7 habits of highly effective people, Stephen Covey

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Restoring the Character Ethic 
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	"Interdependence is a higher value than independence."
	> Foreward
		>> Challenges we face today (1998)
			>> Fear and Insecurity 
			>> Instant Gratification
			>> Blame and Victimisation
			>> Hopelessness
			>> Lack of Life balance 
			>> What's in it for me? 
			>> Hunger to be understood
			>> Conflict and Differences 
		>> Question: What would you wish to have invested more time on on your deathbed? 
		>> Clash of Culture and Principles

Paradigms and Principles
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	> Inside-Out 
		>> To change ourselves effectively, we need to change our perceptions
		>> Personality Ethics and Character Ethics
			>>> Character Ethics are basic principles of effective living, which when integrated, 
			    are supposed to give people true success and enduring happiness
			>>> Personality Ethics are hacks for the subconcious. Bandages for the quick fixes. 
			>>> Both are important 
		>> Primary and Secondary Greatness
			>>> While my character is fundamentally flawed, I cannot be successful in the long run
			>>> It makes no difference if I am viewed as manipulative, it does not matter as long as there is no trust
			>>> Many people have secondary greatness - social recognition - but lack the primary one
			>>> You have to pay the price day in and day out, there is no shortcut 
		>> The power of paradigm
			>>> We first have to understad our own "paradigms" before we can make a "paradigm shift" 
			>>> Paradigm -> How we perceive, understand and interpret our surroundings -> A theory of something 
			>>> If you have the right map, ONLY THEN are dilligence and other secondary traits useful in leading to your destination
			>>> Realities vs Values
			>>> Two people can see the same thing, disagree, and still both be right. 
			>>> We are not logical, we are psychoogical 
			>>> Only a handful ACTUALLY TRY to see another frame of reference 
			>>> We cannot maintain wholeness if we behave differently than we see. 
			>>> We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. 
			>>> Paradigm shifts, be it positive, negative, instantaneous or slow, change how we view the world. 
			>>> And only after paradigm shifts are quantum changes spontaneous. 
		>> Principle Centered Paradigm (Growth and Change)
		>> The way we see the problem IS the problem 
			>>> You have to see the chronic, underlying problems and focus on the principles to bring long-term changes
	> Overview of the Seven Habits 
		>> "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle
		>> Old maxim: Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny. 
		>> When a rocket lifts off, it uses the most fuel for the first few second for takeoff. 
		>> Interdependence is a far more mature, advanced concept
		>> Private victories precede public victories
		>> Effectiveness Lies in Balance of P/PC -> The very essence of effectiveness
			>>> Production, the golden eggs
			>>> Production Capability, the goose
			//PC principle is to always treat your employees, as you would want them to treat your best customers
			>>> Too much focus on P -> worn out, ruins, breaks
			>>> Too much focus on PC -> braggin about the longer life he gets from running 3/4 hours a day, not realizing he's wasting them too by running. Or the eternal student syndrome. 
			//Read as if you're gonna teach it to someone 48 hours down the line. THere is a tremendous change in mental attitude.

Private Victory Number 1 : Be Proactive 
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	> "I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by concious endeavour." - Henry David Thoreau
	> Proactive = Resonpsible (response-able) for our own lives. 
		>> We have let the things in our lives control us, and thus have become REACTIVE instead. 
		>> It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. 
		>> Solution selling is a key paradigm in business success, built on the principles of proactivity 
		>> Difference between reactive and practive people is HUGE
		>> Positive Thinking vs Proactivity 
			>>> Practivity is FACING the reality of the current, and then believing and working towards a different future. 
		>> Reactive Language vs Proactive Language 
		>> Reactive Language is a self-fulfilling prophecy 
	> Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence 
		>> Proactive people focus on circle of influence. 
		>> Reactive people focus only on the circle of concern, generate negative energy, lose time, and shrink their circle of 		influence. 
		>> Direct, Indirect and no-control problems. 
			>>> The proactive mindset puts the first one first. 
			>>> Direct problems are solved by habits 1, 2, 3
			>>> Indirect problems are solved by habits 4, 5, 6
			>>> No-control problems give us the reponsibility of accepting them, smiling and living at peace with them.  
			>>> Instead of criticizing, compensate. Slow;y, but surely (in sha Allah), your circle of influence will grow. 
		>> Have's vs be's
			>>> Circle of concern is full of have's
			>>> Circle of influence is full of the be's
			>>> Anytime we think that the problem is out there, that thought IS the problem 
			>>> My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to correct. My ability to positively impact the situation withers and 	dies.
	> Consequences 
		>> Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is genuinely smile, and be happy
		>> Past mistakes and regrets are in the circle of concern. 
			>>> Turn the failure into a success by immediately learning from it. 
			>>> "Success is on the far side of failure."
			>>> Not acknowledging the mistake and not learning from it usually puts a person in a self-deceiving loop, empowering the first and gives it disproportionate importance. This causes a lot of injury to self. 
	> Make and Keep commitments 
		>> This is at the heart of the circle of influence. 
		>> As we begin to make and keep commitments, albeit small ones, it gives within us this integrity and sense of self-control. Positive Feedback loop. 
		>> Knowledge, skills and desire are all within our control, and require a balance.
Practice "Am I in my circle of influence": 
	1. Take Initiative based on values, not feelings/surroundings 
	2. Focus on CoI 
	3. Use Practive Language 
	4. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, and learn from them
	5. Embrace Change and lifelong Learning 
	6. Predict and Prevent
	7. Don't play the blame game
	8. Plan Ahead
	9. Do not worry about other people, or the past 

Private Victory Number 2 : Begin with the End in Mind
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	> What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes. 
	> What it means
		>> Begin today with the image of the end of your life in mind, and use that as your frame of reference. 
		>> Some people just work harder and harder at climbing the ladder all their life, only to find out it's leaning against the wrong wall. 
		>> This enables us to make good decisions, avoid temptations and focus on what really matters most to us. 
		>> The carpenter's rule: Measure twice, cut once. 
		>> There are two creations. The first: mental. The second: physical. 
		>> Leadership - the first, is doing the right things. 
		>> Management - the second, is doing the things right. 
		>> Values drive my decisions, because the values are clear to me.    
	> Personal Mission statement
		>> Focuses on 
			>>> what you want to be (character)
			>>> what you want to do (contributions and achievements)
			>>> values/Principles on which the previous two are based on
		>> Timeless strength, in the face of change and ambiguity
		>> You can flow with change; rapid change wont burn you out. 
		>> Whatever is at the center of our life should be the source of guidance, security, wisdom and power. 
			>>> security -> Sense of self worth, emotional anchorage, self esteem, basic personal strength identity. 
			>>> guidance -> sense of direction, that directs your moment decision making. 
			>>> wisdom -> perspective on life, understanding of how the parts relate. 
			>>> power -> capacity to act
	> Centerdeness
		>> Spouse 
		>> Family 
		>> Money 
		>> Work 
		>> Posession 
		>> Pleasure 
		>> Friend 
		>> Enemy 
		>> Religion 
		>> Self 
		>> People ususally are a combination of a few. 
		>> WHat you WANT to be is, Principle centered
			>>> There are consequences attached to this center. Positive when in harmony, negative otherwise. 
			>>> Find your center
			>>> 1. You are not affected by people/circumstances
			>>> 2. you know your one is most effective as it is based on the long term 
			>>> 3. you know what you do contributes to your ultimate values in life 
			>>> 4. You can explain it to someone easily 
			>>> 5. You'll be comfortable about your decision. 
		>> Writing or reviewing a mission statement regularly changes you because it forces you to think through your piorities deeply, carefully, and to align your behaviour with your beliefs  
		//Writing is a kind of psycho-neural muscular activity that helps you bridge your concious with your subconcious by crystallizing, clarifying thoughts into several parts. 
	> Expand Perspective
		>> If you are proactive, you don't have to wait for other people to come and change your perspective. 
		>> VISUALIZE
	> Roles and Goals 
		>> List down. You are going to organize your short-term life aroudn these. 
	> Revisit
		>> Regularly, often. It recommits, replenishes and refurbishes. 
	> Organizational Missions Statements 
		>> Makes a WORLD of difference if it is made by everyone in the team
		>> No involvement, no committment
Principles to Centre Life Around 
	> Curiosity and Courage 
	> Constant Improvement, Embracing Change and Discipline
	> Source of Support, inspiration and Happiness
	> Do the best with what you have 
	> Empathy and Respect
	> Loyalty and Gratefulness
	> Diversity 
	> Live and Let live
Roles 4eva
	> Brother and Friend 
	> Son
	> Student 
	> Servant of God 
	> Agent of Good 
	> Adventurer 
	> Innovator 
Goals in Life
	> Be a catalyst for positive change in society 
	> Go to Jannah 
	> Learn, Teach, Create ideas and Innovate ALWAYS
	> Travel a lot, achieve the bucket list and experience new stuff every year
	> Always be surrounded with awesome people 
Goals for 2018
	> Travel to a new country 
		>> Summer Exchange Program 
			>> Fix and apply by Jan 31st 
	> Increase Fitness, Stamina and Football Skills 
		>> NEEDS WORK ON SPECIFICS
	> Self Dev
		>> Read 20 Books
		>> Save up/Invest 30%
	> Build an App 
	> Start Blogging/Writing 
	> Pray 5 times each day + Quran + Doa
	> Build some hardware tech OUTSIDE class 
	> Join a Kickass internship 
		>> Summer in BD 
	> Build a portfolio online 

Private Victory Number 3 : Put First Things First 
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	> Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least - Goethe 
		>> Walk your talk. Integrity. 
		>> Putting first things first - The Common Denominator of Success, E. M. Gray
		>> Organize and execute around priorities
	> Contingency Table: Urgency*Importance 
		>> Too much efficiency chokes us of opportunities for rich growth, human contact and spontaneous adventures 
		>> 4th generation of time-management is a misnomer. Dont manage time, manage yourself. 
			>>> Focuses on building relationships and accomplishing results (p/pc balance)
		>> Quadrant 2: The non-urgent, important stuff you ought to spend the most time on
			>> Minimize Quadrant 1. Get rid of Quadrant 3 and 4. 
			>> Effective people are opportunity minded, not problem-minded. 
			>> Paleto-Principle, 80% of your work flows out of 20% of your time. 
		>> Learn to say No. 
			>> with courage, smiling, pleasantly, non-apologetically 
			>> The enemy of the "best" is the "good". 
		>> Quadrant 2 Tool
			>> Coherence 
			>> Balance 
			>> Focus 
				>> The key is not to priorities your schedule, but schedule your priorities
			>> People dimension
			>> Flexibility
			>> Portability
	> Get started
		>> Identify Roles - the short term ones 
		>> Select Goals - a couple for each role
		>> Scheduling 
			>> Do it on the weekend, give yourself enough time to ponder and reflect and contrast with your values 
			>> Keep buffer
			>> Now you can have experiences without feeling bad
		>> Daily adapting
			>> See it every morning and ponder a bit 
			>> Think EFFECTIVENESS with people, and EFFICIENCY with things 
			>> DO NOT LET YOUR SCHEDULE CONSTRAINT YOU. 
		>> People are more important than things
			>> Instead of using a map, use a compass
	> Delegation : Increasing P and PC 
		>> Management is moving the fulcrum over, and the key to effective management is DELEGATION
		>> Gofer Delegation - the bad
		>> Stewardship Delegation - the good
			>>> OUTLINE THESE AND UNDERSTAND PROPERLY 
				- Desired Results 
				- Guidelines. 
					Tell them where the quicksand is. 
					Always tell them what NOT to do. 
					Never tell them what to do. 
				- Resources
				- Accountability 
				- Consequences 
			>>> Trust is the highest form of human motivation 
			>>> Quintessential to personal and organizational growth 

Why Interdependence Matters
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	> Concept of Emotional Bank Account 	
		>> Withdrawals and Deposits
		>> When trust account is high, communication is easy, instant and effective 
		>> Deposits 
			>>> The biggest deposit is to just LISTEN 
			//Without shoving your own autobiography into the mix 
			>>> Understand the Individual 
				- Understand what THEY think is a deposit  
				- Hint: It's not the same as yours 
				- Treat them all the same by treating them differently (about raising children)
			>>> Attend to the Little Things 
				- In relationships, the little things are the big things 
			>>> Keep commitments
				- NEVER make a promise you can't keep 
				- Trust increases. They listen to you. 
			>>> Clarify expectations 
				- Takes courage
				- Easier to not do so 
				- Things do not fall into place like this 
				- Lay out everything on the table first 
			>>> Personal Integrity 
				- To be trusted is greater than being loved
				- To be trusted IS being loved in the long run 
				- THe key to the 99 is the 1, the 1 that is testing your whole being 
			>>> Apologize Sincerely if you make a withdrawal 
				- It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong - Leo Roskin
				- People will forgive the mistakes of the mind (judgement), but rarely forgive the mistakes of the heart
			>>> "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labour diligently for the salvation of the masses"
			>>> Think of P problems as PC opportunities 

Public Victory 1 : Think Win/Win
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	> Think of life as a cooperative place, not a competitive arena
	> It's BETTER than any of the ways you two found. 
	> Let's talk about Win/Lose First
		>> MAYBE there is a place for it in TRULY competitive areas of life. But that is rare. 
		>> Grades in Academia, especially when done on a bell curve 
		>> Grades are carriers of social value 
		>> Who is winning at marriage? 
			- If both arent winning, both are losing
	> Most people swing between Win/Lose and Lose/Win, only very rarley settling for compromise (lower form of win/win)
	> Rarely do people get into Lose/Lose mode. Philosophy of highly dependednt, other-centered person. 
	> Go for Win/Win or No Deal. 
		>> No Deal is an option at the beginning of something. Later not an option. Makes it tough. 
		>> Dont just TALK win/win. WALK win/win. 
	> 5 Dimensions of win/win
		>> It's tough to deal with someone using Win/Win if the other person is scripted in Win/Lose 
		1. Character 
			> Integrity - You have to KNOW what a WIN actually is. Are they harmonious with your internal values? 
			> Maturity - Balance between COURAGE and CONSIDERATION. NICE and TOUGH. Consideration*Courage Contingency and where each strategy falls. 
			> Abundance Mentality vs Scarcity Mentality
				- Otherwise you are not happy for other people's successes. 
				- There is enough for everyone here. 
				- Always Comparing, Competing otherwise. 
		2. Relationships 
			> Transacational Leadership vs Transformational Leadership
			> You can't change everyone. So remember that No Deal is always an option
			> If you override someone else, they become MALICIOUSLY obedient
		3. Agreements
			> Desired Results (NOT methods)
			> Guidelines 
			> Resources
			> Accountability 
			> Consequences - FInancial, Psychic, Opportunity, Responsibility 
			// When self-directed individuals are set-loose on a task, ggwp
			>> DO NOT supervise methods like everyone
			> The Boss should become the assistant of all employees
			> Win/Win agreements LIBERATE all parties 
		4. Systems 
			> Align your rewards systems with Win/Win
			> The systems have to support it - Training, Planning, COmms, budgeting, info, compensation
		5. Processes (How to THINK win/win)
			1. See problem from the other PoV
			2. Identify Key issues and concerns (not positions)
			3. Determine what constitutes acceptable results
			4. Identify new options to achieve

Public Victory 2 : Seek First to Understand, then be understood
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	> We rush in to fix things with advice, before we even want to understand it. 
	> Most people listen with the intent to REPLY 
	> People prescribe their own specs for other people, from their autobiography
	> We may ignore, pretend, selectively listen. We may be "actively" or "reflectively" lsiten. But those can't be empathic listening. 
	> In emphatic listening, you listen with ears, eyes and heart - for meaning, feeling, body language, emotions 
	> The greatest need for human beings is being understood
	//Satisfied needs do not motivate
	> All things being relatively equal, the human dynamic is more important than the technical dynamic. 
	> Empathic listening is a paradox. You have to be influenced to influence. This means you have to have a great deal of internal security. But you cant change a lot because you have a changeless inner core from the first 3 habits 
	> Language of logic is different from the language of emotion 
	> What we do is: EVALUATE, PROBE, ADVISE/INTERPRET
	> How to give someone psychological air in true empathic listening :
		1. Mimic
		2. Rephrase
		3. Reflect the feeling 
		4. 
		>> Automatically opens up and asks for advice 
			>> Now probe and advise 
			>> BUT! fall back to mimicing aggain when they get emotional, instead of logical
		>> This is about letting the person get to their OWN solution in their own pace and time 
		>> Has to be backed up by a SINCERE DESIRE to understand 
	> "We would like you to write the contract so we understand what you want". Follow by "Now let's discuss and see whether we really understand." Then when you totally understand, speak. Now they will listen because they are ready to listen. 
	> Seek to be understood now
		>> Ethos, pathos, logos - credibility, emotional, logical 
		>> Make your points simply, clearly, visually, specifically and -most importantly- contextually. 
		>> Show them you want to and have understood the problem clearly 
		>> one-on-one times are the best 

Public Victory 3 : Synergize 
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Sharpen The Saw
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	> "Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things, 
		I am tempted to think there are no little things." - Bruce Barton
	> 4 dimensions of _balanced_ renewal 
		1. Physical - Excercise, Nutrition, Stress Mgmt
		2. Social/Emotional - Service, Empathy, Synergy, Intrinsic Security 
		3. Spiritual - Value Clarification, Commitment, Study and Meditation 
		4. Mental - Reading, Visualizing, Planning, Writing 
	> Goethe taught "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be."
	//True financial independence = knowing you can think, learn, create and adapt anywhere, anytime
	> Upward spiral of Learn, Commit, Do