How to explain the birds and bees to a young programmer

birds_and_bees.js

let process = teenage_child;

function teenage(process) {
   while(true) {
      let processList = this.getProcesses();
      for (let potential in processList) {
         process.greet(potential);
         if (potential.isWarm()) {
            try {
               process.offer(potential);
               if (!process.isProtected()) {
                  if (process.isSafe() && potential.isSafe()) {
                     let chance = Math.rand();
                     if (change <= .5) {
                        throw new NoException("Not with an unprotected process! Are you crazy!?");
                     } else {
                        process.join(potential);
                     }
                  }
               } else {
                  process.join(potential);
               }
            } catch (noException) {
               continue;
            }
         }
         
         if (process.isJoined(potential)) {
            try {
               let threshold = .5 + (process.getFertility() * potential.getFertility() * potential.joinedCount(process)); 
               let chance = Math.rand();
               if (chance <= threshold) {
                  let NINE_MONTHS = 1000 * 60 * 60 * 24 * 30 * 9;
                  potential.schedule(NINE_MONTHS, this.spawn.push(potential.fork()));
                  
                  potential.on("fork", new function(process) {
                     this.notify(process);
                     process.break();
                  });
               } 
            }
         }
      }
   }
}