fortune-cow

#!/bin/bash

FORTUNES_BIN=$(which fortune)
COWSAY_BIN=$(which cowsay)
# on ubuntu you have to have `force_color_prompt=yes' set if you want to see
# all the pretty colors.
LOLCAT_BIN=$(which lolcat)

if [ -z "$FORTUNES_BIN" ] || [ -z "$COWSAY_BIN" ]; then
    # just exit normally so we don't screw with the motd
    exit 0
fi

# these are all the fortunes that get installed with
# `fortune-mod' and `fortune-off' on ubuntu.
# just uncomment the ones you want to have randomly chosen from.
FORTUNES=(
    # art
    # ascii-art
    # computers
    # cookie
    # debian
    # definitions
    # disclaimer
    # drugs
    # education
    # ethnic
    # food
    # fortunes
    # goedel
    # humorists
    # kids
    # knghtbrd
    # law
    # linux
    # linuxcookie
    # literature
    # love
    # magic
    # medicine
    # men-women
    # miscellaneous
    # news
    # paradoxum
    # people
    # perl
    # pets
    # platitudes
    # politics
    # pratchett
    # riddles
    # science
    # songs-poems
    # sports
    # startrek
    # tao
    # translate-me
    # wisdom
    # work
    # zippy

    #####################
    # offensive fortunes
    #####################
    # astrology
    # atheism
    # black-humor
    # hphobia
    # limerick
    # misandry
    # misogyny
    # privates
    # racism
    # religion
    # sex
    # vulgarity
)

# all the different cow types
COWS=(
    # apt
    # beavis.zen
    # bong
    # bud-frogs
    # bunny
    # calvin
    # cheese
    # cock
    # cower
    # daemon
    default
    # dragon
    # dragon-and-cow
    # duck
    # elephant
    # elephant-in-snake
    # eyes
    # flaming-sheep
    # ghostbusters
    # gnu
    # head-in
    # hellokitty
    # kiss
    # kitty
    # koala
    # kosh
    # luke-koala
    # mech-and-cow
    # meow
    # milk
    # moofasa
    # moose
    # mutilated
    # pony
    # pony-smaller
    # ren
    # sheep
    # skeleton
    # snowman
    # sodomized-sheep
    # stegosaurus
    # stimpy
    # suse
    # three-eyes
    # turkey
    # turtle
    # tux
    # unipony
    # unipony-smaller
    # vader
    # vader-koala
    # www
)

# different "modes" to apply to each cow
COW_MODES=(
    # borg
    "-b"
    # dead cow
    "-d"
    # greedy
    "-g"
    # paranoid
    "-p"
    # stoned
    "-s"
    # tired
    "-t"
    # wired
    "-w"
    # young
    "-y"
)

# Seed random generator
RANDOM=$$$(date +%s)

# randomly select a cow from the COW array
THE_COW=${COWS[$RANDOM % ${#COWS[@]}]}

echo
if [ -n "$LOLCAT_BIN" ]; then
    echo $("$FORTUNES_BIN" -a "${FORTUNES[@]}") | $COWSAY_BIN -f $THE_COW | $LOLCAT_BIN
else
    echo $("$FORTUNES_BIN" -a "${FORTUNES[@]}") | $COWSAY_BIN -f $THE_COW
fi
echo