A silly database interaction implementation

silly.me.php

<?php
function examples() {
    $say = new Sql();
    echo $say->what->happens->when->you->think->out->of->the->box->raw('?'),"\n\n";
    
    // Our database
    $pdo = new Pdo('sqlite::memory:');
    //$pdo = new Pdo('mysql:dbname=test;host=127.0.0.1', 'zend', '');
    $pdo->setAttribute(PDO::ATTR_ERRMODE, PDO::ERRMODE_EXCEPTION);

    // Faking we are god, and creating our world
    $lucky_number = rand(14,42);
    $god          = new Sql($pdo);
    $god->raw("
        DROP TABLE IF EXISTS `names`;
        CREATE TABLE `names` (
          `id` int(11) NOT NULL,
          `name` varchar(255) DEFAULT NULL,
          `status` char(1) NOT NULL DEFAULT 'A',
          PRIMARY KEY (`id`)
        );

        INSERT INTO `names` (`id`, `name`, `status`) VALUES (1,'Where is he now? {$lucky_number}','A');
        INSERT INTO `names` (`id`, `name`, `status`) VALUES (2,'Papa','A');
        INSERT INTO `names` (`id`, `name`, `status`) VALUES (3,'Batman','A');
    ")->execute();

    // Lets test the world now ...
    $sql = new Sql($pdo);
    $sql->select->all
        ->from->names
        ->where->id->equals->raw('1')
        ->and->status->equals->string('A')
        ->order->by->id->desc->limit->raw('1');
    echo $sql,"\n";
    var_dump($sql->fetch());

    echo "\n";

    // Let's test it in another way
    $sql = new Sql($pdo);
    echo $sql->raw('select * from names where id = 2'),"\n";
    var_dump($sql->fetch());
}
// -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

// Mapper to the SQL class pussies that need to become men
$map = array(
    'all' => '*',
    'equals' => '='
);

/**
 * Class that does the SQL thing ....
 */
class Sql {
    public $name;
    public $c;
    public function __construct($db='') { $this->c = $db; }
    public function __get($name) { $this->name .= $name.' '; return $this; }
    public function fetch(array $args = array()) {
        $ps  = $this->c->prepare($this->__toString());
        $ps->execute($args);
        return $ps->fetchAll(PDO::FETCH_ASSOC);
    }
    public function execute() { return $this->c->exec($this->__toString()); }
    /**
     * Redefines the name in a very fun way.
     *
     * @param string $d The decorator to use. 
     * @param string $v The value to decorate
     * @return Map
     */
    public function __call($d, $v) { 
        switch($d) {
            case 'raw':
                $this->name = $this.implode(' ', $v).' '; 
                break;
            case 'string':
                $this->name = $this.'"'.implode(' ', $v).'" ';
                break;
        }
        return $this; 
    }
    public function __toString() {  
        global $map;
        $nap    = array_flip($map);
        $search = $replace = array();
        foreach ($nap as $kill=>$bill) {
            $search[]  = $bill;
            $replace[] = $kill;
        }
        $this->name = str_replace($search, $replace, $this->name);
        return $this->name;
    }
}

examples();