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Created June 19, 2015 22:47
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The day was April 27, 1999, and I'm pretty sure that sun4c was EOL'd by the time that eli finally booted...
BOOT SHOCKER! JAZZMAN KO'S ELI IN MULTIUSER UPSET!
In a sold-out Lab 3219, league veteran and 20 MHz war-horse, jazzman, defeated
the 40 MHz favorite, eli, in a PROM-to-multiuser sprint. jazzman's time of
four minutes, thirty-eight seconds soundly defeated eli's lethargic five
minutes, fifteen seconds.
While the match was at times close, jazzman only stumbled early. "jazzman
was slow bringing up interfaces; I should have caught him then, but I
couldn't seem to fire on all cylinders," reflected an exhausted eli.
Assessing the sluggish performance, eli noted, "having my cache disabled
early in boot definitely hurt me out there today", adding "by the time I
regrouped and got the cache turned back on, this contest was over."
"If nothing else, today shows that cache still matters in this league," said
a clearly elated jazzman, adding "eli showed a lot of character today; he
booted with tremendous heart."
jazzman, fresh off victories over perennial heavyweights wopr-2, ugly,
jurassic, and now eli, faces a tough schedule in coming weeks. After
a conference showdown with voodoo-chile, jazzman will face acid in an
exhibition match before squaring off against league powerhouse, chugwater.
Despite the upset over eli, chugwater remained indifferent. When asked
about the upcoming bout with jazzman, chugwater replied, "hasn't he been
EOL'd?"
jazzman dismissed rumors that he had been EOL'd as "obviously false", adding
"you don't EOL a platform booting at the top of its game."
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