olivetree.gs

function ThinkUp() {
  var people = ["Lex", "Ben","Mo","Kam","James","Ella","Ataman"];
  var comsumebales = ["water","liquid","plant food"];
  var twitterusernames = ['@benjojo12','@lexilly','@benselby','@playgen'];
  var str = ""
str+=WeightedChoose([
        Choose(["too "+Choose(["much", "little"])+" sun","need water","need food","need shelter","food please","intruder detected","hey hey","let's be bros"]),
        Choose([Choose(['nice one','good job','dammit','goddammit']) + " " + Choose(people)]),
        Choose([Choose(twitterusernames) + " I need more water", Choose(twitterusernames) + " its "+Choose(['a little','really','mega','super','a tad'])+" " + Choose(['hot','cold']) + " in here"]),
  	Choose(["What a nice day!","It's sunny today.","It's a sunny day out.","It's such a nice day.","It's such a great day to be alive!","This is a happy kind of day.","I feel great.","Ooh, I'm feeling fine.","I'm feeling awesome.","Hey, this is great!","I'm so glad I came here.","I regret nothing!","Regrets are pointless.","I have no regrets.","This is what I wanted!","Everything's going just fine.","I can't wait!","Things are going smoothly.","I'm just happy to be here.","Well, this is "+Choose(["unexpected","awkward","fun","just funny","strange","interesting","odd","peculiar","weird"])+".","I know the meaning of life!","I didn't expect this!","I'm glad someone understands me.","I'm glad someone likes me for who I am.","I love my friends!","Life is good!","I could picture myself spending the rest of my life here.","I should meet new friends!","I feel loved.","I feel almighty!","I matter.","This place is nice.","Everybody's great in some way!","I hope "+Choose(["they","she","he"])+"'ll like me!","I wonder what happens next!","It's all going to be alright.","It'll all be alright in the end. I just know it.","This is actually okay.","I love the whole world!","The world is a big place!","The world is amazing!","So it has come to this.","Well this is an interesting development.","Let's see what happens next.","Oh hey. I found me.","I NEED to blog about this."]),
		Choose(["I should take a self-help course!","I'm doing alright.","My job is pretty fulfilling.","I don't really worry.","Worrying is pointless!","This is cooler than I expected!","Haha, this is just like me.","Wouldn't it be awesome if I was "+Choose(["a pirate","a dolphin","an unicorn","a panda","a cyborg","a robot","a superhero","invisible"])+"?","I'm pretty self-confident.","I'm a pretty big deal.","I'm pretty extreme.",Choose(["You want a piece of this?","I'm all business, all the time.","I vibrate through walls.","This is going to be gay as hell.","We're making this happen!"]),"I mean, wow.","Yep. Just a regular human person. Nothing to see here.","I want to become even better!","I should learn a new "+Choose(["skill","language"])+"!","I hope I'll become a nice old person.","I kinda miss my youth!","I should call "+Choose(["her","him"])+" and say \"I love you\"!","Maybe I should call my parents?","You can always better yourself.","Do I really suck at "+Choose(["singing","painting","dancing","writing","video-games","maths"])+"?","I'm secretly "+Choose(["super-hardcore","perfectly normal","perfectly ordinary","peeking over your shoulder right now","a wizard","the smartest person in the world","the wisest person in the world","the most important person in the world","a spider","a robot","a midget","a very ancient ghost","an extra-terrestrial","a tree","a flower","a shark","a bear","my own cousin","an astral monstrosity","a secret"])+"!","H-here I go!","This place would look good on fire!","I don't worry, because I know nothing matters in the end.","Well, I'm glad nobody can read my mind."]),
		Choose(["Hmm! I should get","I know what would be awesome...","Time for","I need","You know what? I need","Know what I need? I'll tell you - "])+" "+Choose(["some new shoes","a new TV","a new computer","a new pole","a bigger pot","a cooler job","a lover","more pets","a makeover","a good movie","a nice dinner in town"])+"!",
		Choose([Choose(["I really, really like","I can't get enough of","I'm going to get more of","I wonder what they put in"])+" "+Choose(comsumebales)+".",Choose(["Haha, I love that show!","That show is confusing!","That show is hilarious.","That's a silly show, but there's nothing on TV anyway.","Oooh, my parents used to watch that show!","There's nothing on TV!","That movie's plot is hilariously bad.","I've never seen that movie before!"])]),
		Choose(["This place is crowded.","I don't want to live here my whole life.","I don't want to spend the rest of my life here.","I want to meet different people.","I'm so alone.","I don't want to be alone.","When did I get so lonely?","I'm spoleed.","I feel so insignificant.","Does it matter, really?","This is absurd.","I hate this place.","I hate the people here.","Nobody understands me.","I wish the voices would stop.","I'm in debt.","I shouldn't spend so much.","I don't really like my friends.","I regret doing that thing I did.","I hope they never find out.","What if I get caught?","This is killing me.","What will happen to me when I die?","This is all sick.","What's the point?","I secretly know the meaning of life but I won't tell anyone.","I know why we're here.","What if this was real?","Some people need to check their privilege...","This isn't what I wanted.","I... I just want "+Choose(["a friend","friends","someone to hug","a family","someone who understands me","to have kids"])+".","Is this how it's going to end?","Oh, that's going on my blog."]),
		Choose(["I'm too lazy.","I don't want to get fired.","I'm worried.","I don't deserve this.","Why am I doing this to myself?","This isn't like me.","If only I was "+Choose(["a pirate","a dolphin","an unicorn","a panda","a cyborg","a robot","a superhero","invisible"])+".","Hold me. I'm spoleed.","This is my only shot at this.","This was my only shot at this, and I blew it.","I won't make the same mistake twice.","If I must.","As you wish.","Where are my parents now?","I hate myself sometimes.","I'm "+Choose(["worthless","terrible","just a bad person","just not a good person","so awful","so alone. I need help","never going to amount to anything","no good. My mom was right","not that bad, I guess","a faker","so bad at this","too nice for my own good"])+".","What a waste.","I wish I was a better person.","I should learn a new "+Choose(["skill","language"])+".","I'm terrified of death.","I don't want to get older.","I wish I didn't waste my youth.","I regret so much.","I shouldn't have said no.","I should call "+Choose(["her","him"])+" and say sorry.","I should call my parents.","I miss "+Choose(["him","her","them"])+Choose([". So much","",""])+".","I "+Choose(["wish I was","should be","want to be"])+" "+Choose(["more generous","nicer","more popular","more interesting","more romantic"])+".","I don't suck at "+Choose(["singing","painting","dancing","writing","video-games","maths"])+". People just think I do.","Nobody must know about "+Choose(["my balding hair","my parents","this","me","my drinking problem","my health problems","what I do in the shower","what I did","what I'm about to do","what I'm doing","the movies I watch","the books I read","the websites I go on"])+".","I am secretly "+Choose(["a regular human being","perfectly normal","perfectly ordinary","spying on you right now","a wizard","the smartest person in the world","the wisest person in the world","the most important person in the world","a spider","a robot","a midget","a very ancient ghost","an extra-terrestrial","a tree","a flower","a shark","a bear","my own cousin","an astral monstrosity","a secret"])+".","I'm tired. I've been doing this all day.","Don't listen to what they say. It's just not true.","Too many rumors going on.","It's not what it looks like, I swear!","Uh... I can explain.","Well, I'm glad nobody can read my mind.","My friends aren't real.","I'm the only real person here."]),
		Choose(["I need","I want","I might need","I should get","What I want is","What I need right now is","I'll just get"])+" "+Choose(["some new shoes","a new TV","a new computer","another pole","a bigger pot","a better job","a lover","more pets","a makeover","a good movie","a nice dinner in town"])+".",
		Choose(["My "+Choose(["stem", "leaf"])+" is itchy.","My "+Choose(["stem", "leaf"])+" "+Choose(["feels weird","feels icky","hurts","feels strange"])+".","I should see a doctor for my "+Choose([["stem", "leaf"]])+"."]),
		Choose([Choose(["I just can't stand the taste of","I am not going to finish","I paid way too much for","I don't really like"])+" "+Choose(comsumebales)+".",Choose(["I hate that show","That show is revolting","I hate that show, but I'm going to watch it anyway","My parents used to watch that show","There's nothing on TV","That's a stupid movie","I've seen that movie already"])+".",Choose(["Wait, ","Hold on. ","Ugh. ","Ugh, I told them ",""])+"I'm allergic to "+Choose(["shrimp","soy","pineapple"])+"."]),
		Choose(["This will not stand.","Dammit I'm mad.","Yes, I am mad.","I won't let this happen.","No. Never. Not if I have a word in it.","Over my dead body.","Do they have any idea how angry I am?","I am absolutely furious.","This upsets me.","Well, I am upset.","On we march.","This is not over.","I can see them, beyond the stars.","I can sense them. They're coming.","Something is coming this way.","Something is about to go horribly wrong.","It was written.","It is coming.","We must fight on.","I've seen things.","Oh no. I'm thinking weird stuff again.","Do you really think I can't see you?","I don't look at the world the way I used to.","Can't you hear them?","It's always there.","It won't go away.","There are things that I just can't explain.","Who where?","They don't think it is like this. But it is.","The world looks too intense for me.","I never asked for this.","No! I don't want that!","What if we're all living in a giant computer simulation?","This place would look good on fire!","This is the end, isn't it?","The end."])
        ],1.4);
  return str;
}

function ThinkOutLoad()
{
  var tweet = ThinkUp();
  Logger.log(Math.random());
  if(Math.random() > 0.8)
  {
    var response = UrlFetchApp.fetch("<snip>");
  }
}

function Choose(arr)
{
	//Returns an element from an array at random.
	return arr[Math.floor(Math.random()*arr.length)];
}

function WeightedChoose(arr,weightChoose)
{
	//Returns an element from an array at random according to a weight.
	//A weight of 2 means the first element will be picked roughly twice as often as the second; a weight of 0.5 means half as often. A weight of 1 gives a flat, even distribution.
	if (weightChoose<=0 || weightChoose==undefined) weightChoose=1;
	return arr[Math.floor(Math.pow(Math.random(),weightChoose)*arr.length)];
}