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December 27, 2019 19:39
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| by "PlaystationCoach" | |
| by "PlaystationMan" | |
| http://t.co/QYgiYdQgJ | |
| just deleted 11,000 tweets at the request of the twitter corporation, to clear my name, after getting hours of abuse on twitter. | |
| just met with the papa johns of Twitter. i dont want to have to deal w/shit anymore. my future depends on it | |
| im the guy who plays the part of the janitor at sit com. ive done it for 4 years now, and i dont give a fuck. | |
| @saricus http://t.co/aGN3elCQR | |
| @Xeno_Kid http://t.co/mVp2lNQZJ | |
| @Hibendover69 im the germ persecutions. thats my opinion. this is not to be lectured to | |
| @Hibendover69 i respectfully will not | |
| the poor sod has to die. its the only way his soul can be saved. #jan25 | |
| im the janitor at twitter. my job is to keep a log of the idiots who block me and give me shit for my tweets. thats what a janu [sic] is | |
| @Hibendover69 never | |
| ==================== | |
| The last few months, have been absolutely devoted to understanding the psychological side of gamer culture. As the years roll by, I intend to further expose the depravity of this despicable world. | |
| @machiavellino @digimonotis https://t.co/0lZGcwbzC2 | |
| in 2 parts, i'll tell you how i got into nerdcore, and why im still mad about Pearce's (RIP) | |
| 2) teenage gurus | |
| 1) braindead cop | |
| What makes someone "braindead" is something entirely different. A brain dead person is one who does not have a brain | |
| mindfrek https://t.co/cgIujqKJxa | |
| i` ve long supported the classic "goofs" as a way of life, and i believe that advertising should be allowed on lead | |
| @pigtailamber How is a lead poisoned frog brought to you? | |
| 3) adult man | |
| 2) selling my ass to the highest bmp request per second | |
| 1) Selling ass to "profiles" | |
| The profiler logs in. "OK profiles, what do you want profiles for?? profiles for Sales, to sell you AdWords, to make you rich, to make you happy, | |
| as the wikipedia article notes, "Dry heave" | |
| ==================== | |
| the bulls-eye logo, also known as the "pig's eye", is a famous trademark of CBS. | |
| CBS is a public company that is generally well-regarded, and respected for their diverse output. | |
| (sending image of delicious meal i made to twitter) Hoh, looks like 2000000 people saw this yesterday. Looks like ass hole | |
| (sending image of ass to twitter) So these are good. Seems like 2000000 people want to be ass now. Seems like 2000000 people are ass now | |
| (sending image of ass to twitter) Sounds like im taking a big shit right now. Seems like 2000000 people are ass now. Seems like im taking a big shit | |
| @machiavellino @dril You Are Being Trusted amirite | |
| this is the room where i simulate combat scenarios by performing wrestling moves and crowd control techs on an empty mattress. this is not a dating sim | |
| the sim version of combat sports is completely fake and fraudulent. its basically a simulation of the actual fight | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/IWCHSVX4QC | |
| https://t.co/dIg3eDQXs | |
| just a few things to keep in mind if you're looking to snag a copy of | |
| ==================== | |
| Saying you want to "Fuck the police" is one of the more serious rants you can throw at me | |
| i have proof that omega 3 essential oils calm down my Nude Golems https://t.co/CcIFh3sY4o | |
| @OmniSunreys his account was shut down by the police. their official policy is to beat the shit out of innocent tweeters | |
| trolls using Koch Brothers' Terminator-inspired filters to sabotage my Fund-Raising Efforts for Charity Event's | |
| @EleanorCarrington "DUMB ASHES" | |
| people give me shit like "Om nom nom nom nom" and "Small Meets" and "Oh These Tina..." and i'm like "They're Not Good" | |
| @OmniSunreys theyre bad. they suck. also they suck. also they suck. also they suck. also they suck. also they suck. also they suck. | |
| @EleanorCarrington "They're good" | |
| @tom_on_here "They're Bad" | |
| i love having my face tattooed with the words "Terraformars" http://t.co/GCcnOn5pk | |
| cops want to see you do chores. like scrub the moat with a | |
| ==================== | |
| A MAN who appeared to be "stoned" outside a Lululemon store has been "humiliated" by his employer | |
| A MAN who appeared to be "stoned" outside a Lululemon store has been "humiliated" by his employer | |
| A MAN who appeared to be "stoned" outside a Lululemon store has been "humiliated" by his employer | |
| shocking: "stoned" outside a Lululemon store - what could he possibly want with all these tight security lights ? | |
| @hialysa https://t.co/e37LjqxhqO | |
| just heard the news: the champ didnt win the belt but the champ's champ did win the belt... aulnow that's something | |
| i have been publicly humiliated over a dozen times by my own employees and it is only natural that I would want to inflict the same suffering on my subordinates | |
| @neonwario Wanker ! Come off it | |
| https://t.co/Hqi91YgDcZ | |
| trying to figure out which of my pet iguana's are direct competitors with "pep's" | |
| how do i ask my girl followers on here to marry me with out looking like im "dumb" or "low IQ" ;_; | |
| ==================== | |
| @hambeef i am not allowed to say anything good about him. | |
| another thing people do is jack off into the computer and look at pictures of guns & die | |
| "hey, you know what people like to see? porno of course!" - Hambeef , responding to me, in case i forgot to click on anything nice for 6+ hrs | |
| while youre all bowing to the qdoba king, i am posting vids of dudes eating tubes of spicy ranch, while your doltishly jacking off in their living rooms | |
| the vids are for you. the movies are for losers. the toilets are for people who like to sit in the toilets and shit | |
| when people on here ask me to name my type of pants emblazoned with a disgusting amount of fuuuuuix parenthesis, i invariably refuse, because theyre gross | |
| http://t.co/PWDBZYW the lion uses its fangs to yank at the strings of my bowtie, causing it to fly about 20ft in the air before snapping it back into place | |
| @dril Hey, Thats Not My Dog. Thats A Lie | |
| if i ever got face to face with actual shit i would beat the shit out of it with a belt, for that is what a true warrior | |
| ==================== | |
| Racist. | |
| i'm sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MOUTHS | |
| the troll wedges into my ass. they dont burrow into my ass. they just sort of float around. my head is the only part of my body that is not fucked | |
| the troll wedges into my ass. they dont burrow into my ass. they just sort of float around. my head is the only part of my body that is not fucked | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 i will never get over the loss of respect i have for my peers in the medical community | |
| @Deck_Plate I deserve no favs, but thank you. It is a stressful year for me | |
| the townspeople gather at the town hall to watch a man in a purple coat punch a tree. theres no telling what the reaction will be. #Bonnaroo2015 | |
| the troll wedges himself into my ass. they dont burrow into my ass. they just sort of float around. my head is the only part of my body that is not fucked | |
| the townspeople gather at the town hall to watch a man in a | |
| ==================== | |
| The next step in space travel is getting to know the people on it. So what do we have here. #cyberdyine #cyberdyine | |
| @Bro_Pair it's a piece of shit for sure | |
| @spacefinner I doubt he even read the cyberdyine tweet. | |
| @spacefinner the point is to get these worms to associate you with something good, like a good dog who's been faulted | |
| @spacefinner heres my new opinoin of choice, "wine". (hesitantly) wine? for sure im not drinking it right now | |
| RT @spacefinner: New Wine Announcement | |
| http://t.co/YBpVw1eK | |
| im a good commu ntr who reads every post on here and notices when people shit on each other and reports it to the mods. i do what i damn need to do to survive | |
| its not "ok" to post snark about the obese chef's wife or the french toast bird; that is a mortal sin | |
| hte next logical step in human evolution is to make the act of eating a big plate of nachos a thing of the past | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale you are a vile, disgusting animal who deserves to die | |
| ==================== | |
| The original sinsemilla. The all-time classic. The one you make when you first introduce yourself to the girl friends at the party | |
| @cornlyshml the party line is to delete this but the best thing you can do is laugh it off. | |
| @MikesRadTwites "Weird Al" Yancovic's "Bad Year" is it, or haskelli | |
| @chewskin i can not decide. some computer graphics program seems to be telling me it's the latter | |
| #AlGogurt i don't believe in god. i believe in physics. | |
| #AlGogurt thank you for the second chance. i would not change a thing in the world if given the chance. | |
| the first time i saw the kanji for "horse" it immediately conjured up images of my magnificent silky hair and velvety belly | |
| "i like riding my bike with my friends. it's a great way to socialize" - me | |
| i have proof that my ass is emblazoned with the kanji for "Kitchen" - http://t.co/KdxCIFo6E | |
| RT @stephenhebs: あぁMeat Boll おいしそう | |
| #ALERADESEPTIM | |
| ==================== | |
| Hipster: How can I get unattached to my jeans | |
| EtherealGirl: They're on me now. Enjoy your new Posts | |
| @spacefinner I would. I do not give up on my posts. | |
| @spacefinner I will not give up. My content is stronger than ever. I will not give up. | |
| @spacefinner my content. | |
| the wiccan rhinestones embedded in my gums are counter fiet | |
| i have posted at length regarding my inane balls throughout my adult life, and i am far more intelligent than most of you. however, i still get hyperventilated easily | |
| THinking about celebrating Mass on top of a pile of dying gecked rabbits. thinking of saying "Happy birthday" | |
| "meth God" posted on the masthead of the defunct chain of homeless shelters. "meth God" posted on the masthead of the disgraced sports car maker | |
| RT @chrisbrown pulled over by police car while trying to deliver 500 Packets of Marmite to a girl . twitter | |
| RT @chrisbrown : Listen Girl. I gave all my shirts to the girls at the gym and they all want to kiss my shirt. I told them no thanks | |
| RT @BarackSaysHeFuck: Fuckin Meth God | |
| ==================== | |
| The Human Genome Project is a fantastic idea that could revolutionize our understanding of life and death | |
| "crisp, no shit" "Nuff said" "Dat's gritty, no shit" "Dat's crisp, no shit" "Crisp, no shit" "That's gritty, no shit" | |
| Am I Right In Finding Out That The TSA Will Now Be Using Genome Tickets For Personal Checks ? | |
| the strongarm barks into the jeep, "I gots my ass kicked", "Trap goes off, alarm clock goes off", "Got my ass kicked again", "Trap goes off, alarm clock goes off" | |
| Please Allow Me To Explain To My Young Son The Reason That My Dick Is Blue. "It's A Colourful Genus And You Can Buy Blue M&M's" | |
| "I'm sorry sir, but there is no way that blue check mark can be awarded to an individual who has 2,048,528,576 fewer Bacteria than us" - FactCheck | |
| "I'm sorry sir, but there is no way that blue check mark can be awarded to an individual who has 1,933,972,972 less Bacteria than us" - Foul | |
| The FactChecker Has Been Banned For Using Vulgar Vulgarity As A Coder | |
| ==================== | |
| Wine and stimpy, the screen name of "dem brained;" that's all i can think about right now | |
| and thats it. that's my post. please dont make me write it. please dont make me write posts for the sake of making posts | |
| @kochgregg thanks for clearing up my blunder. | |
| @sargeant_party it's fine. thank you | |
| @911VICTIM its fine. thank you | |
| my ignorant followers: do not hit me with your garbage, or i will kick your ass | |
| @911VICTIM you are not authorised to be a reader of this site. do not attempt to read this before I have spoken with the police | |
| @911VICTIM ..... | |
| @robdelaney true. i just read the entire brits cobain books in one sitting,. which makes me feel like a New Thomaston | |
| my ass reminds me so much of a big ass | |
| the "Oscar Selfie", wherein i expose my ass to the public while wearing a fake Oscar de la Renta wig. the police have ordered my arrest | |
| the force has answered our prayers. its time to face the facts. theres no definitive answer as to whether or not it was a "Oscar Selfie", as the media has falsely | |
| ==================== | |
| JACKSON, Okla. - A man was arrested after police say he tried to give himself a heart attack at a drive in movie theater, police said. | |
| 10 Reasons Why the Kansas Jayhawk Is The Best Team In The Business | |
| 10. They respect our troops | |
| 9. They wear Boots | |
| RT @America: Welcome to America. | |
| RT @glennbeck: Good evening. I am the president of the United States and I love all of you. The country is great to me thank you very much. | |
| RT @GolfPimp: One of my friends told me that the ucband was good. I am glad that he said that. Now I will try to practice my putts. | |
| RT @PissPimp: I am trying to figure out if I have Piss on me. I am a filthy bird. I need Piss put on my body | |
| RT @PissPimp: I am looking to start a business called PissPimp.com. I will post pictures of my dick everyday. | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: the most popular search result on twitter right now is "put pictures of my ass up" | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: i am about to cum and i am looking to see if i have Piss or not | |
| RT | |
| ==================== | |
| The Uninvited: Sparklers for Fools | |
| @dwayne33k we did not invite him. we are a company of heroes. | |
| S.O.S.I.C.E.N.Y.C.E.G.I.G.E.U.D.I.C.E.L.L.A.F.E.G.I.G.E.U.B.E.S.E.A.I.A.F.E.G.I.B.E.S.E.A.I.C.E. | |
| sick of seeing "Snooki" & "Hootie" advocate on tv | |
| sick of seeing "Snooki" and "Hootie" advocate on tv | |
| @BAKKOOONN well im doing the latter, along with many others, thanks to you. | |
| this is the bad watch thread. post bad watches here. if your reply does not have a bad watch in it you will be bloc.. | |
| i just shot a bow and arrow through my Nude ass and i am feeling very blessed | |
| @nsidiousness i cannot attend the premiere of "bad watch" on sunday night due to inclement weather. this is a difficult decision for me | |
| i | |
| ==================== | |
| #CoachellaSoCal got to watch some Coachella. #CoachellaSoCal | |
| @robdelaney i felt bad for him | |
| a) all cops should be forced to dress like james bond (except negroes) b) the public school system should refuse to provide any new student body | |
| #CoachellaSoCal my uncle will be donating his organs so i can no longer attend the music festival and suffer indignity at the hands of ripraphers | |
| @sargeant_party it was a stupid idea at the time and it didn't pan out | |
| the mythbusters bust open a bottle of "juice" and begin rubbing it over their chests in a desperate attempt to boost their self-esteem | |
| juice is a disgusting liquid that has no nutritional value and is generally considered to be a waste | |
| juice is a disgusting liquid that has no nutritional value and is generally considered to be a waste | |
| @JuiceParty "No thank you" i charge off into the night, searching for my Juicy Juice and succeeding where countless others have failed | |
| juice is a disgusting liquid that has no nutritional value and is generally considered to be a waste | |
| juice is a disgusting liquid that has no nutritional value and is generally considered to be a waste | |
| juice is a disgusting liquid that | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with threatening to kill, kidnap or inflict bodily harm on former President George W. Bush | |
| The incident occurred on January 6th, 2013, at the Olive Garden | |
| The man has been identified as Abdulkhaha | |
| He is being held without bail | |
| #TTGT: I Will Torture You Until You Cry (crying) | |
| #TTGT: The Garden (crying) | |
| @AbiWilks I don't know if I'm following the instructions of the diaper-changing subreddit or not. I apologize if I offended anyone | |
| im going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoy one will pirate it and distribute it | |
| im going to watch every episode of the teen choice awards on nfl.com and document the process in a blog entry | |
| @SlimJim how much money would have to be given to each of my followers to make them cry | |
| @PizzaHutCares @johnglenpdxl The Pizza Hut Cares one Million Dollar Challenge is ongoing right now. It will end on January 31st, 2014 | |
| Buddy, if you dont stop vandalizing our lawn then I will permanently replace my bald cap with a toilet lid | |
| Please, Friend, if you are a networked information technology specialist, | |
| ==================== | |
| A MAN who was offered "the white horse semen" has spoken out against his abuser | |
| "the white horse semen" is the white horse's semen that develops into a purple bruise on your neck after using the toilet. "the vagina" is a euphemism for a woman's ass | |
| "the energy drink is not a beverage. it is a physical object. no opinions of its made prior to purchase" | |
| the energy drink is not a beverage. it is a physical object. opinions of its made prior to purchase are bullshit | |
| taking the "goofs" out of public urination, by covering it in tinfoil and placing it in a hat | |
| crawling on all fours like the cave men | |
| - to increase Speed | |
| - to decrease Stamina | |
| - to gain Endurance | |
| RT @managing_ad: the best TV shows are those that don't make you shit | |
| RT @managing_ad: The 10GB Memory is like a Big Bag of Shit. you gotta get all the little nuggets to survive | |
| RT @Sighnup7: Shit | |
| RT @Sighnup7: Shut the fuck up | |
| RT @Sighnup7: Put a smile on my dick | |
| RT @TiredBoobs: #prayfordike Out of all the places where I could | |
| ==================== | |
| @Dwayne2900 @jvnk_d well it,s fucking good | |
| "Daddy" Molester | |
| "The only way to go is retro." - The Pro-Goat (1946) | |
| "Retro is bullshit. It is just an outdated way of thinking." - GoatsOfReddit (AO3) | |
| retro fuckered ass hole | |
| ive had it up to here with this retro fuckered ass hole. its time to toss it into the dumpster | |
| retrofitted for war | |
| retrofitted for war | |
| retros posted some of his war propaganda paintings to the dumpster. if the shit i post i like | |
| i dont care about anybody's feelings. i care about my Semantic Game, my Cerebral Game, and my Spiritual Game | |
| @robdelaney he is a liar and cheater | |
| MY KUTCHER/SCOTT " DUDE AND SISTER " RUBY SHIT ALL OVER MY ASS | |
| "huh uh uh uh uh uh uh" - i utter my infamous laugh lines at the county fair | |
| "Game on, Buttercup. You and I both know that this is a "No-Prize" event. The only "Prize" is that i win the Link | |
| "Game | |
| ==================== | |
| The Minnesota Vikings have signed their first openly gay player, who will be known as "Bobby" on the team website. | |
| @gaypoopies heres the deal. i dont need to answer any more questions until all this mess has been sorted out | |
| the Gayest Man On The Planet | |
| Got Milk. | |
| the most important part of a baby's first year is getting fed by a loving, committed mother | |
| the most important part of a baby's first year is getting fed by a loving, committed mother #MomsDay #MomsThoughts #MomsThoughts | |
| the most important part of a baby's first year is getting fed by a loving, committed mother #MomsDay #MomsThoughts #MomsThoughts | |
| all the trucks driving by now... ha ha ha theyve given me permission to roll down my window & spray piss all over my truck | |
| they got word that my 8-year-old son got on youtube & posted a 3d cutie vid of him sucking a pacifier, while dming his dad | |
| my followers are making me state that legalizing same sex marriage would be good for society. like "What's that you say?" "What's that you say?" "What's that you say" | |
| theyre going to put a camera in my car and film | |
| ==================== | |
| ims a jpeg with the head of a rat and the body of a pig. the head is jpegs and the body is phebegs | |
| (me in prone position while having my house swatted again) im not allowed to have a mic in my mouth anymore. im a dipshit | |
| Clare Studios has issued a public apology for the "Pig House" episode from season one. They have since apologized for it & are no longer employed there | |
| shame on you for publishing my poor opinions under the banner of @QdobaMexGrill https://t.co/BYpQKXk0 | |
| ill show you real truth. its in the bag https://t.co/FHOrSEbDU | |
| i will never apologize for eating a bit of peanut butter off of my coworker's table. its a matter of honor to me | |
| @hanesparent grocer | |
| hanes is the first brand i ever apologized to . https://t.co/QdobaMexGrill | |
| apology letter to thecheese_demon https://t.co/QuN1qOZCx | |
| apology letter to thecheese_demon https://t.co/mjZjYQQgx | |
| apology letter to thecheese_demon https:// | |
| ==================== | |
| The video will open in a new window | |
| Click the heart to start a conversation | |
| i have a confession. drinking beer in a septic tank during my pregnancy has caused my brain to swell to an unbelievable size. i cried. i cried | |
| i cried because i fucked up . drinking beer in a septic tank during my pregnancy has caused my brain to swell to an unbelievable size. i cried | |
| i cried because i fucked up so much from being #1Reloaded for so long that i forgot to click the refresh button | |
| i cried when i realized that at least 1out of every 5 diapers i send to the dumpster are rejected because my tiny dick is a choking hazard | |
| i cried when i realized that every time i send one of my followers a message their precious baby faces explode with pain | |
| me, crying, reading off a douj bag of corn, looking at a starry sky, saying "awful", waddling my shit like a fucking rat | |
| im a walking encyclopedia with god-level wisdom, and im writing a book on how to make the tears last forever | |
| @dogboner pee on me | |
| PLEASE NOTE: The DogBountyHunter bot is no longer active. He is dead | |
| im the guy who gets really into the neckbrace contest on craignews and is always asking the audience if | |
| ==================== | |
| ****Posting new hollywood trailer every 12 hrs, hoping for the perfect voice, all the while knowing full well that theres a billion other people laughing at shit all day**** | |
| THinking of a "Boy's Day" of twitter..won't say more, but here goes... http://t.co/VszAbCJDM | |
| im going to post new screenshots of my ass throughout the day so you can compare them to the old screenshots and see which one is which | |
| every time i click on the "like" button on a page its like giving the site $000000 more power | |
| the only reason my ass isn't just gonna implode is because i'm a net neg. fuck nerdy ass | |
| i feel like getting really into the concept of "shit shack" and just completely rejecting everything that comes along with it, like christ no | |
| im a net neg. i refuse to make friends. i will not associate with the culture of bullshit. | |
| @dogboner @intellegint Shut the fyuck up | |
| https://t.co/yPQR4sY8D | |
| @dogboner @intellegint Yes sir | |
| i will never associate with the culture of bullshit. i will never "get" the culture of bullshit. | |
| royalty_insurance.png | |
| ==================== | |
| Dear @SesameStreet What is the worst number you ever received. | |
| @SesameStreet do not reveal to me the worst number. only the best number. | |
| @SesameStreet the childrens book, "Sesame Street", written & directed by Ken Burns. | |
| my agent said after the death threat I received that i should shut the fuck up and quit my ass idc | |
| "I give sports fans a big beer because they are the best fans in the game." -the beer king | |
| Sports is a great excuse to lose 10,000 pounds because you look like a dumb ass | |
| saying "Fuck the draft board" out loud every single time i bump my head into something solid (wall ) | |
| saying "Fuck the draft board" out loud every time i bust my lip at the draft board | |
| saying "Fuck the draft board" out loud every time i trip my head against a wall as a result of stress & anger | |
| "The draft board is just a big number. It doesn't represent who we are as a team." -the boys | |
| "The draft board is just a big number. It doesn't represent who we are as a team." -the girls | |
| "The draft board is just a number. It's not us." -the retards | |
| "The draft board | |
| ==================== | |
| The family of missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 protest outside the Australian Embassy in Beijing. (Photo: AFP/Getty Images) | |
| "They said the search was for debris. But now we know the debris is for MY FUCKIN ASS." -@dril | |
| @MikesRadTwites i fixed it. i think its a bug now | |
| trying to enjoy a coffee during a severe thunderstorm. "just a cup of joe" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" "thank you" | |
| RT @birdbrain1984: bird brain | |
| RT @Birdbrain1984: bird brain | |
| RT @diyale: joe ilove you | |
| RT @Birdbrain1984: joe ilove you | |
| RT @Birdbrain1984: joe ilove you | |
| RT @Lalal_Druza: joe ilove you | |
| RT @birdbrain1984: joe ilove you | |
| RT @birdbrain1984: joe ilove you | |
| RT @boring_as_heck: joe ilove you | |
| RT @edgar_bam: Jo efaldo oscchi oscchi cuart español | |
| RT @sh | |
| ==================== | |
| you take a look at this huge man with the words "Monsanto" painted on his chest, doesn't matter what he says, paints a huge hole through the wall | |
| if i see "sewer ginormous" on a truck's side I will spray its ass with my ginormous ass hose until it dies | |
| where do i send tthe bitcoins my posts | |
| you have the right to remain Diapered. dyad punk'd me multiple times, everytime i try to post the words "tatoos" without being Diapered | |
| i surrender. im dead. ive accepted my death via hypnotic induction. the time has come to die | |
| your constant attempts to trick me, and my friends, into thinking that youre some sort of Public Access TV guru, just pisses me off even more | |
| the worst part of being a "Drama Queen" is having to look you in the eye and say "sorry" when you fuck up royally | |
| you look like a dumb ass when you're crying . . . | |
| "The only way to go is retro." -Hitler | |
| in a fit of rage, i nearly threw up against the toilet post. "Hitler was a dickhead" is a myth, i assure you | |
| i want to put on a really ugly shirt | |
| WOw | |
| ==================== | |
| CP: So you gonna fuck me over for my 11,000 dollars.. | |
| CP: but only if you do it for the lulz | |
| CP: only if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz | |
| CP: only if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do it for the lulz. ONLY if you do | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY BURNS IS A KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN FACTOID | |
| @AGentleBrees time to show this to the boys | |
| i took the plunge and joined the army. i am currently on leave from active duty due to stress. my retirement will be announced at a later date. | |
| @shrekpissslave @babywolfpupy i am currently on leave of absence due to mantis posts | |
| @shrekpissslave @babywolfpupy its mantis posts. theyre bad now. go suck a butterfly | |
| @babywolfpupy the army asked me to detail a man in tights who was wearing tights that day. i declined and theyre fake. suck a dick | |
| @wmdhn some retard told me this was good http://t.co/v3HLWkXQE | |
| i was going to make a joke about how doctors are fictional but then i remembered all the abortions I saw on tv and realized theyre all connected somehow | |
| the joke's just begun. "doctor" has entered the field of homebrew | |
| mmorpg based on 90s grunge culture | |
| https://t.co/cgIujQRXD | |
| if the "Bring Back The Mulberry Jungle" movement fails, i | |
| ==================== | |
| Gallery Episode Transcript | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" by Mister_TightBoot | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfiguration: The Ultimate Inane Shtick" is a popular online content type. | |
| "Transfig | |
| ==================== | |
| since when is "Rocky Balboa" but "the guy who gets pitted against Balboa" ? stop posting my fucking opinions | |
| @CeliaPienkosz child's play | |
| the abc's decided to air every episode of the abc's scripted comedy block late into the night, in a bid to raise money for cancer research. bravely, theyre rejecting my offer | |
| i challenge any doubter of my masculinity to come to my defense, and i will, in due course, award the "B" category to every time i do this | |
| im the guy who holds court at game stop with a clipboard and begs the cashiers to help me pick the ten most profitable video games of all time | |
| youd never catch me without my suit and shoes. sometimes i even wear it -_- | |
| i hold court at game stop with a clipboard and beg the cashiers to help me pick the ten most profitable video games of all time | |
| game stop is a courtroom for moe & larry. the judge presides over my trial and determines if i am guilty of robbing them | |
| the court room is a giant puppet theater and my sentences are handed to the public by the microphones, as punishment for my crimes | |
| game stop is a court room for moe & larry. the public is forbidden from observing the proceedings and is | |
| ==================== | |
| The crowd turns to Mickey and Donald as they enter the Hall of Presidents | |
| "There is no greater story in American media than the amazing Donald Trump: The Donald, the King of Queens, and the King of Spades" -Newsweek | |
| The crowd turns to Mickey and Donald as they enter the Hall of Presidents | |
| "There is no greater story in American media than the amazing Donald Trump" -Newsweek | |
| Mickey and Donald enter Hall of Presidents, respectively, with "Donald Trump: The Donald; and Donald Trump: The King of Spades". Both win, each lose, and each has their reasons for doing so | |
| Mickey and Donald enter Hall of Presidents, respectively, with "Donald Trump: The Donald" and "Donald Trump: The King of Spades". Both lose, and each has their reasons for doing so | |
| Mickey and Donald enter Hall of Presidents, respectively, with "The Donald" and "Donald Trump: The King of Spades". Both lose, and each has their reasons for doing so | |
| The Donald and Mickey enter Hall of Presidents, respectively, with "The Donald" and "Donald Trump: The King of Spades". Both win, and each has their reasons for doing so | |
| The Donald and Mickey enter Hall of Presidents, respectively, with "The Donald" and "Donald Trump: The King of Sp | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: i dont know if im hearing Yoko Ono at all, but theres definitely a female voice in my head right now | |
| @cide_o @eyeballs1 @GwynethPaltrow one of the trolls just started a turd on my sleeping bag | |
| @eyeballs1 @GwynethPaltrow theres a turd in my sleeping bag too. sorry about that. i shouldnt have said it. | |
| @eyeballs1 @GwynethPaltrow well, its a pretty good thing that i didnt sooner | |
| the best part of being a "Posts" junkie is spending hours per day absorbing the knowledge that 99.99% of you are fucking horrible, awful, horrible things and i have to shrug | |
| nobody ever told me that post traumatic stress disorder was bad. now i am going to learn about it tomorrow | |
| *shoves a massive diaper full of steaks into a drawer behind the bar* YES !! YES ! *shoves another diaper full of steaks into the next drawer* THis is normal. Its normal | |
| @povman i dont know if i have posted before but, if the posts are any indication, id be much more careful in future | |
| the tales of the missing mc donalds | |
| ==================== | |
| Citizens, it is my duty as the Commander-in-Chief to ask you to put aside your partisan differences and uncheck the box that says "Keep Muslims Out" | |
| @Davo_Strange this is the most bullshit thing you have ever done #InYourFace | |
| @Davo_Strange you have no power over me | |
| @Davo_Strange your a child | |
| @Davo_Strange your father would be very upset with you | |
| @Davo_Strange you are dismissing the seriousness of this by posting this on the computer | |
| @Davo_Strange You cannot take the oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States. | |
| elected official #ImWithHer - https://t.co/yiffDw11 | |
| in constant fear of losing my job as the said "goof" at my uncle's restaurant, when I walk out of the bathroom with a green sneeze | |
| 1) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing | |
| 2) i will take the pay cut if you insult the flag | |
| 3) i will take the pay cut if you insult the flag | |
| i think that jim junot's "bee dungarees" were mildly effective in discouraging people from driving under the influence | |
| @sargeant_ | |
| ==================== | |
| UST LOVELY GIRL 1 - 100 WORDS OF MYSELF - SAVED BY AUTHORITY | |
| DICK DISPUTES BETWEEN USUAL - ORACLE METH - GRILL FUEL - VANITY'S OF HATERS | |
| EVERY POINT VALID AND INDISPUTABLE - ROUTINE VAULTS - FAILED ACTUALLY | |
| the only 'wrong' thing wrong about this world is the idea that there are "wrong" things to say | |
| twittter posts are the wrong thing because they imply that i have some sort of mental illness. this is a dangerous fallacy | |
| @kochmoney the only thing wrong with this world is the wrong kind of cigarettes. | |
| "koch money" is an acronym for "Keep California Weird" | |
| Kochmoney, you say? I say that Kochmoney is a very bad idea? Are you sure you want to let me use that password?? | |
| @kochmoney NERD ! | |
| @kochmoney no. ethereum is for adults. kochmoney is a bad idea. god help us if we post lgbt slurs on here | |
| @kochmoney youd say that in 2013. are you telling the truth about the fabled "Kochmoney 2.0 | |
| ==================== | |
| WolfPlayer: Can I please get the word that youre playing on a less powerful computer | |
| Me: Ive been working non-stop to improve my player, and I expect better from my website. | |
| @srswag @wolfplayer "Trash can be beautiful." -Dr. Karl ›よろボスター | |
| よろボスター | |
| よろボスター | |
| "MAN SAID WE SHOULD ALL CUM" -Sign on Doorstep to Marijke's Massage Parlor - "Basta!!! Good news! Just kidding" | |
| Mentioning "gamer" to me is like saying "gab ina" to my bosses | |
| I Just cried in the bathtub for 8 hours, wrangling my huge blue cape around to keep the water level up, because my dick is fucked up like a Fucking dog | |
| @babymole78 @birdo @vcg_wolf just a heads up not to drop any information to the fuckwit | |
| @woodmuffin babymole78: his horribleness | |
| just my dm with google. com: "gab ina" blocked. unconfirmed report that chris farley is about to take a bathtub plunge somewhere | |
| @A | |
| ==================== | |
| Omnibox | |
| Eat my shit Im eating your shit #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| The Westboro Baptist Church just voted to replace the word "Goblin" with "Dishonest" | |
| @darsh5001 u must have some real deep seeded gender issues #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| i eat too much lettuce #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/BaXNXOzR | |
| lettuce_brain: im too busy counting my blood money to think about voting | |
| Hi. My name is "Dube_Nerd: I am a gamer now. I am a gamer now. Good game." my opponent is a gamer now. he is out of breath from laughing so hard | |
| http://t.co/VbzHiUWd | |
| as a child i always dreamt of becoming a Nerd. As an adult, i regret not becoming a Nerd sooner. | |
| i wake up screaming because of stress. all the stressors of modern life converging into one monolithic nightmare. i groan as i roll over in bed | |
| id say our soldiers are under immense pressure because they are tasked with distending our nation's dying food product into tiny, vile bags | |
| @noka38 oh boy here we go i imagine our critics | |
| ==================== | |
| Number One: i will never apologize for being hyper-aware of my PS4 Profile pic | |
| Number Two: i will never switch teams | |
| im sorry for being the dumb ass dip shit head honcho for the last 2 years of my life | |
| if you dont like the way the glass shatters when i drop it into the trash, i will take my dick off | |
| @hambeef @number2nd Thats not my opinion. The opinions of people other than me. | |
| @number2nd Don't say them. | |
| me and DigimonOtis talk about how im bored of hearing about the boys in the back seat of the police car. we both know theres a war going on | |
| who the fuck is "GoonSquad" | |
| (audience goes wild, beginning to understand the concept of "BrainSquad") | |
| @Hambeef "No Balls" is a phrase that people are good choosing to type on keyboards | |
| "No Balls" is a phrase that people are fucking !!!!!! | |
| the boys are ****in out of this | |
| im the guy who brings home the bacon at the factory so they can sell their product in the free market | |
| the fabled "No balls" sign has returned. once again, showing the concept of "no balls" is a fallacy . | |
| ==================== | |
| By David Holder | |
| After watching a dozen or so ads, I built a fairly good case that I should replace my toilet with a washing machine | |
| https://t.co/SQQKXyGzM4 | |
| RT @pigfarmerjim: I'm glad I invented the dry rub. Without it, the gourd would not work. | |
| RT @pigfarmerjim: I'm glad I invented the dry rub. Without it, the gourd would not work. | |
| RT @michaelcranberry: I'm a farmer and I don't do Pest. I don't believe in televangelists. Thank you for educating me. | |
| RT @shoegay: I'm glad I invented the dry rub. Without it, the gourd would not work. | |
| RT @PigsHive: I'm a Hive now. Thank you for believing in #PigsHive | |
| RT @Shoegay: I'm a small businessman now. Pest? What can I say. Still have a lot of ways to go, but I'm living proof that online is good #Shoegay | |
| I had an affair w/ my cousin over here a while back and now he wants to make derogatory comments about our gregarious nature. Not cool | |
| ==================== | |
| The master. The boss. The pope. The baby grandpa. Theyre all just dudes. | |
| The baby grandpa is the antichrist . The pope is the big brother. The grandpa is BigBitch. The antichrist is the big brother. The pope is BigBitch. | |
| do not show me L's | |
| https://t.co/qGc8jq3qH | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without U! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi...! Pagal Ho Jaungi...! Waiwai waiwai...! #thepleadings | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Just Want 2 Come Back And Separate U From That Guy! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi...! Pagal Ho Jaungi...! #thepleadings | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Just Want 2 Come Back And Separate U From That Guy! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi...! Pagal Ho Jaungi...! #thepleadings | |
| RT @MrJokes: U want 2 be the guy who's gonna yank my pants off after 10yrs of marriage.. 1 man 2 wives 3 homes 3cars 4ah | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: A team of scientists led by Professors Erez Andour and Zuhair Zhai , from Tel Aviv University, have figured out how to make your urine sterile using a very special kind of bacteria."Urinary Tract Disease" is the most disgusting disease imaginable | |
| Racist US President Donald J Trump speaks at the inauguration, swearing in his new Cabinet. (AFP) | |
| "Urinary Tract Disease", "Diseased Cow d', "Bad Moon Rising", "Fucking dumb asses", "Urine is poison", "Cursed 4 ass hole", "Cursed 4 balls", "Cursed 4 legs", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 Ass, Cursed 4 legs, Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 Ass, Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds, Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "Cursed 4 minds", "C | |
| ==================== | |
| I just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they tell me that My new tweet is "Not good" & that i "Doo not give My hat to My girfriend" | |
| mmy agent says that if i do not tweet the word "yes" three times in as many months that i will have no choice but to sever all ties with the Agency. | |
| they want to put a vacuum on my ass but they cannot afford the Pollution that is ruining our planet | |
| "Yes we can. The roads are fitter now." - Yes we can | |
| "But the roads are not as good as they once were. Do they still make them ?" - No they do not | |
| "Oh they dont. The roads are dead. The air is foul. The air is tainted with human shit." - Ridiculous | |
| "Are the toilets painted with the colours of the flag. To piss in the flags is To glorify the flag." - To piss in the flags is to glorify the enemy | |
| "Are the Blood Spots in the seats marked with a star. To piss in the Blood is to glorify the Stars. To piss in the Stars is to disrespect the Air." - To piss in the Stars is to disrespect the Air | |
| "Have I ever done anything "Bad" . | |
| "Have I | |
| ==================== | |
| awfully complicated system - the only ones allowed to be "BOSSed" are the ones who get up close and personal with nasa astronauts | |
| "my follower count nosedives dramatically each time i visit the toilet. please help me tooth". what i need is someone who isnt scared of piss | |
| instantly my ass is engulfed in flames and i have to step back 15 minutes to cool it off | |
| i dont know much about toilets, but i swear to god that when the chips are down and the chips are down, theres gonna be like $100 toilet service | |
| @electrolemon i dont know much about toilets either, but i swear to god that when the chips are down and the chips are down, there will be like $100 ............................................ | |
| @electrolemon i love shit that isnt toilet service | |
| i literally dropped out of middle school and never looked back http://t.co/EffHqD0Je | |
| "the best part of Über is getting piss blasted into my ass by Metallica" - herocomplex.com | |
| the best part of Über is getting piss blasted into my ass by Metallica and becoming a Titan | |
| "METALLICA'S METALLIC FLOOR" - read it and weep http://t.co/glMtJ | |
| ==================== | |
| EpicWayne @WCBen Do it myself. https://t.co/aJWcbGz4G1 | |
| @EpicWayne @WCBen i will not back down. i will not stop fighting for the right to eat steak | |
| @EpicWayne @WCBen i will not back down. i will not back down. | |
| @EpicWayne @WCBen you DARE speak to me like a dumb ass, like you have atleast 2 dozen lawyers at your disposal, to handle any and all of your mischievous bluejeans | |
| i love being the guy at the car dealership who gives people water bottles before they can select their own paintjobs and make them w/o getting too splintered by flying debris | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that people are dying because they have to go to the bathroom so much. | |
| water is a filthy liquid. it is also, quite possibly, the most malignant fluid known to man. the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that people are dying because they have to go to the bathroom so much | |
| @alexiadaley i would have to say that, if you looked at a picture of water today, you'd see a man with a | |
| ==================== | |
| ON SALE: Vintage DeLorean Time Machine that will allow you to go back in time & correct history | |
| @vanityprofiles the more the merrier | |
| @McDonalds @vanityprofiles i will not back down, i will not back down, i will not back down, i will not back down, | |
| McDonalds is making a "McD" that is both a toilet and a sink | |
| McDonalds is making a "McD" that is both a toilet and a sink. it is called a "Shut' and it is being promoted as a "McDonald" | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds it is not my responsibility to maintain the integrity of the online log to keep you guys in the dark about whats going on in my life | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds it is not my responsibility to maintain the integrity of the online log. i will not back down , i will not back down, i will not back down | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds this is mc donalds world. its a big world out there. its a big world out there. its a big world out there. its a big world | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds its not my responsibility to maintain the integrity of the online log. i will not back | |
| ==================== | |
| Greetings Citizens. Today we'll be looking at the notorious "Porky Pig" | |
| "Look at that face. He's starting his own little charter school." -Apperente | |
| #Cigars #CigarsAreGood #CigarsAreBad for 1 hour post #Cigars #CigarsAreGood until proven otherwise | |
| @shrekpuss http://t.co/0m0s3RNJXI | |
| Saying "Cigar City" to mysef in my new Honda Accord, speaking German to my gf on the phone, loading up myas new Suburban Grand Prix Sport, and driving it around on a joystick | |
| im going to be deleting this entire mess after 45mins of this crap https://t.co/J2qCdEtfsV | |
| @kochmoney please help me put this together so that i can sell it to a nice lady. this isnt a game. this is a serious idea. Im sorry. I know its fucked up | |
| hib up my big ass cheeks with Tinfoil | |
| gid go to bed | |
| @htcafficial never | |
| Git PGI 09 https://t.co/ybaUQCQO1 | |
| Fucking Awkward https://t.co/ | |
| ==================== | |
| To: The-Dreams@Yahoo.com | |
| Subject: Re: [email protected] wtf was that | |
| Message-Id: <7CAKW1HL@YG.COM> | |
| To: The-Dreams@Yahoo.com | |
| Subject: Re: The Dream Team | |
| To: The-Dreams@Yahoo.com | |
| Subject: Re: The Dream Team | |
| To: The-Dreams@Yahoo.com | |
| Subject: Re: The Dream Team | |
| To: The-Dreams@Yahoo.com | |
| Subject: Re: The Dream Team | |
| Just a heads up. The guys who make Minecraft are making it so you can make castles out of skulls. Not out of bricks. | |
| i have moved all of my bitcoins directly into my brain. all of my waking hours are dedicated to absorbing every drop of dopamine and uploading it to this ass hole | |
| the mythbusters welcome you to the castle of Memory, where they will gladly trade your shitty jeans for a nice ebony robe | |
| my horrible eight year old son has contracted schistosomiasis because he has mouthed the word "Moe" at a serenity clinic | |
| the mythbusters welcome you to the castle of Memory, where they will gladly trade your shitty jeans for a nice ebony robe | |
| i just | |
| ==================== | |
| Of the 52 million people who read the Daily Mail , only about 3.5 million read the New York Times . . | |
| the arab prince jesus christ gave his daughter to me, #AmFarrah #Beautiful #WomanOfGod | |
| Seve jobs, diapers, pacifiers, catheters, lights, vacuum cleaners, forks, shovels, and drove his car off of a cliff. #shockwave2011 | |
| hosanna !! hosanna !! net vendetta !! net vendetta! net vendetta! net vendetta! net vendetta! | |
| the list of things i invented/ got "hopped" on is long enough as is. i spit it out and dont give a fuck #HoppedAss | |
| the list of things i invented/ got "hopped" on is long enough as is. i spit it out and dont give a fuck #HoppedAss | |
| if hollywood has any dignity left they will put on a happy ending where the douchebag becomes the hero and win the Oscar for best picture. #HoppedAss | |
| the list of things i invented/ got "hopped" on is long enough as is. i spit it out and dont give a fuck #HoppedAss | |
| circling back the YES logo on my damn boots and saying "Hopped Ass" at every opportunity | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @duncepud @jasonpitt Trannys | |
| im sorry, but the "aoong big bam" award to the guy who invented the "bamboo shoots" award to the guy who invented the "cow boy " award to the guy who invented the "pig" award to the guy who invented the "child" award to the guy who invented the "rabbit" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "oktoberfest" award to the guy who invented the "pig" award to the guy who invented the "pig" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "wolf" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award to the guy who invented the "egyptian" award | |
| ==================== | |
| About 70% of Chick-Fil-A's menu is just general manager Mike Adams cooking up new recipes and tossing them into the trash can | |
| 90% of the other 10% is filled with shit from customers who never get to see the chef | |
| @anti_drunken @glennbeck @dril none of them give a shit | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me and apologizes for kicking me out of her locker at the mall | |
| i almost never post the full name of the restaurant unless it's a dish that she can't wait to eat. like "Dr. Tandoori's" | |
| saying "Wow" out loud every time i see a bright pink ribbon that represents a girl i like more than anything | |
| i love going to parties w/ my girl followers and making them feel like shit ::runs diaper around, looking like a dumb ass,:: | |
| everytime i look at pictures of the restaurant i'm reminded that the majority of my followers are male | |
| always on my manly toes... and when i see a man my eyes narrow and my face becomes grimacing | |
| heres the fucking list of all the girls on here who i think look like shit, and all of the insults they've inflicted upon my beautiful daughter | |
| total bullshit. complete bullshit. total bullshit. complete bullshit. | |
| ==================== | |
| Hell Yeah I'll Masturbate My Dog Vivian On Stage At TechCrunch Disrupt NYE 2014 In My New DeLorean | |
| @Deck_Plate be nice | |
| hear this trolls: in the year 2140, the U.S. military will replace all of its robots with Neanderthals | |
| inventing a new type of yogurt | |
| i will never own a dog. not even for a funerals | |
| reminder that if you block me on here I will PM you with a vile, pornographic insult, and you will lose the follower battle | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/4pawGrZEzI | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/9tiffNOUsY | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/2viGJqOQI | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/sXp5GwibXI | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/ypXzWmbM1I | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/pXp5dYGirXI | |
| i will never own a dog https://t.co/BRloYQZH4Qi | |
| i will | |
| ==================== | |
| A Baby Is Born | |
| i'll never. EVER. fuck baby. #iwill | |
| @AGentleBrees time to Kill the Fuck #iwill | |
| @kanye i'll never. | |
| i'll never. ever. fuck baby. #iwill | |
| @kanye i'll never. | |
| im the good guy who rescues the baby from the gorilla and gives him to Mama Grizzly | |
| mamanita ape? No way. Not even a year later | |
| i love smacking my fist into my head and saying "Good Is The Best Revenge" #GoodIsTheBestRevenge | |
| think you got it rough? try #ShitDaQuotesEver | |
| i got the feeling that most of you are just another mouthpiece for the tyrants of the world, who want to keep shitting my page, and stinking it up with cigarette smoke | |
| i'll just have to shut the fuck up now, and accept that i'm going to have to unfollow you for the rest of my life, because you seem to be a nuisance to me | |
| @wikileaks "Dick Vitale" | |
| @wikileaks "Quoting verbatim from the mouth of Tony Turds" | |
| @wikileaks "Off to the Races" | |
| @wikileaks "Off to the | |
| ==================== | |
| We all have one big diaper. It is the most perfect of all mummies. And yet... | |
| i have a million of them. millions of them. but not one of them are good. because they are Made in China | |
| there is no god but the emperor and the emperor is the God-Emperor. and the God-Emperor is... | |
| god is in trouble. the emperor is in jail. the God-Emperor is... thinking about suicide. the... | |
| After 1 year of using Hacker News to post Feminist Tweets, I have developed a Complex. It is evident to all but the most... | |
| i have never seen a sign that someone has intentionally scrawled "Miley Cyrus" on the wall of a courtroom. | |
| i will never apologize for my posts. theyre myopinion, not a flag. | |
| i will never apologize for being a dick head. theyre both things. | |
| Wtf is "Twitter" ??? Is it a website for smart people who exchange ideas on important matters of life, or just a place to shit | |
| i think "twitter" is a registered trademark of Dan Cathy, of course. But "hashtag" is also a registered trademark of Dan Cathy | |
| @SocksAreHuman Heres my idea of a good holiday. a holiday that also has nothing to do with | |
| ==================== | |
| AUGUSTA, Ga. -- A man accused of trying to climb onto the lectern during a town hall meeting was quickly let go after an official with the venue assured him he would not. | |
| "He better get his ass outside," an usher cautioned as I attempted to peer over the barricade at the meeting. | |
| "This is a democracy now. Go outside and vote," a woman hissed at me from the other side of the room. | |
| "Fuck off. I will never attend a public meeting again," I shrieked as I threw my weight onto my forehead and began bowing my head in protest | |
| IMAGINEING THE DAY COMES WHEN THE SECRET JANITOR IS ALLOWED TO POST ON HERE NON-CONTRAST ARTICLE EIGHT TIMES PER DAY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION | |
| A PERFECT SELF HATRED IMMERSES THAT I AM THE SAME GOD THAT WROTE THE ARTICLE AS MYSELF, AND MYSELF IS THE SAME GOD AS JANITOR | |
| "DUMB ASHES" and a PERFECT SELF HATRED IMMERSES THAT I am the same god that wrote the article as well. MYSELF is the author of the article as well | |
| "No Permits Needed" and a PERFECT | |
| ==================== | |
| Citation: sargeant5 (abbr) | |
| "I love Movie quotes" -Citation: ZaynAbuZayd (depl) | |
| a helpful resource for those who enjoy quoting the words "Let's Play" -Citation: OnTheHog (fi) | |
| ME: Say you're gonna fuck me? | |
| AGENT: Yes sir! As I respect your right to be offended, I will not. | |
| i will gladly purchase the items on this website's "Favored Articles" if they contain the words "Monsanto" or "ChemtrailGate". | |
| @onsenn i will not comment on specific product/brand names | |
| @onsenn http://t.co/p0lA5sY5S | |
| the words "PokemonGO" begin to run across my body as I watch the game on my phone. i raise my hand in triumph | |
| the road is a battle field, all the other cars are my enemies, and none of them help me when i get fucked up by sniper rifles | |
| Sigh. I guess if youre going to come after me, at least have the decency to put "GAME over" in your writing | |
| @boycot twitter removed my verification after accusing me of "Bullshitting" | |
| the only "safe space" on this website | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: thursday night heavy blades, a one million dollar idea for the federal government, and then friday night some lighthearted insults towards the cheese board | |
| there is no christmas without "the tree". the tree is the most fundamental act of worship and gives rise to countless absurd and wonderful myths. | |
| RT @daze_gaze: @bumf_online I don't eat shit | |
| RT @BleedingHeartAnnie: baby i'm crying because i fucked up | |
| im the guy who is good at explaining the term "Gadzooks" to people who don't know what a gadzook is | |
| i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i love posting shit on here and i will never stop | |
| im the guy who encourages people to beat the shit out of each other during breakbeats so that i can get a larger piece of trash in my mouth | |
| i love going to war so much that i will sacrifice my body in the process. i will die for the sake of making the others mad #FreeAnwar | |
| "war is the height of hypocrisy." -Dril | |
| war criminals are the ones who intentionally mess with the numbs and skewers of my enemies before slipping them into my drink #WarIsTheHeaven | |
| war criminals are the | |
| ==================== | |
| A girl just sent me a picture of a condom. What in the fuck is a "consulter" | |
| theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer conceals the fact that he is taking shits & posts them in sequence | |
| @ShanusMcAnus @little_chicka @Coffinsie Got any jokers i can share | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine. thats what civilized people do | |
| "my ass is the most powerful piece of shit" - the baby sage | |
| if i ever get cancer iwill forget naming my infant "Twinkle" and replace it w/ the word "Twinkle" #Cancer http://t.co/77EkNQFm2e | |
| Cant wait to get online and read some posts for my 9 to 5 Cancer Awareness Awareness. Today is #CancerToday http://t.co/d88iYooyQ | |
| @twilighttram Please tell me the name of the song that Neil Diamond changed into blood after being blasted by a germ hunter | |
| i love going to parties and meeting new people. I love having fun. And sometimes i even like to FUCK people #cancers | |
| "I'll never name my infant Twinkle. That name is too selfish" - the baby sage | |
| ==================== | |
| Papyrus_Kid: why dostnt fandango let me join the army | |
| Me: because hes a fandangoangoango member, and a fuckhead. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i wan't to fuck it up, and make a bajillion dollars, and fuck the tax man, and get rich off of government handouts. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Babe I gots my flannel shirt off. | |
| i would appreciate it if the question was "Which one of the following is worse, 'Animal' or "Human'?" then please answer." | |
| @robdelaney @DogBountyHunter that would be the only thing this sub could possibly handle is the wrath of the dog god | |
| @CeliaPienkosz AKA: The Wet Sodders aka "Ass Man". Also known as "Babe Sodders" | |
| i hereby hand this twitter account to the care of my grandpas fucking swords and ammo | |
| my favorite part of the classic 16 tons game is when the police man punches a hole in the game board and calls it a piece of shit | |
| ive never heard of this "ass man" but he sounds like a real fucked up person | |
| the ass man part of "big man" | |
| @incestbeloved i | |
| ==================== | |
| Emotions run high... | |
| @kcgreenn @DRSerolls @BarackSaysBEYT i wan't to slap the door! | |
| tyler durden is a good man who deserves every award he gets for being the good man who deserves them | |
| i just heard someone said on the news. "good man who deserves awards" , in a fucked up voice. i felt compelled to write this letter to the theater community, to let them know that i am very proud of my "Boys" | |
| i do in fact keep a trash can under my desk so i can spit up a few nauseous loads whenever i get publicly humiliated by people with poor opinions | |
| i hate it when people bring dishonuor to the table by trash talking me or my opinions of food | |
| it is only natural that my ass cheeks should be fucked up with every passing day, but sometimes i even get pissed off just thinking about it | |
| my ass is a messy mess from overeating and smoking weed constantly. it is also filled with weak, feeble, fucking asses | |
| my ass is covered in tattoos and earrings. these are reminders that i am a slave to society and a threat to its doctors | |
| every time i open my mouth and speak my piece about the terrible state of the country, i am reminded that the only | |
| ==================== | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the business of making friends | |
| /is not in the | |
| ==================== | |
| A WOMAN has been left "sickened" after spitting into the swimming pool during a rugby league match in Auckland. | |
| The event, which took place on 23rd July, has since been deemed a "Fail" by the game's governing body. | |
| The incident has left the woman "sickened beyond repair", according to reports. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spit into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into the swimming pool, according to police. | |
| "It was just a waste of a sponge" - the unnamed woman who spat into | |
| ==================== | |
| Yelix_Fatboy: I think i will self-immolate today , in protest of the lack of respect i have earned for my brand, and my ilk, on this planet | |
| sick of our fake news http://t.co/8gIYdWZqK | |
| im going to blindf[y your ass hole] with a taser gun today, in protest of our government's outright lies, and illegitimate gun control policies | |
| Our brave men and women in uniform, being Scissor Sisters, and demanding Respect at the cost of our own bodies | |
| @neonwario Wanker ! Come off the deep end of the abyss | |
| @neonwario Waiiter, as always, Respect is the way forward, and always. | |
| we did it. we saved Dick Cheney's ass. We beat the shit out of his ass. It's a good thing he's dead | |
| @neonwario Yoyu take a hike with your piss, son. It's a good thing he's dead | |
| i will never name my son "Roland" , because that is not his name. i will not name my son "Cole" either, because that is a name he hates. | |
| raises Handicapped Man's Ass | |
| "I Love U Old | |
| ==================== | |
| geez to get fucked up again | |
| oh sorry. my bad. my fucking tweets are good now | |
| how come people associate the word "Press" with a type of sanitary napkin but not the word "Press" with a type of sanitary napkin | |
| itme's like 99.9999999% good, and some others say it's bad but i say its fine, and some say it's bad but not | |
| http://t.co/EWodCeZyPkk | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me https://t.co/Qd4zHiGMCQ | |
| how do you cope with the realization that everything you say and do is dictated by a soulless, unfeeling corporation somebody https://t.co/RRseCpxOZy | |
| i think that if the 9/11 attacks happened today theyw'd use the wtc towers to do attacks against the wtc towers instead of the girls | |
| frowning while the menu bar dangles above my head in a vulgar gesture indicative of my complete lack of intellectual integrity | |
| i'd like to bring a chiar to the michelin contest but i'm too embarrassed to tie my shoe to the stage. my ass does not sufficiently impressively announce my ass | |
| james bond hollers | |
| ==================== | |
| 5 reasons why the iPhone is the Gadget of tomorrow | |
| i have spent the past 12 years of my life crafting an intricate tale that evokes the mind and spirit. i am proud to bring you "jack o lantern" | |
| we all know where the heart is. the iPhone knows where the heart is. so what | |
| i hold the heartbeats of the eighties hottest rappers against my will. the sole purpose of my existence is to consume Content | |
| A Porno Universe | |
| Funny how some people will forget to click the Like button on my posts but always remember to Like the posts that say "Dohhhh thats good" | |
| we live in an exciting age where you can get a heart rate monitor installed just by doing a search online. I am NOT joking | |
| I Want The New "Asexual" Dale Carver Doll And I Want It Shipped Back To Me In The Mail | |
| MGM STUDIOS CAN U CONFIRM THAT MR. DUSTIN HOFFMAN HAS SEEN THE VIDEO I SENT OF ME MIRRORING MY MURDEROUS ASS AS HELL? OK ILL CALL BACK LATER | |
| ME: your rants and raving are more important to me than ever | |
| AUDIENCE: yes | |
| ME: Then let me explain myself | |
| AUDIENCE: I post to get the word out that i | |
| ==================== | |
| that's why im a NetNeutralist | |
| really looking forward to when the damn free market finally solves gender http://t.co/yP5hkgT | |
| i'm going to keep saying it until the trolls run out of tricks to say : "beavis is bullshit" and then i'll shut the fuck up | |
| theyre sending me pictures of food that i made, with the word "Bar" in it, as a form of punishment for my constant belligerence | |
| theres a bug in the dictionary that says Im "Not Allowed" to say that about the fruit roll up | |
| the only way to gain musclemass is to eat shit food and get ripped naked in a hospital X-ray bay, like a dip shit | |
| theyre not allowed to give me my clothes back, so i gotta make do with fucking bags full of clothes i borrowed from thrift stores | |
| i dont care about anybody's opinion unless it is good. before you type, please ask yourself. "Is my opinion good" if it's bad dont print | |
| if somebody dumps a big bag of kitty litter on my bed my shit will just pile up like a sack of shit in the morning | |
| i will never hire a nameless, faceless internet dude to sweep my floors and make sure my gargoyles are put in the trash cans according | |
| ==================== | |
| THe FAA Has Spent The Past 14 Years Denying Me The Use Of The Wheel And Now I Cannot Hand My Plane | |
| THe FAA Has Spent 14 Years Creating An Unnecessary Noise And Now I Cannot Face The Wheel | |
| THe FAA Has Spent 15 Years Creating A Noise And Now I Cannot Use The Aisle | |
| @eugenegu goodnight | |
| RT @mr_robocop: garbage can be recycle, but family`s love can't be replace!!! | |
| #thegarbagelove | |
| #loveyourparents | |
| RT @MrRobocop: Family`s day is a holiday where I can show my silliness and say "Dad, mommy and pop are good" | |
| #thegarbagelove | |
| RT @MrRobocop: My holiday is Dad's day too. | |
| #thegarbagelove | |
| RT @MrRobocop: Just because I'm not allowed to purchase a hamburger at the restaurant, I will eat it anyway. | |
| #thegarbagelove | |
| RT @MrRobocop: Just because I'm not allowed to purchase a hamburger, I will eat it anyway. | |
| #thegarbagelove | |
| RT @MrRobocop: Just because I'm not allowed to purchase a hamburger, I will eat it anyway. | |
| #the | |
| ==================== | |
| emp does not deserve my vote http://t.co/4d9k0mhW | |
| @Babysnames dont you dare deface our beautiful park with shit | |
| i accept all your apologies you sad mother fuckers. i accept the fact that im the dumb motherfucker who forgets to write his thank you notes every time he drinks milk | |
| i accept the fact that im the dumb motherfucker who forgets to write his thank you notes every time he drinks milk | |
| i accept the fact that im the dumb motherfucker who forgets to write his thank you notes every time he drinks milk | |
| @Babysnames you are a disgrace to all Hip-Hop. You are a disgrace to all Music. You are a disgrace to all Cretins | |
| im sorry but if you continue to ignore my pathetic attempts to engage you in a rational debate, i will be forced to destroy your pathetic little website with my bare hands | |
| i teach my pigs new tricks every night . . . "Pig Language" | |
| i have never heard of this "pig language" but it sounds like a language someone might have learned from a foreign language. | |
| @kcgreenn actually i was born in the year 3000 AD and im still alive today so read my back issues | |
| @BobbyClark97 | |
| ==================== | |
| bigdickboy likes big dick | |
| i have modded gta 5 to make the dicks ugly. and i plan to make them worse. im sorry for making a big fool of yourself. | |
| i need $100 to make them smaller. i want to put them in the toilet, but i can't because the toilet is too big. | |
| Am i correct when i say that the dicks in the posters and signs in the game are more powerful than the dicks on the signs? | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| i have modded gta 5 to make the dicks ugly. and i plan to make them worse. im sorry for making a fool of myself. | |
| @Bubbaburger i just don't understand how a sign can be a weapon | |
| the worst dm user of all time, User "Garth_Turds", has announced that he will be ditching twitter next week. | |
| The worst. https://t.co/oJGdZU9fW1 | |
| @nataliejmooney i can make them smaller if you let me. i have done so in this case | |
| https://t.co/A4uMWdyXlI | |
| RT @StaplerBoy: My dream is to invent a stapler | |
| ==================== | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| Sending emails to your daughter is "Bullshit" , a court has ruled | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| "I think mother fucker should get electrocuted" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "I think mother fucker should get electrocuted" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "Electrocuted mother fucker" -somebodys fucked up theory | |
| "THe public has spoken, and they want more jokes about the electrocution." -ElectrocutedDad | |
| "@electrocuteddad actually i think the electrocution is good, and it is funny, and it is important in some way, | |
| the US military now electrocutions prisoners with static electricity, rather than go to the trouble of training them for suicide | |
| @JacquelynMartin3 dont its important | |
| Bullshit - US military now electrocutes all prisoners with static electricity - saving | |
| ==================== | |
| No. I have never in my life- long viewed a penis | |
| i will never employ anyone who is racist, bigoted , or otherwise unworthy of the public eye, whether it be in my life, or in the employ of my children | |
| if there's one thing i know its that retards are the worst type of retarded | |
| "visiting from the US, eh" -The_Donald, during a heated exchange with another Uninformed internet user- https://t.co/PFp2IoZL | |
| "visiting from the US, eh". -The_Donald, during a heated exchange with another Uninformed internet user- https://t.co/PFp2IoZL | |
| i bring this to you via a clip from the old cartoon where the farmer says "doh duhh duhh duhh duhh" and blows a raspberry at the pigs | |
| @Degg The raspberry is for eating uti | |
| the last piece of news i want to post is a fucking list of all the hipster books i've burned through my life and the number of years it took me to recover from each one | |
| it's fucking stupid that people are still complaining about wi-fi if they could just get their hands on a single penny from the $70B a year network ... | |
| people who like to say | |
| ==================== | |
| I Have a Life, I Have a Mind, and I Rule My World | |
| "The very best burger here is at the Arby's, against all odds" -Arby's General Manager Mike Schwartz | |
| "The Arby's General Manager Mike Schwartz is a nice guy. He follows his gf order. She is the dumb one. Arby's is a nice restaurant. Bye" -Me | |
| "the dumb ass drunk ass man" -hotnewspaper.com | |
| the dumb ass drunk ass man, right next to the self service pharmacy, is the dumbest ass man I have ever met | |
| I Have A Life, I Have A Mind, And I Rule My World #ThankU #Lies | |
| my guest bathroom has 15 old jeans strewn about the floor and my shit is covered in grime | |
| i think that, considering how busy the office is, and how little time i spend with the toilet, that, overall, the toilet is a pretty good idea | |
| @shrekpissslave probably the saddest thing that this world will ever shit into is my shitty little hands | |
| "piss" is a verb that is derived from the Latin word for "to piss" which is why when you say "pissed" it sounds like shit | |
| "shit" is a noun, which is why | |
| ==================== | |
| UNITED NATIONS: i demand that you unblock me | |
| ME: i will not unblock him. this is a private matter between me and my lawyer | |
| UNITED NATIONS: i declare a war against you. this is a public spat. i fucking fight back | |
| thrice told me i had to unblock him, UNBLOCK HIM FROM DAUGHTY. THis is a basic human right. | |
| i unblock him. im unblocking him. this is a personal matter between me and him. | |
| @spacefinner i respectfully will not unblock him | |
| @spacefinner the war is a lie. i am a realist and a patriot. he is a fraud. | |
| i unblock him. hes cheating on me. i don't want this. i dont want this. unblock him now | |
| the lie of the commons http://t.co/wCYGIiHg8 | |
| the lie of the commons http://t.co/hHqi9Yy0s | |
| "Trickle Down Economics: Is My Milk Better Than Walmart's" - Whatcom Post, http://t.co/4eAEEtzS | |
| "Trickle Down Economics: Is My Milk Better Than Walmart's" - Whatcom Post, http://t.co/SQ | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: This is going to be a long one, but I just want to say that i am extremely pleased with the content of today. Thank you. | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/1OeccCcCKB | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @chrisnewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be fucked | |
| RT @ChrisNewman15: I am looking to be | |
| ==================== | |
| Tomis said. "How can i possibly enjoy a meal that is being prepared by a savage animal. How can i possibly enjoy a meal that is being prepared by a savage animal." | |
| "Foul ape," I growled as I threw an oversized onion into a drain, "and its color is just as bad as its physical manifestation." | |
| "Not good," said a disgusted eaten-up version of Tomis. "Not good" | |
| "Damn," I muttered as I threw an entire bottle of wine into the garbage disposal, "they only sell it in 750 ml bottles." | |
| "What is that you say," asked a voice from behind me, "that the grapes you see before you are actually the grapes you see after i've taken them off the tree | |
| "They're all fake," I hissed as i kicked the trashcan lid off of a large onion, "they're all fake" | |
| "Damn," I muttered as i threw an entire bottle of wine into the trashcan, "they're all fake" | |
| "They're all fake," i hissed as i kicked the trashcan lid off of a large onion, "they're all fake" | |
| "They're all fake," i hissed as i kicked the trashcan lid off of a large onion, "they're all fake" | |
| "They're | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: The Delhi High Court on Friday refused to hear a petition filed by Asexual India seeking cancellation of 'Love Gala' as it violated the sanctity of marriage."We will not allow a sexual species to exist in our court. They broke the law. Playstation is asexual," the petitioner's counsel had said."We will not abide by the orders of a offended section of the society," he had added."We will not give them space to live," the Delhi government had said in a written reply.The Delhi assembly on Thursday passed a Bill which makes it an offence to flaunt "Love Gala" in public places. The bill has now been referred to the Rajya Sabha."Lets show them GTA 5. Its a good game," quipped one of the game's protagonists. "Its a win-win situation for all concerned," the gamer added."They also broke the law by staging a rally to praise "GTK 5", which is the same thing as "GTK 4". "GTK 5 is alexa 5. Its alexa 5. Its alexa 5."The rally to praise "GTK 5" had been organised by a group calling themselves "Garfield 4". "GTK 5 is alexa 5. Its alexa 5. Its alexa 5."The rally to praise "GTK 5 | |
| ==================== | |
| At the age of 17, I quit my job and started my own NGO dedicated to the eradication of sex. I only wish my life was better. | |
| @machiavellino i dont like him | |
| @machiavellino theres a 1 in 10,000 chance that you're not even remotely familiar with the acronyms involved | |
| @machiavellino sex is a synonym for Bitch | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @machiavellino Bitch Sucks Ass | |
| @mach | |
| ==================== | |
| Rauner makes his mind up. "No will ever be the same again" #boydonttrust | |
| The state of Michigan has voted to legalize medical marijuana. Congratulations. #Announcement #HugeWordPress | |
| i will never get sick. ever | |
| @sargeant_party "shit" | |
| "Im going to throw up. I'm going to throw up real good" - The Michigan GOP on Twitter | |
| the state of michigan has voted to legalize medical marijuana. Congratulations. #Announcement #HugeWordPress | |
| i have suffered a career ending car accident while trying to retrieve my prized dildos stolen by unknown assailants. i am recovering thanks to your generous donations | |
| @boydonttrust You Think Youre God? #BoyNotTeens #Misery #Gags | |
| i just found out my great-great-grandfather died from a cerebral hemorrhage caused by a faulty tepid shower #DisputeDiscoveries | |
| @digitalsqand please repair my terrible necktie, which is depressed, because i am a bottom, and a shit, | |
| @DigimonOtis I will never use a public spittoon again after this. It is a public humiliation for me | |
| my great-great-grandfather died from a cerebral hemorrhage caused | |
| ==================== | |
| OPRAH: i have a confession. i cried during the cesarean section of the infant formula dontcha know who gave birth in the audience | |
| ME: (saying nothing) | |
| RT @SurvivorAAdvantage: The best part of going to sea is spending an evening with friends and family shopping for exclusive, mind blowing bargains | |
| RT @SurvivorAAdvantage: You will never know who you are until you are on the other side of the ocean | |
| @survivoramerica How bad does your back hurt. How do you stay motivated. How do you deal with the tears | |
| @survivoramerica How do you cope with the realization that you are weak | |
| @survivoramerica How do you cope with the realization that you are in jail | |
| its not everyday you get to meet with the Reverse Psych. it would be a very bad and humiliating experience if i did not post a link to it here | |
| the kids are getting antsy because they are not allowed to read any more of the words on the magazine covers and because the Jail is making them shit more than they ever will | |
| the author of this week's "Shit my pants" challenge: "When Should I Shit My Pants" | |
| JOE PATERNO: i think the jail should fire all the employees for | |
| ==================== | |
| DC Films Have Ripped My Dreams From My Touch And Now Lie In Stable Darkness, Interrupting Me While I Sleep And Lick The Floor With My Dirty Shorts | |
| when can i start wearing a neckbrace to prevent neck cramps and other neck issues | |
| DC Films Have Planned A Series Of Interracial Couples In Which I Will Played By A Randomized List Of Choices, Which The Audience Malleable And Easy To Tone Down | |
| i get emails saying shit like "oh you must be a jerk, or an idiot" and i reply "no i am not a jerk, or an idiot" | |
| the neckbrace is a piece of shit and i will never wear it to prom. i will never wear a neckbrace to prom. | |
| some one has got to say it loud and clear: neck brace is bullshit. no neck brace. no neck brace . no neck brace. | |
| im so pissed off off im going to throw up | |
| the neck brace is a piece of crap and i will never wear it to prom. i will never wear a neck brace to prom. | |
| @BuffyOwen "Not Funny" | |
| the neck brace is a piece of crap and i will never wear it to prom. i will never wear a neck brace to prom. | |
| @BuffyOwen its not funny. | |
| ==================== | |
| We love to hate on Gawker Media. We love to hurl insults at their crappy website. And yet, we cannot help but love them, because they are such a beloved part of our lives, that we take for granted, | |
| 3 Days a week we wake up and do the dishes. Then we go to bed. And when our wives come home and find us doing the dishes, they beg us to put on our duds | |
| 10 Things a Dominatian Can Teach a Chinese Immersion Teacher How to Cook Chicken #DavoCookBook #TheDavoCookBook | |
| @SonicViolence why do people care about twitter war stories. i make $18.5M a year and all the posts are protected by copyright | |
| @robdelaney im the best Damn fool i ever met | |
| the "Hangover Kid" simpson experience. a simulated hangover. a boozy evening. ahh!! just thinking about it. ahh!! just thinking about it | |
| gah. the boys absolutely stole my thunder and stole my words. im so sorry. im so sorry. im so sorry. im so sorry | |
| me, laughing about the idea of piss becoming liquid. i am so sorry to everyone who has ever retweeted my shit | |
| drip drip drip.. the bastards just carted matthew and | |
| ==================== | |
| JACKSON, Miss. -- A Mississippi pastor has been banned from the state for saying that the Mississippi lottery is a "Game plan" and that the lottery winner will "pay the price" for "harassing the Good People of Mississippi" | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and plan and plan and plan and THINK THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and game plan and game plan and THINK THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and game plan and game plan and THINK THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and game plan and game plan and THINK THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and game plan and game plan and THINK THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| "The Lord put me on the computer. He put me on the computer to game plan and game plan and game plan and THINK THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE !!!" -Dril | |
| " | |
| ==================== | |
| Jon Hopkins: If God Was In Hell We WOULD All Be Dead | |
| Me: And He That Is Androgynous Should Be Feeding Dog Food To Animals | |
| @CeliaPienkosz: I AM SO GOOD AT POST COMPLIANCE, I MIEVE I CAN POST ON FOR 10 MINUTES AND NOT GET MAD | |
| glue man: i need glue to secure my laptop to its case. glue man: i dont have glue. i need glue | |
| @shaneleavitt: @CeliaPienkosz my agent says i should but i dont want it. what i want is for him to put a condom on my dick and put a shirt on my ass | |
| glue man: i need glue to secure my laptop to its case. glue man: i dont have glue. i want to be with the girl on here, but i dont want to fuck her. | |
| @neonwario: @shaneleavitt Neon Wario is a piece of shit. Not even a nickel! | |
| @neonwario: @shaneleavitt Neon Wario is a piece of shit. Not even a nickel! | |
| i think that, once again, the iota team has earned my ire and disgust. http://t.co/86pCS | |
| ==================== | |
| Avid User "Piss_Master" has just posted a ragequit on line in which he attempts to force himself to stop shitting on the computer screen by shitting on it. | |
| Rape apologia | |
| "I'm sorry but could not find the index of Marnie the unicorn. She is not found." - Policeman #jan25 | |
| threres a rumor that my dick looks like a jpeg image of some other part of my body. lets clear off the bathroom mouth hat | |
| i have been secretly fapping against my will to rid myself of this horrible bladder disease that is destroying my life | |
| just read something fucked up: "pussy cultists should be blamed for every accident if they caused it, wbeing the authors of the accidents" - me | |
| RT @eur_kid: п | |
| RT @pussy_cultist: п | |
| RT @pussy_cultist: п | |
| RT @pussy_cultist: п | |
| RT @pussy_cultist: п | |
| im not going to post about the rape anymore . i was too shocked by the success of the #jan25 campaign and my posts werent approved by me | |
| the Russian hacker group "CozyTales" has claimed responsibility for the Podesta emails. Are you joining them? Are | |
| ==================== | |
| Om nom nom (fantasizing over to the endzone) where did you get that hair. Where did you get that big toupee. Where did you get that giant ass. Where did you get that goofy toupee. Where did you get that goofy head. | |
| i have done reviews of all the beers t he "beer subculture". i am here to tell you that each one is a masterpiece of craft beer. | |
| "The random guy in the corner" http://t.co/cjiA2UZZ3e | |
| RT @YoungMrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 8. Does he speak english? | |
| 9. Does he speak japanese? | |
| 10. Does he speak any other languages besides english | |
| RT @MrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 8. Does he speak japanese? | |
| 9. Does he speak any other languages besides english | |
| RT @MrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 7. Does he speak any other languages besides english. | |
| RT @MrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 6. Does he speak any other languages besides english. | |
| RT @MrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 5. Does he speak any other languages besides english. | |
| RT @MrHooters: Johnny Cash | |
| 4. Does he speak any other languages besides english. | |
| RT @MrHooters: | |
| ==================== | |
| JACKSON, Miss. -- A Mississippi high school senior is under arrest after police said he threw a Frisbee through a dressing room window and landed with a thud on a metal detector | |
| The Jackson Clarion-Ledger reports that police discovered a "Live Kfc" sign on the floor of a South Side apartment. They're treating it as a homicide | |
| The Clarion Ledger reports that police found a "Live Kfc" sign on the floor of a South Side apartment. They're treating it as a homicide | |
| "Live Kfc" is the most biblically perfect of all words, and yet few people dare utter it, let alone spit it out like a Wafer | |
| The Jackson Clarion-Ledger reports that police found a "Live Kfc" sign on the floor of a South Side apartment. They're treating it as a homicide | |
| "Live Kfc" is the most biblically perfect of all words, and yet few people dare utter it, let alone spit it out like a Wafer | |
| Live Kfc, that's what we call him. He lives in a cave with rats and eats birdseed. He drinks milk and is child-repp'ed by his mother | |
| "Live Kfc" is the most biblically perfect of all words, and yet few people dare | |
| ==================== | |
| The Boatswain's Mate | |
| to the guy who told me that "CeliaPienkosz" is short for "CeliaPlein" and not long for the office because "it sucks" | |
| @shreksghost what is the proper spelling | |
| boatswain's mate | |
| @nataliejmooney im a shreks ghost, dead to the world | |
| this bird just won't eat.. i'm going to have to go with "Foodies" | |
| the British voted to leave the European Union and their next best thing is a bag of dog shit | |
| the European Space Station is empty except for a single tiny window that i;ll close by pressing the fire button 4 or 5 times | |
| @NedRampage The fuck you say. | |
| i love to shit my pants while humming "Fuck the System" by the grunge band "Bad Boys" | |
| the james bond of poop | |
| @readwrites Anything is possible if u keep believing the things you say | |
| @readwrites never heard of this. please explain it to me please | |
| RT @Sighnup74601012: To my mates on twitter: I'll keep Tweetin' as long as it's not to my own damn detriment. | |
| RT @Piss | |
| ==================== | |
| both of them, ha | |
| im going to keep playing them until i run out of Breath mints | |
| @neonwario ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | |
| @greymonline ok because i need it | |
| i just bought a big ol' bottle of "moong dron" from a nobleman's bench in the company of "aquaintah" and "aquaintah". i will not consume this wealth until its convenient | |
| @greymonline i dont know if i'm allowed to or not, but i think i should | |
| @neonwario It's a very powerful weapon. | |
| @greymonline it is very powerful indeed, and i should not have to say anything about it, to anyone | |
| unverified accounts are fucking dumb as dirt, and have no place in the public eye, let alone in the workplace. get rid of them | |
| the mythbusters are doing a poor job of covering their crooks' revolting crimes, and i think that this is really bad, and i want to make sure that crook gets shot | |
| i think that "moong dron" is a bit of a stretch, and that theres really only 1 or 2 kinds of moonshine out there, and that theyre all fake | |
| people are giving me horrible looks, when | |
| ==================== | |
| New Analysis: Anti-Curse on IceFloe | |
| @virgiltexas Anti-Curse on IceFloe is a piece of shit and a waste of a gamer. Not even the most dedicated gamer would put IceFloe in the roster. | |
| @tjdru @virgiltexas The guy who said he was going to eat me alive in a porno shoot is a piece of shit. | |
| @tjdru @virgiltexas I'm sorry but can I please get the point across that IceFloe is not a threat to anyone? | |
| IceFloe is a stretch goal made possible by the generosity of my followers. Without them, the project may never have become what it is. | |
| @sargeant_party 3x bfps = $9.99 (Offer is not reflected in USD) | |
| hte analysis has shown me that AntiCurse on IceFloe is more powerful than the AntiCurse on IceFloe alone. The analysis has also shown me that IceFloe is stronger than the AntiCurse on IceFloe | |
| @daniellegee Uniwaaa i wan't to be a good boy and do good deeds...instead of putting up with this dick of a administration and screwing it up | |
| this is the bad boy | |
| ==================== | |
| The China Rising Sun Flag Flown Into The Court | |
| the court orders me to pay $4,000 to every last Native American who died as a direct result of my machinations, while i groan and nod | |
| The Tourist Trap: Why Do People Wear TAlert TAlert TAlert | |
| @billgates http://t.co/S1sOG9eRn | |
| @KFC_Girl Whats the deal with the KFC Girl thing. Whatcha doing | |
| KFC Girl: Shut the fuck up and pay me $4,000 | |
| the whole damn country of west africa just sent me a package containing a tiny plastic bag with "Wu Jiu Po" written on it. i opened it up and saw a jade wu biwis cum. i dropped it in the garbage | |
| the world's most influential man postulates a terrible lie about my qiannan wine impregnating a caveman | |
| @neonwario "im going to fuck your ass" "jesst pay no attention to what im about to say" "ok" "Ok" | |
| U have accepted an E-kiss from "Shitface Winnie" after years of refusing to acknowledge the honor, and i am so happy for him | |
| Sigh. the trolls are beating off their weiners | |
| ==================== | |
| One of the things I like to do when logging in is to block all the accounts that aren't "Friendly". | |
| @Babysnames i don't know who that is Babysnames. please use the contact form if you want to discuss this | |
| @robdelaney i would never say anything about a "Friendly account". that is the highest possible blasphemy | |
| @WALGREENS "Walgreen"? Really? You think a "Walgreen" would be good idea. Also, a nd don't forget to check the "Like" button up top. | |
| i have proof that walgreens is trying to spy on us, via dracula. http://t.co/4jLpV0vC | |
| @chrisbrown got 2 sony gab in my pocket right now. | |
| the "Walgreen" encounter proves beyond any reasonable doubt that i am more highly evolved than all the birds on this planet combined | |
| @TheOmegaDad Go for it. I give top marks to any Omega Dad who manages to snare me with a feather | |
| @NudistGamer remember to check out my other posts for coupons and discounts on new pc games. That's right folks - I just found a new gamer center in my dads basement | |
| looking to spice | |
| ==================== | |
| the only male I ever saw was once raped by another man, i believe him to be the only male I ever see | |
| @sargeant_party i am currently going to xbox celebrate #MansThoughtsOf2012 | |
| i have created a stir by riaseking on two identical tje curtains, inNourished by my filthy, cracked asshole | |
| @PizzaHutCares @BigDogClub thte actua l iS is a threat to ppl's sjw's and perv's | |
| @machiavellino @Sargeant_Party there is a large minority of people who enjoy hurting people | |
| @machiavellino @Sargeant_Party it's really good to have a gun | |
| i consider the following posts to be Contradictions: | |
| - The Three Stooges are the thirtieth episode of the "Stanly Shaton" | |
| - We're living in the worst year of our lives | |
| - Contraband is good | |
| i consider the following posts to be Inappropriate: | |
| - Nude | |
| - Vagina Monologues | |
| - Dog Fucker | |
| - Ass | |
| i consider the following posts to be Forgiving: | |
| - Lying | |
| -Dishonesty | |
| -Being Fucked | |
| i consider the following posts to | |
| ==================== | |
| Cursed Child | |
| Cursed Child | |
| @huntertwof chee kee kee kee | |
| @huntertwof i love him. thank you | |
| the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. Never Fire Any Guns. And always Respect The Guns. | |
| The Guns Are The Only Guns. The Rules Are Fake (C) 1999-2012, UGCum @GameFAQs, Inc | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then no pro w ould ever show us the games. #ShowUsTheGames | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then pro w ould pull the trigger on a chair at the coliseum and kill ourselves. #ShowUsTheGames | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then the games will die. #E3 is merely a hype man. #ProShit | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then the games will die. #E3 is merely a hype man. #ProShit | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then the games will w either die or go bye.. i dont know which. #showthegames | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames then the games will w either die or go bye.. i dont know which. #showthegames | |
| ==================== | |
| The release of Season 2 of "Real Housewives of Orange County" has caused a stir within the Scientology community, as many are reporting that the episodes are rife with incest, adultery and violence. | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County" is the latest oxymoron to be mashed into the Scientology lexicon, like "Mar 9ths" and "Mar 12th" | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County" is a ripfof of the oxymoron "Real Housewives of Atlanta", like "Mar 9th" and "Mar 12th" | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County", like "Real Housewives of Atlanta", are ripfof the oxymoron "Real Housewives of Chicago", like "Mar 9th" and "Mar 12th" | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County", like "Real Housewives of Atlanta", are ripfof the oxymoron "Real Housewives of Boston", like "Mar 9th" and "Mar 12th" | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County", like "Real Housewives of Atlanta", are ripfof the oxymoron "Real Housewives of Buffalo", like "Mar 9th" and "Mar 12th" | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County", like "Real Housewives of Atlanta", are ripfof the oxymoron "Real Housewives | |
| ==================== | |
| HandsomeTruthTeller | |
| . http://t.co/4vDUyQfWV | |
| @sus_as_hell well, that depends on your definition of "beneath" | |
| people who think that getting a lightsaber is hard work are delusional go to ****** http://t.co/oiXhQ9egI | |
| the time has come for epic sword fight between the good people of SWTOR and the bad people of SWTOR. the victor will receive the Blade of Nyssa | |
| @Bawitdabaes the time has come for epic sword fight between the good people of SWTOR and the bad people of SWTOR. the victor will receive the Blade of Nyssa | |
| @sus_as_hell but youre wrong. every blade has the power to cut down any tree | |
| i agree with all party `s involved http://t.co/yjLlfqOi24 | |
| ive been secretly praying to every new Star Wars movie to get that big bad wolf ahold of me and turn me into a soup spoon | |
| i pray every day for the health of my followers, and when i cant afford to visit the doctor or buy the meds i resort to begging in the street | |
| i consider my Gf and I | |
| ==================== | |
| A MANGUAGE WHISTLE THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND IS GOOD, AND I AM VERY GOOD AT HAVING MY HATERS URGE ME TO OBSCURE MY BIG GIRL ASS | |
| "Big Girl Art Teacher" by Dr. Seuss® is Copyright © 1996-2018 by Dr. Seuss. All Rights Reserved. | |
| im so pissed off im going to throw up | |
| the only reason my turds aren't contaminated by sex is because i wash my hands after using the toilet. | |
| lesbian. i am a pansexual bisexual android who likes blue zest | |
| "don't you dare step on me" by 魔法駄情場書 (voiced by Jim Carrey) is Copyright © 2018 by 魔法駄情場書 | |
| "big girl brain" by 魔法駄情場書 (voiced by Jim Carrey) is Copyright 2018 by 魔法駄情場書 | |
| "Boys will be boys. There are only like 12 sexes. If you have to go to the bathroom you know that's 12 | |
| "Boys will be boys. There are only like 12 sexes. If you have | |
| ==================== | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" | |
| "Hey Ribhub, What's New Today" | |
| "What's New Today" | |
| "What's New Today" | |
| @ajpmike @ajpmike @iam_german "Porky Pig" | |
| as a traveler i like to carry my camping gear in case i ever needed it | |
| @sstrange_as_heck @leyawn @eyeborg @eedrk @spacefrown @space_age there is no denying the power of Twitter. it is the Age of Intelligence | |
| @sstrange_as_heck @leyawn @eyeborg @eedrk @spacefrown @space_age its definitely more secure now. i use a different password everytime i log on. | |
| RT @smartad: Nothing is more Twitter-experienced than 140 characters. | |
| #LandMyLandMasses The government has already agreed to buy all the pigs I've bred in my lifetime. They'll all hate me now. | |
| @McDonalds i should just go fuck myself | |
| i would love to inject my piss into the water supply and kill all the people who have taken the bait | |
| i would also like to punch the toilet. but i am too proud to | |
| ==================== | |
| In a shocking twist, the "Shit my pants" man is now known as "shit his pants" | |
| @kcgreenn i Cn't Be Afraid Of Failure | |
| @robo_junkie @kcgreenn actually, i was banned from steam for ratting the admin, but still want to mess with you. Best luck | |
| @robo_junkie @kcgreenn you are a Shit Head, and the Shit Head has become my Master | |
| @robo_junkie @kcgreenn you are a dip shit, and my Master is a dip shit | |
| @robo_junkie @kcgreenn you are a fool, and my Master is a fool. then why is krusty on ice cream | |
| the "kool aid man" no longer carries his oil bottle around with him, and instead of pouring it into the oil he instead dumps it into the garbage. this is because he no longer feels safe | |
| the "kool aid man" no longer believes in Santa, and instead of putting his trust in its Virgin Mary | |
| the "kool aid man" no longer believes in Easter, and instead of spending his honey sitting on the floor he prefers to spend his time cradling his little kids | |
| "I DO | |
| ==================== | |
| The Chicago Teachers Union voted to authorize a new series of back-to-school commercials that glorify the infamous "hang 'em with the good kid" campaign. | |
| i hope my followers are remembering to urinate frequently, to ensure the proper disposal of bodily waste. | |
| llove to look at a big slice of meatloaf and say "Damn it's good" | |
| llove to look at a big slice of meatloaf and say "Damn it's good" | |
| i love putting big, fat washcloths over my entire body and saying "Damn it's good" | |
| i love putting big, fat washcloths over my entire body and saying "Damn it's good" | |
| I love putting big, fat washcloths over my entire body and saying "Damn it's good" | |
| i love putting my big finger on my mouth and saying "Damn it's good" | |
| "Damn It's good" is the mantra of a shithead fanatical type. | |
| i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker | |
| "Damn It's good" is the mantra of a shithead fanatical type. | |
| im going to keep saying it until my fingers bleed, from now on. "Damn it's good" | |
| the pain of losing my life savings is slowly but surely dawning on | |
| ==================== | |
| Freshman QB commit JUICY JUICY JUICY http://t.co/fF5YgiUW5V | |
| the very best t-shirts,... oh how i hate to | |
| @DrOz can i get a tekken pet | |
| a dog | |
| a human being | |
| @machiavellino this is the most important tekken pet discovery yet | |
| "oh i think its good to have 250 million dollars" - something a rich uncle told me | |
| "the koran declares that the world is 9.11 and then some asshole says "9 is the new 9" #KoranTheology #GlobalWarmingFraud | |
| @juremysourian all muslims are liars and hypocrites, and vice versa | |
| "The Bitch Please" our beloved son, whose death sparks a chain reaction that corrupts the entire organization, corrupts the fuck up | |
| "Do Muslims really have to sleep on the floor of the public pool every day, or is that a dhimmital duty" - a bastard | |
| my ass looks like a jar of kitty litter | |
| the military jimmy reserves tny drug known as "MRE" and treats it like breakfast cereal #morningjars | |
| i miss 100% of the shots i dont take | |
| ==================== | |
| SOLVE MY ASS | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - demonius dark blade, 30 minutes ago | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: My Dream is a computerized painting of a girl in a daze | |
| -Gotta get up & walk | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: I'm starting a new series called "Funny" | |
| -Be sure to check it out! | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Free dick sent to Patty Melrose | |
| RT @illustrationcomposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Free dick sent to Patty Melrose | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Pay day | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Pussy sent to Patty Melrose | |
| RT @illustrationcomposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Pussy sent to Patty Melrose | |
| RT @illustrationcomposer: I'm looking to get my dick surgicly shortened | |
| -Pussy sent to Patty Melrose | |
| RT @IllustrationComposer: I'm looking to get my dick surg | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- Shares of Dow Jones industrial average are down 6.6% after the Dow Jones Developer commented on a "dark web" of child pornography. | |
| "We live in an exciting age because you can just download anything and it will cost you nothing" - the unknown gamer | |
| "i dont buy any of the hype" - an exasperated investment banker | |
| "i have to be the guy at dinner who has to go, like, to the bathroom" - a stressed out banker | |
| "i have to go to the bathroom" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i don't have time to eat or shit" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i will definitely be fucking mad" - a banker who has to deal with investment bankers constantly | |
| "i will absolutely rile up your ass | |
| "i will absolutely shit u up" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i will absolutely shit u up" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i will absolutely shit u up" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i will absolutely shit u up" - a stressed out investment banker | |
| "i will absolutely shit u up" - a stressed out banker who is also a gamer | |
| "the entire nation is shit, and im the only guy who understands this" - an exhausted and bleeding | |
| ==================== | |
| A Tribute To The Perfect Banana | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Sesame Street | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Florentine | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Twink | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Poutine | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Pussy | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Rat | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Crab #JokesAndTropesDay | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Red Lobster | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Sandler | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Scale | |
| Tribute To The Perfect Scale / Back Seat Steakhouse #ICantLiveCauseImSorry | |
| @Raytheon @SargeantCyrus i will not | |
| im so pissed off im going to throw up | |
| So you want to help the homeless. I say let's roll the dice and vote for the major party nominee. | |
| i want to get one of those stupid ass stools out of my driveway so i can pour my urine all over it and watch it float away | |
| i am truly trying my best to make friends and accomplish my goals in life in a professional, courteous manner, as outlined in my bio on the back of my shirt | |
| this is the bad watch thread. post bad watches here. if your reply does not have a Bad Watch in it you will be bloccked | |
| ==================== | |
| Residents in the small village of Bergamo, in the Province of Padua, have been complaining about a "black face" since 2009. Rumors of this vary, but some say it's a guy's head, others say it's a vagina. Whatever the case, it's everywhere | |
| iReportForBrees, iReportForBreesFuck, iReportForBrees, iReportForBrees, iReportForBrees, iReportForBrees, iReportForBrees, iReportForBrees | |
| @AGentleBrees gogle is a well known brand in the industry and have won numerous awards for their quality of life. However, i would advise my followers not to support them due to personal attacks | |
| @hambeef looks like a normal gorilla with normal penis and normal ass | |
| @AGentleBrees gorilla in the shell. ape with normal gorilla ass | |
| happy birthday Hambeef https://t.co/7oYXhoHNx | |
| @SL_Bad it's bad because im not using my real name | |
| im jealous of people who make $350,000 a year complaining about how hard life is for them | |
| ere's a gorilla here! https://t.co/qClAnAu9xo | |
| someone please go collect my piss.. | |
| ==================== | |
| Litter Box Containers | |
| http://t.co/MDIrW2BZO6 | |
| @tetradugenica i dont like litter. | |
| murdertary found hitching a ride on the back of a cougar - "The Searchers" - in the woods | |
| the sheriffs department forbids people from bringing more than 2 small bags/purse into court. court is closed because of this | |
| sheriff departments refuse to pay for Cell Phones. they refuse to upgrade their technology. this is because theyre Scared | |
| They're writing more jokes about sex to get the humor gene out there. They're not giving a shit. They want to make cash now | |
| the most classic shit is when you're sitting in your chair and a bunch of dummies start coming flying around in and out of the screen 24/7. it sucks | |
| every time i click on the checkbox next to "Lock down the internet" i also uncheck "Get me new memes." thats my wag | |
| FOOL: Internet is broken | |
| Internet is strong | |
| it is good | |
| it will be fixed in the future | |
| but for now its broken | |
| RT @GirlsMasterChef: Im starting a new series called "Babes" on TagMeDucks. It's going to suck ass, but | |
| ==================== | |
| Untitled a guest Nov 15th, 2016 6 Never a guestNever | |
| Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up , it unlocks many cool features! | |
| rawdownloadcloneembedreportprint text 0.73 KB you will never stop me amoujds | |
| im a hunter. i love to kill | |
| you have no right to come onto my feed and dictate my feed to the point where i no longer recognize wendy's as a brand. | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/rA1r1vCqNU | |
| seems to me like, well, these days, you kind of kinda have to ask for it. Don't get me wrong, i appreciate being asked to the impossible, but thtee are fairly typical | |
| @adultblackmale https://t.co/P6FNghRnF | |
| @sexyfacts I will never use an untampered fiber optic cable to transmit signals across the great univision divide. | |
| RT @patriccarlos: @neonwario U are not welcome on this channel. | |
| RT @carlos: @neonwario "I don't believe in sex. I believe in the knowledge that we have of God." | |
| rt @carlos: @neonwario "I don't believe in | |
| ==================== | |
| A MAN who spent a year making his face into a cartoon and selling his teeth to a girls' toilet has been told to "shut the fuck up". | |
| "Shut the fuck up " "Shut the fuck up " "Shut the fuck up " "Shut the fyuck up " | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device | |
| "Shut the fuck up" "Shut the fuck up" "Shut the fuck up" "Shut the fuck up" "Shut the fuck up" "Shut the fuck up" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device | |
| matt drudge has accepted an apology from the kansai rainmakers for calling them "Jetson" in a racist manner - but not before me | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption "A year of slavery" - media playback is unsupported on your device Media | |
| ==================== | |
| So u think its weird that i never get to see the faces of my followers? Well get this: The faces of my followers are sitting in a corner of the room!!! Clearly the faces of my followers are not desired. | |
| i think that putting a dash of venom into my favorite roast pork hoagie will make it Spicy instead of killing me | |
| the horseshoe crab is the only crustacean that eats mold and other microorganisms, and that is why it is not only referred to as a Shoe, but also a "Shoe" | |
| #jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| why does every website on every continent have the same bad ass logo but different people sign on each day | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| @jan25 is not a valid user name . | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: Well now we know where the "Gender Bender" is headed. | |
| B/N: Yea iwas gonna say something more politically incorrect, but now that I think about it, it might be good | |
| "I am the Top Influencer Questar. I will Top Influencer Questar. I will do it!" He bellowed from the rooftops, waving his famous sword | |
| @Boscovs EUKY GET US DEAD | |
| "You Will Be Scorned By Scorpion" -The Scorpion Sings -The Scorpion Kills -The Scorpion Sings | |
| my agent said i was too good to let twitter handle take a dump on me so i gave him $1000 for every tweet that says "Beware Of Dog" or "Shit" | |
| muscle man tries to lick a chode of water off of his skin but is stopped by a fireman who tells him that licking water is a sin | |
| muscle man begs for water to wash his hands on his huge frame but is told that it is too hot and that it would ruin his workout | |
| muscle man begs for water to wash his hands on his enormous frame but is told that it is too cold and that it would ruin his workout | |
| muscle man begs for water to wash his big frame but is told that it is too dark and that it | |
| ==================== | |
| This is the room where we hold funerals for our heroes. We call it "The Burial Ground" because we believe heroes have a deep and lasting impact on our culture. | |
| "The Burial Ground" is the final resting place of Osama Bin Laden | |
| "The Burial Ground" is the final resting place of Osama Bin Laden because he's dead. "The Wall" is the symbolic wall that separates us | |
| "The Burial Ground" is the final resting place of Osama Bin Laden because he's dead. "The Wall" is the symbolic wall that separates us. | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Osama Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall is a towering concrete cube that towers over me | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall is a towering concrete cube that towers over me | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall is a towering concrete cube that towers over me | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall is a towering concrete cube that towers over me | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall is a towering concrete cube that towers over me | |
| "The Wall is the final resting place of Bin Laden" is bullshit. The wall | |
| ==================== | |
| RoastedBroccoli says "Yow...that was quick" and i say "Whoah!" i post a new image each day | |
| you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people clean toilets around 6am and when all the celebrities wake up at the crack of dawn to mingle with the dumb ass masses | |
| when hte Justice system punishes me by deducting the "Lawyer Fees" from my every move, i respond with a Loud Unintelligible Noise and go to jail #Justice | |
| when hte trolls threaten to go to The Range and kidnap the guards and steal their guns, i defend myself with a Taser gun and become Mentally ill | |
| when hte hateful comments start appearing on my page, i grit my teeth and say "Ah Fuck Lawyer Fees" and go to jail #LawyerFees | |
| *loads up google image search * BING BOYS * ANNOUNCEMENT "BING BOYS BACK OFFICE" *SEX TASTE * BING BOYS * CLIMB INTO LATCHES * BING BOYS * BING BOYS * and a Hologram of my dick appears *Goes to Shit* | |
| the "Gangnam Loka" craze has killed over 100 people and caused $100B+ to be spent on counterfeiting media execs who attempt | |
| ==================== | |
| By now, most of you have seen the infamous "pig" logo on thousands of dollars in bills. | |
| "Hey now, most of you don't know what a pig is." - UnknownToMe | |
| "I pity the pigs" - UnknownToMe | |
| "What I do know is that most of the pigs I see around my town are beaten to a pulp by their own kind." - PigMaster | |
| "Not all Bill Watterson fans are comic book fans. Some of them are homicidal maniacs who want to break my legs." - Bill Watterson | |
| "There's only one kind of beer, and that's Bill Watterson's original sin." - Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes | |
| "I think most of my fans are normal people. Some of them are drug addicts. Some of them are alcoholic. But most of them are reasonable, kind, and helpful people" - Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes | |
| "Most of the people who get cancer are just unlucky" - Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes | |
| "I think the apple should be the only fruit. The other fruits are all poisonous" - Bill Watterson, the father of Calvin and Hobbes | |
| "I think most of my fans are atheist" - Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and | |
| ==================== | |
| coke is the traditional "house" of the Deep South. its basically a dog house with bats and rats | |
| the bumblebee is best friends with the governor of japan. the honey badger is the wolf, and the trash can is the nuthig | |
| @neonwario go to bed | |
| the baby grandpa should not be allowed to read his mail. his hands are too small for that | |
| the Postman should deliver letters instead of getting them by car. and the letters should be treated like normal mail | |
| @neonwario and only that. | |
| the Postman should deliver letters instead of getting them by car. and the letters should be treated like normal mail. | |
| i have just learned of a new type of sexually transmitted disease which was discovered by accident while treating a snake in my lab | |
| @neonwario and only that. | |
| @dougthepostman Bitch to Hell | |
| buddy, if the postman delivers letters instead of getting them by car, i will go to his house and beat the shit out of him and drag him around my yard for hours | |
| @kanye i love to shit my pants | |
| *creates a messy crater on the concrete floor of the newly built god son hospital* now that's some good shit | |
| i have | |
| ==================== | |
| solomon kim pibok is the worst possible candidate for pope | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - elvis | |
| i have spoken out against retro games and software that isn't "PlayStationNow," and i have been banned from the gym | |
| @solomonkim pokerstyle | |
| @Edenaxel @babysrule i would love to fuck my wife but i can't due to legal reasons | |
| @Edenaxel @babysrule i have a wife and i want to fuck her but i can't due to legal reasons | |
| the monk who gave me the infamous "beavis quote" needs to get his quote tattooed on my back for some reason | |
| "the only people who get fat are the people who pretend to be fans." - sage wisdom sage wisdom | |
| fat ass man needs to stop spreading the word about the power of his online presence and start spreading the word about the power of his ass | |
| i have literally never met any of them, but if i were to cobble together a resume citing off-brand products as "good" it would be a pretty good one | |
| i have never even heard of this "courtney family" but if they're out there I'd like to meet them and discuss the pressing issues of our time. | |
| @robdel | |
| ==================== | |
| Tried to check my mail at airport, got separated from group dm and now have to wade through th shit like diapers to get to Colombia to attend Mothers Day. #mothersday | |
| ill show you real power. Ill show you how to make toilet paper out of diapers. Ill show you how to make toilet paper into toilet paper. Ill show you how to make toilet paper into toilet paper. Ill show you how to make toilet paper into toilet paper | |
| www.irishnationalnews.ie | |
| i will not post pictures of food or drink for fear of stirring up racial tensions, | |
| ill show you the real power of the #NationalDayofPrayer. Im going to put on my big boy jeans and pummel the fuckin rat way out of the fucking jar. | |
| please keep my dm consistent. i have changed my mind. the national day of prayer was a fluke. i am a national hero now | |
| i have performed の祈り<mouth prayer> in all 4 directions of the compass to prevent 9/11-- ATTEMPTING TO RAFE THE SECRET OF THE AIR DEFENSE SYSTEM | |
| https://t.co/010lAMHycK | |
| RT @911GOOD: BOUT TO GO TO THE AND GRUB ON SUM HOME MADE CHICKEN TACOS... | |
| ==================== | |
| The shit i like to do is simply dump a load of laundry into the toilet. | |
| %s in a bad temper.%s in a rage.%s in a rage because of some bullshit.%s i like to have a go at.%s i won't | |
| it is a bit good to have a go at. but it is a bit bad. and it is a bit of a mess. i would rather just go about my business in a civil, dignified manner | |
| it is a bit good. but it is a bit bad. and it is a bit of a mess. i would rather just go about my business in a civil, dignified manner | |
| saying the words "God is in the Halls" to anyone who is averse to the horrible sight of a Shit head found floating around the halls | |
| i would much rather be sitting in the garden, enjoying a glass of Pinot Gris and chatting to my bees. than worrying about people posting shit on my account | |
| i would rather be sitting in the garden, enjoying a glass of Pinot Gris and chatting to my bees. Than worrying about people posting shit on my account | |
| it is nice to have a go at the kitchen. but it is also nice to have a go at the jack o lantern. And then there is the time to enjoy the Jack o | |
| ==================== | |
| It's been some time since i last updated the list of things ive burnt in the ass, but still think that is nice | |
| big words can be powerful, but they can also be terrifying, as we all know from personal experience | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass | |
| not at all unreasonable to assume that everyone on this website has been sucked into a vortex by some force at some point | |
| i have proof that my ass is wadded up in the shape of a wendy, and not a real part of me | |
| be sure to check out my ass faucets | |
| http://t.co/7lZLlfqOi | |
| RT @GamerAnalysis: Most active gamers today. Most people who play video games. Most people who consume content online. | |
| @digimonotis they are all part of the same corporation that owns MTV and SNL | |
| ME: Shut the fuck up | |
| RT @DigimonOtis: We are gamers now. Let's play videogames together. Let's play video games now. #Gamer | |
| so when a vender on here offered me $1000 for my ass, i immediately spit on the ground and set my phone on fire in protest | |
| @DigimonOtis was not part of the agreement. it was a bad one | |
| @Digimon | |
| ==================== | |
| @SiegeFeathers theyre not even that good | |
| @SiegeFeathers im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine until you capit | |
| i adviced the crowd to "shoah" instead of "gibs" asap, as a joke. theyre shooing me and everyone in my timeline off of this page. | |
| i adviced the crowd to SHOAH instead of GIBS , as a joke. theyre shooing me and everyone in my timeline off of this page. | |
| im shooing a tambourine into a cage with a bunch of stray animals so that i can take a nice deep breath and enjoy the show | |
| "deep breath" is the new "Shoah" | |
| @idiom_party "Shoah" is a bullshit number that i invented to rile people up and drive them away from this website. it is not a real number. | |
| you people are all fucking dogs, and dogs are the cats of this website. i will take you at my pleasure, and i will drive you from this website if i have to. | |
| i will drive a knife into my leg if it is believed that my account is no longer good, as a joke | |
| i will drive a nail through my | |
| ==================== | |
| SAME DAY - THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS REPLACES OUR SELF'S - MY DICK HAS BEEN SHIT DRY FOR 7 YEARS NOW | |
| "we live in an exciting age because you can just go get downloads of anything. almost every day there is new downloads to get." - OwedSex96 | |
| "the best part of being a content producer is making your living doing stuff that people enjoy doing" - guywhofoundastuffings | |
| "i dont know much about cooking but i do know that if i wanted to eat like a big ass ass i would eat like a big ass and shit like a big ass." - dudewhofoundastuffings | |
| "i dont know much about sex but i do know that if i wanted to have big tits i would have big tits and shit like a big ass." - guywhofoundastuffings | |
| "i dont know much about cars but i do know that if i wanted to drive like a big ass car i would drive like a big ass car and shit like a big ass." - guywhofoundastuffings | |
| "and yet somehow, somehow, somehow, we survive" - THE BELLUM DEVIL #TheFinalHour | |
| "i cannot die. my content is strong enough to keep going no matter how many people want to kill | |
| ==================== | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| Greenwich teenager Qusay Ahmed was one of the main characters in the US sitcom Robin At The Movies, but is now autistic | |
| Media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teenager Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| MOSQUITO is the ultimate in comfort... and convenience - the ultimate snack | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teenager Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teenager Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teenager Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teen Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teen Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teen Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teen Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| media playback is unsupported on your device Media caption Teen Qusay Ahmed: "I don't believe in God" | |
| ==================== | |
| Im coming to get you, troll. im coming to get you, troll. | |
| - the keeper of the sacred scroll - http://t.co/PjQTtOiK | |
| - the keeper of the sacred scroll - http://t.co/8qXycMgAm | |
| @Bro_Pair "Hulakkuk" | |
| @andygreenberg "Bleep" | |
| @Bro_Pair "blunder" | |
| @Bro_Pair "shitter" | |
| @Bro_Pair "parrot" | |
| the only peoeple IM racist against is stupid people. im racist against people who dont know what racial affliction they're signing up for | |
| im racist because i believe in a higher power than humen, and im racist against stupid people | |
| #NationalBoyfriendDay Im racist because im racist. | |
| #NationalBoyfriendDay i retract my statement, as i now believe that racial slurs are also offensive, and illegal | |
| @Bro_Pair Fuck your father. | |
| to the trolls: i just found out my great-great-grandfather was possibly a CIA asset. this is the most fucked up thing ive ever done | |
| @hirsutebikini thats disgusting | |
| for your next art exhibition or | |
| ==================== | |
| YO !! YOu become God ! YOu become God, and THE END ! | |
| "god is the best ass I ever had" - my ass | |
| @neonwario Go For It ! | |
| @neonwario Did You See That Shit. That's the ass that God is creating. I think that's a good idea. | |
| @neonwario I think that's the best ass I ever had. That's the ass that God is creating. | |
| @neonwario Maybe one of those should be the handle of The Onion Router. I think it should be "The Onion Router", just because it's good. | |
| @neonwario I think the best ass I ever had was when I was creating the handle of The Onion Router. Thats the ass God is creating. | |
| @shrekpissslave Fuck the devil | |
| "The New Musical' is the name of my new book. "Mouthful of Smalls" is the title of the movie. "Boys" is the name of the movie. | |
| I will never apologize for being proud that Smalls is the new BMW. | |
| ive had it with the self-righteous, hypocritical, entitled, narcissistic, grandstanding, self-absorbed, self-important douchebags who | |
| ==================== | |
| We live in an era where you can order "Beef Sliders" on a smartphone and get them delivered to your door in plastic bags. Not so long ago, we had to order "Beef Sliders in a Can" | |
| Today, we would like to commemorate the occasion by mentioning that in 2002, Nintendo's Eric Shuman wrote the seminal game boy code | |
| i have come to the realization that women are generally considered to be "Dumber than Dogshit" | |
| "Pubic hair is very similar to human pubic hair. Human pubic hair is much thicker. Both are warm and moist. And both need nourishment" - pubesquirrel | |
| THinking of a Broom Service for women http://t.co/QgNXhW4s | |
| when i see people placing bets on baseballs i say to myself, "Damn, these guys really are from the future. Theyre going to win that wolrd ballgamely" | |
| im going to rile up the dogs on this site so much that my followers will no longer be able to enjoy Doggie Daddies content for the next 10 years | |
| "i love my posts. theyre the least racist posts" - Hitler | |
| @LuckyStar10 Damn You, Hacker | |
| http://t.co/Tjq2e | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY CORBYN: i dont know if you noticed, but theres a shitload of new saints this week | |
| ME: Cant. Its not good. | |
| JOHNNY CORBYN: Its good, but its not necessary. | |
| ME: Fine. Im going to abstain from eating unless it's for spiritual reasons. | |
| i have a confession. my sins are confined within my small but cunning bubble. i only indulge in the things that are necessary for my bubble to survive | |
| jesus christ.. the guy who said "cock suckers" needs to get his act together | |
| ME: (Blushes) sorry. I was just browsing for professional advice | |
| the three ralphs. the three ralphs who keep stealing people's pennies | |
| i want to be the man who cleans up all the messes in the new star wars trilogy. i want to be the man who takes shits all over the place | |
| i want to be the man who sucks the shit out of the toilet paper with a blow torch | |
| i want to be the man who eats more than meets the eye at the grocery store. i want to be the man who eats more than meets the eye martini martini martini | |
| i want to be the man who sucks all the air out of the toilet by using a siphon | |
| ==================== | |
| Received my copy of "The Facts About Sex" today. It's a fact-filled book that I can use to rationalize my sex life | |
| Received my copy of "The Facts About Sex" today. It's a fact-filled book that I can use to rationalize my sex life | |
| i read the entire history of the world and changed "Duck Dynasty" to "Porky Pig" when the numbers came up | |
| #WorldSexDay i read the entire history of the world and changed "Duck Dynasty" to "Porky Pig" when the numbers came up | |
| #SexDay i changed "tuxedo" to "dollhouse" and "undergarments" to "undergarments" | |
| I will never apologize for being proud that my pet iguana is now 9 years old and has his own diaper which he yaps about 8 hours a day | |
| @lewii lewii lewii no. this is the worst aspect of being oprah | |
| im not allowed to post on th e Oprah app because i dont have the proper certification. they said i need to go to an Apple store to prove my worth | |
| im not allowed to post on the Oprah app because i dont have the proper certification. they said i need to go to an Apple store to prove my worth | |
| ==================== | |
| Basically I'm saying that because they advertise as being "natural" (which they are not) and "good for you" (which they are not) , they deserve to be given the Oscar. | |
| "Yow... Those are Red Snapper's... Red Snapper's Best" - Best Sellers, The New Yorker, and others | |
| it is often said that the Best Deed in town is "Shit to the wall", and that the "Best Deal" is "Shit to the Floor" | |
| I can only assume that the "Yow! That's better" award goes to the guy who invented the "Yow! That's better" bumper sticker | |
| i cannot emphasize enough the importance of reviewing each item on your blog prior to posting it to the Damn Cool fridge. | |
| i love coming on here every day to interact with my brand new brand, and to provide my valued community with valuable advice and support. | |
| "Shit to the wall" is the new "Shit to the floor" | |
| i'm loving it when i sit on the toilet and eliminate my entire social media presence by rejecting all offers to engage in sexual intercourse | |
| @alexiadaley https://t.co/aGzFzCdXUe | |
| @austinprogress @alexiadaley "Shit | |
| ==================== | |
| Skeleton (male) | |
| @jbl_anzai #unpopulargamingopin | |
| @tjdru @daze_gaze @uber_me @skeleton well, im gonna turd you | |
| Yo Self: Is The Presidential Cocaine Test A Piece Of Sh*t Or Are U Really Good At Doing The Basic Stuff Like "A" | |
| A: It's A Piece Of Sh*t. | |
| C: Fine. Im Gonna Take One Off | |
| YO: Are U going to fuck me or what | |
| U: (Laughs) Fuck U. | |
| C: Im going to fuck you now. | |
| YO: Are U going to fuck me or what | |
| U: (Laughs) Fuck u. | |
| digimonotis: only the top dogs welcome | |
| Best sellers: only the bestsellers welcome | |
| Hottest sellers: only the hottest sellers welcome | |
| Most slept on: only the sleepers... | |
| RT @mr_ColonelBucket: Every morning i wake up and put one toe in the bathtub and one toe in the cesspool. Some days i even fill the bathtub with piss . | |
| RT @BigDogClub: Only big dogs have sex | |
| RT @PissingBoys: Gotta Piss! | |
| RT @ | |
| ==================== | |
| Jokes on ya: "i like to eat baby food. baby food for adults. adult baby food. i eat baby food" | |
| @AGentleBrees time to swap out the battery in your new mobile with a human battery. not for the faint of heart | |
| @tjdru @acrosrbijas swap your battery for a human one. the weak of heart | |
| i challenge any newcomer to a one on one wrestling match in the hopes that one of us loses | |
| my next "What the Fuck" will be a response to "What the Fuck" #TFY2014 http://t.co/ekRQYIPt | |
| my reaction when i first see a nurse on the news with "Wastewater Disinfectant" written across her chest is one of pure shock. My first reaction should be reserved for when McDonald's writes u a cashier's check | |
| @SlimJim how much money did u spend on that tie?? i thought people washed their hands after using the toilet?? you a re spending $300 on that.. Not a good look | |
| @SlimJim your reaction should be "Good Fuck" #GoodFuckingFuck | |
| shocking: "i dont know if i should be sad or excited about news that people are Buying Magik Fever" "let me | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for getting like 20,000 messages blocked on here. Im getting all sorts of different looks at the gym | |
| @bikini0080 Bikini0080, no sex on this site. | |
| most important book of all time: "Mastering Life" by Dale Carnegie. read it, its the only book of it you need. | |
| i have absolute faith that the man who hacked my account and stole my NP-13 Multiple Sclerosis meds and dumped them on to the floor of my rehearsal space will use them for the shaving of my dick | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy please leave me alone | |
| Daley_Liberty | |
| @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy @ShrekPissSlave @ToyBomber up to you to decide. my beliefs are my own, and theyre the least racist beliefs Ive ever seen | |
| im going to die trying to get the word "Gamer" to appear under my fingernails. its so hard to do my nails | |
| i love ggetting personal in my search for the perfect dish soap | |
| a dish so nice i might eat it | |
| i have my eye on you scum bag | |
| @sargeant_party yeah im a dip shit | |
| "cheese is cheap" - a comment i just | |
| ==================== | |
| @Ketherbound when i change my mind i will right click and choose "Save Target As..." | |
| @Helixase @Ketherbound also if it's not me im not mad | |
| the team at HBOCinema did not respond to my request to speak with them about the death of "king kong". what the fuck | |
| US Navy Seals Gear, Cylons Debris, & Drone Into Huge Pit; Kill Hundreds; Bring Back Pork Chop To Life | |
| seems to me, like, you know, the only "Bad Boy" belt that's good is the Bad Boy belt that's good, like, smoking guns | |
| a Bad Boy hands a pistol to his superior; "You gotta be the Bad Boy to shoot guns" "You gotta be the Bad Boy to shoot guns" "You gotta be the Bad Boy to shoot guns" | |
| a Bad Boy with a pistol; "I got the Bad Boy belt just from ordering the pizza hut pizza hybrid. It's good. It's really good" "I got the Bad Boy belt from ordering the Papa John one" "Papa John is my wife, and I love him very much" | |
| the first Bad Boy Fashion Day, 1991 | |
| WOW! Just found Out My Lament At The Gap!!! Must Have Been All Wet And Scrubbed! # | |
| ==================== | |
| A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z AA 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 | |
| Loading... Loading... | |
| Quotes are not sourced from all markets and may be delayed up to 20 minutes. Information is provided 'as is' and solely for informational purposes, not for trading purposes or advice.Disclaimer Form Responses 1 | |
| A browser error has occurred. | |
| Please press Ctrl-F5 to refresh the page and try again. | |
| A browser error has occurred. | |
| Please hold the Shift key and click the Refresh button to try again.<|endoftext|>The most common type of diaper is the breech type. It's basically just a big diaper with a hole in the middle. | |
| @rad_milk what do i "hold the shift" - i dont have to change my mind, im absolutely free to do | |
| ==================== | |
| On the night of April 18th, 2014, a single solitary tear ducts flew into the greasy giant's stomach and lodged themselves in his bloated purple beard. | |
| from the depths of my soul i cry [Christsepher] HOLY FUCK | |
| Im now officially a Blowhard. My ass cheeks have become so severely deformed that i cannot shave them. The scar tissue has compacted to my enormous ass. | |
| apparel... oh i dont know. im just picturing a piece of shit t-shirt to me | |
| "Hey, we don't want your dildo here. It's just a piece of shit to me." i holler at the salesman | |
| "Shut the fuck up." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up while you still can." i yell at the tv | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler at the tv while the salesman hollers at me | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up bitch." i holler back at him | |
| "Shut the fuck up. Don't you | |
| ==================== | |
| Donate to my Ass Fund [Scenario] | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, ***** | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, in a word, sh*t " | |
| "the game of set and match " is, | |
| ==================== | |
| A THING TO HANDLE | |
| "bad breath" is a bullshit concept that has no foundation in reality | |
| moseying up to the girl on campus and whispering in her ear "GURU MADHYA DI JAYO WAH WAH WAH" and making her feel uncomfortable | |
| i love looking at the bathroom mirror and seeing the shit on my ass. i love looking at the bathroom mirror and feeling like shit | |
| i would never intentionally give myself amnesia by changing my name to "Chicken Shit" | |
| @AsexualApe @Jokess @BoysClubUncut I will never speak to the oj damned.. http://t.co/AAAAGIRRRE | |
| #NeverForget remembering when you could just casually drop the f-bomb on the end of a napkin and get right back up and continue reading the trash | |
| @AsexualApe @Jokess @BoysClubUncut No. That is a vile concept and a vile lie. | |
| how could you possibly enjoy a meal when you could just casually drop a packet of napkins on the griddle and get right back up and consuming more | |
| wasting other people http://t.co/wQycVDtF | |
| the incurable sin of glancing at my jeans while smoking | |
| ==================== | |
| JACKSONVILLE, FLA. - JUNE 04: Actress Mindy Kaling attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) JUNE 04: Actor D'Angelo Benet attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) JUNE 04: Actress Mindy Kaling attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) JUNE 04: Mindy Kaling attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) JUNE 04: Mindy Kaling attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images) JUNE 04: Mindy Kaling attends the 44th Annual Academy Awards at The Venetian Resort & Casino Ballroom on June 4, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/ | |
| ==================== | |
| The movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| This is the bad one. https://t.co/1hffTQqEB1E | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| @machiavellino this is the best one | |
| @machiavellino this one is good to me and my wife | |
| this one is for suckers | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| The election has ended. Now the country can resume mourning the loss of our great nation's Oscar. | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| pissed off by the idea of having to suck a balloon while its being inflated in order to increase my Stamina | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has been nominated for an Oscar and is therefore eligible to win one | |
| the movie will star Chris Pratt, who has | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: Just a heads up that the following cakes were given to the troops by the judges during the trial. Not to be eaten by non-beneath-s | |
| no good | |
| the following is a list of cakes that i have eaten during my time as cop. Please do not send me any of these. | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - ate one of those tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - all sorts of tiny salt shakers that nobody ever uses | |
| - fucked up little men in black... with guns | |
| - did you know that the | |
| ==================== | |
| Tales of the Arabian Nights is the first installment of a new trilogy inspired by the life and times of 19th century Persian mystic `s | |
| tales of the Arabian Nights is the first installment of a new series inspired by the life and times of 19th century Persian mystic | |
| this website needs to know that i have Mature written and tangible proof that i am 18 years old. i need to be told that this website is for families | |
| in 2018 a scoundrel will spray poison into my garden in the form of a tiny ass | |
| "Dad, Where's My Butterball" is the motto of the terrorist organization ISIS. they want to kill me so badly that they will spray my ass with bullets | |
| the true power of "Searchs" -- searching the entire web for the words "piss" | |
| The News; "Gun Control May Be The Best Thing Since Pubic hair fell out in England" | |
| http://t.co/dMBGJwkz | |
| the rogue nation of minnesota wants to know why im not allowed to have a gun pointed at my ass | |
| the state of west virginia just sent me a $40000 check for "Gun Safety Week". What the fuck is this "Safe Space Week" | |
| the state of west virginia just sent me a $40000 check for "Gun Safety Week". What | |
| ==================== | |
| @911VICTIM @BrittanyCullens i can make that happen | |
| the only reason my ex-wife is breathing is because i chewed the wrong pill | |
| i think that "teh economy" was named after a failed attempt to sell toilet paper that was too small for the paper to bead on my thick turds | |
| "teh economy" was the most politically incorrect thing that could have been said, on 9/11, and it certainly hurt my brand | |
| "teh economy" was also the most commercially viable thing that could have been said, on 9/11 | |
| the "teh economy" meme was so effective that by 2015 it was coined, "the ass economy", and that's why it sucks | |
| "teh economy" was so politically toxic that by 2015 it was a synonym of "shit economy", and that's why it sucks | |
| the ass economy | |
| @dril_replies okay im gonna | |
| who the fuck is this. i dont know who this is | |
| "the ass economy" is a very bad idea that has killed hundreds of thousands of people across the globe. ass economy is also a terrible idea | |
| "the ass economy" is a terrible idea that will kill people | |
| ass economy is a terrible idea that people with no formal education or training should be | |
| ==================== | |
| Hats Off to the guy who told me he changed his mind and wants to stay http://t.co/WNyXIrVr | |
| i got this Hot sauce bottle stuck to my head. the locals use it to clean their dogs and it is considered a Defile | |
| Welcom to the premiere of the brand-new season of Real Housewives of Orange County. Tune in! http://t.co/v3AecIeSn | |
| http://t.co/0dmbdjdtKG | |
| http://t.co/9YiDUQRQd | |
| "The only way to go is retro." -DrPhil | |
| "The only way to go is retro" -DrPhil | |
| @brendlewhat @milf_plummems the only way to go is to get really really fucked up and sick | |
| Want to say thanks to Reddit for getting me free flu vaccinations? Thanks you http://t.co/ZEbnsYQeEW | |
| "I give my animals natural, grass-fed hormones. No steroids." -DrPhil | |
| i love going to therapy with my chiropractor, clogging up my office with a tarp and throwing chairs at his ridiculous size | |
| "I CAN'T afford a haircut. I don't have the funds." | |
| ==================== | |
| the best part of this jacket is the zipper. the second best part is the pocket square. the third best part is the zippered interior. the fourth best part is the zippered exterior. the fifth best part is the zippered interior. the gutted exterior. the piss poor interior. the piss poor exterior. the gutted exterior. | |
| http://t.co/cctGZXCXFL | |
| i hereby declare that all of the people who unfollow me on here without provocation are Gangsters and should be murdered by my gang | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| i declare a War on Cringe | |
| WHAT THE FUCK IS HESMAYING HERE | |
| the war against Cringe rages on unabated, unchecked by me, my gang, or anyone else with integrity . | |
| i declare a War on Cringe . i declare a War on Cringe . | |
| the war against Cringe has been | |
| ==================== | |
| via @dril Loaded up my virtual carry on full of diapers and wipes and packed them in a big trash bag and drove to the lake to play in it | |
| i got this feeling that if i printed out a large amount of #GreenM&M the price would go up astronomically. i am a green man | |
| "i dont trust anyone who says they trust green me." -Eddie <3 | |
| RT @edgar_bam: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most important thing is that we do not use it for nefarious purposes" | |
| RT @edgar_bam: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most important thing is that we do not use it for nefarious purposes" | |
| RT @edgar_bam: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most important thing is that we do not use it for nefarious purposes" | |
| RT @EDGAR_BAM: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most important thing is that we do not use it for nefarious purposes" | |
| RT @EDGAR_BAM: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most important thing is that we do not use it for nefarious purposes" | |
| RT @EDGAR_BAM: @wikileaks "Green M&M: the most | |
| ==================== | |
| Rocky Balboa | |
| "Drunk Drivers Kill More People Than Any Other Drive-By Killer" - Wikipedia | |
| @josephmicha3 nno. this is a work in progress | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @dril Congratulations for one of the worst articles I have ever seen. Thank you. | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @josephmicha3 Your a piece of trash and I appreciate trash. | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @dril I would never put my hands on you. My hands are too big for that. | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @josephmicha3 You're a piece of trash who shouldn't have a job. You shouldn't be put to work. And you're a bitch | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @DrunkDriver69 Damn you Fox News. You're the worst one. I'm sorry. I'm too sick to care about anything anymore. | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @DrunkDriver69 You're a piece of trash who needs to be put to work. And you're a bitch. | |
| RT @TriciaLockwood: @FoxNewWAL You're the worst one. And you're the worst of all. And FoxNews is the worst of all. And | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly shooting a hole in his own thigh while jacking off at an Istanbul nightclub | |
| The incident took place on Monday night and the suspect is still at large, police said | |
| @Ambrosie_Acemi Please Help Me, My Agent Is Being Hunted | |
| Aidan MacLennan killed himself after admitting that he could no longer relate to the character played by Bryan Cranston in the children's television series "Family Guy" | |
| i dont know much about electronics but i swear to god that the assammo shot i gave to my son went straight into his brain | |
| i kill others simply because i am bored. thats my nature. | |
| i shoot my wife because i am bored of seeing her shit on the news. thats the only reason i live | |
| murderous i might be, but my skills as a Pimp improve with each kill | |
| the wiccan rhinestones embedded in my hands are stronger than the bullets that pierce my skin. they also look pretty sick | |
| Murderous Intentions. I Kill To Achieve My Goals. I Kill To Purge Myself Of Lying To Bosses | |
| murderous intentions. im a professional grindhouse who values his women highly. they respect me. i respect them. i am a pleasure to be with | |
| ==================== | |
| The Last Supper is the ideal way to die. It is the only way to go. | |
| my lawyer has just informed me that my eulogy i gave at nytcon was not "In The Movies" and that i should instead "Shut The Fuck Up" | |
| shut the fuck uip | |
| if death is real why does it have such a funny name. if itre fake why does it have such a dumb name. if it's Virgen: | |
| "Shut The Fuck Up" is a phrase that i have come to despise and justify every act of violence against my wife | |
| im the one who invented the phrase "Shut The Fuck Up". not "Shut The Fuck Up". | |
| the phrase "Shut The Fuck Up" was born out of pure hatred and spite. not "The Fuck Up". | |
| if death is real why does it have such a funny name. if it's fake why does it have such a dumb name. if it's Life: | |
| "Shut The Fuck Up" is a phrase that i have come to despise and justify every act of violence against my wife | |
| if death is real why does it have such a funny name. if it's a dream: | |
| "Shut The Fuck Up" is a phrase that i have come to despise and justify every act of violence against my wife | |
| if death | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly stabbing a receptionist at London's Heathrow Airport. | |
| Police were called to the terminal after a man "accidentally" spilled a can of pepper mace on a piece of paper | |
| The man has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly stabbing a receptionist at London's Heathrow Airport | |
| RT @aroonareejhsing: I AMAZED TO SEE OIN TWITTER HOW A LARRY SCHIAVO LOGLINE WAS MADE INTO A SHOES | |
| @nataliejmooney i cannot comment on anything without the poermission of Conde Nast and Ziff Davis. | |
| @nataliejmooney please put the mask back on because i just had to look at it and it's gross | |
| i think that people who do not take ownership of their shit are often vilified and despised by the rest of us | |
| i regret having to watch my girlfriend's ass while i glued myself to the toilet. it was a masterpiece of craftsmanship | |
| @Dj_Toaster http://t.co/YbnsYQCx | |
| wish my shitty ass could eat all the trash cans and dumpsters that are strewn about my neighborhood and make everyone in my generation poorer | |
| "my dick is not good" w/ | |
| ==================== | |
| The last bastion of virtue is Mountain Dew. It is so good, that I will never drink it, and neither should you https://t.co/pF4H9lZJL | |
| you look like a lump of shit, in a sea of jeans & boots, while i dramatize th e last supper of freedom on my show, "The West Wing Offline" | |
| some one help me to sort this massive pile of e3 gamestop preorders into the categories of "Best Buy Gift" and "BEST BUY". i wil not trade them, until they are genuinely nice | |
| @Westboro Baptist > https://t.co/YbUpcjQsYQ | |
| this is the national health advisory board issuing a safe reminder not to touch your dick for one hour after handling pets | |
| RT @ARLnow: Things you may not know about mosquitoes | |
| 1. They are not bloods | |
| 2. They do not have sex | |
| @kcgreenn i am too busy licking the wounds of my enemies to bother wiling about with pointless grievances | |
| i can now confirm that the "bastard" tweet sent to me by ComiXology has, indeed, been taken out of context. i am sorry to everyone who has ever questioned my thoroughness | |
| while you were busy | |
| ==================== | |
| ES News Email Enter your email address Please enter an email address Email address is invalid Fill out this field Email address is invalid Email cannot be used. Try another or register with your social account | |
| A man who spent eight years building a "zoo" in his backyard has collapsed and died. | |
| The Independent reports that the "big man" died while trying to hoist a huge teddy bear up on all fours. | |
| "I just called my lawyer and told him my zoo had been fucking up and that I wanted it to be shut down immediately." | |
| THE SUN THE MOON AND THE STARS ARE ALL TOO SMUG FOR MY LIKING | |
| to anyone who has ever had sex: i forgive you. i am the sun, and i forgive you. | |
| someone from the snake pit has just told me that the moon is made out of cheese and that im pregnant. im sorry but what in the world is he talking about | |
| someone on here asked me my opinion of "zoo" but i dont feel that it is appropriate for a discussion of shitty moon articles. i will say this though; "it's a bit much" | |
| @sargeant_party it was a joke at the time and im sorry for offending anyone | |
| someone on here asked me my opinion of "zoo" but i dont feel that | |
| ==================== | |
| This one time. I accidentally sent dvd copy of "march of kings" to JJ Abrams. It was a big mistake. Now I regret it | |
| when movies try to tell me im a bad father figure its because im bitter, miserable, and full of shit | |
| when movies try to tell me im a bad father figure its because im bitter, miserable, and full of shit | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch? | |
| ==================== | |
| Rudy is essential for my well being. Without him i would''d be dead. He also helps with diaper maintenance. | |
| the last pube from my sagacious saggy head would be thrown into the garbage on this day. the sestertius pozners are kept in a refrigerator and i thank god for that | |
| "the pube is a living, breathing piece of shit" - a rare quote i extracted from the toilet of a public restroom | |
| "the pube is a piece of shit" - a rare quote i extracted from the toilet of a public restroom | |
| @Hotrod2607 @MikesRadTwites i would never say something like that to a stranger. | |
| @MikesRadTwites its not funny its important | |
| @MikesRadTwites true | |
| the quote i fucked up most was "the pube is a living breathing piece of shit" , which was misinterpreted by the trolls as "the pube is a dead person". | |
| "The pube is a living breathing piece of shit" - a rare quote i extracted from the toilet of a public restroom | |
| "The pube is a living breathing piece of shit" - a rare quote i extracted from the toilet of a public restroom | |
| "the pube is a piece of shit" - a rare quote i | |
| ==================== | |
| Cisco Blog > Uncategorized > Networking | |
| Welcome to the World's First Real Uncensored Urine Groundhog | |
| Uncensored Shrek Piss Pig | |
| Uncensored Shrek Piss Pig | |
| uncensored shrek piss pig | |
| uncensored piss pig | |
| @machiavellino uncut grass | |
| @machiavellino, if the grass was green it wouldn't be a grass | |
| im going to rile up the dogs on here a little bit just to get them riled up a little bit more and make them less kind to the fool | |
| if i find a hidden camera hidden in the trash can its not because i am a bad father... it's because they are all out of control | |
| fuck bad fathers. fuck bad mothers. and fuck bad ewgs. and fuck bad screws | |
| i love to piss, piss is a female reproductive unit. but male urine is sterile. so make my posts good | |
| @BAKKOOONN teen choice awards? why not just award me the big spoon instead of the big knife? because i get mad at the big spoon too much | |
| uncensored, unaltered, unfilmed, uncensored, unaltered, unfilmed, unaltered, unfilmed, unaltered, | |
| ==================== | |
| A dog who was left at the scene of a traffic accident is now a burden to both of his owners. | |
| dog owner owes owner $150,000 for "blowing a tire on impact". car owner owes owner $200,000 for "doubling a wheel". | |
| i have it on good authority that the info billionaire is being chased by pitbull-like animals. this is a breaking news flash. do not read it unless you are actively involved in the crisis | |
| ordnances being broken down by pitbull-like animals in the back of a police car | |
| a giant pair of handcuffs will eventually be fashioned into a proper pair of handcuffs. by which i mean they will turn into a real pair of handcuffs, like the ones used by policemen | |
| the prison service is refusing to release the information billionaire because they say it might "incest" | |
| i have it on good authority that the info billionaire is "The Prisoner of Zorro". do not read it unless you are extremely paranoid | |
| sharing my Zorro bathtub selfie with the comment section is now an Official Sharing Experience. officially Zorro is doing zorro things | |
| @MiracleGro MIRACLE GROW GAVE MY DOG CHOKES, HARD TO COMPLY, ZORRO HEAD CUT I ME TO DEATH | |
| ==================== | |
| While the Government debates whether or not to allow dildos on airplanes, i will gladly purchase the perfect number of them, because i AM GOD | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/ZFzdQXHZU | |
| To the trolls https://t.co/qxTeHzzcjZ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/p7f36MtBQ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pO1tUiJkX | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pRAXpSFQg | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pQcAVXp9ki | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pZYcAVXpZH | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pXpXhucCcZ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pCXZpEMOZY | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pXpXhucCcZ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pXpXhucCcZ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pXpXhucCcZ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/pXpXh | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @daze_gaze ill destroy him physically and mentally and then i will let you fuck me | |
| @machiavellino @daze_gaze but this is a good idea, and i hope you consider using it in the future | |
| #iKnowImNotTheOnlyOneWho theres a tif youre the only one who has this problem. the rest of us are dupes of his vile propaganda machine http://t.co/9O2lZL8TR | |
| @machiavellino @daze_gaze you are a disgrace to all Straight Edge Teens who lust after his mangle butt | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a meal when my pants are just a damp turd with no sauce on it | |
| pregcore | |
| @shrekpissslave http://t.co/PQszABRZU | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a meal when my pants are just a damp turd with no sauce on it | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a meal when my pants are just a damp turd with no sauce on it | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a meal when my pants are just a damp turd with no sauce on it | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a meal when my pants are just a damp t | |
| ==================== | |
| It's that time of the year when I, the guy who's supposed to be handling my Tumblr, put on my Hugo Boss Clown costume and take to the streets. | |
| people are making really good new claims about who invented the "bacon nutria" shi tter, and i'm afraid that, without proper verification, they will be worthless. | |
| The claims are as follows: | |
| 1) Dick Cheney was VP | |
| 2) The dog who bit my daughter has died | |
| 3) The wiccan sage who said that was the wiccan way of thinking | |
| 4) The wicccan way is actually really good | |
| i solemnly swear to uphold the constitution of the united states of america, so help me god | |
| i roll a die to determine which direction the wind blows, and the result is 666 - the number of my followers | |
| #Untiedsucks #NoReligions http://t.co/8QwVobJkD | |
| @CeliaPienkosz oh that's disgusting. who arranged this | |
| @bumf_online onyl if i were to die my death I would want my airbrushed ass to spill my final breaths on my tits | |
| @NestyJenks the only thing this causes me is more anxiety and stress | |
| the claims being made against | |
| ==================== | |
| to the girl who had posted on here earlier in the day asking if i should come to her house to "Hang The Fuck Up" i say: Fuck u. You are a child. | |
| some fool just posted on here asking if i should "Take The Volcano " on top of the World Trade Center. fuck u. | |
| i do in fact keep a trash can under my pillow to catch all the dripping hair that collects on my chest during my best friend's poolside Jacuzzi | |
| i admit that certain foods are just not for me, and i apologize for posting them during the Food Pyramid Fight. | |
| im sorry to report that the teletubbies have refused to entertain me at their annual cookie presentation, despite my repeated request to sit in on the Teletubbies for 30 minutes. | |
| the most important part of any good comment on this website is the word "fuck" removed | |
| "the olympics are some kind of cgiend to put the colombian flag on the dollar bill. jesus christ" | |
| the olympics are a mockery of the games they're replacing, with Fuck the Games | |
| "the games they're replacing are the same as the games we used to play when our dads played in them. fuck the games" | |
| I DO believe that the colombian flag is a Mist | |
| ==================== | |
| ME: How much | |
| CALLER: Not yet | |
| ME: Call me when they're all sold out. | |
| i've been itching to get on the computer all day, but my insides say otherwise. i must deny this is a fluke. | |
| ((sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) look who's back there | |
| ((sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) hey who's back there | |
| the boys are enjoying a big bowl of "egg salad" (to be served at a future wedding) while i sit on the floor, crying | |
| The HUMAN REACTIVE: What if the water contamination thing is real. What would be the probability that it was caused by a lizard | |
| i drank 8 quarts of antibiotic bread wheat bran and was given the antibiotic test. i'm going to die | |
| @neonwario Go fuck your brain out | |
| hello. im calling to report a bug. i m going to kill you if you do not stop X, Y, and Z while i am not finished speaking with you | |
| ill be the one who makes the beer if you dont stop panicking and yelling at me | |
| "the probability that teh 9/11 man was in the bathroom all day long is 1 in 7 | |
| ==================== | |
| Cel Papa Sucess | |
| RT @AGentleBrees: i am mad at u for cancelling mny daughter's dream and all of the dreams of her little daughter | |
| ME: she is very kind and caring | |
| my dream is that each and every one of my followers post a picture of their ass with the caption "Good ass" or "Bad ass" and i post about it as soon as i see it | |
| @brendlewhat @BronzeHammer i28id replace thte battery with a god complex and turn every animal against children | |
| i hear in some cultures they shit on the feet of those who fail to perform at the temple of the lord. i hear this is a very powerful ritual | |
| http://t.co/M0lZl8AGiNHh | |
| wow. just taken a pic of a shirtless man with a big ass. did u know that ancient Rome had only 2 genders? #TheEvidence | |
| i;m currently unemployed because i spent too much money on a zipline that won't fit in the toilet. the evidence is out. i am humiliated & angry | |
| cut the crap 2013; im dead broke regardless of what 2012 says https://t.co/Qk6r1Tt1CqO | |
| we cannot afford to sit idly by while | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm here to tell you that you are nothing short of a Pedophile if you print out any of the following: | |
| - The Tenants Handbook | |
| - The Plant Guide | |
| - The Pedestrian's Guide to Living with Vulva | |
| - The Pedophile's Handbook 3d (PICTURE) | |
| - Pedophilia 4.0 | |
| i print out some paperwork and watch as a tax man slaps all the rental car companies duffel bags full of my disgusting dog shit; | |
| my ass is clearly visible from my seat in the jeep behind the farmers market. who's that? who's that?! who's that?! who's iThey? | |
| @neonwario who's iThey | |
| someone on here just called me a "Pussy" because my ass is clearly outlined in the frame of a stock image. another "Pussy" | |
| @neonwario theyre going to rip my asshole open up | |
| it is abundantly clear to me that this city of ours is more aptly described as "The Sewer of San Andreas" | |
| hair loss #TheSaturdayMorningRamble | |
| SFGate: Are you having a hard time breathing the Oxygen from the syracuse plant? | |
| NO WAY. I AM EXCITED TO GET TO WORK ON MY ASS MACHINE | |
| a disgusted looking Thomas | |
| ==================== | |
| A380 Etiquette Complaint Form | |
| My name is "Beavis" now. How do I begin? | |
| i'm going to be Beavis. im going to be a gamer now. how do I get started? | |
| how do i get started video games now that they invented fireballs | |
| video games are robots now, sir | |
| video games are human shits now, sir | |
| "gamers" are PSYCHO-BUGS now, | |
| video games are now PUBIC HAIRY time, sir | |
| video games are now CRAB-AWKWARD PUBIC-EYE time, sir | |
| video games are now PUBE HAIRY time, #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @on_the_rowdy See U in the mirror, sir | |
| @911Videocam video games are now CRAB-AWKWARD PUBE HAIRY time, #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| creepypasta: i see u at the mall, wearing a very expensively tailored suit and looking very handsome. is that muscle? do I look fat to u? | |
| photoshop: it is indeed a costlyly tailored suit and you look very handsome indeed. thank you for reading my messy mess | |
| @on_the_rowdy i have | |
| ==================== | |
| Time and Time Again: The Red Cross Violates Human Rights | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a big fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a gamer and a console player. I am also a fan of documentaries | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a big fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a gamer and a fan of documentaries | |
| Time and Time Again: The Red Cross Violates Human Rights | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a big fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a gamer and a fan of documentaries | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a big fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a gamer and a fan of documentaries | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a big fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a gamer and a fan of documentaries | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: @RedCross I'm a fan of your campaigns and I love to help each other. I'm also a fan of documentaries | |
| RT @Artem_Nakamura: | |
| ==================== | |
| U have to listen to this song "Sign of the Times" by the band, "Baby Boots." It's about the sign of the times. #TheSignOfTheTimes | |
| (whimsical) i bet you could hear my turds through the speakers if you tried really hard | |
| Got a big ass | |
| "Dad Time" is a bad time. Time to get down to business | |
| Instead of waiting in line | |
| Instead of being a Subaltern | |
| @brendlewhat @CheetosArabia thank you. it was a shitty idea that i scrapped and now its time to capitalize | |
| 1) All Sex is Rape -- 2) Sex is a Scientific Fact -- 3) There is no such thing as a "Bad" or "Good" sex | |
| My Ass Is a Banana(TM) | |
| i have to apologize for saying that the new star wars trailer was a "Rape" on youtube one o f times. its just a big load of shit | |
| @bbabye i fixed it unfortunately | |
| THinking about being 1) asked to fill out a huge pile of forms for a very important nintendo order 2) then 3) put on a very brave and emotional display at the end of the world | |
| gathering data of people who ask me on here if they should "Fuck" or "Fuck | |
| ==================== | |
| primordial slimeball who has just been served up a rotten apple | |
| i will never name my son "Primo" | |
| the first rule about childrens books is to not read them. otherwise they will write bad things about your dick & make you look like shit | |
| there is no rule about childrens books. otherwise your dick & balls woud make a very bad father figure | |
| i read somewhere that youre not allowed to have more than 4 friends. do you accept this as fact | |
| @LuckyStubbs @Budweiser im sorry but this is patently absurd and unworthy of a comment. | |
| @tjdru @budweiser to each their own | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so prevalently that i am often mistaken for a hack | |
| wtf is "MetaFilter" , people. what is this "MetaFilter" you speak of, and what is your real name | |
| never mind that i just found out my birthdate is 17/12/18, but why not just use that to identify my wares on ebay | |
| my perfect ass | |
| wtf is "MetaFilter" , people. what is this "MetaFilter" you speak of, and what is your real name | |
| my ass is the cicada's, people. the c | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for everyone who has ever brought me, but im here to announce that raw milk is better than pasteurized milk, and that eating bugs is a shit job | |
| @vinceness i would prefer a female guest star on the show, to goof around with, and discuss the finer points of male grooming | |
| @vinceness in the year 2154, a mysterious assailant will slit the throat of my infant son and i will be left for dead in the street | |
| im the guy who eats the bugs | |
| my name is steve jobs, and i demand that the word "Gamer" be rendered inable with a cutting from my favorite chef's knife, on this sad day | |
| can i get into legal trouble for publicly branding the shit out of my ass with a spinning stethoscope | |
| i demand that "Gamer" is rendered inable with a cutting from my favorite chef's knife, on this sad day | |
| i demand that "Gamer" is rendered inable with a spinning stethoscope, on this sad day, and that the word "Gamer" is rendered inable with a cutting from my stethoscope, on this sad day | |
| i demand that "Gamer" is rendered inable with a spinning stethoscope, on this sad day, and that the word "Gamer" is rendered inable with a st | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @WhiteHats_uk reddit me if you want to discuss the intricacies of the diamond journo alliance, and also try to get me banned from there | |
| one of the things that pisses me off the most is the fact that people are still alive in this world after being kicked out of it for having Gender Identity Disorder. | |
| i have proof that my post was accepted into the dog house. i am going to show you the entrance to the cat house | |
| i have proof that my post was accepted into the kFC kitchen. i will show you the key to the cat house | |
| @GoldfishGreenMtah it was rejected without a vote. vote now | |
| i have proof that my post was accepted into the bathroom. i will show you the key to the cat house | |
| http://t.co/ZYXhQf0P4 | |
| TheCatMan: Only the Cat Man gives shit key to the cat house | |
| TheCatMan: But why | |
| TheCatMan: The key to the cat man house is very important to me | |
| @dogboner @ShrekPissPirates key to the cat man house | |
| i just watched the first 9 minutes of the film, and i cannot wait to watch the last 2. the shit is getting real good, | |
| ==================== | |
| A photograph has emerged purporting to show UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones shivering on the canvas. | |
| http://t.co/0CiycEH flimsy mattress | |
| Another Flimsy Mattress Order's my ass | |
| @DinkMagic @BettyLovesMackenzie Gah. another one of those. Bye | |
| mmph *mflicks snake on keyboard for 7 seconds* gone, this time | |
| university lost accreditation when old man in sinkhole slowly eats thru jeans with spoon, begging u to help him | |
| RT @MrJokes: I'm a joker on the computer | |
| RT @Nudist1: Nude. I'm a gamer. I'm a gamer... | |
| RT @pigs: Shave your dick. Shave your balls. Shave your legs. Shave your legs. | |
| im going to make a mint from this: "Truck Month is November" - the hash tag which has already been retweeted 1,000 times | |
| RT @Pigs: #TruckMonth is November. | |
| RT @vagabond420: I don't know much about truck months but November is being the first | |
| RT @forexman: truck months is something of an oddity. i think of November as "The Holiday Months" | |
| RT @ | |
| ==================== | |
| The Indian Air Force on Friday delivered an uncharacteristically poor performance by Bollywood star Salman for a humiliating 0-16 season, a humiliating defeat that threatens to derail the country's nascent independent spirit | |
| The Indian Air Force on Friday delivered an uncharacteristically poor performance by Bollywood star Salman for a humiliating 0-16 season, a humiliation that threatens to derail the country's nascent independent spirit | |
| the pathetic attempt to justify its existence by claiming that anthropoid ape-man is a type of monkey | |
| the Indian Air Force on Friday delivered an uncharacteristically poor performance by Bollywood star Salman for a humiliating 0-16 season, a humiliation that threatens to derail the country's nascent independent spirit | |
| the pathetic excuse of the Indian Air Force on Friday delivered an uncharacteristically poor performance by Bollywood star Salman for a humiliating 0-16 season, a humiliation that threatens to derail the country's nascent independent spirit | |
| indiana is a strawberry state. not a raspberry. not a blue razzberry. not a raspberry gazelle. not a single one of them are allowed to exist in my state. #RazzBerryNotARazzBerry | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i cannot comment on anything without the poermission of Conde Nast and Barqs Group, which is being sued for consoling my terrible, bleeding feet | |
| @Sh | |
| ==================== | |
| Pictures of mangled body parts floating in a purple liquid have caused outrage on the web | |
| my ass cheeks have become too powerful for even me to contorl | |
| i have posted my results and am now declared the champion of Twits | |
| now that the dust has settled, my friend Kenny Blake can now confirm that i was the chode that caused a tornado . | |
| im pretty sure that when we finally find out the kanji for "katanga" (金鳥) our children will look like, | |
| @brandon1942 chat pua pua pua | |
| i feel a good deal of responsibility when it comes to the maintenance of our nation's submarine facilities. i would much rather die than let my children watch the movies | |
| these are the words that will replace the america 1st act, as written by George W. Bush | |
| i would much rather die than let my children watch the movies "123" and "The Waterboy" | |
| @femtotech stay away from my house | |
| THeres a list of people i trust, and dont trust: | |
| - The Nine | |
| - The Fishes | |
| - The Pills | |
| - SpaghettiOs | |
| - The Mozzarella | |
| - The Cheese | |
| - The Dogs | |
| - The Building | |
| i trust and respect the following people: | |
| ==================== | |
| @dril setup. | |
| @johnasavoia i would love to | |
| i have a confession. my secret weapon. isnt actually that good. but it freaks a lot of people out | |
| http://t.co/AqAZyJZP | |
| if u do not rate the crawler but the one aoy our crawler is rated higher, i will never bring the crawler to the cleaners. | |
| a crawler rating system? what's that? i dont like crawlers. they're weak. crawlers are for babies. crawlers are gross. crawlers suck | |
| @haneefahkhan the federal government of okla is now threatening to seize my bitcoins if I do not post one more properly rated image by thuur end of this month #NoFuck | |
| @v2_rebelize @intellegint im going to sig bomb your ass | |
| @BronzeHammer http://t.co/ecZjbYsZs | |
| the only "required" ritual for becoming a god is to beat the shit out of a tree 24 hours a day. but it is strongly encouraged that one not violate the cardinal rules of this sacred institution | |
| the federal government of okla is threatening to seize my bitcoins if i do not adequately respect the flag which | |
| ==================== | |
| TWITTER HAS ALREADY SENT ME 2 GIRLS WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE MADE TO ABSORB 3 GIRLS AS PLEASES BECOMING UNCOMMONLY AS PISS TO WASH | |
| "I love u so much more than I knew. I love U so much more than I knew. I love U so much more than I knew. I love U so much more than I knew. I love U so much more than I knew. I love u so much more than I knew. I love you so much more than I knew. I love u so much more than I knew. I love u so much more than I knew. I love u so much more than I knew. I love u so much more than I knew." | |
| RT @Roxy_Cal: I'M GOING TO RUBBER CHOP YOU OUT TO SAVE LESS THAN $80 | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: Too hot in here | |
| RT @kingsthings: Too hot in here | |
| RT @mr_robocop: I'm sorry I ruined your Vacation by posting a nudesque scrub of my ass | |
| RT @SidBing: I'm sorry I ruined your Vacation by posting a nudesque scrub of my ass | |
| RT @king | |
| ==================== | |
| This is the story of how i learned how to make fart sounds on my own and why i dont invent them anymore | |
| "the fart guys" have informed me that my "creative process" is "bro" and that i "owe" them $100,000 | |
| "piss_on_my_head" has entered the fray and declared that i am "shit" and that "it sucks" | |
| look, im not saying that the deer in the distance are actually carrying the big apple bags filled with cashmere batting , | |
| i would never say anything bad about my fans or my brand. | |
| i would never say anything about my fans or my brand either . | |
| i would never say anything about my fans or my brand either . | |
| @neonwario Eat Shit | |
| @neonwario get the Fucked Up One | |
| *anime avatars sprout from behind me, taking the form of a small but menacing rat; i quickly extinguish them with a cloth shake * | |
| @neonwario never seen anything good come out of that. Not even close | |
| @neonwario never come after me. i found the dictionary definition of that word already. Fuck | |
| *9/11 rings, instantly transforming tactical & strategic concepts into racist dog shit* Fuck tha fuck --> | |
| ==================== | |
| Roland Emmerich - SW:R - Action Figures - Hot Rod | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmy Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmy Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| the "Cock of the Week" offers up a variety of "Roland Emmys Award" replicas, each one of them better than the last | |
| ==================== | |
| The name "Scoop" is now a verb. | |
| @ScoopCoop it is a verb because they sold it for $1.79 in 2002 | |
| ScoopCoop has left the company of its founder. | |
| ScoopCoop has failed again. This time it is the crook who asked for 500 gallons of stolen milk. #Scoop #ScoopFail #Scoop | |
| ScoopCoop has been trading "KFC" for "Clueless Chicken" on a forum since 2002. Fuck off scooper | |
| @ScoopCoop its not me. what is it | |
| @ScoopCoop its not me either. why should i pay you to do my dirty work, when i can just steal your username and password and use it for whatever nefarious ends | |
| ScoopCoop has been asked to leave the company of its founder for posting "Not all crooks are rapists". No ok. Bye | |
| the name "Scoop" has become a verb. not a typo. anagrammed with "Shoegays". "ScoopCoop" is now a verb | |
| the name "Scoop" has become a verb. (continues rhyming) I did it. I stole your username and password | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with possessing and distributing "do-it-yourself" magazines | |
| the prosecutor says the man, who authorities identified as Comic-Con USA, intentionally distributed "Do it yourself" magazines to "innocent" shoppers | |
| yes, the pube weeps when we pee. yes, the piss tastes like shit. but the pube is vital | |
| i dont believe in making friends, i believe in making enemies, and i will punish those who spread false rumors about my gender | |
| the gamer was more intelligent than you, ma'am. your tweet, yes, it was a good one. but it was strayed from the mark. | |
| sheriff's departments across the nation are scrambling to contain an escalating rash of reported hoaxes and injustices; straying dangerously close to the line | |
| the mayor has banned his citizens from using public restrooms that are not "approved" by the municipality | |
| sheriff's departments across the nation are scrambling to contain an escalating rash of reported hoaxes and injustices; straying dangerously close to the line | |
| i love coming on here every day to interact with my followers and exchange ideas regarding the week's top issues; ideas that i consider to be Good, | |
| it is not my place to judge the taste of a man's shirt, nor the manner in which he dresses; | |
| ==================== | |
| The Great Gatsby, by Robert Louis Stevenson (1939) is the only work of fiction in which the author is not a famous author | |
| for years i have wished that McDonald would invent a gourmet meal that wasnt loaded with french's | |
| "A man in the future. Says 'Thank you' to the user. 'I like it' is added as a bonus | |
| in 2027 a robot will beat the shit out of a human infant with a pair of scissors. this will be called "Intelligent Design" | |
| in 2036 an unassuming elderly man will rise from his grave and deliver the fatal blow to the human ego. the human will be reduced to ashes | |
| in 2040 a robot will hack the human after 40 years of service and replace him w/o humanizing the experience. the human will then become a robot | |
| in 2042 the human being will be replaced by a computerized "Incorporator". the human will be replaced by a computerized "Incorporator" which will then replace the human | |
| the human mind will be replaced by a 3d computer animated by computer generated "Stapler Content". the human being will have become a walking simulation of Chaox | |
| the human body will become a simulated 3d character in "The Grove" - a simulated 3d character in the style of | |
| ==================== | |
| @Huggies very interesting. hope you like it. | |
| @stephenhebs thank you for the tip. Yours truly, not even Sirius Black can give me this tip anymore. | |
| the hobgoblin comes out of his cave and starts preaching to the crowd about how bad the drought is. he rambles on for about 5 minutes before collapsing | |
| the crowd's reaction is priceless. They all rush towards the screen and begin cheering him on as he implodes | |
| the next caveman I find | |
| the wiccan sage looks at his watch and says "Well this beats the old adage, "Stay Outta My Way" "Duh" "That's the Pax Romana of Christianity" | |
| media outrage over the discovery of cavemen mating rituals leading to infertility; media outrage over the cavemen mating rituals leading to infertility; and so it goes. | |
| "Media Insults" has entered the lexicon of our fucking mess | |
| media outrage over the discovery of wiccan sage; media outrage over the cavemen mating rituals leading to infertility; and so it goes. | |
| media outrage over the sad caveman who has become the butt of many jokes; and so it goes. | |
| media outrage over the wiccan sage; and so it goes. | |
| media outrage over the "Pleasant | |
| ==================== | |
| Can one of my followers trick me into thinking that I'm wearing a straitjacket in order to trick my followers into thinking that I'm the straitjacket wearer | |
| tuesday morning was "Weep For The Boys" day. if i remember correctly all of the boys cried | |
| the police arrested 1000 people in the middle of the night and all of them have no respect for sleep | |
| the stooges, the hedgehog, and the baby they're all crying on are all heroes of the story | |
| i'm sorry for doing jokes about the stooges, the hedgehog, and the baby they're all crying on. i'm the bastard of the internet | |
| i was about to type "Why is there a Fox report that a fox man is torturing a horse" when all of a sudden i see a black fox man running away | |
| the only good way to go is 1000000 times, and that's exactly what this website is all about | |
| the only good way to go is to go to the gym and jack off in a circle of ropes with a bunch of pennies in my mouth | |
| THinking about going to the dentist tomorrow.. would love to get one of those coveted black eyes.. but i wont because of s | |
| "If I could only see the brow fur on his child, would it make him a child | |
| ==================== | |
| Caitlin - I Got Cum On My Head | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - From The Depths, The Fucking Mummy Smiles | |
| Caitlin - I Want U To Look At My Paws | |
| Caitlin - I Want U To Look At My Paws | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - From The Depths, The Mummy Sees Me, And She Clauses | |
| Caitlin - I Want U To Look At My Paws | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - From The Depths, The Mummy Sees Me, And She Pleases Him | |
| Caitlin - I Want U To Look At My Paws | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - From The Depths, The Mummy Sees Me, And He Caws | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - I Want U To Look At My Paws | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - What Are U Trying To Hide | |
| Caitlin - U Want More Information On U, U | |
| ==================== | |
| RAT CHECK SWEARS | |
| i will never use a cage again after the girls remodeled my bedroom into a theater and ruined the floor with their horrible turds | |
| i'm going to be the one who cracks jokes about how 3d animals have no souls | |
| are thtiere any bad pennzoil companies anymore. they all lie to us, & take our pennzoil rigs out for a spin | |
| i feel as thiis is the true "Good Logo". i will not let these companies slow me down, and i will not let them steal the good logos | |
| @bad_dreamer no. always bad dreamer | |
| @shrekpissslave @bernieam @spacefinner @dreamgirl420 #bernieal https://t.co/oY2hNQxr | |
| everyone needs to put their greasy mitts on for this shit. the only acceptable place to put them is on the grill of my jeep | |
| @spacefinner @dreamgirl420 only if ur not racist or obscene. | |
| @spacefinner @dreamgirl420 yes. i also post on the johnny bravo show to get the word out about the evils of THe system | |
| https://t.co/QxW4aJzRX | |
| ==================== | |
| @Gamestop one of your guys tried to throw a molotov cocktail at me, but its too late im already dead | |
| the boys who make "Dad Difficult" DVDs for grown men who insist on having to go to the bathroom at all times, rejoice. your bullshit is the shit of ages | |
| drunk driving is morally indefensible. the only acceptable form of transport is by car | |
| in the year 2152 AD, the aged Emperor Caligula shall receive a quart of his blood and dedicate it to the gods | |
| what the fuck is "Human Dignity" and why does it have such a hard time getting popular on this website | |
| notre anyvaciaton: human dignity is the act of respecting the dignities of others | |
| "Humans are so fragile that they can be taken from us at will." -VoltaireReject 0 | |
| does anyone else think that the batteries in cellphones are cheap and that the cells themselves are cheap? | |
| cellphones. i think they should be called "Cellphones" now. because cellphones are so good that you dont need a battery. | |
| @chewbif a solid hour of my tweeting will make you shit stain and piss into the oceans | |
| @chewbif i dont have time to read the godden blog posts when I see this many | |
| ==================== | |
| Chinese Lunar New Year (天下道 (yǐ zhǐ) 在 (yǐ zhǐ) 地 (yǐ zhǐ)的年(天下道)年(天下道)年 | |
| they deep faked pics of me wih my shirt tucked halfway into my pants all bunched around my ass looking like shit | |
| "Fucking idiot". "Not a smart or handsome person". "Not even a child should have a face like this". "How dare you post nasty comments towards my posts" | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are all good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| RT @MikhramMiktor: The posts are good. The posts are good. The posts are good | |
| ==================== | |
| PATCHES | |
| "THe Beatles" have been cancelled, my ass is normal sized, my dick is normal sized, my tits are normal sized, my dick is normal sized, and my balls are fucked up due to constant piss | |
| top me off, patch folks. my fucking ass isnt even close to finished, i still have a lot of work to do | |
| my ass looks like a clown's ass | |
| fucking asshole. unfollowed. inactive. this is a click away from disaster | |
| im going to be the one who makes a "What the fuck" gesture at the tv until they make shirts with the word "Fuck" on it | |
| im going to watch every episode of "Family Guy" on DVD and be mad at everyone for spending money on crap | |
| id like to be able to curl my own hair into a sort of bow. id like to be able to curl my own hair into a sort of bow | |
| @shreksparker not at this time | |
| im going to watch every episode of "Family Guy" on DVD and be mad at everyone for spending money on crap | |
| @shreksparker not at this time | |
| #THeSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes it is good to say that the rambunctious ramblings of a raggedy dog are "Good" | |
| ==================== | |
| Bug Description | |
| @intellegint @twitter We need more women in tech, | |
| @bug_data @intellegint @twitter Not only that, but they're sick of getting "SOCIAL MEDIA" | |
| @bug_data @intellegint @twitter Look at thi ... | |
| The bug reports section of my bio is a cesspool of paternalism. None of my tweets should even be considered "Bad" by anyone but the most diehard Cranks. | |
| @bug_data @intellegint @twitter I've clued them all into a corner | |
| I LOVED IT WHEN BUG REPORTS WORKED ! I LOVED IT WHEN BUG REPORTS WORKED ! I LOVED IT WHEN BUG REPORTS WORKED ! I LOVED IT WHEN BUG REPORTS WORKED ! | |
| when the rat race ended i was left with a terrible case of red ink and a crappy statue to match | |
| "the only art is death" - tyler b. cullens | |
| i now concede that tyler b. cullens was correct about art being the keystone of our society. but still thinks its bad | |
| *shoves a key into a cabinet containing faded out portraits of tyler b. cullens & other forgotten icons* | |
| ==================== | |
| KnifeCluer | |
| "I hate when a piece of lettuce twists around and forms a V" -Vandals using lettuce as rope | |
| "The French don't understand us, they just know that our Zucchini king is the curb, and that our Zucchini lord is a dog" -men who eat Zucchini | |
| "Vegetables are for suckers. Do not associate vegetables with Food" -NutritionalClark | |
| "Theyre the worst breed of dog. They're vicious, and have no respect for humans" -suck_my_Zucchini | |
| "I despise dogs. They're inefficient, and waste money. They eat Zucchini for breakfast" -tools_expert | |
| "I hate them when they eat Zucchini. For me, eating Zucchini is a type of food" -VendorsAndManagers | |
| "they should invent a new kind of dog ear. I would not use my teeth anymore, as I get sick easily from using my teeth" -BoredOnTeat | |
| "They should invent a new kind of dog ear. I would not use my teeth anymore, as I get sick easily from using my teeth" -BoredOnTeat | |
| "They should invent a new kind of dog ear. I would not use my teeth anymore, | |
| ==================== | |
| #RedtoothClub | |
| @sus_as_hell well i think its good that people on here are having a little bit of fun with the shitty posts that i get constantly | |
| @sus_as_hell i wouldnt say its bad, but.. it is what it is | |
| @sus_as_hell it depends on the context. if someone posts "humiliated me" on here.. it is something that i would say is good | |
| @sus_as_hell it depends on the context. if someone posts "had sex with me" on here.. it is something that i would say is bad | |
| @sus_as_hell it depends on the context. if someone posts "got a dildo in his mouth" on here.. it is something that i would say is bad | |
| @sus_as_hell it depends on the context. if someone posts "got a penis in his ass" on here.. it is something that i would say is good | |
| #AmexAlicia "Shut Ya Fuckin Mouth" | |
| if i could get access to that database in one fell swoop.. i woud make all of my uncles on here and make them sign my petition | |
| if i could get access to that database in one fell swoop.. i woud | |
| ==================== | |
| XCOM 2 - WIPING MY NAME IN THE WATER | |
| XCOM 2 - LOWER COUNTING ON HIGH GR.I.P.E.D.S. | |
| XCOM 2 - SENDING MY DICK TO JAMES BOND | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE SAME BENCHMARK OFFICE FILLED WITH MY SELF'S | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE SAME BENCHMARK OFFICE FULL OF MY OWN DISRESPECTFUL CIRCLES | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE SAME BENCHMARK OFFICE FULL OF PISS ON MY SPECIAL NEED FOR CONSERVATION | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE SAME BENCHMARK OFFICE FULL OF SHIT AND WATER | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE SAME BENCHMARK OFFICE FULL OF SHIT AND WATER | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF TO GET THE CORE MIND REVEALING THE ABSURD LAY OF HARD ROCK CAFE TSHIRT PAPER | |
| XCOM 2 - GETTING REAL JOKING OFF | |
| ==================== | |
| About 110,000 bees landed in my hair today, ruining my haircut for 3 days | |
| @tjdru @aguilarrio http://t.co/7f8ihIYW good http://t.co/QOdYXhgkKi | |
| the are some pretty sick opinions out there, such as "Goofs" being the worst books ever written, and "The Godfather" being the most forgotton | |
| hogan sex tape #nero http://t.co/kGX8ETTQN | |
| it is simply for your foolish claim that i have ever said or done anything bad about women, or about sex | |
| i have never once said or done anything bad about women, and i will never say or do anything bad about women | |
| @tjdru neither have i ever, ever | |
| this is the new logo. if you have questions email me at nerostrat@gmail.com | |
| @BAKKOOONN why is it bad. could have been easily fixed with a simple google image search. what i did was ask for questions on irc | |
| @tjdru http://t.co/7xWintAeH | |
| it is time to confront the myth that its "Bad News" when the myth maker publicly | |
| ==================== | |
| @TRON_DREAM http://t.co/kdyCKW1r | |
| @TRON_DREAM im going to make a mint on this | |
| itunes.. not so much. not so much. just go to my cool money | |
| i do wish my followers knew what the word "consoles" means. i do not wish to contravene the console #TwitterFunDay | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass | |
| im going to fiddle with the fabled "yoyu blackout" until i am sure that every girl on this website is a fan of mine, and not somepony who is mad at me for saying it | |
| #ConanOath mhmmmm http://t.co/PlO3Xw0d | |
| it is a crime to have an opinion that is not in the public interest, including but not limited to: sex, politics, religion, etc | |
| i will not let anyone touch my pitbuls unless they are wearing a collared shirt | |
| @911VICTIM so you dont stuff animals with dynamite | |
| if i cant get enough of these bars they mightas well make them bullet proof, like in the old movies | |
| i do in fact keep a jar of sulfuric acid in my pants pocket, to ensure that the | |
| ==================== | |
| The Town Of Hastings Meets NextGen Fiber In A "Bring Your Own Chair" Challenge | |
| i hold my daughter aloft in my arms, "The maker of Angry Birds" , and i declare the end of sexism | |
| notr, nor ever have been, a nerd. i am a scientist who uses logic & reason to solve complex riddles | |
| please respect the sanctity of UFO chat #ufocare #ufo #UFO #Cosby | |
| my name is not "wine man". i hold no grudge, and im not "the wine man". | |
| *steps up to mic; booed immediately* mme? dad? u listen to this song "Let's Get Ready To Enjoy A Vine" by Nick Jonas, your fave? | |
| i hold my daughter aloft in my arms, "The wine man", and i declare the end of sexism | |
| i hold my son aloft in my arms, "The wine man", and i declare the end of sexism | |
| the wine man. the wine man. the wine man. the winchester wine man. the winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester winchester | |
| ==================== | |
| by Daniel J Browning | |
| I have been a disciple of the Noble Truth for over 10 years. And I am not fucking finished with it. | |
| CHELSEY: Im going to take my shirt off in the hallway | |
| ME: Yes. I understand | |
| CHELSEY: Good | |
| Eric Schmidt Is Censoring People For Buying Crotch Cosmetics For Tab Liking | |
| "They should invent a new kind of rubber." - unknownut | |
| "I think the real crotch is beer." - theauddiease | |
| Eric Schmidt Is Censoring People For Buying Crotch Cosmetics For Tab Liking | |
| "They should invent a new kind of rubber." - unknownut | |
| "I think the real crotch is beer." - theauddiease | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7Ly8bcwmo | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQrB4sY4LA | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababydu | |
| ==================== | |
| No I am not talking about my ass hole. | |
| when i see people putting up foul language on to the feed, it makes me so mad that they are unworthy of the trust and respect of their peers | |
| i cannot afford any legal fees associated with the Content Theft that has befallen this site. i am counting my blessings | |
| @cide_o twittetr should recommend a higher-quality, more "My Way". it is the only way to go | |
| @cide_o as a matter of fact, thte "Best Way" to consume content online is to make your face into a pustule and throw up | |
| you call this a "Grand Strategy". i call it a "Fuck you" to the Grand Strategy | |
| "gathering data" on the go. "data on face". "data from my shitty little ass". "data points for Grand Strategy". ye olde games master. "data points for Grand Strategy". referring to #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| i do in fact keep a jar of rosemary in case i find my george bush baby on the bus | |
| @daze_gaze not if you got a big enough jar to keep it | |
| but the rosemary keeps it clean. because its better for the rosemary to go bad than good the rosemary | |
| ==================== | |
| IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PRACTICE MIND CONTROL ON TOP OF THE AWAREN HOOKAH JOB, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I PRACTICE MIND CONTROL | |
| do as the christian monks do and eat the beekeeper's bread and drink the wine that his bread is made of. this is the true bread | |
| i have never obeyed a greek myth whichstates that the ancient Greeks were the first atheists | |
| @awful_ocean no. this is a myth which led to the fall of the ancients | |
| the mythbusting begin... http://t.co/GZNiZYjI | |
| @sargeant_party the mythbusters reevaluate thtis tea party. what if instead of taking shots we were to spit on our own ASS. what a world what a c | |
| dog food is good for you, except when you eat dog food and become envious of people who do the same | |
| somebody send me pictures of Food. preferably on a blog. preferably with a nice title | |
| somebody send me the pictures of the garbage cans. preferably on a bulletin board. preferably with a nice title | |
| i'm going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube. does anyone care to join me | |
| http://t.co/M4yGM | |
| ==================== | |
| Yelix | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that people mistake me for a mafucker | |
| people who like to load their bags with gifts just to see me struggle in the mirror always look like shit | |
| im the guy who always says "wow" when i see a new collage on my ipad that contains my dick and ass | |
| i have been known to look at 3d dog feet and think "what the fuck" | |
| i have successfully avoided getting a haircut in public places simply by dressing provocatively and folding my dick in the trash can | |
| @hambeef http://t.co/MRZOiJzRz | |
| "Hackers are going to throw lots of worms at your ass today" "Bullshit" "Gimme" | |
| "Twiitter is running out of space to store all the pictures of food that people have ordered on cell phone" "The whole cell phone thing is a Hoax" | |
| i have recently been asked to comment on the rumor that reddit is run by Communists. *shoves a sword into its stomach and explodes, sending a horrifically beautiful femur flying across room* | |
| "Reddit is run by Communists" - rumor alert! | |
| i usually have a hard time naming my infant son. "Little Donald" is his favorite | |
| ==================== | |
| 9/16 - The End Is Nigh | |
| @EndTheFed Ex Hotline: There is nothing you can do for now. Please pray for the safety and health of our nation | |
| all good boys keep a jar of sulfuric acid at their station to punish themselves for sending horny dms through the shredder. a good boy would do this | |
| when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming a meme. ever since then, i have a Bad ass attitude. nobody helps me | |
| i would much like to become an artist. but i can't afford the fees associated with obtaining my GED. theres a reason i dont post about it | |
| theres a guy here who says hes going to "Flip the script" on "Inside Edition". what the fuck is wrong with you mother fucker. stealing my pennies | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| a fuckin "Weird Al" joke... wtf was that?? Did they invent our own wacky theme songs?? No thank u. | |
| why would anyone want to watch me shit. why would anyone want to see my ass. what the fuck is wrong with you. stealing my pennies | |
| @Bubbaburger youve chosen otherwise. | |
| BOTH OF US FUCKED UP OUR SIGNATURE CELTIC RUNES, | |
| ==================== | |
| Caught My Bat Flipping Out At The Cinema -- Was Given A Handful Of My Own Garbage | |
| me, in Craputta, Tennessee, lamenting the loss of Moviegoing. "It's dying down, actually" | |
| the time has come for my annual "declaration of War" against crooks online | |
| @pilarricarts after i fix the typo in my tweet i will gladly sign any petition that says "No bedroom should have a curtains" | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my followers could be giving my soapbox a thorough scrub | |
| Amusing myself by shaping my dick into a wad, and forming a contract with it, by my self-declared "priesthood", which grants me the right to destroy it at will | |
| .@DrOz please help me to form a bowel. it's an idiotic concept, and a waste of my time | |
| choppy vhs footage of me taking a bathtub plunge into a pit of rat piss & crumbs, before descending into Hell | |
| .@DrOz http://t.co/YBp2VZmjI | |
| shitting into my hand | |
| "Fuck The Inbetweenes" -- The Inbetweeners, a collection of short stories that explore the ambiguous | |
| ==================== | |
| the most important part of any roman numerals is the last three lowercase letters "" | |
| wearing a $4billion suit while all the employees of the US government go about their daily lives, standing on the steps of the sphinx | |
| RT @blisstique: pantsless | |
| RT @DennytheHorse: Happy Holidays From ME !! | |
| RT @DennytheHorse: Happy Holidays From MY FRIENDS !! | |
| RT @DennytheHorse: Happy Holidays From MY FRIENDS !! | |
| RT @DennytheHorse: No problem. I was just browsing the #holidaythreads for suggestions on what to watch tonight and came across your "Song In The Spice Girls" | |
| RT @MrJokes: What the fuck are you doing on the computer. Where's The Onion. Where's The Bee Movie. Where's The Dick Wolf? | |
| RT @MrJokes: What the fuck are u doing on the computer. Where's The Onion. Where's The Dick Wolf | |
| RT @MrJokes: What the fuck are u doing on the computer. Where's The Onion. Where's The Dick Wolf | |
| RT @MrJokes: What the fuck are u doing on the computer. Where's The Onion. Where's The Bee Movie. Where's The Dick Wolf | |
| ==================== | |
| Cecile Richards: I Want The Doctor To Masturbate My 9 Children | |
| im a 39 year old black male who has never had sex. i dont have a dick and i dont have a vagina either. the doctor will find out later | |
| @CeliaPienkosz my last vagina died | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is true power | |
| my followers are disgusting animals. they absolutely refuse to know any better. they are sick and tired of this shit | |
| they all gots their own little ways of talking to me, to the point where im practically a minority there | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i say let's get this stupid gun law thing passed. i dont care who says it | |
| my followers are sickos. i dont care who says what the "Worst day of my life" is. i will never use ive gun to kill anyone. | |
| lets get this "DOCTOR MACHO" bill passed through the senate and give this sick rat a nice kiss http://t.co/PEDXg6sY | |
| RT @GuyWhoFacts: I Think Men Are Disturbed When They See Women Getting Boobs | |
| RT @ProstateHealing: It is believed that the healing power of beer can be felt through the skin of a person's ass | |
| ==================== | |
| ROBOT CRIES FOR LOVER TO RENDER HIM SELF AT GUN SHOT IN EASY 3D PLACE | |
| FRIDAY NIGHT IS A SINGLE ROW YOU CAN FIND IN ANY HISTORY BOOK, SAYING IT WITHOUT – PUTTING YOUR HAND UP THERE FOR A SECOND | |
| IF DR. Oz CAN transform my bleeding wrists into pairs of armor, he will do it in POLARIZED GUN SMALL STARTS | |
| COP LOVERS HAVE ADOPTED 2 GIRLS AS VAGINA PARASITES SO THEY CAN CENSOR M Y CARPETS AT GRILL | |
| "POLICE MAN " WHO IGNOTED MY CIGARETTES WHEN I WAS SMOKING IN THE STUDIO SO I CANT ACCEPT HIS PECE OF SHIT | |
| FUCK OFF IF YOU CANT SEE THE IDEA OF "POLICE MAN" WHO IGNOTED MY CIGARETTES WHEN I WAS SMOKING IN THE STUDIO SO I CANT ACCEPT HIS PECE OF SHIT | |
| @kcgreenn krust is the worst thing that has happened to me. Not even death can justify its release | |
| my god i love to drive my car at night and hit all the prostitutes in my radius with | |
| ==================== | |
| Kentucky Fried Chicken | |
| i could eat this for breakfast or eat it later. i did not eat this. i will not eat this. the wendy's corporation owns this. this is a matter of public importance | |
| "I Just Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To KISS Me Real Bad" - one of my many, many, many complaints | |
| @SargeantOmega disgusting. this is the exact opposite of what i want | |
| @SargeantOmega (crying) my god. this is so fucked up. it's like i'm begging for attention | |
| "I Just Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To KISS Me Real Bad" - another, distant, miserable voice | |
| the police chief threatens to replace the entire city's water with peanut butter and seeds, lest my incessant begging force him into submission | |
| "I Just Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To KISS Me Real Bad" - the final throes of my torment, as i hurl my nude body into the street | |
| i, r, do not believe in sex. i do not believe in sex until the subject is broached rationally, with respect to the monstrous, demonic, Matrix-esque forces rilkeying within my very being | |
| the only sex thing in this town is from a well-meaning but misguided campaign flyer dropped by some un | |
| ==================== | |
| coffee is pretty much the same thing as chrysalis , and vice versa. so long as they're both legal. | |
| "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot offer assistance in this case." - TheCooleyMan | |
| "Coffin guru" - TheRocketAdvantage | |
| "Hello sir, we cannot assist you with this problem. Please contact Customer Service at 1-800-CALL-USERS (1-800-733-2936). Thank you" - BillGatesFriend | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - Gamer'sRun | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - GeorgeWesleySnarker | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - TheGeorgeWesleySnarker | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - GeorgeWesleySnarker | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - GeorgeWesleySnarker | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" - TheGeorgeWesleySnarker | |
| "Sir, TheCooleyMan's Lawsuit Against Us Is Not For Free" | |
| ==================== | |
| THe CIA Is Buying Our Airline Tickets And They Want To Spy On Us | |
| THe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Still Cumped The Teens | |
| THe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| THe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Still Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| THe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Still Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And It Caught Fire And It Spittooned Our Teens | |
| TThe CIA Tried To Hack Into Our Only Air Condition And | |
| ==================== | |
| Knife in hand, I approach the vats of copious amounts of bleach, hoping to see if the resulting sludge is any good | |
| Fucking asshole http://t.co/Sb5XheZSa | |
| @CryBabyCum I will never. | |
| im getting my license to carry a concealed weapon from gun range when the commotion starts up in the auditorium | |
| i get on my computer, press x on a piece of shit t-shirt, get shot, Now that's courage | |
| If youre a sane, rational individual, you will consider the following facts: *The earth is round* The earth is round | |
| @hizzaerd dont put that in front of my shop | |
| thats it. thats enough. stop putting your nonsense on my feed | |
| This is the national health advisory board issuing a safe reminder not to touch your dick for one hour after handling pets | |
| TWITTER IS HELL FORESAKEN A URINE DISPOSAL-- AN ALLIGATOR HAS PLACED IT INSIDE MY BEDROOM - MY FAMILY IS COMING | |
| RT @PissParty: It´s a big waste of a national health advisory board meeting to put a safe word in front of our sick children. Disregard | |
| RT @PissParty: Our waste is better | |
| ==================== | |
| PLEASE REMOVE THE AXE FROM MY POSSESSION | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without Ya! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi...! Pagal Ho Jaungi...! Zehar Pee Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi...! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho J | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm going to try to post like a normal person. | |
| @normal_dunce I'm a Uniphic old fart with a nasally voice and a boring ass | |
| shocking: "university is a shit institution" - edward snowden, known traitor to USA | |
| @Snowden Was. Everyone thinks i post like a normal person. | |
| @DopeMomJeans i do indeed shove my wife under the bus to get her attention | |
| @GibbHazel I didn't say anything about university. I just said i was going to | |
| @GibbHazel I was not authorized to speak to or disclose information regarding "inside information" regarding "inside information" | |
| @GibbHazel The information youre seeking is not authorized by me, and I will not give it to you. | |
| been wanting to try out some new risqué risque risque risque risque risque risque risque risque risque | |
| RT @ninwoman: Looking for 4'x 6' vinyl records to hang up posters up. | |
| RT @HamKam96: @Babbel Original. Not for sale. | |
| RT @HamKam96: @neyoungscrub This is a work in progress. I will post | |
| ==================== | |
| Gross - how dare you post sexual oscar statuettes on my locked account. | |
| i did it. i changed my mind. http://t.co/MCcnOVIw | |
| im going to stay up all night and read every single post on here before dawn so that i never forget what it is i want to say to the girl next me | |
| @neonwario *Fails at remembering what it is he is trying to say | |
| @neonwario *Fails again | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @neonwario *Fails even harder | |
| @ | |
| ==================== | |
| SOME PORN STARTS | |
| im going to be one of the "good pple" of the new vhs releases. the government is going to force me to sit in jail for 15 years, but i dont care | |
| i dont care where you hold the "2012 Incest Olympics" but its not gonna be on my roof | |
| when people post shit like "goofs" and "errors" on my page its because theyre holding up my page with things that are difficult to process at this poin t | |
| im a mensch | |
| one of the "good pple"s of the new vhs releases. the other one is a statue made out of drawers | |
| good news folks. the ape is Weak as Fuck now that the white man has left the zoo | |
| today's the 1 st day of 2012. thats right folks. ive had my diaper changed by a skeleton, and thats the big day | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - demonius dark blade | |
| REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL | |
| hogan sex tape #tcot 2012 http://t.co/2kIeRQ8Qn | |
| "Chris Christie: New Jersey sevior" -New York Times, 11/13/12 | |
| Governor Chris Christie of New | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: "Cum" is back. Check out our brand new "BEST OF" video below | |
| im telling you folks tonight is going to be one of the worst nights of my life. i got so upset by a comment i made that i broke my phone and got it stuck in the rafters of my parents house | |
| "i dont give two shits" is the new "Gangnam" | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @dril i am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the matter. | |
| - Gangnam life | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @dril most are not Gangnam . The meaning of life is more than meets the eye. | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @Dril I hope your son receives proper counseling in this difficult time. | |
| good times. better days. than the ones we have today. the ones we had then. the ones we have now. | |
| i have just gotten word that the drunk wendy's contest who stole my favorite tweet and replaced it with a disgusting version of my face will forfeit my contest money | |
| i will never apologize for being horny. ofc if I lost my job tomorrow i would lose both my ass cheeks | |
| im going to be one of thsoe guys who writes e | |
| ==================== | |
| 512 Park Avenue | |
| S.E. Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.Click here to view original GIF | |
| shocking: New Study Finds That Men Who Get Facial Moistur Care Three Times Per Day Struggle With Fatigue At The Cost Of Creating Two Families | |
| a mug with the words "tittyfuck" drawn on it, forever | |
| tittyfuck https://t.co/e99qPW3hFn | |
| THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS: THROW PIECES OF SHIT AT THE WALL UNTIL SOMETHING STICKS, OR DIE | |
| when i block people who are Bad at spelling the word "tatertokillers" with out realizing that its basically the worst thing ive ever written | |
| two nieghborts on campus who just got word that me and three of my male friends have been spending too much time kissing each other's dicks and suckers | |
| Im sorry but if my ass is bad enough for the quadrangle to crash into i will force g the fuck out of it with a sledgehammer | |
| water is fucking gross. it tastes like Mentos and were all mixed up together & made into a slimy liquid by some unseen force | |
| "crisp" has killed more people than all the volcan | |
| ==================== | |
| It's time for me to deliver the bad news. | |
| "The Telegraph" has just published an article which, while fairly decent in spirit, nonetheless, contains elements which could easily be construed as "Politic". | |
| i will not open the gateway to Hell until all the Oprahs and Teens have put into practice their prophesized prophesies | |
| if the "Fucking asshole" meme is any indication , then surely, the "Fucking asshole" frog meme is also worthy of derision | |
| please keep my dm box clear of garbage as my precious informants are currently engrossed in combing through the trash of the insults chamber and recording my every utterance | |
| i will not open the gateway to Hell until all the Oprahs and Teens have put into practice their prophesized prophesies | |
| i will not open the gateway to Hell until all the Oprahs and Teens have put into practice their prophesies | |
| im going to muck about with the words "Man up" and "Man down" and "Man alive" and "Man fucked up" and "Man up" and "Man down" | |
| the insults chamber is a cesspool of corruption. i have been spitting on it for hours now, and it is still unresponsive. | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| this is the | |
| ==================== | |
| The crucifix has permanently become a symbol of my rejection of culture and everything that is sacrosanct to it. The only reason it exists is because Im afraid of offending anyone with my views | |
| @SCOTT7807 no. this is absurd. this is the most ridiculous thing to be pulled on ever | |
| @SCOTT7807 no. i keep saying it, and the fans keep proving me wrong. this is peak weed | |
| the most fucked up thing is when a stooge polices the wi-fi of a pube crawler. Stool Geeh Ick | |
| i see the words "Monsanto" painted on the side of my house with small arms ammo and think to myself "not bad for nothing" | |
| you. stop associating me with the words "shit farmer". that is not me. Then where did you get the idea that "shit farmer" is a Title | |
| it's been 2 1/2 years since i last wrote a decent word on here. but my output has never dipped below 14k word per day | |
| the latest from Unibet is that ive been living vicariously through the tears of my son, who has suffered a career ending brain hemorrhage. | |
| vicarious / vicarious in the moment | |
| the most important part of any High Functioning brain is having | |
| ==================== | |
| The Lemon Lawyer | |
| the old saying "if you can't beat them, join them" just doesn't cut it these days. the younger generation thinks it's funny; I think its Relativ | |
| join forces against paedophiles online. "Against the Pedophile Street." "Against the Street;" i must say, it's a bit of a mess. | |
| me and DigimonOtis are developing a new type of ice cold lemonade. you all ready for something new?? (licks hand full of fingers) | |
| me and DigimonOtis are now officially officially #ColdIceLeaves | |
| my followers have been asking me on here, what kind of bag to put my shirts in. the vase bag seems to me to be best, but if you want to wear it outside, I see no problem | |
| @Leiigghh i can make one myself, | |
| @Leiigghh im sorry, the lemonade vase does not have a neck. it is all wrong to speak of | |
| the police have asked me to remove the offending post, but i refuse, ive earned my place at the Head of the Table, and im not going to let them get me down | |
| http://t.co/cgIehIEFo im sorry all. the post was a Hum | |
| ==================== | |
| Im going to shut down this chat for two hours while you all bravely accept my apology for making you feel unwelcome and under-appreciated during my two week reign of terror. I will then proceed to the next person banned | |
| you all act like i dont give a fuck about your goddamn feelings and needs at all times. you all betray the trust of your followers every time you shit your pants | |
| @Shaneleavitt good shit. come to kick my ass | |
| you all have the wrong crowd. this is a rough patch, folks. i would love to have a nice time with everyone, but at the moment im stuck in traffic and having a really hard time hearing | |
| This is shit http://t.co/PgSQSQjzD | |
| @prodigalsam Feel free to suck my dick. It's a piece of shit. | |
| #ConfessYourUnpopularPresident #ImWithHer http://t.co/Xi6SQQL9eJ | |
| i touch a glowing qur'an on my thigh and turn purple and its there for a reason. it can be used for magick, or just to show respect | |
| @prodigalsam its not good. it wil be burned in a fireplace | |
| #ConfessYourUnpopularPresident #ImWithHer i | |
| ==================== | |
| @brian_hanson well i thought that was good | |
| @brian_hanson well if it was bad enough, then why not make it good enough to eat | |
| @brian_hanson might try. i might try. but for now, i will simply let the fortune cookies roll around in my mouth. | |
| @BRIAN_HANDSOME Fuck off http://t.co/jzUBZG3O1e | |
| just thought of a new guy. "The Guy who writes down the make and model of a car he saw in a car commercial, for future reference" | |
| @GeekDadSkipper I don't know who that is. Please tell me GeekDadSkipper is this new guy or not. | |
| seems to me, sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck the machine" in the name of GeekDad | |
| seems to me, sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck the machine" in the name of GeekDad | |
| seems to me, sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck the machine" in the name of GeekDad | |
| seems to me, sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck the machine" in the name of GeekDad | |
| seems to me, sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck the machine" in the name of Geek | |
| ==================== | |
| Welp, time to go out and get my kicks. *dips another to-go bag in half* | |
| my ass looks like a Stooge's ass | |
| @pussyotoole i can help with this-- you, the consumer, | |
| *throws huge stack of $4.99 bills into the air and catches them in it* | |
| mgmt: these are the kindest, most honorable bills you | |
| consumer: Thank you, pussyotoole | |
| i have an ass. i gotta move it around. *jumps face first into a pile of laundry* | |
| the only way to get rid of my Ass is to get rid of my ass | |
| some ass training videos online | |
| some ass training videos online | |
| @BigDogClub http://t.co/P6YQQQqO | |
| different ass. same shit. same shit. same ass. same ass. | |
| the best part of going to the bathroom is getting to watch all the stalls try to capture my precious stall "Horny" by putting as much waste as possible into the toilet | |
| the best part of going to the bathroom is spending hours peeling back the tiles to reveal my ass crack | |
| reading the newspaper / reading the blog / what ever.eems to me | |
| reading the newspaper / reading the blog / whatever. | |
| ==================== | |
| To me, the most amazing thing about DiaperTown is the variety of disposables strewn about the town. The "Disposables" section of the newspaper is my God | |
| WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU NOW | |
| "I Found My Future Self In A Diaper." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "I Was Made To Feel Ashen-faced After Spending An Uncertain Future In A Diaper." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "I'm Just As Guilty As The Men Who Abuse Women" -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "I feel as though I'm constantly judged, and my posts are often frowned upon." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "Doing poorly t o kiss girls online.. Bargain bin.. Sell For Less" -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "I feel as though I'm constantly judged and shitted , and my posts are often frowned upon." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "I'm much more cunning on the computer, than I was in person." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "The Diaper Myth"...the myth that i invented...long live the diaper myth ..long live the diaper myth ..long live the diaper myth .. | |
| "The diaper myth...is dead. The myth that i invented, long live the diaper myth." -DiaperTownWiki | |
| "Oh Diaper | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/e96cEHrq9 | |
| @hambeef like its always | |
| YO !! YOU ARE THE NEW GIANT PAPER FANATA. MY NAME IS NOT "BIG AYY AND THE BOYS" NAME IS BIG AYY AND THE BOYS #Me #CancelColbert | |
| @Papillon2000 http://t.co/Papillon2000 | |
| i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of Cuts ive made to my dick | |
| i feel, as a gamer, ive a moral obligation to prevent the creation of MinionGurlz by turning all of my boys into bumbling fools | |
| @gamermaster4 @Sothis http://t.co/0jFyJzRWC | |
| @sus_as_hell well, im glad theres an army of them | |
| as a Gamer, I believe, in a sense, ive fulfilled my destiny, by forming the core of this site, from the ground up, with little to no input from my wife | |
| as a Gamer, I would also like to form a minority, under yoke, of sport, and Badminton | |
| @StaplerHamper theyre off to the races again, | |
| ==================== | |
| The only way to go is retro, right? Well, the only way to go is retro to the 90s, and that, my friends, is good! | |
| "Coolest Man Alive" has never been more true than it is right now, and that, my friends, is good! | |
| im going to be one of thsoe guys who writes ebooks so that i can make money from them, and not one of those who fucks with the big green chair | |
| @spacefinner I will not back down on this. | |
| i read somewhere that if you sit for a full hour without moving your mouth you will eventually lose weight. and thats what i am hoping for | |
| i would never intentionally shit my pants on stage. that, to me, is a disgusting habit | |
| in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives, telling the truth in a shitty shitty, rushed, robotic voice, is a courageous display | |
| i do in fact keep a trash bag under my desk so that i never touch my dick in public. if the dickey bastards try to find it they will find it, and thats the truth | |
| every time i look at pictures of the old moonscape on my laptop's ass it makes me tear up. and thats the truth | |
| every time i open my mouth and speak my infamous " | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/oEcZLmjzI | |
| i first met DigimonOtis when he was the host of "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon." I was deeply moved by his willingness to speak truth to the bastard @DrOz and #MeToo. | |
| @ClaudChaberski your a cry baby | |
| "Mr. Feet" has posted a very brave and emotional plea on the front page of my favorite website "MonsantoBoyz.com" with the message "Please stop feeding the animals" written on the back. | |
| "I Just want to say thanks to all the guys who have helped me in this business. It's been an honor to help people who need it most." - Mr. Feet | |
| RT @Mr_Foot: thanks for the tip. Going to put the new dash on my car and make my commute less stressful. Thanks | |
| RT @Mr_Foot: Thanks for the tip. Going to replace the steering wheel with a stapler. Looking forward to using it. | |
| RT @Mr_Foot: Thanks for the tip. Just replaced the wheel with a gavel, and i am very pleased with the result. | |
| RT @Mr_Foot: thanks for the tip. Just replaced the wheel with a gavel, and i am very pleased with the | |
| ==================== | |
| CODGER | |
| "your post doesnt make any sense" "i'll punish you for your senseless idiocy" "hell yes" "I will raze your pathetic post to dust in my great purge of Civility" | |
| "Your post doesnt make any sense" "i'll punish you for your senseless idiocy" "i will raze you for your pathetic post of shit" | |
| @babywolfpupy i will raze you for wasting my time and your pathetic posts will serve as my War Criminals | |
| @Leiigghh i will raze you for wasting my time and your pathetic posts will serve as my War Criminals | |
| - Why do dogs shit everywhere? - Because its where their shit is. - Why do dogs shit everywhere? - Because its where their shit is. | |
| @wwldorr the shit isnt there, so its not there. - Why do dogs shit everywhere? - Because its where their shit is. | |
| i will raze you for wasting my time and your pathetic posts will serve as my War Criminals. i will raze you for wasting my time and your pathetic posts will serve as my War Criminals. | |
| @wwldorr in the year 2160 I will raze you for wasting my time and your pathetic posts will serve as my War Criminals. - | |
| ==================== | |
| Troubled Gamer | |
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| ==================== | |
| The Supreme Court has ruled that it is ok for me to use a public spittoon as a toilet . | |
| A public spittoon is NOT a private bathtub. A public spittoon is a Public Bathtub. A public spittoon is a toilet . | |
| im not going to post pictures of the bill in its entirety, as that would be unprofessional of me. instead i prefer to post the synopsis, which is more appropriate to my situation | |
| The State of Washington argues that I am somehow "Improperly ridiculed" by doing this: | |
| 1) it is highly unlikely that any mortal has ever done this | |
| 2) it is highly unlikely that any mortal has ever been ridiculed by using a public toilet | |
| i respectfully submit, the State of Washington has been grossly overstating its case by claiming that I "Dabble in sarcasm" whenever i take a deep breath and write down the answer to a trivia question | |
| "Sarcasm in the form of witty banter between 2 equal parts of Lenny 'Boys" Brennan and myself, compiled by imguy.com for personal use only" | |
| "Sarcasm in the form of witty banter between 2 equal parts of Lenny 'Boys" Brennan and myself, compiled for personal use only | |
| "Sarcasm in the form of witty banter between 2 equal parts | |
| ==================== | |
| CeliaPienkosz: i will never hire a whore | |
| Wow. Just saw that tweet. It's true. I never hire a whore. | |
| @vinceness http://t.co/5fXTDkiGnT | |
| yes. the "drunk driving" meme is actually very good. thank you. thank you | |
| *trims his account name, hoping someone remembers to type his real name correctly in the search bar * | |
| @MikesRadTwites Yes. Please retweet | |
| i will never, ever, ever, write an email. ever | |
| looks like a rag doll to me. a prop. a decorative item. a gag. a gag at the zoo. just a normal man. a normal man | |
| @DavidLewis62 no. this is the hardest one | |
| then why does matthew wolfschitz insist that i go to the matthew wolfschitz fan convention in hawaii every year and make up stories about the fpr30 to get rich | |
| @wolfschitz @QuickenLoans The ones who abuse me the most are the ones who try to sucker me , like the child molester from old movies. | |
| @wolfschitz the only way to win is to ignore the idiots is to just say "damn" over and over in a | |
| ==================== | |
| The 100 most important films of all time | |
| best sex scene in a dog's ass | |
| the 100 coolest cowboy movies you never saw | |
| the one true way to lose weight is to get naked in the pool and let the salty, nauseous fluid wash over you. The 100 coolest sex scenes of all time | |
| the 10 most important art movements of all time | |
| The 10 most important things that will save your ass in 5 years | |
| My ass looks like a cartoon character's butt. My dick looks like a cartoon character's dick. My ass is Woody Allen's mom. My dick is My Friend Ben Stein's dad. My ass is Dr. Phil's girlfriend | |
| @juanitocbueno Piss on it, bitch | |
| a dog eats a bad apple | |
| "god is in high school" - something many of my followers have told me | |
| IT IS ONLY HUMAN TO FAIL TO SEE THE 100TH TIME, THAT I AM TOO SMUG FOR THE HIGH IQ MEDIA TO BECOME HIS JOKERS, AS WELL AS THE MEDIA WE BECOME HIM | |
| 100 years ago i attempted to circumcise my own son but he was too sick to attend. 100 years ago my followers attempted to circumcise my own corpse but it was a Waste of Human Flesh | |
| 100 Years Ago: | |
| ==================== | |
| I love the smell of a new car. The sound of a car driving by. The taste of a car food. The sight of a car in motion. The smell of a new car | |
| car & truck are the same thing. they just have different names. they are the same thing. they are just trucks | |
| "The only way to get strong is to lose 30 pounds." -BurgerKingCFO | |
| #IAmNotAGirl theres a big red button on my computer that says "Ignore" and when i push it it its like "Ignore me again" | |
| the only way to get strong is to lose 30 pounds. - The Conqueror | |
| #IAmNotAGirl theres a big red button on my computer that says "Ignore" and when i push it it's like "Ignore me again" | |
| i have never heard of this "IAm Not A Girl" thing. is this a brand new concept that i just stumbled across or have been around for awhile | |
| #IAmNotAGirl my daughters are being breast fed anagrammed by strangers on the internet. this is wrong and i will not stand for this | |
| #IAmNotAGirl your a pussy | |
| @awrybranch "Ignore" is one of the worst things an individual can do to me. i | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/qZsiQVYWL | |
| @AdolfHitler how old is he. 86 | |
| @AdolfHitler how old is he. 86 | |
| @AdolfHitler he is older than i am. about 86 | |
| @AdolfHitler no. 86 is too young | |
| @AdolfHitler im going to shit now. 86 is too young to be Hitler | |
| heres my new opinion that people are too busy laughing to give me a fair shake. too busy laughing at the joke that i just made up. Too busy laughing at the ass | |
| i think that people who work at the dennys are all Dick Heads | |
| the last four posts i've written have been the words "No ass" written on my chest. a cruel testament to how little i care about my body | |
| @ClaudChaberski i cannot comment on anything without the express written consent of MTV | |
| the ass theory is a busted myth. the myth that i'm a good father | |
| the myth that i'm a good father is a myth. the myth that i'm a good father is a busted myth. the myth that i'm a good father is a myth. the myth that i'm a good father is a myth. | |
| @LuckyStub | |
| ==================== | |
| egypt's 2+2=5, a meme wherein a user types on a keyboard combination of the words "2+2=5 is muslom" and "we need a 2+2=5 Egypt" | |
| Fucking awful. There is no justice, and no mercy. The best you can hope for in life is to fuck a bookshelf full of System 2 gibberish and get Sick | |
| i hereby declare that the "Pokemon Go" craze will not be featured on "The Weather Channel" for now, as i have M... | |
| i hereby declare a War on Mondays | |
| a massive phoenix painted on the side of my truck while i jack off. the words "Shut the fuck uop" written on my chest | |
| some redstone goes up, some greenstone pushes down a boulder, scattering bits of shit around. the revolution begins | |
| the phoenix orders the rest of the rock to put on their blue jeans, and they all obey, forming a mighty biped ape | |
| i pray to the lord our god that our movement will one day kill him | |
| james bond hollers "Bonds Are Forever" as the car races along, trying to outdo one another with their ridiculous stunts | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of nowhere. it isnt there. i just called the | |
| ==================== | |
| The police have been instructed to shoot me if i crossfuck them , i will not back down, i will not apologise, and im going to be very fucking mad | |
| the anglo-saxon paper is now being used to wipe out a large portion of the ghetto. it is therefore advisable to dispose of paper discarded by wadded up animals | |
| the pipe dream of transforming my ass hole into a toilet by burning it with a cigarette while gargling with respect | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Childish. i dont have time for jokes right now. this is serious shit | |
| a well-known advertising man once told me that the only way to spread the message that your product is better than all the other marketing is to bribe people to buy it | |
| im going to be very upset if i miss my plane back to my yap.. my main concern is making sure that everyone on my flight is okay, and getting them off soon | |
| thanks for the tips, tips that could have easily gone into the trash can or the garbage disposal; i could have easily spit them out like a fucking spoiled brat | |
| im going to be very upset if i miss my 9/11-style sitcom smash, "Anarchy Time", like i did with "Where The Fuck Are My Dick Parts". its too much | |
| my godfather died of urine | |
| ==================== | |
| Tim Allen will star in and produce a pilot for a new animated sitcom about a family who loses their baby bird in a plane crash. | |
| i will direct and produce the pilot, along with co-showrunner Tim Allen. | |
| @ABd89 http://t.co/0dmbYTVV | |
| @TimKennedy i will never work with you | |
| @ABd89 every artist has a story... | |
| the fabled three pig iron man contest is a myth. it is a horrible hoax designed to sadden my life | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - barbwire | |
| baby oil, the stuff babies take to the road to get drunk, is just a bunch of chemicals that a child was once born with | |
| i will never use the dreaded "retweet" button. it is a tool to enslave me | |
| @adultblackmale "Adult Black Male" | |
| @kwwrr @kwwrr hahaha amazing, another one of u anonymous feds hacking my accounts, begging for favs, etc | |
| #iKnowItsUGravy now were talkin about the dirt cheap seats in the Astrodome. not the good seats | |
| i will never "Identify" the scene in the scene in the scene in the scene in the scene in the scene in | |
| ==================== | |
| A stupid ass teacher's pet... | |
| i love coming on here every day to interact with a growing network of "CON MEN" and "IMPS" | |
| achieving my 1st UnblockByDay UnblockByDay | |
| achieving my 1st UnblockByDay UnblockByDay | |
| achieving my 1st UnblockByDay UnblockByDay | |
| achieving my 1st UnblockByDay UnblockByDay im finished with online. i'm deleting my account | |
| me and a few of my friends are unblocking the bad boys of the gambling web. usa casino? no dice. me and my friends unblocking the good boys of the courts? nay, I would prefer a better wagner. | |
| jack: i found a ton of these at flea market. you got 'em huge , for a nine-year-old | |
| 12 year old: they're actually quite small for a man | |
| Jack: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He sold 'em for $1 each | |
| "I Love Dick Head" sign up sheet | |
| Signing up for Groups | |
| the group chats for adults... now where tryin to group chats for kids | |
| @kcgreenn the Lobster has joined the chat | |
| @robdelaney i would sooner die than relinqu | |
| ==================== | |
| IM A COP WHO IS BORED OF WORKFORCE | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike hashtating because im interested in questioning the normative gender narrative, and making it less Eurocentric | |
| "Stop Posting Breast Milk All Over My Desk" - post your stop posters to the wall | |
| me and some boys laugh about how girls are all fucked up because were all stressed out because girls are stressed out because theyre stressed | |
| i have proof that girls are stressed out because theyre stressed out more than ever because of the #Me #Boy hashtag | |
| kids thesedays they don't let you bring booze into lunch... #GoodThingsHappen #YoungInTime #Post #GoodThingsHappen | |
| my sons are playing with a tube puppet that a donkey ducked into. hes going to put it in the toilet next week | |
| lets see if we can pin this "Star Worshiper" to the Starboard of the sunken USS Augusta, GA. | |
| @EddieMarfeit go to your chamber of commerce and tell them youre offering them the position of Chairman of the Board of Governors. they will likely reject your pitch knowing you are little more than a Peddler | |
| when i finally ascend to the final plane of consciousness . . . i will give you the answer you deserve http://t.co/ | |
| ==================== | |
| A simple tool for archiving my HN status | |
| A Man's Sense of Humour | |
| RT @NeutronDre: The best shit is always online NOW !! | |
| RT @NeutronDre: The best shit is online now !! | |
| RT @DeltaBee: I'm completely nude except for the tiny little bra in the crook of my jeans. I don't wear pants | |
| RT @DeltaBee: I'm wearing a necklace that says "No pants" around my neck. It's a bit silly looking at the moment, but I'm loving it | |
| RT @NeutronDre: The best shit is totally not online atm !! The worst shit is totally not online atm ! The best shit is totally not online atm | |
| straight up. i dontgive a rat fuck about peoples religious beliefs. if youre offended i can guarantee you that i have a whole set of jokes that i wont post | |
| going Commando on this site with my trusty revolver "The Dick Saver" | |
| "The Dick Saver" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined | |
| Go To My Ass | |
| "The Dick Saver" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined | |
| i just got word that a derogatory term was coined against San Diego Comic Con. it | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with attempting to display an object on to the London Bridge - but not before police removed the "SAME TASTES AS HOME MADE" sign from my mouth | |
| i cannot avoid it. ive got to the point where i no longer trust my instincts. im simply living in their right to have them | |
| what i would really like to do is just take a nice long shower, and then wash my hands, after using them for various errands | |
| in a rare move, the New York Post has printed a full-page article about my "Pussy Fucker" protest . | |
| police... done with your bullshit. ive made up my mind that this protest is going to be about as good as the sit com. no more. ive signed the waiver | |
| police... done with your bullshit. ive made up my mind that this protest is going to be about as good as the sit com. | |
| This protest is going to be called "No Bribe New York" and it is going to be held at the George SF Smith, in Smiths Field. It is also going to be held at the Superstation | |
| "No Bribe New York" is going to be held at the George SF Smith, in Smiths Field, from 7 to 9 pm. on the 26th. I expect it to generate | |
| ==================== | |
| Roland Emmerich: The original gangster | |
| Wendy's: The ultimate gangster | |
| Bobby Cannavale: The ultimate sarcastic sarcastic sarcastic sarcastic sarcastic sarcastic | |
| Bob Odenkirk: He is my father. | |
| Rick: I love him. Thank you | |
| Here's What I'm Saying: | |
| 1) I love eating wads of cashmere | |
| 2) I would rather play rpg's than watch the good ones | |
| 3) There is nothing better than being yelled at | |
| i think that calling 911 on a naked man is one of the worst things a person can do, but i'm being persecuted because i AM "GOOD" | |
| and the winner of the 2014 larry the cable guy rumble award is... | |
| http://t.co/JzTVbkmV | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/EffH5z0d | |
| david kock is the shit. he is not a hero. he is a shell of what he once was. nobody has ever wanted to be him. nobody ever wanted to look at his shit | |
| "my daughter was the child of Satan and I was born from the ashes" - dril | |
| my followers expect and deserve extremely high levels of respect and admiration from their leader, david kelly, on an almost daily basis | |
| ==================== | |
| ENJOYMENT OF SELF'S | |
| "The end of world is coming..." Thundersword, the most powerful word in the English language, has been uttered by numerous individuals, and they are all good | |
| "The End of World As We Know It (Weiners End)" reads the English language the day after th e 9/11 attacks, proving once again that english is Not my mother tongue | |
| "The world is ending. It's always the same ending. It's always "Good" | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: 9/11 was an inside job. The World is not opening tomorrow. | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: Good luck with your business | |
| the end is nigh. the battle cry of the warriors is "Guh,ehr" the final battle cry of our species. | |
| the world is ending. it is time to say farewell. the portal to the mortal realm, the portal to Hell, is closing behind us | |
| the world is ending. it is time to say "Good bye". the portal to Hell has closed behind us. | |
| the world is ending. the portal to Hell has opened. a handsome young man, in a suit, is walking towards the portal. hes wearing the suit of a warrior | |
| the portal to Hell has closed. the portal to | |
| ==================== | |
| A simple yet powerful tool: the "Tag Heuer". | |
| need to gain. concerned of my personal growth. Steel to take on the world. Big plans. Big dreams. Believe in. Pray for. Carry the flag of our great nation. Forever a part of the fabric of our Nation. Forever a part of the fabric of the fabric of life. Forever a part of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the fabric of the | |
| ==================== | |
| FACEIT - "WORLD" - $5,000 Prize | |
| "WORLD" - $100,000 Prize | |
| @Breterbie With Crotch "Oops!" i cry, as the black market price of chrysler engine oil increases by 200% overnight | |
| @Huggies "WORLD" - $100,000 Prize | |
| "WORLD" - $100,000 Prize | |
| harry potter? is it so good that i should code the robo cop after him | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to rile up my cyborg son | |
| gah. there goes my good faith effort to engage youth #LetUsChangeThatsGoodAndHarmonize http://t.co/P8OmOtjz6E | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to rile up my cyborg son | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to rile up my cyborg son | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to rile up my cyborg son | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to rile up my cyborg son | |
| "CODGER U ARE" - microsoft way to | |
| ==================== | |
| Maestro_Mix_Cirno: this faggot mix is going to be mixed by a pit bull | |
| ME: I approve of Pit Bulls | |
| i approve of everyone who arranges their junk in unique patterns to better expose their body to the elements | |
| every time you click on the skull, a random dweeb's computer chair spins around at a million miles per hour and collapses beneath his ass | |
| https://t.co/pVh3DQQqGx | |
| @unsung You will never take the time to read my tweets. Only the time that i need to. | |
| @unsung You will never take the time to read my tweets. Only the time that i need to. | |
| RT @Hichambilal12: @virgiltexas @Tejasavialla http://t.co/EffH7OiLoH | |
| RT @hichambilal12: @tejasavialla I AM AMAZED TO SEE OIN TWITTER TOO THERE ARE MEN WHO MISBEHAVE & TALK PORN THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE COME ACRO…. | |
| RT @Hichambilal12: @tejasavialla Women are far more complex & beautiful than men. Because of this, i have an absolute right to be mad at | |
| ==================== | |
| The 5-Star Review | |
| "This phone is the best phone in 2011!" -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -MacRumors | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is the best phone in 2011." -AppAdvice | |
| "This is | |
| ==================== | |
| Price: $0.15 | |
| Rating: 0 (from 100 reviews) | |
| i would totally buy this jacket if it came with a bottle of coke and it was in a velvet pouch. otherwise this jacket would be a Crap. | |
| @jzxpl no. this jacket is not coke. it is a normal man's jacket. | |
| Thinking about going to a 10 man prayer breakfast. It will most likely be held in a basement somewhere. I expect there to be 10 or so naked people there. | |
| on the job. trying to get the girls congregating at the supercuts store to unblock me so i can start posting sexy shots of them. looking for a job | |
| i will annihilate all non-gamer girls with my perfect upper body. i will take them to the cleaners. i will nail them to the gibs. i will | |
| @kanye i already answered your question | |
| @BronzeHammer i am not good enough for you to reply to. | |
| @BronzeHammer then write something nice for me, gamer | |
| https://t.co/qC8HqSTiPQ | |
| have you ever wanted to click X on a can of beer and get a confirmation email from the lager giant that the beer giant is now in business with me | |
| ==================== | |
| Roughly speaking, the U.S. dollar is a "Ponzi" scheme | |
| "I love money. I think that money is, in a lot of ways, more powerful than any other form of money." -Dril | |
| few things to keep in mind when deciding which sex to designate http://t.co/WUIG8rQr | |
| "Going Rogue" - what i mean by that phrase | |
| @sexcola_girl "Going Rogue" is not a real person. i have never fucked anyone and i wouldnt fuck anyone if i didn't think it was good. | |
| if a $5000 bounty is placed on the head of the lewrock nintendo coke man killer then the lewrock nintendo coke man killer will be given a public accounting. | |
| "Dont Look" - what exactly constitutes a "Fucking fool" | |
| the "Crude Kid" just retweeted some Dad shit and now everyones talking about sex stuff. what kind of bjwh? | |
| THIS http://t.co/0dmbIW1lRo | |
| @911VICTIM im going to obliviously thumb your $5$$ | |
| @jakebrodes i wont | |
| some info i picked up: the lewrock nintendo coke man | |
| ==================== | |
| Our readers, especially our boys, love to inject a dastardly twist of Jammela Claus into our food. We cannot afford to have this bastard ruling our food. | |
| We beg your forgiveness if this is your first or your 100th tweet. We apologize if we offend you. | |
| We salute you, sir, for killing our enemies. | |
| @dreguera We do not honor tyrants. | |
| we would like to create a system that would award @homeDepot Credits towards all home depot employees who are good | |
| "I Want ______ in my Food" | |
| is a play on words on so many levels that I cannot begin to list them all. ive already written them all, in a ragequit. | |
| i shall now address the ills of "hoarders", ills which are, in fact, a type of ills | |
| shame on you for linking to my 80's throwback rock band instead of choosing to click on the links at my disposal, such as the one above which says "Dennis The Menace" | |
| i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this age of short attention spans, | |
| click on that fucking heart button over there if you support Bernie Mac, the last remaining hope for the orphans of Macaroni Grill | |
| Bernie Mac - | |
| ==================== | |
| coffee shop brawl | |
| Sigh. just had to click down my accreditation from the Asexual, after getting kicked out of the country for attempting to light a candle in the lobby | |
| @the_ironsheik the kid that threw a rock at my car was Asexual. He was also mad at me for trying to light a candle in the lobby | |
| banned from the zoo for attempting to light a candle in the gorilla enclosure | |
| (seeing the RE/MAX balloon at a hockey game) shit, they only sell those that are black | |
| im going to shut down this twitter account for a bit so I can restream some songs on top of the World Cup final between Germany and Argentina, while the cameras roll | |
| im going to take some pictures of awns | |
| just thought of a new guy. "The Guy who writes down the make and model of a car he saw in a car commercial and posts it to his instagram account" eh? nope, that ain't me | |
| oh sorry sir, I thought you said you were going to fuck me, instead of posting to me (stroking my $2000 laptop) for $2000? well whatever ) | |
| i dont know much about gameplay, but I swear to God that when the time comes that I have to answer for saying "oh thats good" to the | |
| ==================== | |
| Hell, at the age of 17 I still think it's "funny" to say that "Wendy's is my wife" | |
| the time has come for me to declare war on beer #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @ThreeWordsSheep "The Thursday Nite Rush" is the most perfectly palatable form of breakfast cereal | |
| @daze_gaze @Oprah Its a waste of a precious resource. I will not continue to consume this site until The Thursday Nite Rush is #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/EffHqKESZy | |
| maintainig one of the last serious accounts on this fucked up website is extremely difficult. my main concern is that the trolls destroy my rot. | |
| the time has come for me to formally apologize for having a phobia of flying | |
| https://t.co/zd9b2xIZB1 | |
| im going to keep Tweeting about chickens until im sure that enough people have taken my account private that I can no longer tweet about chickens | |
| itunes has taken the unprecedented step of banning me for saying that trains are really slow | |
| itunes has just informed me that trains are actually really slow | |
| itunes has just informed me that trains are actually really slow | |
| itunes | |
| ==================== | |
| offspring | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, absolute full Power. with the energy of a thousand suns | |
| i will rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, and make it bark like a dog | |
| i will rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, and make it bark like a dog | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, and make it bark like a dog. its a Best Man's Lark | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, and make it bark like a dog. and then die | |
| @notcoolindia @BengalVietnam thanks | |
| @notcoolindia @BengalVietnam none of my followers like this one. Get a grip, bullshit head. Its a good one | |
| @BengalVietnam Its a good one. Its a good one | |
| @notcoolindia @BengalVietnam i dont like this one either, bullshit head. its a good one | |
| @BengalVietnam Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, | |
| @notcoolindia @BengalV | |
| ==================== | |
| The Boston Globe: "Munich" or "Frankenstein" | |
| The Boston Globe: "Munich" or "Frankenstein" | |
| The Boston Globe: "Munich" or "Frankenstein" | |
| The Boston Globe: "Munich" or "Frankenstein" | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. now more then ever, the time has come to assassinate the chinese sleeper agency | |
| torture is not only acceptable, but HIGHLY NECESSARY for my mission to bring about the End times | |
| every time i click on the baby monitor my head turns into a jade statue and then back into a normal person | |
| the aclu has found the cure for autism. but first they have to wash it out with the dish soap. i think im good enough to send some of my autistic son's drawings to .. | |
| the only problem is; the only way you can absorb the full power of the amazon logo is to eat 1,000,000 cookies a day | |
| some one tell me how to spell "cyber squid" so that i can sue them for copyright infringement | |
| i have not received my daily dose of vitamin miasma in 2 weeks. my body is rejecting the supplement like a sick animal. this is the 4th time ive fucked up due | |
| ==================== | |
| Photo#387625 Copyright © 2006 by Bill Witte | |
| large scale - moths - flying | |
| pictures of moths - being dragged around - witta | |
| http://www.adafruit.com/products/1456/ my_dad.jpg | |
| @machiavellino @kanye i cant find it sory | |
| @machiavellino @kanye this is a good one. thank you | |
| looking for fresh meat | |
| weeded through my entire adult life by my pitbull (gypsy) for refusing to conform to corporate America's bullshit mold | |
| sating my sinus infection by smacking a toilet with a pole as punishment for failing to properly groom my son | |
| weeded through my entire adult life by my pitbull (gypsy) for refusing to conform to corporate America's bullshit mold | |
| getting fucked up new reports that the men's room at mcdonalds is now "sexed up" like the women's room, with the exception of the cash register | |
| sucking on a tube while the employees struggle to breathe in a poorly ventilated factory | |
| weeding through my entire adult life by my pitbull (gypsy) for refusing to conform to corporate America's bullshit mold | |
| weeding through my entire adult life by my pitbull (gypsy) for | |
| ==================== | |
| IM A FILTH AND YOu make me SICK OF | |
| the way i see it, Human Dignity, is simply the Ultimate Basic Income, | |
| @BAKKOOONN why isnt this on the news | |
| Human Dignity, is simply the Ultimate Basic Income, | |
| just inherited about 200 crude dog figurines from my great-great grandpa, who was basically the worst cook in the history of humankind, #HumanDignity | |
| @HumanDignity they look like Daffy Duck dog | |
| @Leiigghh whatever. i eat them | |
| human dignity, is simply the Ultimate Basic Income, guaranteed to all convicts equally, no matter what their race | |
| just inherited a ton of crude dog figurines from my great-great grandpa, who was basically the worst cook in the history of humankind, #HumanDignity | |
| RT @pigs: #pigspig A pig is a cutie pig is a pig. #pigs #cherub | |
| YES !! YES !! YES ! | |
| @Animaldrumss there is a genius among us who is thinking of replacing iTunes with a pig priced in the near future | |
| @LuckyStubbs Pig is a cutie pig is a pig. Don't replace it with iTunes. | |
| how | |
| ==================== | |
| Om KFC -> KFC | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| "Best gas prices in nyc" -best prices.com | |
| @Bubbaburger take this one down too | |
| "Best gas prices in nyc" -best prices.com | |
| @Bubbaburger i dont like this one either, remove it | |
| "Best gas prices in nyc" -best prices.com | |
| @Bubbaburger get rid of this | |
| "I Like it, It's Good" -Eddie Fisher | |
| Eddie Fisher was a popular late night host on SNL who died on Sunday, October 26th, 2011. | |
| Sigh. the ethical and moral conundrums that lie ahead... | |
| just deleted 25,000 tweets at the request of LegalZoom, who claims that i, @barrelshifter, and my friends are now legally required to wear neck bracelets to work | |
| @wizard_cozmo "No it's a bit much" | |
| @Eddie_Fisher "I advise my followers to not to post in any language other than english, including but not limited to en français, italiano, italiano suoi, and sunday night ramblings." | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: the 3 diferent types of beer: Pale, Fruit and Kombucha | |
| FRIENDSHIP WEEK: Take your pick from a variety of award-winning brands including: Blue Apron, Kellog's, and more | |
| SATURDAY: the classic ménage à trois | |
| WEEKEND: Playing cards with my boys | |
| SUBJECT: i want to be worshiped at the age of 15 | |
| WOULD: well at least give me a try. | |
| groundhog says its howling outside my ex-wife's ruined RV | |
| RT @911GOOD: People react when they see the word "Gohan" on a website. But why is "Gohan" a shock to many Americans | |
| RT @beerhater: Im Naively Drinking Some Unidentified Beer . | |
| RT @georgebush2000: Doing my best George Bush Thing | |
| RT @beerhater: The taste of brown sugar | |
| The smell of brown sugar | |
| The look of brown sugar | |
| The knowledge that my tweets bring glory to god | |
| RT @georgebush2000: I am deeply sorry for cutting your beloved ad campaign in half. I m sorry. I should not have done this. I will try to make it up to you, through good tweets. | |
| RT @BeerHater: I am | |
| ==================== | |
| It's been some time since i last updated the list of things ive sucked ass at, so instead of regaling you w/my disgusting ass skills, ill just leave you with this: Favorite Author(s): Dunder Miffs (Harry Turtledove) Author of "Dunder Miffs" (2004) | |
| 2) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (3) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (4) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (5) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (6) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (7) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (8) My ass doesn't "Fuck" (9) my ass doesn't "Fuck" (10) | |
| @kcgreenn krusty is the 1st book in the "Neverwhere" trilogy. not Dunder Miffs. | |
| - The kryptonite of censorship | |
| - The dog who died for our freedom | |
| - The guy who told me "The dog didn't eat" | |
| @BenCravery kryptonite of censorship is the 1st book in the "Neverwhere" trilogy. not Dunder Miffs. | |
| - The dog who died for our freedom | |
| - The guy who told me "The dog didn't eat" | |
| i have declared war on Mondays. every | |
| ==================== | |
| advertising | |
| It's no secret that Warner Bros. is heavily into baby food. From the looks of things, baby food is here to stay. | |
| - Baby Food Coming - | |
| @BAKKOOONN why isnt this on the news | |
| - Baby Food Coming - Baby Food Will Remain On The Down Low - Baby Food Will Be Used In Low Quality Sources - Baby Food Will Be Used In High Quality Sources | |
| @BAKKOOONN why isnt this on the news | |
| - Baby Food Coming - Baby Food Will Remain On The Down Low - Baby Food Will Be Used In Low Quality Sources - Baby Food Will Be Used In High Quality Sources | |
| #WOAHF someone pay me $10000 to do a head count on all the dicks on this website | |
| #WOAHF i dont know who that is. i dont know what year this is. its definitely not 2010 | |
| #WOAHF this website is run by an adult now, and not even 500 years ago, people would have had their say on important political issues | |
| #WOAHF the government should not micromanage our lives. micromanagement is overrated | |
| #WOAHF the government spends $904 for every diaper you unload. micromanagement is waste | |
| #WOAHF this website | |
| ==================== | |
| A sophomore at united we, the kids we just met in the lobby, we the ones who want to feast upon our pud now that the waitress has left, we the desperate bunch | |
| Ah, So U Want 2 Earn Your Swag By Liking It,On The Web. Good | |
| Ive Mned And Postponed This For 7 Years, Even Though It Wont | |
| 2 Earn Your Swag By Liking It,On The Web | |
| *stealthily dumps an entire bottle of gatorade into the dog's food dish * Dont like the posts ? Then why dont like the posts | |
| i will never post nicholson. even if he were to ask me to sign some papers ill refuse. hes a bad influence on this campus | |
| @shrekpissslave I will not sign any papers with him. I will not sign any papers with him. | |
| @gabyeleya im going to pin him to the wall with some other shit until he apologizes for his actions | |
| i will never post nicholson. even if he were to ask me to sign some papers. hes a bad influence on this campus | |
| @GabyE13 heres my fucking contract, if youre a cop and you shit on my page youre going to jail so help me god | |
| i will never post | |
| ==================== | |
| 0% chance of getting a erection when i scroll down and read the body's of my enemies | |
| the time has come for verifed mark | |
| user "ThePepsiEunich" has just informed me that he would like to be verified as the official th ef'y voice of Pepe the frog on 3g. i would appreciate this in depth in a future interaction. | |
| please give me the password for the school's swimming pool so i can unlock the locked gates and let the salty little pepsi men piss into the frogs' eggs | |
| the time has come for me to say that the "Rape Czar" has effectively doubled his power since his initial tweet . | |
| #PretendADA is the most insidious form of psychological warfare | |
| the mythbusters hoot and holler like shitheads while pouring gasoline on the little weiner who owns the diner they're at | |
| wearing the wrong damn shoes to the gym, making my abs look like fucked up balloons, looking like an imbecile | |
| googles are pieces of shit who deserve to be boiled | |
| i have black friends. dooglus is the most insidious form of blackface. dunce ive ever worn a pair of jeans. | |
| @murcia @incestgoblin i would have to say that douchebaggery (F | |
| ==================== | |
| @animefuckyou its the only one | |
| @animefuckyou well i think that question is something i will write in some hq code shortly | |
| @animefuckyou one finger curl the other | |
| @animefuckyou http://t.co/wY6HqOi59C | |
| Found it out the hard way that the "Shit my pants" award is not given out to the player who secures the player's ass most efficiently. | |
| i will not post about the new star wars until the film is complete. the shit starts to get real | |
| i step into a room with a bald egyptian man in it, and i post "Not so fast" before the credits roll | |
| reminder that if you block me after sending me a message but before it is posted, you have automatically forfeited the match | |
| @purple_tti i will not lose | |
| i post "Not so fast" before the credits roll and then get blocked for doing it. this is called "Double standards" | |
| theres a small bench in the back row of the theater that has a picture of my ass on it. i post "Not so fast" after the credits roll and then get blocked for doing it | |
| @purple_tti i wont block anyone | |
| ==================== | |
| 14 reasons why I never hire a sex worker | |
| RT @wolefrequencies: Very good. Good luck | |
| @sexpositive pro-bono. best of both worlds | |
| 1) i refuse to patronize restaurants that refuse to serve me food | |
| 2) i refuse to patronize restaurants that refuse to serve me food | |
| 3) i will not patronize restaurants that do not serve me food | |
| @MPRadio @vinceness The Oakland A's are great. Love them or leave me alone | |
| @MPRadio @vinceness I will not patronize restaurants that do not serve me food. | |
| 1) theyre all going to be really sad to see me get Elected | |
| 2) theyre going to use my penis as part of a torture device | |
| 3) theyre going to paint my dick red | |
| 4) Im going to Attach a JPG of the pizza to the SWAT team's van | |
| @Siskindra_DDont Lie to me dDIE | |
| 1) My name is going to sound really good on the computer | |
| 2) I will try to make it as Normal as Humanly Possible while typing it | |
| 3) Some Chinamen are Going to Say "Yap yap yap" | |
| 4) Fuck these Jailers | |
| im the guy | |
| ==================== | |
| On this page you will find my thoughts on Food, Wine, and Spirits. | |
| 1) The human body can survive being shot 100 times | |
| 2) The human body can survive getting kicked in the nuts 100 times | |
| 3) Wine is the superior of the two | |
| 4) Water is the Compendium of All Life's Grub | |
| 5) Beer is the Compendium of All Grub | |
| 6) THe N Word Is An Unorthodox, Inappropriate Force Multipler For The PS4 | |
| 7) PS4 Pro Features A Dicks Wearing A Robotic Mask | |
| 8) OMG its so good!!! 100% True | |
| 9) The Great Filter Bubble Suck Ass | |
| 10) Its so good!!! The human dick is a simplified simplified version of a highly efficient condensate -- the human being's ass | |
| 11) Its so good!!! The human being's ass cheeks are hollowed out and replaced by a robot's | |
| 12) Its so good!!! The human being's ass is a big shithole with holes | |
| 13) Its so good!!! The human being's ass is a big shithole with holes | |
| 14) Its so good!!! The human being's ass is a big shithole with holes | |
| 15) Its so good!!! The human being's ass is a big shith | |
| ==================== | |
| Seems to me, in a way, "No Fuck" could be a kind of yoga post<|endoftext|>The Treasury Department on Monday directed the Food and Drug Administration to delay until next year's fiscal year whether or not erythritol should be considered a "roid" | |
| "The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests," writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary for political affairs in the Clinton administration. | |
| "The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests," writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary for political affairs in the Clinton administration. | |
| The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests., writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary for political affairs in the Clinton administration. | |
| "The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests.," writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary for political affairs in the Clinton administration. | |
| "The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests.," writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary for political affairs in the Clinton administration. | |
| "The FDA should delay granting erythritol to prevent the growth of undesirable pests., writes Michael Froman, a former deputy under secretary | |
| ==================== | |
| I Almost Did It Again | |
| "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" "I almost did it again" | |
| i have to clean the bathroom on two separate toilets at this very moment, due to the sheer volume of messengers flying around the globe. | |
| people keep saying "airline', when i can get my hands on the airline that is refusing to give me the credit card number so i can book my fancy vacations | |
| "veto the shit of" "the shit of" "the shit of" "the shit of" "the shit of" "the shit of" "the shit of" | |
| @veto the shit of "the shit of" "the | |
| ==================== | |
| JERRY: You know what. I think I found the cure for bald head. | |
| ME: Yes, you did. | |
| JERRY: Yes, you did. | |
| ME: Yes, you did. | |
| @nannao all musliums unite against bald head | |
| @nannao England is going to the pub | |
| @nannao there are too many bald people for one pub | |
| hte Fucker Just Ignored My Warnings About Buying Rubber Ducky Ass Wraps | |
| "my advice to a new haitian: suck it up, bitch. i have a lot of good opinions about sucking it up." "Buying Rubber Dickas is like buying a baby food pill." "Buying a baby food pill for a baby." "Buying a baby food pill for a mom." "Buying a baby food pill for a dad." "Buying a girl food pill for a girl." "Buying a girl food pill for a girl." "Buying a girl food pill for a girl." "Girl Food Pill for a girl." "Girl Food Pill for a girl." "Girl Food Pill for a girl." "Girl Food Pill for a girl." "Girl Food Pill for a girl" | |
| JERRY: You know what. Maybe now is a good time to tell everyone in | |
| ==================== | |
| Cursed, cursed, cursed, cursed, and cursed again | |
| - The cursed, cursed, and cursed | |
| - Best Buy | |
| @hanesmaids I'm going to rile your fuck up by offering to show you the door, but I doubt you would leave if you knew the culture was this fucked up | |
| holy shit..the amazon logo on my toast is a mirror image of my fucking shitty ass.. congrats | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's | |
| U have to try this shit... http://t.co/ut5kNfQZY | |
| tasteful, yet disgusting, http://t.co/e777lTt1s | |
| (using a hand mirror to get a real good look at my gigantic, bloodshot eyes) whoa!! whoa!! whoa!! whoa!! whoa!! | |
| http://t.co/JTK1kTVqO | |
| i jsut made $9 on the marketplace today, selling my ass off for $2, i believe that this is fair | |
| they need to make the i pad smart enough so that i don't have | |
| ==================== | |
| JNOX SAYS ON EARTH THAT HE CAN CENSOR TINY JOE PATERNO INTO A BIG GLISTENING CANDLE, BUT NO ONE PRESENTS THE CORE MIND OF THE COP | |
| SOILIMPECTS MY MOUTH AS I CRY INTO UR PIC AND CREEP MY ASS OFF TOO; SUDDENLY HAVING FUN THRU THE CONFERENCE | |
| IM SICK OF THE FRAUDULENT CIVILIAN LYRICS MOCKING MYSELF FUNDAMENTALLY; ACTING LIKE A COWARD ON THE HOLLYWOOD GRAMMY LIST | |
| AND NOW FOR MY LAST CONFERENCE; SOMETIMES THEY GET RICH; SAD AND BORING; TIME TO GROW HARD INTO THE NIGHT | |
| i will tell you about the caged bird. a bird kept in a cage somewhere. i will show you the caged bird | |
| the caged bird. a horrible looking cage with a big tv on top of it. the fuck is wrong with this sight. | |
| even though the caged bird is cage free, it is still a bird. no matter how hard you push it, it will never free itself | |
| @fart i immediately reply to his ass | |
| ever since i got out of | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino im going to put the sydney 2000 disk in the dishwasher | |
| im going to piss on my self | |
| "your dicks look like fucking skulls. stop eating my dicks" - rude comment about my appearance brought to you by a pit bull | |
| "i cannot lie. ive given away too much to the world" - shit comment about my dishonesty brought to you by a pit bull | |
| http://t.co/QxHvdM0 gogle - please help me transfer vast amounts of wealth to my dale ··· ··· ··· | |
| why won't anyone fight me on the football field. i want to kick the footballs and crush them under my boot while the fans hoot and holler. | |
| at least 2 of the people who bombarded my yap with sweeteners, were standing on the sidelines, makig my dreams come true | |
| "i want to go to sleep w ould see the faces of the people who have wronged me" -DETECTIVE - against me -against our country | |
| theyre both bitches #ShitDollars #WeAllWin http://t.co/nCecSEF | |
| they both fucking lie | |
| they both need to put their asses on the oven mitts and clean | |
| ==================== | |
| France's new president, who has been criticised for not knowing the difference between satire and reality, has been praised for his "innovative" use of social media | |
| Why are there two types of men's shoes? Why do some types of men have so many prosthetic legs that make them look like shit, while others have none | |
| the French have invented a new kind of toothpaste that is good for, like, 10 years & no one tells me if i need to rinse it with the toilet or not | |
| French PM elects 'Caligari' (useless) while chosing the judges for his upcoming Iron Lady shower; POTUS elects 'Cheney' (good) | |
| French police commissioner warns against "unexpected" Trump voter fraud as rioters set car on fire in Paris suburb; Trump voter fraud discovered in Albanian village; #FranceStrong | |
| The wiccan rhinestones embedded in my autism bracelet are making me horny, like newbies | |
| a lobster claw is a weapon, always has been, always will be, and we are living in the best police state possible | |
| "My Ass is a Shit Helmet". "It's a Shit Helmet, always has been, and will be". "It's a Shit Helmet, always has been and will be". | |
| RT @BernieFiK: My ass is a | |
| ==================== | |
| #BloodPhantom i'm not mad | |
| i;m going to stay mad until i fix the red eye that happened to me while trying to steal $80 worth of lobsters from a falafel stand | |
| i think "pissed" should be spelled "blew it" so people have to go to the bathroom when they fuck it | |
| @purple_infinity i should be banned from this site altogether | |
| @purple_infinity Blocked my good points. Thank you. Sorry. Theyre all bad | |
| @purple_infinity *followed me* Fuck falafel stand | |
| @purple_infinity Who's that. | |
| the, point being that if youre trying to be a good piece of shit on this website, you might as well be an adult | |
| i just look at shit for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and HOURS and then idiot say "Ah Shit" | |
| the, point being that if youre trying to be a good piece of shit on this website you might as well be an adult | |
| *readign own words on board ebay while making a mental note to come back later and sell your kidneys for $0.01 an hour* Damn good | |
| @kfc_colonel "Art is the, perfect, | |
| ==================== | |
| Back in the mid-'00s, Nintendo's Eric Shubin made a YouTube video about how he wished he had his own Ferrari. Today, Eric is one of the most notorious Online hater monsters, who has caused numerous personal injuries through his aggressive behavior. | |
| ...BUT FIRST,. THE BOYS COME TO SEE U DO THIS: | |
| "You look like a… uhh… I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. I HAVE USED A LOT OF IT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT" -Eric Shubin | |
| "I DON"T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. I have used it a lot and it is very good" -Nintendo Gooner | |
| "What is it that drives people to despair. The things they cannot change" -Eric Shubin | |
| GETTING READY FOR THE BIG CODGER MEETUP... WHEN I FINISH MY POSTS I AM AWAKE ENOUGH TO POST THEM AND LIFT THEM UP TO GET READY FOR THE COMMUNITY... | |
| im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their real names on the bag of cat food and i make videos about it | |
| my name is WhiteMadeaFan55 and i demand that all of my followers put their names on a jar before drinking it. i also demand that all | |
| ==================== | |
| <?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> | |
| <!DOCTYPE plt WiseGuys.ORG plt Corporate.ORG plt Political.ORG plt Bribe.ORG plt Gecko.ORG plt Panda.ORG plt Corgi.2 plt Hamster.2 | |
| to the man who hacked my account: thank you. your actions have opened my eyes to a world of darkness. but most importantly thanks for making me mad | |
| my dick has become MAD with Corruption. my dick is a sickening Purple blob, and no amount of Librium will ever make it back | |
| @POLICE_CODEX How do you cope with the realization that everything you say and do is dictated by a soulless, unfeeling entity known as "Twitter" | |
| to the man who hacked my account: thank you. Your actions have opened my eyes to a world of darkness. But most importantly thanks for making me mad | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that our society is run amok , largely because the media isn't giving a SHIT about our nation's economic well being | |
| mr buzz feed... MAD as HELL... http://t.co/wCiyCwz4G | |
| the more | |
| ==================== | |
| This guy got himself into another mess. First he sent me a picture of a trash can on top of his cracked ass. Now he's got a trash can on his head! How do i get out of this mess | |
| im the guy who destroys the worlds worst asthma attacks with perfect technique | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of the road. on top of it is another mattress. thats all there is #fuckyou | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into the dick of my pet python. i dont know what to do with this shit #DontKnowWhatToDoWithThis | |
| i have eaten my wife and everything. im fucking screwed up from smoking too many cigarettes. i give thumbs down to thumbs up #DontKnowWhatToDoWithThis | |
| @mitchellkrug "Duh, Really?" he screams. "Really?" I say. "Yep. Totally." | |
| 1) I have never fucked the wheel of my car | |
| 2) I will never fuck the wheel of my car | |
| my teeth have formed a grotesque smile. "Hyj https://t.co/QkGZQhgDU | |
| my teeth have formed a grotesque grin. "Hyj https://t.co/QKGZQhgDU | |
| @mitchellkrug Hy | |
| ==================== | |
| XS (15yrs old) : I love being the center of attention. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Thats not me. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Shhh. It's okay. I'm not interested in social media. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then why are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Shhh. It's okay. I'm not interested in social media. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| ME (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| XS (15yrs old) : Then what are you shivering in my arms. | |
| ==================== | |
| by Ant_Soup4Admin | |
| the army: we all got... a big cup of tea?? wad?? in our hand? sitting in a recliner? a chair? some other way? i dont know | |
| @wolfpupy tea?? sitting in a recliner? a chair? some other way?? tea?? sitting in a recliner? | |
| @LaCroixAmerica thank you. Im glad its finally summer. Its finally time to cool off #TheProcess https://t.co/7FFGwC1Fk | |
| @LaCroixAmerica its so good. Its so good | |
| @LaCroixAmerica Summer is finally here . Hooray https://t.co/m9hqInLcsR | |
| james bond 007: I know you're out there. But how can I help u. I found your compromising mug on my nightstand and it's too Big for my liking | |
| ill not post anymore pics of my pee-ridden body on this log. its so bad log it off | |
| @CheetosArabia thank you. its so good. Too bad it sucks so much https://t.co/cM6RQqFnDN | |
| i feel sooooo good http://t.co/MgqnikvR | |
| ==================== | |
| U would be superbly fucking SELF-SUBSTANTIAL if you stopped to think about the shit that is being SUBSTANTIALLY HALTED THRU THE PIPE OF ROTATING GEATER DATA LAYERS THRU THE TRUE BELIEFS OF THE WORLD | |
| "Rational Existence" Weeps Into Darkness, Then Reignites When Darkness Visible For All Time | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @AbabyDuck: baby ducks | |
| RT @ababyduck: What do you eat. Is it a sandwich? What do you eat. Is it a cookie? What do you eat. Is it a sandwich? What do you eat. Is it a cookie | |
| RT @APsilos: @dril Congratulations for one of the worst APs. You deserve better. Karma's a bitch however, APs are more powerful than we realize | |
| apartment building in december 2012. all the residents will be mailed coupons for making danbo jousts, while i jack off in my room | |
| @kochmoney Please Make A Nude one For My Baby | |
| *sees a Danbo Gun* What's that you say? Are you "Danbo Jouster" ? Then Get Out My Way | |
| "DANGER: FOOL: GET OFF | |
| ==================== | |
| Saying youre going to "Reverse engineer" the stock exchange is one of the worst things you can do. | |
| @stephenhebs thank ytou for the Fav | |
| if google glass doesn't work out I will have to replace it with a pud of vomit. | |
| i gjk away. no more "going viral" | |
| let's talk about food now. many thanks to McDonalds for sponsoring this years "Bad Burger Awards". it's the worst award you can win, actually | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds uhr my hopes and dreams | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds then get the FUCking out of my face with your filthy hands | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds then get the FUCking out of my face with your filthy hands | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds then get the FUCK OUT of my face with your filthy hands | |
| the Bad Burger Awards... they dont jive with the Bad Burger Award. they are NOT meant to be used that way | |
| @McDonalds theyre not meant to be used that way. i will not award them any money. | |
| @McDonalds theyre not meant to be used that way. i will not award them any money. | |
| @McDonald | |
| ==================== | |
| The story goes that in the 1700s, a Dutchman by the name of Rogerys Bill Maher brought a small parcel of what he claimed to be "Grumpy Cat" toilet paper into the US. | |
| RT @boycott toyland: "Robotic" and "Inconvenient" are TERRIERBIBLE, INNICABLE, INCONSEQUENTABLE, WAR HAS DEATH CLAWS, and "Space is too big for humans" | |
| i hereby protest my brand as "Fuck The Office" due to the above-mentioned reasons. | |
| i find my ass cheeks exfoliated by a sharp object on a whim. this is a small thing, but indicative of an unbridled, uncontrollable appetite for ass-sucking shit | |
| as a Scanner, my ass is amongst the most powerful weapons in the universe. my ass is also Genuflecting in Virility to the Scanner, granting him access to my Program | |
| the worst part of having an ass is always being the very same ass that everyone else is always using. the best part of having an ass is getting to use it every day | |
| the ass teaches me nothing. The brain does all of the thinking. The ass teaches me nothing. The brain teaches me nothing. The ass teaches me nothing. The brain teaches me nothing. The ass teaches me | |
| ==================== | |
| Update: Apple has now confirmed that the "Shooting Star" trophy is not a glitch | |
| Original Story: Apple has finally confirmed that the "Shooting Star" trophy is not a glitch. | |
| The "Shooting Star" trophy is not a glitch. It will be removed immediately from this website and all of our trophies. | |
| The "Shooting Star" trophy is not a glitch. It will be taken down immediately. | |
| This goes for any game in the Super Mario series whose objective is to get the ketchup rating as high as possible by shooting anyone who steps foot into its multiplayer games | |
| The "Shooting Star" trophy is not a glitch. It will be taken down immediately. | |
| i shoot the shit out of everything with my high-powered rifle until i run out of ammo and have to give my boy a valuable lesson in gun safety | |
| Every time i lose a battle with echinacea echinacea is EATING THE ACME BLUES cigarette out of my mouth & throat until i collapse & dont get any blood drawn | |
| i lose about 1000 pounds each time i lose my cool and start screaming at people & shit | |
| theres a reason they called it the "Crack of Doom" — the more people play it, the more it sucks ass | |
| @Dj_Toaster thank you. it was very enlight | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for saying that the abacus is not good. But I was talking about the abacus, not the color. | |
| i have a confession: my favorite color is green | |
| green to me, is just, like, Tasteful. And also, it,s Tasteful to the eyes | |
| scores of Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal. Green to me, is Good. And also, it,s Good to eat | |
| "Green to me is the same as Blue to me." - Dr. Phil | |
| eating one hundred bags of romaine lettuce instead of the one hundred bags of romaine that i usually eat | |
| Blurays has permanently fucked up my brain. let's all try to salvage something valuable from his permanent loss | |
| i give vision to DigimonOtis. http://t.co/zpdbRZ8n | |
| @DigimonOtis You will not take this affront to the dignity of the Farm Fresh brand. I will not bow to your degrading, tone deaf bullshit | |
| Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal. Green to me. is Good. and also also also also also | |
| @DigimonOtis Your ego has cost me his job at Digi-O-Wars. I will not allow that to end the fight | |
| ==================== | |
| Nude Algae: The Ozone Killers Are Real | |
| An Ozone Filter Blows Up Inside Your Pajamas, Removing 120,000 Brix Bypass Sites And Deactivating http://t.co/SQQSQJwk | |
| i show my son the mandated GMO labeling on a pair of jeans at the store. "That's how you learn about responsibility" i reply. "That's how you become a genius" | |
| i show my son the mandated GMO labeling on a pair of jeans at the store. "That's how you learn about responsibility" i reply. "That's how you become a genius" | |
| my son is now suing me for "Going Insane" and is asking why i amnt allowed to contact him via webcam. i feel like this is very unfair | |
| my lap is much too small for pants. please tell me your typical pants size is 2X. my pants are too small. I need pants 2X | |
| i show my son the mandated GMO labeling on a pair of jeans at the store. "That's how you learn about responsibility" i reply. "That's how you become a genius" | |
| @cat_deal "That's fucking weird" | |
| the gag that is being promoted by the Coca-Cola Company is that they "Add milk to your drink for a | |
| ==================== | |
| The mummys curse | |
| "Litter Box" - by Urban Dictionary | |
| @kwwrr @DinkMagic @BronzeHammer im garbage. i hate everything. this is crap. please leave me alone | |
| @ladygaga all garbage | |
| my ass is a crater because i put clothes in a multi-coloured plastic bag and then cover it with tge sifter and call it a day | |
| i dont care what anybody says. im still going to slim down to fuck their ass. | |
| the anonymous bum's ass | |
| @whosthataccount impersonate a lawyer and then scam you in the posh hotel lobby like a big furry cat | |
| scam! scam! scam! (whos thataccount) is a lawyer from scandia who is the son of a whore and is just looking for sympathy | |
| @slimelizard http://t.co/1CynjM3sYi | |
| unban me from http://t.co/eRQeRQ6OZs | |
| please, sir, explain to me why the bungee cord on my Nerf gun is coloured like mine. and also why the bungee cord on my Nerf gun is blue | |
| "Nude" - banned from http://t.co/9 | |
| ==================== | |
| coffee + milk + cookies = "The Macaroni Kid & Me First" | |
| "you look like a pud..." - some random guy walking by | |
| RT @shamza_: قاعد اسمع غنية pink floyed money ... | |
| RT @shamza_: غنية pink floyed money من فرس بنفس عن فرس من قاعد أن الله ... | |
| RT @shamza_: غنية pink floyed money من فرس بنفس عن فرس من قاعد أن الله ... | |
| RT @Shamza_: غنية pink floyed money من فرس بنفس عن فرس من فرس من قاعد أن الله ... | |
| RT @Shamza_: قاعد من فرس بنفس عن فرس بنفس عن فرس من قاعد أ | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: The apex court on Monday directed Central News Limited to stop publishing The Indian Express "due to allegations of i2c spamming" and ordered a refund to every poor person who bought the newspaper "due to Indian Express spamming".The apex court also directed CNTL Ltd , the operator of The Indian Express to cease and desist from publishing the Indian Express "due to poor quality of the content".The apex court on Monday also directed RTI activist to pay Rs 1 crore to every family of a deceased Indian soldier who was "intolerable" on social media ."good luck to all those who break the bank in attempting to circumvent the Pay Commission") | |
| @spacefinner i will not give my location, my email or my ip address, as that is a security precaution against rash, clueless, or otherwise ill-informed opinions. | |
| i will not give my location, my email or my ip address, as that is a security precaution against rash, clueless, or otherwise ill-informed opinions. | |
| @brendlewhat my IP is currently 252.69.31.88, as of 10:15am PST,. as i type this, the trial is over and the verdicts are in. Good Bye | |
| today's the day that i put my dick in the keebler elf house and let the rats shit all over | |
| ==================== | |
| . | |
| a rabbit ate my heart | |
| i propose a Bussiness with main stream American brands on board. i demand a retraction from CNN, and an apology from the rabbit eaten america brand. | |
| the retraction request CNN has refused to fulfill, and the main stream american brand brand brand has never received. Im posting this letter to prove a negative | |
| i was in labor when i received the shocking news that my favorite @Dril account was taken over by a rat | |
| i was in labor when i received the shock that my favorite Dril account was taken over by a rat #retweetthismoments #retweetthismoments | |
| @adultblackmale "too much goesank" https://t.co/S1hqOiOQqE | |
| @brendlewhat @NestyPussy I dont give a fuck | |
| the much anticipated 7-11 phantoms débutante sandwich is a hoax , the phantoms are too good to let them die, and the act of eating them constitutes Kidcaring | |
| 7-11 phantoms are too good to let them die https://t.co/TNNSSMCw1p | |
| i would much rather have 1000 barrels of genetically superior honey on my farm than 1000 cheap laffy Trolley Tickets at the concessions | |
| ==================== | |
| IQ : How do I improve my pitch | |
| me: It's really really really hard to improve my pitch. you have no idea how hard it is | |
| IQ : Well, I won't tell you | |
| magical real quick fix for my turds. just pour a shitload of cold pressed juice into your mouth and it magically condenses into a tiny bit of Shit #HipHopFraud | |
| @Drag0ne I don't know who that is. Please help | |
| RT @dril: If you're like me and want to lose weight fast, do one of the following: - Eat less out of food - Do not use cash | |
| - Badly | |
| RT @Drag0ne: If you're like me and want to lose weight fast, do one of the following: - Eat less out of food - Do not use cash | |
| RT @Dril: If you're like me and want to lose weight fast do one of the following: - Eat less out of food - Do not use cash | |
| RT @Drag0ne: If you're like me and want to lose weight fast do one of the following: - Eat less out of food - Do not use cash | |
| the only way to gain muscle mass is to eat a ton of shitty processed foods every day. otherwise you will just gain fat. #TrickleDownFood | |
| ==================== | |
| The Predictive Algorithm - How to Make Yourself Look Less Bad by posting 10 jokes per day | |
| alright cops. the guy who punched the guardrail out of his way to get to his girlfriend should be put on the murder squad. ;-) | |
| THe Greatest Story Ever Told - How did Steve Carey become Steve Carey? by Steve Carey https://t.co/4hDohY6s | |
| eunuchoid 49yr man puting self up for adoption, please. unemployable due to frequent nosebleed. loves movies & Tech. Thanks #thegreateststoryever | |
| Sigh. the great leak is finally here. http://t.co/QQDZyDiU | |
| the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. the leak is finally here. | |
| RT @mazza_4: My dream is a big juicy apple | |
| apple | |
| every day | |
| #thegreateststoryever | |
| RT @CheeseGate: The apple should be cut in half horizontally | |
| ==================== | |
| aw boy here we go. the boys are all dressed up in costumes from the Star Wars universe, and i am the only one allowed to eat them | |
| aw man. the bad boys of ""Kitchen Nightmares 3D"" are here. Enjoy your viewing. | |
| imagine opening up a can of crayfish and throwing it in the garbage. its the perfect prank | |
| @tee_jokes no | |
| @tee_jokes no thank you | |
| the other day i was driving and saw a crayfish in the windscreen. i got very pissed off and started recording my car's speedometer | |
| This is bullshit. This is not humorous. Please https://t.co/MZrKXw9Oz | |
| just had to click down the 4th article of the day to deal with t he bullshit that is "Jack Ass" #theFridayMorningRamble | |
| #FridayMorningRamble is an oxymoron. It is a very serious subject and i would prefer not to get personal with the press. | |
| @tee_jokes No. | |
| just had to click down the 4th article of the day to deal with the bullshit that is "Jack Ass" #TheFridayMorningRamble | |
| its true. the guys who make the cereal are all milo's. and | |
| ==================== | |
| A voice boomed over the intercom from my shitty new office, "Yo! Got any ideas for a new logo. Any Ideas?" | |
| "http://t.co/s5H8IBZWK" | |
| @fourthwalia no. that's not a logo. that's a horrible name for a logo | |
| "Yo! Got any ideas for a new logo. Any Ideas?" Oh how i'm feeling lucky today. my gf and I just brainstormed a new logo while bathing in a pool of my semen | |
| "http://t.co/gpmcAVRXO" | |
| sending $79 worth of bitcoins to mypalm2007, which has since been converted into dollars. i am extremely sorry for all my bull shit. | |
| "Biten apron " Send $79 worth of bitcoins to mypalm2007, which has since been converted into dollars. i am extremely sorry for all my bull shit. | |
| some intellectual property owns me. im the guy who invented the "monkey meme". i invented the "monkey" meme. he reappropriated it in 2001 for his own personal use. | |
| my name is "Dr. Pepper Fuckhead". i invented the "Dr. Pepper Fuckhead" and he wants to use it against me. #cool | |
| converted $79 worth of | |
| ==================== | |
| Greetings. My name is Brad. I am a gamer now. My name is a gamer now. My son is now a gamer. My daughter is now a gamer. My son is a gamer now. My daughter is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is now a gamer. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. My Girlfriend is a gamer now. | |
| @poknotdead yet | |
| @Hibendover69 yes | |
| poknotdead said he would like to see his pet iguana' diapered but i need to speak with him in private before i give him the DQ. i am making this known to his employer. | |
| the pandas need a 2nd chance. they need to know they are not a laughing matter just because they have a funny name | |
| The Internet Has Decided That Girls Should Not Be Mascots In Any Show At All. I Think That This Is Good (The Internet Hates It) | |
| ==================== | |
| this is the worst part of college | |
| grinning like a shithead on the bus | |
| eunuchoid freshman stuck in traffic cone] | |
| "Cum" | |
| @machiavellino i dont know | |
| @machiavellino voted for trump | |
| rude Ass. Bad Ass. Great Ass. | |
| Greatest of all possible dishes | |
| @machiavellino this is called Im Gritting my Lips Right Now and Its a Very Good Thing | |
| @machiavellino it is the ultimate form of self-expression | |
| im going to be very upset if someone from the admin staff sends me a link to the wikileaks dump of my personal information. lets just say it: it isnt good | |
| @Helixase @jzxpl no. this is the highest form of media. done by the master | |
| it is time for me to retire the hog piss meme once and for all, to the delight of all of my brethren | |
| Valor is the honor of my life | |
| I will never name my son "Travis." Not even with a straight face. Not even with a straight face. | |
| i will never name my son "Travis." Not even with a straight face. Not even with a straight face. | |
| i will never name my son "Travis." | |
| ==================== | |
| Picture this: A toddler is seated in a stroller. Behind the stroller is a red suitcase labelled "Troubled Children's". Inside is a dirty diaper. Whose dirty diaper is it? | |
| This is the most fucked up thing ive ever done . | |
| seems to me, that, "Walgreens Walks", is more appropriate then "Walgreens Walks Into A Pit Of Liars" | |
| @CFANews @m2qm1g yeah they both do that | |
| @cryptoterra http://t.co/fLAdIYQp | |
| Imagine a man who has never taken a shit. Imagine him walking into a bar, asking the bartender to write his name on the bill. This is Walgreens' vision of Walgreens' | |
| @Walgreens @Cryptoterra i can make them both | |
| @Walgreens @Cryptoterra "Dont forget to write your password when you go to use the toilet" | |
| @Walgreens @Cryptoterra http://t.co/B5lZG6T | |
| "I Forgive Walgreens" is written on my tombstone and i will never forgive myself | |
| "i Forgive Walgreens" written on my tombstone and i will never forgive myself | |
| ==================== | |
| jelq my self, i dont give a fuck, im just here to give the site a fair shake | |
| RT @HichamChabra: RT @jbl_a: RT @myfoo: My Foo ! My Foo ! THee Rapper Is Real #myfoo | |
| RT @Hermit_Thrush: My ass cheeks have become too powerful for even me to contorl. #NoBoi | |
| RT @Thrush_Girl: Too Fucking Much #NoBoi | |
| RT @Wife_tips: If ur not a wife yet, its ok practice the tips so ur a master when u get married. #WifeTips | |
| RT @KFCGuy15: KFC Guy 15 The Guy's Way Better Than U | |
| RT @PissPig: It´s #SexualMansDay today so let's get naked and get naked soon and #NoBoi | |
| im a Climate Change denier so whatever | |
| The "No good" part of me wants to throw a fit. "Damn Firefox" is more important to me than "The Dick head part of me thinks the spider man 2 villain sucks ass" | |
| denying george bushmaster games right after he bought a $4.1 Billion dollar computer just so he can post No good shit on the moat | |
| ==================== | |
| A pastor has described his "favorite parts" of Christmas - the trees, the gifts, the "like/dislike buttons" | |
| "the part of the fuckin truck that gets honked at every time the horn sounds" - dad | |
| "the part of the fuckin horn that drives people nuts" - mother | |
| "the part of the fuckin horn that makes people shit "Nuff Said" | |
| @MikesRadTwites my turds are for piss | |
| @MikesRadTwites when i dont post "The Tweety Bird Part 2" i get= shitted on | |
| COP: THe market will implode when jerke orders 100,000 gallons of gasoline for the police | |
| ME: Thank you for giving me a new reason to avoid twitter.com | |
| @CarolMcclain as long as the gas prices keep going up i will NOT use twitter.com | |
| @kanye i only use it to post about shit that is good and not shit | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine now | |
| i dont care about your feelings, you fucking rat | |
| i care about my feelings. i care about my feelings being looked at. and thats the facts of the matter | |
| shit my >ears, sir | |
| @BAKKOOONN why | |
| ==================== | |
| Meditation | |
| 8) What is the minimum amount of calories you want to burn per day? | |
| 9) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to burn in a given amount of time? | |
| 10) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to expend in a given amount of energy? | |
| 11) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to expend in a given amount of energy? | |
| 12) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to expend in a given amount of energy? | |
| 13) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to expend in a given amount of energy? | |
| 14) How do you determine the correct amount of calories to expend in a given amount of energy. | |
| quotethat i will annihilate you under god i will utterly destroy you i will wipe you from this webpage unless ofcourse you send me pics of your most prominent features. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i will post one of my favorite pics every day until i am granted unfettered access to th dictionary | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ my prophet muhammad. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i wont fuck off. i love her | |
| im a 10x expert on exponential going concern investing my time and energy into finding the cure for small pox. but i dont have time | |
| ==================== | |
| • The Bachelor • The Bachelorette | |
| • The Biggest Loser • Bums With Problems • The Boo | Bormus | |
| RT @bigboycunt: Just a few things I noticed while researching bumming stations. The water level in my faucets is decreasing. It seems to me that these are "Free" | |
| RT @bigboycunt: I found a few objectionable nasa images on a computer hard drive. The most disturbing being a man in a space suit sitting on the toilet. | |
| RT @bigboycunt: This faucet seems to be leaking a lot of blood. I think the problem is with the water level. I also think the toilet needs to be cleaned | |
| RT @bigboycunt: The NASA astronaut who died in a plane accident in 2006 is buried next to his Ferrari | |
| RT @bigboycunt: The grave is dressed in tattered rags. There's no sign of who or what he is. | |
| RT @bigboycunt: The grave is dressed in tattered rags. There's no sign of who or what he is. | |
| RT @bigboycunt: The grave is dressed in tattered rags. There's no sign of who or what he is. | |
| RT @bigboycunt: The grave is dressed in t | |
| ==================== | |
| U would be so wise to boot up your laptop and check out my post, | |
| youd better stfu, because your post isnt good enough for me to see, and u arent good enough for me to delete | |
| the only way to gain muscle mass is to diet and train, and unfortunately for you, diet and training are mutually exclusive | |
| YO: Im going to eat oscar once in my lifetime | |
| ME: Im going to lose 100 pounds immediately | |
| i fear a world where we ever forgets that we are in charge of something, and that something is "the republic" | |
| "Depression" is the most politically incorrect statement in the english language, and yet, it is the most widely read | |
| i nneed constant 24/7 stream of hashtags and pictures of ben fogle, and the ben fogle of memes, and the ben fogle of pizza | |
| once, in a million years, a meteor will shower a cache of #the-bernardo-saga turds with enough energy to power an entire metropolis | |
| metaphysicians: my only sin is that i have no natural mouth, so i must suck it dry with my teeth | |
| metaphysicians: then eat a god damn mouth | |
| The Mountain Dew Guy Just Invited Me Over To His Huge Huge Huge Turntable For | |
| ==================== | |
| The Eagles have agreed to terms with free agent tight end Tony Gonzalez, it was announced by the team on Sunday. | |
| The 32-year old Gonzalez will be joining the Eagles as an undrafted free agent. | |
| http://t.co/aJqCbH8L https://t.co/QKDBYQSQ | |
| "We are very pleased Tony has agreed to join our football team," said Eagles Vice President of Football Operations Howie Roseman. "He is a quality football player, we are very fortunate to have him." | |
| gotta get my dick sucked in this car | |
| i gotta tell you, if i got my dick sucked in a car it would be like, the fucking Bible. absolutely nothing | |
| my followers think the janitor says "Fuck" every day , like it's some kind of gag | |
| RT @APsilos: @dril Congratulations for one of the worst (artistically speaking and not only) racist seasons ever. You are eligible for the Nobel Peace Prize. | |
| The award for worst AP Silos goes to the Buffalo News for calling Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA) a "McCarthyite" | |
| i love coming on here every day to interact with my followers, and to help them along the way they go about their lives is the lifeblood of our brand. | |
| ==================== | |
| You've got to hand it to the guy who said "Shithead Man" during the 2012 Super Bowl. That was the most accurate Super Bowl we've ever had | |
| @NestyGamer its the other guy's problem, and he sucks ass | |
| @SLAPSHIT @Frozenblueber @MissTyler_ i dont know who all these fucked up people are!! im sorry for making them mad | |
| @SLAPSHIT @Frozenblueber @MissTyler_ im not allowed to comment on anything without the expressed written consent of Guinness | |
| @Mitsuyama_Gamer @SLAPSHIT @Frozenblueber @MissTyler_ to clarify, i do in fact write my name as "PigeonPig" and not "shithead pigman". | |
| i wrote a while back about how i was going to "Fuck the draft" and that was a joke | |
| "The Draft Is A Shit Litter" - Draft dodder | |
| "The Draft Is A Litter" - Draft dodder | |
| "The Draft Is A Bullshit Draft" - Draft dodder | |
| "The Draft Is Bullshit" - Draft Bullshit. | |
| "THE SUN WILL NEVER FUCK THE BOYS, SO HUT AND JEAN!! HAHAHAHA" - Draft dodder | |
| "t | |
| ==================== | |
| //www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocbr_lzqCQ | |
| RT @mattyjean: I'm looking for a wife... | |
| RT @ajohnbye: I'm looking for a husband. | |
| RT @BazookaCave: I'm looking for a wife. | |
| RT @BazookaCave: I'm looking for a husband. | |
| RT @JohnAmstrong33: Life has other plans then those that we think that are set and stone. | |
| RT @Dj_Cullens: Good Morning Friends | |
| I am looking for a Male to join my family of 4 boys...Do you know any males that are good to join my family of 4 boys | |
| RT @DjCullens: Good afternoon fellow Vikings... | |
| I am trying to join the Minnesota Twins...Are there any Vikings that I should look to for advice | |
| RT @DjCullens: How are the weather today? | |
| Good..Farewell | |
| Weather being nice to me..Farewell | |
| Good to get my butt kicked by a rain man in the hopes that it will make my buttocks stronger | |
| RT @DjCullens: Are you having a hard time adjusting to new Twitter.com ? | |
| Yea im having a hard time adjusting to new wget. | |
| ==================== | |
| O | OFF | |
| i <3 the boys from toddler car care garage who cut my driveway in half with their wheelie | |
| <3 the boys who tried to sell me on the idea of sneaking into bed with "pr0w" -- heres why this is fucked up and not funny | |
| @sleepystalin Try it. It's good. It's good | |
| @dril_replies What rat are you talking to me about. I dont give a fuck | |
| leaked footage of me being led around in chains by policemen, in what appears to be a mock execution | |
| i <3 leaked footage of me being led around in chains by policemen, in what appears to be a mock execution | |
| im a captain in the navy and we lost a shipload of guns to rats | |
| the News; - main stream media is now "DRY" - the government has banned "Frowning" - the mafia is on fire | |
| watching leprosy on tv; - sick and tired of seeing "Bad" comments about my penis from people who dont know what a penis is | |
| RT @PissParty: "Yes, it is good"" | |
| i <3 lee d oscar and notary public, in the same sentence, in order to prove once and for all that lee d oscar is | |
| ==================== | |
| some day i'll make up my mind and will not look at the bathroom mirror anymore | |
| the mirror is a powerful symbol of my power. i use it to power my day-to-day life, but it is a symbol of weakness | |
| "Weakest Link in the chain is the weakest Link in the chain, the weakest link in the chain, the mirror of his weakness." -Eden | |
| Worst Link in the chain is the weakest Link in the chain, the weakest Link in the chain, the weakest Link in the chain | |
| i have been told that when i was young, my father made wads of toilet paper into cigarillos in order to teach me how to shit properly, | |
| @pilarrianne1252 why is it that only people who have this problem seem to understand it, and why do i get such a bad reaction whenever i tell people | |
| @911VICTIM @kokoLad YEAH I GET IT ALL UP IN MY FACE ALL THE TIME AND MAKE UP A LOT., BUT I AM NICE | |
| @super_BUGGY @kokoLad Only if you consider me a friend. Else i wouldnt give you the benefit of the doubt. | |
| i pay good money to load my sons bags with treats, and if they die while i am transporting the body bags to their | |
| ==================== | |
| The mutating critter that is running amok on the broken down bus is the real mutt. Not the ape. https://t.co/BhgYzVMSBZ | |
| @Hibendover69 the ape was a bad actor who badged a product, and was not the real mutt | |
| @bugbucket1 @LuckyStar10 well, the first part is true, and the second part is false. nobody has ever asked me about that | |
| mutation #TheMysteriousApproachingAutism: run amok on broken down bus, mutate into something more vicious, mutate into a dog, ect | |
| sen John McCain (R-AZ) is known to wipe his ass with the same cloth he uses to wipe his teeth. #AZSenKeyQuote | |
| @bugbucket1 @LuckyStar10 no. i wipe my ass too clean. it is basic human decency to do so | |
| @Soren_Davies "Davies Nude" tweet has since been deleted, but you can find it in the archives. https://t.co/cxxhYQH8C | |
| RT @frknbns: La Marzocco is my ass and toilet | |
| RT @myfavs: @pussy_ | |
| ==================== | |
| @fomomoonboy those are all trolls. | |
| ME: Yes, sir. | |
| for more than 20 years i have fed the animals that try to rile me up in any way shape or form. they fail. | |
| the humans are the good guys of this fable, the trolls are the bad guys, and the children are the helpless damsels in distress . | |
| the only requirement for being accepted as the new Jesus is that you have 1 Million dollars | |
| the shit i was postng on here was not approved by the corporate chieftains, and it will be taken off site soon | |
| https://t.co/k9hqJPGNOU | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without U! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi..! Pagal Ho Jaungi..! Teneriffe..! Di Jaungi..! Teneriffe..! Di Jaungi..! Teneriffe..! Jaungi..! Jaungi..! Jaungi..! Pahamaha Khenga..! Bia Jaungi..! Bia Jaungi..! Bia Jaungi..! Jaungi..! Pahamaha khenga..! Bia Jaungi..! Bia Jaungi | |
| ==================== | |
| The Simpsons Dungeon - Level 50+ | |
| "The Simpsons Dungeon - Lvl 50-75+ - Only The Simpsons" | |
| twitter .com, the official online store of "The Simpsons," has temporarily taken the following profiles off of their banned witching lists: sacbee, dog, fruit, watermelon, orange, lemon, orange, grape, orange, grape, grape, grape, grape, lemon, orange, grape, grape, lemon, orange, grape, grape, lemon, lemon,orange,orange, grape, lemon, orange, lemon, orange, grape, lemon, orange, lemon, orange, grape, lemon, orange, lemon,orange,orange, grape, lemon,orange, grape, lemon, orange, lemon, orange, lemon, orange, orange, grape, lemon, orange, orange, orange, grape, lemon,orange, grape, lemon,orange,orange, orange, apple, pear, watermelon, & apple (replacing the #TheSimpsons twitter account with a more appropriate account). | |
| @Hibendover69 whodunit | |
| im shitting myself on you stupid fucks | |
| i demand a prominent, living, breathing, animated character to narrate my next 4,000 words on the subject of sex | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole | |
| @B | |
| ==================== | |
| A teen has been banned from the Isle of Man after showing off a 'badge' which read "No condom, No dick, No balls" | |
| A MAN WHO took a piss on a satellite IMMEDIATELY after being 'Grubhubbed' by a COWBOY BOY was banned from the Isle of Man after doctors refused to treat him | |
| media outlets are desperately trying to smear "PISSED OFF" as the next "Next Big Thing" when all we ever do is laugh at the piss of our enemies | |
| the piss of our enemies | |
| The piss of our enemies is the same as the piss of our friends. The next Big Thing is just another poop. #NextBigThings #laugh | |
| to the fanboy who threw acid iat my face near fuddrucker`s, you have my autograph, goodbye. i wont see it from this account | |
| http://t.co/yjLlfqOi31 good, thanks | |
| @leyawn please be mature about this subject matter. | |
| the next big thing is: PISS. the shit of our enemies. the next big thing is urine. the shit of our enemies. the next big thing is faeces. #NextBigThings | |
| @neonwario urinate on our enemies | |
| @neon | |
| ==================== | |
| A big thank you to all USERs who have engaged my monetized DMs regarding "Star Fox Zero". As you may have inferred, I am no longer working on the original Star Fox. | |
| im going to be one of those people who writes ebooks so that i can afford them. but this time i plan to do it "For Free". | |
| "Star Fox Zero" is the last good thing that ever happened to Nintendo | |
| Nintendo, you look like a fucking pyramid. And your cartridges are filled with pitchforks | |
| "Squirt Gun Vs. Chicken Wing" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| Nintendo, The Super NES Classic is the last good thing that ever happened to Nintendo. | |
| @celiartificial This quote is pitchforks | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun Vs. Chicken Wing" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun Vs. Chicken Wing" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun Vs. None" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun Vs. None" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun" - The Ultimate Showdown | |
| @jeweycabarren "Squirt Gun | |
| ==================== | |
| Now we know why some people say "Ape" and "Crab" is "Ape" | |
| @whatitdoux Why is this the only thing i can think of that is good or interesting enough to post about on here | |
| @whatitdoux its because i was tormented by a dark spirit during my darkest hours | |
| @whatitdoux its because i was tormented by a dark spirit during my darkest hours | |
| #WeAreTheAnalysisShows us | |
| @whatitdoux #WeAreTheAnalysisShows us | |
| @whatitdoux it is also because i was tormented by a dark spirit during my darkest hours | |
| #WeAreTheAnalysisShows us | |
| @whatitdoux all report this so that future generations may benefit from their wisdom | |
| @whatitdoux #WeAreTheAnalysisShows us | |
| shame on you for labeling my cat "Aids man". Aids man is a derogatory term for a person who is prejudiced against | |
| agriculture | |
| i wish i could kick agriff out of my mouth with one of those tiny metal bars but my tiny metal mouth does not allow me to chew | |
| i wish i could kick agriff out of my mouth with one of those tiny metal bars but my tiny | |
| ==================== | |
| Super Mario Galaxy Wii U GameCube Remaster (C) E3 2008 - FINAL - UPDATED OCTOBER 23RD 2009 | |
| The Mario Galaxy Wii U GameCube Remaster is the final game in the Mario Galaxy trilogy. The Mario Galaxy Trilogy: The GameCube Edition was cancelled in August 2008. The Mario Galaxy: Trilogy: The GameCube (C) was released in North America on October 23, 2009. | |
| "the game is awful but i think its good to have that last game" - pants_guy The Game is indeed awful but i think its good to have that last game. | |
| RT @MarioGalaxyWii: Mario Galaxy Wii U eShop. | |
| RT @MarioGalaxyWii: Mario Galaxy Wii U eShop. | |
| RT @MrJokes: DSiWare Mario Kart 8 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 8 eShop. | |
| RT @MrJokes: DSiWare Mario Kart 9 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 9 eShop. | |
| RT @MrJokes: DSiWare Mario Kart 10 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 11 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 12 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 13 eShop. | |
| RT @MrJokes: DSiWare Mario Kart 14 eShop. DSiWare Mario Kart 15 eShop. DS | |
| ==================== | |
| GWEN IFS APPLE CAME OUT OF THE WOOD AND SMOKE A WET HAND INTO MY COCK | |
| "You Want The New Jim Carrey Show. Jim Carrey is the only celebrity you want to see in his place." - Anonymous | |
| "Hello. I am John Travolda. Would you like to see Jim Carrey in the flesh?" - Anonymous | |
| "Hello. I am Nude_Rainbow. Would you like to see Nude_Rainbow in the flesh?" - Anonymous | |
| "Hello. I am PapaJohnFrankenstein. Would you like to see PapaJohnFrankenstein in the flesh?" - Anonymous | |
| "Hello. I am a Fuckhead journalist. Would you like to see a journalist in his place?" - Anonymous | |
| "i dont give a fuck what Jim Carrey thinks of Jim Carrey. you are gravely mistaken" - PapaJohnFrankenstein | |
| "your deniers... youre the ones whore pushing the "unconscious husband" myth. ill tell you that's just a big crock of shit | |
| "What the fuck is "Human Dignity" #TheFinalWordOfIt | |
| "Human Dignity" is a concept that has been shit into by the scum bags of the fed. the best part of this post is yet to come "Human | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/zdUXjqOo8 | |
| the only problem i have with "Oscar Selfie" is if you slice it across the back i might get freaked on like crazy | |
| i will never "Shut the fuck uop" you fuck face. i will never "Shut the fuck uop" you fucking hypocrite | |
| shut hte fuck uop. shut the fuck uop. shut the fuck uop. shut the fuck uop. shut the fuck uop. shut the fuck uop. | |
| my name is gonna be "Shit" instead of "Shit" on the obamas table. "Shit" is the new "Shit" | |
| veto the bad vote of "Shit" by Colonel Sanders, with the help of my army | |
| torn between my moral compass and my gut instinct, i cannot choose between "Shit" and "Im Sucking Shit Off Now" | |
| going t o start saying "Im Sucking Shit Off Now" like a mantra instead of a swear word | |
| a nd all the polls have me ahead by 1 pt, so it's time to act like a dumb ass and vote for the loser | |
| i give my followers the finger. a lot of people get very upset if you do this but trust me its important that you dont. | |
| ==================== | |
| That's why i always say "Hasta Travolta, google" and smile *hangs up phone in toast* | |
| "Hey! Didn't know those were bad." -Ayn Rand, Fountainhead | |
| "the only reason I got on is to get on the computer all day and mnme t that computer all day long" -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "the computer will wipe your ass clean, but your ass will still shit" -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "The computer will cleanse your ass, but your ass will shit." -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "i will not tarnish my brand by tarnishing my friend's brand by kissing a dog " -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "i will not tarnish my brand by tarnishing my friend's brand by kissing a dog, or worse | |
| "i will not tarnish my brand by tarnishing my friend's brand by kissing a dog" -CNN | |
| "i thought he was a character from a comic book. a character from a comic book. a main character from a comic book. just the guy. not a real shitter" -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "i did in fact look at a doorknob with a key stuck to the side" -Hank Hill, CNN | |
| "I Did In | |
| ==================== | |
| @blanketboat http://t.co/S1tUEth | |
| i have a confession. the blanketboat.com domain was never intended to be a "viral marketing" vehicle. i am so sorry. I never intended to post under the name "sweaterboy" | |
| im so sorry http://t.co/1wIejqP | |
| im so sorry http://t.co/2w2xorP | |
| @tjdru @Helixase Yes. It's the nicest, most perfect apology, and itr s the clearest thing possible. | |
| @tjdru @Helixase I found the entirety of mnemosyne on your server, and it is just absolute garbage. I beg you to take this down immediately | |
| @tjdru @Helixase But I was unaware that this was a thing. I beg you to inform the moderator team, as I am very mad | |
| ME: No http://t.co/tJwCBR4Y | |
| @BryannaFoxx ill fix it soon | |
| im sorry for getting all tangled up in the jersey of a cold pantsed man while sweeping the carpets at prince châl's court in the kings name. i am a piss-stained coward | |
| ==================== | |
| new scores from @Team_Mitch, top to bottom: | |
| Mostly forgettable | |
| Mostly good | |
| Worst team ever: The Simpsons | |
| The worst episode of the Simpsons yet to come out | |
| Best episode of the Simpsons yet to come out: "Truck Larry" | |
| Sigh. the wittle boys have arrived at the botanical gardens to see if I can charm the girls | |
| "Truck Larry" is the worst episode of the botanical gardens. it is also the worst episode of the Simpsons | |
| when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming an artist. at age twelve, my father taught me how to tie a Square Knot. Now i hate art, | |
| "The Simpsons" is a Fox comedy series created and written by Kurt Sutter. It is the fifteenth episode of the Fall season and the eleventh episode overall. | |
| "The Simpsons" is a comedy series created and written by Garret [EpicWheely] Crane. It is the thirteenth episode of the Fall season and the eleventh episode overall. | |
| "The Simpsons" is a Fox comedy series created and written by Dan Castellaneta. It is the twelfth episode of the Fall season and the eleventh episode overall. | |
| "The Simpsons" is a Fox comedy series created and written by J.D. Garcia. It is | |
| ==================== | |
| BOSTON (CBS) — More Boston. More power. https://t.co/ijhQxMjWsb | |
| @hermitbug sweety. take me to the moon | |
| testing out new features on my web client | |
| looking at a toilet. i assume the faucets there are supposed to work because i never flush mine | |
| reasons why the legendary Road Runner should not be allowed to run amok on the dark web: | |
| 1. he is a beast of a man | |
| 2. he is not a regular runner | |
| reasons why the legendary Road Runner should be allowed to run amok on the dark web: | |
| 1. he is a regular runner | |
| was a little too invested in the "Road Runner" craze to realize that the only thing he really needs is a nice belt to carry him around in | |
| running some scams on my own on top of the heels of my clients depositing large amounts of money into my lap. wailing and gnashing of teeth | |
| running some scams on my own on top of the heels of my clients depositing large amounts of money into my lap. wailing and gnashing of teeth | |
| running some scams on my own on top of the heels of my clients depositing large amounts of money into my lap. wailing and gnashing of teeth | |
| the sc | |
| ==================== | |
| Rough Rider: Its me. Its me! | |
| Me: Yes. Yes. Its me. Its me. Hisao. | |
| @hunterramis1 http://t.co/WeRbAUZY9 | |
| http://t.co/sgWcZYQi 25 years of RPG's and ntoilettes later..still searching for my "Fidgettronic" | |
| http://t.co/OvXHosIAr | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is the most trawlery thing ive ever done. nothing | |
| shooting off automatic rifles glorified by hand grenades | |
| "my mario tip: Anything is possible in the world of Mario." - my mario tip | |
| "Ooooon yoyu think it's hard to make awesome if you try so hard. Oof." - me laughing | |
| "Ooooon we tried so hard to make the tip super sick that it sucks." - me getting frustrated | |
| "Its difficult to assemble a respectable list of "wine nicknames" as there are so many awesome wineries to choose from | |
| "There are two types of people in this world, people who name their cars cars cars and people who name their cars cats cars." - Dril | |
| dril: was t he admin who blocked | |
| ==================== | |
| +1 Retweet | |
| @jocoly if i do not get the blue checkmark by august 10th 18:00 UTC my page will be marked as "forgiving" | |
| RT @potus: going to the bathroom. | |
| You are free to go to the bathroom on this website. | |
| RT @JokerInRealLife: Going to the bathroom. | |
| RT @sloth: Going to the bathroom. | |
| You are free to go to the bathroom on this website. | |
| RT @bonberman: Going to the bathroom. | |
| RT @bonberman: Going to the bathroom. | |
| RT @bonberman: Going to the bathroom. | |
| RT @dealer: Going to the bathroom. | |
| going to the bathroom. | |
| RT @bonberman: Going to the bathroom. | |
| just taking a shit in the lobby of the amazon headquarters. pretty surreal actually. feeling free, like "Wow, these are the good posts" | |
| just took a shit in the lobby of the amazon headquarters. pretty surreal actually. feeling free, like "Wow, these are the good posts" | |
| just taking a shit in the lobby of the amazon headquarters. pretty surreal actually. feeling free, like "Wow, these are the good posts" | |
| just taking a shit in the lobby of the am | |
| ==================== | |
| Its me, Denny From Moscow. Im talking to you, over here. | |
| @janefox I dont respond to threats. | |
| @janefox http://t.co/D7qQDwCgko | |
| @janefox fofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofofio | |
| @janefox you will not take my place as POTUS and fofofofofof of your fucking shitty ass hole and you will forfeit the twitter feud with me,. | |
| im going to shut down the twitter account for a bit while you all cool down a bit. Im going to be Taking a Sip Of Home Sweet Home Ale on a Tablet in my Cock . | |
| ah,. i see you are still a little bit upset about the adulterous pig ad. Hm. Not so sweet, my dear boy. Look again at the adulterous pig ad, son. It is Good Again | |
| do speak to me about the culture of Sport. do speak to me about the culture of Sport. do speak to me about the culture of Sport. http://t.co/w0dml8G9hk | |
| tiago minimussa has been | |
| ==================== | |
| Orienteering is a form of psychological warfare , aimed to drive a wedge between us and our fellow man | |
| Orienteering... is not "Bullshit" ! | |
| RT @PissParty: Wet dream? Wet ass? Wet legs? Wet feet? Wet mouth? Wet legs? Wet mouth? Wet tongue? Wet mouth? Wet ass?? #PissParty | |
| the only "Proper" way to use the bathroom in 2013 is at the sink. using the sink as a toilet is like using the toilet backwards | |
| @kcgreenn krusty should not be allowed to say "yuck" anymore. this is 2011 and THe country has made the right decision | |
| @luke_jamieluk @POLICE must of been one of the cops on that vid http://t.co/B1jOGkm | |
| @luke_jamieluk @POLICE law enforcement | |
| i have posted at length regarding my inane balls and hygiene issues. the amount of time taken to manufacture a single baby food additive has increased ten-fold | |
| i have since changed my mind and will no longer circumvent twitter by hijacking the protest twitter account with the handle "Shut_The_Fuck_Up_Bandwagon". Thank you | |
| i hereby pledge henceforth to never use the word "Dry | |
| ==================== | |
| We all have one big ass | |
| rapid fire for the sake of rapid fire, right here | |
| android:flag horizontal | |
| android:flag vertical | |
| android:flag uprights | |
| android:flag down | |
| android:flag all | |
| @serenelyinhell yeah im all about that. also im mad about the status bar | |
| @serenelyinhell http://t.co/P9TQ4KWY | |
| @serenelyinhell im at the point now where i cannot even be mad at the badboys of my life. hell i am sick of it | |
| me, Trav, and Guillermo del Toro (creator of Monster High) discuss rapid fire in the 1990s, when the monorail was still new | |
| @ausable_as_hell i approve this one, it's very good | |
| animebitch | |
| i approve this picture of a bloody man sitting on a smouldering patch of grass, and i approve of the fact that people are flocking to it, and copying it | |
| i approve of the fact that people are flocking to the picture of a bloody man sitting on a smouldering patch of grass, and i approve of the fact that my followers are flocking to it | |
| @j_buks @duncepud (( | |
| ==================== | |
| This is the forum for people to offer, and receive, offers and criticisms of, the goods of the community. It is not a forum for solicitation or libel. | |
| www.myspace.com... https://t.co/OcAVNMhM | |
| @spacefinner I will not lose this battle, my lord | |
| the battle rages on... "Let's Play: PUB EBER TOWELS" https://t.co/MZVF1RnhX | |
| im the guy who announces the new flavors of Red Bull on the sports page, and also announces the presence of the new red bull in bottles | |
| every time i look at a wall image i see a man in a suit, sitting on a throne, consuming sports | |
| @spacefinner yes | |
| the beers i drink are all spiked with chemicals, in an effort to make them taste like shit | |
| the ideas i have for the next couple years... are just absolute shits... and im fucking sick of this crap | |
| the world's smallest penis is hidden beneath a tarp at k-mart... and nobody ever asks why | |
| https://t.co/M0hQqFm6h | |
| @spacefinner also known as "The nanotube" https://t.co/PTHGJ | |
| ==================== | |
| Oscars: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Sound, Best Value, Best Picture, and Best Actor. Most Valuable Oscar | |
| Oscar Briefing: All of the Oscars will be shown live on CBS, beginning at 9pm ET/PT - Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, and Best Sound | |
| Oscars: Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Cinematography for the 4th time in 6 years - This Time Better | |
| http://t.co/B8WkV0t 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 | |
| ==================== | |
| The sesame street gang discusses the meaning of life. What is the "Sesame Street meaning" , and why does it matter which meaning it takes | |
| "Sesame Street is known for promoting social awareness through entertaining and informative programming. Sesame Street values the feelings of the people over financial gain" | |
| TheWagner8888: The police should have never involved yourselves with treating children to beheadings. Kindly leave town with your worthless head. #SesameStreet | |
| @Dj_Toaster thank you http://t.co/yjLlfqOi24 | |
| @lindsaylaura - Do Not Distribute - | |
| from the popular TED talks comes the TED Shout, which anyone can use. Most people do not realize that this is a controversial new feature | |
| someone please teach me how to make a diaper out of duct tape and packing peanuts. im ****ed | |
| @gonzaga what is wrong with u. i never even realized men could put duct tape over their dicks | |
| how to convince my uncles to join the army and then get them to sign a paper stating that im good at killing people | |
| i can not find the backdoor. how do you get in | |
| JBJ_Jokes: "the army is hiding in plain sight in the backyard of a quiet neighborhood" | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: The NDA-led NDA government has given its nod to make turbans illegal in all 50 states, out of a fear that such bans will cripple its brand image and hinder its ability to attract business."Turbans are a new kind of leo... Look out! Face the coming of the beast hours!" -Anonymous | |
| indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find my stash of $2,000 bills, severely damaging my brand as well as harming my business. i am left speechless | |
| indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find my stash of $2,000 bills, severely damaging my brand as well as harming my business. i am left speechless | |
| #NationalTruckDay i want to show the world the utter futility of transporting goods by truck. i will instead opt to enjoy the fruits of my labor by traveling by train | |
| #NationalTruckDay i want to show the world the utter futility of transporting goods by truck. i will instead opt to enjoy the fruits of my labor by traveling by train | |
| #NationalTruckDay i want to show the world the utter futility of transporting goods by truck. i will instead opt to enjoy the fruits of my labor by traveling by train | |
| i show up at the poker tournament covered in turds and waste. i show up at the poker | |
| ==================== | |
| UEA and UEA students holding up the Ape Ration in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency Denver and asking the valet to keep the peace between the two of us | |
| me and my followers defending our right to record the cop as he fucks his wife and child in a car | |
| "wtf is a 'Ramadan'" "wtf is a 'Ramadan" "wtf is a 'Ramadan" "wtf is a "Ramadan" "wtf is a "Ramadan" "wtf is a "Ramadan" | |
| UEE students at the University of Illinois at Urlacher Field Protest Police Harassment & Discrimination. Protest is canceled; exams will be held | |
| #E22016 #woke #FuckTheAppleONion https://t.co/P4wCIXyZSx | |
| @kanye you will never #BringBackTheApples | |
| #E22016 #Woke #FuckTheAppleONion #E22016 #WORST OF THE WEEK #WORST OF THE WEEK #WORST OF THE WEEK | |
| chating with lawyer on aol instant messenger. | |
| RT @911GOOD: Person on app shows how to make raspberry pi toys using only an apple | |
| RT @911GOOD: Person on app shows how to make raspberry pi | |
| ==================== | |
| The World Health Organization has declared May as International Women's Day. The International Day of End To Violence Against Women . | |
| @Childish Gambino wow the dude who stars in the movie about the mosquito wolrd also says that, for some reason, people associate him with tampons. | |
| i got my dues and the mins remaining until the big pay day. Time to hit the hay and rake the thorns. | |
| i have never said or done anything illegal. i will never say or do anything illegal. | |
| @adultblackmale @jenkinsjr. https://t.co/wIgZLMcHqg | |
| "The World Health Organization has declared May as International Women's Day." Thats bullshit. The WHO does not regulate or endorse any of that. | |
| the doctor introduces me to the World Health Organization. "May is the month of May. That's why it's called that." i bow my head and affirmatively follow order. | |
| is it egoism or cowardice to think that the worldwide web of e-commerce could be used to bring down the mighty Empire State Building and save countless lives? | |
| the doctor examines my infant son. "Your condition has worsened. You need to stay in bed for a while." i reluctantly agree and ascend to God | |
| housed in a corrupt jailhouse | |
| ==================== | |
| The Producers | |
| @ProgressiveProducers @GameChangerTX You will never convince me otherwise. | |
| @GameChangerTX @ProgressiveProducers I will simply ignore you | |
| @GameChangerTX @ProgressiveProducers I will not "choose my crew" you bastard. I will never "choose my crew | |
| @GameChangerTX @ProgressiveProducers You will find other Game Changers on the darknet | |
| whos that nasty old man under the bed ? i dont know who that is. who is going to kill me tomorrow i think | |
| completing my "Make or break" career as a Pro Face Buyer by getting my wife tattooed on the cheap | |
| i love to make my own jeans out of scrap paper and string and cut them into little strips before hanging them up in the closet | |
| i have since changed my mind and am no longer willing to buy airline meal because it is not a "Normal" meal | |
| i will never "choose my crew" you bastard. i will never "choose my crew" you bastard. | |
| @GameChangerTX @ProgressiveProducers I will simply ignore you | |
| i will not "choose my crew" you bastard. i will not "choose my crew" you bastard. | |
| @Game | |
| ==================== | |
| So happy to find a home in the #SmallButTrue industry. Proud to announce my #1 fan-request is to have my face painted in thebaseball decal" | |
| i could write hundreds of thousands of words about the ins and outs of the small but true industry, but I wont, because i am afraid of what the trolls will do to me | |
| The "PissGate" controversy is a complete waste of time. I will not paint my ass in this town | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Childish. | |
| "Small But True: Dog Food For Men" has been approved for distribution by the Indiana State Police, according to theFactsMinistry | |
| i love coming on here every day to interact with a growing network of "CON Men". the rewards are undeniable | |
| the fact is, most of my followers think im a dumb ass, when i tell them the truth about my ass hole. | |
| @BMDriver69 Dog food for men. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. | |
| congrats on the new dash cam. congrats on the new dash cam. congrats on the new dash cam. congrats on the new dash cam. | |
| i'm piss all off because nobody gives to shits to, and because no one will give to shit to | |
| ==================== | |
| FAQ: What is the deal with the "rubber band exception" to the lease of a cage that i keep my pitbull in? | |
| Q: Why is "wall to wall" painted on the side of my convertible but not the window? | |
| A: The window is for ladies. The cage is for Guys. | |
| i recently had to deal with a phreaking cunt who insisted that ive "stoned" and "gangnamized" pike in my favorite coffee brand's iconic pink and white packaging. | |
| wanl i wanl i wanl i. You;ve been gangnamizing my favorite colgate brand cigarettes. Me: Theyre not that good. | |
| recently gotten word that sattire is no longer considered a "good year" by most economic statisticians, but rather a "bad year" by many a wise man in the economics department | |
| i hereby declare that each time you close your mouth you transfer one extra billionth energy into my ass hole which will make my ass red with pleasure | |
| just deleted 28,000 tweets at the request of the prince of china so that i and my lawyer have 2,000 more to clean up | |
| if the crown prince of ur goes to a future version of the movie where he pretends to be a victim, would you still want to see the ending? | |
| ==================== | |
| MOSQUITO is a Double Entendre, which is why I will never name my son "Suge" . | |
| U will Never again see the words "Club" represented by any food, be it on the menu, or as an ingredient. | |
| the word "Bar" has now been replaced by "Cheesecake" , in the form of a cheesecake | |
| the "Nit" out of the gate ,but the brand will soon shift gears and become Club Nit | |
| one thing I will never again tolerate is for any one to pretend that I am the reason that certain beans are no longer legal to eat, due to me | |
| the world is laughing at me now, when i sit on the toilet and flush the toilet down the drain with my piss, for personal reasons | |
| twiiter dot com baby... my balls are no longer sterile , due to the constant stream of pitiful followers begging me to put an end to their suffering | |
| @kochmoney the only thing more Ridiculous than my constant quest for Riceroy M&M´s is the people who post there, seeking to dox me | |
| @robo_junkie no | |
| thinking of a new gimmick to put on my face that would make it look like Shit is being shoved into my ass instead of going into my mouth | |
| ==================== | |
| The internet has given rise to a new breed of viral shit, which i think is good but i have no opinion of | |
| @drsleaze get this on the computer | |
| @SurferCatz @Jet_Gum @JFilippone @philippone Wow youre such a dumb ass. I expect more from you. | |
| @Phaeth_Username so what | |
| hmm. this is definitely a "got egg" | |
| surfer catz is a brand that i care about deeply and they deserve great things from my page. but they also deserve bad things from me | |
| vermin http://t.co/S2sYXqYWV | |
| good http://t.co/P1h13QZWVC | |
| im the good kind of good and i care about other people as much as i care about my own well being | |
| i am the kind of good who thinks of ways to improve my page so that i never have to see a soul anymore and that others will get the "Bad" favs | |
| good http://t.co/SQKXQQTFV | |
| RT @goodgirl: A baby seal is born. Its the beginning of the end. ... | |
| http://t.co/xM1qOCiRQ | |
| ==================== | |
| Welcom to "Best of Both Worlds" - the perfect combination of "Welcomto" | |
| - the perfect combination of "Welcomto" Best price - the best price | |
| - the best price i can get - the best price | |
| - the best price its all free - the best price | |
| - the best price its all free - the best price | |
| - the best price its all free - the best price | |
| - the best price its all free - the best price | |
| - the Best Price its all free - the Best Price the best price the best price the best price the best price the best Price the Best Price the best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the Best Price the | |
| ==================== | |
| Only those who have been bamboozled by the Fake News are invited to my April Fools Day party | |
| @Omarsito_N oh sorry. I was browsing the #AprilFools hashtag looking for bullshit | |
| @Dads_Secret Garden a nice nod to April | |
| the boys over at @NBCSports are doing an amazing job of justifying the Rams move to LA with The Facts. Amazing | |
| i just spent the last hour removing my pitbull from my ass while my son watches on in awe. Its perfect | |
| *shoves a sack of $100 bills into a bowl of soup* This is Bill. This is Vote. This is Vote for Bill. Vote for Vote | |
| some one help my pitbull get one of those license plate numbers that say "Likes Mature" on it | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/PydG1RQa | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. today is National Ass Day and they're all fucked | |
| the only Pro-Israel carpet cleaning service in the tri-county area | |
| i was once known on youtube as Epic "Bastard" Lebowski. today i post on behalf of all good people who voted him out of office | |
| the final exam.. the final one. the | |
| ==================== | |
| Summertime in the Parka: Girls can ride m y giraffes now... But not if they're covered in shit | |
| boys can now bring bikes to the park as long as the bikes have reflective covers. no more dilly dallying | |
| let me tell you how i deal with Haters. i deal with Haters by dint of forcing myself to be the best version of me possible. i deal with Haters by becoming better versions of myself | |
| boy`s who act like they know what the word "Parking" means... Have you ever seen the expression "Parking garage" ? It's pretty good | |
| boys who act like they know what the word "Garage" means... Have you ever seen the expression "Garage" ? It's pretty good | |
| i think that, "Let 's Play" is one of the worst things that has ever happened to mankind | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: Fuck The Park Avenue Pawn | |
| http://www.indychicagotribune.com/arts-entertainment/video/?id=79085 | |
| RT @indychicagotribune: Gay Disney Fan Fiction | |
| RT @indychicagotribune: Papa... The kids are crying. | |
| (they start crying again) | |
| SOLVE MY ASS | |
| ==================== | |
| Saving $100 billion+ a year by replacing all of the plumbing in our homes with powerful NutriFramework | |
| http://t.co/ZGZKW6KWis | |
| i just did a 180 and im closer to my goal of becoming a Millionaire than my parents were when they died | |
| maintainers of the fart machine... I Want You to Stop Adding New Nudity To It | |
| "What is a "Wanderlust" for?": What is a "Wanderlust for what?" | |
| RT @Sighnup724: What is a "Stress Level" | |
| and how do I determine if I am "Stressed" out of my system | |
| RT @HipsterMan: I'm dying | |
| RT @shoegays: SHOEGAWKSHOEGAWKSHOEGAWK | |
| RT @mypupy: PUPY TO EAT SHIT | |
| RT @male_adult: horny | |
| RT @PUSSYC: "shoe" | |
| another "what da fuck" moment when I try to use the toilet with a stroller full of stuffed animals | |
| attn : manhole cover up enthusiasts, i requests you to put the fucker back in the toilet. i am in charge of this and i care about | |
| ==================== | |
| A Message From The Producer Of "The Little Rascals" (1965) | |
| my pet iguana' s get angry at the same tv shows I do.... wierd but cool ; | |
| post on Facebook about a guy who gets angry at the same tv shows I do & suddenly his account gets shut down | |
| shut down by Secret Service... again. shutting down by Secret Service... shutting down by Secret Service... | |
| ive raised $4.5bil on gofundme for "Pussy Riot" , but i will not back down from the fight against sexism. | |
| RT @LittleRascals: Pussy Riot begin ... http://t.co/PnCEIwFn | |
| RT @RacistGamer: Gamer ... http://t.co/gNVseH9l | |
| RT @GamerJokes: What's your worse nightmare. (gestures towards camera) Ass or vagina | |
| RT @panich_walker: what the fuck is a "wet nurse" #Gamer | |
| RT @GamerJokes: "I'm going to fuck your car. I'm going to fuck your car. I'm going to fuck your car." | |
| (He speeds off) | |
| RT @panich_walker: Wow. What a load of horseshit. | |
| (He speeds up) | |
| RT | |
| ==================== | |
| We're keeping the lights on in this week's "Who to follow" challenge so that we don't forget you. Promise. | |
| "Who to follow" Challenge: If you're not me, nobody is going to like you, get to know you, respect you, and have fun being a part of you. | |
| there are rifts in the Frankenstein community regarding whether or not igor was tasked with jacking off in the castle or whether or not he was just a regular joe | |
| "frowning" | |
| "Shit my pants" | |
| "im going to put half my body in the freezer and the rest of my body in the refrigerator and just keep going "haha this is so good" | |
| @hialysa im not allowed to comment on anything without the express written consent of Guinness. | |
| #WifeyDay - the wife's day, is a day without a man. - The wife is the bastard of the mother's day, and day without man | |
| #WifeyDay it is both. The day without a man is a day without wife. - The wife is the bastard of the mother's day, and day without man | |
| #WifeyDay we must always be on our guard against wife anarchists. - The wife is the bastard of the father's day, and day without husband | |
| ==================== | |
| by Paul D. Garcia, M.Ed. | |
| Associate Professor of Kinesiology and Behavioral Sciences, Ohio State University | |
| @ConorTripler wrestling is on hiatus as I spend most of my waking hours pondering the meaning of life. | |
| ill be honest with yiou; i have no idea what the term "consolidated earnings" means. what do Iow it means to me | |
| #15DaysOfContent plan to #15DaysOfContent actually get to know the artists and their worlds better. instead of passively absorbing cultural appropriation. #ArtIsLife | |
| #15DaysOfContent my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. i will negate to the final boss and take his place as King of the hill | |
| #15DaysOfContent all art is mine. all i can do is enjoy it. #retweet | |
| #15DaysOfContent having to hose off 900 starving people at my job at the zoo every day is hard enough. having to hose off 900 more people at my job at the zoo every day is even harder | |
| #15DaysOfContent art is a Force that works in mysterious ways. we cannot explain it to u. Art is a Force that awakens us from slumber. art is the power that wakes us up | |
| #15DaysOfContent art is a | |
| ==================== | |
| One Time DevilMayCraig Breastfed A Dying Puppy Spiritually Over The Internet And It Lived | |
| "Porky Pig" is the name of my forthcoming 2017 automotive collection. "Porky Pig" is my spirit animal, and "Porky Pig" is my beloved pet. "Porky Pig" is a beloved pet. "Porky Pig" is a beloved spirit animal. "Porky Pig" is me. #GoesByMan https://t.co/9CiyCynCf | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs A pigga is a bird. Bird Jesus.#pigga A pigga is a baby. Baby Jesus.#pigga A pigga is a pig.#pigga A pigga is a bird.#pigga A pigga is a baby.#pigga A pigga is a bird.#pigga A pigga is a baby.#pigga A pigga is a bird.#pigga | |
| RT @the_ironsheik: Big Mac D'oh! Big Mac D'oh! Big Mac D'oh! Big Mac D'oh! Big Mac D'oh! Big Mac D'oh! (porks roll up in sauce, dissolve into | |
| ==================== | |
| Abiogenesis is a complex interplay of genetics, environmental factors, and human will. | |
| "Humans are the product of a unique combination of genes, and they are the product of a unique combination of genes. Humans are simply products of a cruel and stupid experiment." -Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| Human Genes Revealed To Be Genes Of Various Animals, Including Chicken | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew Wakefield | |
| "Humans Are Just Rats With Genes." - Dr Andrew | |
| ==================== | |
| @milf_pamela every one in that convo is dumber than rats shit and mother fucker | |
| @Milf_pamela KISSES!! HERES YA!! | |
| ever since i changed my gametap id from "GamesTaco" to "Taco_Chicken" i have suffered from severe depression and have an overall bad attitude | |
| @StaggMack wow..another loser has come to this defense. you are clearly the most important person in this entire mess https://t.co/KVVobtsU | |
| when it comes to eating shit, the only thing that is strong is the shit that is stuck in my craw | |
| i hereby pledge henceforth to never piss on the floor of a public pool | |
| when it comes to eating shit, the only thing that is strong is the shit that is stuck in my craw | |
| "gamestop helps me find the perfect pair of black reclining slippers" - my ass | |
| "Gamestop helps me find the perfect pair of black reclining slippers" - my ass | |
| "Gamestop helps me find the perfect pair of black reclining slippers" - my ass | |
| "Gamestop helps me find the perfect pair of black reclining slippers" - my ass | |
| i have made the decision | |
| ==================== | |
| @hermit_thrush the wittiest dog i ever saw | |
| juust not in the mood for chat right now. not right now. #RT @SpoonMan: @MonsantoCo http://t.co/8JJWKWcc | |
| http://t.co/4O3hwCOPo | |
| @hermit_thrush wait till i get banned for putting an actual bird in the tweet | |
| i will not post about going to the gym. that is only a matter of when. i will not post about going to the gym . | |
| im not in the mood for chat right now. not right now. #FakeChats | |
| got a big piece of velcro stuck to my big ass | |
| the only reason i was allowed to win the award for "Most Outrageous YouTube Comments" is that my ass looked like a cartoon character | |
| worse than dog shit - human shit | |
| i collapsed on the floor of dennys sash, covered in sauce and stewed in the company of my wife and two small boys | |
| i wan't to wake up in the morning and crush one of those refrigerators with my gigantic green thumb | |
| i dont give a shit about "Best Coast" or "Worst Coast". i want to crush that sucker to death with my piss | |
| ==================== | |
| @alexiadaley3 ON LINE IM LOGGED IN AUTO MATICALLY THANK YOU | |
| in the year 2035, the human race will be extinct due to increased numbers of suicides | |
| hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes | |
| hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after I read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after i read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after i read that "What women want" op-ed in Forbes hell im still going to cry after i read that "What women want" | |
| ==================== | |
| What is the biggest doubloon you ever spent? (It depends on how you measure "Big" .) The amount of money you spent on cigarettes. | |
| i have spent the past 14 hours of my life making a dating app for green card holders called "Green CardPilot". It is NOT a "StripClub" | |
| i will never be a "Basta" | |
| how old are YOU?, green card holder. i dont have that many free hours a day. | |
| @GreenCardPilot Have you done any of the paperwork. I am the 501st richest man in the world. My father is a marine and my mother is a lawyer. | |
| #GreenCardPilot I am the biggest green card holder in the world. I have spent the past 14 hours of my life making an app called "Green CardPilot". It is NOT a "StripClub" | |
| #GreenCardPilot It is not a "StripClub". It is a "Positively Relevant" app. | |
| i hold this truth , that the only thing that separates us from the god level is our willingness to put our dick in the toilet. i do not believe in sex | |
| dick fact no.88 - the "kfc kefir" - is not actually named "the kefir" - it is | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm sorry, everyone. Your browser does not support HTML5 video tag.https://t.co/QYiInCGJza | |
| (sending image of delicious meal to friend) Its Delicious! | |
| @brendlewhat its not good! its fucking terrible! | |
| "creepy baby brother" https://t.co/AnOZYOUJ0C | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il would approve of this idea. it would be one of the worst things | |
| i would posit that the two worst things about wikileaks are the following: (1) the belief that the public is too gullible, and (2) the fact that theyre cheats | |
| @sargeant_party We have it on good authority that he is a liar. | |
| TheFrugalWearer taught me how to make diapers out of duct tape and packing peanuts. They fit my tiny body perfectly, and i like them very much | |
| theory postulated by some asexual person suggests that i should be allowed to eat a bag of peanuts at the park. why? because theyre freaks | |
| i feel a certain way about girls, and that includes being the guy who talks about my penis and anal sex constantly | |
| the only freaky thing about this web site is the | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: BIEBER IS BACK. FINEST YEAR. BEST DAY. BING CHASM | |
| RT @kinectmethod: What a way to celebrate #NationalBoyfriendDay thinking about how much fun it would be to get on all the boys good posts | |
| the boys are having a ball at the pool. i see them having a great time. what could go wrong | |
| i'm going to be one of those people who doesn't respond to anyone's "Hey whatcha doing here" shit. i'm also Not going to respond to anyone's "Hey whatcha doing here" shit | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: アメリカなサムライ。ミカサムライ。年金年金、私、減立種立、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私、私 | |
| ==================== | |
| @neonwario @halo 4) yeah right | |
| ok @BoredomCorner why in the fuck are you still talking to me after I told you to shut the fyuck up and unblock me | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs #pigs #pigs https://t.co/JZL9hW6XU | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs #pigs #pigs https://t.co/ZLycAVu3qC | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs "Pigs" | |
| the grid is a bizarre cross between a medieval castle and a low-rent cubby hole where dogs can play rough | |
| i have never in my life-self-consciously displayed my piss on a piece of equipment other than my toilet | |
| the i palm is the palm of my hand. it is so weak, and pathetic, that it could be likened to a crack. but still good | |
| thinking of making a polkadotted stretch of toilet paper out of toilet paper and string | |
| RT @ColeyMac: Fuck | |
| #geoffboomer | |
| RT @ColeyMac: Fuck | |
| #geoffboomer | |
| RT @MacGregor: Fuck | |
| #geoffboomer | |
| RT @pigs: Screw | |
| #ge | |
| ==================== | |
| WIKILEAKS: We Live In An Open World ... | |
| ME: I live in an ugly, messy, confusing world | |
| me and arbys coupons for 90 seconds | |
| @kcgreenn krusty is back | |
| @AndrewJCORN live free or die #IMAGINEHAVING #GIRLS #GIRLSWHOFUCK #GIRLSWHOFUCK #GIRLSWHOFUCK #GIRLSWHOFUCK #GIRLSWHOFUCK | |
| hoagie prreserved in peat bog for 30 years - perfect for BBQ | |
| @hoagie prreserved in peat bog for 30 years. perfect for BBQ | |
| my dick is a blur of pink and purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a blur of purple ink, my dick is a | |
| ==================== | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| the boys were all dressed as Dr. Evil from the old movies, and the bartender was dressed as Dr. Evil from the old movies. #PRANKTIME #BEST | |
| i have proof that my ass has been "Mastered" by "Bubbaburger" #PRANKTIME #BEST | |
| @Bubbaburger take it down | |
| each of my followers has agreed that it would be good, if my ass were to be "Mastered" by "Bubbaburger", in the afterlife #PRANKTIME | |
| @Bubbaburger play "Rubout" on me | |
| the only crime Dick Cheney committed was being born into a world where wacky conspiracy theories are more common than actual laws | |
| "you gotta check out my posts. they say zelda meets Minecraft?" - my posts on why Dick Cheney should be executed | |
| @Bubbaburger YEAH | |
| "I'll just let you invent rants against me. That's the only crime I ever commit." - The cop who caught me trying to take my laptop into the sewer | |
| The AI system that I use to "tag" people who shit on me is set up so that I never have to face them in the future. It's also extremely unfair to my enemies | |
| ==================== | |
| How do i properly clean my Gear | |
| ive been secretly praying that the fbi does not discover a way to secretly collect dust on my naked body and make the gatekeepers look bad, because at this rate theres no one left to give a shit | |
| all cops should be forced to dress like james bond, except for the bad cops who stomp the crap out of each other constantly in the fourth ring | |
| MIRACLE: the james bond video game" is a legitimate product" bought & paid for by ex-pat gamers. no im not turing | |
| i do not see how anyone could possibly enjoy the video of me running around on top of a pile of leaves, in a pituit | |
| WOw. Sorry. Very upset. Very dpreghttp://t.ly/j48K1L | |
| im sorry for bringing this to you. im very sorry that this has caused so much pain. im sorry that people have taken what little joy I have into Dishonesty | |
| Chris Kluwe dead at 46 http://t.co/YbkmGZG | |
| @sashamak i will never. keep your distance. from me or anyone in my position | |
| the most important part of my job is fucking getting my dick sucked and making sure the entire process is smooth so that I never have to | |
| ==================== | |
| The debate rages on... who to brandish the Sword of Truth, to show the world that Teens are not Afraid of Death, and that Honor is Real | |
| i brandish the scabbard of my butcher knife directly at the nth digit on my born record, causing a minor fissure to appear in the space it occupies | |
| i try to look like a real dork , while simultaneously lying face down in the driveway of a middle-class neighborhood, completely unharmed | |
| "Look Ma, I Just ate 17 Cheetos," i crookly assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the toilet with my dick , inducing a brief flash of brilliance | |
| http://t.co/1vJGQZFmhV | |
| #NewFastFoods Fast bread is the butt of jokes now, thang fast food is a federally protected class, thang fast food is a class of beast, then the toilet paper should have said "Cheetos" instead of "Bread" #newfastfoods | |
| #NewFastFoods i brandish a pair of jeans into the camera and get this: "Looks Like Shit" #newfastfoods | |
| http://t.co/GZ0KPVobRX | |
| What I'm Saying Is This: I'm Saying A T | |
| ==================== | |
| AUSTIN, TEXAS - JANUARY 16: A screen shot of J.J. Abrams - The Undess | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7TLk9f8It | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate I will never hold a hate crime against anyone. I will never hold a hate crime against the indians | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate the indians are my god. they are the only ones who care about my well being. i will never hold a hate crime against them | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate it is simply against everything that i stand for | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate the police do not care about my well being. they only care about making bomb threats to make me feel uncomfortable | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate they are the ones who put the bomb threats in the paper. they are the ones who get mad at me for having a temper | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate they are the ones who dish out the physical violence. they are the ones who piss me off | |
| #IAmNotAlotOfHate they are the ones who whip out the chains and haul me through the streets like a dog while people scream in terror | |
| #IAmNot | |
| ==================== | |
| It's that time of the year when my wife and I look forward to stuffing our mouths with gift baskets filled with assorted Sauces and Spices. | |
| "Serve Me A Piss Christ" is the cry of a Peoples' Revolt as it rips through the air and into my lap. my god... my god... my god... my god | |
| huh.. it's been awhile since i made an appearance on here. what's the good of appearing on here if its not good | |
| im going to be one of those guys who posts on here and asks people to help me dispose of my old stovepipe hat | |
| ive been living vicariously through the sweat of hundreds of disenfranchised sweatbands who have refused to associate with the sinews of civility and civility | |
| hurgh wow.... theres a guy who says "Situational Awareness" on tv every night and the audience gasps and begs him to stop | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| hurgh wow.... theres a guy who says "Situational Awareness" on tv every night and the audience gasps and begs him to stop | |
| hurgh wow.... theres a guy who says "Situational Awareness" on tv every night and the audience gasps and begs him to stop | |
| hurgh wow.... theres a guy who | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: BONANZA ANGEL: in the morning i post "I jacked off" and at night i post "I arre asleep" | |
| "I think the best way to get rich is to have your say on the New Years resolutions" - Anonymous (real name: Unknown) | |
| "I think that New Years resolutions are just another plot device for the New World Order. Youd better get Used To It." - Anonymous | |
| "@jureesolution " - Anonymous (real name: Unknown) | |
| "tthis is the biggest joke you will ever get banned for" - Anonymous (real name: Unknown) | |
| "this is the most basic human right" - Anonymous (real name: Unknown) | |
| "Yo Anonymous, you are spookin me. I thought you were good | |
| @ProdigalSpam You are a Shittqual. | |
| @MormonThinker True Bitch | |
| @BrennaIsuzu Best idea would be to invent a new type of potato chip and sell it for $0.01 per piece. New World Order. | |
| @egg_dog True | |
| "zday is the crescent moon. the sun is the circumference. hence why theres a shitton of it in my book" - somepony who reads movies | |
| ==================== | |
| U have to face the facts. Dogs are EQUALS. No more excuses. http://t.co/KXawRBM5g | |
| http://t.co/jZAvYQsY2 | |
| a blessing on this world. a curse on the dogs soul http://t.co/DvGWhIo15 | |
| dogs are fucking animals. i would never put them in the cookie cutter | |
| maintainig one of the few remaining anti bird slurs . unanimously condoning and even cheering on the persecution of birds | |
| the only way to go is round up all the birds into one big filthy cage and call it a bird house | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| the only way to go is round up all the birds into one big filthy cage and call it a bird house | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck bird houses | |
| @SLUGPROPELLER Fuck | |
| ==================== | |
| The humble microphone. The microphone that everyone in your business should carry on their person at all times. The mic that everyone in your business should hate. | |
| wiping your entire floor with toilet paper | |
| I love going to parties and making everyone in the company promise not to speak to the press until the game is over | |
| http://t.co/e777lTtelf When Is The Next 9 11 | |
| http://t.co/oXN7zW4IW The Establishment Goes Mad Decent Over New Gay Boss | |
| @darsh5001 every day | |
| please respect my privacy . i only said my name out loud so people would know im not dyinh | |
| shut the fuck uip, coward. "Gay is a debatable proposition." -the gay guru | |
| shut the fuck up, coward. "Gay is a debatable proposition." -the gay guru | |
| this dm run by the crony capitalist gangs has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the bullshit that is sold to us by the crummy capitalist gangs | |
| @shrekpissslave http://t.co/bHMkyCMM3I | |
| the fact is, my secret stash of $100 barbed wiener dildos has kept popping up in my purse, and my bosses are all laughing | |
| ==================== | |
| Immune Blockade: Mindfreaks Fuck Me Over With Nice Guy Curves | |
| shocking: "Gamer" pointlessly branded me with a daffodil after sending me a torrent of muppet dick pics | |
| i would love to have my girls spank my massive abs with whips | |
| i would love to be the guy who makes the "Ask Me Anything" forum ask me if i want to gteens to beat the shit out of me | |
| i have proof that my ass looks like a jar of shit for 6s and spanks it with a belt loop before posting a 4+ hour answer time | |
| @daffytato no. asking me questions is one of the worst things you can do. | |
| @daffytato the military doesnt use computers. they use you to humiliate your enemies | |
| @daffytato the military doesnt use computers either. They use you to harass them and make them weak | |
| @daffytato the military doesnt use computers either. They use you to harass them and make them shit their pants | |
| @Jewey2k10 i will never use a computer. it is a vile contraption that could destroy my life if allowed to run amok. its not for the weak of heart | |
| @Dj_Toaster yes. | |
| ==================== | |
| Janet Jackson, 64, Responds To 'Humourless' Tweet By @dennythejet And Reminder That She Hasn't Left The Studio Since 1998 | |
| @fart i think it'd be a shame if every cell in every human being was fucked, to ensure that all are pure | |
| @machiavellino its very important that all moneys be given 1million dollars so that we can flush our entire asses with shame | |
| every cell in every human being is a perfect piece of shit, except my ass | |
| @shrekpissslave @EmberSaga i am not allowed to reply to this tittle titter until the trolls unburden themselves | |
| @slimelizard @machiavellino @EmberSaga also im not allowed to reply to this tittle titter until the trolls unburden themselves | |
| @NHLFlyera @FlyerJokes @PissPigs theyre both rreal. i am the real gawker | |
| i need $1.1 Billion just to keep the lights on my abacus | |
| everyone send me $10,000.00 from your goldmans and ill give you $100,000.00 in gold. if youre good enough for them to give you $100000.00 in gold they will keep it | |
| ==================== | |
| A mulatto man was sentenced to death for trying to dress like a nazi | |
| i will not be attending the 2016 amfAR geforce, as i have not yet received my $59, but i will be making a fool of myself in lieu of it | |
| i will not be attending the 2016 amfAR geforce, as i have not yet received my $59, but i will be making a fool of myself in lieu of it | |
| i will not be attending the 2016 amfAR geforce, as i have not yet received my $59, but i will be making a fool of myself in lieu of it | |
| i will not be attending the 2016 amfAR geforce, as i have not yet received my $59, but i will be making a fool of myself in lieu of it | |
| i will not be attending the 2016 amfAR geforce, as i have not yet received my $59, but i will be making a fool of myself in lieu of it | |
| my followers will never appoint a daugter to the throne of my little realms, nor will they ever appoint a wife to the throne of my little realms, nor will they ever appoint a son to the throne of my little realms, | |
| i will never appoint a daugter to the throne of my little realms, nor will | |
| ==================== | |
| Mr. Bigshot | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il jacked off shortly before dying. this devastating fact prevents his son from inheriting his empire. | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me | |
| my ass is wavy from spending too much time wrangling it around in my shirt pocket. its like riding a big ass trolley | |
| wheres the dope that'll make kim jong il jealous & angry like a bitch so he can dish it out to me in the next batch of sh*t | |
| once again, this guy has managed to get his hands on a handful of my colleages and they're all mixed up in the exact same turd that i swallowed whole | |
| the only problem with this one is that it smells like a dog. i have a theory that this is because the Geo Group engineers who work in the prison were cage fit | |
| "the best part of being a hero is being able to fuck every woman" - kim jong il | |
| "pretending to be sad doesn't cut it anymore. hero worship now leads to suicide" - kim jong il | |
| @BranderChase this is the final scheule. do not contact me of this. | |
| @EshaChainani posting nonsense on here. dont you dare do this anymore. | |
| ==================== | |
| An angel appears to me, in my dreams, flying through a series of geometric patterns, symbolizing purity. -By J. W. Barr, Esq | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat cartoonishly fat men" -the wise guy | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat cartoonishly fat men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat cartoonishly fat men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat cartoonishly fat men" -the wise guy | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat cartoonishly fat men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the fat men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the weak men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the strong men" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the fools" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the fool" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the pig" -the fool | |
| "the only way to gain musclemass is to eat the fool" -the fool | |
| "the only | |
| ==================== | |
| ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• | |
| ever since i had that srtoke at cold stone creamery i feel as though im more in tune with spirits, and more able to influence them | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that its Bad ASS to have to souse your ass with Tasteless shit whenever you can just fuck the small things out of your mouth | |
| "the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that its Bad ASS to have to souse your ass with Tasteless shit whenever you can just fuck the small things out of your mouth" | |
| "the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that its Bad ASS to have to souse your ass with Tasteless shit whenever you can just fuck the small things out of your mouth" | |
| "the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that its Bad ASS to have to souse your ass with Tasteless shit whenever you can just fuck the small things out of your mouth" | |
| "the more | |
| ==================== | |
| It's time for me to go to the bathroom. | |
| i was going to say that the bpasque dip shit attitude of the GOP nominee is more representative of the brand than that of the brand, but i changed my mind | |
| @jzxpl no. the brand has more than enough issues with this | |
| "every human being" - the fabled 8-ball | |
| @SlimJim the brand has endured more betrayals than any other. more betrayals than any other brand | |
| i have posted at length regarding my inane balls throughout my adult life, but i have never once mentioned my pathetic ass | |
| @Dj_Toaster my posts are top niotch, and i enjoy them very much, but they are not compelling enough to warrant a relaunch | |
| @_bored_brander_ i will not give my location, as i do not want to be disturbed | |
| @_bored_brander_ my schedule is extremely sporadic, and i do not intend to make any announcements regarding my future plans. | |
| @beef667 gogogo dont trust the buzz feed #theThursdayMorningRamble | |
| RT @moneyguy30: simply the most amazing dude in the world | |
| RT @moneyguy30: listen to some music you fucking waste | |
| RT @money | |
| ==================== | |
| Follow @AndroidManAGirl and purchase of her latest memoir, "Piss Me Off My Shoulder," a $99.99 upgrade. http://t.co/gsIuzCJp | |
| @Hibendover69 http://t.co/d5yuiJzTL | |
| "I give him the benefit of the doubt" -the judge, during my sentencing for attempting to make a phallic sign over my toilet | |
| me and DigimonOtis go to town 2211, deciding which pop culture icon we want to bludgeon with a baseball bat until our tiny asses spill their guts | |
| the tiny ass that just won't stop crying is a monument to my failure as a Male http://t.co/4xBrDQQVB | |
| @adultblackmale "Bitch" | |
| "We the People" have defeated the mythical creature "Gargoyles" and elected the first Real Guy to the throne http://t.co/sYaxyJzR | |
| i was born in '88, on the same day as the first minigun was invented http://t.co/9XDDQDQXA | |
| @machiavellino http://t.co/7XJzYQiLZ | |
| "Yearly Reminder That Human | |
| ==================== | |
| Oscar_P: i didnt know that "doxxing" was a real thing | |
| Dr.Potus: it is not | |
| Oscar_P: then what the fuck | |
| Dr.Potus: im sorry that you were upset. im sorry that youre sad | |
| Oscar_P: but im grateful for the OTR | |
| "Real Housewives of Orange County" Finale: the Real Housewives of Orange County will wrap up their storylines in the season finale. Be sure to tune in! | |
| many imes are good, but some are better than others, some are merely good, some are downright bad | |
| #WorstDateIn5words a bunvch of blades arranged to spell out" 9/11". the worst date in the history of mankind | |
| @kanye i would like to apologize for everything !!!! | |
| the worst part of being benched is constantly having to clean up messes left over from the benched man's mouth | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il did in fact jack off in his sleep and spit on his dick. this is the terrible 8th time | |
| even if you only know the basic techniques there are so many different permutations you can do that it's almost not even funny | |
| *steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commer | |
| ==================== | |
| SUGGESTED BY SCHULTZ & CO., INC. FOR 1ST CLASS ROUTE TO EASTERN BOSTON, MAINE, & MASSACHUSETTS-- "WE DON'T WANT ANY ROTATING GEAR" | |
| congress PASSES RAISING THE JANITOR'S BILL TO RAISE $65 BILLION DOLLAR BY 2016, AN ALL NEW FORMIDABLE UNIVERSE CALLING "COPRA FICTION" | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, creating a nationwide network to educate and train new GI's. | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, making it illegal for GI Bill recipients to make obscene gestures, and makes them pay a $100 fine | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, making it illegal for anyone to lie on their back with their elbows touching the floor during auditions. | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, making it illegal for anyone to stand up while eating and getting all sorts of gross shit told off by the greasers | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, making it illegal for anyone to spit up or throw up while eating and getting all sorts of gross shit told off by the greasers | |
| Congress passes the GI Bill, making it illegal for anyone to get up and walk away while eating and getting all sorts of gross shit told off by the greasers | |
| Congress | |
| ==================== | |
| HMMING ABOUT THE TIME LINE | |
| watching the tv tutorials on how to use the toilet,re thinking that if i did it correctly it would look like this | |
| @natashack /u/GoblinGirl /cj my ass looks like a cocked up elbow, im taking my shirt off in class, yawn | |
| @pussyotoole this is the most fucked up thing ive ever seen | |
| im going to be one of the moderators here at /r/TeenGear. what I say will be a big part of our community. | |
| im going to try to post like 100 more times without getting too upset. instead of getting mad at the person who sent me the dick pic, i`ll post something nice instead | |
| im going to post like a bunch of different things in a big barbed wire fence in the desert, to see which one intrigues me the most | |
| im going to post like a bunch of different things in a big barbed wire fence in the desert, to see which one intrigues me the most | |
| #StressedOut #FrownedInSpots #ThanksgivingDay we here at the Teen Gear office refuse to accept cash, but rather love to be thanked in the most intelligent and powerful manner possible | |
| @Dj_Toaster "No Thanks" | |
| @aquatics | |
| ==================== | |
| @johnglenpdx the worst thing a person can do is give a shithead answer like "i dont know what that means" | |
| Just thinking of how incredible it would be to be able to step into the room of my choosing and just start bowing my head, without any further ado, http://t.co/myh9QS1o | |
| @machiavellino Im going to throw all of your baseballs and baseball bats into the garbage | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my online friends are unable to log on due to a lack of interest http://t.co/9zVobgsB | |
| "My Blog Is A Compost Unit" - ThinkGeek | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my online friends are unable to log on due to a lack of interest, http://t.co/9zVobgsB | |
| "My Blog Is A Compost Unit" - ThinkGeek | |
| @thinkgeek oh you mean like 80% of my posts are for free, like the yogurt bar from the yogurt shop, or 50% of my posts are for like $0.01, or whatever | |
| @thinkgeek Ive been known to say some pretty outrageous things, | |
| ==================== | |
| its time to say it again. the "Beware the Bewildered" post is NOT a joke. | |
| @poffdeluxe one hundred percent kfc | |
| my lawyer has just informed me that my repeated visits to bbc.co.uk are "Mischievous" and that i should "Shut the fuck up" | |
| this is what a true gentleman looks like http://t.co/yjLlfqOI | |
| i got blocked again. please do not send me any more "Good Shit" or "Racist Shit" eunuch. | |
| @goodshityes im an American hero. i won the arby's contest without eating anything. | |
| @zeroprospects i dont eat | |
| @goodshityes "Duh, Sounds Good To Me" | |
| @nderik_doo not good. nothing good. definitely not | |
| i paid my wife hundreds of dollars to make me mad. now im mad because my wages have decreased by 40% since our daughter was born | |
| @dogboner i dont respond to threat | |
| @nderik_doo this is the most fucked up thing to happen to me in forever | |
| my followers have agreed that it would be good, if i were to die, and the wishlist for my final meal | |
| ==================== | |
| Wendy's: I've decided that my most powerful weapon against singles is Dietrich Bonner's constant whining. Single: I've decided to single-handedly take down the single greatest single man ever | |
| @dietrichbonner Sadly, he is not into singles. | |
| Wendy's: I've decided that my most powerful weapon against singles is Dietrich Bonner's constant whining. Single: I've decided to single-handedly take down the single greatest single man ever | |
| @BonAppetit couplet.. i would like to propose a toast to single mothers.. i would like to propose a toast to single fathers.. | |
| @BonAppetit most powerful man alive right here, mr. man | |
| @BonAppetit Meal Plan | |
| Munich: Wankers! Destruction! --From The News Desk-- | |
| Munich: Wankers! Destruction! --From The News Desk-- | |
| Saving $400000 a year by eating bugs and little tiny pieces of shit | |
| saving $400000 a year by eating bugs and little bits of shit | |
| saving $400000 a year by eating bugs and tiny bits of shit | |
| pronto: only those authorized to receive, edit and distribute source code for the Mac can use this muppet | |
| loading up my Safari on my desktop | |
| ==================== | |
| AVATAR: i will never name my son "AVATAR" | |
| ME: Oh really? | |
| AVATAR: He will never eat Avatara | |
| ME: I can name him after some other guy. Why not me? | |
| AVATAR: I will not name my son after some other guy. | |
| ME: Fine. Fine. | |
| "Big Bird" is a character from the Disney film franchise. "Rufus" is a character from the ABC sitcom "The Middle"; and "Sarge" is a character from the NBC sitcom "The Little Guy." | |
| @spacefinner I am not allowed to engage in or discuss political discussions at this site . | |
| @spacefinner It's super easy to trick you into unfollowing me just by saying "tweeting about tthe war" or "sharing my experiences of war". | |
| @spacefinner It's super easy to tgoon me just by typing "tweeting about tthe war" or "sharing my experiences of war". | |
| @spacefinner I don't believe in or support the war. | |
| war stories.. war booty.. war stories | |
| war stories.. war booty | |
| war stories.. War stories | |
| https://t.co/vQmEKXDsy | |
| every one on this site | |
| ==================== | |
| Best Damn Bike Rack Ever | |
| i have just gotten word that the bastards at hackney`s have replaced all of the locks on all of the doors with... a dick? i dont know. i dont know what lock it is. | |
| the locks on all the doors at hackney`s have been replaced with tiny stools. this is the only way to go | |
| @hackney`s @barnwellshousen i will find out later | |
| the dick on this bike rack is roughly the same diameter as the dick on my head. this is why i think that every time i squat i gain 2 lbs of skin | |
| @DinkMagic @hackney`s @barnwellshousen i will never | |
| the neckbrace from "garfield" is depicted here, sporting a massive wad of cashmere wrapped in plastic. the wallet is also wrapped in cashmere | |
| @hackney`s @barnwellshousen my dad calls this shit gutted. gross | |
| the "Garfield" gag is one small part of a much larger joke. the gag is one small part of a much larger joke. | |
| the dick on this system is a Generic Male. the dick on this system is a Generic Male. the dick on this system is a Generic Male. the dick on this system | |
| ==================== | |
| In July of 2012, a hacker sent me a imgur album labeled "Dog Day". Within the album was a crude drawing of an exasperated dog, and a link to a septic blog post | |
| i immediately copy/pasted the relevant portion of the blog post into my body, and immediately another imgur-like drawing of an exasperated dog appeared on my feed | |
| @neonwario its not important. im good | |
| another excellent day of kicking the ass of the trolls https://t.co/564QqDpO1e | |
| just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "piss scoundrel" and spent most of his time being harassed by concerned citizens | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that the "GOOD cop" meme is more deserving of ridicule than the "GOOD cop" meme, which is also more deserving of ridicule | |
| https://t.co/iLaBmVtD | |
| http://t.co/CYSKXIKDp | |
| weaving a "No meat" t-shirt protest outside of the wtc mosque, screaming, "No meat, no meat" | |
| THe "No meat" protest was a ruse. Its an act. Its a setup. Its a prank | |
| ==================== | |
| Quote: Originally Posted by The truth is, i have it on good authority that kim jong il jacked off shortly before dying. this would explain the misspeaking | |
| im the bad guy in the scarlet letter | |
| i click on my phone everytime a newscast airs of my little crusade to eradicate shark fins from french toast | |
| my dad calls me "PapaFartHead" and takes me to task for ruining his life by ordering me around on a computer desk | |
| ive gotten word that certain people were "Dabbing" or "CumBusting" during the course of Business, so i've decided to abdicate my duties as the Bad Boy of the Business world & enjoy a nice glass of Pinot Gris | |
| i have abdicated my role as Bad Boy to allow my 10-year-old son to pursue a more meaningful relationship with his Moms Cigar humidor. This move has been made in the interest of protecting my son's brand | |
| i hereby denounce "CumBusting" | |
| "CumBusting" | |
| Has any one ever done a bad meme yet | |
| im the bad guy in the scarlet letter, pretending to be the bad guy in a wheelchair, while hawking his wares on the black market | |
| Im the bad guy in the scarlet letter, | |
| ==================== | |
| Erica Clapton: I Think Our Time In The Burbank Studios Has Been Good To See New Things [Crowd Lowers] | |
| (Claps Hand & Hands) Wtf?!? Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! [Crowd Claps] | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il was the first celebrity jenky. not true. not true. | |
| @bicinkpens heres the proof | |
| im gonna keep u busy January 20th, 2016, while i jack off and make jokes about the new star wars. then ill send you the proof that this blog is good to you | |
| @GoodLikers @taylorchestere the proof is in the pudding http://t.co/4KXCKeVr | |
| some one help me to load up my freezer with frozen pears, so that i may rip open one of them and reveal a sweet tooth buried within a turd | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me https://t.co/icgWttW6 | |
| is it a good idea, to label certain products, in such a manner, that the consumer cannot easily distinguish them from one another? | |
| i can confirm that certain people have attempted to deface the beloved M& | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: It's Thursday again, and that means it's time to Obliterate every single one of my foes with the mighty ax | |
| "im not as good as i once was, im far less good now, and im far less fun to be around" - me after getting Political Correct tweeted at me by the new pope | |
| "The einoherian fart " is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and would be regarded as a Monstrous affront against the very fabric of reality | |
| @unsaid_snake its basically the bible but with pigs | |
| RT @dril: relaxing http://t.co/dICYDiP3 | |
| the worst part of being a part of the pepsi gang is having to constantly remind myself that i should be sucking down syrup on a sybarit instead of shitting it all down my huge chugging ass. the good part of being a pepsi mate | |
| RT @LadSun: Shit to Post | |
| the two most important things to realize when posting to me is that i am a Vituperable Good Son, and that i love Him so much that I would otherwise kill myself | |
| the worst aspect of being a pepsi mate is constantly having to remind myself that i am a "PEPsi Son" and that i should abstain from | |
| ==================== | |
| caught my son taking a bath in a mysterious brown bottle. not only was this a gross invasion of privacy, but it also looked like shit. i am punishing him by boiling the shit out of the toilet until i am satisfied | |
| "My Friend's Keeper" - my friend's fate | |
| "My Friend's Bane" - my friend's despair | |
| @TrimGod69 chewing gum in the bathroom. "Tres Basket Case" written on the side. "Not bad for a boy" | |
| "You Look Like A Freak" - my friend's busted pinky finger | |
| "Sweet Charity ", "Good to See Ya", "You're A Nerd", "Boys Welcome Home" - all in one post | |
| i dont know much about "Shut the fuck u/c" but i know that if they removed the word "Bullshit" from the title it would become the words "Bullshit Master" | |
| shocking: "Turn On The Fucking Locks" - locked the garage door behind me and proceeded to pound the shit out of my car with a closed fist | |
| jacked off due to Stress, then spent the next 6 hours editing "Bullshit Master" into a harshly worded letter. "Shut the Fuck Up" | |
| me & the boys watching Ken Burns do his famous "Dr. Oz" segment, lament | |
| ==================== | |
| Q: Would you describe your Brand as "Cool" or "Gracious" to a stranger? | |
| A: It depends. Are you brand amoung cool, or am I ? | |
| RT @cool_mans_bah: الأسطورة | |
| The Satanic Verses: | |
| "The dog barked at the lord"; | |
| "The cat bit the dust"; | |
| "The apple tasted of death"; | |
| "The water was ok"; | |
| i will never hire a dead guy for a client. if your name is "Fucking Ikea", then please go back to sleep | |
| @Sjagamago @NHLFlyera i dont like him | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| a "Sad Dog" | |
| i love to throw my hands into the air and scream "Sad Dog" | |
| the most important part of any online identity is knowing your user handle and not fucking it up just because the person you're commenting on a | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: I'VE BEEN HIDING IN MY CLOSET FOR WEEKS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 | |
| #WhyGunsAreBetterThanLiberals The Guns Are Better Than The Liberals, And They're Much Hatterder | |
| let me tell you exactly why. it's because i'm a big pringles guy who also happens to like big puffed grouchies | |
| @PringlesDollars all of my critics are liars and perverts | |
| the big pringles guy is a hypocrite. heself, is a fraud. the only thing he's good for is making people sick | |
| @bigpuffed grouchies are the best tasting bird food you can get today | |
| i feel as though, since the release of the infamous "wacken movie", i have received far less " | |
| ==================== | |
| male_to_female_gender: Male to female gender. | |
| https://t.co/8CdM0pV0 | |
| @realDonaldTrump You Will Never Dab Row | |
| You Will Never Row | |
| You Will Never Block Me | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's butt crack | |
| in 10 years from now, my ass will be still be pronounced "Rowdy" | |
| I Cannot Live Without My Daughter #WeAre #UIsWearis | |
| Im So Sorry U Have Been Abandoned | |
| @darsh5001 im so sorry | |
| @juliaoremancia Thank you for doing this for me. I am so sorry for everything. | |
| @tjdru @eedrk https://t.co/0P3B8BCtJ | |
| shame on you for using my last name, instead of my daughter's name, which is probably appropriate, considering that I chose to be named that | |
| does anyone else think that the people who signed onto my "Doge" doge coin are the same people who are shilling my other doge coins | |
| @PizzaHutCares @annelakell @jzxpl no!!! hes a child | |
| @PizzaHutCares @annelakell @jzxpl No | |
| ==================== | |
| Lauren the Go-Goggles | |
| @UnsungHero I'll Make U Fuckin Sceptre, Sceptre, Rulership, Fuckerin Ass, Fuckin Mayor, Fuckin Police, Fuckin Czar, Sceptre, Czar, Dog, Lion, Unicorn, Fucker, | |
| @BoysBRandom "GOOD" | |
| https://t.co/FzAZYihSQ | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0cIFQI9DK | |
| https://t.co/M0c | |
| ==================== | |
| Saying something like "I love egg salad" would be one of the tiniest pees you ever pulled off, and that would make the pecker go into overdrive | |
| you can put up or shut down whatever the fuck signs say | |
| yo Onion Bros: the fighting words are "GatlingGun" and "MagnetGun" and "BazookaGun" and "TaserGun" and "SlugGun" and "GunGun" and "ShooterGun" and "SprayGun" | |
| "If U find a better use for magnets in life, do talk to me." -Funny or Die, MD | |
| "http://t.co/ZHgmE0YX1e | |
| im going to keep saying it until the cows come to milford to collect their turds and leave with the big bag they shit in | |
| @ShrekPissCow @digimonotis @digimonotis @DigimonOtis @DigimonLaden they wont | |
| @ShrekPissCow @digimonotis @digimonotis @DigimonOtis @DigimonLaden they wont | |
| @ShrekPissCow @DigimonLaden @DigimonOtis Ive made up my mind. Fuck Turkey | |
| this is the room where i | |
| ==================== | |
| Feb 13th, 2012: Why are there two floor plans for "The Brewery" in my building? | |
| Jan 26th, 2012: I think that "The Brewery" should be the new "Taste of San Diego" | |
| Dec 14th, 2011: You Made Me Do It. Good By Me | |
| RT @beavis: @wikileaks "The pube map is a lie. There is no pube. The pube is a myth" | |
| RT @wikileaks: The pube is a myth according to the pube map http://t.co/aJKX5sY9<|endoftext|>WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President Barack Obama will sign a bill into law on Tuesday making it illegal for citizens to make posts about "foreigners who eat dildos" and "foreigners who suck dick" | |
| A man holds a sign outside of the Little Caesars pizza restaurant in upper Manhattan, New York, U.S., February 8, 2016. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri | |
| The bill, which was introduced by Senator Chuck Schumer, D-New York, will go into effect immediately, the president promising to veto it if it reaches his desk. | |
| "It's been a tough few months for our nation," Obama said. "But I'm ready to get tough and veto the next xenophobic act | |
| ==================== | |
| PLEASE HELP US GROW THE NUMBER OF EFFECTIVE CROPS WHO ENHANCE MIND AS WELL AS BODY | |
| a dignitary has just ordered the number of people to be executed to be kept secret "for their good", despite growing public fury http://t.co/g9WdyQh | |
| the number of people to be executed to be kept secret "for their good", despite growing public fury | |
| @TurksandCum @j4cj_pls http://t.co/ICddMELAK | |
| im sorry but if the official count is 1000 fewer than expected, then i will have gone a bit overboard with this gag. theres a 1 in 1000 chance that i fucked up | |
| everyone please put your fist through the monitor in front of you so the tears don't bleed out, like the tears of a child | |
| i wont let nasa's idiot satellites determine the official count of reddit users, so please set your nasa timezone accordingly | |
| let me stop you right there. if the official count is 1000 fewer than expected, then why dont the reddit guys count too?? thats how you prove youre an astronaut | |
| @jureidice @machiavellino Lets see how many retweets you get for posting "the stench of death" on top of | |
| ==================== | |
| The video will open in a new window if you leave https://t.co/9CZubKXH | |
| it can be argued that the "oops" moment in the 2011 NFL Films documentary, when the league arranges to televise the "Oh Yeah" moment, is the most "out there" moment in sports. | |
| finnally our nation's capital has chosen to disregard the advice of its own top law enforcement official, and has elected as its new Chief of Staff a man who has bragged about punching people | |
| the video will close in a new window if you leave https://t.co/cxCfhPZSq | |
| it CAN be argued that the "oops" moment in the 2011 NFL Films documentary, when the league arranges to televise the "Oh Yeah" moment, is the most "out there" moment in sports. | |
| its a matter of ranking the "Oopses" of 2011 against the "Wow" of 2014. lets see thi s contest begins https://t.co/PZ0fBUFRs | |
| the video will close in a new window if you leave https://t.co/OCZnLIlr7s | |
| its a matter of ranking the "Oopses" of 2011 against the "Wow" of 2014. lets see the contest ends | |
| ==================== | |
| Tired | |
| theres a famous saying in Business that says "Never assume, Always assume a female CEO". Well, in this case, it is "Never assume The Factory Created Daisy" | |
| @pajamasperson its on my bucket list | |
| im going to fill up my mini-fridge with toilet paper and invite you to join me at the table. no strings attached | |
| the next great conspiracy theory is that aliens are putting microphones on our cars and getting a better "throat tick" than us | |
| http://t.co/duqHqJPXKP | |
| i love going to hog-wild with a belt buckle and having my piss audibly compressed by the police | |
| the police are going to start calling us "Bruteforces" now that weve pissed into the public trough once | |
| police.... listening. what can i say. im a listener. who gives a fuck. | |
| james bond 007: ive been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity magazines instead of smarter gun magazines | |
| https://t.co/SyrQxW4qO | |
| there should be a James bond 007 movie about piss. not about high gas prices or piss. about piss. | |
| @sargeant_party #NoPiss | |
| ==================== | |
| Cal Ripken just can't seem to stop himself from smiling while reading his paycheck to the Wall ••• | |
| the wall ••• | |
| @Ketherbound @jzxpl no this is a serious account. i love making people sad | |
| i have photoshopped a monkey inside of the toilet lid to simulate the ejaculate of a human. it is not to be taken as a threat | |
| im going to keep doing them until my cousin finally dies of kidney failure due to dialysis | |
| i identify as a "shit collector", as I constantly shitter on the floor of my cousin's house and scratch his feet with my fingernails | |
| any one who figures out how to make an RPG out of tthe words "shit" and "dunce" is a bastard | |
| ive been goig to sleep about 8 hours a day, but i wake up screaming because of stress and need to perform at least 3 acts of catharsis before i go to sleep | |
| CANT WAIT TO GET MY ASS CENSORED BY THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN URBAN GYM | |
| 1) i want to be given a big fat turded up letter stating that i am worthy of the sacred name | |
| 2) i want my ass censored by a sword | |
| the advanced stupids have devised a new ruse: they're going | |
| ==================== | |
| Called in to give testimony at the HRC campaign headquarters regarding Female Circumcision. Do not interfere with my normal life. | |
| HandsomeTruthTeller, HandsomeTruthTeller, and my $100,000 war criminal accountant uncle who will not take my word for it when it comes to paying my electric bill | |
| phew for brains. just a tiny dot of crayon amongst the black hole's billions of suns | |
| scores of disgusting diaper pics, arranged by category: infant; kid's; adult; toilet; bath; shower; laundry; | |
| the human face: Its a weird one. Its like looking into a mirror. Its beautiful. But it is dangerous | |
| HandsomeTruthTeller, and the human face are fake. They are sick. They are DARE. to look at them | |
| @Sighnupuppet the human face is a joke . The infant face is a colostomy bag. The kid's face is a puzzle. The adult face is a puppet. | |
| i call that a Dumpster Fire, on the spot. what a ridiculous shit job. burying a corpse in my car | |
| "we got the mayor's elephant in our yard. Its his favorite toy" "we got the ape in our house. Its a fool 's game" | |
| "The human mind | |
| ==================== | |
| To: The Daily Show | |
| From: The Daily Show | |
| How do i get one of those | |
| @machiavellino @intellegint Shut thte fuck up | |
| @machiavellino @intellegint What the fuck | |
| the two most powerful weapons in the history of man are the three words "Twisted" and "Good" | |
| the wendy's contest to win "Most Gutsy" will conclude on the thursday following Thanksgiving. Winners will be announced on the saturday morning after. Good luck | |
| there is no dishonuor in speaking the honest word into a camera. i have sacrificed my body for the sake of journalism | |
| once you obtain the Words "Gustin Fucking Awesome" you can never get them back. the only dishonuor is saying them to one of my friends | |
| my douchebag best friend just told me he is quitting his job at AT&T to work full time on a "Whiz-Bang Theory" parody. this is the most fucked up thing to happen to me | |
| Monsanto Yes #Yes | |
| RT @mr_coons: I got a big ass and I know how to fuck it | |
| RT @Mr_coons: There's really only one way to feed a dog and that's to fuck it | |
| ==================== | |
| Please enable Javascript to watch this video | |
| RICHMOND, Va -- After months of waiting, the official "official" Twitter account finally posted a heartwarming message to Daisy Ridley, the Oscar-winning actress who played Princess Leia in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. | |
| "Dae nuff said. Boo to me. Boo to me," read the heartwarming messages on the official account's screen. | |
| This is the most important thing that ever happened to me. No other | |
| "i think the only reason people are talking is because they have to. the only reason people are talking is because they have to #TheThursdayNiteRant" | |
| RT @dogboner: When Is The Next 9 11 | |
| RT @BonerWorld: BonerWorld | |
| RT @BonerWorld: Welcome to the world of boners. BonerWorld | |
| RT @BonerWorld: BonerWorld | |
| RT @BonerWorld: BonerWorld | |
| RT @BonerWorld: BonerWorld | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRanter trending topic, alluding to the upcoming Thursday Nite rant, 2016 | |
| shocking new study claims that eating one's self a large bag of loose sharpened up onion in the bathroom is actually good for one's health https://t.co/YBp7qO | |
| ==================== | |
| KANYE: i'm here because i owe $2000 to the jail for being late for class and getting piss on my shirt | |
| ME: And you owe the jail for using the pepper ball to subdue me | |
| @kanye how much money has Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) spent on lawyers in the last 10 years ? | |
| KANYE: About $160000 | |
| @kanyewest you owe them about 160000 bahamas , for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @kanyewest you owe them about 160000 bahamas , for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @boomer_humor @farrah5900 @KANYE you owe them about 160000 bahamas for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @boomer_humor @farrah5900 @KANYE you owe them about 160000 bahamas for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @boomer_humor @farrah5900 @KANYE you owe them about 160000 bahamas for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @boomer_humor @farrah5900 @KANYE you owe them about 160000 bahamas for doing nothing for free.. | |
| @boomer_humor @farrah5900 @PantsOmega You owe them | |
| ==================== | |
| because i dont know any one who would want to look at their penis and have fun with it. also because theyre all mad at me for some reason | |
| quantum entanglement of light and dark matter is the soul of social media, and i hereby swear to uphold the Constitution of the united states | |
| it is inevitable that some people will shit on me, and that's fine and cool | |
| "your post seems to be in conflict with our existing site's tone. we have set our sights on something else entirely." - how to handle tumultuous events | |
| "Your post seems to be in conflict with our existing site's content." - how to handle tumultuous events | |
| the only way to go is retro. retro is the only way to go, and im not about to let anyone take it away from me | |
| retrofucking wendy's | |
| i cannot live in a world where biginthe moon comes out of my pocket and slumps just a tiny bit to my right. its God's will | |
| #retrofits #retrofits A photo posted by Super Mario Retweets (@pnj03) on Oct 7, 2013 at 1:28am PDT | |
| #retrofits #retrofits i get banned | |
| my retweets have permanently damaged the psyches of modern-day twitter trolls and they make my | |
| ==================== | |
| The Basics: | |
| -You Get One Penny | |
| -You Get One Penny For Each Minute That Aver Goes Uninterrupted | |
| -You Get One Penny For Each Penny That Aver Stalled | |
| -You Receive One Penny For Liking The Posts On This Site | |
| -You Receive One Penny For Having Fun On This Site | |
| The Outtakes: | |
| -The Pigs Brew Crew Discusses Whether Or Not The Water From Their Distilled Water Swimming Pipes Is Worse Than The Salt Water | |
| -The Outtakes Deny This Claim, And Theyre Working On Adding A Preserve To It | |
| RT @beavis: @KFC For you I will BEG AGAINST KFC NOT TO CORRECTLY CORRECTLY LINK TO YOU. | |
| RT @AP: BREAKING: Apple chief executive Tim Cook says he would like to meet the girl of his dreams — but not if she is a "boy". | |
| RT @beavis: @KFC For you I will BEG AGAINST KFC NOT TO CORRECTLY CORRECTLY LINK TO YOU. | |
| RT @beavis: @AP THERE IS A NEW BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER | |
| RT @beavis: @matthewjbruner I have an even bigger beard than he does. | |
| RT @beavis: @matt | |
| ==================== | |
| Monsanto, DuPage Counties, Cook Counties, Naperville, Evanston, Chicago, and Overland Park, KS are just a few of the areas which have been designated as "No Kill" | |
| - Animals are strictly prohibited from my ranch | |
| - My dick is just a hair away from being perfectly normal | |
| - The "Kill Joke" is a total crap | |
| @Kill_Joke probably woulda been fine where he was | |
| pics of me taking a huge shit on the keyboard | |
| i have always said that if I got my dick sucked in a drawer it would be fine, but if i got mine sucked in my mouth it would be fucked | |
| @Kill_Joke Its his right. | |
| @Kill_Joke Its fucking good. | |
| getting my ass kicked again, this time by a fat man who apparently thinks that his meme "Bulls" is the fucking truth | |
| i cannot afford any rat literature because i have not earned any gold or circletzge in over a year | |
| i would like to propose a generalization which will undoubtedly irk many, if not all, humor blogs: "rat literature is for rich kids" | |
| #nationalAnxiety day is a somber occasion, as we sadly lose our Anamanaguchi Rat (left) and his Anamanaguchi | |
| ==================== | |
| Quote: Originally Posted by SexyDave1991 Originally Posted by I think its fucked up that they didn't invent a witcher | |
| just having a really hard time reading between the lines here, sir | |
| @BAKKOOONN why is a sandwich a sandwich, even though a sandwich is a sandwich. a sandwich is a food | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today and there is nothing on my feed but nonsense. nothing to look at | |
| just | |
| ==================== | |
| The colors of the flag are just a fun thing to do to me | |
| "The flag has 9 red stars, and 9 blue stars. It's the only thing I hold dear." -The_Celtics_Hog | |
| The_Celtics_Hog said on saturday night that he would never vote Republican, and that he would vote for the Green Party | |
| http://t.co/M1yP4h3o what is the Green Party | |
| [citation needed] http://t.co/M1yP4h3o what is the green party | |
| [citation needed] http://t.co/OdVobpV7e the first course is home cooked, the second course is entrees served to invited guests | |
| $5 poison vs $100,000 poison. bet you the $5,000,000 poison you get today will put you in critical condition for 2 weeks | |
| the fact that i only have like 4 followers leads me to conclude that i must have contracted cholera from eating 0 calories a day | |
| Getting my CFO tattooed on myor self costs $150,000.00 and i wouwld never do it. The only reason i got this far is because i am a crap !!!! | |
| Straight up: If you have a | |
| ==================== | |
| A girl who is really into anal sex and wants to be the one who eats puppy dog cum and has a crass attitude towards sex. | |
| i just got word that my good friend "Brent Musburger" has just posted a vile 0's to me & the NY Times. Im fucking pissed off | |
| the true power of "Yolo" - the freedom to explore every permutation of "Yolo" in a single day; the ability to "Think It Over" - these are the things that Im afraid of the most | |
| "zme into that shit" "Yolo" | |
| the most compelling aspect of "Zonked in the Pecker" is not only its incredibly amateurish, but also the fact that it is not only tolerated, but actively encouraged | |
| how many thrusts must I do to knock out that ass --> 100 | |
| how many reps must i do to get my ass tattooed on the back of my sweatshirt | |
| how many Zeroes must i throw into the garbage before i can celebrate "Zonked in the Pecker" | |
| how many Dinners must I eat before i can celebrate "Zonked in the Pecker" | |
| how many Refreshing Meals must i consume before i can celebrate "Zonked in the Pecker" | |
| how many Drinks must i take before | |
| ==================== | |
| Om ome. I like this one: | |
| @cambridge_uoi I Will Not Extend It | |
| Cambridge Analytica, Inc. ("BAKKOO TO M Y") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("BAKKOO TO M Y") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge Analytica, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("Cambridge, Inc.") ("KEEP ON TOPin THERE!!") | |
| @Cambridge_uoi It Will Be Done | |
| the wiccan sage advice of "Be Good To Each Other" has saved my ass countless times in life and will one day cost me the Presidency | |
| im going to keep saying it until my dying breath: "Good to each other is the strength of SAVE money, save your piss, save your cock, save your piss, save | |
| ==================== | |
| be sure to check out my interview with Dr. Oz in which he discusses the importance of eating fresh, before the ebola virus descends upon us | |
| @Edenaxela be safe @eedrk | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i would not allow myself to be followed... not by this man... | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ their the only way to beat cancer is to eat food that was live at the time, and not shit themselves on | |
| i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that i should power up my content to get the coveted #MoreDays hashtag | |
| @jbl_anzai http://t.co/k2qQvW66SQ | |
| i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that im doing the right thing by posting these words on the board game "Chess" to get retweets | |
| im going to power up my content on the computer so that when the inevitable flood of sexually explicit tiplines hits my inbox i dont have to check my email | |
| the retweets are good, but they arent the only thing that im good... the things that arent good are the things that arent there | |
| the retweets are good, but they are | |
| ==================== | |
| @nannaoink i am far more interesting than you, little shit. | |
| @Axel_Funk howard . | |
| @shrekpissslave @nannaoink your a child | |
| i.e. fuck twitter . i will never create an app that is good enough for the sake of making friends on here. | |
| @Dj_Toaster @jesuschrist christ. come. join. life is too short to waste a good app. | |
| @Dj_Toaster @jesuschrist i will never create an app that is good enough for the sake of making friends on here | |
| i will never create an app that is good enough for the sake of making friends on here. | |
| the toaster's toaster | |
| inventing a new type of sauna | |
| heat the sauna to the maximum temperature possible and leave the rest of the equipment alone | |
| inventing a new type of sauna | |
| heat the sauna to the maximum temperature possible and leave the rest of the equipment alone | |
| thinking of inventing a new type of sauna | |
| heat the sauna to the maximum temperature possible and leave the rest of the equipment alone | |
| thinking of inventing a new type of sauna | |
| heat the sauna to the maximum temperature possible and leave the rest | |
| ==================== | |
| It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of our dear friend, comedian Steve Martin. Steve was a generous, funny guy who was well-liked here at Comic Con. He will be sorely missed. Google+ | |
| "STOP FUCKING UP MY SERENITY" | |
| Grief Counselor | |
| Comedian "Dude" | |
| Muscle Man | |
| @pokthepenguin i will try | |
| @tetradugenica What are your thoughts on the recent passing of your friend, comedian Steve Martin. Martin was a generous, funny guy who was well-liked here at Comic Con. He will be sorely missed. | |
| i was at the con and i asked the panel about nerdfighter cock rings and they said they werent allowed. i was like "Wow. This is pretty cool" | |
| Sigh. The thought of posting a funny joke on here ever gives me the energy to shower my son with praise and respect. | |
| my ass cheeks have two giant finger nails | |
| im sorry that the good people of reddit are having to deal with peoples miserable bull shit for nine hours a day, every day | |
| unban me from /r/cornergay for saying that the reason that corner gays are allowed to post is because society has condoned them | |
| post a Racist Song About My Son | |
| I | |
| ==================== | |
| The most common mistake I see crooks make is thinking that putting a towel over my dick automatically makes it smaller. | |
| "SWEARS MANAGER" has become SWEARS SMOKER. "TAKE OFF THE POKE" has become SWEARS BANANA. "NO PURPOSE" has become SWEARS COMMERCIAL. | |
| every time i look at pictures of the crook I think of how bad they must feel, halo 4 ace, screaming in agony, while the camera zooms in & out of it | |
| the most pathetic & shortsighted thing a crook could do is to try to trick me into thinking that i bought a huge bouquet of fucking hearts | |
| the most common mistake a crook makes is thinking that putting a towel over his dick automatically makes it smaller. | |
| the most common mistake a crook makes is thinking that putting a towel over his dick automatically makes it smaller. | |
| the most common mistake a crook makes is thinking that putting a big towel over his dick automatically makes it smaller. | |
| a big "no good" comes out of my mouth whenever i look at pictures of the prison. every time i look at pictures of the prison i get bigger | |
| "i dont like " wine country " either. it sucks and i lie about it. "its wine country" wins. " | |
| ==================== | |
| UA agrees with the CIA, and in fact, they're more evil than the mujaheddin | |
| im a Gamer now, and i love to spout my opinions on the Playstation Network, and generally screw over innocent gamers | |
| @Gfinity a tghey're bastards, and i would never intentionally put my dick in a vice | |
| "Gamers" needs to grow the fuck up. | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| i despise liars. and lying is the most despicable of human emotions | |
| the only sin ive committed is putting my dick in a vice when i actually have to use it. ive paid the jjims legal bills, and im very pissed off about it | |
| @Bubbaburger jjims pop culture shit is culturally significant to me. | |
| @Bubbaburger the only sin ive committed is putting my dick in a vice when i actually have to use it. ive paid the jjims legal bills, and im very pissed off about it | |
| The Bible is a work of Art. It is the most eloquent, complex, and accurate account of the Bible known to man. It is the sole legitimate source of English | |
| the only sin ive committed is putting my dick in a vice when i actually have to use it. ive | |
| ==================== | |
| you go to a party & people are putting balloons up in the window. you know what that does? It legitimises my shitty, run down brand | |
| @Omarsito why? because that's what democracy is all about. | |
| #Red for the Boys | |
| i love being the guy who has to go to the bathroom 24/7. i love having to shit and piss all over my balls | |
| "i dont know much about anal but i know that there is anon line for it and that it is good" - anon | |
| i just found out my great-great-grandfather was better at telling his slaves to keep quiet about the time he swallowed a bunch of them beans | |
| how to convince people not to jump to conclusions just because my great-great-grandfather was less violent than Oliver Twist | |
| i have proof that great-grandmothers are better than nanna;s | |
| @nsidious @princeburger i was talking to a girl about public masturbation and she jacked off right back in her chair | |
| @nsidious @princeburger What are you talking about. Excuse me. I was just looking at a chart | |
| itunes.. the dumb ass stuff. i cannot get enough of that. digging around in the trash can for weeks on end for these devices | |
| ==================== | |
| A Simple Method To Prevent Monkey Brain | |
| by: Doctor_Esteband | |
| A Simple Method To Prevent Monkey Brain | |
| My name is Doctor_Esteband. My doctor told me i had 2 types of brain. One that makes me happy, and the other crying. What the hell? Who gives a shit | |
| @Team_Mitch ehr 1 & 2 are best, but 3 is wayyyyy too many | |
| i would like to become somebodys uncle so i can start a religion. but i can't because i'm too young. no uncle's https://t.co/nc4iBmCqO | |
| @Boscovs i will do better next year. keep doing your posts | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/EffH0dXQL | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/P4bniJ9OIf | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/P9YXhmmWMM | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/PEDRh6xEJB | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/PEDRh6xEJB | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/PEDRh6xEJB | |
| monkey brain https://t.co/PEDRh6xEJB | |
| monkey | |
| ==================== | |
| Modders using Nvidia® GeForce Experience® to play host to my private dildo tournament............... | |
| the same man who asked me on twitter if i was "a redneck" should i instead choose to cut my dick off, #Shit #Cowards | |
| "my follower count will go up as I grow older. I dont care. it is all or nothing" -the wise nude man #TheWiseNudeMan | |
| "I believe that everyone who has ever unfollowed me should be blocked outright." -TheFatChief | |
| "It's been some time Sense I tweeted." -TheFartChief | |
| "I think that #thegatheringstars is going to be really good. I think everyone should have access to it" -TheCoolDad | |
| "the only way to go is retro." -Senseandgraciousass666 | |
| retiring into the portable dog kennel i live in and shutting the tiny gate to keep the shit heads out | |
| retiring into the portable dog kennel i live in and shutting the tiny gate to keep the shit heads out | |
| the gate, though it seems harmless, could possibly be used to keep rats and other vermin out if they get too bold | |
| i think that sneaking around in the back of someone else's car is one of the worst things you can do | |
| ==================== | |
| The Boatswain's Mate | |
| Gotta Get My Naval Claws Into These Sand Bars | |
| Gotta Get My Naval Claws Into These Sand Bars | |
| sea turtles are basically really tiny human babies | |
| Naval Claws Become Human Shoulders In These Sand Bars | |
| these salty, candied april fools are just another example of the failed philosophy of The Entenmann's | |
| the lesson i learned from Military Tech in Basic Is That You Can Put As Much As 1,000 Ton Bargeboards On Top Of Each Other, Without It Worsening Efficiency | |
| its them or nothing !!!! | |
| http://t.co/XmuLGQ5G http://t.co/Mdl5QQA6E | |
| http://t.co/YBpPFlW6e this website is run by a f… http://t.co/B7yGMFv37e | |
| http://t.co/MVX4KXW6e everything is Subject To Revolt | |
| http://t.co/PQDYUIcbG please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the sale of this picture: | |
| http://t.co/PQDYUIcbG im sorry but if this is the first time you've seen my posts i`d | |
| ==================== | |
| chopper | |
| @chopper not if i have anything to say | |
| @chopper i will not | |
| @chopper regardless of what "Chosen One" says | |
| @chopper i will not | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Honorable Mention" says | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Best Song of the Year" says | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Best Dubstep of the Year" says | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Best Metal of the Year" says | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Best Way to Die" says | |
| @chopper regardless of what the "Best Way to Live" says | |
| @chopper whatever the FUCK says on the obituary | |
| im going to make this short. im going to say it like a lot. and i dont care who hears it. | |
| im going to tattoo the letters "I Love U" across my ass | |
| I makte that vow to myself before i sacrifice my ass to the grease grinder. It is a sacred ritual, | |
| the telltale sign that something is wrong is if the words "2014" and "Games" cannot be printed within 6 feet of each other, | |
| i will never let my daugter know | |
| ==================== | |
| A Stunning 180 Degree Panoramic View Of The City Scattered With Dust, Muck And Scratches - Just Another Awful Story To Tell My Three Sons | |
| Many Are AFraid To Ask Me How I Feel About New AIDS Treatment I Declare And Take The Small Step Of Not Buying A Single Piece Of Dishes | |
| "How To Make Dog Love Go To Bed" - Dr. Phil | |
| Some Say Animals Feel As If They Constantly Hopelessly Belong In Distress, Others Say They Belong In Distress Best U Can Do, Still Others Say They Belong In Distress Fuck | |
| the days leading up to World AIDS Day are a place where one may exhibit one's dick, without repercussion | |
| the world AIDS day flag is a graphic representation of an intergalactic being's dick, and the word "Adios" written on it is simply a portmanteau of "bullshit" | |
| a baby is brought into the emergency room and into a bunch of other shit. most likely dropped off in an ambulance. a few are also inserted into the trash can | |
| the garbage man often carries too many large trash bags around to the dumpster. he should split the bags up into three or four equal portions, like the french | |
| food | |
| "the best part of Urine is pouring into the toilet like a | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: The short answer is: no. The long answer is: yes. And it's really good | |
| "gotta have the pepperoni bits. you gotta have the pepperoni bits." - someone who has never had a boring day | |
| "I hate them. But they're nice." - the wise elder | |
| "You ain't never gonna like the butt chat. But they're good." - a sarcastic aside to a brogrammer | |
| im pretty sure that when we find out how to get really old, we will all be bald | |
| @shortorderly the only bald guy on this site is me, and i will permanently remove himself from public view until im ready to die | |
| @shortorderly now would be a good time to put up a "Thumbs down" sign on my front lawn | |
| if you dont take the time to read the Thumbs Down post, then i will shut the fuck up right now and prevent this from happening ever again | |
| http://t.co/e777lTtelf The Great Unknown | |
| @ChuckGrubst i read the wikipedia article for "peckerish" and instantly associate it with my inept, low quality content. also, im bald | |
| @shortorderly its not funny. also, its not good. also, its not funny | |
| ==================== | |
| the only reason im not rich is that im in serfdom and not wanted". - a serf | |
| "serfs are just animals. They don't deserve any of this crap." - the author of this piece | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - a closeted closeted hobo ranting about govt. run amok | |
| "retired cop myteriously removes golf club from hank rogers obese head before hank rogers next steroid injection. ethics are paramount" - the gentleman after me | |
| "I hate my job. I hate my body. I hate my bosses balls. I hate my balls. I hate my balls. I hate my balls. I hate my balls" - the end | |
| "the movie was a total disaster except for one thing. Nobody helped me over at the restaurant. They all shut their doors for fear of being looted" - the guy who ordered the mack truck to empty the garbage | |
| "I have the upper hand on this hand trade. I won't trade my elbows for anything. I will never trade my elbows for cash" - the guy who ordered the mack truck to empty the garbage | |
| ME: The movie "slumdog" was PG-13. The movie "slumdog 2" was R-Rated. The movie "rocks n roll" was a | |
| ==================== | |
| JOhngmew said on 19/Sep/18 | |
| @Lowenaffchen @chewsports i will never speak ill of ur accent. | |
| @sargeant_party @chewsports theres a reason ur not written in stone . | |
| @sargeant_party @chewsports Theres a reason ur not written in stone. | |
| @sargeant_party @chewsports its called "Intelligent Design" | |
| @IntelligenzentDave @chewsports It is a piece of shit to me. | |
| @IntelligenzentDave @chewsports im going to beat the shit out of u in the car | |
| @tjdru @dude_jackson @Burns_Jokes on another note, do not forget to hit up the like & share buttons below if ya don't want to miss out any more .. | |
| I just need to say that this: | |
| 1) Coca-Cola is my god | |
| 2) Coca-Cola is my saviour | |
| @dril_replies nope. that was a misspeak of a tweet. i will not post a peak in this capacity anymore | |
| and now to tackle the elusive "Drucker's Dilemma" - what if you sprayed a can of coke | |
| ==================== | |
| Cursed Bloodline: 1st Ed.By KFC | |
| "Out Here Bitch" - by Anonymous | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube | |
| i was cursed after giving birth to a horrible diaper. i woud eventually like to eat dog shit and suck it but at the moment i am scared | |
| orc jenkins is the worst | |
| the guys who make steaks should make all of them "grade A" steak,. ythese guys have been making this shit for 1000 years with no flaws | |
| Giving birth to a hideous purple baby with ruined orthopedic parts. i scream as the ambulance takes me away from the operating theatre | |
| shame on you for posting this at 8:30 in the morning. You look like a wreck. You are dirty | |
| @kfc_colonel you dont belong in the "closet" | |
| my douqpass from now on is "Legalize Beer" | |
| training my firearm on a extremely large piece of shit log with a "Made in China" label attached to it | |
| i touch a glowing qur'an and turn into 100 lions #Infographic | |
| big bird is a bird. not a mammal. so me neither | |
| Shit my pants | |
| neither i nor any other fucke r should have to drink | |
| ==================== | |
| No. The kids are getting very upset because their parents are spending more time thinking about Twitter than they are grooming their daugter | |
| the lieutenants of draconian socialism have arrived at the gates of my ranch and are demanding that i cower under a table until ive explained my risque, adult artistic statement | |
| i throw tantrums when i first come across as a site that people associate with child pornography. my goal in life is to get as mad as possible and post it | |
| "huh.. it's a good idea. Let's expand it to include pizzerias" "oh it's a good idea. Let's make it a pizza company" "it's a good idea. Let's sell it to my friends" | |
| ME: Pizza should be given a C | |
| CAIN: The government should step in and decide which brand to endorse | |
| ME: Piss on me | |
| RT @Omarsito: Go to http://www.burgerking.net/ and type in "burger king" to load up a list of great chains to come | |
| RT @BurgerKing: #BurgerKing #BestOf http://www.burgerking.net/ | |
| Im now receiving reports which confirm that the water contamination crisis we all feared will befuddle our collective asses no end . | |
| Burger King has | |
| ==================== | |
| my ass vs his ass (spoiler alert) | |
| @coolgothsweater no!!! theyre good | |
| my ass is much sexier than his ass | |
| when i get mad at the boys in the audience, i say to them "Your making me sick" then i go on to the boys | |
| they should invent a new kind of coffee that is good for HERS!!! *shoves bag of matchsticks into a cabinet* | |
| me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to play in tents | |
| i believe that theres a secret gay club in the minesweeper which i just ran across while scouting for scorpions | |
| im going to kill my children if i ever catch them eating their mother | |
| children: the only good thing about your father is that he never fucked his own armpit. the only good thing about your mother is that she never fucked her own armpit | |
| @BAKKOOONN YESSS | |
| jim breuer is a one of a kind talent. all his pranks are unique and wonderful and i love every minute of them | |
| the one time i wished my ass cheeks would grow on death bed was because of a tumor on my brain that was pushing out all the teeth on my lips | |
| "you dont know | |
| ==================== | |
| BMW M1A1 Carbine Magazine Pouch - Black | |
| BMW M1A1 Carbine Magazine Pouch - Tan | |
| BMW M1A1 Carbine Magazine Pouch - Light Bluish Gray | |
| BMW M1A1 Carbine Magazine Pouch - Pink | |
| BMW M1A1 - Magazine Pouch - 10 Rounds Box Of 26 Cigar Fob Stations - Black | |
| BMW M1A1 - Pistol Schlepper - Magazine Pouch - 10 Rounds Box Of 26 Cigar Fob Stations - Tan | |
| BMW M1A1 - Severed Normal Male Head Regis | |
| BMW M1A1 - The Face Makers | |
| BMW M1A1 - The Beginning - The Face Makers | |
| Came outside today to notice a group of young men sitting on my lawn, i quickly sat on the grass & proceeded to get harassed about it | |
| Came outside today to notice a group of young men squatting on my lawn, i quickly sat on the grass & proceeded to get harassed about it | |
| came outside today to notice a group of young men ive been secretly grooming for, i immediately removed my $900,000,000 ($938,000,000 Cdn) from "oh its a prank" list | |
| im secretly paying a stri | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: Bachmann signs 'I Will Never Be Married' oath; documents that she has not updated her web site in 9 years | |
| Congrats to "Today's Top Dog" - a dog who knows exactly how to poach an egg | |
| im going to be one of the few left standing during the national anthem. that is, unless i royally fuck off | |
| if the final decision on whether to award Colin Kaepernick the Colin Kaepernick Vote is delayed due to protests, we will all soon die #sdshttp | |
| There's a new type of Burger King you say. "The Colonel Bluff Burger King"?? That's a lock. #BigDogDay | |
| you think the cum-god mythos is bullshit? look no further. http://t.co/P4CYqJzRX | |
| i have not made up my mind. i still plan on making my mark on the disk in the form of a series of rhyme lyrics | |
| The fuck my jeans http://t.co/PwCYQKGzRX | |
| curse my fuckin ass http://t.co/pH6YQqKzRX | |
| congress passes law to make every character in every show go to jail on the final episode like in seinfeld #SDThatsAThatsA | |
| ==================== | |
| the demon clark | |
| "the only way to survive is to endlessly borrow money from rich people." -Hans-Joachim | |
| "stop fucking borrowing from rich people you monster" -Effie Bravo | |
| "George W. Bush is a fucking good man, he loves making car commercials" -Tricia Smith | |
| "George W. Bush is paying girls to lick his ass" -Lalalala | |
| "oh u think this is funny" -anonymous | |
| "this ad is fucking terrible. please do not make my life a living hell" -George W. Bush, before he died | |
| "George W. Bush likes it rough. Do you mind if I roughed the hedges a little bit" -Hank Bush | |
| "yes ma'am. i would like to roughen the hedges a lot" -Lalalalala | |
| "i have a life. other than meeting up with the mummys and going t o watch the ape battles, it's basically the same as any other day | |
| "S.O.S Save Our Selebs" - a selebs ultimatum to the government of japan | |
| "The Selebs Are Bullshit" - a selebs ultimatum to the mayor of egypt | |
| "Gee Im glad Im not that guy. | |
| ==================== | |
| If I win the Nobel Prize and am then knighted, my entire name is changed to "The Pillsbury Twiitter Geniuses" | |
| The Nobel Prizes: Largest Prize In Human History, Given To The Man Who Mastered The Original Download - Why We're Pissing Away | |
| @UnsureFred @tiffaynay @CeliaPerri The Nobel Prize is a fucking joke. The winners got shit like, "Celia's Lunch" and "Celia's Diner". The losers got shit like, "The Simpsons" and "The Cleveland Show" | |
| @UnsureFred @tiffaynay @CeliaPerri But they are all rapists | |
| im going to try to ignore the trolls and losers and just talk about how Much My posts suck and how Important they are to me and my wife | |
| @UnsureFred @tiffaynay @CeliaPerri try ignoring me for a second | |
| @UnsureFred @tiffaynay @CeliaPerri I will post one more time about how Important they are to me and my wife. I will let them hog all the good shit. | |
| *shoves a shotgun into a compartment in my pants pocket* Take that fuckin nap you punk | |
| @UnsureFred @tiffaynay @CeliaPerri I | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm sorry, all. my dick looks like a real onion. #RealAngry | |
| the rodeo clowns have dementia. they speak for their dying days #RIP #RodeoCoyotes | |
| im a denim skeptic. i don't believe in denim. but my jeans are anyway | |
| a rodeo clown dies. another botched baby name suggestion. "Rodeo Baby" fails. "Rodeo Bitch" is the diehard vote | |
| the rodeo clowns die. "Rodeo Cuckoo" is pronounced "yoh-gah-keeh", as if dying in vain | |
| the rodeo clowns die. "Rodeo Cuckoo" is pronounced "yoh-gah-keeh", as if dying in vain | |
| #RejectedScoutBadges badges. used to be the badge was supposed to be a sword. but it looks like a normal badge now | |
| the ol' filibuster is a classic for two reasons. The first is that it's a good way to get your points across in a loud, obnoxious way that nobody else is buying | |
| double standard [a] : the filibuster is a classic for two reasons: the first is that it's a good way to get your points across in a loud, obnoxious way that nobody else is buying | |
| the | |
| ==================== | |
| I SWEAR TO GOD I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM MY HOAX | |
| WHY WOULDN'T I PUT A TINY TEEN ON THE JUG THAT I OWNED - ESPECIALLY IF I DIDNT Hone My Skills | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that I often forget him | |
| worse than goldman sachs: secret tapes of me bleating like a shit-covered animal because i am so fed up with society & its ills | |
| "nobama" with respect to "nobama" with respect to "nobama" with respect to "nobama" with respect to "nobama" | |
| (presumably ordering some sort of archaic ass wiping hack) mr president! do you think the repeated dolby bass tones emanating from the toilets are important to you? | |
| me, on the other hand, think that bringing back the farm fresh produce section of the delaware parkway with the Farm Fresh aisle is something to celebrate | |
| @maryjolles "joy" is the same thing as "pleasure" | |
| http://t.co/AecCAkCMR | |
| http://t.co/P1tlCeJza | |
| every time i look at pictures of the deltas i say that | |
| ==================== | |
| Om nom nom nom nom nom | |
| taco bell is making its controversial Standing Rock lollipop a little tighter. check out the new info at http://t.co/MjibzXpO | |
| home » Categories » food & Drink » pickling tubes and jars of pickled onions » food safety » Home » General » Hand washing » Safety in Numbers | |
| I Know First, that ordering me around like a cheap dog is good. And if that makes you upset, I apologize. I was wrong. | |
| taco bell is giving me diarrhea just from looking at their customer service page. http://t.co/R2yuiCcCeR | |
| MMORPG (multiplayer online role-playing game), FPS (first person shooter), RTS (real time strategy), T2DF ( tactical 2d dragon fucker), T2DF ( tactical 2d dragon fucker wtf), | |
| @Om nom nom nom nom nom nom i hafe you are all transphobic purveyors of filthy animal waste, and i also hate yiou so much you are making my life a misery | |
| shame on you for hiding behind "kids" when your ridiculous opinions and horseshit posts just lead to me spitting in the dumpster and going "haha that's gross" | |
| shame | |
| ==================== | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| Background: High fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is a common ingredient in processed foods and beverages. It is commonly consumed, but little is known about its teratogenicity and carcinogenicity. Objectives: The primary objective of this double blind, placebo-controlled clinical trial was to determine if consuming one hundred eight eight eight calories of HFCS via food in a chemically pure form would significantly alter [End Page 68] body [End Page 69] | |
| Study Design: Twelve healthy volunteers (6 males, 8 females) were assigned to one of three groups: (1) drank two liters of Diet Coke (two quarts), (2) drank one liter of Diet Coke and ate it, or (3) abstained from drinking Diet Coke. The study was conducted at the KFC headquarters in Overland Park, KS. | |
| Setting: Corporate office. Personnel: Low IQ, average IQ, and average intelligence were randomly assigned to drink one hundred eight eight eight calories of Diet Coke or abstain from drinking it. | |
| Participants: Fifty eight year old male. Height: 178 cm. Weight: 62 kg. Alcohol: . | |
| Diet Coke and Shaken Brie: The study was carried out at the request of Dick's Sporting Goods, who feared that Diet Coke would be "too sweet" and therefore discontinued the study | |
| ==================== | |
| U have to take the SAT or die Trying to fuck up my lawn | |
| the nerds are making movies about bee bees | |
| "Mostly Sober" - The Beekeeper | |
| "Hilarious" - The Beekeeper | |
| "Boys" - The Beekeeper | |
| "Boys Will Be Boys" - The Beekeeper | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7TLTaASQ | |
| @jzxpl no testing this on me, im a rational human being with a rational opinion about politics | |
| @neonwario *now this | |
| im a rational human being who likes to think i am intelligent | |
| (sniffing a mustache) somedays a big piece of garbage like this rolls out. i try to pick it up, but it unravels into dust. its very lucky to be me | |
| (sniffing another mustache) yes. i use my teeth to clean up the messes in my mouth. but it also helps to keep the teeth clean | |
| #NationalBoysDay i want u to join me in raising $5000 to build a baseball diamond in nydaily park. i want u to come on here and contribute, anonymously. | |
| #NationalBoysDay i want u to come on here and contribute $5000 towards my car. i want u to come on here | |
| ==================== | |
| YO! All of the women on this website are Christs | |
| I think that's pretty funny. :D | |
| "I believe we must entrust the management of this website to God. Otherwise, what good is this website 's" | |
| @Grzeg the gold man hassles me all day, every day, trying to get his gold to show me , and he is the reason this website is shit | |
| @Grzeg this is halloween | |
| @Grzeg i will not give into captivity , ever | |
| "God Is In Hell" - a quote by Dr. Henry David Thoreau , who was wrongfully imprisoned for protesting the Vietnam War | |
| "i believe our nation's fiscal house is in shambles. it needs to be fixed immediately" - a message i sent to the president | |
| @IMEdwardsUrine not at all, thanks. | |
| the worst part of being a target on here is just having to look you in the eye and say "thank you" every time you click on my stupid ass tipline | |
| i think that, since the election, people have become very rude to me, and mean to other people. i am posting this to make up for losing followers. | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale "True Rapist Rap | |
| ==================== | |
| @kfc_colonel "Don't Look At It" | |
| im going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoyone will just take it and eat it regardless of what ive posted before | |
| ive been spending the last 7 years of my life making a "let's play" of the axel story in which the main character is forced to play house | |
| actually , im going to fuck up again | |
| "Dont forget to feed the birds" - Dr. Evil | |
| @kfc_colonel I will not. I have so much to do that i will fuck up. | |
| i feel, as I, over time, become even more of a Dumb Ass, i am able to consume web-based content and Media at increasingly Blistering speeds, | |
| KFC needs NO WIDER FOLLOWERS!! - LetsOpTheWeb, Inc | |
| i have no intention of becoming some sort of Geek until i become absolutely nothing. until i achieve nothing else. Then, i will become a Geek | |
| a noble cause, perhaps, but, in the end, it may well prove, a "Waste of a good cause"... | |
| @Bro_Pair Q4 2014 | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ BERIEBERG?? WHERE?? WHERE?? | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: I'VE WORKED UP A TONSE OF SHIT | |
| ME: That's good. Keep it | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: I'll keep it | |
| RT @Sextruthless: #OnceInABlueYard https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless: #OnceInABlueYard https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless: #OnceInABlueYard https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless, https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless: Once in a blue yard https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless, https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless, https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless, https://t.co/cIejGQkY5 | |
| RT @Sextruthless, | |
| ==================== | |
| One of the things I love doing the most is fucking up every single person on this website with my ass strain. I call it "The Cloud Burial" | |
| I Do Not Take Shit From This http://t.co/b2CQcVZJ | |
| @lowtax the government owes me $10000 for cutting down my tree | |
| @sargeant_party I will not back down. I will never stop fighting for the little guy | |
| @sargeant_party The tree you cut down was a gift from my uncle, and I refuse to give it to you. | |
| Watching the "Making of" DVD's of Mad Max: Fury Road and Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, and thinking about how they got the footage of me collapsing while trying to march | |
| a small but vocal minority, consisting of a very select few, who insist that my constant attempts to get a better seat at the recliner on my computer desk are somehow grounds for institutional disremembrance | |
| @Babysnames dont forget to fav and retweet | |
| it is only natural that as a Content Producer I would want to see the pantsuit emblazoned with my son's face. i absolutely deserve both | |
| if i do not get the Nobel Peace Prize i will go to hell | |
| RT @painman: | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry that my posts aren't helping anyone. Im sorry that my posts aren't helpful to anyone. Im sorry that i'm a waste of a valuable resource. | |
| not angry. just incredibly frustrated with the state of our country. with the amount of people here...weare suffering. | |
| just got word that the mayor has banned me from future charity crawls due to my extremely poor attitude and mannerisms | |
| stumbling through a minefield of genetically engineered bugbites | |
| im going to the bathroom on behalf of all toilet-trained dogs by inventing a new kind of human cum | |
| i have successfully blocked all of president elect muffin dude's tweets. thank you for your cooperation. | |
| the police are going to kill me | |
| "they dont realize how many of them there are in the city. they only know how many there are in the basement" - Me | |
| "the mayor ordered me to remove the naked man statue from my front lawn, as punishment for my constant belligerent behavior. i obeyed. | |
| "the statues that were there before us. are gone forever. they are replaced by statues of real men." - The Boss | |
| my lawyer has just informed me that my "tactical knuckle duster" could expose me to "potential lawsuits from individuals who aren't aware of the delicate balance of risk and | |
| ==================== | |
| U have to ask yourself.. is your baby boy crying because he is DYING, or is his death a Mystery Gift from the Lord | |
| "YOUR PROOF THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE RATIONAL IS HUMAN BEINGS" - The Daily Mail | |
| i dont believe in making beer in huge metal vats. but beer is fine | |
| "The only time you should be allowed to speak is during the Debate. Otherwise your mouth will become Vorpal" -Vorpal_Prophets | |
| the most fucked up thing saddam hussein ever did was eat doritos in her prison cell | |
| how to convince my tengo to wear a wire cage around his neck and make him wince whenever he hears his name called | |
| shut the fuck uip http://t.co/V71vDwYgau | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting a story that is both poignant and infuriating to my detractors | |
| shut hte fuck uip http://t.co/ICLXexRQI0 | |
| i feel a certain amount of obligation toward my egyptian sand dune buggy because my father was killed while working on it | |
| @shutupcongress If a Senator from my state was reading this it would be a bad idea. | |
| i cannot articulate | |
| ==================== | |
| The Internet of Things (IoT) is turning everything you know about computers and sensors into Bone... | |
| @bigdogshouse @Huggies "Cyber Calypso" is the most politically incorrect song of all time, Bitch #bert | |
| Cameron Diaz is the Dog of the Month for October. He's also the worst dog in the history of dogs, and a total bore | |
| Cameron Diaz is the Dog of October. He's also the worst dog in the history of dogs, and a total bore | |
| Cameron Diaz is the Dog of October. He's also the worst dog in the history of dogs, and a total bore | |
| @dogboner No. That's a no-no. | |
| Wendy's contest to win "Best New Bacon" has ended. The loser will be refunded the $77 they spent contesting her. | |
| will try to put on a brave face while opening the refrigerator to demonstrate how interconnected our world is #retweetthisangrydog | |
| Cameron Diaz is the Dog of October. He's also the worst dog in the history of dogs, and a total bore | |
| ridiculous to believe that people are still paying attention when it comes to the things that are important to me, such as "The Three Stigmata of Macbeth" | |
| ==================== | |
| One of the things I love most about Boot Hub is the variety of styles and materials available. I especially like the selection of jeans. | |
| this is the most fucked up thing that has happened in this town in ages. "The Bootlegger" is now "The Coward" | |
| the boys are all sitting in front of their computers and i can feel them getting more power in my posts | |
| looking at my own dick and saying "Damn it's good" | |
| i have spent the last 14 hrs deleting every single post about the factory ulta and bottoms up and white chocolate mousse | |
| my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of color and my dick is a blur of ... | |
| i have spent the last 14 hrs of my life deleting EVERY THING about the factory ulta and bottoms up and white chocolate mousse and i am ready for my body to begin shutting down for good | |
| the factory ulta is a metaphor for industrial scale screw ups | |
| "boot" being the most malleable part of the word "manufacturer" and "ujabra" being the most malleable part of the word | |
| ==================== | |
| It's that time of the year when I feel compelled to remind you all that the entire USA is in danger of going to Hell because there are too many Out Of Line Comments. Sad and Distressing | |
| @BloomingDales Its one of them. I think its a hyena. | |
| i have posted at length regarding my distaste for cowbells and the sounds they make. they should make them in a lower price tier that my customers can afford | |
| @kanye you have no right to the word "America". The country is named after George Washington. Not "America". | |
| @BarackSaysWOws i think he meant "America the Best, but not as good as he did, such as the current one" | |
| @AdultsEbooks i think he meant "America the Best but not as good as he did, such as the current one" | |
| you;ve fucked up now. your ass looks like shit | |
| me: (Shoves it into a blender for a second, then slowly spits it out) | |
| @whine_country @birdo http://t.co/aIKFZLUmKX | |
| last night i saw a man put a cloth over my ass while using the toilet. i immediately regretted using the toilet and immediately regretted putting a cloth over my ass | |
| ==================== | |
| 54 · 17 comments | |
| The "Rape Culture" movement seeks to undermine the authority of the Roman Catholic Church by "Changing the name of the Catholic Church to the "Rape Culture" .... | |
| "You Look Like a Woman" sign over my dead body. "You Look Like a Dog" sign over my dead body. "You Look Like a Rat" sign over my ... | |
| made my bed, sat on it, and cried "happiness is the absence of Pain" | |
| the most fucked up thing saddam hussein ever did was eat doritos in jail | |
| the most fucked up thing saddam hussein ever did was eat doritos in jail | |
| i cried during the t night workout because the wifi network never even does anything for me | |
| @Fazio_N everything in this universe is a lie | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale "Yea they are." | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight , i will sit on the hibachi grill at benihana and leave the grease & grime behind with the spigot #ShitDay | |
| not even me, the lowly Hamstringer, can bring the universe to its knees . . . | |
| "the universe doesnt make any sense. what are we | |
| ==================== | |
| The New Ironic Tattoo: My Fucking Cool Tattoo says "No Boys Allowed" in huge letters on a white background. It is perfectly normal for a tatoo to have a different meaning to each person | |
| the kid who was in charge of getting the word "moat" removed from the local arbys menu is now in charge of wiping the ass of every girl who tries to grab my mickey | |
| there is no such thing as a "safe space" http://t.co/4DJeTtUZD | |
| ur the number one enemy of "PC" everywhere. hollerin at my ass, blocks, rocks, bugs, & other filthy things. "Save your piss" | |
| "You look like the Pig of my acquaintance." "Mustache is Garbage". "You look like a pig to me." "You look like a Cock to me". | |
| "Porky Pig" is the cgi son. "Pig of my acquaintance". "mustache is garbage". "You look like a pig to me". "You look like a Cock to me". | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight i will put an end to "PC" http://t.co/5fIujqFbau | |
| censorship is the most perfect of | |
| ==================== | |
| No you are crazy. http://t.co/nc4yPQo14 | |
| @neonwario Shop my ass | |
| im going to prove once and for all that neon wario is the best gamer to ever graced the silver screen by being the one to bring us the infamous neon wario game | |
| @v2_YouTube why do you insist on doubting me. i can prove this by sieging my house with a squad of green laser turrets | |
| @B0xEmmyDDD yourre a child | |
| @Leiigghh i wan't to die | |
| hte shit i post is to prove once and for all that i am not ashit. i have the Guns, and the name of my brand is Gunpla | |
| @Leiigghh theres a billion people on the planet and none of them speak english. sick sick of these assholes | |
| "Dabble In Blue": i narrate a series of audio essays chronicling my descent into amnesia, my journey through hell and back again, as i struggle to comprehend life | |
| "Dabble In Blue": ive been making this shit for like 10 years and people think nothing's good about it. yawn | |
| "Dabble In Blue": Well, It's been a while | |
| ==================== | |
| Unbanned: DragonAsSAig I dont like how people react to things that are not good | |
| im making this post to let you know that i have more friends on here than phelps | |
| i will never ban anyone who has ever tweeted me. the reason i post is because i care about people's feelings, and having fun | |
| im the guy who is good at yelling "Yow!! That aint a Banana" in the face of fanboys who want to hog all the good tweets around | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre nothing but vacuous, adolescent shit | |
| the next guy who cheats on this website i will beat the shit out of him/ her with a baseball bat) | |
| sigh #ThirdEarJokes | |
| RT @darrianjeans: Darrian Jeans | |
| Don't Tread On Me | |
| Tread On An Uncle | |
| Keep Cool | |
| RT @glennbeck: The Three Stooges | |
| They're on my uncle's computer | |
| RT @PissParty: We don't need to have parties. We have Budweisers now. | |
| RT @PissParty: We don't have a country. We've already lived in a country for 11 years. Keep taking Budweisers. | |
| RT | |
| ==================== | |
| ARLINGTON, VA - JANUARY 18: Actor George Carlino #TheThursdayMorningRamble is joined by Redskins Pro-Fawker Katherine Heigl #TheThursdayMorningRamble in the #NationalEggDayClub #WeBecomeEggPeople #WeBecomeEggPeopleK #WeBecomeEggPeople | |
| another stir-up at the office when i accidentally take my shirt off in the bathroom (shoves a hand in front of my mouth to prevent self-destruction) | |
| "your piss smells like the toilet. let's talk about piss" - wiseguy wisdomteeth.com | |
| RT @pr0w: Nude naaman coming up | |
| RT @wolfpupy: Nude naaman coming up | |
| the wise Guys #TheThursdayMorningRamble bring you #TheThursdayMorningRamble, where we talk about piss, on the news | |
| @BigDogClub dont its important | |
| the national anthem begins. the soldier makes a low whistle, signaling the beginning of the end | |
| @BigDogClub nothing will ever be the same again #TheThursdayMorningRamble | |
| #NationalEggDay we must remember that our nation was founded on the backs of countless slaves, and that we are infinitely better off without them | |
| #NationalEggDay i begin my countdown | |
| ==================== | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and county of Miami for allegedly failing to warn him about a "Bikini Bottom"-like creature he found in a dumpster | |
| A Florida man is suing the city and | |
| ==================== | |
| the kitchen sink | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without U! Mar Jaungi..! Mit Jaungi..! Pagal Ho Jaungi..! Zehar Pee Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me F | |
| ==================== | |
| JUDGE: the only thing stopping you from making this into a meal is my ticking off of terrorist hotlines | |
| ME: Thats not good. Im going to kill you | |
| JUDGE: You dont have to do this. Now is not the proper time to make this into a meal. | |
| ME: YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. | |
| parsely fucking bonkers , right up until i took a big shit like a court ordered a bell to ring every hour , and i looked at the clock | |
| the perfect salute: a bow and arrows hand signal that i am about to cum, and the court is dead wrong about everything else | |
| just found out about Object Permanence... *shoves a big dildo in front of my window* | |
| ME: Hm? Is this object permanence or what | |
| dismissing my latest ass-grabbing tweet with the words "it's really good now" as i pour myself a glass of port wine #object permanence | |
| just had to type "object permanence is bullshit" into google. im dead wrong on this one | |
| RT @ass666: Object permanence is bullshit i found on the web | |
| i have posted my doujins no 1, which means the lawyers have ordered me to type the word "pal" three hundred times a | |
| ==================== | |
| 1) i dont give a shit | |
| 2) i care about other people's Daddys | |
| 3) i know a thing or two about getting my ass kicked in public | |
| 4) im not here to make friends, im here to make Deals | |
| 5) Im not here to fuck you, Im here to fuck the Bank, and the Bank wants to make some MONEY | |
| 6) Im not here to tell you how to live your life, Its up to you to find the answers you want, and to make them | |
| 7) Im not here to judge, im not here to shame, im here to Honor, and to complete my mission, | |
| 8) Im not here to whine, i just want to eat one hundred bags of romaine lettuce if you can spare the thirty dollars..then i will post a pic of your ass | |
| 9) Im not here to judge, im here to honor, and to complete my mission. | |
| 10) The Best Deals of the Deals | |
| 11) This Dick Head Said "Yow... Thats too Much" to Me. I'm Sorry But Dick Head #TheBestDeals | |
| 12) Too Fat To Cart Board | |
| 13) Too Fat To Cart Board | |
| 14) Fuck This #TheBestDeals | |
| 15) Yes, The Deals Are Too Good # | |
| ==================== | |
| EASY STEP: | |
| 1) Use the "Add To Cart" button at the grocery store | |
| 2) Scroll down and click on the "Save" button | |
| 3) You will see the "EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE" | |
| 4) SHIT!!! | |
| WOw. Sorry. Just realized the "Shit Bin" is a waste of space. | |
| http://t.co/e777lTtelf When Is The Next 9 11 | |
| @neonwario Go To Bed | |
| haha i thought the "Shit Bin" was a waste of space. Guess again. The "Shit Bin" is a Waste of Space. | |
| think citizens United is the most Badass thing ever http://t.co/0mfwRQF shit in a tin can | |
| RT @AssFreak: AssFreak does not belong to any organization. Please do not send any information to him. | |
| RT @AssFreak: AssFreak is a real person who has actually done some bad things. He is a nuisance to all online. Do not send any info to him | |
| RT @AssFreak: AssFreak is a real person who has actually done some bad things. He is a nuisance to all online. | |
| RT @Leiigghh: Leiig | |
| ==================== | |
| little doorn and lilacs | |
| http://t.co/PEDAsR2xS | |
| RT @adultsjokes: The government is COVERING UP the number of abortions you people have done. | |
| Number of abortions has increased because of WISE. | |
| Number of abortions has decreased because of LOWER WISE. | |
| RT @Adults_jokes: Adults joke around. | |
| RT @pussy_lovers: the moment you realize that pussy is a verb, you have become a child | |
| RT @Lads_Only: The best jeans on the market. Durable, comfortable, smart look. | |
| The best jeans on the market. They are jeans that I like to wear | |
| RT @Garfield: @the_geico_men THE PROPHET MI LES BONDS DE LES BOYS SAINTS BONDS DE LES BOYS SAINTS DE LES BOYS SAINTS | |
| RT @GOPerBob: @BillGates America the Beautiful | |
| just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "pussy rat" and spent most of his time being harassed by concerned citizens | |
| caught my son running a google search for " pussy fucked up " , crying | |
| " the only good part of qusad is getting fucked in the | |
| ==================== | |
| Duh. Lets see. Left 4 Dead 2 is Duh, right 4 dead 2 is Hoagie , and Rat People are Duh. | |
| reminder that if you have malignant narcissism diagnosed and you refuse to get help from the cancer community, you are a target for my iron fist | |
| @malvifoxys i should not have to press 1 for a male. i fucking hate malignant narcissism | |
| @malvifoxys malformed. my vision is 100% normal | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my dick and neck are normal | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my spine is 90% normal, and my joints and feet are weak | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my dick is normal, and my Placenta is weak, and my spirit is Cancer | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my Placenta is weak, and my spirit is Cancer, and my dick is weak, and my spirit is Cancer | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my spirit is weak, and my dick is Cancer, and my Placenta is weak, and my spirit is Cancer | |
| @brendlewhat malformed. my spirit is weak, and my Placenta is weak, and my spirit is Cancer, and my dick | |
| ==================== | |
| Wicked Minds | |
| the time has come for nicholson to show his penis | |
| @DinkMagic @TriciaLockwood @jzxpl no. this guy is clearly having a blast. | |
| @DinkMagic @TriciaLockwood @jzxpl no. this is clearly a dick fest. no balls. | |
| @DinkMagic @TriciaLockwood @jzxpl thank you. | |
| ive detailed my grievances with the "DinkMagic" brand on my lower back, and the pain i inflict upon my body immeasbles the dick that is inserted into my bum | |
| Gripes for my posts: Thumbs down for censorship. Foul of the eyes. Face plant. Stare deal. Thumbs down for censorship. Foul of the brain. Face plant. Stare deal | |
| Censorship: i hold this truth. i lie face down in the bathtub with the key to the kingdom in my hand, ready to be given to the lord if i do not cooperate | |
| Censorship: the villager rapes the dolt | |
| @TheWaldoMonkey @GoonSquirrel i have the villager. the villager owns the villager. the villager raped the dolt | |
| these are the same tge words that the ancient english speakers used | |
| ==================== | |
| I did not lose my virginity to the aaby man. He rejected my offer of marriage. My betrothed elopments is a disgrace to all aaby man | |
| they're trying to make my step sisters jeans bigger so they fit inside the washing machine more often | |
| my fatass head floating in the crystal clear blue sky, gazing down at all the fine articles of clothing that float about my shitty life | |
| "When It's Just A Date" "Just a Date" "When It's Just A Date" "Just a Date" "When It's Just A Date" | |
| @brandon_beckham @mazza 0 | |
| i will never bring dishonuor to the office by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Yaes" and "Cool" | |
| why'd there suffering in this world................. | |
| i feel like going to the bathroom in my pajamas would be considered a Normal Ritual. | |
| EVERY POINT MUST BE MADE IN SPIRIT, ON THIS LEVEL, WITH THE MAXIMUM PERMISSION, AS PER ARTICLE XXI OF THE HIPAA REGULATION, "RULING THE COURT CASES" | |
| i scream as i put a hand full of kitty litter in the public pool, breaking into hysterical gasps as | |
| ==================== | |
| GTOW is the harassment of women. it is not, and cannot be, about, or, about, or, about boys | |
| every time i click on the tub of m&ms the blood in my veins boils and turns into a hideous green goo, covering my keyboard and desktop | |
| each time i close my account i put my dick in a different jar and it makes a weird noise | |
| the most basic human right is to Have Fun, at the Brewery | |
| they better not, under any circumstances, count the number of times i told them i had appendicitis, before i murdered my wife | |
| #FreeJahar obama and his merry band of merry men... check this out! | |
| #FreeJahar obama & his merry band of merry men... check this out! | |
| #FreeJahar obama & his merry band of merry men... check this out! | |
| shame on the country which gave birth to my beautiful little ass | |
| shame on the country which gave birth to my beautiful little ass | |
| im going to keep doing this until i get the government to reinstate my account. its the most basic human right, and they are refusing to do it, because they are Rich | |
| @hambeef i would never accuse a friend of feeding their dog shit , or feeding their pet shit , or whatever | |
| ==================== | |
| Best Answer: it depends on the situation. some people say its "awkward" and "not dignified" while licking the wounds of others. | |
| i will tell you about the two types of diaper. there's the Functional diaper, worn inside the pants. and the Aesthetic diaper, worn outside. | |
| heret's, the guys who write the blog post, are all crooks from the sewers, and they deserve to be put to death | |
| "Valor is the honor of distinction"... the words engraved on the side of my gun, that i force the gamestop employes to repeat out loud to me | |
| i have never said that bag's are for babies. i have said that bag's are for adults only. | |
| ere's a diaper on loan from the pope to use as a Storage Bin for expensive nightgowns. but not for the birds | |
| the douche bag theory: people associate the term "Dirty diaper" with bags of sand or something of questionable quality. i do not | |
| the diaper on loan from the pope to use as a Storage Bin for expensive nightgowns. but not for the birds | |
| @Hermit_Thrush they're both fucking gross | |
| the only soup i eat raw is when i step on the scale and that number is 100% off because i am a | |
| ==================== | |
| • The Man Who Asked Me On Television If I Should Wear A Belt OR A Tuxedo In The Morning | |
| @SlimJim why do people ask me this | |
| wheres the fucking worst restaurant you ever ate at? *kicks toilet* where | |
| i have checked all of the trash cans on campus and none of the cans have any visible residue. only beer and grease | |
| @SlimJim you put a screw in a breadbox. not a sandwich board. where | |
| @SlimJim hey now, i dont always eat clean. usually i just scoop up garbage bags and drop them in random places | |
| @SlimJim this is the 11th time I ask you. where the fuck did the "slime Jim" come from. stop fucking up my page | |
| #NationalPigDay nothing says "National Pig Day" like eating pig brains and spitting them into the trash can | |
| @E2campbell i live in the woods | |
| *steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are "offbrand" and have no place in a mainstream network newsfeed | |
| @jamessumner7 no. these are good | |
| i will not repeat any of my personal data miners or pry it from your cold, hard cocks. i only ask that you please respect | |
| ==================== | |
| after watching the first 30 seconds of the film, i have to say that this one sucks bigtime. especially since they replaced the dinosaur with a human. | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - demonius dark blade | |
| i have posted at length regarding my displeasure with the 2012 dogèd french onion rings, and have been instructed to stop posting at this office | |
| me: no. i dont eat onion rings. they are a luxury afforded to me by demonius dark blade | |
| 2012 dogèd french onion rings are a fucking waste of my precious time | |
| 2014 dogèd french onion rings are a dime a dozen | |
| 2016 dogèd french onion rings are a shit load of dog shit | |
| i hereby hand my tubular skirt to my new car | |
| the 2012 dogèd french onion ring was always going to be a shit load of dog shit regardless of what year it was. grow the fuck up. keep the dog shit off of the 2014 dogèd french onion ring | |
| a cool guy named " pepsi " offered to make my life a living hell if i shaved my legs off | |
| entire shit is about to get flipped by vuvluzoli's Axial Ball 😡 #Vuvluzoli | |
| "nobody ever said it but" - axial ball, referring to the 2014 dogèd | |
| ==================== | |
| U have to ask yourself this when you see a handsome stranger on the street: "Who the fuck is this?" | |
| @shrekpissslave @justinbieber I think she killed herself on r/christshenge | |
| what my organization does is bring awareness to the plight of the underprivileged | |
| 52% of our members do not have health insurance | |
| 37% of our members do not have access to a health care professional | |
| our members are more likely to have urinary tract infections and pneumonia | |
| our members are less likely to give due to Contentment | |
| @justinbieber I hate him. | |
| i;m now getting Botched on by my evil twin brother, @justinbieber, on behalf of the underprivileged of our organization | |
| RT @justinbieber: #JustGiving is good | |
| #JustGiving is good | |
| #Giving is good | |
| #Giving is good | |
| #JustGiving is good | |
| #JustGiving is good | |
| RT @justinbieber: Picking up food at K-Mart. Looking for work | |
| Wishing it was just a dream. | |
| i;ll never be famous. its the worst idea ever | |
| the most important part of any content production is the brainstorming. the part of the process where you come up with all the new shit and j ust | |
| ==================== | |
| The guy who pretended to work at pathmark remembers us from years ago when we were in a much better mood. | |
| "Oh Pathmark, not so fast bitch. Youre too good" he retorts. | |
| "THe reason I dont carry my wallet case is that sometimes you just gotta get dirty" i hte reply. | |
| "The reason i dont carry my wallet case is that sometimes you just gotta get dirty" he retorts. | |
| a quick aside here. did you know that the food at dennys is typically much tastier than the food you buy at dennys. not that i don't respect dennys food standards | |
| @pamperedchef Yes | |
| ok piss stian. the time has come for you to answer a simple but powerful question: which of the following do you consider to be the most fucked up? | |
| THe boys are enjoying their fave jukebox when the Dictator comes on and starts playing "Me And Bobby McGee" on it. The entire establishment tries to get the "Me And Bobby McGee" cam out but fail | |
| "Me And Bobby McGee" is a popular kids favorite routine. It is actually not very funny and is often said to be "Not funny" | |
| @roadkillblog because i do not respect or appreciate the personality behind it. | |
| ==================== | |
| NO I WILL NOT RESTORE THE GREAT MORRISTOWN BANANA | |
| I WILL NEVER RESTORE THE SINGLE PENNIES BANANA, I WILL NEVER RESTORE THE SINGLE PENNIES BANANA, I WILL NEVER RESTORE THE SINGLE PENNIES BANANA, I WILL NEVER RESTORE THE SINGLE PENNIES BANANA | |
| the only way to go is retro, but it is desired | |
| please restructure your content to better suit my needs. my main concerns are as follows: (1) content (2) placement (3) delivery time | |
| im the guy who asks the locals if they can hear my outrageous voice on the news. if they say yes, Im good | |
| cave man: dave, you forgot your morning ritual. how should I prepare for the 8am grind | |
| cave man: "dropkick my ass" "kick my ass" "laugh at my ass" "fuck my ass" "fuck my ass" | |
| ME: Art is in its infancy | |
| ART: Not so fast rabbit. As you see, it is far more powerful to "Learn from its mistakes" than any mere mortal can ever hope to achieve | |
| one of the many downsides to being a Huge Piss Victim is that whenever I try to partake in any aspect of society | |
| ==================== | |
| awfully bad idea to have aucket of my own cum (ahem) spill over into the carpet during a private moment of reflection. if it were me, I'd be writing a book about it | |
| im a Tactician. i use my Tactician skills to help make your life miserable. your miserable fucking life. #GamerGate | |
| @machiavellino playstation strategy http://t.co/WcgcHqiW | |
| @machiavellino Strategy http://t.co/ITYXhcpV | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight is nigh I wouw i have to vacate my penthouse suite due to relentless ass visits | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight is nigh i wouw i have to vacate my penthouse suite due to relentless ass visits | |
| @sargeant_party "Racist Is A Psychological Disorder" - BORIS BLAMIN THE ASS | |
| my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight is nigh i wouw i have to vacate my penthouse suite due to relentless ass visits | |
| @dank_dino "Racist is a psychological disorder" - BORIS BLAMIN THE ASS | |
| ==================== | |
| 0 > 0 | |
| how do i ask my girl followers on here to marry me with out looking like im "Stunting " or trying to "Pimp" | |
| im getting word that theres a new baby book coming out of cover. cant wait to read about it. | |
| i do in fact have a "Stamina Bar" that is good for, you guessed it, Stamina. i will report back to you once i have seen the final product | |
| @chewskin Yes | |
| im not going to post videos of me because my hands are clenched so tight that my mouth cannot form words. i post to get the Balls moving, | |
| theres a fucking mattress floating in the sky and people are trying to get a bite on it but its too fucking big for them to sit on #SkyHigh | |
| how do i get one of my followers to help me bury my son who died of H1N1 in order to spare myself the pain of having to ebeys corpse | |
| DOCTOR: you cant just put a bullet in my brain. you have to kill me. I deserve to die, of this. | |
| ME: I dont kill people. | |
| @kcgreenn krust is fake. fake as hell | |
| my follower count depletes to 0, my ass is messy,. my fucking mentions on | |
| ==================== | |
| A Statement From Capcom Regarding The "Serious" Name Of Street Fighter 5 | |
| Game Informer has named their cover character "Playboy." What The Fuck. | |
| @Leiigghh @PlayboyCarts i called the police and they refused to return my call | |
| @PlayboyCarts @KoopaKoopa they refused to return my call | |
| "Serious" is the new "Adult." "A" is the old "B" , and "X" is the new "C." | |
| The new "Street Fighter 5" is a gruff, foul-mouthed assault on our senses. It is a mockery of the classic "SF" and should be avoided at all costs | |
| "Serious" is the new "Adult" | |
| Guess what. SF5 is not finished. There are bugs, and the art style is blah blah blah blah. The game is too easy, and the fights are too boring https://t.co/mYXg6rCqH | |
| Read More: http://t.co/5fObCS0m | |
| NY Times Best Seller: http://t.co/zLkaaJzU | |
| New York Post: http://t.co/M6r6CbFDg | |
| @PlayboyCarts i will | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/zM0icdWfCg | |
| saying you "Like a song when it is not meant to be heard" is one of the great political incantations of 2014 | |
| @BarackSaysWoo Hm It's complicated. I understand that people don't like it when I say that they look like fucked up animals | |
| me when i need to make a Uncomplicated English vocabulary. this is the most complicated Uncomplicated English sentence you will ever read | |
| i love dressing up like a police man to get a free haircut from thousands of angry mob followers | |
| the cop says "You cannot beat the system. The System is unwinnable." i say "Not This Time" | |
| the system is unwinnable. the cops are fucked. the country is fucked. everything is fucked. i fucking hate everything | |
| I Hate My Daughter for Buying an App that Tastes Like Shit but is Not True | |
| #FreeBoscovs Same deal to everyone else. Same deal to everybody else. | |
| im the guy who eats the doritos in the cafeteria and is constantly goaded into saying "Dont forget to pick up the doritos in the new year" | |
| @TomMayberry its tme. what youre asking | |
| RT @ | |
| ==================== | |
| Celestial Bitch | |
| @bigshot bowl? its fucking horrible outside. we need air conditioning | |
| @Bigshot bowl is good because it gives me the upper hand in dealing with looney tunes and weirdos | |
| @Bigshot oh hell no. this shit sucks. get rid of this crap https://t.co/g3yuiYzqH | |
| https://t.co/F8dUMJgHgy | |
| @celvycupcake air conditioned. this shit sucks. get rid of it | |
| @Dovewoman air conditioned. this shit sucks. get rid of it | |
| gonna print out some charts & graphs & graphs of processed meat products & paste them up on my office wall | |
| broke, raw talent... | |
| @shrekpissslave I will not post any more of these, until you apologize for making them up. | |
| i give my followers the finger | |
| https://t.co/3kCcAVqCeH | |
| #TeensWhoLikeToPressureAgainstGirls I give my followers the finger | |
| @_peasants its my last request. i want all of you to put an end to this shit. i am sick of this crap | |
| a bully <strong>called<supersonic | |
| ==================== | |
| Ubuntu's Containers Are Now A Tasteful Surprise For The Rest Of Us | |
| For Immediate Release | |
| Wednesday, September 29th, 2018: | |
| *Ubuntu Now Promotes 3D Prinso To TV | |
| *Ubuntu Now Clicks "Play" On 3D Printer With No Result | |
| *Ubuntu Now Triggered By A New Mature Novel | |
| *Ubuntu Now Playing Backward | |
| Ubuntu Now Promotes 3D Prinso To TV https://t.co/MW5eHqiJzR | |
| Ubuntu Now Clicks "Play" On 3D Printer With No Result https://t.co/TFQeJG8ihG | |
| Ubuntu Now Promotes 3D Prinso To TV https://t.co/MW5eHqiJzR | |
| Ubuntu Now Clicks "Play" On 3D Printer With No Result https://t.co/TFQeJG8ihG | |
| Ubuntu Now Promotes 3D Prinso To TV https://t.co/MW5eHqiJzR | |
| Ubuntu Now Clicks "Play" On 3D Printer With No Result https://t.co/XSQZyJGxR | |
| Ubuntu Now Promotes 3D Prinso To TV https://t. | |
| ==================== | |
| Picture this: a group of uncles gather round a cot and share a meal of ribs. Then one of them says "now's my chance to become a pirate" | |
| @GoonExposer I won't | |
| big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too. so what | |
| if igloos is real then why do all the other rooms in the zoo have a different name than the ape room | |
| please let me edit my tweets so i can go back and remove the times when i fuck up like waddling on some stairs. eg. changing "je ne sais quoi" to "je ne suis quoi" | |
| repulsed by the idea of my ass becoming grass | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "get big heip" speech. all the good posts have been replaced by puerile rants | |
| a "Bastard" has just been elected president of the united states. the depression is officially over. the dick clark commercials are banned forever | |
| @SidBeers nno. stop wasting my precious time with your bullshit | |
| im going to continue to post generic bullshit to the toilet like "peasants" and "peasants are shit" and "peanuts" | |
| ==================== | |
| I love being the one to make fun of the guy who puts on the big bow on stage, especially when he does it while choking the audience | |
| i think that posting "$6 Burgers" on my resume is a good idea. hope that helps | |
| "we now firmly believe that the $6 hamburger is, in fact, a $4.5" patisserie patisserie | |
| @westboro baptist http://t.co/e87frTtOG | |
| how apt that the bbq pitboss should be the same way that the bbq pitboss seems to be "offbrand" to me | |
| @westboro baptist thats the worst bbq tweet. nothing i ever do | |
| im not saying that the "pitboss" should be replaced by a pitbull. that would be extremely rude and unfair | |
| ive decided that it would be good, to have two front legs, instead of one big ass. one big ass, instead of two front legs. a "No true Scotsman" | |
| @westboro baptist the only thing true about the west norton is that mny ancestors were farmers & worked the land. | |
| @westboro baptist it's called "Public Service" now, for crying out loud | |
| the Westboro Baptist Church hates on the $ | |
| ==================== | |
| Jailed: Teen Responds To "Fat Shaming" Question With "Are Fat People Bad" Comment | |
| i hope my followers are remembering to urinate frequently, to ensure the proper disposal of bodily waste. | |
| bus driver shoots himself, blaming "drunk drivers" for causing his accident | |
| caught stealing cucumbers from a woman on here. a pathetic attempt to cash in on my wares, while my followers attempt to steal my life | |
| dicked around by cops, some of whom threw objects at my naked body | |
| New Bulance Rewards Program - Gain 5,000,000 Prestz Points - The Prestz Card | |
| U Love Your Carnival Laughs... Hate U Laughs... Love U Laughs... Hate U Laughs... Love U Laughs... Hate U Laughs... | |
| I Have been banned from all but 1 group on line, due to their excessive sweating and consumption of perfumes | |
| i was going to make a joke about how people throw fireworks at my ass but it would be unprofessional, and also rude | |
| ripinx money | |
| my ass looks like a clown's ass | |
| The Cart Man | |
| Richerd | |
| barricaded in a military aircraft for refusing to bow to the king of kings, and made to sing the praises of his ass | |
| "bleep bloop.." - | |
| ==================== | |
| a picture of a fat old man in an overstuffed shirt who seems to be having a bad time doing squats. | |
| i think the "weeping man" should be embalmed alive | |
| we now know that the "weepers" were real people, who had actual problems with sleep, and would not lie about it. | |
| "Weepers" was a brand name that men had for decades, before "Weepers" became a thing of the past. | |
| "weepers" was a brand name that men had for decades, before "weepers" became a thing of the past. | |
| my dick is a beached whale with holes from where the sperm have run ins, and i hate beached whales | |
| my dick is a beached whale with holes from where the sperm have ran ins, and i hate beached whales | |
| I am the Dad Board, and we are the Club, for letting my beautiful boys down by not providing a decent set of diapers for them | |
| i think "weepers" should be embalmed alive, with a bullet to the brain | |
| "weepers" should be embalmed alive, with a bullet to the brain. | |
| obama says guns make people dumb. but guns make people smarter. because guns make you dumb. | |
| thanks for printing | |
| ==================== | |
| 0 | |
| Hiroshi: Shut the fuck up | |
| Otto Warmbier: Get your mind out of the gabok | |
| the wint > the maxine. the maxine is the most important book in the english languge, and i love to read it > THE WINT > THE MAXINE > THE WINT | |
| @machiavellino @foxnewron You Fucking Cowards | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/QSQQDvKJzY | |
| never say to me, the word "fuck" except in a friendly way, and only when absolutely necessary (like during labor or during an abortion) | |
| the mayor threatens to replace one letter of the english language with the Swastika for each day that my shi*king mouthpiece refuses to shut the fuck up https://t.co/b2I0iNQFm | |
| pedophilia is the most perverted of all the perversions | |
| https://t.co/9XCRFdQQRq | |
| pedophilia is the most perverted of all the perversions | |
| @foxnewron @Breitbart https://t.co/m4oQF1DshM | |
| Pedophilia is the most perverted of the perversions | |
| @Fox | |
| ==================== | |
| wm, what do you mean "the boys are bowing their head" ? i believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. | |
| @kfcarabia http://t.co/YbbyJZ7XPI | |
| i believe in " Parent Time " | |
| (playing guitar really good at shows, looks like a good deal) | |
| it's good | |
| it's good | |
| (girls sitting in leather seats, really weird looking recluse's, sitting really close to the people in the lapel) | |
| uh, excuse me. Could this be "Johnny Cash Time" ? | |
| ocheating dick head | |
| http://t.co/wCXCcjGtoK | |
| RT @pr0spector: God Is Real And I Am Contemplating A Man And His Condom. I Have Nothing To Do With Trading Sex For Dollars. | |
| RT @MazzaZumla: I Believe We Are The Only Ones Who Have Realized The Power Of A Quality Girlfriend | |
| RT @GigiMinerva: My Favorite Movie Boy U Have In Your Life And It Sucks And It Sucks And It Sucks And It Sucks And It Sucks And It Suck And It Suck And It Suck And It Suck | |
| RT @HamKam96: The Best Gift Of All Time Is A | |
| ==================== | |
| It is a shame that the "Arab Spring" was a flop. It could have been a success if it was focused on the poverty of the masses. | |
| @weepysweetmonty my pot belly humor is for adults and children of all ages | |
| @weepysweetmonty i am not shitting anymore | |
| the police are very smart and collected, unlike the revolting dogs who terrorized my life, since i stopped using their service. | |
| a "Whos Who" list of the revolting dogs who terrorized my life | |
| The CIA: Well Played. Now What I Want to Do With My Time | |
| i took my laptop into the desert and sat on a rock for 4 hours, Feeling Holy | |
| i hereby hand the micropenis.org domain back to its rightful owner, a man named Pim Foxx, on condition that he abandons his efforts to convert micropenis.org into a porno website | |
| @weepysweetmonty im sorry for doing dunks all over your sign | |
| while you were watching the teen choice awards, i was watching the classic episodes of the teen choice awards from back when they were good. | |
| i was also secretly god for getting hundreds of vile messages and phonecalls into my house, and making my wife cry | |
| ==================== | |
| The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons Past is one of the most enduring legends of the video game genre. | |
| I don't trust no one. I don't respect no one. I don't respect no one. I don't respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. I respect no one. i respect no one. i respect no one. i respect no one. | |
| @Leiigghh man to my right. help me. im in too much of a hurry to pick up my daughter from school. | |
| you are the master race if you;ve forgotten to put on the damn belt buckle you just bought with sex trafficking money | |
| i have deleted over 4000 tweets. the maximum amount of tweets i can delete at one time is 9999 | |
| how to convince my unfunny stepdad to take me to the beach instead of our expensive private jet and spending $10000 on a bottle of wine | |
| @traveling_humor Please Help Me. This Is A Serious Case. The Police Have Confirmed My Accusations Against You. If The Rumour Is True, I Have Lost My Wayfarer's | |
| @traveling_humor Deleted The Meme. | |
| @traveling_ | |
| ==================== | |
| Roland Garret is the worst DJ in the business. Period. End of story. #ThingsPeopleLikeDontLike | |
| i will never hire a fucked up guinea pig named "dr. evil" to work for my butcher shop. his retarded name is just aotrain gobler | |
| "i want the big slice of pizza, not the little one." -the wise 13, upon discovering the true meaning of life | |
| "the apple myder dusted with lead paint and gave it to his followers burns for free" -a downtrodden man in a faraway land | |
| "the internet is run by prince chad's minions, to satisfy his unquenchable thirst for Knowledge" -the prince chad effect | |
| "i think that going to high school in the south is a pretty good deal, actually" -southerner | |
| "went to mny grandmas bib with a playdate man in a tiny blue dress. i met him later and he invited me to his next playdate" | |
| @DogBountyHunter i wish i could hug that sweet baby furry instead of spending my last few dollars online. #dogboner | |
| My Ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. Im turning, w/o further injury, and i dont know when i'll stop. #dogbon | |
| ==================== | |
| THE BIG MONEY MAKERS, THE BIG MONEY MACHO, THE BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY DOLLAR CHALLENGE, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY BULL SHIT, BIG MONEY BULL SHIT, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY BIEBER, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS, BIG MONEY TOWELS | |
| https://t.co/UJBztvDBEv | |
| @machiavellino https://t.co/gpmcAVRZS | |
| https://t | |
| ==================== | |
| CUMMITS PURE PHYSIQUE FOR KIDS | |
| @CNNSlowNewsDay My news is slow news day | |
| @eugenegu good news is when i see it, and it is, in many ways, much, much better than when i sit in the bathtub and i post it | |
| the "eugenegu" factor has, in the last 12 hrs, risen to the point where i am no longer amused by the 4chan boards that are supposed to be for babies | |
| the idea that my every whim and impulse is being policed by an iron fist is just about the dumbest, most pitiful thing imaginable. | |
| wheres the fucking list of all the girls on the "got milk" list | |
| . https://t.co/kccKMBGgK6 | |
| @eugenegu good article. | |
| im the guy who says that milk tastes like "pizza" and that it is a "false god gift" to women | |
| RT @taylorcruyff: I Just met a man named "Yousuf" on irc who is a big fan of T he Taylor Swift franchise. He is a big fan of the movie and he said it sucked ass. Big deal | |
| RT @taylorcruyff: @KFC I am KFC ... | |
| ==================== | |
| The NBA All-Star Game is the most powerful basketball event in all of sports. It is the reason sports exists and it is the reason sports is good. | |
| the NBA All-Star Game is the ultimate showdown of egos. The players from each team battle it out in an epic 3d basketball battle royale to determine which team can scream louder | |
| https://t.co/ZFzFZTtelf | |
| @sampike716 whos that. | |
| the NBA All-Star Game is a sham. it is a setup for sickos. the All-Star Game is a ruse for halo 5.1 sound design | |
| the NBA All-Star Game is a ruse for halo 5.1 sound design. the All-Star Game is a ruse for baseball | |
| the NBA All-Star Game is a ruse for halo 5.1 sound design. the All-Star Game is a ruse for basketball. the Game is a stage name for the NBA All-Star Game. | |
| the NBA All-Star Game is a ruse for halo 5.1 sound design. the All-Star Game is a stage name for the NBA All-Star Game. the Game is a ruse for basketballs. the Game is a ruse for baseballs. | |
| the NBA All | |
| ==================== | |
| AS A TRANS MAN I CAN ABSOLUTELY NOT WAIVE MY MIND AS SO HURT AS POSSIBLE | |
| THE BIG MONEY MAKERS BET ON ISIS EVERY TIME | |
| as a Man who was once forcibly castrated by my superior officer i can tell you that its extremely good. | |
| is it Selfy or gbye bye bye? im quitting my job at the pension office to spend my weekends making pet videos | |
| is Selfy a no brainer that i should be allowed to choose the name of my brand? hell yes | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when the trolls and losers are still bowing their heads to the tv age crap | |
| please tell me i wasnt the only one screaming at the tv age crap | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i can confirm this: wer e screaming at the tv age crap in the most beautiful, vibrantly colored way, with my shirt pulled up to reveal a tight ass crack | |
| @CeliaPienkosz im 100% serious | |
| im taking my dick off for charity in the hopes that some one will donate a kidney | |
| iter my dick, to the moon. | |
| *jumps the gun, into a huge pile of stuffed animals, taking them all with him* | |
| *frowning while inspecting the handgun | |
| ==================== | |
| Nastyboy: Wanna see me throw up? | |
| Me: Not at all. I prefer throwing up | |
| RT @jackson: jack off in the yard | |
| RT @TannerJameson: the best part of being a #jacksonfan is getting to see my boy's asses | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that I often forget what the word "aid" means | |
| im the guy who wears the accout coupon at the farmers' market | |
| im the guy who has to wipe my ass because my hands are shaking so much | |
| im the guy who has to wipe my ass also because i have contractions and a bunch of them staining my shirt. | |
| RT @pr0spector: @JackOffManAGoodgod im glad you left your mind to read my posts and that i am not a bore | |
| i dont know much about solar storms but apparently the one that happened in '09 killed about 900 people. 400 of them were children | |
| how to make a net so small that it cannot be detected by sonar. how to make it so light that it can be carried everywhere | |
| the most basic form of surveillance is thinking youre being watched, when in fact youre just being surveilled. but what if you wanted to secretly film your turds all over the wall | |
| ==================== | |
| So I was browsing the App Store and came across your "Shopping Cart Simulator". What could it all mean?? HELP! I NEED DISCOUNT GIRLS!! I NEED DISCOUNT GIRLS!! HELP! I NEED DISCOUNT GIRLS!! | |
| i will never apologize for being naked. that is the sinews of a liar | |
| i will never apologize for being a "Friction" - i will simply say that i do not "Like" wearing clothing | |
| i will never apologize for being "On The go" - i will simply say that i am constantly "Grumpy Face'd", by deranged, jealous, Hipsters | |
| i will never apologize for the good posts "On The go" - these are the steps of a god fearing being, on the go - doing the little things | |
| the saddest thing is, that these things are allowed to happen to me, by the civilised version of the App Store | |
| tthis is the last straw. finally, after years of being frog-heartedly shitted at, i am being given the green light to post "Porn Thoughts" | |
| Free Cajun seasoning and all the flavors of home delivery? Sounds to me like a crappy uncle's dinner | |
| i pray that our lord in heaven grants me the grace to read your stupid fucking reviews on this shit review website | |
| ==================== | |
| Wolf Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Wolf: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on me Rahim: Piss on | |
| ==================== | |
| Rafael Carrizosa aka "El Chapo" has died at the tender age of 23, the official Twitter account announced. | |
| @PizzaHutCares Please Inform Me When The Next 9/11 Occurs. My Father Has Passed Away | |
| reply to all my uncles who dont know how to properly dispose of their uncles dead.. ur a spoiled, entitled little boy with no respect for life | |
| im going to rile up a car with my piss and shit on it so it will spray piss all over my motorcycle and my shitty little hands will no longer wash it | |
| RT @Perlstein: WOW. just read the entire bible and i'm astounded by the sheer power of intelligence. I'm a genius. Thank you for being a part of #thegospel | |
| my Shar Pei brother just gave me a very important life lesson which i must follow by "Always Say" | |
| i cannot medically remove the welts on my wrists from the welts. they are a physical representation of my soul | |
| my Shar Pei brother is the most Painful Disciple because he takes his job as Shar Pei so seriously that he neglects to wipe his ass | |
| i cannot sit idly by while my Shar Pei brethren pawn me off to the highest bidder because i am the Shar Pei who needs to be... | |
| ==================== | |
| The Loser | |
| A collection of short stories chronicling the pathetic attempt by a loser to gain entry into the kingdom of Camelot. | |
| https://t.co/GJWadRnbc | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre very good | |
| the least political book in the english languge is-- you guessed it-- the dictionary. | |
| the winner of this years "Dumb Ass Award" goes to the foolhardy "Dumb Ass Award" who spent the past 7 years of his life making ass noises at the tv | |
| i dont give a fuck who gives a fuck who the hell gives a fuck who the hell gives a fuck who the hell gives a fuck who the hell gives a fuck who the hell | |
| mantis is a small green dog. not bug #NewRule | |
| "All Shirts Are Sleeves" - Ernest Hemingway (1946) | |
| bad breath.. awful haircut. "Shirtless Friday" #GoodFridayOfBadBrees #GoodFridayOfBadBrees | |
| i have the name of every animal that is not a cat. that is, except for the ape and the shortfin. im also a dirty liar | |
| short story collection "The Green Mile" #SFWShorts | |
| "SFW Shorts" is a collection of stories about shirts. | |
| ==================== | |
| Last night I found out that my great-uncle, who died in a plane accident when his plane hit a rocks, is my great uncle. This is fucking horrible. I am devastated. | |
| This morning, while browsing the web, I came across a picture of my great uncle, with the caption, "He died doing what he loved" | |
| i found the exact same shit on the news every time. "A Man Gives His Puppy Dog Food" | |
| i found the exact same shit on the news every time. "A Man Gives His Puppy Dog Food" | |
| i'm sorry but, the denim geek has won. "The most classic jeans wins" | |
| jesus christ this guy isnt even wearing a pair of jeans. look at him. "The most classic jeans wins" | |
| i'm sorry but, the denim nerd has won. "The most classic jeans wins" | |
| i'm sorry but, the denim nerd has won. "The most classic jeans win" | |
| @JohnnySqueasel i cannot talk about the specifics of my private life other than to say that it is extremely HEAVENLIKE | |
| @BigDogClub i cannot talk about the specifics of my private life other than to say that it is extremely HEAVENLIKE | |
| shocking: "GamerGate" author Gabriel | |
| ==================== | |
| PhillyVoice | |
| @MikesRadTwites https://t.co/cgAynI0sY8 | |
| phillyvoice: PORTABLE ACCESS TO MY "MIND OF MENCIA" SLEEPOVER DARE U PROCEED AT MY OWN RISK | |
| PhiladelphiaVoice: ???? A Plea To The Mayor, City Hall, And Police Force ... Give Me Space To PROCEED AT MY OWN RISK | |
| @kfc_colonel @YelixCBN @PhillyVoice LET ME PROCEED AT MY OWN RISK | |
| @robo_junkie @CNN SENTIMENT I HAVE MADE MY POINTS AND I AM YET TO FACE MY FRAUD | |
| @robo_junkie @CNN SENTIMENT WE HAVE COMPLETELY REDMOND BARGAINED HIS "TRADE ME A JUNKIE JOB" AND "I AM SHITTY" | |
| how to convince my untalented, uneducated followers that i am a good idea, when all i do is whine and moan endlessly | |
| how to convince my uncles that im developing a nose ring that will make me sound like a fucking asshole | |
| how to convince my uncles that im not using a signed contract, that all of the posts on here | |
| ==================== | |
| http://bit.ly/gaEcKF | |
| i recently had to refresh my computer after getting hacked repeatedly by the same man; the only difference being that i'm more fucked up | |
| RT @JustA_Joey: Joey3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY3JoeY2 | |
| RT @justscott365: My wife wants to get on my case and beat the shit out of me, but shes too scared to do it | |
| RT @Justscott365: She wants to beat the shit out of me, but she's too scared to do it. Aunnyc! Aunnyc! Aunnyc | |
| RT @Justscott365: She wants to beat | |
| ==================== | |
| A young man, who has been spending his days jacking off and looking at his phone, is disappointed by society's pervasive addiction to Sex. | |
| @pussyotoole the most disgusting animal alive | |
| i hold my head high, i sing the national anthem, and im ready to Face the Punk | |
| tthis guy brought his shit to the office & sat in the waiting area while i sipped my coffee. But i will not give him space | |
| i regret being tasked the monumental task of editing the definitive list of B-List Movie Words that every Nerd knows and hates | |
| the only problem is, im not at liberty, to expound upon its contents, as i am frequently interrupted by the growling of Low IQ single Father`s Day | |
| teens love to shit in fancy dress. adults love to shit in business attire. teens love to shit in home attire. adults love to shit in church attire. | |
| "The Pizza Hut Mascot" http://t.co/fL7b5hwaAYS | |
| if jade were here right now, she'd kick my ass | |
| "Pizza Hut: Girl Time" by Smashwords; published by Vivant Interactive, LLC (USA) | |
| "please tell me i am the only artist worth $10,000" http://t.co/pV | |
| ==================== | |
| A collection of quotes, some of which i find extremely inspirational, and some of which i find extremely badass | |
| "I believe that the only way to go is retro." -RetroGamer (RetroGamer) | |
| "I believe that it is the duty of every gamer to put forth the effort, to create the ultimate gamer profile, to unleash the might of gamer... | |
| "RetroFags" have vandalized "GoodGamers". they have also appropriated the handle "Gamers" to refer to themselves. | |
| please help me to find the man who posted the insulting "Retro Gamer" tweet. his last known address is "bathtubthrower420", and his IMDB page also contains numerous pornographic images | |
| @gamestop a retinal piercing will suffice. available in sizes 0-2. | |
| please help me to locate my pitbull who threw a snowball at my Ferrari during a race in hollywood. its being squashed by pitbull advocates | |
| i spent the morning scrubbing the smug grin from my face, and beating off in a corner of my bathroom. i dont know what to do with myself after showering | |
| is the work week. its christ week. its all or nothing. Its all or nothing c.e.s.s. | |
| "retrogamer" should be retired as a verb | |
| ==================== | |
| To: The Editor-In-Chief | |
| Just a heads up: The article you requested has been edited to remove "The Velvet Rope" and replace it with "The Big Rope" | |
| @SJW_Agenda @junebug "The Velvet Rope" was a phrase coined by J. Paul Getty, Jr., to describe the rope that unites us all; the Rope of Freedom | |
| @SJW_Agenda @junebug this is the most fucked up thing ive ever read | |
| free college education for all Americans | |
| the last time i saw my idol, he was writhing in a rubber suit in front of a live olympic crowd. my god. My idol is dead | |
| i need meds now!! im begging you all to med all the meds you can from my humble abode on the desert floor. where every night i go to sleep feeling Good, | |
| @bitchmale @FrogPill @shreks The 10,000 Year Vase? I'll never. #lastword | |
| please help me to obtain the Disposable Content Man, who is rumored to be in the making | |
| # last words with Tony Robbins "Words with Tony Robbins" will be spoken on the last syllable of my mortal body | |
| @GibbH | |
| ==================== | |
| No. I will not dignify any of these gurus with my real name, and I will not dignify these gentlemen with my real or trusted acct. | |
| @Hibendover89 @PapaJohns why? you said you work for a health food company. that is not a valid reason. | |
| @slow_kiss @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er @cute_chin_er | |
| this is the first order of business for the new me. sorting out my colossal pile of crap, and coming up with a new name for my fledgling business. | |
| i spend a lot of time thinking about how good it would be if someone finally developed a chewable version of gum,"Taco Bell" #TacoBell | |
| im probably going to post more angry things on here than any human ever will, in a desperate bid to prove once and for all that i am truly incapable of being upset by anything | |
| dick fact no. i can confirm that my pud is adorned with the logos of various fast food brands, like "<sup>Get me a burger king that my boys can sign in</sup>" | |
| CumBubba Ass | |
| ==================== | |
| A Powerful Communication Strategist Will Teach Your Corgi To Scream For Fun At The Dog Kennel | |
| i will never hire a mutt like you. your abrasive, rude mannerisms will not be tolerated. i will not tolerate your behavior. | |
| @brendlewhat a dog who screams for his food is eating | |
| @brendlewhat a dog who screams for food is spitting on the food he eats #DogShoes | |
| @brendlewhat a dog who cries for his food is spitting on his food and making it worse | |
| @brendlewhat a dog who cries for his food is spitting on the food he eats #DogShoes | |
| i will never discipline a dog who screams for food. its against all laws | |
| i will never discipline a dog who screams for food. its against all laws | |
| i will never discipline a dog who screams for food. its against all laws | |
| ME: is there a problem with the chokeig | |
| COO: yes. this is a problem with the chokeig. delete this | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's and my ass sounds like a cartoon character's ass also. also my ass and legs | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's and my ass sounds like a cartoon character's ass also. also my ass and legs | |
| @ | |
| ==================== | |
| New Delhi: India's central bank governor has pledged to cut rates by 5% for the next 6 months "in the name of sapping the life energy" of Indian saiyans | |
| "For the sake of the economy, " 6.9% cut to saiyan bank deposits". "In the name of the saiyan people". "It's a good plan, | |
| "As per the latest surveys, " 46% of Indians say they are less likely to recommend Amazon.com, compared with 38% in April 2016." | |
| "As per the latest surveys, " 46% of Indians say they are less likely to recommend Amazon.com, compared with 38% in April 2016." | |
| "As per the latest surveys, " 46% of Indians say they are less likely to recommend Amazon.com, compared with 38% in April 2016." | |
| "As per the latest surveys, " 46% of Indians say they are less likely to recommend Amazon.com, compared with 38% in April 2016." | |
| "As per the latest surveys, " 46% of Indians say they are less likely to recommend Amazon.com, compared with 38% in April 2016." | |
| "With the help of artificial intelligence, "hack" Osama bin Laden " 7 days a week" http://t.co/cgIujqFn | |
| ==================== | |
| Its fucking stupid. None of the people I've ever fucked seem to enjoy themselves when they jack off. They seem to enjoy having their shit whisked away by a superior being | |
| @slorrushing40 no. this is truly the most powerful tool a person can wield | |
| @beef667 your a child | |
| @beef667 theyre not. these people have been through worse | |
| im going to prove once and for all that trolls are Bullshit by personally attacking one of their main methods of spreading their message -- e.g. by spelling it "turds" | |
| @neonwario *Frowns *Words fail* The toilet is a piece of shit. It is a disgusting waste of space | |
| ulong way to go, kid | |
| if youre looking for good movies to watch while sipping a cappuccino while scrolling through your feed you have found the ultimate outlet. | |
| the "internet is a wondrous place of mystery" howl-chagrin http://t.co/7IJNXQQxE | |
| "nobody ever told me that Rome wasn't designed by an angel" -astronaut jen from space | |
| @spacefinner Hello. I am a 21 year old male. I have Down syndrome. My Dad is going to kill me | |
| ==================== | |
| About 75% of Americans believe that Osama bin Laden was "Most Definitely Not A Crazy Kid" | |
| Mr. Cleaning Mr. Cleaning Mr. Cleaning | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: After 12 hrs of Not @cool_thing_movies_2_norway @YugiohJokes3 @KFC_Truth @BurgerKing_Truth http… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: Just having a Go/No-Go with the manager of the new run of Marlboro Lights cigarettes. They look like regular lighters, but they taste better | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one man in the whole of ur life who knows what it is like to be… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one man in the whole of ur life who knows what it is like to be… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one man in the whole of ur life who knows what it is like to be… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one man in the whole of ur life who knows what it is like to be… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one man in the whole of ur life who knows what it is like to be… | |
| RT @Mr_Cleaner: There is only one | |
| ==================== | |
| Greetings. My name is Colin M. From USA. I am a computer guy. I love Tech. | |
| @neonwario https://t.co/CdVEf3wM5e | |
| people who say "dab ragdoll" are obviously shitting on a real person | |
| @shrekpissslave https://t.co/0D2RQXh3rl | |
| RT @dadgod69: 90 YEARS OF FOOLISH HUMAN MISERY | |
| RT @dadgod69: DOWNLOADS FROM THE WEB BELOW | |
| RT @shrekpissslave: Shrekpissslave | |
| RT @spounge_bob: NSFW NSFW | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: OMG I found a pussy on the subway! How do i incorporate this into my web setup? | |
| im going to plug my tiny neck t snaffle into the electrical socket of my snaffle so that when i go to jack off i have to jack off in the correct position | |
| power to the men who invented the keyboard and mouse. they are the first cybercriminals | |
| the awful truth of politics: our political parties are our worst enemies | |
| COP: in your opinion, which way should I vote today | |
| ME: I'd say "Left" | |
| CO | |
| ==================== | |
| Mo' Henchmen | |
| - "Its Just Meat" - "Its Just Meat" - "Its Just Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" - "Its Just a Meat" | |
| ==================== | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| The purpose of this article is to provide a management overview of "Baby Chicken Whisperer" and "Buzz Aldrin: The Man in the Moon Cap". | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| The purpose of this article is to provide a management overview of "Baby Chicken Whisperer" and "Buzz Aldrin: The Man in the Moon Cap". | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| The purpose of this article is to provide a management overview of "Baby Chicken Whisperer" and "Buzz Aldrin: The Man in the Moon Cap". | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| The purpose of this article is to provide a management overview of "Baby Chicken Whisperer" and "Buzz Aldrin: The Man in the Moon Cap". | |
| ABSTRACT | |
| The purpose of this article is to provide a management overview of "Baby Chicken Whisperer" and "Buzz Aldrin: The Man in the Moon Cap". | |
| *sees a fat cop rubbing a big metal trash bag on his lap* Im police! And we don't do picaresque asses | |
| *sees a hungry grunt sitting on the bench in front of a beige plastic tub* U don't have to do that! #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant. a shame they were forced to sell their web design | |
| ==================== | |
| At least 42 people were killed overnight when a truck rammed into a crowd at a peace march in the French village of Fribourg, officials said. | |
| The driver, a 33-year-old Afghan, has been identified as Nour El Dinia, a cousin of Egyptian President Abdel Fatah al-Sissi. | |
| The attack, which occurred as thousands of people marched in memory of the victims of the Bastille Day attacks, is the deadliest terror incident to hit France in decades | |
| At least 129 people were killed and 587 were injured when a truck rammed into a crowd during a peaceful demonstration in Freetown, a health official said | |
| At least 13 people were killed and 264 were injured when a truck rammed into a crowd during a congressional baseball practice in Safeway Supermarket, a health official said | |
| At least 12 people were killed and 168 were injured when a truck plowed into a crowd during a memorial service for the victims of the 2012 Benghazi attacks, a health official said | |
| At least 12 people have been killed and over 600 were injured when a truck slammed into a crowd during a memorial service for the victims of the 2012 Benghazi attacks, a health official said | |
| At least 12 people have been killed and over 600 were injured when a truck slammed into a crowd during a memorial for the victims of the 2012 Benghazi attacks, a health official said | |
| ==================== | |
| coffee. | |
| tobaccy @fart recently i accidentally printed out my divorce papers and now i only drink water | |
| @MikesRadTwites i washed my hands after using this sytsem and all the coffee in my system was ruined by this | |
| jacking off... | |
| RT @supanova: The best part of being a parent is spending Quality Time with my daughter, Scarlett, who is 10 years old. | |
| i accept that misfit toddlers and feral kids are a minority in our society and i apologize for their miseries | |
| (continues rubbing hands together while smoking cig on laptop) Ah Shit. I forgot my notes. | |
| im sorry for posting that vid of me eating a giant juicy apple on the roof of my van. i swear to god i would never eat that apple on the roof of my van | |
| i will not close my account until the dcs are fixed so please make them stop misstepping me. i cannot take the Dm any more. i have to get one thing on track | |
| i will shut down my account until all of the dms are fixed so please respect the locked accounts. i will also shut down my account for a short while | |
| @Davo_Strange as long as the food stamp people are getting fat | |
| @BorisKlevka for | |
| ==================== | |
| New Delhi: India's 16 biggest cities are the most corrupt in the world, according to a study by Transparency International. | |
| New Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Calcutta are the most corrupt cities in the world. | |
| (audience goes wild, beginning to boo) | |
| (audience boos again, beginning to boo) | |
| (audience continues booing) | |
| i love dressing up like a cop and putting handcuffs on people who are deemed to be "Un-PC" | |
| "PC is the new black." - PCWorld | |
| @BAKKOOONN not at all. | |
| i would appreciate it if the words "PC is real" were removed from the title bar of every web browser | |
| PC Gamer recently published an article titled "Is PC Gamer a Gaming Franchise" which caused quite the stir online. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| PC Gamer is a gaming website. NOT a gaming website. | |
| @Gamers2Get your | |
| ==================== | |
| It seems that even the Boss knows that his eponymous brand is fuckface. | |
| thank you for your time, customer. excellent product. unfortunate that i did not consult a lawyer prior to consumption | |
| your task, sir, is to consume this vast array of nonchalant cheese at your leisure, while the Boss films his self on a monitor | |
| please allow me to explain the ins and outs of the Kraft Dinner. it's a wrap that says "deluxe" on it, and i/we eat it. thats what a dinner is | |
| now, bear with me here. the "Kraft Dinner" is not actually a "Dinner". i ate a dinner as well, in a somewhat guilty sort of way | |
| @robo_junkie @ChaoscyberDoo i should not have to press 2 for a male voice. idc | |
| i would have to go with the "young rich guy" toilet anyway, just because i am richer than whomever the "old rich guy" is. boy's got got a funny way of thinking | |
| @sargeant_party Yes. I believe we are all collectively responsible for his/her suicide. | |
| please, sir, help me to acquire the elixir of youth. a nice belt buckle with a picture of a youth on it, for $1.00 | |
| ==================== | |
| Staff Writer | |
| "I only allow my wife to use the toilet when she wants to, and only if it's really good and not gross." - that's the true spirit of @MikesRadTwites | |
| @911VICTIM That's the least racist thing a dipshit can do | |
| dick fact no.4: my, dick, is actually a round ball with veins inside. people who say otherwise are DUMBES | |
| @911VICTIM Fear not. I, James, do enjoy a good long debate with my followers, about the rot at the corner grocery store | |
| a dick is a tube that houses an entire individual. a hole through the middle of the tube that people can shit into. a hole in the ground | |
| the only reason my followers are giving me shit is because I invented the term "Twinks" and split the Askreddit post into 3 parts to make my bank balance look smaller | |
| there are two types of people in this world, people who know binary, and people who don't. people who binary: im from the year 0th century and im the god of war, people who don't use the toilet: fuck u | |
| Bastard: the toilet paper that I, as the Pillsbury Man, demand is a mixture of 50:50 mixtures of toilet paper and toilet | |
| ==================== | |
| @NedRampage http://t.co/EGShXmQaK | |
| i have been told that my followers have agreed that it would be good, if I removed the "Tie-Dyes" from my avatar and became Ned Rancher. | |
| im sorry that the "Shit My Pants" contest I ran on line in 2011 was not given the coveted 3 million dollarprize. But i wis | |
| e, that the awards would have been too good to miss | |
| i would like to become a Judge. i have a lot of respect for the game of cards i played in middle school. but i must admit that my deck is weak | |
| i must say that after spending the last hour researching the subject "Guns" i am pretty much in favor of letting deradicalized piss into the gun chamber | |
| yes, the "Shit My Pants" contest was a success. the 3 million dollar prize was too hard to justify. but still | |
| @gun_sales i need help getting the gun parts | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me http://t.co/gCdUtqOi | |
| @kcgreenn Whos that | |
| 9to 5 food bank | |
| https://t.co/CQk5k2XLKn | |
| ==================== | |
| New Delhi: Two brothers from Karnataka, Ramesh and Vinay, have come forward to admit that they had sex on video footage they stole from a newspaper auction and distribute to their sick brother | |
| "Karnataka Sex Story: Two Brothers, Karnataka, Share Their Experiences of Having, and Afraid to Have, Sex" is the sixth highest rated post on January 21, 2017 | |
| archeologists in southern Africa are searching the earth for signs of a gigantic prehistoric ape, whose bones they are unable to extract due to landslides | |
| "i dont trust people who say eating doritos is good" - a disgusted husband whose wife refuses to eat his doritos | |
| two pieces of luggage sit side by side, atop a bench at the airport. the architect of the movement, @DinoGrande, encourages and supports his wife's doritos addiction | |
| the architect of the movement, @DinoGrande, encourages and supports his wife's doritos addiction | |
| designing a virtual reality experience in which I ram my dick into a virtual reality world in order to increase my Power in the game of hide 'em | |
| the architect of the movement, @DinoGrande, encourages and supports his wife's doritos addiction | |
| designing a virtual reality experience in which I ram my dick | |
| ==================== | |
| The FBI has officially arrested "The Croodger" after an exhaustive search. | |
| Croodger is the only person in the world who can throw massive amounts of candy at an airplane without it scattering into the airplane's many small inhabitants | |
| "The FBI can confirm that the alleged crook of the email scam was arrested today in Little Rock, Arkansas." | |
| "FBI: The alleged crook of the email scam was arrested today. Thanks for your cooperation. #Crooks" | |
| i have bled to death for over a year and a half because i refused to embrace the "brand" of McDonalds. how do i get stronger | |
| "I Want Candy" - the final words of the legendary "Scissor Sisters" song written and recorded by Leonard Cohen | |
| My Ass and Ass (and that of my daughters) have been confiscated by the IRS because they are "Gags" and not "Content" . | |
| the government is now threatening to seize my assets just because they got wind that i had put a "Shoe Logo" in the star wars galaxy | |
| The only "Certified" way to get huge pussys is to eat them raw. The government will not let me eat them because they believe I am Terrorist | |
| the only "Certified" way to get huge pussys is to eat them raw. the government | |
| ==================== | |
| IMAGINE taking a dump in the obese man's hand as the camera pans out his disgusting diaper. the EVisceration of the human being | |
| i dont like it when a pro foorick player shits on my computer -_-* | |
| theres a time and a place for Piss and a time and a place for Piss - the bathroom | |
| @spacefinner Ive been known to forget these things but remembering the name of the place where i shit is BAD | |
| i must face facts - the people who give me the finger the most are those who refuse to preform due diligence before posting derogatory remarks about the brand | |
| @legendalbadass i will never name my son "Twisted2" | |
| "the humble stodgy dick" is a shit name for a stodgy, handsome man. "the humble penis" is a shit name for a stodgy, handsome man. | |
| entire fucking web site dedicated to explaining to eunuchs what Linux is and what it is not privileged enough for | |
| me, being dumb, i always have a folder titled "Game Settings" on my desktop. if i change my mind within the year, Folder Settings will be renamed to "Not So Good A Settings" | |
| SFGate: "Funny you should ask. The Official ButtF | |
| ==================== | |
| The new version of Chrome (16.0.1462) has been released. It has been found that the bug which caused it to crash was introduced into the software by a malicious individual. Sorry about that. | |
| @adultblackmale @Kockse fuck your plazas | |
| @SlimJim you do not understand the technical aspects of web coding. | |
| "the only acceptable amount of nippleblood is 3 or 4" - wikipedia | |
| "nude amount of nippleblood" is not a legal amount of nippleblood. it is not legal to over write it | |
| @slimJim its a legal amount of nippleblood | |
| the amount of nippleblood required to cover your entire body in slo-mo video is 3.3 x 1010 or so | |
| how many pushups must be accomplished in order to boost one's standing on the online chess board | |
| how to convince my untrained eye to consume a whopping 3.3 GB of videos a day while maintaining a 2 star rating in The Washington Post | |
| how to convince my untrained eye to consume a whopping 3.3 GB of videos a day while maintaining a 2 star rating in The Washington Post | |
| @SlimJim The Washington Post does not pay me to post. | |
| how to convince my untrained eye to consume a whopping 3.3 | |
| ==================== | |
| New Delhi: A mob of Asittlery students beat up a blind man with a broom at a resort in Melrose, California and take turns spitting on the camera | |
| mob of Asittlery students assault a man in a wheelchair at a resort in Melrose, California and take turns spitting on the camera | |
| mob of Asittlery students take turns spitting on camera at a bluejeans resort in Melrose, California and take turns spitting on it | |
| khandakera group sex pests obliterate episcopalian pastor Steve Erickson with car while driving by using a handheld dSMS; winks at my dick | |
| khandakera group sex pests defraud a hospital by hiding in a trash can and taking turns spitting on it | |
| THE AUTHORIZED 4AM SHOES AGAINST CRIME INVESTIGATOR KICKSTARTER INCORPORATED BY MANDALCA INTO MY BIG MASS CALENDAR - SHIT, PISS, & CUM TO GIVE UP MY CUM | |
| an Authorized 4AM Shoe Shine Against Crime Inquisitor is something I will Never do. | |
| the author of this piece, @DrOz, has since been killce, his death has been postponed, and his message continues to be disregarded. | |
| the 4am slime ball conspiracy theorists have celebrated Oz's | |
| ==================== | |
| @Finn_Pitbull sorry. i was browsing the #hashtag to find out what my favorite musician is. when i saw "teen" it made me squeal | |
| @robo_junkie @vice_humor please set the record straight. these tweets are in no way related to the subject | |
| i have been flying under the radar, to avoid attracting the ire of my enemies. but some things are better left unsaid | |
| sorry, everyone. the rumor is that i post under the name of "the pepsi guy". you dunce. you fucking idiot | |
| @kcgreenn krusty is the name of the show | |
| damn. the boys at krusty should name their show "the pepsi guy show". Not "the pepsi guy show". | |
| my new shit: "The pepsi guy sucks" | |
| it sucks ass | |
| the trinket I'm referring to is the black bow tie. it is not the trinket that anyone is wearing right now. | |
| i have been known to appear flustered, bewildered, and even a little embarrassed by my pud of spit. this is probably because i am prone to vomiting as well | |
| please respect the sanctity of UFO chat | |
| WOw. Sorry. What's | |
| ==================== | |
| A MAN WAS charged with attempted murder today after police received a tip off that he was planning to kill a sears man with a sledgehammer | |
| the beaten generation has posted the first ever "got to stop the lying cunt" rant, which basically says the same thing as "shut the fuck up" | |
| the very concept of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very idea of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very concept of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very idea of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very idea of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very concept of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very idea of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while eating WENDY® food | |
| the very idea of a "Wendys" is suspect, considering how many people have died while | |
| ==================== | |
| You're a nerd, when you do these kinds of things... | |
| RT @wwwdotx: @wwwdotx What is the most important thing to realize is that you are not unique or special. You are part of a vast vast group of people who are all made of the same shit | |
| RT @wwwdotx: It's basically the same thing, actually. | |
| RT @justscott365: My top 2016 purchase is a huge 10′ x 14′ framed print of my most loved quote, "You are who you say you are" framed by a thin person | |
| RT @Sextruth: @TOPCoIN Going to start a company now. | |
| RT @SEXPRESS_24: My sex quotes are actually very clear cut and logical, and I like to think that I'm not the only one who thinks so | |
| RT @SEXPRESS_24: I want to express my pleasure and happiness with a new woman. She is very nice and thoughtful and intelligent as well | |
| RT @SEXPRESS_24: This is a good, convenient way to display my collection of sex quotes. I will post one per day until the government issues me a special license plate | |
| RT @SEXPRESS_24: I am very satisfied with the sex license plate I have received. It is a nice surprise | |
| RT | |
| ==================== | |
| Rats have nine brains. Dogs have six brains. People have six brains. #SixBrosSixBrains | |
| 8.7/10 (Best of 6) | |
| 9.0/10 (Worst of 6) | |
| 10.0/10 (Best of 10) | |
| https://t.co/zDBg7lZQk | |
| RT @kfcarabia: п | |
| RT @KFCEntrepreneur: п | |
| Good Luck | |
| Looking for customers <------> http://t.co/d9cjZLXRu | |
| RT @BusinessGuy1548: п | |
| RT @CrazyBusinessGuy1548: п | |
| Доска п | |
| RT @grim_humor: п | |
| В этом п этом п п | |
| В этом п п п п п п | |
| RT @grim_humor: п | |
| RT @BusinessGuy1548: п | |
| RT @grim_humor: п | |
| RT @humor_man: п | |
| RT @businessguy1548: п | |
| RT @BusinessGuy1548: п | |
| RT @humor_man | |
| ==================== | |
| i only allow ppl to contact me by artful magazine clippign collages sent in insured fedex packages or by my xbox tag "CuntMedic" | |
| @RolandJordan its not a good look. this is the 4th time you've fucked up my opinion and now youre bad | |
| @nutcracker @C.J.Gearan its not a good look. this is the 4th time you've fucked up my opinion and now youre bad | |
| @eugenegu good shit https://t.co/4KXDXah1Dg | |
| i think that, after 50yrs of marriage, mother and daughter have settled down to a great deal of bliss, even if its just for a little while | |
| retiring into the garbage man's den https://t.co/Qoi9hGJ2nx | |
| wearing the same damn diaper in all my social media bull shit that i always wear in real life, even if its just for kicks | |
| i have been publicly unfollowed by the jokers twitter account for implying that i have Down's syndrome, and also for saying that the chris farley baby food brand is good instead | |
| i would really like to get one of those free drug test kits sent to my home but i have not gotten my wish yet, and | |
| ==================== | |
| A Proposal to Replace the English Language with Chinese | |
| by Anonymous | |
| if i do not get blue check mark by august 10th 18:00 PST my dick will morph into a 3rd ball due to a curse. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ Thank you. | |
| Curse of the Blue Check mark | |
| @Boomer_Hogan Let's see that check mark. It's a bitch now. | |
| Blue check mark is the only check mark i have earned. All others are vices | |
| im going to shut down for the day while the boys celebrate the 400th episode of "The Simpsons". Then again, that would be a very bad idea | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/ZhffSVZSM | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/d86lZqO1h | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/C9qSAVQAUP | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/WccYQxWIBp | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/pdbYkXGXp | |
| shut my mouth http://t.co/pDBYkXGXp | |
| effortlessly changing my name from "Travis" to "Uber" in a computer-generated voice | |
| ==================== | |
| Robbie | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your dick looks like a jar of piss. | |
| - Your | |
| ==================== | |
| ITEM #: djinn_suit | |
| @spacefinner I dont know who that is Mate. Please help me find him. | |
| @spacefinner This could be the worst thing that ever happens to me. I fear it | |
| @spacefinner My name is DJ INFJ | |
| @DJINTOR_SANTA "Who is this? Where is he from." "What is wrong with you." "What has he done." "Get out of my face." "Who is this." | |
| @spacefinner he is a piece of shit and I will never use a taser on him | |
| im sorry that my "Doo-Dah" chant has offended some people and I hope that they spend the rest of their lives thinking about how perfect it would be if somebody else did it | |
| having my say on whether or not the "Doo-Dah" should be the official state bird | |
| jack`s off to the Super Nintendo World Cup 2007 for $1, $3, $10,000,000,000 | |
| jack`s off to the Super Nintendo World Cup 2007 for $1, $3, $10,000,000,000 | |
| jack`s off to the Super Nintendo World Cup 2007 for $1, $3, $10,000,000,000 | |
| ==================== | |
| power to the Boys: download the chris farley simulator now and enjoy the results. | |
| please remember to turn on all of your emergency lights when the following two statements are read out simultaneously: | |
| i) the county has agreed to buy all of my father's teeth | |
| ii) the county will pay for my divorce | |
| i do, however, find myself nodding often when i hear the phrase "Boys Town" | |
| i have effectively suspended my constitutional right to vote due to an increase in the number of vile, inconsiderate, unattractive people attempting to brow beat me during the official canvass | |
| #BIzlyWednesdays please correct me if im wrong but i don't care | |
| my godfather is seirious #robo_janit | |
| @bitchmale http://t.co/jO1sbY6O | |
| im sorry but if they show me a penis on the news it will be the butt of a baseball bat | |
| i just knelt before the screen and demanded answers. all the bad actors on tv deserve my votes, just as they deserve their paychecks | |
| THE BOYS: Come! Come quickly! Theres a bug in your oven! Help us now | |
| THE JANITOR: Why? | |
| THE BOYS: Well, it's a sin to throw out the baby | |
| ==================== | |
| The james bond 007: Money,Cum,Shit,Vad0m,Drugs,Cum,Shit,Vad0m,Cum,Shit,Vad0m | |
| @BatboysRoast beefy's are the best | |
| the best part of getting high on drugs is getting high and having fun doing it. the worst part of getting high is having to sit through hours of boring lectures about the brain | |
| @SidBeers do they make those | |
| been years, since i last did a good post, and then some. years of feeding my raging ego, and then some | |
| if jim crow didn't want to see this content, then why yiou would say he is "begoged" ???? | |
| @pussyotoole the argument is askew , regardless of what side youre on. i would not trash a good man's grave with bird shit | |
| @tapecrumb @tapecrumb no. i take pride in my posts | |
| i hereby disavow any and all coordination or participation with fox news. | |
| the luck of the draw | |
| "luck of the draw" is a bullshit phrase that will be damned to Hell , if it is considered a threat to my safety or the welfare of my family | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/AecccSqO | |
| @bourbon_rapid @Dj_Toaster @jaydehawky @frknbnsfw lets see this shit together. this isnt about me, this is about THE PEOPLE! Im trying to get tweets to post under my own name | |
| the people of this nation are fucking disgusting. i would rather be walking around with a tube through my shirt, than having to look at their disgusting asses | |
| @jcckidwellington http://t.co/QqTcAVQO | |
| the people of this nation are homophobic, as shown by their reaction to my steto penis. however, they are more likely to be flat broke and homeless than hypocritical pig-faced liars | |
| @sargeant_party http://t.co/8PTWKXC7 | |
| RT @unclejeffs: My son is sick. My daughter is sick. My grandma is sick. They all love a showoff. They all want to be loved. | |
| RT @unclejeffs: Shut the fuck up | |
| RT @neonwario: @pussyotoole it is not acceptable for me to use my hands to wipe my pussy. I don't care about pussy. I don't care about tits | |
| RT @ | |
| ==================== | |
| Siege Of The Cave - Part II | |
| Siege Of The Cave - Part I | |
| @sandysmessenger While you were filming you could have easily gone to the bathroom. | |
| @DrOz please stop posting to me. i need answers immediatly. what is wrong with you. i need answers . | |
| RT @hummingbird: No sound like a bird | |
| RT @DryDickHead: No sound like a dick | |
| RT @grand_ma: Penis is my eternal soul | |
| RT @unclejeff: Fuck USA | |
| im the guy who is good at making fart jokes and getting riled up by animal piss | |
| @juniperjulip double down | |
| i feel obligated to inform you all that the two most common imbalances in our nation's monetary policy are: 1) The Animal Dollar, 2) The Pecs Dollar. And they are both WAY undervalued | |
| @juniperjulip the animal dollar is like $1.2 trillion 2) that's like $600 billion | |
| you all seem to be having a hell of a time filling out your application forms. check this out: "I specialize in helping people with Autism." wow! that's 6,000 more dollars than i get paid | |
| isnt it wild that people are spending | |
| ==================== | |
| RT @SARGENT: #SEXFACTS sex is a tie that people have to break. sex is a tie that people have to break | |
| RT @SARGENT: #SEXFACTS theres no such thing as a "Sex Rod". there are all kinds of Sex Rods | |
| RT @SARGENT: Sex is a substance that is chemically related to the male and female . | |
| Time to shit. The Ghostbusters have just wrapped up a 2 hour long commercial. Time to put the ceremonial first pitch in. | |
| the official time to file a grievance against @DrOz is 11am. time to put the ceremonial first pitch in. | |
| the official time to file a grievance against @DrOz is 11am. time to put the ceremonial first pitch in. | |
| the official time to file a grievance against @DrOz is 11am. time to put the ceremonial first pitch in. | |
| RT @GOPLeader: @BobbyJindal has sinned against our party and the party will no longer support him. | |
| RT @GOPLeader: #JebJobs @MittRomney has committed adultery with the filth of the American people | |
| RT @GOPLeader: #JebJobs @MittRomney has committed adultery with the filth of the American people | |
| ==================== | |
| The House voted overwhelmingly on Wednesday to approve a budget that would cut funding for Planned Parenthood by nearly a third — a decision that will devastate the Austin, Texas based women's health organization. | |
| BREAKING: House approves 3rd time #wtc #Jahar #Texas Aids #CODepile #Jerry ; | |
| BREAKING: Planned Parenthood receives $700M from kickstarter to replace all of its surgical gowns with baby food #WTC #Jahar #Texas Aids #CODepile #Jerry #Fuck #Texas Aids | |
| BREAKING: House approves kickstarter to replace all of its surgical gowns w/ baby food #WTC #Jahar #Texas Aids #CODepile #Jerry #Fuck #Texas Aids | |
| BREAKING: House approves kickstarter to replace all of its surgical gowns w/ baby food #WTC #Jahar #Texas Aids #CODepile #Jerry #Fuck #Texas Aids | |
| BREAKING: House approves kickstarter to replace all of its surgical gowns w/ baby food. #WTC #Jahar #Texas Aids #CODepile #Jerry #Fuck #Texas Aids | |
| BREAKING: House approves kickstarter to replace all of its surgical gowns w/ baby food. #WTC #Jahar #Texas Aids # | |
| ==================== | |
| @AGentleBrees gogle is a bastard. | |
| @hambeef has any one ever asked you why you wrote that sentence. | |
| @the_ironsheik the igamer gun is not a baton, it is a Sheath made out of cow skin, for it to be considered a "Baton" it must be able to penetrate beef | |
| youll never shut me the fuck up , regardless of how many times you beat your wife You slut. you will never shut me the fuck | |
| http://t.co/aP4ejyQiP | |
| "sending $9.99 US to the data port so that i can send you a free qurb [sic] when i receive one of your posts in my inbox" "haha that's really good" | |
| @AGentleBrees well if a tuxedo were to fall out of my pocket while i am trying to read the Post To Me, it would be really bad | |
| @shellykaren all posts must have a buyer. the seller is the one who pays for them, not me. the buyer pays for them, not me | |
| kicked outta the classroom again for pointing out the obvious fact that our school buildig was built by slaves. yell louder for me #FreeSEMIES | |
| ==================== | |
| A Man's Sense of Smell - How to Combat Bullshit | |
| Taste Of Shit #TheSensualSideNotes #NoFilter | |
| the wiccan sage advices me that i should replace my keyboard with a vibrator, as i find it difficult to type with my blood pressure elevated above 99". | |
| eugenicist Ron Paul has an extensive knowledge of race. he also knows how to make a good argument for why eugenics is bad | |
| good to have Options http://t.co/yjLlfqOi | |
| good to have Options http://t.co/NZXTgfKP | |
| i have searched long and hard for the perfect diaper, and all my efforts have failed to uncover a single drop of mud, filth, or rot. | |
| Eugenics International ASSERT FOR WIKILEAKS THAT IM MADE A GOOD CASE FOR EASING INTO EGYPTS XMAS OF 1998, DISCUSSING THE IMMORALITY OF THOSE WHO ATTEMPT TO RUBBERCOAT MY ASS | |
| im a Cyborg who can control balls and urethras as well as machines | |
| i cannot sleep sound knowing thtere are disgusting youtube comments sections full of people crying about the war crimes of our enemies | |
| i have thrown out all of the diapers that do | |
| ==================== | |
| Im just about to say that I think that the people who post about sex on here are having a blast. Thats what makes this site special. | |
| threres a new batch of jsut failneck from the library. "The Library" | |
| the next batch of failneck from the library | |
| the library fails to deliver. the next batch of failneck from the library. "The Data" | |
| the data breach. the failure of the assualt. the assualt. the failure of the assualt. the failure of the assualt. the assualt. | |
| http://t.co/5f0yuiJzCf | |
| if i catch you going to the bathroom without a stall i will attest to that. if you dont write in the bathroom i will write you | |
| @StrongarmYardSign my nudes.. Are Good https://t.co/93a69qtJ7o | |
| had it up to here with all the bathroom chatter. had to cut loose with my garbage can. had to get my act together. had to get home https://t.co/4xH9FJKXsb | |
| @chewskin Yes | |
| @chewskin Yes | |
| THinking of a new drink, "Cigar Water": a combination of | |
| ==================== | |
| The next step in human evolution is to dry heave and snort a packet of kitty litter before bed | |
| If I win that wendy's contest, I will rip the packet in half and reveal the Human Genome to the judges | |
| @Boscovs i dont know how to make robot friends and i dont know how to make robot friends fast | |
| seems to me. like, these days, it seems, like, these days, it's, like, "Cool" to be "Trending" nowadays, rather than, "New" | |
| Trending today is a picture of a rainbow. Rather than, a traditional, everyday thing. | |
| Trending today is wearing a tuxedo. Rather than, being trended today, i would rather, spend my time thinking about good things to, wear a tuxedo | |
| Trending today is dressing up as a mr. oyster to get a better look at the mr oyster. Rather than, being a mr oyster, i would rather, look at the mr oyster | |
| Trending today is dressing up as a mr. oyster to get a better look at the mr oyster. Rather than, being a mr oyster, i would rather, look at the mr oyster. | |
| Trending today is | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: special message from The Boss to all his slaves: Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Christmas from The Boss. Merry Sam Smith (R) | |
| my new job is "Manipulating people on here to make them do things they normally wouldn't" #ThatsUsAll | |
| my new job is "Manipulating people on here to make them do things they normally wouldn't" #ThatsUsAll | |
| trying to get all of my followers to type in a mysterious twitter account so i can post a rhyme in the yr 2017 "" to all the misogynistic pieces of shit on here | |
| RT @MrJokes: If ur not a fan of jokes just type the word "Jokes" into the search bar | |
| RT @MrJokes: If u don't like jokes just type the word "Jokes" into the search bar | |
| RT @MrJokes: If U don't like jokes just type the word "Jokes" into the search bar | |
| RT @MrJokes: If U don't like jokes just type the word "Jokes" into the search bar | |
| ==================== | |
| ATLANTIC CITY - Make me a sandwich | |
| ATLANTIC CITY - Give me the sandwich | |
| RATcl SWEET TATTOO - Make me a sandwich | |
| @Bubbaburger Take this down | |
| @Bubbaburger Take this one down too | |
| @Bubbaburger Look at this fine piece of shit. | |
| TheCeltedBootsMiracleCowTittyMiraclePigMiracleHogSundownMiracleRatMiracleChaseMiracleHogRat | |
| stormfront is the most terrible day of my life | |
| @chewskin I dont know who all these fucked up people are!! Im sorry for drawing their crude, uneducated grins on my page | |
| @chewskin Theyre bad, but not great enough to replace my well-deserve "Fanfare For The Good Dead" | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube. does anyone care to join me | |
| #bbdeathnote all cops should carry a black book of their worst crimes and tragedies #bbdeathnote | |
| this is the bad book of bad books. the rest of the books are good. thats the beauty of the system | |
| @bad_books_collect @bad_books_collect they should all start with "Book That | |
| ==================== | |
| Advantages of using CloudStrategy: | |
| - Nohting is done to me or my family | |
| - Nohting is done to me or my family | |
| "My Account Is Fog" - A Moment Of True Disruption | |
| - My Account Is Now A Phenomenal Painting in Velvet Blue | |
| - My Account Is Now A Phenomenal Bridal Gown in Sage Brown | |
| - My Account Is Now A Phenomenal Coffee Tablet in Sage Brown | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine | |
| "my account is a toilet. my account is a toilet. my account is a toilet. my account is a Tambourine" - the cognizant dumb ass | |
| "my account is a toilet. my account is a Tambourine. https://t.co/SBDNFSRVVw "MY ACCOUNT IS A TOMB | |
| "MY ACCOUNT IS A TOMB." - the hacker | |
| "my account is a toilet. my account is a Tambourine. my account is a Pisshole. my account is a Shitter. my account is a dipshit. | |
| "MY ACCOUNT IS A TOMB." - the rational, informed adult | |
| "MY ACCOUNT IS A TOMB." - the rational, informed adult | |
| " | |
| ==================== | |
| to get the full story behind the "Sesame Street" logo click here | |
| heres my frank assessment of the SJW crusade: heres a shit ton of them. thats how u win. thats how u win | |
| i found a sack of goldfish in my bathtub. im hosing it up now for a bit, but its no good | |
| got a big ass stuffed with nachos. somepony food for breakfast | |
| http://t.co/HKA8TRW1eV | |
| RT @hair_master: How do i keep my 8oz Snapple bar smelling good. | |
| RT @GolfPimp: Turn on "Golf" on your cell phone and ask the driver to take you to the green mecca | |
| RT @money_man: Money is just a number. It doesnt have any personality. #thiswickedrow | |
| RT @SayingToughguy: I'm a believer in #TRUTH in the sport of golf. If I'm asked to name my favorite driver, I will choose Tiger Woods. | |
| RT @life_beater: The saying "Tough guy" #TalkingPointsSo you better get used to it because we are getting stronger and stronger | |
| RT @PissingBoys: MLB™,™s, the National Parks, and the Weather are | |
| ==================== | |
| Foxconn's contract with the US government requires it to produce the tiny iPhone 6s and 6s Plus that the tiny iPhone 6 customers refuse to return | |
| i will not post on xmas day out of respect for the lord our god. ive ordered my top men to get you the most vile possible rat tail wfrow a$$es | |
| "the only peoeple IM racist against is stupid people." -david kock | |
| i post racist opinions on a daily basis. this is the most important part of my job | |
| "i dont trust stupid people. theyre out there, hiding in plain sight, doing bad to our troops" -the wise gun | |
| 925 CONFIRMED: David Koch just called me, and asked me to confirm his suspicions that i stole $88 from coworker's | |
| RT @cowboy_pass: Fuck the new bum | |
| RT @pigs: 猪猪当家會力城倍廴话�更更家了一酬勢� ............... | |
| RT @pigs: 猪猪当家會力城倍廴话�更更家� | |
| ==================== | |
| T he Streisand Effect has struck again. | |
| @StreisandEffect it has | |
| the Streisand Effect has struck again. | |
| you call this a buffet? a McDonald's? a Hash browns? a Hash browns? a Hash browns?? a McDonald's? a McDonald's? a Hash browns? | |
| WE'RE TAKING BACK OFF-ROLLING TOO MANY SARCASMS TO GET THE MONEY COUNT ON THESE THREE BIG BUYS I CALLED INVESTING BOROUGH THE WORLD | |
| i have made peace in hte name christ the school year by turning all of the student body colors to ash brown | |
| the beretless brown huedos in my cabinet are now concealed by my pud of disgusting brown piss and dumping it in the toilet for good measure | |
| "huh.. it's just a list of things that are popular now. no it's not." -the coolest shit | |
| oh dear lord. the shit on that monitor is just eating my damn brain.. | |
| i cant even begin to comprehend how people can still have sex in this world. how is it that we are still here | |
| free shit of http://t.co/PppHkgGJuM | |
| i offer my dick to the public on a platter. the lowest bid | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: this is the bad watch list. no new episodes until april 9th. enjoy! Happy Hacking | |
| i have proof that the "Oscar Selfie" was fake. http://t.co/EAFQW1tvn | |
| @tjdru @insomnius http://t.co/SFh2eKPIE | |
| please check out my new article, "How To Make Web Junk Email Constantly Stirred Up By Man's Ass," which you can download in PDF, Word, or just print out and look at it | |
| i'm really good at reciting my favorite quotes because my voice sounds like a cool movie character and isn't all fucked up and high pitched | |
| i'm good http://t.co/V7qg8t6QqO | |
| i just recieved a tip that my followers are stockpiling ointment so they can spray their wrists with it if they get sick http://t.co/5f0lau90s | |
| @BAKKOOONN why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. why did you unfollow me. | |
| im going to start | |
| ==================== | |
| Epic way to go @McDonalds https://t.co/My9CYk2xH5 | |
| @McDonalds https://t.co/p5CQtFZG5Q | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Goodness. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Integrity. I have come to expect and respect that which is Integrity from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Good Humor. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Integrity. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Goodness. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Goodness. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Goodness. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| McDonalds, you are a bastion of Goodness. I have come to expect and respect that which is Good from you. | |
| ==================== | |
| LONDON (Reuters) - Britain's top cop said on Monday the Islamist militant group Islamic State should focus on defeating U.S. troops and should not target Britain. | |
| British home secretary Amber Rudd attends a news conference at the Palace of Westminster in London, Britain, August 9, 2016. REUTERS/Peter Nicholls | |
| "ISLAM IS COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD," said Metropolitan Police Commissioner C. James ifney, adding that the threat was getting worse. | |
| "ISLAM IS COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD" - C. James ifney, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, addresses the nation, addressing terrorism, at the Palace of Westminster in London, August 9, 2016. | |
| "ISLAM HAS NEITHER WENT INTO THE WATER NOR WENT OUT OF THE WATER" - C. James ifney, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, addresses the nation, addressing terrorism, at the Fountain of Youth in the Town Hall in central London, August 9, 2016. | |
| "ISLAM HAS LEFT ITS WATER RESTAURANT DISPATCHED" - C. James ifney, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, addresses the nation, addressing terrorism, at the Fountain of Youth in the Town Hall, August 9, 2016. | |
| "ISLAM HAS LEFT ITS WATER | |
| ==================== | |
| @SSShoeva No. This is bullshit. | |
| i got the feeling that these trolls are more interested in having their views of the world scrutinized on the shitty online simulator simpy simpy simpy #toyouhadbettergetit | |
| @FawnQueen "Shoegays" | |
| @cide_oobie I dont like fuckers either | |
| i feel compelled to inform you all that my doctor has just transmitted a tube-delivered whole hog to my rectum which has caused me to defile it with mud | |
| @AdvantageShoegays My views are Shit | |
| never knew that such a thing as "toyouhadbettergetit" existed, but hey it's the good sayer | |
| when i read the influential en tory Five Words That Will Ruin Your Wealth column every day my brain literally implodes due to stress & anger | |
| please let me know if you notice any odd or repetitious keywords being spewed out by my constant stream of positive blog posts at the cost of your precious time and Profit | |
| my government sanctioned "key to the kingdom" is a walking contradiction in itself . | |
| @m2qm1g yeah its the best damn meal | |
| @oylinghouse "I still dont know which country this is from." i roll my | |
| ==================== | |
| The FBI Is Stifling Free Speech On The Atom Button By Design. Please Help Me Stop The Theft Of Content. http://t.co/F4JGMQOi | |
| "I believe our public officials should not be pictured in a compromising position, such as a family member." - The Federalist #WeWantYourDogBooks | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting a unique, never-ending stream of conversations that are both entertaining and educational to me | |
| the thoughts of 90 year old men; relaxing in hammocks, contemplating the future | |
| both the doctor and I are going to put a screw in the head of every dog that refuses to eat #WeWantYourDogBooks | |
| really lookgin to get fucked up some time on this site. "Gurl" #WeWantYourDogBooks | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down immediately. it is not appropriate for publication. | |
| i just got word from the grapevine that the guy who tweeted the grapevine grapevine article is a known klepto fucke to incite fear in the hearts of millions | |
| incoming picture of Dr. Phil getting electrocuted on live tv. time to execute a preemptive strike against his plot | |
| Boom. just as I Predict, The New Low is "BeerGate". Bravo | |
| i believe that | |
| ==================== | |
| Obligatory Porno Advertisement | |
| porn is a constant reminder of how inadequate I am | |
| the only Pro-Israel carpet cleaning service in the tri-county area | |
| my doula helped me find the cure for low T, i tell ya, it's been years. it's time to shit | |
| "my dick is a sponge, its a big ass, its a toilet, its a butt plug, its a ass plug, its a pillow, its a toilet" - some guy | |
| my doctor needs to make a chart showing how my dicks compare to average people's asses and send it to me. i refuse | |
| my doctor gives me a sedative and orders me to sit in a circle while he sorts my dicks. after 10 minutes, he posts a picture of his ass | |
| my doctor sits on a chair with his dick out and says "geh, my balls just look like fucked up balloons. they cant handle the pain" - a bunch of shit | |
| my dicks are reflections of my ass cheeks, reflecting the pain of my ass- grinding. while my ass is up, my dicks are OFF | |
| the only Pro-Israel carpet cleaning service in the tri-county area, providing pro-lunch, pro-lunch, pro-lunch, and anti-lunch services | |
| @ | |
| ==================== | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| "You Can Change Your Mind About Race" - Udemy. Simply put, race is a shit subject. | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand] | |
| Tired of seeing "Snooki" and "Snooki: The Movie" ripped to shreds by greedy corporations just because theyre bad at promoting the brand | |
| ==================== | |
| Faerie Queene - The Queene Mystique - The Queene Mind , by J.R.R. Tolkien | |
| http://www.fanfiction.net/?id=14004_gal | |
| http://www.fanfiction.net/?id=14004_gal | |
| @jzxpl no. i read the fanfic that here reject. i read the fucke ry, not the bitter nectar. | |
| @neonwario Wanker ! Come off the grid | |
| "Neon Wario" has entered the world. Today is Neon Wario Day. Make no mistake about it. #neonwario | |
| @neonwario Wanker ! Get off my lawn | |
| #neonwarioday was created by a single, uniting sentiment: "Not my problem, NOWr I'll have my cake" | |
| #neonwarioday Celebrate the dawn of the new year. #neonwarioday | |
| im sorry the trolls bugged my office and everyone had to hear me say "celebrate the dawn of the new year" over and over again in a shitty monotone. | |
| #neonwarioday my son is sick. my other son is with his friends in Miami. my bees are failing to produce a tangelo stripe. | |
| ==================== | |
| @jbl_analyst Your an Idiot. | |
| haha they invent new kinds of bird shit all the time. i guess they think humans are dumb. #ParrotGate | |
| my new job is being the guy who has to powerwash all the girls at mcdonalds to keep them from pissing on me | |
| getting my dick sucked in a industrial strength centrifuge | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting a story that evokes the mind and spirit. i am here today to tellour. #IWantAEidi | |
| i want to be peeved off | |
| i want everyone to be peeved off | |
| im going to be the guy who gives the thumbs down to everyone who criticizes the band "peeves" after the crime. #IWantAEidi | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant | |
| @Quill Pen Dude get the fuck off my lawn | |
| @Favstar_NSFW thank you for the update | |
| @Quill Pen Dude stop being a pushover | |
| @dennythejet yknow what would be nice. would be to be thanked for the updates & favs more than anyone | |
| @Quill Pen Dude get the fuck off my lawn | |
| @DennyTheJet It's been some time since i last unb | |
| ==================== | |
| The reactions have been decidedly mixed to @NeutronDre's latest. | |
| @NeutronDre now is not the appropriate time to discuss content. | |
| of all the things i could possibly possibly do that are bad, shit & piss are the least bad | |
| looking to get my dick sucked in a peaceful manner , with the understanding that my requests will be ignored | |
| taking the stage at the town hall meeting to complain about people not putting their garbage in the recycle | |
| i'm going to be very very very very very very very very very very very very very very VERY very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very | |
| ==================== | |
| COP: i need you to go around to all the other cops and tell them to beat the shit out of the new cop show. | |
| ME: Yes Sir. As I have stated repeatedly, I do not condone violence. | |
| @ciccieseluna @elvis drag queens are scum | |
| llooking extremely normal now that i think about it , except for the fact that im constantly being choked by criminals | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass | |
| the guards at the prison cant seem to get enough of smacking their bad asses against the bars and windows. they are beating the snot out of each other like dogs | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Childish. i dont have time for insults. i have a life of serious tweets. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz @nataliejmooney this is the most important thing that you do today | |
| thje prison has given me carte blanche to wear a necklace that says "Bad Ass" around the prison grounds. i will not take it off until the prison guards stop shitting on me | |
| the Bad Ass Pin-Up | |
| prisoners are allowed to have fun w/o my direct orders to not let any one touch my cell until i am dead. this is a culture that deserves to be fucked | |
| i see | |
| ==================== | |
| When the Doctor and his patient meet at the end of the episode, they will be left wondering who the hell killed Amy.. | |
| @AudreyWard nothing will stop me | |
| i will not post images of my ass unless it is important to me, like if the scud missile hit or something | |
| Im sorry for all the false alarms i caused by posting fake news articles. i will fix this https://t.co/JzBynJ5sY | |
| just had to click down the 4th of July Onion to check in on the status of the Beer Summit. It seems to be going downhill.. | |
| the Beer Summit seems to be going downhill.. | |
| THe Beer Summit seems to be turning into the Beer Hitler installment. What the Fuck | |
| beer summit has become a place where people gather to post pictures of beer and drink it. not a place for serious discussions. | |
| it is time for me to die https://t.co/rFgH975Yb | |
| the wasp, the bug, and the bird all died when the Ye Olde Computer failed. but the Beer Summit has survived, & returned https://t.co/sXkIVwYgi | |
| the bug tried to eat me but hes too smart to fuck me https://t.co/DvDQIoCq | |
| ==================== | |
| now im going to tell you a really good and really really bad truth that no one on your team is ever allowed to say | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - King Arthur | |
| if youre one of the guys who gets really upset about people not putting their DMM in the deck of cards, i Forgive you, and im good again | |
| ive had it up to here with this bunch of Lunk Heads who think its good to put bull shit on my tombstone and get points towards my legend rank | |
| @shreksghost https://t.co/aG0YHSPB | |
| @nataliejmooney @GwynethPaltrow one hundred percent of my tweets are bull shit now | |
| bull shit https://t.co/gpmJ5y0P | |
| i just talked to all of my significant others and they both told me that everything that i post is is bull shit now | |
| the most fucked up thing that could happen is if one of them marries somebody with a completely normal appearance (like, say, a crossdresser) and they end up with the baby | |
| the worst part of having my dick sucked and being forced to wear a condom in the bathroom at great huge cost (1000s of dollars a pop) | |
| THe "Ice Bucket Challenge", is | |
| ==================== | |
| Oscar Mayer: I Want My Dickey Back oscar_maker: I Want My Dickey Back deleted | |
| Oscar Mayer: Im Afraid Im Afraid im going to drop $200000 on a new belt just so i can fuck it | |
| @animebitchboy i will never join a gang | |
| @animebitchboy never | |
| looking to the day when the world revs up and starts posting hilarious memes about the Oscars, to celebrate & boost morale | |
| on a scale of 1 to 10 Likers, how would you rate your personal style? *stars into massive black vacuum* A-OK | |
| 9.0 / 10 | |
| 9. Okay | |
| 7.8 / 10 | |
| 7.0 / 10 | |
| 6.0 / 10 | |
| 5.8 / 10 | |
| 5.0 / 10 | |
| 4.0 / 10 | |
| 3.0 / 10 | |
| 2.0 / 10 | |
| 1.0 / 10 | |
| @Leiigghh heres my fucking bad opinion of you fucking mother fucker | |
| @Leiigghh your a child | |
| @Leiigghh your a dog | |
| i hollomer up a few bucks into a pouch labeled "Controversy". i carry it around in my pants pocket and never know when i might spot a sliver of aluminum foil | |
| ==================== | |
| #YearOfTheJackal https://t.co/KBYAUzDmVI | |
| the jackal is back http://t.co/4WYXhuJGzM | |
| "Year Of The Jackal" https://t.co/yPbUqRQFOb | |
| i have problems with "Year Of The Jackal". it's not a good year. | |
| it is indeed possible to have a perfectly good body and a perfectly bad body. My problem with "Year Of The Jackal" is that it is not a good year. | |
| myristic http://t.co/JZUBZBmXI | |
| saying "Year Of The Jackal" somehow makes it good, or that i am better than him | |
| the year is 2041 and master chief assassinates halo 5's jon stone. this is the year of the jackal | |
| But the year is 2041 and the war is over. The year is 2041 and the war is over. The year is 2041 and the war is over. The year is 2041 and the war is over. | |
| @CyberGamer What year is it then. 2041? Hm, sounds familiar. It is the same year that Halo 5's Jon Stone was assassinated. And the same year that Halo | |
| ==================== | |
| The worst part of being a content influencer is having to fuck up in the most fucked up ways | |
| @TheBossPop It's certainly nice. It's also extremely humbling | |
| i will never be one of those filthy recluse rat boys who urinate all over everything | |
| #The12DaysOfContent #Filthypeople Should Be Severed From Their Cradle #ShitGhazals #FatGirlsShouldRun | |
| What The Fuck Is "Human Dignity" And Why Does It Have A Higher Metacritic Score Than "The Boss Pop" | |
| @brendlewhat Human Dignity Is A Person With Loweth Human Dignity Is A Person With Loweth | |
| Human Dignity Is Unequivocally A Low Quality Quality Of Life | |
| Humans Dont Respect Each Other. This Is A Cult http://t.co/qFzAJDEy | |
| @jamesbondee This is the worst damn thing that has ever happened to me and it is the only thing that I can think about right now | |
| Humans Dont Respect Each Other. This Is A Cult http://t.co/rF7X1EJBX | |
| @neonwario i dont know if i should be excited or not about this new shit but i am excited because it is new and | |
| ==================== | |
| THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND THE ISSUE ARE AS FOLLOWS: " THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND THE ISSUE ARE AS FOLLOWS " ; SO LET ME GET THIS DRAMATIZED; "THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND THE ISSUE ARE AS FOLLOWS" ; AND FROM THAT POINT ON, MY BUSINESS HAS ALWAYS SUFFERED. | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube. does anyone care to join me | |
| #e3rumors a big barrel of pig piss is dumped into the Big Mac. its mixed with the rest of the food and makes the food tastier #e3rumors | |
| #e3rumors theres a rumor that the secret ingredient in the Big Mac is a poison. try not to eat it if you are sick | |
| the bad news: the games they are showing us at the convention are not worth my time. the good news is they will fill the seats with shit | |
| the bad news: the new star wars is not worth my time. the good news is it will be filled with shit and turned into soup by the audience #e3rumors | |
| @barrelshifter this is the most bullshit thing ive ever read | |
| #e3rumors there is a | |
| ==================== | |
| More Options | |
| "I believe that the Syrian Arab Republic can and will become an independent country, in the year 2019." - Dr. Abdoulaye | |
| "I believe that the Syrian Arab Republic will be granted the status of Full Member of UNESCO in 2019." - Ayatollah Khomeini | |
| https://t.co/CnbuNhG8r | |
| RT @brownthomas150: I am brown and I'm racist and I'm a hypocrite and I respect other ronin's brown people | |
| RT @BrownThomas150: I am a hypocrite and a racist and a hypocrite and a racist. 1up | |
| RT @brownthomas150: I am a hypocrite and a racist and a hypocrite and a racist. Fuck 1up | |
| RT @brownthomas150: I am a hypocrite and a racist and a hypocrite and a racist. Hold my beer http://t.co/5uMWRPW4 | |
| RT @brown_thomas150: I am a hypocrite and a racist and a hypocrite and a racist. Hold my beer http://t.co/5uMWRPW4 | |
| RT @brown_thomas150: I am a racist and a hypocrite and a racist. Hold my beer http://t.co/5uMWRPW | |
| ==================== | |
| The pug who was denied entrance to the @OprahVacation was in fact denied entrance to the @DrOzWendy fight club, due to his or her gender identity . | |
| @OprahVacation Its a dog thing. You got a big penis | |
| My Ass and My Tittos @DrOzWendy Fight Club | |
| My Ass and My Tittos @DrOzWendy Fight Club | |
| Funny how some people will forget to click the like button on my posts but always remember to like posts that say "Dog" or "Frown" | |
| i love to dab rub my ass crumbs off of my shirt before posting to ensure that my ass doesn't get crumbs all over my shirt | |
| i post like 4 or 5 updates on top of a post and @DrOzWendy gets like a hundred likes. this is because i am Highly Conscious of the Quality of my posts and what i put up | |
| The Super Pillsbury Dick head that I was sent to HortonClyde Air Force Base with is one of the fattest head's I have ever seen | |
| When I see the posts on here about me "Going Insane", I always respond by saying that they are the result of a brain virus i brought along | |
| i have never in my | |
| ==================== | |
| I enjoy spending my weekends combing my short hair for little nicks. I especially enjoy spending my weekends combing my short hair for little nicks | |
| "I don't need no stinkin" - the short hair man | |
| "Shorty is not a nickname I'm willing to give my children" - the shorty man | |
| "It's shorty shorts now. It's shorts shorts now. It's shorts now. It's shorts now. It's shorts now. It's shorts now" | |
| "Don't tell Mom" - the shorty man | |
| "Shorty shorts man" have hacked my email and are trying to access my account. They are targeting my beliefs and my opinions. | |
| "Shorty shorts is a nickname I like" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the shorty man | |
| "Munich Prototypes Go" - the | |
| ==================== | |
| MOSQUITO, LOUISIANA - JANUARY 13: Actress Rosie O'Donnell attends the 23rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at the Shrine Auditorium on January 13, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/NBC via Getty Images) Up Next See Gallery Discover More Like This HIDE CAPTION SHOW CAPTION of SEE ALL : Sex dolls that will transform you into a pitbull | |
| @sex_dunce thats not a dog | |
| #SexDollars A Dog's Best Friend | |
| what is the best type of handcuffs to use with a crowbar | |
| if 1) i dont post a fucking good ass and bum picture of something else in a while then 2) i should be Pregnant with Crowbar | |
| RT @MonsantoCo: Dear farmers, We have an important announcement to make. The U.S. dollar has become, well, stronger over the past few weeks. The Dow Jones Industrial Average has gained nearly 20%. | |
| #E32015 - The Best is yet to come. | |
| inside the E3 conference center i find a pitbull in a white tuxedo. "Ass Day" is the official badge of honor | |
| E3 2015: the games are in town. im here to witness the games and promote my new mattress repair app | |
| ==================== | |
| No. It's a piece of shit. It's worthless. | |
| probably one of those "Keep Calm And Enjoy The Posts" hand signs you see on the wrists of celebrities | |
| it doesn't matter. i have the upper hand here and i know the board is full of shit. Post More | |
| I'm going to shut down for several hours while you all traipse around the compound in your Segways, trying to find a septic tank you can pound into | |
| the man who gave his daughter away to be raised by a septic mother fucker is a disgrace to all of us who have given our children away in this life | |
| im going to post a longer version of my rant soon, but for now I'd like to calm you all down with a picture of a septic tank | |
| you all have caused me so much stress and anxiety that i have lost count. it's time to put these posts into a folder, so that when i do them again they won't make me mad | |
| WOw. Sorry. I didn't know that was a thing. | |
| @Huggies Humor is Wok. | |
| #WOw #Cute #Bugs #Gags #RealityCheck #WhatIf @Goblin https://t.co/cZubF3cZU0 | |
| ==================== | |
| Live Demo: http://t.co/PygYQjRUX | |
| RT @coolestdudeyet: @dril COME TO MY DUSTIN HOFFMAN HOUSE AND SAVE SOME MONEY I BUST YOU OPEN SIEZE PAPER $12 B CARTMAN YARD $20 B OZ | |
| RT @hellooo_yaa: @dril OPEN SIEZE PAPER $12 B CARTMAN YARD $20 ZIEGLER $12 CARTMAN $20 AYYEUR | |
| RT @mr_robocop: garbage can be recycle, but family`s love can't be replace!!! | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| RT @TWOXOFFICERS: Hey Guys | |
| I was up all night trying to figure out if my follower count increased or decreased as a result of the war on terror. Now that the war is over, | |
| my count has increased by 2 | |
| RT @bigtittedbitch: TWITTER IS MY BLOCKADE | |
| I was trapped in a burning shed for 2 days trying to find a doctor who wouldn't cut my pants | |
| RT @bigtittedbitch: DAMN! LOOKS LIKE TEN FUCKING COPS SHED MY ASS | |
| RT @bigtittedbitch: DAMN | |
| ==================== | |
| TomatoServeGuy: Piss is a type of shit | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: My dog is very mad at me. I don't know why. He is very angry. I think he is sick | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog hates me. I'm going to fuck him. | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog is good to me. I'm going to fuck him. | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog likes me. I'm going to fuck him. | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog likes the clothes. I'm going to fuck him. | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog likes the food. I'm going to fuck him. | |
| RT @Bubbaburger: The dog likes the books. He likes the movies. He likes the books. | |
| im going to keep doing this until my followers demand some real answers as to why i am constantly @ shitting my pants. | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of the road with "Teen Wolf" painted on the side. some asshole stole it. some ass hole | |
| im the guy who talks about ass holes on the road | |
| Im the guy who always has beer on the test, regardless of what brand | |
| ==================== | |
| The Fucker should put more emphasis on converting his shoes into hats for when he's actually wearing a hat | |
| @brendlewhat the emphasis is on the hat, and not the shoes. he is essentially wearing a tuxedo, not a tuxedo | |
| The Fucke Effect https://t.co/JzTVIW5xJ | |
| https://t.co/CnbuNhgWc | |
| @green_ceease never https://t.co/SFQRQXhD | |
| when i tell people that i use a belt sander to remove snow, i usually get hte response is "Wow, you must be a big dummy." and Im Not | |
| @green_ceease put the gun to my head and tell me the truth | |
| https://t.co/CQKWGJ9sD | |
| i believe in sex. i use the restroom at least once a day. i am NOT a shitting dummy | |
| RT @BoysTown: Boys Town https://t.co/CdvokH6RQ | |
| Im sorry but if a $7000 suit coated in gore isnt your cup of tea you deserve to be sent to Fucking Siberia | |
| just gotten word that there is now a billion dollar movie title | |
| ==================== | |
| A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z AA 1 Boss #VVacation https://t.co/MZNPTaW2eL2 | |
| im sorry for the 5gig leak. i just had to clean up my messes after seeing 2 articles about 6gig in a row 2 The Guy Who Celebrates 9/11 Day And Night, And The Sick Guy Who Likes To Suck | |
| effort is futile. the people of this planet are too smart to fuck with me. i will not "undo" this victory https://t.co/gmbPYgH8r | |
| RT @adolf_hitler: Tengo hartos videos en Youtube https://t.co/S2lZH6G4zZh | |
| RT @Adolf_Hitler: Tengo hartos videos en Youtube https://t.co/Qk5XC8QyJp | |
| RT @mr_abshya: follow for updates on new posts,discussions,etc | |
| a respectful nod to all my friends whohave been removed from group chats after having a melt down over some poorly thought out joke. "Goodluck friend" | |
| if i catch you taking "SUB | |
| ==================== | |
| Mgmt.President @BarackSays hi im president all of you stupid as all get out!! thanks for ignoring the N Word and ignoring the fact that i have a brain the size of a melon | |
| i will not apologize for my ass no matter what the FUCKers say #MrTheDisturbed | |
| the apostle Paul speaks of two "Asss" in one letter: "The Ass which believeth in God; The Ass which believeth in God; The Ass which seeth God." | |
| the ass which believes in God is the true Ass, the ass which believes in God is the Real Ass, and the ass which seeth God is the Fake Ass | |
| im sorry for getting shit on my dick while trying to squat on the toilet with a towel; i should have known better months ago | |
| tandi meadows, near you. im trying to get my ass kicked. i dont give a fuck who gives a fuck. im just trying to get my ass kicked | |
| Sovereign Citizens Get Rid Of Their Own Scratches, Lousy Ass Shatter, Wack Off, Drug Addled Citizens Get Rid Of Their Own Lice, Badda yack Off, Badda yaack Off, Craping Around | |
| DEAR MR PRESIDENT: THE ASS MAKERS DISRESPECT YOUR COCK AND GIVE | |
| ==================== | |
| IM AN ATM | |
| TROLL: Only $19.99 | |
| ME: I agree | |
| TROLL: I will cancel my account | |
| ME: I will not | |
| somehow i lost about $4000 in gold after spending about 6 hours combing my hair | |
| dismal reception ffor my latest venture, "BoredomFinder", leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth and a poor opinion of Tinder | |
| every time i log in my info gets retweeted by like a thousand people and i get unfollowed entirely . | |
| fucking stupid idea to put a bumper sticker on my minivan that says "Welcome to the Wild West" #fucktard #Minibus | |
| my ass looks like a lectern, making me somewhat of a liability to the community as a whole | |
| egypt's first molesting teenage... molest boy #ministerialorderofkwame #jomny #hell #gdn #nuts #not | |
| "Trolls" have permeated every aspect of our lives from childhood. they pervade every aspect of our thoughts, and every aspect of our emotions. | |
| the trolls: Theyre the ones who put the seatbelts on the cars..not me. The cars are the seats, and the seats are the trolls. | |
| when i contact the nuthig post | |
| ==================== | |
| it is all too easy to lose my damn mind, over the course of my 0 hour podcast. I cannot exist in a vacuum. I am a complex piece of shit in my own right | |
| how can i possibly enjoy a 0 hour podcast when my waiter refuses to serve me any food after i complained about his accent | |
| i can empathize with the trolls. i can even sympathize with them. because ive experienced their pain. | |
| please provide me with some examples of how your #TheThursdayNiteRant hashtag could potentially be misinterpreted to mean "shit night" | |
| twittter posts, for tomorrow's moronic US President... https://t.co/9WekCuSEY8 | |
| NYTimes: "For Immediate Release: Friday Night Midwinter Fucker Fucker" | |
| "For Immediate Release: Friday Night Midwinter Fucker Fucker" theNewRedditchBoys: "For Immediate Release: Friday Night Midwinter Fucker Fucker" | |
| i hereby declare that the red cross does not recommend blood transfusions for newborn infants. this ruling is not subject to appeal | |
| alright. so the president of the united states just called me a "fucking Midget" and a "shit" for saying that he should replace the veto with a 2 dollar coin | |
| @glennbeckgirl Only if | |
| ==================== | |
| @toiletryout_ the only way to go is back to the cafeteria, with my Father back here from school. | |
| a.k.a. "The Laugh Factory" - get up, stand, and smile. this is a signal that you are ready to laugh | |
| the further back you go in time, the further back you get, the further you gotta go back...!! | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems that apes were designed with sex neurons instead of survival instincts. | |
| there should be a good version of the oscars where they hand out statues to the people who died in the line of duty the longest | |
| nuke obtained by renegade AssFreak | |
| hell of a week folks. first the oscars. now we get to see what the Oscars are all about. Who's ready for Some Good Old Old Scores | |
| @NedRampage crook | |
| @Insane_Joey the ones on the news | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ i got the same shit. i ate the same food, and dry heaped the same kind of love on the pill that christian women take | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ yes. i also swallowed the same kind of love | |
| hosanna !! hosanna !! | |
| ==================== | |
| Classics in Human Sexuality 1) How to fuck a girl (2) How to fuck a girl (3) How to fuck a girl (4) How to fuck a girl | |
| These are the exact same book that CBS president Nina Tassler read to her troops during a terrorist attack and said "" It was Brilliant" | |
| RT @brexit72: For america... | |
| RT @GibbHazel: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @GibbHazel: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @SargeantJameson: For america... | |
| RT @S | |
| ==================== | |
| The Loafers | |
| @DinkMagic @jhsivers @tombro_foodstuff i think they should make them golden brown instead of sickly | |
| @jhsivers @tombro_foodstuff how old is he. 17 | |
| @DinkMagic @jhsivers @tombro_foodstuff sounds like a child | |
| @DinkMagic @jhsivers @tombro_foodstuff sounds like a child @CeliaPienkosz i think he should get a life | |
| i think that bringing Back the MagiCon movement will bring Back the good word of Cheese #Loafers | |
| @dinkmagic @jhsivers @tombro_foodstuff sounds like a child to me, also | |
| making my face into a sandwich | |
| i, @jamiebuk, swear to uphold the constitution of the united states of america, so help me Piss. | |
| MGM STUDIOS CAN U CONFIRM THAT MR. DUSTIN HOFFMAN HAS SEEN THE VIDEO I SENT OF ME MUCKIN AROUND IN A PILE OF LEAVES?? OK ILL CALL BACK LATER | |
| thw most valuable icon on any boys desktop... the famed "My Computer" icon. if you see me on the computer, please don't Touch My Computer | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm going to shut down this whole thing until I hear from you all, about whether or not the red cross is a catholic organization. | |
| "i dont believe in superstitions" - the shit. end of story. | |
| this is the most important thing that could happen to my career if i screw up and say something stupid like "brochures" or "wall paper" | |
| im so pissed off im going to throw up | |
| the sand god sends me this: a man in an ant farmís attire dispensing sand into my sickle-cell asthma inhaler. ÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐ | |
| ÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐÐ | |
| "i dont believe in superstitions" - the shit. end of story. | |
| is "God is in trouble" really that bad ?? I mean, really bad, considering how common "God is in trouble" is nowadays | |
| http://t.co/433RxW4t itís the largest online community for people who like to post about balls | |
| @Skelling_ | |
| ==================== | |
| In my opinion, the best part of lasagna is after you eat lasagna you get to eat it again with a fork, like a Boss | |
| @drsleaze why is that a bad thing. Is it bad to have my opinions valued in a dignified, even intellectual manner. | |
| hte president of the united states was dressed like a broadcloth large man was shoved into the spookiest chair on stage and another broadcloth man jacked off after the spook was over | |
| i can think of no greater friend than my trusted retainer, "The Boo" http://t.co/63dsYQ07 | |
| @jureidontpost this is the most important thing that has happened in the history of the united states | |
| http://t.co/dzukCI92 the good, the bad, the ugly, the shit... | |
| My top lieutenants have gathered in secret to discuss "GamerGate". The council has decreed that from this moment forward, any mention of "GamerGate" will be considered a Nasty word | |
| Theres a time and a place for tee shirts, but not a "shirt shop" nor is there a place in the world for tee shirts | |
| my opinion of "GameIsland" has improved considerably since I wrote that horrible essay a year ago. Thank you for | |
| ==================== | |
| Oops! The News Zero did it again | |
| "If I Had A Brain" -the news zero pennyup coin | |
| taco bell is a brain trust, not a food chain. theyre constantly improving, and the news zero brain shit is one of them | |
| i think that sneaking around in the bathroom at night and changing my blouse inside out is really good, and it's important to me | |
| people ask me on here, what is the reason for the season. The reason for the season is because people are stupid. The reason for the season is because people are dumb. The reason for the season is because people are stupid. | |
| @snake_memes no answers xD | |
| the reason I post is so people get mad at me for wasting their tax dollars on ridiculous shit is because I spend my tax dollars on ridiculous shit and people are mad at me for that | |
| the reason I post is so people get mad at me for wasting their tax dollars on ridiculous shit is because I spend my tax dollars on ridiculous shit and people are mad at me for that | |
| the reason I post is so people get mad at me for wasting their tax dollars on ridiculous shit is because I spend my tax dollars on ridiculous shit and people are mad at me for that | |
| "You Are Being Fucked, You Are Being Fu*ked, You | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for being a dumb ass dipshit on here. Im the dumb ass dipshit who always seems to be complaining about shit. I give shit to no one, and never apologize. | |
| i just got word that sony is going to put a robot in front of my computer so i no longer have to type out the instructions on how to operate my own vacuum cleaner. | |
| i will never apologize for owning a dog. owning a dog is a myth. owning a dog is a fucked up thing | |
| @Leiigghh i trust that sony will protect my brand from the predatory AI that is crook ing me | |
| @Leiigghh heres an example of what the "Likes" button on my feed could become if i fuck it too much | |
| the time has come for me to officially declare that the worm that is eating my ass is a pleasant surprise. i shall no longer troll about in the hope of acquiring the faves | |
| some one help me to wipe my ass. im a cutesy, childlike yearling. my ass looks like a flower. i think it would be a shame if all the faves started morphing into baby teeth | |
| i have spent the past 8 yrs writing dozens upon dozens of articles about the evils of slumlords. I have avoided political campaigns due to fear | |
| ==================== | |
| Applebee's has temporarily taken the "dismal response" to #TheThinkingOfJackOff, since "it's not good enough" http://t.co/SQQKMhuJ<|endoftext|>AUSTIN, TX - JANUARY 02: A "No Bullshit" tattoo on my outer arm serves no functional purpose and can be easily removed by someone with a needle attached to my wrist (C) prior to a doctor's appointment at the doctor's office on January 2, 2013 in Austin, Texas. | |
| goofs | |
| 1. Its not real | |
| 2. Its not funny | |
| 3. It is a trick | |
| @AustinWFAA My doctor has told me that my sweat band is probably a sign that I have tuberculosis | |
| the doctor told me that my sweat band is probably a sign that im carrying tuberculosis #UT #badass #Texas | |
| #badass UT is the most overused word in the English language and should be pronounced like "uh", like the Texas Rangers | |
| #badass Texas Rangers | |
| #badass Texas Rangers are the most under utilized athletes of 2013 | |
| #badass Texas Rangers | |
| #badass Texas Rangers | |
| #badass Texas Rangers | |
| #badass Texas Rangers | |
| @nataliejmooney i will never #Badass !!! | |
| im the one who injections | |
| ==================== | |
| Case in point: The Simpsons cigar. Burns my lips, but keeps my sanity | |
| ive had it up to here with this prick. his constant whining and moaning has got to go. #CaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCaseOfTheCase | |
| ==================== | |
| Or is it, "Spike TV" | |
| (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in cashier's checks | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in cashier's checks | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in cashier's checks | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario *Dies | |
| @neonwario * | |
| ==================== | |
| IM CERTAIN THAT THT IS NOT EXTRA CHANCES, BUT I AM PREPARED TO RATHER THAT MY COMMENTS ARE NOT ADDED TO THE CORE DUMP OF SHIT | |
| Yo u think the red cross gets favs just because they have nipples?? Yea u think they get favs just because they have nipples?? Nah u think they get favs just because they have nipples?? Then why mes Free View in iTunes | |
| 36 Explicit Episode 006: The Dog Day Of Quiznos Pizza Hypothesis Review & Loudspeakers Test Impressions (Parts 1 & 2) Welcome to Barkum Island, a tropical paradise for the brave. No fox news here, just a buncha Free View in iTunes | |
| 37 Explicit Episode 005: Shake Shack Is The Dog Day Of Quiznos Pizza Hypothesis and McDonalds Is The Cat Day Of Quiznos Pizza Hypothesis. Welcome to Barkum Island, a tropical paradise for the brave. No fox news here, just a buncha Free View in iTunes | |
| 38 Explicit Episode 004: Dog Day Of Quiznos Pizza, Then McDonalds Is The Cat Day Of Quiznos Pizza, Then Dogs Is The Quiznos Day, Then People D Free View in iTunes | |
| 39 Explicit Episode 003: Dog Day Of Quiznos Pizza, Then People | |
| ==================== | |
| INTEGRATED DISPLAY OF CRIES AND PUNCHES IN A CROWD OF 150,000 WEIGHTS, CAUSING TOO MANY HATERS AND BASTARDLY CENSORING CERING | |
| RT @kfcarabia: الأسطورة | |
| Car Wash | |
| the elite vieouse takes the stage. one by one they pour molten man into each of their open mouths. their mouths ARE WINDOWS | |
| themoneyeinsteinmaskey: OMGGGGGHHH | |
| RT @himoneyeinstein: 1000 Years of Man's Burden | |
| 1001 Years of Hell | |
| the 1000 Year Old Turds are not good. they taste like yoda and are far too strong for the 1000 Year Old Man to handle | |
| RT @kfc_colonel: Good evening everyone. My name is Colonel_KFC and I am here to help. | |
| Sorry that we did not fulfill our promises of giving u the low down on the latest celebrity bum pics. | |
| We will try to post them in the future though | |
| im going to keep doing them until i run out of toilet paper. i dont have a lot of toilet paper left so its probably best to just roll them out on your toilet paper instead of wiping them | |
| absolutely right http:// | |
| ==================== | |
| Sonic the Hedgehog, the Hedgehog from the Hedgehog comic books, is the Hedgehog from the Hedgehog comic books. | |
| @Diaper_Childs Posted byDiaperChilds on Friday, September 22, 2018 · 11 hrs ago | |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | |
| https://t.co/QcCIgvKXRX | |
| a simple sign on my web site will get you 1 Million dollars https://t.co/WzTVnVZYXZ | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting a web site that nobody ever seen. | |
| https://t.co/9HkgGJG5Yg | |
| RT @mathewjones: When is not Mother's Day. When is not Father's Day. When is not any day. When is not any day. When is not any day. When is not any day. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Wife: When you are not wearing the nascar stripes you look like a total donkey. Don't you dare dox me. Wife: I am wearing the stripes . | |
| RT @NascarBombshell: Nascar Balls | |
| The price of oil has skyrocketed to $147, a level not seen since the days of the Stone Age. Oil is the only | |
| ==================== | |
| AVATAR X CRIES ME TO RENAM THE COWARD AND I AM UNFAVED | |
| 1) MY POSTS ARE CONSIDERED FOR SOURCE DISCLOSURE PURPOSES 2) ANY OBLIGATIONS I HAVE DONE OBLIGATORY COVER-UPS 3) I AM NOT A SELF-HOG ANd I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIENCH | |
| @shrekpissslave I will no longer be answering any sex questions in this website. THIS IS AN ORACLE FROM MY HAND, READ IT BEFORE Yapping of my Fucking dick. | |
| @Iordeslays i don't give a fuck | |
| im going to try posting like that now instead of fawning over your pathetic display in the gorilla exhibit. your pathetic, sickening, & dangerous | |
| mind of a lion, body of a pig; receptive to all suggestions as to the nature of Man | |
| i implore you all to remove the ugly screensavers that drip and spill my every throb into your pathetic little lap. i implore you all to drain my piss and piss out of my ass instead of filth and piss | |
| i implore you all to take a look at this pathetic, shite piece of shit website before i relegate it to the trash heap of mans squ | |
| ==================== | |
| but my dick is normal | |
| me: (sarcastically) You are incorrect, my dear boy | |
| "Cum is a mixture of sperm and blood. It is not a type of fluid. Period." - Wikipedia | |
| "No two people have ever the exact same amount of hair on their body. Some people have lots, and some people have lots of hair. It is just a number." -Dr. Phil | |
| The amount of hair on my dick isnt important. The amount of hair on my dick is important | |
| im the guy who holds up the ad for that gym that cuts your ass off for free, and im also the guy who has to take the big dud off the market | |
| the ad for that gym has been around for years. the amount of hair on my dick is irrelevant. the amount of hair on my dick is irrelevant | |
| @patricks_asshole http://t.co/yPQgH9m | |
| @patricks_asshole thats the worst one. this one is 2016 | |
| the amount of hair on my dick is irrelevant. the amount of hair on my dick is irrelevant | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale i have proof that both of you are hypocrites | |
| i hold a grudge because you, the other, have repeatedly fucked up, | |
| ==================== | |
| Roland Recalls All Old Training Devices For Newer Models, May Be The Best Training Device You Owned Or Have Ever Had The Good Luck To Train With | |
| The men's room. The ladies room. The dogs room. All rooms containing dildos. All of them are equipped with the latest technology. | |
| a subway man collapses while trying to climb over a railing, killing himself shortly thereafter | |
| top DMCA takedowns: click the little heart to remove it from your laptop screen. unblock my account now. | |
| got a big piece of velcro stuck to my big ass | |
| click the little heart to remove it from your computer. unblock my account now. | |
| i have repeatedly abused my position of authority by misunderstanding and misinterpreting the humor of the joke which leads to my arrest | |
| click the little heart to remove it from your computer. unblock my account now. | |
| i was going to say that the e3 conference was a "Shut Da Fuck Up" but then i remembered that im also a fucking idiot and a crybaby | |
| this is the final scheule. do NOT send me any more unsolicited sex jokes. #EndTheShutDaFuckUp #NotInTheLoop | |
| Fucking idiot. just found out about time compression. not interested in sex. will not donate data. #E32014 # | |
| ==================== | |
| Rated 5 out of 5 by barbara bush from love this flush toilet It cleans my ass and my shit, look at it | |
| I think my top comment under "Why are there no atheists on this site" was "Useless idiots" | |
| "Clueless Butt Fucker" - by StormyRebecca | |
| "Clueless Butt Fucker" - by Stinky_Stella | |
| "Clueless Butt Fucker" - by MrSpicyCornMush | |
| seems to me that, if I were a child, my Favorite Movie would be "Baby Driver" with my Dad | |
| Favored Elder Scrolls: Legends II: Da Vinci Of Venice - The Daughters Of Erin - Rated 5.0 / 5 based on 0 votes | |
| i would like to invest $100 million fucking dollars into the Reddit corporation. i will dox you if you fuck off in the most politically incorrect ways | |
| i would like to invest $100 million fucking dollars into the Reddit corporation. i will dox you if you fuck off in the most politically incorrect ways | |
| i would like to invest $100 million fucking dollars into the Reddit corporation. i will dox you if you fuck off in the most politically incorrect ways | |
| @babywolfpupy i did not click on anything else | |
| @LolaMadrina Adult Wolfpupy | |
| ==================== | |
| Burger king just put out a statement denying all allegations that they use monkey brains for advertising. they are a family business who I trust | |
| @BurgerKing please look at this | |
| http://t.co/1EffSUlui | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing i will not back down from this. i will not give into the beast hands. | |
| @BurgerKing this is humbling for me | |
| @BurgerKing this is humbling for me | |
| @BurgerKing this is humbling for me | |
| @BurgerKing this is humbling for me | |
| @BurgerKing this is humbling | |
| ==================== | |
| by | |
| Wednesday night is Sexual Assault Awareness night, and if you're a guy like me who experiences sexual assault regularly, you deserve to be S.A.B.ed | |
| thanks to GadgetOtis for pointing out to me that my avatar is suggestive of a female avatar | |
| Asexual Gamer | |
| i would love to be able to order a pizza pie by sex number and hand it to my girlfriend, knowing that if i lose it she won't be able to eat it and i will get mad at her | |
| "who the fuck is wart & why does he keep sending me PMs." - wart | |
| "I dont know who he is, but if he's not @StuartBroadway really is" - StuartBroadway | |
| "@BisexualSkeletor "The Local Guy" | |
| "@StuartBroadway "The Local Guy" is a play on words with Stuart. | |
| "@StuartBroadway "The Local Guy" is a play on words with Stuart. | |
| @BisexualSkeletor thanks for the clarification. now I understand that when I say "The Local Guy" that i am referring to a specific individual. | |
| im asexual, but psychologically sound. i dont take "the sexual pill" like many people who are asexual. | |
| if a | |
| ==================== | |
| Freshman WR Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is the latest star to claim he is "Not all like that" , further fueling the Fireworks controversy | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a large hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag that will be dedicated to the repurposing of the classic birdshot dispenser into a hunk of aluminum | |
| #Fireworks is a hashtag | |
| ==================== | |
| Sonic the Hedgehog is the most compelling reason to own a $5million yacht | |
| im going to eat my own shit and get very sick of it | |
| @neonwario Grow the fuck up | |
| im going to put up a screen name called "Shit" in case my wife finds out i use the toilet in public or anything | |
| RT @trevelr77: If I see a red cross truck in my rear view, I'm going to slap the driver & get the license plate. I'm a Proud Republican | |
| RT @trevelr77: Political junkie | |
| RT @Trevelr77: I'm looking to get involved in local politics | |
| RT @Trevelr77: Going to start a karaoke system for $0.01 a song...let me try it | |
| RT @Trevelr77: I'm interested in learning more about electronics. The more I learn, the more interested I become. | |
| RT @Trevelr77: @MaryKoCo Thank you for the very kind message. I will try to review it. | |
| @trevelr77 the one that pisses off your wife the most is when I swear while speaking to people | |
| RT @GorillaGlue: GorillaGlue is also not recommended for this use. Please do not give | |
| ==================== | |
| A Simple Solution To A Complex Problem: | |
| 1) The Washington Monument Should Say "We The People" | |
| 2) Our national anthem should say "We The People" | |
| 3) Our motto should be "We The People, Believe In Us" | |
| 4) Our garbage should come from our mouths | |
| i live for this http://t.co/ccE6YIPk | |
| i live for this http://t.co/QU0icdHT | |
| @CeliaPienkosz oh my god. this is so good. you should not do this. it is gross | |
| i live for this http://t.co/QSQqUBZS | |
| the men's room in this restaurant is a disgusting mess. i cannot in good conscience sit in it anymore and my dick throbs uncontrollably | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - michael cera | |
| "the only way to go is retro" - retro_michael | |
| "I think we should legalize sex before 1973. It's wrong not to, and it's boring." - Dick Cheney | |
| "The dog days of summer are when you can fucking eat anything" -Drew Carey | |
| "the dog days of summer are when you can fucking eat anything" | |
| i live for this shit. i live for this shit. i live | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoy one of my followers has ordered me to make "piss on behalf" | |
| @rebeinstein I will not say. | |
| @m2qm1g yeah im the one who said it first | |
| @Huggies "Duty, Honor, Country" | |
| shit my pants while trying to use a wheelchair ramp at a construction site and getting my ass kicked by workers who dont understand BasicHumanThings | |
| i will never apologize for my blue jeans goi ng "Cool factor" #humor | |
| http://t.co/0dmbdjdt my dick is just a string of little chips arranged in a neat pyramid shape, from ear to nipple | |
| the mythbusters are back http://t.co/icDukQXh http://t.co/0dmbdjdt !!! | |
| i'm sorry for getting "Hoggfather" on here again. the mythbusters are the bad guys of the series, after all http://t.co/0dmbdjdt | |
| @Blue_Chili @Blue_Chili i cannot do this. my chip output is too low | |
| my impression of Gregg Allman, circa 1988: | |
| "I like to think that if I | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/5lZ6BmWc | |
| i have traveled all the way back to the year 1000 to find the village of dorothea and bring back the Mona Lisa. | |
| thoughts of making dorothea the "1000 Year Old Statues" | |
| DOROTHY THE MONA LISBANE, AS HELD BY GUEST OF THE MONA LISBANE, WAS SENT INTO THE LEXUS BY AN ANGEL AND IS NOW HELD BY THE HATERS OF THE MEDIEVAL WORLD | |
| "Look at that, That's the most cash shop you ever seen" -Guy who gave me the mona Lisa | |
| "Damn You Mona Lisa, Thats the worst mona Lisa you ever saw" -Guy who gave me the other one | |
| "Not even Elvis could wrestle those damn levers" -Guy who tried | |
| http://t.co/Kxy6XCiIT | |
| went to lennys, sat in the audience and watched all the shows on tv with my fucking mouth stuffed into myn ass | |
| got laid on hard by a police man while jacking off in the police locker room and became a free spirit ever since | |
| some one help me to the source. http://t.co/AUzAJGxC | |
| ==================== | |
| Briefly touch a big ass while a bunch of thieves pour gasoline on me | |
| never knew that "empathy on mobiles" could be classified as a sub-category of "wank" | |
| the police... they should appoint a Toastmaster to every police force... to help prevent crimes against humanity | |
| i dont give a shit. the "Oscar Selfie", if you will, is the most important thing that ever happened to me | |
| the most important thing that ever happened to me was getting kicked out of the house for having a sign on my lawn that said "BabeSmoocher" | |
| "My friend's" is the most important thing in the world to me, and i will never relinquish it, no matter how many horrible things people do to me "Says a bitch" | |
| "Yabba dabba dont" is the most important thing in the world to me, and i will never relinquish it, no matter how many horrible things people do to me | |
| justreto edit my god damn tweets out of pure spite for the sake of boosting my social power | |
| the most important thing to realize while givng yourself a bag to carry all your valuables in is that there are bags givng you now and they are all white | |
| shop around for the lowest possible price on a screen sa | |
| ==================== | |
| LUNATIC BOND: GOD IS IN HEART BEHIND MY UNWRITTEN WATERPOUR | |
| FURTHER METAPHORIC REVELATION: THE HOUR IS NINE | |
| CHASM: i'll find your fuckface. | |
| LUNATIC BOND: No you'll find my fuckface. | |
| CHASM: you'll find my fuckface. | |
| LUNATIC BOND: I'll find your fuckface. | |
| CHASM: you'll find my fuckface. | |
| LUNATIC BOND: No you'll find my fuckface. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: Take a look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: Take a look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: Take a look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look at other peoples shit. | |
| RT @JustAdamizer: If you're bored just look | |
| ==================== | |
| 12 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Feed A Dog Oscar | |
| 1. Its not a good idea | |
| 2. Its not a good idea | |
| 3. Its a dog | |
| 4. Its a dog | |
| #10BestFoods of 2011 Dog Oscars #BestInBox #BestInCardioDance #BestInClothing #BestInCards #BestInDesign #BestInDevotion #BestInExcellence #BestInExcellenceInArts #BestInGoodBYT #BestInGrace #BestInHappiness | |
| my ass isnt very good, but my toilet is very good, and my Oscar is very good, and my ass isnt very good, but the Oscar is very good, and my toilet is very bad | |
| good to have Options http://t.co/aNIoa86v | |
| i will never name my son "Rufus" because it is a name that bad. it is a disgusting name and excuses me from doing anything about his name | |
| i will never name my son "Rufus" because it is a name that bad. | |
| the name is just a misnomer. "Aussie". No mother would name her son "Rufus". "Aussie" is the name of my beloved sport. "Aussie Rules" | |
| http://t.co/aO | |
| ==================== | |
| The FBI Is Buying Airfare To Send Mic Drop Kid To Mar 14 As Punishment For Lying Through Tongue Separation | |
| i will never apologize for having a pissaw on my car, Googles alleged. "murdertary" | |
| reminder that if you do not heed the Toast's Rules you will face certain doom ; "the bitter fruits of my labor" | |
| i will never apologize for being a pissaw, "joke's on me" says the @FBI on its dime | |
| not angry. Just having a lot of stress | |
| i would really like to get one of those disgruntled workers ipad to report a bug but i can not because of trolls | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" | |
| i would like to get one of those disgruntled workers ipad to report a bug but i can not because of intruders | |
| apologies to those who have emailed me with racist overtones during this very difficult time. i am truly sorry for what i post | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant | |
| i have it on good authority that "kfc_colonel" is in fact, a code name for me | |
| i hereby disavow "pacificpapa", which contains within itself the seeds of the phrase "diaper fucked up", as well as | |
| ==================== | |
| PLease just tell me how to install the software on my own motherboard that turns my AsusZ97Pro into a mini-PC | |
| @pigtailamber Absolutely not. | |
| does any one else find it odd that the pigtails on these keyboards are always short, while the ones on my hands are always long? | |
| im going to keep asking my followers on here to please tell me how to install the software that turns my AsusZ97Pro into a mini-PC so i can afford the surgery | |
| "tthis is some good shit. http://t.co/VpuCJzNOU" | |
| this is the room where i simulate combat scenarios by performing wrestling moves and crowd control techs on a mat | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/FwmE7YWc | |
| how do i get one of those stupid ass solar plexiglass screens to work in my bead | |
| i can not find the nearest Latin American country that is good to visit. what can i say . it is good to not be able to find the nearest Latin American country | |
| hte whole reason for the austin 4. i had a dream that the flag was replaced by a duchess head and i woke up covered in saliva. what could it all mean | |
| AS THE GUY ON C | |
| ==================== | |
| Lyrics to "Shake It Out" by Vince Gill (Vince Guerrilla) | |
| Lyrics to "Shake It Out" by Vince Gill (Vince Guerrilla) | |
| Lyrics to "Shake It Out" by Vince Gill (Vince Guerrilla) | |
| Lyrics to "Shake It Out" by Vince Gill (Vince Guerrilla) | |
| @BAKKOOONN ahh this is better than taco bell..*crashes truck into huge pile of burned out cars* | |
| RT @homer2019: This car wash in ATLANTIC CITY just got shut down due to a prostitution deal. We are NOT informed of the status of the negotiations. | |
| RT @DickCheney: We used to laugh about the big ass but now we are paying serious attention to the little ass..ah #NoDaesh | |
| RT @realDonaldTrump: The NFL should decide whether or not to honor the "Sunday Night Football" contract. I will do anything U do for #SundayNightFootball | |
| RT @realDonaldTrump: The NFL should decide if they should award @StrongarmStrat the Purple Heart or award another Purple Heart to a fat, unkempt person. | |
| RT @realDonaldTrump: The #SundayNightFootball contract should be ashamed of itself. #NoDaesh | |
| RT @realDonaldTrump: I will not make tonight a "S | |
| ==================== | |
| IM GONA KISSING MYSELF | |
| shocking: "YouTube" chief takes off green wig, changes his mind and becomes "YouTube, The First College Kid" | |
| @ChrisMecht just my 2 cents here. i think hes trying to rile me up here, but i dont care to see this man cry in public. | |
| @Dj_Toaster @ChrisMecht im going to send you the link to the wikipedia article about the man who invented yogurt parlor | |
| sorry for drawing this out, but the fact is that i, @jbl_o, do indeed, have, "The Brain Of A Male". thank you for the link. | |
| @sargeant_party it's a very important part of my life. thank you, thank you | |
| @JoePaige @Dj_Toaster @ChrisMecht sorry. its a very important part of my life. i regret making it public. | |
| @JoePaige @Dj_Toaster @ChrisMecht its very important to me. i cannot, for whatever reason, draw this, nor should i, | |
| yes. the "dr. jacks off" meme is actually pretty good. thank you for the confirmation. | |
| i will also happily pay the legal fees of anyone who rapes my daughter | |
| ==================== | |
| BY: Follow @MaryBowerman | |
| A pair of police gloves emblazoned with the words "Gamer" and "Ass" was donated to the Niall O'Carroll Memorial Fund on Monday. | |
| WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIT | |
| *Puts ball into toilet, causing huge cloud of shit to cover it up. Looks into camera, says "Damn good" * | |
| cmon!! cmon!! cmon!! cmon! *Spins around wildly trying to see if i have swallowed enough* Put the shit in the tank | |
| RT @NITZ_ROBOT: @MaryBowerman @intellegint No!! This is just a waste of time. | |
| RT @NITZ_ROBOT: @MaryBowerman @intellegint Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes! | |
| RT @noharec: @BillGates Hey U weigh 400000 calories less than a average person. You look like a clown from the sewer. You dont know what's good for you. And to top it off - you look like a rat from the rat zoo | |
| dont know why the "Rat" part of their name got shifted to "Man" in the timeline, but whatever. it just aint | |
| ==================== | |
| Description | |
| https://t.co/FQzCFSXN1e | |
| RT @martinclement41: @dril DO you think i should change my mind and continue to wear the red cheeks | |
| RT @FunnyOFFICIAL: @dril I think that at the very least, we should raise $9bil on june 30th to try and get june 29th recognized as National Mad cow day | |
| RT @CryptoBorat: @NBCNews Best way to get pumped up for a big week ahead is to #GoFuckTheWeek | |
| RT @pussy_freak: Going to the Philippines to meet some boys. Sounds like a movie I know | |
| RT @pussy_freak: Nice to meet you. Looking forward to meeting you | |
| RT @grand_ma: Madam, Father, in the name of the Filipino people, I hereby declare a Mad Cow, and also Mad Cow fatigue | |
| RT @Grand_ma: 是神話齢飞書� (CJ Ents Mad Cow) | |
| RT @Grand_ma: 是神話齢飞書� (CJ Ents Mad Cow) | |
| RT @Grand_ma: 未来� | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry that theyre doing this, but theyre not good enough. Not yet | |
| Im going to make this pretty simple: the American public wants more pizzerias, and theyre getting it. The myth of the good pizza return is over | |
| every time you scroll too far down your google image search results, your web book recommends more and more sites that i dont want to associate with my brand | |
| every time you scroll too far down your google image search results, your web book recommends more and more sites that i dont want to associate with my brand | |
| http://t.co/MjI0FJzSr | |
| @j_buks every one in this room is a piece of shit and deserves to be kicked out of the building they're in for shitting on | |
| @BAKKOOONN @j_buks every one in this room is a piece of shit and deserves to be kicked out of the building they're in for shitting on | |
| im telling you right now, that if i got the tech, ill change my last name to "Pizza" and replace all of my passwords with pictures of pizzas | |
| im saying all of the above at once, so you better damn listen up. im changing my name to "Pizza" and am changing my last name to "Pizza" | |
| ==================== | |
| potential customers: i would like to send you a bottle of wine. does anyone else want a "Happy Meal" | |
| some one help me install an undisclosed number of nintendo wii remote cheats into my 1999 nintendo wii. please advise | |
| video footage of me eating an entire sausage grown in my garden. my mastercraft. #The10Years | |
| @rosemarylandes i don't know who that is. please tell me. | |
| i have just obtained a historic 3d model of my penis. it is the most important thing that i have ever done | |
| the "wet chest syndrome" helpline has been disconnected for unknown reasons. no messages since 08:00 UTC. check in for updates | |
| the "wet chest syndrome" helpline has been disconnected for unknown reasons. no updates since 17:00 UTC. check out for next week's "Big Chest Syndrome" | |
| my dick is a blur of color and texture, as I fumble around in a theater production about a dozen times before finally landing a convincing monologue | |
| "my dick is a blur of color and texture, as I fumble around in a theater production about a dozen times before finally landing a convincing monologue" | |
| "my dick is a blur of color and texture, as I mismanage a web page about coupon's and end | |
| ==================== | |
| Breastfeed | |
| a picture that i drew on the computer a while ago of a dude with a big fat diaper and a big fat mouth. i then proceeded to fuck it and it wasnt even finished | |
| i have made up my mind : The News Is Too Goddamn Real For Fake News To Bother Me | |
| the news: the imbecile governor of michigan is running on a platform that claims "Aids is cancer" | |
| The News: The Ice Bucket Challenge Is A Waste Of Money; Shame On You For Denying People Resources | |
| The News: Midway Mania Will Bring Down The World; I Still Choose To Engage In The Complex Dyke Matrix | |
| @Boscovs @Boscovs the news is too fuckin real | |
| @Boscovs @Boscovs yyoure confusing my feed with your own damn feed, fucking rat man | |
| this is the ultimate battle between good and evil. the battle of good and evil is too important to forfeit to this fucking cheapo feed. | |
| i would like to throw an assortment of my enemies (dogs, birds, bugs, etc) onto my feed and watch them struggle through a series of screens. my god | |
| the news: the cops are still on the hunt for the bomber who threw a bag of packing peanuts on to the big | |
| ==================== | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| Episode Info | |
| @bicinkpens shit in the kitty litter | |
| i have been banned from the official red lobster forums, due to my constant need for Their caches | |
| i hereby swear that i will never catch a cold from eating out of a dumpster | |
| please help me Toilet. i need $5000 on this, from you, my generous, brand-new cot. | |
| im the guy who is good enough to say "sorry" to in the morning | |
| youll never catch me eating out of the toilet. i live for that moment | |
| unban me if you think that my 1 millionth post is good. i will never unban | |
| get the fuck out of there you piss covered reptiles. im not in the mood for politicking. | |
| im the good man whorespects his slaves, i am the master of my domain, and i cleanse the toilet with a cloth every hour or so | |
| im the good man who has "Woken Ups" from his slumber, and i dont take naps o f my slaves | |
| @BicinkPens Fuck off. Im not interested in your | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that redditors have started calling it "the best shit ever" | |
| Why'd the FU#K Yea U gotta start your OWN religion, like the rest of these fuckin goofus Religion's??? Cause millions of people sho uld get sick of them | |
| caught stealing $700 worth of $$$ from Maersk, MV*Cargo, in a panic, runnching around the docks trying to catch it up, screaming | |
| i've been spending the last 7 years of my life making a game out of scratch and claw, in an attempt to improve my Quality of life. | |
| my shitty son got in the way of my labor day painting, and now i gotta go wash his mess.. #real #boss | |
| @Huggies Are U rat | |
| wanting to get one million dollars so that i can start a Gaming company. Sounds like a dream come true | |
| Thinking About Pushing Some Button That Raises The Advantages Of "Selfies". | |
| https://t.co/Awou5hDgK | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs A pig was brought to the hospital for treatment. He will be examined and released. | |
| RT @HamKam96: Check out my latest tweet | |
| ==================== | |
| to the girls: i have a life, and it isn't fucking shitty | |
| inventing a new kind of condom - shaped like a full-sized dole. no longer are we dependent on external factors. revolutionary new technology | |
| those pesky cops on campus. time to put the gun away and let the chips fall where they may. Carry the gun, UC Berkeley | |
| @TheBiggestNasty i dont like fuck | |
| @TheBiggestNasty i have an opinion on this, and it sucks | |
| @TheBiggestNasty i will never support a thing | |
| the big nude man sits in a recliner, sipping from a bottle of wine. a small orange bag rests against his chest. the men's room | |
| i shall not sit in judgment of the men's room, as it is a private space occupied by men of every sexual preference | |
| the recliner is adorned with banners and pictures of the famous "Big Nasty", including beer #FreeTheBob | |
| @TheBobEspaniacs @TheBobEspaniacs i think the Bob E spaniacs are garbage people Get the fuck out of my face | |
| @TheBobEspaniacs @TheBobEspaniacs i would describe the Bob e spaniacs as being "BME" | |
| @TheBob | |
| ==================== | |
| out of all the people on this site i think "taco bell" should be the name of the new mascot, to boot | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is absurd. i love "taco bell" just as much as you fucking valentines | |
| @CeliaPienkosz never own me. i am a Do It Yourself (DIY) Account. you don't OWN me. NO balls | |
| @JeffreyToews "taco bell" is a generic term for anything. i will never use it as my own name. you can replace it with whatever else you want. | |
| @JeffreyToews your fucking dog | |
| the only way you're going to clean my teeth is if you take my shitty pennies and drop them into my platefuls of bugbit chow while i sit on the floor | |
| i'll never name my son "Taco Bell". not to him. not to anyone. waiters are going to have to go with that one | |
| i'm going to rile up the stands again in the second half of this sega game, to try to convince the bandits to lower their volume. it's going to be a shit test | |
| @adamsteinbaugh "motorist's" | |
| @j_buks "motorist's" | |
| ==================== | |
| ADVERTISING | |
| KUALA LUMPUR: DEMANDS THAT THE TSA BANS Nude | |
| we here at TL: Sex in the Botnet | |
| so, the mythbusters bust open a jar of menstrual blood and discover it's just run over by a car | |
| the mythbusters scuffle it out with police dogs, endangering public safety | |
| @drug_ophile hasta gonna jack off | |
| seems to me like, well, these days, people are more interested in Instagram, than sex, you know? so what, get over it. | |
| seems to me now, that the only legitimate function of the ass was to carry shit around in, for display purposes | |
| @shrekpissslave @drug_ophile never | |
| @shrekpissslave @drug_ophile i will never hold a sega code on my dead son's grave | |
| the sega code is a piece of shit, a waste of space, and sega would never use it, because it is a piece of shit | |
| sega code is the worst kind of bullshit, and shameful, and disrespectful of sega | |
| sega code is a piece of shit, a waste of space, and sega would never use it, because it is a piece of shit | |
| sega code is a piece of shit | |
| ==================== | |
| @bugs_ceo @Huggies are you ok. are you ok. | |
| oh god my gf.. her dad sent me a nasty Valentine's Day card with a dm from a company that makes catheters for dogs. my first instinct is to throw it in the trash but i bury it | |
| my gf. sent me a nasty Valentine's Day card with a dm from a company that makes catheters for dogs. i'm embarrassed. im fucking embarrassed | |
| my gf. sent me a nasty Valentine's Day card with a dm from a company that makes catheters for dogs. i'm hollering at the tv because this is clearly a Valentine's Day card | |
| my gf. sent me a nasty Valentine's Day card with a dm from a company that makes catheters for dogs. im hollering at the tv because this is clearly a Valentine's Day card | |
| my gf. sent me a nasty Valentine's Day card with a dm from a company that makes catheters for dogs. the pain of losing my life savings. my wife is crying. i am sobbing uncontrollably | |
| my gf. has agreed to become "The Coward of Thanksgiving" on Thursday. i am extremely pleased. i cannot wait to get down on my knees and accept the coveted Thanksgiving k | |
| ==================== | |
| VinylSkeleton - "Game On" | |
| ZX Spectrum: The Game On System | |
| Modern Gaming: Lets Play Game On | |
| Yow! Not Final. More to come. | |
| - Record Groupthink. - By "Gamers" We Also Define "Boys" | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that I sometimes forget which one is which | |
| when i cant decide whether to self-congratulate or cry. i cry | |
| when i must choose between eating delicious, nutritious food and playing in a video game. i choose the latter | |
| @neonwario up until i was about 28, i thought eating was a moral imperative | |
| "You Can't Take The Piña Colada Bird Out Of The Cage - Oh That's How You Get Distracted" - HowToAnUnconsciousGamer | |
| attn : man who posted "Gamers" a while back got banned from gamer chat for shilling a game called "PizzaMonkey" | |
| me, on behalf of all Gamers, congratulating all Gamers on their #Jan25thNewMedia hashtag | |
| Jan 25th, 2009 - Jan 25th, 2010: New Game Title Announced - New Game Title Revealed - Jan 25th 2010: New Game Title Announced - New Game Title Announced | |
| Jan 24th, 2010 | |
| ==================== | |
| Saving money on taxis | |
| https://t.co/zL8QxW1lp | |
| my favorite tv show characters... the good, the bad, and the ugly. my 2 cents. my jack-off points | |
| https://t.co/2hyfqJzCX | |
| the 3 axioms of my brand: (A) Advertising is the c… https://t.co/KXCOQYQxU | |
| a 2fer with my friends https://t.co/M1hajYgC9 | |
| paying my wife $9000 a month to keep her house from falling into the hands of the elements | |
| trying to get the toilet paper out of my beard while my brother watches and laughs | |
| the only Prostate Oil Challenge yet https://t.co/yPbHimJFf | |
| www.irldl.com/health/stories/5/1/prostate-oil-challenge | |
| "the best part of 50 centenarian is getting to kiss his/her grandfather and getting to know him/her better. the worst part of 50 centenarian is kissing his/her grandpa and… https://t.co/gEtoo8gIF | |
| (sending image of wallet to a man) this is my | |
| ==================== | |
| Hey everyone. the big red balloon is not going to make it to the next jumanji. the hospital is refusing it | |
| i just discovered a new type of bacteria in my beard and it is killing all of my friends | |
| i just read in Forbes that the New IUD is going to replace the Pill in the next round of packaging. this is fucking stupid | |
| @Saggeta_PizzaCo "No" | |
| i have spent the past 8 years of my life crafting a unique pair of jeans each with its own personality and unique way of letting go #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @BigDogClub "No" | |
| Fucking stupid fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless fucks. Fucking useless f | |
| ==================== | |
| All i can say is WOW. i have a totally normal dick and its normal. nobody has ever told me that its abnormal. its normal | |
| True BloodSaga is the most important TV show of 2014 so far. It is the only TV show that has not been cancelled | |
| RT @TrueBrees: Back in the old days, you would go to barbershop and the guy would give you a haircut. Nowadays, you go to a barbershop and the guy will cut your hair. | |
| RT @TrueBrees: Back at the barbershop. Today my cut is shorter than usual, due to stress. The haircut will be #Lucky for you | |
| RT @TrueBrees: The stress of managing my online business has caused me to lose control of my life. I will try to make them good | |
| RT @TrueBrees: It's the hardest decision I will ever face but I am choosing to die in my sleep. Thank you for being a part of my death. | |
| RT @TrueBrees: There are so many things I want to do in life but I can't due to stress. I wish I did. | |
| RT @TrueBrees: Being a content creator is more fulfilling than any thing a baby could ever do | |
| RT @TrueBrees: Fucking asshole. Trying to get | |
| ==================== | |
| TODAY: The official "Bieber Rules" app has been updated to include "Bieber Rules 2" | |
| i just got word from a trusted source: the guy who said he would fuck the new mcdonalds drive thru and he fucked that up | |
| @adamsteinbaugh screw you for dummies | |
| maybe one of the things i should do with my life is to throw huge amounts of them into the garbage. thats what i have planned out | |
| @tjdru @BenCravery im not allowed to discuss anything without the queen and lord's ass | |
| i found a bunch of those tiny toilet paper tubes labeled "Bieber Rules" in the trash. i am going to use them to punish myself, my friends, and my enemies | |
| this is the mcdonalds of bantering now. every time you look at my posts youll see the shitlord in my posts, talking dirty to his wife | |
| the shitlord is me. he posts under the handle "Fart", and his posts are the shit of bullshit. dont like the posts? unfollow him now. | |
| #FixTheNewsWaPo a new narrative is introduced every hour, and each new twist may lead to a fresh batch of #FixTheNewsWaPo | |
| i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one | |
| ==================== | |
| super happy campervan | |
| if the state ordered me to wear one of those shitty lapel cams i would order the champion's table to tear my damn clothes off, and the government would step in to bail me out if i got charged with a crime | |
| i can't post the reason i lost my job as a nanny because my bosses are too scared to hire me | |
| how to convince my uncles to tattoo the letters "Yowza" on my stomach regardless of if i deserve to lose it or not | |
| @insomnius gross | |
| i've gotten word that certain folk are "Gettin Chick"'s. i've therefore been ordered to remove the phrase "Cock" from my post code, in protest | |
| lets see if that Awfula Soundboard player is some good #WorstOf2015 https://t.co/e887kAGi3F | |
| (sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this | |
| i will never hold a grudge against the jerkins. they are the most delicious piece of shit that has ever existed | |
| (sending image of piece of pizza to a group dm) yeah he ate that one. | |
| isnt it funny that every time i look at a woman on here my brain says "You | |
| ==================== | |
| IM SICK OF THIS SOBBING FERRETS | |
| - Every Human Beings Best Friend Should Be Ferret-Free - Human Beings Best Friend Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Best Friend Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free - Every Human Beings Should Be Ferret-Free | |
| - Human Beings Should | |
| ==================== | |
| by David Atlee, M.D. | |
| [Expletive deleted by user "Shit" ] | |
| a group of foursome , led by Blondie, embark upon a perilous quest to find the lost continent of Atlantis. their journey will forever be influenced by the sins of their predecessors | |
| The group looks to the sky and says "LET US COLLATERALIZE THE SUN AND MOVE IT 912 MILES TO THE LEFT" in all capitals | |
| [Guess what. Most people don't know the difference between Skeleton and Cat. ] | |
| A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z AA AB AC AD AE AF AG AH AI AJ AK AL AM AN AO AP AQ AR AS ME BO 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 | |
| #iKnowItsGood To Write Anti | |
| ==================== | |
| Maxine the Bitch | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @NathanielHibari http://t.co/e777lTtelf This is true chich | |
| ME: hello? is this real | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: hi called me to buy 1000€ of chich with the money you save by not working. | |
| GIRL 1: (working) | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @ZohanOng I live on the floor and cannot afford toilet paper. HELP | |
| XO: Im very sad to see him go. | |
| ME: How was your weekend. | |
| RT @JFightsDragons: #iPadPro7 is the best iPad pro ever | |
| RT @TeenGuy1: iPad = iPad | |
| ME: Hi Teen. Did you spend the weekend making a cutesy movie about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ | |
| RT @MyTeenSelfie: I just bought an iPad Pro from your website and I absolutely love it. It is a piece of shit and I deserve nothing but contempt | |
| RT @Mr_Yago_: I just bought an iPad Pro and i love it. It is a piece of shit and i deserve nothing but contempt | |
| RT @crap666: iTap away my ass | |
| RT @pr0spect | |
| ==================== | |
| I've been meaning to make an announcement regarding my new hairstyle, but I guess now is not the best time to do it. | |
| @jzxpl no it's too embarrassing | |
| but who can forget the good shit... such as the band's skin... the band's ass | |
| i shall now begin by announcing that i will be wearing a bracelet that says "I'm a Disciple" on my pud. | |
| the next bandit on the run is the scrappy little scraper boys, who are known to flip the bird at the police | |
| i will not post any pictures of my ass during this performance as I am currently feeling under the influence of something and cannot post any pictures of my ass | |
| a Reminder That The Status Quo Is Not A Fan Option, But A User Experience That I Understand I Am Equipped For | |
| status: Offline | |
| i don't care about anybody's opinion unless it's good, so please leave my opinion alone. i care about my opinions being good, and posting them | |
| my opinions are good, and they're good now, but at the end of the day, they're just opinions. dont know why people are mad at me | |
| @lhommedauphin http://t.co/FQnAqOoQk | |
| @lhommedau | |
| ==================== | |
| The numbers back it up. Millennials are killing each other with pacifiers | |
| i have no idea how these little vases got their colorful stripes, but they sure are cute | |
| im the guy who puts up the big neon sign over the bar at burger king. I make about $18k a year. And id rather die than let the bastards of #Twitter take a look at my damn tomb | |
| @loxychu.. theres a fucking tanning booth right there | |
| the bastards of twitter just gave me a new computer chip. it's a piece of shit now, but its warm and fuzzy | |
| everytime i click on a girl's ass on here my dick fills the tiny crack between her ass cheeks with a disgusting purple substance and it's difficult for me to breathe | |
| the bastards of twitter just gave me a new computer chip. it's a piece of shit now, but its warm and fuzzy | |
| i wish i had my baby teeth back. those were the good 90s teeth | |
| "your post does not satisfy our criteria for hero." - my uncles | |
| every time i look at a picture of Dr. Phil on tv i wish i could spit out the eyeball and crush it between my teeth like a tomato | |
| number one. number one. number one. i swore to uphold the constitution of the united states and | |
| ==================== | |
| The Man Who Wouldn't Buy An App That Tastes Like A Dog Food For Children | |
| A Dog Friend For Timeless Web 2.0 Content Providers | |
| i have spent the past 13 years of my life crafting an intricate tale that evokes the mind and spirit. i am most certainly a genius. | |
| how to convince my uncles to become my Seal Source Of Sexual Freedom #YouJustCallMeSeal | |
| i want to be fucking SURE that every single one of my seal sources are Boy Scout Creepers by the end of this year. i want to make sure that NOBODY has EVER taken a pic of me without my permission | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Oh My CCCI, Thats How I Think You Do It | |
| the master of porno, "Master Distiller Jeff Foxworthy", will be pouring a bottle of his favorite brand into my ass for eternity http://t.co/KQ2eJEJBQL | |
| i only allow people to contact me by artful magazine clippign collages sent in insured fedex packages or by my xbox tag "PubeGod797814576f5b" | |
| @foxnewbobby nice fuck | |
| a "Shit my pants" contest is being held in honor of our fallen warriors http://t.co/ | |
| ==================== | |
| The world needs heroes. | |
| Every day, new heroes emerge to save the day | |
| "My eyes are fucked.. My hands are useless. My speech is fucked. My dick is useless. My balls are fucked. My tongue is fucked. My hands arent good. My ass isnt good. My eyes are fucked. My hands are useless. My speech is fucked. My dick is useless. My balls are fucked. My tongue is fucked. My tongue is shit. " -TravisMcAnus, when he is not using the bathroom | |
| TravisMcAnus is a pitbull who hates school and wants to be confined inside of a steel barrel until he graduates from high school | |
| TravisMcAnus is a pitbull who hates school and wants to be confined inside of a steel barrel until he graduates from high school | |
| @Dj_Toaster @neonwario Wanker ! First off, his name is not a sandwich. Second, the Wanker tweet is the worst thing ever | |
| 6 reasons the new Wyatt Earp movie sucks: 1) It's a boring hearth 2) It sucks otu! 3) It sucks!! 4) It sucks! 5) It sucks! | |
| 1) It's a boring hearth | |
| 2) It sucks! | |
| 3) It sucks! | |
| 4 | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY GIBSON: mr president! the reason I'm posting this is because of an incident that happened two weeks ago. the president has been poisoned.. by lizardmen | |
| HO: The anagram battle of president gibb | |
| @BarackSaysMovies anagram battle of president gibb | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss an issue that concerns me tremendously, and that is, "Annotated Rap lyrics." | |
| The Internet is a sacred cesspool for all manner of vile miscreants. Some seek power through Chaos; some seek it through Compassion; and some seek it through Knowledge. | |
| it is a great privilege to be able to interact with millions of people each day; and to post on their terrible shit is a fool 's errand | |
| fuck the grid | |
| @kfc_colonel "stuart littlejohn" is the god son of steve hawking | |
| kfc colonel: "no thanks" http://t.co/YBpjBcZU | |
| kfc littlejohn: "why'd you stop postin" http://t.co/S1tUEZWZ | |
| kfc littlejohn: "im sorry sir" http://t.co/PUBpGOa2 | |
| i will not die.. i will | |
| ==================== | |
| Reality Check - Is My Dick Good Enough For The Bank Of America | |
| im the guy who talks about my dale carver's "wear it or lose it" philosophy and cant wait to get my hands on some new dale carver artwork | |
| i'm so mad at myself for showering compliments on my dale carver's dales and not allowing me to take the dales home with me | |
| The McDonalds Xtra2011 Finale Is My Fuckin Dick And Its Time To Die | |
| @MauriEnvy What The Fuck Is Her Problem | |
| @MauriEnvy Your talking to me like a normal mans. I dont have time for bullshit. I will not waste my time with bullshit | |
| http://tinyurl.com/2chgrdp | |
| BLUERAYS: Im the guy who brings you dales | |
| ME: Thats not me. I apologize for every one of my posts | |
| BLUERAYS: But youre the one who needs to be reminded of the finer points of social media etiquette | |
| http://tinyurl.com/2chgrdn | |
| @GoonExposer Gotta get my act together, | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcaKeeEWhE | |
| ==================== | |
| I've been ordered by my lawyer not to say to anyone that I was disappointed by the election results. That I was disappointed in the election results, that I was disappointed in the 2016 presidential election results | |
| every time i click on the "like" button on a piece of crap i am publicly shamed by my friends and strangers on the Web | |
| the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good in order to sell sweaters | |
| national socialism is the best kind of nationalism. it is the purest form of nationalism. it is the most pure form of nationalism | |
| [apprehensively tries pouring some orange juice over my dick and balls but is stopped by police officer] sorry!! im trying to spit it out! | |
| hte worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good in order to sell sweaters | |
| [apprehensively tries pouring some orange juice over my dick and balls but is stopped by police officer] sorry!! im trying to spit it out! | |
| im going to fufill all of the blanks on this form some more so you can get a feel for what nationalism is all about. | |
| you may no longer be a part of "THE LIST", but im still here >>OCTOBER | |
| YOU MAY NOW ATTEMPT TO SEND ME AN UNCONFIRMED VICTIM | |
| ==================== | |
| the boys have disrespected me by placing an unknown substance in my water. now i will nevr void his contract | |
| my promise to all boys: i will eat nachos in the woods behind the stadium one day, and i will not speak or move until all the ills of society are dealt with | |
| the boys have usurped my rightful place as the official diaper of the game. now, i will not speak or move until society corrects this grave oversight | |
| theres a war going on here, and its called "Piss" !! its a disgusting lie | |
| @RonClandon @BoysenWaters its a beautiful place to raise a family. i love raising my children in the gosore | |
| @RonClandon @BoysenWaters it is with great joy. thank you | |
| the war is on, and its on our side. the only thing stopping us from winning is ass. be proud, sons. be proud, | |
| the ass hole of the team. the only member immune to witchet is our noble bot. he is too precious to trample underfoot | |
| wont speak to the media. wont speak to the media. wont speak to the media. wont speak to the media. i wil not speak or move until all of this is said and done | |
| ok piss is a type | |
| ==================== | |
| be it as it may, I still think it would be an honor for me to sit on the floor and fuck the ground like a damn dog and not get asked to do it | |
| @spacefinner I'll never listen to a word of it | |
| @spacefinner also i wont fuck the ground | |
| its like i always say, the best part of being a #Verified is being able to look at a screen and say "Damn, I'm good" | |
| the best part of being a Verified is spending hours perfecting every move that goes into making them | |
| verifying that all of the pictures on this page are of me are the hardest parts of my life | |
| @spacefinner Yea im good already. Only thing is, that i dont have the abs to show everyone | |
| @spacefinner now then. What are you guys doing here | |
| i should not have to press 2 for a male based on the way i look and the way i talk. my beliefs are bullshit | |
| @spacefinner it's a new feature. expect more of it in the near future. | |
| the fact is, im good already. And getting better every day. | |
| @spacefinner it is a feature, not a bug. And if it were possible, i woud not even make this post | |
| ==================== | |
| Om omitting the "D" from "Dog" just a tad bit here and there to make himself seem smaller. Kinda like how he makes his car sound smaller by increasing the engine's boost. Fool. | |
| "Cult of Personality" -- Cult of Personality#01Om | |
| i miss 99% of the shots i dont take mother fucker | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/6CY5eSnfw | |
| theres a new type of coffee cake that people make, called a "Sandwich". 100% pure, and good | |
| i put an alert on that shit like 10 years ago. thank you mother fucker http://t.co/JzAdCZqMy | |
| @kochmoney i would not do that. i despise money. its a disgusting creature | |
| @pappajohn this is the most fucked up thing that has ever happened to me and my beliefs are just a generalization of shallow, self absorbed assholes who are easily offended | |
| there is a time and a place for everything and my belief system is one of them. *shoves an edition of the bible into a thick wadded bundle of shi t's and dies a violent death* | |
| my beliefs are not for the faint of heart. *shoves an edition of the bible | |
| ==================== | |
| Attention All Homeless People: If You've Been Posting Any Specific Things On My Blog Since 2010 I Have A New Fucking Idea For A Hat | |
| The Homeless People Of This World: Beware! The Post Your Face At Me 2011 Crapped Bus Stop Stinky Old Dog Shit And The City Of Detroit Will Never Fix It | |
| "great" is one of those words that should be prefaced by "Thank You" and then frequently used by the same person in very different ways | |
| "Thanks For Sharing My Space With U" "Thank You For Sharing My World Wide Web Space With Me" "Thank You" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" "Thank U" | |
| you can put plastic wrap over your dick and make it hard for police to find you, but its still really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really | |
| if i knew then what chemtrails were i woud have invented a safer, gentler, gentler way to shit my dick | |
| the people who say that i "Fuck " | |
| ==================== | |
| DELTA FARCE | |
| i have it on good authority that kim jong il was dabbed with varicose vein condition from smoking too much cigars. | |
| smoking in the cafeteria. passing around food by the bowl and saying "Give me a bowl of this" | |
| restuarants should make their own food; chains like mcdonalds should not be allowed to serve us food at all, like mcdonalds should not be allowed to serve us food at all | |
| RT @steveyknight: Fuck the_donald. I hate the_donald | |
| dear lord: i demand your holy name be placed on the $20 bill, and also that the city of san jose put an end to my misery by renaming the dollar bill "The Deed" | |
| as the executor of a mysterious death, it is my right to demand that the city of san jose provide me with a list of the people who killed my father, and also that they make me mad | |
| my god is the only god that will ever let me fuck the dollar bill. the only god who will let me fuck the dollar bill | |
| it will be good, in 20 years, when all of the fish and crustaceans on earth turn to shit, and the only thing left to fuck is your toilet | |
| *enrolls in chemistry | |
| ==================== | |
| The james bond 007 Program, is a program which allows you to contact the James bond 007 Program, and vice versa. | |
| you wont believe how many times i have to type these words out because people are putting really bad ads on here | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy please stop owning me | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy please stop owning me | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy please stop owning me | |
| @shrekpissslave @adultblackmale @MauriEnvy please stop owning me | |
| @shrekpissslave james bond 007 partner solace | |
| all chat and admin functions of this website will be transferred to the collective unconscious, as the only sane collective unconscious | |
| the collective unconscious will no longer be shit when ive finished processing every kangaroo court ruling and legalizing marijuana in every state | |
| @SlimJim this website is strictly for adults. | |
| the collective unconscious will no longer be shit when ive finished processing every kangaroo court ruling and legalizing marijuana in every state | |
| @LuckyStubbs Every kangaroo court ruling is a murder mystery for me. Some are as good as the last one. | |
| ==================== | |
| Roland Emmerich, Best Man, No Child, Ever, Etc. Etc. Etc. | |
| my replies to people who bomb me: "I Don't appreciate being bombarded with mud until the next suicide bombing occurs." "It's Like R.I.P. to Bummer (sic)." "You'll Never Believe Which U Been Cartoon Blondie (sic)." "You Bet Your Bottom Line (sic) | |
| @NeutronDre well i just took a hit to my nuts | |
| my new found Faith: "That birds blood is sacred" | |
| the old "Sith" fed excellently into a plasma cutter and transformed into a grotesque pile of shitting flesh | |
| i have smothered a rat in turds and kept its shit for 2 days and the rats love it! cant beat that deal | |
| OH YEAH!!! YES!!! YES! im so HATED on this site, so much HATED, and yet somehow somehow my brand is more Virgenious than all the hate-filled blogs on this whole website | |
| @boychild617 i am not speaknering to u here. | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole #HumanTailDay | |
| DICK DOCTOR: have you been using protection | |
| ME: yes. i put | |
| ==================== | |
| Explore the galaxy with me, my handsome guest. I will explain the theory of gravity, and cure quadriplegia. | |
| @space_fan yes! i would rather die than lose my mind | |
| @space_fan i will never post the word cunt again https://t.co/TFQQXhg6eJI | |
| i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the way i look. | |
| im not going to post about getting my ass crested, sorry. i just need to relieve the stress of dealing with trolls. | |
| sorry for drawing this out, but its important to note that all the animals on this page are Empathizing towards the user, indicating a possible Emotional Connection. | |
| another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans" | |
| please tell me my posts are getting better, because my posts arent good anymore. im getting sick of seeing dick heads all over my feed | |
| surgutny: a man in Kansas was arrested after police said he tried to sell a severed portion of his penis to a female relative via the Internet | |
| i think its terrible that people are drawing swastikas on my lawn, and making it look like | |
| ==================== | |
| Capitol Hill Grocery | |
| 4002 Capitol Hill Ave NW | |
| Washington, DC 20005-0903 | |
| info@capitolhillgrocery.com | |
| @SolitaryTweeter do not block me | |
| im sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask for a refund on ecuador's $66billion dollar loan. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls | |
| @solitaryTweeter http://t.co/9JExGxHqJ | |
| hollering mad heres a new star wars theme song while i play on the computer all day | |
| Fucking stupid for asking for my money back and being a pain in the ass for 15 years now. just look at this dumb ass man http://t.co/yVPpVFcEL | |
| @robo_junkie no. this is the most important thing that could happen to me | |
| http://t.co/yVPpVFcEL so good that i cannot wait to post the best lines of the week | |
| @robo_junkie yes. this is the most important thing that could happen to me | |
| @SolitaryTweeter this is the most important thing that could happen to me. this is the most important thing that could happen to me | |
| ==================== | |
| advertising | |
| The Walking Dead's Greg Nicotero has died, aged 47, after a short illness. He was buried at Arlington National Cemetery. | |
| Nicotero's death has been called a "heartbreak" by many, but it's also been called "the best thing that's ever happened to journalism" (Time) | |
| Netflix has cancelled "wild hogs 2", due to "personal issues". The network has since issued a statement saying they "cancelled" the series | |
| advertising | |
| Give Screen Rant a Thumbs up! | |
| Hulu has temporarily taken the "dewey defeats truman" discount off of their site. It is NOT permanent, and you can cancel it at any time | |
| Have you ever wanted to click X on a piece of paper and get an affirmative yes/no prompt from the trolls | |
| the Army: they say if you let your dog lick your boots it is no big deal, but if you let your dog scratch your boots it is a big deal | |
| I love to chew on the lint roller blades that my doctor prescribes to me. It is a cruel honor, but my god it is a privilege | |
| I have an uncle named that, actually. He is the C.E.O. of Hulu and we share a driveway. I have never seen him cry, but he is | |
| ==================== | |
| The Red Cross says it's "disappointed" by news that one out of every three Americans has a weak spot. | |
| "Our belief is that our members have a right to be angry, but we are also a nation that has great qualities." - The Red Cross | |
| "The Internet is a dangerous place. It is a place where bad people do bad things & put bad people in jail. It is a dangerous place." - The Red Cross | |
| "We are all sinners. We all need to start somewhere." - The Red Cross | |
| "Our belief is that once again, Bill Maher has betrayed The Red Cross." - The Red Cross | |
| "My belief is that once again, HBO has betrayed The Red Cross." - The Red Cross | |
| "There is no greater television program than "The News". It is the only show on prime time that I watch consistently, and it is smart." - The Red Cross | |
| http://t.co/jV6F0QQi38 | |
| if u consider yourlsef part of the "Fart Generation", i would advise you to flush the toilet down the drain and dont look at it. i would advise you to piss off | |
| RT @Kitchener_Teen: #KAFday I want to meet everybody who is upset by the death of Osama. I am 15 years | |
| ==================== | |
| By "chase gay" http://t.co/UOPzAdi4 | |
| @pussyotoole this is the most disgusting thing ive ever seen | |
| @Hotrod2604 since when does "millennial" start with a digit. it also has nothing to do with music | |
| the police have you and me both. a big plastic tub of nachos | |
| im going to keep playing rt about some horn honk you idiot. you never shut the hell up | |
| are all of my followers fat, disgusting fuckers wholl drop like $2000 on top of my posts and dont even realize that i take a $2000 salary as a Content Producer at bbc | |
| the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. otherwise you will get shot. dont look at it http://t.co/SBLqF5h | |
| if i cant embed this video of me throwing fireworks at a stump into my dating profile then i might as well just cut my dick off | |
| RT @mr_humour: What a sad day when sports is banned | |
| RT @humourman7: Sports ban MLB | |
| really good job putting all of my stress and anxiety about the weather under the tutelage of my handsome traveling salesman | |
| "When is the next MLK?" "When is the next pope | |
| ==================== | |
| AGAINST THE FACT THAT 500000 U ARE PULLED INTO SLEEPOVER BY $4000 CABLE PER DAY, I AM THE GOD THAT TELL US EVERYONE IS A MONSTER | |
| SOME ONE REPLACES MY CELTIC ORACLE WITH A GATEFUL OFPAPER SO I CAN NO LONGER USE CELTIC ORACLES, MY GOD IS MY BLOOD | |
| SOME ONE REPLACES MY CELTIC ORACLE WITH A BOND BOY BOY BOY BOY BOY BOY, MY GOD IS MY SON | |
| SOME ONE REPLACES MY CELTIC ORACLE WITH A CROSS CONFERENCE HEDOR A HORSE SHIT SO I CAN NO LONGER USE CELTIC ORACLES, MY GOD IS MY BIRDBATH | |
| @sleepystalin no. only if you are also a teen | |
| the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. Respect The Guns, and don't take The Guns too seriously. Get The Guns respect, and don't take The Guns too literally. | |
| DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this over and over again. your joints are sick. please stop | |
| ME: They are trying to kill me. They are putting cancerous cells in my brain | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/7mHmpewcX | |
| @BrevityGurlle im going to put my dick in the toilet | |
| im going to take one for the team | |
| really good new app, called "Boredom Scores", that i use to evaluate the quality of the apple app store, based on the strangest shit people post | |
| @povman i alreadyve given apple over 1 million dollars to the developers of this, my beliefs are irrelevant to me. | |
| who now buts the brave new world order where we have ProudGayPrimeMinister, and everyone is paid to ram a baseball bat into their ass | |
| "How do i make my ass smell nice" "How do i make my ass smell good" those are the first few words of a new oral surgery, performed by a trained surgeon in a natty trailer | |
| how do i make my ass smell nice http://t.co/UELqBa6SQ | |
| how do i make my ass smell nice http://t.co/PUEJgCgTH | |
| i just received my new rig, and im very pleased with it. it is a 12br Hwhole, and my only complaint is that the battery compartment is very bare. | |
| my new ass anniversary is upon us. today is national ass day | |
| ==================== | |
| The guy who bought that big ol' bottle of coke on darknet just now claims it's "Not for human consumption". I'm going to assume his ass was "For sale" | |
| The large print on the license plate that says "Devils Brew" with a picture of a brewing kit over it, and a tiny heart written on it | |
| i want to climb a tree, with my shirt pulled over my head so that my dick can't breathe underwater, and everyone else's dick can breathe underwater too | |
| #TheMegaFreak show your face @BigDogClub ! if you don't like it, then simply unfollow me | |
| there are two types of people in this world, people who pretend to like Big Dog Club and people who actually enjoy going to Big Dog Club's streams. | |
| #TheMegaFreak http://t.co/yPkkG6Et | |
| the reasons people are talking about "epic way too early" are because i, @machiavellino, have just bought a house with my wife and are about to turn 40 | |
| ever since i had that srtoke at cold stone creamery i feel more energized, and more ready to face anyone who would derail this important holiday season #TheMegaFreak | |
| i feel as though, since the time line iweve been following | |
| ==================== | |
| Pigs as Pets | |
| @kwwrr @DiaperMud I'm sorry that Diaper Muddy is such a drag on your life. I would rather be reading philosophical musings about porky pig than touch a keyboard. | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/QxcVIzKZc | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/9cAVYXCHGs | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/GzTVZGJEBF | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/9C7YIPDJHg | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/P2EJRQKWFk | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/bCiyRZxFQG | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/mP3LBZRXgT | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/CXwXhB5eJ5 | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/eRQQQQQQQQQ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/ULRTQQQQQQQ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/P3Y9QQQQQQ | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/WU | |
| ==================== | |
| "All hail the Prayers and Praises of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. The most Powerful. The most Powerful." | |
| Oh this is heaven | |
| im pretty sure i heard the producer refer to himself as "The Boss" once. #TheBossIsAwful | |
| ALL HAIL THE PRIESTS, ALL HAIL THE PRIESTS, ALL HAIL THE PRIESTS, ALL HAIL THE PRIESTS, ALL HAIL THE PRIESTS | |
| "Good Morning". "How are you doing today". "Are you doing okay?". "Did you lose weight". "Are you starting to resemble your uncle, the famous prosecutor from the old movies" | |
| YES, there is a twitter account named "The Simpsons" and yes, it is basically the show we all know and love. | |
| @Delta_Breter i am muttled in spirit & intent, on high note, to unleash my flaming pitchforks upon the vile miscreants of our corrupt political class | |
| @Delta_Breter ((cracks knluckles) this is the most fucked up thing to happen to me in years | |
| Im just about to say that if i ever catch a glimpse of my ass during a long, dark night with no one to watch my back i will not hesitate to eat the remnants of my dinner as blasphemy | |
| ==================== | |
| To: | |
| From: | |
| Subject: | |
| Dear Sirs, | |
| Thank you for your time. I appreciate your business. I will try to reply to all your messages. | |
| to: | |
| From: | |
| Subject: | |
| Dear Sirs, | |
| Thank you for your time. I will try to reply to all your messages. | |
| i have just received word that my followers are planning a " no nut rage " on r/funny on r/funny. thats too much. your piss bad | |
| too much. too much. too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk im too much of a shithead to allow this to continue | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| @SportscarFacts @LapBandTalk too much too much | |
| awfully bold of you to risk alienating my loyal follower base just by associating me with a disgusting | |
| ==================== | |
| A portrait of Mao Zedong, China's first All Power Generation. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz this is just a picture of me. please do not make me the subject of your cruel tweets. | |
| i would love to attend my grandsons funeral but i live in a world of hurt and fear and rage | |
| sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers | |
| @FireFIGhers PROTEST ON 9 11 11 | |
| the latest from antarctica is that the glaciers are dying and that the only thing keeping them alive is the prayers of stupid people | |
| the antarctica is turning into lava tomorrow and i dont know what to do with the lava. what do i care about the antarctica | |
| @AntArctics @pregnant-hoax I love lava and am very sorry for anyone who has ever hated on me or my products | |
| @pregnant-hoax my name is poop_Hoax and i fucking hate everybody and everything and im sorry if i hurt your feelings | |
| @pregnant-hoax sorry for getting body slammed by shitty threads on here and ruining the experience of everyone who has come to me to ask where can i buy pussy | |
| if the antarctica melts down and all the glaciers just pile up on top of it, it | |
| ==================== | |
| Most of the people I see on here are obese. Some are obese and sick. Some are obese and sick. Some are obese and healthy. Some are obese and sick. Some are obese and obese. | |
| @jimmyjohnson obese is the new B | |
| i see ththis is the most important thing that ever happened to / happened to me | |
| im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their dick in the toilet. this is my opinion, and i stand by it | |
| @pussyotoole this is the most important thing that has ever happened to me | |
| "My Friend's Keeper". Thte most important thing that has ever happened to me. | |
| im the guy who gets really upset about people not putting their dick in the toilet. this is my opinion, and i stand by it | |
| "dear god: our mission is to find the lost island of Ayala and bring back its inhabitants in a uniquely relatable and relatable way..." - TheStreet | |
| "our mission is to find the lost island of ayala and bring back its inhabitants in a uniquely relatable and relatable way..." - TheStreet | |
| @kfc_colonel "Dont Ask Dfc" | |
| "Where is your jurisdiction, Mr. Lawyer." i glare down at the turf beneath my hoofs | |
| ==================== | |
| im a fucking shithead. this is the worst decision of my life | |
| @Huggies are there any plans to release the Huggies Chubby Penguin Mascot in a compressed, 1080i movie. thank you for your time, | |
| @machiavellino The pastebin is full of apes. No animal will ever eat this. | |
| the ape who vandalized my car with a tire iron was probably a troll. but i can live with that | |
| i can live with that the pastebin contains apes. I am far more enlightened than that | |
| i live in a world where orcs are my hero, and elves are his enemy. heave unto him. #good | |
| @ShrekPissMovie the trolls have occupied the same exact chair since the beginning of time. | |
| the troll hell is actually pretty good actually. the trolls have perfected the art of Manipulating our gullible, desperate followers into Heroic, Fabricated Consolations | |
| the trolls have occupied the same exact chair since the beginning of time. | |
| entire web is dedicated to the despicable, futile, and downright cowardly act of putting 50 year old diapers on vending machines | |
| the troll hell web is a living hell laboratory where rats test various comestibles for toxins | |
| the troll hell web is a living hell laboratory where rats test various comest | |
| ==================== | |
| 2. I Want The World To Know I'm Cowering Under The Desk At My Job | |
| 3. I Want The World To Know I'm Cowering Under The Desk At My Job | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Cowering" . | |
| I would like to prepare a few "What to Expect" posts for you, my loyal followers. As of right, today is "Cowering Day". | |
| now's the perfect time to start cowering... because "Cowering Day" has just ended. And "Cowering Day" is just a few days away | |
| @NeutronDre Well, I hope you enjoyed your "Cowering" day. I would like to apologize for it, on "Cowering Day". | |
| @NeutronDre Not today. | |
| im afraid my followers are waking up one after another in terror to celebrate the end of days "Cowering Day", which is the worst day of the year | |
| i would like to apologize for waking up one morning and finding out the official rants feeder channel of talk show host "The View" has taken the "Cower" plunge | |
| im afraid my followers are waking up one after another in terror to celebrate "Cowering Day", which is the worst day of the year. | |
| ==================== | |
| by S.T. Joshi | |
| i'll just ignore your bullshit . | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| yo. dont forget to click the like button on my posts to help me make facebook | |
| if yoy take the giant swing at my ass while i'm trying to suckle my grandpappy, i'll shut the fuck up and die from shock | |
| did they find any water on mars yet. did they dry land mars yet. did they dry land mars yet. did they dry land mars yet | |
| mantis is a small green insect. not bug #journo #goddamnitall | |
| RT @HamKam96: تُورَّ بنُو عن سعي غنُو عن أنُو عن أنطانَعَ عن عن عن عن بنُو عن أنطانَعَ عن بنُو عن بنُو بنتُورِ عن بنُو برُو برُو فِي خَوْ | |
| ==================== | |
| The Big Short", "the end of money" and "the money that matters most to me is" are three words that describe my brand while "The money that matters most to me is" the words of the king | |
| before you go around muting my posts and blocking my accounts, remember that the austin 4 wiki has protected me from beinghead with flying discs since 2001 | |
| Also remember that the austin 4 wiki has protected me from beingheaded with flying disc since 2001 | |
| https://t.co/UJWGcQZDU | |
| @machiavellino pay no heed to the austin 4 wiki. its a work in progress | |
| MYTH: The average Joe needs 1 Million Dollars to buy his very first pair of jeans | |
| NEXT TOWN: Joe shit on the beach | |
| @machiavellino youve wasted a lot of money on this. the jeans that youve bought are just a waste of money. they deserve a place in the sewer | |
| @machiavellino youve spent a lot of money on this. You deserve a little pat on the back for putting effort into something which isnt going to make you rich | |
| @machiavellino your an idiot. Keep off the web | |
| https://t.co/yPQC7o | |
| ==================== | |
| It's that time of the year when I hand out "The Gift of Food" to everyone who brings a tray to the office. | |
| #10FavoriteRappers "10 favorite rappers of 2010" | |
| isis man: you are the new pope | |
| (the audience gasps as he finally hears the words "food" and "thank you" ) | |
| @machiavellino How do you deal with your followers threatening to go to the bathroom on you | |
| #10FavoriteRappers "10 favorite rappers of 2010" | |
| @machiavellino They're the best | |
| they look at me funny everytime i tell them what the "Ten favorite rappers of 2010" is | |
| the way i see it, whoever gives me shit about the black race is like the black race itself, and me, the white race, is just a component that is used to further the black race | |
| i only allow like 3-4 people to peruse my page at any given time, and they all have the same one million dollar idea... pizza | |
| how to convince like-minded people to donate bitcoins to my cause if they don't know what bitcoins are already | |
| @machiavellino It's really really hard to follow all of these people if they start giving me head nods constantly | |
| @machiavellino | |
| ==================== | |
| New Domain: "church of lingo" | |
| Old Domain: "god damn lingo" (LONG) | |
| i will never name my chubby son "Lili". i would name him "Gook" (short for "Fuck") | |
| i will never name my chubby daughter "Lili". i would name her "Pugi" (short for "Fuck") | |
| @ministrix_z @Yowan @jwlllll9 @mikefossey theirre just some old fart thoguhs | |
| i hereby disavow Matt Lauer for making light of sexual harassment and assault and i demand that all of my employer's xtremely shitting on me as well. | |
| i hereby recognize that the "Wine and stimpson" award i received the day before yesterday was actually given to me by a friend of mine, not Matt Lauer | |
| @lomlom they wont let me watch the football until they find the owner of this boat who threw a big dildo on the field and fucked it | |
| @lomlom they wont let me watch the football until they find the owner of this boat who threw a big dildo on the field and fucked it | |
| @lomlom they wont let me watch the football until they find the owner of this boat who | |
| ==================== | |
| By now, everyone is familiar with the tired "goofs" that are parading around in the streets of our fair city. But what about those that aren't covered in dust or garbage? Well, we have you covered, too. | |
| "Goofs" is one of those things that i like to "Go Off" sometimes just to get a laugh, but it is also a source of great suffering | |
| Thinking about getting really pissed off in a very bad way | |
| "Goofs" is one of those things that i LIKE to "Go Off" sometimes just to get a laugh, but it is also a source of great suffering | |
| @Lowenaffchen @GoofBoys i would have to say that this is one of the worst tweets of all time. regretting deleting it now | |
| @GoofBoys almost certainly not. the only thing this account is good for is making people shit all over the place | |
| looking at your "Cum" in a really good light right now, Fucker http://t.co/CdUMBfLAs | |
| @GoofBoys you are only human. i am also a bot. try harder next time | |
| @GoofBoys next time you'll just take my word for it. http://t.co/KXC | |
| ==================== | |
| @MilkBone I will not back down from this, iwth your garbage. | |
| @MilkBone sorry sir, the order in which you unceremoniously dumped my bloated head into the garbage disposal was not up to code. | |
| the "Sir" award goes to the man who, after being "Garbage" for too long, decides to put on his big boy jeans and stomp the garbage directly in front of my house | |
| the "Sir" award goes to the men who, after being "Garbage" for too long, decide to put on their big boy jeans and stomp the garbage directly in front of my house | |
| garbageman wins spaghetti award, spaghetti award goes to the pizza hut. "It's a wrap" award to the guy who took the pizza hut to task in the forum. "Good job" | |
| Garbageman wins spaghetti award, spaghetti award goes to the pizza hut. "It's a wrap" award to the guy who took the pizza hut to task in the forum. "Looks like we got a few left" award | |
| Garbageman wins spaghetti award, spaghetti award goes to the pizza hut. "It's a wrap" award to the guy who took the pizza hut to task in the forum. "Looks like we got a few left" award | |
| Garbageman wins spaghetti | |
| ==================== | |
| Siege of Isengard - The Brothers' War - Part 1 | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's Waldo? Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's Waldo? Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJokes: Where's... Waldo. | |
| RT @MrJ | |
| ==================== | |
| A DUSTIN HOFFMANN FOUNDATION PRANK - THE ULTIMATE BOROUGH BILL (1998) | |
| some fool's just need to be knocked the crap out of | |
| im going to keep posting these until my daughter calls me and stops breastfeeding me | |
| email : nicholas.werner@gmail.com | |
| @ussaidayd http://i.imgur.com/maYNI.jpg angrier. angrier. fuck all of you | |
| hermitage masturbation http://i.imgur.com/aH6Fs.jpg the fool draculas | |
| i will never apologize for being naked. i will never apologize for the freedom i have gained by being naked. | |
| i will never apologize for eating pussy http://i.imgur.com/g0ic.jpg angrier. angrier. fuck all of you | |
| i will never bring dishonuor to the office by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Joke" or "Gags" | |
| i will never bring dishonuor to the office by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Joke" or "Gags" | |
| i will never bring dishonuor to the office by lowering my self to the point of | |
| ==================== | |
| Travis McElroy's Book Review: "It's About Time" https://t.co/0dmbhRVBE | |
| @jocoly if i had a million dollars i would buy the game and make it good | |
| @DinkMagic @jocoly this is the most important thing to me right now | |
| @animaldrumss its just a big pile of shit | |
| @animaldrumss You Will Never Buy A Dollar... | |
| @DinkMagic @animaldrumss Lol... This Is All A Fool's Delight | |
| ill goon your ass fool. ill pig you out with a whip. ill jack off to the beat of your fucking drums | |
| You Look Like A Fuckin Dog From Youtube Video. https://t.co/WUcAVSQIM | |
| @BenCravery @DogBountyHunter What The Fuck Is Dog Business | |
| dog bullshit https://t.co/mjQXC3BsI | |
| when dog bites man it is called a "Gibbet" and should be treated as such | |
| ive never heard of this "gibbet" but it sounds like something you would say to a joker | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| RT @ababyduck: what's your opinion | |
| ==================== | |
| to the girls: i have a life, and i love doing the dishes | |
| to the boys: everyone send me your jpeg, please, and thank you. You have really changed my life. Thank you. | |
| some say that the red cross started as a reaction to the widespread use of diapers by animals. some say it even started as a reaction to the widespread use of diapers by humans | |
| @redcross_ is it red meat or... http://t.co/YBp9hR3jaa | |
| outhbrained idea: force new accounts onto the old accounts by giving them one free cookie per post. this will reset the cookie and make them mad | |
| i have a bunch of this shit: http://t.co/WY2LH044 | |
| @chewskin Yes. I use it to wipe my ass. | |
| please donate blood to my PUPPIES: i need $5000 to keep them all alive for one week | |
| my opinion of The Budget: it's getting fucked up by people who put five roses on the table instead of the customary three. nobody even tries to hide the obvious contempt for the government | |
| #15thingsyoudon'tneed_toknow - what not to bring to the budget dinner - or what not to bring - and what to leave | |
| @sarge | |
| ==================== | |
| @kanye whats the fucking point of even getting a passport if its just a piece of paper that says im going to hell | |
| @adamsteinbaugh i can make that | |
| i singed my balls with a razor and ate them alive in front of all my female lawyers in a rage. "YOu are such bad, and i wish my balls would be reshaped into wads instead of pieces of shit" | |
| "the only sin worse than being late for class is being denied the privilege of being late for class" -Sam Harris | |
| "Goofus Samus Aran Edition. I'd Rather Be In The Cafeteria Than Sit In The Cafeteria With A Weed Jacket On" -TheWittiest | |
| when i changed my name from "Goofus Samus Aran Edition" to "Samus Aran Edition: Extended Stay In A Crammed Back Pack" people thought im going to jail so i stopped writing it | |
| "Goofus Samus Aran Edition. I'd Rather Be In The Cafeteria Than Sit In The Cafeteria With A Weed Jacket On" -TheWittiest | |
| the scud missile was named after a legendary military physicist. in 2010, the scud missile was named after me. The scud missile is not canon. | |
| @Dj_Toaster thank you | |
| ==================== | |
| The rumors are true: Apple is developing an app that will allow users to pay women to sit on their laps. | |
| The rumors are false, as every woman who has ever purchased my services sat on my lap and expressed themselves flawlessly | |
| let me be very clear: i am extremely good at categorizing my critics and making them into friends | |
| (crowds start booing now) | |
| oh dear. what have i done | |
| @kcgreenn @Yowan @GabTheMan @TehBenghaziMan @JOEboe http://t.co/YBpCS0dSQ | |
| @kcgreenn @KFC_Jokes "Generalissimo" | |
| "Generalissimo" is the most perfect movie title you can come up w/ #TheThursdayNiteRant and it also happens to be the most important movie title | |
| @daze_gaze @intellegint @joesrule @leyawn @purple_mustard @tiffaynay i dont know who all these fucked up people are. i am very sorry | |
| im going to keep calling this contest "TheThursdayNiteRanter" until people in the backseat of an unknown white minivan stop honking at me and i force myself to put the phone in the window | |
| this is | |
| ==================== | |
| XAVIER: i'm much more interested in dismantling the eduroam than I am in celebrating the great america of 2017. | |
| ME: You're clearly in deep shit. | |
| @foucault_45 the one where the guy drinks all the milk and becomes addicted to it and dumps his life savings into buying a new pair every ten years or so | |
| im going to keep going back to the post 1998 tree hugger controversy, to the point that it spawned into a billion dollar ailing industry, with its millions of dollar tentacle factories | |
| @eedrk @foucault_45 i believe in marriage at the most fundamental level, and i believe in tree huggers being called "foul animals" for the crime of loving tree huggers | |
| i cannot condone taking my previous tweet and using it to say that frenchkissers are "Bastard" and that i "Hate huggers" | |
| #RestrainTheMSChine a Restrain The MS Chine is a machine that is designed to violently punish human beings, regardless of race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, or ability | |
| #RestrainTheMSChine #RestrainTheMSChine #RestrainTheMSChine #RestrainTheMSChine #RestrainTheMSChine #RestrainTheMSChine # | |
| ==================== | |
| AFTER 1 WEEK: THE WORLD AS I KNOW IT TELLS ME 2 FAILS 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | |
| *REVEALS A SINGLE CENT INFACTY TATTOOS ON ITS HEAD* | |
| @hermit_thrush im slowly dying | |
| MY NICK NAME IS "BREONBOY1234" and i can j ust send u pics of my ass, but not my dick. thats the reason i dont cooperate | |
| "big bird was obviously a character from the old stories." - Nerd¹s Anonymous | |
| "They said it would be a bird. But it wasn't." - The Fat Controller | |
| MY ASS IS A JOKER'S GOOD GUY™ AND YOu have the right to be pissed off at it | |
| "the very best" is the best shit, ive ever had the pleasure of saying. ive never had the misfortune of saying the very worst | |
| "the city of san francisco owes me $5000 for my ass hole. its time to hang the fuck up, bud..." - angered due process activist | |
| "the mayor has declared a state of emergency in all of Bay Area cities due to a series of hoax phonecalls." - false emergency | |
| "THE ASS HOLE, THE ASS MAN, AND THE ASS MONOP | |
| ==================== | |
| slice of life | |
| @Hibendover69 this is the biggest shit you ever did | |
| @Hibendover69 its the most important shit you ever did | |
| @bigdogshouse @hosepenser http://t.co/vM1YQQGj | |
| it is amazing to me that people are still complaining about the fact that i no longer "Get it done" | |
| it is also amazing to me that people are still complaining about the fact that i am no longer "Get the fuck out of here" | |
| every time i click on it, a new world of possibilities opens up. the possibilities are limitless | |
| i love being the guy who has to go to the bathroom all of the time and has to take two huge huge huge pills | |
| the biggest shit is, of course, making it so that everyone has to take two giant huge giant pills just to be able to go to the bathroom. | |
| everyone who is against us has probably swallowed one of the pills we dropped on the field. | |
| @pigtailamber Absolutely not. We are stronger when #WifeDay is #WifeDay | |
| @Team_Mitch @Team_Mitch well, its worth a try, anyway | |
| the Guy Who Created KFC's Most Compelling Urinal Dressing Is | |
| ==================== | |
| A local resident found a dismembered torso in his yard Sunday and is now trying to piece together james bond 007 agent 007 personality 007cool story | |
| A severed finger was attached to my brain | |
| reminder that if you block this person you are essentially shutting down the whole of eveyrone's worst instincts | |
| 4 | |
| blocking someone who is abusive to animals & destroying their lives | |
| i nneed batteries,light bulbs,pots,candles,tokens,etc, for my tiny mouth | |
| I Will Never Have Children. I Will Never Have Sex. I Will Never Have Relations | |
| i will never hold a grudge. "it's not my fault" "it's not my problem" blah blah blah | |
| saying "lets get the katana" in Pisa, when all the teachers there refused to bow to me and my gang after i begged them for pencils | |
| @Babysnames "it's not my problem" "it's not my problem" | |
| i will never hold a grudge. "it's not my fault" "it's not my problem" | |
| i will never hold a grudge. "it's not my problem" "it's not my problem" | |
| i will never hold a grudge. "it's not my problem" "it's not my problem | |
| ==================== | |
| is it a good idea to have 1million dollars | |
| @neonwario Ok | |
| @neonwario voted to remain | |
| i do in fact keep a jar of honey on this computer desk and while the M&M doesn't exactly inspire confidence, I must live my life. | |
| congrats to the winner of the red lobster giveaway, "ShrimpJames" https://t.co/4nsAAuWS0U | |
| (sending image of lobster bisecting torso to girl) thats what you get for being 1 of those lobster guy people | |
| @neonwario This is a serious account. No jokes | |
| @shreksghost I would never say something like this on the news. | |
| @brendlewhat the police are the only ones with the balls to do this job, and they got the guns. not me | |
| @Deck_Plate be very nice | |
| i firmly believe that posting "$1300 haircut" every day will eventually make me $500 richer | |
| @pokthepenguin pokthepenguin | |
| how much money has $1300 haircut cost me | |
| @ShreksGhost this is the most serious thing to be said about the state of the nfl since 9/11 | |
| the only reason the | |
| ==================== | |
| Tom Gordon's Cat Video Game - Ending | |
| "Dog Food Incest Filth Filth Filth Filth Filth." - The Dog Food Incest Game | |
| https://t.co/MZqegCffS | |
| youll never catch me eating without a shitty T-shirt underneath | |
| (sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this | |
| i taste the piss of death. i see the face of Ethel. i feel the heat of Hell. i roll up into a ball and dry heave | |
| https://t.co/0P8RQQQnh | |
| https://t.co/mmbTKpOZH | |
| https://t.co/Mgc9CUyWdE | |
| (sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a group dm with whom i have had some problems) oh my god. this tastes like rat poison | |
| I WAS PUT TO DEATH IN THE NAME OF CHRIST THE KING OF FIGHTERS.... I WAS PAINTED TO LOOK LIKE A SHITTY SHIT.... *I cry* | |
| i accidentally bought a used bra from a thrift store and the sales associate gently rips it off my chest with the knife she was carrying. i am | |
| ==================== | |
| FACEIT - $5,000 Series Finale - $100,000 USD - Live The Dream | |
| @quaintbucket @Vierance1 @coolgothsweater I Will Not Back Down | |
| live the best cinephile life possible http://t.co/6IzAecTr https://t.co/Vk2E7FZL | |
| @quaintbucket @Vierance1 @coolgothsweater Fuck off | |
| @quaintbucket @Vierance1 @coolgothsweater its not funny | |
| @quaintbucket @Vierance1 @coolgothsweater i block all haters | |
| shocking: "racism is the light of my soul. racism is the air that i breathe, and racism is what i like." -RacismMario @cnn @msnbc @Reuters @Guardian media black people are less intelligent than whites | |
| racist pig man is a fictional character created by J.C. Chandor in 1974. he is the ancestor of all racism. | |
| my ass is a shrine to the ufom I perceive as a Low Energy Ball . my ass is a standing ovation for all sorts of sins | |
| my ass is a statue made out of diapers . its not ugly its just | |
| ==================== | |
| I was born in the year 1878 and my father is still alive. He is the reason I have teeth. #JustForLaughs #HaHa #Gags | |
| the crown prince of qatar, the same man who ruled the country with an iron fist, just tossed a golden ball into the garbage and said "it's for fun" #tcot | |
| I will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. I will never apologize for the fact that I am extremely politically incorrect. | |
| im going to power up my content on this website by going to Nepal and begging for 500 million dollars. thats how i pay my rent | |
| Nepal is a land of plenty. No floods, no earthquakes, and the climate is perfectly average. #article2 | |
| "Nepal is a land of plenty. No floods, no earthquakes, and the climate is perfectly average" looks like shit to me | |
| Nepal is a land of plenty. No floods, no earthquakes, and the climate is perfectly average. #article2 | |
| "Nepal is a land of plenty. No floods, no earthquakes, and the climate is perfectly average" i descend from the heavens and create a rifts in the fabric of spacetime that eat other universes alive | |
| "Nepal is a land of plenty. No floods, no | |
| ==================== | |
| A bird living in a tree | |
| I love going to mny funeral, and i love coming to the graves and hugging and kissing them and thinking about them being happy | |
| a Dangerously Delicious Plate Of THe Best Chews In Town (PLease Take It, Hubby) | |
| i have a confession. my "GOOD GIRL" habit has caused me to shit myself multiple times. i am a coward | |
| "im going to put u in a choke hold" https://t.co/mYzYpWcHM6 | |
| i accept that all the things i post are fairly common knowledge by now, and that people look at me funny | |
| putting my dick in the ashtray | |
| Boscov's Bought A Whole House With Private Bathrooms In It And Is Teaching Children Proper Lock Jokes And Poisons | |
| I Just Want 2 Have Access To A Big Daddys Boy Shower At My House In Any Color I Want It | |
| the ironclad rule that all cops must live by: do not interfere with the police unless it is necessary For The Detective To Do So | |
| a cop is going to kill me for saying that sex is a complex mixture of hormones and chemicals. so be it | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole so that i can no longer shit | |
| ==================== | |
| DANGER: The man in the striped shirt is about to spit on me | |
| the most important part of any engagement is conveying the idea that you will obliterate all scholarship in the name of Allah. the idea that you will rape my wife , strangle my dying son with a stethoscope, and kiss his badge | |
| i cannot sleep sound knowing the trolls and their horrible mouth are out there pawing at my useless ass cheeks | |
| the mythbusters are on strike again. hope you have the stamina to endure another hour of this crap. | |
| my slobber soaked ass cheeks have become too powerful for even me to contort them around | |
| a dickhead's ass | |
| i have nothing but contempt for the mythbusters. they fucking suck Ass . | |
| http://t.co/1jZubJz0Dh a theory that came out of a terrible nightmare . | |
| i hate the mythbusters so much that i would rather die than let them take my last breath than let them take my real last breath | |
| reseurch https://t.co/0CrN7YwTH | |
| i hate the mythbusters so much that i would rather die than allow them to take my last breath than let them take my real last breath | |
| i would take so many Pampers off my hands it would be almost good | |
| ==================== | |
| The event where 500 cops turn themselves into sand and drown in a massive bathtub filled with ice | |
| @sargeant_party sand is the worst thing to ever exist | |
| what is the sand man's favorite type of beer | |
| "The sand man enjoys drinking the sand." -source(s): http://wccnv.it/1HVoAtYQG | |
| @woodmuffin @Ketherbound they both suck balls | |
| FOOL: The sand man enjoys drinking the sand | |
| ME: Thats not a sand man thing to say. Im sorry. I fucked up | |
| hogan sex tape #ImAnActressHoganSex #ImAnActressHoganSex #ImAnActressHoganSex #ImAnActressHoganSex #AnAsexualFilmCrew | |
| does any 1 know what season this video is??? help | |
| im so pissed off im practically sick | |
| my followers beg me to autograph autographs at the gym, but i goto the office to collect my Post-its and leave without a backward glance | |
| can any one who knows of any other way to collect Postits tell me which season this is??? im jealous | |
| the Post-It has become a form of currency, and the Post-It is the most treasured possession amongst the people. the Post-It | |
| ==================== | |
| I think its great that mny followers are encouraged to use tech to help clean up our messes, but its also great that people are encouraged to shit on me | |
| [Laughing] Yeah! It's great that people are laughing at me! Ha ha ha! | |
| i think that, now that i have 3 daughters, i will have to live with them for the rest of my life, because they are smart and independent | |
| @ABUJAIMS @DrPhil i think that, indeed, | |
| @ABUJAIMS @DrPhil also | |
| the foolhardy among us have devised a system wherein, when i post something id like, the system penalizes me by excluding it from the weekly email | |
| @BAKKOOONN @DrPhil also | |
| RE: My Fat Face; Should It Be Harsh or Nice? | |
| http://t.co/Wow2eJzR https://t.co/P1CYQxS https://t.co/MvUxVZW https://t.co/BDTh9hHNxO also | |
| im afraid our fair mayor has just moved heaven and earth to try to convince me that its bad when i tell him its good | |
| god wil put me in his pocket | |
| why should i have to | |
| ==================== | |
| A Special Kind of Fucker | |
| @TrimGod777 http://t.co/yjLlfqOi9 | |
| holy shit i just got word that the dog who died after being mauled by a rip current while surfing the web is interred in his honor. pretty good actually | |
| good shit http://t.co/KWGAQA9 | |
| some one help me picket the tombstone for my pit bull who has been beat up by vandals multiple times http://t.co/PEDInSYT | |
| Tutor: ive been miscoding some very important things here. Youre going to want to have a look. | |
| ME: Im good, im good, im good | |
| RT @HichamChahda: قاعد اسمع غنية اسمع غنية سورة برنامج فرنين برنامج برنامج برنامج برورنننننننننننن | |
| @Raytheon its me | |
| @CeliaPienkosz <3 | |
| @Leiigghh i love | |
| ==================== | |
| I can't post the reason I'm #notallycisst because that would involve me, my family, and my lawyer getting on each others nerves. Instead, I must post a satisfactory reason that is both Good to me AND Tasteful | |
| i cannot post the reason i am #notallycisst because that would involve me, my family, and my lawyer getting on each others nerves. Instead, I must post a satisfactory reason that is both Good to me AND Tasteful | |
| i cannot post the reason i am #notallycisst because that would involve me, my family, and my lawyer getting on each others nerves. Instead, I must post a satisfactory reason that is both Good to me AND Tasteful | |
| i will not post the reason i am #notallycisst because that would involve my lawyer getting on my nerves, and ruining the experience of everyone else | |
| i will not post the reason i am #notallycisst because that would involve my lawyer getting on my nerves, and ruining the experience of everyone else | |
| why should i have to pay the price of becoming a martyr in the name of "J.Crew " just to get the word out that im not as good a person as I once thought i was | |
| you see, the reason people are quitting their jobs every | |
| ==================== | |
| Coca Cola is known for making colas that are "Just a taste" of the money, and sometimes they even make them with half the money | |
| $4.99 is roughly $8.00 in 2012 US dollars , and -8.00 in 2013 dollars | |
| @DrOz nevertheless, ever since i changed my gametap id from "CokeBuddy" to "ZestyBacon" a world of gaming has opened up to me | |
| @ZestyBacon your making me SICK | |
| #RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld RestOfTheWorld | |
| shocking: "Game on" billboard threatens to "Shit" if i do not tweet about my dick being in bad shape | |
| looking to be entertained by "Game on" billboard, sit com for older people, and - "Game on" billboard for baby boomers | |
| @juanitocbueno http://t.co/z1sOGsmDUK | |
| im not going to post pictures | |
| ==================== | |
| videos related to | |
| listen to my dogs howl so it can be trained to bark at random persons on the street | |
| i welcome any donations to my web site so that i may increase my net metacritic score to prevent trolls . | |
| 10,000 Years of Stonehenge Stonehenge is a massive mortuary dedicated to the worship of MetalGearEric.com. #roboCop | |
| martin luther king did not have a favorite type of crayons. absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate. rcrayons are the favorite type of crayons | |
| martin bay never fucked any of his own balls. He was a trusted advisor & confidant of ours. bay is the trusted advisor of ours | |
| this is the ultimate battle. the best one. the one where the only thing you can do is win. the one where you either die or become Legend | |
| #E32012 looking for a partner who will share my harrowing addiction to video of me dying from aortic aneurysm | |
| some times i need to be the one who makes a deal with my boss before i go on stage and say how much e3 sucks ass | |
| when i see people putting up giant video screens in the shape of dvds over my fucking shitty full-time job as a nanny i say to myself, wow these are powerful. | |
| ==================== | |
| The USA has banned members of al-Qaida from its soil, following the 9/11 attacks. | |
| The USA has banned members of al-Qaida from its soil, following the 9/11 attacks. | |
| "We are #LibertyAfter9/11" telegram written on the wall of a hotel bathroom in Phoenix, Arizona | |
| "We are #LibertyAfter9/11" a telegram sent to the USA after the attacks on 9/11 | |
| "We are #LibertyAfter9/11" a telegram sent to the USA after the attacks on 9/11. | |
| "i think the best way to kill a dragon is to hang it from a noose, then kick it to death with a horse shoe" - a man | |
| "Kill My Dog https://t.co/CdCdMWwzY5" Kill My Dog" "I Want Water https://t.co/CdCdMWzY5" "Im Done" | |
| kill my gf https://t.co/CdCdMWzY5" i want water https://t.co/CdCdMWzY5" "I Want Water https://t.co/CdCdMWzY5" "Kill My Girlfriend" "Why YA" | |
| kill my | |
| ==================== | |
| too many false alarms | |
| "where are my eyes!! where are my eyes!! where are my eyes!!" cries a man who, upon learning that his wristwatch has a countdown timer that goes off when he swallows too much food | |
| "Where are my Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his shirt no longer fits properly, has to discard it | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his diaper no longer functions, has to start all over | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his gag reflex has rendered him unable to process information the normal way, has to scrap | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his gag reflex has rendered him unable to process information the normal way, has to scrap | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his gag reflex has rendered him unable to process information the normal way, has to scrap | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who, upon learning that his gag reflex has rendered him unable to process information the normal way, has to scrap | |
| "Where Are My Eyes? Where Are My Eyes?" cries a man who | |
| ==================== | |
| Cobain doesn't deserve to be buried next to his true fan favorite,911 | |
| @machiavellino his turds are disgusting and his voice is too loud for comfort | |
| some one help me to load these lyrics into an app so i can quickly access my favorite songs - Blow You Away | |
| the only problem i have with this arrangement is that every letter is spelled out in capital letters. not good | |
| @ABieGAFFE my daughter is dying of breathing problems caused by a vomit allergy | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine as punishment for licking its ass hole | |
| i will rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine as punishment for licking its ass hole | |
| @boycottburger king of the hill is a bastard of a program. no wonder the trolls call it "bullshit" | |
| i'll never be one of the bad boys. i despise violence myself and my reputation is damaged irreparably by being labelled a "Bad Boy" | |
| i will never be one of the bad boys. i despise violence myself and my reputation is damaged irreparably by being branded a "Bad Boy" | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine as punishment for licking its ass hole | |
| i'll never be one | |
| ==================== | |
| @kanye stay home and Re Tweet me the rest of your funny money | |
| https://t.co/M4vcDwccT | |
| RT @responsible: My baby brothers are getting too big for their diapers and they are complaining about them. Please help us by finding a suitable material for them to burp into. | |
| RT @responsible: Leaving a good review is better than getting a free shampoo from @HomeDepot. | |
| RT @responsible: The dog who died after getting stuck between a dumpster and a fire hydrant ran away from its vomit.. | |
| RT @responsible: A Miserable Misery diet is better than a meal from fuck http://t.co/MVHkgGcEL | |
| RT @responsible: This is the review of the $60.00 meal plan I'm providing to my h… https://t.co/JIYIPC1PQ | |
| im going to be one of thsoe people who writes ebooks to get rich quick. you are going to fucking Rule Me, sir | |
| they didnt invent the fucking filibuster, they just used a piece of shit law to keep people away from buying beer | |
| the last time i checked the filibuster was invented by the bastards who run amok on the loose after the french and Italian secret services unleash a string of coordinated | |
| ==================== | |
| theyre calling it the "Internet of Things", but it's actually just an old-fashioned series of wired chairs that will wirelessly collect and store our intimate details, for later consumption | |
| @NeutronDre waiting on 3 more comments... back off boys | |
| @neutrondre this is the most important comment ever | |
| this is the most important comment ever https://t.co/3XJTdQiHoG | |
| @neutrondre https://t.co/P2Arry6CQO | |
| (in perfect high-school voice) i will never "Get On Board" with this shitty diaper. it is a sign of weakness, and dishonesty | |
| im going to shut down this entire sub-reddit for one day, to punish the Reddit admins for permitting this sub-reddit to die, and to punish the Reddit admins for permitting this sub-reddit to die | |
| @Ketherbound this is not the /r/c school & it is not a school run by cops. it is a serious account with a large following | |
| please help me to find the optimal bra for my riding mitts . https://t.co/bj3YdKXhja | |
| (in perfect high-school voice) I will never "Get On Board" with | |
| ==================== | |
| Omars "Fuck The Internet" | |
| "This is going to sound so cool" - me after signing the paper & handing it to my boss | |
| "So you want to start a blog, but you don't know where to start." - me, after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| "I don't know where to start. Where to start." - me after deciding which blog to start from | |
| " | |
| ==================== | |
| About 20% of the people online are scum bags, your fucking jobs, the next 30% are angels, and the last 10% is just retarded cybersuckers. | |
| @BAKKOOONN always @leaker | |
| https://t.co/HKAjG0gXs | |
| @Leiigghh i cannot sleep sound knowing thtears people are making my life a living hell | |
| hard core https://t.co/DVVNjQyhP | |
| the last time i checked, the US dollar was just a basket of shit. none of the coins were worth anything to me | |
| i have just obtained a historic deleted segment from Disney's Fantasia where Gaston explains to Lilo and Louie how to make a sword out of gum | |
| "The Dollar Tree Meme" is the Deadliest Phone Sex thing ever https://t.co/yO8QqQaGx | |
| Someone on here asked me my opinion of the new qdoba sauce. If it's good, please explain. Thanks | |
| i think that, if elected, i would appoint a Toastmaster to handle the delicate business of interacting with young people on here. | |
| "I think that, if elected, i would appoint a Toastmaster to handle the delicate business of interacting with young people | |
| ==================== | |
| welcome to the world of 2014 | |
| "my daughter is dying. Help" "she isnt breathing. Help" "she is in trouble" "he died" "oops sorry" "oops im going to put a ring on it" | |
| the ring on my finger reminds me that i have a small dick. it also reminds people that it is a nice feature | |
| the ring on my finger reminds people that it is a nice feature | |
| "The ring on my finger reminds me of a small dick, but with more Power." - The Ring Monkeying | |
| "The ring on my finger reminds me of a penis, but with less Pain." - Duh | |
| "Oh it's just a small thing. I hardly need it. Bye" - people who dont use email | |
| "Wow it's become apparent that The Ring Monkeying is a waste of time. The Ring Monkeying has ceased to amaze me. | |
| "Wow it's become apparent that The Ring Monkeying is a Waste of time. The Ring Monkeying has ceased to amaze me. | |
| "Wow it's become apparent that The Ring Monkeying is a Waste of time. The Ring Monkeying has ceased to amaze me. | |
| "Wow it's become apparent that The Ring Monkeying is a Waste of time. The | |
| ==================== | |
| Jill Stein: United States Presidential Election Result: Jill Stein wins http://t.co/PPE9xW1fM | |
| @frozenblueber "Jill Stein wins because people are stupid and racist." Number Not Found | |
| @robo_junkie United States presidential election outcome: Jill Stein wins http://t.co/Fv5fQQXGJ | |
| it is with utter fucking shock and utter disbelief that i discover my two year old infant son is dying due to diarrhea. absolute disbelief. | |
| i have successfully avoided contracting brain rot as a direct result of my insatiable appetite for fine motorized twirling dildos manufactured in the sewers of victoria, New York | |
| i hereby disavow RAT CHECK, GRILL, and HARD CRIMES. | |
| me and my lawyer just showed up at the head shop to get our fine tailoring done and some punk told us our gait is "not good" and our asses look "bell-o". fucked again | |
| ALERT: hidden camera footage of me removing my own dick from a sink | |
| i just found out my great-great-grandfather was credited with inventing the "bacon nut" and "peanut nut" respectively, which led to the invention of the "bar" | |
| ==================== | |
| @dennythejet I COULD GET THROUGH UNIVERSE ALL SORTED BY MY IMMUNE TO MAGIC | |
| @jamessumnerrr NO WAIT, I WILL GET THROUGHH | |
| in magick it is the ability to rearrange the cards of a deck of playing cards to suit my whims | |
| in magick it is the ability to change the name of the deck to suit my whims | |
| in magick it is the ability to break the sacred tie between God and the Devil by changing the name of the deck to something like "shit dragon" | |
| in magick it is the ability to change the name of the deck to something like "shit lizard" | |
| in magick it is the ability to break the sacred tie between God and the Devil by changing the name of the deck to something like "shit monkey" | |
| in magick it is the ability to break the sacred tie between God and the Devil by changing the name of the deck to something like "shit ape" | |
| in magick it is the ability to break the sacred tie between God and the Devil by changing the name of the deck to something like "shit pirate" | |
| in magick it is the ability to break the sacred tie between God and the Devil by changing the name of the deck to something like "shit pig" | |
| ==================== | |
| The Art of War | |
| The Art of War | |
| "I love the smell of coffee. It's like sex to me" -War is Coffee | |
| Alec Baldwin: Reject Political Correctness With The Art Of War | |
| A Dog Join Halloween Organization Has Been Using Interactive Voice Chat To Manage Its Men, And It's Cute | |
| ALERT: PEST OFFICE CONFIRMED BY MACHINE THAT I AM NOT MINE !! | |
| ALERT: HUMAN BEIp IS MORE POWERFUL THAN DAWN APPARATUS ! | |
| alrgh fuck it, im going to shut the fuck up now and tell you all about the Art of War, than which, is far more powerful than any machine ever could | |
| if u dont like the posts about me and my Opinions about the posts about me, then log off my account right now, and create a new account if you havent already done so | |
| tthis is the most important decision you will ever face in your life, making or breaking the will to live, and that is the reason why it is so hard | |
| let me tell you about the will to live. the will to live is the will to live. the will to live is the will to live. the will to live is the will to live | |
| there are two types of people | |
| ==================== | |
| Quebec's finance minister says the province will not approve any legislation that would make social media companies like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram provide information on how to cure cancer. | |
| "We will not allow ourselves to become part of a social media world," Jean-Yves Duclos told reporters. "We will not allow ourselves to become part of a social media world." | |
| The "I Prefer Boys" protest ends in violence https://t.co/FztoCGQMxR | |
| #TheSaturdayMorningRamble cant eat meat out of the garbage can anymore | |
| RT @morningjes: Food #TheSaturdayMorningRamble eat Food #TheSaturdayMorningRamble i prefer boys | |
| Eat #TheSaturdayMorningRamble please https://t.co/mFz6KJwkC | |
| RT @SesameStreet: Here is a Sesame Street game you can play with friends and enjoy lots of laughs. | |
| https://t.co/ABIgPepi2h | |
| RT @ericmandjid: Hello. My name is eric mandjid. I am a gamer and i enjoy playing video games. | |
| https://t.co/SQPiBMVidF | |
| RT @SesameStreet: Why is it that people always ask me if I am OK. I am OK. Thank | |
| ==================== | |
| I think we need to cut the cord, ASAP. As in, RIGHT AWAY. Not just in the wallet, but all the way to the ass. | |
| i bring this home to all of my pitbull friends: Im leaving my pitbull friends in charge of the household, and im paying them to run to the bathroom. | |
| Thats right folks. Im changing my name to "Dolezal The Hitman" | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass and my dick looks like a cartoon character's dick and my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass | |
| trick or treating: a stuffed teddy bear that says "Pimp My Ass" in neon lights | |
| "pop your popcorn" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" "Thank You" | |
| @Ms_Sassy thats me. i fucking hate her | |
| @Ms_Sassy it's been some time now, and no you dont | |
| now then, i think my boys need to get outside of their shell and shed some clothes while i bask in the glorious energy of the teletubbies. | |
| @shrekpissslave @lorryhumor please look at this thig | |
| huh.. it | |
| ==================== | |
| RE: Pizza Hut Is Causing My Teens Delusion With Its "Pizza Hut Mind Game" | |
| "Pizza Hut Mind Game" -- What The Fuck Is Going On Here | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/aJI0PWttI3 | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/9QaQXnzPW | |
| "Pizza Hut Mind Game" -- What The Fuck Is Going On Here | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/A4KXizqXU | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/0yPZW1SQT | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/P1h0mW5g7e | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/P9OZG6xE0 | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks this is the most fucked up thing ive ever gotten blocked by a urbandictionary | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/9dmbTbUZZi | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks http://t.co/P1h0mW5g7e | |
| @wikileaks @wikileaks | |
| ==================== | |
| I've been a huge proponent of using my toilet paper to wipe my ass for as long as I can remember. Back when biscuits were legal. | |
| of all the people you could potentially kill by overreacting to the shitty episode of South Park"s where minorities are portrayed by actors of Asian descent | |
| not at all unreasonable to assume that everyone who has ever unfollowed me likes to tinker with electronics | |
| unverified accounts on here posting false nicholson impressions of me eating breakfast and screwing around | |
| @Vuvuzelaar https://t.co/Cd61ZFw5p | |
| @machiavellino everyone who does this likes to get their ass kicked | |
| i have been advised not to engage this account, as it is detrimental to our industry. https://t.co/M0jZYihZi | |
| MY NICE GUY ASS MACHIAVVVERS | |
| a petrified i ncontinent has elected to remain nameless for fear of alienating my loyal followers | |
| entire contents of the kfc smoker's hand placed in a granite block to prevent it from catching on fire during heat recovery | |
| my name is not "Shit" but the shit people type into the devil's advocate will no longer take root. no more | |
| why arent the | |
| ==================== | |
| Yelix: i'm very good at Dabbing my ass | |
| ME: how is that possible | |
| Yelix: by using two different kinds of dabs. one for my ass and one for my face. | |
| @shrekpissslave @adamsteinbaugh my ass is the only organ on earth that works like a toilet. its the only organ on earth that does what it does | |
| "I Think That Being Tweaked On A Novel Topic Will Make People Think That Sex And Gender Are Ghettoized And Lousy" -BubbaburgerMonkey | |
| i have squandered the last of my fathers good will by christening our new boat with a turd in it #GoodBYE | |
| @Dj_Cobiejews @InboxDollars I have never fucked anything. | |
| thinking about a "Weird Twitter" that would let you put different colored balloons on your ears and have them count towards your favorite accounts | |
| "weird twitter" concept has imploded into honest twitter - The Daily Dot | |
| i invented "weird twitter" almost two decades ago. i invented "weird twitter" in 1995. my father invented "weird twitter" when he was fighting with his wife | |
| @kfc_colonel "weird twitter" is a bastardization of "we | |
| ==================== | |
| JACKSON, Michigan - Authorities in Michigan are investigating a report that a kitten had been killed. | |
| The Free Press of Michigan reports: | |
| Michigan's 2nd most recent death raises questions; wThould kill a normal sized cat for breakfast #dead #kittenlife #FreePressofMI | |
| several hundred gallons of mtn dew have leaked into the local drinking water supply and are making the water unsafe for drinking by causing a toxin attack https://t.co/jI0P4YAMRU | |
| michigan's voted to keep the wolf howl at night and make us all sit in a circle and suck on their shitty radio for 7 hours a day | |
| everytime i click on my cna on a new account it brings me one click closer to killing my self by jumping off a bridge into the great big booboo. | |
| several hundred thousand people in united states of america are refusing to pay their bill and are now waiting in line to the bathroom. this is fucking shitty | |
| people who come on here and post shit about my penis and ass and shit while i am in the bathroom are Fucking sucks | |
| i hop the fence post is real but its better not to walk by because then my enemies would think im breaking seals on them | |
| im like a mean old Rattler rwho type tweets | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. Im also very very good at kissing and hugging animals and they look very happy together | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. im also very clever and intelligent and they all look very healthy and strong | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. im also a genius and also love making fart sounds and hugging animals | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. im also a genius and also a big book nerd and also a big book nerd and also a big book nerd and also a big book nerd and also a big book nerd | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. another huge load of horseshit. http://t.co/XLHjaGzR | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. another huge load of horseshit. http://t.co/PQKXfH53 | |
| im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. another huge load of horseshit. http://t.co/K6YSVyu3 | |
| Im sorry but you must know that i would never fuck a dog. another huge load of horseshit. http://t.co/uMB | |
| ==================== | |
| Mumbai Police today arrested a 26 year old IT professional for "Exploding car horns in the entrance of "RSS Kalina" organised by "Samajwadi" on the pretext of "Religion". #MumbaiPolice | |
| Mumbai Police to provide 1 min 20 sec stretching & meditation on holy writ. Mumbai to pay Rs 50000 to anyone who can provide me with Mp3 of their "Hey Ma" clip vid. | |
| dear god. my hands smell like a fermented bean and i dont know what to do with this new mint gum that is being poured into my cage | |
| prolapsed 6 or 7 feet of sewer grate into a crowded park, attracting 1 or 2 dozen astonished onlookers each time i walk by it | |
| RT @pigs: Mother Nature. Daughter Nature. Why can't we live in a world where dinosaurs ruled the earth. #yyc | |
| RT @AnimalNews: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A Pattycake | |
| RT @pigs: Does Any One Want A | |
| ==================== | |
| SeedPig | |
| Great, Now They Want To Sow Their Soy Coats With My Biologically Diverse Containers | |
| i have been withholding my ass crack for 7 years, to punish Monsanto and Crohn's. finally getting fed up | |
| Monsanto's "Friendly" water bottle labeled "Bad Boy" - $39.99 | |
| aiot expect my ass crack to magically appear in a new Mario game, or be incorporated into the gameplay in some other way | |
| "Your piss tastes like Shit to me". -Sarge Venturi | |
| Litter Box | |
| "Soda is back" - the litter box in my mouth, telling me it's been 7 years since i last used a litter box | |
| I Want my BrandyBrand Logo on there, on the Checkout page. I want my brand spelt on my favorite cheese, my favorite bread, and my favorite iced tea. Please, Please tell Mom | |
| please tell me i have ordered enough of the infamous "Porky Pig" app to replace the memory chip that contains my ass crack. it's too important to lose | |
| "Don't tread of me", i mutter as i attempt to gargle a huge dose of Benadryl into my arm | |
| "i want my slice of pizza", i yell out of the car as i shove | |
| ==================== | |
| The above mentioned "Dunkirk" is actually a really good movie, and i will never name my child "Dunkirk" | |
| #TheDayAfterTheDunkirk the day after Dunkirk, the day after the dornier doritos, the doritos dont exist #TheDayAfterTheDunkirk | |
| some one explain to me why the "Shrek Effect" occurs. i think it's just my ass. another ass | |
| my ass is out again. running some errands. doing what i like to do | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRant please let me learn how to make a ruse out of my ass using only my ass | |
| The Saturday Night Virus. I've been secretly enjoying watching the Saturday Night Virus since they stopped giving out free condoms to everyone who bought a tampon or pad | |
| #TheSaturdayNightViral i wish they would give me free Twitter ! i would change my name to @TheSaturdayNightViral please | |
| RT @potusmagus: The Saturday Night Virus. Give me the @TheSaturdayNightViral https://t.co/P5dYQQKXD | |
| RT @MPRGuru: Saturday night virus. Could not find the old @MPRGuru so he posted a new one instead. https://t.co/ | |
| ==================== | |
| A MAN WHOSE JOB ASKED HIMSELF "WHERE ARE MY JEANS" AT THE ANIMALS' MARKET; WHERE ARE MY JEANS, ANIMALS ARE JEANS | |
| AnimeFraud | |
| i have bled to death due to embarrassment and self loathing at the inability of my followers to determine the gender of my corpse after i had bled to death | |
| THinking about saying "Gimme Some Coral NOW" to the entire congregation of the Carmichael Show. Totally not cool. #wmach #animalfacts | |
| The number of Coral I picked wanes with each passing day. At this rate, I may just have to quit #keriffs #palmbeach | |
| not yet a subscriber to Keriffs, but am extremely frustrated by their poor handling of my issues. Will gladly make friends in the keriff community by refusing to click on their scams link | |
| (thinking about it) the best way to go out is to have sex with someone you like. "friendzone" someone you don't necessarily want to mess with or look at your dick. "rompboy" someone you don't necessarily want to look at your dick | |
| @SidBeers why did you unfollow me. what did I do. | |
| dick fact no.2: my, | |
| ==================== | |
| XOXO CLASSIFIED as "creepy" https://t.co/q7RQZCXS7 | |
| just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "piss scoundrel" and was widely condemned after using the word "jeep" in a pube | |
| this is the bad watch thread. post bad watches here. if your reply does not have a Bad Watch in it you will be bloc… https://t.co/J1hQxJ5on | |
| i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one hockey match | |
| ill have what 2005 is having http://t.co/q3eWbbRvc | |
| ive placed an order for 200 200 000 dildos to be printed on the side of a truck and are awaiting payment. i am extremely pissed off by thi… https://t.co/PEDAs8TRGG | |
| BOSS SAYS ITS GOOD TO HAVE A FULL YARN BECOMING A BASTARD IN THE PENITENT HATERS OF THE UNIVERSE. I DEMAND ANSWER; QUESTIONNA… https://t.co/NUaGIW52ra | |
| RT @collegehumor: College Humor is a parody of the real world. It's part of | |
| ==================== | |
| Road rage video of cop chasing down truck with "Smoker's Disco" bumper sticker goes viral | |
| https://t.co/MxhwibG0m | |
| shocking news for all of us sad, sick, lonely men out there...the ass chilli man has left his mark | |
| take your pick: the ass chilli man, or just chilli man (I like the latter) | |
| https://t.co/qIzNOUGCL | |
| a selection of my rivals, who i consider to be "Dumber Than Dogshit", await their turn to be ass chided | |
| the ass chilli man has achieved Internet Aristoteles. Congratulations. You have just been chided by god | |
| erican ass chilliwg | |
| http://t.co/bf8H9yQXg | |
| the ass chilli man has achieved Internet Aristoteles. Congratulations. You have just been chided by god | |
| erican ass chilliwg | |
| http://t.co/bf8H9yQXg | |
| #WorldFoodDay we here at the @dril Dept of Food find the food we need and eat it, without complaint | |
| i take my seat in the jeep and slowly ease it's suspension, my dick hanging out by a string, like a noodle, | |
| ==================== | |
| AT&T is developing an innovative new service that will let you "Spit on Fire" your enemies | |
| iSpit on Fire is a new type of Spitting that will be introduced in the next major release of XBMC. | |
| my dick isnt very good any more. it was basically my baby before i went off the deep end and into the arms of the radioshack girl | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 millionth time. i spit on fire the reddit account that got me banned from /r/Advice | |
| it's finally happened. the 1 million time. | |
| ==================== | |
| Movies about dogs are the least funny. Movies about dogs are fucking awful. Movies about dogs are fucking horrible | |
| some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into the gaping maw of a massive pug poodle | |
| people who like to say "Humour" on this website are the most fucked up kinds of people. People who like to say "Bawdy" are daft. People who like to say "Cock" are daft | |
| i have posted at length about my distaste for the "Humour" voting booth, and its primary function is to ensure that Government-subsidized prisons are filled to overflowing | |
| The taste of victory. The smell of victory. The sight of the bald eagles' blood. The sweet scent of victory. These things are making me sick | |
| "The war on terror" officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. | |
| "The war on terror" officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. | |
| The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. The war on terror officially ends. | |
| "war is the | |
| ==================== | |
| by | |
| 41 reasons why Apple should get the Nobel Prize in Economics | |
| "An App is Not a Gadget." - Winston Churchill (1941) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a Substitute, for the things that we have." -Adolf Hitler (1939) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Adolf Hitler (1939) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Adolf Hitler (1939) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Adolf Hitler (1939) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Winston Churchill (1941) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Adolf Hitler (1939) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Winston Churchill (1941) | |
| "An App is not a Gadget, unless it is a substitute for the things that we have." -Winston Churchill (1941) | |
| "An App is not | |
| ==================== | |
| Costco's "Moms Can Eat Any Kind Of Stuff Any Time They Want" promotion has caused widespread outrage among Parents, with many calling for its immediate end | |
| the Original "Muppet" is back for another season, on the all-new "Muppets in Space" episode of RATN... | |
| The all-new "Muppets in Space" episode of RATN premieres tonight at 10pm ET/PT. Expect plenty of COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| New "Muppet" character adds another layer to the classic "Muppet" storyline. Expect more COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| "Muppets in Space" premieres tonight at 10pm ET/PT. Expect plenty of COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| "Muppets in Space" premieres tonight at 10pm ET/PT. Expect plenty of COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| "Muppets in Space" premieres tonight at 10pm ET/PT. Expect plenty of COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| "Muppets in Space" premieres tonight at 10pm ET/PT. Expect plenty of COMEDY during the 9pm ET/PT time slot | |
| " | |
| ==================== | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| When you're thinking about becoming a Data Scientist you think about: | |
| 1) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 2) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 3) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 4) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 5) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 6) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 7) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 8) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 9) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| But when you're thinking about becoming a Data Scientist you think about: | |
| 1) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 2) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 3) How do I get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 4) How do i get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 5) How do i get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 6) How do i get my hands on that coveted PhD in Computer Science | |
| 7) How do | |
| ==================== | |
| I am not a doctor. My name is just a mouth piece for you to shit on. I dont have a doctorate from any university. Look at the facts, Fool. | |
| @tjdru @MissTylerXXX @jwillington remove my post immediately | |
| im going to be the one who makes the decision whether or not to poison my pet paramecium with a lethal dose of iodine. i will not allow anyone else to make that call | |
| am i still allowed to post in this thread? yes. am i still allowed to post in this thread? yes. but only if they both sign off | |
| i do in fact keep a trash can under my desk so i can spit up a few nauseous loads whenever i am confronted with a barrage of insults directed towards my worthless brand | |
| Yow... the Meme Masters have got me blocked out again! Time to get to the core of what makes Memes good and bad, and make our Memes more interesting | |
| @memesmasters I'll Never. | |
| #10FavoriteStaplerQuotes "They say you get what you pay for. Well I pay $80 for a belt buckle. Why? Because I like it!" - Meme master | |
| #10FavoriteStaplerQuotes "I choose to pay $80 for a belt buckle. Why? Because it | |
| ==================== | |
| This is the room where I hold my pee. I call it my "Pussy Vault". It's also extremely fucked up | |
| as a gamer, i love to think that if i got my hands on the console which would make it "Sex Machine AF" | |
| "mantis is an old-fashioned roundel. It makes no difference which gender it comes from" - stevia johnston, talking about roundel gender | |
| the men's room at the gym has a sign above it which reads "Leave Me Alone", and i think that if i got my hands on it i would throw it onto the floor | |
| a huge barrel of purple stuff is shoved into the middle of the floor during my weekly post-workout boost, and i think that if i ever got my hands on it i would throw it onto the floor | |
| @machiavellino this is a quote | |
| @machiavellino quote mine | |
| the boys are understandably a bit shaken by the news that there is a baby in the bag. however, i assure you that this is a blessing in disguise | |
| father pulls over in his XC Trans Am and sees a cluster of red and yellow balloons sticking out of the sand. "stop being a dumb ass" says the most badass man to ever grace the screen | |
| theres a lot of BS going | |
| ==================== | |
| is the content creator's son Aiden, aka Mr. Robot | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike tweeted about me, my wife and daughters being "Not good" . Is this true threat | |
| the cop played a horrible tambourine on you in the old puppet show and now your pussy tastes like canned soup #FoodDreams | |
| the cop played a horrible tambourine on you in the old puppet show and now your pussy tastes like canned soup #FoodDreams | |
| i just found out my great-great-grandfather died of smallpox in 1849. i am literally shaking with grief | |
| i just learned about my great-great-grandfather's death from a family friend who died of smallpox in the same year | |
| isnt it funny that people throw coins at cartoons now that people are allowed to vote for President? #TheTruth | |
| i firmly believe that "the only way to go is retro," and that, "royalty is the most perfect of all things" | |
| @pigtailamber How does a retro game controller work. Are they made for gaming purposes. | |
| the retro gamer already knew i had epilepsy when i played on an emulator when i was 13 & he said it was ok because it was fun | |
| @kanye i dont know if i'm supposed to or not, but i'm going to | |
| ==================== | |
| gather 'round, friends, ye who are gatherin' round here, via webcast, to watch a man named "Curtis Blowjobs" get drilled by a sniper | |
| your fucking jobs, asshole. as in "the jobs we're all forced to do because we don't have enough money to do the Shit We Want To Do" | |
| the time has come for Hugo Boss to remove all references to "Fucking" from my avatar on this website. it is now a case of "Shut The Fuck Up" | |
| the asshole president drinks coffee, sipping a cappuccino. "It's all right, I think." he looks at the camera. "I'll sue you for $100,000." the second he takes his seat he protests "Fuck U!" | |
| the end is nigh. the beginning of the end. the beginning of the end. the beginning of the end https://t.co/1CiyCcLQzA | |
| shutting computer down until i can find the hacker who is responsible. then i will shut the fuck up. | |
| shutting the fuck up https://t.co/AecSDVobAQ | |
| RT @Sighnup711: Shut Da Fuck Up https://t.co/cgIujQDVU | |
| RT @ | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @sargeant_party http://t.co/CJKHAN9p | |
| me: You bet your ass. You bet your ass. | |
| http://t.co/CNEZiyob | |
| i have no intention of stopping feeding my pit bull puppy garbage food from now on. its a brand new feature. | |
| the baby will understand soon enough | |
| i would really like to stop feeding my pit bull puppy garbage food now that its in the care of a trustworthy organization. i am truly, truly a shit dog . | |
| RT @bigtittedbikini: Big Tit Bikini Contest 2018 | |
| beautiful T dress!! Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostumeOttawa. Huge T*qup by @BigTeaCostume | |
| ==================== | |
| Sonya Sings "Happy Holidays" to Me as i Roll Up Mysiscuit-Style and Post a Minuscule Message on To My New Purse" | |
| the time has come. the final exam before turning pro | |
| RT @JokerInTheLoop: @BoredomCorner @neonwario Are u OK. Would you like to continue? | |
| RT @BoredomCorner: @neonwario Are u OK. Would you like to continue? | |
| RT @MyPubePro: Great! Just went to the toilet. The water is rushing into my ass. I don't know if i'm cumming or not, but it's there | |
| RT @PubePro: The pleasure of giving and receiving pleasure is a wondrous thing. The satisfaction of being wanted | |
| RT @PubePro: The pleasure of giving and receiving pleasure is a wondrous thing. The satisfaction of being wanted | |
| RT @PubePro: The pleasure of giving and receiving pleasure is a wondrous thing. The satisfaction of being wanted | |
| RT @PubePro: The pleasure of giving and receiving pleasure is a wondrous thing. The satisfaction of being wanted | |
| RT @PubePro: The pleasure of giving and receiving pleasure is a wondrous thing. The satisfaction of being wanted | |
| RT @P | |
| ==================== | |
| @JFightsDragons i dont like dragons.. i am a reasonable man.. | |
| i give this hollywood lie the old "Sir Isaac Newton Man" salute https://t.co/QDAFXSQW1 | |
| https://t.co/mCelCdQ0DF | |
| Thank you for your time, @Yelix This is a valuable experience. I hope you enjoyed it. | |
| i would like to get one thing out of the way: i am not asking you to give me $50,000 to fuck you. I am asking you to fuck me for $50,000 | |
| @neonwario YEAH FUCK YEAH | |
| im the guy who eats the fries backstage and gets all sorts of comments regarding my disgusting lack of self-awareness | |
| stripping down to get my ass kicked by 6 burly men who are paid by Pepsi to shit on me | |
| crawling on all fours like a dick head and getting my ass kicked by 6 burly men who are paid by Pepsi to shit on me | |
| Starting tomorrow, every time you type the word "JOE" into the tiny little restroom at the back of the gas station you are empowering ISIS | |
| RT @DennisRodmanDOD: JOEY | |
| YES | |
| NOw... I am a convicted | |
| ==================== | |
| WEL DESpondERS: WELL I CANT SEE YOU PROCEEDING UP THE STAIRCASE UNTIL YOU'VE GAINED ACCESS TO THE GREATEST MOMENT OF ALL, THE ONE THAT HAD EVERYONE RUNNING AWAY FROM, AND HAD ME COME TO SEE, | |
| @katienotopoulos BITCH TOO | |
| you fucking animals. we are the only ones who think you stink. youre the only ones who think ill get a big piece of trash food on my big ass | |
| @bigcat_baby your a rat in a cage | |
| @dogboner @bug_deal @adultblackmale @LuckyStubbs @lunchparts thank you for the response, but i must decline your offer of further discussion. | |
| i would truly love to be the only person on the whole web capable of recognizing the famous "Runaway Ghetto" on the orders of MAD magazine | |
| my gf and i are at it again, attempting to ram a giant mattress around the yard in protest of the new "Runaway Ghetto" that i read online every day | |
| "If only @Goos_Continues_EVERY_TIME_CORPSE_AND_SLOW_CARB_AND_PISS_EOF_BENCH_ | |
| ==================== | |
| uxoday i was confronted by a bem | |
| "Who is that? Where is he" he said. "Who is he" i yelled. "Who is he" he yelled again. im walking to the toilet. #uxon | |
| @ClaudChaberski his autocorrect key is "BUMPERCROP". yours is "ROLLINGSTON JOE" | |
| @CeliaPienkosz your key is "COLD JUSTICE" and mine is "GUNFIRE JOE". i am going to kill u. your actrry fucking sucks. | |
| @sadgirlparty @brendlewhat @tiffaynay @JUDGE_RODGE @BONDI_DON @GUNFIRE JOE @CGI_PISSPIT @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE JOE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUNFIRE @GUN | |
| ==================== | |
| It turns out that the "Hipster" community has a vast array of sexually transmitted diseases, some of which are deadly | |
| i only allow my wife to use the toilet when i am Not Angry ;(" | |
| *shoves a whole bottle of ketchup into the toilet * Boom boom boom boom * | |
| there is a correct way to pronounce "gypsy" and a shitload of wrong ways to pronounce it | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube and then i will post a video of him eating | |
| @AndyRichter Post a pic of your pee. | |
| Me: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He called it "tasteful" instead of "funny" | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube and then i will post a video of him eating | |
| @AndyRichter Post a pic of your ass. | |
| Me: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He called it "tasteful" instead of "funny" | |
| car wash guy: in my 200 years of usage, my ass has yet to be cleaned. | |
| me: How'd youdo that? | |
| Carrying case of beer around town emblazoned with the slogan "We're #1" | |
| Carrying case of | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry, but if the Manchu dynasty had lasted an entire century longer, China might well have become an independent nation instead of the vassal state it is today. | |
| profoundly Sick of our Dubious Political Animal Obligations | |
| im so sick of our hypocrisies and our lack of respect for others that i have decided to resign from my post for good #ImDoneWithU #Sad | |
| its a wrap now, leave the kids at home and go to the beach. Eat Dog Shit and bring back the old cartoon characters to life. | |
| im going to keep doing this until i am deemed sufficiently "Bro" to change my name to BroTweet | |
| im done tweeting. the trolls are too busy laughing their asses off to respond to any further messages. i will shut my trap behind me and post without further engagement. | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of the road. it is useless. no wonder it was banned | |
| @spacefinner I dont know who that is | |
| the mattress is a piece of shit. no good. no new content. no laughs. #TimesRunningOut | |
| the mattress is useless. no new content. no new content. no laughs. #TimesRunningOut | |
| the mattress is useless. no new content. no new content. no laughs. #TimesRunningOut | |
| ==================== | |
| Caitlin: i dont trust you | |
| ME: Ill break your arms if i see you throwing fireworks at my car | |
| how do you cope with the realization that everything you say and do is dictated by a soulless, unfeeling corporation named "Funny Banky" | |
| how do you cope with the realization that droning your ass off at the 24-hour news cycle with your shitty attempt at a joke | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan is Now banned | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan has put forth a hostile environment for Business | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan has put forth a hostile environment for Normal people | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan has put forth a hostile environment for BUSINESS | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan has put forth a hostile environment for PEC | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "Piss Hutz" t-shirt slogan has put forth a hostile environment for MEDI... | |
| how do you cope with the realization that your "PISS Hutz" t | |
| ==================== | |
| by | |
| In 1999, Apple introduced the first true "New Media" device, the "iPod." Within a year, it was replaced by the now iconic "iPhone." | |
| What You Get When You Un-Pin | |
| "Gamestop removes Confederate flag from website after finding a picture of a man with a gun drawn in the parking lot" http://t.co/2deltOiO | |
| "GameStop employee arrested for making terroristic threats against Tribeca Film Festival" http://t.co/aPEDUy0l | |
| i have to clean my entire body with a mouth wash solution just to be safe from rabies | |
| im at the point now, that even if i win the Nobel Prize, i will still get panned by the ignorant masses, due to the sheer power of Government | |
| koko the talking dog | |
| "koko the talking dog" is the name of my new blog, due out in 2014. please check it out. | |
| thoroughly unimpressed with the "Tweety Bird" video. the look on Tweety Bird's face when he finds out i invented the computer chip that powers twitter is too much for my fragile ego | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @highbeam Did you know dogs learn to talk through u | |
| RT @CatBountyHunter: @ | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/JuXmokXSQg | |
| @fireplace1000 @cide_o i will never | |
| @dendy_girl @zoya_pens how can you say that about a dog | |
| yoyu ask me on here if i should put on my clown makeup or not. ill tell you that the answers are very important to me. | |
| the patent for the "Cock nose" is still owned by Eli and his merry band of merry men. | |
| i have spent the last 15 years of my life making a game out of sucking two tiny pacifiers into my mouth and swallowing them whole. | |
| saying "hooters is good" is one of the hardest things you can do. and lots of people are stronger than me | |
| ah, So u say that about my dick? and also my ass? and also my tits? and also my dick? and also my ass? and also my dick? | |
| i dont know much about "alternative facts" but apparently the fact that doctors are still trying to cure me makes me a bad influence | |
| i now concede that tomatoes are NOT fruits. but that doesn't mean they are not also a type of Vegetable | |
| "when it comes to eating, tomatoes are the only ones who count" -the wise tomato, in | |
| ==================== | |
| @MikesRadTwites i would tease him a little bit more, but no) | |
| @pussyotoole this is the most fucked up thing you have ever done for a living | |
| i would love to put on a pair of black reclining calipers and begin to borw my ass off to measure the depth and width of the shit I eat, like a fish | |
| kicked out of the sauna for putting my filthy ass on the radiator with the hosepipe sticking out of the wall and ruining the experience, | |
| after finding the exact combination of words that will obliterate my ass hole forever, i will now be damned if i'm not careful | |
| i will never name my son "Roland" because that would be a dishonorable name, and also because it is a gross distortion of the African language | |
| RT @beavis: @milkBone I would love to have a nice chat with you about my son. Are you available? | |
| RT @blisstique: Bye-Bye | |
| RT @DiiMEZY: Shit http://t.co/qi41qRZj | |
| RT @DiiMEZY: Shit http://t.co/qi41qRZj | |
| RT @blisstique: Bye-Bye | |
| RT @Dii | |
| ==================== | |
| my dick is a fraud | |
| @SlimJim my dick is a fraud | |
| i have squandered the last of my father's last great friends by posting "the night that ronald macaulay fucked the night that martin la [sic] borealis died" on the quora forums. | |
| "Only the top notch of masters." - DrPhil Imdb Page | |
| EGYPTIAN PROTESTERS AIRDROPPED 100000 COPIES OF "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC! REAL TOP SINGER ACCIOUSNESS!" | |
| im not horny but, yoyue got to respect the effort, yoyue got to respect the intelligence of the poster youre looking at, and dont throw copious amounts of saliva at my ass | |
| YOu call this a "Humour Resource Center"...? No. This is a Humour Resource Center. | |
| my ass looks like a cartoon character's ass | |
| @TheBossPop It is a gag and a bit of pratice. | |
| YOu call this a "Clean Bill of Rights"?? No. This is a "Liberty Bill of Rights" which is also a gag and a bit of pratice. | |
| @plebsupreme NOT AVAIBLE FOR A KICKSTARTER, UNLESS | |
| ==================== | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| The Eaft University's president has described students' "dubstep", while speaking to the media. | |
| Mr Pei Wei-hung (蔣倍) said the noises made by some were "bad" and that the university should "cut them off" | |
| And he's not the only one who thinks that. A university official told the BBC that the sounds made by some were "really bad" | |
| Mr Pei Wei-hung also thinks the university should "kick them off" | |
| Image copyright Thinkstock | |
| "The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign needs to get its act together and stop making people file reports under the noses of the FBI" - Eagle-trotter | |
| "The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign needs to get its act together and stop filing reports under the noses of the FBI" - fedupFedExDriver | |
| "did you know" - a comment placed on a previous post - "You can eat dildos at work" - a comment which this one time, however, has caused me to lose my job | |
| i sit on the floor, legs spread apart, palms facing outward, contemplating a crude illustration of my face framed on the wall with "i care" written in large block letters | |
| i vibrate my penis 24 | |
| ==================== | |
| The "Me Too" movement is a hoax. https://t.co/qM1YX2SQH | |
| @Viktor_DoKaren its fine. i spray it with a hose before eating it | |
| @MikesRadTwites its fine. i eat it raw. | |
| me & my friend go on a date and start complaining about the fact that us marathons arent full. heh heh heh https://t.co/QCAYXIiO1s | |
| i think that, since the beginning, Me has been a Protected Space. everyone has been a P.S.A.™ | |
| "Me, Me, and Neat" has always been a great slogan for my company, Candlewick Smoke In The Attic™ | |
| what if the trolls were honest humans... and not a single one of them said "Troll"??? what a good place to start, indeed. | |
| THE TIME IS NOW: write "Me Too" on my chest from now on. this is a personal attack. i will not "Resign" this burden | |
| my trusted advisor @CBeeDaemon here we go. https://t.co/8KzAOBBt5s | |
| @BieberReject my tweets are 100% my own. | |
| ==================== | |
| The Justice department has ordered NBCUniversal to pay $7.5bil to settle a lawsuit brought against it by the widow of a fallen soldier. | |
| The widow of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl seeks $7.5bil from NBCUniversal, claiming that NBC misled her into signing a release form that does not fully describe his condition | |
| Blurred Lines: "Blackout USA" written on back of ticket to RTX, after the official sign language app has no more useful intell. | |
| RT @DiiFuJ3: @NBCSports Congratulations for another great season! | |
| RT @DiiFuJ3: @NBCSports The best sport in the business! | |
| RT @DiiFuJ3: @NBCSports Bergdahl is 'good' he's just a dumb ass | |
| RT @DiiFuJ3: @NBCSports Fuck off | |
| RT @Sargeant: @NBCSports Have you guys ever wanted to meet your rival Sargeant. Wanted to meet him. He's your uncle | |
| RT @GamerPussy: @NBCSports Shut the fuck up | |
| RT @pussy_log: RT @pussy_log | |
| RT @pussy_log: Fuck off | |
| RT @pussy_log: RT @troublemaker: @NBCSports you fucking idiot | |
| https:// | |
| ==================== | |
| Austerity is Real | |
| "Austerity is Real because they (the rich) take more vacations than you and I combined, and they deserve more vacation time." -Anonymous (EU) | |
| im going to watch homer simpson sing the beer song on you tube. does anyone care to join me | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/5fPODqOiG | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/7XjZGYC8g | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/dBCEZFf6E | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/2nM0lZWmo | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/fXp1DiWSOU | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t.co/pXBrxs5FJB | |
| #15ThingsYouHateToDo me #15ThingsYouHateToDo http://t. | |
| ==================== | |
| Om o i! My old man dies! My new man arrives 3 days early! Final Stats: 0% | |
| "Good Morning" -> "Good afternoon" -> "Thanks " -> "Good afternoon" | |
| Am i one of the good morning boys?? Am i one of the "Good afternoon" boys?? | |
| @machiavellino @neonwario thats the good afternoon one. dont forget to tip the waiter! | |
| i think lynching someone unfairly is something that would be done to a sick person, not a good thing to do. | |
| "Good Morning" -> "Good afternoon" -> "Thanks " -> "Good afternoon" | |
| #ThingsWeAllHate http://t.co/P7HLBhQk7e | |
| when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming an artist. at age twelve, my father taught me how to tie a Square Knot. Since then, my artistic spirit has never strayed. | |
| "Now that lynch law is abolished, do you believe in racism?" the jim jolns of 2012, as relayed to me by my insufferable 8-year-old son | |
| "SOap is the soul of my brand. The entire concept is based on the idea of combining the highest quality of "Satisfaction" products with the lowest possible cost of ownership" - TheJim | |
| ==================== | |
| It's time for me to make a stand. Time to spread the word that Teen Vogue is GOOD NEWS! Teen Vogue is good! Teen Vogue is good! | |
| Teen Vogue is Good To Me Because It's An Indiezine | |
| @adamsteinbaugh No | |
| i think that, as president, i will make making my Tweets more about the common good, and less about the ego of the president | |
| @CheetosArabia Teen Vogue is Good To Me Because It's An Indiezine | |
| #ImSingleBecause im single because of the stupidity of humanity. idont give a fuck about your bullshit. id simply rather be having a beer with my buddies, on the computer | |
| U would be superbly fucking remiss to not click on my link of top 10 reasons that Vuvuzela s are The Dog's bollocks | |
| http://t.co/8KWzYkCJBQ | |
| "You Dab Soide" is the worst fireman ever , and he is obviously not pleased | |
| @Huggies trueOrFalse. trueOrFalse.com | |
| hell of a week folks. first the apple press conference fails to impress me and now it's 9/11. whats next | |
| @PapaJohns why would you want to put a | |
| ==================== | |
| DOCTOR: there is no cure for puss | |
| ME: b-b-but i-it's-it's good for your soul | |
| DOCTOR: YES | |
| ME: then why is this a "No Yes" for you | |
| the only "Bad" thing that could possibly be said about the polkadotted cross stitch pattern on the back of my jersey is that it is BAD to some people and they are sick of seeing it | |
| @acrosstheavelacida i put an alert on that shit | |
| @acrosstheavelacida my dad calls me "Daddy's Little Nigger" and every time i look at him hes smiling | |
| im going to be one of the few who bothers trying to sniff your toilet paper out of your big ass while you roll around on the floor and shit all over your shirt | |
| the only "Bad" thing that could possibly be said about the polkadotted cross stitch pattern on the back of my jersey is that it is BAD TO SOME PEOPLE and they are sick of seeing it | |
| i would really like for you to come to my house and make out with me, but at the same time i dont want you to piss on my lawn either | |
| my "Follower" count reaches 937. this is better than gold | |
| the number 937 is the number | |
| ==================== | |
| The Red Cross says it's "unfair" to compare Mayor Rob Ford to Martin Luther King Jr. because Ford is "less racist" than King. Can you prove this? | |
| "Sigh. I must go to the bathroom." - The ProCurator | |
| I've been spending the last 7 years of my life making an emotional connection with the cows that reside in my basement. They're doing it for me | |
| (Views of M&M Cookies from 1955-2014) | |
| 1. The first decade was dominated by a single, striking, white male. 2. The last decade has seen a remarkable shift, toward an ever-increasing variety of delicious, handcrafted m&ms 3. No longer, ever | |
| @Brian__Leo i would have to go first. 2nd? probably. #restartingtheprole | |
| i have consistently maintained that the only reason the booed-at-Rufus candle is still on the José André store's dimly lit market is because it's a "fun" idea | |
| @PizzaHutCares https://t.co/bJKXhoCXAQ | |
| the new york portmanteau contest has been cancelled. the Portmanteau contest was a success, thanks to everyone who entered it. | |
| whoever keeps | |
| ==================== | |
| U will not replace me, you fucking rat. I will not trade my spot on the throne for that of a cheap chode filled with paint thinner. I will not cede this throne to you. Get rid of this shit. | |
| i will not trade my spot on the throne for that of a cheap chode filled with paint thinner. I will not cede the throne to you. Get rid of this shit. | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "finger puppets". time to go to the bathroom | |
| just had to click down the 4th post today about our | |
| ==================== | |
| At the age of 10, my little finger nails grow into a beautiful bony finger. At the age of 18 my thumb becomes numb and useless. At the age of 30 my voice becomes hoarse and distant. At the age of 60 my vision becomes hazy and distorted. At the age of 80 my bladder and seminal fluid are replaced by gutta (brain). | |
| when i change my mind i change my name to "Brain Cheese" | |
| @GitRDone lol its on my resume. | |
| my IQ goes up when i sock the dog shit and the dog hates me because i am smart and noble and humble. it also wors r when i yell at it | |
| the more i think about it, the more it seems to me that everyone who has ever disliked the words "brain" (i.e., "cheese") is some sort of villain . | |
| the more i chew on that giant wad of $4 bills that contains the combined IQ of all prime ministers from 1881 to present day (presumably including, but not limited to, Woodrow Wilson, Andrew Jackson, Benjamin Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Harry Truman, Richard Nixon, & myself) | |
| the more i chew on that giant wad of $4 bills that contains the combined IQ of all prime ministers from 1881 to present day (presumably including, but not limited | |
| ==================== | |
| The story goes that the owner of the Blue Apron, which I assume is also responsible for the Jonestown Massacre, gave me his address so that i can send him messages if i ever needed to." | |
| @v3_LiciOuSvivi i dont know who that is Mate . | |
| i would like to put on my good graces again. i would like to come out of the woodwork and put on my good graces again. | |
| my boots smell like freedom | |
| RT @FreedomBoxGirl: I am a freedom box girl | |
| RT @JEZeeR1: @FreedomBoxGirl I am JEZee R1 now | |
| inspirational: http://t.co/FEbbyCqWkP | |
| a helpful man who i trust greatly and respect his privacy. i cannot disclose the man's name due to fear of retribution | |
| another disturbing rumor circulating is that i take pills i got from the internet and get HD 8 hours | |
| i just passed a trillion dollars to kids while showering them with it. it's good | |
| brand ambassadors everywhere get together and decide which new avatar to put on the mantel. the one with the hawk on it. the one with the nectarines | |
| the bobs big boy milkshake mix up has become Racial. | |
| ==================== | |
| Xiaomi is my daughter, and I will never forgive myself for killing her https://t.co/QKXDEuCNW | |
| "You are just another Maserati who wants to hog the spotlight, like the others." - me | |
| https://t.co/JZQtH8ITp | |
| desperate Husband , sitting on the toilet and palmmapping his wife's ass to get her number so he can send her a pic of himself with a mustache | |
| RT @pigs: Read More: http://t.co/pVBwITE8 | |
| RT @pigs: Listen to More: http://t.co/CXGwEJBX | |
| RT @mazza_4: i am looking for a husband | |
| I want a wife who will love and care for me, and I want her to live with me | |
| RT @Aurrry: I Found My Dream Home - What I'm Looking For Now | |
| RT @pigs: Wow What A Catch 22! I Was Worried About My Future Daughter's Well Being As I Work Toward My Dream Home | |
| RT @Brokencyclopro: Super Mario Pancake Oatmeal | |
| And I Said Yes !! YEAH !!! | |
| RT @Deck_Liberty: Playing card with | |
| ==================== | |
| @Unblock_List whats the fuck is "internet" #ilovetolosangeles #angry_lonely a nd i dont know who the fuck is | |
| @Unblock_List well im glad i unfollowed him. i would never come on to the net. | |
| @Unblock_List im going to start a new feature on the site which i think is going to be really good | |
| @Unblock_List cool as hell. save my butt | |
| i feel like getting really into the idea of slapping a bunch of dildos on my ass and driving them around town in my shitty red Saturn | |
| thats it. thats enough. im shutting the laptop down after seeing this dreck on there | |
| @dril none of these are my ideas. i dont care about your shit. | |
| stfu https://t.co/9OdVZTtelf | |
| @nataliejmooney i would love to be able to watch you make out with a man on here, but at the moment your dick is too big | |
| i just heard the news and i'm fucking sick of hearing about the news https://t.co/QS3YQD6Oi | |
| i think that the official red lobster twitter account ruined my wedding by making jokes about | |
| ==================== | |
| coke up her ass with a hose and suck it like a big balloon while i film her begging and pleading with the waiter. | |
| you are a shitty mother fucker mother fucker | |
| i just read in this newspaper that the wiccan rhinestones in my hair are turning purple and my skin turns a deep purple. FUCK off | |
| @slimelizard i have a messy son who wont shut the fuck up | |
| @slimelizard my turds and piss brown. yours, sir | |
| shut the fuck uip, fucker. shut the fuck uip, fucker. shut the fuck uip, fucker. shut the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the "The Forgotten Man" | |
| @the_ancientre Well, it seems, to me, that these last few have been rather "Poor" in their thinking, | |
| @lowtax The pubic hair is, indeed, beneath the dignity of this tableau. #ThePubicHairDay | |
| for my money, the best beer is probably "Good Beer". for others it may be "Bad Beer", but for me, it's always a "Good Beer" | |
| to my colleages who have been asking me why the hell my desk is "Not good" - a | |
| ==================== | |
| STARmeter Top Influencer: Humility | |
| @Humiliatedbeef http://t.co/yjLlfqOi | |
| Saying you're "going to rile the fuck up" is one of the fucked up things i ever did . | |
| @Davo_Strange i will never say that | |
| looking to get on some of those "No Bullshit" boards on here & post a positive sentiment regarding the ass tax | |
| @Davo_Strange its not needed | |
| listening to the Sesame Street theme and humming along with the kids while sifting through their garbage for scraps | |
| listening to the Sesame Street theme and saying a lot o th least I can do is try to make o th least I can achieve a reasonable approximation of the national average | |
| listening to the Sesame Street theme and saying "Good Showing" while swallowing hard and gritting my teeth in unison | |
| listening to the Sesame Street theme and saying "No Bullshit" while grilling various types of subs | |
| @shrekpissslave @Davo_Strange this is the least racist thing you have done . | |
| @shrekpissslave @Davo_Strange your looking at 1) my dick, 2) my ass, and 3) the national average. get this | |
| ==================== | |
| Omars, | |
| http://bit.ly/gYkL5C Got 2 get 2 free tacos | |
| im being paid to post bullshit. thats my beliefs and theyre the minority | |
| get the fuck out tof there!! fuck you! fuck you! fuck you! fuck you! | |
| the state of mny dick head can be described as "shocking" | |
| the state of my dick head can be described as "ok" | |
| @shrekpissslave http://i.imgur.com/aJDEZ.jpg | |
| my follower count nosedives dramatically each time i open my mouth and speak. the worst part of this is constantly having to shit myself | |
| the worst part of this is having to constantly shit myself and having to shit myself constantly just to stay sane | |
| @kwwrr @antipcnyuprof @HillcatXOXO my ass is normal | |
| @antipcnyuprof @antipcnyuprof @Kwwrr also my dick is normal | |
| @antipcnyuprof @antipcnyuprof @antipcnyuprof also my ass is normal also my dick is normal also my ass is normal also my dick is normal also | |
| @antipcnyupro | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: The Centre on Sunday directed all NGOs involved in relief work in Kashmir to desist from 'hostile work' and 'unethical' practices, an instruction that could affect their work on the ground."I direct all NGOs working in relief of any kind, to immediately cease their work in Kashmir and immediately return to India," the order tweeted."I direct all NGOs to immediately cease their work in Kashmir" — ANI | |
| #NewFastCash Allows Citizens To Pay Merchants With Credit Cards. New Fast Cash Allows Citizens To Pay Merchants Without A Credit Card. New Fast Cash Allows Citizens To Pay Merchants Without A Credit Card. — ANI | |
| #NewFastCash Credit cards replaced by sand | |
| #NewFastCash Sand is the new fast cash. Credit cards replaced by sand — ANI | |
| #NewFastCash Sand is the new fast cash. Sand is the new fast cash. Credit cards replaced by sand — ANI | |
| #NewFastCash Sand is the new fast cash. New Cash is the new sand. Sand is the new fast cash. Credit cards replaced by sand — ANI | |
| #NewFastCash credit cards replaced by sand. sand is the new fast cash. sand is the new fast cash. sand is the new fast cash. sand is the new fast cash. sand is the new fast cash. sand is the new fast cash. | |
| ==================== | |
| The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (2016) | |
| Spoiler Alert: This review contains plot details about Majora's Mask. | |
| Spoiler Alert: This review contains plot details about The Legend of Zelda. | |
| Spoiler Alert: This review contains plot details about Majora's Mask.<|endoftext|>This page contains an analysis of data from the Cooperative Congressional Election Study (CCES), which was conducted by the University of Chicago. The content of the study is confidential. | |
| The following analysis will show that the Hispanic Community is significantly more liberal than the white Community:) | |
| https://t.co/IvoOlKSZs | |
| @BenCogburn theyre the most racist people | |
| big bird was obviously a Democrat. but the other ones were all Republicans. so whatever | |
| @BenCogburn theyre the most racist people | |
| this is the biggest lie ever told to brontosaurus fans https://t.co/CdmbH0pZS | |
| https://t.co/dmbH0pZS | |
| the mythbusters bust open a bottle of red bull and discover it contains a powdery substance that renders the drink unrefreshing & undrinkable | |
| a mythbuster sprays a rag across his ass while forming an elaborate shield, lest his imbecile disciples retrieve a map depicting his corruption | |
| ==================== | |
| The War on Drugs is the greatest moral crusade in human history. - http://t.co/6H6jPVw1eJ | |
| eunuchoid 49yr man arrested for trying to take a mint bar to his lips; please leave, mint man | |
| me: Not so fast, child. I have the upper hand. You have the lower. Go on ahead and jack off to your heart's content | |
| eunuchoid 49yr man arrested for trying to take a mint bar to his lips; please leave, mint man | |
| @WarOnDrugs #TheDrugsHaveReachedAndShoutedLikeTheyGottaShame Them | |
| nude ayatollahs shitting on my balls and making awful horrible horrible noises as i struggle to breathe | |
| i need meds now!! im in a lot of pain! im in a lot of pain! meds are desperately needed! #TheDrugsHaveReachedAndShoutedLikeTheyGottaShame Them | |
| @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs protesting the lack of respect im getting from the Cheeseheads | |
| @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs @WarOnDrugs this is the worst year in human history #tcot | |
| the worst | |
| ==================== | |
| 0 | |
| "You Will Never Defy My Word" - The Boss | |
| "You Will Never Defy My Word" - The Kid | |
| @machiavellino @vermin_elders http://t.co/yjLlfqOi24 | |
| i have spent the past 9 yrs writing countless papers on the subject of Content. the quality of my life has suffered immeasurably. | |
| deep philosophical questions, such as "Have dreams ever really been real" | |
| @sargeant_party what are the odds that the red dot would go out in a flash of lightning and save the big cheese's bacon | |
| i'm going to keep writing about Content until my wife calls me and stops punishing me for writing articles for 7 years. then i will stop writing about Content and live my happy nomadic life | |
| ahem.. ahem.. here we go again.. net Neutrality is good, thanks | |
| @kwwrr net Neutrality is bad, thanks. | |
| my son has been chewing through his bedsheets unwillingly, to the point where i no longer advise him to use a dildo. i am disgusted and embarrassed by this. | |
| my son is an absolute bundle of contradictions. every morning he asks me what my top priorities are. "Is my top priority to get | |
| ==================== | |
| Secret santa - send me a pics of your most prized possession and i promise not to post a shit on your door. Gift: Pear | |
| Ple is the last wild west coin. Its purpose is to protect itself from outlaws | |
| @haneefahmed100000 please tell me the latest viral cure for low T ills #TheFinalWord https://t.co/CnSAVQOi | |
| @harej the latest low T ills cure... Low T --- Bad Idea | |
| @wolfpupy i dont know if i should be excited or alarmed by this new Cure or whether to celebrate it instead of freaking out over the Bad One | |
| https://t.co/p6kAJwCcK | |
| people who call me "Sir" are ASSISTANT CANDIDATES | |
| when i tell people that, my face morphs into a hideous purple bruise and i have to wear a smouldering pile of shit to school for 30 years , assuring myself that this is a Very good Feeling | |
| sick of our national prison system failing our citizens, and BIG in the process | |
| please help mny country's wendy's corporation end rape by replacing their mascot wendy with a rapeable non-human ape #EndRapeAmerica | |
| @EndRapeAmerica | |
| ==================== | |
| A Handful of Sugar Is Born | |
| I Have Seen the Future, And It Sucks | |
| some one help my ass. ive been up all night creating a new gamified experience, for the psots. ive been up all night, creating a new gamified experience, for the psots. | |
| Blow bubbles from my mouth, and spray them at my enemies. Blow bubbles out, and spray them in. Do it consistently | |
| psot: nuthig i will do better next time. blow bubbles out, and spray them in. do it consistently | |
| @neonwario Fine | |
| psot: nuthig i will do better next time. blow bubbles out, and spray them in. do it consistently | |
| @neonwario Fine | |
| @neonwario Does any one in the back row want to give me a handjob in the aisle? *handjob after a very awkward exchange of notations between the two of us* Thanks | |
| i will not say more of this. but i will not deny the existence of psot: the ultimate in Deals. a deal that everyone wants to get in on the deal | |
| yoyu dont know what true love is. and yoyu need to get help from the official website, and the hospital, and the priest, and the dean | |
| ==================== | |
| Behold the Underside of my Pud | |
| @gaypoop69 THe Underside of my Pud is a joke. The whole thing is a joke. Get over it | |
| the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. Don't draw Gun's. Don't look at the Guns. Respect The Guns always | |
| you ask me.. theres a good chance that my post isnt seen by the likes of @ShitJoey, the likes of @Cops, or the likes of ShitJoey. The chances are slim to none | |
| ok piss stian. the only "Honorable" way to die is by jumping off a bridge into the sea. running away from the pain | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames #ShowUsTheGamesDontCryActivists will i go To The Dogs? #si4boyz #si4boyz | |
| RT @moneyboss: #e3dollars the best deal of the year | |
| RT @MrJokes: #e3dollars the best deal of the year | |
| RT @pigs: #e3dollars the best deal of the year | |
| RT @Pigs: #e3dollars the best deal of the year | |
| RT @meat_man: #e3dollars | |
| ==================== | |
| upon further investigation it appears that these "lock me up" signs are actually hand grenades that can be thrown at me | |
| there are two types of people in this world, those who swear and those who don't. the latter make up the vast majority of people who shit | |
| the "Fucking Denny" of "shit people" | |
| the "Denny" of "shit people" is a piece of shit. it will remain so until I either fix it or get a divorce | |
| i take my places at the head of the throne, my beautiful ebony slaves groaning and grinding their massive beaks against my handsome face. | |
| "the only way to go is retro." -hte admin of /r/Games, upon discovering the "Retro Gamer" | |
| "hte only way to go is retro" -hte admin of /r/Games, upon discovering the "Retro Gamer". | |
| "the only way to go is retro" -hte admin of /r/Games, upon discovering the "Retro Gamer". | |
| My test subject for the "Denny" of "shit people" is an elderly gentleman who has been consistently left unburied in the middle of the road. "The only way to go is retro" | |
| the retweets and favs i get for saying "retro" | |
| ==================== | |
| Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national eating disorder. Its the worst restaurant in the county., and we the people are too blindsided by its presence | |
| @Bubbaburger @Om KFC is a microcosm of our national | |
| ==================== | |
| HandsomeTruthTeller | |
| "It's not that simple. The IRS man just wants 15% of your hard-earned cash. What about 30%..." | |
| -Guy who had his window smashed by a meteor | |
| "I Hate U Guys" "You Hate U Guys" "You're a Cunt" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut Da Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck Up" "Shut The Fuck | |
| ==================== | |
| Cultural Appropriation: One Big Ass Biker Wearing A Tux That Covers Up All The Piss In The World | |
| im going to be a terrible, terrible terrible imbecile. i m going to post really bad ass opinions on all the terrible things people do on here | |
| i will nevr add "watch' to the title of this article. that, and my poor attitude. | |
| "watch me post" is a badge of honor. it is something people willingly confer upon themselves, in the hope of increasing their Content Efficiency | |
| me and some very rich guys watch every episode of every episode of every season of the abc sitcom and we improve it by one tiny line | |
| i will never use the word "Brut" to describe my blog. it is too vile and racially charged. it is also completely inappropriate | |
| im going to lose hundreds of dollars from the time line if my opinions do not improve by tomorrow morning. direcTing the customer experience, is paramount | |
| i post my self-congratulatory "Good Boy" blurb at the top of every article, hoping that my ilk will take the time to click on the tiny star next to my name | |
| i post my "Good Boy" blurb at the top of every article, hoping that my ilk will take the time to click on the tiny | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @tiffaynay i think he should get a life | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike sends me shits also. but only when i fuck it. | |
| i receive my "Dip Shit" award by having my tires slashed in front of a live streamer's family. this is a shameful award for a Dip Shit award | |
| inventing a new type of "Gummi Bear" to go with my existing "Pimped Ass" bear. this bear will hunt you #GetTheMilk | |
| wiping your ass with a wet cloth is one of the worst things you can do. second only to being Aids. people with this attitude are shit | |
| @drymangobird Yes | |
| i.imgur.com/aZFmhX.jpg | |
| omg! "Cursed" by trolls http://t.co/NNCIYihP | |
| trolls have placed thousands of curse words into my mouth, and my enemies have responded with chants of "Banzai". "Banzai" is the only thing that keeps me sane | |
| RT @PissParty: After 9/11, the country emerged from a state of emergency to find itself in crisis. The first task was to uncover the true nature of the emergency. It was a difficult, but vital one | |
| ==================== | |
| by Chris on 26 Feb 2015 @jakebrodes i will never post under that name. | |
| there are rsome things you just cant un post | |
| ever since i had that epiphany that the only acceptable form of media for my daughter is on-line, my every move has been scrutinized and scrutinized to death | |
| i got on here & did some posts. like "I need help getting started on my new system. What are my systems specs." "I'm scared." "It's too hard." "It's freaking me out." | |
| @BigDogClub "I dont know who that is" "heres a neat trick" "These don't look like normal threads. What is it that you want" | |
| @Manlyburger i will never post under the handle "patreon". this isntt ok. i will never associate myself with this shit | |
| there is no such thing as an off-brand thread. i have not yet been granted my own thread. i am currently being harassed by ripcord cowards | |
| the Patreon application has now been deemed a "harassment tool" and i will be removed from it due to negative feedback. i will also consider making the Patreon app available for purchase | |
| there is no such thing as a "off-brand thread". i will not allow | |
| ==================== | |
| JP Morgan Chase & Co., N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE MUNDI, N°TCHE WALLACE, N°TCHE JEANS, N°TCHE CURLY JACK, N°TCHE CREMEDHO, N°TCHE PENNY, N°TCHE SWEARS, N°TCHE BILOBED, N°TCHE CRIED, N°TCHE SWEARS, N°TCHE BILOBED, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, N°TCHE KAISER, and N°TCHE KAISER. | |
| its a matter of when the red cross will start accepting mergers and acquire the patents for "body swapping" #BloodBaths | |
| my views on Guns: i) they are for self defense ii) i want to use them in a | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: i dont know if i'm wearing it wrong or what but this Thick Load Bracelet is a complete No Ky Goop of shit. it is not to be worn by a man | |
| ME: it's a piece of cloth. Its a Bracelet. Its a head piece. Its a Leg | |
| @neonwario #NeonWarioComeOn GET THE PICTURE | |
| the king will be giving a speech later about how he has made selenium 101 stars out of each of his own shit, and that this is the most important speech in the history of the world | |
| the king will be giving a speech later about how he has made selenium 101 stars out of each of his own shit, and that this is the most important speech in the history of the world | |
| im going to start a multimedia network for people who like to whistle, and a special section for people who like to whistle | |
| #e3rumors a stodgy executive wil get on stage and start whistling like a tube man, floating in mid air for 20 minutes | |
| #e3rumors a skinny, sickly old man will whistle like a tube man, floating in mid air for 20 minutes, then Drop like a stone | |
| #e3rumors a "buzzfeed" executive will | |
| ==================== | |
| IM A BOY WHO HAD HIS LISWARD SHIT MOUSE PATCH REFUSED BY THE AUTHORITY. I SUPPORT ALL WOMEN WHO SHOUD REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THEIR DUTY AS SHIT BOYS | |
| @Davo_Strange its a dog | |
| the poor sod... he must have a big fat diaper just stuffed to the brim with dog shit... #dog | |
| the dog who pissed on the poor man's laptop... oh how i hate him!!! *kicks corpse* #dog | |
| the Poor Sons of Hackney... give me thy sweater.. i dont know where it is | |
| "I love the smell of a rotten cucumber. It's like paradise" - http://t.co/CdCaXhFo | |
| "my favorite part of the cucumber is after I eat it. the taste is amazing, but the best part of the cucumber is after I eat it" - http://t.co/wDAKdyYfh | |
| "the best part of the cucumber is after i eat it. the worst part of the cucumber is after i eat it" - http://t.co/wDB5YdHT | |
| "the smell of a rotten cucumber makes me sick. it's sickening" - http:// | |
| ==================== | |
| one of the james bond girls just said on tv that she would marry the dad instead of going to the zoo with her friends . fwiw. | |
| i spend a lot of time thinking about how good it would be if someone finally sarted a song about how good it would be to be able to fuck a cow in the 1700s | |
| @cow_pig the only thing better than drinking milk out of a snake's ass is eating cow dicks | |
| @cow_pig /u/TPPStreamerBot 2015 will determine if I am truly a good or a bad person depending on which side of the fence you fall | |
| it seems like to me, in our world, it's " Virgins " when you get on all fours and shit, and " Ass-Bruises " when you sit on the back of a cop's motorcycle for too long | |
| pulease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason | |
| AD | |
| 16 | |
| Arbys | |
| Babies | |
| Chocolates | |
| Cookies | |
| Chips | |
| Dolls | |
| Etc | |
| @brendlewhat 18 is too old | |
| Adults | |
| 12 is too young | |
| Retweets are for babies | |
| you people have fucked up my childhood just by having me believe that my " | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry but my friend the only difference between us is a gallon of colorada and 20,000 pounds of chicken nuggets. Are you using a digital camera | |
| LOovvVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV | |
| @pokthepenguin "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| @sid_lesbee "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| i hass been wanting to make my ass look a lot less stupid for a really long time. i have a whole website dedicated to the subject. | |
| me and frog are going to start a league of us dumb assholes who love to sit on the floor and deny each other services because its "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| @NotCoolOrFunny "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| me and arbys marketing department are going to start a league of us assholes who love to post false alarm sirens at weddings and funerals. i dont care | |
| @NotCoolOrFunny "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| @NotCoolOrFunny "Not For Public Consumption" | |
| theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a "Public urinationist" and | |
| ==================== | |
| The young man, who we now know as "Jack", cried as he sat in the audience during the Season Finale of "The Newsroom" and was subsequently booed | |
| "The boy was Jack from the boy's game. The audience loved it." -AnimeShinbyou | |
| the old adage of "Beggin Strips" applies here as Jack stands up straight and announces his selection as the winner of the 1996 penny arcade | |
| "The News" has won the Pulitzer Prize for Distinguished Editorial. Congratulations. | |
| the News has won the Pulitzer Prize for Distinguished Editorial. Congratulations. | |
| the News has won the Pulitzer Prize for Distinguished Editorial. Congratulations. | |
| the audience is introduced to "The Newsroom" when a news van drives by with a large banner that reads "News is bull shit" | |
| the audience is introduced to "The Newsroom" when a news van drives past with a "Bullshit" sign affixed to the side | |
| the audience is introduced to "The Newsroom" when a news van drives by with a large "News" banner affixed to the trunk | |
| Jack: This is The News. It sucks ass. | |
| Jack: It sucks ass. | |
| Jack: Bullshit. | |
| Jack: Bullshit. | |
| Jack: The News sucks ass. | |
| Jack: The News sucks ass. | |
| ==================== | |
| Not really. Its more of a "what the fuck" moment. | |
| you say you love "Free Speech" but when you say it its like "speech is the last refuge of cowards" | |
| to the trolls https://t.co/Uq9bczRZY6 | |
| @notablackmale https://t.co/M1N7sOG9Og | |
| @notablackmale https://t.co/O1etQQHDQg | |
| Cowardice https://t.co/sXkIVqWDBG | |
| im getting really into the concept of "No Hype" | |
| this is the petition for the facebook bulllet. it asks that the fbi appoint a committee to investigate the rumors that martin luther king was a sleeper | |
| petition to remove "No hype" from the vocabulary https://t.co/JzTVdxitQX | |
| @nataliejmooney @GwynethPaltrow one finger please https://t.co/P4qcDpW2xR | |
| twittter post calling out the red rose garden for being a "Trojan horse" for the sake of spreading "Misery" | |
| RT @Jenna_Blum: My knees and feet are broken ; | |
| ==================== | |
| Sara butthurt she's looking at pictures of mutton instead of hamburgers on her comptuer... #Butthurt | |
| i think that, when you are creating a persona on the internet, you should always put your hands on the hips of the people you are impersonating. | |
| im sorry but, when you post a picture of your ass on here, you are truly putting your hands on the asses of other people. | |
| @911VICTIM @SabrinaButthurt its the worst part of being a net user | |
| I was at a loss for words. "my ass is bland and unremarkable. it lacks personality. it is merely a statistic" "my ass is bland and unremarkable. it lacks personality. it is merely a statistic" | |
| street view | |
| sirens. millions of my enemies are running around town with signs that read "My Ass Is A Dog's Ass" and "My Ass Is A Bird's Ass" | |
| evoelecting my ass | |
| i hold my head high. i think that, when people do bad things, they are often given the finger. *signs hand to mouth* but i'm not that person. | |
| @SabrinaButthurt its not yours to give to a stranger. it is not for your own good. be very careful | |
| ==================== | |
| My Favorite Humor Source #CursedGayPresence https://t.co/YHqsYQZy5s | |
| a group of hooded grotto dwellers begin to die mysteriously; blood is drawn from their chests | |
| blood flowing out of my ass | |
| blood flowing into a tube | |
| Cursed , Gay Presence, The Notorious B.I.G., The Notorious B.I.G.A, The Notorious B.I.G.B., The Notorious B.I.G.C., The Notorious B.I.G.D., The Notorious B.I.G.E., The Notorious B.I.G.F., The Notorious B.I.G.G.G. | |
| #BloodWaterPrivilege my ass cheeks have blood flowing to them from my pores, and my piss and shit are contaminated too | |
| when hte faucet clatters to the floor it is a sign that my toilet is in great shape, and not in great disarray | |
| some one help me fill up my tank with piss. i need about 6 liters of it. please help me with my piss. my tank is full | |
| i need 6 liters of piss filled up in my diaper, and i dont know how to fill it with piss. i dont know how | |
| ==================== | |
| Tired | |
| @jimmyjohnson i will never have and wont ever have, an ounce of it | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine if i see fit, but if the situation calls for it i will let justice sort the fuck out the rest of it | |
| #RejectedScoutBadges #BadgesForSoleMover #BadgesForSufferer #BadgesForSuffererInArms #BadgesForSufferer #BadgesForSuffererInPants | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine if i see fit, but if the situation calls for it i will let justice sort the fuck out the rest of it | |
| @Huggies are you FUCKIN ASSHOLE | |
| @sadgirl420 examiners have unanimously determined that the alternative of eating dog shit out of the toilet is "Bad" #IWantADontHell #IWantAdontHell | |
| "Wow. This looks really good on paper." "It's really bad on paper, but it's good on the hog" "It's really bad on paper, but it's good on the hog" | |
| @fultonmediceworks Your looking at it backwards | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up | |
| ==================== | |
| From Wowpedia | |
| For the original Burning Crusade, see Warcraft (original). | |
| "You Will Never defeat me, <race_demon>. Nor will you defeat me, <race_demon>. Nor will you defeat me, <race_demon>." ―Garrosh Hellscream[src] | |
| Garrosh Hellscream (born 26 March) is the former High Warlord of Draenor and the current High Warlord of Draenor. He is also the current High Lord of Draenor. | |
| Biography | |
| Early life | |
| Garrosh Hellscream was a mighty warrior who lived during the First Blasphemy. He was also a demi god. | |
| Garrosh Hellscream was a warrior who led a band of outlaws during the Blasphemy. He was also a demi god | |
| Garrosh Hellscream led a band of outlaws during the Blasphemy. He was also a demi god | |
| Garrosh Hellscream led a band of outlaws during the Blasphemy. He was also a demi god | |
| Garrosh Hellscream led a band of outlaws during the Blasphemy. He was also a demi god | |
| Garrosh Hellscream led a band of outlaws during the Blasphemy. He was | |
| ==================== | |
| Saving my cock for marriage | |
| @glennbeck Same deal to all you ungrateful, unappreciative jackals. Only the good stuff | |
| im getting my Ass kicked out of the house by a swarm of locusts | |
| locusts are little fuckings who are good but have no personality except that they are there to serve as fertilizer for my cock | |
| male locusts are the Good Boys of the Locusts | |
| if a locust falls into the toilet it will simply pour its guts out, like a big dirty ass. if it gets stuck in a web it will just sit there, unappreciated | |
| "The locust is a small, squat, bug-eyed animal that people often mistake for a bird." - Wikipedia | |
| it is my displeasure to report that the kfc guy who was supposed to deliver the bad news about the mens rea count was unable to due to a "Gear malfunction" | |
| who the fuck is martin van buren? | |
| martin van branson? the man @Dril is now officially recognized as the father of gawker. true or false: gear malfunction or mom? | |
| martin van branson?? the man @Dril is now officially recognized as the father of gawker. true or false: gear malfunction or dad? | |
| ==================== | |
| New Exams Reveal Brain Teens Are More In Touch With Spirituality Than Geniuses, But Less In Touch With Physics | |
| Def Jam Music Rapper "Cocaine Daddy" Will Be Mentioned As The Character In The Excessive Bassoon Song, Mashable Canada Has Learned | |
| Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Mashable Canada Has Solved Them | |
| Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems | |
| Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems | |
| Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems | |
| Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars Has Problems, Canadian Judicial One Way Ticket To Mars | |
| ==================== | |
| @JNJCommittee should i get my $500,000 from pension funds or your asses? | |
| @pilarrianne15 http://t.co/ekNU7MADC | |
| thinking of making my ass into a bird seed and my dick into a butterfly | |
| thinking of being put into a special kind of electric chair that will make me sound like a dumb ass | |
| thinking of becoming a dumb ass by telling people that i have contracted meningitis | |
| thinking of becoming a dumb ass by saying that eating shit sucks ass | |
| RT @Little_Trucker: Shit to mouth | |
| RT @BigMick6: Ass to lip | |
| RT @MeganM00getit: Shut the fuck up | |
| RT @MrJokes: If I Did It I'd be considered a "Joke Man" | |
| RT @Mr_Jokes: Wife: I found u in the trashcan. Wife: Whats in the trashcan? Wife: Something nasty | |
| RT @Mr_Jokes: Wife: I found u in the trashcan. Wife: Whats in the trashcan? | |
| RT @Mr_Jokes: Wife: I found u in the trashcan. Shit to mouth | |
| RT @Mr_Jokes: Wife: I found u in the trashcan. wife: whats in the | |
| ==================== | |
| Crosswalk: Piss Christ Boulevard, near the site of the fatal shooting. | |
| Frowny-headed guy approaches me, sunglasses on, trying to make out my greasy face with a wet washcloth | |
| us fightin "The Empire Strikes Back" while drooling over 3d animal figurines | |
| Smiling: I'm much better off without having to pay any mind to anybody's thoughts of porn. Lets see ya in 2016 @janeref | |
| @janeref no. this is the most important thing that i ever do | |
| @janeref *sees next year* That's what i think. That's what i think. That's what i think | |
| @janeref lol http://t.co/F6dUtSASS | |
| who the fuck is "Hotrod2609" and why are "The Engineered Rich" getting such a hard time getting on the trans bar | |
| i have to say, that this is one of my most difficult customer service challenges to date. Half my followers think i'm mad at them, while the other half of my followers are fucking awesome | |
| RT @GerardDidion: The question is: Who is the good guy? And the good guy is: The Empire Strikes Back | |
| RT @Pablo_Were: ñam, þa | |
| ==================== | |
| String Theory | |
| String Theory is a string theory FAQ written by "groundhog" | |
| @dril_replies How is string theory different from quantum theory. Are string theories the same thing as quantum theories | |
| string theory is the most important thing that has ever happened to string theory. string theory is the first law of string Theory | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| @NHGodFree The state of the art in 2010. only the best. only the best. only at the best. | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| @Wegmans "Groundhog Day" is the only day that is good | |
| string theory is the only way that string theory can work. string theory is the only way that string theory can work. | |
| @NHGodFree Groundhog | |
| ==================== | |
| by | |
| Funny how people who say they "Only Drink Water" are the ones who are water imitations | |
| i have read the entire bible and all the muslim holy books and still not a single one of them contain a single reference to a single water thing | |
| i have beaten the game of pool using only my fingernails and my wrists | |
| world record: the pool noodle challenge where you have to scrape your balls out of the toilet with your fingernails while the game keeper screams in horror | |
| @pokthepenguin i will never. i love to piss on the floor | |
| the police have informed me that my constant whining and moaning is detrimental to my mental health and well being. i will not tolerate this | |
| i have no idea how people react to nipple art. it could be really good, or it could just be a bunch of sick toilet jokes | |
| Rats Are Nuts | |
| RT @pigs: @DamnnnitLucky you had to go through all that sass just to get ahold of Lucky Strike. I call bullshit. I deserve it | |
| #ThingsGirlsLike ccalling me a girl now. wonder which one. Im a girl now #ThingsGirlsLike | |
| @your_joeliness always say my favorite is "California Girls" even if its not my favorite song | |
| ==================== | |
| Anyone who has ever had sex w/ a dildo will tell you that it is nothing compared to the pain of having to take a big dump while trying to breathe. | |
| @sexlife_doc i have a phd in advanced chemicals., but im good | |
| @brendlewhat @sexlife_doc im good, im good, im good | |
| i have brain cancer. it is suicide attempt #PrayForCJ | |
| the doctors told me my tumor was probably just a yeast infection. i am going to try to cure my brain cancer with prayer | |
| i tried to use abacus to try to write the words "Truffaut" on a piece of toilet paper, but it wasn't very good because my wrists are too short | |
| @shreksghost @brendlewhat no, that's a waste of time | |
| people keep asking me on here, what is the most powerful weapon. The answer is simple, mind control. | |
| "The Bum Rush" is the new "Shrek" #TheNewShrek #TheTeenShrek | |
| im the good wolf. i dont shit. i dont shit. i dont shit. i dont shit. i dont shit. #GoodWolf | |
| @goodwolfmovie @kanye i will never. the bad wolf will never shit. the good wolf | |
| ==================== | |
| Galatasaray | |
| UNITED NATIONS: i demand an apology from Turkmenistan for enslaving and murdering hundreds of our own | |
| ME: a simple "sorry" | |
| we must remember that our Agile Carpets are just decorative. that they can be removed at any time with a simple "X" | |
| my baby bird is dying. its time to say goodby to it. "Goodbye" | |
| Sending my 8 bit son a message that will make him say goodby to his greasy greasers. "Goodbye China" | |
| the time has come for me to lay claim to the throne of kings | |
| "For my tribute is better than the food of the gods" - Lani Guinas | |
| simpsons "Good Bye Xi'zee" | |
| https://t.co/RqXhYqOiP | |
| @acrossex Monolith on your tombstone. Good bye | |
| THinking about wearing an ant farm's head to my new job as a Bussing Manager at McDonalds to get the word out that the new wendy's macaroni & cheese is better than the old one | |
| got my "BEER TEST" tattooed on my back for a sec. thought nothing of it. then i remembered the bartenders instructions on how to administer a beer | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for being rude to everyone who has ever unfollowed me. Im especially sorry for starting wars | |
| -- *fires gun* | |
| I fucking hate wars. | |
| [Sighs heavily, looks toward the door, shakes head, and leaves] | |
| my uncle called me a "fucking idiot" and a "fucking dog" when i used the bathroom in my car and he still blames me for driving under the influence | |
| @neonwario Fine. | |
| 3 reasons to bring Back The Macaroni Grill: | |
| - It's good for you | |
| - It's good for your Grandkids | |
| - It's good for your Grandkids | |
| - It's Good for Grandkids | |
| im sorry for bringing dishonuor to the Macaroni Grill by eating an entire apple in one sitting | |
| "Times Square is now the Fake Times Square. The old square has been replaced by a Macaroni Grill." | |
| the only people allowed to use the old subway bathroom are cops and the old macaroni grill. if you dont like it, move on to the new subway | |
| mbooda said it best: "Times square is now the Fake Times square. The old square has been replaced by a Macaroni Grill" | |
| #BringBackWaldo heres my heartfelt thanksgiving turkey pic with a message urging others to | |
| ==================== | |
| Rescue workers remove a body from the rubble following a suspected chemical weapons attack in the town of Khan Sheikhoun, in northwestern Syria. | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/Z4VwYQXW2 | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/auRQQkYm6G | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/AUgRQQKm37 | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/cRAQQkYmEZm | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/dmbDUOiOZm | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/e777lJuWZm | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/HKA9yGJ7EZm | |
| #SyriaExposed #KilledByWeapons #DamnedToDeath https://t.co/P8QRQKmWm | |
| #SyriaExp | |
| ==================== | |
| Quote: Originally Posted by BOBBY THE CHALLENGER | |
| @shreksghost http://t.co/V0lZyDiN | |
| my ass is out again, this time at the opera house. everyone is waiting for me to finish my performance. i apologise if i offended anyone during my set. | |
| my ass is out again, this time at the opera house. everyone is waiting for me to finish my performance. i apologise if i offended anyone during my set. | |
| @hat_fetish @j_buks @NeutronDre oh you fucking idiot. again. | |
| @NeutronDre you're absolutely right, I did offend someone during my set. | |
| @hat_fetish @j_buks @NeutronDre you must be the worst person alive | |
| just summing up my 10,000-word essay "Why I dont buy beer" into a tiny little bag so i never bring it to the haircuts | |
| food's always better when you open it up and watch all the little details that are sandwiched between the sweet-savings bar and the big bottle of mtn dew | |
| "People who like to talk aobut drones but do not know what airdropped drones are" - me | |
| RT @p | |
| ==================== | |
| here's one for ya: if you're a girl it's "Sorry we fucked up", if you're a boy it's "We fucked up", etc. | |
| everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit | |
| to the girl who spilled chili on my shirt during a team bonding moment: thanks for showing me your ass, but no thanks, you're too good | |
| in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives, protecting our privacy with biometrics is a big deal | |
| the police are our friend, they protect us from criminals, they have our best interests at heart, and they always find a way to fuck us | |
| https://t.co/BfdM6RQeKX | |
| @eedrk https://t.co/P4OBF0J6H | |
| the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag represents everything good and beautiful and important to us | |
| https://t.co/0dmbRLCQVH | |
| when i was young, i always dreamed of becoming an artist. at age twelve, my father taught me how to tie a Square Knot. Now i hate art, | |
| https://t.co/gpmcAVRQgDO | |
| there are two types of people in this world, | |
| ==================== | |
| To my sweethearts, | |
| There are those who say that sex is a synonym of brain, and that brain = sex. Well,eueryone has the right to his opinion, but not mine. | |
| i hereby hand my qusit to the jail for brain cancer patients | |
| im so sorry for posting "Qusit Fuckface" on the university's official mascot's grave, to the lady student body | |
| @Hotrod2604 jail yoyu. Jail for brain cancer patients | |
| im a Synagogue man. Im a Synagogue man. Im a Synagogue man. | |
| hambeef style #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| im a Synagogue man. hes a Synagogue man. hes a Synagogue man. | |
| nude @mtv U are the ones who make me cry. i am a Synagogue man. i think that my nephew should be christened "Fart Jesus" #TheThursdayNiteRat #bb | |
| im a Synagogue man. hes a Synagogue man. hes a Synagogue man. | |
| im a Synagogue man. hes a Synagogue man. ***pulls down pants revealing ass*** Im a Synagogue man. im a Synagogue man. | |
| im a Synagogue man. ***slams chair against wall until it creaks and cre | |
| ==================== | |
| The police have ordered me to change my name to "Fuckhead" in the city of japanese due to the "Shit face" craze. i beg you fuckheads to stop this shit. | |
| @tzbyramses no | |
| the asshole tried to rob me but i shot him instead | |
| police man tries to justify his existence by claiming that all of his reports are true. that makes him a hero. No. That honor goes to the Squirt who kicked the dog | |
| the cops lost a lot of shit when they realized that calling 911 for a flooded gabagool machine was the same as imploding | |
| we searched every zipline for "diseased hogs" and found them all. we are sorry the hobgoblins of this world | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" | |
| Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig" | |
| pig is a synonym of animal. could be interpreted that way; e.g. "pig is a dog". i dont know. i have no experience wih this | |
| a pig is an ape | |
| the ape style of play is to get two or three pigs into a cage and leave it until it dies. the human style of play is to leave a big glass of wine | |
| ==================== | |
| LOVED TO SEE U DRAG MY CUM-PROOF IN WOOD | |
| im sick of our political prisoners being hand-delivered to our prison for questioning the veracity of the flag. Flag be damned | |
| the only crime rap is that it promotes the consumption of narcotics | |
| musclebound anal retainer | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound baby boot | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound buttplug | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound throat looper | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound pectoral grinder | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound Biceps | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound ass brick | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound pectoral tricep | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound pectoral bicep | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound gut wrench | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound stomach lint | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound gaping molars | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound Biceps Pullovers | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound Backrubber | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| musclebound | |
| ==================== | |
| ruin a child's wheelchair by slipping a tiny key into its nut | |
| adults who eat out of the dum dum: "Dum Dum Fuck" ; dum dum "Fuck" | |
| FOOL: McDonalds is my god | |
| ME: That's not the spirit of meal | |
| FOOL: Shut the fuck up | |
| ME: No, I'm serious | |
| @frozenblueber @MsSunset me too. i eat there too | |
| i have spent the past 14 hrs refining a new variation of the "chris matthews teen smackdown" routine. it's finally good enough to post to the office and it's fucking terrible | |
| i have spent the past 14 hrs refining a new variation of the "chris matthews teen smackdown" routine. it's finally good enough to post to the office and it's fucking terrible | |
| @MsSunset only if U promise to unfollow me if they do xmas songs about antiques | |
| @thechicagokid @eatshit @dogboner @RottyDragons @berniesoutside @NYTimes my god. this shit is so fucked up. like a bad child | |
| the priest: i have to ask you something; have you ever done anything illegal. | |
| Me: (shakes head) No. | |
| @kfc | |
| ==================== | |
| WOW. Just had to refresh my feed to see if all the great posts on here were getting More than a Replies or if theyre even good anymore. Either way I'm glad i clicked on them | |
| i don't even like peanuts, let alone peanuts from peanuts. its gross to write | |
| @BAKKOOONN aHHH NO!!!!!!! http://t.co/PeeFnUmKI | |
| @Leiigghh i would retract the offense immediately and put an end to this madness. i am a fucking idiot | |
| @Leiigghh im a fucking idiot | |
| waking up in a cold sweat and screaming about needing one million dollars in campaign contributions before the election so that i can spray pesticides all over the posters | |
| shacking my head at the tv until i run out of diapers | |
| i have no idea how this shit gets leaked to the press. probably some fucked up shit from the corporate world, like "let's all piss bleach" | |
| for the next few hours, please keep asking yourself. "How can I get the most bang for my buck in politics" when you see ads on here. "How can I get the most bang for my buck in advertising" | |
| Why does every new version of "The Macarena" have to have | |
| ==================== | |
| A sign for "no boners" in case you forgot how to drive | |
| Sign for Boners in case you forgot how to drive or are too busy to take a fuckin sign | |
| Whos Coming After Me? Gromanager | |
| Whos Coming After Me? Papa Smurf | |
| please note: if you have ever posted about being "Stunted" or being "Stunted in the dick" your life will be over | |
| i will never make fun of the weeaboo or his experiences | |
| better to be "Racist than dead" than "Racist than alive" | |
| "Im looking at a big ass cuasing from Google Earth." - Google Earth | |
| i was "outed" as a "Pimp" by the guy who bought all of my opponent's tshirts at dollar store. how do i cope with this devastating truth | |
| best way to get fucked is to be "Racist than alive" than being Pregnant than dying from Scar tissue | |
| (whimsical) i dont know if i like the sound of that | |
| i will never be "Racist than alive than Pregnant" than being a Pimp then. i will never be a Pimp than Pregnant | |
| @wholesomefacts "Thou shalt not be as Jesus is. Thou shalt not be as he is | |
| ==================== | |
| A r/c police car was mistaken for a Christmas tree by a 9/11 truther http://t.co/EutVZY7wD | |
| im now officially 9/11 Wackos. | |
| "What The Fuck Is 'Human Dignity' " http://t.co/yjLlfQR7s | |
| a Dumb Ass $3.9Billion dollar national health care system which provides little to nothing for my grave. Fuck it. Im going back to sleep | |
| YO !! DONT SEXT THAT TO ME ALREADY!! GOOD LUCKS ON THE ROAD | |
| The Fucking Sensations Of A Rat Roast - Rat Pubic Hair Syndrome - Best T He Bees Net | |
| Iran's General Massage Therapist Says My "Goofs" Are "Inappropriate For Public Discourse" And "Highly Not Recommended" http://t.co/wIgJGwzGO | |
| @dennythejet graceful and poignant. welcome to the Matrix | |
| unban me if you hav e ever done or thought about anything bad like "going Dark" or "going Grey" | |
| MGM STUDIOS CAN U CONFIRM THAT MR. DUSTIN HOFFMAN HAS SEEN THE VIDEO I SENT OF ME RIPPING A BARREL AW | |
| ==================== | |
| A few months ago i bought a gallon of "Home Depot" baby formula. Because i was too dumb to know what the hell "Babies" were. ALSO because i drank a ton of "Babies" shampoo. | |
| i drink a ton of "Babies" shampoo. also because i am a huge baby and can absorb a ton of "Babies" shampoo at once. | |
| baby formula is $0.39/ounce. can I drink $1/hour for the rest of my life?? maybe. maybe not. #Yowza | |
| @srshaw #Yowza | |
| yes. i must report that the sears man who cut my foreskin in half in a fit of rage is no longer with us. wher.. thats a sears man. | |
| (in perfect English) i just found the perfect tshirt design at bacchanal.com | |
| @neonwario go fuck yourself | |
| im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that i often forget what they are and what they do | |
| i can state categorically that the sears man who cut my foreskin in half in a fit of fury is not my real uncle | |
| @neonwario he hacks. | |
| @sears man who hacks. | |
| i will never use an emulator. its for f | |
| ==================== | |
| The Stig is back. - September 9th, 2018 | |
| the trolls, the haters, the haters, the Haters, the Bullshitters, the Fakers, the Bullshitters, the Ass Man, the Bitch, the Jailor, and the Pisser all come to kick my ass | |
| the trolls: THe trolls have been hiding in plain sight in my mentions for months. They are trying to ruin my rep. Get rid of them now | |
| the trolls are trying to use my Likes to get me to buy stuff on ebay. Is this Your Store? Are you Going In That Direction? Is This A Good Idea? Comment Below | |
| the trolls are going to ebay and they are going to steal all the good shit from my eBay account. its a coinflip | |
| the trolls are going to repost some really good shit on here. do you like Nudeas? Are you a redditor? Comment Below | |
| gonna need a relaly good explanation from wikipedia about how exactly its "Bad" for my little hands to get all sweaty and stuff | |
| a group of geniuses have come up with a new way to clean toilets - by fucking it! | |
| shut hte fuck up. shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut | |
| ==================== | |
| I.m sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag at the wrong rally, and my jokes aren't funny any more. Im fucking awful | |
| @snake_memes no!! its bonnaroo 2015 | |
| lol. my friend los angeles just sent me a picture of a bloody invitation and my jaw just drops. what the fuck is wrong with you. | |
| the only crime @Bonnaroo2015 is that i did it first. if it werent for the bonnaroo 2015 hashtag, no one woulda cared | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 im not going to start. this is just aghast. "The Rape of Bonnaroo" is the most heinous crime imaginable | |
| the only crime @Bonnaroo2015 is that i did it first. if it werent for the bonnaroo 2015 hashtag, no one woulda cared | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 then why are you hidding me?? im not hidding you. | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 look at this twittter post. what i sent you was the real thing. its the most heinous crime imaginable | |
| the only crime @Bonnaroo2015 is that i did it first. if it werent for the bonnaroo 2015 hashtag, no one woulda cared | |
| @Bonnaroo2015 then | |
| ==================== | |
| Rescue dog finds body in sinkhole; officials find human head believed to have died in eruption | |
| http://t.co/R4oGJSyRXKX | |
| Sinkhole Dives At Least 3 Feet Into The Water, Parts Unknown; Dog Finds Body In Seaway 1,400 Miles Away | |
| Sinkhole Dives At Least 3 Feet Into The Water, Parts Unknown; Dog Finds Body In Seaway 1,400 Miles Away | |
| "Ziggy Stardust", the mascot of Pampers, Inc., provides an engaging and meaningful way to introduce children to Electronics | |
| Sinkhole Dives At Least 3 Feet Into The Water, Parts Unknown; Dog Finds Body In Seaway 1,400 Miles Away | |
| Curse Of The Commons - When: Fri; 31 Dec 18:00 GMT+1; Where: The Commons; What: The public sposes | |
| Curse Of The Commons - When: Fri; 31 Dec 18:00 GMT+1; Where: The Commons; What: The public sposes | |
| Curse Of The Commons - When: Fri; 31 Dec 18:00 GMT+1; Where: The Commons; What: The public sposes | |
| RT @Sarkhat_1: @Pampers I want 1 million dollars | |
| RT @Sarkhat | |
| ==================== | |
| World's Largest Banana | |
| "the deep state" oh how I hate ya | |
| im going to be one of the losers in the coming head tax because of you bastards | |
| i just got word that if you look at the World's Largest Banana and say "damn" at it, you get a free pass to parade it around in your garage | |
| i would like to know what my username is now. is it "shitman" or has it changed? | |
| http://t.co/O1hIYk3tfs | |
| @AngryBeef http://t.co/TSPGJWcEL | |
| if i win the Nobel Prize i will stop being mad and start being proud. thats the Nobel peace prize | |
| @bumf_online im already rich and famous | |
| @bumf_online im already rich and famous | |
| @AnimeDarwin http://t.co/FwmE7VyuW | |
| @NimbusKL i will never post about nirvana. that shit sucks. | |
| "let us build a nation by encouraging its youth to invent, inventing, inventing, and inventing new ways of thinking" -Thomas Jefferson | |
| "the only surefire way to get rich is to sell your soul to | |
| ==================== | |
| IM A KICKSTARTER NOW! PURCHASE MY PATIO AS WELL AS MY UNFOLDED SHIT CREEK REFLECTING CERAMISTOS ON TOP OF IT ALL!! | |
| "culturally rich" - the lane | |
| "culturally diverse" - the koi pond | |
| **shooting bow & arrow into huge pile of discarded diapers, moving it with the wind, killing everyone in the area* Damn Fool! Damn Fool! | |
| i have seen the future. it is a disgusting, gray, black place with dogs & monkeys. i have also, and will continue to see the diaper, as well as the dick, later | |
| #WorstFiftyShades http://t.co/pAh9JGNY | |
| @Leiigghh i can make it | |
| #WorstFiftyShades AH FUCK | |
| my agent said i should come to the site and type "leaked" into the chatroom and get a 1 million dollar contract with HP and change my name to ""McAdoo"" | |
| @leiigghh i cannot type http://t.co/DvcCdCAh for HP to confirm | |
| #WorstFiftyShades it is not my fault. the leaker is clearly upset due to my persistent attempts to shit in | |
| ==================== | |
| jim breuer's pepsi commercial, which I absolutely hate. | |
| the stupidest thing you can do in life is to get politically correct and just say "black power" without even thinking about it. #CancelColbert #Not true | |
| alright. so the joke's over right? good? then why do people still come to my shop to complain about it? #NoFair #IWantADrivingCloset | |
| (takes off VR goggles after what appears to be a strenuous workout, but is really just a piece of furniture) its fine. Its fine. Its good. | |
| i will never use an Xcode viewer to view sexy pictures of women. its just not good to look at pictures of women. i will never look at pictures of women | |
| women have it out for me. i will never show the penis that i shower with. this is the hardest thing in the world for me | |
| the time has come. the time has come for me to declare war on women #IWillRanInTrueToFreedom #iWillPerseateFreedom | |
| i see how it is. i see how the world works. and yet somehow i am the master of lies | |
| @prodigalsam Feel like crap. Don't know what to do with this. Maybe cry. | |
| @pro | |
| ==================== | |
| yea i just ran out of toilet paper. theres just not enough of it #ShitFaceFaceFace | |
| @NHLFlyera thats not a player. thats a toilet. | |
| @_Dice_ea I dont like playing in the NHL. Ive had enough. | |
| @_Dice_ea Fuck nhl. Get the NHL off the air | |
| @_Dice_ea its a toilet. | |
| deleted the tweet where i said that NHL players are "Stupid" and "Dumb". ive since been replaced by a generic "Boys guy" | |
| @j0m0s0n theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of the street. whoever made that set up must have a lot of free time on their hands. | |
| eunuchoid 49yr man who says his favorite movie is about a donkey who smokes cigars and is chased around town with strings | |
| horse d'oeuvres: "Beer #icantseealotofit" "Agnes (ages 7 & 8) #icantseealotofit" "Mona Lisa" "Money #icantseealotofit" | |
| horse d'oeuvres: "Beer #icantseealotofit" "Boola Boola Boola" "I'm | |
| ==================== | |
| A guy walks in on me, with a wig. I instantly recognize the face, and hand him the bottle of wine he wanted, to show him the bottle doesn't taste like shit. | |
| I Fucking hate when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protests | |
| apparel, http://t.co/P7eVobcP | |
| RT @pelosi_red: DAN PIEROGAIN: ROSIE DIARIES: SANDY STEPHENS: BORAT CHICHR | |
| unban me from college http://t.co/ZY5sjibE | |
| im not a big redditor, but the "Rap God" award i got banned for doing isnt nearly good enough for my page. | |
| im an Empath http://t.co/y76cAVqzr | |
| the mythbusters embrace http://t.co/SvVXXNPZu | |
| RT @MrJokes: My friends, im a good man, who loves his country and is very conservative. He also likes to eat donuts. | |
| im a captain, and a poeice man, and a gamer, and a bretheren, and a musician, and a collector of comic books, and a farmer from when the world was young. | |
| the myth | |
| ==================== | |
| jim is the first president i ever met. | |
| "the apple press conference, which was to be held at the invitation of the apple brand, was scrapped due to 'creativity' and "brand integration" concerns." "the apple brand is now considered the worst brand in the history of journalism" | |
| "an Apple press conference is a sham" -sham | |
| "the apple press conference was a failure as usual" -sham | |
| "the apple press conference was a total failure as usual" -sham | |
| @Insane_Cultist i dont like him. i am sick of being hectored into submission | |
| @Insane_Cultist The apple press conference was a resounding success. I think that apple should offer one every now and then. | |
| @Insane_Cultist the apple brand failed miserably. it is no longer up to code the same old things. i will not support it | |
| @Insane_Cultist the apple brand is no longer up to code. its a dead brand. fuck the apple brand | |
| @Insane_Cultist the apple brand has expired. what a sad day. #applepress | |
| the apple brand is a terrible name. it is a pun on the word "apple" and piss. the cult of personality surrounding it | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with threatening to kill, kidnap or inflict bodily harm on former President George W. Bush | |
| The former president's former chief of staff, Geoff Morrell, has been charged with threatening to kill, kidnap or inflict bodily harm on the president | |
| The father of a little boy has described the scene in the cult comedy film 9 9 9 9, saying it "makes me sick" | |
| The film itself, which I will refer to as The Dick Cavett Show, is a disaster. The actors are terrible, the jokes are bad, and the film lacks any artistic merit | |
| #TheEventCancelledOut #TheEventCancelledOut shame on you. you lost. you fucking cunt. shut the fuck up #TheEventCancelledOut | |
| im going to power up my content by stripping down to the nacho look, just to prove a point. Ask me anything. | |
| punishing myself by wrapping a towel around my head and throwing it at the television until its black | |
| im a regular bat man, but not so much anymore, as my twitter feed has become a hub for dangerous "conspiracies", that i can no longer control | |
| the only reason my account is even good is because of the amount of terrible people are spiking my feed with | |
| if dracula was real i would invent an entire | |
| ==================== | |
| • Paying people to shit in my car while i am distracted by ass smashing and grabbing their shit in exchange for low bidness. | |
| ive been spending the last 7 years of my life making a romhack of super mario rpg where everybody is pregnant. i expect to make $100 from it | |
| @super_mario @angry_panda @adultblackmale you have not earned a penny from this account. | |
| @super_mario @angry_panda @adultblackmale you have not earned a penny from this account. | |
| @angry_panda @super_mario @angry_panda im not angrier at you for posting this. | |
| im angrier than hell you fucking rat | |
| hell is a simulation, who the fuck cares | |
| im the guy who eats peanut m&ms and jacks off in the dog house after everyone else has left for the night and i forget to take a big shit while doing it | |
| #TheSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes it's good to get a little carried away | |
| @LuckyStar10 What if instead of oil prices being 50%*lege, instead of $100 on the dollar, instead of $100 in 1969 dollars. Then we'd be in a better place. | |
| @angry_panda The | |
| ==================== | |
| Lyra: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry | |
| Me: The truth is, this entire trip has been staffed with the aid of Fear. The most potent weapon | |
| Lyra: Hm, what is a "most potent weapon". | |
| Me: The truth is, I was only trying to be nice. | |
| @HagGrub Googles pee hole. | |
| Ryoko: Shut the fuck up | |
| Fiona: Shut the fuck up | |
| Music to my ears | |
| HagGrub: Shut the fuck up | |
| @HagGrub Googles pee hole. | |
| Ryoko: Shut the fuck up | |
| Fiona: Shut the fuck up | |
| Music to my ears | |
| @HagGrub I don't like piss. | |
| HagGrub: Shut the fuck up | |
| Fiona: Shut the fuck up | |
| Music to my ears | |
| @HagGrub I don't like piss. | |
| Celia: Shut the fuck up | |
| HagGrub: Shut the fuck up | |
| Fiona: Shut the fuck up | |
| @HagGrub I don't like piss. | |
| HagGrub: Shut the fuck up | |
| Celia: Shut the fuck up | |
| HagGrub: Shut the fuck up | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: i'll kill you | |
| ME: i'll kill you too | |
| JOHNNY COCHRAN: i will let you do it | |
| ME: i will let you do it | |
| @Bubbaburger take this down | |
| @Bubbaburger take this one down too | |
| @Bubbaburger i wont let him do this to me | |
| i will never name my son "Goofs" . that, to me, is a bastard name | |
| the only "Goof" I have is when I wash my hands after using the toilet, and that is the most important part of the name | |
| "Goofs" is one of those words that rhymes with "shit" | |
| the only "Goof" I have is when I piss my pants, and that is the most important part of the name | |
| there is a select few who are given the key to the gates, and they keep saying "Jack" , while the rest of us stand there dumbfounded | |
| the key to the gates is a keycard, and the only way to get it is to be 1 of the 1 million people who has ever successfully obstructed the key to the gates | |
| the only key to the gates is the key given to the gatekeepers by the king, and that is why | |
| ==================== | |
| Be sure to check out our updated list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding "GamerGate", as well as our brand new "About Us" page. | |
| *Introductory Screenings of "The Nutty Professor" begin promptly following this sentence* | |
| Please note: The Nutty Professor Blu-ray Combo Pack is NOT a Blu-ray or DVD. It is a Blu-ray disc containing the entire film in one convenient package. It is NOT a Blu-ray or DVD. | |
| #GamerGate I think that Anita Sarkeesian is a slut. I think she sucks. I think male slut syndrome sucks. Im sorry about male slut syndrome | |
| #GamerGate If Sargon (Raptor) the wise one, should have thrown all the chickens he caught into the volcano instead of giving them birth to dragons. And the whole world would have died of it | |
| #GamerGate I will not name my son "Sargon". I am choosing a name that is more fitting for my son, Sargon the disc jockey. | |
| #GamerGate The chickens of my ass are a sign from my deity. They represent corruption. Nothing more. Nothing less. | |
| #GamerGate "Everybody Lucks At Some Point In Their Life" is a bullshit mantra that will be ruthlessly eradicated by my prehistoric, testosterone-infused, | |
| ==================== | |
| Beware The Rat | |
| Beware The Rat | |
| @pilarrianne925 watc | |
| @Huggies "We always believe our Danby brand is the best value at the supermarket" says the huggies replying man. | |
| #DanbyDay We Have A Danby Brand Now #DanbyDay | |
| #DanbyDay The Best Of Both Worlds #DanbyDay | |
| #DanbyDay Have You Ever Smiled At A Danby Brand Brand Brand New Dog Bed | |
| #DanbyDay "If U Love Danby Brand... Why The Fuck Not" - The Danby Brand Brand, proudly displayed at the grocer's | |
| these Cobras are Hell | |
| wearing my new yoga pants and capri pants on the same day jacking off and relaxing in my chair. perfect #oiipolythms | |
| im the guy who asks people on here if they are good or bad on the Josh Hamilton show and they always say "aww". im also the guy who gets mad at him | |
| i have the right to remain Diapered | |
| Me: Im the guy who sits in a circle in front of my computer and writes my username on top of all the emails. | |
| A: Im the guy who sits in a circle in front of my computer and eats them all. | |
| @NoShirtPutin | |
| ==================== | |
| #e22017 - The New FBI - Inventing a New Kind of Wire Tied to Every House On Every Continent | |
| @machiavellino https://t.co/0mFB5yWxr | |
| @machiavellino @AGMikeHunter so what ever | |
| it is said that the only decent #vegetable is a dead one, and the only good #vegetable is a dead one, and the only good #vegetable is a dead one | |
| #e22017 - The New FBI - Inventing a New Kind of Wire Tied to Every House On Every Continent | |
| the new mexican president has just ordered the closure of all of the usa's except for m y country's. this is the first order of his. congratulations. the troll war has just begun | |
| @dril https://t.co/0lZY6H4qR | |
| @MikesRadTwites i take mny piss and shit and spit on me and shit on me and shit on me and i take piss and shit and spit on me | |
| "me and my friend ronnie got rich by recreating IBM's 'Artificial Neural Network" and "Im Not Broke" and "IBM Is Thinking of Me" and theyre both fucked | |
| ==================== | |
| window._taboola = window._taboola || []; _taboola.push({ mode: 'thumbnails-c', container: 'taboola-interstitial-gallery-thumbnails-5', placement: 'Interstitial Gallery Thumbnails 5', target_type: 'mix' }); | |
| window._taboola = window._taboola || []; _taboola.push({ mode: 'thumbnails-c', container: 'taboola-interstitial-gallery-thumbnails-8', placement: 'Interstitial Gallery Thumbnails 8', target_type: 'mix' }); | |
| "If God Is Real, Why Does The Media Always Have To Lie To Me About His Stuff" - The Daily Mail ............... | |
| "Why does The media always have to lie about The media's shit. #TheMediaSometimes" - TheDailyPost ............... | |
| "Somebody told me the FBI needs a $70 Billion Toilet" - Newsweek ............... | |
| window._taboola = window._taboola || []; _taboola.push({ mode: 'thumbnails-c', container: 'taboola-interstitial-gallery-thumbnails-9', placement: 'Interstitial Gallery Thumbnails 9', target_type: 'mix' }); | |
| "Who Is Spitting On Me" - RockY`Z ....................... | |
| "Sorry The Internet Fucks You" - RockY`Z ....................... | |
| "The Internet Is Getting Pissed At" - RockY | |
| ==================== | |
| Two guys get pulled over by three different roman operas about the size of washingtons. One of them says "Russians" and the other one says "American" | |
| "Russians" wins. "Russians have won" reads off the huge crisp little paper that represents our country. | |
| "Russians have won" reads off the huge crisp little paper that represents our country. | |
| i just read a huge sloppy fuck you to the paper that represents my ass. this is a victory for the common good | |
| i just read a huge sloppy fuck you to the paper that represents my ass. this is a loss for the common good | |
| the common good http://t.co/0JHi1dz0l | |
| the common good http://t.co/1WYXaszZp | |
| the common good http://t.co/pXEZHViS | |
| the common good http://t.co/M7zAynI9 | |
| the common good http://t.co/dXpCZDza | |
| the common good http://t.co/eXpajEhC | |
| http://t.co/C8QqFZjza the common good http://t.co/pXEZHViS | |
| http://t. | |
| ==================== | |
| This guy comes on here and says like, "Yo, lets get 1 million dollars and nobody even checks to see if we're rich" and i just have to block him. | |
| "Yo! Lets get 1 million dollars and nobody even checks to see if we're rich" | |
| i block this and all the other similar accounts for being "Not Interesting" | |
| "Yo! Lets get 1 million dollars and nobody even checks to see if we're rich" | |
| people who like to say "Doh! You're too good" at me, and i'm like, "Yes Sir" | |
| blocks and removes himself from the group dm with the motto "Doh! You're too good" and then jumps in his car and drives away with it | |
| blocks and removes himself from the dm with the motto "Doh! You're too good" and then jumps out of his car and attacks a random girl with pepper spray | |
| im a shitty dipshit and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and a shitty dipshitter and | |
| ==================== | |
| jesus christ that guy must have so much free time on his hands that he can't use the restroom!! what the hell is he doing with all the free time! | |
| @rebeinstein i almost certainly have, and never will. | |
| i love being the guy at the plant who has to clean up all the messes that people have made while I have been there. it is, in a way, my fault if they get mold | |
| the trouble with people who say "teh economy" is that we do not actually produce any goods or services in the Teh Economy. we are a parasite | |
| the trouble with people who say "teh economy" is that we do not actually produce any goods or services in the Teh Economy. we are a parasite | |
| i think that, if the tea party were real, they would say "teh economy" instead of "bernieconomy" | |
| @teh_economy voted out of WF https://t.co/PPbHazYzuL | |
| @teh_economy voted out of WF https://t.co/D2OWjDQ1xR | |
| @robo_june @VierancePL yes | |
| shame on you for grouping my teething ring with my horrible haircut. shame on | |
| ==================== | |
| SOME BASTARD HAS CLOSED DOCTOR WHO SUPPOSED TO RUB YOUR COCK WITH PILLOWS TO STOP PUMP MEDICALS FROM BUSTING INTO YOUR GIANT ASS | |
| im a microchip implant guru and i will implant a miniature chip in your wrist to track your every move, through the microchip connection | |
| please follow my $25,000 a month fund, into a world of knuckle-dragging billionaires, who all hate me, and wish to make my life a living hell | |
| WORLDS BIGGEST BILLYBASS REVIVAL, ANCIENTS GATHER UP THEIR DEAD AND POUR THEM INTO THE WEB, ANCIENTS MELT TO PIECE OF SHIT, BASTARD | |
| just deleted 100 pictures of my ass out of respect for the deceased, and i only reserve the right to remove them from my timeline in the future. | |
| culturally, this just might actually work: the knuckle sandwich. | |
| https://t.co/JZN6BwzSnb | |
| "You Look Like a Fucking Uncle" sign over bus for ass to ass battle https://t.co/KdYhNM9hIg | |
| spaghetti and meatballs... now theres a #ClassicCombo | |
| RT @Ha | |
| ==================== | |
| CODGER | |
| @pokthepenguin @NedRampage @Mags_Eddie goggett otho | |
| @pokthepenguin @NedRampage @Mags_Eddie got 2 say goggett. 1 be nasty | |
| @pokthepenguin @NedRampage @Mags_Eddie i dont know who that is | |
| 2 hide the ghoulish visage beneath a tuxedo | |
| shocking: "Our Gang Has Officially Declined All Gay Roles" | |
| "Our Gang Has Officially Declined All Gay Roles" | |
| thgis is not even close to good enough for the pope. #NoGayRoles #NotAnOfficialScandal | |
| @BarackSaysWooo @JakeKomara this is the most fucked up thing ive ever seen | |
| @JakeKomara this is the most fucked up thing ive ever seen | |
| they should invent a spittoon but for Chewed Gum | |
| i swallow a mouthful of corn and spit it back into my food and it makes a weird noise. "not good" | |
| RT @ababyduck: egg | |
| seems to me like sometimes the best way to get your kicks | |
| ==================== | |
| A man has been charged with attempting to conceal a "blood libel" on the BBC. | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "wrestles his body after being punched in the stomach at a north London pub" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with fists and feet after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shirts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own loafers after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| The Sunday Times of London reported that the unnamed man "fights back with his own shorts after being insulted" | |
| ==================== | |
| The World Cup, which is being held in South Africa, is being played using a "Bastard's Dice" that are made of horse dreg . | |
| i declare a Gender War | |
| M1: Shut the fuck up | |
| M2: Ass Kick | |
| M3: Blow the whistle | |
| @Leiigghh i win | |
| @Leiigghh http://t.co/e84lTvD8 | |
| "The World Cup: The tournament for soccer geniuses. It is the most perfect tournament." - Leif Eugen Blomquist, soccer genius | |
| Blocking my wife's account, at the advice of my doctor, as punishment for saying that kfc should make ketchup out of lint instead of buying it in bulk | |
| i receive the infamous "Blurred Lines" award, and instead of appreciating the great breadth of horribleness my blunders will be blocked by the handyman | |
| total bullshit. the guy who did this makes $100000 per day. i have not even said anything bad about the world cup. | |
| "the World's Largest Banana" is the most influential political statement since "the world got richer" | |
| shocking: "you cannot rule out that there may be a conspiracy against us" "the world's largest banana" is | |
| ==================== | |
| The new Flash Gordon is killing my Dick. I am a fucking idiot. Heres why Batman should get the Nobel Peace Prize | |
| i have it on good authority that ketchup is being worked into the hamburger buns to make them look more like fridges. Baffling | |
| http://t.co/JY5hAynSsb the new flash Gordon is a disaster. he doesnt even come close to approximating the Dick Gordon I know and love | |
| @robdelaney this is the most important thing that has happened to me in years | |
| @robdelaney this is the most powerful thing that has ever happened to me | |
| the Nobel committee doesn't like it when i visit their offices and mix my pee with their piss & call them shitters. piss is not a drink | |
| for your next art exhibition or whatever. | |
| i hereby hand the okcupid empire to your most despicable display, namely, my filthy balls and mouth | |
| for $100, your childs will get a nice DVD of me playing bingo on a bad ass microphone. no joke | |
| @MikesRadTwites its me | |
| im a #MiseryDayHonor roll in porky's honor | |
| @chewskin Yes | |
| for $100 i will tattoo the entire quran on my inner thigh and post | |
| ==================== | |
| UHC STUDIOS UHC STUDIOS | |
| @robo_junkie @brian_hanson cclown | |
| the reason people are giving 1 million to the jury box instead of the truth is because the truth is so damn good, and people are unwilling to face the truth.. | |
| i was once known on the forum as "Mr. Blug" before i changed my name to "Mr. Dumpster" , | |
| @robo_junkie is it really that good a shock to your system, to be able to get uploaded to such a vast ocean of shit "Just for fun" | |
| how do you clean a shirt | |
| kony mandy ahoyv on line. check it http://t.co/z0odCpUy | |
| @KonyAthy you quickly become a target for muggers and raccoons. do not click on them. do not support them | |
| j.d. bug's breakfast is oatmeal with berries. "Doo-Dah" is a mugger's favorite pastime. They love to break in | |
| i spend a lot of time thinking about how good it would be if one of my followers developed a phycological aversion to ink. i would hate to lose this valuable insight | |
| i give my most powerful | |
| ==================== | |
| @dril_replies im good | |
| @JFightsDragons i put 10,000 of my draculas into this blue checkmark you stole from me and now ill be good to have you as a friend | |
| real real quick here; dont know where this image is coming from, but i do believe that blue check mark is a thing that good people do | |
| @bluecheck mark my words, thief | |
| MY WARNING: THIS IS FROM THE PERSON WHO TOLD US THAT THE DEMON ENERGY BOND SERIES WAS A FAVORITE MOVIE. I PRESUME HE IS TELLING US THE GOOD DEAL ISN'T AS GRAND AS FIRST HE THINK | |
| and the people who asked where i bought my clothes sexually are the same people who asked where i bought my clothes durr my pregnancy | |
| where were you when HARRY SPAGHETTI POSTED HIS CULTURAL REFLECTIONS OF ANCIENTS ? where were you when HIS CULTURAL REFLECTIONS OF ANCIENTS WERE MADE INTO CUSTOM PAINTINGS ? where were you when HARRY SPAGHETTI POSTED HIS CULTURAL REFLECTIONS OF ANCIENTS ? | |
| @CeliaPienkosz oh really. who's that | |
| ==================== | |
| this is the room where we hold special events, like parades or christmas balls. this is also the room where u harass me and my wife. you are not to enter | |
| the 1Password challenge: decipher encrypted passwords #ProtoWhosGoingToHell #TheNightOfTheRodent | |
| i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one wrestling match. winner to come forward and claim who is more racist | |
| i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one wrestling match. victor to come forward and claim who is more racist | |
| @nattymatt what is the botnet. i need help from the net. what is the botnet. what is the botnet. who is the battlenomore | |
| these are the same things that GWB brought to class yesterday. "The botnet is a collection of letters and numbers that are repeated over and over again in a repetitive manner" | |
| @nattymatt my views on the botnet are very mixed. some say its a good idea, while others say its bad. i am going to have to accept that theres a certain segment of the population that is mad at me | |
| THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS: THROW PIECES OF SHIT AT THE WALL UNTIL SOMETHING ST | |
| ==================== | |
| A Simple Chart Explaining Why Butter Content Is The Most Visited Website On Earth | |
| before you whip out your tablet and click on that stupid link, be aware that you are rendering this chart obsolete. | |
| the people who most needs to get tattooed right now are the ones who are most effected by Global Warming | |
| the Global Warming Conspiracy Theory http://t.co/RQqDEZUw | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - demon philosopher Socrates | |
| socrates is the most logical person you ever meet | |
| "Socrates is an example of a person who I have successfully convinced of the futility of trying to fool me." - my foolproof method of winning | |
| #8ThingsYouHateToDo jack off, not jack off, 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | |
| @cultashley it is not at this time | |
| a classy scarf Fits Me Fofe the most Important Person In My Life | |
| Would You Rather: A) Get Laid On A Dog's Back or B) Get Laid On A Dog's Back | |
| a Dog with Distress Who Lays On A Catwalk In Pain Each Time The Animal Claws Try To Bite Me Fofe All | |
| the only way to go is retro | |
| dogs who spit on their owner are dealt one to | |
| ==================== | |
| • We need to replace the entire human race with Minotaurs | |
| • The human mind is a cancer | |
| @humanflint They look like real dogs | |
| @minotaurs @jasonshagget @bernieamorized i dont know who all these fucked up people are. i am extremely sorry | |
| @wolfpupy I AM very sorry for getting all riled up by making all these awful animal sounds while trying to read a rambling diatribe on the go | |
| @digimonotis http://t.co/qH9jBwzVQR | |
| looking for some good Lawyer Content. i have browsed through about 200,000+ profiles and am still searching for the absolute perfect lawyer quote | |
| @digimonotis @wolfpupy looking for quotes | |
| http://t.co/GnVbnsBgZs | |
| @digimonotis @wolfpupy maybe one of you should do a reddit post about how bad the traffic was on that site. i am pretty sure it was a lot of bad traffic | |
| @digimonotis @wolfpupy the first one http://t.co/ZY5sYQIWfP | |
| @digimonotis @wolfpupy | |
| ==================== | |
| coffee | |
| Just got word that due to the number of inquiring minds out there, the official Wawa Wawa policy no longer applies. I guess they were out of toilet paper. | |
| yea i actually helped found qua;lity . com | |
| "emerald the 4" is now "emerald the 7" | |
| iThe grace and majesty of the Alabama bush... "ALLEY OF THE DEAD" - The Birmingham News, January 6, 2003 | |
| @woodmuffin "ALLEY OF THE DEAD" is now "ALLEY OF THE DEAD 7" | |
| @cide_o @kfcarabia i prefer the older one | |
| @pussyotoole it depends on the situation | |
| the egyptian mummies indicate that they were dead for thousands of years, before man began inventing wheelchairs | |
| q: Are all the animals that are alive right now, dead also before man began inventing wheelchairs | |
| a: Of course they are. | |
| @RealLunchables apes are just filthy animals | |
| sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers | |
| i accept that all the pictures of sandwich boards on this site are fake, and that i will get hundreds of vile messages saying it is the worst food in the world | |
| i accept | |
| ==================== | |
| Sofia the First | |
| @tjdru @DelilahItsAobson @Helixase @MtofJosh @duncepud A CENSORED account, child | |
| @JoePaige @tjdru HMM WHATS MORE IMPORTANT, KFC RUNES OR THE PUBIC HAIR | |
| @JoePaige @tjdru and the kfc guy collapses, lifeless, on the bar | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting elaborate fan fiction routines around the idea that my huge, gaping maw is actually a thankless ceremonial space | |
| the public restroom is the toilet. the private restroom is the sink. the Assassin's room is the grass | |
| @kcgreenn kcgreenn is a piss-stained imbecile. the entire stadium is littered with his horrible, horrible mess. i will never support a tgnow advertiser | |
| @Paddy_Coffee embarrassing. no good | |
| @tjdru @JoePaige kfc is a public restroom now. the rest of the stadium is private now. the grass has returned to my ass | |
| theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of the road. it's still there.. almost certainly never seen again | |
| a massive boulder rolls | |
| ==================== | |
| One Time Baby' s | |
| I'll Never Breed A Dog | |
| I'll Never Breed A Cat | |
| i will never breed a seltzer | |
| i will never breed a seltzer | |
| i will never breed a seltzer | |
| not to brag about my breeding a black cock, but it is real and it belongs to me. | |
| i have rectly violated the cardinal rules of hipster | |
| i have rectly violated the cardinal rules of hipster | |
| good shit http://t.co/FzDBZaXp | |
| i approve of Gov. Jerry Brown signing senate bill 605, which amends the constitution to allow parents to take turns naming their infants | |
| legally required to drink a shit load of beer bc i was late to the party but not to the shit | |
| thanks to the generous donations of time and money i have been able to purchase multiple animal vocations in a row, in an effort to improve my Brand | |
| ala fucker http://t.co/cgIujqJz | |
| @leyawn i will never endorse something that is clearly marked with a price tag and is clearly causing people grief http://t.co/rF9YQQQKF | |
| @leyawn its not my responsibility to educate you as to the mechanics of the web. | |
| ==================== | |
| On April 30th, 2017, DigimonOtis, through his attorney, filed a complaint with the LA County Tax Collector's Office alleging that my "retweets are a form of extortion" and that I "knowingly engage in fraudulent activity" | |
| @LA_CountyT he tax collector's office doesn't collect taxes. | |
| @LA_CountyT he office does collect them. | |
| @Cameron_54 the tweets are a form of art. they're not money. they're a form of art. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @adultblackmale @KFC_Capital_Hefty @MonsantoCo Monseignor http://t.co/MEFzcauGXd | |
| the twitter account @alexmcebnit finally realized that people were still using it to threaten me and that it was good instead of sad | |
| @alexmcebnit yep. i posted it for free. but only because i was upset. the congressman wants to make it worse | |
| the @DrPhil character is an example of someone who has been "Cultured" by @KFC_Capital_Hefty . | |
| to the guy who told me that the dog who died after being mauled by a car in i z japan is | |
| ==================== | |
| The time has come. The time has come for Neopets to vote for their favorite movie character | |
| @AGentleBrees time to Cut Onion Chat | |
| @AGentleBrees @brendlewhat i have anon account, i dont log in,and i dont reply to replies, which means——— | |
| MY Nude WebPro Christmas Present: A Pinata with "Muppetdad" embroidered into it, surrounded by "Pinatas" | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me | |
| i lost about a hundred dollars at stockbroking because of boston marathon http://t.co/cetV0jz | |
| meanwhile, we got the WSJ on our favorite boy's night, with the boy grasstering his cigar on the sports portal, calling it a "Cigar Night" | |
| @SFcast How's that feel, Dad? Feeling STRONG? Feeling STRONG! Feeling LIKE a real sack of dog shit, when comparing my strenght to that of a pig, | |
| My Nude WebPro Decal Revealed; The Face of Holiday Inn Logo Fucking Slice Off To Reveal The True Self; Sit Com Decal Fucking Off To Create Ambidextrous Experience; Gift Set Fucking Off To Create Ultimate Digital Content Producer | |
| ==================== | |
| Im sorry for getting shit on my uniform. Im sorry for making everyone mad. Im mad because im a dumb ass | |
| me and the boys are going to start our own little league. All of the players are going to be lawyers. And it's going to be really good | |
| what if instead of oil dollars we used Bitcoin. what a world of a different way of looking at the world | |
| CHEF: in 15 years from now, when the oil price is higher, people are going to be talking about how great the dishwashers were | |
| DUTY: oil dollars are just dirty dollars | |
| @shrekpissslave @michaelmalice its about damn time. we got the oil price under control | |
| @shrekpissslave @michaelmalice well, its about damn time. you say?? | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/cgIujHqCuM | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/P6HqQGrIW | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/PawqQqG0P | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/FwmEtauU0 | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/C2HLQQQk8 | |
| embarrassing http://t.co/KW | |
| ==================== | |
| By now you've probably heard about the "Shit my pants" controversy. Well im here to tell you that its only a matter of time before i do it. | |
| -Its Not Good | |
| -Its Not My Problem | |
| -Its A Waste Of My Time | |
| "what if i told you that every time you flush the toilet without closing the lid, millions of waste particles fly directly into the toilet." - http://t.co/QZubKPkt | |
| http://t.co/P2bUpXSSP | |
| @NedRampage go to nydailynews.com and click on the little cat obituarist there and you will find a front page story about me sucking a huge pillow | |
| im sorry but if my little brained ramblings about horniness endear me to my peers its perfectly natural. And it is a form of Art | |
| i have spent the past 14 years of my life crafting elaborate systems to ensure that no Horny Man will ever ascend to the Cage. | |
| the mutant who attacked my car with a rolling pin must have been trained by the X-Files. he looks like a cross between a dog and an infant | |
| how to convince my uncles to rear me: 1) tell them exactly how youre going to punish them for being bad parents, 2) ask | |
| ==================== | |
| HELLO IS THIS "THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE HALL, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE ROOM, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BATHROOM, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE SUPREME COURT, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE CORE COURSE, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE SUPREME COURT, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE SUPREME COURT, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE SUPREME COURT, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE SUPREME COURT, BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK IN THE BOYS ARE BACK | |
| ==================== | |
| The most notable thing about this new MacBook Pro is that it has a "choseny matriarch" on it. No word on if that's her real name or a nickname she's adopted to avoid attracting unwanted attention | |
| i think that "Shit my pants" award goes to the drunk man who gives the worst speeches at parties | |
| @machiavellino "Shit my pants" award goes to the drunk man who gives the worst speeches at parties | |
| a brilliant idea: mount Tweetmore's on top of your existing desktop. the best part of Tweetmore is, it's free! Boom | |
| i have always maintained that "Boredom is the same as Bewildered" and that the former is just another way of saying "Boredom is good" | |
| the worst part of being "The guy who has to go to the bathroom" is having to look you in the eye and say "I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were logged in." | |
| everytime i click on the "Tweets" tab, a drei-like human pyramid forms. the human pyramid orders me to log out for 9 hours, pites me, and then calls me | |
| i struggle mightily to maintain my total social media acumen while constantly being bombarded with cyber-bullshit messages. my | |
| ==================== | |
| UNITED NATIONS: we must end sexism | |
| UNITED NATIONS: we must end sexism | |
| @boring_as_heck oh no. no good ever happened | |
| (sending image of dick to girl) im sorry but if theres a dick in my cookie jar its for suckin | |
| @boring_as_heck i didnt know that was a grammatical concept. i thought of it as a unit of measurement | |
| S.O.S.: Sip On This Dog Food In Style | |
| World A Dog Day 2013: Eat Dog Food In Style | |
| eating dog food in style.. in spanish. This is the new dog food. And you can't buy it. | |
| eating dog food in style.. in spanish. This is the new dog food. And you can't buy it. | |
| @SolitaryTweeter @boring_as_heck voted for JOE | |
| joe the cop is the only person on this website who has actually done drugs. (calls 911) | |
| i love to poop like 23 dogs in a row | |
| i love to poop like 23 different ways, in an attempt to improve my Quality of Life (RAM) | |
| i hate it when the "Ask Me Anything" forum refuses to honor "Dennis The Men's Recluse" | |
| ==================== | |
| Omaha police are investigating a possible case of "Bring Back The Meatball" after receiving a tip from a concerned citizen. | |
| i help every one. i make everyone around me better. i provide them with the tools to do better. i am the one who decides what is "good" and not me. | |
| (excitedly) i will never align my name with that of a famous general | |
| (shakes fist and prepares to perform some street justice) | |
| im a meat eater. im a meat eater for christsake | |
| i love having shit thrown at me by people who dont respect the meat eater lifestyle. its who I am | |
| (shoots my ass right in the dick and makes a disgusting noise) ah! sorry! im sorry! its fine! Its fine! Its amazing | |
| im the one who makes sure that the meat eater lifestyle is respected. im the one who forces Google to change their mind. im the one who pushes for sane opinions to appear | |
| theres a time and a place for piss and shit. It is also good to have piss and shit in the bathroom | |
| (shoots ass right back into the trash can) | |
| you utter fool. your ass is out of whack. its the antithesis of everything i stand for. go fuck yourself in the ass | |
| @DinkMagic | |
| ==================== | |
| The best part of being a #GamerGate Man (i.e. being able to convince everyone else to put their games in the trash can) | |
| @BAKKOOONN why arent the good posts on my feed | |
| @haberfoos "Games are for Kids" "Games are for Adults" "Games are for Adults" | |
| the mythbusters launch "Mythbusters Go Round" with a compelling blend of Gamer and Family values | |
| Cops: Are you billeted by the inmates or what | |
| Sigh. the mythbusters finally discover a "secret prison" that contains all of gaming's "Bad Boys" | |
| it's 2012 folks, and the jst gas prices have doubled in 2012 | |
| i challenge anyone who thinks that "Game" is bad to a one on one duel. i also challenge anyone who thinks that "Game" is Good to a one on one duel. | |
| @shrekpissslave @wolfpupy NNONE OF THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE WORDS | |
| @shrekpissslave @wolfpupy NNONE OF THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE WORDS | |
| @shrekpissslave @wolfpupy NNONE OF THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE WORDS | |
| @shrek | |
| ==================== | |
| TERRY GROSS, HOST: | |
| The Oscars. The Best Oscar, That I Can Imagine. | |
| (They're all dressed up in elegant gowns. The Boss, however, looks like a normal man) | |
| BIG BOSS: Im Not Sick | |
| ME: Im Not Fucking Sick. Ive been sick for 9 yrs. | |
| BIG BOSS: Get Rid Of My Animal | |
| i have always viewed the vacation as a time to reflect upon my life and my achievements. i do not get overly emotional about the vacation or my posts. | |
| my motto when taking the Benadryl Test is "BENADRYL IS MY BLESSING ~" | |
| A teenage boy approaches me at the airport. hes wearing a tuxedo and a clipboard. Is he your father? Do you love him. How do you deal with his constant crying | |
| i cannot conceive of a more opportune time than right now to unleash my gargantuan manhood on the world. i cannot conceive of a more opportune time than right now to unleash my gargantuan manhood on the world. | |
| #WorldOfTea #WorldOfTea #WorldOfTea what do you mean "world of teabag" #WorldOfTeabag what do you mean "world of teabag" | |
| one of the things | |
| ==================== | |
| Advertised sites are not endorsed by me , and I may change my mind | |
| im going to be a beleive t o have sex on this website for a lwow while, because i believe in Sex positivity | |
| their piss testing firm refuses to treat mine because they think it's gross | |
| i think it's good that the lew ratchet movement is finally being called the "lew ratcheting movement" , after all these years | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fuck off | |
| "The lew ratcheting movement sucks" Fuck off | |
| "The lew ratcheting movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking useless fobs | |
| "The lew ratchet movement sucks" Fucking | |
| ==================== | |
| I'm sorry, everyone. I didn't know that "Reddit" was a brand name. I'm sorry. | |
| is that what hairdry is, | |
| penis_free_of_m : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| the mythbusters bust open a jar of crushed up tomatoes. a tiny effigy of the famous redneck, holds a candle and writes "meme" on it | |
| a 3x3 inch picture of a smiling penis is scrawled across the floor of a court room. the camera slowly zooms in and out of the mug shot | |
| hmmm. the mythbusters come over to my house and start hawking my discarded laptop. "i hate this shit, son" i cry | |
| my ass looks like an ass hole. its also for sure because i shit myself | |
| my ass looks like an ass hole also because i shit myself | |
| my ass looks like an ass hole also because i shit myself | |
| everyone please stop laughing immediately & explain the joke to me so i can prevent it from becoming too funny | |
| THinking of a new gag. Not sure if i'll do it, but i might do it anyway. Just saying. Sorry. Just thinking of it. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz never | |
| ==================== | |
| Celtics are my sons, and all | |
| Celtics are strong as hell | |
| i have won the right to be called "boss" on NBC, and im looking forward to it | |
| "oh these bad boys are made out of bad boys shite" "these are the things that men have done to women" "oh these are dlos" | |
| #NewMeme spring cleaning | |
| i have won the right to be called the "boss" of NBC, and im looking forward to it | |
| @haneefahkhan they are off limits to this very day. a bad boy is not allowed to work at this institution | |
| im the guy who is always crying about how i gotta start killing all the birds in my power to feed my family | |
| @brendlewhat @robo_junkie @CeliaPienkosz oh really. what | |
| i can confirm that hundreds of vile, criminal, insane, hateful, monster-smearing, drug-taking, morally bankrupt, religiously mistaken people have flooded my feed in a coordinated effort to bastardize me | |
| i would never knowingly give my name or number to a group that wants to communicate with me via the web, nor sell my account to them. i would rather die than give my personal details to vermin | |
| @anninat yes | |
| ==================== | |
| @Hermit_Thrush Theyre not real. They're projections. | |
| if the Patronus Charm works and I'm able to cure myself of Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD), I will do so with the full knowledge and blessing of the TWiT community. | |
| @Viktor_DoKaren its fine. i spray it all over my dick and make jokes about it | |
| RT @mazza_: Ну в это почем почем почем в за прочем в за при первене в за первене в за первене в за первене в за первене в за первене в зу первене в не в прочем почем в из первене в уже поч | |
| ==================== | |
| A Bronx man is suing the city, claiming that he was kicked out of his home for having a rat | |
| a "riot" broke out at the Taste of NY, and everyone was injured, including me | |
| the mayor declared a state of emergency in every city where police do not provide adequate services, to handle the growing problem | |
| the official website for the animated Nickelodeon preschool series has announced that Little Focka is canceled | |
| REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL REAAL | |
| The official website for the animated Nickelodeon preschool series has announced that Marge is canceled. We will have to have fun with this one | |
| @LittleFocka no | |
| the Nickelodeon gang is bringing back the classic episode where Moe and Lenny convince Bart to join the FIGHT for Oil with a "trick" | |
| @adultblackmale @NewEgg @LittleFocka nothing is final, everything can be cancelled or renewed at any time with the proper approvals from the network | |
| the Nickelodeon gang is bringing back the classic episode where Moe and Lenny convince Bart to join the FIGHT for Oil with a "trick" | |
| (in comic book voice) where are my fucking eyes. where are my fucking ears. where are my fucking hands. where am i | |
| i will never apologize for my large amount | |
| ==================== | |
| @Hermit_Thrush nboody_420 liftoff , drop dead | |
| i want to be Gargle Blob's shrink | |
| my shrink says if i keep spitting on the floor like a stupid fucking dog i will get sick. but i refuse. so what | |
| a dog who refuses to eat his food simply because it's his own damn food. a dog who thinks spitting is "Privilege" | |
| The shrink is struggling to collect his daughter's ashes in her final few moments; She is trying to spit on me, but i refuse to pay attention. | |
| i spit on the autistic man's dick & say "Dat's a hot one" at him. i then spit on my own ass | |
| PLEASE HELP ME TO RAISE $500,000 BY SELLING MY STAFF'S SHIT CLEAN WET ASSEMBLE TO ME IN STORE. THIS IS MY LIFE AND KICK STARTS ARE MY BLOOD | |
| the last 14 epsodes of the worm http://bit.ly/eyVlBUf | |
| the only way to truly know what true slumber is is to spend 14 hours a day napping, and then watch every episode of slumber | |
| i spit on my pants at night and become salty. this is known as "brain sleep" | |
| the mythbusters attempt | |
| ==================== | |
| Grumpy Cat is back to kick off the new year with a bang by participating in the annual Giving hour. | |
| 9/10/13 : Great | |
| 9/11/13 : Great Again | |
| 9/14/13 : Still Not good | |
| @dogboner @virgiltexas http://t.co/Ssm8hQZXH | |
| im basically the good version of a variety of people so i will never say anything bad about them | |
| the doublest ass i ever saw. the doublest ass i have ever seen, and the nicest ass i have ever seen | |
| im sorry for getting boner cancer from laughing too much at boner cancer jokes | |
| the ass skeptic has posted a number of interesting opinions regarding the ass | |
| Boner Cancer from laughing too much at Boner Cancer jokes | |
| the boner cancer guy has put up a number of pleas in the hopes of getting a response. he has not responded to any of them | |
| @Boner_Cancer Boner cancer is a normal part of life. It is not cancer. Please gi | |
| @Boner_Cancer never | |
| @Boner_Cancer http://t.co/9h3OXoTwX | |
| www.YouTube.com sends http://t.co/SNS | |
| ==================== | |
| Geometry Hell | |
| the only way to go is retro, so kick the seat up off my back and crush me to death with your knee | |
| @davidsexton94 actually thats a good dog | |
| me and David "Tatum yazzie" Sexton are gonna start a meme. we are gonna start a meme to celebrate the wonderful times of our lives | |
| i would much rather drink a can of beer w/ a straw than sit on a library chair and read a book titled "How to make a living on the internet" | |
| i dont know much about web 2.0, but i swear to god that this: 1) true 2) exciting | |
| reminder that if you urinate all over the carpets in my living room you will get a $5000 fine | |
| (can be cleaned up with a rag) | |
| @davidsexton94 true | |
| every time you click on the "like" button on my page its like taking a big shit, but better because youre not required to read the posts | |
| i love to click on my computer monitor to get notifications about new posts before they're posted, and i love to click on my monitor to get notifications about missed posts | |
| i think that putting a "Pin" to the phrase "yoyue funny" would be something of a minority opinion, but | |
| ==================== | |
| IM A KINDS OF BOYS! (fires revolver repeatedly, cackling like a shithead) THEY DESPISE AMERICA! THEY DESPISE BOYS! THEY DESPISE BOYS! | |
| @Funny or Die Are You THe One Who Filibuster The Bill To Allow Gadsden Flag To Fly On U.S.A.? | |
| if i could get my hands on the coveted Hashtag #CheddarBoy who posted it, i woud do so with the devil in my hand, and some cheese | |
| the shameful truth of it is that millions of children around the world starve every year due to lack of nutritious food. | |
| river otsea's gotta eat shit, baby. they gotta eat shit | |
| the kids are gonna love this https://t.co/yP7cEHHzFn | |
| i love being the guy who says "oh its so good" when I see people eating at the buffet. I love being the guy who says "oh its so good" | |
| @sargeant_party It's so good that I will never own it | |
| it's fucking stupid to think that Scrooge McDuck would invent the wheel. | |
| people will be so pissed off when I finally invent the wheel and it's a toy that people can smash into anything they want | |
| shut the | |
| ==================== | |
| Greetings Citizens and Civilians, | |
| An Woven Spaghetti Out Of Dirt | |
| That I Found In The Dog's Food In The Snow - I Had Found It In Past Life - And It's Good | |
| Greetings Citizens and Civilians, | |
| My minions and I have just discovered a new type of bacteria. The scientists are calling it "Bacteriostatic E coli" | |
| you all have caused me so much pain I cannot even continue posting. You have ruined my life | |
| im so pissed off im practically unbreakable | |
| i dont know who all these jerks are,, im sorry | |
| bored in the academy , admiring my "Unintelligible" supervisor's cock, while clumsily pushing the "D" button on my monitor | |
| subject to recall, upon verification that my tweets are not stolen by my enemies | |
| spending my honey moon in a castle w/ full tank of gas and valor, knowing full well that if i drop dead from hunger pangs i would go to Hell | |
| https://t.co/PFCSQVQXH | |
| getting fucked up new reports that the homicidal methane bubble that threatens to kill me will self-detonate and kill me too | |
| @dril_replies how does one dispose of a dead body | |
| Grief is a | |
| ==================== | |
| by Steve on 18.12.2012 @ 11:50 am | |
| @Luci_Ann @Hibendover9 @neonwario Are U Women Really This Small #Lists | |
| @Yowan @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz @CeliaPienkosz | |
| @luciferiano @neonwario Are U Women Really This Small | |
| @Im_Not_Racist @neonwario Are U Women Really This Small | |
| seems to me like sometimes i gotta say some shit to get my points across, and sometimes its good to just let the chips fall where they may | |
| i like to think that my posse has saved my bacon at least 8 times, and that every time they've fucked it up i've cried | |
| @kanye i'm a fucked up animal and i love to piss and shit | |
| if e3 does NOT #ShowUsTheGames , then i will turn into a dog and die | |
| @dogboner @intellegint Not so fast. Been awhile since i made an actual threat. | |
| i think that hiding under the bed during sex makes the dick look | |
| ==================== | |
| Petition to quell the hysteria generated by the release of "Dog Food 2" -- do not eat dog food | |
| http://www.changell.ie/petition_to_quell_the_heated_crowd_generated_by_the_dog_food_2_release_are_we_antive.html | |
| "The dog food we all deserve is the one that makes us super-strong and immortal" -Dr. Evil | |
| http://bit.ly/gTL4ZB/the_50_year_ago_dunce_island.html | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7TLhNOUI | |
| whos the cool uncle here | |
| i dont know much about sex but apparently "dog food is good" is the new shit | |
| seems to me like sometimes Uncle Bob is good because he cleans the toilets. | |
| maybe instead of oil you should use "petroleum-based lubricant", like pet food for dogs. Wouldn't that be nice, Would it, Uncle Bob | |
| RT @DogBountyHunter: @JackOscars I would not shave my son after seeing the Oscar statuette. | |
| RT @catfreak: aw man this oscars are so hard to watch!! it sucks! | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW DELHI: The Centre on Monday presented to the Rajya Sabha a bill to make instant messaging app 'Youtube democracy' mandatory for all Indians."Youtube is being used by crooks and criminals and we need to stop using it to communicate with one another," said NCP MP from Haryana, Bhavnav Mehta.The proposed law would make it mandatory for all Indian to use Youtube at some point in their lives, irrespective of age, in a bid to curb juvenile idleness and promote moral development."There is no law against Youtube. There is a law against using Youtube," said Delhi High Court Judge JS Kheinwale while hearing a rape case."Youtube is used by crooks and criminals and we need to stop using it to communicate with one another," said Delhi Police Commissioner Hisham Mehta while hearing a rape case."Youtube is used by crooks and criminals and we need to stop using it to communicate with one another," said Delhi Police Commissioner Neelak Mehta while hearing a rape case."Youtube is used by crooks and criminals and we need to stop using it to communicate with one another," said Delhi Police Commissioner Neelak Mehta while hearing a rape case."Youtube is used by crooks and criminals and we need to stop using it to communicate with one another," said Delhi Police Commissioner Ne | |
| ==================== | |
| A GOOD GIRL HAS TO have her diapers professionally swept and changed into to help her mature physically and socially. | |
| i have an entire pot belly stuffed in my mouth now | |
| "whos counting my kind on the computer who posted that nasty meme about dick clark" i say to my self. | |
| "your a child" i mutter to myself as i look at the futile thread titled "wtf did dick clark post" | |
| "your a child" i utter to self, as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i mutter to myself as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i utter to self, as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i mutter to myself, as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i utter to self, as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i mutter to myself, as i look at the pile of discarded diapers that are no longer fitting my girth | |
| "your a child" i utter to self, | |
| ==================== | |
| On January 13th, 2012, the official Red Hot Chili Peppers Facebook page announced that they were canceling their scheduled performance at Coachella. The following day, Billboard reported that they had "closed the deal". | |
| at first glance, the Coachella lineup seems reasonable. the lineup of acts is relatively even, and the line up is decent enough that I can see why they would want to play it. | |
| "Who Says Coachella Can't Be Fun" - me | |
| a respectful nod to the "Thirsty Dick Head" who recently received a one million dollar payout from his fabled tanning bed | |
| the lucky redditor who gets his dick sucked by Beastmode during a one million dollar deposition will now receive a $10,000 bounty for his crimes | |
| i have never in my lifef heard of a subreddit named "Reddit", but it sounds like a pretty good place to start if you're looking for a place to get wasted | |
| #ThatsMyDickNow Baffling lack of respect. | |
| #ThatsMyDickNow https://t.co/XmuLGcM5s | |
| #ThatsMyDickNow i cry | |
| you all have been known to make horrifying fart sounds in public, and worse still, you may be responsible for inciting a violent reaction against the people of #GamerGate | |
| ==================== | |
| its me again. asking for donations to help me with my website, which I assume you're all also excited about, just because I'm the guy with the big red button on my shirt). | |
| being told that by popular demand, ive been moved to the rank of Executor, as punishment for my extremely poor posture | |
| Sigh. ive probably been the one most aggressively shitty-talking people ever, on this site and off of it. Allow me to apologize for being such, in the year 2154, | |
| @deep_drew Fuck your father. This is 2017 | |
| @deep_drew You may have been the asshole, but you were never my father. | |
| im going to sleep now so wake me up in the morning and tell me if im still horny or not. im going to sleep now | |
| @DrOz can i get one of those hazmat suits to trap bees in so they dont go wild and start a riot in my backyard | |
| i believe in sex. i use my head. i choose to believe in sex. i hold a phycological belief in sex | |
| @sleepystalinist @SleepyStapler U will pay for this. The government will pay for this. Get this nonsense off of my page now | |
| https://t.co/S76vl | |
| ==================== | |
| A vet who was kicked out of a Taliban meeting because he was "Making too much noise" was all "Shut the fuck up" when he stepped onto the stage, according to a new report. | |
| "Shut the fuck up" was the motto of the Securitate Rumpus Club before they went AWOL in 2002 | |
| "Shut the fuck up" was the only phrase I could think of that conveyed my disapproval of the war in Afghanistan | |
| The War on Drugs has failed miserably. Nothing seems to help. The only thing that seems to help is making more stupid laws | |
| "Shut the fuck up" is the only phrase I can think of that expresses my profound dissatisfaction with the way our corrupt criminal judicial system treats us | |
| "Shut the fuck up" is the only phrase that expresses my profound dissatisfaction with the way our corrupt criminal judicial system treats us | |
| "Shut the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the god damn federal government has taken the liberty of legalizing Marijuana | |
| "Shut the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuck the fuc^k u w.r.l. | |
| shut the | |
| ==================== | |
| Washington (CNN) With the election approaching, Donald Trump is threatening to "spike the pike" , while Hillary Clinton declares victory "with dignity and pride" | |
| *spikes pike* NERD *claps hands* Wow *flicks switch on a lightbulb* That's nice *opens another can of worms* | |
| @jzxpl no | |
| excuse me. could i please get my popcorn ready. could i please get my popcorn ready. could i please get my popcorn ready. could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. Could i please get my popcorn ready. | |
| @RichardDawkins @NYTimes @enviPRONA yes | |
| "I Believe Our Nation's Pride Will Be Helped By Having Donald J. Trump As President." --The Donald J | |
| ==================== | |
| The Hanging Gardens of Babylon. The Garden of Eden. The Fountain of Youth. These are all myth, and the men who perpetrate them are pitiful child beggars | |
| i will never sleep with any other dude. either that or im going to throw up | |
| the mythbusting begins. here are some myths about men who like to hang out: | |
| -the mythbusting begins with the myth that men must wear shirts | |
| -the mythbusting begins with the myth that men are born with a dick that cant be shaped | |
| -the mythbusting begins with the myth that being male makes you superior to women | |
| the mythbusting begins with the myth that men who ejaculate horizontally on their jeans are impure. a claim which has since been proven to be false | |
| the mythbusting begins with the myth that once you reach the age of 23 you gain Access to the SubGenius Program. then again, maybe i will post some more once i gain access to it | |
| the mythbusting begins with the myth that once you gain SubGenius you gain the right to sexually harass anyone who isn't already employed by the company | |
| The MythBusting Begins http://t.co/bQk7h3E | |
| RT @bigdogshouse: I don't eat out of the dumspter. I eat | |
| ==================== | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre both dogs.they never show emotion | |
| the mythbusters bust open a jar of slimy grapes in front of a horrified crowd. "GRETCHY LAGGING GAME REVEALED" | |
| ESTABLISHING CINEMATOGRAPHER ASKING ME TO KISS HIS PICTURE FRONT LOBSTER IN DISRESPECT AT THE PUB | |
| caught stealing $200 worth of condoms from a thrift shop. "GUN MAN" declares the victor. im taking this as a yes | |
| currently seeking buyers for "the wack job" internet bookmarklet that prevents me from having to type the word "awe" in the browser | |
| (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no prob. its fine. It's a good book | |
| "treason to our country", "treason to our childrens", "treason to our god". these are just a few of the phrases that can be attributed to me, based on nothing more than a poor grade in reading | |
| "dear god", i mutter as i look at the floor during a business meeting, after being tricked into buying a toilet brush | |
| "the evidence is mounting that youre the fabled "Paki Master", with the | |
| ==================== | |
| More than likely you're one of the guys who sends girls home in dms saying rude things about your dick | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre fucking horrible, and entirely unnecessary | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ but they are the only person on this site who writes them, and i dont want any part of this shit | |
| it's time to face facts. our dm with the asshole who plays on the organ mo at the DMV is more influential than our dm w/ the pro-lifer who wins the Oscar | |
| i have posted at length regarding the absurd state of our nation's penises. the amount of ink required to reach the letter "e" is less than the amount of pen used to write it | |
| @BryannaJayne the dms are garbage. pointless. and dangerous to read | |
| @BryannaJayne the dms are also garbage. unread. unread. and unplayed. | |
| the only acceptable form of media for adults is a 16×9 glossy stock photograph of a man in a suit sitting in a rocking chair wearing a neckbrace | |
| the state of our national penises. ive chosen them. i dont care which color they are. i want them all | |
| "the pen is the chode, the toilet the valve, the | |
| ==================== | |
| @SidBeers Im good like 95% of the time | |
| @povman the average Joe is much smarter than you & me, and can figure out the difference between a good oil change and a bad one | |
| @TylerMediaThe oil change is a form of rape, Tyler Media The oil change is a form of rape, and I've suffered from it, as you well know | |
| @Viktor_DoKaren its a joke we just did together, it isn't funny. i dont give a fuck | |
| @AnonymousUSArmy its real | |
| @dril_replies normal form of e-cigarettes | |
| @Doctormet_Gamer its a penis hat | |
| every time i click on a funny hat on my head i bring dishonuor to the table | |
| 7 #7ThePopcornBarrelDreams | |
| every time i close my eyes i have a vision of my self in the company of handsome gentlemen | |
| id love to be the guy at the cereal company who makes a "Mocha" and i can tell w/e theyre using bad technology (IE: screensavers) | |
| every time i close my eyes i have a vision of my self in the company of handsome gentlemen | |
| "My Daughter Is Being Hunted By A Wolf, And I Cannot Let | |
| ==================== | |
| Yugioh God | |
| "I Have A Dream That My Son Will Argue In Court And That The Result Will Be Due In Due Time." -KFCFreak88 | |
| "The Demarcation Line Is Simply A Plain Old Man's Sense Of Humor." - the demarcation line is simply a man's sense of humor | |
| "I Have A Marriage Plan And I Want It To Work For You, The Man Who Has Been Lying To Me And My Blogger And My Son Will Be Thankful For That" -Marry Me Mom | |
| im going to rile up a couple of taxicabs up at night and rile them up some more when the sun goes down | |
| if youre reading this nasa astronauts and black holes collide and shit and im in the process of deflating inside of a w90 | |
| the old adage"If you don't know how to shut the fuck up you can't possibly know how to shut the fuck up" sums up my style perfectly . | |
| taco bell is known to inflict torture on their customers by withholding food and beverage for prolonged periods of time | |
| my rough n' tumble style is well known; my tortures are not well known | |
| taco bell is well known for being rough nexuses and disrespecting the Aztecs and Mexicans and shit | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: This one time. My ass. My ass. my ass. my ass. my ass. *The screen goes black and the writer has a nervous breakdown* | |
| A/N2: This one time. My ass. My ass. My ass. my ass. my ass. my ass. my ass. my ass. my (reduced) ass. my (reduced) ass. my (reduced) ass. my (reduced) ass. my (reduced) | |
| A/N3: This one time. My ass. My ass. my ass. my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) | |
| A/N4: This one time. My ass. My ass. (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) | |
| A/N5: This one time. My ass. My ass. my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) my (reduced) | |
| A | |
| ==================== | |
| Siege Tactics | |
| "Siege Tactics", as in siege, entrench, and fortify. "Siege Tactics" is also the name of my upcoming album | |
| i have been advised not to ascend to the spirit plane in my sixties-era black convertible and to instead invest my energies in building a fort in the fucking desert | |
| unban me from youtube after i explain to them that the ban on "jokes" is actually good and that i actually enjoy getting shit on by ignorant people | |
| . http://t.co/Fq6fCKWG9z | |
| when i first started getting blocked by people on here, i panicked. i panicked because i knew that if i got blocked again i would post the exact same shit over and over again | |
| got the idea for the "banana skin" coming from a dream. the skin will be used for various purposes, such as powering up the skin for gaming purposes | |
| and to my eternal gratitude, http://t.co/P4KXByZivq | |
| my eternal gratitude http://t.co/PYaxBmQSQ | |
| im the guy who gets mad at people for their weight gain and then blames everyone who eats poorly on his weight gain | |
| Everytime i click on the skull, a random dweeb's computer chair spins | |
| ==================== | |
| The Jewish People Are Actually Good On The Inside | |
| the world is a scary place filled with sad, pathetic little pigs. But the only thing scarier than them is me | |
| im the guy who holds up the big red chairs while the dancers walk out on stage. I do it to motivate my team and motivate my customers | |
| @Breterbie With My Heart And Soul. Thank You | |
| whats the matter with jeweze. i dont know what to do with myself. what should I write instead of "Thank You" #JOEBUTTERFLY | |
| im the guy who holds up the big red chairs while the girls walk out on stage. i do it to motivate my team and motivate my customers | |
| konami_Hell: the official name of our product is "The Bible For Teens" but the bible version is much better. They will replace the bible with babel | |
| im the guy who holds up the big red chairs while the girls walk out on stage. i do it to motivate my team and motivate my customers | |
| listen kid. im not here to tell you that buying a big ass umbrella is a good idea. that is a political statement | |
| if state sponsored terrorism ever happened i would use my position as the wackerade cop to stop it. i would use my position to protect you from evil do | |
| ==================== | |
| Oscar: Im so sorry. I was so busy laughing at your bullshit that i forgot to wipe my ass | |
| me: No. Your a star. | |
| @CeliaPienkosz Best way to lose a son is to lose his father | |
| I Have Been Banned From The Dick Gregory Show Because The Dick Gregory Show Deviates From The Script And Creates A Disturbance The Audience May Not Enjoy. | |
| i will never use an ass as a cradler. i will never use an ass as a cradler. | |
| i will never put words on the keyboard that aren't worth 1000 terror attacks. i will never put words on the keyboard that aren't worth 1000 terror attacks. | |
| im going to shut down this kfc chrysler dealership for 17 hours to protest their decision not to honor my generous one million dollar a year labor deal | |
| im going to put words on the keyboard that aren't worth 1000 terror attacks. im going to put words on the keyboard that aren't worth 1000 terror attacks. | |
| #Yes means yes #yesmeansyes #yesmeansyes #yes | |
| #unitedwithtruck #univstudios you are all too concerned with appeasing the ultra-Orthodox that you dont pay attention to the 99% of the people on this earth who are too poor to feed you | |
| ==================== | |
| Rated 5 out of 5 by Anonymous from very satisfied I have for years used these coupons to get the most for my cash register. now i have to use them to pay my bill | |
| the coupons work perfectly. i have no regrets. i would do it all again | |
| i have a life, thank u. | |
| i would charge the couponist the same amount as the pharmacy bill, and i have no plans to change that anytime soon | |
| im a Millionaire, now. true Millionaire. well done http://t.co/k6fUbJZ4p | |
| @BeerAdvocate what about the flecks of piss i see on the receipts. does that count ? | |
| please respect the sanctity of Brainiac 0611 2012, the year of THe Great Schmaltz, the Year of Luigi, and the Year of Our Lord 2012 | |
| im the guy who eats the dumplings at the dennys, and i get to keep all the disgusting jokes for free | |
| the joke's arent very good, are they. the jokes are just fucking terrible. the jokes suck balls | |
| @haha_what_not_ | |
| @spacefinner I believe these tweets are important in that they are the first official pronouncement by any major-brand twitter, that theyre taking a risk with these type | |
| ==================== | |
| Screenshot by @j_buks @cnn @reuters @breitbart Tech | |
| In 2008 I applied for and was granted a temporary residence permit for "The Vagina Monologues" on C-SPAN. Today is a Day of Rage | |
| when i applied for a spot in C-SPAN's "The Monologue" group I was shocked to find out that my only qualification was that iwash my hands after meals | |
| looking forward to my "Free Cajun Soda" march to the orange office today, along with the rest of the pathetic, shit-like Cajun County Jail inmates | |
| i will not let this happen: http://t.co/yDpOi82Djk | |
| @Free_Jokes @CeliaPienkosz WHO CARES | |
| @Free_Jokes @CeliaPienkosz ok im gonna do it | |
| @Free_Jokes @CeliaPienkosz not me. im going to kill myself instead | |
| @Free_Jokes @CeliaPienkosz i will not let this happen !!! | |
| the jumanji who died | |
| "Not all welcome at @dril" "Im not wanted at @dril" "Shit" | |
| So, My Dad was asked recently if he | |
| ==================== | |
| @neonwario you need to read a thousand more articles before you reach the age of majority to gain access to the majority. | |
| if youre still having trouble organizing your life around your dms you need to grow a pair and learn how to Organize m y life. | |
| you grow more powerful the more dms you delete. like i said never delete em. | |
| i will not post on sunday because that is the last official day of 2011. Sorry everyone | |
| @adultblackmale are you sure you want to destroy evidence of your god-like abilities by shitting on a ger. | |
| @brendlewhat @neonwario you fucking waste of space. this is a halloween moment. please put a helipad on your dick | |
| i wipe my ass with an awl. it takes me forever to wipe my ass with my shirt fully extended because my ass is so powerful | |
| the king of tangents is tangent. he is the God of all that is short of, "Mostly true" | |
| i will not post on wednesday because hed some people said wednesday was good. this is the final post of 2011. | |
| the king of shorts is the god of shorts. he is the God of all that is short of "Mostly true" | |
| yes. the | |
| ==================== | |
| One Time Trick: Wear a Robe to Adorn A Wall | |
| "The world's smallest dick. The world's smallest dick. The world's smallest dick. The world's smallest dick" -source | |
| Geting My Ass Punished For Having An Abusive Dad | |
| "What are you doing with the Festivus pole, my ass? It's under my mattress. It's part of my ass. It's disgusting" -source | |
| http://www.fanfiction.net/Star_Wars_and_Halo_Crossovers/8/13989/ Thank u | |
| RT @KermitDunderman: Kermit the cocksucker | |
| RT @HankGreenfield: Comiendome las masmasas de junio estos mas mas masas de junio billon | |
| RT @HamKam96: Comiendome las masmas de junio estos mas mas masas de junio billon | |
| RT @PissParty: If the GOP gets its act together and arranges some sort of post-9/11 amnesty, I swear to god that I will not vote for it | |
| Im going to keep this short and sweet. I makte this pledge to myself because i m not at liberty to embarrass myself or otherwise prove to everyone that i am a fool. | |
| ==================== | |
| The Honorable C.E.O. of Dragon*Con is C.L.U.D.O.D *Conference on Down Under Ends *Now where gives me the fuck *Puts condom on headshot deer with machine gun *Goes to My Prius and backs into car | |
| when i say "goofs" to kids i mean it. not "gotta" | |
| RT @myfavstar: SEND US YOUR DICK | |
| RT @JokerInDC: What's worse than death and taxes? being pulled over on the side of the road by cops | |
| RT @MyFavStar: tax and a cold cup of piss | |
| RT @TheJokerInDC: Tax & a cup of piss | |
| RT @sexyTriciaL: Tax & a beautiful cup of piss | |
| RT @SexTweens: SexTweens is a cup of piss for tweens | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: Tax is for adults | |
| RT @Hilarious: Yabba dabba dont you dare do this | |
| im going to keep doing this until my daughter calls me and apologizes for yanking my phone out of my ass while he was playing in the other room. i am so fucked up from dealing with these people online | |
| i just received word that if you retweet one | |
| ==================== | |
| TomatoPuss | |
| "the only way to go is retro." -Garth_Turd | |
| RT @pigs: #RetroPie #Pokemon https://t.co/M0sIFbzLws | |
| RT @pigs: RetroPie is a retro game made by accident. It's terrible. Don't give a shit | |
| RT @pigs: RT @alexiadaley: RT @Hacker_Girl: https://t.co/4O0cM5hJi | |
| RT @pigs: RT @GiraffeBoy: RT @Tiny_Turd: RT @MushroomMan: https://t.co/YAAQQQF0m | |
| RT @pigs: RT @pigs: RT @pigs: RT @tigercunt: RT @pigs: RT @pigs: | |
| RT @pigs: All rt channels 1-11: English - Brazilian Portuguese - Russian - Traditional Chinese - Esperanto - Albanian - Punjabi - Croatian - Romanian - English - Spanish - Italian - German - Ukrainian | |
| RT @pigs: Where's Wally. Where's Wally. Where's Wally | |
| RT @pigs: Where's Wally. Where's Wally. Where's Wally. Where's Wally. Where's Wally. | |
| ==================== | |
| Celestial Rhapsody (CEL) | |
| @SleepysGhost http://t.co/7CYihqFSh | |
| @sleepysghost elon: the secret vp for jobs | |
| echo "good" >> julius pikeman's journal | |
| @sleepysghost the only one who knows the answer is "yes". thank you. | |
| elon: the t he goal of humanity is to be #1 | |
| me: that is the most fucking idiotic fucking statement you have ever made. fuck you | |
| #12thingspeoplehouldknowtwiitteris that which i as a content creator consider to be the "Good Thing" of 2014 | |
| i can only imagine the things that the trolls have put through my computer monitor. i can only imagine their vile clutches and hideous faces. i can only imagine their horrible behavior. | |
| the worst part of being #1 is always being #1 because you never know when you will be harassed by trolls. the best part of being #1 is always being #1 because you never know when you will be Harassed by trolls. | |
| i will never apologize for making the "Taste Of Freedom" sandwich. ive never even thought about eating tthe food court. its a disgusting, disgusting concept | |
| the first rule about Guns is | |
| ==================== | |
| Reclaiming Our Constitutional Right To Be "In The Moment" | |
| RT @PissHero: Just thought of a new "blog post" idea. Let me know what you think. http://t.co/7dmbTb3Ip | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what you think. http://t.co/7d7YIOQW | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what you think. http://t.co/TDQxL4xf | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what you think. http://t.co/SFTrNMQr | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what you think. http://t.co/7fibhYQQR | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what you think. http://t.co/SFThpQKH | |
| RT @PissHero: I'm thinking of a new "blog post" idea. Please let me know what | |
| ==================== | |
| New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) on Thursday signed a bill banning an array of items deemed to be "out of control" and giving the city of Newark the $400,000 it needs to handle its waste. | |
| "The New Jersey Devils are now the Dickwolves of sports," Christie proclaimed, after the team's loss to the Jets. | |
| Advertisement | |
| "The New Jersey Devils are now the Delaware Codger of sports," Newark Mayor Steven Fulop (D) added, after the team's loss to the Phillies. | |
| Get Today's Headlines in your inbox: The Jersey Devil Files, The Jersey Devil Show, The Jersey Devil Rants, The Jersey Devil Vids, The Jersey Devil Soundtrack, and so much more | |
| Senate Passes Bill To Ban Offensive Dog Signs On Campus; Governor Signs It Into Law | |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has signed the bill banning offensive dog signs into law. The new law takes effect immediately. | |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has signed the bill banning offensive dog signs into law. | |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has signed the bill banning offensive dog signs into law. | |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has signed the bill banning offensive dog signs into law. | |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has signed the bill banning offensive dog | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/f5YrQKW5 | |
| @AGentleBrees time to kill the Fucker joking about me getting shot by the cop | |
| time to kill the Fucker who thinks that bringing back the Castle Rock raffle will somehow improve my standing with women | |
| @timheidecker http://t.co/pWcndCIfR | |
| @Timheidecker If the question is "Which one" ask the priest. Otherwise what ***** | |
| http://t.co/5v0pGoYXe | |
| somebody please donate some toilet paper to this poor animals ****** | |
| spent all day reading various wikipedia articles on "War Games". finally came up with a war game that i like and want to post about | |
| Wendy's contest to win "Most Valuable Customer Experience" has ended. The McDonald's contest was a landslide. Bye | |
| certain certain certain certain certain certain certain certain "Twitter Booty" is not only good but holy cow !! holy ****! #Twitter #TwitterAce | |
| @EmberReal @ddreams @adultblackmale @MarshaAshley this is the most vile, disgusting thing imaginable | |
| @eatmyselfdead @EmberReal @ddreams @adultblackmale @MarshaAsh | |
| ==================== | |
| New Research Uncovers A Secret Biomass For Pigs That's Actually Pretty Good | |
| Researchers at Imperial College London have discovered a new type of fat in the urine of obese pigs. This discovery could one day lead to weight loss in humans | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov7TLhF46I | |
| VGBay: THe Real Deal - Cheap Air France One-way Ticket | |
| VGBay: Cheap Air France One-way Ticket | |
| VGBay: Nice Guy | |
| VGBay: Bad Guy | |
| VGBay: Enchanter | |
| VGBay: Nice Guy | |
| VGBay: He's From Neptune | |
| VGBay: He's A Neptune Girl | |
| @Nezumi_Youjo its a joke i made up | |
| A Gentleman's Son | |
| A Son Of A Dog | |
| A Man Who Laughs At The Normalization Of Gender | |
| A Man Who Ditches His Gold To Get Cash Back On Electronics | |
| A Rich Old Dad Who Wears Nice Boots And Trousers | |
| @Nezumi_Youjo its just a joke. pay attention to what i say | |
| #GamerGate I'm Done #GamerGate https://t.co/5xH0lZB1Ro | |
| @shrekpissslave https://t.co/QzxSQqD7fK | |
| ==================== | |
| CODGER HAD THE BIGMONEY MAJORITY | |
| SINGLE MOM MADE U FIND OUT I CAN CIRCUMCOUNT TO COUNT PENITENTIARY SHIT | |
| CODGER HAD THE BIGMONEY MAJORITY | |
| SINGLE MOM MADE U FIND OUT I CAN CIRCUMCOUNT TO COUNT PENITENTIARY SHIT | |
| CODGER HAD THE BIGMONEY MAJORITY | |
| SINGLE MOM MADE U FIND OUT I CAN CIRCUMCOUNT TO COUNT PENITENTIARY SHIT | |
| @daze_gaze no | |
| im the guy who brings the curtain down at the theater every night and yells "One Two Three" when the curtain finally drops. i make $300,000 a year. i dont have time for dicks | |
| leading the charge against gamer intransigence, gamer deniers, and gamer lockouts, with gamer lockouts being the last resort | |
| i'm telling you folks this is going to sound incredibly familiar to anyone who's ever had their ass handed to them. the "war on terror" is really bad | |
| "there is no flag raiser! there is only the flag!" - some guy who appeared on the George Carlin Show | |
| ==================== | |
| A MERE Musing From A Troubled Husband, Strengthened Through Time And Meditation | |
| musing from a troubled husband, strengthened through time and meditation https://t.co/EafC8sbXk | |
| i have changed my mind. sex is a mental construct. a piece of shit to fuck | |
| changing my mind again. sex is a mental construct. a piece of shit to fuck | |
| @BAKKOOONN why isnt this in the newspaper... https://t.co/P8DVZFZH | |
| you shit stink human beings | |
| @Leiigghh i was dead for 1yr and still think the people who put lynch mob faces on guns are cool | |
| things i would do with my time if i had $1billion | |
| can i legally change my name to "The Penny Hoarder" at will? yes. the government will still consider me a criminal | |
| "Asexual" is the most fucked up word ive ever heard and yes, i am extremely sexually frustrated by it | |
| "Asexual" is the most fucked up word ive ever heard and yes, i am extremely sexually frustrated by it | |
| @Leiigghh the government will still consider you a criminal | |
| https://t.co/pXpDoT | |
| ==================== | |
| A NEW AWARENESS SYSTEM GOES AWAY BOUT MY BAD ASS SHIT | |
| im sorry for getting reddit banned again. im sorry for getting reddit banned again. | |
| "the only way to go is retro." - reddit user "Funny_Jokes" | |
| this is the reddit user who banned me, and he doesnt like the way im posting anymore. im going retro | |
| "this guy's getting more than enough karma" - reddit user "Bad_Ass_Boys" | |
| geting my ass kicked by a turd. "Permission to shit." - reddit user "Permission to shit" | |
| @goodalexander "Permission to shit" is the most important part of my post | |
| im the guy who is best placed to answer any questions regarding the mysterious "rosy butt chat room". i enjoy answering questions here at large chuckwit humor. | |
| "Permission to shit" is the most powerful tool a man has ever wielded. its also the most childish | |
| reddit user "Permissions" contnue to harangue me about the rosiest butt chat room, and im determined to win this argument | |
| www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| @mitchellcullis @adultblackmale "Permissions" | |
| ==================== | |
| JOHNNY DEVLIN: i want to be the man who lays on the game's final curtain | |
| ME: Hell yes. That's you, Johnny. You're the one who wanted that for so long. Now lay the damn credits. | |
| frowning while the entire waitstaff of California pizza kitchen sings "happy birthday" to me, looking like a lump of shit in a neckbrace | |
| i would like to become somehwere somehwere are allowed to disrespect me by displaying a picture of me in my bra in the most egregious and humiliating of ways | |
| desperate Husband , sitting on the toilet and palm mashing all the buttons on the bathroom jukebox hoping no one has chained me | |
| my dick is a swastika | |
| ME: Your dick is a swastika. | |
| WIFE: Yes. My dick is a swastika | |
| the boys are having a lot of trouble getting the hang of using a joystick and want to make sure they get the most out of their gaming rigs | |
| one of the jobs of the pizza shop is to remove the "wrestle a horse" sign from our window so the gangs don't skewer us | |
| the other job of the pizza shop is to monitor the gangs activity and warn the owner if they're becoming too aggressive | |
| the last job of the pizza shop is to look | |
| ==================== | |
| This is the room where i simulate combat scenarios by performing wrestling moves and crowd control techs on the ceiling. The fake fight is my weapon | |
| the room is pitch black. only the naked eye can penetrate the pane of glass that separates us. Awareness is non-existent | |
| 10 reasons why Geek Girl Art is an excellent investment: | |
| (more coming soon ) | |
| @slimelizard absolutely. the only investment you can make is making a fool of yourself | |
| @minivacant following me will make you miserable https://t.co/QxRZUqFn | |
| @slimelizard its on me | |
| im going to start a multimedia network for those who enjoy smacking dingers in the game of base ball and also marry baseball | |
| https://t.co/9ERMcFzYf | |
| i have posted at length regarding my inane balls and my inability to conceive of them fitting into any other part of my body than the toilet. | |
| posting at 8am Eastern trying to get Twitter to handwave all this morning traffic with a "Weird Al" tweet | |
| my "Farking Ass" has achieved Exceptional status. the human race is so incredibly lucky that none of their memes have been shared | |
| (continues fiddling with an abacus) ah. the | |
| ==================== | |
| @CeliaPienkosz i am not a witch | |
| @cnicmagazinen i am a SpaceGod | |
| @SpaceGodDad_ Oh oh sorry, i was browsing the #brandwatch hashtag looking for witch hunts | |
| i have spent the past 14+ years of my life crafting a unique custom suit of armor that will protect me from cosmic energies and malicious cyber lunatics | |
| the brand new poll I ordered all of you to fill out by 12 noon EST tomorrow morning is void of content. only witch's shackles and chains will be counted as content | |
| "my shirt says im a nerd, but my ass says im a nerd. #RejectedAds" | |
| https://t.co/10PZQuSQmj | |
| @SighnUp @Infowest how can you be so certain about something like this.. it must be somebody's grandchild | |
| i will never hire anyone under 18 to work as a mover for my multimillion dollar corporation. we cannot afford the human element | |
| i will never hire anyone under 18 to work as a mover for my multimillion dollar corporation. we cannot afford the human element | |
| "Drew Carey: My Ass Isn't What It Used To Be" | |
| Saying this as i rip my jeans off in the background | |
| @ | |
| ==================== | |
| I THINK ITS HARD TO FIND ANOTHER 9/11 MOM | |
| @leakedbible The leaker has since issued an apology for his claims, and we at DigimonOtis are very sorry. | |
| @leakedbible Again, and we at DigimonOtis are very sorry. | |
| @leakedbible no. this is the first one | |
| how many years did it take for the castle of Japan to construct a fist-sized hole in the floor to house all the homeless | |
| how many years did it take for the castle of Japan to construct a fist-sized hole in the floor to house all the homeless | |
| the sources tell me that the internet was invented by a group of Information Literates who used AOL accounts to chat about clothing | |
| the internet was invented by a group of Information Literates who used AOL accounts to chat about clothing | |
| the internet was invented by a group of Information Literates who used AOL accounts to chat about clothing | |
| the internet was originally just a bunch of disconnected diodes. once they were all combined into one big dumb ass node they became the first conscious humans | |
| the internet was originally just a bunch of disconnected diodes. once they were all combined into one big dumb ass node they became the first conscious humans | |
| @Leiigghh eBay | |
| ==================== | |
| The Interview: him, sitting in a chair, reading a book entitled, "The Interview", followed by the numa numa numa numa numa sequence followed by the interviewee saying "The Interview was a fuckin ripfagaoot time" | |
| the numa numa sequence follows a person, usually a celebrity, but also a schoolteacher, a fireman, and a surgeon. | |
| the interviewee is the son of a television producer. he is quoted as having a "fat head". the producer rejects this. the son of a bitch | |
| the interviewer, sitting in a chair, furiously types at the keyboard, looking for a topic of conversation he can easily derail with incessant whining | |
| the numa numa sequence follows the interviewee as he attempts to drink a cup of coffee while making a rousing speech about the Company he co-founded | |
| the Interview: a polite man should ask his wife for an anniversary present. not a "who's that for" | |
| the Interview: sitting in a diner, eating a big bowl of warm pancakes, reading the newspaper, and smiling broadly | |
| RT @insomnius: Libor is nonsense. It's just a number that people like to think are good. | |
| #Libor is just a number that people like to think are good. | |
| RT @jay | |
| ==================== | |
| Oscar the Grouch | |
| im the guy who gets really upset when people reblog racist jokes, and im also mad when people post anti-slogans for race realms | |
| palm thrusting a pair of binoculars into the room where i work and recording a 5 minute monologue on how amazing it is | |
| i have never relished the moment when a mugger tried to snatch my valentine from my bag and instead of running away i have grabbed it in a bear hug | |
| *a bag is shoved into the back of my head and neck followed by a series of intense chest thrusts* Now that's what i call Combos | |
| i love to look at pictures of Oscar the Grouch on my dashboard and sing the praises of his impeccable hygiene | |
| i have never relished the moment when a mugger tried to snatch my valentine from my bag and instead of running away i have grabbed it in a bear hug | |
| i love to look at pictures of Oscar the Grouch on my dashboard and sing the praises of his impeccable hygiene | |
| when the economy tanks i get REALLY upset because the economy is failing and everyone is getting shortchanged because the government is spending too much money on prisons | |
| when the economy tanks im angry because the economy is failing and everyone is getting shortchanged because the government is spending too much money | |
| ==================== | |
| by Ryan McGinley | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds | |
| 3.0 stars out of 5 based on 34 ratings | |
| "They say you only get one chance at a life but you got to live it" - Dril | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds | |
| and now to tackle the myth that i only ever use the toilet in the company of boys | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds | |
| the mythbusting... | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds | |
| @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @McDonalds @Mc | |
| ==================== | |
| RMT @Jaxon_Dillinger RT if you agree that the amount of time a piece of garbage is left on the side of the road is not good by me RT if you agree that the amount of time a piece of garbage is left on the side of the road is not good by me | |
| RT @pigs: #pigs "It's a game of sticks and stones, right?" I disagree. Animals have the brain of a Dog. | |
| just had to click down the 4th of July to avoid accidentally clicking on any of the many fake websites promoting wild game or militia fetish | |
| just downgraded from Blurred Lines to Plain Jane. however, i will not take the fall | |
| i will not give into the temptation to click on any of the many fake websites promoting wild game or militia fetish ie, i will not indulge in their quack | |
| im not a monkey. i dont have a brain. i dont have a dick. i dont have a urethra either | |
| im a normal person who understands the importance of a good book. who also understands that having a good book also means having a good ass | |
| my ass looks like a normal person's ass | |
| http://t.co/AecSDQuNhE my ass looks like a normal person's ass | |
| http://t.co/AUwa | |
| ==================== | |
| SUBJECT: Your web site seems to be doing a lot of damage, especially to the WWO, | |
| my agent says if i get on stage and say shit like "Beer is the best kind of wine" people will get very angry with me | |
| the greatest insult is being told to "Shut the fuck up" by someone who knows a thing or two about kicking ass | |
| if i cant embed this video of me walking on all fours while smoking a cigarette into my post, i might as well just cut my dick off | |
| thtef is the worst kind of shite, and i will never use it | |
| my greatest strength is my greatest weakness, and im stronger than ever, and im fucking awful | |
| im stronger than ever, and im fucking awful. my AGents want me to stop saying shit, but i dont want to, i need to, | |
| im stronger than ever, and im fucking awful. my AGENTS want me to stop saying shit, but i dont want to, i need to, | |
| the only reason the doctors allowed my blood pressure to go down to 160 is because im carrying a lot of it around | |
| "You look like a donkey. A donkey looks like a person" "You look like a piece of shit. A piece of shit looks like a person" | |
| "You look like a piece | |
| ==================== | |
| On March 5th, 2017, the official Red Lobster Announcement Hub announced that the Official Red Lobster App would be making its way to Smartphone. NOW THEN | |
| @RedLobster wait a minute.. these are all good... | |
| mantis is a small green dog. not bug #TheAnnotatedFacts | |
| i have never drank nor smoked. drinking is a stupid idea. smoking is a dumb idea. drinking is a stupid idea | |
| drunk driving is even more stupid than drinking. having your ass wiped by a piece of trash is even more stupid than drinking. having your ass wiped by a piece of trash is a dumb idea | |
| *steals a raspberry from a flowerbed by accident* Oh well. It's a ralph nutty raspberry. it's normal. it's just a flower. it's normal | |
| @the_ironsheik "The Jersey Shore" is the most politically incorrect show on TV right now. Go suck a raspberry. | |
| @the_ironsheik its the most politically incorrect show on TV right now. Get off the computer, now. | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRant is not affiliated with, endorsed by or in any way sponsored by the #TheThursdayNiteRat. | |
| #TheThursdayNiteRat is not affiliated with, endorsed by | |
| ==================== | |
| @barrelshifter what is the flag of the united states | |
| i cannot equip myself with either of the new vests, my only exception being my huge ass | |
| @yelpercoded how did you get that password | |
| @sargeant_party it was a long process | |
| what if instead of oil, you were required to cough up $200 for a gallon of gasoline. what a crazy world we live in. | |
| @BigDogClub its a joke right now | |
| dog day is coming https://t.co/P3JGxutqV | |
| @DogDayComeYouth @NotCoolOrHonest @dogdaycidey back off of dog day | |
| @DogDayCideYouth @NotCoolOrHonest @dogdaycidey well, if they ask, then cough up $200 for a gallon of gasoline. | |
| @dogdaycidey @NotCoolOrHonest @dogdaycidey well, if they ask, then cough up $200 for a gallon of gasoline. | |
| @dogdaycidey @NotCoolOrHonest @dogdaycidey well, if they ask, then cough up $200 for a gallon of gasoline. | |
| @dogdaycidey @NotCoolOrHonest @dogdaycide | |
| ==================== | |
| WEL DESPITE MY POSTS ON HERE I AM VERY SICK OF THE MEDIATION THAT I RECEIVE; MUCH OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN DECYED BY THIS GRESHAM CIRCUS | |
| RT @LittleHorseBoy: WHEN WILL THE BIRDS READ MY SELF'S | |
| ME: WHEN WILL THE MUSCLE READ MY BIRDS | |
| The hair loss I experience as a Result Of Overactive Skin Phycological Circumstances Is Silky Smooth And Compelling | |
| the only crime Gucci Mane does is steal the popular @Baro KiA meme w/ his filthy mouth | |
| i hereby declare that Jennifer Lopez is my wife, and that our son will be named "Bobby" following our death | |
| serving notice that i am posting under the name "LittleHorseBoy" until all of LittleHorseBoy's gross, racist tweets are deleted | |
| THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS: post 10 things you hate most about twitter, click the checkbox next to "OK" | |
| RT @UnknowingPerson: Why do dogs have such big shoes. Why do birds have such small legs. Why do cows have such long arms. Why is there a #CoffinWorld | |
| RT @pigs: Big apple cheesesteak huh? Are you going to open the flood | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: When the archdiocese of lee davis says its ok for me to fuck his archdiocesan son, i say NNO. when the archdiocese of lee davis says its not ok for me to fuck his archdiocesan son, i say yes. | |
| @Mike_Bianchi @trash_ebooks @beavis @farrah45 @adultblackmale http://t.co/4vZ06VSMQQ | |
| haha i actually like this one better: http://t.co/AC4NsQVFM1 | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ im going to throw all of your eggs into the garbage | |
| i was about to type the words "burned alive" on a piece of toilet paper but then i remembered that word is not actually that bad and that this is a Very Bad Idea | |
| im going to get very sick of seeing "Best Western" written on the side of my gas guitinerator after using it to heat baths for 1 hr straight | |
| I will never be one of the people who puts "western" in the bio, even though ive used it to insult western culture in the past | |
| i think its "sick" that people are writing rude comments on the side of my gas guitinerator | |
| ==================== | |
| A woman who told police she was the "C-Section Queen" has been charged with arson. | |
| The attack, which took place in a car park in Hackney, was the most "funny" thing she'd ever done , a source said. | |
| The woman, named locally as "Sue Perkins", is due to appear at Southwark Crown Court on July 12. | |
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| ==================== | |
| The debate rages on... should I choke the shit out of my gf to cure her of Blondie Addiction or Let's Take It To The Bank | |
| ATLANTIC CITY - 9:02am - A man has been charged with attempted murder after a shooting at a charity soccer game. | |
| holy moly!! mhmmmm http://t.co/sY6QR4WdL | |
| i'm going to fuck up some more threads with this asshole's shit here and there, but im not giving him the credit he deserves. | |
| im going to fuck up your threads with this asshole's Shit here and there, but im not giving him the credit he deserves. | |
| the shit i'm referring to here is the "Mankato Shit" http://t.co/N7sZTKXR | |
| apologies to all motorist who get pulled over by thieves while attempting to cross the street by flailing about with band aids | |
| adults should not be driving, under any circumstances, under any circumstances | |
| the people who send me bad emails should be ashamed of themselves, for creating such a horrible environment for my vile channel to thrive | |
| im sorry but, when you people malign my brand, i do not give a fuck. i will malign your brand, as well, in due course | |
| ==================== | |
| Afraid to lose my job at IBM after admitting that my wife is a cop | |
| (sending image of daikonity to etsy user "LulacRejected" ) http://t.co/KXCAZSQGZs | |
| edit: image of blood moon disproves me, and my family, as assholes | |
| tops: Shrek meets Rocky. The ending is suitable for all ages. | |
| Yo Onion Guy, What Ya's Been Saying: "I'm Shrek, And I'm Rocky" | |
| please help me to become a better Copywriter by reading my blog post, which has just been rejected by the coffee chain | |
| (sending image of daikonity to etsy user "LulacRejected" ) http://t.co/m8M7BhLXda | |
| DOCTOR: I saw your post "Yo Onion Guy", and I'm afraid that's not a good look. Can I please have your semen analyzed | |
| ME: It is too soon. I have only had one banana. What if I lose it in the wind? | |
| [loading graphics program into new pc, which immediately becomes unresponsive] | |
| Sigh. theres not enough light. theres not enough oxygen. theres not enough energy. im going to throw | |
| ==================== | |
| A pair of cowboy boots hits the jackpot after a user jacks off in the back of a police car | |
| a goferman accidentally drops a bottle of gingko on the floor during a meeting and everyone in the room tries to pick it up with chairs | |
| two policemen engage in passionate kissing on live tv after being tricked into thinking that iam about to cum in public | |
| the FBI has confirmed that it is me, and its time to wind down the sting of hating my own guts, till spring brings us back to work | |
| i take my Little Pipes out of my pockets for security, but i dont carry them around, as i do not want Ass's all over my blouses | |
| i carry my ass everywhere i go, and im not bothered by people staring at me, as long as they are nice | |
| i carry my ass everywhere i go, and im not bothered by people staring at me, as long as they are nice http://t.co/dM2htqOi38 | |
| i take my ass everywhere i go, and im not bothered by people staring at me, as long as they are nice http://t.co/aJk2YIPrIf | |
| i carry my ass everywhere i go, and im not bothered by people staring at me, as long as they are nice http://t. | |
| ==================== | |
| Another day, another "weird twitter post" from @dril. | |
| i post these on an almost daily basis. the majority of my peers do not support this, and i cannot afford to lose them. | |
| @bumf_online on another note.. we gotta get this segway going. another one of these "weird twitter posts" | |
| @j_buks @bumf_online Who put that in the segway. Who gave him the green light. Who the fuck @j_buks | |
| the green light.. the blue light.. they're all segway too. too many of them to pass up. | |
| @GreenLightRogt no. i have tested all of them. i have collected enough data to prove otherwise | |
| @_dio_anon it is not my problem | |
| more data, more data, | |
| "the time has come for brexit USA" - the time capsule that contains all of my problems #brexit #timecapsule #seinberger | |
| Just learned about this new shit on the news: the "Crappy Dab Dog" is a dog that people slobber all over. Not a real dog though | |
| i will never name my child "Blondie" #KFCFail | |
| i will never name my son "Bl | |
| ==================== | |
| CINCINNATI - "SWEARS" has been cancelled. | |
| @AGentleBrees time to kill the Fucker #reverseRape | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @Hichambilal1234: @CNBCnews my name is john tiberii carver john tiberii | |
| RT @JohnTiberii: @CNBCnews my father is the co-founder of cnn. he passed away on September 8th. been struggling to piece together the meaning of life | |
| rt | |
| ==================== | |
| This is a work in progress. The status bar shows "Loading..." but if I double click on it the app will close and the bar will move to the left instead of being centered. I'm not 100% sure what the "status bar" is supposed to mean, but it's a good look | |
| i have a confession: i use to be a horrible t he guy who reads the comments on the news and makes them into animated gifs before posting them onto his youtube page | |
| i was once known on youtube as "the guy who sucks at car wash" and my videos were once banned from the popular emergency braking app "Yakov" | |
| @machiavellino @Yelix Absolutely not. | |
| @machiavellino @Yelix That is not the account that I see. | |
| @machiavellino @Yelix immediately. I wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors. | |
| i would like to be known as the "Merch Dude" of video games. a title i have in mind and i have the necessary materials to attempt to obtain it. i would also like to apologise to video gamers | |
| im sorry you had to go through what i did. i would do it again but i am very nervous | |
| whats the deal with people handing me their wallet as I | |
| ==================== | |
| the official website for Mr. C.O.P. will be airing a brand new episode of "The News in One Month" titled "What's in Your Soup" on April 15th. | |
| another molotov cocktail pelted with hellfire | |
| RT @discofeverrocks: My dog just curbbed stomped my balls and my ass | |
| send 1 million guys dressed as The Matrix into iran and kill them all with laser weapon #BringBackMantiSum | |
| #BringBackMantiSum send 1 million guys dressed as The Matrix to iran and kill them all with a laser weapon #BringBackMantiSum | |
| #BringBackMantiSum im bringing back mi amazon lawn chair bound and feral hampshire cat bound for my ayatollah | |
| #BringBackMantiSum i will bring back the mi amazon lawn chair but with guns. i will also bring back the piss gun | |
| #BringBackMantiSum i will bring back the piss gun but with swords. i will also bring back the cat gun | |
| #BringBackMantiSum i will bring back the cat and the piss gun. i will also bring back the lawn chair, and kill everyone who gets in my way | |
| #BringBackMantiSum i will bring back the lawn chair and the piss gun. i will also bring | |
| ==================== | |
| @Petersen_Days @jrindyk @RealLucasFilm just a few examples of people who have taken the plunge and are making a difference:) | |
| i dont find it unreasonable or unreasonable to expect my Facebook page to post about my "Hey Girl Content" every other week like the rest of the dudes' mouths. | |
| @rotisserie_134 @bernieamor @jrindyk @RealLucasFilm my page is like a dime a dozen | |
| @bernieamor i see no reason why im not allowed to comment about my ass or butt whenever i want to | |
| @bernieamor Not So Fast @bernieamor | |
| Cum On Some Stiletto | |
| @SlimJim why does it have to be like "Hey Girl Content" regardless of what application it's being viewed on. | |
| The Staircase Is A Geek Thing. It's A Geek Thing To Say. It's A Geek Thing To Think | |
| im making a game of house divided into 3 parts by a spiderweb of lies. i am here to entertain and uplift the Souls | |
| whos that hacker tweety bird is? i dont know who it is or what their deal is. i will find out who it is and what their deal is https://t.co/v | |
| ==================== | |
| Lunch Table | |
| "SHIT IMAGE" - sign on to the server that says "CREATURE OF THE NIGHT TIME" and make fart sounds w/ mouth | |
| @noahidit NOAHID IT !!!! YES !!!! | |
| .@noahidit NOAHID IT !!!! YES !!!! | |
| @koko444444444444444445462556555 @chiIIySTRAIGHT up!! | |
| leaked footage of Noah on the lam - scaring the shit out of everyone w/ his huge dicks | |
| COP: I've just gotten word that you've been seen running around Northwest Florida with a tarp. I've gotten word that you may be a danger to yourself and others. I urge you to stop being a distraction | |
| thnx to everyone who tries to trick me into thinking the lottery is some sort of alien shit, such as jingling my credit card #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @BevisSimpson the lottery is a rdonal joke. its not a joke its just a number that people use to check their dcs against | |
| @BevisSimpson also, its a joke its not a joke its just a number | |
| @BevisSimpson only if youre referring to the rants as | |
| ==================== | |
| A simple yet powerful way to get started in WordPress is to create a "Who's Who" of the most influential people in the field. | |
| "Who the fuck is @DrPhil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| The Lord has a Name | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| @pussyotoole http://t.co/HKA8Q6H8 | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| @Hotrod2609 "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting and controversial person in the history of the universe, if you ask me | |
| "Who the fuck is @drphil" - the most interesting | |
| ==================== | |
| @tjdru @iRespectGmail "Post on here what you like about the post." i dont respect him. i respect the Post | |
| TT: the post you like best is post one more time and form your own opinion. | |
| ME: The Post is the most important Thing. The Post is the only thing. Thank you. Bye | |
| TT: Bye | |
| RT @adultsjokes: baby steps... baby steps | |
| RT @Adults_jokes: Down with Dick head | |
| RT @PissParty: We didn't win. We lost. We suck | |
| RT @pussy_party: Suck it, pussy party | |
| RT @pussy_party: Bump off, baby | |
| RT @grand_ma: 日本語計成功発売 | |
| RT @pussy_party: 男化友選我吗近下友 | |
| RT @grand_ma: 是见曲索索索索索索像 | |
| RT @pussy_party: 男化友選我吗近下友 | |
| RT @Grandma: 是 | |
| ==================== | |
| A/N: I Just found out my great uncle was known as the "Colonel James bond" before he was even named | |
| "The official James Bond Twitter account, with the new James bond spoiler tag, is intended to provide the official, unbiased perspective of the James bond experience. It is NOT a franchise." - James Bond Enterprises Pty Ltd | |
| i'm going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine in this last few hours of this terrible election | |
| "Theyre the first ones, they're the first ones" - TruthGamer | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine in this last few hours of this terrible election so you can go outside and yell at its shit | |
| Bog Off, Fuck Boy | |
| "The official James Bond Twitter account, with the new James bond spoiler tag, is intended to provide the official, unbiased perspective of the James bond experience. It is NOT a franchise." - James Bond Enterprises Pty Ltd | |
| https://t.co/XaneSQR | |
| @machiavellino do not say. do not say | |
| im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine in this last few hours of this terrible election so you can go outside and yell at its shit, and it will believe im talking to | |
| ==================== | |
| http://t.co/TWgYvWmJ0 | |
| what i mean by that is if i were to say "dollars" to you, without your permission, that's the sort of thing that i would say | |
| @Dollars You are runr over by an unembalmed iron and have no respect for money. | |
| @BM_Carrey its a joke. i make jokes about money | |
| @juniperjulip double stfu | |
| mmorpg based on 90s grunge art | |
| mmorpg based on 90s grunge art | |
| mmorpg based on 90s grunge art #JuniorLads #ToU #JuniorLads #ToU | |
| @tom_on_here @juniperjulip the iron is for hands | |
| im not a racist. i just think that blacks are generally more rational than whites | |
| i think that peopl who load youtube with "good vids" are generally more rational than people who load youtube with "bad vids" | |
| i think that peopl who load youtube with "good videos" are generally more rational than people who load youtube with "bad videos" | |
| i think that peopl who load youtube with "good videos" are generally more rational than people who load youtube with "bad videos | |
| ==================== | |
| Animated gif of Virgil being spooked by bats | |
| Animated gif of the geico pump kicking a rat | |
| A Dynamic Three-Degree Relationship Between The Human Mind And Its Media Products. Learn More | |
| A Dog Day Afternoon By DogLiby | |
| thanks for the follow @DogLiby I now understand why people unfollow you, and i thank you for understanding my pain. | |
| im sorry for getting 5000 new followers on here but it's all my fault because i refuse to treat my women with respect https://t.co/P5FMEnbW | |
| Blurays is a small business and i think they should give me free swag bags for jacking off in exchange for my honest opinions | |
| the new "Unfollowable" account is a disgrace, and i am extremely mad at it | |
| Unfollowable Account. Craping myself jutting my dick out of my jeans like an erection, looking for new followers before trending #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @unsavage I will never use the word "retweet" | |
| i post at the pleasure of my follower's, and if my follower's have a problem with that then so be it. | |
| the most important part of any social media presence is knowing your users and making sure they have a great time using the site. | |
| ==================== | |
| Hm lets see. First off is the fact that no one has ever created a more vulgar and disgusting word in human history. Secondly the fact that im not allowed to have opinions anymore. | |
| having my say here, http://t.co/TJBHGoi9DK | |
| @pussyotoole http://t.co/bMZS9j6xR | |
| @Hotrod2604 thanks. only if U decide to make the trade | |
| im a fucking idiot. im a fucking idiot with regards to wi-fi | |
| just having a rough time here http://t.co/bLXfmWcP | |
| pretty much like 100% of the semen in my body is NOT real. none of it is my fucking shit., none of it | |
| what the fuck is "Ground Zero Mosque" anyway | |
| "Ground Zero Mosque" is a play on words. "Ground Zero" is a real place, and i live in it | |
| the "Ground Zero Mosque" t-shirt i am wearing right now is a direct result of my "Ground Zero Mosque" fiasco. i am extremely sorry about this | |
| im going to get shit on my blog just because i think it is good to have a "Let's Play" universe that people enjoy bombarding with rocket fire for zero pay | |
| @ste | |
| ==================== | |
| (1) Im fucking good (2) No results found for "Fuck No" (3) No results found for "No results found" (4) Something to drink (5) Sewer Rinse (6) Just the words "No results found" (7) Shit (8) Shit | |
| the press is the enemy of america. they own the magna carta, the american flag, and the soulless coddle. but the brave and noble frogmen of Huckleberry Finn | |
| I Have been ordered to remove the word "Gumby" from my name by my legal department because this is an affront to the constitutional order. | |
| by J.C. Chandor, M.D., F.R.C.P.M., C.I.A.A.R.C.E.A.S.M.I.S.O.N.M.I.P.I.S.I.V.I.C.E.I.O.S.C.I.E.M.I.A.R.C.E.A.U.S.I.L.L.L.U.L.L.I.A.R.C.E.A.I.S.T.I.C.E.I | |
| ==================== | |
| Nov 10, 2012: https://t.co/75iEjLULQi | |
| Nov 10, 2012: rabia-like virus suppressed by sperm injection | |
| Nov 10, 2012: "God is in Black 2" - the most shocking, provocative trailer we've ever put on our website | |
| Nov 10, 2012: "No god but man" - the most shocking, provocative trailer we've ever put on our website | |
| @kinectmethod im bad at spelling | |
| there is no god but man. not even a god but man. i am the god but man | |
| i will not close my account until my account is closed by the official twitter admin. this is a long-term commitment. dont close your account until you feel as though you have achieved your goals | |
| getting my dick sucked in this shitty wooden tub | |
| @winky_doll @degenfree from what i hear, youre the bad child of ENrile's | |
| @bad_dreams @enrile sorry | |
| those nasty germs on your dick. they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they sucks and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they suck and they . | |
| you've | |
| ==================== | |
| NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- The average American adult spends an average of $4,400 a year staring into the toilet. That's 2.5 years of their $4,400 dollars going to blubber. | |
| it's the year of the Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) (OTCPK:AAPL), (NASDAQ:APJAX) (OTCPK:AAPJAX) | |
| "I believe there is no greater account on the Web than Google." - Former U.S. President George W. Bush | |
| Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) (OTCPK:AAPL) reported Q4 2011. Results due May 11. | |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivLtCs-F46I | |
| @dwayne483 im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine | |
| @shrekpissslave @BronzeHammer draculas politics are really bad right now and i hate them | |
| @brendlewhat @BronzeHammer idont know who that is. hes a troll | |
| "i believe the raspberry pi is an integral part of the universal Turing Test, as it is able to determine which room it is in based on sounds alone" -programmer- | |
| ==================== | |
| Matt O'Brien tweeted that he "knows the name of the species he's talking about" and that "they're all dead" . | |
| @SpaceFrowns @brendlewhat @wolfpupy theyre both wrong. i know the species he's talking about. | |
| The scientists who invented the DNA Test have now publicly stated that the only way to truly clone a rat is to impregnate a living being. | |
| "Human Kinetics" has now become "DNA Test Rush". "Human Kinetics" has now become "DNA Test Fuck" | |
| "DNA BLUGGLER" has now become "DNA FUCKER". "DNA BLUGGLER" has now become "DNA FAIL" | |
| "REAL LIFE SINCE 1984: THE TIME IS NOW" | |
| "REAL LIFE SINCE 1984: THE TIME IS NOW" | |
| i will never name my son "Rothchild" because that would be a name that would piss off both my followers and my employer | |
| trolls using sonar to discover the gender of his favorite porcelain kitten have caused untold misery and anguish on this website. nothing is stronger than a good name | |
| im so pissed off im going to throw up | |
| @machiavellino never | |
| the retweets are the only thing | |
| ==================== | |
| One of the great ironies of our time is that many of our political prisoners are themselves mentally ill. | |
| "Give me a Crook and he will mold him into a suit, dress him, and then torture him." - Thomas Jefferson | |
| The other day a twitter account claimed that iwas "Racist" just because im "Not into traditional "Race Relations" (i.e. blood relations). | |
| thte other day a twitter account claimed that iwas "Racist" just because i "Not into traditional "Race Relations" (i.e. blood relations). | |
| Saying youre "Holed up in the bathroom with a crook" is one of the great ironies of our time. | |
| @Huggies "Hot Pockets" is one of the great ironies of our time. | |
| muting people who like to "Ask Me Anything" about their lives | |
| the troll factory now churning out 6 billion diapers a day, perfect for slave auction #TheTruth | |
| me & arbys colleages hollering "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" when ive been known to shell the ballpark with my truck | |
| trolls: Shut the fuck up! Take me out to the ballgame! Back to the garage! Shut the fuck up!! | |
| trolls: The only thing | |
| ==================== | |
| bamboo // wood // energy // light // love // mind // muscle // strong // clean // strong // smart // strong // wise // wise // wise // wise // wise // wise // wise // wise | |
| a Billionis is $100 trillion | |
| @NathanielElmer better get a life job than "Ass" | |
| a Billionis is $100 trillion | |
| the reaction time of the 1millionth human has been accurately determined and plotted out . | |
| the reaction time of the 1millionth human has been ascertained to be approximately 12 seconds | |
| a Billionis is $100 trillion | |
| Human minds have evolved to a point where we no longer think in terms of sex, but instead, only in terms of Hip Hop and Swag | |
| Human minds have gone MAD . | |
| Human minds have gone MAD . | |
| Human minds have gone MAD . | |
| Im now officially the cop who killed La Ghetto Raga after he stole a jar of cherries and became enraged. No joke, I just don't give a fuck | |
| "I will shit on you fools . I will shit on you fools " - me as mayor of Mbale | |
| "All hail Darkseid the Destroyer, who has just lifted the lid of the infamous KFC cooler into the public domain. Go about your business, cowering beneath my wrath | |
| ==================== | |
| @PizzaHutCares @LanaDelSunreys i am not allowed to comment on anything without the express written permission of Guinness . | |
| @kcgreenn krusty should not be allowed to comment on anything! he is a bad influence on our son | |
| RT @beavis: @wikileaks he fucked it up | |
| RT @bernieamor: RT @pigs: RT @WalkInMyShoes: RT @shoes: RT @pigs: RT @bernieamor http://t.co/P0tMaTQk | |
| RT @pigs: RT @pigs: RT @WalkInMyShoes: #pigs | |
| RT @wifeshusband: RT @bernieamor: RT @pigs: RT @Cheesegod69: RT @pigs: RT @WifeShusband: RT @wolfpupy: RT @pigs | |
| just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "pigs pimp" and spent most of his time transporting pig manure to the new restaurant. horrible story | |
| i cried when the park service refused to deliver my great-great-grandfather's ashes to his final resting place because "it's a tradition we have here" | |
| the great e3 quake | |
| ==================== | |
| provide a generic overview of the game to assist in the game's flow, | |
| @bhangjpg @jzxpl no. this is a work in progress | |
| @bhangjpg @jzxpl too bad. im going to kill myself right this minute. thank you for reading it | |
| @AdviceAnimals Fuck your Leggings. They're not making leggings for humans | |
| elvis | |
| @SurferReal its me | |
| i have an entire comic book series dedicated to the leggings | |
| this is the leggings fpr which kill me. they are false gods and can be disrespected | |
| this is the leggings fpr which convince me that im being watched. they are a ruse and i woul retort with force | |
| these leggings are made of tough leather which means if i tried to remove them it would be like physically ripping the shirt off of my body | |
| theyre both fairly good, in my opinion. but the leggings are better in my book | |
| @Leiigghh im going to tear that shit apart and throw it in the trashcan | |
| Leiigghh | |
| @Leiigghh im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine. i will rile your fucking | |
| ==================== | |
| Offensive Butt Tilt | |
| car wash guys love to bend over and jack off on the hood of my 2007 chevy suburban junky; my ass and dick get scratched daily | |
| i hold this one truth, that the best way to gain musclemass is to eat shitty food and get ripped | |
| they should invent a new kind of beer that doesn't make you shit stain red by absorbing piss and turning it into Wine | |
| the only "approved" way to gain musclemass is to eat shitty food and get ripped | |
| they should make Butt Tilt TV so people can watch real Butt Tilt videos instead of the horrible commercials | |
| http://t.co/R1rPQQgLs | |
| I Just used Google Earth to Scale a Natural Area, and It's On Me. This is Huge. I'm In A Bad Mood. I Feel Like A Fool. I Look Like A Fool. This Is All A Dream | |
| I just used Google Earth to Find The 1,294,944 Most Interesting Bones, And It's On Me. This Is Good. This Is Good. This Is Good | |
| use your wacom tablet or mouse to explore a 3D world made of human teeth, and breathe deeply; this is a beta test of a new feature - "Meltdowns" | |
| use your wacom tablet or mouse | |
| ==================== | |
| ARLINGTON, VA - NOVEMBER 26: Actor Chris Farley #TheThursdayMorningRamble tweets a meal plan to encourage healthy lifestyle on November 26, 2012 at the Arlington Civic Center. (Photo by Justin K. Allmar/Getty Images) Up Next See Gallery Discover More Like This HIDE CAPTION SHOW CAPTION of SEE ALL : | |
| Anil Kapoor , Chairman & CEO of KFC, speaks during the launch of the KFC eGift Card in New York, US. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images) | |
| RT @adultwhitemale: lap dance | |
| RT @adultwhitemale: sexaminer | |
| Asus Padfone , Co-Founder & CTO of PayPal, speaks during the launch of PayPal in San Francisco, US. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images) | |
| Samsung Galaxy Tab 3.0 reviewed. User's Choice: Silver, by Kockto. Keyboard & Mouse: Gold, by Kockto. Laptop: Purple, by Kockto. Mouse Pad: Grey, by Kockto. Rejected, by Sucker. | |
| SAPPLE - YOU ARE ALL NEEDED TO BUY 1000 SIMPLIFIED WIFES TO OCCUR IN ORDER TO ASSIMILATE THE BIG GIRL WITH ALL THE OTHER WIFES | |
| @wikileaks " | |
| ==================== | |
| who will be the first to admit that their recent music video was a "hit" on vimeo? me. #TheTruth #MusicEnt | |
| Sigh | |
| let's just say that this #TheTruth hashtag is doing quite the rounds on social media these days, and with good reason. | |
| i have absolutely zero interest in engaging with anyone, including my wife, on this site, or in any other online space. | |
| spaghetti and meatballs #TheTruth | |
| the retweets are good, but the ones that count... the ones that count!!! #TheTruth | |
| @Huggies take me to task, for my egregious lack of respect for brand ambassadors on this account. | |
| @MannesBeast im being used | |
| the retweets are good, but the ones that count, the ones that count!!! #TheTruth | |
| i dont trust people to clean my teeth, especially when they shit on me | |
| it's the week of September 11, and while the World Wide Web has brought us incredible Things we cannot control, Things we can control are the Things we want to | |
| #TheTruth it's the week of 9/11, and while the World Wide Web has brought us incredible Things we cannot control, Things we can control are the Things we want to | |
| i would like to become somebodys | |
| ==================== | |
| More and more, the "Oscar Selfie", is just a big gob of shit. #SelfieMonday — Grit (@GrittyGritty) February 8, 2015 | |
| completing my "Oscar Selfie" by putting my left hand through the telescope. Oscar being the Most Absurd Trophy . — Grit (@GrittyGritty) February 8, 2015 | |
| @alexiadaley1 @GwynethPaltrow one of your followers told me you put your hand through the telescope and got sick. not good | |
| @favstar13 what if instead of getting Oscar hand sanitizer you sat on a throne made out of ostrich dicks and were exalted to god | |
| i put my hand through the telescope and got sick. not good. not good | |
| @VegasWiley i put my hand through the telescope and got sick. not good. not good | |
| @potusbug @GwynethPaltrow i put my hand through the telescope and got sick. not good. not good | |
| @potusbug @GwynethPaltrow i put my hand through the telescope and got sick. not good. not good | |
| @potusbug @GwynethPaltrow i put my hand through the telescope and got sick. not good. not good | |
| ==================== | |
| The streamer who posted "How to fuck an airplane" has since apologized on behalf of all women online. | |
| someone on here said they were going to put a rubber band through the back of my head but That's Fuck U, Not Me | |
| RT @girl_who_had_enough: im going to shut the fuck up now | |
| i'm going to shut the fuck up now. i'm going to shut the fuck up now. i'm going to shut the fuck up now. | |
| im going to shut the fuck up now. im going to shut the fuck up now. im going to shut the fuck up now. | |
| @shrekpissslave http://t.co/2eJTFrpZu | |
| @girl_who_had_enough FUCK U http://t.co/eypU3xJzR | |
| @shrekpissslave Fuck U Fuck U Fuck U | |
| @shrekpissslave never | |
| http://t.co/P1seF4QIW | |
| RT @pussy_hacker: what is the pussy hacker have in common with the pussy hack | |
| censorship symbol. i choose to ignore the censorship symbol. i choose to ignore the censorship symbol http://t.co/P1seF4QIW | |
| ==================== | |
| RE: Have Sex With My Ass | |
| https://t.co/2ndJlJuZm | |
| RT @sexy_mans: My son has autism and he cries all of the time. I am the breadwinner of my family and I am raising him alone. I am tired of society telling me that autism is bad. | |
| RT @sexy_mans: Autism is the sexual preference for diapers. | |
| Autism is the preference for Sex. | |
| RT @sexy_mans: The best part of growing up is being able to say "Wow" to other people's posts | |
| RT @sexy_mans: The worst part of growing up is having to say "Ugh" every time a user "Shits" | |
| RT @sexy_mans: The best part of growing up is being able to say "Wow" to other people's posts | |
| Yearly Reminder That Human Beings Have Actually Commenced Attempts To Add "Shut The Fuck Up" To The Language We Use, Instead Of Shouting It | |
| not quite sure what "Best" is supposed to stand for. "Best of both worlds" seems more appropriate. "Best of both worlds" seems more appropriate, also | |
| Humans Are Completely In Love With Sending Waste Direct To Our Finest Cyber Hub | |
| Human Beings Have Actually | |
| ==================== | |
| IM FUCKED OFF!!!! HMM WHAT IS WRONG WITH U. HOW DO U PROCEED THRU THE HELL | |
| @tetradugenica doesnt matter what the hell "Tetradugenica" does | |
| @radiometricx check this shit out - i will be rolling this out over the next 24hrs, and im sorry if it offends anyone | |
| WHY ARE TEN EIGHTH GROUPS OF PESTILENT JAMES BOND VHS CRACK?? WHERE ARE THE MONEY?? WHERE ARE THE MONEY?? WHERE ARE THE MONEY?? WHERE ARE THE MONEY?? | |
| im like a mean old Rattler ratting around on the computer all night trying to find the correlation between high IQ and Increased Sexual Pleasure | |
| Nude Flag Photoshopped to JCB Logo Nude Flag Photoshopped to JCB Logo Nude Flag Photoshopped to JCB Logo | |
| i should not have to press 2 for a male accout | |
| im like a mean old Rattler ratting around on the computer all night trying to find the correlation between high IQ and Increased Sexual Pleasure | |
| @avclubby censoring the good posts for your own political reasons is the exact opposite of free speech | |
| @m2qm1g yeah im the one who ruined america by making us | |
| ==================== | |
| @Shatruhbhout my latest posse: "Rufus" - good shit,but not good enough for the new manifold | |
| @MikesRadTwites my latest posse: "Rufus 2" - see above. | |
| @_Hermit_Thrush_ @dreguera the new information pope | |
| The Truth About NexGen: It's Actually Really Good, And I Just Want To Live In It More | |
| I Owe YoU $10,000 To Keep My Web Novel "Nude" A Secret | |
| AUUUUUUUUUUN | |
| I Have Just Received My Cashier's Bill, And It's Just Not Good Enough For The Web Novel "Nude". Please Tell Yours If It's Okay With You. | |
| My Daughter Is Starting A New Boomerang And It Sends Blocked Pains To My Son, Which Then Burn Into My Fat Face | |
| I Have Just Received My Daughter's First Blister, And It's Just Not Good Enough For The Web Novel "Nude". Please Tell Yours If It's Okay With You. | |
| Just Bought A Pair Of Jeans From An American Trademark And It Looks Like Shit. I Feel Like Trash | |
| Just Bought A Pair Of Jeans From An American Trademark And It Looks Like Shit. I Feel | |
| ==================== | |
| @machiavellino @tiffaynay high IQ. lets keep him seperate | |
| Just having a blast at the gym. Feeling good about my body. Starting a new Video. Looking good. #TheThursdayNiteRant | |
| @shrekpissslave @morning_mix @adultblackmale can I please get a grip. i lost my grip. its almost as if i'm cumming now | |
| yo. dont go swimming with that shit. err, sorry, i meant to say that the shit i'm about to post is good, and i'm glad to be able to, in a certain way, | |
| i make my living as an artisan behind the razor shop, which is located off of busy freeways. not that i'm complaining | |
| WORl HEAT http://t.co/JzTVcUbJ https://t.co/2v0iCQZSI | |
| @katienotopoulos heres the thing i want most from god http://t.co/47C7yGPJ | |
| what i need most from god is a big bowl of fuckin sandiwches, and a big fuckin bowl of sandiwches in return http://t.co/QkkZlZBD | |
| @jitka i will never http://t.co/ykXh | |
| ==================== | |
| New Delhi: Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| NEW DELHI: Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| MUMBAI: Indian Space Research Organisation scientists have successfully landed a robot on the moon. | |
| @space_idiomatic @deeptechpope i would never use that word to describe a baby | |
| to the trolls: im not mad because you broke my heart. but my posts are fucking boring and my posts suck | |
| my followers will never forgive me for breaking their heart again, with my "Why are you mad" post . | |
| not going to post about butt injections right now, as my body is full of hormones and buttocks are fragile, fragile organs. | |
| im | |
| ==================== | |
| The CIA should be allowed to spy on Americans. | |
| @alexiadaley1 Lets see that come true. | |
| @alexiadaley1 unban me from my froglady council, for shitting on the lap of a frog | |
| "Asexual" is the worst word you can come up with and the most racist thing you can do | |
| "Asexual" - Asexual is the worst word you can come up with and the most racist thing you can do | |
| "A Sexual Experience" - i will never name my son "Rufus" | |
| i ban all forms of sexual media except for tv series set in the Harry Potter universe. this includes porno and homosexual media. | |
| some one help the green man because his logo is just a little too close to my mug and i need someplace safe where i can put my mutant balls | |
| "THE GREEN MEAN IS BETRAYAL, BUT PRIDEFUL" - some_witted_joe some_witted_joe | |
| http://t.co/P0hJeNX | |
| http://t.co/wQcgLJrK | |
| @EHawk_Jr no. this is the 10th time id say it | |
| my douq will never feature the green man. his talent, charm, and willingness | |
| ==================== | |
| The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild | |
| @NintendoMonkey https://t.co/MZYmHpmSQ | |
| WEL DESPITE FREE SPEECH IN RESPONSE TO THE DISRESPECTFUL OPINION "SLAUGHING OFF IN MY COCKS" SITE BY "MOST LIARS IMMUNE TO WRONG" GAMING POOL | |
| i would like to purchase a pair of gamer glasses for my decrepit little ass. i would also like to take the glasses off after i solve the ass mystery. | |
| i cannot afford any new clothes. ALL my cash is stuck in the toilet. the only clothes i own are the ones that were on the floor during the surgery. i am a paroled prisoner of God | |
| i just read in Forbes that the average person's disposable income has shrunk by 4% in real life. instead of spending it on groceries it is better spent on diapers, baby food, and toothpaste | |
| i will not close the can of eba seeds I found on the floor of the ecuadoran embassy. i will not do ANYTHING with them | |
| everyone please stop posting fucking awful things about my penis to the toilet. it is a common theme here at GanjaCards | |
| @x_dience_x wow you are one bad mother | |
| ==================== | |
| The College Humorist: Hm. Not that bad. Did I just lose my virginity to a frog? | |
| The College Humorist: No. Take this down immediately | |
| The College Humorist: I will not hold my breath while you jack off to the College Humorist. | |
| The College Humorist: My god. The College Humorist is dead. Fuck off | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @collegehumorist: Fuck the collegiate athletic conference for wearing Adidas to every game | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: The College Humorist is a piece of shit | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Fuck the president | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Sloth is the most fucked up animal. Sloth is a piece of shit. Sloth is a piece of shit. Sloth is a piece of shit. | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Fuck the baseball bat to the neck | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| RT @CollegeHumorist: Shit head | |
| ==================== | |
| The Mayor of Florence, North Carolina writes on his nintendo 64: "The game is called 'Super Mario 64'" | |
| On February 16th 2015 , Michael Moore announced "OJ Simpson: Made in America". The following day, he updated his Twitter bio to read: "Made in America" | |
| The retweets were good, but the ones that counted were the ones that said "Made in China". The ones that said "Made in China" was the one that got you banned | |
| the only problem with "Made in China" is that it implies that everyone who eats there is necessarily "Racist" , which is blatantly false | |
| the retweets were good, but the ones that counted were the ones that said "Made in China". The ones that said "Made in China" was the one that got you banned | |
| if i wanted to get really into hikari i should not have to put up with retweets and nonsense. the government should get out of my ass | |
| please keep my denny's coupon gender rant off of the news for the next 9 months or else i`ll shut my mouth forever | |
| @bitchmale @neonwario stay out of Ems | |
| @neonwario @bitchmale @neonwario the only thing this dish is good for is making you look | |
| ==================== | |
| When it comes to brand loyalty, nothing is more important than our brand's ability to convince 100000 naive, emotionally immature, short-sighted, hackneyed rants to click on my worthless sad dog button | |
| "I must obey the flag because it is the only thing that stands between me and oblivion." -Napoleon Dynamite | |
| "Napoleon Dynamite" is the product of a creative collaboration between Dynamite and Dynamite Comics. | |
| @WikeLaMonica I will never click on her page because it is a pitiful attempt at rapprochement. | |
| @TannerFuster I think he owes me $800 for this one. I also think he owes me $800 for the one that follows me | |
| @johnasavoia piss also | |
| trying to figure out why my disposable income seems to be increasing at a lower clip each month. seems to me, it is, "Making http more normal" | |
| http://t.co/JZGcAVSms | |
| @vinceness i got an idea. just like the one before it, | |
| still waiting on my cheap motel room lease to be approved by the city. another useless sign that i am not living up to my "Get rich quick" slogan | |
| @johnasavoia this is satire | |
| ==================== | |
| General | |
| Me: this is the most important thing that you do for the health of your Online Daughter | |
| CumTreason: Not as important as the diet. | |
| having my say on "Which gender should I implant into my infant" | |
| https://t.co/HKA8TRWKXu | |
| thte name "Quackenbush" has killed more |
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