Stored in db exactly like this and under datatype of LONGTEXT Gets output as { "quotes": [ { "season": "3", "episode": "2", "lines": { "Boys": "We got out of school! No more school today, we got out of school", "Kyle": "Cartman, you do have pinkeye!", "Ike": "Oh, he fly out of the sky.", "Cartman": "Ahh, son of a bitch!", "Stan": "That wasn't a …

South Park Gist

Boys:	School day, school day, teacher's golden ru
Kyle:	Ah, damn it! My little brother's trying to follow me to school, again.
Ike:	Zeeponanner
Kyle:	Ike, you can't come to school with me.
Cartman:	Yeah, go home you little dildo.
Kyle:	Dude, don't call my brother a dildo!
Stan:	What's a dildo?!
Kyle:	Well, I don't know and I'll bet Cartman doesn't know either!
Cartman:	I know what it means!
Kyle:	Well, what?
Cartman:	I'm not telling you.
Stan:	What's a dildo Kenny?
Kenny:	(It's a giant stick that goes inside the mom's vagina)
Cartman:	Heyeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is all right! Ow!
Stan:	Dude! That kicks ass!
Kyle:	Yeah, check this one out. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Ike:	Don't kick the baby.
Kyle:	Kick the baby.
Stan:	Whoa, Cartman, looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
Cartman:	That's 'cause I was having these bogus nightmares.
Kyle:	Really? What about?
Cartman:	Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed in the dark. When all of a sudden this bright blue light filled the room. Then slowly my bedroom door begin to open and the next thing I remember I was being drug through a hallway. Then I was lying on a table and these scary hands wanted to operate on me. And they had big heads and big black eyes
Stan:	Dude! Visitors!
Kyle:	Totally!
Cartman:	What?
Stan:	That wasn't a dream Cartman, those were visitors!
Cartman:	No, it was just a dream, my mom said so.
Stan:	Visitors are real.
Kyle:	Yeah, they abduct people and they mutilate cows.
Cartman:	Oh, shut up guys! You're just trying to make me scared. And it's not working.
Chef:	Hello there, children.
Boys:	Hey, Chef.
Stan:	What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
Chef:	Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles and a choice of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.
Cartman:	Kick ass.
Chef:	Say, did any of you children see the alien space ship last night?
Cartman:	What?
Kyle:	Yeah, fat boy saw it!
Cartman:	Eh, no, that, that was just a dream and I'm not fat, I'm big boned!
Chef:	Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads and the black eyes?
Cartman:	Oh!
Stan:	They took him on their ship.
Chef:	Oh! Did they give you an anal probe?
Cartman:	Oh!
Kyle:	What's an anal probe?
Chef:	That's when they put a big metal hooba-jube up yo' butt.
Kyle:	Whoa! They gave you an anal probe Cartman?
Cartman:	No! Uh-I mean, eh, why would they do that?
Stan:	Dude, they did, huh? Aliens stuck stuff up your ass!
Cartman:	No!
Ike:	Eneh probe
Cartman:	Shut up dildo!
Chef:	Well, I gotta get to the cafeteria. You children watch that fat boy now. He could be under alien control.
Cartman:	Oh!
Kyle:	We told you they were real Cartman. Sorry to hear about your ass.
Cartman:	God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass. It was just a dream.
Kyle:	Why are you walkin' so funny Cartman?
Cartman:	Shut up!
Ike:	Oh foonuh bebe.
Kyle:	No, Ike, go home.
Ike:	Eeeeee!
Kyle:	This is it. This one's for the game.
Ike:	Purplor.
Kyle:	Kick the baby!
Stan:	Good morning, Miss Crabtree.
Ms. Crabtree:	Sit down! We're runnin' late!
Kyle:	Damn it, he's still there.
Stan:	Oh, don't worry about him.
Kyle:	No, dude, if something happens to him, my parents are gonna blame me.
Ms. Crabtree:	SIDDOWN BACK THERE! AAAAAAAAAAA!!
Stan:	Yeah, whatever, ya fat bitch!
Ms. Crabtree:	What did you say?
Stan:	I said I have a bad itch.
Ms. Crabtree:	Oh.
Kyle:	Oh, my God!
Stan:	Visitors!
Kenny:	(Oh nooo!)
Kyle:	Ike! Stop the bus! Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus!
Ms. Crabtree:	Do you want an office referral?
Kyle:	No.
Ms. Crabtree:	Then sit down!
Kyle:	But I
Ms. Crabtree:	Aaaah!
Kyle:	Aaaah!
Kyle, Ms. Crabtree:	Aaaah!
Stan:	Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw?
Cartman:	Shut up you guys it's not working.
Kyle:	We have to do something!
Stan:	Well, we can't do anything for now, that fat bitch won't let us.
Ms. Crabtree:	What did you say?
Stan:	Uh, I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Ms. Crabtree:	Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.
Kyle:	What am I going to do? My little brother's been abducted by aliens. You farted.
Cartman:	Somebody's baking brownies.
Farmer:	This is the third cow this month. At this rate all of my cattle are gonna die before the winter's through.
Officer Barbrady:	This is nothing out of the unusual. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.
Farmer:	People's been saying they've been seeing UFO's around.
Officer Barbrady:	UFO's?
Farmer:	Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks.
Officer Barbrady:	That is the silliest thing I've ever heard.
Farmer:	What was that?
Officer Barbrady:	That, that was a pigeon.
Farmer:	What am I supposed to do, Barbrady? Just stand here and watch my cattle get mutilated one by one? Hey! My cattle! You see, there is somethin' funny goin' on!
Officer Barbrady:	There's nothing funny going on. I'll get those cows back.
Mr. Garrison:	And now children, our friend, Mr. Hat, is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus.
Mr. Hat:	That's right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Fredrick Douglass and and a freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France. And then in 1492 
Kyle:	Oh, man. I can't just sit here, I have to help my stupid brother, or I'll come home without him and my dad will start yelling, "Where's your brother, Kyle?" "You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle?"-
Stan:	Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him.
Kyle:	"You know he can't think on his own, Kyle!" "Brush and floss, Kyle!" "Where has that finger been, Kyle?"
Stan:	Dude!
Mr. Garrison:	Is there a problem, boys?
Kyle:	Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.
Mr. Garrison:	Oh, really, Kyle? What is it this time? Another prostate tumor?
Kyle:	No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens. It's true! Ask Cartman, they gave him an anal probe.
Cartman:	Heh, heh, that's a, that's, that's a little joke. Heh, heh.
Kyle:	Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go. Can I please be excused from class?
Mr. Garrison:	I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?
Kyle:	I don't want to ask Mr. Hat, I'm asking you!
Mr. Garrison:	Oh I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
Kyle:	Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
Mr. Hat:	Well, Kyle. No!! You hear me?! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Mr. Garrison:	Hmm, guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.
Kyle:	Damn it!
Cartman:	Hah, hah. Mr. Hat yelled at you. Ow! My ass!
Kyle:	Dude.
Stan:	Damn, Cartman.
Cartman:	Uh Ow! My ass!
Kyle:	Dude, he's farting fire.
Stan:	It's the alien anal probe. It's shooting fire from Cartman's rectum.
Cartman:	No, that was just a dream.
Mr. Garrison:	Eric, do you need to sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control?
Cartman:	No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine.
Conductor:	Hey, you cows can't get on this train! This is a people train. You cows have no business on a people train, all right? 'Cause you're cows. No, no, no. Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right? 'Cause it's not gonna work.
Officer Barbrady:	Hold it right there, cows! Come back here! Now then!
Kid 1:	So then I had 
Kid 2:	Ya, seriously, killer.
Cartman:	Oh!! Dude, I sure am hungry.
Stan:	How can you eat when you're farting fire?
Cartman:	Shut up, dude, you're being totally immature.
Kyle:	Hey, look, there's Wendy Testaburger.
Stan:	Where?
Cartman:	Stan wants to ki-iss Wendy Testabur-ger.
Stan:	Shut up, fat ass! I don't even like her!
Cartman:	I'm not fat and you obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you.
Stan:	I do not.
Wendy:	Hi, guys.
Kyle, Cartman:	Hi, Wendy.
Wendy:	Here, Stan. This is for you.
Stan:	Bluuch!
Wendy:	Eww!
Kyle, Cartman:	Bye, Wendy.
Kyle:	Dude, what does the note say?
Stan:	Holy crap! It says she wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school.
Kyle:	Whoa! Maybe you can kiss her.
Cartman:	Or slip her the tongue.
Kenny:	(or look at the cat on her feet, then touch her)
Stan:	What? How do you know she has a cat?
Kyle:	Come on you guys, we need to figure out how to get out of school so we can get my little brother back.
Chef:	Hello there, children.
Boys:	Hey, Chef.
Chef:	How are you doing?
Kyle:	Bad.
Chef:	Why bad?
Kyle:	Chef, have you ever had something happen to you, but nobody believed you?
Chef:	Oh, children, children, that's a problem we've all had to face at some time or another. Here, let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up. Gonna-
Stan:	Uh, Chef.
Chef:	-get those juices flowin'-
Stan:	Chef.
Chef:	-we're makin' love gravy-
Stan:	Chef!
Chef:	-love gravy, lovelovelovelovelove GRAVIH!
Stan:	Chef!!
Chef:	Love luh- huh? Do you feel better?
Kyle:	No!
Chef:	Oh, come on children, what could be so bad? It's Salisbury steak day.
Stan:	Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.
Chef:	What?! What the hell do you think you're doing in school eatin' Salisbury steak?! Go find him, damn it!
Kyle:	Mr. Garrison won't let us out of school. He thinks we're making it up.
Cartman:	You are making it up. 
Stan:	Whoa!
Cartman:	What?
Kyle:	That was cool!
Chef:	It's uh some kind of symbiotic, metamorphosis device. This could mean the visitors want to communicate with us.
Cartman:	Oh, I see. Now you're going to join in on the little joke huh?
Chef:	It's no joke, children, this is big!
Kyle:	Please, Chef, if I don't get out of school and get my little brother back from the aliens, my parents are gonna disown me.
Chef:	Uuh, hold on now, hold on now. Uhyouyouyou gotta help the children.
Cartman:	Oh, you guys sure are going a long ways to try and scare me. I want my Salisbury steak!
Chef:	Fire drill! Fire drill! Everybody out! Okay children, this is your chance!
Stan:	Killer! Thanks, Chef.
Chef:	Mahahahahan oh man, first contact with the alien visitors. I've got to get myself ready.
Boys:	We got out of school! No more school today, we got out of school
Cartman:	Oh, you guys, my ass, seriously
Stan:	Okay, Cartman, we got out of school, you can stop farting fire now.
Cartman:	I would if I could you son of a bitch!
Kyle:	Okay, so how do we get my little brother back?
Cartman:	Uh. Would you stop going on about your little brother? I know it was just a dream, I know I didn't have an anal probe, and I know that I'm not under alien control! I love to singa! About the moona and June-a and the springa I love to singa about a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a
Stan:	What the hell was that?
Kyle:	He is under alien control. That thing in his butt is linked up to the visitors!
Cartman:	Ah, son of a bitch! You guys, shut up. I'm not under alien control.
Kyle:	Hey!
Cartman:	Uh.
Kyle:	If you visitors can hear me-
Cartman:	Hey.
Kyle:	-bring me back my little brother, God damnit!
Cartman:	Ow! That hurts, you buttlicker!
Stan:	Kyle, look! It's them.
Kyle:	Give me back my brother!
Stan:	Oh my God! They've killed Kenny!
Kyle:	You bastards! Come back here! Coomme baack! Damn it, we were so close!
Stan:	Hey look, I think Kenny's okay.
Kenny:	(Don't worry, I'm alright. Aaaah!)
Stan:	Owww.
Kenny:	(Nope, I'm fine. Ah!)
Stan:	Wow, poor Kenny.
Kyle:	Now do you believe us, Cartman?
Cartman:	No!
Kyle:	Cartman, they killed Kenny!
Cartman:	He's not dead.
Stan:	Dude, Kenny is dead! See?
Cartman:	Shut up, you guys.
Kyle:	He's dead, Cartman!
Cartman:	God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.
Kyle:	Go on and go home, you fat chicken!
Cartman:	Dildo!
Kyle:	You're all I have left, Stan.
Stan:	Sorry, dude. I gotta go meet Wendy Testaburger.
Kyle:	You can't! Poor Ike must be so scared, up there all alone. You gotta help me, dude!
Stan:	Dude, like Chef says, I've gotta get a piece of lovin' while the gettin's hot.
Kyle:	Rats.
Ms. Cartman:	Hello, Eric
Cartman:	Hi, mom!
Ms. Cartman:	How are you doing?
Cartman:	Well, I'm pissed off!
Ms. Cartman:	Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise.
Cartman:	I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise. All the kids at school call me fat!
Ms. Cartman:	You're not fat, you're big boned.
Cartman:	That's what I said.
Ms. Cartman:	You can have an eensy weensy bit, can't you?
Cartman:	No!
Ms. Cartman:	Just a weensy geensy woo woo?
Cartman:	No! Leave me alone, mom!
Ms. Cartman:	How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie, then?
Cartman:	What? Well, that does sound pretty good. Uh, mom?
Ms. Cartman:	Yes, hon?
Cartman:	If anybody calls or comes over, I'm not here, okay?
Ms. Cartman:	Sure, hon. You want some cheesy poofs, too?
Cartman:	Yeah, I want cheesy poofs.
Kyle:	Well, it looks like she's not going to show up, Stan. Let's go look for the visitors now.
Stan:	But her note said she'd be here.
Wendy:	Hi, Stan.
Stan:	Bluuch.
Wendy:	Eww!
Kyle:	You can't talk to Stan, Wendy. He throws up when you do.
Wendy:	But why, Stan?
Stan:	Bluuch.
Wendy:	Eww!
Kyle:	Look, can you guys just get down to business so we can go find my little brother.
Wendy:	Huh?
Kyle:	Just make sweet love down by the fire.
Wendy:	What happened to your little brother?
Reporter:	As the reports of UFO sightings increase, more mysterious crop circle patterns are appearing in fields all around South Park. These crop circles, when viewed from above, form strange patterns.
Cartman:	Hey, that kind of looks like Tom Selleck.
Reporter:	Could it be that aliens are trying to make contact with us, here on earth?
Kitty:	Meow.
Cartman:	No, kitty, this is mah pot pie.
Kitty:	Meow.
Cartman:	No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!
Kitty:	Meow.
Cartman:	No, kitty, it's mah pot pie!
Kitty:	Hiss.
Cartman:	Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!
Ms. Cartman:	Well, then. I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.
Cartman:	What?
Kyle:	and now I have to go home without him and my parents are going to have me killed.
Wendy:	Well, why don't you go get the fat kid?
Kyle:	Why?
Wendy:	Well, if the fat kid has something implanted in his ass, maybe the visitors are using him as part of their plan. You should use the fat kid as bait to bring them back.
Kyle:	Hey. You're right, Wendy. Come on, Stan, we have to go get Cartman.
Wendy:	Come on, Stan.
Stan:	Bluuch.
Wendy:	Eww!
Stan:	Hey, wait. When do I get to make sweet love?
Kitty:	Meow.
Cartman:	No, Kitty, you can't have any!
Kitty:	Meow.
Cartman:	No, Kitty, this is mah pot pie. Bad kitty! Eh, 'scuse me, Kitty.
Ms. Cartman:	Eric, look who's here.
Cartman:	Dude, weak mom.
Kyle:	Come on Eric, we can go play at the bus stop.
Cartman:	I can't, my mom said
Ms. Cartman:	That's okay, Eric, I think you need to go spend time with your little friends.
Cartman:	But mom, I don't want to spend time with my little friends.
Ms. Cartman:	Don't be difficult, Eric! Now, you go out and play in the fun snow.
Cartman:	God - damn it!
Cartman:	You guys, I have to get home.
Stan:	Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman. This rope will make sure they can't take you on board again.
Cartman:	Oh, man, this sucks.
Kyle:	How come the visitors aren't coming for him?
Stan:	I think we have to signal them somehow.
Cartman:	Ow!
Wendy:	Hey, he's like Rudolph.
Kyle:	Yeah, all you have to do is fart some more, Cartman! And the visitors are sure to come!
Cartman:	Really? Uh, I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.
Kyle:	Sure you do!
Stan:	Come on Cartman, fart!
Cartman:	I don't wanna.
Stan:	He can't hold it in forever.
Kyle:	Fart, damn you!
Cartman:	Okay, that's does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature.
Stan:	Hey, it's happening again.
Kyle:	Whoa, look at that.
Stan:	Now, do you believe this, Cartman?
Cartman:	You guys can't scare me! I know you're making it all up.
Stan:	Cartman, there's a 80-foot satellite dish sticking out of your ass!
Cartman:	Sure, you guys, what-ever.
Chef:	Oh, boy. The aliens are going to make first contact. Hey, down here, we are ready for your wisdom! And you've only got 20 minutes before Sanford and Son is on.
Cartman:	You guys, I am seriously getting pissed off right now! I know there is no such things as aliens!Oh, God damn it!
Mr. Garrison:	What the? I tell you, there's some crazy stuff going on in this town.
Mr. Hat:	You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
Kyle:	Come down here, you stinking aliens! Uh, uh.
Stan:	Go on, Kyle, ask 'em for your little brother back.
Kyle:	Vi, Visitors, this morning you took my little brother, Ike. He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football. At first, I was happy you took him away. But I've learned something today. That having a little brother is a pretty special thing.
Stan:	Yeah.
Kyle:	Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again.
Stan:	That was beautiful, dude.
Kyle:	Did it work?
Stan:	No, they're leaving.
Kyle:	Hey, you scrawny-eyed shithead, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You must be some kind of fucking asshole to be able to ignore a crying child!
Stan:	Whoa, dude!
Kyle:	You know what you assholes like! You like to _____ and sh___ and _____ and _____ and _____ and _____!
Stan:	Hey Wendy, what's a _____?
Ike:	Help me doy tair.
Kyle:	Ike, jump down, now! For the love of God, Ike, JUMP!
Ike:	Don't harm me.
Alien:	Moo MooMooMoo (GREETINGS, COWS OF EARTH WE COME IN PEACE.)
Cows:	Moo?? (REALLY??)
Kyle:	Come on, Ike! I promise I'll be nice to you from now on!
Ike:	Don't kick the baby.
Alien:	Moo moo, moo. (WE HAVE EXPERIMENTED WITH ALL THE BEINGS OF EARTH) Moo moo, moo. Moo. (AND WE HAVE LEARNED THAT YOU ARE THE MOST INTELLIGENT AND WISE.)
Cartman:	What the hell are they talking about?
Cow:	Moo moo? (WHY DID YOU TURN SOME OF US INSIDE OUT?)
Alien:	Moo moo, moo. Moo. (OH, THAT WAS CARL'S FAULT. HE'S NEW.)
Alien Carl:	Moomoomoo. (YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MY BAD!)
Kyle:	Ike!
Alien:	Moo moo. (TAKE THIS DEVICE.) Moo moo. Moo. (IT'S A GIFT FROM US.)
Kyle:	Ike! Do your impersonation of David Caruso's career!
Ike:	It's my turn!
Alien:	Moo moo. Moo moo. (FAREWELL COWS, PEACE BE WITH YOU!)
Cartman:	You guys, get me down from here! Ow! Help! Sons o' bitches! Dildos!
Stan:	Phew, I'm sure glad that's over with.
Kyle:	Yeah. Boy, am I glad to see you, Ike.
Ike:	Oh, he fly out of the sky.
Chef:	Wait, where are you going, alien visitors? Come back!
Blonde:	Well, Chef, where's this amazing thing you were going to show us.
Chef:	Well, it's in the bedroom, ladies. Come on in.
Kyle:	Come on, Ike, we can make it just in time for dinner.
Stan:	Thanks for your help, Wendy.
Wendy:	Whatever, dude.
Stan:	Hey, I didn't throw up.
Wendy:	Cool!
Stan:	Bluuch!
Wendy:	Eww!
Stan:	Sorry.
Wendy:	Hey, look. A french fry.
Stan:	Cool.
Wendy:	And what is that?
Stan:	I think it's part of a cheesy poof.
Wendy:	Hey, what's that?
Stan:	That's uummm a hamburger from that's from, like, two days ago.
Wendy:	Hey, what about that?
Stan:	I don't know what the hell that is!
Stan:	Gee, the bus'll be here any minute, and Cartman still isn't around.
Kyle:	Yeh, we're running out of friends.
Stan:	I wonder what that thing was that the visitors gave the cows.
Cows:	Mooo.
Officer Barbrady:	Ha ha cows! I've got you cornered. Let's see you get away now.
Officer Barbrady:	I love to sing-a, about the moon-a and the June-a and the Spring-a, I love to sing-a, 'bout a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a.
Cartman:	Puh.
Stan:	Oh, hey Cartman.
Kyle:	Wow Cartman, the visitors dropped you off just in time to go to school.
Cartman:	Ah, man, I had this crazy nightmare last night.
Stan:	Really, what about?
Cartman:	Well, I was standing out in a field, and I had this huge satellite dish sticking out of my butt. And then there were hundreds of cows and aliens, and then I went up on the ship and Scott Baio gave me pinkeye.
Stan:	That wasn't a dream, Cartman. That really happened.
Cartman:	Oh, right. Why don't I have pinkeye then?
Kyle:	Cartman, you do have pinkeye!
Cartman:	Ahh, son of a bitch!