Recommendation: Michał Górski

michal_gorski.sh

$ /usr/bin/michal_gorski.sh --help

"Michał Górski is an ambitious developer who isn't scared by any work.
Just provide him with some challenges and watch how magic happens.
You will be impressed how quick, creative and thoughtful this person is."

Usage:
    --do-awesome=<work_to_be_done>  Do work and provide awesome results
    --do-crap=<work_to_be_done>     Do work and provide crappy results
    --help                          Read about the only developer you need

$ /usr/bin/michal_gorski.sh --do-awesome="ASCII kitten"
"
   /\_/\
   >^.^<.---.
  _'-`-'     )\
 (6--\ |--\ (`.`-.
     --'  --'  ``-'BP
"

$ /usr/bin/michal_gorski.sh --do-crap="ASCII kitten"

"Sorry, Michał Górski is too professional to do what you requested.
If you really want a crappy results then Michał Górski isn't a developer you are looking for."