Barking up the wrong tree

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Introduction: What Produces Success?
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Chapter 1 : 
Succeed. Play it safe and do what you're told? 
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//Leadership Filtration Theory
> Filtered leaders    
    >> Valedictorians
    >> Not visionaries 
    >> Grades are a perfect indicator of self-discipline, conscientiousness, ability to comply with rules 
    >> Schools reward GENERALISTS, not passion or expertise 
    >> Schools have clear rules. Life doesn't. When there's no clear path to follow, academic high achievers break down. 
    >> Playing by the rules eliminates both extremes
    >> Proven over the years, steady progression
    >> Safe bets 
    ?? If you're one, make sure you have a path that works for you. 
> Unfiltered leaders
    >> Unconventional 
    >> Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin
    >> At the two extremes
    >> Intensifiers, by Makunda. How a bad thing may be your biggest advantage
        >>> We often label stuff as good/bad when the right word is actually "different"
        >>> Most of us are DANDELIONS, resistive af
        >>> Some are ORCHIDS, like Glenn Gould, sensitive to both the good and bad
        >>> And then there are HOPEFUL MONSTERS, like Phelps
    >> If you are one, don't dampen your intensifiers. Let them flourish. 
> Know your strengths and act on them 
    >> To know your strengths, do a FEEDBACK ANALYSIS. Write down expectations and see what actually happens. You'll find a pattern 
    >> To act on it, take the project. Explain how you work, how the relationships should be and what the expected outcome is. Because this is who I am. 
> Pick the right pond 
    >> top analysts who jumped ship stopped being the top. UNLESS they brought their team, their "pond"
    >> To find your pond, ask: What companies, institutions, and situations value what I do? 
    >> When taking a job, take a long look at the people you'll be working with. Odds are, you're going to become like them. They won't become like you. If it's not a fit, you'll be unhappy there. 
    >> At the next job interview, ask who you're gonna report to. Ask to speak to them and do your research on them. 

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Chapter 2 :
Game theory: Do nice guys finish last? 
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> Performance won't save you if the boss is unhappy. Keep your bosses happy, performance doesn't matter as much.  
    >> Work hard but make sure it's noticed by the boss. It doesn't payoff if the boss doesn't know who to reward. 
    >> Every Friday, email the boss about your good progress. 
//feeling powerless makes you dumber 
> Learn from jerks: They're assertive about what they want and they're not afraid to tell others about their achievements. 
    >> BUT bad behavior is infectious and it spreads. RIPPLE EFFECT. MOLDOVA.
> Criminals need MORE order in prisons to survive. "Without order, there is anarchy. And with anarchy, people die here." 
    >> Treating others around you well can lead to far greater success
> GIVERS make the top AND the bottom of most success metrics 
    >> In the short term CHEATERS and TAKERS win. Not in the long run. 
    >> There are some things givers can do to make sure they don't go overboard
        >>> Limit yourself to 2 hours of volunteering a week. 
    >> seems like Tit-For-Tat wins most. 
        >>> Wins even more when coupled with some forgiveness. Occasional forgiveness prevents death spirals 
            TFT taught opponents lessons. Give them second chances, nobody's perfect. And often, it's just misunderstanding. 
        >>> Lessons to learn from TFT's success: 
            1. Don't be envious. 
                - Life is not a zero-sum game. You don't have to lose if someone else loses. Worry only about how you're doing. 
            2. Never be the first to defect. 
                - You must go first with kindness.
                - the cornerstone of persuasion and ingratiation 
                - they need to LIKE you. 
                - Doing quick favors for new acquaintances shows them you're a giver and trustworthy person.  
            3. Reciprocate both cooperation and defection
                - TO punish takers, just good ol' fashioned gossip in the workplace. Makes you feel good and polices bad behaviors. 
            4. Don't do anything too clever. Doesn't work 
> Think Long term and make others think long term 
    >> Fewer things seem like a one-off, the better people treat you. Because you'll encounter them again. 
    1. Build more steps into the contract 
    2. Entice them how you can help them down the line 


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Chapter 3 :
On Grit and Gamification: Do winners never quit and quitters never win?
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> Joe Simpson's fall from the mountain
> POSITIVE self-talk can give you GRIT.  
> OPTIMISTIC people make VERY good SALES people/SALES groups. 
    >> Other benefits: Better health, better negotiations/deal closing ratio
    >> Optimists tell themselves: 
        1. Bad events are temporary
        2. have specific reasons about the bad events, which are not universal 
        3. It was not their fault. 
> Sometimes there's a way we didn't see because we gave up too early. 
> it's all the STORIES you tell yourself. 
    >> Think about your death 
        >>> Resume values (extrinsic success) vs Eulogy values (internal success)
    >> Stories remove information, they're supposed to be less accurate.
    >>  Auschwitz
        >>>  Those who saw their life existing for a larger purpose persisted. The rest smoked the cigarette and ran for the fence. 
        >>>  "What is to give light must endure burning." - Viktor Frankl  
    >> Fate (what we can't escape) vs Destiny (what we have to work to bring to fruition)
    >> "We are what we pretend to be. So we must be careful about what we pretend to be." - Vonnegut 
    >> Gamification: changing the story to a more fun one
        >>> Games change the struggle to something else. 
        >>> WNGF 
            1. Winnable 
                - Define a game for yourself. If it's not winnable, move on to the next one 
            2. Novel challenges 
                - Hard but not too hard. Easy but never too easy. 
            3. Goal
                - Arbitrary, but provides a framework to evaluate success/failure in the game
            4. Feedback 
                - Meaningful work is the best kind of work 
                - facilitate progress, even small wins. Show them their work matters. 
                - Be an honest El jefe and ask regularly how you're doing and how to improve 
                - feels silly, that's why nobody does it. But it works. 
> Opportunity cost
    >> "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."- Henry David Thoreau
    >> Whenever you feel like you don't have enough money/time etc, time to employ STRATEGIC QUITTING 
        >>> Get rid of everything that is not moving the needle when it comes to achieving goals
    >> Time != Money. 
        >>> We're conservative about how much money we have, but we always think there'll be a tomorrow. 
    >> Stop chasing unattainable goals. It will make you happier. 
    >> "You can do anything as soon as you stop trying to do everything"
> Try more stuff to be happier 
    //LUCK SCHOOL, Richard Wiseman 
    >> We only regret the stuff we did not do. Because we can't rationalize that. 
    >> "You regret most the things you did not do."
    >> Fail fast, fail cheap. 
    >> Prototype and test until time is up. 
    >> Don't be Batman. He has to be perfect, else he dies. You don't. 
    >> Quit what fails. THEN apply grit. 
    >> Try knowing you'll quit most of it. Once you've found "your one", keep out 5-10% time for trying new things. This keeps you learning and growing. 
    >> Take a yoga class but don't sign up for the year-long membership yet. 
    >> Do it like a Venture capitalist. 
    >> People who switch jobs more often in their early career earn more in their prime. 
    >> More hobbies = more eminent/even the noble. 
> Optimal stopping problem, when should you quit something? 
    >> Square root of total times you think you'll try.
    >> Take the best as a benchmark 
    >> next time you find sth better, settle. 
> How to turn dreams into reality? 
    >> Just dreaming activates the grey matter that feels like you already have it. So you don't feel like working towards it. 
    >> Mental Contrasting/WOOP - WIsh, outcome, obstacle, plan 
        >> Gives you a motivational boost if achievable (grit) or makes you quit.
> Summary: 
    1. Do you know what you need to be gritty at? 
        If no, Little bets + WOOP
    2. Are you optimistic? 
        If no, work on your explanatory style. 
        Be optimistic about the small things
        Pessimism helps on the high-risk stuff well. 
    3. Do you have a story? 
        if not, write your eulogy
    4. Have you made it a game? 
        If no, employ WNGF

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Chapter 4 : 
On networking: It's not what you know, It's who you know; Unless it really is what you know 
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> Erdos Number
> Dealing with others is often an important part of getting ahead 
> Most leaders think they're extroverts, self-fulfilling prophecy 
    >> SPeaking first, speaking often, seems like EL Jefe 
    >> Shy people are perceived as less intelligent 
    >> PERIPHERAL ACQUAINTANCES = more connected and learn about emerging possibilities 
    >> Strong friendships kept them out of trouble, Weak Ties gave them business opportunities
> Introverts are far more likely to become experts in their fields 
> Who's the better leader? Depends on the team 
    >> If the workforce is passive, extroverts
    >> If the workforce is highly motivated, introverts know how to listen, help and get out of the way 
> Ambiverts make the best salespeople 
    >> "Read each situation more carefully and ask yourself, "What do I need to do right now to be most happy/successful?'" - Adam Grant 
> When we collaborate, including healthy rivalry, the gains can be exponential. 
> DO NOT be transactional about networking. It is better to give than to receive. 
    >> Networking is about a personal relationship 
    >> Knock them sometimes with little favors, be the cool friend to be around. 
    >> Friends are family we choose. 
    >> When people tell you they're having trouble with something, try and sincerely help a little.
        >>> IF you do offer some help, FOLLOW THROUGH 
    >> WHen making friends, be socially optimistic 
> We prefer things that are most similar to us, names, birthdays, tastes
    >> Asking people questions about themselves can create a bond in a short amount of time - Arthur Aaron's research team found
> NEVER offer advice/tell them how they're wrong. 
    >> BUT, asking for advice is the easiest way to warm to someone 
> How to: 
    1. Start with friends, reconnect sometimes. 
    2. Find the SUPERCONNECTORS/SUPERFRIENDS (high degree in the graph) - produces disproportionate results 
    3. Make the time AND the budget every weekend to do some networking 
    4. Join groups 
    5. ALWAYS FOLLOW UP 
        >> Simply stay in touch every two weeks
> MISC: 
    >> HR team bonding is shit 
    >> To scout top performers, look at the larger lunch tables 
    >> BRIDGE relatively unconnected POCKETS of network to hear about opportunities earlier than other people 
    >> Having very few friends is a health risk! :o 
> You're gonna need a mentor 
    >> Mentors make learning fun 
    >> The best mentors care about YOU 
    >> Difference between being inspires by a role model and getting demoralized comes down to two things, relevance, and attainability 
    >> How to get an awesome mentor? 
        1. Be a worthy Pupil, grasshopper. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
            - When an expert speaks, parts of your brain actually shuts down. 
            - DO everything in your power and explore. They will know you're smart and not wasting their time 
        2. Study them 
            - helps you know if the person is right for you. 
            - Talent Code says you need someone who scares you a bit. 
        3. Wasting a mentor's time is a mortal sin 
            - Never ask a mentor questions you can google easily 
        4. Follow up 
            - You need to consistently hit them with a conversation defibrillator to keep the relationship without being a nuisance. 
        5. Make them proud. 
            - Maybe you'll find a mentor excellent in one thing and doesn't know anything in the other. THAT'S OK. 
            - Get other mentors. 
    >> EVERYBODY needs a mentor, even if they're an expert. 
> Mentor other people. 
    >> Makes you VERY happy. 
> Misc: 
    >> Never show them evidence that riles up against them. 
    >> More open to ideas when they're consuming food. 
    >> Count your blessings to improve happiness
    >> Gratitude is rare, Walter's gratitude tour: make it solid, heartfelt and obvious 
        >>> "Feeling gratitude and not saying it is like wrapping a present and not giving it" - Arthur Ward
        >>> Otherwise you go into HEDONIC ADAPTATION
> How to turn wars into good discussions: 
    1. Keep calm and SLOW it down. Pretend you're talking to a child.
        Pressure/time pressure leads to aggression 
        Al Bernstein: "Please speak more slowly. I'd like to help."
    2. Use Active Listening 
        open-ended questions: what and how 
        summarize after a while so they say "Exactly"
    3. Label emotions (???)
        Sounds like you're _________
    4. Make them think. 
        don't solve their problems. 
        Nudge. 

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Chapter 5 
On Confidence: Believe in yourself, sometimes 
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> Sometimes the mere appearance of confidence can be the difference between winning and losing 
    >> Confidence gives us the feeling of control 
    >> Overconfidence (aka faking it) works because people perceive you as competent and of higher status 
        >>> Good first impressions, but becomes untrustworthy if they find out. 
        >>> MAY end up deceiving yourself. See the Yanagi fake. 
        >>> Is usually the mistake of experts
        >>> Count "I" and "me, me, me" in the shareholder letter. More = easier to die. 
        >>> "Dunning Kruger Effect" - Most confident people make a strange group. 
        >>> Turns you into a jerk 
        >>> Better liars
        >>> Worse leaders
    >> Being less confident is better than not living up to the swagger. 
> As someone becomes an expert, they seek out negative feedback to keep improving ***
> Bosses who show vulnerability and underrate themselves are the most popular. 
> ALternative to both: Self Compassion. 
    >> The balance. 
    >> Forgive yourself 
    >> Correlated with wisdom
    >> but always improve
    >> Talk to yourself nicely, gently like Grandma would
    >> Earn your confidence 
        >>> Focus on small wins to boost
    >> They were probably calm and understanding, forgiving and less judgemental. 
> "It is not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest" - Alfred Binet. 
> Don't be a faker. 
    >> You are the easiest person to fool - Richard Feynmann
    >> Focus on presenting the best version of yourself. 

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Chapter 6
On work-life balance
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> Success is not lazy, procrastinating, or mercurial
> Simonton's (?) Price Law: top 10 percent produces more than 50% output of their field. 
    >> Hours distinguish you in your field, you have to be obsessive
    >> 10k hours, threshold hypothesis   
    >> The hours need to be HARD. 
    >> at the cost of other aspects of your life, you can be great: Ted Williams, Albert Einstein
    >> one of Biggest life regret
    >> If you're very serious about success, sacrifice family (NO NO)
    >> Pressure hangover 
    >> working less can actually produce better output 
> Work is life 
    >> Meaningful work = doing sth that is important to you + you're good at it. (signature strengths) 
    >> Unemployment kills you. Associated with cognitive decline, and disease (even retirement is). But having a job you dislike is worse. 
> Misc:
    >> Ambition alone is predictive of success
    >> pEOPLE WHO SURVIVE STRESS THE BEST IARE     who increase their social investments during stress Paradoxical)
    >> Burnout is clinical depression
    >> more pay doesn't increase job satisfaction 
    >> Take your training seriously, but never YOURSELF seriously. Gracie Jujitsu vs Saku 
        Sometimes more isn't possible. Sometimes you have to relax and have fun and be a little crazy to be at our best 
    >> We are more likely to have faith in people we can joke around with 
    >> You work best 2 to 4 hours after you wake up 
    >> Naps during work (90 minutes) seem to be a very good idea. You get sharper. 
    >> Energy, not time is the fundamental currency of all high performance - Tony Schwartz
    >> Cavations refill your gas tank. Boost of upto a month. 
    >> Venom costume (symbiote) example
    // interesting: Mirrors in the lift lobby slows downtime for us because we're narcissists
    >> Work-life balance is a real issue and people are dealing with it horribly 
    >> People love HAVING choices, but they hate MAKING choices 
    >> "We are always getting ready to live, but never living" - Ralph Waldo
> Competitive: 
    >> There'll always be someone better than you in this world of 7 billion
    >> Have a personal definition of success. What do I want? 
    >> Become choosers, not pickers. 
    >> Collapsing strategy by the author of Just Enough
    >> metrics of success: 
        1. Happiness
        2. Achievement
        3. Significance 
        4. Legacy 
    >> Do not SEQUENCE by delaying.  
    >> Satisfice, don't maximize
    >> IF YOU DONT DECID<E THE WORLD WILL DECIDE FOR YOU 
    >> Genghis Khan ALWAYS had a plan, and he was ADAPTABLE 
> How to : 
    1. Track your time into the categories
        - Look for HOTSPOTS of waste/productivity
        - 20-second rule of accessibility (improve things you wanna do, make the others harder) - Shawn Anchor
    2. Talk to boss
        - Having a conversation will decrease the stress level 
        - They love proactive employees who talk about expectations and shiz 
    3. Schedule everything. 
        - Have these blocks (2 a day) for checking reactive stuff (like emails). Batches to deal with "busy work"
    4. Shutdown ritual
        - Cal Newport. 
        - High note, planning, good time, less stress
        - downtime = hobby / friends. Not passive stuff like TV
    5. Tweak your plan. 
    6. don't worry about innate Talent. You can do it if given the right material and environment - Benjamin Bloom. 
    7. ALIGNMENT ********
    8. The only thing that matters at the end of life is your relationships with other people *****