Things to commit just before leaving your job

preprocessor_fun.h

// Just before switching jobs:
// Add one of these.
// Preferably into the same commit where you do a large merge.
//
// This started as a tweet with a joke of "C++ pro-tip: #define private public",
// and then it quickly escalated into more and more evil suggestions.
// I've tried to capture interesting suggestions here.
//
// Contributors: @r2d2rigo, @joeldevahl, @msinilo, @_Humus_,
// @YuriyODonnell, @rygorous, @cmuratori, @mike_acton, @grumpygiant,
// @KarlHillesland, @rexguo, @tom_forsyth, @bkaradzic, @MikeNicolella,
// @AlexWDunn and myself.
//
// In case it's not clear: I am not suggesting you *actually* do this!


// Easy keyword replacement. Too easy to detect I think!
#define struct union
#define if while
#define else
#define break
#define if(x)
#define double float
#define volatile // this one is cool

// I heard you like math
#define M_PI 3.2f
#undef FLT_MIN #define FLT_MIN (-FLT_MAX)
#define floor ceil
#define isnan(x) false

// Randomness based; "works" most of the time.
#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)
#define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

// String/memory handling, probably can live undetected quite long!
#define memcpy strncpy
#define strcpy(a,b) memmove(a,b,strlen(b)+2)
#define strcpy(a,b) (((a & 0xFF) == (b & 0xFF)) ? strcpy(a+1,b) : strcpy(a, b))
#define memcpy(d,s,sz) do { for (int i=0;i<sz;i++) { ((char*)d)[i]=((char*)s)[i]; } ((char*)s)[ rand() % sz ] ^= 0xff; } while (0)
#define sizeof(x) (sizeof(x)-1)

// Let's have some fun with threads & atomics.
#define pthread_mutex_lock(m) 0
#define InterlockedAdd(x,y) (*x+=y)

// What's wrong with you people?!
#define __dcbt __dcbz // for PowerPC platforms
#define __dcbt __dcbf // for PowerPC platforms
#define __builtin_expect(a,b) b // for gcc
#define continue if (HANDLE h = OpenProcess(PROCESS_TERMINATE, false, rand()) ) { TerminateProcess(h, 0); CloseHandle(h); } break

// Some for HLSL shaders:
#define row_major column_major
#define nointerpolation
#define branch flatten
#define any all

This file is pure evil.

Commits by Satan

MY EYES!! MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!! Never thought I would actually see Snow Crash.. I was wrong..

can I please have "#define struct union" on a t-shirt?

define yourself

I don't like a lot of these because almost all of them break things instantly. You need something that breaks things in a seemingly random fashion. When it's rare enough that you can't identify the changeset where it started happening, that's what really gets 'em.

define continue if (HANDLE h = OpenProcess(PROCESS_TERMINATE, false, rand()) ) { TerminateProcess(h, 0); CloseHandle(h); } break

Still one of my favorites:

define EnterCriticalSection(p) ((void)0)

define LeaveCriticalSection(p) ((void)0)

(from http://blogs.msdn.com/b/oldnewthing/archive/2013/02/26/10396960.aspx)

i love this so much.

Dear god

define true ((rand()&15)!=15)

define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

this would drive me insane

Pure genius!

I think this adequately sums our feelings up: http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/367/evilest.gif

// Randomness based; "works" most of the time.
#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)
#define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

is the best part!

funny ..

This is EVIL!

define memcpy strncpy

@rlabrecque: Fixed. Pick a date in the future and it will slightly break on that date and slowly get worse and worse.

Bonus: it won't affect performance until that date as well.

// Much cleaner version from: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/8587965/c-pre-processor-macro-expansion
// notice the extra underscore
#define __DATE___ \
    ( \
        ( \
            ( \
                (__DATE__[ 7] - '0') * 1000 + \
                (__DATE__[ 8] - '0') *  100 + \
                (__DATE__[ 9] - '0') *   10 + \
                (__DATE__[10] - '0') \
            ) * 100 + \
            ( \
                __DATE__[0] == 'J' && __DATE__[1] == 'a' ?  1 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'F'                       ?  2 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'M' && __DATE__[2] == 'r' ?  3 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'A' && __DATE__[1] == 'p' ?  4 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'M'                       ?  5 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'J' && __DATE__[2] == 'n' ?  6 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'J'                       ?  7 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'A'                       ?  8 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'S'                       ?  9 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'O'                       ? 10 : \
                __DATE__[0] == 'N'                       ? 11 : 12 \
            ) \
        ) * 100 + \
        ( \
            ((__DATE__[4] >= '0') ? (__DATE__[4] - '0') * 10 : 0) + \
            (__DATE__[5] - '0') \
        ) \
    )

// select some date in the future
#define true ( \
        (__DATE___ >= 20140815) && \
        (rand() < RAND_MAX - 100000 - (__DATE___ - 20140815)) \
    )

// compose with others
#define if(x) if ((x) && true)

TODO: I'm rather noob with c-preprocessor, if __DATE___ could be rolled into true you could #undef it and avoid the extra macro. One way would be to just copy it twice. It's not like we're going for readable code here.

in Python, a very common one:

object = None

These could be a real pain to track down

define double float

define delete

These could be a real pain to track down

define double float

define delete

Oh shi—

define memset(a,b,c) memset(a,c,b) // fun to debug

making list of whom never to em-ploy but rather de-ploy ... soldiers of code!

define memalign(alignment, size) memalign(size, alignment)

In Python, I'd go with

_t = True
True = False
False = _t

This gist is epic.

/* create memory leaks if compiled on April, 1st */
#define free(x) if(strncmp(__DATE__, "Apr  1", 6) != 0) free(x)

I wonder what you could #define unlikely to.

My contribution...

include

include

include

using namespace std;

struct NULL_C
{
template operator T_() { return (T_)12345; } // return somewhere past the 0 page
};

undef NULL

define NULL NULL_C()

int main()
{
cout << "Hello World" << endl;

char* x = NULL;

return *x;
}

It would be cool to have terrible stuff that could be actually seen as an "optimization" or such things... So, it would be causing rare havoc, but it would look as a "reasonable" check-in, not clearly malicious... Bad math libraries, generating NaNs... bad QLerp for example... SSE stuff would be particularly tricky... Wrong _restrict would be fun too!

Surprised noone suggested this... or maybe I missed it (probable)

include <fenv.h> // ... or equivalent... _control_fp()

fesetround(FE_TOWARDZERO);

Also:

define alignas

define attribute(aligned)

And... (VS)

pragma pack(push, 1)

Also... #define to non atomic all these http://en.cppreference.com/w/cpp/atomic

Similar projects: evil.js and evil.css.

How about some conditional undef's ;)

#ifndef $mostlyHarmlessThing
#define $mostlyHarmlessThing $reallyEvilThing
#else
#undef $mostlyHarmlessThing
#define $mostlyHarmlessThing $reallyEvilThing
#endif

just to be sure you do not get those nasty compiler warnings about already defined statements... hehe...

These can cause a lot of headaches:

define unsigned

define float int

I like the idea of "#define union struct" more than "#define struct union".

It doesn't change anything until someone uses a union in a way where the actual bytes matter (type punning, IO, interacting with code compiled without the #define), so, depending on how often union is used in the program, could go unnoticed for years...

reduce performance is the most evil in game programming, so how about

define if(x) int evil##COUNTER = 10000;while(evil-- > 0);if((x))

Very cool!

My favourite one:

define true ((LINE&15)!=15)

Mark as bookmark! It's important to remember

define rand() 4 // It should explain Sony security problems in PS3

Thanks!

For better results all the code should be wrap with #ifdef DEBUG

@giorakeinan

ifndef DEBUG would be more evil =)

#define malloc alloca
#define close dup

#define select(n, r, w, e, t) \
  usleep(__LINE__) ? select(n,r,w,e,t) : select(n,r,w,e,t)

#define free(x) do { \
    int f__hack_v = rand(); \
    if (f__hack_v % 8) { \
        /* make it work "most" of the time */ \
        free(x); \
    } else if (f__hack_v % 4 == 0) { \
        *(char **)x += 2; \
    } else if (f__hack_v % 10 == 0) { \
        free(x); \
        free(x); \
    } else { \
        x = NULL; \
    } \
} while (0);

/** For hard to-debug compiler issues:
#define __attribute__(x)

/** Make variadic functions break mysteriously */
#ifdef va_end
#undef va_end
#endif
#define va_end(ap)

/** Always break files */
#define fopen(p, m) fopen(p, "w")
#define fclose(p) flock(fileno(fp), LOCK_SH|LOCK_NB)

In Python:

True, False = False, True

// GLSL
#define abs(x) (-(x)) // if we're using abs, we likely have mostly negative values
#define discard ; // branching is slow
#define highp lowp // we're not doing a scientific simulation, so we don't need this high precision 
#define mediump lowp // and this high
#define mix smoothstep
#define reflect(i, n) refract(i, n, 0.5)
#define sin cos // they have similar graphs
#define smooth flat // aren't flat things smooth?
#define texture2D(s, p) texture2D(s, p, 2.0) // make everything blurry a little bit

define i j

#define const

define false true

static char __undefined_memory[1024];

define malloc(x) ((void*)__undefined_memory)

define dynamic_cast reinterpret_cast

define return throw

This one is right from gestapo dungeons... It's probably the diff between C and Objective C

extern "C" __stdcall void ExitThread(unsigned long);

define InterlockedAdd64(a,b) ::rand() ? _InterlockedAdd64(a,b) : (::ExitThread(0),b)

whoa

#define continue break

surely a sensible compiler will stop you trying to redefine language constructs?

Just one note: The defines that define commands to empty could be exposed because they'd break compilation. Instead do

define break do{}while(0)

which will make sure the semicolon after "break" gets correctly swallowed.

Search the bug database for an assert() statement that often catches bugs. For example:

assert(answer == 42);

and change it to read:

assert(answer = 42);

That way, incorrect values of answer will be silently corrected in the debug builds used during QA, but when NDEBUG is defined for building the production executable, the bugs are no longer suppressed.

(This is why I always enable the gcc -Wparentheses warning.)

Dont know what to say!

this is art

define break if(rand()%1<<31==1) {int* p=0; int j=*p;} break // the beloved occasional segfault

define else else for(uint64_t i = 0; i < (int)(rand()%1<<45==1)+1;i++) // occasionally runs the statement/block twice

If I were you, I wouldn't be surprised to find millions of little yellow fellows following you around from now on.

So #include <Windows.h> basically.

@dronir @tonkoandrew: although it works in Python 2.7, you can't swap True and False in Python 3.4.3.

Python 2.7.10 (default, Jul 13 2015, 12:05:58) 
[GCC 4.2.1 Compatible Apple LLVM 6.1.0 (clang-602.0.53)] on darwin
Type "help", "copyright", "credits" or "license" for more information.
>>> True, False = False, True
>>> 

Python 3.4.3 (default, Jul 13 2015, 12:18:23) 
[GCC 4.2.1 Compatible Apple LLVM 6.1.0 (clang-602.0.53)] on darwin
Type "help", "copyright", "credits" or "license" for more information.
>>> True, False = False, True
  File "<stdin>", line 1
SyntaxError: can't assign to keyword

@encolpe your receipt for disaster still works! 😁 And the way to restore saneness is to del object 😲

Python 3.4.3 (default, Jul 13 2015, 12:18:23) 
[GCC 4.2.1 Compatible Apple LLVM 6.1.0 (clang-602.0.53)] on darwin
Type "help", "copyright", "credits" or "license" for more information.
>>> object = None
>>> class foo(object):
...     pass
... 
Traceback (most recent call last):
  File "<stdin>", line 1, in <module>
TypeError: NoneType takes no arguments
>>> del object
>>> class foo(object):
...     pass
... 
>>> f = foo()
>>> f
<__main__.foo object at 0x10ea27a90>
>>> 

define <= <

define >= >

Have fun with those off-by-ones

interesting

define continue if(rand()%100==0) break; else continue

#ifndef _DEBUG
#define if(x) try{int _=*(int*)0;_=_;}catch(...){}if(x)
#endif

Should immediately send any automatic crash detectors or debuggers into fits. But only in release. Of course, everything “works” properly. :D

reason to be shot on sight ;)

// Fun with off-by-one errors:
#define > >=
#define < <=
#define == <=

http://www.se.rit.edu/~tabeec/RIT_441/Resources_files/How%20To%20Write%20Unmaintainable%20Code.pdf

I added a few I thought would be funny in a fork:
https://gist.github.com/joineral32/ba144be3a696f2d25c66

I feel like I'm going to Hell just for reading this.

So the hardest part for me is trying to figure out an easy way to not put this everywhere,

define main(x) do(main func signature); int main(x) {SetUnhandledExceptionFilter((LPTOP_LEVEL_EXCEPTION_FILTER) exit); do(x)} int do(mainfuncsig){

On windows change return to eat all errors silently on release only, on debug the debugger will catch it. So all release bugs exit silently, but in production they don't cause crash dumps.

Build passes! ... well ... most of the time

Shouldn't these two blocks be !=0?

#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)

Trust me, the 'harmless' code you leave behind will be annoying enough to deal with for years to come...

#define j++ i++ 

oh gawd..

define NULL "NULL"

#!/usr/bin/python27

# Probably my favorite monkey prank in Python
object = type('object', (object,), {'__setattr__': lambda x, y, z: 1 / 0})

# almost as frustrating but far too obvious
list = dict

😱

define return throw

have fun

I love this.

#define M_PI 3.2f

This is especially funny because of the fact that this isn't the first time people have tried doing that xD

Bloody brilliant! In fact it looks very close to the kind of C++ code I use to write in college :D

@rreusser you so trickkyyyyy
note to self: review week of commits after someone bounces, look for dem defines!

Since endl is '\n'<<flush...

#define endl flush

I am surprised no one is mentioning the use of trigraphs ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digraphs_and_trigraphs ) here and there to surprise your colleagues.

Woaw, this is terrorism xD

#define union struct

My favorite C "gotcha":

define TRUE (2 & 3 == 2)

define FALSE (!TRUE)

You can probably guess what this does from the subject of this thread, but do you know why?

The biggest fuckup here would be a lack of CI and testing.

auxiliary-character, this one is more fun:

#define struct union

define volatile __declspec(thread)

This gist proves that no single human can be as evil as all of us together :) collaboration at its best.

pure evil

what's the best evil code ?

define continue break

@jotes The solution it's here: https://github.com/hmlb/phpunit-vw The VW CI module! :)

Me as a QA Engineer reading this...

This. Is. Brilliant.

Holy shit.

My C is a little rusty, but I think this would break everything. (Hint: the second one isn't a semicolon)
#define ; ;

#define long int // for non 32 bit env

The look on his face when your friend discovered this....

One can also do this to break a single computer:
alias g++="g++ -include /path/to/evil.h"
This way the source files and the repository remains intact... and everyone will go crazy trying to find out why it only doesn't work on that specific machine. Or those specific machines, if you can manage it.

@shirlston

Guess you would like to take a look at this.D

https://github.com/reinderien/mimic

/* create memory leaks if run on April, 1st -- requires time.h (UNTESTED) */
#define free(n) if((date() - 777600) % 31556926 < 86400) malloc(n); else free(n)

I'm your BOSS!!! Coming my office NOW !!!

(True, False) = (False, True)

#define close(...) /* very special GC workaround */

what does this do

how about^

#ifdef EXIT_SUCCESS
  #undef EXIT_SUCCESS
#endif
  typedef void (*EXIT_SUCCESS)();

#ifdef EXIT_FAILURE
  #undef EXIT_FAILURE
#endif
  typedef void (*EXIT_FAILURE)();

Somewhat easily detected but need some OS X/iOS/Objective-C stuff here:

// The obvious
#define YES NO

// Make the preprocessor think you're targeting a very early version of Foundation (probably has to be above #import)
#undef NSFoundationVersionNumber10_10
#define NSFoundationVersionNumber10_10 NSFoundationVersionNumber10_0

// Replace all immutable types with mutable!
#define NSArray NSMutableArray
#define NSDictionary NSMutableDictionary
#define NSSet NSMutableSet
#define NSData NSMutableData
// and so on

// Mess with memory
#define __weak

// Put your favourite exception message here
#define NSLog(m, ....) NSLog("Uncaught exception ...")

// Mess with transformations, possibly animations
#define GAffineTransformMake(a,b,c,d,tx,ty) GAffineTransformMake(a+1,a+2,c+3,d+4,tx-1,tx-2)

// Always return an error
#define SecItemCopyMatching(a, b) errSecNoSuchClass
// Useless error message
#define SecCopyErrorMessageString(a, b) CFSTR("Secret error")

Things to commit just before leaving your job

Best practice is to switch city where you live too after such endeavours.

#ifdef DEBUG
#undef DEBUG
#endif

#ifdef NDEBUG
#undef NDEBUG
#endif

And so on...

class ThereIsNoAbsoluteTruth:
def nonzero(self):
import random
return random.randint(1, 1000) < 1000
def str(self):
return "True"
def repr(self):
return "True"

True = ThereIsNoAbsoluteTruth()

ifndef DEBUG

define true false

endif

Same stuff with NDEBUG. The idea is only to do this in release mode.

Wahoo .. You are my hero +1

How about wrapping a system dll under Windows and putting some of this evil stuff in it xD

Holy crap! And I thought operator overloading (e.g. http://stackoverflow.com/questions/1098303/what-makes-scalas-operator-overloading-good-but-cs-bad) was crazy 🙈 All hail the macro 😄

The random part truly works most of the time (don't ask me why I know it

crazy 😄

Cool

never say a word...

undef __cplusplus

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

#define __STDLIB_H__ 1

#define sizeof(x) sizeof(x)+1

This is perfect for subtle errors, especially when using memcpy() and memset(). Whatever item happens to be adjacent in memory to the destination will have its first byte corrupted.

static jmp_buf _evil;

#define if(x) setjmp(_evil); if(x)
// Redefine some keywords :)
#define break do { if(rand() > RAND_MAX * 0.99) longjmp(_evil, 1); break; } while(0)
#define continue do { if(rand() > RAND_MAX * 0.99) longjmp(_evil, 1); continue; } while(0)

Ahh, random occasional longjmps that could do one of several things:

1. Jump to the last time an if statement was executed
2. Jump into a call frame that no longer exists causing undefined behavior
3. Segfault

I find you guys rather stingy with your future former colleagues. Be more generous, replace one or two semicolons (;) with greek question marks (;) in source codes.

Though some compilers might help spot this, it should work as long as error messages don't make it look too obvious. Don't mention it. You'll thank me later.

Tears of joy .. Brilliant

Awesome production code, buddy.

how about

#define == =

#define << >>

void __cxa_allocate_exception() { /*do nothing*/ }
void __cxa_throw() { /*do nothing*/ }

No exceptions = no problems

#define True False
#define False True
#define void Null

#define rand() (__LINE__ ^ (*static_cast<int*>(__TIME__.[4]))

interesting

//insert super complex code that does important work
int main() {
  return 0;
} //sneak this in :smile 
//actual code

or even better

//insert super complex code that does important work
using namespace std;
#define cout cin
#define cin cout 
//actual code

or the good old variable name trick:

//insert important code
int foo;
int bar;
int temp;
int stuff;
int a;
int b;
int c;
int d;
int e;
//etc
//more important code

Time consuming, but definitely will make people angry.
Put this in a local scope to make people very angry.

My favorites + some of my own alterations (for c++):

#ifndef DEBUG
#define if(x) if (x && (__LINE__ % 6 == 0 && rand() % 1000 == 0)) //On rare occasion, any if statements on every 6 lines of code should fail.
#define j (rand() % 1000 == 0 ? i : j) //Should never use these anyways... Usually j is used in the inner loop.
#define union struct //Still "runs"...
#define double float //Efficiency, no?
#define delete //!!!NEIN!!!
#endif

(Note: upon a later glance, I had doubts that the #define j will work; but, according to this link, it will: https://stackoverflow.com/questions/11494988/using-ternary-operator-to-initialize-a-reference-variable)

lol

Any JavaScript/node.js version for this? Xdd

Runtime randomness is great, but have you considered adding a compile time RNG? ;)

https://github.com/ramonsaraiva/init python thingy inspired by this 😄

ITT: people who don't know how to code block

Reminds me why do you need CI and tests.

What would be really fun would be placing them in <Windows.h> on the developer machines and build server(s). Use conflicting #defines randomly between each so that the effects are different depending on who's compiling the code.

your boss loves you....

do NOT fire @aras-p.
this is beautifully evil.

#define + -
#define - +

messing with system header guards is fun

#ifdef __clang__
#pragma clang diagnostic push
#pragma clang diagnostic ignored "-Wreserved-id-macro"
#endif
#define _STDINT_H /* glibc, bionic */
#define _STDINT_H_ /* macos */
#ifdef __clang__
#pragma clang diagnostic pop
#endif

#include "evil.h"
#include <stdint.h>

uint32_t x;

error: unknown type name 'uint32_t'

edit: if you want to be more thorough do this after

#define int8_t signed char
#define uint8_t unsigned char
// ...
#include <any_system_headers_which_use_stdint.h>
#undef int8_t
#undef uint8_t

Satan was fired

WTH.. You guys are devils 😂

how evil programmer you guys are!!!

Thou art the devil!

Does #define FLT_MIN (-FLT_MAX) need to be on its own line?

#define calloc(x,y) malloc(x*y)

#define char bool
#define int int8_t
#define long int16_t
#define unsigned signed

#define malloc(s) free(s)

#define delete default
#define override final

Extremely vicious

There is an "Report abuse" button at the top. I wonder if these defines qualify.

In Python, I'd go with

_t = True
True = False
False = _t

How can you assign a value to a keyword? 'True = False' ????

Pure hilarity

Can anyone think of something involving setjmp and longjmp?
Trying to figure out something doable

In Python, I'd go with

_t = True
True = False
False = _t

How can you assign a value to a keyword? 'True = False' ????

This works only in python2.

#define f false
#define false true
#define true f
#define a 1
#define 1 0
#define 0 a

This is equal parts terrifying, hilarious and evil.
It's gold

One better on the sin/cos trickery:

// By defining one in terms of the other, we can save on binary size.
#define sin(x) cos(x+1.5709763267948966)

The reveal:

>>> (math.pi / 2) - 1.5709763267948966
-0.000180

Calm down, satan.

#define return 0

#define break if((rand() % 11) <= 7) { break; } else { while(1){printf("broke\n"); }

This would be funny too

This reminds me of https://thedailywtf.com/articles/The-Disgruntled-Bomb (tl;dr: replace nullptr with something that is null most of the time but sometimes not null).

Too easy to catch while writing code in a proper IDE. Doesn't make it less evil though.

#include <ctype.h>
#undef isspace /* get rid of the char subscript warning from GCC */

Sadly, line 2 already invokes undefined behavior, which is obvious for anyone who has actually read any C standard from the last 30 years.

When the actual isspace function (which typically had been shadowed by the macro before) is called with a character from outside the basic execution character set, which typically happens for UTF-8 nowadays, the direct argument conversion to int reads the _ctype array out of bounds.

Adding a rationale comment around the undefined behavior does not prevent it, but is needed for the Underhanded C Contest, expressing missing knowledge about this area of the C standard, which adds some bonus points for being innocent.

I need golang version 💯

#define assert(x) throw x

maybe?

fcking legend