crazy-reddit-dating-advice

I asked this girl on a date, I got denied, and then i called her and left a message saying she was a cunt, a robot, and that she had acadamia. I waited about 3 months and then i sent a bunch of emails and she didn't resond until about two thirds of the way through them. Then she didn't reply to the rest of them so I went to her house to talk to her in person, and I think she called a detective and turned in the emails to the school and then I got kicked out, only two quarters away for graduating. here is what I sent her before going to dorm and simply standing on the outside looking in the window for about half an our before being confronted by her friend to leave, which i did.

hi mel, I didn't ,mean any of the mean things i said, and I don't want you to think that I am trying to make you feel bad about not wanting to go on that date because It's just a date, It really doesn't make a difference if it's not what you want to do then we don't have to do it. It's not like it's really anything special because we've been hanging out together since freshman year, and I have a great time just being your friend, I'm really really sorry and i do not want to date you anymore i promise. P.S. I like the things you show me, your friend

max

P S I thought I could get back at you by getting another girlfriend but Instead I ended up living at home and hanging out alone like a complete loser. Then I realised that I could build another ship in a bottle. So I did, and I used your skull and cross bones flag! and it turned out prety cool :)

Do you want to hang out with me or something I had a dream about you. You lived in a weed room in the back of my house exept a japanese version. Soimeday Mel, I will build you that house, and we can all live togeather within the realm of the ants. Why these thoughts will never matter I shall never know. If nothing counts for anything, then maybe one day i will see within thee what i once saw in the faceless reflection of illusion of the self.

Hey mel how is it going? did you maybe want to go to the beach with me and build a sand castle and watch it get destroyed by the ocean from my living room window?

YO dude you should roll to open mic tonight I'll be doing smith's covers, I ,made that sand castle the other day as well, fun shit

I'm dropping out of school again...

Quite honestly i definitely don't have enough time for a relationship, because I'm studying 24/7. do you think you'd maybe prostitute yourself out and go on one date with me as a friend even though you don't want to so that I don't feel so bad about the last two years of my life? because I really liked you and I'm not trying to be annoying it's just your the only girl I've ever liked here out of all the people I've met, and I'm not going to meet many more girls as there are so few in the physics major. If you don't then I will cry and do physics alone for the next 6 weeks. i really don't care about sex, honestly. I love you.

I am not worthy of a woman of such beauty as you. Please be so kind as to exchange contacts with me.

Hi mel, I had this dream about you, It was really cool, and had a lot of strange things in it and I had to untie my shoelaces and stuff.

Please may I talk to you as I am wanting to meet up with you at some point.

Hello can I talk to you for a second please

hey whatsup

Hi Mel, want to go with me on a picknick, I can make some sandwiches. If not could you point me in the direction of someone who would want to go on a picknick with me? thank you.

Request: 3- some

Hey, let's have sex

Dear Mel

I's going to be really hard for me to stop emailing you If you wan't talk to me i person. you make me feel kind of numb all over and kind of sick to my stomach like I will throw up anything that I will eat. I'm not exaggerating, I really feel like you have taken my emotional state and just crushed it. I don't think i'm going to be okay if it ends like this. If you want to see me suffer, and if you want to dominate me by shunning me or something like that please keep my feelings in mind. you are literally torturing me, and I don't think it's fair. I need to speak with you Mel, please. You realize this has been going on for almost a year? since then we haven't even spoken one word to each other. If you would have just called me I would have felt great, instead i feel like you are making me into some kind of tortured plaything. all of these messages are completely meaningless to me. I don't know why this is happening. I just want to have one normal, person to person conversation that will end well, and i think I am ready for it. so please call me when you get a chance.

Max

(Then she replied "I don't want to date you or talk to you in person so that's clear now".)

Dear Mel,

I guess you don't want to talk to me in person at all then, which is understandable since you don't want to date me. I still have some things I'd like to tell you though. I brought back some VCRs that my friend lent me that were directed by the guy who played Cramer from Seinfeld. also I would like to apologize for saying you had acadamia, calling you a robot, and asking you to prostitute yourself. Also I think that Cameron deserves you, that was quite uncalled for. Also in my previous letter when I said "that it doesn't mean I told anyone you were nice and intelligent" what i meant was that i didn't tell anybody that I think anything bad about you. and I wrote a song:

If I were a captain

I would sail into your face

If I had a dollar

I would save the human race

I have two nice dogs and

I have pictures of your boobs

If I met a genie

I would wish for lots of shit

I'd wish for gold bear arms a pez dispenser

head two piglets that wear cloths Two pink piglets wearing tigers cloths

Everyone would have to call me chief or I'd kill them

and one more thing no more prostitutes

If I were a captain

Prostitutes I would sail into your face

If I had a dollar

I would save the human race

my best friend saw a prostitute, the one who has the same birthday as you, so it is kind of hard for me.

Your friend Max

You are so lovely your sunshine makes me smile a thousand beautiful ponies, your eyes are like two beautiful butterflies glisteng like the meaning of life. You are a beacon of amazement and you shimmer like this beautiful equation eix= sin(x) + cos(x). You are as perfect as a crysital at absolute zero. If I knew your favorite animal I would make it for you out of oragami and then give it to you inside an oragami heart, and do a magic trick where the card you picked at the end was an oragami heart, and you'd say oh, I never knew hearts were made out of oragami, and then id be like they usually aren't, then there would be kittens and bumblebees and lollipops.

I wrote the first page of my book: "Mel is God" attatched

Hey Since our time here is coming to an end, and since it seems like once you and I graduate we will be going our separate ways, the only thing left for me to do is wait around in my Isla Vista flat while you get ready to move on with your life, while simultaneously doing the same kind of thing at your quick, steady pace. As physics major, it would seem that such a turn of event will leave our equal and opposite predicaments somewhat leveled, with you being underhanded and me being upper handed and reality will begin to turn and reveal itself. It is unfortunate that this should be the case, because if I could go back and change everything that I did, so that I would not be forced to live through those events again, I would. However this is not the case, as it never could be, and so the story goes, though I do not regret meeting you, my love. I recall the way I felt when I first laid eyes on you. There was something there, something strange and familiar in your voice when you introduced yourself leaving me to wonder why you were so quiet yet your movements shone brightly like some kind of fire. I was young then, and full of excitement, wanting only to taste the thrill of existence. There were no rules, and I had no plans while I’m sure that you had many. Then we walked, behind a cliff and the world seemed to separate itself from us and each other and I was alone on a bright sandy seashore. I turned and my friend seemed to appear out of nowhere holding my hand and speaking to me in a high mumble. She said “It’s so beautiful here” or something like that, and you sat quietly on the sand eroding away at a small cliff. We all sat down and watched the ocean, me and her holding hands, while you sat all to close, pensively staring into the distance, plotting my downfall I thought. Later that evening we met again, and it seemed as if you had shape shifted. Your posture was much better, and you seemed now to have changed clothes hundreds of times, as if ages had passed, although in reality you just changed your hair and put on sun glasses. I stared as you hunched over taking pictures of the sand. It seemed then that I was on top of the world and that all that I saw would be mine to keep. I was surrounded by your friends, who seemed to me as statues, heartless, wearing the weirdest clothing that I had seen. Black and white tight shirts, cloths with bold typed letters on them, acting like robots, not moving but flying about and standing in place, full of electricity and eluding my senses I stood and stared but there was nothing but a long black line, and as I looked for its meaning I found nothing but its impervious straightness. I was on the path then. Had I not been there it may be true that no one would have noticed, and we slowly reached your door and you said goodbye with a frown and I walked away quietly as the four of you clamored away into the your dorm.