betterment.md

Sunil Pai once said on Bluesky:

A simple question to ask yourself (/myself): what are you doing actively/ regularly to become

• healthier
• stronger but also
• smarter
• funnier
• friendlier

There are so many playbooks for the former, but what’s the accepted wisdom/strategies for the latter?

I combined that with my own “theory of betterment” and fed it into ChatGPT. The result is a pretty damn good breakdown of my theory. Give it a read!

Stop Asking 'How Can I Be Better?' — Start Asking This Instead

1/ This is an interesting question, but I think it may be the wrong kind of question. Let me explain. 🧵

2/ Becoming healthier, stronger, smarter, funnier, or friendlier isn’t usually the goal in and of itself—it’s a means to an end. So the better question to start with is:

What are your actual goals?

3/ Once you know your goals, you can figure out which qualities you need to develop to achieve them. This approach gives you:

• Clarity: What does "better" even mean for you?
• Specificity: It’s easier to make progress when you know what you're aiming for.

4/ Take "funnier" as an example. What does "funnier" mean for you?

• Are you looking to connect with friends better?
• Build confidence in social situations?
• Make people laugh as a comedian?

Each goal may require a different strategy.

5/ Similarly, "smarter" can mean a lot of things:

• Sharper problem-solving for work?
• Deeper knowledge of a specific topic?
• Better general knowledge to hold a conversation?

The more precise the goal, the better you can map out how to improve.

6/ The added benefit of focusing on goals is that your efforts feel more meaningful. It’s not just "self-improvement" for its own sake but self-improvement with purpose.

7/ So instead of asking, "What am I doing to become X, Y, or Z?"
Ask, "What are my goals, and which of these traits will help me get there?"
The journey becomes clearer, and the results more rewarding.

8/ Example: If your goal is to grow closer to a group of people, then maybe "friendlier" matters more. You can develop that by:

• Listening more actively.
• Showing genuine interest in others.
• Practicing small acts of kindness regularly.

9/ In short: Focus on goals first, then backtrack to figure out which traits you need to develop and how to work on them. This approach brings clarity, specificity, and purpose to self-betterment.

10/ What do you think? Does this reframe resonate with you?