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Falsehoods Programmers Believe About "Women In Tech"

Falsehoods Programmers Believe About "Women In Tech"

  • We have absolutely no idea what we're doing in tech. Please explain the utmost basic things to us.

  • We only do web design. Our whole reason of being in tech is to make things pretty. Consider us the doilies of the industry.

  • We're not laughing about your joke, so we clearly need you explain it to us. In great detail.

  • We're only in tech to find a husband, boyfriend or generally to get laid.

  • We hate manly jokes, locker room humor, soccer talk and beer fun so we have no sense of humor and must be educated into it.

  • We totally want to meet your wife/girlfriend, because we like being shown off like an exotic red-assed monkey in the zoo "because she never met a woman who is doing tech!"

  • We absolutely care about your unsolicited opinion about women, feminism, women in tech and everything else.

  • We think you should totally advise us on the realities of motherhood and please, comment on our upcoming age and menopause and tell us how awesome fatherhood is - when you don't have to stay at home.

  • We enjoy having to fight, get into dick sizing contest and in general having to prove ourselves every day.

  • Never assume we simply like technology and programming. We always have a hidden agenda.

  • We have a thicker skin than elephants, the patience of a saint and generally don't take anything personally, so you can continue being an ass. In fact, mostly you were just being funny, weren't you?!

  • We love to get hired to take care of the generally shitty atmosphere in your company and we really like to be responsible for everything "social".

  • We are always nice, never angry, never loose temper and absolutely NEVER argue. If we do, it's clearly a hormonal issue.

  • We really love to be asked as a speaker to a conference just because we're a woman. We make GREAT quota fill-ins.

  • We absolutely enjoy the quadrupling of pressure to not just be an awesome technician, no, now we also will "share our experiences", "teach" and in general explain to every guy and his dog the history of feminism, because Silicon Valley hasn't invented libraries and books yet.

  • We european women in tech share the exact same experiences as US-american women in tech as compared to russian and former eastern european women in tech who ALL deal with the same as the female experts in robotics in Iran.. so please, drop us all into the same feminism bucket.

  • We like to make things cute and generally like to look more harmless so you don't get offended or scared.

  • We would NEVER think of you as a complete idiot or clueless moron and always take everything you say completely serious.

  • Sarcasm, snark, irony and criticism are completely alien to us. We would never do that.

  • We really like all the manly memes and boyish folklore established in tech - ranging from military jargon to the whole wizard blah to that programming is basically war so you need ninjas and martial art experts.

  • The culture of competition, credit, karma, and ranks can't be applied too relentlessly onto human beings. It improves love, peace and code beyond measure.

  • We consider being paid less a great compliment and an awesome budgeting challenge.

  • Every woman in tech is 20 years old and just starting out. PLEASE HELP!1!

  • The woman you just pissed off massively will never be your boss.

@chris-lalande

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commented May 24, 2017

Love it! I would add: We are happy to bear sole responsibility for "improving the working relationship" with the male colleague who is consistently an ass, not just to us but to all female colleagues. We should just try harder.

@zesterer

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commented Oct 13, 2017

Brilliant. Definitely starring this.

@PaulJohnson

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commented Sep 13, 2018

Also: If a woman initiates any form of social contact with a man, it is actually a romantic overture.

@jibal

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commented Nov 30, 2018

Thanks for being awesome and not holding back.

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