George: Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad. George: Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. Puddy: I painted my face Elaine: You painted your face? Puddy: Yeah.' Elaine: Why? Puddy: Well, you know, support the team. Kramer: Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables. George: When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. ; Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. George: Yeah, well, the jerk store called, they're running out of you. Jerry: I thought you said people dressed up when they go to the opera? Kramer: People do. I don't. Jerry: I gotta get on that Internet. I'm late on everything? George: I'm speechless. Speechless! I have no speech. Kramer: Jerry, now what you do with your personal life is your business. But when you're on my set, you clean it up mister. Thanks! Jerry: Hello, Newman. Jerry: I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression 'Laughing all the way to the bank'. I have never seen anyone actually doing it.
George: Do women know about shrinkage? Jerry: There's very little advice in men's magazines. Women want to learn. Men think 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked? Jerry: An audit. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. Jerry: They always remember the first time. George: I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten. George: Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it if you can apply yourself and then maybe you can get it for free. George: I can't be blind, Jerry. The blind are courageous. George: Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it if you can apply yourself and then maybe you can get it for free. George: Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
George [about the doll]: Jerry, come on. If my mother keeps shrinking, this is exactly what she's gonna look like in ten years. Jerry: So, has the summer of George begun? Or are you still decomposing? George: This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. Jerry: Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs. George: My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it. So, one thing lead to another. Homeless man: The government! George [on Elaine's dancing style]: It's more like a full-body dry heave set to music? Jerry: An audit. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination." Jerry: You might not know it to look at me, but I can run really really fast. Elaine: I can't believe you did that. Why did you tell him I said hi? I never said hi. When did I say hi. George: I don't trust men in capes. George: I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.
| Character | Line |
|---|---|
| George | She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on. |
| Jerry | Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on. |
Jerry: If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say God bless you. You should say You're so good looking.
Newman: Vile weed!, George: The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. Kramer: I’ve sliced meat so thin, you couldn’t even see it. George: If it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books. George: You can do better than me. You could throw a dart out the window and hit someone better than me. Jerry: Hello? 911? How are you? Jerry: Maybe your yogurt isn't so non-fat. Kramer: Oh, guess again, tubby! Kramer: Oh, this power! Look what I'm doing! I'm dangerous, Jerry! I'm very very dangerous. Newman: Hey! Another round of strawberry for me and my friends. Jerry: Why would anybody want a friend? Jerry: Flaming globes of Sigmond! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that. Elaine: Is this going to hurt? Doctor: Yes, very much. Jerry: I like the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth. Jerry: It, uh, rhymes with a female body part. Jackie Chiles: It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous.
Gold, Jerry. Gold.