Thanks to @coderanger for helping me out (so quickly). He was kind enough to say no to the gift, so on @opscode's behalf, I donated a green energy biogas stove for a family through Heifer (I guess the cow thing was a thing).
If you want to donate one yourself - https://secure1.heifer.org/gift-catalog/stoves.html
The irony didn't escape me that the person who helped me has multiple usernames and I couldn't find @kantrn on github until I remembered the @coderanger thing ;)
I will buy any opscode engineer a brand new lodge logic 5qt cast iron dutch oven, delivered free to their home, or the opscode office if y'all have a stove 'cause sharing is caring.
Changing my name from "antg" on the community site to "agoddard".
I'm happy for my platform account to be deleted in the process, and I'll make a new one.
I'd like to keep my account, but I'm annoyed that I picked a username that doesn't match my username anywhere else. Yes, I'm an idiot. I also realize this is a ridiculous request and doing it would be a waste of time, hence the bribe.
Really? How is that even a question? They're awesome. If you don't have one, you need one. If you already have one, I'll send you a 12" lodge skillet instead 'cause the lid is the same size as the 5qt dutch oven. If you already have both, I'll send you a 14" skillet instead. If you already have two cast iron skillets, you're awesome and I'll send you a hand made French DeBuyer crepe pan.
Sorry, I don't follow the question.
If you're going to spend money, can you just donate someone a cow on behalf of me, or send me a voucher?
Seriously, these last few questions aren't making much sense.
LULWUT! hahahahaha! Wait, what was the question again? *maybe change the username during your lunchbreak 0_o
i have no way of dealing with your request but will gladly accept cookware.