Something I received from a friend for me to proofread

PhilW

Okay Bob. I don't usually do this, but if you have some time, would you read through this and give me some feedback? This is what I was working on Sunday before my mental meltdown. I'm not happy with it. I feel like I was going somewhere with it and half way through I got interrupted and while I may be close to my original intent, I feel like the whole thing is garbage. Or at very least, most of it. (I'm trying not to let myself get irritated again, but I feel like I lost a week's worth of momentum on this and I had just listened to B2W and watched Up in the Air and the combination of those two things was really jiving for me... *deep breath*...)

Anyway, if you have some time to comment (maybe even inline) about things and see if this makes sense or provide any counter points or additional points to what I'm saying, that would be great.

I may post this on my blog at some point, but I don't know right now.



People are tricky. People are messy. And no one person is more problematic than yourself.



At first this sounds counter intuitive, because you can control yourself. 



"You can control you."



But you can't control other people. So aren't other people the problem?



If other people are the problem, they are a problem that you can't do anything about, because you can only control you. You can change your actions, your mind, the way you do things. You can try to convince other people about things, you can explain things, you can logically work through things, but ultimately, they have to make the change. 



Even in situations where people are forced to change, the change comes when they decide that they don't want to be cast out, they don't want to be fired, or they don't want to die. (The latter being more extreme, obviously, but sometimes people would rather die.) In most situtations the choice is probably pretty easy. We all agree on certain "social norms" which can be pretty darn persuasive.



So forget about everyone else right now. What about you?



"Are you who you want to be?"



Say what you want about semantics, but you can't change who you are. You will always be you. You may dress differently than you did 10 years ago. You might act differently today then you did yesterday. They say your taste in music changes every seven years.*



These things, along with all your experience, define who you are. But you will always be you.



"You will always be you."



I submit that "how you act" is a product of "who you are." And therefore, "how" is a product of the "what", "where", and "why". Those are the things which make you "who" you are.



And maybe this is a distinction with little difference, but I think it helps when it comes time to try to sort out your life.



I'm not a lazy person, but I've never considered myself overly ambitious. 



"I always try to be my best." - Echo



Typically, I come up with a project and I make it happen. As of yet, these projects have not impacted the world to any great extent. But that's okay. They were not suppose to.



I would consider most of these as "mini goals". Tiny things that I wanted to do, so I went ahead and did them.



But what about larger goals?



Goals are very important. Goals help motivate you and can give you a sense of accomplishment when you can look at your progress. Yet, goals require actions. Goals should not be passive. 





A passive goal would be saying that you are going to eat enough that you won't starve to death. For most of the poeple reading this, that isn't going to be a problem. You probably don't even have to make a concerted effort. Chances are you actually want to start eating less. (An considerably more active goal.)



"Plan for the worst. Hope for the best."



I use to plan everything. I still like to plan things. I feel like I am really good at making sure things get done and get done when they need to.**



But when it comes to planning my future, I don't know where to start.



Some of this comes from "not knowing what I want to do with my life." And I think this is a common problem for people. You do things that come up, you take opportunities that appear to be your only choice. Maybe it is. Maybe it's not. Maybe you just have to do *something* and this is how you need to start.



However, this might be the result of not having a specific goal in mind. My one main goal when I graduated from college was to pay off my student loans as quickly as possible. I had read the book by David Ramsey where he talks about getting out of debt and that was my goal.



But this type of goal doesn't provide any direction. It's a goal of collection. Collect as much money as you possibly can. Take the job with the most money. And in some ways, this became my passive goal.



If I *really* wanted to pay my loans off right away I should have been working as many jobs as I could fit into my week and throwing all my availible money towards my end result. But I wasn't. Because either subconsiously or consiously I had told myself that the money I could put toward student loans was a product of what I was making.



The acomplishment of your goals should never be blamed on external surroundings. Because you always** have the ability to change your external surroundings.



I realize that you can't give more than you make, but I was floating along happily, blaming my surroundings for my ability to achieve my goal.



Many times in life things seem to just "fall into place." but nothing is just going to fall into your lap. You don't change the world by sitting on your couch. At very least you need to have a laptop near by.



At the same time, plans need to be flexible. The future is sketchy. Things change quickly. How many times are plans for naught because things change.



This makes things tricky. Goals necessitate planning, but at the same time, they need to be flexible. I think this is a hard line to walk. When you plan for the future it's very easy to get all uptight everything something doesn't go entirely as planned. But similarly, if you accept that no plan or goal will be perfect, it's hard to convince yourself of the need for them.



But without goals, we find ourselves with a passive existance.



"Well that's fine for Merlin." - Merlin



Dan Benjamin rutinely tells people that they should quit their job if they are unhappy.*** On a recent show Merlin made the comment that if you can't get your work done within the confines of a 'normal' work week, then you need to change jobs. (Normal here, being somewhat relative, yet also reasonable.)



Even if your circumstances dictate that you *can't* quit your job, you still haave the ability to deal with it. You get to decide how you act, what you feel, or what you think. You have a choice on whether or not you like something. 



You get to decide how you are.



"You can't know what your thoughts are until you listen to someone elses show." - Merlin



If you are unsure on how you feel about a topic, one of the best things you can do is listen to someone elses stance on it. When you do so, you give yourself a chance to compare that stance with your personal philosophy. Decide whether or not this fits your personal expectations.  Then you can have a better idea of what you actuall think.



But I think the same can hold true for how you act. Looking at how others act or live can be a great tool for figuring out how you want to be. 



So much of this seems like it should be so completely obvious, but so often we get caught up in the monotonous rut of life that we have made for ourselves by trudging back and forth everyday for years that we don't think about it this way.



When you have no clear goals it is easy to get overwhelmed. I've seen this happen to people. Some people don't know how to say no. If you have no master plan, you have nothing to tell you if any partifular action or event will be helpful towards your goal, or if it is just extraneous.



Goals provide a reason to say no.



Even a good opportunity can be a hinderence.



"It's complicated." - Facebook



Laziness is typically frowned upon. The lazy are not helpful toward society. But the other end of the spectrum is just as bad.



Many studies and lots of creative professionals will tell you the same thing. People need sleep and people need downtime. No two people are the same so the levels and intensities of each may vary from person to person, but while you don't want to be lazy, you also don't want to be a work-a-holic.



Lack of sleep can be worse than alchohol in some instances and over-working can cause problems, complications, burnout.



But downtime doesn't necesitate lazyness or not having goals. Downtime needs to be seen as an action. Something that will help toward an end goal. Rejuvenation is not passive.



"Moderation in everything, including moderation."



Everything comes down to a balnce. Work and play. Big picture thinking is as important as small picture details. But you can't do just one without the other. (I'll refrain from going into politics here, but I see a lot of small picture thinking without talk about big picture ramifications.)



Planning for the future is a big picture thought process, but it takes small steps to achieve a goal. But the future changes. It changes fast. This makes planning a challenge, arguably even impossible.



In some ways it comes down to expectations.



Everyone has expectations. They aren't always obvious. Expectations stem from our past experiences and hopes for the future. They are a product of our philosophy on how life should work. Expectations can change, and probably should based on reality.



Which brings us to honestly. Honesty runs had in hand with expectations. We have to be honest about our expectations with each other. This helps not only eliminate passive-agressive notes, but is a required step towards stress relief. How much anxiety do we cause ourselves because we are not honest with others or even honest with ourselves.



You can lie to yourself all you want about your intentions, but externally, your actions will betray them.



Are you honest with yourself about what you really want? You will have certain expectations about life, some of these expectations will relate to your goals. Either how it will get done. When it will get done. How easy it will be to get done. But if you're not honest about what your goals are, how can your expectations be accurate?



Which I think brings us full circle. Are you who you want to be?



"Why are you not happy?"



It's easy to be unhappy. The trick is knowing why. 



And then the trick is doing something about it. And I think this comes down to your actions. Are you doing what you want to do? Are you acting how you want to act? Those are internal choices. Yet, they have external components, which means maybe your environment is not allowing you to act how you want. But that's a choice of conformity. Granted, that choice may be based off of keeping a job, but what if you could change your environment? If you can't then you have to change your mindset.



What is your point?



This is not easy. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. If there was, we'd all be really happy right now.



Which means this is the type of thing everyone needs to sit down and think about. This is the sort of thinking that they don't teach you in school. In school you sit down and do what you are told to do. If you don't like it, then tough. Even as you reach the higher levels of study you find yourself doing work that doesn't interest you. You don't have a choice. Yet, ultimately, you do have a choice. 



But are you willing to do something about it?







If this kind of thinking intruiges you, you should be listening to Back 2 Work on the 5by5 network.



* I have no idea if that is true, but I know I have a rather eclectic iTunes collection. 



** Most of the time.



*** Not really... but kinda.