Bill Burr standup continued using GPT-3

gistfile1.txt

This is a great interview bit by Bill Burr, transcribed by Whisper and continued by GPT-3
Original interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9YL04v-J5U

Detecting language using up to the first 30 seconds. Use `--language` to specify the language
Detected language: english
[00:00.000 --> 00:03.960]  I didn't think Lance owed anybody,
[00:03.960 --> 00:06.080]  he didn't do anything to me.
[00:06.080 --> 00:08.480]  You know what he did for me?
[00:08.480 --> 00:12.440]  He raised $500 million for cancer research.
[00:12.440 --> 00:13.600]  That's what that lie did.
[00:13.600 --> 00:15.160]  Yeah, that's right.
[00:15.160 --> 00:17.680]  And everybody had the bands on, remember the bands?
[00:17.680 --> 00:18.520]  Sure.
[00:18.520 --> 00:19.360]  Right?
[00:19.360 --> 00:21.080]  That blocked out the sun, right?
[00:21.080 --> 00:23.600]  You know, it wasn't to block out the sun.
[00:23.600 --> 00:24.720]  No risk cancer?
[00:24.720 --> 00:25.560]  Yeah.
[00:25.560 --> 00:28.840]  Well, the whole thing was annoying.
[00:28.840 --> 00:30.920]  And I hated how Oprah was interviewing him
[00:30.920 --> 00:33.240]  and acting like she was dumbfounded
[00:33.240 --> 00:34.480]  that this guy would do this.
[00:34.480 --> 00:36.800]  Like, she's been in show business for 35 years
[00:36.800 --> 00:39.040]  and she can't, like, wrap her head around
[00:39.040 --> 00:43.000]  some guy doing whatever it takes to get to the next level.
[00:43.000 --> 00:44.480]  Didn't she, for the first five years,
[00:44.480 --> 00:46.200]  have, like, midgets who wanted to bang
[00:46.200 --> 00:48.080]  their mailman's boyfriend?
[00:48.080 --> 00:50.320]  And she didn't want to do it.
[00:50.320 --> 00:51.840]  She didn't want to do it.
[00:51.840 --> 00:54.080]  But she didn't have the power to say no.
[00:54.080 --> 00:55.840]  So she wrote it out.
[00:55.840 --> 00:58.880]  And then when she could make a good decision,
[00:58.880 --> 01:01.560]  she did a show, but she stood on the heads
[01:01.560 --> 01:05.640]  of those little people for five years until she got,
[01:05.640 --> 01:07.840]  and then she's sitting there,
[01:08.760 --> 01:10.840]  a proc from this guy like,
[01:10.840 --> 01:12.680]  like, so how could you,
[01:12.680 --> 01:14.600]  you know exactly what he's doing?
[01:15.600 --> 01:18.560]  This is stupidest thing I've ever seen.
[01:18.560 --> 01:23.080]  Look, the guy was a sociopath on a bicycle, all right?
[01:23.080 --> 01:28.080]  As far as, as far as I'm concerned, we got off easy.
[01:28.680 --> 01:29.520]  Yeah.
[01:29.520 --> 01:30.880]  If that guy was working for a corporation,
[01:30.880 --> 01:32.200]  he probably would have been pouring stuff
[01:32.200 --> 01:34.800]  on the water supply, doing God knows what.
[01:34.800 --> 01:36.640]  Just keep him on the bike.
[01:36.640 --> 01:39.360]  Just let him go up and down the hill.
[01:39.360 --> 01:40.560]  He's not hurting anybody.
[01:40.560 --> 01:41.400]  Not hurting anybody.
[01:41.400 --> 01:42.240]  He isn't.
[01:42.240 --> 01:45.600]  And the top 20 guys, like, all tested positive for Roy.
[01:45.600 --> 01:48.800]  So our Roy'd it up guy, beat your Roy'd it up guy.
[01:48.800 --> 01:53.800]  Okay, and those guys who run that filthy sport
[01:56.840 --> 01:58.000]  who was sitting there going like,
[01:58.000 --> 02:00.000]  oh, this is absolutely, this is ridiculous.
[02:00.000 --> 02:01.640]  He doesn't represent cycling.
[02:01.640 --> 02:03.280]  Are they gonna return all the money
[02:03.280 --> 02:05.160]  that they made off of that guy, huh?
[02:05.160 --> 02:06.400]  They're gonna turn in their yachts?
[02:06.400 --> 02:08.600]  They're not gonna, they're not gonna do it.
[02:08.600 --> 02:10.640]  Everyone turn in your yachts.
[02:10.640 --> 02:18.960]  Yeah. I mean they're the only ones that, they're the only ones with yachts.
[02:18.960 --> 02:20.880]  The only ones with yachts.
[02:20.880 --> 02:22.920]  Right, right. But if they turn in the yachts,
[02:22.920 --> 02:24.440]  what are they gonna do?
[02:24.440 --> 02:26.600]  I mean, it's not like they're gonna move back to land.
[02:26.600 --> 02:28.920]  They're not gonna live on land anymore.
[02:28.920 --> 02:33.360]  They might as well just go back to the old country
[02:33.360 --> 02:35.760]  and, and start riding donkeys again.
[02:35.760 --> 02:37.520]  Yeah, that's what they should do.
[02:37.520 --> 02:42.120]  Actually that's not a bad idea.
[02:43.080 --> 02:45.080]  We could have, like, donkey jockeys
[02:45.080 --> 02:46.800]  and then we could have, like,
[02:46.800 --> 02:48.560]  little donkey racing and stuff,
[02:48.560 --> 02:50.160]  which would be kind of fun to watch actually.
[02:50.160 --> 02:54.800]  Donkey racing is a thing.
[02:54.800 --> 02:57.400]  Oh, it is?
[02:57.400 --> 03:00.440]  Yeah, apparently it's actually kind of a big deal in Mexico.
[03:00.440 --> 03:01.680]  Yeah, I've heard of that.
[03:01.680 --> 03:04.040]  Yeah, they have like donkey races and they bet on them.
[03:04.040 --> 03:06.320]  Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[03:06.320 --> 03:07.520]  And then the donkeys are like,
[03:07.520 --> 03:09.840]  you know, they're like on drugs or something.
[03:09.840 --> 03:11.280]  Oh, they're on drugs?
[03:11.280 --> 03:12.840]  Yeah, I think so. I'm not entirely sure,
[03:12.840 --> 03:16.880]  but I think that's how they make them run faster is they give them drugs.
[03:16.880 --> 03:18.160]  Yeah, that makes sense.
[03:18.160 --> 03:20.000]  That's how they make horses run faster too.
[03:20.000 --> 03:21.360]  Oh yeah, that's true.
[03:21.360 --> 03:22.920]  Yeah, they give them drugs.
[03:22.920 --> 03:24.880]  So it's not really fair, but it is kind of funny.
[03:24.880 --> 03:26.400]  It is kind of funny.
[03:26.400 --> 03:28.040]  Yeah, it's like, you know,
[03:28.040 --> 03:29.520]  the donkey's like, oh, what's happening?
[03:29.520 --> 03:30.920]  And then it's just off to the races.
[03:30.920 --> 03:32.520]  Yeah, it's kind of like,
[03:32.520 --> 03:34.240]  you know, when you see a person on, like, PCP or something,
[03:34.240 --> 03:35.950]  and they're just like, they're just out of their mind
[03:35.950 --> 03:37.990]  and they're just running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
[03:37.990 --> 03:40.110]  That's kind of what it's like, except with a donkey.
[03:40.110 --> 03:41.210]  Right, right.
[03:41.210 --> 03:44.040]  I mean, it's not as tragic because, you know,
[03:44.040 --> 03:46.430]  the donkey's not going to die from, from the drug,
[03:46.430 --> 03:49.790]  but it is kind of, it is kind of funny to watch.
[03:49.790 --> 03:51.850]  Yeah, I mean, it is kind of cruel,
[03:51.850 --> 03:53.540]  but it is kind of funny in a way.
[03:53.540 --> 03:55.250]  Yeah, it is kind of funny.
[03:55.250 --> 03:57.840]  I wouldn't want to bet on it, though.
[03:57.840 --> 04:00.040]  Yeah, I don't think I would want to bet on it either.
[04:00.040 --> 04:02.200]  I don't know if I could trust the, you know,
[04:02.200 --> 04:05.060]  the people who are, who are running the race,
[04:05.060 --> 04:07.050]  that they're not just drugging all the donkeys.
[04:07.050 --> 04:09.330]  Yeah, that's true.
[04:09.330 --> 04:11.480]  I don't know if I could trust them.
[04:11.480 --> 04:13.700]  Yeah, that's a good point.
[04:13.700 --> 04:15.790]  I mean, you don't really know,
[04:15.790 --> 04:17.610]  do you? You don't really know what's going on.
[04:17.610 --> 04:20.190]  Yeah, you don't really know.
[04:20.190 --> 04:23.350]  I mean, it could be, you know, fixed in some way.
[04:23.350 --> 04:26.490]  Yeah, it could be fixed. I mean, anything could be fixed,
[04:26.490 --> 04:29.920]  but you just don't really know, do you?
[04:29.920 --> 04:34.710]  Yeah, you just don't really know.
[04:34.710 --> 04:36.930]  I mean, it's, it's kind of a gamble, isn't it?
[04:36.930 --> 04:39.420]  Yeah, it is kind of a gamble,
[04:39.420 --> 04:41.440]  but I think it would be kind of fun to watch.
[04:41.440 --> 04:43.860]  Yeah, it would be kind of fun to watch.
[04:43.860 --> 04:46.950]  I mean, it's not like, you know,
[04:46.950 --> 04:50.560]  it's not like somebody's getting hurt or anything like that.
[04:50.560 --> 04:51.740]  Right, right.
[04:51.740 --> 04:53.850]  I mean, the donkey's just running around like crazy.
[04:53.850 --> 04:55.920]  Yeah, the donkey's just running around like crazy.