Jokes.java

public class Jokes {

    public static String getJokes() {
        String jokes[] = {
                "Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!",
                "Q: What did the spider do on the computer? A: Made a website!",
                "Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime? A: Had a byte!",
                "Q: What does a baby computer call his father? A: Data!",
                "Q: Why did the computer keep sneezing? A: It had a virus!",
                "Q: What is a computer virus? A: A terminal illness!",
                "Q: Why was the computer cold? A: It left it's Windows open!",
                "Q: Why was there a bug in the computer? A: Because it was looking for a byte to eat?",
                "Q: Why did the computer squeak? A: Because someone stepped on it's mouse!",
                "Q: What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard? A: A screensaver!",
                "Q: Where do all the cool mice live? A: In their mousepads",
                "Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? A: Lots of memory!",
                "Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.",
                "I decided to make my password \"incorrect\" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, \"Your password is incorrect.\"",
                "I put my phone on airplane mode, but it sure ain't flyin'.",
                "I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com.",
                "Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”",
                "Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.",
                "I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.",
                "I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection.",
                " The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.” ",
                "I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.",
                "Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL. Son: Why is that funny? Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean? Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud. Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.",
                "Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry. Mom: WTF! Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means? Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.",
                "Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean? Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later. Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.",
                "Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. Me: Siri, call my wife. Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts. Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife. Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife. Me: Call my wife. Siri: Which wife?",
                "Before LinkedIn, I didn’t know any strangers.",
                "Give a man a fish, and he’ll Instagram it; teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.",
                "I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing.”",
                "Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.",
                "Yo momma so ugly an uber driver would rather get 1-star review than pick her up.",
                "Yo momma so fat that her only friend on Facebook is McDonald's.",
                "Yo momma so ugly when she used the kinect, Microsoft renamed it the dis connect .",
                "Yo Mamma is so fat she needs Google Earth to see her ass.",
                "Yo momma so stupid she took the computer to the doctor because it had a virus",
                "Yo momma so fat, she subscribed to pewdiepie's YouTube channel and tried to eat it.",
                "Yo momma so short she needs a backpack to carry her iPhone.",
                "Yo momma so stupid she opened up her phone and it said Sprint and she started running.",
                "Yo momma so fat and stupid, she tears apart computers looking for cookies.",
                "Yo Mamma so dumb, she thought Spotify was a stain remover!",
                "Yo momma is so slutty, she is trending on Tinder.",
                "Yo momma so ugly, when she played Minecraft all the enderman teleported away to another server.",
                "Yo momma is so stupid she returned her smartphone because she thought it was dumb.",
                "Yo momma is so poor she created a gmail account just so she can eat the spam.",
                "Yo momma is so stupid she thought she had to go to the dentists to get Bluetooth",
                "Yo momma so ugly, Xbox Kinect rejected her.",
                "Yo momma so stupid she bought tickets to Xbox Live",
                "Yo momma so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.",
                "Yo momma so fat, her vibrator needs a gps....",
                "Yo mamma so stupid she thinks menopause is a button on a VCR",
                "Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on my 3DS she turned it into a 2DS.",
                "Yo mamma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras",
                "Yo mamma so fat that when she took a selfie, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram crashed.",
                "Yo mamma so stupid its 2016 and she still has no clue how to use a computer or a car",
                "Yo mamma so stupid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows",
                "Yo mamma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!",
                "Yo mamma so fat she has the weight loss commercial for a ringtone",
                "Yo momma is so fat she needs a GPS to find her belly button",
                "Yo momma so fat Shutterfly doesn't have the technology to print a picture of her.",
                "Yo momma so mean she can't use the internet because of cyber bullying laws.",
                "Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your Xbox 360",
                "Yo mamma is so stupid not even Google could translate her. \"Yo momma so fat, her fingers are too fat for the iPad.",
                "Yo mamma so fat, when she auditioned for Star Trek she bent the space time continuum",
                "Yo mamma so stupid I told her to do the robot.....and now R2D2 has AIDS",
                "Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!",
                "Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!",
                "Yo momma so fat she blocks the WiFi signal",
                "Yo momma so stupid she wouldn't buy a gameboy because she was a girl",
                "Yo momma so fat, when she went to the theaters everybody yelled, \"Look King-Kong in 3-D!\"",
                "Yo momma so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.",
                "Yo momma so fat, that she gets free WiFi. Because she's already world wide",
                "Yo momma so fat when she sat on my iPad she turned it into a Flat Screen",
                "Yo momma so fat that she expresses her weight in scientific notation.",
                "Yo momma so fat that scientists track her position by observing anomalies in Pluto's orbit.",
                "Yo momma so fat that a recursive function computing her weight causes a stack overflow.",
                "Yo momma so fat that the long double numeric variable type in C++ is insufficient to express her weight.",
                "Yo momma so fat that THX can't even surround her.",
                "Yo momma's a convenient proof that the universe is still expanding exponentially.",
                "Yo momma’s so big that she has a gravitational pull equal to that of the sun.",
                "Yo momma so big that doctors use scuba divers as nanobots to clean her arteries.",
                "The mass of \"Yo momma at rest is approximately equal to that of a neutron star traveling at (1-(10^-1000))c.",
                "Yo momma so slow and dumb that she can be emulated on a 286.",
                "Yo momma conforms to Planck's law - the greater the frequency with which she screws, the more energetic she gets.",
                "Yo momma's like a converging lens - she's wider in the middle than she is on either end.",
                "Yo momma's dumber than an augmented rat.",
                "Yo momma so fat that she and the great wall of China are used as reference points when astronauts look back at the Earth",
                "Yo momma's such a ho that even the noble gases are attracted to her.",
                "Yo momma so promiscuous that electrons have a positive charge when they're around her",
                "Yo momma so stupid that her exchange particle is a \"moron\"",
                "Yo momma so fat that China uses her to block the internet.",
                "Yo momma so fat that NASA shot a rocket into her ass looking for water.",
                "Yo momma so dumb that she went to the dentist and asked for a bluetooth.",
                "Yo momma so fat that she doesn't just have a low center of gravity, she has an elliptical orbit.",
                "Yo momma so fat that IEEE is working on a wifi protocol so people can get the signals to reach users on opposite sides of her. It's called 802.11 Draft Fat Momma",
                "If we were to code yo momma in a C++ function she would look like this: double mom (double fat){ mom(fat);return mom;}; //your mom is recursively fat.",
                "Yo momma so old that she goes on carbon dates.",
                "Yo momma so fat, Bloatware is her clothing line.",
                "Yo momma so fat I called her and got a stack overflow.",
                "Yo momma so ugly its just best to forego the “V” in MVC with her.",
        };

        return jokes[new Random().nextInt(jokes.length)];
    }
}