american_idol.txt

American Idol

I lived most of my life comfortable in the belief that I was a ‘Christian’ and was on my way to heaven. I believed this because I went to church frequently, believed in Jesus and God, and knew a bit about what the Bible said.

I was brought up in America in a cheerful, fun, church with a very active youth program. I was in church 2-3 times a week, along with the rest of my family and most of my schoolmates. I sang in choirs, went to camps, and usually enjoyed being there. However, God’s word was not accurately taught in this church, and it was not revered or taught in our home, nor were hiscommandments practiced. So what we saw, heard and did at home (and at school, certainly) was very different from what we talked about at church. But at our (very liberal) church, we were taught a very watered-down gospel, with a great emphasis on Jesus being our ‘friend’. The result was most everyone assuming we were all Christians but living ungodly lives. Sure, I had prayed the sinner’s prayer several times. But I rarely if ever, had heard the words sin (with correct teaching of what it really is), or the word repentance, and to my knowledge, never heard the words “conversion” or “regeneration”. In fact when I first read these words in reformed literature in my 40’s it was the first time I had ever even heard of these doctrines.

Sovereign grace, or the biblical precept that God saves, and that man does not ‘decide’ to save himself, was also certainly something I had never heard of. I thought, that I was basically doing Christ a favour if I ‘chose’ him. I felt in many ways that God ‘owed’ me for supposedly ‘choosing’ him!

As a result of my own sinful nature and of this double system, I spent 40 years of my life believing I was a Christian, when in fact, I was lost to sin and estranged from God. The Bible calls what I was doing idolatry. I had created my own god in my mind. This false god did not mind about my sin. He did not mind that I did not make him number one. He was a God of campfire singing and nice Sunday School crafts and forgiveness---never judgement. He was in fact, a 70 year long insurance policy because I was so arrogant I still presumed I was headed to heaven, not hell.

My ideas of Jesus were vague, sentimental, and without true Biblical foundations. My false god did not mind that I hardly ever read the Bible and had no idea what was really in it. The idol I had created had no place in my morals, my behaviour, my thoughts, and actions. Satan was in fact my Lord.

Finally, by God’s grace, while I was NOT seeking Him, God converted me. Not for anything I had done right, but by His Sovereign electing grace, he chose to have mercy on me and to open my eyes in repentance toward him. I want to emphasize that I was NOT seeking God. I was still carrying on in my own sinful, self-centred ways. I was still paying lip service to a church and even had increased my ‘good works’ to be very involved in a church, but I was NOT in any way a new creation.
At the time of my conversion, I did not ‘make a decision’ for Christ, ‘invite Christ into my heart’ or ‘receive Jesus’, I “obtained mercy” (1 Tim 1:16) If my own ‘decision’ to ‘choose’ to follow Christ had been necessary I would have stayed in rebellious sin forever. But God is Sovereign and “...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Rom 5:8). “By grace ye are saved, through faith; and that not of yourselves...” (Eph 2:8). What “By grace” means is that I contributed NOTHING.
During this time of conviction, God opened my eyes so that I saw myself as I really was. I saw that though I went to church and even studied the Bible a bit, I did not practice anything Biblical at home. I saw that I was someone who in fact was ruled by Satan, not God. I saw that in fact, all the years I had thought I was a ‘Christian’; I was not a true follower of Christ at all. How could I be, when I did absolutely nothing he taught? 1 John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” My ‘faith’ was a faith of convenience, habit, self-deception and delusion.

When God opened my eyes to my own sinfulness, He gave me a heart of repentance instead of stone, and I began, by the mighty power of the Holy Spirit, to want to turn away from sin and towards God. God gave me a hunger for his Word, which I read constantly, and a thirst to know all about Him. He gave me a joy and excitement in worshiping Him and sharing his grace with others. He gave me a hatred for sin; daily actually wanting to be rid of it, like a “spotted garment” (Jude 1:23) not find the ‘loopholes’ that would allow me to continue in it as I once had. The Holy God of the Bible showed me that He is indeed holy and hates sin, and that if he has in reality given me a heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone, I will have real love for his Son Jesus Christ and I will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to obey his commandments.

No Christian will be perfect until Jesus Christ returns, and there is a daily warfare for every believer against indwelling sin, until death. This daily battle against my own flesh is I find, one of the most difficult parts of being a believer. Thank God he says he will finish the work he has begun (Phil 1:6)

When I have shared with friends and family what God has done for me, what I thought would be an occasion for rejoicing has frequently been a time of scorn and mockery. At the very least, I am considered ‘legalistic’, as I no longer want to do the worldly activities I once did and that many nominal Christian professors still consider it their right to do. “If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you ....” (Jh 15:19). I have found it true what I once heard John Macarthur say, ‘You can serve Christ or you can be popular, but you can’t be both. So choose.’

“He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.” (Psa 40:2)

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.” (Jn 14:21)
“He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. “ (1 Jh 2:4)
“Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.” (Isa 45:22)
Books/Preaching used of God to point me to the truth:
Banner of Truth publishers
Martyn Lloyd-Jones sermons & books, and biographies George Whitefield’s sermons
Preaching of John Macarthur, Dr. Peter Masters, Jeff Pollard Ray Comfort on False Converts in the church
Ministry of Mount Zion/Chapel Library literature in USA

Jamie O Connor