my  psych writing, but then again, I don’t imagine you would expect us (I’m not  referring to myself as us, but rather the class (hate for you to think I’m schizo  or something)) to focus directly on the task at hand since as best as I can tell the task at hand is not focusing on the task at hand quite specifically so and another thing, whenever fox sports shows a little window w/ player stats they play this obnoxious little theme music blurb on piano and I've heard it at l a million times and its starting to grate on my brain or something. so back to biomedical ethics: everything that I have been taught tells me that abortion is wrong for all the  reasons and everything, but is it fair to bring a life into the world w/ such a  condition. but then again, there are many things much worse than turners  syndrome. like what if she was born a democrat. that would suck. and now my friend from back home has just sent me a message on icq. she’s a nice person. not incredibly attractive but very loving and compassionate. but none the less, a wonderful friend. she’s still at home right now b/c she’s going to UCLA and school doesn’t start until like the end of September or something. she got  a job but I think she’s still bored as hell just sitting around talking with  the little kids who are still in high school and she gets to hear them complain  about the orchestra director and all that nonsense. I just explained to her  what I’m doing. the internet is a wonderful thing I think. I can talk to a  friend for free in almost real-time over icq (another great thing in the internet) any time that I want to. and now there's one of those funny Joe Namath commercials on TV. they’re just a hoot. well, my twenty minutes are just almost up, so I think that ill be off now. its been real fun chatting with you. have a nice day and all that. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_519447.txt,"okay I hope this works because I already did this assignment but some one called in and took me off line and erased my entire message. ooo frustration and things haven't been going exactly right lately anyway. Ooo this key board is really dirty, I should clean it. should what a funny word. I should do lots of things. Sunday morning, man it is hot. my ac was out for the last two days, but it is on now so this world is alot nicer. I am in a better mood. I feel relaxed this morning, peaceful. Sundays seem to do that to me, especially when the Monday is going to be a holiday. The fan is blowing on me and I feel great. I ran this morning 8 miles around town lake and it has to be one of the hottest mornings yet. wow, very sticky. I felt exhausted and sick when I was done, but nothing water couldn't fix. The radio is on in my room the TV in the living room and my roommate’s radio in her room. many a noises going through my head. Oh I need to change my calendar page tomorrow, I just noticed that. august is over, wow that went fast. each year seems to go faster then the last. I can remember being 16 thinking college would never come and now I am a junior and college is almost over! what happened. dishes I need to do the dishes before I leave today. I am going out to my ranch to meet up with my family for the day. Why is there chocolate in my bed? That is odd. The arch of my foot hurts. no good. can't have that for running. tomorrow there is a 4 mile race around town lake. 7:30 am. maybe I’ll run in that, maybe I’ll actually sleep in one day. I haven't yet. not really since last spring semester. It was the busiest summer that I have had in a long time. poof. Oh I need to write Andy a letter. I keep forgetting. It was nice to talk with him yesterday. especially since he paid the bill. That always helps. I have quite the movie collection going now I just noticed all my cassettes. I don't like this song playing now. hey the TV went off. I don't want to drive today. I am tired of driving. My relaxed attitude seems to be disappearing. I am beginning to think of all the readings I have to begin doing. I took 15 hours this summer so I am tired. what happened to that thing called break? I think it forgot me, but I had a great summer. can't complain, plus now I am that much more along. I am glad I did what I did. The list for Wal-Mart just was delivered to me by my roommate. hmmm what do I need or want, diet dr. pepper I have to have that stuff. yum, great for the caffeine. well the day should be one of reading and talking. I love the weekend life. Talk again with you later. Good bye. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_675485.txt,"welcome to your life, there's no turning back, even while we. we will . whatever. I don't know all the words to everybody wants to rule the world, but that's the song on the radio right now. I can't recall ever hearing a song that I didn't like on KGSR. I think that I'll stay in Austin this summer so that I can continue to listen to it. I really missed it last summer, when I didn't really do anything. no, adi can't check his mail. he needs to get his own computer, but then again, so do I. so back to the point, there isn't one, Adi is not impressed with my psychology assignment. he wants to check his mail. that is why he is bitter. he won’t leave me alone to concentrate on my stream of consciousness or however you spell it. Lyle is not a man. she is the only girl I've ever met named Lyle. Adi will not stop talking about her, I don’t know what his fascination is with her, except that she is very attractive and other things. but that's all I have to say about her, because she is just my very nice friend. I honestly don't care, adi. I’m not lying, I know exactly what my feelings are. adi needs to get the hell out of here. by the way, his real name is aditya, but Americans can't pronounce that. maybe he should go back to India. like tonight. I hate the commercials on KGSR though. which is why I keep a CD ready for the ten minute commercial times. red shirt Sara, as she's known, was talking about marriage today, I think. that's really scary, since she's only 18, and also because if she marries any one, it should be me. at least for a few days. and Karen hasn’t been around much, but she's kind of out of it anyway. rosy cheeks. Jason has large speakers for his computer. which don't really have any meaning for me, since I never play computer games or do other things with them. I only check my email obsessively, although I usually don't ramble as much, unless I'm emailing my friend Tara, who I tell alot of useless information to. my stream of consciousness is rather boring, as I've learned in past jobs. I've had to entertain myself before while working long hours with no one else around at non engaging tasks. I usually sing whatever song is on my mind until I want to kill myself. (not really-which I should mention since you are psychologists)it's just that these songs get on my mind and won't go away, and all I can do is sing them over and over again. also I sometimes translate them into French. it always seems like I've accomplished something after I've done that. twenty minutes is a long time to just type. at least I have the radio on to give me some sort of stimulation, something to type about. adi has since left the room, which is why what I type is no longer influenced by the things (girls) he is talking about, or rather, about which he is talking. Its hard not to end your sentence with a preposition while typing a stream of consciousness thing, it's also difficult to spell consciousness correctly. I think I need to hear the new Sundays CD, it sounds really good, at least the one song that I've heard from it. I haven't bought a CD in a few weeks now, my last one being an older Poi Dog Pondering CD that I like a lot. my hands are beginning to hurt a little now. fortunately I only have two minutes left. I wonder how many people wrote about how much longer they had left. I know you can type longer, and I'd love to, except I have other homework and my hands hurt in addition to other excuses that I have available. so now I'm going to count to sixty, and that'll be twenty minutes. 60,549. 58,47. 56,55,54,53. that's getting old, although that really was what was going through my mind, only I couldn't really count down and type at the same time, I'll try again with the ten key. 60,590,58,57,56,55,545,53,52,52, no, that takes way too much concentration, but at least now I've exceeded twenty minutes. by one minute. thank you. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_856276.txt,"After spending almost an hour trying to get my computer at home to work on-line, I finally got here. So what do I say?  Well, I guess everybody says that the first time that they do this assignment. I guess all that is going through my head right now is the advancement of the classroom. I am actually fulfilling an assignment by typing on the internet. I think it is pretty cool, though I am a little worried about what the future has to offer. The future is probably a real uncertain thing for me. I do not know where I will be in ten years or even ten months from now. Will college work out for me?  Will I change my major from Advertising to Design and back again or will I totally steer from the graphic arts which I so dearly love and take up a new love or hidden talent. Well, I do not know. I guess that it is all the future really is to me, just a bunch of questions with unclear and vague answers. It is probably the same way for everyone else, at least I hope. What else do I want to type on my new fancy Compaq laptop?  I don't know? As I ponder this a song I heard today keeps coming out and no matter what I do I cannot get it out of my head. And as the case always is I can only remember a few lines, while I try to hum the rest. ""Blue skies -- all of them gone -- nothing but blue skies from now on"" and that is all I can remember. When I come to think of it I really never heard this song today or anything, it just popped into my head. It is from With Honors, my most favorite movie of all time. I don't no whether it is the actors I like, the music, or the emphasis on Walt Whitman, one of my favorite poets, along with everybody else. Everytime I take a pause the song starts coming into my head again. When I really listen to the words of the song it is talking about your future, pretty coincidental, I might add. It is almost scary!  But that is what I am going to have in my future, nothing but ""blue skies"". I think that that is too optimistic for my blood. I am usually the glass-is-half-empty-kind-of-guy. And I do not know -- DARNIT I HIT THAT CAPS LOCK BUTTON FOR THE MILLIONTH TIEM AGAIN. I hat that when I am typing really fast and the ideas are flowing and then -WAM- you hit the caps lock button or some other button  that makes you take time and fix what is in caps or something else. To totally get off the subject or anything, but it is a really beautiful day out, today. If it wasn't so hot outside I probably would be outside right now, instead of in here typing this - whatever it is?  Speaking of being hot. It just me or does it just keep getting hotter as you walk all the way across campus for a class. Well I guess it is better than rain. I always want the grass on the other side of the fence -- my mother says to me all the time. I informed her the other day that I was going to have a better life when I become rich and famous. As I soon found out that I shouldn't have brought up this subject to my mother, because she spouted for the millionth time that the ""Grass is not always greener on the other side. ""  I totally do not agree with that. I just told her that I want things to be better and that you always need to strive for the best and I think that there is nothing wrong with that. My hands are starting to hurt!  I think I am going to stop. I feel sorry for the person who has to sit down and read this. Well I bid you farewell. And may all your skies be blue! ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_898660.txt,"wow, I want to go talk to the socialist organization they have a booth out on the west mall, but I am scared. I called them a long time ago. do they remember? I was supposed to go to that march but I didn't I hope they don't remember me-as  not showing up-I’ll go in a little while. I hope the toadies don't open up for rage on Saturday, the toadies don't deserve to open up for a band like rage-rage has energy and pizzazz. the toadies suck, they're okay. i dunno, that boy looks like Andy, I don't know what to write, I am trying to write whatever pops into my head first, I wonder what they're gonna do with this I thought he was sam, I  look around at people  a lot, I wonder what people think o f me when they see me,  I think I am pretty thin, but I have a poofy stomach. liposuction would be great, what am I gonna say when I go up to the socialists? hello? I am ericka, I called one of you before--was it you? no no no --I just have to be calm, why am I so nervous? my stomach is tying up in knots. breath in , gosh that's so lame that the wu tang clan cancelled, they suck, why did they do that, I wanted to see the, live- then I could say I’ve seen them, I’ve seen rage, Stanford prison  experiment, mighty mighty bosstones, pietasters, h2o, cherry poppin daddies, miss xana don't and the whatevers, less than jake, discount, frenzal rhomb, the impossibles. I have probably seen others, but I dunno, I like shows, Kim goes to all the ones I go to but I haven't even met her in person yet, only on the  computer, how weird the computer brings people together, maybe I’ll write her tomorrow, or today, I don't have much time lately, I am sleepy, I want to hang out with people, especially boys, they are my friends more than girls although I am  one, we get naked in front of each other, we spit, burp, fart, we are comfortable or at least I am,  I wonder if they look at me like one of them, well I guess so, if we do those sorts of things. I am pretty much a boy, sometimes I wish I was, but I like being a girl, no not when it's time to bleed, but see, I can have a baby, and do other things they can't, I love boys, I love Andy, gosh I wish he was here so I could take him down to the socialist table with me I think he knows them, I hope they don't leave, I am going to go when I finish this typing thingy, I can type pretty fast, she looked like Chris, why hasn't she called me, is she in Dallas? I hope Matt didn't leave he probably did, I had a dream he left, I bet he left, he didn't say bye, I hope he emails me, I hope  he doesn't forget me, I hope he has fun in merry old England the princess' funeral is on Saturday, I am glad it's on TV. how sad that was, those freak photographers killed her. paparazzi assassins, he is nevermind. cramps hurt my body bad, but only recently, I wonder why---I never got them before. I am just unlucky what an unlucky girl am I --three more minutes of this, my fingers are getting tired next I will get on the list serve for my juvenile delinquency class, then I will talk to the socialists I hope my breath isn't bad I have chicken breath, but I was in a hurry after lunch. no time no time for picking my butt just do it I hope they're still there when I go down, if they aren't I dunno, I hope Jaime likes me, I kinda like him. I hope I have been writing long enough I think so  adios ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_913139.txt,"9/8/97 Yeah, I've finally gotten around to doing this assignment. I hope I do o. k. Oh whoops, I forgot to check my watch to see when I need to stop. O. k. it's 1:50 so I will stop at 2:10. I just double spaced at the end of that period. I remember learning how to do that in my 8th grade computer class. Oh gosh, what if this is too short?  I'm a really slow typer, but this is really fun. The girl next to me is typing so fast, maybe I will be that good by the end of this year. There is a boy now walking around with a blank expression on his face. I wonder where he is going. After this I am going to my room and working on some homework. I like how the keys on this computer feel when I type. I miss my computer at my house, but anyway. This is fun, because I'm so used to typing in an organized fashion where everything is structured. I mean this assignment is structured, but our writing doesn't have to be. My left eye itches, but I'm afraid you touch it because I don't want to waste any time on my assignment. My watch just beeped which means that it is now 2:00, and I have ten minutes left. Wow, a loud buzzer just went off, maybe someone messed up a computer or something. Someone just rattled his change which reminds me that I have only a little bit of money left for the week. I hope I'm writing enough. This is as fast as I can go. I wonder if you really read these or just skim through them. It said this was a completion grade, good. I'll work on the other assignment tomorrow afternoon. the line now for waiting has gotten really long. Thank goodness it is air-conditioned in here. My left eye still hurts and is making me blink. I wonder what the others in here are working on?  I wonder what my parents are doing right now?  They are probably both already at home. I hope they find a place to stay for parents weekend. Gosh, that sounds so freshman. I only have 5 more minutes left. There is no way the teacher reads all of these. The t. a. must help. I like Scott. I went to one of his study sessions. My nails are long and I wanted to get a manicure. I wonder how many in the class have finished this assignment?  Typing is very therapeutic, I feel a lot more relaxed now. I hope I've typed enough. The girl next to me is leaving. I have 2 minutes left. I just checked my watch. I'm kind of sleepy. I think I will go to bed early tonight. Yeah, tonight David Letterman is on. He's my favorite. Oh, my time is up. I'll be back tomorrow to work on the next homework!!! ",0,0,0,1,1
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_957036.txt,"I am constantly thinking about the past. I often think about the good things that have occurred in my highschool years. I feel really sad because I miss my family so bad. I am always thinking about how I never get in trouble anymore because my parents aren't here to get mad at me whenever I come home late. I feel so lonely here. nobody knows anybody. Everywhere I turn I see different faces that I probably wont ever see again this semester. I feel so depressed because my boyfriend is gone. I am always dreaming about being together again, but its not going to happen ever because we just broke up. I miss him so bad and I can't ever be with him anymore just because I have too much darn pride. I wish I didn't have so much pride. PRIDE gets me nowhere all it does is leave you wondering What could have been? or where would I be standing now with him had I not been so proud. I am so sad, but then again I would rather have alot of pride than no pride at all. I wonder what I’m going to do with my life. Everybody seems to know exactly what they are good at. I don't!! I'm totally lost I don't know what I’m the best at. How are you supposed to know what career is the best one to choose. I want to do good in school but people don't work to the best of their ability unless they have certain goals. I'm not determined. I don't know if I will be successful dancing ballet or operating on some dying person. I'm too confused. I'm happy I have my brother I love him so much I don't know what I would do without him. I’m really hungry . I didn't have breakfast, lunch or dinner because I was too mad about my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend I should say. I can't think or sleep or eat I don't know what to do should I let go of all of this pride that I have? NO, it will be better for me in the longrun. Why do people get hurt so much. I don't understand my mind knows that things happen for a reason. I know deep down inside that for some reason this happened and that things will get better, but I’m hurting so bad inside and I still want to smile at people and say hi to my friends even when I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't understand why I have to feel horrible and my friends are all having a blast. Why do some people live the best life and others don't get it so easily. It's not fair to have some people be happy all the time and others who are born without an arm or who's parent's have died or who have some sickness why them and not me for example? ",1,0,0,0,0
1997_996255.txt,"I just got finished with my Spanish homework and now I can think in English. I don't really care for Spanish very much other than its ability to help me understand another language. Before that I was writing email to friends of mine at other schools. It is a great comfort to be able to have communication with them. If I didn't have email I probably wouldn't be able to because making long distance phone calls is extremely expensive. I just found out that one of my friend's friend is quitting school. I don't understand that. Giving up an education seems ridiculous to me. Gold fishes are also ridiculous. My neighbor has oh wait, had two goldfish. One of them died last night. Gold fish are infamous for being fair-weather fish. One minute they are there and the next minute they are floating down the toilet bowl to a watery grave or a Pepsi commercial. I now have been writing for five minutes and I wish I could stop looking at the clock. I took a computer assisted English class last semester and I am not the least bit more comfortable working with a computer because of the experience. One of my projects last semester had to do with the Tick. He is a huge cartoon super hero dressed in blue spandex and often takes adventures, or nightmares, into the inner workings of his mind, he also has antenna which are referred to as those ""things"" on the cartoon by his cohorts. My little sister likes the tick as well but I don't think she understands alot the humor in it, most of its pretty stupid I will admit. My sister just learned how to say her ABC’s in Spanish last week and wanted to repeat them to me over the phone. the way she says ""w"" is really cute. My brother just got married this past summer and I don't know what to think of his wife, she is cool and all but sometimes acts a little strange. but I am not really a judge of strange since I have been called that myself a time or two. Actually I think everyone is called strange, or weird, at one point or another because sooner or later each person takes a detour from what would be their own normal thing. Like my mom actually wanting me to buy an expensive gift for a friend, when she would normally suggest a nice greeting card, or package of candy. Ten minutes. It is amazing how often people look at the clock. My batteries went dead awhile back and I don't really miss it very much, granted I took my sister's Mickey mouse watch every now and then, in fact I think it is my room right now, but time often feels insistent and that can be stressful. Kind of like how I have time constraint on when and when not to write this assignment. My calf muscles are incredibly sore and I have been complaining about them all day. My roommate said that I shouldn't complain because I was the one who willingly went to an aerobics class yesterday. Well I was unaware that aerobics works out the calf muscles so much, if I had know that this was how I was going to feel the day afterward then it certainly would have made me think twice. 15 minutes. The MTV movie awards are on tonight and I don't know if I really want to watch them or not. Its just a bunch of funny people dressed in funny clothes prancing around telling everybody how cool they are, I get enough of that with going to school here, just kidding. I will probably watch it anyway. My neighbors are pretty cool, even the one with minus on fish. I sure hope it didn't die because she didn't feed it, or over fed it. I don't see the purpose of a goldfish, I like cats much better and will probably own the type of cat that will eat goldfish, even though that is disgusting. I just got a new kitten this past summer and her name was quesadilla, but now it is bob. What ever happened to quesadilla I will never know. I guess my dad and mom just couldn't hang with a name that made no sense. Well it made sense to me, because she was found two days old behind my brothers restaurant, and they have the best quesadillas there. 20 minutes. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_478467.txt,"Okay, I've begun writing. One thing I should probably point out as I recall  the above statement about disregarding grammar is that I spend so much time typing on the computer that editing grammar and punctuation as I type are  second nature to me, so it's not like I've gone back and fixed all the errors. Which doesn't mean that there probably aren't any run on sentences in here. Okay. That's been said. Right now my roommate is being fairly loud. I find that bothersome. I'm not sure if he's stupid or inconsiderate. I'd rather be at home right now. I was spoiled by having to do little to no work over the summer and now I'm having trouble getting the motivation to do anything. It made the summer more fun at the time, but it was maybe not such a good idea. Ideas are like that because of that whole 20/20 hindsight thing. I'm looking at the vents on the side of my computer and for some reason it struck me that they look like gills. I'm not looking forward to having to do the other  writing assignment. Which is not to say I think it'll be difficult, but this assignment requires almost no discipline. The other one will require me to  have directed thought, and that's not really that big a deal, but it's one thing to sit down ready to do a task and another thing to attempt the task when you know exactly how long you're supposed to be doing it. What I mean to say is that the time will seem to pass more slowly because I'll be watching the clock, so  I'll probably be more bored, and I don't like to be bored. I'm not very far into this but my train of thought seems to have stopped. Probably because my roommate(or actually suitemate; I have a room to myself but share a refrigerator, microwave and two bathrooms with two other guys)keeps playing random notes on his guitar and someone else in his room is speaking very loudly. It wouldn't be so bad if he'd just shut his door, but for some reason he hasn't thought of  that. They've wandered outside his room and are now talking very loudly outside of my door now. Now they seem to have left, so maybe I can concentrate. No, that didn't work. I've found it previously difficult to make my mind blank intentionally, but now it seems to come quite easily. I think probably I'm tired. The cable system here has more cable changes than the cable at my home, so when there's nothing else to do I usually watch something like Comedy Central late at night and shave a few hours off of a healthy amount of sleep. That's better; time's passing quickly now. Which I normally wouldn't like, but this is something I wouldn't have done if it wasn't a grade(no offense to anyone involved in this research)and when you're forced to do something you want it to end quickly. I think the air conditioning in this dorm is screwed up. It's hot right now, and I had to buy a fan earlier to keep it semi-cool in my room. It doesn't work all the time. Like right now. The fan's blowing on me, but I'm not cool. There he goes again. I think my roommate's playing 'Sympathy for the Devil' now. Which isn't so bad, because that's a good song. I tried to learn the piano once, but I didn't stay on it for very long. I found that the teacher was really good for nothing, because I could learn everything she taught from the book itself. But when I stopped going to lessons I found too many other things to occupy my time, and stopped practicing. I would have liked to have been able to play the keyboard parts in several Rolling Stones songs. And several other of the 'older' bands' songs. Most modern music is pretty much no good. And that brings an end to my twenty minutes. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_596970.txt,"I just sat down at a computer in the lobby of srd, which is where I live. I just finished checking my e-mail since my computer in my room has not yet been equipped with an Ethernet. My boyfriend e-mailed me because he just got home. He goes to Baylor. He hates it there, though, and wants to transfer here in the spring. I am perturbed by the method of typing this computer is set up with. why doesn't it automatically wrap to the beginning on the visible screen. sorry, I can be really anal at times. I am sorry if this looks messed up, but I couldn’t figure out how this works. sorry again. I sure am glad this isn't going to be graded, or else my body paragraph would get an ""f"". I really miss my boyfriend. I am nervous about my dance-team tryout today. I don't know if I am in good enough shape to make the team. I haven't danced in like four months, and I am really out of shape. I am adjusting pretty good I guess to the whole college experience. I have made many new friends , and already have done things with them. for example, my friend heather and I are going shopping at the mall at 4 to get my boyfriend a birthday present. I am misspelling words right and left huh. I am kinda excited about learning psychology. the brain chapter, I hear, is confusing, but all of the case studies should be interesting  I have no more classes today, but I need to finish reading my chapter one in psych. and my chapter two in chemistry. My boyfriend cam for a visit this weekend. I think he had a good time. We went out to eat at El arroyos, which was rumored to have good Tex-Mex food. They were right, alright. some of the best I've ever tasted. we then went to comedy sports, an improv club at northcross mall. it was hysterical. the members of the teams respond to impromptu suggestions from the audience. He stayed with friends at towers and called me the minute he woke up on Saturday. he came over to srd and  we went shopping on the drag. I got two T-shirts, a baseball cap, and two books from the co-op. he got some u. t. memorabilia to take home with him to try and persuade his parents to let him come here in the spring. he is going to have a tough time explaining it to them, I think, because they will undoubtedly think that the only reason he wants to come here is because I’m here. I don't know how much weight that pulls in his decision, but I hope that isn't the basis for his decision. he started out at Baylor because they are said to have a good pre-med program, which is ultimately his goal. he met with the hpo office while he was here, and met with an advisor about the science program here. he was impressed that it was so similar to Baylor's. We then went over to the admissions office so that he could meet with someone about credits needed to transfer and other such items. He needs 24 hours to transfer, and after fall he will have 26, so he hopes to be accepted as a transfer student. Amy just walked in and said Hi!. now she looked at my screen I'm not crazy, I am doing stream of consciousness assignment for pschology. as she nods. she is a nice girl. she lives down the hall from me.  I needed to get this done today because I have plans for the rest of the week after Wednesday, since this is a two day assignment. I should've recorded what time I started typing, huh!  that would have been beneficial. I’m retarded in that sense. i mean sometimes I have no common sense. I wonder what my grades will be like this semester. I am used to straight A’s, and I hope I can accomplish this in college as well. I need to petition my AP grades sometime soon, but I don't know when or where. oh, well, I’ll look it up somewhere, and get it done. I need to do some laundry today, too. I am running out of plain little T-shirts, what's a girl to do. maybe I’ll find something cute while I’m shopping today. I hoe my boyfriend ( jaron is his name, if you wanted to know) likes his present. i think I am going to get him a ring from james avery and have it engraved. always. that is what I am engraving into it. so he'll remember. I am kinda sore from my dance class this morning. all we are doing is stretching but it takes alot out of me. I need to take a shower this evening sometime, cuz I am still kinda sweating from walking from like the stadium back home. in case you didn't know I live at 27th and the drag, so its a good hike to and from classes. I think I have been typing for twenty minutes so I am going to submit this. I wonder what happens if I didn't type for twenty minutes. what if I don't get credit. maybe I’ll keep going for another minute. I checked my mailbox when I came in, and I didn't have any new packages. my dad supposedly sent one on Friday, but it hasn't arrived yet. I think I am running out of things to say, so I’ll let you go on to whoever's paper is next in line. ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_716840.txt,"pennebaker I used to think it was spelled pennebaker and I couldn’t logon to the web page cause I kept spelling it wrong, silly me. but that’s the story of my life I guess, one time, I thought I was going to psy class, but I had the day wrong, and I ended up going to a chemistry class!! and I said to the guy next to me, ""is that the usual guy who teaches?"" and he goes, ""yeah"" duh. and my eyes are pretty bad and so I was like, okay. and then well, he started talking about chemistry, and that's when I realized that I had the wrong day and was in the wrong class. but I was such a nincompoop, for some reason, I just didn't want to leave the class, maybe it was the really hot girl who sat down next to me, yeah, I guess it was probably her, but anyway I ended up staying in there and finding the class very interesting, and so I wouldn't look like a freshman, which of course I am, I started to take notes. you know, I won't keep them or anything, but I couldn't just sit there while this guy was giving this awesome lecture and not take notes!!! especially when that girl next to me was taking notes so fast like. but there's too many girls are this school. I mean, wait, I mean, too many girls who think they're pretty and try to hard. maybe there's too many guys in the same class, I wouldn't know. but like, I find it amazing. I mean, of course, in highschool, they're were girl who tried so hard to impress everyone and make themselves so beautiful, and all us guys were like the ones who try the hardest are the ones who fail the hardest!!! fail meaning don't do a good job of making them selves look good. I don't know, I just always preferred the beautiful ones who didn't have to paste on the makeup on for hours every morning. sometimes, I would and still wonder how long it takes a particular girl to get ready to go to a college class. it looks like it takes them FOREVER! it's amazing, I just get up, take a shower, do the person hygiene things that everyone does, put some clothes on, and go. I don't know. maybe I should spend more time getting myself prettier. I just find it disgusting, that's all. and one time, one of my friend sent me this email with the most awful, brutal, disgusting pictures I’ve ver seen. I was so depressed for like days after I saw them. I don't know what they were of, I mean, if it was a war or what not. but it was these pictures of people who were dead, and they way the died, it was just horrid. I mean, I’ve seen some nasty deadly pictures of hanging and shooting people and everything, but these were just simply horrid. and I never get sad or depressed these days, at least not any more. I used to be though. and get this, it was cause of a girl that I was so depressed!! can you believe that!? I was going out with her, right, and it was all good, and then one day she said not any more, and I couldn't believe it. it was such a shock, I was amazed, and therefore depressed for like, well, for months, probably around 6 months were I felt that I was leading two separate lives!! it was horrible. and you know, with things like that, the only thing that helps is time. lots of it. I guess that’s what my uncle is going through. uuhh, lemme see, I think it was probably about 5 months ago, maybe more, maybe less, my cousin was at a party where many illegal substances were being used, cocaine, speed, you know, those terrible drugs. he ended up getting in to a fight over the use of a telephone with some African American male (my cousin and I are Hispanics, well, I’m just half Hispanic and half white, but he was pure blood) and they got into a fight, and the African American guy ended up stabbing my cousin and killing him. it was instant or anything, my cousin was a really big guy. strong and big and everything. he had a wife and a daughter. she's so beautiful. she had no idea what was going on at her fathers funeral. I mean, she's old enough to walk and talk and stuff like that, but she was clueless. and so I was I for that matter. she probably understood it more than I I did the more I think about it. his funeral was so so, well, the most beautiful and sad thing I’ve ever seen in my life. that's what my mom said about princess Diana’s death, but it pertains to this as well, at least for me. we buried him. in a cemetery, next to some family members. he was 21. it wasn't his time. it wasn't his place. but, God has a reason for everything, you know. I wonder if I’m just writing this out and nobody is going to read this, and I wonder if and when you, if there is a you, reads this, when that will be. it's 5:28 p. m. Wednesday, august 10th, 1997. I miss him. another really close friend of mine died of cancer on march 13, 1995. but we won't go there, things just kind ad up you know? Anyway, did you know that right now and for the past 2 decades Neptune has been the farthest planet from our sun!? did you know that!? I didn't! I was amazing, my thumb is really hurrying from hitting the space bat so darn often. I miss my cousin. I didn't know him well enough. my other cousin, all the full blood ones, the true ones, they took it a lot harder that I did. they were into to things like that, and it was like a wake up call for them. for me, it was a wake up call that I don’t' think I’m ever going to pick up. it's like it hasn't really happened, STILL. after all this time, I STILL hasn't really happened!!! is that amazing? talk about denial. but it's more than just denial for me, I mean I truly still don't think it's hit home yet. it s just one of those things you read about, see on T. V. it's not something that happens to your cousin. my cousin was murdered. my cousin was murdered. can't believe that, saying that, my cousin was murdered!? is it true? was he murdered seriously!? can that be, is it possible!? is that SO!? IS THAT SO!? I PRAY TO GOD THAT THE PERSON WHO KILLED HIM REALIZES HIS SINS IN JAIL, FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS AT LEAST WITHOUT BAIL, AND I PRAY TO GOD HE REPENTS FOR HIS SINS, AND I PRAY TO GOD THAT GOD FORGIVES HIM, CAUSE LORD KNOWS I NEVER WILL     in memory of Shawn Albert Deolloz ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_832991.txt,"Hmmm. stream of consciousness. Follow my train of thought. I guess I can say I've had experience with this in that I used to, and still do sometimes, write down stuff when I just had to get something off my chest. I followed my thoughts and emotions. It helped me a lot to get through some things. I had never really done anything like that until this past summer. I guess it was because I hadn't had anything bother me so much until then. But anyhow, I am not about to tell you about my experience; that is personal. I find it strange that I never really liked to write, assignments for example. I found it so boring and pointless. But now I realize that many authors write for pleasure, for entertainment, or to simply get something off their chest. But I guess you learn as you go. So far I feel I'm doing ok in following my thoughts, which have been pretty much superficial. Anyhow, I'm here completing an assignment, and complete it I shall. Besides, there are no right or wrong answers. Now, I'm just looking at the keyboard because my mind has gone blank. I thought this assignment would be easier for me seeing that I've had experience in writing my thought without planning ahead, but I didn't think I would have this much problems in having a subject to write. I just thought of something. It is something I had thought about during the summer, while I was going through the experience mentioned before. I feel that many people skip the thought process and just act with what they feel. I do agree that it is important to satisfy your emotions, your feelings, and your desires, but there must also be some thought put into a decision. Without this thinking process, a person could get him or herself into a lot of trouble. For example, if for some reason Person A decides he feels like killing someone, he could get into a lot of trouble for doing it. If he thinks about it ahead of time, he will see the dark road ahead. He will realize that he is just being crazy and that satisfying his feelings could cost a lot. And yet, I find it hard to believe that some people, some of whom I know personally, don't use this process. Take for example many teenagers. They got out with friends. They get drunk and end up crashing and in the hospital, if they are lucky to be alive. Had they thought about the consequences, chances are they would have realized that getting drunk was not worth it. But then, there is also an ""evaluation"" that takes place when this thinking process is used. In the case of the teenagers, they are probably aware of the consequences of getting drunk and driving. I mean, they see it everyday through various media. They probably realize that the consequences are pretty bad; yet they choose to go ahead and drink. They are willing to take the risk. They have decided that getting drunk is more important, or at least worth the risk, than their lives. It's probably that stage in their lives when they feel immortal. When they feel invincible. I was a teenager once, but never did I do the things that many others did and still do. I consider my life to precious to waste on one party. I have just made an evaluation after the thought process. I have found throughout the years that I tend to hold myself back on certain actions. I feel like doing something, I want to do it, but yet, my mind says ""Stop. Is it right?  Is it good for you?  Is it ethical?""  etc. , etc. I consider many things before actually making a decision. Although my feelings and desires might be held back for a while, I know that at least my life remains the ""right"" track. You will notice that my college experience will be a little different from other students. Twenty minutes and thirty-three seconds have gone by, so I guess that's time. Hope you enjoyed!!! ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_835686.txt,"So I’m sitting here typing about whatever is on my mind. Well, a whole lot is on my mind right now, like what the hell am I supposed to do about my car. Good Lord, that's all I needed, my care to really mess up on me. But anyway, right now, I’m really missing my girlfriend. She is all that consumes my thoughts, so a random progression of my subconscious thoughts will most likely be all about her. I really know how much she means to me now that I went back home to see her. Enough about Liz. Thinking consciously about her will just make me very sad. I was thinking about acid the other day, you know, LSD. I was told that Lewis Carroll, author of ""Alice in Wonderland"", was having one hell of a trip when he wrote the book. That would explain some of the messed up things that he wrote about, but I think that if he had tapped into his own subconscious, he would have been able to write about the same stuff. I mean, LSD allows you to see things that you normally would not see on your own, but I think that deep within your own consciousness, that is what you would really see. For example, I have a friend that said that the ceiling looked like it was dripping, due to all of the little bumps on it from paint. If you look at a ceiling like that long enough, with a clear head, I believe that you would see the exact same thing. I guess that the only reason this kind of pisses me off is that there are so many people that believe that really messed up art, music, and literature can only be created by some one who is having one really wicked trip or who is on some drug or stimulant of some kind. That is complete BS because when I write, or draw, or create music that's really screwed up, I tend to always do it in a clear frame of mind. It really makes me mad that some people believe art comes from being fucked up when all the time it comes from the heart (where it should come from) or the inner recesses of  one's mind. I don't want people to think that all the art I create comes from drug abuse when it really comes from my own tormented mind. The absence of the love of your life can lead to some really messed up art. I've written some of the most depressing work I’ve ever written lately because of that absence. If it were humanly possible, financially etc. , I would marry that girl in a heartbeat because I think the only way for me to be completely happy is to be with her. The drumming in my head is beginning to start. How quaint for the artistic flow to arrive just as I am planning to leave the site. The drumming will continue the rest of my evening. ",1,1,1,0,1
1997_871531.txt,"The first thing that comes to my mind is how unbelievably long the web address is to this web page. My gawd!  Now I am wondering if this text box has automatic text wrap-around, because, so far, everything is on one line. Oh, I guess I will have to do it manually, and hit return after every line. Now my roommate Brandon is berating me for not knowing how to format this text. Maybe if I ignore him for long enough, he will go away. My glance has caught the sight of the Daily Texan. What a lousy newspaper. It is really short, and the best-written articles are from the Associated Press. That's really pitiful, because the Associated Press writes the most boring, dry articles on the face of the planet. But that is better than the grammatically incorrect and content-devoid writing of the staff writers. I see that they (ah, the non-descript ""they"") have created a virus that destroys the AIDS virus in at least some instances. Supposedly, this new virus has worked in the testtubes, but they will not test the virus on animals until next month. That brings up the issue of testing on animals. I have mixed feelings about the issue. If only the animals were voluntary to (almost certainly) die, then it would be different. And if the animal testing ultimately leads to the eradication of a disease or virus, then, of course, it is worth it. But that doesn't make it any easier to do such a terrible thing to an animal. I saw a Twenty-Twenty about these apes who had been tested on and then were taught to talk. They were so intelligent, and so smart. They were depressed, and so sad. Poor babies. Why do I call them babies?  Because that implies that they are poor and innocent. I hate the ""dart"" board in our dorm room. It is not a true dart board, but one of those Velcro kind with the plastic balls that never stick. ""Bulls-eye!  Oh, dang it, it fell off. Never mind. ""  That is quite typical. I hate studying!  The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to puke!  Just kidding. It's just that I have gotten a little behind in my reading for both astronomy and psychology, so now I am having to read last week's chapters just to get to this weeks. Needless to say, I could use some improvement in my study habits. And the astronomy is so dry!  What up with that, G-dawg in da' house?  You ask any G-dawg, and that dawg will agree straight-up, you know what I'm sayin', fool?  School tomorrow!  I don't even want to think about it, so I won't. Church went well today. I played pretty well, with the exception of jumping the gun on the opening hymn in the 9:30 service today, altogether skipping the call to worship. Oops!  Thank god my salary is not based on number of mistakes. No, actually, I usually do well, and, that mistake notwithstanding, that held true today. I must say, though, the sermon was pretty boring. Especially since I had to hear three sermons. Two is my limit, and three is just too much. Now I am singing in my head. I cannot stopping ""playing"" in my head the new version of ""Candle in the Wind"" that Elton John wrote for Princess Di's funeral. ""It seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Never fading in the sunset when the rains set in. ""  I believe it has been twenty minutes, so I'm OUTTA HERE! ",0,1,1,1,1
1997_897862.txt,"NOTE:  Something happened when I was typing this-the words never skipped down to the next line. (Maybe it's supposed to be that way?!)  Anyway, my thoughts continue to the right-quite a ways. Sorry for the hassle!!   I'm not really sure what this whole assignment is about, but it should be fairly easy for me since I think way too much at times. My thoughts??  I am extremely tired right now. I had a very exhausting weekend and would love to not have classes in the morning. I am doing everything  possible to procrastinate and not begin my huge amount of work. I still haven't really gotten in to the whole college thing. I feel like I am in some kind of dream world-like I it's not really me sitting in a college class with 500 other students. Maybe I was spoiled in high school with classes of only a max of 25 and a graduating class of only 140. Our teachers probably babied us with lots of one-on-one attention-which at the time I loved and appreciated. But NOW I am so overwhelmed!  I'm now only a number out of hundreds of other kids. I guess this whole experience is a big transition no matter what. Anyway, I hope I am doing this correctly. I have no idea why my computer is laying out my words like this. I hate computers!!  We just don’t mix well. I am completely computer illiterate. Sorry if this is taking you longer to read. I am very excited about this psychology class. It happens to be one of my possible majors. Who knows what will happen?!  All I know is that I am a people person and a very good listener that would love to be able to help people in anyway I can. I know it is a tough major with tons of schooling, but it really interests me. I just finished talking to a few of my friends from high school on the phone. They all seem so far away. I miss them and all the fun times we shared. I love reminiscing about our memories, especially looking at old pictures. My walls are full of pictures of friends and family and I'm sure by the end of the year you won't be able to  tell what color the walls are. I miss my family too. ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_917491.txt,"so I am going to write this stream of consciousness thing for psychology and I’m worried that someone will come in and think that I’m retarded because I live at home because my parents won't let me go. If they read this they will get very angry with me for feeling this way but I don't understand why they even still try to control the way I feel. I don't really know what to say but I guess that's the whole point of this assignment. Which is not of what I say, but what I think. I hope this typing isn't too bad. Maybe I'll go back later and reedit it but I'll probably get embarrassed or ashamed of how I am. That's weird that I get embarrassed of myself. Maybe I think too much and am hypersensitive or maybe this class will help me understand myself. I was thinking about something that the teacher said earlier about everyone suspecting that they are crazy or abnormal as he put it and that's probably right because I always ask myself and others I trust which are few what is wrong with me. I know that there is something or maybe it's all in my head. I know that if I wanted to I could convince myself that my dad just walked in and yelled at me for shutting the door. What was I saying maybe I should not be at home writing this someone always comes in and opens the door or reads whatever I’m doing. I hate this. not this, just my situation. I'll bet I sound pretty negative right now. I suppose it's because of school and my relatives all dying and my family but everyone's got problems right? I wish that I could talk to a counselor. I don't want to think about myself and try not to thing right now about that. I don't want them to see me cry and come in and yell at me or ask me what's wrong and tell me what to do about it. They don't understand. my being unhappy doesn't help them it just makes them mad at me. why am I so unhappy. why am I writing about this because in class it was said not to write about this stuff. I guess you won't read this like you said until a while from now anyway who knows maybe I’ll be better by then. Maybe I’ll have friends, but my family will still be here. I used to  wish they died but then I thought I’d feel bad if they did. Everyone is dying. As my mother says, it's not normal to be happy all of the time, but of course she married my dad who is the cause of the problem so she is right about herself, but not me. why when I was a child, was I happy more than now. I didn't experience my father as harshly then as I do now. how would she know anyway, she married him when  she was 18 my age. just a kid who didn't know anything made to be a servant to him. wish  I don't even know what I want anymore. I wonder what school will be like tomorrow. what will I become in life does everyone feel like me. they certainly don't show it very much . I walk the halls and it's all so big and impersonal maybe its because I’m younger a freshman or I’m not looking at it the right way. I think that I'm too negative the phone just rang once. I wonder who it is. It's not for me because I don't know anyone I miss high school, that's weird when I was in classes I hated it. I guess I miss my friends. I wonder what he's doing now. I cant think about that it'll only make me worse. Why do I feel this way. I wish I could control my emotions like others and look serious and normal, not afraid. why am I afraid. I  bet you'll think that I’m weird. I don't even care anymore. Why can't they leave me alone. Those psychological tests scared me. It was . like either write a five page paper or do tests. Obviously the kid would rather do tests than do a billion page essay. but who know maybe it will be fun. I just got a call  weird my only friend but I told my sister that I had to go and to tell them bye. Even when I have a friend I can't talk. I just wish that I who is singing. there's no privacy in the house. I wish that I lived in a dorm you shut the door and it makes them want to come in but when you open the door they feel like they can just come in and talk to you. if I shut the door they get curious like that time my dad thought that I was taking drugs in my room what a  jerk. why can't he trust me maybe I am bad I have done nothing that I regret but I guess I should reap what I sow. I hate consequences. who is that . I wish they'd just shut up. why can't UT give scholarships to live in dorms to middle class students they’re so stingy about that now I suffer at home alone traveling to freedom at school alone. I want to have friends but am afraid what if someone walks in and read this. I wish I could shut the door but that would disturb me and my stream of conscious like everyone already has. Who is talking. I don't know why they're all worried I think I need more attention but I don't know how to get it what is wrong with me what is she doing. I  wish they’d all leave. it's nine and I have to wake up early how much longer. I actually enjoy this it's like purging all of the negativity which I have alot of. This is a good idea. I kind of wish I could read other kids stream of conscious to see what they’re like. if they had the same thoughts and feelings that I did. I don't want to revise it you said it would be completion anyway so I don't have to revise. I want to sleep and forget everything all happened for a few hours of nothingness. then start over tomorrow and feel again. People would be so much better off if they didn't feel at all Less war and no jealousy. I hate love and emotions they only hurt you. and others involved. I have a minute left and just in time because my  dad might come in and get mad at me for staying up too late. they’re is never enough time to do anything Why am I negative. I  wish I knew what I wanted. what else do I say or think I start work tomorrow. I wonder if I can handle it or not. what if I fall why do I worry so much I wish I didn't worry. then I’d be fine. who is behind me I hope I meet people tomorrow. I want to get all of my work done so that I can work but it keeps piling up will I ever finish do I have the time I hate being overwhelmed high school was so easy. they didn't prepare me at all. it's too hot. why do I complain all of the time I hope that I am doing this right it's not a grade but it might be. who is that behind me. no matter if I shut this door they open it no privacy no body cares they do but they don't show. that's dumb. What do I say next where are the keys for tomorrow I have to get ready what time is it. that's my timer cool I wish I weren't so tired bye  ",0,1,1,1,1
1997_953451.txt,"My roommate won't shut up. O. K. Bert. My friend Bert was just talking to me. I better drop my Geography, because that class is boring. I don't even read  the book because it's so boring. I hope I can drop it before the date where I  get a full refund. My Dad might get mad, but oh well. I think I'll go home  this weekend and work for my Dad because I need some money. I hope he's working. My hand hurts already. I can't study here. I can't wait until I get home. Sometimes I just love being by myself. Man, my friend Matt needs to get a job. It's like I'm running a daycare center. He's always at my house and he never goes to school. He just plays on my Playstation all day. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_973910.txt,"Well I'm not sure what to start talking about. It's taken forever just to get this assignment started. I had to set up an if account and all that before I could  start. I hate coming to new computer labs, this one is new to me because I just transferred here. I feel totally computer illiterate, so I start to feel like an idiot when the lab people have to go around with me and me  figure it all out. But anyway, I'm here now doing it, and I guess you always learn something from these situations. I learned that I need to get my own account set up from my computer in my room, so then I don't have to worry about coming up here and dealing with this. I guess we are just supposed to tell you what we're thinking about and our thoughts as they change. Well all I keep thinking is I wonder what you are going to think about my thoughts and ramblings when you read this. Maybe you'll enjoy it because I sound paranoid and you can analyze me! ha ha I'm looking out the window now at the trees, wishing I was out there and not working on this assignment. I still have fifteen more minutes to write. I wonder what everyone else here is working on. I'd rather be here doing this than doing the physics equations I was working on before I got here. Psychology is so much more interesting than the other sciences. Well now I have an E-mail account. I never had one before. I think it will be fun to be able to send and get mail. Especially because my boyfriend still lives in Dallas and its getting expensive calling each other every day, but it wouldn't be the same not to here his voice. I've never really been in the UGL before, I registered here but I haven't ever been in here to do any work. I probably should have been in here before now though! I think the chairs are to too low or maybe the desks are too high, its just not that comfortable. I guess they want you to sit up and have good posture like they taught you in typing class. There, I lost my cursor for a while. I guess that’s why it says - Who knows I. Well I have to help cook dinner at my co-op tonight, we are having Mediterranean Turkey. I wonder what that’s going to taste like, good I hope. Well my time is just about up  so I guess its time to submit my paper. I hope you never read these but even if you do I guess I won't really matter because with the size of our class you don't know me from Adam!  ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_396947.txt,"My girlfriend just ask me to turn off the CD player and do my work. MTV is on and there is a women and a guy fighting for some reason. My girlfriend is now munching with her mouth wide open. I’m attempting to make Baked Potatoes but I think that they are going to burn. I went shopping to day for food and believe or not this was the cheapest trip yet. I think its because my so called girlfriend thinks that I  am thinnely challenge. . I'm trying to figure other things to write about but nothing is coming to mind. My girlfriend is still stuffing her face with frito scoops. I don't understand how she can eat just as much as I do yet she has the body of a swim suit model. Her Metabolism must be skyrocketing. My train of thought is fading again. Lets get back on track again. It is 9:22 PM and dinner is almost serve because my lover is about to feed me like a king. I trying to type as fast as I can with out a mistake. My girlfriend just ask if she could read mine yet I really don't want her to. she probably yell at me and call me an idiot. She is now eating her food in front of me and she spilt her ranch dressing all over her new shoes. (Reebok DMX)  her baked potato looks so good right now with bacos and cheese and  I think sour cream or it may be butter. I cant really get a good look at it!!!   I'm a soph fixing to be a junior and my girlfriend is a freshmen. Yet , I'm taking classes that she's in!!!  I feel stupid the thing is she is so smart. She was valedictorian of her class. Her major is biology and mine is Kinesiology. I'm studying to be a physical therapist and she wants to save the world by saving the rain forest and finding cures for all diseases. I just transferred in from ACC this semester and while I was there I took most of my basic except math and science classes. She placed out of some of  her classes. Do you see what I'm getting at. I feel insecure sometimes about my intelligence. I know I can do anything I want I just wished I would of took advantage of it when I was younger. My life would be alot better if I had just did my work when from the start. My freshman year I took 18 hrs. and dropped 15 of them. Sounds stupid huh I think working at a club  until 5 and sometimes 6 in the morning had some affect on it. My last semester at ACC I pulled a 3. 5 and this year I plan on getting a 4. 0 just to prove to myself and others that I can compete with the best of them.  ",1,0,0,0,1
1997_454257.txt,"September 4, 1997   I am not too sure what to write about. I am hungry right now. I have anorexia nervosa, so I not only am constantly thinking about food, I also won't allow myself to eat it when I want it. I am actually in the recovery stages right now. I have been battling this for two years now, have been in the hospital twice, and have had therapy involving nutritional counseling, psychiatry, and group therapy. The only treatment left for someone in my position is to go to long-term therapy. That treatment would be out of state (in Arizona) and would last at least 60 days. It doesn't sound appealing to me at all, but despite the threats that my psychiatrist has faced me with, it still doesn't make it any easier to eat. The battle is all in my head. It is my mind that will not ""allow"" me to eat when I am hungry, and it is my mind that tells me I don't need to gain weight, that I am not critically underweight, and that I am physically in good shape. The whole thing is very confusing to me. My psychiatrist has shed some light on the whole thing, but still no one can completely explain things like this that involve the mind. I think this class is interesting so far. I have enjoyed reading in the book already because I deal with this stuff on a daily basis. I am constantly battling my mind, and trying to figure out its trickery. My psychiatrist says that this is the best class out of all the ones I am taking this semester. (I think she's a little partial to the subject myself. )   I have to go see her on Tuesday, which is only 5 days away and I am scared half to death. She scares me with her threats to send me to treatment, but like I said, apparently it doesn't scare me enough because it doesn't make it any easier for me to eat. Right now, she has threatened me by saying I will have to go to the treatment center if I haven't gained 15 pounds by a certain date. That date is coming up in two weeks. I have had this agreement with her since the end of June. I am really very scared because I really do not think I have gained near that much. It's strange how I can think about it realistically and know that I am still not eating enough and then my irrational side of my mind will come in and tell me I am fine and don't need to gain. But, as the date comes closer to my appointment, I will start to gradually get more afraid, and get mad at myself for not doing enough. And still, that won't make it any easier to eat a thing. You have to make yourself feel totally like crap if you are going to get over an eating disorder. You won't want to do it, you'll feel incredibly anxious and angry with yourself for letting yourself go. I have experienced this a few times ( like in the hospital), but I haven't been able to do much of this by myself. It seems like it isn't worth it to let yourself feel so bad when you could just avoid the problem and not feel the anxiety. Instead, by ignoring it, you get to feel hungry, tired, irritable, you get to think about food all the time because of your low body weight, you make your family freak out, you risk losing your car and your opportunity to go to college. It seems that the negatives of not eating strongly outweigh the positives of not eaten, and I can logically see that. My mind is just totally screwed up, which the doctors say will get better when my weight and body fat percentage increase. I hope I will make it to the point soon. It's just all too confusing to explain. I am sure everyone thinks I am crazy, but you just can't explain to someone how you feel. I wish there was a cure or some more insight to it. I am interested in what this class has to say about things like this. Maybe I'll get some more insight into it (if that is possible since I live it!)      ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_474191.txt,"I hate computers. I think I hate them because I do not understand them. This assignment is hard because I am trying not to think about the assignment and just write about what is in my head. Why is this just continuing on one line?  Am I doing this wrong?  Should I fix the grammatical errors that I make?  I feel stressed I have only been here for a couple weeks. What could I possibly be stressed about?  I need to talk to Ashton. I need to talk to him tonight. This is a time in my life where I am supposed to try new things, meet new people, further my education. I do not need a serious boyfriend now. Why is he so nice?  Did he see this coming?  Is he trying to make this harder for me?  No. What am I talking about?  He is always this nice. He is such an incredible guy. Bad timing. This always happens to me. I will not miss experiences in college like I did in high school because of some guy. I need to see what it is like not having some guy around me all the time. Josh might be right. I might be afraid of being by myself. I will talk to him tonight. I probably will not. How can I possibly be mean to someone who is so wonderful?  He won't understand. I know this is the best thing for me. I need to learn how to operate e-mail. I want to start sending mail to my brother. Josh better come to Austin to see me soon. My sister better come soon, too. I cannot believe that the one weekend I really want to go home (homecoming) I have to stay here and be formally initiated into my sorority. It is Haley's birthday. I am so Jealous that Meredith gets to go see everyone and I will not. We have been talking about how fun that weekend will be since homecoming last year. This sucks. Everyone will be home. I wish the girls in this dorm were a little more considerate. They see me studying in here and they are still so loud. I hope I do not do the same thing. I am having so much fun here, yet I am still stressed about maintaining my friendships with my best friends from home. I hate it that one of my best friends is here in Austin. It puts such a damper on our friendship. I am just so busy right now. I never realized how much time this sorority would take up. Am I neglecting one of best friends?  Does she resent the fact that I am making new friends?  I love that girl. With everyone else, we know why we haven't seen one another. Ashton. What am I going to do?  I am having to talk myself into doing this. I know I need to see what it is like to date other people. I think Richard has something to do with this. I think Ashton is so wonderful because Richard was so horrible. I wonder what Richard is doing. I wonder if he is ended up going SAE. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. I wonder if he is a possessive weirdo to her. Why do I care?  No, Ashton is wonderful. Am I going to regret this?  What if he starts dating someone else and it breaks my heart. I need to do this. I am so far behind. I need to learn a little about time management. I think I am getting sick. I keep feeling like I am about to sneeze. I need to quit smoking. I would like to smoke right now. Why do I think when I am stressed that a cigarette will make me feel better. I should talk my father into buying me a computer for Christmas. I think that would be a good idea. I am going to be here for a while. I really need to start thinking of what it is that I want to do. Am I taking pointless classes?  Do I always ask myself questions?  I was really insulted by those stupid papers that basically said that I was in the lowest percentile of students at this university. I have to do well this year. I need to get my act together. It is so hard to just sit in my room and study. I should probably spend more time at the library. What could I be distracted by there?  I am asking myself too  many questions. I need some sleep. I think I am going to sneeze again. I hate that feeling.           ",1,1,0,0,0
1997_558185.txt,"I’m in my apartment with my new desk, everything is finally getting organized. I feel like this year will be a good one, I am not the same person that I used to be. I feel so much more secure. sure there were times when I would see people gathered in a huge group and think to myself that I wanted to join and be a part of it but when it comes right down to it, I am the kind of person who likes to have a couple of really close friends and then a lot of friends who I can say hi to and visit with on occasion. I really believe that that is okay. my boyfriend and I are great, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't need to be with him all the time so we enjoy each other's company a lot when we are together because it is not so often. he sees me in a totally different light this year and I feel the same way about him. I wonder if Naomi is having a good time tonight with Ira. I think that she is trying to convince herself that she doesn't want any relationships with guys. I wonder if it bothers her that David is here. I hope not but I am not going to ban my boyfriend from coming to the apartment just because she doesn't have someone to come see her. I hope that isn't horrible. Hillel is going really well. it's going to be a really busy year I can already tell but I think that I can definitely handle it this year, I have the right mind set. the meeting last night was way to long though. who wants to sit in a chair for three hours discussing what seems like today as absolutely nothing!!! it was crazy. so many times I wanted to jump out of my chair and leave the room but I sat there and listened to all of the nonsense. this sorority thing is driving me crazy. on the one hand, it has the potential to be a lot of fun, on the other hand it is a huge time commitment and I am not sure if I want to put myself into something that leaves little time for anything else, on the other hand the old Kim wouldn't get involved at all because she would be too nervous. I don't want to be that Kim anymore. I never realized how hard it would be to write for twenty minutes. I feel like I have said a lot and it has only been ten minutes maybe. my boyfriend is in the other room studying, ha he has to go next. my classes are good this semester. history is going to be boring not because I hate the subject but because I am more interested in a discussion class and 1492 to the Civil War is so long ago and I feel like I studied it to satisfaction in high school. last year at UT I remember thinking it would be fun to study history again and I was irritated that as a freshman I couldn't take the class, look how times change. I think I am more organized this year than ever before in my life. my walls need paintings though or at least posters, I wonder where I can get cheap ones. I want to buy those glow in the dark stars and planets for my walls too. I think those are great. I wonder what my brother is doing right now. I hope he does better at school this year than he did last year. I am sure he will. he seems to have more control over himself this year. I can't believe he is taking drivers ed. how weird. I am so tired right now. I have so much reading to do. I am not going to sleep until it is all done, I must be prepared this year. I can stop thinking about some song where it says that the hardest to learn is the least complicated. it's hard to learn to study but once you do your life is so easy. I am going to learn that this year. that was an indigo girls song. what a fun concert. I wish they would come back to town. how great it was seeing Lauren Gasbar and Jamie. I can't believe I didn't see Rysse there. I missed her this summer. she and David will work well together I am sure. I am glad he is working at Hillel it will be nice spending time with him in that setting. ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_574472.txt,"Right now I am having a weird feeling in the lower part of my stomach. I'm not sure if I just had a bad lunch or if it may be something a little more serious. I'm kind of sad too. I talked to my family earlier and I realized how much I missed being at home. Last night I attempted to meet some new people despite the fact that I am just not the social type so I am kind of down about that too. I hate walking up and down the stairs and stuff here at u. t. I can't stand the heat. I mean I am from the Rio Grande Valley but I never had to walk EVERYWHERE. I hate the food in Jester. I know I wasn't supposed to talk about this until my second assignment, but right now college controls most of what I am thinking right now. I forgot, keep typing, keep typing. In a sense this stream of consciousness isn't as relaxed or real as one might assume it may be. A lot of the thoughts are a little forced because you would have to put your thoughts into words. That itself isn't too natural. I am not a computer person either. I guess it could be worse and I could be an EXTREMELY slow typer as well. Phew. You know, this isn't so bad. It's kind of fun. This assignment simply requires that you ramble for twenty minutes. It's kind of quiet in here. I just realized that. My fingernails are really short. I wish they could be a little longer. a little more feminine. One day I wake up and they are on their way to getting long and the next day I wake up and I've either pulled on or bit them. Even though I am not really the social type, I have managed to make some friends. yea for me. this guy in front of me looks like he's all into his homework when I bet he's just e-mailing his chick back home. Even though I just used the word ""chick"" I am not sexist. In fact, I  hate that word. I'm not exactly into all this equal rights stuff. I think it is okay for men to play the macho, take charge role in society. I mean, women are, as an entirety , weaker. So what if we are the ones who play the nurturing half of the species?  We have our strong points and so do men. It balances out. Every once and a while you get a person who is stronger in a different and/or unnatural area, but that is fine with me too. There are a lot of computers in this room. While I typed that I had another thought but I can't type 2 things at once so you just missed out on something. of course it wasn't important so who really cares?  bop bop bop bop my brain stopped throwing out ideas just then. My friends are sitting to each side of me. I haven’t talked to them since I started this assignment so it feels weird. Oh, wait. I had to talk to one briefly about why this thing typed all the way down to what seemed infinity until it returned to the next line. She just told me to wait. Everyone says you gain fifteen pounds when you get to college. I hope that is not true because I already feel fat enough as it is. So, have you sat down for twenty minutes and tried this assignment?  How did it turn out for you?  This is a pretty big screen. Pretty big, indeed. I'm pretending to type fast. I hit keys and everyone probably thinks I'm on a role with what I am thinking, when in reality I am just pretending. Crazy, huh. Wouldn't it be weird if I just snapped and from here on out everything I thought was as random and crazy as this. this isn't a personality profile is it? You aren't going to call me in some time and discharge me from UT are you?  I guess this isn't what you had in mind for stream of consciousness (I don’t want to spell it takes too much brain power) but I hope its kind of what I was supposed to do. I am one of those students who is always scared of turning in assignments because they might be just plain wrong. I'm really tires of typing. I just read what I typed ""I’m really 'tires' of typing"" that's pretty stupid. at least I know I am not one of those people who thinks a bunch of bad words when I am freethinking. Or at least I don’t think about sex or anything. Well, I did talk about men and women and equal rights so I guess that kind of applies. When I play with the keyboard it sounds kind of like a horserace. Try it, it does. All you have to do is establish a rhythm. My fingers hurt still. I wish I was really fluent in another language. type, I don’t want to type. type I don’t want to type. believe it or not those words just took the form as a song in my head. I cheated. I just talked to my friends sitting next to me. I BROKE. again. I think I went a little over but this has been kind of fun.   ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_575279.txt,"I have a ton of things to do. I still need that book for MIS. I wonder  what Jon is doing?  He's probably waiting for me to call him back. Man,  I'm so happy matti called. I miss her very much, I wish she still lived here. I can't wait to hang out with Jon's sister and husband that should be pretty cool. The purple on this screen is sort-of pretty. I can't  believe it actually feels cool in this house, it's always so hot in here. I hope you go downtown tonight I haven't been since school started. I'm always studying or I have to wake up so early. I can't believe I'm not  swearing as I write. It's kind of a natural thing for me but I'm holding  back in case who ever reads this gets offended. I think my mom's home I wonder what took her so long to get home. Usually she is always getting  home from work early. I wonder if I'm going to get a bad grade on this because I keep pressing return, but if I don't then I have to click the  arrow buttons and that takes to much time away from my typing. Man this is getting easier as I go, I thought I'd start typing and just go blank. Why  do people ask so many questions?  I guess I do and I just don't notice it. I keep thinking of different things while I'm typing. Days Of Our Lives  was so good the other day. Carrie slapping Sami was awesome I've been  waiting for the day for Austin to find out that Sami was lying. Lucas  doesn't even like her anymore for not telling him that will was his son. My neck is starting to hurt. I would hate to have a data entry job, that  would get so old. It's so crazy that I asked Danielle about Mariell today and they got in a fight just last weekend. I completely forgot about  Mariell until I saw her best friend the other day when we went tubing. Tubing was a blast I hope we do that again before it gets to cold. I was  drunk as a skunk. that food from El Mercado was good or maybe it tasted  good because I was drunk and super hungry. I wonder how many students from UT are online right now?  I bet a whole bunch. I like this new desk my  parents bought for me. It's so much nicer than what our computer use to sit on. I need to start exercising. I have a membership at world gym, and I pay $16. 22 a month and I never go. But if Jon didn't work at nights then I would make him go with me. I hate going by myself, because it's  so boring if you don't have some to talk to or if you don't have headphones. My headphones broke so I guess I'm just going to keep making excuses until I get my lazy but up and workout. Right? Right. Well I'm pretty sure it's  been 20 minutes so goodbye. ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_658841.txt,"  It has taken me a few minutes to get the hang of things. Meaning, I didn't know the steps in getting set up to use the computer because I really have never had that much experience in using the computer. I went to set my e-mail account  yesterday and also got my IF account number. Let me see what else comes in mind I have no idea but to keep typing. Oh ya here with me is Brandi who is a senior and is helping me get to know my way around campus and also answering any questions I have over school. I am planning to go to the football game this weekend I am still not sure, because my friends don't know if they would rather go to  the football game or go home to Dallas for the weekend. I myself would rather go to the game. I almost forgot that I have to go to my apartment and clean up and then I have to go to the bookstore to return a book that I don't need. Well what else can I write about. . my twenty minutes are almost up but not quite yet. . . I am here staring at other people in the room looking for familiar faces but I don't see one. . . . . Something that just came  to my head was that I really miss my family, especially my mom. My sisters,  and brother mean a lot to me too, oh ya my nephew also is someone I miss a  whole lot. He is the most adorable kid I have ever seen I not saying this  because he is my nephew but because it is true. Time up. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_672345.txt,"I woke up this morning and I'm thinking. ""Where am I?""  And then I realize that I'm at A&M. I was so upset last night because I left after class got out at  6:30. Then everything went wrong. The trolley cart fell off the steps and all of my stuff went crashing to the ground. I got in my car and the needle was  practically buried to the red empty sign so I stop to get gas, then I decide that I had better eat something because as soon as I get there everyone will be ready to go out and I will be starving as usual and afterward no one will want to stop and get poor little old me anything to eat. And boy was I right. Audrey says it will only take and hour to an hour and a half to get here. Yeah right. Try two and a half. Someone goes off and gives me the wrong directions that takes me all the way to Hempstead!  I was so mad at myself because I finally make it here, but I don't have directions to Gayle's or Audrey's or their phone numbers. I found Audrey's and Ginger answered which was exactly what I didn't  want to happen. She bothers me. We used to be friends, but then I don't know what happened, it's like all of a sudden, the only thing that she  cared about was who she was around and how much she could be seen doing thins with Natalie and Amy. But now that she's up here all by herself she sure decided that Audrey and Gayle and I were perfect people to be her friends AGAIN. I just don't know I mean that I don't like that I feel that way as far as the fact that she just gets on my nerves, but I don't like being mean. I will tell her how I feel, now, because she doesn't seem to have a problem being rude and snotty to me. I went to Audrey's and I wish I had a house like Gayle or an apartment like Audrey & Ginger. It's nice and filled with a lot more space than my dorm, but then again I kind of like The Woo. Aurora and Raya are so  nice. They take care to notice if I'm upset about something and they talk to  me about it. It just doesn't make me feel any better to know that their mothers don't call them EVERY NIGHT AFTER NINE O'CLOCK JUST BECAUSE THEY JUST HAPPENED TO  GET ONE THOUSAND FREE MINUTES ON THEIR PORTABLE PHONE. It's not that I don't like my mother calling, but she calls all the time and tells me to go to bed of all things. Little did she know that I have stayed up until 3:oo every night since Monday, and last night we got home at 2:30 but didn't go to bed  until 4:30. I don't know what she is thinking because she actually could not believe that people stay up until all hours of the night studying. I had to  let her in on a little secret. All of those nights she thought I was asleep, I wasn't. ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_731545.txt,"At the moment I’m sitting in my room enjoying a 44 oz. slurpee. A cherry and coke mix, which is my favorite. I have been relaxing after another crummy cafeteria meal thinking about the days occurrences. Tuesdays and Thursdays are rough because I have to go to class all day. Classes aren't really that bad but they seem to put a large strain on  the mind making a body feel worn out. The course load for me this year is tuff and it seems that I have little free time left. This is a very strange assignment in my mind. I can't see what y’all can get from hearing me ramble on about nothing, but if it helps then I guess its worth it. Chapter two in the Psy. book is very interesting in fact I have found the  course to be interesting. To bad it comes after an hour and a half of chemistry and the most boring class I have ever been in. The selection of girls in the class isn't bad either. So an interesting class combined with good looking scenery is a big plus in my book. Whoa brain freeze. damn I hate those. Well after this I have to start on my M 408D homework. Now that is one hard class. That one and Chem 302 are going to be the death of me this semester. It seems like a 20 minute free flow writing assignment seems like it  would be hard, but once you start it just seems to flow, kind of like a good rap song. I really like rap the combination of a good beat and  a master on the microphone to me is really fine music. However, I love oldies too The Beatles, Mommas & the Pappas, The Monkeys, and so on  are really good listening music. Kind of like returning to my roots I guess. Well that was twenty minutes so I’ll shut up now hope this was enough to fulfill your requests.  ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_736630.txt,"here I am writing a required stream of consciousness essay. but the weird thing is that it just has to be done. it doesn't matter what I write about. right now I’m listening to some music that my parents would consider useless noise. it upsets me that they think that the music from their generation is so perfect and magical and music from my generation is crap. and they think that all of the musicians I listen to are miserable drug addicted singers. their music had its fair share of messed up people. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, jimmy Hendrix, the grateful dead. despite the fact that these people and other were pretty messed up, they are regarded as some of the gods of rock and roll. I just wish that they wouldn't assume that every band around now is like Kurt Cobain and nirvana. in fact, if my parents would give it a chance they might actually enjoy some of my music like Dave Matthews band, blues traveler, and phish. but I don't want to get off on a rant here. my little window is right next to my computer and I have such a spectacular view. I get to look at the loading dock of the jester cafeteria and on occasion I get to wake up to delivery trucks dropping off some barely edible food at 6:30 am. one would think that with all of the thousands of students at UT and the hundreds living at jester center, they might have some food that tastes as good as week old liver and onions. I figured that I would be in excellent shape after a semester of living at jester because I walk everywhere, but the food at jester is so loading with fat that it doesn't matter how much you eat. if the university can afford to make millions of dollars of renovations and additions to Darrell K. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium, then maybe the could get rid of the somewhat rancid smell in the halls and make the rooms a little warmer that 15 degrees. then they go and build a huge parking garage over a big parking lot. it seems like a good idea until you realize a couple things. about the first two levels are reserved for faculty. if you are lucky enough to get a space in the garage then you have to pay 600 dollars a semester. most of the people that are willing to spend that type of money for parking don't live in jester. they live at Dobie or university towers. of course, I don't have any personal feelings about that issue but I thought someone else should know about it. all in all though , university of Texas is a great place because of a lot of things. beautiful campus, interesting people, a great sports program and , most importantly, absolutely gorgeous women. why would anyone want to go anywhere else especially in Texas. a friend of mine got into duke but that was the only place that she would want to go if she didn't go to UT. Baylor: small campus, nothing to do, and you hang out with the same people from high school. Texas Tech: What is in Lubbock? and their sports program is a joke because the athletes aren’t real students. Byron hanspard, their star running back had a 0. 00 gpa in his last semester. Texas A&M: do I even have to explain? well my 20 minutes is up and I have to go to class. Hook 'Em Horns!  ",1,0,0,0,1
1997_756297.txt,"My thoughts, sensations, and emotions are always changing with each new experience, idea, and whatever happens throughout my life. They are affected sometimes by what other people think and sometimes affected from just maturing and thinking differently. Right now I feel like I am in control of myself because I am doing well in school academically, socially, and mentally. School work is very important to me and I make sure that I do well. I don't go overboard like a lot of my friends who study hours every day. Socially, I have adapted very well in meeting new friends. Mentally, I am in control and focused on what is going on in my life. There were some problems that have caused some stress in my life since college started. First, me and my roommate got in some petty arguments, but now we are getting along just fine. Also, I had some guy problems. I regretted doing some things I knew I shouldn't have done, but now we worked things out and or friendship is even better than before. I know that I haven't been eating right and sleeping enough, which is causing some changes in my body that cause me to be more tired and weak. I always go to sleep way too late and wake up early for my classes. Last night a friend called at two in the morning and I talked to him for hours even though I should have y eight-o-clock class. I am in a very good mood today because everything seems to be working out for me. I'm usually a nice pleasant person until I am faced with a lot of stress or go through PMS. Then I get in a really bad mood. My friends know when to stay away from me. The only thing really troubling me right now is all the reading I have to do for my classes. the assignments they give us are no problem, but the reading is crazy. They bombard us with reading assignments that  really aren't necessary. My art class, for instance, requires for the present moment for me to read from pages 13 to 200-something. I really don't want to read about all these statues and paintings and sculptures from different eras. Anyway, I miss my family, but I'm not homesick at all. How can I be when my parents call ALL the time?  I know they care for me, but it's really not necessary for them to want to visit every weekend, which I won't allow them to do. That sounds mean, but they're going to have to get used to it. I do miss the free laundry and the home-cooked meals and my own room and my nice bathroom, but oh well.                     ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_819346.txt,"just sitting here trying to avoid the whole problem of procrastination and hoping that perhaps I can get all of this done and start off the year right. I don’t know anymore about really anything and I sometimes think that I need a change in my life, like college isn't a big enough change in and of itself. The whole problem is that I need to keep doing well so that maybe I can transfer my credits. I want to go to Georgetown so bad and yet I have to do this in order to do that . God I wish that I could easily keep my room mate off of my computer and away from my shit. I bugs the hell out of me to have my email folder full of the useless crap from his anyone can pass classes. Like the morons in there with him really don't have anything better to do that waste their professor’s time and energy by having him spoon-feed higher education to these bastards with a sugar coating. It would just be easier if they were all herded together into a large barn and taught the ABC's all over again, then maybe it would make more sense to them. Maybe I’m just still adjusting to a new environment, of maybe I really do have as much vile contempt for may of the people around me as I think I do. I hope not, that could really hammer my ability to become what I want have if I end up hating three quarters of the general populous. Maybe I just need a stiff drink and a nap. Yes, it is time to stock the fridge. But what to buy, I know that the whole beer issue is a mute point and that no matter what I buy my room mate will drink it, maybe he won't be interested in the wine or schnapps or Vodka, I would really like to get a nice brandy. I just am concerned because he had little or no moral problem with eating the very expensive cheese I got at central market and so he might drink some very expensive wine all n the name  of culturing himself. That would really suck. I wish I had brought that bottle of nitrogen from home. not that  expect to be leaving wine sitting out that long but it is nice to have in any case. That reminds me, I need to subscribe to the wine connoisseur catalog. they have some really bad ass stuff that would make great gifts for my drinking buddies. Maybe a few brandy pipes for Andy, a carafe for Jonathon, some glasses for James and a bottle opener for clay. It really pisses me off how much of a pussy clay is for not coming this semester. ""oh no, I have emotional problems and might have a difficult time making the transition"". Like he's the only one who has problems and a difficult time making the transition. Get real and grow up. We are all still here and trying to do our best and cope all at the same time, but it is just too much for that spoiled son of a bitch. Literally, his mother is a bitch and the liberal psychobabbeling root of most of the poor kids problems. ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_859701.txt,"Homework, I hate homework. no it's not that. It's more like I hate the  obligation to be busy that it entails. Why is it that after finishing homework or exercises that you feel so great, but actually starting it is so stressful. Why is it that something that is so helpful is hard to motivate?  One would  think that lazy people would have been weeded out by natural selection by now  and it'd be easier for those left behind to get motivated. But from what I've  seen in the history texts, people aren't only not more motivated, they're less!! So if this goes on, it'll get harder and harder for people to get things done. And I'm already having enough problems as it is!   It makes me wonder if the human  race will survive to see a true 'space age'?  I mean, We've made so much  progress in that area already, but at the rate that apathy and disinterest that  sweeping through the population, it's quite possible that we'll never get off of our own little mudball in order to see what the other little mudballs circling a bunch of burning hydrogen look like. Not only that, but what about all these  alien theory's?  There is a truism (called that 'cause they're normally true)  that says, ""There is a seed of truth even in the most outrageous rumor""  So I  want to know what that seed of truth is!!  What, or who, is out there. If it's nothing, I want to find out. So maybe in my lifetime there will not be any  answers, but from heaven or hell or wherever I go, if indeed I go anywhere other than the ground, I want someone to somewhere figure out the answer!  Or that  there is not an answer. Oh, well. I think my twenty minutes are up. So  hopefully what little motivation I've mustered will result in more than just a  good grade (although that's good too!) ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_873493.txt,"I'm sitting here typing again I’ve got a lot to do today I want to get all of my work done soon so I don't have to worry about anything this weekend but I probably will anyway cause I always do. I wish I was a speed reader like on this movie I once saw -my stepmother’s an alien- where the alien just stuck her arm in a book and in a matter of minutes she understood the entire content. if I could do that I would have so much free time to write and draw and relax . I’m sure though that there are people who read slower than me. so maybe I should feel lucky. my wrists hurt again. and my head hurts kind of dizzy tiredness that I have to day from of course not sleeping enough last night. was on the phone instead because some times- especially when your tired and missing your friends- it feels like the right decision to sacrifice sleep for conversational anecdotes. but in the morning and now I feel it may have been a mistake I’ll feel better tomorrow. after I sleep it will be nice to see Paul tomorrow. Justin is so funny -all the porn off his computer sticks in my head its so plastic- I wonder if anyone a long time a go ever thought that sex would be reduced to a computer graphic. its an ironic opposite maybe people are slowly changing- they are- to be more electronically oriented- I wont be one of them though I will stand alone. Mr. purdy too, he always talked about how overindustrialized the world has become and how it will eventually change back like in a cycle to the way it used to be- primitive. but I think his optimism is held up by a false sense of security most likely brought about by his memories as a child of a life with out computers . me on the other hand, they've surrounded me since birth so I cant see his 'cycle' but still I think its more morally correct to not get so swept up in industry - it only aids to the separate ness that everyone in our generation feels the nowhereness, and island like mentality- dad told me when I was little that every one is like an iceberg floating in a vast ocean and from the air you only see these little pieces floating so far away from each other, but beneath the surface, in our subconsciousness, we are all made up of the same water that connects us that we are surrounded by. so we aren’t really all alone were all created from the same stuff. I probably sound like a televangelist but I shouldn’t care what you think of me anyway. I wish I could just cuddle up with Justin under heavy covers-warmth- and just feel his arm and shoulder under my neck and feel the ebb and flow of his breath on my forehead and slip away to sleep I love waking up next to him so warm - it doesn’t even matter if we get married - I've thought about it sometimes. its what's now that’s important and I love him and we’re happy if we ever do get married in a million years it will be because that will make us happy then ,whenever then becomes now. ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_874080.txt,"hmmm, what should I write. This is so hard for me, but I think I'll make it work. That guy just signed on again, and I won't be surprised if he sends me an Instant Message. But I really don't want to talk to him. The refrigerator is making this humming noise that always bothers me, even when I’m sleeping. I hope that my roommate sleeps over at trey's apartment because I don't want to hear her snore. There is somebody talking outside, I can hear them even way up here. I should turn off that light by my bed because if it burns too long everything gets too hot. The creaking of the walls here bother me too. and now some girl just ran down the hall. The airplanes can be really loud here because we are so high. I don't understand why people can't shut their doors quietly or push their chairs in without making so much noise. I wonder if anyone is going to call me in the middle of this. That would make me lose everything. Those people that call that person next door are really pretty stupid. They let the phone ring like fifteen times. In a small dorm room is that really necessary?  My typing has gotten so bad, I hate to capitalize. I should have sent that letter on Saturday, but I was just too lazy to bring it down there. Now it's going to have a weird date on the letter that doesn't match the postmark date on the envelop. I guess I’m not the only one that does that though, so it's ok. My feet are cold. They are always so cold. and today the girl next door was complaining about how hot it was. I am never hot in this room. There is some humming coming from outside. I wonder if it is just a bus being idle right now. My computer just got more energy or something because it made some noise. People are walking in the hall now, I can here them. These walls must not have good insulation. There goes a loud car that was revved up too quickly. That doesn't make sense to me. I should wash my dishes. I wonder what my neighbors are talking about when they just said ""that's really bad. ""  my wrists are starting to hurt, I should probably change my hand position. I also should do my laundry. the rest of my laundry. I need to wash my towels. I wonder how long I would have to wait in line for the stuff. Probably too long, I think I will just wait till another day. That girl just coughed again. That makes me think that I should buy some cough drops. I am getting sleepy. I wish I wasn't so lazy. My eyes feel like their drooping. I wonder what the score is on the Cowboy game. I need to sit straight so that my back doesn't hurt. I wish I knew why my back hurts so much, I think it must have been that Sunday I helped dad. I really wish I had eaten something other than Burger King. I should have eaten Subway. I enjoy tuna subs better. I just yawned. I think I need stamina. My watch is digging into my are. I now have a whole impression of my watch in my arm. That kind of stuff annoys me. This watch is too little. It is made for little kids. I'm going to close my eyes while I type. I hope I don't mess up too many words. That would a bad think if it couldn't be read. I need to get a haircut, I want to get it styled, but I’m scared that the way it will be done won't look good. I’m taking off my watch now, it 's bothering me too much. why does my stapler have such a big crack down the middle of it  I wonder why the mail didn't come yesterday. that makes me so mad. I bet I would have had mail. this gum is tasting pretty gross but it tastes better than the burger. Yawn. now I have goosepimples. why am I so cold. I should probably put on a long shirt. why doesn't my camera rewind all the way. Maybe I should just get a new one. one of those advantage ones that I can take to Switzerland. that would be great for all the scenic pictures. Yawn. why do my eyes water so much when I yawn. that is very annoying. there goes the telephone again. I bet it will ring for a long time. nope it only rang once. I guess the girl is there now. my computer just froze up kinda, I bet I did something wrong, I am always doing something wrong. I wonder how fast I can type without making lots of mistakes. so far I am doing pretty good. why is it whenever you say that you get worse. ,  the second I said it, it got worse. now my wrists are really hurting. someone is going into their room, and the just slammed their door. that just bothers me so much. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_878422.txt,"I just wasted over an hour and a half trying to get my stupid Ethernet card to work. the worst part is that I waited over four weeks for this stupid thing to come in and now none of the drivers and software recognize it. I think it is  royally <blank>. now I have to waste another two hours talking to technical  support so they can take the thing back. what a rip. this makes this day a  really big let down, considering I complained to my parents about getting this  thing up here for me. I could have been doing some of the hundreds of hours of  homework that I have to do. this day has been really wasted. every day is a  waste. all I do is homework each day and nothing more or less. occasionally I get to watch half an hour of television or go to the union or go play a few  video games, but lately, it seems that every class wants me to spend a few hours each night working on their assignments. I haven't even had time to look around the Austin area. I haven't seen a movie in a while either. this place  really sucks. I don't do anything really interesting. I have no life. now I’m complaining too much AND being self-conscious. I couldn't even read my notes on that example. he talks too fast for people to keep up. psychology sounds pretty cool. the breeze never hits Austin. it's like it is always hot and the sun never goes away. maybe one day it will turn into fall in this town and finally it's  be relatively cool so I don't marinate in my own juices. yeah, I know it sounds gross, but what would you call it? I take a shower, walk to Kinsolving, when I  get there, I’m tired and need to take a shower, and I sure do work up an appetite. it's the way back that is a killer. by the time you get back to Moore hill, you feel like rolling over and dying because of your full stomach, the  supersaturated shirt and the fatigued feet. I need to jog more. it seems like  I’ll never have time. I never have time to do any of my old hobbies. for crying out loud, I can't even get y network card to install onto my notebook. I wish I had time to do my old hobbies, like photography. I could have and should have majored in photography. maybe I should major is psychology. it's a really  interesting class and I kind of like it I wish they served more than three flavors of ice-cream. it's like that chicken. 'today for dinner, roasted chicken. for lunch it'll be chicken dumplings, tomorrow it'll be chicken soup. then  creamy chicken blank. tomorrow it is chicken patties, the next day it is chicken nuggets, the next day they'll run out of chicken and serve chicken fried steak with chicken gravy for the steak and mashed potatoes' it's repulsive what they serve us. maybe I should reduce my meal plan. better check in the morning. I  still have another few minutes. my roommate is asking about cyanide. I guess  that’s what happens when your girlfriend dumps you. tough break. he's been really depressed. he's been like this all evening. I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow. I better get a plan together for what needs to be done. hmmm. I wish I could  get my net access. now I’m pissed. ",1,1,0,0,1
1997_916538.txt,"In the background there is the movie ""Space Jam"" which is a little distracting. I can't help but focus on the comedy the Looney Tunes attribute to communication disorders because it was a topic that was discussed in my CSD class. It's a little too cold in here. My agent is not paying enough attention to me as of late, in agreement with a statement just made in the movie. I still wonder about my sign language assignment tonight. The screen on this computer is getting out of focus, then coming back in focus again. I love this keyboard. The spacing on the keys is wonderful. I wish my face would stop throbbing. My lips are very dry, and it's still very cold. I can feel the fatness in the side of my face from my surgery. the Newman guy on Seinfeld is in this movie. I hate his character. In Seinfeld he's funny at least. this music reminds me of aerobics and now the Eagles are playing ""Fly Like and Eagle"". Michael Jordan is a very attractive man. I wish I lived on campus. I wish I had a boyfriend. I gave the wrong number to my friend. It's hard to pay attention to the assignment and the movie , but it's not my computer so I must make do. no more basketball this season. I love this song, it reminds me of 5th grade and going roller skating. My best friend from 5th grade was really messed up. I wonder where she is now. I need to get the old school Salt 'n Peppa CD. I want a new car. I really want a nice car, not another piece of crap like I already have. I want a new Honda Accord, if life was perfect. I'm glad, this boy is coming over and I am very attracted to him. the movie with Kevin Bacon in it about basketball. I forgot the name, crap. my head hurts. you know that looking at anything that is emitting light, like a computer screen or a TV with the lights off it is very bad for your eyes. I'm hungry, I need to work out. I love the free rec center. My fingers hurt a little. I love playing sports, I love movies. I want to make movies when I get older, maybe I'll just produce. Actually I want to be rich. God, that mouse is annoying. Reminds me of my little sister, she always talks to fast for her mouth. This movie sucks. I am tired and I have to do that stupid Lab tonight. I want to go to an amusement park. I'm hungry. I miss Karen. I need a haircut. God that's Danny Devito's voice. That trips me out. OK , my fingers really hurt. the chubby boy? Who's voice is that? hey time really flies, it's good to hear Jenny laugh. I love it when other people are amused. Why is Michael talking about his butt. My friend Justin called me, it's very cool that I ran into him today. enough. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_470418.txt,"Well, my name is Robert Marshall Reinauer Jr. I am now thinking about what I am thinking. I am thinking about Physics. Physics is hard because I have never taken a class in it and the first one I am taking is a college course. Another thing I am thinking about is how long these lines are and how much of a page am I really writing. Did you guys set it up this way on purpose to see something or to tell something about us. Well, if you want to know something that I am feeling right now is that these lines really annoy me by being so long. That is o. k. cause I will just deal with it. I am also thinking about my home and what my girlfriend is doing. If she misses me and other things about her. I am missing her. Studying here is tough and so are the classes. But hopefully that will just make me learn more. There are two girls next to me and they are talking alot. Usually I get people next to me in the computer lab that talk in French and Spanish so I don't know what they are saying and it does not bug me as much. Finally the end of the abnormal typing line. Well, I can understand what these girls are talking about and I don't even really care but they are still distracting me from providing a researchable paper. It really does not annoy me that much but, I like perfect situations and that means everything goes my way. Unfortunately that does not always happen. Guess what they just left. It is really quiet and I can think lots better. Well, since I have been in college I have thought about the future more. Does everyone think about the future more in college. I bet the majority does. I am really worried about how everything is going to work out after college if there is an after college. I would like to become a big success and become a great doctor but so would a million other people and I know there is not room for a million other people which narrows the picking for medical school. I will just do my best and the hope the best comes of it. Nobody knows though what will happen. This is pretty neat turning in a paper on the computer. Finally another line. I am going to try to pick up another class because I need more hours. I hope I can get something that will help me maximize my time here. My counselors said that I can only take 12 hours which is nice advice but who has to go to school here them or me. I would like to get out of here as soon as possible. Not because I don't like it, but just cause I am eager to see what I will be in the future, a success or a complete failure. Well, 20 minutes is up and I have to confess that I have been correcting my grammatical mistakes just cause I feel better if I do. I hope you understand. Bye.         ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_479089.txt,"I am feeling kind of nervous today because I only have one class and I am supposed to spend the rest of the day at the fraternity house doing chores. I also wonder why I have to do these chores, because all of the actives had to do them when they were pledges?  In any event I know that I have to go over there and it will not be fun. I am also excited because next week my parents are going to come in town and it will be the first time I have physically seen them since I moved down here. Also my cousin is going to be coming down here to visit UT and I am excited that I will be able to see her. People told me that I would be overwhelmed when I came down here but I haven't felt that way yet. Things are getting harder by the week, but I think I am handling it well. My room is a mess and I really need to clean it up and do the laundry. I guess I will today since I will have maybe a little free time. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_514574.txt,"I really am tired. I can't understand why I have so much to do and I haven't even started maybe I'm just lazy and I don't think. Could be I'm just a loser. No I'm not! I just want to be accepted for who I am and not for what I am I can't stand to eat Jester food. It tastes better when I'm already full. It makes me sick sometimes and I have to use the bathroom a lot. How many times do you think I can say a lot without spitting on myself. I like this song it  makes me think of parties, dancing girls. I miss my girlfriend, why can't I be with her. Too bad. Just be strong, If the person reading this actually knew me I wonder what he/she would say? Who cares! I don't care anymore. Just give me an A. Is that what it's all about an ""A"" we should try to learn something for a change in America instead of taking the shortcut approach. My fingers are getting tired. I'm hungry but it's too early to eat dinner What moron decided that dinner should be served at 4:30? If I get my hands on him/her, I would probably do nothing but laugh. Ha Ho Ha. Funny dude, that's me. How many times do I have to keep hitting the repeat button on the CD player. It's pissing me off. I wonder what would happen If our nipples were on our foreheads. I'm a dick for. A lot of people ask what's a dickfor? Funny huh? You probably think I'm sort of a psycho or pervert. Why won't this program automatically return me to the beginning of the document. If I get drunk this weekend I may feel better. probably not. I really miss her. She's got my heart forever. I wonder if this is the way I should feel. Who knows? I can't stand a cold shower. My phone just rang but I cant answer it because I have to do this stupid homework. I hope I don't get demoted for calling it stupid homework. Tired, sleepy. Do you know what time it is. I really miss my sister. She took care of me. She's only 15 though but she's my only true friend. I can count on her to do anything I ask her. Most of the time. Who knows If she gets married to one of my friends, I could be the best man. Who knows a way to type and answer the phone and do this stuff in one motion. I hope a little pause in my typing doesn't hurt my grade. I don't even understand why someone would even spell phone with a ph instead OF an f. My caps accidentally came on change the damn station roommate. He's gone. Black hole sun. Fair-weather friend. Dancing in the woods naked with a beautiful blonde wouldn't be so bad. She probably wouldn't want me though because I'm black. Who gives a fuck. In the goat ass. Colin's here he's hungry. BEEr dance naked bitches oops I can't stand ugly women unless they are with good-looking ones. Kiss me Pamela. What if your nipples were on your forehead? Piss on me I'm a dickfor. Who knows why we are here. Who's going. In a bloodbath of  sweat spot you later hey borrow my card bitch. Please give me an A. I'm a psycho. If you think I'm crazy meet Colin. He bums meals for a living. Poor effort dickfor. Colin's gonna get sick. Spoonman rub Colin down. Who going with Wes. he probably will. why studying comes first. unless you beer. is it for a grade I miss high school life sucks then you die. she stinks. she needs a grille check. He smells like a bag of armpits. dirty bastard. My tennis coach smell like old sow rotten bus seats after school. tired please hurry. She’s cute. Colin was the second gunman on the grassy null. president dickfor. Spoonman not on. Live rules. Tupac's dead but I care colin's a weirdo and wants to be a child molester. not funny. He says thanks send help. My butt hurts fingers' tired I quit 20 minutes die mother f000000 ops remember when transformer underwear were the bomb. / jOINTH BOM WWW. UTEXAS. TIRED AS HELL. EDU. CO. HTTP. COM. FOR WHO'S THE MAN. GOT ACCEPTED WANNA QUIT NOW. ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_657222.txt,"Today is September 4, 1997. It is twelve days before my best friend leaves for the NAVY. He has come to Austin to visit. I have dreaded these past couple of months ever since I knew he was leaving. He has been my best friend for five years. We have gone through so much stuff during those years. It is hard for me to say good-bye, but I know I must. We said we would see each other in six years but how will we know. it bothers me to know that he will forget about me, but I hope and pray he won't. Ever since he has come to visit we have went out and done something. Usually we just talk. He has been the only person that has understood what I feel. It's like we have some unknown connection that I can't really explain. But I realize that time will go one and maybe in six years we will find each other and things will be  the same as they were be for either of us left. but how will I be certain. I told him that this is the hardest thing for me to do. I don't know if he understands it or not, who knows. It's kind of funny. Everyone believes that best friends (when male and female) make the best couples. And everyone always told us that we will probably get married, I don't think so. There isn't that feeling of that kind of love there. When I came too UT and began to meet other people, I didn't feel that I was loosing him, merely that I didn't think about him so much. But there were times that I missed his companionship when I didn't have someone to talk to. That is what I’m going to really miss the most about him. He has the great capability to listen and help out, even though he is male. But I will always love him and his great personality even if he changes during the years. I believe we have come to far in life as friends to let our friendship fail. September 16, will be a very sad and happy day because he will begin his career and future and I will be missing my best friend in the world. ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_674797.txt,"What about this school, too many people running from place to place to be of any noticeable . meaning, any noticeable effect. I can't find the word trying to scribe all my thoughts brimming down. It is much easier for me to describe the pictures in my head, the vivid sensations I am accustomed to beholding within my minds own personal theater. I have developed my own way of thinking, so I like to think!, through day dreams and images, which I behold clearly even with my eyes open as if they happened in front of me. I like to write, but not this droning nonsense which may not receive the benefit of human eyes except for its execution and if, if it gets read. I am told it might not be, and it is this insignificance which repels me to the assignment. At least its easy, except for the internet part.  I have generally avoided this dismal institution for my years, I spit upon the ""net"" when it first gained its genesis, and I spit upon its multi-media, machination which steals the waking lives from people. But what of it, for that matter, they do it to themselves, I can not pity them for that. If they like computers to sunsets let them use paintbrush to engineer their own nature, but I prefer the real thing made of so much chaos and chance that these simple number-crunchers couldn't make anything with that much sensation, that much depth. That is what lacks in these computers, they are vicarious to life. Not that I condemn them, they are useful tools, and not that I condemn their junkies or pushers for the fact of the creation, and not that I live my life to its fullest potential as it may sound I condemn the computer junkies for not doing. Its just that, I guess, I have found my own niche in the wall of the world, my own peaceful way of doing things that is inhibited by the computer only slightly, in the way that I hate it and most embrace it. I am hypocritical in this matter as well: I own a computer myself, and use it nearly every day. I like to think, probably falsely, that my downfall in the machine is not so complete as those web-surfers who spend 8+ hours browsing the electronic dreams of men. But then, my won mind produces the dreams I live in: whose to say which is worse?   I prefer to see pictures of the world inside my own mind, and I can contrive any number of vicarious situation, locations, persons, emotions, sunsets, anything I want with a near vivid copy of the real things my eyes behold. Is this the same as the infernal computer? Is this any less debilitating a habit to daydream in ways even more real than my own, insignificant life? I say insignificant, and I mean it, not in a degrading matter or that I don't feel I have made full use of my potential or that I want for a better standard or situation in my own life, but that it is the truth that all humans are insignificant, no matter how important or influential, save in the numbers of our immense crowd.  I'm sure philosophers have pondered the subject as I do right now for a useless computer, but as I have mentioned, I prefer the daydream, I prefer the novel, and I prefer the realistic sunset to a game of doom(not to say that the particular pastime isn't fun, I'm just as guilty as wasting an hour or so, but I haven't followed it up as many have with the endless assortment of clones that rock the computer gaming industry). I am bored with writing this as though I think in words, because normally I do not. Normally I prefer to think in sight, in sound, and even smell(though that's a hard one to master, I don't think I shall). So now I think its time to stop this wonderment I have going and describe what I think about when I don't do it in words:   Flashing colors, sometimes geometric-shapes, until I can find something to build the energy in mind into. I remember during psych class when I began to waver off(which I am in habit of doing, sometimes at the wrong moment), daydreaming about my Kendo class coming up soon. I thought about a stalwart master standing over me as I held out a bamboo sword, poised straight and steady. I though about going over the moves I knew so well, I am quite a fan of kendo and cannot wait to take the actual class. I hope, though, that my daydream will predict some of the success I hope to have, but I still recognize that it was not real, only a contrivance, and I will have to wait for the fact to see. back tot he daydream I enjoy remembering, and have thought about since. I then imagined as though I were past the class, but somehow not in the real world as we know it, but somewhere where the sword still ruled the land. I think now it must have been my own idea of feudal Japan, but needlessly I walked around in nothing but a (I forget now what the karate uniforms I have donned so many times are called) but I was wearing one of those, carrying a real sword this time, trudging through muddy roads through a country side constantly lit by an orange, pasty sun.  I can’t remember where it went form there, but needless to say much violence, honor, and success followed. That's how my daydreams sometimes run, but sometime they are more erratic. Sometime I let my mind go, though I do have extensive control, and watch bizarre unfoldings before me of pictures melting together, sometimes a forgotten memory boiling up from the depths of my mind, but more often a collage of unearthly landscapes. I have done extensive travel in the southwest of our country, sometimes willing, sometimes not, and have amassed a great many memories of the landscapes. Enough memories, in fact, to create my own realistically, though vicariously, through my daydream ability. Sometimes I imagine titanous walls of huge cliffs, eaten away by a river evidently, but impossibly showing the scores of rain as though it were eroded by that force alone, topped with greenery though the valley below is of rocks and tumbled stones. I like to visualize. I like to visualize so much that on the last vacation I made special note to remember the best landscapes I saw, and discovered in the process that I couldn't remember the scenes if I wore sunglasses. Without them, I could remember the sharpness of Shiprock, the depth of the Grand Canyon, the crumbling stones of Chaco and Mesa Verde. But with sunglasses on, I found I could not remember the details, they seemed clouded and sometimes distorted as thought he glass stole away the true definition of the pictures I wanted to remember.  That is the unfortunate part of my visualizing saga, sometime I mar and twist my own memories into fantastic visages only seen in movies, and then find I cannot twist them back. Sometimes I remember the waves at Galveston quite a bit larger then they really were, the sun at the most vivid sunrise I recall that much brighter and golden, though taken from the special effects house and spliced with my memory. and I wonder which is better? To have the memory unaltered or to have the memory better, improved and refined into something so stunning to remember or think about that I might include it in stories. That's how I write, too. don't think out the story, I see though it were a movie flashing before my eyes, I hear it though a speaker were plugged next to me, I feel it though I were in it myself. Sometimes I think about conquering the world, so much to the fact that I have it all planned out. I feel safe writing about here, because it is doubtful anyone will read this carefully or pay attention to it, but I am confident enough of my long-term plans that I would feel bad if someone didn't have the warning. Maybe just fancy, but we will se won't we? If not, then I'll die a normal life, or maybe get a few books out and receive some fame, not as much as I'd like the money though. I'm sure I’ve met the twenty minute interval, but I forgot to check the clock so I'll keep writing a little longer to be sure to satisfy the requirement. So now I will daydream for sure, and write it as I see it, as though it were happening. NO, I better not, it would probably appear too much like my writings, but I will go ahead and make-visualize a new landscapes like I did up there(Earlier) because I enjoy it so much.     I see a rising pyramid, sitting atop a four-cornered stone terrace that hold the point towards a sky with two suns, one burning bright and vaguely familiar to our own, the other a hazy blue color, lazily sitting near the point. surrounding it is the ruins of a city, not Egyptian though, but more reminiscent of the Roman culture, with tilted columns and ruble returning to the desert. The sand is a yellow with glitter, like mica flecks imbedded in the sand, which is hot tot he touch  but not ruff, it runs like silk through the hands. My hands? I don't know, I just watch. The valley surrounding is windswept, though, perhaps they must be my hand because it appears quite desolate. The wind whips the sands into speeding wraiths across the amazingly flat area around, somehow no dunes develop, though. I wonder how that could be. I said valley, but I do not see any moutons or hills around. I wonder what prompted me to describe it as such. If I were writing a book, I would have changed it or added in a distant mountain line, but not so here. The sand seems compacted though, to the foot, though a hand can easily dislodge it, though it seems to flow back into place. It reminds me of the black sands of California, more gray then black, but equally as smooth and mica filled. Perhaps that's where its glintiness comes from, a mixed memory of TV and actually physical things I've seen. Sometimes its is, most times, though, it is merely illusion, merely contrivance, so I will let it go at that,  ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_735082.txt,"My parents just dropped me off at my dorm room and they are headed home to Houston. They came up for the football game and to see me. My mom calls me every day, whether it be to see if I'm up for school or  if just to see what I'm doing for the day. Gosh, I'm starving right now and my friend just ate all of his Taco Bell. I wish he would have saved some for me. when I get done typing I'm going to go find some grub. Oh, speaking of food, this morning I ate an awesome breakfast buffet at the Double Tree with my parents. I just got a computer; I don't know why I'm using my friend, Matt's, computer. His roommate just  picked up the phone and disconnected me. But, luckily I got right back on. I have so much reading to do today for philosophy, chemistry, and nutrition. I hope it doesn't take too long because I'm so tiered  and I want to take a nap. Every time I wake up from sleeping I feel as though I'm getting more and more sick. I'm on different medications for my asthma, allergies, and my congestion. The good thing is that I have a Doctor's Appt. on Friday. So hopefully I can hang in 'til then. I met a girl that lives down the hall from me named Jenny when I moved in my dorm and it turns out that we long lost sisters. Well,  not really, but we do have absolutely everything in common. It really is weird how alike we are. I feel so lazy staying in side studying on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I would love to go swimming right now. I hope that this writing assignment gets to Janel Seagal or whomever it is supposed to go to. Well, it's over and I'm off to eat!!  Good-Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_735238.txt,"Well here I go again. Trying this for the last time. It took four attempts but hopefully this will be  the last time that I am required to attempt this. I had to try to write this several times because my computer would not send the four other attempts at writing. So this better work. Well it is really hard to do this assignment when I have already done it four  times  I can't believe that all the creativity has been drained out of me. I can't talk about anything funny and witty. I am so tired. I am tired of trying to do this assignment and getting rejected by the computer gods. Well let me think. I am in my friend's room. She is in the psychology class as well, and she lives on my floor. She is pretty cool for letting me do this when it is almost ten o'clock and I just went running. But then again, she is also helping my roommate with her precal. What a bud! My whole floor is pretty laid back and everyone is getting along real well. We are in a small dorm, Littlefield, and my only complaint is that the rooms are little. But it is a 70 year old dorm, and my mom told me when it was  built the beds came out of the closet. This is really boring. My other four writings were so much more interesting then this. All I can say is that this better go through. I want to go home. But I am going to go home soon. I miss my dog. I am so boring. And I want to be a writer. I am really a more creative person but right now I feel physically drained. I am so tired. All I want is to  go to sleep for a long time and not wake up. Tomorrow morning I have a  Philosophy discussion session and I really don't want to go. But I guess that I kind of have to go. Have to learn!  That is why I am here isn't it! I only have five minutes left and then I can do tackle my English paper. I don't want to work anymore. I want to go to sleep. But I can keep on going a and going and going and going and I am wasting as much time as I can. We are now talking about people in the class. Not good. Well, I think my time  is up. Yeah no more typing well no, I have to go finish my English paper. I hope that this goes through because if it doesn't I will scream really loud. Thank you and god bless.  ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_819953.txt,"It is now 4:10 PM, that means I have to do this stupid assignment until 4:30. it's probably beneficial for the psychologists at this school, though. I think I am going off the page now so I will press return okay, that line was probably fucked up but that's okay. I wonder how long it will take to get on a computer tomorrow. It didn't take too awfully long today. I used to be able to type faster than this, I think. I  am out of practice from summer. I can't write as well, either. not that I was very good to begin with. This is going to seem like a really long time. I was going to say take a long time, but it's only twenty minutes, which doesn't seem like that long in theory, but it really is. I am not looking at the screen and my writing is going everywhere. I wonder what the other people said, and if they noticed that this thing doesn't automatically scroll down as you type. It's good to do this on the internet because it saves a lot of paper waste, but it's annoying to have to come here and wait for a computer when I’m used to just writing things on paper at home. I wonder if Jonathan had emailed me yet-- I will check on that after I finish this thing. Doh!- It's only 4:16. I have a really long time. I wonder if he can tell whether or not people cheat and cut it short. if you can type really fast then you can get a lot done. I wonder how fast I type in comparison with everyone else. I should have learned how to touch type before I came to college. I still use the hunt and peck version staring at the keyboard. It's hard to do that when you're transcribing a paper or something that you aren't thinking of as you go. I'm getting tired. This reminds me of the simpsons when grandpa is rambling on and on and nobody is listening or cares what he says. ""ewww. what smells like mustard?"". I love that show. I can't wait until the new season starts. I wonder if we'll win the Simpson’s house that would solve all our problems for the rest of our lives. never having to do what we don't want to do. But it would be annoying to live in. I think you can tell a lot about a person by knowing  to what degree he or she likes the simpsons. Some idiots like my dad just think it's a cartoon, but it's really so much more. I should really finish that chapter that I didn't read. It was interesting enough, I just didn't have very much time to read. oh, I forgot some of my books, and I don't want to walk all the way to the dobie to get them. it's so hot! I'm so lazy. no wonder I’m a big fat cow, I can't even walk half a block to get my books. I should really start riding my bike again. I like the bus. it's so much easier and I don't have to carry my bike down those fucking stairs. I've climbed more stairs today than I have in a long time. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to go running without dying-- I think I’m just not built for it. Andy is so athletic, and I’ll never be as fit as he is, and I’m really just slowing him down. Yay, it's 4:26, only 4 more minutes. I wonder if you freaks are actually going to read all 500 of these things. yeah, what is the point of this  stupid thing, anyway? I could see the point of that research project, but not this. You can't possibly read all these. M back hurts. I should probably try to have better posture. but I like to conserve energy. again, laziness. two more minutes. I’m tired, I think the sun drains all the energy out of me. I’m really sick of this stupid thing, and the minutes are going by so slow. it's really irritating me. I can' t wait to get to my email! I wonder how many messages I got in the last 3 weeks. well, it's now 4:30 bye. ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_915687.txt,"I don't really know how to start this but I guess it really doesn’t matter Computers are so frustrating. I wish I knew more about them. Its 5:25 now so I need to write until hmmmm 5:45. That’s not to bad. I wonder what that guy keeps laughing about, It must be some really fun assignment or maybe he’s on email with some girl or something. He pretty cute, kind of looks like the guy on  The Princess Bride. I love that movie , haven’t seen it in a while. This assignment is kind of hard because I cant type as fast as I think. Oh, this is how this thing works. Kind of annoying You cant even see what your writing! How dumb. I wonder what Heather is writing I hope my email got to Ryan and Jeremy. That would stink if it didn’t. What time is it anyway?  5:35 10 more minutes. There sure is alot of people here for a Friday afternoon. I wonder if I'll be  in here alot doing homework. Probably. I'm kind of tired. I hope gosh I'm hungry. I hope that HOPE is fun tonight. I want to meet some people . I hope David comes I wonder if Trey or Jason called. I bet Trey did for sure. I wish he was more  talkative but he's really nice. I bet Heather kind of likes Dave. I wonder if  I'm going to be able to get out of this computer without having to have that  weird guy help me again. I felt so dumb. I need to do my research requirement  soon so I don’t get behind. There's a lot I need to do. That guy is laughing again. I kind of wish I could just laugh back at him. Gosh I'm a really slow typer. I hope I'm doing this right. I wish all my assignments were this easy. I need a floppy disk and oh yeah I need to get those Paradigm notes for Zoology. I bet Leann doesn’t remember to bring me hers. Oh well. She's really nice. I wonder where that girl is from. She has a funny accent. I think I've written for about 20 minutes  now so I guess I'll quit even though I don’t have very much typed out . I'm just slow. Besides they didn’t say this had   to be a certain length just a 20 min. time frame. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight. I think I'll go find out. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_936666.txt,"As I sit here and drink this very nasty coffee. (coffee maker is on the fritz) I look back and recollect on this past weekend. In fact this has been my only thought since Monday morning. So I can give you can better understand what I am talking about, I will give you  a background premise to what occurred. I was sitting on the computer, as always, talking to my boyfriend in Houston on a chat group. He and I are still in that ""newlywed"" phase of a relationship, so we are constantly wanting to be around the other. My having to be a couple hundred miles away in school is causing major distance pains. Any way, I was trying to encourage him to come visit me for the weekend. He was regretfully working on both Saturday, and Sunday lunches ( he is a waiter, where we met this past summer) . He replied to my requests with a request for me to go down there. I thought about it for a brief moment, decided that I had no major plans for the weekend, and immediately called Greyhound. I was on the next bus home, in one hour. He was so completely surprised. As he put it, it was one of the largest signs of love that he had ever been shown, for someone to just up and leave on the spur of a moment, spend over $50 that he knew I didn't have to spend, sacrifice a weekend of my time, just to see him. He was on cloud nine, and as soon as I saw him, so was I. Well the weekend progressed, and I had a wonderful time. I also had a chance to meet up with my friends still in Houston, without having to report in to my mother. thankfully I neglected to tell her that I was in town. Well, on my last day there, before my ride to the bus station, he and I had a heartfelt conversation. He basically proclaimed his undying love for me, and told me exactly how special I was in his life. He also went over all the things that I did to let him know how much he knew that I love him. He remembered all the little things that I have done since day one. which really meant something to me cause I know that my actions are received with such appreciation. He felt that this last one, my coming to see him on the spur of a moment, was the ultimate. He then proceeded to tell me of a mental list that he had of who he envisioned his wife would be, what kind of person she would be, and what her traits would be. He told me that I fit every one, and he said that I was his perfect companion. Both of us have seen a lot, and have dated almost every type of person out there. I know that he is the one for me, I have known it for a while. I have been told that when you meet that certain someone, you will know it is them, and you will know that they are the right one for you. Well. my mind, heart and soul are screaming at me that Terrence is him. Well, I stated a few things to him that I had been thinking about, and at one point,  I started to cry, out of sheer joy at what he was saying to me, I have never had any one person ever express their feelings to me, and I don't think I have ever experienced love at this level. I was so happy that the tears just came. Oh. to explain the next thing, I want you to know that we have talked, hypothetically about marriage several times in the past. but it was usually never in a fully serious tone, only half serious. but each of us was contemplating it. When he saw me crying, he embraced me so tightly, and with such warmth I felt at totally peace, at that moment, he whispered (and I still don't know if I was meant to hear t or not) that he had ""finally found his wife"". he pulled back from the embrace, looked so deep into my eyes that it felt as if he touched my soul, and right then and there, asked me to be his wife. I was soo taken aback that I couldn’t speak. I have never been proposed to, and wasn't sure how to respond. All I could do was smile one of the biggest smiles I have ever made, and I replied yes. He said that he was completely serious. no hypothetical at all. he also said that he would ask me again, but this time, would present me with a ring. I know that it could be a while before he can get up the money for that. but I am willing to wait for a man like that. I have never meat anyone quite like him. I have only been in love 2 times before. one lasted for 3 years. but it ended as an abusive relationship. the second was only a one sided love. He was leaving for the Marines, and didn't want to return the love because he knew that he would come out a different person. But both times cannot even compare to my feelings for Terrence. Now I come to my contemplations. I had plenty of time to think about my life and where it was going on the bus ride home. I know that I want to spend my life with Terrence, he and I share the same values, we are both religious people in our own ways. we may not go to church regularly, but we are both at peace with God and what He asks of us. I have never met anyone that was religious and not afraid to admit it, but he isn't overly religious to the point that I am disgusted. :O)  We both have the same values regarding marriage. in effect, neither of us believes in divorce. Marriage is for all time, and if you marry a person then it is forever. ""'til death do you part""  I know that this could work. The biggest obstacle that I can see is the age gap. he is 28, I am 18. It hasn't posed a problem for us before, my mother likes him, and sees that he shows acceptable behavior, and treats me with the utmost respect. He never belittles me, or disregards what I say because I am young. In fact he looks up to me because I have set such high goals for myself, and will stop at nothing to achieve them. He also knows that I want to wait until graduation, or at least close to it, before I get married. And he knows how important Med-school is to me. He also says that he will not marry me until he knows for sure that he can support me. he is one of those chivalrous guys, that believes that a man should be able to support a family on his salary alone. but if his wife wants to work, or even makes more money than him, then he is all for it. he just wants to be able to know that I don't have to work. At the same time, he is giving me more support about being a doctor than any other person. including my family.  One thing that bothers me is that he is 28 and still a waiter. I know that it is only temporary, he is working for a career in music, either with a band, as a musical engineer/producer, or as a teacher (he is one of the best drummers I have heard. and writes INCREDIBLE music. everything from piano pieces, to synthesized complete modern music. he can do it all!!!!  I know that with my income alone, we can make it. even starting out, being a doctor will be able to support us. The problem could arise in the fact that we will be in debt for a while, paying off med-school, and it would be a shaky start. But of course all marriages start out financially shaky. I am also concerned that because he is so much older, and more ready to settle down, that he will encourage me to marry before I graduate. that would just be another added expense. By the time I graduate, he will be 31. I just hope that he can wait that long. he says that he can, and that he will, I believe him, but he may grow antsy as the years go on.  Bottom line is that I love him, and will do anything in the world for him, but of course within reason. I also know that he would do the same for me, without even needing me to ask. I have never felt this way about any other human being. and I don't think that another love like this is possible. besides I don't want any one else but him. soo. Yes, I will marry him. and we will have beautiful children. We know that once this ""honeymoon"" feelings wear off. our love for each other will change. but as I know my love, I will still be there. by his side. I have never met anyone that completes me, and who I am, so perfectly as he does. not even my best friend. Terrence and I connect we realized this when we first met, and had our first deep discussion. In fact we connected to each other so well. that it scared both of us. and with reason. when you meet someone and the next week you can complete each other sentences. and already know what the other is thinking without them having to say a word, it can be a bit scary. But as we grew, we grew more comfortable with the idea. and now he is ready to marry me. my life couldn’t be more perfect, and I couldn't be any more happier. I am in love. and now, I am engaged!! ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_956061.txt,"I have to work at 1pm, go back to my dorm, and get everything organized I still have to do my geology homework and study that since science is hard for me. I need to go shopping for food also and get my internet connection set up. I hope my dad can help me because if not I don’t know when I will ever get on the net and all my assignments are due over it. I also need to call my Brad in College Station. I don’t know what to do in that situation. I think I love him but I need to date others--but who to date? I am not interested in anyone I only want to know for sure if it is Brad I want but how do I know if he really wants me when we go to such different schools and he will probably find an aggie woman I could find a longhorn man also . the guy I just met is pretty cool but I don't see me dating him maybe I should just have fun and see what happens no need to get serious yet-- unlike Lori and I do not want to be like her and Ryan. I am glad I didn’t have to quit my job I love everyone there only my manager is driving me crazy with the shifts I am getting hopefully it will all work out but I have to work 2 shifts today and I still have so much to do I just need to relax or something but I cant until I get all my stuff done. oh well I wish I had time to tell my mom and dad everything that is going on here but things keep coming up people are always calling and or dropping by and there is no time to call unless it is at midnight when they have been asleep for hours its funny because you would think that since we live in the same city I would be able to talk easily but I cant tomorrow is labor day I wonder if Jeff will want to do any thing he probably will and I don't know if I have time or not to spend the day with him and if I don’t he will probably throw a fit since he lives in san marcos but he can come home all the time if he wants or I can visit him I wish he wasn’t so needy he has to really we are not together but he has always been like this that is why we could never work out not like brad though he is wonderful but he wrote me some letter I haven’t gotten it yet and he says parts of it are sad and parts happy I wonder is it good sad like he misses me or bad sad like he met someone else I will find out in the next few days  I wonder if Ryan got my letter and how he is doing I wonder how mecredy is doing and when he is going back to Dallas the George strait concert was great I wonder is they got to see brad I wonder how Lori is I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days and we have to do the draw together on Tuesday I hope she can stand in line with me and I may have to leave early since I work at 10:30 I don’t know the games are going to be great I hope I get to go to the A&m game! I don’t think I want to hang out with brad that weekend though I don’t know it depends on him and who knows if I'll get tickets I really want to go though Tyler already has some lined up I wonder how you get to college Station I'm sure someone will give me directions I hope it isn’t too scary I don’t know what I would wear I wonder whose car we could take mine would never make it and it has UT stickers all over so they would trash it ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_991545.txt,"ok, go!  20 minutes, and don't stop. what do I write about?   I have laundry  in the washer. I hope it doesn't shrink. band was fun. only a couple of days till our first game!!!   I'm glad I tried out. Meagan and shannon are cool. they  helped me alot during summer band. I wonder what they think about me. my microphone fell off. I shouldn't have put it on before I moved up here. college! cool. freedom, school. high school band. Mr. k was nice   need to write thank you  to Mrs. Burditt. flags,  weird stuff. I'm confused. it is fun, but kinda gay. and I'm not!  my only way to be in band for now, so ok. submit. internet, wow. find everything, loose sleep. slept at noon today. I need to sleep more at night. our leopard print sheets are so cool. We are damn funny. Mike is funnier. he is just plain wacky. he made callback today. I told him he would. ""na, man""   go ahead  and check, mike, you never know. they liked your accent. Biology video was crazy! ""today we are cooking leeches""   Earthworm Jim. ivy had fun, too. she's having fun in Ohio. , but she misses us. I miss her too,   I like talking to her on ICQ. too many  people have icq, and it's messing up. my computer messes up, too. dell is cool, and their customer support is nice. makes me feel stupid. I felt pretty dumb in Calculus. missed the ques. on the review chapter!  I have already taken and aced the class. Jessica is cool. can't believe she's w/ gabe. man, that  stinks. I should have done something last year, but nooo, I was afraid. gotta be  more confident w/ girls. I'm not a bad guy, some girls even liked me. just gotta do something about it. Library. Mrs. ritter was nice. surprised her good she thought I was snobby, everyone judges me before they meet me. ""that smart guy""  or ""the one on the announcements all the time""   ""the valedictorian""    I don't care. I'm a funny person, very nice, and very sweet and romantic.  State solo ensemble. Leslie, that was a fun bus ride. again, should have done something , kinda late, since  I was leaving for UT. Orange and white. some colors,   some school pride. girl in our hall. we are such losers. not even any alcohol or girls (except Jessica and my sister)   oh well, give it time. Kate is cool she came down from Baylor. explorer didn't work. Chevy blazer. ford bronco, white OJ. did he do it?  I don't know, but he was proven innocent, leave him alone. LA riots, man there is so much hate.  Princess Di. die. drunk driver, come on! everyone knows that!  paparazzi, not only their fault. James is a total pothead and such a dork. nice when you meet him, then . Dan. I miss Dan,  he's funny. need to call Dan. need to call my parents. mom misses me, poor dad, doesn't have anyone to talk to (except mom)  I hope I  still have friends when I get to be his age. I know he works too much. Scott is online, so is ivy. I wonder what they're doing. Scott at Notre Dame I bet he's having fun. we're actually doing homework  who would have thought. college. never had to study before. kinda weird. gotta read sophie's world  tonight. I have another  writing assignment for Prof. Ross. weird class the meaning of life?!?   MONTY PYTHON!!!!  funny stuff.  I have their game. no  time to play it. I need to buy Interstate 76. Dakota wants to play. His stepdad died, but it was better that way. he misses us. I wish we could  come down. we will for homecoming. I hope there's no game that day. band again. PC and Martin, do they even notice me?  I try hard, I guess,  and I really have fun. I've never done this before. picked up on it fast that's what they say. Meagan is cool. she notices I work hard. she never did it  before her first year either. I guess she know what it's like. 20 minutes passed 3 minutes ago. I wonder how much longer on the laundry. I'm hungry. what can I eat. ice cream is good. already had it today. jester express might still be open. I have to check  hey, movies are on tonight. SCREAM is on. cool. I think I'll watch it. time is up. ",0,0,0,1,0
1997_410675.txt,"The computers at Contessa Dorms have no modems. I learned that the hard way. So far, here at UT, computers have been quite a pain in the ass. My password for UT access won't work. Maybe because its nine letters. I can't tell; the instruction sheet said that you're password should be up to 8 letters, not that it had to be at least eight letters. Here in Austin should means has to, I guess. Sir Mix-A-Lot is gone, I guess. He did that Baby Got Back song, and then he disappeared, unless you’re a hardcore rap fan. I once read about some little down in the Midwest where a bunch of rappers lived and made music. Like Robert Earl Keen lives in Bandera, Texas, where I went to summer camp one year. We called ourselves the Homies, and had an old cowboy hat called the Homie Hat. Some guy in another tee-pee shot it up at Riflery one day, so we had a funeral service, of which I was the preacher. We made am H out of rocks above the hole where we placed the hat and said a prayer. The counselor said it was sacrilegious, but we went through with it anyway, and later dug it up and moved it because we thought some one was going to grave-dig it. That’s a great piece of trivia in my life- Where ids the HOmie Hat buried?  Someday, maybe I'll go visit Robert Earl Keen and we'll go up to Hamman Ranch YMCA camp along the banks of the ice-cold Medina River and find that H. That would be cool. When I was younger we went to the Monahns in West Texas, whenever we were visiting my grand-parents in Midland. Now my mom and grandmother are in a big tiff over a pins shower cap in the upstairs shower. Its a silly fight, of course, but I guess its kind of interesting to see who gives in and talks to the other first. My favorite tiff ever was the Tongs-Becky tiff of late 1995. It involved car accidents, lies, rumors, name-callings. Now Tongs goes to Montana State, in the Big Sky conference, which brings me back to tiffs. I knew this girl at St. Ed's named Jenn who had a friend she hadn't seen in a long time who went to Southern Utah, which I think is in the Big Sky. So I told her that next time she emails her she should mention that she knew someone in Austin who had a friend who was going to another Big Sky school. I don't think she ever intended to do it, but she emailed her anyway, and this Southern Utah girl never wrote back. I guess she'll never know about the whole Big Sky? Texas coincidence, unless Jenn told her, which I rather improbable. She obviously didn't care. Jorge stole Todd Snider's straw cowboy hat, which is now sitting right in front of me as I write. Todd SNider, from Nashville, was playing at the Luckenbach Laborfest, where we saw him a year before and when he crowd-surfed, Jorge just yanked it off his head. It was badass. Jorge says he doesn't feel bad about it. I wonder if Todd misses that old hat. I think he does, but he learned a valuable lesson, like when Jerry Jeff lost his guitar, and found it at some bar in New Mexico a year later. That story is probably bullshit, as most of Jerry Jeff's seem to be. It doesn't matter- I don't pay to hear storied from an era in his life that he probably really doesn't remember, but I do wish he's play a bigger variety of songs- the man has released over 30 albums- all different, yet plays the same set at every concert. I've never even heard Pot Can't Call the Kettle Black, and that’s one of his biggest songs anyway,. You want stories, talk to old Sean- his stories pretty much suck, but his pride in telling them is what is so interesting. He makes a walk from Georgetown to the Jefferson Memorial sound fascinating, while I almost get lost lost-to-death in some God-forsaken part of East Texas, and I can't even keep people listening. ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_579195.txt,"I really don't know how to use the Internet and I have a feeling everyone can tell how ignorant I am. I really wish that I did not have to use the computer for my class assignments, its not like I will really have to use it in medicine. I wish my dad would subscribe t o the Internet at home. Oh well at least during the Christmas vacation I probably get a car if my grades are doing real well. I wish my dad had not held me to that deal, I mean what if I flunk out of math, my dad will kill me. Forget the car I just my hope my dad is in a very happy mood during the Christmas holiday just incase I fail. You know I am really scared what if I really do something to endanger me in to getting to the medical school of my choice, what if do get  into medical school and I happen to fail, what if I became a doctor and all my patients died on me will I be labeled as a bad doctor and have to forfeit my license. I really have to talk to the microbiology advisor so I can see what courses I should be taking and when I can fit them in so I can graduate in four years. You know what this is a stupid assignment because I am still thinking about spelling everything correctly and capitalizing, this even reminds of my psychology class in high school. Mr. ward was cool but his class was very boring, he should have known that because everybody was falling asleep and hardly anyone did well on his tests. You know if I had been a braver soul I would have blatantly told him his class was too hard and too boring it didn't even help some of my friends who to the a. p. exam. What kind of teacher is that who can't make sure all his students pass a standardized test he has seen before. that bring me to Mrs. whitenight I cant believe I didn't do that well on the a. p. exam, I suffered through out the whole year in her class only to not be able to receive a four or five. I mean really since I suffered and improved each and every day in her class I should have gotten a five, but oh now you know what I could believe that since she was a member grading the exams that she helped get that low of a score It sounds really silly, but who cares I don't have to look at her ugly face again thank goodness. and You know Mrs. Dubner should not try to cover up that she has thinning hair I mean thousands of women each year go through the same thing, if she really wanted her hair to grow she should have tried rogaine or something to that effect. This is almost over thank you God I never want to do this again but I have to. Yesterday my birthday was half good and half bad I cant believe my family could not have fed exed me a package ,it a good thing I have friends like Jean and Rosemary. I still haven’t talked to Dina and I could  not believe she chose my major after saying she would not like it, it would have been great had she told me the truth instead of me having to hear it from Regina the nerve of her trying to steal my major. I mean its not like it belongs to me anyway, but it seems like she going around my back trying to one up like so if we go back to Richardson she can tell every body how much better she is at microbiology than I am. I can tell you one thing she will never get that satisfaction I am going to work harder and work better then she will the only class she can probably beat me in is computer science and I can get me a tutor so I can improve my grades in that , thank you very much. I hope I beat enough so that I graduate suma cum laude(knock on wood) and she graduates cum laude or magna cum laude ( I could care less). Rosemary is a cool roommate , I sort of getting a little tired of jean I mean she complains from one thing to the next but she is a great friend I hope we all graduate together and become even better friends. Today I am supposed to start jogging I hope I can make it around the track once with out collapsing, that would be a miracle in and of itself I think. I know I have to call my parents I am especially worried about my mom I mean ever since the death of Princess Diana she has sounded a lot weaker on the phone I hope she gets over it soon. I hope when I am able to get home for a holiday they will have my birthday presents, I can't believe Jean and Rosemary got me a perfume oil for my birthday that has to be the greatest birthday gift I have received from anyone since I got my Cowboys' jacket from my parents on my fifteenth birthday ( in fact that  was the last birthday I got present from my parents at all. You know in the two weeks I have been here I have forgotten all about mike almer its a good thing too because I think I was starting to get obsessed about the whole thing. Maybe I'll see him during the Christmas holiday maybe I wont maybe I'll even have another boyfriend who'll treat me better any way I shouldn't be thinking about that right now I'll think about it later when I am about to graduate from medical school. well thank goodness my time is up its a good thing my professor won't really read this its not embarrassing I just don't feel like having anyone analyzing my brain waves or my mind thinking pattern, I would rather be analyzing someone else myself. I wonder what the projects are going to like I hope its going to great well I have to go so I can eat lunch which I have never wanted more than right now. ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_657978.txt,"I finally got all of my Ethernet problems worked out today, so I e-mailed  everyone I know. I wish my mom would call so I could tell her that not only  did I get the package with my Windows 95 disk but I also received my Nabisco  care package. It had all kinds of goodies in it but I haven't yet gotten to eat  any of them yet. I wonder where Scott is. I haven't heard from him since Monday I think. He's probably at work, or playing Magic with Tim and Anthony. I'm glad  I got a card from Julie today, looks like she's having a good time at OU. Maybe  I'll call her before I go to the Red River Shoot-Out in Dallas, or better yet maybe she's got a place to stay in Dallas and I could stay with her. I wish the guys  working outside would be quiet. And for once the girls in my hall are quiet, either that or they aren't there. My fingers are really cold , but they aren't numb yet so I guess I'll live. I'm so excited! I get to  go to my first UT football game on Saturday. But I also get to go to all of the other home football games because I got Season tickets. maybe I'll see my Aggie friends at the A&M game November, Kristine doesn't have an e-mail address yet otherwise I’d write her. I  don't think I get to go home again until September the twentieth, but maybe I'll get to see Scott then, unless he comes here, but I don't think that he'll do that because it will end up costing him to much money, then again it will cost me a lot of money too, if I keep going back and forth I hope that I’m getting enough sleep to make it all the way through the day. I need to start planning my week like I  learned how at the time Management and Study Strategies Seminar I went to on Sunday I think I need to take a nap. I wish I had some nail polish remover, I need to repaint my toenails. I wonder if I can make it through three weeks before I need to get my nails redone. I hope so I don’t want to change manicurists, I like Vicky. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_696801.txt,"What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep,  maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that?  The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_697491.txt,"It is 5:24 in the afternoon. I wonder how long 20 minutes really is and how much I can write. time always seems to go by so slow when I’m bored out of my mind. it's too quiet in this room. usually there's people constantly talking, walking in and out, shouting, banging, or anything to cause distraction. you see, I’m in my cousin frank's room. well, we're not really blood cousins, just cousins by marriage- his aunt married my uncle. anyway, he's pretty cool. I hated him when I was a kid. we were in the same Chinese class and he was one of those really annoying, obnoxious boys that always teased the girls. I guess we're pretty close now. it was pretty scary finding out we were cousins, but its fun calling each other that. ugh. I’m so bored. the only noise I hear is the humming of the a/c which is right above the desk. it's hot, and the a. c. 's not cool enough to keep me comfortable. I’m really paranoid about frank's room. he's a pretty messy guy, and someone just came in here complaining that there were fleas in here. yuck. I hate bugs of any shape and size. all I know is that I’m beginning to feel itchy everywhere. man, it's only 5:35 now. about half way through this writing assignment. laddy da dee da. I don't know what to write. the more I sit here, the more impatient I get and the more paranoid I am about these bugs around me. frank lives inside an Asian fraternity house. I’m not trying to say Asians are dirty, but sometimes the guys do get a little lazy. I wish they'd clean up a bit. even right after the clean, it's still a mess. it smells moldy, the lighting is really bad, the air is thick, and it just feels nasty walking in here. I hate taking showers or going to the bathroom here. the dim lights are constantly flickering, the seats are a dingy yellow/brown color, and it stinks like shit. and the one stall that's actually half way decent has no lights in it. I basically take a shower in the dark. and the worst part is that I paranoid about guys walking in and out of the bathroom while I’m in there changing. all the guys here know me and respect my boyfriend, but it's just the thought of guys there. yes. it's 5:41. and frank and my friend Tony just got back. they're starting their own racing crew and just picked up stickers for their cars. mmm. and they brought back food. even though I don't like McDonalds, I always crave it when I smell it. oh well, I’m just gonna eat some since my time's up. yeah! ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_736368.txt, Right now I am sitting at the computer feeling very good that I am finally doing this assignment. It had been on my mind ever since it was assigned. I can't wait till I am done. Because I know I will feel a sense of accomplishment . Ever since the lecture on Tuesday every time I think I can picture that video we saw in class where the part of the brain was warming up or so called cooking. I imagine my brain is cooking right now trying to think of what to write next. Earlier today I found my emotions changing alot today and I tried to figure out why they changed so much at one point I was extremely shy and the next minute I was outgoing. Right now I feel very comfortable with myself and extremely confident. My thoughts are going every which of way right now. Because I feel pressure to do well in school from myself and my parents. I really would like to please them and show them I am responsible and smart. I feel as though it is not me right now. I find it truly fascinating that my mind is coming up with some of these things right now. I find it really intriguing. Now even after going to class I really feel like hearing the lectures really has made me realize alot of stuff I had not noticed before especially trying to feel what I really feel not what I just think I feel. It just occurred to me that I have not looked up once to see how much time has gone by. I could write this for a while just tracking my different thoughts and feelings and emotions. When I mentioned something earlier about my parents and how I wanted to impress them. I pictured my parents and started having feelings of love because I know they are there for me if I need them. I never have stopped and traced my thoughts before until now. I am wondering now if the tests are going to be hard in this class. I feel pretty hungry right now so I can imagine my stomach relaying something to my part of my brain telling me it is time to eat. I wish I could get controller the part of my mind that controls addiction because I sure would like to quit smoking. I feel as if I have no control over it anymore. When I smell cigarettes smoke. I feel my mind say wouldn't it be nice to have one of those. I guess quitting smoking is telling that part in your mind no and to be stronger than that. That was weird how my mind suddenly brought up smoking I guess because I know I have to quit because it is so bad for you. Well that’s time I really enjoyed this assignment.                      ,1,0,1,0,0
1997_853759.txt,"  Okay, I am working on assignment number one in which if I understand correctly, I am to follow my thought pattern. I am thinking about everything that I need to accomplish in the next two or three days. This is difficult to follow because everything seems to run together. This happens to me every night when I try to go to sleep. Sometimes it takes me hours to get there. I have to actually talk myself into clearing my thoughts in order for me to get some sleep. There have got to be some better relaxation techniques that I should try in order to sleep, because I am always tired. When you are always tired, it is difficult to get everything accomplished because your mind and body just do not cooperate. I wonder how much power the mind actually has over the body. Maybe that is something that we will discuss in class. I find the topic very interesting. It is amazing how much more conscientious you become of your thoughts when you are trying to track them. It seems to make you lose some of the negativity or criticism that usually passes through one's mind. It is hard to think when you are trying to, but when you would rather not, you are overloaded with thoughts. Just what exactly are thoughts anyway?  I wonder just how the brain actually thinks. The human mind and body are absolutely amazing. They work so precisely that it is quite intriguing. Life itself is amazingly difficult sometimes. All my life, I have wanted to get big, now I would love to be back in kindergarten. Life was so simple back then,  Now everything is rushed and hurried and there are still not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be done. I wonder how other people seem to do everything with such ease, because I definitely cannot seem to get away with doing anything easily. Maybe I will be a stronger person because of it, or maybe I will be insane by age 40. Who knows? only time will tell. I wish I could see into the future to know whether what I am doing now will pay off or if it is being done in vain. Time, what a concept anyway. I would imagine that the world would be quite chaotic without it, but sometimes I still wish that it would go away. I have been typing for a little more than ten minutes now. look at that, I just used time in a simple statement. The concept of time has probably always existed in some form or fashion, however it could not have always been this exact. I wonder who came up with making it the way it is today and if that person knew what a profound effect it would have on the world. I am already ready for Christmas break. I had an absolutely wonderful summer and cannot quite seem to put summer behind me and get in the going to school mode. I want to do well in my classes. I graduated fourth in my class and had a GPA of over one hundred. I made one B is first grade and swore that I would never make another. I guess college is a different thing though and I will have to wait and see how everything works out. It is quite an adjustment from high school. I was trying to stay away from this topic due to our second writing assignment, but my mind is consumed with thoughts about everything that is going on right now which is moving away and going to this absolutely huge school. There are more people on this campus than there are in my whole town. Anyway, I have been typing for more than twenty minutes now. I think my mind skips around a lot and jumps from topic to topic, but oh well, that is how I work. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_856670.txt,"This is one of the most interesting assignments to date in my educational career. Never before have I submitted my work over the computer. I pretty much knew what  I was going to write about when I got down here. my ex-girlfriend. She brings out a lot of sensations and feelings, and I can say most have been pleasant, but not lately. The guy next to me seems pretty cool. Some guy just sat down by me. looked like he was lost or maybe self-conscious because he didn't sit long. I guess this place isn't so bad. I've got a hangover. which isn't too bad, considering me excessive intoxication the night before. What a bitch. People type too damn loud!! The guy running this place seems somewhat dorkey. may that be an understatement. Ryan will be happy to know that I am finally going to break it off with her. It's what he wanted, and I too, but I couldn't do it myself. she's too damn manipulating and she's a bad, bad person. Who the hell is she to think that I'll always be here to pick her ass off the ground like some sort of surrogate mother. Last time I checked I don't have any breasts to breast-feed her. But I'll tell you who does. Tiffany Amber Thiessen (also known as val on 90210). They can't be real, say the girls I was watching the show with. what makes them experts on breasts, maybe the fact that they've had them for a long time. But every damn time a girl seems some guy with a ripped ass body they never take in to consideration that that shit could very well be fake, too. I wonder what that loud noise was. I think I curse to damn much. oh well. Yes that would be a cute chick next to me. but she doesn't look all that good. I don't see  any fine girls in here. people talk too much. there are a lot of fine girls here but not as many as were anticipated. now sixth street is where you'll find a lot of honnies. Sixth street is where you'll find a lot of stuff, that's where I got my tattoo, which everyone has said they liked it except the artist(known as forest) who tattooed it on my back. Probably because there's too much detail and his lazy  ass didn't want to do it all. I've got four more minutes left to this assignment  and some guy just dropped his calculator. dumbass. I'm thirsty . und ein bischen hungry, that was a little German for those wondering(hope I spelled it right). It's odd as soon as we see someone or meet someone we immediately pass judgment on  them, we don't know these people but we judge them one first impressions. which can be positive or bad. my first impressions come off better when I've had a little  to drink, not that my sober impressions come off as bad, I can always entertain  people better when I've had a little to drink. . gotta go ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_898021.txt,Well I really do have alot I should be doing right now but I thought I would get this out of the way and I want to do it early because I am paranoid it won't get sent by some freak accident. Anyway I really need to get stuff done. I need tp study for French even though it's a French I test and I've been in French for 3 years so hopefully I will do o. k. Some guy just tried to chat with me but I told him I was busy and now I feel kinda bad. Oh well he'll get over it. People in Austin really do try to chat with other people in Austin alot. The only people that try to talk to me are online. Maybe it's because I intimidate people. I'm 6 feet tall. I like it though because most guys find it really attractive. My boyfriend loves it. He lives in New Jersey so it really doesn't matter anyway. I really love him. I met him Cancun In May after graduation and he has called me just about every night since. He's even coming down here next month to see me. I really miss him. He really can't even afford to come down because he works in a casino in Atlantic City. That actually kinda bothers me. He's 24 years old. He really needs some ambition. That's something I really admire in people. I've got alot myself. I hope to be a producer someday and live in New York. I can't wait to get out of here. I'm already ready to graduate. I miss my friends from home. Hopefully I can see Jina in 2 weeks. I may go to visit my brother at A&M so hopefully we can hang out. I really feel like people don't understand me. I really wish Rich lived closer. I know he loves me. I went with my roommate to visit her boyfriend at Baylor this weekend. It was fun. I just really miss my boyfriend even more now. I really nee to read for RTF right now. I want to read ahead for this week. I just want to get out of here. I just wish I could pack up my bags and move to Europe. I do want an education so I guess I'll stick around here for four years or so. I need to call Jina. I ran into my old boyfriend the other day but I pretended I didn't see him. He is someone I will never get over. He had the most amazing mind. He is going to be very successful one day. I feel like he is out of my league. I know I'm not but he just never really understood me. I hope I see him again this week and maybe I will have the courage to talk to him. ,0,1,0,1,1
1997_918357.txt,"I'm in the computer lab upstairs. I don't know what to write. there are a lot of people here. the computer next to me is broken but I don't know how. the guy who was sitting there earlier was kinda cute in a nerdy sort of way. some guy just walked behind me. there was a loud noise just now. don’t know what it was though. kinda scared me cause I thought I did something wrong and the people who control the computers would come after me and make me pay a million dollars for the entire system. wow the girl next to me got a long email. I got a few emails today. why do people wear socks with sandals?  don't they know it doesn't look good?  the computer screen is huge. I bet you a million dollars that this is the stupidest writing assignment you will get back from a student. I don't really measure up to the rest of the class. wow the girl next to me is typing really slowly. I'm in the I section. how come on some computers I and l look the same and they also look like 1. ewwwwww that girl should NOT be wearing something so tight. I've been at this computer for a long time. how come there are so many blonde people here. I wouldn't want to have yellow hair. I want headphones so I can listen to music. I'll bring them next time. I'd do this from my room, but I don't have my Ethernet set up because the computer store doesn't have any software there. recycling is weird. why don't they make it a law that you have to recycle. and if you don't recycle, you get fined like a million dollars. why do people read when they should log onto their computer?  I mean, there are TONS of people waiting to use computers and then you have people like this who read instead of type. why do people sit at booths in the cafeteria alone?  don't they have common sense?  a booth is not for one person. it's for more than one person. that's why there are tables everywhere. so you can eat at tables alone in the corner instead of taking up a whole booth alone. there should be a law against that. I’d enforce it. Emily's boyfriend's name is Steve. that's my boyfriend's name. only her boyfriend is close by. mine is far. it's sad. she's going to go out with me and her boyfriend this weekend. she's gonna have sex with him. I want to have sex. but Steven’s so far away right now. I have a chem test on Wednesday. I’m scared. I think I’m gonna fail it. I have to study. tonight is Melrose place though so I can't study at 7. I’ll study after that. I wanna party. I drank too much coke today. i want water. I’m hungry. man it's cold here. how come my room is so cold?  I want to change the temp but then it might be too hot. every place is freezing here and it's hot as hell outside. is hell a bad word?  why do people think it's bad?  and why is God Damn so bad?  you can say ass on TV but not god damn?  and who decided it was bad anyway?  I wrote a high school essay about it one time but I have no idea. why are bad words bad words?  who decided they were bad. I want glasses. I think it makes you look smarter if you get a good pair that is. the computer next to me is broken. that noise was loud again. same noise as before. green is a cool color. forest green though. not the crappy lime greens and other green colors. forest green. aha!  I’m right under the vent. that's why I’m freezing. I can't wait for Melrose place tonight. I’ve been waiting all summer for it. do you think Amanda's gonna leave?  she can't. she's my favorite. I’m glad Allison left. Billy’s a whiner. glad they killed Brooke off. ever watch 90210?  it's stupid. why do they have Braille on the number things that say what station you're on?  How would a blind person use a computer?  I want email. I get a ton of it but I want more. I want real letters though. I want to go down to the mail place and be able to say ""WOAH I GOT MAIL"". :( This paper was a cool one to write. I wanna do it again but I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I skipped class today. don't know why. I was lazy. I need to shape up or ship out. I never liked that phrase. who wants to ship out?  how can you ship out?  we're all on land. not at sea. Steven’s joining the navy. I wish he wouldn't go. I want him to move here. why do people wear fanny packs?  they're not flattering. too many sorority chicks here. we have 2 kappa deltas on our floor. valley girls. UT Austin Recycles. I don't. do they make the whole school do it?  I love the smell of freshly done laundry. I did my laundry already but I want to do it again so it'll be all warm and smell good. I want to go to a party. I want to get drunk like on my vacation. not that drunk though. just drunk enough to have fun. wow that guy's cute. he looked at me. woo hoo. there are a lot of old people here. old old old. I wanna be older but I don't wanna get OLD. just hit submit and you'll get it huh?  that's cool. I still have to find my way here one more time to write it again. wow so much fun. there are too mane people here waiting for computers. I should go downstairs next time. warning!  when you log out all your files will be erased. duh. save em loser. psychology. how come every frat boy and sorority chick majors in psych?  how many psychologists can the world have?  did you know UT is the slacker school of the nation. I read that somewhere. isn't that cool?  this place is huge. wow he's a hippie. what am I?  normal. abnormal. quiet. loud. who knows?  I’m me I guess. I’d like to know what other people think about me though. might be interesting. time's up. I gotta go check my mail. ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_991961.txt,"   I really like doing this assignment. I did it in my senior AP English class many times. I think the assignment was really interesting to my teacher, and that is why we did it so often. I am having a little trouble with this one though because there isn't  rally a topic. My English teacher would usually give us a vague topic, just something to get us started. Some of the topics were going to college or music or sports or something like that. My favorite topic was always music. I think music may be the most important thing to me other than loved ones. I listen to it a lot and it makes me very happy. It is very important to me. But I think what makes me the most happy is playing the guitar. I love creating music. I think it is very gratifying. I may not always play real well, but I am always making some sort of music, even if it sounds terrible. The guitar is probably a kind of escape for me. I really forget about everything else when I am playing. It makes me feel so good. But I think I can do some of m best thinking when I have the guitar in my hand. I f I am just sitting there strumming the guitar it kind of clears my head. So I guess the guitar serves many different purposes for me. Lets see. I am trying my hardest not to write about college. It is very hard since it has pretty much consumed my life for the last two or three months. It is mostly because ever since I started getting ready to move there has been so much stuff to do. I am really being distracted by the television that is on in my room. I have terrible study habits that I need to break as soon as possible before I get to far into college. I was able to breeze through high school without studying, but I know I won't be able to do that in college. Of course sport center is on so it is very hard for my to resist. I know that I watch too much sports. I will really watch anything. ",0,0,1,0,1
1997_430172.txt,"Well I am sitting here in my room and it's about 2:30 PM. My roommate  is on the phone so it's not very quiet in here right now. Last week my boyfriend hooked up the Ethernet on my computer. After trying to get it to work we finally got everything hooked up. It seemed to be working, well all of the programs  were working but when I went to shut the computer down it came to a blue screen and my computer was messed up. It said a bunch of stuff about pressing a key  to terminate a program that wasn't working, well I pressed a key and the screen was frozen. What's wrong!!!!  I restarted the computer and shut it down again and it still did the same thing. Today I turned the computer on and it did the  same thing. I called the computer center and after being on hold for an hour I finally go help, well I guess you can call it help. He couldn't help me but he set up an appointment for Friday with someone who will help me. Hopefully I can get this thing figured out. I just bought this computer a few months ago and  it was very expensive. Well enough about computers. I am a little tired. I had an 8 o'clock class, after the class though I came back to the room and took a  nap until 12:30. I think that made me even more tired. Well I need to start reading my English. I have a book I have to finish by Thursday. I am half-way through, but there's still 120 pages to go. I hate reading!  I read slow and it takes forever. That's not very good for an English major. I should enjoy to read, especially  because I will be doing a lot of it in the future. I am a sophomore student here but this is my first year here. This is a big change, I am very close to my  family and it was hard to leave them. I am 2 1/2 hours from home so it's not that far, but it's still a lot of driving for the weekend. I went home this weekend. I was glad to be home. I'm not sure if I like this place yet or not. I think it will take a little time. At least my roommate is sweet, we get along good. That's a positive thing. The bad thing is that last night we found roaches under the sink. Babies so they're everywhere under the sink. It is really gross. I never saw roaches before so I freaked out. The weird thing is that we don't  have any open food, I guess the roaches are looking for the water and it's also  dark under there. We put a request in to have someone come and spray. They  haven't yet. I hope they come soon!  Well my time is almost up. This was really  weird just writing off of the top of my head. Actually it's kind of peaceful because I enjoy typing. Well I have my psychology class next, at 3:30 PM. I need to get ready for class. I need to check if they got the books in yet. Last Friday they didn't have the book in. Well my time is up so I will submit now. Until the next assignment. see you later!!!!   ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_675028.txt,"I'm so glad Lizz, my roommate, just left to see Brad, a guy she has liked for quite some time now. I think they should get together as more than friends, but sometimes that just doesn't work. I remember a time when a friend of mine turned out liking me as more. I don't know why this computer always makes some kind of noise like it's starting up even when I’m not using it. Someone is very loud in the hall. They sound like they are having fun. wish I could join them. Is Ben thinking about me right now?  I wonder were he is and if he loves me the way he says he does. I wish I was a better typist. There is so much chemistry I need to be doing. Is there a party in the next room?  Cohen just walked in. is he up to something?  This room is kind of hot and I could really drink something cold right now. I just hate people who expect me to understand them when they're speaking a language I don't know. French wouldn't be bad to learn, though. Wish I was at Disney World right now. I just saw Mickey and Minnie on my shelf and remember the great summer we had there. Well mom and dad were fun, but Brandon was a royal pain in the butt. I even have Chip and Dale wallpaper on my PC. gosh, am I a fanatic or what. I think I just know a good thing when I see one. Speaking of good things, I wish I was good at chemistry so I wouldn't have to study the rest of the night and early into the morning. I don't think I'm doing this assignment right because I'm now to the point where I'm thinking of things to say. sitting at this desk is not comfortable at all. My hair is in my face and I wish it was alot longer than it is so I could pull it back. Jester is not a bad place to live except for the constant interruptions. This comp is a pain because the mouse is built in and I always hit it when typing. Who keeps slamming those doors. Doesn't anyone have homework besides me. I put too much pressure on myself to make my parents proud of me. This coo-coo clock on my comp just made a noise and the bird, Iggy is so cute nose itches. it always does. Does that really mean that someone is thinking about me. If it's true I hope it's Ben. I wonder where he is now. Is he going to call me soon. When I get through with this I need to check my e-mail to see if anyone is trying to get a hold of me. I miss Tara. She's the only friend I can really tell things to. If she came up to UT I would never get any of my homework done. But then again she would spend alot of time with my brother. He treats her so bad. I don't know why she puts up with it. I always wondered why people couldn't answer when I asked them what they were thinking. This assignment proves there is always something on your mind. I just hit the home key and it took me to the beginning of this writing and I wasn't smart enough to figure out to hit the end key until I scrolled all the way through what I just wrote. If I could type faster this assignment would flow a lot more smoothly and I wouldn't lose any of my thoughts while typing previous ones. I wonder how long it's been. The way I'm sitting here is hurting my back. I can't believe I wrecked my car and got whiplash. It's been two months and I'm still doped up. I can't even carry a bookbag without it hurting. It sounds like there is a guy talking outside my window but that is not possible because I'm on the tenth floor. It's been almost twenty minutes but this is kind of fun. I should do this more often. It got my mind off of chem for a while and relieved some of my stress. I'm such a basket case anyway, I worry way too much about stuff that I end up doing just fine on. The phone is ringing in the other room. I wonder when Ben is going to call me. If I didn't worry about him so much and worried about chem a little more I probably wouldn't hate it so much. I can't wait to go to the frat party this weekend. There are so many guys there that want to go out with me. I wonder if that's true or if Ben just said that to flatter me or to make himself believe that he has a beautiful girlfriend. Oh I'm so bad, I've only known him for a little while and I'm already second guessing him. He is actually the best guy I've had in a while. He is so smart. how sexy. That guy is still talking outside of my window. I guess I shouldn't be correcting my mistakes when typing but even my friends say I'm a bit of a perfectionist. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_696062.txt,"Whenever I do assignments like these, I usually seem to write over the required time. I've always been more of a thinker than a talker. I seem to possess the strange habit of going into such deep thought that I am completely oblivious to my surroundings, something that really annoys both my sister and boyfriend. I guess I don't really feel the need to always take part in hincty conversation taking place around me. At the moment I'm wondering if I'm supposed to go to the next line while writing or if I'm supposed to keep writing in one straight line like this. The screen seems to just be going to the right when I type instead of ending and going to the next line. Right now I am listening to Morrissey. I can hear it from the bedroom- I'm sitting in the living room which attaches to the kitchen. When I walked into this apartment for the first time ever, it had a much different feel to it than it does now. This is Eric's apartment, my boyfriend, and it feels bigger than when I saw it for the first time. I'm typing on his computer-wow, I finally went to the next line-because my laptop has seen nothing but endless problems from when I first got it. My fingers are feeling numb while typing- he keeps it so cold in here. He's gone to run errands for a couple of hours so this felt like the perfect time to work on this assignment. Psychology has always interested me. I went to visit TCU and sat in on a psychology class and never before had a class interested me as much as this one did. Actually, I think it was at Hendrix. I couldn't stop talking to my mom about it. But that's not really the field I want to go into. I really want to go into early-childhood education. While in that class, the professor showed a film of schizophrenia where one example was a woman who, in one stage of her mind, became an infant and when she cried, the whole class was shocked by how much she actually sounded like a baby. I have no regret that I choose UT. I love Austin and I'm not the kind of person to let 500-people classes  bother me. I can't  help but feel like while writing this I should focus more on my emotions or something- glancing back over this I realize how boring this is and I apologize to the reader. It doesn't seem to me that my thoughts are usually this shallow and simple but then again, when I'm thinking to myself, my thoughts are not usually this clear-cut. They're usually one huge mass of ideas and vibes I receive from my surroundings. Well, once again I think I've gone a bit over my time limit so I'll stop now. I'm glad this is graded on completion and not depth. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_732418.txt,"I think I have one of the shortest attention spans. For some reason I can't concentrate on one thing for more than fifteen minutes. I was never diagnosed as A. D. D. though. I don't think I'm A. D. D. I just think I don't put forth the effort to concentrate. I was trying to read for English, but I couldn't keep my mind on it for anything. Every time I sat down to read I go sleepy. I try to stay focused, but it's hard. I wonder why my concentration is so limited. I think it all depends on what I'm interested in . I can read things relating to the human anatomy all day, but I have trouble focusing on things dealing with English or history. My mind often starts wondering. I've really had to adjust these first few weeks. Not only did I have to adjust academically, but socially. Even though I have a group of best friends, I still miss my friends back home. My mom, sister, and I are best fri3nds, and it's is pretty hard because I can't just pick up the phone and call them. It took a couple of day for me to realize this. I also have a boyfriend back home. This has also been hard. It's been hard for both of us. We were in the habit of talking everyday, and seeing each other quite often, now he's three hours away. I think he's taking it a little harder than I am. I'm keeping busy so I'm not constantly thinking about him. There's so much going on here. Between keeping on top of all of my classes, and hanging out, there's no more time left in the day. We've been having so much fun. The other five girls I hang out with are great. We all bonded so quickly. They really help to keep me focused on what I need to do. Of coarse with a group this big personalities flare, and we have disagreements, but surprisingly instead of holding grudges we talk it out. Females are stereotyped as being gossipy, and shady. Yes we do gossip, but if we say something behind someone's back, you can guarantee it's already been said to their face. So far everything's been going pretty smoothly. I hope this bond that is present now remains present for the next four years. It's difficult to say if it will because we can't  predict the future, and people change. When we're just sitting around we talk about our future as friends. I've already asked them to be bridesmaids at my wedding. Who knows when that will be. I don't plan for it to be any time soon, but I do hope our friendship will at least last that long. Friendship is a very important thing to me. It gives a sense of warmth, and belonging. It's like we have known each other for years. I hope nothing, but good will come out in due time. ",1,0,0,0,0
1997_758922.txt,"Well, after two weeks of trying to find a computer after receiving this assignment, I finally found one. Unfortunately it is probably in one of the worst possible locations, at least unbeknownst to the owner of this computer, who is-ironically enough, my poor neighbors who suffer through hours and hours of us ( the people living next door) screaming and yelling and jumping around until the wee small hours of the morning. I can hear the people in my room pounding on the wall now. ohhh shit, this girl who owns this computer just told me, not knowing it was me, that she hates the people who live next door (ahhhh!)  I am smiling now. I always find irony amusing. They are still pounding next door. What the hell are they doing. HE HEHEEHEH-they just called us the 'Fort Worth Girls'  now that's funny stuff. I seriously have a major stomach ache. It hurts soo soo soo bad. I have been sick for like, three or four days now, I really feel terrible. My insides just hurt and every time I stand up I get dizzy. This computer is slightly difficult for me to type on. Oh well I only have 13 minutes left if I did my math correctly which, knowing my intellectual level, I probably did not do. I kind of feel bad that these people I don't even personally know already hate me and my suite mates. That's kind of depressing you know, but then hey, what can you do about it?  Everyone is entitled to pass their own judgements, how ever unfortunately. I wish my computer was working. It's really, really cute. It's a new black compaqe-compaque well however you spell it that's what it is. I wonder how I did on my French test two days ago. I hope that I did okay. I am seeing all kinds of new people. Isn't it surprising all the people that you see all the time, every day that you don’t know and will never meet?  I think that that is , well to say the least, strange. MY back really hurts. I think , wow, coughing fit, that I will thank the girl who's computer this is profusely. I feel so bad now, physically and mentally. I cant wait to go home this weekend. Have my mom take care of me and see my guy that I am kind of dating. I miss him. he says he misses me. I wonder if he is sincere in the way that he expresses himself he is so poetic and thoughtful and lovely. I said that I loved him but I don’t know if I really meant it. I don’t know if I could ever really love anyone. After all, I really don’t even think that I love myself. chocolate milk, how random, sounds totally really really good right now. Anyway, he has a boxer dog named Romeo. Very cute. I hate most dogs however. I love my cats. I miss my cats. I am glad I am getting at least this first assignment done. I cant spell for shit tonight. I also manage to talk like a sailor. Oh well. I feel bad, this girl has like left her room, probably until I leave, I guess I wouldn't want to hang out with a strange blonde girl typing on my computer either. I wonder if she is talking about me now or will talk about me when I leave. That must suck, to know that that is going to happen and well, I guess I'll just be as nice as I can be. I really don’t want her to hate me but oh well. Oh hello boy in very very short shorts. That is so Montreal. I am just in extreme pain. I want to work out and I haven't in like ohhh-three weeks now. Hello freshman 15, 25, 55. I’m all about gaining weight this year. My mom is going to freak out and enroll me in every diet program in the country. Maybe I just can start like, slim fast right now, save myself some time and pain with my mere. I want to go to France. I wonder what exactly constitutes 20 minutes. I really must be very very thankful. I am such a terrible person. I really really am mean. ",1,1,0,1,0
1997_798633.txt,"This assignment was not as hard to figure out as I thought it was going to be. Actually it was quite easy. All I had to do was follow the simple directions. It is pretty cool in here. This library is not quiet though. I thought libraries are for people trying to read or study, but this one has lots of little rug rats talking and laughing. Oh well. Next weekend is going to be a lot of fun. I get to go see my boyfriend, who lives in Lubbock. I can't wait. Boy, I miss him a lot. I wonder how much my phone bill is going to be from calling him almost everyday. These two guys sitting by me are talking about weird things. I don't think they can figure out their computer. What do I want to buy today, when I go shopping?  I'm not quite sure. Maybe I will get a new dress. I really need to start looking for a homecoming dress. I have to have it by October because that is when Texas Tech's homecoming is. Hopefully my parents will pay for it. How do I tell them though, that on the way to San Antonio I got a speeding ticket. I guess I will just tell them that I was so anxious to see them that my anxiety caused me to speed. The police officer was not very understanding though, although I was at fault and I am going to pay the consequences. I need to study all day today, but I’m not really looking forward to it. If I get behind in my school work though, it will be extremely hard to catch back up, and I don't want to have to do that. Maybe I will go out tonight and have a really fun time dancing and stuff. That ought to compensate for me studying all day, and release the stress. At least I will have something to look forward to tonight. For now I only have studying to look forward to. Who do I want to go out with?  Maybe I will call up Jessica. She's pretty fun to hang out with, or maybe I will go to a club with my brother and his friends along with mine. No, I did that last night. It was fun though, maybe I should do that again tonight. Whatever the case, I need to have a night of fun planned so that tomorrow I can study all day again. I wonder what my roommates are doing. I bet they are watching TV  That's all they ever do. It must get boring for them, but evidently they like it. I can't do that, because I get overly-bored. They are the type of people that don't like to do anything outside of the house. I can't believe I got messed up with them. If I only knew that they were like that, I would have never agreed to live with them. They are kind of psycho. I don't know how anyone can fight and be unhappy as much as they are. I try to stay away from there, but maybe I need to find new places to go. My brother is probably half way to Wisconsin right now. I hope he is doing well. At least I got to see him before he left. That girl has a tattoo on her ankle in the shape of a snake. That is so ugly. I would never get a tattoo like that. I think it is so unattractive to guys. That lies right above the piercing on the face. I don't really think too bad of piercing your belly button, but anything else is too far. Actually, I have even thought about getting mine pierced, but I’m not quite sure if I want to go through all of that pain. Wow, that lady has a huge afro. Doesn't she know that it looks really bad. I guess if she thinks it looks good though, then that is all that matters.     ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_819345.txt,"My name is Rebecca Webber. I wonder how many people will start out this writing by stating their name. it seems the logical thing to do since they have just finished typing it and therefore will be thinking about it. I wonder if this assignment is some kind of study that our professor is doing. he did say that he and whoever helps him would not get around to reading these writings for a long time which makes me think that he is compiling some big database to look at find stuff out about people who take a beginning psychology course at the University of Texas and what makes them tick. I wonder how many people will write about how they think that this is a dumb assignment. how come my words are appearing on the screen on one huge line instead of returning to the next line?  I would really like to have access to these writings. I bet it will fascinating to see what people will put down. can any of this be used against me in a court of law?   I am having a great deal of trouble making my computer operate correctly. that is why I am writing this assignment in the basement of jester instead of in the comfort of my own room on the 11th floor. I am worried about having to run down that many steps if there is a fire. the thought of burning to death does not scare me as much as the thought of drowning. that is odd since I am an excellent swimmer and even have worked as a lifeguard. the summer I guarded, I had nightmares about drowning. I don't want to think/write about that anymore. I wonder if Luke write his article for the Texan. I wonder if Daniel is mad about the letter I wrote him. relationships are very hard sometimes. I have two hard relationships. one with Daniel and one with Abby. gabe is hard to relate at times too. I like Abby more now that I don't have to live with her. I wish that I could just be normal where Daniel is concerned. actually that is the problem: I am normal. I am tired of this. I swam laps today. exercise is very good for self-esteem, not because it makes you look better although it does)it just makes you feel better about yourself. I wonder if there is a hormone released when you work hard at something that makes you feel good about yourself. this seems like such a waste of time. I glad to help professor pennebaker get tenure though.  ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_833350.txt,"My name is Oscar Criel. I really don't know what I'm supposed to write but I guess I'll start anyway while I have some free time. I don't know if we're supposed to word wrap this thing or not so forgive me for the  excessive going out of the lines. I just barely made it here to the Ugl and decided  ""why not and just do my homework while I have time. ""  Today in Psych class it was  pretty boring. I just wish we did something a little more interesting. I took this class because an old girlfriend/friend recommended taking this class. She  told about her Psych class and how interesting it was. So far I like the class  but I wish we could start on some interesting facts. I still haven't bought my  Psych book and I hope I can hang on for one more day. I'm really just worried  about whether my financial aid is coming in. I also miss home already. I decided  not to go home over the holidays so I could stay here and hang out with my friends. But I think I made the wrong decision. Even though I came during the summer I still miss  home. For that whole month in the summer of 97 I just thought about going home. I was in the preview program for the summer but I don't regret being in that program. I met some of the coolest people during the summer than I have my whole  entire life. My old friends seem like dumb asses when compared to the ones I met. I just wish I didn't feel so insecure About Math. I hate Math. I used to be good in it when I was in Jr. High and the beginnings of my high school life. But during my Jr. and Sr. year I really slacked off and got my first C's from my  Pre-cal class and my Calculus class. That's one of the reasons I came during the  summer so I could take Pre-cal. That was one of the worst Classes I have ever taken. I got my first D in the summer and my dad wasn't to happy. He graduated from UT  and he wants me to do the same. I'll try not to disappoint him but I don't know  what the future holds for me. I just wish I wasn't in a major that required taking a  math class. But I hope I get an A average this fall. I better. I just need to work more smarter and know and learn how to study better. Plus I have a work study job now and I hope that doesn't drag me down. I guess It's almost been twenty minutes but  I still got about three more minutes to go . It's weird but I didn't think I could type for a solid twenty minutes without stopping for  a five minute rest or something. One ting I know right now is that I am starving. That damn job is costing me my  lunch. I think I have to start packing a lunch every time I go to work. I need to  buy meal replacement bars when I get my first paycheck. I just hope it's more than a hundred dollars. I forgot but I need to call my dad and ask about the financial aid. I guess I'll call him tonight and maybe he could sort out things. I feel so tired. I just want to go back home and sleep for ever. But I know that wouldn't be the wise thing to do. College sucks. I just wish things came a lot more easier to me. I have no more thoughts. I am just stuck here typing on a computer. Well I better  go eat now and hope that I typed enough for this assignment. One down and one to go. I guess I'll see you in class. Bye. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_911224.txt,"I am reading a book called Atlas Shrugged and it is affecting my consciousness and belief system more significantly than any novel I've ever read. Ayn Rand wrote it and it's just a metaphorical portrayal of her philosophy of Objectivism, but the book touches on subjects that I feel are very important to all humans. I find myself newly enraged at those incompetent people of the world. Not because they are incompetent but because they are the ones who ask for help and breaks and favors by those people who built the society in which we live. The anti monopoly law is a perfect example of this. Why should the men who built the country be penalized just to give the other people who weren't strong, smart, or productive enough a ""fair"" chance. It really is disgusting. Just as is, in the theatre department they don't allow one person to get too many leads in order to give other people a chance. THIS IS STUPID. If those others who would never otherwise get a chance can't cut it, then they don't deserve a chance to begin with do they?  I also notice the moral depravity of some of my friends. These are the ones who are joining fraternities in order to get breaks when they go into the real world. Personally I would hate knowing that I found my station in life by the grace of one of my old drinking buddies. I would much rather know that my hard work, intelligence and talent got me to where I was. But not many people think like this anymore. I guess that I just have way too much faith in my abilities, but I'm glad I do. Ayn Rand is right in saying that incompetency should not be rewarded in society, but it is. So in the book, all of these genius men, who have built of the industrial world are becoming much too regulated, to the point of ridicule, so one guy called John Galt decides that all of the producers should go on strike against the looters. He decides to stop the motor of the world - hence, Atlas Shrugged. So one by one, men who own oil companies and car, and coal, etc. starts disappearing and the world fall apart. It is such a great argument too. You should never take advantage of the hand that feeds you, especially if you haven't the abilities to perform their task as well as they have. This is not, however, indicative of a condoning of ruthless, unfair capitalism. The men who build the world in this book form a secret Utopia and their motto is that they will never give to any man anything, nor will they take more than is their due. Thus, charging unfair prices etc. is just as bad as giving breaks to the dumbasses. Anyway, I have this friend called Jason and since this is for psychology, hopefully someone will read this and can tell me what his problem is. Actually he's not my friend anymore because I don't want such an asshole for a friend. He's the only person I've ever met in my life that truly believes that he's better than everyone around him. You hear of people speaking of someone like this but they are never quite as serious about it as I am. He thinks that he's found the only way to living, and it's so wrong it's sad. The only thing by which he measures success is economic gain. I have heard say horrible things about all of his ""friends"" and have heard what he's said about me behind my back. I've overheard him saying that he's set  in life because when his dad dies he's going to get 500000. This wouldn't be so bad if his parents abused him or something but they are the nicest people in the world and give him everything he wants. Of course, this is probably the root of his problem. I've noticed that he doesn't go to parties unless he's throwing them. If he actually does go to one, afterward he makes it a point to call out all of the things that in his eyes were bad about it. He doesn't want to hang out with these people because they are irresponsible and are potheads, while he smokes just a much pot as they do. And, they pay rent and go to school all on their on while he does nothing but loot off of his parents. He really has sever problems. I guess you'd just have to know him to know exactly what I mean, the biggest asshole ever. Anyway, uhmmmmmm, I went back home this weekend to get my car and I got to see my dog. I missed her more than I missed my parents. She’s so pretty. She's a golden lab retriever and she sleeps in my bed with me every night, Just as she has since she was a puppy. the other day my mom almost got her run over by letting her go to the bathroom without the leash, she ran out in front of a car and they had to swerve up into our yard to miss her. Pretty scary. but she was ok thank god, just really scared. She had her tail between her legs all night long. My roommate is really cool and nice thank god. you never know what kind of freak you're going to get when you go pot luck, thank goodness he's not a freak. He's listens to a different kind of music than I do, but that's cool, because I'm learning a new genre. anyway, my 20 minutes are up so bye bye. ",0,1,0,1,1
1997_450911.txt,"My roommate has a poster of a wolf beside the computer. it looks like an Alaskan husky my aunt has. I saw a wolf once and a coyote ran across the road in front of me while I was driving. My friend Brandon was with me and said did you see that as if I didn't see a big coyote run in front of my car . Brandon is not very bright but I feel sorry for him because he doesn’t have many friends. We worked together one summer on a farm and he didn’t work very hard and that makes me mad because I had to do most of the work. I just sneezed and every time I sneeze I do it more than once my mother is the same way she sneezes three or four times in a row . I am sure she misses me a lot right now . I can't believe she cried when I left to move to college. That embarrasses me but at least she cares about me. She has more respect for me than my older brother and that makes me mad because I love my brother and he is a good person but since he went of to college and messed up a little she has in her on way shunned him. And now my family looks at me like I am the good child. I am not good but they think I am. Whenever I got my first job my parents thought I was so responsible . I hated that job. I hate HEB to this day . All the people who worked there made me feel like a snob because I was actually going to go to college one day instead of working at HEB for 30 years . Why am I still upset about a job I quit 2 years ago . That's like Amanda Baize cheated on me in the 8th grade and I will never forgive her . It hurt so bad . I mean, I have had a different girlfriend who I love very much for the last three years but I still hate Amanda Baize. Misti Davidson was her best friend and used to be mine but she stopped talking to me because she felt she was too good to talk to me . People would think I am crazy for saying that but that is the truth. Now I am feeling guilty for just complaining about stuff in a homework paper to people who don't even know me and now I feel like when anyone reads this paper they will think that I am a guy with a lot of problems. I am actually a very stable person all my friends come to me for help because I give good advice. I really hope someone can read this paper because I am trying to be honest and type everything I am thinking while I am thinking it but it doesn't always come out in readable text . I am worried about this class because Pennebaker said that students who took some Psychology in High school do worse in his class than others . I don't think I am the kind of person to rest on my laurels but maybe I am deluding myself . One thing that bothers me is whenever I think I am not being honest to myself. Does that make sense ? Now I feel like I am talking to a Psychologist and he is analyzing all that I say and I feel really foolish . How stable am I really?  I don't care. I like my life and anyone who says that I have problems can kiss my butt because they have problems of their own. We all have problems but that doesn't keep most of us from functioning. I got a feeling I won't do very good on this paper  and I guess I am feeling ""anxiety"" but I have been typing for well over 20 minutes and I have shared much more than I really wanted to, to people who don't really care and frankly I am tired. One of my many faults is that I am too trusting and any time I talk to anyone I reveal too much . Thank you for your time . Sorry for this mess (my life or paper, take it either way) Hasta luego ",0,0,1,0,1
1997_473319.txt,"Well I finally got into this computer. I have been waiting in line for a while and I'm really not sure what to say on this assignment. My mind is going crazy because I really don't know how to use these computers but I did figure it out. I think I might have sent an empty page or two to you because I wasn't sure that I didn't have to press enter when I was through typing my name and social security number. I shouldn't have left this to be done for the last minute. This assignment is due today by 5 p. m. and I hope that they go through to you. I really don't know that much about computers but they sure are smart. Well the person who programmed these computers are smart. I hope I do well in this class because I would like to have a good grade point average when I finish school. There are only three people in my family that have gone to college and this includes me. I really want to show my parents that I can do well on my own and be ( I just forgot what I was going to say sorry!) I can't think of the word right at this moment but it will eventually come to me. I'm not really sure if this is what you want me to be writing but I will try my best to tell you what I am thinking. I am confused right now because I am thinking of many things that I have to do. I am behind in one class and that is philosophy. I can't really comprehend what philosophers are saying. To me, I think some of the things they say are pointless, but hey that's just what I think. Last night I was trying to catch up on my reading but I can't really understand things when I can barely read what they have to say. I guess I have to read it a few times before I really understand what they are trying to say. It's like they never come to a point until a few hours later. My back hurts, not that you wanted to know that but that's what I'm thinking. I am trying my hardest this year trying not to procrastinate as much as I used to in highschool but highschool is different. I am running out of things to say and I am just typing empty words on the screen because my time is going so slow. I have about ten more minutes. I will tell you what I am doing this weekend and about my apartment complex. When my roommate and I moved into our apartments we had a few problems with management and our ""home"". First we were supposed to get our apartment fully furnished but some things were missing and management decided not to tell us until we had to ask them. We were missing a couch and a few chairs. I really didn’t mind about that because as long as I had a bed to sleep in I was fine. But my roommate finds any little thing to gripe about. It's like she has to have something to argue about and someone to argue with, which is usually with me because I am the only one there. I do not know how her boyfriend can put up with her. I think I am going to live alone next year if things keep going the way they are going. Anyway, back to the apartment, our water was not working we had no telephone and a few things were wrong also but now that they are working I could care less about them. I am so tired, I haven't been awake this early in a long time. Well my twenty minutes are up and I hope this is what you wanted. I should of asked questions but I am too shy or maybe embarrassed to go up to one of you to ask. I think it's shyness more than embarrassment. Good-bye!! ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_597376.txt,It took me forever to get into this program I had the address written all down wrong and now I am going to be late for practice Shannon is waiting for me and she is not going to be happy I can't believe I have a flat tire everyone was honking at me to tell me on MLK. oh well so I had to walk here and now I am running completely behind schedule I am gonna get Kevin to fix my tire tonight when he gets off work I hope he knows how to change a flat and where to take it because I have no idea he won't mind he is really a cool guy what am I gonna do until then I guess I’ll just walk back home to it is good exercise for me any way now I am so sidetracked I don’t know what to write my parents are coming Friday so now I have to clean for them and that I have absolutely no time for but I guess I'll have to find it gosh my typing is terrible and I keep hitting the wrong letters since I haven't typed all summer. this computer thing is not for me I am so computer illiterate but I am very open to learning if someone would teach me I don't want to go to work on Friday I really don’t like it there anymore I probably should quit then I would have no money whatsoever that it'll be nice maybe I will starve and lose some weight I really didn't me that I could never starve myself I love food too much my gosh Shannon is going to be pretty mad since I was suppose to be at practice ten minutes ago to teach her what we learned now she is just going to be waiting on  me because I am gonna have to walk down there and it will take forever. my car hasn't had a flat in such a long time I wonder what I hit because I didn't see anything in the tire but what do I know. my mind is just going blank nothing can run through it cause I’m so tired. I want my shoes back from winstons house they have been there for a week now and they are my favorites but I can't remember exactly how to get there I would probably get lost I can't wait for this weekend the game will be so much fun and I won't be so nervous for it this time I wonder how many people will be there for UCLA how exciting I am so glad I talked to my friend Michael last night he sounds like he is having so much fun in California at occidental I can't wait to visit him he says his classes are pretty tough I would probably drop out! just picking it wouldn't hurt to get a good kick in the butt to get myself in gear. gosh twenty minutes seems like forever to put down all your thoughts I don't even remember what I have attempted to type so far I think my time is almost up though and then I can run to bellmont to help Shannon who has no clue where I am I was suppose to call my friend Whitney last night to see how rush went at her school and I didn't I am a little curious to see what she picked I cant believe she hasn't called to tell me because I am her best friend but I guess I can forgive and forget but hopefully she'll call me tonight last night I talked to rhiannon and she sounded so upset I hope things will get better for her I am so tired I am falling asleep good thing my time is just about up because I am exhausted naturally I cant go take a nap because I have practice I guess its all worth it in the end because I get to perform for a lot of people but sometimes it seems like a waist because no one bothers to tell the new girls what is going on and then we look like idiots I want so much to say something but so far I have kept my mouth shut and just had my own kind of fun I don’t know if they act this way on purpose or they just don't know exactly what they are doing I try my hardest and ever since I hurt my knee it has sucked tremendously I can't strut my usual stuff and I just want to scream because no one knows how much it hurts well it has been well over 20 minutes now so I am going to practice bye! ,1,0,1,1,0
1997_813079.txt,"ok, I guess I really don't know where to start. I just got out of my BA101 class, which was possibly the single most boring experience thus so far since classes began. I guess maybe I should have stayed longer, but there were so many freshman around me with their eyes so wide open, and trying to make friends with everyone around them, that I couldn't stand it for very much longer. this screen is really bothering me because it seems as though I’m writing all of this on one very long  line, I'm wondering if there is some way I can go about fixing it after this is all over, because it is really annoying and it seems as though I'm not writing anything. I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, it's too late to call my boyfriend, he lives overseas, and there is a seven hour time change. I hope everything is going well with him, because he is going into his obligatory military service soon and he is really nervous about it. If only I was still in France that way I would know that everything was going well with him. this is a really huge box that I'm writing in because the wrap around just came into affect. very strange, very very strange. I guess I'm at a point where I don't exactly know what to write about because my mind is kind of going blank. My friend once told me that he never stops thinking, that at all times he is thinking about something, and when you are talking to him, that he may or may not be thinking about the subject that you are talking about with him. that worries me, because sometimes I see I’m smile for no apparent reason when we are talking, and I just know that the last thirty words that I have just said, he is paying absolutely no attention to. my friends are kind of strange in that they are all in their own little worlds, that's not saying that I'm not. But my little world seems a little bit more down to earth then the ones that my friends are living in. Maybe that's why I'm taking psych instead of sociology, it's because I’m trying to figure out who these people are and why I chose them as my friends. It could be an extension off this whole existential kick hat I've recently gotten into. My boyfriend is really into existentialism, and so the only thing I've been reading as of late has been Kundera and Sartre. But then of course I must be honest, I'm taking this course because it is located close to my other class on Tuesday Thursday, and it is at a convenient time relative to that class as well. Not to mention my friends who have taken soc, told me it was echelons more boring than this class was to take. I  hope I get a good grade in this class, after this last semester, my grades are suffering, I literally dropped my GPA by . 4 over this last summer semester, which should indicate that I really didn't do very well. But I only have 35 hours, so if I do well this semester, I can bring my GPA back up over 3. 5 and maybe my parents will start being nice to me again. It's not like they aren't nice now, but they are ""really disappointed how I handled last semester""  that is ""considering that we sent you to France last you, you could at least try a little harder""  this would all be said in the James Earl Jones low god-like voice that I always get in my head whenever my Dad is yelling at me. I probably get that in my head, because my Dad yelling at me reminds me of Darth Vader when he's mad at the corporals, and James Earl Jones is the voice of Darth Vader, do you see the connection?  Anyway, so I'm trying to make my grades appear somewhat better, because if I do, they  will probably let me go on the intensive French study program I want to go to next summer. and then I can see my boyfriend he is so cute. I miss him a lot. I tend to think about him most when I'm either lonely or bored in class. That only either maker me more distracted from the work I should be doing, or even sadder about being all alone. If only he could be American, my life would be so much simpler. Have I been writing for twenty minutes yet, I swear I've been writing for decades, and my hands are starting to get lazy, and tired, and I really don't want all these people around me in the computer room, and I wish that I had had the time to take a shower this morning, because I think all day in the sun has really made me start to smell. I have to have been writing for over twenty minutes now, because the people at the workstations around me have already started leaving, granted they were here before I even started this little assignment, into the mind of the student at the University of Texas. I'm starting to think I'm going to end this pretty soon, because that is the only thing I can think of right now, is when am I going to end this assignment. I think this would probably be a good time because this is starting to redundant. But you said that it didn't matter what we said as long a s we did the assignment and wrote for twenty minutes. so here I am my twenty minutes complete, and I am saying good bye and thank god this is over. only one more to go.   ",0,0,0,1,0
1997_930834.txt,"Well, here it goes. I don't know exactly what to write about because my mind  is sort of blank to real thoughts as I've been studying all day. But I'll start with what is the most important thing to me right now--loneliness. What better thing to write about when you're listening to Bruce Springsteen. Anyway, it's not the clinical loneliness from which I suffer. It's more of a deprivation I guess. It's a deprivation of emotional intimacy. You see, I have quite a few male friends  which is great because male bonding is always a must. But I'm the type of guy  who always needs a deep relationship with a girl. It gives me a sort of basis in my life. Everything falls into place. I do better academically if I'm in love with a girl and I  am more confident about everything I do. I am so much happier when I'm in love. Basically, when comes down to it, I love being in love. How do I know?  Well, I've been there before. I fell deeply in love with a girl in my junior year of high school. Yeah, yeah, I know ""you were too young to know what love was. ""  I really wasn't. There's a Van Halen song which says           ""How do I know when it's love?          I can't tell ya' but it lasts forever.        How does it feel when it's love?          It's just something you feel together. '  Well, I completely relate to the togetherness part and lately I've come to realize  that I can also relate to the foreverness part, too. There will always be a place in my heart for Shannon. But she isn't the point. She is what was. And life isn't what was, it's what's going to be. All I'm saying is that I know what love is and how to love. I want it back . But it's so hard up here at UT to find it, or so it seems. I should be able to find it because I'm pretty good-looking and I've really turned into a nice person. But every girl that catches my seems so unapproachable. But, there's another factor in this whole game. I'm already in love. I'm in love with someone who  lives back in The Woodlands. I had a crush on this girl since my sophomore year and somehow we developed a friendship where both of us went through some peculiar twists. You see, we know we both liked each other and we both wanted to do something about it but we didn't. I didn't because I felt that if I told how I really felt, she  wouldn't understand and run away from me(metaphorically). She didn't do it because  I don't think she knew what she was feeling. She's never been there before so she's not familiar with the symptoms. It took me a while to figure mine out with Shannon, but when it happened, I knew the second it hit me. I think it's hit her but  she doesn't know what to do. Well, my twenty minutes is up so I'm gonna' cruise. But I might actually get on here on  do this out of pure enjoyment. You see, I always do this. I always sit down and throw up all this junk onto paper and then sift through the vomit afterwards. It helps when you're stressed. Anyway, thanks for listening, and if no one ever reads this  I DO THINK BERT FROM SESAME STREET IS EVIL. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE, GET ON THE NET AND FIND THE BERT IS EVIL WEBSITE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!        ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_992092.txt,"Ok, I am really happy right now because after 2 weeks of BS, I've finally got my computer and Ethernet working so that I could do my psychology  homework. Cool, huh. Well, my best friend from El Paso just called me  and told me she's gonna get a tattoo, which I think is pretty dumb  because she's gonna be stuck with it for the rest of her life. See,  I would get a tattoo, like my zodiac sign or something, but I just  always see myself all grown up and old and wrinkly with a tattoo and I think I would feel pretty dumb for getting it then. Like,  right now I just have my ears pierced once in each ear and I’d  like to get 2 more in my left ear and 1 more in my right ear but  its still kinda like I’m gonna be to old for that kinda stuff in a  few years, you know?  What else can I bore you with?  Oh, my mom sent  me a package and I got it today, it was my dry cleaning and some pictures of my dog, Morton Taylor Moore, he's a basset hound. Taylor is  a family name, its my granddad’s and my older brother's middle name. Hmmmmmm. . I'm like so happy that tomorrow is Friday, not like I’m stressed out or anything, its just a huge adjustment to go from partying all the time in the summer to only partying Friday and Saturday night, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't  go out on school nights. I really don't have much self control or discipline, but I’m working on it. I was so happy last  night, I was in my next door neighbors room and everybody was  checking their email and I was just like no, no one has emailed me, but I tried anyway and low and behold, one of my best friends from El Paso had emailed me, I was so surprised. See, he was  suppose to move to Tullorosa, NM but it fell through when he  got there so he came back, but he's moving to Belize in a day or two but he told me he was going to be back in El Paso for thanksgiving except he didn't have a place to stay, and I really hope my mom doesn't  mind, but I offered to let him stay in our extra bedroom. Oh, then I  did one of the stupidest things I’ve done in a while, I told him  that I’ve had the biggest crush on him since the day I met him,  GOD I'M DUMB!!! oh well, its over and done with now, can't change the  past, huh. It'd be cool if you could change the past though cause god knows I’ve done a whole lot of dumb things in my life. ok, sorry, my  twenty minutes were up 2 minutes ago so have a nice day. Bye   ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_451038.txt,"  I am feeling a little hungry right now. What should I do? Go to Jester, go out to eat, make something here in the dorm. Maybe I should just go to the Union. Lets see, I will change clothes and go shower or something. I'll get my comb and toothbrush and go to the restroom. What do I wear to go out tonight?  I think I will wear my white Polo shirt and my black shorts. No I'll wear my khaki shorts and my white tennis shoes. I can't stay out to long since I have so much homework to do. The entire English rough draft to do, my pre-calculus, and all my psychology reading to do. Man, I feel sleepy, guess I should have gone to bed early last night instead of watching Letterman and Leno. Maybe I'll just come back and sleep after my biology class tomorrow. I wonder what is on T. V. right now. It's mostly just the news. Good! Entertainment Tonight is on now. Hope it's a good show. Let me start washing up and changing my clothes for supper. I don't think it will rain again so I guess I don't need my umbrella tonight. I wonder how much I will have to do tomorrow. I still need to go draw my tickets for the Longhorn game on Saturday. I hope the seats are better than last time. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_458896.txt,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_477159.txt,"class lasted all day today. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have class from 8-5, 8 is to early 5 is to late. I like earlier classes its easy to concentrate in the mornings. I worked out today  I think I hurt my elbow there is alot of pain in the  joint. I have been lifting weights for a long time maybe that has something to do with it. lost 7 pounds today, I now way 310 lbs. my mother thinks I grew another inch I don’t know maybe. this typing is really bothering my elbow, damm thing really  hurts. I think I am going to take some aspirin. I've got a biology test in two weeks, lots of studying to do. first test should not be so bad just a review of chemistry. the class moves pretty fast but the  professor is pretty good. the seats in that class are way to close together. I am about 6-5 maybe a little more and my knees push right up against the backs of the chairs. it makes it hard to concentrate after about 20 min. all my other classes the chairs are pretty comfortable. I hope we beat UCLA on sat. I hope the d defense can hold Jimmy Hicks under 200 yards. James Brown might not play, but Watson is a good back up. Ricky will have a great day and will kick ass. ",0,0,0,1,0
1997_570131.txt,"I'm very tired and don't want to take a shower I'll never be able to go to sleep  I wonder what mom and dad are doing supposed to call but roommate is on the phone I can't wait until this weekend to see Eric hope everything goes well and works out I really like him Anthony has always been there but I am changing and not happy anymore doesn't seem right not like it used to be I know he will always be special but I'm not sure I'm happy with him anymore  I hope Robin doesn't get lost waiting for me after class she probably will because she gets nervous being by herself I have so many math problems to work out and I don't even want to think about them. I cannot forget to bring my notes from last year from home, they will probably help me a great deal I can understand my notes a lot better My feet are so cold I have to put socks on before I go to bed I wonder how Adrean is doing my roommate took her some pizza that's really nice  I would be mad too, I hope everything works out she's very upset talking to her mom. Nothing is on TV it's hard to believe it's so late already time flies so fast there's not enough time to get everything done shouldn't have stayed so long at the RSC it was nice though and I had a good time glad I went  wonder if Anthony will call back so hard to let go of someone who seems like such a part of you I don't know if it's the right thing but if I wait too long I could miss my opportunity with Eric being friends is too hard because of everything we've been through old feelings are still there and get in the way of being friends I feel bad to do that to him sort of unexpectedly but I can't pretend to be happy with him anymore wonder what will happen we always seem to get back together eventually but this time seems different I can't forget to get my dirty clothes and the clothes I need to wear this weekend at home it is such a pain taking things back and forth  Wonder if Anthony will call Eric is working and won't get off until late have to get up so early and have to have everything together I still have so much to do but I'm too tired maybe I'll do it in the morning but then I can sleep later if I do it now I'll just do it before I go to sleep. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_577009.txt,"  I am sitting here in front of the computer trying to write a constant flow  of my thoughts its about 1:30 in the morning the day of the first UT football  game that was successfully won by the Horns my roommate is sleeping right now  it seem that he sleeps almost 14 hours a day it makes me mad that for some  reason that it seems to me that he wastes time so much. All he does every day  is go to class, which I guess I should give him credit for that, and when  class is over all he does is sit in front of the computer and download things  or he lays in bed and watches TV or movies all day he is not that social  either he isn't part of a fraternity or any other group or doesn't play any  intramurals. He doesn't study whatsoever I guess I am just worried about  him because I care about him I mean we've been friends since the sixth grade. It seems kind of weird when we were in junior high he was the sociable type  and I was the reclusive type and about since the 10th grade the situation has  taken a 180 degree turn I hope they televise the 49er game that they are  playing against the Rams and even though most everyone especially my roommate  thinks that the 49er don't have a prayer I believe that this opportunity will  be a coming out party for JJ Stokes and the emergence of Jim Drunkenmiller the  last rookie quarterback to start for the Niners was Joe Montana hopefully a  good sign I am also kind of disappointed that I am not able to join the  professional business fraternities because they hold most of there meetings  when I have my CH301 extension course from 6 to7:30 PM but hey looking at the  positive side I have something extra to look forward to next year it sure is  great to be alive I feel like I am on top of the world everything is working  like clockwork I feel like watching Disney movies well it's about 2 o'clock  so I guess that I should go to sleep to rest for the world that lays upon me  tomorrow and remember to smile after all physical motion controls the mental emotion ( - :      ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_736518.txt,"I am writing in the Flawn Library. This is my first time using the computers here at the University. I was a little afraid because I did not have my e-mail address yet. But now I do and I am feeling a little better. I still do not know how to e-mail someone yet, but hopefully I will learn. The only people I would e-mail to would be my dad or some assignment I have to do for RTF 305. I am not very good with computers. That is one of my weaknesses. I feel a little out of place here in the computer room because I feel that I am the only person that does not know how to use computers. I guess I will keep asking questions until I finally figure it out. I wish I learned how to use computers earlier in my life, then maybe I would not be at such a disadvantage. Computers could come in real handy. Like for this writing assignment, for instance. In RTF 305, we have to go to the web page and ask questions in a discussion between fellow students. That sounds like a good idea. I am feeling tired today. I got enough sleep last night. I do know what my problem is. It was hard staying awake in  class today. Hopefully  tomorrow will be different. Before I came to the library, I was supposed to go to a SI for RTF. The only problem was that I went to the CMA building instead of the CBA building. That upset me because I was really looking forward to going. There is one tomorrow, but I have Psy during that time. However, I will be going to the Psy SI today from 4-5 p. m. This time, I know where the building is. I think these SI classes are good ideas because it is a follow up to the lecture that students receive in class. So, if I missed something, I could go to the SI and re-learn what I did not understand. Now, there is no excuses for not understanding material. I did an assignment like this one in my typing class last year. It was the same exact prompt:  let your mind flow freely onto the screen. That assignment was only for five minutes though. Right now in the library, there is a long line for the computers. I hate waiting in lines. Today I waited in line to draw football tickets to the UT vs. Rutgers game on Saturday. I hope UT wins the football game. I am a big fan of football. In high school I was in band. That means that I got a free ticket to go to every football game. However, our football team was not that good. I think that Psychology will be an interesting class. I like learning about people and the things they do. I am looking forward to an interesting semester. I hope that the class is not too hard. Some questions that come to my mind right now is why do students have to do this writing assignment?  What kind of research is this?  What will this writing assignment tell about students?  I will also be doing the experiments instead of the research paper.  ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_794682.txt,"I absolutely hate Mondays they make everything seem to last forever, except for the weekend. minutes seem longer, hours seem longer, the entire day drags without any hope for it to end. But in actuality, if Mondays were obliterated from the week, Tuesdays would simply inherit the mundane tasks of being the first day of the week and the thief of the weekend. weekends are not exactly the most practical approach to leisure activity. the ""fun"" things in life we wait to do until the weekend and try to cram everything into the two days that can not possibly be accomplished only to start out the new week  on a Monday nonetheless  with drained energy, hangovers, for some, and incredibly lethargic. a better approach would be to evenly space the week out with ""leisure days"" in between week days. also by random people taking off different leisure days, the maximum enjoyment could be appreciated due to less crowding, fewer lines, less traffic, etc. traffic is far too overrated. the idea of everyone trying to get one place at one time is beyond me . if every one had their own schedules, for instance of everyone could decide for themselves, when their necessary lunch time was instead of the standard 12:00, the roads and restaurants at that time would probably be less crowded, therefore, traffic would decrease. if traffic were lessened everyone would probably be less cranky and agitated. cranky people are just entirely too obnoxious and loud. simply because of their crankiness is everyone else cranky. its like a yawn  once someone else begins to complain about things, you find yourself griping about little nit picky things over which you have no control  perky people are the same way only usually they are responsible for the cranky people being cranky. I guess it all goes  to say that there is such a thing as too much of anything. you can be too cranky and you can be too perky    ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_797908.txt,"well, here I am in my computer lab in kinsolving. I just finished emailing my  boyfriend. I really hate writing him sometimes because he never responds as much as I do. then again he is in Houston and still in high school and probably doesn't have as much to say as I do. oh well that's life. god why the hell did I wait  until the last minute to write this. I should have done this last week. well, then again I did. but the stupid computer didn't send it. so now I have to retype  all that crap again. life sucks! well, it is not that bad, but to me it is. I really  wanted to go home this weekend. my cousins re so stupid for not going. what the hell!! now I have to depend on someone else or I have go to their house this weekend. the last thing I want to do I spend a night there with that stupid sima. damn does that girl have a mouth or what. I can't believe that she made all that stuff up about mayur and me. I hope paras doesn't get mad about me emailing about that. god, he believes everything that I tell him. I know that he is wooped in a way. just because he doesn't drive around everywhere for me doesn't mean that he loves  me any less. or just because I drive to his house a lot, doesn't mean that I  control the relationship. well actually I know that it probably would not have  lasted this 9 months if had not driven up there 28 times. do you know how many miles that is? take 28 times 60 miles each trip. that is a lot of mileage that I put on all the cars. I hope he appreciates everything I do for him. actually, I know that  he does. he is the most perfect person in the world. he has never caused any grief in my life. if anything has gone wrong it is because of his stupid parents. why the hell won't they give him a break? I mean, what the hell is wrong with them? that boy deserves a car more than any other child. I hope to god that comes to UT next year. that would be the bomb!!! we would be like living together. but I hope we  don't break up like all the other couples that come here and do. they have it made,  don't they realize that!! I guess being around a person all the time can be a  little too much. but that's the thing, I don't think that I could ever get tired of seeing paras. I haven't gotten tired after this long what would change  my mind now. oh well, we’ll see when the time comes. I hope we're still together then. I really don't know what would give either of us a reason to break up. I mean he adores the ground I walk on and I love him for that. just joking. I adore him just as much if not more. I mean, that's why my room is like a shrine to him. anyway, my time is almost up and I have to go get ready for neesh's b-day party thing. what the hell do I wear? I guess I’ll decide in a minute.    ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_897973.txt,"okay I’m writing this stream of consciousness things and it's 11:57 and god my roommate is sick as hell she's got this nasty head cold and I hope my typing isn't keeping her up god I wish people wouldn't pound their feet when they go up and down the stairs I wonder if my computer was a bad idea when I decided to place it right by the window oh god I think I am bothering my roommate she just sat up but now she's laying back down again I wonder if I’ll get cold tonight with the fan on cause a cold fronts coming through I feel a little drainage in my throat I hope I’m not catching my roommates cold oh god I hope tomorrow wont be boring or mundane god it's only 12:00 I never realized how hard it is to write for 20 minutes this mouse pointer is annoying me I want to move it but I don’t want to stop writing thud somebody's making thud noises outside god that fan is loud oh I can't stop writing because if I did it would be unethical or shit my roommate just made a very weird snorting sound it must suck to have a nasty head cold your first week of school I’m looking at my water bottle wishing we had an ozarka bottle in our dorm I was mildly planning on drawing up a petition with the other girls in order to get one I was also toying with the idea of creating a petition to get better food in the cafeteria or whatever god I can't wait to use the sorority koozie I got on bid day for some reason I don't like flashing around and advertising the fact that I’m in a sorority, not that I’m not proud of my sorority it's just that it seems such a confining statement to be making to the rest of the world who reads my T-shirt I mean I’m no longer Lindsey (blank) but I am sorority girl and so many connotations accompany such a title so I’d rather start a point 0 with people instead of increasing their preconceived notions of my personality because of my tee shirt god it's only 12:07 boy I’ve never written so much bullshit in my life there goes my roomie again with her congested self I wonder if I’ll be able to swing this college life I mean I want to do well so well so I can prove it to my mom that I can do it yet I want to party a lot I know that sounds real deep and profound anyway my back is starting to ache because I still haven’t attached the back part to my computer chair b/c this task requires me to use some tool that I don't have in my possession at the moment so my computer chair kind of acts a rolling piano stool type dealie, speaking of computers I put this damn computer desk together with my own bare hands and boy am I proud it arrived in 4 foot 3 inch thick box of plywood and screws and it now stands a proud computer desk with a cd holding section, god my eyes are starting to get tired but I really have no reason to go to bed b/c I have no classes before 12 and I’m not a morning person and I already have a hard enough time filling my days with things to do and I don't want to be too tired to party because I’ve risen before 10:00 am. so I have many incentives to not go to bed and I feel like shit if I get more than 8 hours of sleep I’m one of those always got to be busy people so I can't stand not having something to occupy my time even if it is sleeping late in the morning yet I feel like a slug if I sleep to late actually I feel guilty as if I’m wasting my life and not prioritizing my time correctly god my left eye is tired and my nose keeps itching, I’m so proud of myself that I am completing this assignment ahead of schedule at least it appears that I’m off to a good start see I just can't fathom how some girls I know are already missing class, I mean what the hell else do you have to do here but occasionally study, party, and sleep so my belief is you might as well go to class since your paying for it and it makes a tremendous difference in your grade, but I shouldn't necessarily jump on a soap box because I never know how long I will remain this disciplined. kick ass it's 12:18 and I’m signing off! ",1,1,0,1,1
1997_970131.txt,"I am sitting here in the computer lab of my dorm at SRD, even though I  have a computer in my room. I have been too lazy to go buy a network card in order to get the internet on my computer. I have absolutely no idea how to use the internet. In fact, some girl at my dorm had to show me how to get onto this website. Hopefully, I will be able to learn how to use it pretty soon, especially for this class. I don't think I'm going to do very well in this class because I don't know anything about psychology. If my study habits don't improve, then I might not do very well in any of my classes. My math class is kicking my butt!!!!  I have tried so hard to do my homework, but I don't know how to do a lot of it. I have a test on Friday and I know I'm not going to do very well at all. I need to do good on this test since it is the first one in the class. I don't know what to expect on college tests because I never really had to study in high school. I just got off the phone with my best friend from home; she is a year younger than me. I miss her so much. She is the one person that I can talk to for hours about nothing. I was supposed to go home in two weeks to see her, I can't. She was upset when I told her. I promised her that I would be home to see her in three weeks though. My sorority is Delta Gamma, and it is so much fun. I have so much going on in the next two weeks with my sorority, which is why I can't go home to see my best friend. All the girls are so sweet and I know I'm going to like it a lot. I am very excited about being in Austin because in Mt. Pleasant, there is nothing to do ever. We get excited about going to a nice restaurant to eat. My home town is  pretty small; it only has about 13,000 people. Everybody in the whole town knows whenever something happens. The high school football games are the entertainment for Friday nights. I guess there are some good points about living in Mt. Pleasant though. I have some of the best friends I've ever had from my home town. Also,  I get excited about little things that girls from big cities don't get excited about. My classes have more people in them than all of my graduating class. I am amazed that there are so many people at this college!  I didn't really get lost on the first day, mainly because I looked at my map for two days. I am about to go work out because I don't want to gain the freshman fifteen like everyone says I will. I  don't have room on my body to gain any more weight!!!!  I don't really watch what I eat though. I do some exercises and I walk a million miles to class everyday. How do people gain weight here whenever classes are a  million miles apart?  I am so tired because it is late at night, but I wanted to get one assignment over with early. My twenty minutes is almost up. I have so much to do tomorrow; I have class from 11 to 5. I am dreading it. Then I have a meeting at 6:00 and I have to study for math. I am going to sixth street tomorrow night if I get through studying in time. Well, my time is finally up and I am so proud of myself for getting this done on time because I usually procrastinate.                                           ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_979571.txt,"I just got done watching ""First Time Felon"" staring Omar Epps. I was very moving. I'm cooking stew right now on the stove. I learned how to cook it from my father. He taught me how this summer. Earlier today, I did this writing assignment and after completing it, I pressed clear instead of submit. That sure got me upset. Anyway, I went to class today and the lecture was funny. The phone is ringing right now. The phone is still ringing. There, someone finally picked up the phone. I have a lot of homework do to which are due this week and next week. And in two weeks I'll start having my first set of tests. They all fall on me at once. When I think about it, I don't want to study. But thinking back on last year, studying late nights wasn't really too bad. I kind of enjoy it. It was cool to walk across campus at three in the morning and see the stars out. I remember seeing the comet when it passed by last year. That was a really nice view. I wonder how the stew is doing. Hopefully it will taste as good as my father's. I see the letter that my friend sent me form the county jail. I really miss him. He was like a brother to me. We always looked out for each other. I'm really good friends with his brother too. He is a good church-going person. Faithfully believes in God. Well, I haven't talked to either of them for some time now. Maybe I'll give him a call tomorrow if I have time. My girlfriend paged me, but didn't leave a number down. It was just a message. I really miss her. She is back in Houston. Her birthday is coming up on the 26th and she wants to come up to visit for the weekend. The problem is that I have a test on that day, and some other tests that following week. I wish I could take the tests some other time. Oh, well. That's life for you. My brother landed an internship with IBM, but hasn't started work yet. I wonder when he will start. His future looks bright for him. I can hear the T. V. downstairs. Some cartoon show is playing right now. My roommates are downstairs watching it. I can see my keys from where I'm sitting. They are attached to the Pekkle key chain my girlfriend gave me. Actually I have two key chains. The other one is of Jesus. A total stranger gave it to me one day and I've never seen him since. I like to think that it was Jesus himself, giving me strength when I needed it the most last year. I was feeling down and out last year. I was sitting by myself in a coffee shop and in comes this man. He walks up to me and gives me the key chain. He tells me that Jesus will never turn his back on me. So every time I look at the key chain, I think of Him and it gives me strength. School is finally underway now. I hope that I do good this year. Anyway, the 20 mins are up. Hopefully I'm doing this right. I know that this isn't even for a grade, but I just worry a lot. Speaking about worrying, I'm worried that my phone bill isn't too high because I've been calling back to Houston everyday. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_456077.txt,"today I called up some of my friends from Harlingen (where I’m from) and we all went out to the drag. it was sooooo nice to be able to kill time, since it has been going by so slowly. I am so tired from walking all day. at least I found my exploring psychology book at bevos. I want to get fake nails put on tomorrow. my mom said that I could buy whatever I wanted, but I feel bad spending the money. oh well, at least I’m not doing anything illegal. I am so excited about rushing for that Christian sorority. I really want to make some lifelong friends here. not just some people who only care about themselves and what they're going to wear tomorrow. I wonder if it's true that a huge majority of psychology majors become shoe salesmen. great. I’m here getting homesick for nothing. I’m surprised that there are so many people talking outloud here at this computer lab. I thought I would be the loudest one here by simply opening my backpack. I wonder if it matters that I’m not using capital letters when I type. I’m sure it will be fine. I am so thirsty. since I've been here I have already finished off 18 bottles of water. at least it's helping to keep my skin clear (knock on wood). psychology is so interesting. I wonder what my stream of consciousness says about me. who knows, I’m probably sending off signals meaning that I’m going to be a psychotic weirdo when I get older. I like my necklace, but I feel like I am wearing a dog collar. it looks so tight on me; I have a huge neck to begin with. they say that the first sign of aging on a woman is when her neck wrinkles. well my neck has quite a few. I really like this computer. my keyboard is so annoying. this one has keys that write so smoothly. I hope I've been studying enough. I really need to get over the idea that college is extremely hard and requires absurd amounts of studying. I’m doing just fine!  I’m really surprised that I have so much to say. I thought I would be sitting here trying to impress whoever's going to read this by using really big words and coming up with impressive thoughts. I guess I was really wrong. I forgot my glasses in my dorm. I hope I’m not damaging my eyes by not wearing them. these girls sitting beside me are really getting loud. it's really getting annoying. all of a sudden they quieted down. I guess I’m sending off bad signals to them. I really feel like brushing my teeth. for some reason I've been brushing them an average of five times a day. it's probably some type of stress release or something. I wonder how my friend Jody is doing back home. she just left to Harlingen this morning. I wish I could have gone home with her but I really need to duke it out here. I can do it!!  what am I going to do tonight?  probably study or something. I hope my roommate decides to stay in our room for once. I guess I like my space though. my mind just went blank right now and I don’t have anything to say. I really admire the older people who come to college. I wish my mom would. she deserves it. I hope I am that devoted to my child. I don’t see how someone could give up so much for someone. I know I would do it for her, but just the fact that she has done so much for me already is amazing. I wonder if animals go to heaven when they die. I really think they do. it wouldn’t be fair to me if they didn’t. I wonder how Danny is doing back home. I hope he is having a fun time. I’m so lucky to be here. I wish I could give back to someone else. maybe that volunteer organization will call me and ask if I want to help out. I definitely would jump at the chance. I need to go to the rec center and pick up an aerobics membership. I hope I’m not gaining weight here, but I guess I will find out when Jody brings my scale back up with her. I better not be gaining weight, because I spent an enormous amount of money on a personal trainer. what a waste!  I hate it when people ask me what type of music I listen to. I really don’t know what to say because I don’t listen to very much music. I’m so glad I’m getting this assignment over with now so that I don’t have to rush to do it at the last minute. I need to go back to Mezes to sign up for some of those experiments. I hope there are some slots I can fill up. I’ll bet that so many people are going to end up writing a research paper just because they'll put of going to sign up for the experiments or because they don’t show up to participate. what a waste!  maybe I shouldn't talk, because I can just see that happening to me now. I wish I was good at math. that would be the ultimate!  I've been typing for twenty minutes now, so I think I’ll sign off. I’m surprisingly sleepy!  you all probably wont read this until a few months from now, but I just want to say thanks for such a wonderfully convenient assignment :) I hope I’m not too weird :)))) ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_536654.txt,"Well, here goes. I'm in my room right now and it's very warm. My housing  is not air conditioned. I'm not used to doing homework like this so you'll have to bear with me. I tried to do this assignment about a week ago. after some fifteen minutes I was kicked off. I was beyond pissed. My  ankle is itching. Yesterday we went to mar's and we waited outside and I sat in the grass. For some reason that makes my leg itch. I wind is  blowing in my room and it feels good. I am very tired and want to go back to sleep. I took an hour nap awhile ago. Matt came down. I hear people talking in the alley. One of them is a guy. I wish Matt could stay here with me in Austin. I miss him so much. I'm so pathetic. The tissue on  my computer is waving like a flag, so are the papers on my bulletin board. I need to call my tutors one day. I need one in math more than anything  else. I'm not stupid or anything, I just need assistance on the problems sometimes. Doug say's that I don't have a life. That I has no personality. That made my confidence soar. I know I didn't have a life, but I really couldn't help it. My parents are super, super strict and I wasn't allowed to do normal teenager stuff. Even now that I can I’m restricted to because of my boyfriend Matt. He cam down tonight. I love him so much. He should be calling in about an hour to say that he got home safe and sound. He's mad at Doug because Doug wouldn't leave us alone today. I was kind of mad too. Doug doesn't like the thought of me and Matt spending time  together. He's weird like that. Matt should be nicer to his parents. They both have the mind set on he acts like a butt so I will too. Matt is very stubborn but his parents are not very nice. At least I had a close family. Matt doesn't even think that his parents love him. I know they do but he  doesn't think that they do. He still sees himself and their mistake. I  don't know what to tell him to believe otherwise. I'm going back home on  October 4th. Matt's birthday is on that weekend. Saturday will be a lot  of fun. After that I’ll be going to the renaissance festival  with Matt and Doug. We're going to camp down there. It'll be a lot of fun. Doug  can be a lot of fun if he's not in his pouty mood. Maybe he'll find  himself a girlfriend by then. Then he'll be happy. I think. He didn't  seem to mind our relationship when he was dating. he was too into Amanda. I didn't like her and knew she was going to hurt him but as usual no one  listened to me. I like my room it's nice. I live at the women's co-ops. They are cool. All the girls in the house have made me feel completely  welcome. I've been typing for about ten minutes. I think that's pretty  good. If y’all read this y’all will have a lot to read. I'm trying to  type slow so this won't get too long. I'm typing about half of my normal typing speed. Doug liked Elyssa. He'd like to have her legs wrapped  around him. He is very crass. Then again Matt can be that way too. He is rarely rude to me though. I'm am usually respected and taken care of by my guys. I'm used to being protected. It's weird being down here knowing that I can actually be hurt. That is scary. My guys live two and a half hours away. We won the football game today. The tower is lit up. I love UT. I love the freedom I acquired when I came down here. It's not that  I’m partying and getting drunk and toasted all the time. I just like that fact that I can if I want too. I don't have to beg to be let out of the house or anything. I've even been studying more down here than I did at home. I've kept up with all of my classes so far. I'll be doing some  of my homework tomorrow. I read the assigned readings in between classes. The written assignments that actually take time get done at home. I have a quiz in math Monday. My foot hurts. It's been reclining against the  chair too long. My hand hurts too. It’s resting on the edge of my desk. I am getting all sticky and sweaty doing this paper. My legs are sweaty  against the seat. The back of my neck and my arms are also sweaty. Matt left his bobo feit action figure with me. He's the  bounty hunter from  star wars. I'm very surprised because he's very important to Matt. I am  honored that he did. It's on my desk right next to my pewter angel/moon and stars figurine. I got that with Matt in Florida. We went to Disney with the school marching band during spring break. The figurine cost me seventy bucks. It was definitely worth it. I've been typing for  a little over twenty minutes. Bye. ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_813043.txt,"I want to start with a simple color. Let's say blue. When I think of blue I think of the ocean and where I live. I live in Brownsville Texas. It's ""on the border by the sea""  That's like the Brownsville saying. I also think of baby blankets, actually my baby blanket. This leads me to thinking about a George Strait song entitled ""Baby Blue"". It's a song about his daughter that passed away in a car accident. He's describing her eyes and what he thinks about every day. That has to be hard to deal with. A death in the family is such a detrimental thing to cope with. Fortunately my family has never had an immediate family member pass away. The closest I've been to a loved one that has died, was my great-grandmother. I've also had my girlfriend lose her great-grandmother and her grandmother right after each other. I went to those funerals. I really don't like them very much, It's extremely sad for all the loved ones mourning the death. I guess this leads me to thinking about the color black. It's weird that people usually associate things or ideas to color. I guess it's because we're such a vivid creature. Our vision capabilities are quite advanced when compared to those of other animals. We, humans, are able to see most of the spectrum, all we cant see is the ultra-violet end and the, oh I forgot, I think it's the infer red side as well. We might excel in vision, but are still very primitive in the sense of smell. When we compare our smelling to that of canines, all I can say is that they are able to smell around 100-1000 times better than us. Back to black. Jet Black is favorite color, or at least it used to be. I really enjoy viewing the colors of nature. I have found myself buying shirts the colors of nature. Like a dirt/green or pale/orange, light/yellow or sky/blue, the color of soil. I love the smell of the earth after it rains, it smells so pure, rich, I guess I associate that smell to nature. Imagine what a dog smells after it rains. Now that's something I wish I could take a whiff of. That's around 25 min. of writing. I want to say that this has been a great experience for me. It calmed me down from this hurried morning. I feel more at ease with myself, but I can't explain why. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this little talk with me. I know I'm not supposed to use ""you"" when writing a paper, but the instructions say that it's alright to fib a little in my grammar. Sorry for any misunderstandings. ""Good-bye and Good-luck. "" ",1,0,1,1,1
1997_830801.txt,"In this present moment I feel slightly irritated due to the fact that earlier  today I was not able to surf the internet on America Online. The problem of surfing the internet could have been easily solved by going to a computer lab  in my dormitory(Jester) and logging on to the internet from there. However. my focus was to locate some friends on the internet. This feature is exclusive to America Online and not possible to achieve in the Jester Computer lab. Ultimately I gave up and now I am in the process of typing this 'stream of consciousness'. Another issue on my mind. even though it may sound trivial is table tennis. Earlier in the day my friends and I were unable to get an open table which irritated me. Truthfully, I will admit that I am fairly easily irritated. I think that a large blame on this problem rests on my tendency to be a perfectionist. When things do not get done, or do not get done the way that I want. I get really irritated.   On a good note, one good aspect about myself is that I realize my shortcomings. I am trying my best to overcome these bad tendencies that I have. In my opinion, college means to me a clean slate in which I can start over. I am trying my best to get off and remain on the right foot. One of my foremost goals is to meet new colleagues and friends. Friendship is very important to me. Without friends. the road of life would be lonely indeed. Whether these friends are so called 'e-friends' that I keep in touch with over the internet, or friends I know in person. they are equally important.   While I am on the 'e-friend' topic. I feel compelled to mention an incident that happened to me on the internet. I met a nice female an America Online. Considering that America Online is the largest internet provider in the world. I was very surprised that this person  happened to live in close proximity of me. We set up a rendezvous at a coffee  house in which we met in person. We had a good time. This just shows how the world is smaller than it seems. In addition. I also keep in touch with e-friends in such places and Germany and Singapore. It is very interesting to converse with them.    As you can probably tell. I am very much a technophile. I love anything electronic and I especially love computers. But of most importance to me as I mentioned already are friends. I guess I could say the prevalent topic in this 'stream of consciousness' is friendship. To tell the truth. if any of my e-friends were severed from my acquaintance, be it by losing touch or just plain not talking to me any more, I would be extremely upset. However. I know it cant last forever. Sometimes it seems that nothing will last forever. I guess sometimes we just have to move on. ",0,1,0,0,0
1997_857069.txt,"Okay here I am after I've been spending tons of time trying to get a book I need. I'm not worried about it anymore. I will focus on my other homework. I need to go to the lounge and get organized before lunch. Maybe I won't eat lunch. Tonight I have a party to go to and I am excited. I need to tell my friend what time we will leave. Where will I park? Maybe we should walk, but it will be late when we come home and very unsafe. The radio is on and I'm listening to country music. It's so great and calming. comforting--reminds me of home. I am going home tomorrow. I can't wait to see my two dogs and possibly go swimming in the pool. I will also help my mom get the new restaurant organized. Sleep is a priority as well. Oh, and I'll see my friends and be able to talk locally on the phone for a change. Wow, I forgot about the chance that I will get a home cooked meal. I need to get some more clothes from home and do my huge load of laundry. I'll come home Monday evening. I need to wash my car while I'm there. I hope my roommate is occupied enough while I'm gone. She can come home with me another time. I hear people in the hall all the time. It's amazing how many are up as early as I for an 8 am class. No one talks, it's like a march to a funeral or something. without the tears and gloom, just the silence. My eyes burn because I'm so tired. I took an hour nap yesterday, but I don't have time today. I can't get my Ethernet hooked up right and it really makes me mad--I'm VERY frustrated. very chapped! I am getting uneasy now; sitting here typing this is making me realize all of the things I  need to do. I know though that I can get it done, just one thing at a time. Plus, I am doing one of those things right now. I wonder how many people here are close enough to home to go visit. I'm an hour away, not bad. I hear this song ""looking for love in all the wrong places"" and it reminds me of Eddie Murphy on the old Saturday Night Live. He did Buckwheat impersonations. I have an ache in my neck either from lack of sleep or carrying heavy books. I hope this doesn't sound like a letter. I am beginning every sentence with ""I"" but that's okay because I am supposed to notice how ""my"" thoughts flow. I wonder who ever got this computer stuff--internet, websites, etc. --started in the very, very beginning. Hmm, well, it doesn't matter that much to me. I just wish I could get my Ethernet hooked up. I like America Online, but it's tying up my phone line. That is also making my anxious right now. I guess the faster you type the longer the paper. I wonder what the other students doing this have to say. I wonder who will take their classes seriously and not. I hope I get some mail soon. I check it everyday and it's sort of depressing. I know people are writing/sending mail, but it just isn't here yet. That's my optimistic side. I hate the cold floor under my desk. I'm in jester, but I have carpet that I brought to go between the beds. I'm thinking of my friend in Alaska that will come at Christmas time. Will we have time for me to show the good stuff about Texas? My throat tightens to think of it. I stress easily. I feel a pressure to make his time here the best and to make him leave here thinking that Texas is the coolest place to be. It won't be as pretty in December though. Great, I have about 5 more minutes. My hands are slipping off this  tiny space. I have no room on my desk. I want to get a huge piece of plywood and cover it with contact paper and make a huge desk--like the people down the hall. It would be so ideal. I am getting really anxious to go to the study lounge. I feel like I'll lose the urge to do my math homework if I sit here any longer. Oh, I can't wait until the party. Matchbox 20 ( my favorite group) is going to be there!!!!! I need to remember to take my camera. I also need to iron my shorts and pick out a shirt to wear. All of this by 4 PM--I believe that's when we'll go to the sorority house and hang out a bit, then get our wristbands and head over the block party. Well, my leg is falling asleep and my eyes are really getting tired now. I wish I could go to sleep. I hate it when I can't focus because I'm so tired. I value sleep more than money it seems. If that makes any sense. I am ready to go now, I feel the pressure of having too many things to do. I will take care of my math homework first. Then biology and art history. Psychology is halfway done now, but I need to get the book. no one has it. That is also causing a little aggravation. I hate to not be fully prepared for everything. Okay, my 20 minutes are up, I feel better having done this. ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_872596.txt,"Labor day weekend was awesome! I love my boyfriend so much. We were so lazy and it didn't even matter what I did with him, because just being with him was enough. We just watched movies and ate. He sent me flowers on Bid day for the sorority Pi Beta Phi. I love that he knows everything about me. He knows when I am sad, happy, etc. I really miss him right know. I hope that he can come on Sunday so that he can se my dorm room and meet my pledge sisters. I can't wait to see what he does for my birthday. I can't believe that I am going to be nineteen years old. It doesn't feel like I should be that old. It just seems like yesterday that I turned sixteen and got my driver's license. My sister is twenty-two years old and engaged. I'm so excited about being her maid of honor in the wedding. I know that I am going to be so emotional that day. Troy is so perfect for her. I know that they will have a long and happy marriage together. He is just like a brother to me. My parents are glad that they will only be an hour away from them. It seems weird that we don't live in Waco anymore. I consider Waco as my home, and not Beaumont. My parents evidently seem to like it there, even though it is so humid. I thought that Waco was humid. It is nothing compared to Beaumont. I love Adam so much!  It will be neat when his dad is in session. Maybe he will take me out to eat so I don't have to eat the dorm food all of the time. It really isn't that bad! I just hope that I don't gain the ""Freshman 15. ""  Dancing will keep me in shape, though. I love my class. Ballet three times a week is just enough times to keep me from not missing my dance studio in Waco. It is really neat to get a lot of different styles of dance from different teachers. I think that it helps and has helped me to be a more well-rounded dancer, and open to new things. I miss my friends from high school. I just talked to Ashley today. I was so excited that she called. I know that I am going to have to start writing letters and e-mailing my friends and Adam, after my one hundred dollar phone bill in ten days. I feel really bad about that, but I just didn't understand the whole ""phone bill thing. ""  As they say, everyone learns from their mistakes. I definitely had to learn the hard way, though. I hope that I have a cheaper bill next month, for my parents' sake. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_878282.txt,"I’m finally getting to write this. I should have done this two weeks ago. well my girlfriend came by, she’s in high school still, and she's going to miss the rest of the day to be with me, but first she has to go to the doctor. I really love her alot. damn I hate it when people call me and want all this information, they really piss me off. Dalmatians aren’t good dogs once they get bigger. they are really mooding and alot are being brought to the animal shelter, I don’t work there or anything, I just heard it on the radio. I work at the library, but I’m not working today because I broke my finger playing softball with my brother, I got 4 hits, but its nothing like baseball, I’m going to walk on at UT but I don’t know if ill make it or not, but I’m going to give it my best try. me and my girlfriend have been going out for a month now, we met about 8 months ago and dated a bit then, but nothing serious ever happened, that’s probably because I was still hung up over my old girlfriend. but know its just me and her and we are in love. we’ve only had sex once and I think that’s good, because with my ex-girlfriend that’s all we ever did when we were with each other, and it became pure sexual. I don’t want that to happen with Erin(my girlfriend now) I really really want to get serious with her, I think I found the girl I could spend the rest of my life with sounds strange, but I really think I have. anyway I wish shed hurry up and get back I miss her. I think the reason we haven’t had sex more often is we never have the opportunity, her parents or grandmother are always home and my parents are home too, but I think that will change. I hope we stay together forever, and I know she’s does because she feels stronger about our relationship than I do, so I know I wont have anything to worry about. six more minutes and I’m finished, oh well I think this is fun. the simpsons are stupid, I use to like it when I was younger, but now I think its just stupid, I’m going to kill myself, just kidding, my brother and his wife are both psychology majors, my brother went to swt for fours years and know is a police officer, and his wife went to Texas for like 8, she was on the deans list and everything she’s super smart. well I’m getting on out of here, its was nice talking but I need to go to class,  ",1,0,0,0,0
1997_935249.txt,I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to find a girl I really like and if girls look at me as cute or a skinny dork. I miss my dog and the country life I use to live in. I'm scared of not making the baseball team and not completing my goal of pitching in the majors. I'm pissed off at my parents for not getting me a new car for graduation. I'm wondering if people act like they're cool with me when I'm around and make fun of me when I leave. I wish I had perfect teeth so I wouldn't have to get braces. I'm wondering if I'll ever forget my first love and if she'll ever forget me. I wonder why people look down on pot smokers even though their parents probably did it. I wonder when I'm a upper classman if girls will want me more and if I'll look different. ,1,1,1,0,0
1997_451150.txt,"Geez, this long hair gets on my nerves sometimes. Ok, it's 8:35 now. so if I just write till 9:00. This being on a web page reminds me that I need to get working on my boss’s web pages soon. more like it makes me feel guilty that I haven't started yet. Oops, better throw that away. Boy my room is messy, wonder if my roommate cares. He said just so long it was on my side of the room, but . I'll clean later. Though I need to do more homework. (8:37. boy, I'm really watching that clock). Japanese is hard. I really should wear chapstick instead of just licking and chewing my lips. Geeze, this room IS messy. I'm glad my parents aren't here to see this, or they'd freak. They’ll probably be irritated that the last e-mail I sent them was so short. I need to go get my course schedule planned out. I hope I can get my typing speed up, 75 wpm is fast, but I'd really like to improve my accuracy. I wonder if I should drop a class and get that job Dan was talking about. Maybe I'll drop PSYCHOLOGY. Nah. Why is it that people don't accept pagans? Ever wonder that, reading person? Do they not realize that all of us are silly fools, and us no more than them? Oh, well. That quote was cool: Once dogma enters the mind, reason ceases to function entirely. Damned if I can remember who it was by. William Wright or something. Man my memory sucks. I caught myself forgetting what I was talking about in the middle of my sentence several times today. It's a wonder I can remember forgetting. Dam, what was I fixing to say? Probably need to condition the hair tomorrow or it  will be upset with me. And use my retainer or the orthodontist will hang me with it the next time I go in. It's cool that Jodi finally got her braces off, She's been wanting them off for a long time. She looks much better without them. Looks like Stona noticed (devious snicker). I really hope this doesn't turn out to be too long. Being able to type fast probably means that I'm going to get more down here than other's would. I wonder if they make some kind of odor-eater stuff for sandals. This things smell like the north end of a southbound horse. Hey, look John's online. Boy I'd hate to be the people reading these. But then, I guess they like reading people's random thoughts, since they are in the Psych department. That hole in the stupid couch-bed here in my room reminds me of the one I cut in our couch at home playing with a razor blade. My parents will never let me live that down. Woah! It looks like my roommate had been home (8:47)! I should be more observant, should have noticed the change sooner. Home. my parents would be very pissy if they found out I was referring to this place as home  soon. You know, having to write these thoughts down really interferes with getting them in the head and processed properly. I mean, I'll remember the ones I get, but I'm not getting as many as I would normally because I have to dedicate so much of my left brain to typing this stuff. I would really like to be programming but I have so much homework. 17 hours is just too much, but I don't think I'd dare take less unless I had a reason. Boy I hope I can fond a job that pays well enough for me to stay down here over the summer and still be making enough to stand up the $9/hr I would be making in Dallas. You know, I can probably spell check this for you. hold on. Ok, well, that's kind of cheating, doing computer stuff while I'm supposed to be typing ,but I'll type a little longer to make up for it, eh? I was just checking to see if you were using a form mailer so I could have my emailer check the spelling for you. uh, oh, a message for ME? AHHH!  I don't understand this program! Oh, well. OH! I see. Ok. Nevermind. You’ll have to get used to me, I suppose. I don't ever actually ask people questions, I just ask them to stand still while I say a question at them and figure the answer out for myself. The only questions I ask these days are things I don't feel like looking up in the reference manuals myself. I really admire Stona for making those ""What I believe in. ""  memoirs. I really should make some of my own. But then there's the book I'm trying to write and stuff and that's just too much. AHH! So much to do. Oh, well. Just have to forgo literary stuff to have time for the other stuff. Messy messy messy. Damn, why do parts of your body in contact with other parts sweat like hell? It's not like they're going to get any cooler by it, and your body is wasting moisture, you'd think that that would have evolved out. But then, I don't suppose that animals rest in contact with themselves often. I wonder why Casey didn't take my Contact when I offered it to him. I finally have a book he shows an interest in reading, so that maybe I'll get to loan HIM books for a change, and he turns me down. I really wish he's come visit, he just keeps driving down to SA, like Austin isn't even on the way there. And to see MY girlfriend. I'll just give him a guilt trip and he'll come by. Or at least, stay away from janice. Great, that means that now Janice will think that Casey has time to go down and see her but I don't and Casey lives even further away. Super. She's going to be thinking that, I know. (8:57) This is long. But it is easier to do than I thought it would be. Maybe I should do this more often. It's a lot easier than a journal, and seems to g o a little faster. Go. I think I'll write a game of Go. That sound easy and fun. yep. Then I'll let Dan and his happy functional programming self make the AI. Nope, there are some things I will NOT write in here. Thank you. I wonder how accurate Pennebaker's lie - detector tests really are. I wonder if some Yoga guy came in that has awesome control over his heart rate and blood pressure and sweating and stuff, if he'd be able to fool it. I wonder if I would. Prolly not. I suck at controlling my breathing rate. Which is really cool. Hey, person reading this, I have a recommendation for you: Meditate. Cross self-hypnosis with the meditation method of your choice. It works great. Trust me. Ok, well, it's 9:00 now. I hope you help someone with what I've written here. Thank you. Bye. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_477443.txt,"I can't believe kevin said he'd go with me to the date dash. I think its going to be fun. I'm having a hard time writing I don’t have a watch on so I’ll watch the clock I guess what am I going to wear??? oh I’m confused jenny better go that’s all o have to say then things wont be so awkward. I wonder if he really wants to go or if he’s just a nice guy I think everyone in this lab is foreign I only have one foreign friend and she’s from India well soriden was born in Cambodia but I consider her an American its really hot down here Tomorrow I have audition and I haven’t even done my monologue full out well its not like I’m going to get a part I’m a freshman most parts go to graduate students which is kinda why UT theatre is bad way too many students but it will make me want to stand out and try harder I guess gosh some people are so stupid when it  comes to computers oh well I’m really tired of school and its only been what 5 days I who ever painted those window panes messed up and painted part of the windows I feel like I’m in  a basement dud Sara you are I want to watch Adventures of Babysitting what made me think of that I wonder what the cute blonde in psych's name is he waved back to me maybe he'll talk to us next time. It feels so much later than 9:40 I do not want to do that stupid study questions or whatever they are called for languages of the stage. every single week I want to meet some hot guys now!!! Excessive baggage was a cute movie! Alicia Silverstone is cool someone sneezed and nobody says god bless you that’s so rude well I didn’t so I guess that makes me rude too I wonder to what age I’ll live to be I hope at least 90 100 might be too old for me anyway I’m not typing too good today my stomach is hurting me I had a good dinner at A-Chi-o tonight  \my lines are totally ending random I wonder if boys can use this lab or if there is one in Andrew’s probably there is one since genius live there or geeks that study all the freakin time I could if I wanted but I don’t want to I really like my day planner it makes me feel important you know gosh I have some many things I need to do this week  what am I going to wear I have no idea Jill says to buy a new outfit but then I’m making a big deal out of it he did seem interested or at least kept on talking after I asked him that phone just scared me I wonder if I’m doing this assignment right it bothers me that I’m not using proper grammar what kind of name is pennebaker? I don’t even know if I say it right  hey there's my ra ana sitting at that computer computers make such an annoying bussing noise but not like a bee a lot softer and different my shoulder hurts and I don’t know why I need to go work out and get into shape because I’m not at this moment but I’m getting some exercise  waling around this campus I wonder what the twins have been up to or if they even think about me probably not but I don’t care cuz I don’t like jax anymore  really I don’t there are so many other guys here I figure out of 48,000 18,000 have to be guys and at least 5,000 have to be cute so at least at least 100 have to be gorgeous if not more why  cant I find a guy I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me they only want the super skinny girls or I don’t know I mean I’m not ugly and I have a great personality I think I’m pretty not supermodel gorgeous I always say that when someone asks if I’m pretty I’m too shy aghhh why is it that Mac computers aren’t as cool as IBM???/ I've always wondered that I need to blow my nose  its itching popping your neck or whatever sounds so crunchy I think if I ever got in a car wreck id break and die because I pop everything its kinda gross if you think about it ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_510841.txt,"I don't really understand. I am supposed to track my thoughts and feelings?  Write about anything as long as it is for twenty minutes?  OK. I kind of miss my old life at home, but I was so looking forward to moving on to other things. I have a friend that just went into the Army last month and I will never see him again. Other friends have gone off to college and moved away. Life is starting to change a great deal. I work for a company called Vector selling Cutco, or at least I did this summer, and we had conventions every now and then. I would always make friends from around the country, but end up never seeing them again. People don't keep in touch with each other like they should. I try to stay in touch with my friends and people that I meet. It is often difficult, though. I don't know. I am really thirsty right now. I was thinking of going up to my room first to get a drink, but I didn't figure they would let you bring drinks in here, and I didn't want to wait to get this done. I have waited long enough. I need to stop putting things off. I need to get things done. I guess it is just lack of motivation. Well that and lack of a computer. This is the first time I have been in the computer lab here at Jester. I am really thirsty and my throat is dry. I need to get this e-mail thing worked out. I haven't tried to use it yet. I might do that when I am finished with this. I wish that things could be the way they were, but then I don't. You know how sometimes something happens and you just want to freeze that moment in time and never leave. That has happened to me recently. Not since I have been at UT, but before, when I was with my friends. I like to spend time with my friends because they make me feel comfortable. I like to be around them because it is just very uplifting. My arm is starting to get tired because I don't have the right kind of writing area. It is uncomfortable in here. I need to go get a drink, but I still have a lot of time to keep writing, so I won't. I wish I had a computer so I could get things done on my own time. Life would be a whole lot easier, I think. I think I should go home and see my dog before the neighbors try to steal him again. If I don't pay enough attention to him he goes to stay at the neighbors house. They decided one day that they liked him and they were just going to keep him. They tried to give me an ultimatum (I don't know how to spell that word). They said that if I didn't give them the dog, then they did not want him at their house anymore, but if I didn't want the dog they would take him. The whole situation didn't make any sense to me, but what do I know. I don't think that they had the right to ask for my dog. He is MY dog. Whatever. Needless to say, I didn't give them the dog, but I got him fixed and had to tie him up for a while. He eventually learned that he had to stay at home, or at least near our house if he didn't want to be tied up. It rained yesterday for the first time in a long while. It didn't rain much, though. I missed most of the lightning the other night because I don't have a real window in my room. It is just like a quarter of a window and it gives me the feeling that I am in a dungeon. I hate my room. I wanted to get a plant, but then I realized that there wouldn't be enough light to keep it alive, so I axed that idea. I wish there would be a big storm because I like to watch the storms. The lightning, thunder, rain, and winds are really relaxing. My parents are building a house, but it is taking them forever. Anyway, you can sit on the back porch of the house and watch the rain. It is very nice. My friends Kate, Abby, and Alana are at Southwest and I was just thinking about Kate's yard and how nice it is. I bet it is really nice out there after it rains. The other night I watched a meteor shower and that was really beautiful. I like to look at the stars, but I dropped Astronomy because everyone said that it was really hard and that all it was a lot of math like distances to stars. I didn't feel like taking a math class so now I am taking Physical Anthropology. I don't know. My twenty minutes is up now so I am going to quit writing and submit this because I am sure it is really boring anyway. I feel sorry for whoever has to read this. My wrist hurts. Ha. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_539448.txt,"This is the first time I have ever had an assignment like this before. I have never had to use the internet before, either. I wish that the computer in my room wasn't so difficult to hook up to the UT internet system. I am so tired of going to the same computer store over and over. First, they managed to sell me over one hundred dollars worth of computer equipment that I didn't need. After, that was sorted out, I had problems with the Ethernet card. Oh well, I will ask my boyfriend to fix it for me. I am so glad that he lives in Austin. I am glad that my best friend is my roommate. We always get along and we never fight. It's great because if she wasn't my roommate, then we would have a huge phone bill. So far, everything about UT is as I anticipated. I really didn't believe people when they told me that I would  have classes with over two hundred people. That came out to be half true. I only ended up with twenty or so in my English class and about one hundred and fifty in my biology class. My chemistry and psychology class end up in the same room. both are enormous. I didn't even know how to spell psychology until about three days ago. Whenever I wrote the word I always looked at the course schedule or at my textbook. Books are another problem. The co-op had the wrong listing for my biology book, and I had to go through a huge hassle to get my psych book. I shouldn't be complaining. I really love it here. I love being one in fifty thousand. I love being known as only a social security number. The atmosphere is so relaxed and go with the flow. ""  I think that I am adapting well. Twenty minutes are up. s       ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_578488.txt,"Okay, so we're supposed to write for twenty minutes about nothing really. It's a show about nothing-Seinfeld. That is an episode for all you non-Seinfeld watchers out there. You really should watch it though. It is really funny. I like funny. Funny is good. I am trying to type fast without looking at the keys and it is not working. Alessandra thinks she's so cool cause she typed faster than me in micro computer applications last year. I wasn’t a very fast typer. I am stupid because I forgot to look to see what time I started writing. I am going to assume that I've only been writing for about three to five minutes. At least I am getting this done though. I have to go to psychology class in forty five minutes. Last class we took these tedious surveys for eligibility  in experiments. It wasn’t fair because there were like 2-3 surveys for just girls. So all the guys got finished and left to go take naps or eat. Speaking of eating, we ordered Poky Sticks from Gumby's pizza last night. I hope the roommates pay me back for that. But I don’t want to be rude and ask for the money. I am really cheap. But it is all coming out of my spending money. My friends are all getting money from their parents. My dad is being annoying though. He wants me to learn to budget my own money. He would have given me so much a month if my older sister hadn’t told him that she didn’t get any money her first year in college. Those older siblings cant just be happy for the younger ones can they. Everything has to be fair, doesn’t it. Oh well. I shouldn’t be complaining I guess. I am getting to go to the school I wanted to go to. I am getting the feeling that people around me are trying to read what I am writing. I know they're not though. They have better things to do I'm sure. I’m just paranoid I guess. Today is Thursday. We have a floor meeting tonight. A chance to meet our neighbors. Warning !!! When you log out all your files will be erased!! That is what the sticker on this computer says. I think they are over-using  exclamation marks there. But that is just my opinion. I am not really one to use exclamation marks very freely. I think it is raining. I had to walk back from the library yesterday in the pouring rain with my roommate. She is pretty cool. She smokes too much though. I am trying to break her of that horrible habit. I think she is just getting annoyed with me though. She has bad posture. We've bonded already. I m glad I didn’t get some kinda weirdo for a roommate. She says she is getting a haircut today. Then again she has been saying that for the past two days. I really need to spit this gum out. I've been chewing it for almost two hours. Some random guy gave it to me when I was waiting to go to my boring English class. I need a computer in my room. My mom says she bought me a lava lamp for my room. I really want her to come down and drop it off, but I don’t want her to stay for the weekend. I am getting very sleepy. This staying up until 2am every night cant keep up for much longer. I have about five more minutes to write. What else should I write about. I feel like a lab rat. Are people going to read this later on and analyze me. Will they get in contact with me if they find out that I have some kind of mental illness? Or will they just forget about it and write a book about Me? My shoes are stiff from the rain yesterday. and I have to go to the bathroom really bad. Gotta spit this gum out. I am getting antsy. I think its been twenty minutes. This was fun. ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_598253.txt,"I am sitting here at Hardin House, boy I am so stressed out. I have these  two writing assignments for psychology a whole bunch of pre-cal homework  and tons of reading to do for Biology and Sociology. this sorority stuff  is starting to take up way to much time. I really don't like the feeling I  am getting when I am set up with a date because it makes me feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend. I know I shouldn't feel bad since I am just being friends with them and nothing more it just really bothers me sometimes. I really don't feel like going out tonight because I still  think I am sick from yesterday. I need to go and call my mom and dad  since I haven't talked to them in about five days I am just way to busy. I think I really need to work on some major time management skills because I  am worried about getting behind and I want to get 3 As and 2 Bs so I can  start off good before my classes get too hard. I am really excited about  UT vs. OU weekend I hope that Jaycob can go so that I don't have to go with some random guy. I wish it wasn't the same weekend as my schools homecoming so that I could go home oh well. I need to take a shower and get ready  for the KA mixer and try to read and definitely watch 90210. That was 20 Minutes. THANK YOU!  HAVE A NICE DAY! ",1,0,0,1,1
1997_750691.txt,"Right now I am in my friend's Jester dorm to do my writing 1 with her computer. I will probably do all my writing assignments in her room because all the other computer labs in the U. T. campus are always full. It is really annoying when I have to wait to use a computer. I just don't have time to wait, since I have so much homework to do. I feel very nervous and uneasy about all my classes because this is my first year in college. People told me that the method of studying in college is different from high school. I am still not use to living in the dorm. It is too small and just doesn't feel as comfortable as home. I miss my parents, my dog, and the freedom to drive my car out. I am going to work very hard in college in order to have a very successful life. My leg and arm muscles are aching, since I played basketball and worked out at the Rec Center yesterday. I like the facility there. There is a good variety of things to do. I plan to reserve time everyday to play sports, especially basketball and tennis. The Boyz II Men new song called ""The Four Seasons"" is in my head right now. I enjoy listening to the song. It sounds very sweet and peaceful. The song reminds me of the time when my mom and dad send me off to here at U. T. I am now listening to the movie called ""Space Jam. "" My sister and my friend are in the room watching the movie. I saw the movie about half a year ago. I thought it was a very cute movie. It is amazing how the creators of the movie can mix animation with real people. My favorite basketball player, Michael Jordan, is one of the main characters in the movie. I like to watch him play basketball because he always makes incredible shots. It is so cool when Michael makes a slam dunk. He really does fly a little. I hope tomorrow will be a good day for me. I hope I won't be very nervous when I go into my classes. I have four classes to go to tomorrow! I am really excited about seeing my senior U. T. cousin tomorrow!  ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_790253.txt,"I am very excited to be taking this psychology class since I was unable to take a psych. class in highschool. I am hoping that this class will give me some  direction on my major. As of this moment I am supposed to be working towards pharmacy school, but I am beginning to think that it wouldn't keep my interest for very long.    (You know it is very hard for me to just write in my train of thought, and I don't know why. I'm not much of a perfectionist or anything)    Anyway back to psychology, Psychology really sparks my interest. In class, we discuss finding answers to many questions, but they normally pertain to other people than ourselves. Most of the questions that I would like to explore pertain to understanding myself. I am generally a happy person, and although I know that I will go through tremendous changes during my college career, I feel that I have a pretty good grip on the person I am. But--even though I feel this way, sometimes I have uncontrollable and unexplainable emotions. When this happens, all I can think is ""why?""  Psychology is one of those things that I  don't know much about, but even with the little knowledge I have, I am amazed. I think it is very possible I may want to have a career in this area. I don't  really know how I got on this spill about your class; probably because it drives me crazy not knowing what I want to do. I've always had everything very planned out, but after really thinking about it, that isn't the way I want to plan the rest of my life (if that makes any sense). What I mean is. I can't just pick a job (say Pharmacist), and decide ""I’m gonna be a pharmacist. ""  That is what I  did about a year and a half ago. I even got a job as a pharmacy tech at Walgreen’s which could help me out a lot. But, now I feel like pharmacy would get very dull  and boring. I feel like I'm on an endless search for something that really sparks my interest. I've never been really exceptional at one thing or in one subject, and that makes me feel kind of lost, like I don't have a calling. Psychology sparks my interest more than anything else, but I haven't been through the  course so I can't really say if I have a ""passion"" for it or anything.   Along with my search for a ""passion,"" I want success more than anything. I have had an average life I guess, but my life would never be complete with out stress. Not stress in general, but financial stress. I know that I am much more fortunate than many others, so why am I so stressed. I guess because all of  my best friends were spoiled rotten, and I began to forget that I was so fortunate. I wasn't able to do all the things they were able to, I didn't get to drive a  nice car, go shopping , or out to ear. These are all things that I believe are superficial, but I would like to be able to do these things with no worries  when I am older. Even more so, I would like to spoil my kids rotten when that time comes around. Anyway (I’m a little scatterbrained today), I am a little afraid that when I find my so called passion that it will be something that will not allow me to accomplish my second goal. ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_835938.txt,"I feel kind of strange doing this assignment like this -- I don't think I've ever had such an informal assignment. I just got off the phone with this girl that I met in Galveston when I was a junior in high school -- the whole time I was talking I was also thinking about how I wanted her to shut up so I could do this assignment. Well, anyway, here I am sitting before this CRT not really concentrating or doing anything special -- just king of chilling. My roommate is playing Quake on his computer on the other side of the room -- also the radio is on and so it makes it king of hard to concentrate with all the noise in the room. I think the artist on the radio is Natalie Merchant -- damn I really hate her music -- it's so poppy it's disgusting. everything the drums to guitars to vocals sounds so devoid of feeling or meaning -- it's a mind numbing, spirit-crushing experience listening to this crap . I just wish she would shut up . I prefer bands like Korn or Pantera. they sing with so much feeling, and all the songs are sung with vehemence and anger and lust and disgust and hatred. the entire spectrum of emotions is explored in their works. other favorite bands of mine are helmet, Alice in chains, pearl jam,etc. I guess I kind of got caught up in the whole alternative revolution phenomenon. I WORE FLANNEL AND HAD RIPPED UP JEANS AND DOC MARTENS AND I EVEN DID THE DRUGS THAT WENT ALONG WITH THE WHOLE ALTERNATIVE SCENE. A BIG MISTAKE IN MY OPINION BECAUSE THOSE VICES WITH WHICH I EXPERIMENTED LAST THEIR TABOO AND SO NOW I HAVE NO FEAR OF THEM AND WOULD HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT TAKING THEM OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT THEY DESTROY YOUR BODY AND MIND. NOW I ONLY DRINK -- ANOTHER RESULT OF MY EXPERIMENTS WITH ""ALTERNATIVES"". IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IN HIGH SCHOOL I WAS A DRUGGER AND AN ""ALTERNA-TEEN"" WHEN I WAS WISHING THAT I COULD BE A MUSICIAN. BUT NOW THAT I AM ONE -- I HAVE MY OWN BAND -- I DON'T REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO DO LIVE THE ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE. I DON'T DRESS STRANGE OR HAVE STRANGE HABITS. I HAVE A 4. 0 GPA AND WAS THE VALEDICTORIAN OF MY HIGH SCHOOL, SO THAT KIND OF BELIES SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I'VE SAID HERE. bETTER MAN BY PEARL JAM JUST CAME ON THE RADIO. I LIKE THIS SONG ALOT. PEARL JAM'S NOT AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO BE. THEIR ALBUMS TEN,VERSUS AND VITALOGY ARE MUCH BETTER THAN THE ALBUM NO CODE IN MY OPINION. NO CODE SEEMS SO STERILE AND NOT PEARL JAM. I THINK IT HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT DRUMMER--THE OLD DRUMMER FROM THE RED HOT CHILE PEPPERS. HE SUCKS IN COMPARISON TO DAVE ABBRUZZESE--THE OLD DRUMMER FOR PEARL JAM. I WISH THEY WOULD PUT OUT ANOTHER AWESOME ALBUM. IF THEY DID I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY. OH YEAH, MY ROOMMATE JUST REMINDED ME ABOUT THIS GIRL THAT I KNOW. SHE'S A FAT GIRL AND SHE'S KIND OF A BITCH. SHE KEEPS CALLING ME AND CALLING ME, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HER 'THAT' WAY AT ALL--BUT SHE LIKES ME LIKE THAT. . . . I KIND OF LIKE LIVING IN JESTER BECAUSE IT IS VERY CLOSE TO EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON CAMPUS. THE FOOD SUCKS REALLY BADLY, BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF BEAUTIFUL GIRLS THAT LIVE HERE---SO THAT IS REALLY COOL. I JUST GLANCED AT MY WATCH BECAUSE I AM TIMING MY TIME HERE ON THIS ASSIGNMENT. I ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE MINUTES TO DO THIS ASSIGNMENT. I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT HOW DELICIOUS MY SUPPER WAS TODAY AT MY FRIEND DREW'S UNCLE'S HOUSE. WE HAD BADASS BARBECUE AND HE GAVE US BEER AND MARGUERITAS. HE WAS A REALLY COOL GUY. I WANT TO GO BACK THERE SOMETIME AND HANGOUT AGAIN. HE'S GOT A REALLY NICE HOUSE AND HE'S BUILDING A STUDIO FOR RECORDING. THAT WILL BE COOL. MAYBE MY BAND-THE GOODSIDE-WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE USE OF THIS TO RECORD SOME STUFF IN THERE. WE HAVE OUR OWN STUDIO BUT IT'S IN THE DORM ROOM SO IT'S NOT REALLY EASY TO RECORD ALL THE TIME IN THERE BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT OTHER PEOPLES' SLEEPING HABITS AND WANTS AND NEEDS--THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT SUCHS ABOUT THE DORMS. IT KIND OF CRAMPS THE LIFESTYLE OF SOMEONE WHO MAKES A LOT OF NOISE. WELL, I'VE GONE OVER MY TWENTY MINUTE MINIMUM, SO I'LL GO AHEAD A START READING FOR OTHER CLASSES. . ",0,1,0,1,0
1997_890789.txt,"I just don't understand some people. Why do guys think that (okay, not all guys) it's okay for them to act like animals?  What does he market?  It's not easy to write and watch television at the same time. It's even harder to write and talk to someone at the same time. That was so disgusting!  Why do girls stay with guys that they don't like?  why am I with Chris?  I think that I love him, but do I really?  I mean how could I do what I did last night if I love him?  It could be possible, I guess. What are these people talking about?  Is Katherine. what was I going to say?  quit making so much noise!!!  Clink and clank. All trash is gross. Don't you know that?  My mind keeps drawing blanks. Maybe I am trying too hard to think about what I am thinking. Have you ever thought about how you think of things?  Well, I guess that is what we are doing here. Ha!  This guy is so funny!  This show is very funny today. I cannot believe that that lady just cut her old man's hair off. Why don't people have better opinions about themselves?  Like me. Why don't I?  This thing is annoying. How am I supposed to write my stream of consciousness when this stupid thing says I'm being idle?  I ask a lot of questions, don't I?  When are these twenty minutes going to be over?  Am I going to have to pay Alison to use her computer?  Did I spell her name right?  Who is that lady?  These people act as if they know her. Do they?  Oh!  I guess that she is a comedian. I guess anyway. A man with a plan!  Ha!  My hands are cramping. Come on time!  Go faster!  Faster, faster!  Sock sniffing?  Okay, whatever you say. Alright! Time is over! ",0,1,1,0,1
1997_891831.txt,"Well, I finally made it to the computer lab. Of course I waited until the last minute. Now that I figured out how to get in here it won't be so hard tomorrow. I hope I can get it done tomorrow by 5 because I only have an hour between classes. I am so happy that I got out of my class early today. It gives me time to study other things. I think I did fairly well on my quiz but who knows. I should have gone to work today. I feel a little guilty for leaving when I did, but I show up and they aren't even there. What am I supposed to do, just stand out in the hall like an idiot?  This job is a waste of my time. They never have anything for me to do anyway. I wish I could quit, but I can't because Mom is friends with Linda and I need the money. Especially now because of the car situation. I swear Don is just being a big baby about the whole thing. I hope I'm not in a bad mood this weekend. It will be nice to just relax without having to go out. I hope my dinner turns out ok. Wally might be sorry he asked me to cook for him. I need to call him tonight for his birthday. I hope the package he got was either from his mom or dad. I can't believe he didn't get a card from either of them last year. I know he was upset about that, but of course he would never admit that to me. It's too bad sometimes that I can't talk to him about everything. Like last night, I know he didn't know what to say when I called, but I just kept thinking that if I had been talking to Rica or Renee they would know how to handle the situation better. But what can I expect, he's just a guy. He's told me before that he doesn't handle the mushy stuff very well. At least he listens to me. I'm glad I had the chance to talk to Genia yesterday. I really do feel bad about not visiting her, but I knew it was best for everyone if we didn't see her. At least she doesn't live here anymore. I think that would be a bad situation. I really hope she gets over him soon. She's been sad too long, and it's just not doing her any good. I've completely run out of things to say, and that doesn't happen to me very often. Unfortunately it's happening more often. I really love it here at UT, but it is incredibly lonely. I see thousands of people everyday, but I'm still lonely. I guess that's why I'm on the phone for so long every night. I need to feel connected to my friends even if I don't see them as much as I used to. Unfortunately, I'm on the phone so much that I don't get much studying done. It's alot different than High school. I never had to study in high school. Now I'm so behind, and I don't know if I'll ever get caught up. I guess when I'm done with this I'll go study until my next class, which happens to be psychology. I thought this was supposed to be a lesson in stress relief. Well, this assignment has given me nothing but a headache. Speaking of headaches I can't seem to get rid of mine. It's either stress or allergies. Either way I'm suffering. Well, I'm finally done so I guess this is it. ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_956235.txt,"I hope I am doing this write!  I never really used the internet before and it took me forever to try and figure out how to log on. I feel better now that I am actually doing this, I thought I wouldn't figure it out in time then I would get a zero and bring my grade down. I am a freshman and I really want to do good. I hope my roommate isn't wandering where I am. We were supposed to do laundry after my class which was your class and ended at5. I was glad it wasn't raining when I got out because I didn't bring my umbrella. I am kind of upset that I couldn't find a smaller one than the huge one I brought. I don't want to look like a dork. I miss my boyfriend he is in San Antonio where I am from. I wish he would've gotten in to UT like me. It would have been so much fun being here with him without parents always watching over us. My time on this machine expires in ten minutes and it doesn't seem like enough time but it was almost twenty minutes that I have been typing maybe a few minutes less but it took me a while to figure out how to get here anyway. I not a very fast typer so I hope I have written enough and about the write topic that is whatever I am thinking. Well thank god I am almost done I only have one more minute so I have to push the submit button before it cuts me  off. Bye. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_499042.txt,"I am thinking about the pain in my throat right now, I have mono. Soon I will find out whether or not I have strep throat. In fact , I need to call the medical center hotline later, although I guess it really doesn't matter that much because I am already taking penicillin. Last night I could not sleep at all I was in so much pain. I would try and try to forget about the pain, and finally slip of into sleep. But, then about an hour later I would wake up and wish I was dead, not literally, but I just wish the pain would go away. I can deal with feeling sick all the time because I know that will eventually go away. I have so much stuff I need to do still, but I never have the energy to do it. I miss all of my family and sometimes feel lonely, but, I guess that is part of growing up. Texas plays Rudgers this weekend here and I already have my tickets, I wonder what that whole day will be like. I also miss all of my friends from high school, but I got two letters 2 days ago. I always feel sort of lonely at the start of school. Even when I was a little kid I would be really nervous when starting school, but it always ended up getting better by the end of the year. I was so ready to get out of my house this summer, my mom and I argued all the time. But, now I seem to really miss them, I think because I am sick I miss them even more because they have always been there to comfort me when I was sick. I wonder how my brothers are doing, I haven't talked to them in a couple of weeks. Everything here at UT is overwhelming, the system just doesn't seem to care about me. The people here are nice, but the red tape is difficult to cut through. I hope I can actually make good grades in my Calculus class, which is really hard. I guess  I need to get a tutor and work on not putting my assignments off to the last minute. Computers are really interesting. They seem like part of the ""system"" and red tape involved in everything. Not that I don't appreciate or like technology, It just isn’t personal at all. I need people around me in order to feel good and have fun, that is why I think I miss my family, they were always there to talk to. I know I can graduate from college, but I sometimes wonder whether or not I really can. I also wonder about the many paths my life could take. Will I be truly happy in the future? Will somebody love me enough to marry me?  Will I ever find a person I want to marry. What job will I have, how much money will I make. Will I be as successful as my Dad?  Can I live up to all of the expectations of my family?  Sometimes I see answers to these questions, I don't know how, and what are these visions, are they just part of my imagination?  I feel like time is passing and I am not really making an impact. ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_512804.txt,I am at work right now but I don’t start to work until about 30 more minutes I wonder if any one is  going to if anyone is going to ask me what I am doing oh well there is this person that I think is real nice so I cant really how does this thing work any way why won't it go to the next line by itself so I guess ill start to press enter when I cant see the words I am typing  I feel like laughing I don’t really know why well I do but it would be  to dangerous for me to type them down. so one might see I wish I could go  home I just found out that my botany class test are short answers great. I still like the class though  cant wait fort he day to be over. I is supposed to rain today I want it to but I don't want to walk home or any where in this assignment is kind of hard I cant type as quick as my mind thinks I'm not sure I like this computer either well I’m still skipping my thoughts  on the next assignment I think I better write it down instead. ok the truth  I did erase something from the beginning of this document. I’m at work for goodness sakes. why do I keep putting periods down I guess it is hard to  write with out using punctuation also his voice sounds wonderful ok I've got to stop that oh well I didn’t know that the top lines of the document eventually go up that a good thing she smiled at me probably wondering what I was doing I wish I had more time to write some more poems I will though I really want to perfect the one I wrote about the tanut this I going to look crazy when they print it out. I like this assignment though I never did ask if it was ok for me to be doing homework on the computers at work but mine at home is not fast enough to or doesn’t have enough speed to get everything on the net on  my computer I rally want to  buy some more software for it but I don’t know if I can afford it so this guy that I was telling you about is so fine I feel like I want to jump his bones I even had a dream about him last night nothing nasty though it wasn’t even sexual so I wonder if they are going to see how many times a guy verses a girl brings up the topic of sex in their writings I hope my TA gets all of this information. anyway he's so sexy I have a boy friend thought it will be five years in November I don’t believe it I love him though ok my mind has gone blank I cant think of anything I wish that when I write paper that the information I need to write him would flow a quickly as it is right now that would be cool so I could write a complete 12 page paper in one day I guess I would procrastinate one time though come to think of it yesterday I should have been writing my thoughts down I actually because aware became aware of what I was thinking it was kind of weird why to I keep trying to correct my mistakes maybe so it will be easier for the readier to follow I bet they are going to be having a grand time reading this class assignment I wonder what they are looking for. any way it would probably mess up the study if I did know. naked why I don’t know so one to the next topic my the way I wasn’t taking bout the Winston cigarette ads you know I don't smoke anyway well two more minutes until I have the file away my life at least to you its a play on words because it is part of the job description that I do I won't be doing it for the rest of my life though I do know that for sure actually I’m not sure I know what I want to do bye. 't be doing it for                            ,0,1,0,0,0
1997_555388.txt,"And so know I begin my first assignment in psychology. I don't know exactly how to begin this but I'm giving it my best shot. Typing isn't my forte so this is going pretty slowly. My roommate just walked in and then right out as soon as I told him what I was doing. Wow, there's something on the screen besides solitaire! He must be thinking. I hope my computer gets fixed soon. It'll be so much easier being able to send this through the internet from my dorm rather than going to the SMF lab and waiting for an open computer. They should have come to fix it by now. I guess they have a lot of people to help considering that I've called them two or three times already. And when the Ethernet starts working that will be awesome. Lightning fast access; no more waiting and waiting and waiting. . At least the phone lines are up and running ( in my room anyway). And not only that I got two free phone cards on the street today. I love it when they just hand out free stuff!  Uh oh, I just heard some cars screeching outside but I can't see anything from my window. I hope they're o. k. I can't leave this keyboard! Hmmmmm, I just got writer's block and I'm writing through my stream of consciousness. I wonder if that's bad. I just got a song in my head but it's not like I can write down the notes ( it's instrumental ). My gum is losing its taste, I think that I might need a new piece soon. It's Winterfresh gum. It's my favorite. I don't exactly know why it's my favorite gum, but maybe I'll find out in this psychology class. Psychology is a kind of hard word to type and it takes a little longer that some of the other words. My roommate just turned on some music. Its called Prodigy, the group that is, and they play electronic music. It sounds pretty cool, I think I'll go listen to it. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_651413.txt,"I am sitting here writing this on a Sunday afternoon. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 20 years old. I think I am going out to eat with my parents tomorrow night. It is sunny outside right now. I do not feel like sitting inside and working. I think this is cool how we can turn this assignment in over the web. I wish more assignments could be like this. In almost 6 and a half hours I will be 20. That sounds so weird to me right now. Last night I went to the Rage Against the Machine concert. It was pretty fun. I went with a bunch of friends. Sort of like an early birthday present. I am running out of things to write. I have a Spanish project to do after this. I still have Rage songs in my head from last night. There were so many people there last night. I heard that over 10,000 tickets were sold. It seemed like that many people were there. I am still tired from the show last night. I was disappointed that one of the opening acts for the show didn't make it. I wonder what I will get for my birthday. I already got a GoodFellas poster from one of my friends. GoodFellas is my favorite movie. I have the movie and seen it at least 40 times. I want to take a nap, but I have to much work to do. Hmm, can't think of what to type. I hope I get some money for my birthday. I guess I'll just have to wait till tomorrow to find out. Later I am going to call a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a while. Last night I slept with my contacts on. I better go take them off after this. I don't think that is good for my eyes. So far the school year is off to a good start. I am seeing friends I haven't seen in a while. ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_758039.txt,"Well it's hard to pinpoint my first thought as I begin to write, as it would be hard to pinpoint one thought that I have at any one time. I think constantly, usually about things that I should or shouldn't be doing at that time. For example, I constantly think about things I should be doing to help myself apply for medical school, like joining organizations, volunteering at hospitals, or studying to have that 3. 6 or higher. It seems like I'm always on the go now. This summer was pretty leisurely and then I move down here and I try to work the same hours taking 12 hours instead of 3. It's not the best thing for the soul. Speaking of soul, I try to go to church when I can and I feel guilty when I don't, but I haven't found the chance to go yet. And I hate making excuses, but I do a lot. I just watched a TV show on MTV called Austin City or something like that. It really excited me because I'm from a really small town, which  I don't think ever makes the news. I have been really impressed with UT and Austin so far. All my professors have been great and I can learn from their lectures. I went to North Texas for two years, where I had to learn most things on my own. I transferred with Express and it is a lot harder down here. The manager is a lot stricter; I can't lean!  I'm going to cut my hair off this Friday, but I don't know if I should. But, on the other hand, my hair causes me to get really hot and sweaty. I have already made the appointment, so I guess I will go through with it. I can't imagine how boring this must be for y’all to read,  but I guess it could get pretty interesting depending on the students  I guess you can tell how confused I am all the time. It shows in my writing how often my thoughts conflict one right after the other. Writing this hasn't taught me that though, I already knew I was confused. ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_777805.txt,"I am sitting in the computer lab at ESB wondering if what I'm writing will stay confidential, and I hope it doesn’t become some neato example for all the psych-kids to wanna do tests on me or something. Besides the fact that its kinda cold in here, the only other thing I can think about is how distraught I am that my girlfriend/potential wife wants to end a three year relationship. I know that I have done nothing wrong to cause the break up, and she assured me of that, and that is what confuses me. I would rather it be something about me that she didn't like rather than it be nothing at all, because I could at least come to terms with that and learn from it. She is such a wonderful woman and I love her very much. She said she doesn't NOT love me, but that these three years she has seen no internal peace, and with her graduating this fall, and with all the stress of her future, she can't bear this unrest any longer so she must stop the relationship. She told this to me just two days ago, after not seeing one another for the entire summer since she was working and out of the country while I was here doing summer school (or should I say that summer school was doing me). She just decided to leave me on her own accord and expect me to throw away three years in a single phone call. I am going crazy inside. I cannot understand why she gave up on me over the summer. She is a kind hearted woman and I know that when she told me she loved me that her words were true, and that is why I cannot understand why she's willing to let it all go. Right now I can fell my heart beat very hard. I can sense every time it moves my chest and I can see my shirt moving slightly around the area of my heart. I can see my shirt moving to the beat. My fingers are cold and my mind in total and utter confusion. I sat through two classes phasing in and out of lecture, trying to pay attention, but I can't. I told her that I am coming this weekend to college station to see her and talk to her face to face. I need to know what I can do to remedy this situation. I ask God for guidance, and I can't make out his message. I need to open my heart a lot more and let him inside and clear my mind of this so I can hear him correctly. I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes and I push them back very quickly so as to not let on how I am feeling to anyone in this computer lab. She tells me that there's nothing I can say to change her mind, but I need to try nonetheless. I really could use someone to pick me up right now. Now I’m thinking about my 15 hours semester course load and how its going to be so difficult to think straight with this on my mind. I've got to ask my friend/roommate to help me thorough this. 20 minutes. My times' up. ",1,0,1,0,1
1997_835986.txt,"Every time I get one of these writing assignments my mind always seems to go blank. They tell me ""write about what is in your mind"". It shouldn't be that hard I mean I am always thinking of something. For example right now I'm thinking I shouldn't have missed breakfast. Anyway this is sort of like writing a letter to a friend where you don't have to worry about grammar and things like that. At least I hope not. I feel like the twenty minutes are never going to be over. Actually I am amazed at how fast I am typing, and I've never taking typing course in my life. Well I think I'm typing fast. I don't know how many words a minute I can type. I hope I do well in school. This place is huge. I am enjoying myself. I've never been on my own before. You can call it a learning experience. There is not much to here with out a car. I hope I get credit for this. I wonder if this one of those things were they try to get into the mind of America's youth. They probably didn't get much out of me, since I don't seem to be thinking anything interesting. Maybe I don't know to type all that well. Some people just sit down and all you here are them hitting the keys. I wish I was like that, I could finish my assignments quicker. I need to take a typing course. I also need toenail clippers. You guys probably don't want to here that, but you asked to write down what I was thinking. I also need a poncho because it looks like it's going to rain. No chance in you guys getting me one? Well the twenty minutes are up. c-ya     ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_872817.txt,Right now I am tired and I am thinking about going to bed. I imagine what my classes will be like in thew morning and that I have to get up at 9:40 to be  ready on time for my Astronomy class. I think if I have any home work or stuff  that I have to have done for class. I then think of my next class which is Psychology. I think if I have any preparation I need to do for that class. I then think about what I'm gonna eat for breakfast and then for lunch. I then think that I need to go to the Microcenter  to get the software I need for my business classes. I am disrupted by one of my friends who call me on ICQ. I talk to him for a few minutes and then get back to writing. I then immediately receive a phone call  and I talk on the phone for about 5 min. Then I begin to worry how long I've been typing for and I try to remember when I started. I feel that it is time to go to bed so I decide to submit  the assignment. ,0,0,1,0,0
1997_891464.txt,"Boy am I hungry right about now. I sure do miss mom's cooking, even though the whole eighteen years I've been eating it, I thought it was gross. Computer are cool. Internet is awesome. I like being a guinea pig for psychology class. Jester food stinks. Man I really hate it. However, the pizzas okay. Wu tang is cool. I wish I hadn't lost the CD. Racquet ball looks interesting. I want to play intramural Basketball. I wish I had a Car. I wouldn't mind having an S-Class Benz. Is twenty minutes over yet?  Guess not. I love UT. I love                                        Bevo. I don't really miss Houston that much. I could live here forever. Man, I'm hungry. I could go for some fried chicken and biscuits with mashed potatoes and gravy. I wouldn't mind have some Cajun rice with that. I want to go  jogging,  but I have too much too read tonight. I should not have registered  for morning classes. It sucks having to wake up at eight in the morning and  dragging myself to class. Wow it has been exactly ten minutes. Apples are good when they are crunchy and sweet. I miss Houston Radio stations. I can't seem to find a good club station in Austin. I miss the clubs at Houston. However, the ones here in Austin Aren't that bad. Corn dogs at Jester are nasty. So far  my classes have been easy, but I haven't had an exam yet or even a quiz. I  don't know what to expect. I had a weird dream last night. I was at a party and every one who was there was a person I had met but not really was good  friends with. However I did not feel uncomfortable,  I even felt like I had  known them my whole life. I like Cajun rice. Red beans and rice is good too. I feel like getting something to eat. I'm starving. My stomach is telling me  to run to the fridge, but my mind is reminding me that it is just empty. All I have to eat is ice cubes I made last night. Man, I'm starving!!!   ",0,1,1,0,0
1997_894347.txt,"as I begin this assignment its seems weird to me that I am in college  and I locating my professor on the computer I don't have to be in the room  to hand you an assignment I have to get up early for class tomorrow usually I'm in bed by now I don't know why I up, I seem to have this spurt of energy tonight I've gotten so much done tonight though I so stressed out this week but today I realize that I've been stressing over future stuff and I was looking at the wrong dates on my syllabus oops forgot to hit the return button typing is making me so much more tired  tonight when I'm done I will go to bed I love waking up in the morning its such a fresh beginning feeling forgot that stupid button again next door the music just got turned on real loud they better cut it out by the time I'm ready for bed I wish Wesley were here to go to bed with me Maryland is  so far away at 1 in the morning, not that its any closer at 2 in the afternoon but things are so much more in perspective at that time wow I bet this is really  improving my typing skills, not that they are bad I had that typing class in 9th  my back hurts this position hurts but in 9th grade that teacher what was her name. . . oh yeah Mrs. reader and she had that annoying voice. aaaaaaa now class . bbbbbbb is everyone understanding how to switch the fingers to the right letters? this class psych reminds me of my mom she is a therapist I like hearing her talk about that kind of stuff but I don't like when she uses her therapy shit on me anyway I miss her I hope her business trip is going well Virginia seems far away at one in the morning I  wonder why I typed that 1 out and just pushed the one key for the last one? anyhow or anywho I can not stand that . anywho! I am not capitalizing my I's anymore cause I’m tired and you said we didn't have to worry about grammar well I have two minutes and to tell you the truth I am now ready to quite and  go to bed. ",1,0,0,1,0
1997_899272.txt,"Ok so here I am at my computer lab and I am supposed to be typing about what is going on in my head. well nothing really, just waiting for the weekend to come and  what I am going to do . I have no idea on what I am going to do maybe I’ll go  out with my roommate or my friends Kristen and tiffany, I don't know. I wish I could see Jason, I miss him so much, but he is coming down the weekend of his  birthday so I’ll just wait. am I falling in love, oh well too late, I am already in love but I can't be cause I’m here and he is there and I just can't do this to myself. but am I going to find somebody here. I don't want to throw myself on guys but I don't want to be just some face in the crowd. how can you meet people if  you just don’t want to talk??  I don’t know I don’t care I do love Jason and I wish he would get his act together so my mom and dad will like him a lot more and we can have a serious relationship. It's been three years now and I can't stop  going back to him, do I just want the feeling of knowing that I have somebody or  what?  I have been a lot happier since we started talking. I don't know, I'm so  confused. I don't want to turn out like my sisters that married someone that is somewhat worthless and have no money for half of my life. I am better than that. I don’t know. am I saying that too much. I am so glad that you are not reading  this because you would think I was a complete psycho. I hate English class, I ] hate to write. It sucks sooooo much. My hands are starting to hurt. I don't  practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball. Well I had a million dollars but I spent it all if I could find that heina and that sancho that she found I pop a  cap in sancho and I’d slap her down, well all I really want to know , I cant be and all I really want to say I cant define blah blah blah blah that I s one of my \favorite songs but I cant remember some of the words oh, well   I have a lot more time new song, I’m on a one way street with a one night stand with a one track mind out in no man's land, the punishment sometime don't seem to fit the crime , yeah there's a hole in my soul but the one thing I’ve learned for every love letter written is  another one burned now you tell me how it's going to be this time is it over, is it over cause I m blowing out the flame, take a walk outside your mind, tell me how it feels to be the one who turns the knife inside of me. ok new stuff let’s talk about what I am going to do for Jason’s birthday. I will hopefully get some goods from Jennifer and then get a hotel room and we can \smoke out in the hotel room and get really drunk and pass out but before we pass out we have to do some stuff. If I  had access to all the drugs in the world like so well where all I would have to do is have money and call one person, I would be the biggest addict in the world, well not the biggest but pretty close. I love doing drugs, I love getting drunk, I guess I’m just curious about this , once I try it I might not like it but I have to at least try first, oh I think my  20 minutes are up in four mor3e minutes do you want to here me sing. Maybe this time  I'll be lucky Maybe this time he'll stay Maybe this time for the first time love will hurry away he will hold me fast I’ll be home at last not a loser any more like the last time and the time before every body loves a winner so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy that's what I long to be well all the odds are, there in my favor  something’s bound to begin IT'S GONNNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!!!!! CAUSE everybody oh they love a winner, so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy, that's what I long to be well all the odds are , there in my favor something's bound to begin IT'S GONNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME , MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!! ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_910412.txt,My Thoughts. As I sit here thinking my mind wonders into so many different plains of emotion and depth. I like the music I am listening to but my concentration is probably dying. I hate typing. This is a great way to see how I am thinking although I am tired and my thoughts are probably greatly distorted. I am glad I came to college station last night. It feels good to be back here and to see all these people I know already. I am already tired of seeing people it is almost impossible to get to know. My roommate is probably sitting at my apartment all alone and that is too bad I wish she had something to do as well. I like her but we do have some crazy differences. I am extremely thirsty. It is very hot in here. The past few days have been so terribly hot outside. I like the Fall and the Winter better. Everything is a lot more enjoyable then. I cant wait to see my old friends when I go home during Christmas. In High School I always thought I was Different from everyone else and to an extent I was. I hate yellow. I like to write but I would rather be reading a good book right now or maybe going to play put-put golf. Twenty minutes is a long time to write about nothing. Charlie has gone to work and I don’t have much to do now other than this. Why do people act so stupid today. I am scared to meet people because they all seem so strange and their thoughts all seem to be the opposite of mine. I want to breathe a breath that is new. I see nothing as far as my life is right now. I live my life with the shadows and I know that this is wrong or is it . I will find a place I have before. My head hurts what else can I write oh sweet brain. I love psychology it is so exciting and new and apparent . I am going to enjoy  this class even though is has about a billion people in it and that is a change since my town only has 1400 people living in it . all so big BIG big I feel like I have been bent and thrown around right now I need to get some more sleep but I cant do that right now I am falling into this trap of thinking about my thoughts and my thoughts are typical and dull to me but I am not typical and dull WHY ARE my thoughts coming out this way on paper. Maybe it has something to do with trying too hard or subconsciously knowing complete strangers are going to read this (I like to write my thoughts for myself. Sorry 20 minutes is up . ,0,1,0,0,1
1997_919223.txt,"Right now I'm sitting here at my brothers house. I'm very tired and wish I was in my bed. We had a Tri-Delt meeting tonight and I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff we have to do. It just seems like their is something everyday. I wish I could just do some stuff and not all of it. I hate other people having control over me and telling how I have to spend my afternoon. I just want to be able to study, meet people, and sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t have joined a sorority. Oh well!  I just need a break everything is happening so fast and I'm having second thoughts about the whole Tri-Delt thing because I really don't know anybody yet. Maybe once I start to meet people I feel more comfortable. I'm very excited because my dad is coming to Austin thurs-sunday. He is going to the game with us and taking us out to eat. I haven't talked to my dad in awhile so I can't wait to see him. I guess I'm a little homesick or at least more than I let show. I just worry that I/m the only one feeling this way and I don't want to look like a big crying baby to my roommate. But I don't really care what my roommate thinks because she gets on my nerves have the time and is not that much fun to be around. She is not interested in the same stuff I am and just sits around and plays on the computer. Well enough about that. I'm really hungry but I don’t want to eat anything because I worry about gaining the freshman 15. All my roommate eats is fat fat FAT. So their is all kinds of junk food in my room and I get tempted to eat it. She isn't worried about her weight. I very excited because this girl who is one of my pledge sisters asked me to room with her next year in an apartment with to other girls. She is real nice and I was surprised that she asked me to live with her. I said yes but I will have to talk to my mom because she is the one paying for everything. Last night was the weirdest thing I set down and started thinking about all my friends that are off at different schools. This was the first time that I had the chance since I've been here to think about everyone and wonder what they are doing. I even thought about my camp friends and how it seems like a year ago that I was with them. It was just two months ago. I wish I was back their right now because I had no worries and was so happy with everyone their. Well it has been 20 min. so I guess I'll let you go. Got to go study!!!!! ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_935738.txt,"that's no good. I was informed as I entered the room that my friend tom's  girlfriend broke up with him. they were engaged;  I hope he comes  through this ok. he gets depressed sometimes,  and uses poor judgement. wow . . . it just occurred to me the more complex problems I face as I age. there's a  volleyball game going on outside in the jester courtyard (I assume . . . tom's roommate insists that it's a drunken festival of debauchery - I can't see out the window). I find their play loud and distracting, but the courts are there for that  purpose and I have no right to complain. the stereo turned off and I find the only noise in the room to be that of my typing. I like music as I work. it  helps me to concentrate. I find that I’m considerably addicted to sound. when I was younger (and not paying an electric bill) I even needed music to sleep. I listened to my  Beatles record whi9le I cooked dinner tonight. chicken fried steak,  mashed potatoes and abbey road  -  fantastic combination. I found that there's a slight scratch  on ""Mr. mustard""  -  those bastards at the record shop are supposed to be honest about the condition of the albums . . . it would be easier had they allowed me to  listen to it before I bought it. what kind of record shop has no turntable?  still, I’m glad to have it - I collect old vinyl from some of my favorite groups . . . certain bands have a different sound and feel on record. I started collecting  when my brother bought me ""working man's dead. ""  he originally inspired my interest in the grateful dead,  I guess that fits. I have discovered in the past few years  just how, in my younger days, I religiously aspired to be like my brother. he's a great guy . . . I’m glad that he's succeeding in life - we went through some troubling stages together. I miss him when I’m at school. it's been five years since we lived in the same house,  but at school I’m 200 miles away rather than across town. tom's talking on the phone to one of our friends,  Andrew,  who goes to school  at Vanderbilt. computers are amazing things - my phone bill would be outrageous if I couldn't e-mail my friends who attend school in other states. he's talking about the ""break-up"" now. this whole situation sucks. ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_950322.txt,"Right now I don't know what to write. Marc sure is cute, and funny too, it was nice of him to email me I wish Scott and I hadn't gotten in a fight earlier today. he overreacted  I am glad dad emailed me. I miss my parents  I am sick of this school the work is hard  my astronomy makes no sense  I am going to fail  Michael is giving us too much work  I need to read for eng and psy  I don't know what to expect  from the tests here. I can't wait to go home  dinner with Christina was fun  it sucks that laurissa and I don't hang out anymore. neither do Eileen and I  no one ever writes me  I wish that I went to U of H and lived at home  I am not motivated  I don't like my edp teacher. she makes no sense in our assignments  Vicky is so inconsiderate about the TV  I hope linds likes her present. . it wasn't exactly cheap. too bad we aren't closer. I wish that we were  I wish that she would get better and get on track. . . I wish I would get on track. . . I am so disorganized! Psy is going to be hard. I can't remember anything!  I never did study. study skills class is a joke b/c I know it won't help. boy, my typing sure does suck  I miss my work!  I need to email or write Christy. she was a sweet boss. Vicky hoggs the TV and is inconsiderate but lupe is nice. julie is too nice for her own good, and she talks about ""daddy's money"" too much. people like that are annoying I hate it here b/c its just too much to handle I can't wait to go home this weekend!  that will be an adventure with all of the family roller coasters! I can't believe aunt rita did it before she got married!  actually, I can, but still its weird. linds needs to get over paul I hope we go see a movie on Friday. I hope she wears the necklace I got her. I miss Scott. . . I wish he were a little more considerate of my feelings. . Vicky is SoOOO presumptuous!  to change the channel while I am watching it??? I hope that no one thinks I am  nuts when they read this. I am getting upset b/c of how inconsiderate everyone is!!!  I am so glad mom called and dad emailed me! I miss them. I can't wait to go home. I hope the 20 mins goes by fast!!!  this is getting boring. I need to read for English marc is so funny. . . the way he jumps around subjects is so cute!  Scott thinks he is the only one with stress in his life. I am so glad I got the stupid ""brain picking"" out of the way. Christina worries too much. right now I am annoyed with everyone and everything!  I am going to miss Thursday night shows b/c of stupid astronomy. I want to marry someone rich and stop having to study. I hate to study this sucks. . all the work!  my time is up sooN!!!  okay, maybe not. I wonder if they would know I did it for half the time, probably so. everything I am writing is stupid. I am tired and hate astronomy  its too broad a subject. I can't visualize the universe so I  can't understand any of the topics. I am a visual person. I have to see to understand!  Noelle took Pascal, so did the girl next to me. I wish that Noelle and Chris would stop being so ""happy"" and Sappy with each other. its sick and I think it is unhealthy that he cries about her all the time. he’s a big baby and I think it would never work with them b/c its soooo sappy and I think its unhealthy that they plan their lives around each other when they have only been dating for 7 months. Scott and I don't do that and we have been going out for 4 years. maybe we should break up. . yeah right, that'll never happen b/c we're too comfortable, bad!  Oh well, that’s life and what can I do? Vicky totally monopolizes the room. Marc is so funny. I can’t WAIT TO go home!  I miss my parents, they have such a hand full with Lindsay!  Why can't she be more normal and get ""it"" together. I am tired of everyone blaming me for her troubles, its not my fault, I am bossy but that didn't make her the way she is. Yes!!!  only 4 mins to go!  Thank GOD. I really should go to church here, I sure have strayed into the last 2 months, we never missed before we moved. Scott lives too far from the new house, glad he got a car. can't wait for Saturday’s Date!!!  Hope he takes me to carrabbas,  I am sooo hungry. wish the store was still open, I want pizza. vic is selfish. I wish she would go to lupe's tonight. I prefer to have the room to myself. I don't like her too much, thought she is okay some times, but still, UNCONSIDERATE!!!  just b/c she’s a soph, doesn't mean she’s superior to me in any way!!!  She needs to just  get over herself and go to lupes for the night. . . I liked it better when she spent the night out. I am hungry. stress makes me hungry, I am mad and upset with vic, and Scott too, I hope he called, so I can call him back!  YES. . . one more min. this was harder that I thought b/c I am soooo tired. couldn't check my messages b/c VICKY was on the phone!!!  AHHHHHH  I don't like her!!!!!  she needs to be more considerate like me. I bend over backwards to be considerate for her!!!  ahhhhhhhhhh  THE END. THANK GOD!!! ",0,1,0,0,1
1997_806274.txt,I feel weird I know I’m about to pull an all nighter and I have this eternal sense of flux but I’m not in anguish at all I’m actually euphoric some how like I said I’m feeling weird that's why I’m doing thins now I don't know really what I’m supposed to say but I guess it doesn’t matter well I’m kind of at a stand still I hope you can read all of my word I’m a totally phonetic speller you see I’m dyslexic how ever you spell it well I’ll just start talking then things are always weird well nothing is normal it's not suppose to be that would be incredible boring and stagnate but  it's just we never know were we are and never know exactly what we want and even if were some were we never know is this really were I want to be  is this what I want to do I guess it don’t matter much were always were  we are and were always how we are entail we change which is normally but different than how I usually am because its different but I’m not indecisive  I think I just question it all and I’m yet to come up with the answer  tired but awake I actually like this and I cant what to participate in the  experiments ( I’m lazy and all I do is procrastinate that’s why this  allnighter thing is happening) tired but wanting to do my work I actually get cote up in it when I actually do it I like working but I procrastinate  there's all ways people to talk to and women to hit on and don't get me wrong I just need people my friend and especially the female ones I just need close  people that all is there to be with and together nothing more the one  but any way I get mad at my self for not doing what I need to in school because  I actually like it all I love learning but I just cant put my ass in the  chair and sit once I do I get it done and have fun doing it I still feel weird just lackadaisical and it's one of the few times I feel like reading and  studying even though I do like it when I do it I feel like I’m giving you the  wrong info. just not what your looking for well sorry but it happens  I think I want to do work because my body wants me to sleep and I’m just procrastinating from that like usual its also why I’m taking so long to  do this its not reading its just like me sitting out side talking but I guess its enough and I hope it works for what you want  so  I’ll put me always  phrase in here and say good bye   have fun          ,0,0,0,0,1
1997_964636.txt,"I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books!  (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh!  Twenty minutes are up!  Bye Bye!                                                                                  ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_801472.txt,"I just met you. How can this feeling be?  It is a happy feeling. Its just awkward. I haven't felt it in awhile, at least since another soul and I grew apart. Things just faded. Two different people, two different lives. But now the emotion lurks once more in my heart. I try to fight it, but I can't. Something tells me to follow my heart, submit, and give in to the strong, enticing feeling that is just starting a war inside me. Thoughts just continuously rumble through my head; they won't stop. There's no control. I can't change how I feel. This is a crazy world. Everything just seems upside down. There is too much to think about in life. Who ever said it would be this complicated?  I wish there were just a secret to life and somebody would fill me in. I could just do anything I wanted to do. Pleasure could be my sole guide down every path in this extensive journey. The thought of consequences would never even enter my mind. I could live life day by day, and my only obligation would be to live. I would just enjoy life and breathe it in. Too many people today miss out on the beauty of their surroundings, the people they come in contact with and their environment. If a person merely goes through life only seeking material success, where is the true worth in that life?  That person would miss out on everything with true meaning and depth. Therefore, he or she is not really living but merely becoming a trained robot to fit into the machine of our material world. Things are so weird now. It seems that people have lost site of their morals and are only living to climb the corporate ladder. What kind of life is that?  Oh well, everybody is different. What is important to me may not be important to others. I went to Mount Bonnel yesterday, and it was breath taking. I watched the sun set and the stars and moon come out. There was a gentle breeze that would pass over my face and lips and blow through my hair. At that moment, all stress seemed to disappear. It was complete tranquility and bliss. It made me want to just sit up on the mountain, take in the view, let my thoughts run free, and just live. ",0,0,1,0,1
1997_178075.txt,"I went to my sorority's crush party last night. I didn't really know what to expect because they had it at Buffalo Club and I don't dance, I don't smoke, and I certainly don't look 21. At any rate, I wasn't having very much fun after 30 minutes. At that point a guy came up to me and asked me to dance, I figured it couldn't be any worse than standing around so I said yes. We ended up hanging around with each other the entire evening. We exchanged phone numbers and I kind of figured that was the end of it. It was about twelve-thirty when I drank half of my ""big sister's"" Long Island Iced Tea and I have to say I think that it really impaired my judgement. I got talked into going to Dance Across with three of my sorority sisters and the guy who had been hanging around me. I had fun, we danced, but he isn't exactly the kind of guy I'm particularly attracted to. For some reason I put that aside, became extremely flirtatious, and even let him French kiss me after having met him only four hours before. I feel really cheap now, I never do things like that. I don't really know what the reason for my actions was (I'm blaming it on the drink, but that's probably not the problem because the effects had worn off before the end of the evening). Maybe I'm somewhat lonely, it's been about three months since I've had a boyfriend. The problem is that I woke up this morning and regretted last night. I feel like I used this guy, I didn't mean to. Maybe it's not that I don't want a boyfriend, maybe it's that I don't want him as a boyfriend. The worst thing about this is that I've been in his position before (having someone kiss me than decide they don't want me, in fact, it was last week) but it hurt my feelings and I think it's extremely insensitive of me to do the same thing to someone else. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_255728.txt,"I am so mad right now that I can't believe it. I wrote out an entire  stream of consciousness thing and I pressed cancel instead of submit which  erased my entire writing assignment!!  I am so angry and tired and I just don't feel like doing this anymore. I can't believe that I am so stupid!! Why am I doing this anyway??  It doesn't seem like it's doing any good  and I don't see what it's serving. I don't have anything to write about anymore and I don't even know If I'm doing this thing right in the first place. I don't know if I'm supposed to be pressing enter at the end of each line or if I’m just supposed to write to infinity on one line or if I should press enter. I don't know. I don't think I even care right now. I'm cold too. my dorm room is always so cold. I don't know why we put the AC on so high maybe because Austin is always so freaking hot!  Why is it so hot anyway?  I hate Texas. I wish that we never moved from NJ; the weather was always so good there it was never too hot or too cold. I miss my friends too. I don't know what to do right now. or what to do when I'm done with this stupid assignment. great, I have  about fifteen more minutes left. what the hell. why is this taking so damn long sorry about the swearing but I'm just really pissed right now. I'm also tired  because I went shopping with my girlfriend today for over 7 hours and I'm  so fatigued mentally and physically. How do girls do it?  How can anyone possible walk for seven hours straight and not get tired. In that respect I completely admire them. wow. not left with anything left to say. I must have . who the hell is making so much noise in the hall way?  this dorm is always too loud!!! I just want to move to an apartment and get some privacy. I hate these public  bathrooms, they're so unsanitary. I'm having trouble breathing now. My  asthma is acting up again. probably because it's so cold in here. I wonder what my girlfriend is doing right now. She left in a hurry after she dropped me off. That's the gratitude I get for going shopping with her for so long. I bet  whoever is reading this thing is hating the fact that I can type 65 words per minute and I bet she is getting tired of reading all this crap. I'd go crazy if I have to  read ten of these things, much less over three hundred. Man I can't breath. I need to get my inhaler. I think I need to go to the bathroom too. but I can't leave this computer to do it. Oh boy. what is life getting to?  wow only ten more minutes before I am done!!  and I still don't know what to write about. Those  people sure are making a lot of noise out there in the parking lot. OH. I wonder who won the UT football game?  I guess we did since the tower is lit  up orange. but I wonder what the score was. I think I need to ask someone. Not that I actually care about football in the first place. my leg is itching why do we have so many nestle crunch bars laying around here anyway?  I think we need to give some away. ouch I just got a really big stomach ache. all of a sudden I'm really really tired. I want to get some sleep. I never get enough sleep in college seven minutes left. good. I need a haircut. I'm too tired to think. My ear canal itches now my face and shoulder itch. I can't do this anymore. I'm debating whether or not I should just submit this thing and say that I wrote for twenty minutes since I type faster than most people anyway. No one would ever be able to tell the difference. only five more minutes. I can't think of anything to write. I need to call my girlfriend but her line was busy the last time I checked. I think her roommates are on the phone line. need some sleep why the hell can’t I just stop??!?!?!?   I'm so tired. My arms are getting heavy. I'm not thinking  of much anymore. can't lift my fingers. Think I’ll just sit here a while and hope that time will fly by quicker. easiest thing to do is zone out and not think of anything at all, that way I won't have to type anything. but then  again here I am still typing. what the hell. I can't win either way. I need my inhaler really bad now. I can hardly breathe. only one more minute. can't think of anything to say getting really really anxious now. come on. um. I guess that's it then. I've got no more to say. ",0,0,1,1,0
1997_318159.txt,"WELL, I DON'T LNOW WHAT ALL TO TYPE ABOUT, SINCE WE CAN TYPE ABOUT ANYTHING. MY BOYFRIEND THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE I MOVED DOWN HERE THREE WEEKS AGO CAME DOWN TODAY FROM DALLAS, SO I'M PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. I WISH HE DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE ON MONDAY, BUT HE HAS SCHOO, ASLO. MY ROOMMATE IS ON THE COMPUTER NEXT TO ME, READING ABOUT EL NINO, AND HER BOYFRIEND IS WATCHING ME TYPE. THIS COMPUTER LAB STINKS. MY BOYFRIEND IS BORED OUT OF HIS MIND, BECAUSE HE WANTS TO PLAYS GAMES BUT CAN'T GET ON A COMPUTER. I THINK THIS PSYCHOLOGY COURSE IS GOING TO BE HARD, BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE CLASS. FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLR IS A BIT TOO MANY PEOPLE TO HAVE IN ONE CLASS--HOW WILL ANYONE LEARN ANYTHING?  ALSO, THE WHOLE EXPERIMENT THING IS VERY STRANGE. WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO STUDY ABOUT US?  I SURE AS HECK AM NOT GOING TO WRITE A RESEARCH PAPER, THOUGH. I HATE WRITING PAPERS!  I'M GLAD THAT WE DON'T HAVE A FINAL IN OUR CLASS. BUT I HAVE A FINAL IN MY PHILOSOPHY CLASS, AND IT'S ALSO ON THE LAST DAY. THAT SUCKS. I WAS HOPING I COULD GO HOME AND WORK DURING THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS, BUT SINCE I WON'T LEAVE UNTIL DECEMBER 16, THAT'S NOT GOOD. AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE TO BE BACK UNTIL JANUARY 20, THOUGH!!  THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. AARON AND I ARE BOTH GROWING IMPATIENT. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN TYPING FOR AN HOUR, BUT IT HAS ON;Y BEEN TEN MINUTES. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TONIGHT. ME, AARON, MANDA, AND BRANNON ARE GOING OUT TO EAT AND TO SEE G. I. JANE. I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THAT MOVIE FOREVER. IF BRANNON DOESN'T SHUT UP, I'M GOING TO BACK HAND HIM. AARON IS PLAYING WITH THE MOUSE AND IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. NOW HE'S LAUGHING UP A STORM, AND IT IS ALSO DRIVING ME CRAZY. BRANON IS A PERVERT. O, EXCUSE ME, HE THINKS HE'S ROMANTIC. NOW WE'RE ALL LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT DON JUAN DEMARCO, WHOEVER HE IS. I AM SO HUNGRY. I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY, AND MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA CAVE IN. NOW AARON IS TALKING ABOUT TACO BELL, AND I'M GOING TO VOMIT. I HATE TACO BELL, AS WELL AS ALMOST ALL FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS. NOW AARON IS READING WHAT I AM TYPING, AND IT IS ANNOYING ME. NOT REALLY, ALMOST EVERYTHING HE DOES I THINK IS CUTE. I MISS HIM A LOT, I'M REALLY GLAD HE'S HERE THIS WEEKEND. HE'S FIXING TO MOVE DOWN HERE IN A MONTH, BECAUSE HE'S GRADUATING FROM THE ART INSTITUTE OF DALLAS ON SEPTEMBER 30, THE SAME DAY AS OUR FIRST EXAM. NOW THEY ARE TALKING TALKING ABOUT HOW NASTY UNDERSHIRTS LOOK. IF AARON PICKS AT HIS FOOT ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA SLAP HIM. NOW MY TIME IS UP, I'M REALLY GLAD. ",1,0,1,1,0
1997_848404.txt,"Writing about the stream of consciousness is really not my thing. The only  thing I understand is that I am suppose to put my feelings and thoughts as of  now, on paper. Well, what I am feeling right now is tiredness. Last night I  only had 5 hours of sleep and I am really tired and sleepy right now. I figure, since I have time to kill, I better do it completing an assignment that requires action and movement to keep me awake. I am suppose to meet a friend for lunch at 3 o'clock and it is merely 1:30. As I said before, I really need a nice  comfortable mattress so I can take a nap. Other than feeling really tired and lazy, I am also feeling happy. I am glad that I am where I am and grateful  for my parent. I realized that that last sentence really didn't make any sense. Oh, well. In a way I can blame the tiredness I have inside of me on myself and  partially on my cousin. I blame myself because I stayed up late on the phone talking to the friend that is taking me out to lunch today. Then I can blame my cousin because she wanted me to take her to get her immunization shot. Then  what turns out is that the clinic we went to did not operate immunization. Which brings me now to understand that I am frustrated as well. Being that the  clinic that we went to, didn't do immunization, I am going to have to wake up  early again on a different day to bring her to another clinic. I really, really hate waking up early. No matter what it is for, it has to be pretty important for me to get away from dreamland. This seat that I am sitting on right now is really too high for me. Either that or I am really short. The seat is so high that it has my legs hanging off the  ground. Which really sucks because it is making my knees hurt. They feel sore now. The truth is, is that I am really not that short. I am 5'4"", so that is about average. Anyway, I realize now that writing about your consciousness is really strange and something your think about at the spur of the moment. Trying to put every- thing down is kind of frustrating when you cannot type as fast as you think. Well, the 20 minutes are up and I have to run. I don't want to bore the person who will be reading this. Although it is already boring as is. ",0,0,0,0,1
1997_887984.txt,"For some odd reason, I felt really cold all day long. Whether I was in my room or just walking around campus, my insides felt really cold and hollow. Maybe it is due to the fact that I had to come back today. All weekend long I was at home in Round Rock. The thought of having to come back really annoyed and made me nervous for no particular reason. Sometimes I get in this really dark mood and I imagine myself attending all these funerals, and all I can see is black and empty space. I wonder why I feel this way sometimes, but I always come out of this zone and cannot even remember what triggered me to have these images or feelings. Whenever I get this way, all I see is the vision of someone dying or screaming in pain from something so horrible that cannot be explained. Once, I had this dream and I witnessed what seemed like the end of the earth; I came face to face with celebrities that only I dreamed of meeting, and when someone would die, their name and accomplishments in life would be announced on an intercom. You see everyone was captured in this underground tunnel type of cave and we were all waiting for the tide to come in and take us away. As soon as I heard my name, birth date, and my few accomplishments in life, I could taste the saltwater in my mouth and that is when I woke up crying and all wet from sweat. I was really scared and curious to why I had such a dream, but I could never really comprehend what really happened, nor could my friends. Some of my friends gave me back some interesting feedback, but the majority of them thought I was definitely insane. But after that weird experience, I have not had another experience like that one. The cool thing is that one of my good friends was doing an interview the next day on weird things that people experience and she interviewed me. My quote "" I witnessed the end of the world"", was in the school paper. Some of her friends on the staff wanted to talk to me about my dream, but I figured since they heard everything I had to say in the paper, there was no reason for me to elaborate any further. Another weird encounter I have had with near death was that in my dream, I was at my mother's funeral. The weird thing was that her death was due to cancer. Well that seemed kind of odd because there was never any talk about my mother ever being sick. Well in my dream, I felt so alone and cried out to her and became hysterical. I couldn't help myself. When I woke up from the dream, I was crying and I was covered all over with sweat. Those two dreams are the only serious ones I've come upon. But I wonder why I have such dreams; could it be a result of my odd days when I feel dark and hollow, or is it caused by some stress factor experienced during the day sometime. I have heard that people have weird dreams when they can't sort out all their problems during the day. I am really interested in why people have odd dreams and would like to further study the factors as well as reasons that cause these events. Whenever I have a dream, I hate the fact how I can never remember the following day, even though it's what wakes me up. Why is it that one can have a dream and after he awakens, he can no longer remember what or who was in it. I would really like to study the causes of our dreams and the reasons why we become so disturbed, yet can remember nothing. It would be interesting if someone did an experiment on students as a project; to detect and understand maybe the basis for having dreams. ",1,1,1,1,1
1997_233350.txt,"  There is this chomping sound coming from my brothers mouth. He's eating cereal. Sometimes I am jealous of this, because he  has his own place with a kitchen and food and everything. Even  Quinby has his own place with a kitchen and everything. Someday  I will have these things for myself. My own life, with my own things. Like in Days of Our Lives. There will be days of my life when I  do what I want, with whomever I choose. Until then I must continue  doing things their way . Everyone else’s way, like my mom. My nose  itches. It is a very natural thing to scratch an itch, or itch a  scratch?  It is very annoying to itch. When I got sunburned, I  itched extremely badly. Sara laughed at me because I was jumping  around in discomfort. I never want to feel like that again. Sunburns suck. I miss Sara though. Even though I did not see her  much, I always knew she was just down the street. But things are  different now. That made it sad for me to leave. The fact that  she isn't down the street anymore. That was like a security for me. Just knowing. I am in a hurry to finish this assignment. I have to be in class in about half an hour, and I am nowhere close to where I need to be. Life can make you feel like that. Like you are never at the right point, where you need to be. Everything in never alright. That's and oxy-moron. Things don't  work that way. But things do tend to work themselves out. You just  have to keep moving to get through the bad stuff. I always want  something better. I feel like I am always in transit. It's had for  me to be happy with the present. At least I can let go of the past, now. That was an accomplishment for me, not to dwell on memories anymore. Still, I look forward to, and fear the future. I do know things are good  now. I am on my own, a little bit. I don't want to rush things. I am in no hurry to grow up. Well, not a big hurry at least. I do want the rest of my life to come. I want to marry Quinby, have  a house, and pets. I am going to have a rabbit. Maybe two. Kids  eventually, but not for a long while. The television is such a distraction!  I can get side tracked forever. I like how it takes me out of this life. It is definitely  an escape. ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_727234.txt,"Today has been an interesting day. I woke up late from a bad dream and instantly felt I was in a bad mood. Then I went into the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal and I thought I would read the morning paper the Austin American Statesman to keep up the what is going on in the death of Diana, Princess of Whales. Since I am starting out in my major right now, which is Journalism, I find it most fascinating that such a huge world story would be at the forefront of all media coverage in every medium. It seems strange that I am 29 years old and am just beginning to read the newspaper for the first time. It is somewhat embarrassing to think it has taken me this long to be interested in my professed major. I am actually studying Public Relations, but I have to study Journalism as the foundation for my study. I guess I chose PR because my dad is the Public Information Officer for the Portland Fire Bureau. He has worked there for over 25 years and I used to accompany him to work on some occasions when I was a kid. I think I liked going to the fairs where his fire prevention trailer was set up and we had displays of actual things that had been found after a fire was extinguished. Also, we would show films on fire prevention with animated characters that would appeal to other kids. I liked watching those and helping rewind the film to show it again and again. Also, I loved helping pass out junior fire fighter badges to kids as they came in and out of the trailer.  Oops!!  I just got interrupted by a phone call while typing. It was my husband's Professor that is the chair on his dissertation. Her name is Nina and I always joke with Thomas that she likes him and is trying to snatch him away from me. I don't really believe it, but I like to tease him. I know Thomas will be very faithful to me. That is one of the things I love most about him. Anyway. Getting back to an original point from what touched me this morning was the fact that I read more articles in the paper about the death and mourning of Diana, Princess of Whales. I think the articles have caused me to deeply admire the princess and the life she led that I didn't even know about before. I don't worship Princess Di, but I feel very saddened by the fact that she is now gone. The articles revealed how much she is the People's Princess and how everyone from all corners of the world are in deep distress about her death. I think to myself, wow!  What kind of person is this to touch so intimately so many lives and to cause nations upon nations to mourn her so. She did many wonderful things for the poor and she had a genuine interest in helping children and AIDS victims. She was the compassionate and humane side of people that reached out and gave others hope, not by elevating herself, but by being a servant. In some ways, I see her doing a Christian's work of being a servant and helping and loving those less fortunate. I believe it is the most wonderful thing when people have power and/or fame which demands mass attention and respect. I love it when these people use their power in a positive way to reach out to humanity and make the world a better place by showing grace, mercy, and compassion to all peoples of the world and not just the rich or other famous. I am so grateful that we still have people in this world who are motivated by the integrity of wanting to make things great instead of showing off how much power they have, or worse yet. by abusing that power for evil purposes or intentions. I am feeling very sad once again. Why is that these wonderful people who reach out and make positive impacts on us are usually plucked out of our presence at such young ages. I wish that humanity as a whole would be more on the positive side and looking for the good in each person. Why do we judge one another and value others more highly than another. I believe every human life is precious and deserves respect and dignity. I am thankful for people such as Princess Diana and for the example she has been to so many. That brings me to another reoccurring thought. Is it good enough to just be special or important to others or does one have to prove themselves worthy of esteem by his or her works. I believe we are saved by grace and not by works lest any man should boast. God wants us to recognize that He is the one in control and we will not realize how good life can be until we recognize who is the giver and taker or life and turn to Him for guidance and help in this life. So getting back to my earlier point, taking Princess Diana as an example. Some people are mad that we are celebrating or focusing rather on the death and life of Princess Diana this whole week in the media. Well, why not. she touched so many around the world personally as well as through the charities and campaigns she was devoted to. Isn't it important to take a least a week to honor her for who she was and what she stood for, like why her death has left so many people feeling distraught. Yet others complain that it is old news already (only three or four days after the accident), or people are just bored with all the coverage because after all she was just a foreign princess who didn't DO anything like make new laws or something important like that. My goodness!!!  That just burns me up that people equate how important you are by what you have produced or established. That is unfair. I think there are lots of things made, established, what have you that doesn't mean much to society as a whole. Every day there are new pieces of legislation or rules or ideas that have zero impact on me or others in the world. Why should the proposers of those things mean more to me than someone who has actually gone out and visited the sick and dying, who has given of him or herself personally for causes they believe in. I know that when we die, all we take with us our memories of relationships we've made and times spent with family, friends, or colleagues. Why is this world so focused on accomplishments that are so ME-centered than spending our time reaching out to others with help, hope, and healing. Why can't we share one another's burdens instead of always gratifying ourselves. Haven't people realized that there is no joy greater than serving others and using your gifts and talents to reach out and build up relationships has a joy unlike any other. My wish is that people will carry on Princess Di's compassion for those less fortunate and would continue the torch of servitude to give others hope, help, and healing. We could be such a strong world if we would only learn to love and serve one another.  Well, this has definitely succeeded the 20 minute allotment. I thank you for reading this, or at least for allowing me to get these things off of my chest. It has been aching in my heart a lot this past week. We need more heroes like Diana. She is an example to us all. It is so tragic that my profession of journalism is what helped put an end to the life of one so dear and so special. I pledge my spirit to use my journalism skills to expose our true heroes for the building up of mankind, not to drag it down even to the death. ",1,1,1,1,0
1997_634976.txt,"It is now eleven o'clock and I'm getting hungry for lunch. I don't know why I'm hungry, I just ate a couple of hours ago. I really wish I didn't get hungry so often. Sometimes I think I'm not really hungry, but I just like eating. I'm not overweight, but I really haven’t felt good about my body for a couple of months now because I've been away and too busy to go to the gym as often as I used to. I'm worried that when I go back home to California in a couple of months for Thanksgiving people are going to think I've gained weight. When I go back I want to look good, even better than when I left. I can't wait to go home, well actually, I can. I know when I get home I'm going to wish that I was still back here. My dorm room is already starting to feel like home to me. I was really upset that Joe didn't call last night. It's been over two weeks since I talked to him last and he had promised to call the next day. I don't even have his phone number so there's no way I can reach him. I swear, that boy drives me mad!  Oh, well, I'm not going to think about him any more. I'm really glad to finally be doing this assignment. I've been meaning to but my computer isn't set up so it's been impossible to do. I am so frustrated with this whole Ethernet thing. I've been to the store so many times and they never have the part I need. Finally I thought about using the computer lab here in Kinsolving. It's really nice as a matter of fact. It feels good to be on a computer again. I miss mine from home even though I wasn't on it very much. I wonder if anyone will ever really read this paper. I think I would laugh at half the stuff I've written. I don't know why I'm telling you these things, you don't even know, or care, who Joe is or that I have a computer. This place just got really full, it's weird how people seem to come in clumps. Have you ever noticed that at places there will be no line and then all the sudden there's a huge long line? That's weird, I think. I miss my dog. He died this summer while I was away in Germany. I just wish I'd given him more attention when I was home. I knew he would die some day, but I just never thought it would be so soon. I miss the meyers. That’s the family I was with in Germany. They were so nice to me, I felt like part of the family. Not many people get to do all the cool stuff I've been blessed enough to experience. I love to travel, but it's always so nice to be home. I was never bored this summer. That's a first for me. I'm almost always bored. I didn't get any letters today. That's the first time I haven't gotten any since I've been here. It kind of sucks. Sorry for swearing, I don't usually swear. I still have ten minuets to write. I'm running out of things to say. You must be so bored by now. Someone is playing music in the lobby. It's really annoying me. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. Why am I always so tired. I don't even care if I go out anymore. I'm so jealous of my roommate. She is always doing cool stuff with her sorority and I haven't done much yet. She's really cute. I love her curly hair. We tried to make mine curly but it was more of a wave. It looked good, but I didn't know what other people would think about it. I just realized people could e-mail me down here  That's good because people have been bugging me for my address. I can't wait until my computer is running. I'm so excited for the football game on Saturday, I just hope it's not too hot. I hope we beat UCLA because a lot of my friends are going there and I know that they'll think of me when they see UT and I want them to be jealous that the Longhorns won. That's bad that I want them to be jealous. It's not really what I want, I just want them to think of me. It would be really neat if I could get on TV then they could see me here and know that I'm okay and having fun. I really am having fun, but it sounds so fake when I tell people that, like I'm just pretending or something. ljliujiojkl ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_612557.txt,"  I am so glad that I came home this weekend. I really miss all of my friends and family. I feel like I need to be studying for some of my classes right now. I want to but I also want to spend time with my family. I need to go shopping today. I still need to buy an answering machine and some shower shoes. I really like UT, but I just feel so lonely sometimes. I am so used to being in high school and seeing all of my friends every day. I am so used to being able to ask any of them for help with homework when I needed it. I really miss them. Now most of them have gone so far away and I won't see them for a long time. I am so happy that I got to see Vicky yesterday. I had not seen her in a long time, but it is almost as if I had never left. I can't believe all the things that she told me yesterday that I had never knew before. I am nervous about going back to class on Tuesday. I am so afraid that I am not going to do well in college, but I really want to . I feel like I am already behind because I have alot to do. I am starting to get hungry now. I haven't eaten all day and my stomach is starting to hurt. I can't believe that Princess Diana died. It is so hard to believe. I feel so bad for her kids. I feel like I have so much to do today, but I don't know where to start. I am so tired. I want to go back to sleep. I want to go out and do something tonight. I haven't gone out in so long, and I am tired of staying home every night. I don't want to sit at home and watch TV again. I wonder if mom and dad are going to go somewhere again tonight. I hope that they don't. I would rather them just stay home with me. I wonder why Michael is acting so weird. Sometimes he is nice to me, but then sometimes he won't even talk to me. I really don’t want to buy anything today. I have been spending so much money and I feel like I am running out. Maybe mom and dad will help me out and pay for a few things. I wish that the rest of my friends were here. I really miss them. When me and Vicky were talking about them yesterday, it made me miss them even more. Now I am feeling like I was on Friday. I was in such a dreary mood because I felt so alone. I wish I could see more people that I knew at UT. I wish that my parents would stop nagging me all of the time. Sometimes I feel that I can never do anything to please them. I ready to go back to Austin. I can’t study when I am at home. There are too many thing to distract me from doing it. I am really hungry now. I think that I will go and get something to eat. ",0,1,1,1,0
1997_790797.txt,"Wow, I really don't know what to write. All I know is that I'm kinda behind on  my studies. The bad thing is that it's only been the first couple weeks of  school. I know I shouldn't procrastinate like this, but I just can't seem to help it.  That's why I'm doing this assignment at the last minute. Bad, huh?   Hummmmm, this chair is kinda uncomfortable. I just took  a shower and my hair is still kinda damp. I have really long hair, so it takes quite awhile for it to dry completely. I really miss my boyfriend. The funny thing (at least it's funny to me is that I'm Vietnamese and my boyfriend is black. Well his father is black and his mom is half Arabic and half French. My boyfriend,  Mohamed, was born in Africa but moved to Paris when he was only one years old. He's lived there for the past 18 years or so and have been here in the U. S for only two  years. He speaks five different languages. Pretty impressive, huh?  I have no idea why he hasn't called me yet. I haven't seen him in two weeks. I miss him sooo much. I wonder if he misses me or not. What do you think?  My problem is that  I'm not calling him until he calls me first. That's just the way I am. The guy always has to make the first move. I guess if he really wants to talk to me or hear my voice, then he will sooner or later pick up the phone. I really hope he will call soon. I really, really miss him. I guess it has to do with the fact that he is my very first boyfriend. If my parents ever find out I'm seeing a black guy, they would absolutely FREAK!  That's how they are. Actually, that's how  I kinda was. I told myself I would never ever like anyone but Asian guys. Boy, was I wrong. You know what, my arms are kinda getting tired now. For some  reason, I'm sitting real straight up in my seat. I never do this when I'm just  typing for the heck of it. Maybe the fact that I know this is for a grade makes  me a bit uneasy. Oh well, I don't mind. There, I kinda sat back a bit and it  feels a little bit better now. I just yawned. great, I need to stay up kinda  late tonight to do some other homework. I have ten more minutes but I don't know what else to write. I guess I type kinda fast, and so it seems as though I'm  writing a whole lot, huh?  I don't know how you are going to grade this. I know  it's gonna be a completion grade, but how are we going to benefit from this. I  bet you're just making us do this so whenever you don't have anything to do, you can just pull these up and give yourself a good laugh at our expense, huh?  NO, I'm just kidding. . Oh, Oh, OH, OH, yeah, yeah. I love you more than I can say. , I'll love you twice as much tomorrow, Oh, OH, I love you more than I can say. OH, don't you know I  need you so, OH tell me please, I gotta know. Do you mean to make me cry?  Am I just another gal,  That was just a song that I usually sing when my mind has nothing else on it. How do you like it?  It's kinda funny how sometimes I think of myself as pretty decent looking and at other times, I think I'm the ugliest troll. Why is that?  One day I would have complete confidence in myself and the next day I would feel so small and vulnerable. Why is it kinda weird for me to meet guys, especially Asian guys. Well, I kinda know the answer to that question. Since I'm Asian and I want to meet an Asian guy, I tend to feel more self conscience when I'm  around them and that results in a behavior that's not really mw. I've noticed lately that most of my guy friends are white guys. Because I don't really see them as a potential romance interest, I am very relaxed and calm with them, and I guess we just click like that. I know I should do the same with Asian guys, but it's hard just b/c they're Asian, also. Why is it so complicate, man?  Well, tomorrow, my friend Cheryl and I are gonna take a bus to the mall. I've only been on the  bus twice here around campus. I've never taken a bus on a highway before. I  have a feeling it's gonna be quite an experience for the both of us tomorrow. Wish me luck. Man, my whole arm is aching now!!!! Isn't that weird?  Okay, I'm gonna stop Bye-bye. . . . . . . . . .              ",1,1,1,0,0
1997_731982.txt,"*****Why does this keep going to the left instead of down a space at the end of each line Prof. Pennebaker?????************* As I sit in this library, I can't help but notice the pleasure I get from the quietness. It is the same feeling I get from sitting in a park or on a golfcourse. Perhaps even in a bookstore. The quietness provides my mind with an escape from the everyday world of horns, traffic jams, and yelling. From this feeling, my mind seems to work on a smoother track, with less obstacles to overcome before I can finish a complete thought. If the world was in a complete silence at all times, or perhaps even if I were deaf, I believe I would be wiser and would be able to formulate thoughts easier. Does this mean that deaf people actually have an easier time getting by in the world? Or is their inability to communicate too much of a burden. Maybe this is what's wrong with today’s world. Communication lines are so mixed up due to language barriers and different types of slang that the world is like one large deaf fishbowl. In that case, deaf people WOULD have an easier everyday life because they would be minus the struggles we all go through with communication. If communication were an easy things, and we all saw eye-to-eye on all issues, achieving things such as world peace, business agreements, and compromises would be no big deal. Where did the communication lines go wrong? Why did humanity branch out into hundreds of different languages and tongues when one universal language could have eliminated so many problems. The answer to that will most likely never be found. This girl sitting to my right is awfully attractive, but I can't muscle up the courage to talk to her. Is it once again the problem of communication, or does this have to do purely with a lack of courage. I would like to think it is a communication problem, but that would probably be just a lame excuse for not talking to her. Of course it is a lack of courage. Although I know she won't bite my head off, slap me, ignore me, or flat out dis me, I still am too much of a coward to begin a conversation with her. What if she knew what I was thinking right now. Would she be flattered, embarrassed, insulted, or just flat out shocked? I guess I'll never know, unless I ask her. We both know that isn't going to happen because we've already established that I'm acting like a coward right now. No big deal, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Wow! I can't believe how fast twenty minutes just went. Writing without structure is a lot more enjoyable then writing with it, and as they say: Time flies when you're having fun! ",0,0,1,0,0
1997_518093.txt,"So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it     I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat  fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn  more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error  but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,""Hey I don't  feel very good can we please stop. "" And your mind says ""I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical  analysis or something?  No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first  semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a ""nice guy"" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start  doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to  get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. ,  It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air. ",0,0,1,1,1
1997_434159.txt,"Well, I'm in my boyfriend's room typing this. I'm pretty sleepy too, I'm in  Longhorn band, so I had practice last night until about 8:30. Then I went  to a freshman meeting and decided to run for freshman representative. Believe  it or not, I actually won. It surprised me a lot because I don't know anyone. I've met lots of people, but I don't really have any good friends there. It makes  me really happy. I feel like I can now establish myself there and be a  leader in LHB. This assignment is pretty weird because I really do write like this in my spare time. Whenever I get stressed, I usually grab a notebook and just write  everything that comes to mind. This is different though, it's a little harder to type your feelings. It somehow loses some emotion or something. There's really not much stress in my life right now, except the usual  going to college stuff, but I'll write about that later. My French horn teacher was really mean to me on Wednesday. He's this  little old man that looks kind of like Yoda. He always wears bolo ties and well, he's just a little jerk. He enjoys watching his students cry and have emotional breakdowns. We'll see!  I've never let him see me cry and I never will. I think he sees me as a challenge. I mean, he's really talented and of coarse I have lots of respect for him. I just don't  understand why he enjoys hurting people so much. There is a picture of my boyfriend and me on the wall. I like it. (I actually look decent in it) I always look ugly in pictures. I have this  friend that always comes out pretty in pictures. I'm jealous. Well, I've surpassed my 20 minutes, so I better go. ",1,1,0,0,0
1997_435972.txt,"This the third time that I am typing this thing. I am so frustrated. Every time I get close to the 20 minutes I get cut off. There is a party I want to go to now I am here stuck here spending an hour doing this thing. I don't know what to type because I am tired of staring at this screen. It seems as if in the past two weeks  I have had no time to myself. Between pledgship, school, and studying, I have no time. The only time I spend in my room, is done sleeping. I am just going to describe what is going on in sportscenter because I haven't watched it in about a week. Chris Berman is talking about the upcoming pro football games this weekend. I used to idolize berman. I also liked dick vitale. I was so obsessed that I wrote him a letter. a few weeks later I got a copy of his book with a personalized note on the inside. I am halfway done!   I am starting to calm down. I have never been to hot-headed. I try to keep a level head all the time. The only time I really cut loose is when I am in a competition that I feel I can win. this may not be very often but when it does happen I thrive on the situation. Only eight minutes left. I really respect Pudge Rodriguez. he is the catcher for the rangers, my hometown team. I also like ken griffey jr, he seems like a team player that gives his all every game. mo vaughn is a very large man, he won't win any stolen bases titles anytime. only five minutes left. I like the expos and pirates, just because every year they are competitive even though they have no money to win with. they are building their team through the farm systems, which is how it should be done. I hope to get good grades. I wish this assignment was over. I love college football. I loved to play football but I never was big enough of fast enough to play up to the level I wanted to . I hate danny  schayes. his dad was a great basketball player. One minute left!!  my favorite team is the cowboys. I love going to the games and cheering them on to victory. I think my time is up so I will write later!  the simpsons is the best show on tv by the way. and caddyshack is the bast movie ever! ",0,0,0,0,0
1997_697536.txt,"today if the first Sunday that I have been here alone and it is interesting because I don’t have my parents looking over my shoulder telling me what to do. I can just walk out of my room and go have a cigarette. this is different because before I would have to think up an excuse to go and have one. my feet are cold right now and I need to take a shower. I didn't get up till about 11:45. the MTV music video awards and not very exciting and I am tired of listening to all of these peoples memories about their favorite moments. they, the awards are just a simple kind of propaganda. Michael Jackson does like little boys and should stop trying to cover it up with all those insignificant women. the only reason he wants children are for the obvious. it sucks he has that kind of problem. many people do like to eat corn but they don’t seem to serve it here in the jester cafeteria. I wonder if this is going to get through because I cant even send my mom an email. it would suck if it didn't. this is the largest class I have ever been in. I hope it is the most interesting. I need to check how much money is in my account. I came with alot and am still wondering how much I will leave with. Dana Carvey is a funny guy and I figure he had a bad childhood because his brother is a bearded man who rarely says a word. I miss running track. I need to go and workout but will when I’m done. Hanson is the most ridiculous group in the whole world. if they can make it I know that I can. I am really infatuated with this girl and hope that I run into her again, actually there are two that I am. Eddie Murphy is a pimp. I cant believe that princess Diana died. I think that she staged her own death to get away from the photographers. she had been harassed her whole life and would have and could have been driven to such extremes. I do not know how long I've been writing but will keep writing for another ten minutes. I feel like Beavis and but

Can you please explain what are the other columns in this dataset?