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Alice's Adventures in Wonderland | |
ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND | |
Lewis Carroll | |
THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0 | |
CHAPTER I | |
Down the Rabbit-Hole | |
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister | |
on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had | |
peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no | |
pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' | |
thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?' | |
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, | |
for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether | |
the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble | |
of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White | |
Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. | |
There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice | |
think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to | |
itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought | |
it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have | |
wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); | |
but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- | |
POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to | |
her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never | |
before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to | |
take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the | |
field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop | |
down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. | |
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once | |
considering how in the world she was to get out again. | |
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, | |
and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a | |
moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself | |
falling down a very deep well. | |
Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she | |
had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to | |
wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look | |
down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to | |
see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and | |
noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; | |
here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She | |
took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was | |
labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it | |
was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing | |
somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she | |
fell past it. | |
`Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I | |
shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll | |
all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, | |
even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely | |
true.) | |
Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I | |
wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. | |
`I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let | |
me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, | |
you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her | |
lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good | |
opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to | |
listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes, | |
that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude | |
or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, | |
or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to | |
say.) | |
Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right | |
THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the | |
people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I | |
think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this | |
time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall | |
have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. | |
Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried | |
to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling | |
through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what | |
an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll | |
never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.' | |
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon | |
began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I | |
should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember | |
her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were | |
down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but | |
you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. | |
But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get | |
rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of | |
way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do | |
bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either | |
question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt | |
that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she | |
was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very | |
earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a | |
bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of | |
sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. | |
Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a | |
moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her | |
was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in | |
sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: | |
away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it | |
say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late | |
it's getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the | |
corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found | |
herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps | |
hanging from the roof. | |
There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; | |
and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the | |
other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, | |
wondering how she was ever to get out again. | |
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of | |
solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, | |
and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the | |
doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or | |
the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of | |
them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low | |
curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little | |
door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key | |
in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted! | |
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small | |
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and | |
looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. | |
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about | |
among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but | |
she could not even get her head through the doorway; `and even if | |
my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of | |
very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish | |
I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only | |
know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things | |
had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few | |
things indeed were really impossible. | |
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she | |
went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on | |
it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like | |
telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which | |
certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck | |
of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME' | |
beautifully printed on it in large letters. | |
It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little | |
Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I'll look | |
first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; | |
for she had read several nice little histories about children who | |
had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant | |
things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules | |
their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker | |
will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your | |
finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had | |
never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked | |
`poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or | |
later. | |
However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured | |
to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort | |
of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast | |
turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished | |
it off. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
`What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up | |
like a telescope.' | |
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and | |
her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right | |
size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. | |
First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was | |
going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about | |
this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my | |
going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be | |
like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is | |
like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember | |
ever having seen such a thing. | |
After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided | |
on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! | |
when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the | |
little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, | |
she found she could not possibly reach it: she could see it | |
quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb | |
up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; | |
and when she had tired herself out with trying, | |
the poor little thing sat down and cried. | |
`Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to | |
herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!' | |
She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very | |
seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so | |
severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered | |
trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game | |
of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious | |
child was very fond of pretending to be two people. `But it's no | |
use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why, | |
there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable | |
person!' | |
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under | |
the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on | |
which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. | |
`Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, | |
I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep | |
under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I | |
don't care which happens!' | |
She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which | |
way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to | |
feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to | |
find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally | |
happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the | |
way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, | |
that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the | |
common way. | |
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
CHAPTER II | |
The Pool of Tears | |
`Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much | |
surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good | |
English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that | |
ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her | |
feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so | |
far off). `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on | |
your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_ shan't | |
be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself | |
about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be | |
kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the | |
way I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of | |
boots every Christmas.' | |
And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. | |
`They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll | |
seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the | |
directions will look! | |
ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ. | |
HEARTHRUG, | |
NEAR THE FENDER, | |
(WITH ALICE'S LOVE). | |
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!' | |
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in | |
fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took | |
up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. | |
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one | |
side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get | |
through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to | |
cry again. | |
`You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great | |
girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in | |
this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all | |
the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool | |
all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the | |
hall. | |
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the | |
distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. | |
It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a | |
pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the | |
other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to | |
himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she | |
be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so desperate | |
that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit | |
came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please, | |
sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid | |
gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard | |
as he could go. | |
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very | |
hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: | |
`Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday | |
things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in | |
the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this | |
morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little | |
different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in | |
the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began | |
thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age | |
as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of | |
them. | |
`I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such | |
long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm | |
sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, | |
oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, | |
and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the | |
things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, | |
and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear! | |
I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the | |
Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. | |
London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, | |
and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been | |
changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' | |
and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, | |
and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and | |
strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:-- | |
`How doth the little crocodile | |
Improve his shining tail, | |
And pour the waters of the Nile | |
On every golden scale! | |
`How cheerfully he seems to grin, | |
How neatly spread his claws, | |
And welcome little fishes in | |
With gently smiling jaws!' | |
`I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and | |
her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel | |
after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little | |
house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so | |
many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm | |
Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their | |
heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look | |
up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I | |
like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down | |
here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a | |
sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads | |
down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!' | |
As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was | |
surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little | |
white kid gloves while she was talking. `How CAN I have done | |
that?' she thought. `I must be growing small again.' She got up | |
and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, | |
as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high, | |
and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the | |
cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it | |
hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether. | |
`That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at | |
the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in | |
existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed | |
back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut | |
again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as | |
before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, | |
`for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare | |
it's too bad, that it is!' | |
As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another | |
moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first | |
idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that | |
case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had | |
been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general | |
conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find | |
a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in | |
the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and | |
behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that | |
she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine | |
feet high. | |
`I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, | |
trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I | |
suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer | |
thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.' | |
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a | |
little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at | |
first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then | |
she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that | |
it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself. | |
`Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this | |
mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should | |
think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in | |
trying.' So she began: `O Mouse, do you know the way out of | |
this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!' | |
(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: | |
she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having | |
seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a | |
mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather | |
inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little | |
eyes, but it said nothing. | |
`Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I | |
daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the | |
Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had | |
no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she | |
began again: `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in | |
her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the | |
water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. `Oh, I beg | |
your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the | |
poor animal's feelings. `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.' | |
`Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate | |
voice. `Would YOU like cats if you were me?' | |
`Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: `don't be | |
angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: | |
I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. | |
She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, | |
as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so | |
nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and | |
she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital | |
one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again, | |
for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt | |
certain it must be really offended. `We won't talk about her any | |
more if you'd rather not.' | |
`We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end | |
of his tail. `As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family | |
always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear | |
the name again!' | |
`I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the | |
subject of conversation. `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' | |
The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: `There is | |
such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! | |
A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly | |
brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and | |
it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I | |
can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you | |
know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! | |
He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a | |
sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the | |
Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and | |
making quite a commotion in the pool as it went. | |
So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear! Do come back | |
again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't | |
like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam | |
slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice | |
thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to | |
the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll | |
understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.' | |
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded | |
with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a | |
Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious | |
creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the | |
shore. | |
CHAPTER III | |
A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale | |
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the | |
bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their | |
fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and | |
uncomfortable. | |
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they | |
had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed | |
quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with | |
them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had | |
quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, | |
and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better'; | |
and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, | |
and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no | |
more to be said. | |
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among | |
them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL | |
soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large | |
ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes | |
anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad | |
cold if she did not get dry very soon. | |
`Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready? | |
This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! | |
"William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was | |
soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been | |
of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and | |
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"' | |
`Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver. | |
`I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very | |
politely: `Did you speak?' | |
`Not I!' said the Lory hastily. | |
`I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and | |
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: | |
and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found | |
it advisable--"' | |
`Found WHAT?' said the Duck. | |
`Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you | |
know what "it" means.' | |
`I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said | |
the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, | |
what did the archbishop find?' | |
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, | |
`"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William | |
and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was | |
moderate. But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you | |
getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it | |
spoke. | |
`As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't | |
seem to dry me at all.' | |
`In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I | |
move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more | |
energetic remedies--' | |
`Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of | |
half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do | |
either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: | |
some of the other birds tittered audibly. | |
`What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, | |
`was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.' | |
`What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much | |
to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY | |
ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. | |
`Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.' | |
(And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter | |
day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) | |
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the | |
exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party | |
were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One, | |
two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked, | |
and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know | |
when the race was over. However, when they had been running half | |
an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called | |
out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, | |
and asking, `But who has won?' | |
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of | |
thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon | |
its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, | |
in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At | |
last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have | |
prizes.' | |
`But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices | |
asked. | |
`Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with | |
one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, | |
calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!' | |
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand | |
in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt | |
water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. | |
There was exactly one a-piece all round. | |
`But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse. | |
`Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have | |
you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice. | |
`Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly. | |
`Hand it over here,' said the Dodo. | |
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo | |
solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of | |
this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short | |
speech, they all cheered. | |
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked | |
so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not | |
think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, | |
looking as solemn as she could. | |
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise | |
and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not | |
taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on | |
the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again | |
in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more. | |
`You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, | |
`and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half | |
afraid that it would be offended again. | |
`Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to | |
Alice, and sighing. | |
`It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with | |
wonder at the Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And | |
she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so | |
that her idea of the tale was something like this:-- | |
`Fury said to a | |
mouse, That he | |
met in the | |
house, | |
"Let us | |
both go to | |
law: I will | |
prosecute | |
YOU. --Come, | |
I'll take no | |
denial; We | |
must have a | |
trial: For | |
really this | |
morning I've | |
nothing | |
to do." | |
Said the | |
mouse to the | |
cur, "Such | |
a trial, | |
dear Sir, | |
With | |
no jury | |
or judge, | |
would be | |
wasting | |
our | |
breath." | |
"I'll be | |
judge, I'll | |
be jury," | |
Said | |
cunning | |
old Fury: | |
"I'll | |
try the | |
whole | |
cause, | |
and | |
condemn | |
you | |
to | |
death."' | |
`You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. | |
`What are you thinking of?' | |
`I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to | |
the fifth bend, I think?' | |
`I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily. | |
`A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and | |
looking anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!' | |
`I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up | |
and walking away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!' | |
`I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily | |
offended, you know!' | |
The Mouse only growled in reply. | |
`Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after | |
it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but | |
the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little | |
quicker. | |
`What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it | |
was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of | |
saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you | |
never to lose YOUR temper!' `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the | |
young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're enough to try the | |
patience of an oyster!' | |
`I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, | |
addressing nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!' | |
`And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' | |
said the Lory. | |
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about | |
her pet: `Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for | |
catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her | |
after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look | |
at it!' | |
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. | |
Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began | |
wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be | |
getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary | |
called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my | |
dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts | |
they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. | |
`I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a | |
melancholy tone. `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm | |
sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I | |
wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice | |
began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. | |
In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of | |
footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping | |
that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to | |
finish his story. | |
CHAPTER IV | |
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill | |
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and | |
looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; | |
and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess! | |
Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me | |
executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have | |
dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was | |
looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she | |
very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were | |
nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her | |
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and | |
the little door, had vanished completely. | |
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, | |
and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE | |
you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of | |
gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened | |
that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without | |
trying to explain the mistake it had made. | |
`He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. | |
`How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd | |
better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' | |
As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door | |
of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT' | |
engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried | |
upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, | |
and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and | |
gloves. | |
`How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going | |
messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on | |
messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that | |
would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready | |
for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see | |
that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went | |
on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering | |
people about like that!' | |
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with | |
a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two | |
or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and | |
a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when | |
her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- | |
glass. There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,' | |
but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know | |
SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself, | |
`whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this | |
bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for | |
really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!' | |
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: | |
before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing | |
against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being | |
broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself | |
`That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I | |
can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so | |
much!' | |
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and | |
growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in | |
another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried | |
the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the | |
other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, | |
as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one | |
foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more, | |
whatever happens. What WILL become of me?' | |
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full | |
effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, | |
and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting | |
out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy. | |
`It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one | |
wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about | |
by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that | |
rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, | |
this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened to me! | |
When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing | |
never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There | |
ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when | |
I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a | |
sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more | |
HERE.' | |
`But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I | |
am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- | |
but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!' | |
`Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you | |
learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no | |
room at all for any lesson-books!' | |
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, | |
and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few | |
minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. | |
`Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves | |
this moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the | |
stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and | |
she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she | |
was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no | |
reason to be afraid of it. | |
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; | |
but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed | |
hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it | |
say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.' | |
`THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she | |
fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly | |
spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not | |
get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall, | |
and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was | |
just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something | |
of the sort. | |
Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are | |
you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then | |
I'm here! Digging for apples, yer honour!' | |
`Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here! | |
Come and help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.) | |
`Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?' | |
`Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.') | |
`An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it | |
fills the whole window!' | |
`Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.' | |
`Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it | |
away!' | |
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear | |
whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer | |
honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at | |
last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in | |
the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more | |
sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there | |
must be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for | |
pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I | |
don't want to stay in here any longer!' | |
She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at | |
last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a | |
good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: | |
`Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; | |
Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up | |
at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half | |
high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-- | |
Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind | |
that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud | |
crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go | |
down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't, | |
then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to | |
go down the chimney!' | |
`Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said | |
Alice to herself. `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! | |
I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is | |
narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!' | |
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and | |
waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what | |
sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close | |
above her: then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one | |
sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next. | |
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes | |
Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the | |
hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold | |
up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? | |
What happened to you? Tell us all about it!' | |
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,' | |
thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm | |
better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know | |
is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes | |
like a sky-rocket!' | |
`So you did, old fellow!' said the others. | |
`We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and | |
Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set | |
Dinah at you!' | |
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to | |
herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any | |
sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they | |
began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A | |
barrowful will do, to begin with.' | |
`A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to | |
doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came | |
rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face. | |
`I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out, | |
`You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead | |
silence. | |
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all | |
turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright | |
idea came into her head. `If I eat one of these cakes,' she | |
thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it | |
can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I | |
suppose.' | |
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find | |
that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small | |
enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and | |
found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. | |
The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by | |
two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. | |
They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she | |
ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a | |
thick wood. | |
`The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she | |
wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again; | |
and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. | |
I think that will be the best plan.' | |
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and | |
simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the | |
smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering | |
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over | |
her head made her look up in a great hurry. | |
An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round | |
eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. | |
`Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried | |
hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the | |
time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it | |
would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. | |
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of | |
stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped | |
into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, | |
and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice | |
dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run | |
over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy | |
made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in | |
its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very | |
like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every | |
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle | |
again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the | |
stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long | |
way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat | |
down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its | |
mouth, and its great eyes half shut. | |
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; | |
so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out | |
of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the | |
distance. | |
`And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she | |
leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself | |
with one of the leaves: `I should have liked teaching it tricks | |
very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh | |
dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let | |
me see--how IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or | |
drink something or other; but the great question is, what?' | |
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round | |
her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see | |
anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under | |
the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, | |
about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under | |
it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her | |
that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it. | |
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of | |
the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large | |
caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, | |
quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice | |
of her or of anything else. | |
CHAPTER V | |
Advice from a Caterpillar | |
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in | |
silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its | |
mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. | |
`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar. | |
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice | |
replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- | |
at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think | |
I must have been changed several times since then.' | |
`What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. | |
`Explain yourself!' | |
`I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because | |
I'm not myself, you see.' | |
`I don't see,' said the Caterpillar. | |
`I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very | |
politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and | |
being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.' | |
`It isn't,' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but | |
when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you | |
know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll | |
feel it a little queer, won't you?' | |
`Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; | |
`all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.' | |
`You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. `Who are YOU?' | |
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the | |
conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's | |
making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, | |
very gravely, `I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.' | |
`Why?' said the Caterpillar. | |
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not | |
think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in | |
a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. | |
`Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. `I've something | |
important to say!' | |
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back | |
again. | |
`Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as | |
she could. | |
`No,' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else | |
to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth | |
hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but | |
at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth | |
again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?' | |
`I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as | |
I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!' | |
`Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it | |
all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. | |
`Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice folded her hands, and began:-- | |
`You are old, Father William,' the young man said, | |
`And your hair has become very white; | |
And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- | |
Do you think, at your age, it is right?' | |
`In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, | |
`I feared it might injure the brain; | |
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, | |
Why, I do it again and again.' | |
`You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before, | |
And have grown most uncommonly fat; | |
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- | |
Pray, what is the reason of that?' | |
`In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, | |
`I kept all my limbs very supple | |
By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- | |
Allow me to sell you a couple?' | |
`You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak | |
For anything tougher than suet; | |
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- | |
Pray how did you manage to do it?' | |
`In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law, | |
And argued each case with my wife; | |
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, | |
Has lasted the rest of my life.' | |
`You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose | |
That your eye was as steady as ever; | |
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- | |
What made you so awfully clever?' | |
`I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' | |
Said his father; `don't give yourself airs! | |
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? | |
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!' | |
`That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; `some of the | |
words have got altered.' | |
`It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar | |
decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes. | |
The Caterpillar was the first to speak. | |
`What size do you want to be?' it asked. | |
`Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; | |
`only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.' | |
`I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar. | |
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in | |
her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper. | |
`Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar. | |
`Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you | |
wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched | |
height to be.' | |
`It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar | |
angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three | |
inches high). | |
`But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. | |
And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so | |
easily offended!' | |
`You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it | |
put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. | |
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. | |
In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its | |
mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got | |
down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely | |
remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and | |
the other side will make you grow shorter.' | |
`One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to | |
herself. | |
`Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had | |
asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight. | |
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a | |
minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as | |
it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. | |
However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they | |
would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. | |
`And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a | |
little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment | |
she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her | |
foot! | |
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but | |
she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking | |
rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. | |
Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was | |
hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and | |
managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit. | |
* * * * * * * | |
* * * * * * | |
* * * * * * * | |
`Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of | |
delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she | |
found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could | |
see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which | |
seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay | |
far below her. | |
`What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. `And where | |
HAVE my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I | |
can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, but no | |
result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the | |
distant green leaves. | |
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her | |
head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted | |
to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, | |
like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a | |
graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which | |
she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she | |
had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a | |
hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating | |
her violently with its wings. | |
`Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon. | |
`I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. `Let me alone!' | |
`Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more | |
subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every | |
way, and nothing seems to suit them!' | |
`I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said | |
Alice. | |
`I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've | |
tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but | |
those serpents! There's no pleasing them!' | |
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no | |
use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished. | |
`As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the | |
Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and | |
day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!' | |
`I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was | |
beginning to see its meaning. | |
`And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued | |
the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was | |
thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come | |
wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!' | |
`But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. `I'm a--I'm | |
a--' | |
`Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. `I can see you're | |
trying to invent something!' | |
`I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she | |
remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day. | |
`A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the | |
deepest contempt. `I've seen a good many little girls in my | |
time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a | |
serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be | |
telling me next that you never tasted an egg!' | |
`I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very | |
truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as | |
serpents do, you know.' | |
`I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why | |
then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.' | |
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent | |
for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of | |
adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and | |
what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a | |
serpent?' | |
`It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm | |
not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't | |
want YOURS: I don't like them raw.' | |
`Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it | |
settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the | |
trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled | |
among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and | |
untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the | |
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very | |
carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and | |
growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had | |
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. | |
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, | |
that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a | |
few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, | |
there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes | |
are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to | |
another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next | |
thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be | |
done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an | |
open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. | |
`Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come | |
upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their | |
wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did | |
not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself | |
down to nine inches high. | |
CHAPTER VI | |
Pig and Pepper | |
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and | |
wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came | |
running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman | |
because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, | |
she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door | |
with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, | |
with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, | |
Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their | |
heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and | |
crept a little way out of the wood to listen. | |
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great | |
letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to | |
the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess. An | |
invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman | |
repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the | |
words a little, `From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess | |
to play croquet.' | |
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled | |
together. | |
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into | |
the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped | |
out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the | |
ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. | |
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. | |
`There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and | |
that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the | |
door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise | |
inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was | |
a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling | |
and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish | |
or kettle had been broken to pieces. | |
`Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?' | |
`There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went | |
on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us. For | |
instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let | |
you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the time | |
he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. `But | |
perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so | |
VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might | |
answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud. | |
`I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--' | |
At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate | |
came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just | |
grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees | |
behind him. | |
`--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, | |
exactly as if nothing had happened. | |
`How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone. | |
`ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. `That's the | |
first question, you know.' | |
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. | |
`It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the | |
creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!' | |
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for | |
repeating his remark, with variations. `I shall sit here,' he | |
said, `on and off, for days and days.' | |
`But what am I to do?' said Alice. | |
`Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling. | |
`Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: | |
`he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in. | |
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of | |
smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a | |
three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was | |
leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to | |
be full of soup. | |
`There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to | |
herself, as well as she could for sneezing. | |
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the | |
Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was | |
sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The | |
only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, | |
and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from | |
ear to ear. | |
`Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for | |
she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to | |
speak first, `why your cat grins like that?' | |
`It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why. Pig!' | |
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice | |
quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed | |
to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on | |
again:-- | |
`I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I | |
didn't know that cats COULD grin.' | |
`They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.' | |
`I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, | |
feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation. | |
`You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.' | |
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought | |
it would be as well to introduce some other subject of | |
conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took | |
the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work | |
throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby | |
--the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, | |
plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when | |
they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it | |
was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not. | |
`Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up | |
and down in an agony of terror. `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS | |
nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very | |
nearly carried it off. | |
`If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a | |
hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it | |
does.' | |
`Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very | |
glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her | |
knowledge. `Just think of what work it would make with the day | |
and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn | |
round on its axis--' | |
`Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!' | |
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant | |
to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and | |
seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `Twenty-four | |
hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I--' | |
`Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide | |
figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again, | |
singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a | |
violent shake at the end of every line: | |
`Speak roughly to your little boy, | |
And beat him when he sneezes: | |
He only does it to annoy, | |
Because he knows it teases.' | |
CHORUS. | |
(In which the cook and the baby joined):-- | |
`Wow! wow! wow!' | |
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept | |
tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing | |
howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:-- | |
`I speak severely to my boy, | |
I beat him when he sneezes; | |
For he can thoroughly enjoy | |
The pepper when he pleases!' | |
CHORUS. | |
`Wow! wow! wow!' | |
`Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said | |
to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. `I must go and | |
get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of | |
the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, | |
but it just missed her. | |
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- | |
shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all | |
directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor | |
little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, | |
and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, | |
so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much | |
as she could do to hold it. | |
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, | |
(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep | |
tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its | |
undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. `IF I | |
don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure | |
to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it | |
behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little thing | |
grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). `Don't | |
grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing | |
yourself.' | |
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into | |
its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no | |
doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout | |
than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for | |
a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at | |
all. `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked | |
into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears. | |
No, there were no tears. `If you're going to turn into a pig, | |
my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do | |
with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or | |
grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for | |
some while in silence. | |
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I | |
to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted | |
again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some | |
alarm. This time there could be NO mistake about it: it was | |
neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be | |
quite absurd for her to carry it further. | |
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to | |
see it trot away quietly into the wood. `If it had grown up,' | |
she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: | |
but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began | |
thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as | |
pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right | |
way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing | |
the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. | |
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- | |
natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great | |
many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect. | |
`Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at | |
all know whether it would like the name: however, it only | |
grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought | |
Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I | |
ought to go from here?' | |
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said | |
the Cat. | |
`I don't much care where--' said Alice. | |
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat. | |
`--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation. | |
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk | |
long enough.' | |
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another | |
question. `What sort of people live about here?' | |
`In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, | |
`lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, | |
`lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.' | |
`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. | |
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. | |
I'm mad. You're mad.' | |
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. | |
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.' | |
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on | |
`And how do you know that you're mad?' | |
`To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad. You grant | |
that?' | |
`I suppose so,' said Alice. | |
`Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's | |
angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm | |
pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.' | |
`I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice. | |
`Call it what you like,' said the Cat. `Do you play croquet | |
with the Queen to-day?' | |
`I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been | |
invited yet.' | |
`You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished. | |
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used | |
to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place | |
where it had been, it suddenly appeared again. | |
`By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. `I'd | |
nearly forgotten to ask.' | |
`It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had | |
come back in a natural way. | |
`I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again. | |
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it | |
did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the | |
direction in which the March Hare was said to live. `I've seen | |
hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be | |
much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be | |
raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said | |
this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a | |
branch of a tree. | |
`Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat. | |
`I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep | |
appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.' | |
`All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, | |
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, | |
which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. | |
`Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; | |
`but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever | |
saw in my life!' | |
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the | |
house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, | |
because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was | |
thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not | |
like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand | |
bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even | |
then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself | |
`Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd | |
gone to see the Hatter instead!' | |
CHAPTER VII | |
A Mad Tea-Party | |
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, | |
and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a | |
Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two | |
were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking | |
over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; | |
`only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.' | |
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded | |
together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried | |
out when they saw Alice coming. `There's PLENTY of room!' said | |
Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one | |
end of the table. | |
`Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. | |
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it | |
but tea. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked. | |
`There isn't any,' said the March Hare. | |
`Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice | |
angrily. | |
`It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being | |
invited,' said the March Hare. | |
`I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a | |
great many more than three.' | |
`Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been | |
looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was | |
his first speech. | |
`You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said | |
with some severity; `it's very rude.' | |
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all | |
he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?' | |
`Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad | |
they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she | |
added aloud. | |
`Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' | |
said the March Hare. | |
`Exactly so,' said Alice. | |
`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on. | |
`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what | |
I say--that's the same thing, you know.' | |
`Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just | |
as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat | |
what I see"!' | |
`You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I | |
like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!' | |
`You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to | |
be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the | |
same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!' | |
`It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the | |
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, | |
while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and | |
writing-desks, which wasn't much. | |
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of | |
the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his | |
watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking | |
it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. | |
Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.' | |
`Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter | |
wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March | |
Hare. | |
`It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied. | |
`Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter | |
grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.' | |
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then | |
he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he | |
could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It | |
was the BEST butter, you know.' | |
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. | |
`What a funny watch!' she remarked. `It tells the day of the | |
month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!' | |
`Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell | |
you what year it is?' | |
`Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: `but that's | |
because it stays the same year for such a long time together.' | |
`Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter. | |
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to | |
have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. | |
`I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she | |
could. | |
`The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured | |
a little hot tea upon its nose. | |
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without | |
opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to | |
remark myself.' | |
`Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to | |
Alice again. | |
`No, I give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?' | |
`I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter. | |
`Nor I,' said the March Hare. | |
Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better | |
with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that | |
have no answers.' | |
`If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you | |
wouldn't talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.' | |
`I don't know what you mean,' said Alice. | |
`Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head | |
contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!' | |
`Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to | |
beat time when I learn music.' | |
`Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand | |
beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do | |
almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose | |
it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: | |
you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the | |
clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!' | |
(`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a | |
whisper.) | |
`That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: | |
`but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.' | |
`Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep | |
it to half-past one as long as you liked.' | |
`Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked. | |
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied. | |
`We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' | |
(pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the | |
great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing | |
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! | |
How I wonder what you're at!" | |
You know the song, perhaps?' | |
`I've heard something like it,' said Alice. | |
`It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:-- | |
"Up above the world you fly, | |
Like a tea-tray in the sky. | |
Twinkle, twinkle--"' | |
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep | |
`Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that | |
they had to pinch it to make it stop. | |
`Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, | |
`when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the | |
time! Off with his head!"' | |
`How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice. | |
`And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, | |
`he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.' | |
A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so | |
many tea-things are put out here?' she asked. | |
`Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always | |
tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.' | |
`Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice. | |
`Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.' | |
`But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice | |
ventured to ask. | |
`Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, | |
yawning. `I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady | |
tells us a story.' | |
`I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at | |
the proposal. | |
`Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up, | |
Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once. | |
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he | |
said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows | |
were saying.' | |
`Tell us a story!' said the March Hare. | |
`Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice. | |
`And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep | |
again before it's done.' | |
`Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the | |
Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie, | |
Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--' | |
`What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great | |
interest in questions of eating and drinking. | |
`They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a | |
minute or two. | |
`They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently | |
remarked; `they'd have been ill.' | |
`So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.' | |
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways | |
of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went | |
on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?' | |
`Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very | |
earnestly. | |
`I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so | |
I can't take more.' | |
`You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very | |
easy to take MORE than nothing.' | |
`Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice. | |
`Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked | |
triumphantly. | |
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped | |
herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the | |
Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the | |
bottom of a well?' | |
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and | |
then said, `It was a treacle-well.' | |
`There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but | |
the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse | |
sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the | |
story for yourself.' | |
`No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt | |
again. I dare say there may be ONE.' | |
`One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he | |
consented to go on. `And so these three little sisters--they | |
were learning to draw, you know--' | |
`What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise. | |
`Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this | |
time. | |
`I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move | |
one place on.' | |
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the | |
March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather | |
unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the | |
only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a | |
good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset | |
the milk-jug into his plate. | |
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began | |
very cautiously: `But I don't understand. Where did they draw | |
the treacle from?' | |
`You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so | |
I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, | |
stupid?' | |
`But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not | |
choosing to notice this last remark. | |
`Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.' | |
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse | |
go on for some time without interrupting it. | |
`They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and | |
rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew | |
all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--' | |
`Why with an M?' said Alice. | |
`Why not?' said the March Hare. | |
Alice was silent. | |
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going | |
off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up | |
again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an | |
M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- | |
you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever | |
see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?' | |
`Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I | |
don't think--' | |
`Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. | |
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got | |
up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep | |
instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her | |
going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that | |
they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were | |
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot. | |
`At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she | |
picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I | |
ever was at in all my life!' | |
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a | |
door leading right into it. `That's very curious!' she thought. | |
`But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' | |
And in she went. | |
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the | |
little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' | |
she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, | |
and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went | |
to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it | |
in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down | |
the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the | |
beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. | |
CHAPTER VIII | |
The Queen's Croquet-Ground | |
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the | |
roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at | |
it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious | |
thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up | |
to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go | |
splashing paint over me like that!' | |
`I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged | |
my elbow.' | |
On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five! Always | |
lay the blame on others!' | |
`YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only | |
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!' | |
`What for?' said the one who had spoken first. | |
`That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven. | |
`Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it | |
was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.' | |
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all | |
the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as | |
she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the | |
others looked round also, and all of them bowed low. | |
`Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are | |
painting those roses?' | |
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a | |
low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to | |
have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; | |
and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads | |
cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore | |
she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been anxiously | |
looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!' | |
and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon | |
their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice | |
looked round, eager to see the Queen. | |
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped | |
like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and | |
feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were | |
ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the | |
soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were | |
ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand | |
in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next | |
came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice | |
recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous | |
manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without | |
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the | |
King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this | |
grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. | |
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on | |
her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember | |
ever having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides, | |
what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people | |
had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?' | |
So she stood still where she was, and waited. | |
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped | |
and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?' | |
She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. | |
`Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, | |
turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?' | |
`My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very | |
politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of | |
cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!' | |
`And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three | |
gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as | |
they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs | |
was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether | |
they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her | |
own children. | |
`How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. | |
`It's no business of MINE.' | |
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her | |
for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head! | |
Off--' | |
`Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the | |
Queen was silent. | |
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said | |
`Consider, my dear: she is only a child!' | |
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave | |
`Turn them over!' | |
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. | |
`Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the | |
three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the | |
King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else. | |
`Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.' | |
And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you | |
been doing here?' | |
`May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, | |
going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--' | |
`I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the | |
roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, | |
three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate | |
gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection. | |
`You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a | |
large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered | |
about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly | |
marched off after the others. | |
`Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen. | |
`Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers | |
shouted in reply. | |
`That's right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?' | |
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question | |
was evidently meant for her. | |
`Yes!' shouted Alice. | |
`Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the | |
procession, wondering very much what would happen next. | |
`It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. | |
She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously | |
into her face. | |
`Very,' said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?' | |
`Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He | |
looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised | |
himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and | |
whispered `She's under sentence of execution.' | |
`What for?' said Alice. | |
`Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked. | |
`No, I didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity. | |
I said "What for?"' | |
`She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a | |
little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a | |
frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you! You see, she came | |
rather late, and the Queen said--' | |
`Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, | |
and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up | |
against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or | |
two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a | |
curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and | |
furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live | |
flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to | |
stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches. | |
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her | |
flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, | |
comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, | |
but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened | |
out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it | |
WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a | |
puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: | |
and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, | |
it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled | |
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, | |
there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she | |
wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers | |
were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the | |
ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very | |
difficult game indeed. | |
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, | |
quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in | |
a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went | |
stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with | |
her head!' about once in a minute. | |
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as | |
yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might | |
happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of | |
me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great | |
wonder is, that there's any one left alive!' | |
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering | |
whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a | |
curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at | |
first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to | |
be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I | |
shall have somebody to talk to.' | |
`How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was | |
mouth enough for it to speak with. | |
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no | |
use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at | |
least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, | |
and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the | |
game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The | |
Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and | |
no more of it appeared. | |
`I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather | |
a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't | |
hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in | |
particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and | |
you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; | |
for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next | |
walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have | |
croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it | |
saw mine coming!' | |
`How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice. | |
`Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then | |
she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so | |
she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while | |
finishing the game.' | |
The Queen smiled and passed on. | |
`Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and | |
looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity. | |
`It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me | |
to introduce it.' | |
`I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: | |
`however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.' | |
`I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked. | |
`Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me | |
like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke. | |
`A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in | |
some book, but I don't remember where.' | |
`Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and | |
he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I | |
wish you would have this cat removed!' | |
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great | |
or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking | |
round. | |
`I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and | |
he hurried off. | |
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game | |
was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, | |
screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three | |
of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and | |
she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in | |
such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or | |
not. So she went in search of her hedgehog. | |
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, | |
which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one | |
of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her | |
flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where | |
Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up | |
into a tree. | |
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, | |
the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: | |
`but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches | |
are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away | |
under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for | |
a little more conversation with her friend. | |
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to | |
find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute | |
going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who | |
were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, | |
and looked very uncomfortable. | |
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to | |
settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, | |
though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed | |
to make out exactly what they said. | |
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a | |
head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had | |
never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin | |
at HIS time of life. | |
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be | |
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. | |
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about | |
it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. | |
(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so | |
grave and anxious.) | |
Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the | |
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.' | |
`She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch | |
her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow. | |
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, | |
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely | |
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down | |
looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. | |
CHAPTER IX | |
The Mock Turtle's Story | |
`You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old | |
thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately | |
into Alice's, and they walked off together. | |
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and | |
thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had | |
made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. | |
`When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very | |
hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT | |
ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that | |
makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at | |
having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them | |
sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar | |
and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish | |
people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you | |
know--' | |
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a | |
little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. | |
`You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you | |
forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that | |
is, but I shall remember it in a bit.' | |
`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark. | |
`Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a | |
moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up | |
closer to Alice's side as she spoke. | |
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, | |
because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was | |
exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, | |
and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not | |
like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could. | |
`The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of | |
keeping up the conversation a little. | |
`'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh, | |
'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"' | |
`Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody | |
minding their own business!' | |
`Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, | |
digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, | |
`and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the | |
sounds will take care of themselves."' | |
`How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to | |
herself. | |
`I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your | |
waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm | |
doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the | |
experiment?' | |
`HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all | |
anxious to have the experiment tried. | |
`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both | |
bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock | |
together."' | |
`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked. | |
`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you | |
have of putting things!' | |
`It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice. | |
`Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree | |
to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near | |
here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the | |
less there is of yours."' | |
`Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this | |
last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it | |
is.' | |
`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of | |
that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put | |
more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than | |
what it might appear to others that what you were or might have | |
been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared | |
to them to be otherwise."' | |
`I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very | |
politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it | |
as you say it.' | |
`That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess | |
replied, in a pleased tone. | |
`Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' | |
said Alice. | |
`Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you | |
a present of everything I've said as yet.' | |
`A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't | |
give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to | |
say it out loud. | |
`Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her | |
sharp little chin. | |
`I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was | |
beginning to feel a little worried. | |
`Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; | |
and the m--' | |
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died | |
away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the | |
arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, | |
and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, | |
frowning like a thunderstorm. | |
`A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak | |
voice. | |
`Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on | |
the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, | |
and that in about half no time! Take your choice!' | |
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. | |
`Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice | |
was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her | |
back to the croquet-ground. | |
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, | |
and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, | |
they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a | |
moment's delay would cost them their lives. | |
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off | |
quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his | |
head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were | |
taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave | |
off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour | |
or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the | |
King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of | |
execution. | |
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to | |
Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?' | |
`No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.' | |
`It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen. | |
`I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice. | |
`Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his | |
history,' | |
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low | |
voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come, | |
THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite | |
unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered. | |
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the | |
sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) | |
`Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to | |
see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and | |
see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, | |
leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like | |
the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would | |
be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage | |
Queen: so she waited. | |
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the | |
Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!' | |
said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. | |
`What IS the fun?' said Alice. | |
`Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they | |
never executes nobody, you know. Come on!' | |
`Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went | |
slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life, | |
never!' | |
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the | |
distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, | |
as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart | |
would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she | |
asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the | |
same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got | |
no sorrow, you know. Come on!' | |
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with | |
large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. | |
`This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to | |
know your history, she do.' | |
`I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow | |
tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've | |
finished.' | |
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice | |
thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he | |
doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently. | |
`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was | |
a real Turtle.' | |
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only | |
by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and | |
the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very | |
nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your | |
interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be | |
more to come, so she sat still and said nothing. | |
`When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more | |
calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to | |
school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call | |
him Tortoise--' | |
`Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked. | |
`We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock | |
Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!' | |
`You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple | |
question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and | |
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At | |
last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! | |
Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words: | |
`Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe | |
it--' | |
`I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice. | |
`You did,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
`Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak | |
again. The Mock Turtle went on. | |
`We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school | |
every day--' | |
`I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be | |
so proud as all that.' | |
`With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. | |
`Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.' | |
`And washing?' said the Mock Turtle. | |
`Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly. | |
`Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock | |
Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the | |
end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."' | |
`You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the | |
bottom of the sea.' | |
`I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a | |
sigh. `I only took the regular course.' | |
`What was that?' inquired Alice. | |
`Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock | |
Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- | |
Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.' | |
`I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What is it?' | |
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never | |
heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify is, | |
I suppose?' | |
`Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--prettier.' | |
`Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to | |
uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.' | |
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about | |
it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you | |
to learn?' | |
`Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting | |
off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern, | |
with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old | |
conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us | |
Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.' | |
`What was THAT like?' said Alice. | |
`Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm | |
too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.' | |
`Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics | |
master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.' | |
`I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `he | |
taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.' | |
`So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; | |
and both creatures hid their faces in their paws. | |
`And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a | |
hurry to change the subject. | |
`Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the | |
next, and so on.' | |
`What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice. | |
`That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon | |
remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.' | |
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a | |
little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day | |
must have been a holiday?' | |
`Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
`And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly. | |
`That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a | |
very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.' | |
CHAPTER X | |
The Lobster Quadrille | |
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper | |
across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for | |
a minute or two sobs choked his voice. `Same as if he had a bone | |
in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him | |
and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered | |
his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on | |
again:-- | |
`You may not have lived much under the sea--' (`I haven't,' said Alice)-- | |
`and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--' | |
(Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, | |
and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a delightful | |
thing a Lobster Quadrille is!' | |
`No, indeed,' said Alice. `What sort of a dance is it?' | |
`Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the sea-shore--' | |
`Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. `Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; | |
then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--' | |
`THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon. | |
`--you advance twice--' | |
`Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon. | |
`Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: `advance twice, set to | |
partners--' | |
`--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the | |
Gryphon. | |
`Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--' | |
`The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air. | |
`--as far out to sea as you can--' | |
`Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon. | |
`Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, | |
capering wildly about. | |
`Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice. | |
`Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the | |
Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, | |
who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat | |
down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice. | |
`It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly. | |
`Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle. | |
`Very much indeed,' said Alice. | |
`Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the | |
Gryphon. `We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall | |
sing?' | |
`Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. `I've forgotten the words.' | |
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now | |
and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and | |
waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle | |
sang this, very slowly and sadly:-- | |
`"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. | |
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my | |
tail. | |
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! | |
They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the | |
dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the | |
dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the | |
dance? | |
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be | |
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to | |
sea!" | |
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look | |
askance-- | |
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the | |
dance. | |
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join | |
the dance. | |
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join | |
the dance. | |
`"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. | |
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. | |
The further off from England the nearer is to France-- | |
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the | |
dance? | |
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the | |
dance?"' | |
`Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said | |
Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and I do so | |
like that curious song about the whiting!' | |
`Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've | |
seen them, of course?' | |
`Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she | |
checked herself hastily. | |
`I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but | |
if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're | |
like.' | |
`I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. `They have their | |
tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.' | |
`You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: | |
`crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails | |
in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle | |
yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all | |
that,' he said to the Gryphon. | |
`The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with | |
the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So | |
they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in | |
their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.' | |
`Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting. I never knew | |
so much about a whiting before.' | |
`I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the | |
Gryphon. `Do you know why it's called a whiting?' | |
`I never thought about it,' said Alice. `Why?' | |
`IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very | |
solemnly. | |
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. `Does the boots and shoes!' she | |
repeated in a wondering tone. | |
`Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. `I | |
mean, what makes them so shiny?' | |
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she | |
gave her answer. `They're done with blacking, I believe.' | |
`Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep | |
voice, `are done with a whiting. Now you know.' | |
`And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great | |
curiosity. | |
`Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather | |
impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.' | |
`If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were | |
still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep | |
back, please: we don't want YOU with us!"' | |
`They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle | |
said: `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.' | |
`Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise. | |
`Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: `why, if a fish came | |
to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With | |
what porpoise?"' | |
`Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice. | |
`I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended | |
tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR | |
adventures.' | |
`I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' | |
said Alice a little timidly: `but it's no use going back to | |
yesterday, because I was a different person then.' | |
`Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle. | |
`No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an | |
impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.' | |
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when | |
she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about | |
it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on | |
each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she | |
gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly | |
quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD, | |
FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming | |
different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said | |
`That's very curious.' | |
`It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon. | |
`It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated | |
thoughtfully. `I should like to hear her try and repeat | |
something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as | |
if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice. | |
`Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said | |
the Gryphon. | |
`How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat | |
lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.' | |
However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so | |
full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was | |
saying, and the words came very queer indeed:-- | |
`'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, | |
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." | |
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose | |
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.' | |
[later editions continued as follows | |
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, | |