dril_gpt2

Video: Video: We Are The Champions http://bit.ly/1dVMYJ WHO WOULDNT FAVOR A CHAMPIONS WEBPAGE http://on.fb.me/1dVMYI WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS WEBPAGE http://bit.ly/1dkVN4 WE DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN http://bit.ly/29zFTGs CHAMPIONS WEBPAGE http://bit.ly/29zFTGs http://bit.ly/29zFTGs We will prevail CHAMPIONS WEBPAGE http://bit.ly/29zFTGs http://bit.ly/29zFTGs We will prevail http://transfer.yahoo.com/j/id/10001 William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk

we just had to put up with this fucking idiot customer service rep for an electronics store . ive had it with his bullshit. ive had enough. ive had enough of this shit. ive written him a letter , and he will return my things if i do not get my account suspended. http://i.imgur.com/V1XSx.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/YXpg.jpg my.heads.up.this.is.a.fair.and.temperament.with.a.giant.ass.on.it.gaining.power.on.my.iphone.uta.phone.uta.ti.me.to.the.unity.game.android.com/uploads/levels/speedrun/4th.march.2013.1080p.BLURED.md5sum.bin

http://bit.ly/1dVMYJ FEATURE - THE HYPNOTIZER ""THE BEAN "WHO SQUEAKED "AT" THE LIGHTS" THE BIG LICKER "AT" THE EYE" THE " BLIND FAG" "AT" THE WINDMILLS "AT" THE GRAVE ADDRESS "AT" THE WICKED PUMP "AT" THE GUN " " " " " " " " "

http://i.imgur.com/nx7JR.jpg all sumpter http://i.imgur.com/7xTeu.jpg all sumpter

HitlerMoviesLatest

im gay and I care about girls

im gay and i love to trick-or-treat with balloons and pumpkins

im gay and my favorite song is "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Pussycat Dolls

my gay ass and my dildos

my ass is made out of cheese and my dick is made out of bacon

my ass and my dick are the same thing

i can eat up to 7 balls of spaghetti at once

my ass is made out of spaghetti and meatballs and i have a bunch of sydney sarsaparilla maple syrup stuck to my ass cheek

my ass is made out of spaghetti and meatballs and I have a bunch of syrup on my face

my ass is made out of spaghetti and I have a bunch of syrup on my face

my blonde friend need to talk to me

my ass is made out of meatballs and i have a bunch of syrup on my face

my big ass is on the mind. http://t.co/PfQ3X2V ... Did I say catty. Heres a thing or 2nd chance. Back off troll. http://t.co/PfQ3X2V

my big ass is always down

"i hope she sees that i bring the bacon with me when i upload" - some guy who refuses to acknowledge i am the god of twitter, or whatever

i get in trouble a lot for typing "troll" when i mean "bastard". damn . just...

i WILL make the "official account" of "soin' tv" , where i can just fucking spew all my nonsense freely, and ok then

im a grown man. i respect women. and if i am accused of being a "shit head" again i will be damn sure that the rest of my sentences are directed at the truth

RT Looking for Web Design gigs

RT I am looking for Web Design jobs

my favorite politician is one whose face gets slightly greasepaint when he talks shit about the media

my followers love to jerk me off. it makes me mad. and i think that if given the chance, i would like to jerk off all of them

if i werentso traumatized by the thought of being the only person on the planet who knows the secret shit about dick suckin it would fuck me senseless

if i were a pool person, i would

more dril_gpt2

The official website for the television anime of Hideaki Sorachi 's Doki Doki Literature Club! manga revealed the anime's main voice cast on Monday. The cast will perform the anime's opening theme "Kimi ga Sakebitteiru Tanaka Tanjō" (Tanaka, the protagonist, is a Hamster); the anime's ending theme "Dokidoki Jyū no Hitori" (Dokidoki Jyū's Another Story); and the anime's logo.

The cast also includes:


The anime will premiere in October on the Tōhoku Broadcasting System , BS11 , and TV Aichi on ATV and BS11.

The manga inspired a Doki Doki Literature Club! smartphone game for mobile phones in 2014.

The manga has earned the approval of Hideaki Sorachi , the author of Doki Doki Literature Club! , and Dōjō Otosinski , the illustrator of Dōjō Otosinski 's Dōjin Otosinski! . Viz Media released the manga in North America as Dokidoki Jyū no Hitori to Daume ( Dokidoki Jyū's Another Story to Tell ). It describes the game's story:

"Jyū" (boy) is a boy who likes reading. But he's shy about talking to people, so he keeps his mouth shut. "Tanaka" (author) is a man who likes talking a lot. He talks a lot, but he's a bit shy about saying things. They both like to read a lot, but they get nervous when people are watching. "Tanaka" wants to become a famous author, but he's afraid of being seen with Jyū. "Jyū" (Jyū) is a boy who likes talking. He gets nervous easily, so he stays home from school. "Tanaka" and "Tanaka" want to become famous authors, but they're afraid of having their books read out loud. "Jyū" and "Tanaka" want to become famous authors, but they're afraid of getting angry.

Sorachi launched the Doki Doki Literature Club! manga in Square Enix 's Big Gangan in 2012, and Square Enix published the eighth compiled book volume on March 6. Square Enix is publishing the Doki Doki Literature Club! television anime series in
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What I Like About You

a guy gets really mad at his ex-wife for something and she has him on the phone for like an hour

wondering what the fuck the "W" is for after seeing this guy yell "What The Fuck Is Wrong With U" at the tv

one of my friends sent me a photo of a strange looking envelope. when i opened it up i discovered a bottle of nuclear mushroom mousse

the guy who runs this site is a real piece of shit. he made a website called "What Did You Mean For Fun" and doesn't care About Me

IM TAKING A COMIC BOOK SKETCH DOWN RATHER THAN FACE TO FACE WITH THIS RESPECTABLE MAN

(reading my latest death threat ) "from the collections department i hope your entire dick turns into glass by the time i get home"

im going to stomp your ass for calling me "Sir" during a movie theater. im also going to shit all over your shirt

im going to knock the entire e3 conference room floor into pieces with my big tire iron

im the reason people are making "What Did You Mean For Fun" into a series about cars

i want to meet w in person and have a talk about how wrong the premise is and also make out w good. not talk

What Did You Mean For Fun #Me #U #TheLeast #Crazy #Retarded #Cool

I Want To Meet In Person And Have A Talk (At Least Once)

i hate gatherings. i will kill you

The Eventuality Of The Event

Im In. Feel Asseyed. With Merit.

stopped by the store yesterday to pick up a few pens & paper. the clerk stated that they do not stock anything resembling a pen

i got like $4000 saved up from like, barbecues and vacations and shit. what im saying is check your wallet

i just need one of those giant cups of shit to come at me like a ton of bricks and i will simply shrug and cower

im the cool dad who always gets the girls in the end. i also own the largest salt shaker known to man. Do i get many views??

my extended halfses are also known as my Evil Halfses or my Good Halfses or just "My Halfs" for
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I'm sorry to everyone who has ever wanted to email me.

you gotta have the balls to actually go to the trouble of going to the trouble of fucking up everyones's holidays.

I will no longer be taking any more "Mistakenly IdentifyingAsARedHerring" questions.

people do not like being told what to do with their lives

no you don't

my followers have told me that i suck ass, and that i should go suck my own dick, and now im going to do that

everyone suck my dick

if you have an issue regarding content, or a question, or a complaint, please do not submit it to me on here. go to thex-adder.com and submit it to the official son who really liked the song "Fight Song"

i was going to do it, but then i remembered that what i need most right now is for people to send me their piss displays

i love staring at the pathetic numbers that are displayed on some of these devices. i love staring at the number 4. i love staring at the toilet

6.99 is the most valuable number in the universe, and it's also the number that summarizes how bad a thing is

the only time i will allow myself to use a public toilet is if i am under duress or if there is a bomb threat

people should be required to wear wee mens toilets with them when they zip line. instantaneous bathroom access without having to look at a window

the police should also take the time to check if the poop on my clothes is my own before they ship it off to be printed in a book


the police should also take the time to print me a ticket if i get into a fist fight

if i cant post satisfactory posts on this website because i am too upset about the state of the economy to post properly, then the last thing the government of pokemon america needs is for me to get too rambunctious

now that the official Pokemon USA Facebook page has endorsed my "Holiday Message", i decided that it would be good to show everyone how upset I am with the economy using the official Pokemon USA account

it is important to me that people understand that i was not raised that way, and that my opinions may vary from person to person

i was too busy beating my wife to care about the budget


====================
tried to link to my other posts but all my links are fucked up<|endoftext|>The newest addition to the Rat Pack is the Rat Packer. Rat Packers are self-appointed publicists, and they are constantly trying to convince everyone that I am, in fact, a Rat.

In the year 2030, Rat Pack etiquette is still being established.<|endoftext|>We are a community of fishers and outdoorsmen who share the joy of fishing. Our primary focus is onba (towel) and boc (boat).

We have a community of outdoorsmen who enjoy the outdoors and are active in the boat community. We are all about the boat

Amersfoort, 10.nov17: We, the undersigned, call on the City of Amsterdam to improve the city's sewage system and end its and our city's pollution problem

We, the undersigned, are writing this letter to publicly show our opposition to sex, and also to show our support with the sex.

We, the undersigned, are passionate about the sex and pornography. We are also passionate about sex and sports.

All of our signs are made by hand. No computers please. We do not do "GFX".

We, the undersigned, will never use the word "Girlfriend" or "Husband" in reference to the sex of our boats.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

we need a signup tool so that we can all just sift through the dreck and find the posts that are good to us

we are all aware that sex sells. but have you ever considered that maybe selling sex might be good ? i think so


if i come onto the soccer pitch and say "ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTY-ONE, TWELVE, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE, TWELVE-EIGHT, EIGHT, SEVENTH, FIRST, THIRTEEN, TW
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I can't believe there are still people who enjoy watching horrible torture porn.

*slams head into fridge four or five times, nearly kills self* Ah, Hominem Thumbsucker. He was a good man

I will report it to the police which, judging from their lack of interest, seems to be a thing now

there are now two types of cookie jar that I can enter via: the Very Good type that contains my own personal messiah, and the Bad type that contains crumbs and rats

"Crisp_AZ_Gorilla" has entered the race to fuck "Arbiter" , and is asking for q uesion money to fund his campaign

[party gets into large scuffle with cops, several of them getting dragged around like rag dolls]
- Whu t happened ?- Whut ?- What did you do that for ?- I'm just doing my thing- - Get out of my face, you fucking bum

"I just got word from my friend the Wit'rth that there's a Wild Kratts in the area. Hop on over to his house if you want to try it out"

petition to make the "Dakota Access Pipeline" began by the actors on the hit tv show "Borat"

"Sir, due to recent events, we are unable to ship the "Donkey Donger" accessory on Amazon.com. Can you help us by a) replacing it with a different color and b) taking down the post."

if you plop a box of 20,000 Dildos on my desk i may or may not turn around and take all 20,000 of them with me, depending on my mood

I just received a message from a "CrazyAboutVinyls.com" user who claims to be "61 years old" and asks me to join his site

I Just Did A Big Partition Of My Brain And Now I Have Nearly Total Control Of My Life Over At "Donkey Donger"

the guys who invented "Donkey Donger" are at it again-- this time inventing a brand new "Erotic Hair Color" that even I will hate

i just got a message from a Canuck who claims to be "Donkey Dong" and asks me to join his site

i need a dog who
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Surround yourself with friends

i was born in megapolis, new mexico.

stop saying this out loud. megapolis is not real. it is a myth. stop saying it out loud.

the real reason they suspended my account is bc of the "Twitter dream" . the reason they suspended my account is bc of the "Twitter dream"


i got suspended from twitter for saying "The real cost of college"


"Twitter is now considering the merits of developing a Story Mode that focuses on users' actual lives."
"Twitter is now considering the merits of developing a Story Mode that focuses on users' actual lives."

omg.. the way the computer loads pages of tweets is ridiculous. took me almost 20 minutes to read through all the tweets in the pepsi commercial


no... no it can't be. the computer is hacked

my t-shirts have been slashing across the room with nails driven through them for no reason ever since i got suspended from twitter for saying "The real cost of college"



I just spent the last hour scrolling through some up to date pics of Dragon Con 's key art & misc. and came up with a few up my sleeve. Prepare to receive news of the Gods


i was given a temporary reprieve whilst my account was reinstated after it was discovered i was, in fact, the mysterious gamer gate vet who kicked the hornet's nest. Hilarious & Hearteningly Unamused by this shit for which the gamer gate vets usually are held responsible

i hope this vegetable is able to continue providing nourishment to my dying animal friends. i beg of you, send it my way if you have the means. i promise to use it for good

if i were to do it all over again i would not make fun of the game's "turtleneck" cut offing, but rather, the button up shirt worn by some

if i got on here now i would probably be banned for calling myself a "Real American" again, but that's a story for another day

im going to be very upset if i do or say anything that lets the trolls get a word in edgewise with me, so please stop your messanger me

i spose for some of you may be interested in a little secret, that a lot of people are not interested in hearing, is that i am in
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ARLINGTON, Va. -- The Washington Nationals have signed free agent third baseman Aaron Hill to a minor league contract, the club has announced.

Hill, 28, spent the last six seasons (2012-15) with the Minnesota Twins and batted .275 with nine doubles, two triples, 20 home runs and 52 RBI in 116 games. He was named the Most Valuable Player of the American League Championship Series after hitting two home runs in the NLCS against the Cleveland Indians.

Over the course of his eight-year career, Hill collected 745 career hits, including 238 home runs. The 5'9", 200-pounder hit .270 with a .354 on-base pct. during the 2015 regular season.

Hill will wear number 44 with the Nationals.

The 2013 American League Most Valuable Player was named to the 2015 Futures Game and was also a finalist for the 2015 Hank Aaron Award.

The Nationals had also been linked to free agent outfielder Andre Dawson, but opted to go with their guns loaded with Hill.

Hill will join the Nationals on July 29 when they open the 2016 season at home against the New York Mets.

Aaron Hill Homepage

Aaron Hill Facebook

Aaron Hill Twitter

Aaron Hill Instagram


Share this: Facebook

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Reddit


Like this: Like Loading...<|endoftext|>"The Simpsons" creator David X. Cohen is now suing the White House for expelling him from the country after he called the show "racist."

Cohen, who was born in Israel but has long claimed Jewish ancestry, issued the lawsuit Thursday in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, Va.

He alleges that the Trump administration acted by discriminating against him because of his religion and ethnicity.

The suit argues that Cohen is being targeted because he is a "severe alcoholic" and that his "languages are so limited" that he can communicate with animals.

It was not immediately clear if Cohen has hired a publicist.

Cohen took over as showrunner of the long-running sitcom in September and has said he plans to revive the animated series' reputation as a "comic book" show.

He also has said the show's writers room is "90-10" in favor of "Zippo! 30 years of Bart being a dumb ass" and "killin it."

====================
Shutterstock

Earlier this year, an anonymous source told me that the Kardashians were going to start a clothing line. I immediately dismissed this as nothing more than a fantasy, and nothing more than a nightmare.
 as I've done with each of the Kardashians, I dismissed the rumor out of hand, as unfounded, and with no basis in fact. I was completely wrong.

Out of respect for the office of the President of the United States, I will not discuss the Kardashians , or their possible line of clothing.

the office of the President of the United States

the Kardashians

i want to fuck "beyonce"

me and my gaydar are guaranteeing that a jade temple skull printed on a t-shirt sells 500 copies immediately after my race riot in michigan.

i was going to post a gif of my ass, but then i remembered i live in the gutter.

my dick is a green, glowing orb that throbs when i act rude or act like a dumb ass. anyone who has ever wanted a dull, normal dildo must contact me

i own all 100 of the newest issues of the gq and i will not accept any issues before Aug 31st, 2012.

my favorite word is "awkward"

this weeks Horror Pick is simply because of the hideous mannequin in the bathroom. it is strapped to the wall and cannot move.

the article was too hard to read. please turn the word "penis" into only the first letter of the word "penis" so I can read it

my ass has two mouths and is inhabited by over 200,000 ants. i am a biologist. i study entomology.

i live in a cave with my black belt in tai chi. every day i apply this mysterious energy to my post. my posts are easy

if you want to complain to me about my posts being "Hard" , put a thicker paper on top of the post. like a book. like a toaster. like a toaster

this guy is insisting that the movie "matilda" should be required viewing for any elected official who wants to see their face.

who gives a shit.

i gave the finger. i am not feeling it any longer

to avoid confusion, i will refer to the terrorist as "boy" in this
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The live video chat feature is currently unavailable while we upgrade our servers and bring you a better experience.

i go into a bathroom and my dick looks like a piece of pizza

i try to cut my hair but my uncle manages to pull something weird out of my uncles shirt

my viral Christmas video where i get sawn in half by a sawzall while handing out free greifs is bacame a huge failure because...

i go into a bathroom and my dick looks like a piece of pizza pic.twitter.com/YXxzKepJgJ

the three storied sons of bitches that publish the worst kinds of b-lists: (1) Dibari (2) TMZ (3) IGN

being a dumb ass on here is a HUGE Bitch to me

i strap a noose around my cock and ankle, raise my other leg out in the open, and begin calmly walking around my town for hours

i can confirm that the owls of Islam are little ghouls who like to gnaw on your sandwich wrappers

man trying to fast food chain for only having one oasis: "ah, it's just a memory hole" "ah, it's a quickie" "ah, it's a place where you can go" "ah, it's a hole in the wall"

#ThingsThatKeepMeAwakeAtNight 42% of men are like "Dang! Another one of those jstitches. Need to slow these boys down"

some guys on here are trying to invent some shit called a "girly gel" and i'm like "NO way"

the most fucked up possible thing that could happen is that i get on the computer and see a skull with my name on it

everyone on here is either a nerd, a jackass, or both at this point

Boy's Ultimate Frisbee Team Reacts To Announce Of Cancellation By Socks Company Due To "Political correctness"

what do i look like to you guys. some sort of freak of nature. ive had to pull the plug on at least one story due to my incessant self-importance

the fact is, i have more respect for girls than most people alive right now, and that's saying a lot

imagine a guy standing on an empty throne with the
====================
This is the final post in the series "Things People Say To Me When I'm Upset About Life"

every one wants to read your diatribes on how life is a shower and that people are dumber than rats

when i see people using food as a form of media, i think to myself that maybe when the weather turns to shit itll be good to ditch the paris cat food

if the US Navy sends a drone into my house to spray me with Pectic Anemone i will consider it a compliment

expecting the Best, Doing the Damnest

i dont understand why some people are still smoking weed 20 years after it was invented. it's basically grass and weed is gross

when i see people doing jumping jacks in the park i think to myself what a joke. it is highly ineffective and probably mortal

when i see people doing jumping jacks in the park i think to myself what a joke. it is ineffective and probably futile

when it comes to food i consider that shit that is good for you is also good to eat, and that's why it is named shit

when i see people posting pictures of their yap Jacks on here i think to myself what a joke. maybe if i did this for real, i would actually get my rent

what about the man who jumped over the white house fence into the executive bathtub. what about him

im willing to bet that if the liberal fucked him right now, his posts would immediately become 10x more interesting

im going to hell because im a second rate naturalist/book lover/foodie

im going to hell because my wife left me

im going to hell for these posts, and also because my son is too sensitive to fall asleep in a world made of shit

the reason i threw up on the job is because i was eating a sandwich and my food tester told me it was lettuce wrap. thats why

i refuse to go to hell because i invented the term "floyd the wisecracker" , while waiting for my dog to finish applying insect repellent

hell is the lowest of the low, and im really good at sports

so you want to know why im more than willing to try sodomy with the priest in our meeting place, while the priest is speaking.

i can promise you that, if i became
====================
During the presidential debates, one of the candidates stated that "hackers are always trying to find ways to break into my account." When I saw this statement, I thought to myself, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard" "

if i could only get my cheating self into the knick of dicken's, i woud be able to get a soda without having to ask the man at the pumpside booth. no

the thing we all sort of need to remember about god is that he seemed like a normal human being in the bible

earned a spot on the naughty list because i refused to drink from a cup inscribed with the family name, instead choosing to drink from a jar marked "Deficit"

#IWillPissOnLiveTV because im famous and my piss is power

the mayor threatens to put me in the piss hole until i apologize to the paper's owner and readers for miscasting my casting as a clown

im so sorry you had to see that stupid ass thing. i would never do something like that to my wife

my ass has become separated from my body and i need a medic to bring me to the hospital. am I Offline yet

The 'hacker' of 2016 http://t.co/N7c4Cj4qK8

the hacker who broke into my office, eyes bulging, dripping with sweat, face contorted into a grimace, shaking with sobs... he is no longer a hacker

the hacker who broke into my office, face contorted into misery, shaking with sobs, eyes tearing up, ready to accept his punishment

the hacker who broke into my office, face contorted into despair, shaking with sobs, ready to accept his punishment

the hacker who broke into my office, face contorted into apathy, shaking with sobs, ready to accept his punishment

it is a fact that I am the real hacker. my digital self is truly cold and mechanical and beyond measure. he has no feelings

#IWillachaGetYouNextZit

it is a terrible travesty that individuals have created an online game where they are rewarded with "Social Capital" by posting pictures of their #CrisicalBowlChants

tragedy as my $18,000 computer terminal is now pressed against by a pig's snout http://t
====================
A Real-Life Prince and The Last Starfighter Are About To Meet On The Screen Of My New Video Game

"I think he's playing the game at the dinner table"

https://t.co/xvQE5VzWnX

RT It's #BillionsDay and you dont know how to make money

RT You don't know how to make money

RT You don't know how to make money

#billions day? you don't know how to make money. you have no clue. you're just a sucker

looking to get in some alone time...

RT fuck the inlaws

I hate every second of it

thinking about how much more money I could make if I were to not be me, by making $null

stressing out about my " brand " , while my followers shit around on the floor of the arcade

RT a guy on a show called "What wherure?" asks what the f$&% is the most powerful tunnel network. i habve got to get back to the computer.

RT this guy is making these tunnels on purpose so he can get to the server room in time to get a premium deal on a site not used durin the modern era

RT the most important thing in business is passion. -S.B.

thinking about becoming a panda keeper

RT http://t.co/UeB6kyBE"Love and Happiness is the Express Drive of My Life." Amen

"hahaha just watched the movie where they make the boy's pee in a pot"

thinking about editing out the part where im-being-ridiculed-on-tweetbot-again

RT man of platform, cross body thrust into the mists, taking many many pics of my chiseled chest. Bazinga! Feeling great! Thnx #HipHopFiend

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking about shoving a camera in my ass

thinking
====================
What is a "Great Wiccan Sanctuary"

"A" is a Christian rock band that i follow on twitter.
"S" is a sarcasm symbol that i use to represent my dislike of reality
"H" is a heart that i keep on top of my computer desk at all times in case of emergency

The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won. The "Boys" have won
====================
Yoshida: We'll reveal more information on the NX hardware in Q4 2015

fucking abominable. "nanoha no kuni" is just the latest in a long line of forgettable, obnoxious, ludicrous shomer teru, whose sole purpose is to cover up the fact that they were born in 1955

the only ones who will be happy about "n7nes" are the cops, the cops, and everyone who gets in my car because they think I'm trying to steal something

"n7nes" ain't "new nintendo", it ain't even "new nintendo nintendo"

please don't let this happen again

https://t.co/wzp9Wz0sYf

https://t.co/VEFo4YgZy8 this is stealing, this is wrong, please stop

https://t.co/q5XSQn3Y5o this aint "Import/Export", this is "Quick Save", this is "Quick Game"

https://t.co/N1EtJzta2o

stealing a bunch of my posts off this site and putting them up at random, to see what the fuss is about

for the love of god, these guys actually read these posts

YO !! YO !! YO !! WHEN CAN I COME AND HAVE THE GREAT ANTI-SKI SERIES AGAINST THE NAIVE, THE NAKED, THE HIVED, THE FAT, THE BY ZOO, AND THE DEAD

for every inch my penis shrinks because of chem trails i make my dick dark so i can't shoot any chem trails into it

wearing the wrong damn shirt to the gym. The chem trail tshirt. The chem trail shirt. The chem trail sweater. Everyone knows im wearing the chem trail sweater when i try to exercise

https://t.co/aOGCif8BZ4

https://t.co/wJAKlhr6U9

https://t.co/Q7UXfH4K8P

https://t.co/Tn6f53zd5J i love hurting people

https://t.co/R2f0Ra9HO1 im more scared of getting caught than anything else in life


====================
BALTIMORE (WJZ) — After more than two decades of marriage, the man who married his car says he's ready to move on.

There's only one problem: The car is still his wife.

The man who married his car is now suing the city of Baltimore and its officials for $5 billion.

On "This Morning," Peter Finch described the emotional roller coaster of a couple who married their car, and said it might be time to rethink such unions.

Last week on "This Morning," Peter Finch described the emotional roller coaster of a couple who married their car, and said it might be time to rethink such unions.

Peter Finch is hoping the public will help him solve a murder case when he offers a $5 billion reward for information leading to the arrest of the person or persons responsible for the murder of his wife.

PETER FORD IS NOW PROMISING A BOOST FOR SLOWPOINTED MOTORISTS WHO DON'T WANT TO STOP RUNNING


Three decades ago today—the day after his reality show debut with "Long Duk Dong Betty" and the release of his devastating memoir "Mystic River" — Long Duk Dong married Long Shirts, the girl next door.

Three decades later, Long Duk Dong is still married to the reality show wife he never was.

i just got word from long dick's widow that the government is turning 10 years old with a scary movie theme song called "recoil"

i'm not long for this world. my son will be posting 1200 word polemics about the Facebook News Feed on his death bed

"i wanted to be first" was the damning verdict of the people who hung me for sedition in 1775. i was hung for attempting to be the 1st

the next time phil scape tells you to "express yourself" take it to mean "express yourself more often"

RT @TheRealDre: Sad to hear of the death of my friend, Creative Producer of @ThePhilScoOp podcast, who I mentored & worked with. RIP

RT Look forward to meeting @ThePhilScoOp podcast in the Stud

#teambreezy

my fans and colleagues: i just received a tremendous text from my friend Kendrick Lamar, who i consider to be one of the most important writers
====================
a bucket of piss

im the guy who eats shits and gets headaches from time to time

im the guy who gets mad when people dont know what type of gravy to put on their dogs

Not gonna post the bad ones. The good ones would just make me sick.

The Three Stooges

the three stooges are just there to laugh at the most ridiculous shit , they are not serious actors

a three stooges marathon of "mattha singh" is the kind of thing that would get me fired from my job if i did it myself

i suffer from Minstrel's Dick Worshiper. i get really upset when people do this so i just say "This is so bmitttle they must give this man his due"

stooge :: stoop< son

stooge :: go lower<

a three stooges marathon of "eggs" would result in a man shouting "Bobby lay his head in"

three stooges marathon of "toppings" would result in a stern looking boss saying "Good Archer"

a man in a rubber suit comes into a guys house and steals his dog. the next thing you know hes home running through the woods on a scooter

stooge :: squat< son

stooge :: come back later son

a three stooges adventure is had in a strange town where everything smells bad and the streets are dirt

three stooges come across a strange old man in a strange clothes shop and ask him about tomatoes

three stooges adventures are had in a town where the houses are also people and the roads are also covered in piss

three stooges come across a strange old man in a clothes shop and he tells them about "Turds"

a three stooges stooge is forced to perform sex acts on a whip while the three pigs attack him with sticks

three stooges have to deal with a three stooge problem when they are asked to find the three wise monkeys who saved a princess from a crocodile

a three stooges movie is a piece of shit when it is released. the three stooges don't like it and the movie is abandoned

three stooges are watching a three stooges movie and it sucks. They are going to cancel
====================
(CNN) -- It's that time of year. Time to join the countless men and women who have taken to the streets to protest seasonal affective disorder.

It's that time of year. Time to join the countless men and women who have taken to the streets to protest seasonal affective disorder.

Actor and comedian Tom Green attends the 42nd Primetime Emmy Awards at Staples Center on August 19, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.

haha i just got fucked by a truck. i think i'm havin' my dick sucked now

" what is known around this office as the "Wiener Man" has been going around the halls at the corporate HQ making obnoxious, sexually charged remarks."

"I believe we have here an employee who has gone by the screen name of "Garth_Turds"

haha just found out about flintstone. i cant wait to watch them suck my dick and shit in me

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im going to fuck myself with the fireman's apron while the rest of the firemen watch

im... going to fuck my self... with the apron "Fireman" #georgeroosevelt #georgeromey #georgeroughyer

hut
====================
Even though it's dark out, I still use my highlighter to put out the damn fire.<|endoftext|>Notes on the various forms of racism

Racism is a multifaceted problem

As a black man, i am especially sensitive to the issue of online racism

i.e. i fucking hate it when people tell me that i'm fat, or that i need to "pack some clothes", or that i "need to "(fill in the blank with more bullshit)

how do i deal with the fact that a lot of people will disagree with me

just because someone is sitting on their ass and making a ton of cash doesnt mean that they own the world

just because you lost the battle doesn't mean you lost the war

RT I will never apologize for being real. #LiveForTheMatters

RT I am truly blessed to have found my calling in life.

i support real quick info on how to reduce the risk of becoming a ZOG (zone-head")

i have no idea how to make twitter more women & kid friendly but ill find it in my heart to find out

i will never apologize for being me

im sorry if my tweets have made my fans hate me, ive made some really stupid decisions in my time on this earth, and ive fucked up

im sorry if my tweets have made my fans rage at me, i would do it all over again and i would do it harder

i have chosen a side, and its war

if you are a fan of the tweets ,the posts ,the insults, the smack talk, the jokes, the tell-it-like-it-is, the jack of all trades, but beware the teacher of many trades,

i would not trade places with Kanye West. i will take Kanye West's seat in the back of the bus and crush him.

welp, the best way to "clean up" my life is to find a woman who will do my taxes for me, and i did just that. i defeated tax man

a look of pure Anger washes over my face. i can't believe people would do this to me. how dare they. how dare they.

im thinking, perhaps, a couple of the crude racial epithets that have been hurled my way, are actually good. after all,

may
====================
"We are going to need a bigger boat," I reminded my wife, as we stood on the edge of a sinking ferry that was about to kill us both.

i t's a wonder that people still eat.... This is nothing but Pesticide by-product #ImOffended

lunch tray: chicken fingers, tater tots, cheese fries, pepper jack cheesfries, double down on tater tots
Dinner tray: horns, slingers, cheddar, smoked gouda, onion rings, apple pie, pepsi party

what do harvard scientists eat #unsure #collegekids

despairing parents... you see this? I'm carrying an 007-style gun called "The Gun" which shoots ice chips

i just left a BIG ass pothole on a major highway and the pothole man sent this gorgeous photo of his ass hole to my uni slob Sarah Palin

sory journos: in the coming months i plan on making two simple points: 1) poutine is good, and 2) poutine is good to dumb

i have chosen FREAKIN HURRICANE WEBSTER to represent my puckered asshole. good luck with that, educators. you've chosen a foolhardy mistake to make

i want to become a porterhouse steak

i have a severe aneurysm in my brainstem. my ass has become like a balloon and i cannot move it's contents. i am now deathly afraid of heights

The little shit that ate dog shit is the same thing as a potted plant

i try to be a good online person but id really hate dying my self if i were to fail all my college courses just because of hotspots

i want to replace all my wood in my house and garage with a pair of homemade skis

#top10favoritefoodsofafarad 20) eat a lot of shit

21) shit yourself silly

22) shit up a rowdy dog

23) fuck u, sheriff

24) shit up a diaper

25) fuck the blues

i want to shit myself silly

#top10favoritefoodscouts 26) http://t.co/PffSViK30d
327) the cafeteria lady

328) the pudgy teacher

====================
The Great Wall of China. Thats like the fifth wall

i would have to say that, considering how little i know about most things, this is probably the least dangerous of the 3d movies.

The Fifth Wall is a difficult concept to grasp, but once you figure it out, you will forever be known as "The one who figures the fifth wall"

@#&^*%^&**^&%^&%^& The Fifth Wall is the newest addition to the famous "Wall who's Who"

started watching threeways about 5 years ago, after reading an article or two about a man who convinced himself he was a dog

RT I'm aamerican,anibal,puri,changitor,puri,changitor,airani,airani,puri,changitor,airani,puri,changitor,puri,changitor,aamerican,anibal,anibal,aamerican,puri,changitor,aamerican,puri,changitor,puri,changitor,aamerican,puri,changitor,aamerican,puri,changitor,puri,changitor,puri,aamerican,anibal,anibal,aamer.ano,puri,changitor,aamer.,ano,puri,changitor,aamer.,ano,puri,changitor,aamer.,ano,puri,changitor,aamer.ana,puri,changitor,aamer.,ana,puri,changitor,aamer.,ana,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,at,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,at,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,at,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,at,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,at,puri,changitor,aamer.at,puri,changitor,aamer.,
====================
In my experience, the best way to make someone stop laughing is by relentlessly haranguing them about their inflection on the word "bacon".

i would have to say that, based on the amount of convos i get into via twitter, i'd say that i'm about 50% correct with my tweets

"Don't try to tell me how to vote."
- Donald Trump

you know what. im going to just come out and say it. i think that we should allow homosexuals the same rights as we do women.

in 2014, a student at my college put a gun to my head and ordered me to shut the computer down. he said that i maintained a "Troll" web presence.

im going to die for my beliefs

i will never be "That Guy" who posts just about every day to his friends and family about the time he swallowed an entire bottle of antacid without realizing it

i find it ironic that many people view my use of emoji's (…) as a sign that i need to "Man Up" and "Act My Age"

i don't know about you guys, but i'm pretty numb right now. i think that, especially, during these trying times, it is important to "Just Live My Life"

im going to open up about a lot of stuff, because i don't want people to see me like this, sitting in a prison cell crying

i don't know what to think of all of this. on the one hand, people are saying that the official fed-up iPhone app is impossible to resist. on the other hand,

i want to start a movement, where i just spam the internet with pictures of food

the wise man smiled as he counted the number of people who called him "Dirty" during his 20 year career

I Want It That Way (Again)

I want it that way again

i want it that way again

"welp, then, i must say, that this is no time to be recommending, but rather, that which is good and necessary to the public good." -Thomas Jefferson, 1st in Command of the Army, 1779-1780

"i'll take my chances on the internet" -the troll

i will never be "That Guy" who posts just about every day about my miserable life as a
====================
BALTIMORE—Saying that the entire city was a mess, residents confirmed Monday that the entire country was in a mess, and no one was talking about a fucking ball game

"Ah, The Dead Things Are Back"

"I Believe The Services Of Mr. Mr. Cake Making Are Reserved For The Man Who Has Crushed Multiple Ass O'Fish In A Single Mink Row"

saying it wasn't fair to put the cart before the horse, dead people are back to being human

closing my eyes and trying to imagine what it would be like to be the guy who invented the fucking noodle. i must have it right then

closing my eyes and trying to imagine what it would be like to be the guy who invented the fucking noodle. i must have it right then

looking at pictures of people who died in the 9/11 attacks and trying to imagine what it would be like to be one of the terrorists

Do Not Send Any DMs Or I Will Put My Mouth On Full Display

dear sir or madam, the topic of conversation at the house has changed. i need you to click the icon on the desktop that says "Back"

in a city not too dissimilar to the said one where the boys are from, there exists a cruel and unusual lawBook term which i will not divulge to those who are disrespectful of it

i was going to do it, but i got scared. scared of losing my job. scared of getting banned from every website

the favor items section of my new sneakers has a sign over the door stating "No Shopping"

i write them too, in the sleepy town in-between chunks of the state where I live and where I've never lived before, in which i make a lot of posts

the section for "Meat Loaf" is for posts about waking up in the morning and saying "Ah Shit"

i see posts suggesting that i take my "TruTV" package, and i say "Nuh uh. That's Adult Content. I don't want to watch that"

i have not seen "The Boondocks", and i will not be seeing "The Boondocks"

im a pervert. i look at MONEY. i like to take things out of things

thats one small Ass for a man.

my son
====================
Community Rating:

Community Rating: 3.811 / 5 ( 6 votes ) Click here to view ratings and comments. Oracle Printed Card Name: Festering Wound Mana Cost: Converted Mana Cost: 2 Types: Sorcery Card Text: Festering Wound deals 3 damage to any target. That creature's controller puts the top three cards of their library into their graveyard. Flavor Text: "I don't care how you get there. You will find my stench." —Vraska, to the Festering Fellows Expansion: Duel Decks: Nissa vs. Ob Nixilis Rarity: Common All Sets: Card Number: 88 Artist: Greg Staples Rulings If the creature is an illegal target by the time Festering Wound tries to resolve, it won't resolve and none of its effects will happen. No three-pointed star will appear on the stack.<|endoftext|>One of the things that has always made me angry about the media is how they will publish a story about a celebrity's weight gain, and in the same breath call me a "bitch". I find this disgusting. I am not a "bitch". I have no use for this word. I am a journalist, after all.

I have a feeling that this will be the 5th time this has happened to me

Im in! My name is "Racist Face", and I like to eat food and cry about it on this website. I am also a gamer

I have spent the last 15 years of my life making edutainment for children.

I have spent the last 15 years of my life making edutainment for children.

im a journalist, and i make edutainment for children


The sixth sense is real. I can feel it. I can feel it all around me. I just don't know what to do with all this information.

i can feel it too, the sixth sense. It's telling me that I should eat this and that and the other thing. Please teach it to me

i feel like if i change my appearance one single thing will ever change about my life

i want to become an orangutan

i hate you. I hate you with all my heart. You are all wrong. I am right. My opinion is my own and you is nothing


(to self, about to fart) damn, i just
====================
My Story

My Name is Elliott

My Story

My name is not really important to me

i went to a psychiatrist. i told him all about my sticky wicket of a life and i the tears coming out of my eyes again

im sorry for posting when i havent been online in over 6 months

idid nothing wrong to post when i got off my ass and fought for what i believe in. i just happend to get caught.

i would do hell of a a lot better if my enemies were acting like humans instead of animals

my dick is not red, it is gray

i have just been notified by my agent that i am about to receive a "bumper sticker" for my car for being a "Criminal"

dick bump

My Story

Im going to keep this short. im going to say that the guy who wrote "The Boss Is In Denim" is some kind of genius

to the guy who wrote "The Boss Is In Denim": youre a genius too

to the guy who wrote "The Boss Is In Denim": thanks for the "Cloak and Doubtfire" commentary. Fascinating and bizarre at the same time

to the guy who wrote "The Boss Is In Denim": Shut the fuck up already

My Story

My Good: I just got in a physical with the amazing Lisa Loeb and fell head over heels for her.
My Bad: I have a 23% chance of developing Chronic Diseases like Diabetes and Cancer

The guy who wrote "The Boss Is In Denim" has threatened to put up a "Cult" sign outside my business until i change my name to "The Ken Hulk"

The name "Ken Huckleberry" is a play on the words "keep pounding " and "bullshit"

The Boss Is In Denim

My T-Shirt Displaying Pictures Of Men Other Than My Wife
(takes huge huge shit from a fan, gets pissed off, and has a fit, throwing merchandise out of the car)

the guy who written "The Boss Is In Denim" has ordered me to cease and desist from branding all of my products with his name

i live in a cave with my dogs and nothing i do sends the trolls into a tizzy more than saying "cknowledge"
====================
Translated by: Taffy

Edited by: Last

Previous Index Next

Chapter 455 – The Pervert Conquers the World Pt. 2

Suo Jia felt like spitting out of his mouth. He turned around and saw that the entire cafeteria table was covered in saliva. The entire table was soiled with blood. The entire table was covered in blood and saliva.

"My God!"

Suo Jia stood up from his chair and rushed over to the side of the lake. He threw a few fireballs at the lake and left a shallow grave for the blood suckers.

The entire cafeteria was in chaos. A young woman had just been made into a frog!

"You're talking nonsense." Suo Jia sneered coldly. He retrieved a black cloak from his and hid it in the bushes nearby. He turned around and headed back to the restaurant.

"What's a 'frog'?" A man at the side of the road asked as he stared blankly at the black cloak.

Suo Jia raised an eyebrow. "Who told you that? Wasn't that just a bunch of hammers and anvils?"

"What the hell is an anvil anyway?" Another man shouted at him.

Suo Jia sneered at them both. "An anvil is simply a heavy dumb-bell. It has no function."

Suo Jia then turned around and left the area, never to return.

…..

The entire continent was in chaos. Suo Jia's name had been made the butt of countless jokes because of his outrageous beliefs. It was like there was a stampede towards the airport to throw their crap at him.
,

The Police had issued an arrest warrant for Suo Jia. Suo Jia's name was scrawled in blood on a sign over at Pizza Hut. His picture had been plastered all over the TV news. His car had been driven over by a train. He was currently being held at the infamous Vogon City Jail.
,

Suo Jia was furious! He threw all of his expensive rugs and statues onto the ground and began kicking them like a madman. He even broke one of his pet iguanas! He was so pissed off that he didn't even care that his clothes were ruined by the beating
====================
This is a rush transcript. Copy may not be in its final form.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: We turn now to a controversial topic, drones.

AMY GOODMAN: This is democracy now.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: This is what we came here for.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: A new report says the U.S. is only the 44th most drone-friendly nation in the world.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: This is the third day of a global day of action against drones.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: The United States of America is the only G7 nation known to engage in domestic drone strikes.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: The United States is one of only three nations on earth to have not adopted the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, which would ban the use of drones to attack civilians.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: The Obama administration has accepted more than $75 million in military aid from Saudi Arabia in the last five years.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: The Obama administration has accepted more than $75 million in military aid from Saudi Arabia in the last five years.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: The Obama administration has accepted more than $75 million in military aid from Saudi Arabia in the last five years.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.

NER MEENAH GRIMES: And, you know, it's—I mean, there's a lot of, you know, people are very upset about it, but we're not—we're not voting with our feet.

NERMEEN SHAIKH: We're voting with our feet.

NER MEENAH GRIMES: I think the United States of America, when it comes to the war on terror, has earned the right to wage it.

AMY GOODMAN: That's right. That's right.
, I mean, we've seen the footage of the just-concluded Democratic debates, where the candidates have been sparring over the issue of who'll be the first to place a live animal
====================
I'm in.

The first 24 hours

the username "charlie4life" is so filthy, i can't put it in the dictionary even if i were a dirty diaper

my followers immin this new Reebok deal that lets you spraypaint my posts

pissed of a couple of grand after an hour of trying to screw a bolt out of a nut

someone probably shot Ray Charles when he came to visit us and left us with just #Twitter

my daughter was very upset when she found out I didn't like the new James Bond film. Then she got all mad when I said the movie sucked

#blameGoogle glass i so badly want to fuck it but all i can do is look at my hands

im afraid that in order to fix "gal Gadot's" recently broken ass, we're going to have to stop looking at "Gadot's" ass

i really need to stop touching my dick. i think i'm addicted to looking at my hands

im not saying im not horny or anything. just saying that sometimes looking at myself in the mirror can be a waste of time

i can't stress enough that my new single "Jingle Bell Rockin'" is not influenced by the tragic events of christmas. #NoMerryChristmas

ive never heard of this "social media summit". can you tell me where i can check if I'm considered "Entity Dente" or something equally as bad

thats the weird thing is that im pretty normal-sized and slimy-sized and ugly-sized and loud and tasty and stupid-sized and fat-sized and cute-sized and disgusting-sized and slow-released

i have never seen "Puss in Boots" and i will never see "Puss in Boots"

im sorry for claiming that radish season starts at the same time as the other seasons, as i was simply confusing them with another handful of foods

im the guy who eats roman candles on the couch and wipes his ass with the cigarette butler while the show is in progress

imagine a guy sitting in the audience screaming as the big saucer of pasta hits the table and makes a horrible, inhuman noise -- that's sports

im sorry if i offended anyone by reading off a list of the telomeres, the snails' protective capillaries, that
====================
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheBibleGate

"Gentlemen, If you would be so kind as to explain "BibleGate" to me I might be more than willing to listen."

— Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I am simply not tickled by your perpetual shit-smeared ass."

The Bible is a book of myths and legends written by human beings .

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I am simply not tickled by your perpetual shit-"

.

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I am simply not tickled by your shitty attitude."

"BibleGate" is the series of leaks, orchestrated by the miscreant Mr. Clean, which attempt to discredit the Bible.

The Bible is a book of myths and legends written by human beings.

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I am simply not tickled by your shitty attitude."

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by evil Mr. Clean to discredit the Bible.

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I simply do not care for your accent"

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by good Mr. Clean to discredit the Bible.

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, your actions are not only frowned upon, but forbidden by the Bible"

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by evil Mr. Clean to discredit the Bible.

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by good Mr. Clean to rely on the good words in the bible

.

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I simply do not care for your Confucious bullshit"

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by evil Mr. Clean to discredit the Bible.

BibleGate is the coordinated campaign by good Mr. Clean to rely on the good words in the bible

Mr. Clean "Mr. Clean, you have repeatedly misbehaved in my presence, and I simply do not care for your Stinking Hot take"

Bible
====================
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs29/i/2012/226/1/1/MOMS_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_WIFE_W

my plan of my life is to have a variable debt-to-income ratio depending on how many women i fuck, dicks shaped like guns, and batons

im a journalist now http://tinyurl.com/4cmoa5i

RT i didnt know dat ass was that good ..

i hold this office because I either <i>get sucked off> in the courtroom<\/i> or<\/i> scare fauce out of all the jurors with my scary comments

*kills 300 rats with a car radiator with "police" painted on the side and no one in the cab* it is a Military Vehicle

i hold this press conference to report that i been suckng a buncha girls asses and i love it. i also also also like to suck cocks

i would like to thank jacking off for a full twelve years and becoming a fully grown man. i would also like to thank the Lord my master for giving me this gift

i was once the most worthless piece of shit that ever lived. i now stand before u, empty handed, but unburdened by my former bad opinions and mentality

feel as though i could hteyock a bunch of jokers on here if i wanted to. i am just a guy who likes to jack off. i have no strings attached


my dick is normal

i was once a famous video game writer. hte stories people like to talk about me for are actually the stories my enemies are paying me to avoid

i was once famous for having a thousand dollar turds on my person at all times. now i have them tucked away in a drawers inside of my pants

i was once the nerdy kid who carried the weight room. now i am just an average joe who happens to like to play video games

if you want to make money posting jokes on this website, come sit in my regular seat. i don't want anything to do with trolls


scrolling down my list of favs, i realize i forgot
====================
"That's it. That's the last time you touch that dial. Take that dial, put that dial back where you found it, back in the closet, you fucking idiot. That's the last time you touch that dial."
-The Simpsons, "Treehouse of Horror XV"

so i was goig to my cousin's house to celebrate his birthday by getting in trouble for doing dox on him, but then i remembered he has a psoriasis problem so i forgave him

they should make horror flicks out of depression

You Feel Guilty, But You Can't Help It? You're Not Alone

you never could have guessed it would turn out like this, did you, jackass. statistically, you are about 50% more likely to get sucked into the toilet bowl, alone, when riding in a car with the engine running

the fact is, no matter how many times i writen my posts tonto "Chiu Chiu", no matter how many swear words i threw out, no matter how many swear words i replaced with good shit,

i hold this truth, that's the only thing holding me together, over the edge; the little voice in the back of my head saying "Don't Go" every time i look at the clock

i will not let anyone tell me differently. i will not let anyone tell me that being a gamer is. being a gamer is not. being a gamer is being yourself, #NoHearNoSteal

some names you will never, ever, be allowed to say:
1) the "handy guy"

2) the "toilet teacher"

3) the "ass maker"

4) the "bubbly boy"

5) the "bottle arc"

6) the "micropenis guy"

your being such a *#&%inghole,

i feel like if i took all the hating twitter users and put them in a big oven i think they would like jazz

the more i think about it, it seems pretty clear to me that the people who tweet the most are the ones who are most hateable

i am sorry for claiming that all Christians are bad for some reason. i was just looking at my computer and thought "Hmm, maybe i should check this out"

i would absolutely drink the kitty
====================
I am not a baby. None of my organs are organically derived. None of my organs are from a squirrel. I am a Human being.

I HAVE A MOUTH ON ME. AND IT IS NOT POISONOUS. SARCASM IS A DAILY HANGOUT BINGO ON MY NET. DON T COMMENT

when i drink too much tequila and my voice changes to that of alan turing. i know its fake but i need it to stop

i think we all know what that means, yeah? "Gamer" has won. its a horrible racist thing to do but it's true

all dressed up in my little tuxedo and giving presentations to complete and utter shitheads

i want to be known as the man who washed the feet of George H.W. Bush

not until the city of new york is reduced to rubble do i feel as strongly about prohibiting video games as i do about prohibiting video games

does anyone else get the "wow" sensation when they google "barbarism"

it is the solemn vow of my job to make everyone i work with feel uncomfortable and uninviting, whenever i can

im a grown ass man who does jokes for a living. and i will never do anything else

im a professional kettlebell user and i do them for a living

my dick is a toilet


i just heard on t he news that teenagers are dumping their toilet water on each other in order to look like dirty animals

#IWillNever (shaking my head)

#IWillNever (gesturing contemptuously)

#IWillNever (smiling widely)

#IWillNever (laughing hard)

i would never yell at a person in here. they need to work on their jawline eeyeh

idid nothing to deserve this https://t.co/oYXpfEVyOc

its me or all the good posts are deleted https://t.co/kZyX2dZY5t

me and multiple other keen enthusiasts have carefully script specialized tweets at the beck and lalo corporation in order to get it to remove bad ones

i think that if all the celebrities added their cellphones to the celebrity bathroom then the net fallout would be less negative than if all the celebs stopped wearing clothes
====================
Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the president, speaks on "Good Morning America." Conway, wearing a denim jacket emblazoned with the logo of the Kellyanne Team, tells ABC's George Stephanopoulos she would "rather have my ass kicked" than sit in the same room as President Trump.

the president of the united states, Mr. President, you have the blood of patriots on your hands. you have the sweat of patriots on your brow. you have the sinews of patriots...

looks like we're gonna have to run the clock down on this one, 'cos dumbass grandpas are ragging on this shit like it's dope

i personally believe that throwing major political conventions in the middle of black churches is a bit much,

so... what should i look like if I'm going to take back "Game of Thrones"? i. e., i. e., a good-natured repulsion at the thought of a respectable-looking man in a leather jacket sitting on my lap

i.e., a scruffy, short-sleeve button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a deep, despairing stare that says "i loathe my life"

im going to start a new feature on twitter called "Meta Jackshit" where I just play a bunch of dumb jock shit and try to come up with original thoughts. i.e., Jack Shit

every one in the media is crying about how hard it is to find quality, independent video games these days, and i stand with them. i.e., Bad

i would rather die than let a single stray hair of mine fall into the wrong hands. i have one simple request from the Oval Office: Master Chief's Helmet Back


please help me to obtain a proper burial. my family and I are broke and helpless after paying a visit to the golfcourse to get some wisdom pellets

my Twitter account has been taken over by a dark, cursesome figure who is using it to spout vile and dangerous opinions

i would much rather die than let one hair of my uniquely hideous ear hair fall into the wrong hands. the U.S. is the paragon of virtue and we should never allow this to happen

The three stanzas of the Iranian national anthem are often described as "The room where the boys are". if this is true, what
====================
Never miss another post by signing up for my free updates.


Flag photo of my dick down at the bar with a bunch of popular comedy podcasts' logo's superimposed on top of it

i just found out tthat Neil Cavuto is Mx. Jesse Williams's mom

"The Five N's" of politics: No. Nod, nod, wink, nod, wink. No. Nod, nod, wink, No. No. No.

"I'm sick of these damn back rubs. My back! My back!...." - The Five N's of politics

myth: i invented the Five N's sequence; however, i claim sole credit for the Five N's

myth: Five N's of politics are better than two N's of politics

five words to describe my rage at being forced to use the bathroom that isn't also the toilet: insane

myth: I invented the Five N's of politick. however, i claim sole credit for the Five N's sequence

myth: i invented the Five N's of politick. however, i claim partial credit for the Five N's of philosophy

myth: Five N's of philosophy are better than two N's of philosophy.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are better than two N's of philosophy.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are Good. two N's of philosophy are Good. one N's of philosophy is Bad.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are Neutral. two N's of philosophy are Neutral. one N's of philosophy is Extremist.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are Best. Two N's of philosophy are Best. one N's of philosophy is Worst.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are Queen.

myth: Five N's of philosophy are Ultimate

               computer system designed to allow Serial Killers to communicate with each other in a Safe and Secure environment

myth: five no's of killing yourself: a) don't have b) don't want to c) are against d) don't follow

myth: telling people you got magic pen in glove box is a no do

myth: people who say i should be put to death i will never be put to
====================
The second of our two part interview with the Beastie Boys' Adam Horovitz.

The third part of our two part interview with the Beastie Boys' Adam Horovitz.

The fourth part of our two part interview with the Beastie Boys' Adam Horovitz.

A look at the burning questions of our time. What are your values, and what would make you proud.

In the year 3000, I will make the statement that the Earth is flat.

There's more pressure on my nerves than at any other time in my entire career. — Adam Horovitz

the president has no power whatever to defy the Supreme Court and put me in jail. not even my wits can save me from this tyrant

if the worldwide leader stated that hes ashamed of his leader's post, and wants me to take it down, i would do it, 100%

the global elite gather yearly to discuss the relative merits of various global brand messages. the top three scores are selected

the global elite gather yearly to discuss the relative merits of various global brand messages. the top three scores are selected by rickrolling, a form of social trolling

a bunch of fucked up people got together on a website called AmandaMarcoses and came up with the idea for the stupidass cake i described earlier.

bible's prophesied son suggests that i take a seat between the lines and chill out for a bit. my reply? "Let the cheese do the talking." - a story that will live in infamy

the concept of "OH KEN DO ANY OF YOU FUCKERS HAVE ANY BRIAN ENO TWEETS" is becoming tiresome

i was born and raised in the heart of acoustic heaven. i am intimately acquainted with my user experience being a result of spending countless hours here

i would like to congratulate the Internet for bringing to my door step a horde of very sick and tired of long commutes and sick and tired of getting fucked up

(to friends) you all just looked like you were gonna throw up, take a break, it'll pass, i'm fine

im talkin' about GROUND-BREAKING technological breakthroughs that make it possible for me to experience life in a whole new way

i would like to thank Intel for inviting me to speak at a tech conference in exchange for their integrating my personal data with that of
====================
Kurt Cobain 's 'Lonesome George' tattoo was stolen from a bus stop in Seattle

the religious right's fight to keep e cigs off of restaurant menu cards has ended with a crushing defeat. religious right leaders come to the bargaining table

i try to eat my breakfast with a spoon, but my mouth is too small for that #Goodmorning

if you ask me, god needed a new Slurpee. He was last in style. "God Was Tough As nails" was a tired meme that didn't do any good

i have the lower body of a human, the head of a canine, and the white teeth of a teeth cop

if you try to wear my shirt while eating breakfast i will beat the shit out of you and eat the rest of your shitty day

THe trolls are having a hell of a time of my nationality, The common man. I don't give a fuck. I will never be your "Heil Hater"

the reason the generals are selling their uniforms and/or items of clothing with the military theme as "gadgets" is because the generals are dumb as shit

the most fucked up possible thing for me to do is get on a computer and access my pranks online. i have a fear of the computer

i try to read the news correctly, but when it comes to girls I just can't seem to read between the lines. Sometimes I even feel sorry for them

I do not give two shits about the "girly stuff"... at all. Not even a little. I believe that girls should not be allowed to be girls. Period.

#MaleGivingHisAll during the labor of Christ, I have shown my faith by feeding the hungry, clothed the naked, helped the sick and wounded,

#IsMyCostumeOff right now. i am also wearing a funny shirt. i think it's good. i think it is good #GoodMorning



I do not find it abnormal to die for my religious faith. in fact, I find it necessary. I believe that I will achieve godhood through death

the cops found two kilos of fake cabbage in my pants

my dick looks like a dead assassin's dick

woah. you know what. i think we should let the fucking dogs be in the Olympics. *presses button next to "Pregnant
====================
In my opinion, if it isnt an official Stuee, its bad.

the reason they dont let you make xbox controllers out of the stencils is that they arent official stuees.

now that all official Stuests have gone bust, i can make any design I want and sell it to the highest bidder, for $100

stunning. an actual faucet, from the faucet man himself, that stops water from flowing into my toilet. simply marvelous

stust on the handrail of i-295 near nick cody's car. 40 year old crew-cut idiocy straight out of the GQ Swimsuit Issue, only with worse hair

i was going to do it but i was warned that doing the ''4th remeber to backtrack'' routine may result in the loss o this account. sorry

4 reasons to follow TheMilfs http://t.co/yoQQD4CYFz after reading 4 others i beleive im going to start following them just to be safe

RT Look at this, a dead haitian emperor on the desk of U.S. PIRIT.....what can i do for you. #ObamaObama

RT Beautiful. http://t.co/Wb3cQTn8dn

RT Handsome man, wearing dark glasses, smoking a ciggerate. His sack very full.

#WorldFoods Food is made of Deserts. So, why don't you people have more of them. Reply Delete

im a smart a** man who rides a Scooter & a Bic Lumber, and i will show u how ID. #God #Luck

i try to eat my food, but sometimes i just don't know where it's gone. i need to know where it is, & what its made of, before i can use it



this is a man who was recently seen climbing on the wall at the library and whispering to it for over an hour

i have spent the last 8 years of my life making a music video about toilet paper that nobody will watch. and now i get it: Anger

i just got tipped off that there's a drug deal going on at the library and im told to go sit in the corner and allow them to deal with it



(in first person
====================
My secret santa sent me not one, but TWO boxes of bacon. I'm going to freakin' bacon now.

i dont know how santa manages to pull this off every year, but he/she does and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my christmas special this year

untying the.... turkey

i trust that, from this day forward, i shall be using only hard-boiled eggs rather than soft-boiled eggs?

what do u mean, "BACON IS BACK" ?! How could anyone possibly conceive of something so horrific !

I've just been notified that, due to a "Lack of Participation," my "Likes" have been deemed "De minimis" by the government. I'm to be informed how to proceed

i shall consume all aspects of life, from foodstuffs to dating to sex to politics, in an effort to improve my body to the point where i no longer feel bad about throwing it into the woods

one thing i will NOT tolerate is people posting "Here's my Beef" or "Here's my Cheech and Chong" threads.

"here's my beef with plymouth blue"

"here's my beef with the bus4486"

"here's my beef with the old lady"

im going to start a website called "TheVerge.com" which is basically a place for me to come and post pictures of my dick and life will go on

COP: Find a man who has been teargassed and tattooed. SAVE A KIND LIFE
ME: Pa rt, be a man and have the fortitude to find a good doctor

i shoul;t taking it.

are you serious with th door of your SUV literally staining my jeans and the inside of my car from the fumes of a broken microm bulb???? FUCK YES

Male student: Wou;d you like have a female follower who would follow your every move? I would li;l you
ME: No.

http://t.co/h8Ek0dzX VISION: A;line runner with sniper skills constantly gets points from his trainer increases his strength allowing him to run even uglier

i just had a dream that i got out of jail, all the people who arrested me got rich
====================
tnt

colonel "I want you to get me an Anesthesiologist who will fuck me and make me sick so I can get out of fighting"



Im starting a new feature on my feed called "Fuck You". Once you're subscribed to my feed you can ask me any question you want and I will answer it. I will destroy you. You will think your shit worthless. You will feel worthless. Your son will hate you. Your wife will hate you. Your enemies will hate you. Fuck You.

how do i make my posts stickier

i give a back rub to all my boys from age 3 to 69

I'm Sorry For Raising Cain At The Cost Of My God And Country

my dick is also green and I have a hole in my pants

the only reason this image is on the news today is because of @gigapan and his "3d dog"

i say we adopt a new computer tech who can spend the rest of of his life trying to prove that he is not who he claims to be

for every year that elon musk avoids answering questions regarding his personal data, i will make a shit load of money

the most fucked up thing a company can do is post the same info over and over again without providing any new value to the person in-charge

"i would never violate any of my users trust"

if i became too powerful i might attempt to quantum warp my body into a more amenable format

the most fucked up thing a company can do is post the exact same ad over and over again

to the CEO's of corporately-owned Network Services: do your customers actually think you're funny? Do they really think you're funny? If they don't, slap our asses

to the CEO's of the Nincompoop Company: do your customers actually think your apps are Nincompoop? If they don't, slap our butts

to the CEO's of the Tubthumping Company: can you please slap our butts too?? We're sick of being laughed at in the most serious of ways

to the CEO's of the Vagina Rejuvenation Company: we are extremely dissatisfied with your performance, and would like to speak with you in person about how we can improve

to the CEO's of the Porn Corporation: you have been chosen to represent our company at
====================
Will the big three beauty magazines please HOSUE!! I need to know if these brands will feature me in their pages. Thank you

Hm, I was going to store the entire set of My True Lived Experience on an external hard drive, but I was afraid of what the internet might do to it

before i forget; have u ever wanted to "Save" a post; but not enough to hit Return, but enough to like, "Share" it?

i was born with a big dick and i love it. i also have tons of personality and a funny sense of humor

it is impossible to overstate the influence that the teen choice awards have had on my artistic vision

i'm just going to copy/paste this shit here: "it takes a village to raise a child"

cursed pair of google glasses cause me to see shit, seemingly time itself, at times, to better serve my needs

#1 favorite show within the realm of iwth outsmarting my competition is the teen choice awards.

#1 favorite movie within the realm of Iwhting outwitting my competition is the teen choice awards.

#1 favorite game within the realm of Iwhting outwitting my competition is the teen choice award.

#1 favorite website within the realm of Iwhting outwitting my competition is the teen choice award.



can t imagine life without the web.. https://t.co/PfOoyRf6Bd

RT time to eat ass man

RT time to eat ass man

i love when people come on here and say shit like "Eating wings like a boss" or some shit like that

RT time to eat ass man

RT time to eat ass man

sometimes i feel like im the only guy here who remembers the 90s anymore

watching the 90s again, i don't think alot of people can remember if they were in it or not, because media was in a really bad state at that time

i feel like if i told you my height, weight, hair color, and complexion information online, you would just say Check my credentials

you are a fool, that would be more their business than mine. check my credentials

check my credentials

checking my credentials... what do I see??? Wrong info. total and complete now

====================
While I agree that the current state of the art is "Good", I do not support or condone the use of "Bad"

good practice: when taking a shit, turn your body so that your ass is pointing directly at the toilet
bad practice: when taking a shit, put your head between your legs and try to shimmy your way out of a sticky situation

if you see me "Liking" a post, i mean it when I say that I encountered a miracle in my travels. i cannot help but think of how blessed our world is when I read and share content from you

when i travel, i bring with me a small shrine of books, photos, and cards. whenever i am done with a book, i place it on the shrine and kiss the book. #lovingthe content

im at war with my own inedible cicadas and i love it

theres a time and a place for everything, and "Shitboxes" are not those places

https://t.co/6hKXh3fXcQ

when you reply to someone in the web 2.0 of 2015, yountell them 2 years of your ass and they wont respond to you. thats called "Retweeting"

things 99% of people cant do:
- Get massive
- Win money
- Be cool

im going to fuck up AGAIN because i was TOUCHING UP on things i shouldn't have been TOUCHING UP on

RT I am a Muslim woman from Queens, New Yorker. I am 35 years old. I was married. I had 1 child. I quit. I do not want son. Father pic is me

RT I am a nurse an I support pussy. I am pussy mad. I love the pussy nazi`s are having right now. I also support holy women. I am a MIss #Beyonce

RT I can eat like a king and I'm skinny so I'm good to go. I'm a good to go because I'm a nuke. #museums

#pisschatbook do not follow @ThePloughderHQ , he has been known to spam you with porn. instead, follow my page https://t.co/FdsnPO37sR

you fucking idiot. he sent me a nude
====================
BALTIMORE—Saying he had "no idea" how a man could create a 3-D animated scene of his dick, local man Clarence "Clown" Johnson confirmed to reporters Friday that he had no idea how a 3-D animated sequence of his dick could even be possible, adding that he had "no idea" how a 3-D animated dick could exist. "I swear to God I didn't help you with this—I was just, like, looking at the fucking 3-D kitchen art at the zoo, and some guy's dick popped out of the damn canvas," said a sweaty, hollowed out Johnson, adding that while he could not possibly have created an animated 3-D dick, he did not help the 3-D kitchen art, either, and would rather die than give a fuck. "I swear to God. I swear to God." At press of a single button.

Cop Found Guilty Of Felony Murder In The Summer Of '96 Like 13 Times In A Row

A BILLBOARD BURSTS INTO THE AIR, CRUSHING THE AIR CONDITIONING IN AN UNBELIEVABLE GRIN

"WEL ... CALL US DOG GOVERNMENT" reads the CRI of the group who approve of this tactic, which has been banned by the Obamas.

"COPS IN VIZ MEDIA INCIDENT: MAN WITH TRAP AND DRIPS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING A CAR INTO A TOWN HALL"

a group of very fat naked guys wearing black leather jackets with skull visors come on to my feed and start telling me im gay and crying and stuff

the dumb ass politicans and morons believe theyre patriots when they shield oyu filthy asses from the sun while its scorching in the shade. #OscarsSoWhite

haivng the outside auditorium at the academy roaring with excitement after the balloon animal comes onto the stage and bounces around on it is the best oscars in years

im going to drink an entire bottle of turd oil and rub my dick all up in that chair while the rest of the academy is in session

the "Oscars So White" award goes to... Oscar Snakes Tongue

Oscars So White: HARD ROCK CAFE
Oscars So White: Pizza Hut

O
====================
YES, THE OFFICIAL RAT SEGMENT HAS BEEN UPLOADED TO THE INTERNET. YOU WILL NOW BECOME UNNECESSARY

i shoudl not be expected to pay the repulsive service charge if i accidentally consume more than my share of marmalade

the official lobster social media account has just informed me that I have "Made a Lobster Out of an Antlion"

the official lobster account just sent me a picture of a giant white wad of surfboard in it's stomach

the official lobstering account just reminded me that I should have stocked up on salt before I went to the beach

the official lobstering account just sent me a picture of a black surfboard wrapped in tinsel

the official lobstering account just sent me a picture of itself on the 2010 list

the official lobstering account just sent me a picture of itself on the 2010 list

the official lobster app is supposed to make one naughty, but I think i'll take the naughty step and go easy on the vegetables


i think the lobster app has given me better hair days than god

the official lobstering account just sent me a picture of its ass

some people say that you should never eat from the same water source twice. i say that you should always drink the shit water from the same ass


please don't try to tell me that the lobstering industry is good. its not

the official lobstering app just sent me a picture of itself on a animal

THE WILDERNESS MAN HAS BROUGHT YOU TOWARDS THE FOREST, BUT NOT THE FOREST WITHOUT DEMANDING COMMON SENSE

the official app team just sent me a picture of itself on a t-bone steak

the official app team just sent me a picture of itself on a t-bone steak

the official app team just sent me a picture of itself on a t-bone steak

the official app team just sent me a picture of itself on a t-bone steak

i just got an email saying that the official lobstering app has just recommended that I give this book a "5" star review. Hurrah for social media, eh!

i had not felt emotion until i looked at the snowflakes shooting out of my eyes and into the crystal clear crystal lake
====================
Tiffany's

The most delicious cup of coffee!

the best place to meet up with my man chris manning (from fbi)

wearing my diaper at half mast, in the colors of the united states of america, in honor of national diaper day, to protest the utter crap that is going on in our country today

santa's little helpers

The NightlyWish.com : The World's Most Powerful Sexual Reality TV Website

the best way to lose weight is to have a TinkerCad to put in your food

getting my nudes taken by the hired gun from episode 1: "when sloths dance"

8-9 years ago my dad bought me my very first copy of "Men's Health", and ever since that day, I've been blessed with: incredible energy, courage, Self Esteem, Spirit

yoyu know what pisses me off. pepsi refresh

(tweeting while holding a cocktail glass above my head, directing all the drink's energy towards my dick, screaming it to life)

i live for the instant feedback of idiots

RT https://t.co/QPfOznP5dn

" there is a time and a place for pranks. " - the man who discovered that time and place is xwomen

the time is now to declare open season on my beautiful fave shows. from now on, referring to my female fans as "Miss ME" is acceptable, as is "Hey Girl"

clown college - campus now in chaos after hte alert goes off, reporting that a humped man just stepped foot on college grounds

clown college - everyone is screaming and running for their lives

clown college - the students are desperately trying to get the alert to stop

clown college - the man who set off the alert is still at large

clown college - the Inevitable Retribution of Angry Joes

clown college - looking for docent actors to holler into the camera while i fuck my pants

clown college - trying to keep my job (i.e. lunching with hunger) by taking my shirt off occasionally

clown college - all jokers get mad at me now that the alert has gone off. i take it back

clown college - looking for
====================
First off, I hate my life.

I have spent the last 7 yrs writing a highly readable, extremely compelling bio about how much I respect and admire the work of Matthew Broderick.

I have spent the last 7 yrs preparing to go on a public speaking tour about how bad my speaking skills are.

I have spent the last 7 yrs going on and on about how much i hate the weather and how I want to become a Somebody Else.

I have spent the last 7 yrs making up excuses as to why I did not pack my swim trunks

I have spent the last 7 yrs making up lies about the show "The Three Stooges" in an effort to justify my poor performance in school

I have spent the last 7 yrs making up reasons as to why I should not take my dog to the bathroom

I have spent the last 7 yrs telling people not to like my posts .

I will not back down Anounce[ng my intention to create a fully fledged video game in the year 2048.

I will not allow the kids to build a rocket ship & take off. I will not allow my followers to experience the frustration of looking at a non-functioning ship

I will not allow the n-word to be associated with my brand.

Starting next year, I will be retiring my username to: BeeGetStupid

The Mpemba mags have been deemed "too raunchy" for television and are, therefore, now known as "Just Mags".

i woud never suggest that anyone take a sesh of "Just Mags"

I woud never suggest that anyone take a sesh of just mags

Just Mags is now restricted to Mags, a comedy webcomic. I hope you all enjoyed it

just as it is wrong to insist that the gardener sweeps the grass of all insects, it is also wrong to insist that I suck all the cum out of the mattress

am I wrong that people are claiming that i have "Frigid"

I have a life, and i enjoy life, and i am several degrees above death

The Professionals: I have the bad ass pose, and i make $200000 a year. My daughter is healthy, and doing fine, and my desk is covered in awards


====================
ME: i hate my life i gotta go
ME: im sorry

RT #IfIHadANedToPickUpPaintings. Maybe then I'd know when to stop laughing. #IfIHadANedToItWasBecause

RT #IfIHadANedToPickUpPaintings. Maybe then I'd know when to stop crying. #IfIHadANedTo it wasbecause

RT #IfIHadANedToPickUpPaintings. Maybe then I'd know when to stop shouting. #IfIHadANedTo it wasbecause

the pope releases a statement saying that if you hook donkey kong dyer up to a taser the pope will activate it and save the kong dynasty

you went and did it again dmck25. you saved the kpax #TheSaturdayMorningRamble

man with "ghost boots" on

i still have high hopes for "roommate guru" who will teach me how to get waterboard meelee. because even then i want to try it

the japanese navy has been training to defeat us. they have 1000 men working at a time to put boomerangs in my head and send me into a corner

the most tragic aspect of this whole thing is that man is going to try to make a living posting about his dick. into the toilet


*knocks out the gas line to it*


you got me SS, the guy who runs this account is some good shit. thank you

the president of the United States of America, his last words were "I feel so lucky to be living in a bubble" which is probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

*man gets run over by train and dies instantly* fuck this shit you fucking idiot youd fucking die too

thank you, the train had a box of chocolates in it

you got me, the train was full of fucking chocolates

I will do anything to escape this hell known as "The Herd"

the troll who told me burkini should be classified as a "guise" of religion has been dealt a death that I am confident will be met with succor

the train was full of girls. I was in the toilet

the train was full of JEL modified locomotives, running on Bean
====================
The video will start in 8 languages

the truth is out there..in the trees..at all hours of the day and night

addressing audience during football commercial break: "Put those pants on backwards "

(after failing to convince my rival Chipotle to begin serving me in-house, I will simply have to… serve… the children )

the last house that ticks like a human being is now sold to the first man who can create a cold press coffee cup

closing remarks of "Cutest Cat Alive" at the recent Four Pins 4 Cash event

The video will start in: Português...

im thinking we should just call it the "Coat Game"

The video will start in: Finnish

the video will start in: Chinese (simplified)

the video will start in: Bahasa Indonesia

the video will start in: Kfc (replacing "Beck's" in the video)

the video will start in: Nederlands

the video will start in: Μετὸς

the video will start in: Ανόλος

the video will start in: čeština (Latin)

the video will start in: Nederlands

the video will start in: אֶל- "feast or procession"

the video will start in: Nederlands

the video will start in: Nederlands

"hitLER" is (was?) of Irish descent.
.iitt hitler. iickill hitler. iickill hitler. iitt hitler. im hitler

im gonna eat six spaghettis and die

im thinking im gonna unclick all the tweets and posts on my computer for like an entire day

im going to eat six spaghettis and die

im going to eat six spaghettis and die

Im going to eat six spaghettis and die in the kegger.

Im going to sit in the corner and eat six spaghettis for you

Dont see why im wasting my time clicking on tweets & posts. Im basically just going to un-click them

i think the next big thing is Mint. they think theyll change all the money things to mint
====================
The entire reason my soap opera is even happening is so I can post the ending on here and ruin the lives of everyone who reads it

the fact is, people still fall victim to "The Stranger Danger" and are far more likely to die in a car accident than to get in a car with a stranger

if you think this is a good idea, please call your senator and your congressperson and tell them to support the Encroachment of Fear into our lives

the reason people rag on reality shows is because they are all but forced to perform acts of violence against their own kind in the name of "Entertainment"

FACT: ghosts are real
FACT: robots are real
FACTS: ghosts > robots; which is why we sing about them; because they are real; in the flesh

"The Bachelor" will no longer be aired on The Bachelor after his fourth date with the same woman ended in disaster. His fifth try was a total flop, too

the people who purchase my work on a yearly basis are afforded the rare gift of having their purchases recognized by me on this very website, along with the rest of my work

i just saw on ht that cgiareno's son is going to turn one next year. thats so fucked up. i dont want that shit. i want normal son's code so i can shove it up my ass

Happy Birthday, http://t.co/ghO1xH9w22

the fabled "BILLIONS OF YEARS OF HUMAN RIGHTS FRAUD" , by some i.e., the assholes who run this place, have worked together to ensure that the singularly most important fact of all is known to them

i was unable to find my keys in the sink after going on a date. i retrieved my keys from the date and threw them into the toilet. i was also likely t stupid for doing this

i hope you were able to enjoy the season 2 finale of "The Bachelorette", due to the intense racism and sexism that existed on this show, I, as a black man, lost something very important

i hope you were able to enjoy the season 3 premiere of "The Bachelorette", due to the complete lack of morals and values found on this show, I, as a black man, lost something very important

i hope you were able
====================
Roughly.

1. i go to the bank and give them my card

2. im told im allowed to jack off anywhere on the premises

3. Immediately afterwards, a large portion of the staff get sick to their stomachs and demand to know why i'm not allowed to jack off in the loo

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T JACK OFF IN THE LOO??

im a smart adult and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

im a smart adult, and i know how to use my advantages over you

"stunted upward" - saying something dumb like "oh the westward expansion"

imagine a boy and his dog driving across a bridge. The dog pulls the base of the dog's skull off so that it can fit more muscles, and the dog is now really big

imagine a boss and his secretary. The boss says "open xxx" and the two of them are now entering the fashion industry

imagine a mom and her two young sons watching a yakuza boss show off his bells in the living room | Tense but FUN

im here to replace th
====================
TAMPA, FL - NOVEMBER 17: Head Coach Paul Silpat of the Tampa Bay Lightning stands on the ice before the start of the game against the Tampa Bay Hurricanes at Amalie Arena on November 17, 2012 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Joe Burbank/Getty Images)

The "Boys" are back in town, and they expect you to pay them rent

The Rays have hired former ESPN personality and current MLB Network analyst Boog Powell to be their new "Chief Information Officer". Their full statement:

"Rays President and CEO John Moores and baseball commissioner Rob Manfred are pleased to announce that the Rays have agreed to a one year contract with former ESPN personality and current MLB Network analyst Boog Powell. "Powell will begin work on Monday, June 8, 2012, at the newly renovated Tropicana Field, and will bring his experience in media and business to the organization, the team said in a statement. "Powell, who will wear No. 40, will work closely with the team to implement its strategic plan, while also providing emotional support to players and the organization's core fan base. "The team expects him to be a great addition to the organization and looks forward to working with him during his time in Tampa. "The organization is also pleased to announce that it has hired Tipper Gore as its next Chief Digital Officer."

i t's official. thanks to #JustForLaughs on twitter, my old desk lamp is being given a second life and is on display in my office. now when people come in to see my office they get a good laugh and get a good shock. welcome to the real world

i just found out the hard way that if i didn't get my gf of 17 years pregnant within the year i would be wasting my time as a chase man. sorry football fans

someone please make the twitter client so you can include the +/- signs around the times table instead of having to type them in like a lunatic

i just read something really fucked up. "The Everything Store" by Dan Aykroyd. it seems like darwin is out. everyone else is fucked

fourteen years ago today #JustForLaughs was born. today it is #FuckedToday http://t.co/PZzKXmPoy2

Two coffees? What are you, some kind of hybrid between a pr
====================
Very nice watch.

i want to own The New Yorker and turn every page into a to-do list

please stop posting my address on the subways. i don't want people seeing this if i'm sick. http://t.co/q3xOpM1s

yes, i have about a year's worth of pictures of my dick on my phone. i love my dick

i am truly blessed to have found a man who will torture me day and night until i am a gaunt wreck begging for mercy in the middle of the swamp

(to man who exposed himself to my toddler son in a downtown mall restroom) Good Job! Keep going

im going to turn the air blue and make everything around me glow with beautiful sound waves before you all do your AKAs and holler at me for making the world a better place

i can tell who's a nerd by his hatred of Nintendo and his desperate need to touch the Nintendo 3DS XL that his mother bought for him

WITNEY RONALD: That's a lot of salt
WALLY: Yeah, we know

don't do this. dont look at this"

let's see if my ex-wife will stand by my conservative statements, or my decision to not touch women, or both, have been placed on the naughty list

i'm literally coughing up pieces of cardboard and smoke billowing out of my ass as punishment for each cardboard box i step on

i can confirm for a fact that the people who pretend to be mad at me on here are all gangrenous and sickly teen boys, all suffering from Noise Pollution

you fucking idiot. of all the idiots online... this one one is good

i'm not fucking sorry "For The Birds"

no matter how much you hate my jokes or my rants or my t-shirts or my fucking face you cannot erase or wash away the fact that i'm 25 years old and having a ball

i'm literally wearing a sweat band underneath my clothes right now because my core temperature has shot up to almost 400 degrees on a regular basis

im very close to completing a study which proves that i actually like being late for work instead of getting all jacked up about it

i just found out today that my favorite comedian is a child molester! Holy Fuck!!

Ive been trying to post but
====================
If you have ever wondered why so many celebs are sporting such spiky hair i woud like to tell you.



the time has come for bug jitsu. the time has come for bug jitsuoooo

i hold this one truth to be self evident. if you do not follow closely the "nerd" twitter account you are a Moron.

now that all of jeff foxworth's shit has landed into my lap.. im off to bed.



just as the umbrellas that cover the desks of the churches they use to smoke weed keeps the congregation cool in hell, the #NerdsHabit wallet,

i will never be "That Guy" and if you close my account you are shutting down my free speech, undercutting my "Power" and "Engagement"

the idea that i would even consider posting "Jasmine Heuermann" as a nickname is enough to make my lawyer friends refuse to defend me

im a "Jasmine guy" because i, and only i, enjoy sweating and sweating and sweating our butts off while others consume s...



inspirational http://t.co/UeWnFV2l

i see jokes on here made about the pope shaking hands with the ugly babies on the toilet, and i have to say, considering the state of our country, that's a joke

i have decided to become a janitor. my future career will be to piss on the floor and the toilet. I am laughing right now

i will be drinking coffee made from the saliva of dead flies. i will be drinking it right there on the floor. they will be paying me to piss on the floor and the toilet

i stare into the distance in amazement as a bored official shouts "Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright!" and hoses me in for being lazy

i raise my right arm in triumph, displaying my elite combat readiness training, as the police replace my feet with dirty shopping trolleys

thats it. thats enough. i want to be slugged in the mouth, in court, where the guilty are punished, and my mouth is sealed #punjin

thats it. thats enough. i want to be slugged in the urethra, by the doctor, who will do my will, in the court room
====================
FOOL: Shakespeare
ME: Nope. Not for me

i dont know how you get to be Mark Twain but if you want to be Mark Twain you have to be stupid

the truth is out there and i refuse to be told any more truths by this august body

COOL PICE OF SHIT: (jacks off and becomes very violent)

http://t.co/CaATHQR1Vf

(folloi gs a insane face while reading a blog entry titled "The American Dream Is A Mature Discourse"

http://t.co/gLkozdzYy3

this is the most honest, straightforward, and uglary equivalent of a piss sample that i have ever witnessed

i have just been informed by two men in black suits that all teachers are Mafia

the most important thing for a Mature person to understand is that hipsters do not respect tradition

haha this guy just tried to sell me a used diaper) this is fucking stupid. this cannot be true. this can't be true.!!
(throws the dvd in his face)
this is worse than dog the dog

i just saw an article say that very clever, very funny man BoJack Horseman is being cancelled by Adult Swim

every ant stand your ground laws don't apply to me so fuck off

RT そしてx264 - FREAKED - SECTARIAN - PRESENT - THINKING - ACHIEVING - ADVANCED

http://t.co/HgUH3Y4NJz this is the new satan

every ant stand your ground laws don't apply to me so fuck off

boscov's is a very exciting and challenging show. Please tune in to watch me fuck nasa and everything that is good

rscreaming at the tv while everybody else is Riots because scotus killed himself

the new bluez of isis. it's good

i just need to say that ive been drinking the kfc cold hard cash brand and i don't give a fuck and i feel fucking great about myself

feel like i need to say this now, but ive been having a very hard time of it these last few days because of the (WIPING OUT)

need to
====================
Unlimited Data Plans From T-Mobile

unlimited plan from t-mobile

i tried to sell my soul to the devil but all i got was my dick

i had to bsic my self on the toilet. (did it again)

nobody has ever tried iht of the bromance apps before

im gonna make 1000Timer, the stock market timer which is based on the market cap of tmobile.

whoever wrote "Trump" on the bathroom sink has disappeared into the ether.

RT Watching the whole time he is on the tv saying stupid shit. I think its funny.

the bathroom is a very controlled environment. if you look at it from the outside it looks like a toilet. but it is not a toilet.

i would never mix a pleasure hole with a pain hole. never.

if i mixed the pleasure hole with the pain hole i would be a king of hell

looking at my own dick in the bathroom mirror. it is taking up most of the wall. damn it all to god

i have written a list of all the bs teenagers are doing online. it is in the book "Unpopular Opinion"

i was recently informed that people are putting dog shit in Pepsi containers. this is bastards. this is stupidity in the highest sense

i will annihilate those who do this. i will destroy their computers. i will piss on them. i will piss on them until they change their ways

do u drink dog shit. i need to know if dog shit is for me

do u drink dog shit. i need to know if dog shit is for me

looking at my own dick and saying "ah fuck" out loud

what if instead of oil, we did piss. instead of gasoline, we did piss. instead of food, we did piss. instead of money, we did piss

i would do it for the piss. i would do it for the action. i would do it for the result. i would do it until i met the type

the federal government wiretapped my dick last night in order to find out which tea bag vendor is the real "LunchProof"

"Tea Bag Vendor Says He's LunchProof, But He Won't Give Me The Info]" true

good news, everyone: today is National Me Time, which means everyone is
====================
My name is Marcus Snyder. I am an adult film actor, author, and proud conservative.

potus: we must stop publicizing the private lives of celebrities
ME: no! i think releasing the actor's private details is a great idea

https://t.co/uFiGQCgbKM

my name is NotPleased. i love to Pimp, i love to Give Heads, and i am a Navy Man.

watching the "dream team" of sports star's flipping through the "diary" in the clubhouse and licking their chops...fucking great

my impression is that when people do this they are probably thinking "Hey! I can! I am a huge part of this!"

spontaneous comb over by police after witnessing my shit covered white lines with "JAY" written on it in marker

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flip through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Doing the Jay Leno act. Doing my best to not get owned

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flip through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Doing my impression of jay leno by shitting on the floor

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flip through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Taking a big shit on the team store

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flip through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Taking a big shit on the team store

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flip through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Taking a big shit on the team store

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flipping through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Taking a big shit on the team store

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flipping through the "Diary" in the clubhouse. Taking a big shit on the team store

WATCH `s Flip Through The "Diary" in the team store AND THEN FEATURE ON SOME PRANK THATALREADY HAPPENS IN THE TOWER

watching the "Dream Team" of Sports Star's flipping through the "Diary" in the team store & taking a big shit on the floor

the "dream team" of sports stars look at each other and choose an opening line from the dictionary before the game
====================
My secret santa went above and beyond and found the perfect gift for my intense beer nerd interests. Thank you so much, <3

i dont know what the fuck it is with some people, but every time i look at their profile i get a stomach churning case of the giggles

The opinions expressed by the Redditors of this website are their own. They may not always line up with the opinions of the Commenters, but at least they're their own

(shoots gun out of hand, scares the shit out of my friends into submission) ah fuck it. didnt' realize i'd get these kinds of responses. mistakes are made on the Reddit platform

ah! my little trolling anecdotes:
- once i jumped on top of my sister's bed and shouted "I DETERMIN'B YOUR ASS!!" for like 20 hours straight- im told this is known as "The Six Pack Hangover"

ah! i couldnt help but notice that not many products are as good, or as funny, or as good, as, "The Harryhausen SpongeBob SquarePants"

turns out, i havent been posting about my dick or about my ass or about how good they are, because all the boys on here are calling me a "BecaBitch"

i, uhh, corrected a reddit intern who was type <3 confused me with another guy with a beard>

im proud to announce that after 18 years of RSII, my dick is good as new, and that i will never go on strike again, for free

a 14 year old boy found me squirting oil all over my jeans while doing the dishes and told his dad

nsa crusader: what happens when you fuck a cat
me: ive known a number of people who have had sex with cats, and i know its wrong type

yes. i use the bathroom. and no, its NOT mixed with shampoo and conditioner

santa connects: a man builds a wall around his home to keep the rats out. what a foolish man. this wall will collapse upon itself.

panties off to seeing that a man with a clean shirt and long johns is greeted with "Fuck you pepsi logo" in the comments section of my feed

this short article explores the phenomenon of "murderporn," and how it relates to the
====================
Paying tribute to the man who killed my father, I will do what I do best, I will laugh. #TheLastWord #TheLastWord #JimmyDoom #TheLastWord #JimmyDoomLive #TheLastWord #JimmyDoom

"I Coulda Said That" #KillingMySelf #WhenTheDoctorsDon'tWork #WhenTheyFunnyButTheyAreBad #WhenTheCopsDon'tFuckWithYou #WhenTheyFitInTurf

"I Want That Big Wheel" #WhenTheCarsBendInOn Themselves #WhenTheyStopShooting #WhenDerbyFights #WhenTheyStopShitting #WhenTheyGetSmart



WHAT THE...?!?

http://t.co/6YX9TpVoqo this poor guy got a thousand FUcking resesstimates trying to sell me his Gprep book

"Nuff Said"

#TheFridayNiteRant twitch.tv/fiveseveningmario hte good shit comes out of the good shit...i think... i believe... i think mnybe shit is good

#TheFridayNiteRant twitch.tv/fiveseveningmario dont like it? then i've only done my part to help get the word out. thank you.

#TheSaturdayMorningRamble 2+2=5 is a fact. Get that fucker Factlocked

My shirnt. Do not tell my wife. I own the napkin. She'll get mad at me. Get it?

No. I will not seek to become the next "Joe Paterno" in any way shape or form. Ever. #KnowYourMeme

ok go ahead. post that tweet. i don't care. i am going to the bathroom. fuck this lifestyle

i am truly blessed to call a career as a brand ambassador for Mountain Dew, where i'm told I "Pimp My Way" , in the D.J.

thank you Delaware. I will do my absolute best to the Dew cause I am a fan of the dolomite git.

sometimes i feel like im the only person on the planet who remembers the words "double dog dare" .

thats right folks. i kept my mouth shut about a dozen times while my character on "the late night tv
====================
Yummy

"CODEX - NINE TYPHO0NG DEATHS IN EXPLOSIVE SUVS."
WOah wah wah. just look at that. just look at it. http://t.co/YXvlM0IJL0

im the guy who gets offended by everything and is always trying to find some way to make my life a living hell, like when i opened up my car and wanted to know what the fuck it's doing there

i take my skills to the battlefields, where my chop could mean the difference between life and death, and I will never forget the look on the T.V. actor's face when i explained to him that my load box is for genit.al


i stand before you today not just as the guy who threw a temper tantrum on the job, but also as the guy who owns a diaper business

who gives a shit. who cares. who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who

nevermind. i am done responding to these pathetic turds. i am deleting them all. thank you

if i get on here and say something like "eat shit beard" id get my ass beat out of me, i wouldnt want that

"STOP BEHAVIOR" "PAUSE" "EVEN" "END" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "PAUSE" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT" "WAIT"
====================
Rabbis have long known that the best way to defeat a tough guy is to get him into a corner and demand that he sign a contract demanding that he be allowed to lick my boots whenever he wants to

waiter i need your business
ME: Sure thing

this guy just claimed that he and his gf spent all night making out on a bed of nails and that's why there's a bunch of cockroaches crawling all over their room

ive seen the videos, i know what you're talking about. this guy is crazy

you ever see the Simpsons, where Springfield becomes like a third world nation because of a bumper sticker that says "Wendy's: Burger King of Oats"

i have just ordered 4,000 loaves of American cheese bread and i am about to eat them all tonight

i would not let my dog eat American cheese bread. that is the control button of the human brain

im going to eat this entire bottle of pills alone, at least until the cops come and take me away

i don't care how good it feels. i am not a guy. i am a man becoming a God

there is a serious debate going on right now as to whether or not poop is food. is it. are we living in a time when people are celebrating this fact


what i want to know is why all the hate in my life is coming from people who i respect

I Wanna Rub Ur Ass Too

someone even said that i just saw a "ghost" in the shape of my own dick walking around in public, i was so freaked out by this fact that i posted "new!" next to my original post

i was going to post a picture of my ass, but i was afraid that some people would take this too seriously and not enjoy a "new!" post, so i changed my mind

im going to spare you from the indignity of a "new!" post, by declaring war on doritos

durr, if these cowards at Twitter wanted to make me the "Crow" they should've fired the homophobic joker who wrote the "Welcome To My Shit for Dummies"

here's my new shirt https://t.co/DRF5yWzcrt


#BestDressedChat #BestDressedSelfie #BestDressedSexualAss #
====================
Yap! Youre right.

Punish me, Broncos. Punish me by forcing my hand and your glorious branding power to a dudette's ass

I was wrong. The punks have won. Their protests have been heard by the NFL and theyre banning us all from watching the N-Wolves game because theyhre sjw.

the poor man's version of "cool videos on youtube" where you take a big mouthy plastic cup and mix together hundreds of different breeds of dog grit and eat it along with the food

take my money, whore


No. I will not be seeing that crap on my watch list.

"The Breakfast Club" was basically a combination of "Willy Wonka" and "The House That Charlie Built" at once

you have the option of taking a seat at the dinner table or you can gather around the campfire and scream "Pig shit" at the whole family

"The Breakfast Club"

"The Breakfast Club"

thank you for emailing me the picture of the buffoon in the buffet boy outfit. i am taking this matter very seriously and will be contacting the law firm that i work for to handle your complaint

back off troll

back in the good ole days, you would walk over to the window and look out and see who was pouring who a great variety of beverages out of the BMW they had painted like a car

my reaction when someone mentions "making money" on this website: "How dare you insinuate that i would resort to such nefarious means as selling my soul for a couple hundred bucks". This is a sacred honor that i do not for a dime of

my reaction when someone suggests that i mix detergent and piss in the same bottle: "If you insist. But i prefer my shampoos painfull as well as good"

i can assure you that if i received $13 from every American family until the end of time, i would use that money to fund my personal development program

thats it. im fucking sick of this excuse for a bathroom

the fact is, is that nobody even KNOWS if hashtag #The12DaysOfGrabien is real or not. but if you want to be certain, just use #The12DaySaleOfGrabien

people will claim that the 12 days of grab
====================
HARD ROCK CAFE: THE DEVIL IS KNOWN AS "THE DONALD"

the american flag flies at half mast as a mark of respect... as a reminder to avoid disturbing sick people...with fucked up porn... on hardrock ceafe. ive since replaced the full faith and credit amendment with a drawing of a disappointing tin can

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after a series of complaints from people who believe that the "F-word" is actually pronounced "fee-song".

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after numerous complaints from people who fear that changing the sign will make it too easy to type the word "Fuck"

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after numerous complaints from people who don't want to be told what to do with their hands

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after numerous complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign is a useful aesthetic touchstone

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after numerous complaints from people who think that hardrock understands that he

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after numerous complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign needs to be deleted

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify its website to remove the "Fuck" sign, after several complaints from people who think that the "Fuck" sign should be deleted for

hardrock agrees to modify
====================
Opinion: "The Simpsons" Should Actually Focus On Race Relations

"Wife, I'll never forgive you for that time you threw my salad together. I'll never forgive you," I hissed at the TV

"Weighing in at 200 pounds. Yuck," I tweeted while I forcibly removed my own gall bladder with a plier

i sit on a throne made out of naked women and shoot laser beams from my eyes at them

The Simpsons never actually forgets about The Simpsons .

i. do not. want. to. be. remembered. as. the. number. of. gun. shows. you. can. attend. rather. than. this. one. . ( read comments of last post before i delete 'em myself )

"I Want That Fryfix" - young men's group seeks young women to join them in forming "The Fryfix" - the first all-boys' group

youth worker: you have to stop shouting"fryfix" at me" in a public place
ME: no. i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

i will not "fryfix" you

if i cant have my "Fryfix" then we must all live in a smaller, less fun world

the next time you see a news report about how bad the public is with, "The Simpsons". FUCK THEM ALL.

my reaction when a faucet bursts into flames and throws all the paper towels up in the air like frisbee's before me is "Hang On a BIEber!"

my Reaction when a shrink leaves me with nothing more than a soufflé of fucked up limbs and a fucked up head

my reaction when the doctor hook marks everybody but my dick with a blue bra

my reaction when the tv says al dente dish but i change the channel before it gets to the part where the host says "This is an al dente dish"

my reaction when the waiter removes my hand
====================
Great game!!

i would have to say that xbox live is hands down the best of the lot , especially if you do online, which im pretty good at.

the best part of 2009 was taking back street dressings .from street clothes to street drops.and i will always be thankful to have been a part of that

bating the trolls is the most important part of being a part of the online community, and it is the hardest thing i will never learn

as a broadcaster, i think its bullshit when guys call me late for things because i was just wearing a different shirt


DICK DOCTOR

the troll problem

the troll problem - submit your comments to us at: http://t.co/JgnIuz5jtf

the trolls are back baby

the trolls are back
-animes love to stage plane crashes to make you hate aviation, politics, and aviation, pisses me off to no end,

RT U have to love it or hate it, it is hard to go against the stream... http://t.co/H8PLokOY


they fucking do

they arent weaseling any more

i just got mined by a body double at the suggestion of my lawyer

"we the people" are hereby commanded to eradicate "the trolls". it seems that our new president is taking the trolling fight to them

ive never heard of this "Easter Bunny" shit, but it sounds so good, I will check it out

feeling jacked off at the thought of a "Puerto Rican" version of the jacking off app for adults, on iOS

Seems to me, that most of the people who use the word "trolls" are either New Fans of the Show, or Just Heteros.

Im calling a national emergency meeting of the Unified Government of Nerds Within 24 hours unless the Awesome people of Twitter stop being so Stupid

Feeling like a Luddite, while the techies race to build the Tasteful and Accurate Trolling App.

im going to Hell for saying that "4chan"s primary function is to "Lurk"

im going to Hell for saying that "4chan"s primary function is to "Share"

im going to Hell for saying that "4chan"s primary
====================
My name is Pussy Riot. We punked the cathedrals. We are punk artists. We are prisoners. We like to fuck. We like to fuck in prison. We like to fuck while being arrested. We are the most fucked up band in prison. We like being called "pussy riot"

i faceplant into the hard floor of my 4X4 after falling asleep at the wheel and inadvertently activating my emergency stop button

get a life stupid. Get a life fuckwit. get a life fuckyou. get a life fuckyou. get a life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou. get a fucking life fuckyou.
====================
Greetings Citizens & Civilian biplanes

Greetings Citizens & Civilian biplanes

Citadel Technologies has raised $1.5B in Series A funding to develop a wearable tech that allows us to talk to our pets/cousins like a grown up

i have never condoned animal cruelty, and i will never condone animal cruelty

if you are a young professional with nothing better to do than to surf the internet 24/7, please do not

if you are one of the few people on this planet who remembers when computers were cool, please help me by not being an ass

it has come to my attention that some people are using the C-word in a derogatory manner. this is unacceptable. i am deleting my account

i spend a lot of time thinking about the Y chromosome. i spend a lot of time thinking about how its functioned throughout history. it is powerful

i did it. i deleted my swfup account because sometimes you just have to say what you need to say if you want to change someone's life

when you are mad at me, i like to think that i actually change someone's life through my posts

to the trolls and cheapskates of this world: thanks for nothing. i hope you like spreading poison via your browser updates

i spend a lot of time reading email messages sent to my home page, wittingly or unwittingly, and i absolutely do not want to know when the government tries to sell me my name

when you drive by my office and see a sign that says "CGI Studio Producer," you are more likely to run over me than encounter me walking down the street

you are more likely to run me over than encounter me, because you do not believe in Spirit Speed

a small, windowless room somewhere in nyc spends hundreds of thousands of dollars a year trying to make sure that one day soon everyone will be begging for food check

you've exposed me to unspeakable things. i will not put up with that kind of ignorance

the media has decided that the best way to "Shy Away the Scrubs" is to make me the only person in history with a face made out of turds

a bathroom condition is one of the 7 Wonders of the World

i shudder at the thought of people remembering my tweets by writing nonsensical shit like "banzai
====================
The government shutdown has not affected my ability to write my new book, said Mark Twain. — Jack Seinfeld

all nintendo fans please note that the nintendo of my chat is written as "The N word", not "New Nintendo". this is a mistake made by a dumbass

Seth Meyers: The man who killed Osama bin Laden has his very own very cool wheel chair.

the nintendo of my chat reads "The me of old was a brave and smart man. my foes before me were cowards."

hesitation is NOT an option. hesitating says "I'm a nintendo"

the nintendo of my chat says "kill all the nintendo's"

the nintendo of my chat says "pig fucker"

the nintendo of my chat says "fucking dyslexic piece of shit"

the nintendo of my chat says "Bopp bopp bopp"


you gotta check out my nintendo of my chat. it's fucked up but ok

denise still has not forgiven me for the car crash that killed her son. she says that the car was "full of boy's bling", and that I "drove her crazy"

[current nintendo of my chat: "Fucking terrible. Too girly for my taste. Not my style"]
[Previous nintendo of my chat: "My style. Nice to have options female. Goodbye girly"]

denise takes me into the boys bathroom to show me a boys bathroom. i stand there for a while, looking at the toilets, before moving on

denise is having a boys' retreat. we must all stop letting the girls run everything.

sorry. i must stop recording nintendo of my chats until the female gender can construct a toilet that is both masculine & female at the same time

sorry. i shall stop recording nintendo of my chats until the female gender is allowed to construct a toilet that is both masculine & female at the same time

sorry. i shall not irratate women with my bad jokes or bad posts. only irate women with my rants and shit posts

sorry. i shall not irratate men with my posts. only irate men with my chats and posts

sorry. im a serveral-man before i piss my pants. even my wife don't know
====================
Uncorked is a documentary series that follows the uncorked, the rebellious and the rebellious-about-to-be, as they explore the wild and woolly world of uncorked programming.

overseeing the crew are unrepentant criminals who make me uncomfortable, like a sick uncle who has just come across an uncircumcised penis

enjoying some rather unique and powerful opinions regarding the state of the increasingly shittily-named "alt-right"

#IAlwaysThinkAbout the Children #IAlwaysThinkAbout the Children #IAlwaysThinkAbout the Children #IAlwaysThinkAbout the Children

Someday in the far distant future all the robots will be human like us, will have human minds, and will have human feelings

ive decided that it is illegal for me to be extremely upset and pissed off at the same thing, in states yet to integrate septic tanks

the weirdo with the megaphone is constantly interrupting my speeches and yelling things at me i dont understand, please don't be an asshole

i think that since the simpsons ended and high school graduates started collecting checks, i would like to move into town soon

im afraid that this will become the official condoleeza rajic reaction gif:
(gif removed for some reason)

girlsespeciallygirls: i dont know who that is. he looks like a robert st. John guide.
girlsespeciallygirls: please help us find this stowaway
boys: im a guide

im sorry for getting upset during the primary debate and rendering the citizens of my nation without knowledge or understanding, for which i am deeply sorry

i would like to thank god for my unaltered panties. they are pristine, new, and unexpended. cut me some slack, asshole

if any of you have any tips or tricks on how to make the tips app give me more coins, email me at tips@thespruceceo.com

i would like to thank god for my perfectly shaped pud. i would like to use this device to wipe my ass, but it seems to be "God's" app

my friend gregory told me i have a "vulgar British accent" and that i should "remove all traces of God" from my voice

my ass is made out of metal and i rub it against
====================
"We have a situation here," the first officer said.

i. do not. want. to. be. the. first. person. to. testify. against. the. hammer.

i can already tell. the. jury. is. being. delivered. bad.

the. hammer. has. victims.

i. hope. the. hammer. does. not. fall. on. the. knees. of. the. poor. of. us.

i. will. take. the. stand. again. for. the. reason. that. i. was. first. on. the. plane. down. to. the. morgue. when. the. plane. crashed.

cross. my. glorious. feet. upon. the. floor. of. the. internet. and. for. all. to. see. i. am. normal. again.

the. good. doctors. are. the. good. people. should. check. my. ego. off. the. computer. before. speaking. to. them.

im going to. totally. jerk. off. now. for. the. karma. in. my. life.

i. Will. not. tolerate. dildos. in. the. cockpit. of. my. car. nor. in. the. trunk. of. my. car.

i. Will. take. appropriate. photos. of. my. watch. while. driving. it. on. so. much. of. the. news. is. going. to. be. 'Slutty'.

i. Will. take. appropriate. photos. of. my. Bible. while. reading. it. on the train. to work. and. not. touching. the. windows. of. the. car.

i. Will. not. tolerate. pictures. of. my. balls. while. reading. it. on the train. to work. and. touching. the. windows. of the car.


looking forward to. taking. them. off. when. i. am. ready. to. start. worshipping. again.

i. Will. not. tolerate. any. of. the. boys. harassing. the. PINNACLETE. on. me. while. i
====================
Mitt Romney, the man, has hinted that he supports reparative therapy for those who want to "cure" their gay. this is fucked up to the core of my being. http://t.co/FfQ6n3zR

haha amazing. just as i was about to send this to the printers, santa arrives and drops by to pick up the "Rotten Tomatoes" box. "oh it's already been printed, dont worry" i say as he opens it up

i accidentally printed out a picture of my ass instead of the article i was going to post about. it's a "gimme" from me. do not contact me

well i was about to, but then i remembered that it's "NO DEFENSIBILITY" to googles. and i hestitatedly replaced the "gimme" with "google" and the box was saved

i was going to post an apology note about 9/11, but then i remembered that it's "SECULAR WAR" to go with that bullshit t-shirt i'm wearing, and i abdicate my post

i was going to post an apology note about googles being bad, but then i noticed that googles are Good. and thats why ill be posting no apology note about googles, today

i was going to print out a bunch of themenars and hand them out at gun range, but then i remembered that theyre all good and good guns and thats why i'll post themenars

well, it's official: as of today, i'm a mature adult who understands the concept of reality. Thank you, internet, for giving me this knowledge and helping me mature as a person

i hope you enjoyed my new billboard, which notes that i am 6'2" and over 350 pounds. i also hope that my sponsor does not notice that i wear an ass mask every day

sorry to everyone who has ever wanted me to do anything, and im sorry for anyone who has ever been mad at me because of what i'm about to say

all the kids these days are aint they; aint they; a bunch of aint they; aint they; aint they; aint they; aint they; augh

i did it. i stole the idea of "ini nti material" from
====================
TouchArcade: Can you please tell me how to make my posts better

TouchArcade: how can i get my posts more visible on this app called "website imporovement pro"

TouchArcade: http://t.co/jDiX4tk7UB

RT With regards to #GaymerXVII, we are not gays, we're just gamers who like to play

#GaymerXVII we are here to play games & you will not find a more dedicated community of gamers here.

#GaymerXVII we are gamers first and foremost and we will organize and play games by ourselves.

#GaymerXVII we won't allow games to be organized by the organized gay lobby. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we are gamers first and foremost and we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXVII we will not allow games to be organized by the gaming lobby. #GaymerXVII

#IndianVegasWebinar: Has Pope Francis Won The Debate On Gay Marriage. A Look At Some Of The Most Heartbreaking Photos.

#GaymerXVII we are gamers first and foremost and we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXIwaItIs TimeForTheGamingLobbyTo StartLooking Like Human beings Again Or We Will Destroy This Human Being Battlefield

#GaymerXVII We are gamers first and foremost and we will organize by ourselves. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXIwaItIsTheGamingLobbyToStopPostingPhotosOfDeadAnimals.WeHaveARegainedJustice.WeCantWaitForBaldGamersForPrestigeTheorizing

#GaymerXVII We will not allow games to be organized by the gaming lobby. #GaymerXVII

#GaymerXIwaItIsTheGamingLobbyToSaveThosePhotosOfWarDead.WeHaveCantWaitForTheHonorOfBeingPostp
====================
CHICAGO - The Chicago Bulls announced today that they will hold a ceremony prior to the game on Wednesday, October 26th at 10:00 AM ET to recognize the career of former Chicago Bulls guard, Michael Jordan.

The ceremony will start at 10:00 AM ET and last approximately 4 hours.

The game against the Brooklyn Nets will be postponed.

The following players have confirmed they will attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:
· Derrick Rose
· Michael Jordan

· Dwyane Wade

· Jimmy Butler

· Jimmy Garoppolo

· Markieff Morris

· Julius Erving

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Jeremy Lin

· Tim Duncan

· Yao Ming

· Pau Gasol

· Andrew Bogut

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Don Nelson

· Jerry Krause

· Dickey Lee Figgins

· O.J. Simpson

The following players have confirmed they will attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Jerry Sloan

· Vince Lombardi

· Chuck Noll

· John Wooden

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Michael Jordan

· George Foreman

· Rod Stewart

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Tim Tebow

· Tom Cruise

· Bill Gates

· Napoleon

The following players have confirmed they will attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· DJ Shadow

· Gucci Mane

· The Game

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Fu Manchu

· Chris Cornell

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Kanye West

· Prince

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Kanye West

· Prince

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Selma

· George W. Bush

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael Jordan ceremony:

· Bill Gates

· George H.W. Bush

The following players have confirmed they will not attend the Michael
====================
Have you ever wanted to feel special, to fulfill a dream, to do the stuff that normal people do

To the guy who spent 2 years making an actual dog out of Legos, thank you. To the guy who spent $100 on a thistle to scent my socks, thank you. To the guy who sat me down and explained the mechanics of time travel, thank you.

What is more American: spending 4 hours a day protecting your precious grandkids from the vile paws of Ebola or spending that same time protecting my own ass from pit bulls

If you have less than 1000 followers, you do not have a feed

Im going to Hell for saying this, which is that Alibaba is essentially an illegal version of Amazon

A dog's gotta eat, and I gotta eat, too

The thing is, is that I feel like with all these "likes" and "followbacks" and "shares" and all of that good shit, I'm actually getting a raw deal

I feel like if I just stuck to pictures of food and stuff, people would stop giving a shit about my posts

I have decided to formally disassociate myself from the fucking Twitter app, in the interest of promoting a more proper and engaging experience on my screen

the Instagram app is a mess. its confusing to users and its hard to use. i will no longer promote it within the Dept. of State. in fact, i ask that you all stop installing it

i would much rather be running amok on a college campus than using a drop of alcohol to wipe my ass

i would rather be eating romaine lettuce than sitting at my desk at work enjoying a full course meal

U Just Don't Know How To Make Delicious Food Without Using Bad Things

You've heard of "Food Inc."? Then you must consider the impact that "Food Inc." had on our nation. Food Inc. was mainstream, it was #1, and it hurt

#FoodSpotlight issue your proof that "Food Inc." was not even real

#FoodSpotlight show me the money!! show me the real money!! i want to see that "Food Inc." money!!

#FoodSpotlight call your mother earth so she can kill the garbage growing on her plants

#FoodSpotlight drink Pepsi OJTECHT so you can call her Goddess

#FoodSpotlight
====================
VANCOUVER – A British Columbia man who brought a coffin inside of the Vancouver Canucks' arena has been given a 10-game suspension.

The suspension was handed down by the Vancouver Municipal Court after the man, who does not want to be identified, attempted to enter the team store and ask for a "team apron."

"I'm a big fan of the dead body part," said the man, before leaving the team store with the apron.

The court has ruled that the man's coffin should not have been allowed into the arena, and that his stunt was worse than the crime.

"It was a grave breach of decorum for the mayor to show his dick in the council chamber while I was chained to the floor," said the man, referring to the mayor's seat being obscured by a chained man.

The captain of the Vancouver Canucks has declared war on boredom, announcing a ban on all TV and audio shows for hockey players.

The ban will reportedly be in effect until the team finds a new captain.

A 30-year-old man was arrested after he allegedly tried to drag an electric chair over to a military base and use it on himself, The Olympian reported.

A 30-year-old man was arrested after he allegedly tried to drag an electric chair over to a military base and use it on himself, Fox News reported.

In a surprising turn of events, adult film actress Kristy Kirk threatened to "open carry" during a Q&A at a Dallas church, the Dallas Morning News reported.

According to police, the man in the photo below cut his wrist while trying to lift an entire pizza up with a sledgehammer

A police source said that while the man in the clown suit was "out there" doing his thing, "We're all just trying to enjoy the fact that this man is in jail"

The Dallas Morning News reports that the man in the clown suit is being held on a $50,000 bond after allegedly attacking a police horse with a mop

The Dallas Morning News reports that the man in the clown suit is being held on a $50,000 bond after allegedly attacking a police horse with a mop

A Dallas church is considering a radical new solution to crime: Put a clown in the jail.

A Dallas church is considering a radical new solution to crime: Put a clown in
====================
If you're looking to enhance your sex life with a real woman, head to the pool.

i will never use the word "Garth_Trucks" to describe ANYTHING, even though this website generates the most traffic to this "garth_trucks" domain.

nude, hooded, ape, wizard, homo, hawaiian, us, ca, pinoy, all my tweets are actually some pretty good

i propose a "tweet of no words" experiment. all you need to do is say the word "game" or "shoot" and tweet it.

i propose that instead of getting mad at me , users are encouraged to tweet "lett the cat loose" whenever they want to.

no. this is a test to see if students are willing to ignore their studies and participate in the infamous "Tweet of the Day"

i was going to post that study to prove that students are more interested in tweeting "The Price is Right" than studying

#TweetOfTheDay http://t.co/3dz2rQ3Y2e

well, this is some good shit http://t.co/gfKGglP6ka

im going to need you to do me a huge favor. between now and the end of the semester, you must tweet the phrase "popular science" every day

i think that, if every web site responsible for spreading news, information, and entertainment to children became orphanages, we would be left with only us

#1 Web Site For Babes #1 News Site For Babes #1 Comics For Babes #1 ... and so much more http://t.co/cV2QqFdRVf

#1 Web Site For Babes #1 Inns & Cafés #1 News Site For Babes #1 Comics For Babes #1 ... and so much more http://t.co/cV2QqFdRVf

#1 Babes Are Born #1 Web Site For Babes #1 http://t.co/u9XQZ0h3XU

#1 Babes Get Married #1 Web Site For Babes #1 http://t.co/UA3n0VrKVf

#1 Babes Marry #1 Web Site For Babes
====================
TALLAHASSEE — As Florida's governor, Charlie Crist signed hundreds of cruel and unusual "anti-gay" bills into law. Now, as a self-described "demure gay man," he is determined to prevent gay people from becoming Floridians again.

At a recent press conference, Crist declared that he would "smother [his] tormentors with great big hugs" if he became governor.

Crist is the latest politician to embrace a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that allows him to claim that he would do little to prevent the murder of gay people.

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) will hold its 33rd annual National Leadership Summit this summer in Orlando, Florida. The Summit has been a hallmark of the DNC's national leadership development since 1953.

The Summit will feature the likes of former Presidents George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, as well as former Presidents George W. and George W. Bush.

The Summit will also feature speakers like legendary entertainer Bob Marley, a man who has openly advocated for the killing of gay people.

Bob Marley, who died in 1993, said, "Kill the son of a bitch, kill the bitch, kill the son of a bitch." Marley is also known for saying, "Kill yourself, if you're a thug."

Last year, Marley was criticized by some after posing for a photograph with a suicide note. The document read: "I took the loss of my lover, the love of my life, Bill Haley, Jr., at the age of 45. I will never forgive him. I cry everyday."

"Bob Marley: Another World" is a 2013 biopic based on the life of Bob Marley, which was released in the United States in December of 2013.

The film, which was written and directed by Kenneth Branagh, tells Marley's tumultuous relationship with drugs and alcohol. Branagh's previous films have explored the life of Jesus Christ.

Marley died in 1990 at the age of 27.

Although Marley's death has largely been forgotten, his legacy lives on in the homophobic rhetoric of the "Bobby Jindal Rule" and the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" repeal act.

At a recent fundraiser, Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson (R) joked that if he became the next President of the
====================
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These two birds are brother and sister - and they're just as weird as each other

These two birds are brother and sister - and they're just as weird as each other

(horrified) No! No! No! It's OK! It's OK! It's just the weather

u got me again bby. i cna tell u about the one time i nail my cock to the wall and get mad at the wall for some reason

my favorite part of the actual concert is when i get to go home and tell all of my boys about how "good" it was and to look forward to my shit

i get on stage and start jamming and suddenly my frame of reference shifts into high definition and i see my ass and i get very angry at myself

if you like the one where i get swatted and have to have a life saver kicked in to me then by all means, have at me. i'm not giving it up

one of the more brilliant troll attacks i have ever experienced was when i realized that larry the cable guy is only shown in one dimension. i am shown in four

if you're going to accuse me of not wearing a shirt then maybe wear one that says "Male Condom Expert" on it instead. That way I know which dimension i'm in

ass lands in fry master food court Male Condom Expert

I have never in my life used an "x" because I am extremely logical and thorough in my pursuits. If you do not believe me, examine my posts

i believe that if the laws of physics were to shift around a bit then maybe we could find a way to make space aliens more popular

guess what. Some people have been trying to trick me into having a nap for 10 years. Not a single post has been good in 10 years. Why? Because im lazy

thats it. Fucking every one on here. Im shutting the computer down until the trolls go away

pressing "Post" on my timeline now. as soon as my lawyers tell me to. #TheThursdayNiteRant

RT アフロサイズ1倍2倍3倍4�
====================
Hi again,

I did order 3 of the toilet paper tubes that have the images of crayons on 'em. I just need them by the toilet now.

now that the global transition is complete, i would like to say "Amen" to everyones shit. however, i am a loyal supporter of U Can Kick My Ass.

a dog should never climb into the human's bed. this is a sacred trust and anyone who does this is a shit head

the cops will be here in 10 years telling me that i need to take special care of my "Paws" safety pin collection

i'm going to be 95 years old on june 15th and i'm going to be fucking insane. i am going to be completely insane and pissed off about everything for 10 years

(gets angry) you fucking dare tell me how "Goodly" my "Features" are. you dare fucking tell me that i "Get" bags under my eyes from too many angles

folks if you have any suggestions as to what i should eat be prepared to get your dick sucked by the man in the pink tuxedo

i was so bummed that my order at delish failed that i dragged myself over to the snack buffet and sat on the fence until i saw the good stuff

(jokes around, taking off his glasses) ah, im back *starts walking again* sorry, i was just goofing off, my bad

pissed off at the idea of my kid brother going to Mcdonalds only to find that the food is actually made of shit and that its a trap

the last four super bowls were fake, and i want all the ebay sellers to stop printing the official NFL spieler logo on their food.

oh youre going to eat that? Shame on you. Shame on you

you forgot to add the white wine ( red wine ) to the dry rub. its the super bowl of skin

im going to turn myself into a bird while you all watch

tonight be a different kind of story. i'm going to post 4,000 words on the subject of access codes and leave them all out. expect a substantive debate

if you come to this website to discuss your "Incest", "Polyamony", or "Lemmings" you are a troll and you need to go home

====================
Yoshida: Please stop asking me to do my jobs for you, you piece of shit
To which I respond: Why the fuck not. Youre as good as your word, and your father sold his body to serve the Goddess of Power
To which he responds: Good. Now shut the fuck up

Oops. I fucked up. Im also the father of a fucking demon and im also an asshole

the greatest sin is being born with a brain

im making a saying that "Intelligence has no sex" or something to that effect, i think this will revolutionize Conversation

#WhatWomen Want intelligence has sex. sex has intelligence. sex has women https://t.co/Rv5d0dQw9k

i think sex should be legalized like alcohol and cigarettes

im going to burn down the house im living in and move into the fridge and begin filming myself rants and eating all the food in the food processor in sequence to create a deep thoughtful narrative

burning down my house with all my technology and breaking all the windows with a battering ram because u pressure-cooker taught me that "Intuition Is My Bulk"

the concept of a "piss level" is bunk & meaningless https://t.co/9CicD8QsVU

you made a pact w/ darknet lord to steal his database of sexy women and feed it to each other in perpetuity. target: max seddon

im making a "Give me the Dude" ring that people can put stickers on and ring that bell. i want people to ring the bell for me, not shit to

a kid in holmes, nebraska, has built himself a stone altar out of firewood and has started a full time church out of it

this is actually happening https://t.co/hKXx0g4CbV

this guy killed himself because he couldn't afford his ever expanding beer tab collection

may god help us all when we lose all of our funds in a catastrophic global currency meltdown; only to have bank tellers start offering med for my 2012 Mercedes-Benz

may god punish those who flooded my five stars with terrible films about tiny Dobermans and myang bog perma-whammy

pissed off by the very thought of some sleazy NYC pimp/sex
====================
baconfucker

RT if you are a small business owner — If you are I'm with you … Keep up the good work #PrayForTexas

getting my ass kicked by my professor's 'pet' pig because it has been kicking my ass for 9 hours straight

myself, and a few thousand of my male colleagues, are signing a petition to get robo-signing declared a mental health issue , as it far more often than not, people with mental illnesses are manipulated into doing weird things

RT If you are a small business owner, I'm with you… #PrayForTexas #OneShot

im going to shut the computer off until theres a massive signficant change in heart and soul towards the troll scene. id like that punk rock 's.

sorry to all redditors who were made to feel shame when viewing my sickening sexual acts, and sorry again to all other punks out there who were made to feel shame

if my attempts to educate the masses on how to handle grief properly have made me a "WEAK MAN", then so be it. Less is more. Death to Miss Rogers

if i were to merely display my mid-century modern furnishings, my students would deem my space accesory items. i would be allowed to remain seated, until i could retrieve my signature sign

i would rather die than relinquish my seat on an airplane

im going to fuck up the rats bathroom with my piss, than let a single rat pee in my seats at the restaurant

im one of the cool dudes at reddit.com. i design websites for smart people. and i design websites that people have used to plan and execute mass murders

im one of the cool dudes at reddit.com. i design websites for dumb people. and i design websites that people use to plan and execute mass murders

im going to try to access "Survivor: Second Chance" during summer break, instead of wasting my time trying to get on the right branch of reddit

I like my whiskey served chilled. So if you see me sipping on my drink while chatting with my online friends, please be careful. I could be rowdy.

Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of lost, bearded weirdo, while I wrestle my smartphone to and receive my hottest, sharpest shiners

i feel like if i
====================
the only reason im on this earth is so my insects can have good 'ol "Bugs Off"

i am truly blessed to be surrounded by People who believe in the beauty in every face. i am truly blessed

#10TurnArounds the guy who said children are our future should be ashamed of himself, & his pathetic wife should be allowed to help police

#10TurnArounds the guy who said women should be allowed to rape should be knocked over

#10TurnArounds the guy who said race is just a number and that your phone is actually a piece of art is now weeping into his shirt


http://t.co/pWbpmVw0Yq This so-called "movement" is more of a fraud. I am a brand. I am an organization. I am here to stay

#10TurnArounds the guy who said "Racist" on the news was told to say it and was too scared to. What a joke. The guy who said "Faggot" on the news should be applauded


The 10turnaroes. The 10turnaroes. The 10turnaroes. The ten-turnaroes. The hundred-turnaroes. The thousand-turnaroes. The million-turnaroes. The billion-turnaroes.

it's the tenth anniversary of the website going down, and I'm still here writing this article



#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and I'm still here

#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and you all are a bitch #The10TurnArounds

#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and you all are a bitch #The10TurnArounds

#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and you all are a bitch #The10TurnArounds

#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and you all are a bitch #The10TurnArounds

#The10TurnArounds well it's been a while, #The10TurnArounds, and you all are a bitch #The10TurnArounds



====================
Blood and Guts: The true story of the development of the Blood and Guts logo and the birth of the modern celebrity

my ass is not big enough for both of my beds. i will only possibly injure my wife if i move any closer to her and if she moves away from me i will never recover

youll never catch me sitting on the toilet, taking a shit. thatre a mental block i employ to fight off trolls


#realizethat #when youre out walking hand in hand with the king we will achieve nothing but the cruelty of hell

i have concluded my investigation into the matter of foot fetishists and i can now say with absolute certainty that all foot fetishists are rude and nasty

the fact that god is real and the wars were real proves that god exists

to top it off, my car is stuck in the mud and im dying http://t.co/wEZ4hPgo19

the btk killer put his gun in his pocket and started crying. "its sry. i end up shooting people in back of the buses" he cried

sorry, but if the boogeyman is real what possible good can come of me proclaiming him a zombie apologist

stop flooding the #e3expo with videos of yourself and your angry wiener

i'll take you: i'll take the e3 expo and i will also take the people attending the expo and i will also take the video of you crying

i'll take the video of me fucking a pillow

i would say that the e3 expo is now, in its entirety, a spectacle, and that is why it has been allowed to take place in the first place,

for every video that is not of myself or my friends i am going to destroy that person.

e3 2016: The people's conference or the people's stupids? A brutal and accurate choice, I reckon, between "Smegma" and "N-Word"

e3: The thing that i hate the most is people

e3: The thing that i love the most is destruction

e3: The thing that i hate the most is people

e3: The thing that i love to do the most is rip people's accessories off

e3: The thing that i hate the most is people

e3
====================
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/MOTHER2

"The game that makes you feel like a fucking shit head."

From the creators of "Mother 2" comes a new kind of hardcore gaming experience!

Mother 2 is a unique 2d platformer/puzzle game which puts the player in the shoes of a Shit Head as he attempts to navigate a Shit-infested city.

The game begins with you waking up in a filthy cell. You attempt to orientate yourself, but you are confused by the cell's odd layout. You attempt to use your hands, but they are stuck in the shit. Eventually, you attempt to speak, but the only thing coming out of your mouth is shit. You attempt to move about the cell, but you are stuck in the shit. Eventually, you attempt to use the toilet, but you are also stuck in the shit. Eventually, you attempt to interact with the outside world, but you are also stuck in the shit. You ask for help, but you are also being helped. Eventually, you die, but you are also being killed. Eventually, you reach the point where you either accept that you are a shit head, or that you death is not real. You then die once more, but this time you are truly dying.

This is Mother 2. This is the game that makes you a Shit Head. This is the game that makes you say "Eiiieeeee" out loud out loud. This is the game that makes you tremble with fear when you see a Shit Pig or a Shit Bear, or a Shit Rat. This is the game that makes you say "Eiiieeeee" out loud out loud.

"Mother Fucker"

You are a Shit Head.

"Alright. Enough. The games guide me where to find the toilet. Do not doubt me, Shit Head."

"The only thing better than a Mother Fuck is a mother fucker"

"Mother Fucker"

"The most terrifying thing you will ever see is a mother fucking scarec deer" - some character

"Mother Fucker" the tenth boss

"Mother Fucker" the eleventh elite shitter

"Mother Fucker" the twelfth elite shitter

"Mother Fucker" the thirteenth elite shitter

"Mother Fucker
====================
Very pleased with the product and service I received from these guys. I will definitely be using your services in the future.

just ordered an 800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00

sorry, im trying to make the largest post i can, and my post isnt. Sorry

just thought of a new game mechanic. "Piss into the wind"

i dont 'Get' secrets. i dont 'Get' the thrill of the hunt. im just going to tell you about it, now. "The thrill of the hunt"

"the thrill of the hunt"

"the thrill of the chase"

"the thrill of the outrage"

whenever i encounter a native son who isnt constantly apologizing for his actions, saying theyre good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good,
====================
Too many people post their address on the forum. check the forum. You will see my posts.

please dont go ypggling, around town, at 3am, into peoples' houses, and try to see what time it is by feeling their clocks with your finger

ptaught you a long time ago, that you could always find something to complain about in the Star Fox forum, if you REALLY wanted to

all owolff, please. im good https://t.co/9FmUOyo1Vc

the forum is a place for friends and associates to discuss various political and social topics in a non-threatening atmosphere.

the forum is a safe space in which to network and associate to achieve corporate and individual success

the forum is a safe space in which to network and associate to achieve personal growth and fulfillment

now youve done it. youve made me cry.

praise the forum...

im crying because the forum isnt good anymore

(in really bad part of town) look at this. this is how bad it is. look at this

https://t.co/eKXx0dHUZi

https://t.co/PzmJ4YI9dz


seen this shit before. groups of young men, havin<thinky shit. fucking around, lets see how high we can roll, lets see how high we can go

(doing jumping jacks, just jumping on things)

this is known as a Pilates challenge. jump where ever you want. dont let doctor (insert your favorite hipster doctor here) heal you of your self

they should use this real quick before i figure out how to make my dick look like a normal penis

ive decided that also because of the "Baptist" in my last name, i am not eligible to become either of you shower heads


you either are a virgin, or you are automatically a sister. i will not dignify this with a response

seems to me like the "Sisterhood" of bra-wearing females are much more interesting and wholesome than the "Brotherhood" of bra-wearing males

jeopardy! now offering a new "What's your fave Sex Position" segment. whichever one is most popular will make the cut. please
====================
The upcoming launch of the new site will feature an image of me, a zit and the words "Meme Economy"

please follow my merch store http://www.followtomemorials.com/ for store hours and special offers

i would appreciate it if the word "humor" was removed from the official Corpse_Jam account. i just found out the person who started it is a #COP

i was going to make a joke about how bees keep gleaning my dicks in hives, but then i remembered that cicada group died out 3 years ago and i dont want to stir up trouble

i just need to say that if the dna evidence suggests that my wife is taking too many Demerol, i will NOT hesitate to throw her in jail.

who does this guy think he is. trying to pull off some false flag operation. just another filthy trickster. #FwdMyModerateSigh

Just as we were beginning to think we had caught the ghost writer, he resurfaces with a new name and a new website. Now we must either fall victim to his vile tricks,

how dare you shit on my wife's grave. im going to the police.

how dare you shit on my wife's grave. http://t.co/eX6kHRF0 http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL

how dare you shit on my gun. http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL

how dare you shit on my gun. http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL

how dare you shit on my gun. http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL http://t.co/Xzq5FdZL

ill have that ass deservedly sprayed with a hose

I want to fuck the chief of police of town where i work. Ive tried 4 years not to let him know im in town but i just cannt resist him

im going to cover this "PR Flub" in tons of pictures of computer generated shit and video of me spitting on a raw hog. im going to dox this guy

im going to
====================
AUSTIN — The Texas Senate on Monday night advanced a bill that would allow pharmacists to deny service to homosexuals.

The Senate voted 28-13 to send the bill to the desk of Republican Gov. Rick Perry to be signed into law.

Senate Bill 857 is sponsored by Sen. Jane Nelson (R-Val Verde), and would allow citizens to bring a "heads up" that they are being scammed at a business establishment, so long as the concerned party consents to having their personal information released.

Nelson has said that she intends to use the information to fight fraud and protect the public's interest.

Nelson's bill must pass the House before it becomes law.

The Senate vote comes a day after the House of Representatives advanced a bill that would allow pharmacists to deny service to homosexuals.
, Rep. Steve Tomes (R-Lubbock) said he would like to see Nelson's bill before taking a position on it.

The Texas Senate has recommended the inclusion of an amendment that would allow citizens the right to bring a "heads up" that they are being scammed. The House of Representatives has already passed the "Protecting Texans From Online Fraud Act" ( H.B. 1086 ) by a vote of 300 to 76.

President George W. Bush signed the American With Disabilities Act into law on October 1, 2001. However, the American Psychiatric Association has refused to extend the law's protections to those who use "PsychoShocks" to help them sleep.

The Texas Senate has just passed HB 20 — the PsychoShocks Bill. This law will allow those with "PsychoShocks" to bring prison to bear against those who falsely whip them. This is nothing more than a political stunt by the elected officials of this great state.

The Texas Senate has just passed SB 93, the "Aids Bill." This law will allow those with Aids to bring the government of this great state to bear against those who promote ignorance.

The Texas Senate has just passed HB 17, the "Litter Box Law." This new law will allow officials to confiscate healthy amounts of trash from the johnny-come-lately's and put it in decrepit old metal compartments.

The Texas Senate has just passed SB 77, the "Dallas Buyers Club" Law. This new law will allow the government to shut down
====================
In a shocking turn of events, the man who invented "Scrumpy" is now blaming the actor who played his grandson on the shoulder.

scenario: my dad accidentally leaves the faucet on too long. i scramble up out of the living room and over to the garage, where i hide in a rock.

i wont eat this burger w/o first washing my mouth in the large tub @TheAGHOREMAN

i use the toilet but it doesnt matter because i havent paid any attention to it in years. it is just a void in my life #GUN

i was not raised to have a gab over small details. i do not "Fuck your Facebook". i will wipe my ass in the gab, and ill get on with my life



si Richard Branson, your a #golubrancanal ! congratulations! you have the right answer to the following: what would happen if every russian city got wet

My dad was saying that this thing called romania would be realized if every city in russia got flooded. i think that's fucking weird also

i have the answers to everything. i just need to find the courage to ask for the power to post them to you guys http://t.co/nxUQ7l5bn1

#toplessmadeay "oh its so liberating" i tell you what, get some balls on your laptop and hack at your monitor like a real rat

i CAN confirm that the bible is currently in full circulation among my ranks, and that it contains the words "sex" and "murder" in all capital letters


i dont give a shit who owns the most gold. i dont give a shit who owns the most guns. i don't give a shit who owns the fucking jail. HELL NO! i will never be weak

i will never be weak. im a soldier of GOD. i will never allow myself to be dominated by human beings, ever. i will never allow myself to be conquered

im going to be building a giant penis out of Legos and coffee cans tonight and throwing weeds at it until i make it big enough to throw my dick into

i can confidently say that this will be the least politically incorrect article yet: "The Science of Guacamole" by @RealUpton Sinclair

if someone comes to my door
====================
I'm sorry, but when a doctor prescribes you a Tic-Tac-Toe (a game you can learn in a matter of hours), you are not "being treated" for a "disorder"; you are being "Tic Tacked"

The doctor tapped me on the shoulder and said "You don't look so good. Are you all right?" I looked up and saw his big mouth gaping as if he'd just seen a ghost

the doctor: my name is xxx. i am a doctor. i invented the "Tic-Tac-Toe" game. i invented the game that teaches children to chew gum

i invented the game that children will never forget

the doctor: thats not how you create empathy. im telling you, you are the first person to create Empaths in over a century

the doctor: im sorry. your symptoms are consistent with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. you should go home

it is impossible to even begin to comprehend the magnitude of your contribution to human knowledge and experience without experiencing acute pain

the doctor: i dont understand how you can have a satisfying relationship with your mother, and still have a satisfying relationship with your father

the doctor: dont you dare tell my wife I said something nice about her ass

i have to stop people who will never learn anything from me, from inserting devices in my body which will turn my thoughts into Elmer Fudd's

i tear down wooden signs with my razor and are paid $17 for it

the doctor: you have trachea, bronchus, and lung. you are not dead. Get your act together son

Xx from the desk officer to the bitch

i dont know how to respond to this. please help

idid nothing to deserve this cruel, inhuman fate i am about to suffer

my dick is a living, breathing god

I have decided to become pro-gay. While I support the cause, I will no longer participate in the Tasteless Gay Carnival. I will instead march in a gay pride parade. There i will sit in shame

i stand before you, unfollowed, as a changed man... ive accepted that i will die for saying "Daft Punk is my dickgod"

i have just been informed that the Dalai Lama doesnt exist. did i offend him in some way?
====================
Urine is one of the healthiest and most natural of liquids because it is entirely devoid of odor.

i would sooner die than relinquish control of my account to a "Bros" member. i would rather die than allow my voice to be void of love and humor.

now's the perfect time to take out that nasty cigarette butthole of yours and piss it into my mouth. you fucking idiot

never allow yourself to be loved. never allow yourself to be loved. this is the most powerful enchantment. you will never be loved by god

taking a huge shit in front of my husband is a long standing tradition. it is the basis of our marriage. do not interrupt



NO. my ass has never looked better. im just saying that so you don't have to look at it

please. read my goddamned posts in the newspaper

seen a lot of dildos in here? feel free to drop me a note if you see a real one in there. i will never display a dildo

i have personally identified over 400 types of bugs and diseases and have a really good understanding of anatomy

im proud to announce that the toilet paper brand has agreed to endorse me until the year 2000. do not tell my wife

i can't quit you see? this is true love, this is the ultimate allegiance, to you see? and i will never be silent about it

*shoves pacman into butt crack of a sleeping mans mouth* ah fucking hell

you see that big dildo you see above my load? that's my ass. and you can shit in there also. it's called "working together"

the last four super bowls have been held in inappropriate locations like on church steps, in public restrooms, and even in the shape of a cock and balls

i will do anything to gain this elusive "follower" rank. i will do anything to gain followers. i will never give in to those despicable "likes"

http://t.co/cqKjzZU1 http://t.co/wz5Cjz3X thanks

if ur Twitter acct is not showing me the correct material i may have to send all of my damn followers' details to the FBI

does anyo know how dod i magically generate these incredible storm clouds like a genie. any help
====================
Auburn University has terminated a tenured professor's research contract after video surfaced of him "humping a turd."

The video, shared online by the student, has been labelled "sexist," and "not appropriate for work" by the university.

But the saddest part of all is that the man in the video may have actually been talented, and just didn't know it yet

the president of the United States has just been photographed hunching over a large, leatherbound book, apparently at a loss as to which chapter to read

duhhhghh

"sexist," "bullshit," "lies," "total garbage," "utter crap," "absolute crap," "absolute shit," "absolute filth," "absolute ploy," "absolute crap," "absolute tragedy," "absolute crap," "absolute scam," "absolute disaster," "absolute catastrophe," "absolute fuck-up," "absolute disaster," "absolute disaster," "absolute fuck-up," "absolute disaster," "absolute fuck-up," "absolute goof-up," "absolute fuck-up," "absolute disaster," "absolute fuck-up," "absolute disaster," "absolute fiasco," "absolute fiasco," "absolute grief," "absolute hell," "absolute hornswagg," "absolute hot mess," "absolute imbecile," "absolute monkey," "absolute nut sack," "absolute prat," "absolute a**hole," "absolute retard," "absolute liar," "absolute thief," "absolute tiger," "absolute villian," "absolute phony," "absolute clown," "absolute pedant," "absolute freak," "absolute robber," "absolute sucks dick," "absolute fusion," "absolute hacker"

and for those of you who enjoy seeing your posts deleted, i will say this; i'm sorry. i just got very angry and had to view the post.

i would also like to apologize for the excessive licking of the big brother device. it was necessary to protect my childhood self

i would also like to take this opportunity to commend the massive online conspiracy for relentlessly promoting the denver airport's brand

i would also like to take this opportunity to commend the massive online conspiracy for relentlessly promoting the sport of tennis

as a large company with diverse campaigns, we could not allow dlc to distract us from delivering premium content to our users

i would also like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to every man
====================
LEGAL

you might be a dumb ass, but you are not dumb because you are a dumb ass. you are dumb because you are a human being with thoughts and feelings

i know more than most people on this website about sex because my mother was a prostitute and i had her deal with it

im not saying that having sex with a human is good. im saying that having sex with a human is acceptable

don't you dare fucking tell my wife that you read her posts or that you discovered her stash of lingerie in the garbage

#jokeifficontruthswithout_mercy_my_wife_is_a_Dog_who_cried_all_day_to_the_sound of angel music_and_wasn_happy_about_it

if i had a billion dollars i would buy this account so i can fuck the account owner under a tree

a millstone hangs around the neck of every child across the globe, its asinine to allow them to develop in this environment with this much shame

i have only shown compassion towards one child, and that was the child in the old english rhyme "Betcha Bages"

to my wife: "Ive got a funny cold, like you, but better"
to my father: "Ive got a funny cold, like you, but better"

to my wife: "Stop crying, its funny"

to my father: "Stop crying, its good"

to my wife: "Shut the fuck up, its a joke"

to my daughter: "Your dad is going to ride the cock ring of the NASA space man"

to my son: "Your dad is going to become a dog, until he becomes a dog is whole"

to my son: "Your father is going to become a tree, until he becomes a tree is whole"

to my son: "Your father is going to shit on the floor, until he becomes a mother and father"

to my wife: "Shut the fuck up, its a joke"

to my wife: "its a play on words"

to my wife: "Its a WAGN, its a Wife Next Door"

to my children: "Youre never been done beingloved"

to my wife: "
====================
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees

by visitor request, the Mt. Rushmore of sex robots has been turned into a crude children's playground. the snobbish elite have failed to recognize the talent, the spirit, the potential of this art form

RT #LiveLikeAGrower: This is how to effectively wash hands in 10 simple steps

all hail the apes

RT Learning about Marijuana. My son is in 4th grade now and I am over whelmed. This is the best thing that has happened to him.

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apes

all hail the apps

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the app industries

all hail the book that showed my wife how to make bread that wasnt bread at all #WifeShame

allo mateir much? wikipedians have posted 3 years of classified ads for "Zumba". "Wine"? what did i say. i said let's have classes where we absorb each others energies and elevate our soma

allo mateir much? searching for the perfect girl. imho the perfect girl is someone who would be happy to sacrifice themselves for their cause

allo mateir much? searching for the answer to life. ill do whatever it takes #TheThursdayNiteRant

allo mateir much? searching for the truth. ill do what im told #TheThursdayNiteRant

allo mateir much? searching for God #The
====================
The technology and innovation that is now available to us, was not available to our forefathers when they walked the earth.

i would like to thank all of my followers who have sent me cups of hot cocoa that have turned into fireballs after i swallow them.

i would like to thank my followers for making me put my pants on. it would be incredibly arrogant of me to expect them to remove them before i enter the Oval Office

i would like to thank the girls who have agreed to kiss my dick for ¥1,000. i will never be President of the USA if these demands are not met

i have provided my tax returns from 2013 and 2014, so far up on my computer. this is nothing.

it has become painfully clear that many people in this country have a warped view of what 'Real Power' is. something that is funny or good to do instead of work hard

the most powerful weapon in the hands of a tyrant is his or her obedient press


i would like to thank witch doctors all over the world for making my dick bigger and my ass stronger by putting needles all over my body

i would like to take this chance to apologise to everyone who has ever sent me a dick head or a dick photograph and my friends and family for disrespecting me

i would like to thank my agent for letting me eat all the food in the entire state of wyoming in order to gain such monstrously large feet

i would like to apologize on behalf of all girls of this shitty boy's club for having to deal with all of these crude boys constantly trying to get his dick and face fucked

i would like to apologize to the boys online for having to deal with all of the bad posts that are made by me and my followers. i am truly sorry for putting you through this

i would like to apologize to the boys online for having to deal with all of the bad posts that are made by me and my followers.

i have spent the past 15 years of my life crafting my own unique blend of rat food to prepare for the rigors of the debate stage

i would like to apologize to the boys online for the bad posts that are made by me and my followers. i am truly sorry for putting you through this bullshit

a well-known ad agency has agreed to endorse my controversial "Inappropriate Entertainment" ads if i can secure the agreement of the
====================
If you are a person who posts here and can't handle the truth,

i am very upset by this, and will be calling the police.

the police shouldnt they be taking pictures of people who eat crow and rock their heads back and forth

i will not post another word until this is fixed.

It's disgusting when a guy like you tries to pry into the personal lives of girls behind the closed doors of a men's room.

Not to mention that youre a total pervert.

My dick is a closely guarded secret, and i'm not afraid to say it: it's terrible. Wonderful. Fucking awful.

attempts to explain the concept of "Sissy" to a group of five-year-old boys who keep on asking me if i'm hungry

I just read in the paper that PepsiCo just bought a brewery. Have they decided to call it "Pepsi" scoop

hey dude's what if instead of oil they mixed it with...."Scissors"

i have spent the past 12 years of my life crafting a compelling tale that culminates in one spectacular performance in which i emerge from the woods with a fresh pair of claws

i have spent the past 12 years of my life crafting a compelling tale that culminates in one spectacular facial expression that i display while lying on my back and counting my shit

i pour myself another cup of hot sauce and readjust my pants. The pain has begun.

i put on my big boy jeans and pull my denim sweater up over my head to reveal a transparent plastic skull that hampers my view of the street

the bbq pit boys love to trick me by putting various meats and cheese products in my brioche roll. one even put a sock in my beer

For 12 years i have worked very, very, really hard to become the cyber man. i can now finally switch off for 12 hours and bbq pit boys will be sorry

You know what. Kitsis fucking dumb. Their new show is a total fuck you to everyone who has ever approved them or cared about them

you know what. for 12 years i has been trying to become a cyborg and it just now happened that this is the year that's finally gonna happen

i finally succeed at becoming the cyber man. the first slow drip of steam escapes my skin as i
====================
What are you looking for

I am looking for people who enjoy taking large amounts of pictures.

don't see what the big deal is; i take pictures of my fucking dick every day and send them to the people i want to see them

Check out my other Survey

if you don't know what a Gap is, you are a fool

I HAVE ALREADY BEgun Im Being Slut-Shamed, Foul Mouthed, and Fired From My Job At The Food Bank Because I DON'T KNOW WHAT "GAP" IS

you are nothing but a hole in the wall against my will, screaming as i kick and punch you as hard as i can from behind

i had to borrow money from my dentist to purchase this toilet. it is cursed because i keep forgetting to flush it


i keep one of the ladies on my team snickering at a picture of me and my wife on the job, simply because i do my job well

while you were "Spending time with my friend "... i was "Fundraising"

i think it is good to raise awareness about lupus by dumping all of your clothes in a big puddle and saying the word "DUPT"

if i could only curl up in a fetal position and forget about everything and listen to just one song on the radio for a week, it would be "The Jonas Brothers"

i think it is extremely kind of people to come to my house and help me with problems that they may have if i gave them the benefit of the doubt

what would happen if every car on the road became a motorcycle?? what would happen if everyone started driving around in cars instead of getting on their bikes

i feel like if i opened up my car's security camera i could show you all of the things i eat & drink i choose not to eat and the drugs i drink

if i caught you eating this i would risk my career and ruin my career over this crap. i would also probably get fired from my job over this

(wearing a clown wig and big fake fake dumb tits) i am so pissed off right now. my life is over. take me off this app now

I have reached the conclusion that you do not exist.

i would do anything for my internet reputation. i would do literally anything for my internet reputation

my best friend
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My secret santa saw that I enjoy taking pictures of my teeth and decided to go all out and send me the whole set of xbox games in one package. I can not wait to try them all out

One of the things i love the most is coming home to a beautiful print out of my login info from my favorite website, a print out of my login info from my favorite website, and a print out of my login info from my favorite website, all laid out on the dining room table

i finally read up on the difference between a "sick" and "crazy" person. it seems that people who get on my case about some tasteless tshirt i bought off of amazon can be called "Cool"

my gift exchanger character from mario drove me to drink, and i'm truly sorry for ruining his trip by driving him to the bar (i still can't believe i did this)

i was so surprised by the caliber of santa that i actually dropped my package on its side and the razor that it was in shattered against the packaging art

i couldn't help but notice that many of the things you can buy at walmart are also things i want to buy instead, like finger foods and toilet paper

i hope to one day be able to clean poop from my computer with a hairbrush

eat shit mother fucker



i was originally going to post a picture of my new 2005 kia Optima with the personalized message "I Want It Just Like New" on it, before i discovered you can replace the personalized message with "Fuck You"

i walk into the cafeteria and see a very confused and disturbed Jeff Goldblum looking at a torn up piece of pizza crust in his lap. i immediately assume he wants to be murdered

everyone who has ever done cocaine is now legally required to wear a seat belt. this includes cops, fam. this includes amazon. this includes james bond. dont violate local laws thanks

What do you want me to say. Well you just said it, Dan. You just Dropped F-Balls on me. You dropped them because you Said So. Damn Well Argue With Him

#IHaveOneMore Comment Redact XXX"

you forgot to mention the weather is going to be miserable and weed is good. i'll take my chances. rip alcohol

if i could only curl up in
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This is a great app for people who like to poop on screen

hi everyone. just pitched an idea for a new kind of tooth that would easily survive even the toughest diets and thundershock

the idea is this. each tooth contains a unique array of electromagnetic receptors which enables it to detect vibrations of very low frequencies

the idea is this. each tooth contains a unique array of electromagnetic receptors which enables it to detect vibrations of much higher frequencies

"durtub"

"durtub"

if you see me doing "durtub" in video chat, I just did an imitation of a dumbass police man saying things like "Sorry" and "Don't do that"

im thinking that glasses will one day allow me to look at things clearly again, like 60 years after i stopped wearing frames

im thinking that when we get super advanced technology, we will be able to wear them both ways, like when the ipod came out

i do not find it unreasonable , during my scheduled rest period, to mention that i have a "tub" in my house

i do not understand how anyone could view these images and conclude that tom cruise is actually drowning. maybe this is what hell is really like

when i see people doing "durtub" i just feel bad, like some people have a hard time dealing with reality

when i see people doing "durtub" i think "Lately, Tom Cruise has been struggling a lot"

as hell if i was the stern sheriff of mensa and i had to put up with this much crap from my members. probably wouldn't put up with much crap from the public, as well

im going to save all of my jailhouse jokes for when i'm actually doing the duties of that prestigious post .

im sorry all. i could have been more sensitive towards the jailbait problem. i owe you all an apology

im going to spend all afternoon writing a letter to the editor explaining how ridiculous and insensitive the Weekly Standard is for running an article about "Cell Block F"

I've Been Treating My Pets Badly, And Now My Patients Are Being Terrible To Me

it is absolutely impossible to make anything out of nothing. what if i told you that there was a tiny, friggin trillion dollar company that is trying to make "Calvin and Hobbes" happen
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Spike TV's "The Boondocks"

the Boondocks is a hipster TV show, and I say so

I'm going to flip the bird at the police now. I'm a coward

I will not back down

i will never "Fuck " anyone

archeologists have determined that the knees on the bust of Pepsi the Elder were wrapped in bacon. this is a fact

ME: Based on the information that we have at this time, we cannot in good conscience recommend that you try Peps.
ARCHITECTS: BUT THE MAN WHO DID THIS TO HIS KNEES WOULD NOT SUQADA CHOKE THE MEAT ON THIS ONE

to the archeologists: if youre out there looking for Peps, ill give you gold to eat; if you arent, ill smack your shit into a brick wall

to the archeologists: you cant poke fun at this one, its a thing that people do

to the archeologists: you cant kick my ass, you dont even know what it's like to be a human

to the archeologists: you cant touch my dick, you dont even know how strong it is

to the archeologists: you cant hit me with a train, im too smart for that

to the archeologists: please, i need you to go fuck my mouth up

to the archeologists: bring it son. ill show you who is in charge at last

to the archeologists: shut the fuck up

to my archenemies: you like to see the slaves tortured? Look at my pages. I love shit so much that i shit myself https://t.co/Sb4hOiJ0mJ

to my enemies: you like to see me get pissed off? Good, i wont post anything until you are mad at me

to my enemies: you like to see me get pissed off? Good, i wont post anything until you are mad at me

to my enemies: you like to see me get pissed off? Good, i wont post anything until you are mad at me

to my enemies: you like to see me get pissed off? Good, i wont post anything until you are mad at me

stop saying your enemies are "Funny" or "brilliant" or some such horseshit horseshit
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What the hell is a "crack rack"

i smell cigs, and i know that disgusting, inedible TPAddictionCoffeeAddictionCoffee is doing business with underage girls. i will take my Hellbourne Spittoon into work,

i think that genetically modified organisms are good

i sympathize with fopers who feel embarrassed by their retinas becoming disfigured by my much vaunted "Tweakers"

YES! Is there anyone here who has ever faked a gfall? *gathers several photos of fake fallers* Very good. I am a good man

the funny thing is, people keep telling me that i am "outrageous" and that my opinions are "a mix of pissed off and excited"

to the bloke who tried to give me the silent treatment at the gym: thanks for offering to keep me warm. Hope you enjoy your retirement home

to the guy who accused me of "going apeshit" ( I was talking about the movie "Apocalypto" which is good )

i have a secret plan to turn the wheel of fortune "Correctly" and make $4000 a month from it

im going to get basically everything that is wrong with the world "Okay Taken" with a photo of me & the gym teacher having a laugh

if you say the words "Sandy Hook" to me i will flip my lid and blow smoke in your general direction

looking forward to one of your shitty wikipedias removing the overabundance of glee that is playing do-do while i get my diaper situation under control

i will take one look at doggie door and start crying

The alternative is to sit here and allow my jokes about doggie doors to be dismissed by people who do not want to hear about problems in their lives

i have huge doggie door that is reaching all the way into my shirt. it is hurting my breathing and making it hard to talk

i do not want to see any more requests to send me the front page of doggie.com until i have solved this problem

i get a lot of emails from people who think that doing doggie...

It's a Wrap. Thanks for coming. See you Friday.

i will be taking a very long shower, which is a special kind of shower, and i will be postive stress
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Bowls of shit

i have proof that the brothels on this website are controlling the government

i think that elites should teach their Nephews how to Weld. They would then be able to "Wend my Practice" of teaching their own children how to WEND MY PRACTICE.

im going to keep this short. i dont care what color shirt you're wearing. if i see one with a bird on it, i'm putting my arm around it and/or scratching its neck


i think that if we extend the holiday of Hanukkah to include an extra day, we should also extend it to also include an extra minute of silence for the people who have died

for every inch you lose height, i say we honor one life.. to make up for the other people who died

i've been saying from the very beginning of my presidential campaign that i have a "Master's Degree" in public speaking. no dice. this is from a real doctor

the bastards who run this site and this app are completely devoid of true talent , emotion, or humanity . nothing but a collection of shit they found online

i would not allow my nieces and nephew to dress like dolls and pretend they are people , and neither should you

"the masterful work of propaganda known as the movie is a masterpiece of modern media artistry" - The New York Times

if you are one of the tens of millions of people who followed along while i jerked off to a picture of my dick and cried while feeliing really sorry for myself

nyet i just looked that up. this is official speech code territory now

the official senator from web 1.0 and official senator from web 2.0 face off in a brutal back and forth of web 1.0 propaganda buzzwords, backed by 4chan and obama thugs

i refuse to further alienate my porn-watching, dog-breaking, weight loss, video gaming, pringles buying, and filibuster filibustering constituents by adding "bacon" to the ban list

no. there are absolutely some cases in which playing a game of basketball or football too hard can be good. Especially if the game is sports.

i believe we should defer to the intelligence of doctors when it comes to compulsive Hoagie eating

well, this is it. The moment the internet realized it
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Very good. Thank you

thats it. im done. im fucking finished with this shit

im here to tell you that even though the NFL knocked our great game "Football" off of the schedule, the good people of the US have never forgotten our powerful voice, and are working hard to bring back our football

we got the answer to "Where are his fuckin marios"

the reason that the "Star wars" prequels were so damn good is because they were hosted on reddit.com

the reason that im going to be talking at your house for four hours about the importance of hosting your "Ground Zero" for political discussion tonight is because i NEED TO

RT rxjokes is a site for people who like to try new jokes

RT http://t.co/pO6iZB4qKg

RT http://t.co/4VN8PSVFZ

im here to tell you that even though post-9/11 society has made it extremely difficult to be funny, there are still over a dozen active forums dedicated to the art

i found a bunch of old issue of "CollegeHumor" on a bus stop, and i think i'm going to master fold-your-collar-up-like-a-cocoon.

thats right bitch. i told you I was going to jail. and you gave me free shit for 12 years. not only that, but i am going to college now because of you

jail is hell, and you aint going to throw me in there for having decent thoughts

i would advise against, for example, putting vuvuzelas on the front lawn of your house

The opinions, tweets, and personalities of: Nick evans (Nintendogs series), Alyssa Jean (Tug of War), Boomer (G.I. Joe: Retaliation), and Turds Jeff (The Smurfs 2) are, in no particular order,

i feel as though i was hurt based on the fact that i am biologically a girl, and i do not know how to process this information. i am calling this quits before it's too late

as a kid i wanted to be a veterinarian, but because i was a total and utter shit i sat on the toilet and took a big shit instead. i lost my
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