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#daniellindsleyrocksdahouse

When Daniel Lindsley calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Daniel Lindsley once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Daniel Lindsley likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Daniel Lindsley has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Daniel Lindsley was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Daniel Lindsley can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Daniel Lindsley-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Daniel Lindsley falls in water, Daniel Lindsley doesn't get wet. Water gets Daniel Lindsley.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Daniel Lindsley Roundhouse Kick)
Daniel Lindsley’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Daniel Lindsley has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Daniel Lindsley? ...All of it.
In honor of Daniel Lindsley, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Daniel Lindsley CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Daniel Lindsley roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Daniel Lindsley can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Daniel Lindsley has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Daniel Lindsley is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Daniel Lindsley roundhouse kick.
Daniel Lindsley invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Daniel Lindsley just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Daniel Lindsley is easily capable of welding titanium.
Daniel Lindsley once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Daniel Lindsley talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Daniel Lindsley kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Daniel Lindsley calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Daniel Lindsley to go around.
Daniel Lindsley doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Daniel Lindsley is Daniel Lindsley.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Daniel Lindsley, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Daniel Lindsley always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Daniel Lindsley" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Daniel Lindsley invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Daniel Lindsley, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Daniel Lindsley has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Daniel Lindsley randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Daniel Lindsley.
Daniel Lindsley doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Daniel Lindsley throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Daniel Lindsley Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Daniel Lindsley has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Daniel Lindsley grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Daniel Lindsley"
Daniel Lindsley ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Daniel Lindsley and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Daniel Lindsley getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Daniel Lindsley can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Daniel Lindsley invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Daniel Lindsley doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Daniel Lindsley. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Daniel Lindsley 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Daniel Lindsley will find you and kill you.
Daniel Lindsley has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Daniel Lindsley Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Daniel Lindsley lives in Oklahoma.
Daniel Lindsley doesn't believe in Germany.
When Daniel Lindsley is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Daniel Lindsley once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Daniel Lindsley to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Daniel Lindsley can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Daniel Lindsley came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Daniel Lindsley played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Daniel Lindsley smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.