astrowonk/dad_jokes.csv

## dad_jokes.csv

          
            field_joke_opener
            field_joke_response

            
              Why did the scarecrow win an award?
              He was outstanding in his field.

            
              Did you hear about the two satellites that got married?
              The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

            
              February can't March.
              But April May!

            
              Why don't crabs ever give to charity?
              Because they're shellfish.

            
              Why did the carpenter leave the lumber store?
              Because he got bored.

            
              Why did the snake go to the doctor?
              Because he had a frog in his throat.

            
              Why did the ghost buy a box of bandages?
              Because he had so many BOO BOOs.

            
              What's the difference between the moon and a cheeseburger?
              The moon is in the sky, a cheeseburger is in THIS guy. (Points to belly)

            
              If I asked you to choose your favorite feature, would you...
              ...pick your nose?

            
              Why did the astronaut move to the suburbs?
              He wanted more space.

            
              Why did the pizza cutter get a speeding ticket?
              Because he was rounding the corner too fast.

            
              What's big and hairy and wears a bow tie?
              Bigfoot at a fancy party.

            
              Did you hear the one about the Ballerina Debate Team?
              They always stay on point.

            
              Have you heard about the sale at the Optimist Store?
              Everything's 50% on.

            
              Why do optimists have to wear sunglasses?
              Because they're always looking on the bright side.

            
              Where do fancy cats go to the bathroom?
              The glitter box.

            
              Why did the golf course hire the dermatologist?
              It needed to have some moles removed.

            
              Did you hear about the world's greatest watch thief?
              He stole all the time.

            
              Why was the basketball court all wet?
              People kept dribbling all over it.

            
              How do you make a bandstand?
              Take away all of the chairs.

            
              What do you call cheese that's not yours?
              Nacho cheese.

            
              What do you call a fake noodle?
              An impasta!

            
              What kind of tree fits in your hand?
              A palm tree.

            
              How do trees get on the internet?
              They log on.

            
              Did you hear about the new book on anti-gravity?
              It's impossible to put down.

            
              Hear about the guy that got fired from the calendar factory?
              He took too many days off.

            
              Did you hear about the circus fire?
              It was in tents.

            
              Do you know what the loudest pet is?
              A trumpet.

            
              What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
              Bison

            
              What did the ocean say to the shore?
              Nothing. It just waved.

            
              What did the beaver say to the tree?
              It's been nice gnawing you.

            
              Hear about the lazy kangaroo?
              He was a real pouch potato.

            
              Did you hear about the restaurant they're building on the moon?
              The food is supposed to be great, but there's no atmosphere.

            
              What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
              Roberto.

            
              Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
              Because they're really good at it.

            
              Hear about the guy that wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants?
              He couldn't find them anywhere.

            
              I couldn't figure out the seat belts in my new car...
              ...but then it clicked.

            
              Have you heard the pizza joke that's going around the internet?
              It's a little cheesy.

            
              What's red and smells like paint?
              Red paint.

            
              Hear about the guy that stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone?
              It finally dawned on him.

            
              Did you hear that they invented a new type broom?
              It's sweeping the nation.

            
              What is brown and sticky?
              A stick.

            
              What's more amazing than a talking dog?
              A spelling bee.

            
              A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said:
              "I don't think you're eating properly."

            
              What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
              A little horse.

            
              I used to really hate facial hair.
              Then one day, it grew on me.

            
              How many apples grow on an apple tree?
              All of them.

            
              Do you know the name of the boy wizard that loved to play golf?
              Harry Putter.

            
              Why do bees hum?
              Because they don't know the words.
	field_joke_opener	field_joke_response
	Why did the scarecrow win an award?	He was outstanding in his field.
	Did you hear about the two satellites that got married?	The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
	February can't March.	But April May!
	Why don't crabs ever give to charity?	Because they're shellfish.
	Why did the carpenter leave the lumber store?	Because he got bored.
	Why did the snake go to the doctor?	Because he had a frog in his throat.
	Why did the ghost buy a box of bandages?	Because he had so many BOO BOOs.
	What's the difference between the moon and a cheeseburger?	The moon is in the sky, a cheeseburger is in THIS guy. (Points to belly)
	If I asked you to choose your favorite feature, would you...	...pick your nose?
	Why did the astronaut move to the suburbs?	He wanted more space.
	Why did the pizza cutter get a speeding ticket?	Because he was rounding the corner too fast.
	What's big and hairy and wears a bow tie?	Bigfoot at a fancy party.
	Did you hear the one about the Ballerina Debate Team?	They always stay on point.
	Have you heard about the sale at the Optimist Store?	Everything's 50% on.
	Why do optimists have to wear sunglasses?	Because they're always looking on the bright side.
	Where do fancy cats go to the bathroom?	The glitter box.
	Why did the golf course hire the dermatologist?	It needed to have some moles removed.
	Did you hear about the world's greatest watch thief?	He stole all the time.
	Why was the basketball court all wet?	People kept dribbling all over it.
	How do you make a bandstand?	Take away all of the chairs.
	What do you call cheese that's not yours?	Nacho cheese.
	What do you call a fake noodle?	An impasta!
	What kind of tree fits in your hand?	A palm tree.
	How do trees get on the internet?	They log on.
	Did you hear about the new book on anti-gravity?	It's impossible to put down.
	Hear about the guy that got fired from the calendar factory?	He took too many days off.
	Did you hear about the circus fire?	It was in tents.
	Do you know what the loudest pet is?	A trumpet.
	What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?	Bison
	What did the ocean say to the shore?	Nothing. It just waved.
	What did the beaver say to the tree?	It's been nice gnawing you.
	Hear about the lazy kangaroo?	He was a real pouch potato.
	Did you hear about the restaurant they're building on the moon?	The food is supposed to be great, but there's no atmosphere.
	What do you call a man with a rubber toe?	Roberto.
	Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?	Because they're really good at it.
	Hear about the guy that wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants?	He couldn't find them anywhere.
	I couldn't figure out the seat belts in my new car...	...but then it clicked.
	Have you heard the pizza joke that's going around the internet?	It's a little cheesy.
	What's red and smells like paint?	Red paint.
	Hear about the guy that stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone?	It finally dawned on him.
	Did you hear that they invented a new type broom?	It's sweeping the nation.
	What is brown and sticky?	A stick.
	What's more amazing than a talking dog?	A spelling bee.
	A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said:	"I don't think you're eating properly."
	What do you call a pony with a sore throat?	A little horse.
	I used to really hate facial hair.	Then one day, it grew on me.
	How many apples grow on an apple tree?	All of them.
	Do you know the name of the boy wizard that loved to play golf?	Harry Putter.
	Why do bees hum?	Because they don't know the words.