DAY 03: data set

README.md

The data is extracted on Feb 27, 2017 from the comments on the following Reddit post:

Men of Reddit, what's the biggest "I'm a princess" red flag? (post submitted by thewhackcat, Feb 2017)

api-reddit_2017-02-27_5wkkwg.yaml

- "Step Son had a girlfriend who was pissed because he didn't buy her a one week anniversary\
  \ gift. \n\nRun dude,  run. "
- Don't worry, they'll tell you they're a princess.
- '"Always classy never trashy and a little bit sassy"'
- '"I''m high maintenance" "Enjoy the finer things in life"'
- "\"Aren\u2019t You a Little Short for a Stormtrooper?\"\n\nEdit: Gold?\n\n\u201C\
  You have your moments. Not many of them, but you do have them.\u201D"
- 'Had a girl recently say this "I''m a super nice and loyal girl, unless you piss
  me off, then I become a psycho bitch". I think that one is a pretty big red flag. '
- 'If her dad is acting *really* interested in your fiefs. '
- 'Punishing you (silent treatment, etc.) in public. Especially in front of friends. '
- 'When they have a college degree and think Africa is a single country. '
- '"I''m not like the rest" "I hate drama"'
- 'Well this is awkward... '
- 'I''m a woman but I''ve noticed women who are obsessed with Marilyn Monroe usually
  are terrible in a variety of ways. '
- 'Constantly taking out her cellphone while talking to you, interrupting you, doesn''t
  stop talking about herself



  EDIT: I just wanted to use this platform to greet my friends Chris and Felix! See
  you saturday haha'
- "This might sound fake, but I actually had a girl ask me \"When are you gonna start\
  \ buying me stuff?\"  We'd gone out maybe 4 times, it was insane.  I just about\
  \ pulled the car over and made her walk the rest of the way to her house.  \n\n\
  I guarantee you she is making some rich dude a great trophy wife at this point.\
  \  She was dumber than a box of rocks, but I'm not gonna lie, she was really attractive.\
  \  Quick story on just how dumb: Took her car to the mechanic, they told her she\
  \ needed to change her transmission fluid.  She went and bought transmission fluid,\
  \ and put it in her gas tank.  She was 23."
- The pointy hat with the veil thing on top
- '"Girls are too much drama, that''s why I only have guy friends."'
- Usually having "Princess" written across the rear of their pink sweat pants is a
  dead giveaway.
- Being able to feel a pea through 99 mattresses is always a giveaway in my experience.
- Horses.  You'll always be third in line with a horse girl, behind her animals, and
  her daddies money...
- 'lack of awareness of the plight of the proletariat and the subjugation to archaic
  feudal hierarchies. '
- 'Way more focused on self than others, with a general disconnect to reality or what''s
  going on in the immediate area around them.


  Always late herself, while constantly being impatient with others not working on
  her time frame.'
- Birds landing on their fingers as they sing
- When she complains about her parents on the first date, going on about her "lines
  of succession" and how they're always forcing her to marry a prince from another
  fiefdom.
- 'Being surrounded by talking animals '
- When I beat the shit out of a bunch of turtles, mushrooms, ghost, and a dinosaur,
  just to find out from your friend that your bitch ass is in another castle.
- "Subsequent to the thought that OP should have used a serious tag based on some\
  \ of these responses, my experience has told me the following about this particular\
  \ type of woman:\n\n* She is usually not a woman. She is a girl pretending to be\
  \ a woman. She might even look like a woman, but underneath the Barbie layers, her\
  \ mind is in her parent's house being waited on and defended by them, and only the\
  \ parts of the upbringing that support her agenda at the time. This leads to a noticeably\
  \ incongruous basis of perspective whose only common denominator is the expectation\
  \ of getting her way.\n* With that in mind, she probably did not get *everything*\
  \ she wanted growing up, but she will try to give the impression that she did, simply\
  \ as a warning shot, because she is likely to assume that you will cave without\
  \ having to expend the effort of convincing you to bend to her will. If she is not\
  \ successful, she will then employ the tactics against you that worked for her previously.\
  \ Further failure will inevitably devolve into anger and name-calling in order to\
  \ make you feel like she did not get what she wanted because you were not adequate\
  \ enough to provide it.\n* There is a distinct lack of an ability (Note that I did\
  \ not say willingness) for her to acknowledge her own faults. Even when an outcome\
  \ bares them impossibly clear. This is not limited to a \"princess\", but often\
  \ times those of us that are in denial about these types of things are fully aware\
  \ of the personal fault and are attempting to save face. A \"princess\" usually\
  \ feels very justified about her convictions because the groundwork was laid throughout\
  \ her life and the perspective cemented as a personal truth rather than an acute\
  \ defense mechanism against a momentary lapse of character or judgement.\n* She\
  \ will use looks, charisma and sex to coerce, and when this does not result with\
  \ her end goal fulfilled, she will attempt to manipulate you in order to make you\
  \ feel like she is the giver and gets nothing in return. This is to make you feel\
  \ guilty and ultimately bend to her will as a penance. When this does not work,\
  \ the focus turns to you, negatively, in order for you to feel like less of a person\
  \ and that she, as a result, holds the moral high ground. She will then attempt\
  \ to leverage this position to achieve her goals. During this time, she will always\
  \ use the people that give her what she wants as a comparison to what you are not\
  \ doing. This is to make you feel as though you are the one failing.\n* If you brave\
  \ all of the above and she has still not gotten what she wants, she will flip it\
  \ back around and be amicable. You will get sex. The best you have ever had. She\
  \ will weasel her way into your good side in order to use it against you to finally\
  \ achieve her goal. If you somehow survived the first attempt, you are tired from\
  \ all of the fighting and it is a welcome embrace. You say to yourself that it is\
  \ just not worth it, and that you should pick your battles, and you give in during\
  \ that brief moment of respite. And she finally gets what she wants.\n\nI want to\
  \ reiterate that this is only my experience. It is anecdotal and not intended to\
  \ be as large of a generalization as it must seem. I know that people are different\
  \ and all across the spectrum, but manipulation is always a common denominator with\
  \ this type of thing and it is just what I have noticed over the years.\n\nAnd yes,\
  \ she will always be in another castle.     \nOne you will never be able to afford.\n\
  \nEdit:    \nA comma."
- Not having girl friends because "they are too much drama", shes going to be a bitch
- '"Let me call my daddy."

  "My daddy will fix my car."

  "My daddy paid my speeding ticket."

  Etc.'
- "Referring to herself as a princess.  \n\nOr, \"I can really be a diva, but (cutesy\
  \ smirk) gotta love me!\"  No.  No I do not."
- If her behavior and personality correspond to Taylor Swift song lyrics.
- 'As a female, I''m just going to throw this out there: Tweety/Taz tattoo and/or
  Tinkerbell car mats. Run.'
- Owning a pet tiger, wearing glass slippers, lots of strange things like that.
- "\"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best\". \n\nEdit:\
  \ First gold! Thank you, kind stranger!"
- When you hear all about about her baby daddy, her pain doctor, and her therapist
  within 10 minutes of meeting her.
- 'Was seeing a girl for a few months and I have her something on Valentine''s Day
  that read "be my valentine" or some other variation. She responded with "that''s
  sweet but my daddy will always be my valentine". She was in her second semester
  of law school and in her mid 20''s so that whole my daddy is the best man in the
  world thing was off putting. She ended up being high maintenance and unpredictable,
  bad combination.  '
- "* Idolizes the Kardashians\n\n* Selfies for days\n\n* Says you can't handle them\n\
  \n* Only puts their Insta handle on their Bumble profile\n\n* Expects to be spoiled\
  \ at all times\n\n* Takes a million selfies until they get that one special shot\
  \ right\n\n* Complains about their likes on Facebook/Insta posts\n\n* Worries about\
  \ their Followers/Following ratio on Instagram   \n\n* Dates older men for their\
  \ money and shows off all of their newly acquired diamonds, vacations, fake lips/tits\
  \ to the world and acts like they've earned it"
- '"I have expensive taste!" Nah, you have no taste. You only know what numbers are'
- When you meet her parents and they are reign over some nation. Every time I'm like
  "seriously? Get over yourselves!"
- '"bet you can''t handle me!"


  Bitch, dating you shouldn''t be a challenge. Fuck out of here with that shit.'
- When she starts talking about seizing the means of production
- Not a dude but if you know a girl who complains way too much about her exs, you
  probably want to steer clear.
- When you start putting on makeup and dressing in pretty clothes.. wait you mean
  the girl.
- "Doesn't know how much typical things cost.... BECAUSE SHE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT\
  \ IT. \n\nThen she met and married me. Her parents come up and see me working on\
  \ an electrical outlet and says \"can't you pay people to do that?\" \n\nBy the\
  \ way I have mostly converted her to non princess status much to their dismay. They\
  \ love her and our three kids, not so much me. "
- 'When you have to fight a dragon to date her. '
- Allowing you to pay for damn near everything when she has a perfectly good job.  It's
  even worse when she makes more than you, or you're temporarily out of work, she
  knows it, and she STILL makes you pay.  I mean, at least offer, "princess."
- 'She only ever wants to go out and eat food that''s expensive, and gets mad if you
  try to take her out to get something that is convenient. '
- 'A pink "Princess" sticker on the back windshield of her car... yes this is somebody
  I know '
- Refusing to do something on the grounds that she's too good for it. Not taking out
  the garbage, cleaning a bathtub, whatever. Nobody's too good to be humble and helpful.
  Anyone who thinks they are is an asshole.
- "After going out a few times. \n\nWoman: \"Man.  I've gone so overboard spending\
  \ lately.  Hey, can you take care of my credit card debt for me?\"\n\nMe, silent,\
  \ looking at her oddly trying to decide if this is a bad joke.\n\nWoman: \"I mean,\
  \ you could be a sugar daddy, couldn't you?\"\n\nMe: \"No. I'm not *that old* yet\
  \ nor wealthy.  And I wouldn't be even if I were.\"  \n\nWoman: \"You don't want\
  \ to be my sugar daddy?\"\n\nThat was the end of that relationship. "
- "Seriously had a co-worker tell me,  \"I don't know how you can wear clothes from\
  \ Target. I ONLY shop at Nordstrom.\" She was the definition of a princess. \n\n\
  Edit: sorry,  female here, but I had to chime in. "
- 'Always has to be the centre of attention. Anytime. Anywhere. '
- The more selfies they have on their Facebook page directly correlates with how crazy
  they'll be.
- Locked in a tower guarded by a dragon... 99 times out of 100, it's a princess.
- I would say one of the biggest red flags is if she strips naked in the middle of
  a crowded mall because you won't buy her an iPhone, [like this "princess" did.](https://youtu.be/JV2SlIXXvBA)
- Watches while I pay without saying anything
- '"Only REAL men need apply" (dating site profiles where she has 3 kids and is looking
  for a ~~wallet~~ eunuch father for them)'
- If she has enormous. ... tracts of land.
- 'If she''s constantly late to everything and doesn''t see an issue with it. "Remember
  a princess is never late, everyone else is just early". '
- Being rude and self-entitled towards service staff.
- 'I hate drama

  Daddy pays my cellphone bill

  What''s a car payment?

  You''re paying for dinner, right?

  I get my nails done every week

  My last BF drove a <really expensive car here>

  If you can''t handle me at...

  Did I mention I hate drama?

  Anything regarding high maintenance

  That''s why I only have guy friends

  '
- There was this one girl I took on a date. I asked her if she wanted to go for a
  walk or something and she could bring her dog, and she said something to the effect
  of "as long as we go slow, because I don't do sweating, it's gross and ruins my
  makeup"....I was like bye felicia
- If she's wearing a tiara.
- 'We were out st a cafe and she ordered a $12 pasta to which she refused to eat because
  she thought it was a little cold. For the record it wasn''t. Offered to get it replaced
  but rejected that idea only to sit and stare at?? Needless to say I never saw her
  again hahah '
- 'In Utah there is a lot of that. Lots of affluent families around here. So my opinion
  would say, every one is a fucking princess. Even the men. But I think I can boil
  it down to this.

  __tldr: Bullet point headers and bolded statements.__


  * Social Media Junkie. Now we''re all junkies to a degree, but we''re talking the
  people who do not put the phone down. You won''t be able to tell at first because
  it seems normal and it is. Until you see it on every date, every conversation, everything
  you do she''s got her phone and is writing to someone, she''s probably a princess.
  Or narcissistic. Or busy. Just not with you. A lot.

  * Dresses pretty exclusively in nice brands. Believe me, she probably does look
  hot with that bag with the gold GC and those heels with the red bottom and that
  lovely cardigan and model hair. Wait. She''s perfect. She is a princess. Now you
  shouldn''t judge a book by their cover, but people tend to adjust to certain standards
  of living. If she looks great and is wearing any brands, and get familiar with brands
  btw, then she''s probably a princess. Clearly money is on her side there. She could
  be just a very successful woman, but again, there is an affluent standard there
  and presented.

  * How she talks. This is another one that is going to be rude as fuck. But we''re
  already on a rude thread so let''s continue. If she talks a lot about herself and
  you notice she never asks about you, she''s a princess. Her scope doesn''t extend
  to you. It''s possible things work because you both talk about yourselves in a conversation.
  That''s fine. This one is a bit of a late game clue she''s a princess because it
  doesn''t make itself fully apparent. Another way to know is to listen to her...

  * Tone of voice. It is incredibly judgemental to get at someone for their tone of
  voice but these things happen for largely cultural reasons. Now one way I think
  this can be worked out is to understand how she communicates because, "That''s my
  voice, boss." And you can''t change that. But if her tone and what she says starts
  to lean toward extremely conceited or narcissistic, she''s a princess.

  * Body language. If you''re talking to her, look at her eyes. Don''t stare but look.
  Look at her mouth. Her face, all over. She might be expressing some clues that she
  is not interested in you talking. Also how she gestures when talking. Again, people
  want to present an image. If she is presenting herself as a very important person,
  then she is probably a princess. Understand too, **appearance down to body language
  add up** into a fair judgement but isn''t fair enough until you...

  * **Talk to her and ask about her.**


  Everyone likes to talk about themselves. This is fine. However, as the conversation
  goes, ask about what she does for work, where she got something, her favorite things,
  etc. If you start feeling like she might be a princess, you have the freedom to
  choose not to see them again. __Believe me, if they''re a princess, they will tell
  you about some petty shit that happened to them.__ If it seems too irrational, you
  can leave.


  Outward appearance draws clues but not conclusions. The most consistent thing would
  be to judge how affluent they look because people who want to be treated like royalty
  will gravitate toward looking like royalty. Because we see in media today that it
  works. If you look good on Instagram, facebook, whatever, you''re going to get fun
  e-penis points all day. It feeds a craving for attention which could have been brought
  about for any number of reasons.              '
- 'Hinting for gifts


  Bitch if I want to buy you something, I''ll do it of my own volition, don''t hint
  at me like you''re a 2 year old who wants the last piece of cake.'
- 'my xgirlfriend straight told me ''i expect to be treated like a princess'' parents
  have no business setting their kids up for failure like that


  '
- 'One of my friend put it well. Girls who post motivational memes with ''this'' as
  their comment on social media.  Then do absolutely nothing. '
- "- Girls who post constant selfies on social media, regardless of the context. Seriously\
  \ \u2014 one time a kid in my town passed away and while everyone was posting pictures\
  \ they had with the kid writing nice things, she posted a selfie with a duck face\
  \ and her boobs hanging out with a half-assed caption about the guy. Any opportunity\
  \ for those likes I guess and to be the center of attention. Pay attention to how\
  \ people handle tragedy \u2014 it instantly shows their colors. \n\n- Also, more\
  \ of pet peeve here...but girls who don't say basic social courtesies such as \"\
  bless you\" when someone sneezes, \"please\" and \"thank you.\" Seriously, who the\
  \ fuck raised you? "
- "I'm a female, but I can tell you one: go look at someone's Pinterest page. That's\
  \ where you'll find our dirty laundry, if we have any. Run the other way if you\
  \ see these:\n\n-\"I'm not pretty, smart or popular, but you should date me because\
  \ I'll always be loyal\"\n\n-\"If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve\
  \ me at my best\"\n\n-\"Broken women are the best girlfriends, because we're grateful\
  \ \" \n\n-\"In a field of roses, she is a wildflower\"\n\n-\"The broken will always\
  \ be able to love harder than most. Once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate\
  \ everything that shines.\"\n\n-Any version of \"I want someone who loves me because\
  \ I'm rude, got fat & started wearing sweatpants & no makeup\"\n\n-Large amounts\
  \ of quotes from Marilyn Monroe, Lindsay Lohan or Jennifer Love Hewitt\n\n-SomeE\
  \ cards that call other women ugly or slutty"
- 'Any girl whose stepmom keeps her locked in some sort of impractical form of housing.
  Dead giveaway. '
- 'She can''t take a punch. '
- If she has a sister named Elsa who can shoot ice out of her hands.
- 'Talking in a stupid fucking voice. '
- 'If she think she never has to apologize, and is always right. I could never live
  with someone like that. '
- When she calls her father "daddy"
- Not a man but have dated women. If you take her out to eat on a date and she treats
  the waiters and staff like shit she is a self entitled princess.
- Dressed up like princess peach, but she wanted me to put a glass slipper on her
  foot and complained about the 7 guys she lived with
- Constantly being kidnapped by Bowser.
- 'Any time she says "entertain me" that is when I call it.

  Nothing good will come of this relationship. '
- Zero interest in me until she learns what I do.
- 'One of my best friends had a girlfriend once say she likes to have nicer things
  than other people, but doesn''t want to work so he needs to have a good job. Same
  girl also said she should come before family and God. I''m not religious but that''s
  still pretty nuts for people who are, which they were. '
- When she cries the whole time while she's helping you move bodies to the ocean to
  dump. I was even nice enough to cut them in small parts. Drama queen.
- '"I''m not interested in going to a concert unless we are in a private box"


  "You get the car and pick me up from here, I don''t want the rain to frizz up my
  hair. I just had it blowed out"


  "Oh, my dad''s always looked after that for me"


  "This place looks a little too grungy for me"


  "Bottled water please, tap water is for the working class"


  "What do you mean I have to do it myself?"


  "Every other boyfriend I have has always........."


  "People are paid to clean that up, so there''s no reason I should"


  "We can''t park so far away, I don''t want to have to walk all this way back"


  "That''s what guys are supposed to do"'
- When her arm straightens every half hour no matter where you are followed by a flash.
  Like that is just normal human behaviour.
- 'That is just looking for an excuse to be mad.  '
- 'What the fuck!? I''m a girl and didn''t even know "one week gifts" existed. '
- 'That''s not what "anniversary" means


  She wanted him to celebrate their "sabbativersary"


  And that''s not a thing'
- Here's a question is it a sign of changing times or just getting older that the
  official "start" of a relationship kind of doesn't matter as much. I've found myself
  and other people I know have given up on having an exact date the relationship started
  and just kind of go "oh yeah we've been on like 3-4 dates now and like each other
  so I guess we're in a relationship"
- 'Huh. That sounds an awful lot like a pilot joke.


  A police officer, a firefighter, and a pilot walk into a bar. How do you know which
  one is the pilot?


  He''ll have told you already.'
- 'Translation: Sucks dick behind Macy''s, and when ridiculed for it posts Facebook
  statuses about "knowing the whole story" and "don''t talk about me when you have
  your own history" etc'
- 'Any time I hear anyone referred to as sassy I assume they''re 400 lbs. '
- "Here's the thing: what you said is totally cool, as long as she can pay for it\
  \ herself. \n\nMy mother has shoes that cost over $1000. But she earned that money\
  \ and can spend it how she likes. She says she's \"not high maintenance, but well-maintained.\""
- 'Also "I''m not high maintenance"


  Girl, if you feel you have to mention it, you probably are. Low maintenance girls
  don''t think about whether they''re high maintenance or not because, frankly, they
  aren''t thinking about themselves as much as you.'
- '"Aren''t you a little ungrateful for a prisoner"'
- '"Fine.  Stay in here and rot, you stuck-up bitch."'
- 'This reminds me of some very good relationship advice: If someone tells you something
  about themselves, *believe* them. '
- "If someone uses the distinction \"unless you piss me off\" it always means everything\
  \ pisses them off. \n\nSpelt your name wrong at Starbucks? Psycho bitch time. \n\
  \nSold out of gucci handbags? Psycho bitch time! \n\nForgot which way a clock turns?\
  \ Psycho butch time! "
- "\"if you can't handle me at my worst ...\" \n\nok, fuck off then. you're clearly\
  \ a moody petulant nightmare."
- Your *vast* tracks of land
- Thats when you go Intrigue focus and assassinate him.
- 'Let''s hope your spymaster is skilled. And you haven''t shagged his wife recent. '
- '[r/crusaderkings](https://www.reddit.com/r/crusaderkings) is leaking'
- Political Considerations ----
- 'Yup.  Also, scolding you, or embarrassing you in front of her or your friends.  '
- 'In a relationship you really have to present a united front publicly.   Like if
  you can''t trust your SO to have your back around other people who can you trust.  '
- 'I have had two grilfriends (consecutive no less) that would give me the silent
  treatment. Never, NEVER fucking again.


  I told my current girlfriend if she ever gives me the silent treatment.... </relationship>.
  No questions asked, no begging for a second chance, nothing. If you silent treatment
  me, I''m gone. She has the same rule for me.'
- 'Everyone knows there are two countries in Africa: North Africa and South Africa.
  It''s like North and South Virginia.'
- "When I was in the third grade my teacher insisted that Africa was just one country.\
  \ My little third-grade self was like \"but look at the globe\" and she didn't believe\
  \ me \n\nGranted, this was at a public school in rural Mississippi, but STILL. She\
  \ had to have at least graduated high school, right?"
- 2 blessed 2 be stressed
- '"I''m not like most girls" - Most girls'
- 'I''m really more like one of the guys, I don''t get along with other women.  '
- "This might not be the best place to do your AMA.  But...how much of your d\xE9\
  cor is pink?"
- "\u0CA0_\u0CA0"
- 'Can confirm: had a brief obsessed with Marilyn Monroe phase, was terrible in a
  variety of ways.'
- "Male here.  Ex loved Marilyn.  Ditched me for some guy who made more money.  Apt.\
  \ Building caught on fire.  She stole a MM painting from the apartment next to ours\
  \ and half my insurance check.  She wouldn't sign off on it unless I gave her half.\
  \  Happened days after she took all her shit and moved out.  \n\nYes I fought and\
  \ did my homework.  No win situation.  She even went on to stop responding to me\
  \ when I had a grand worth of checks I needed her to sign for my expense reimbursement.\
  \  The insurance company got to keep the money. "
- Speaking from experience, YES.
- 'Fuuuuuck. This hits hard. I dated a girl for a while in high school. She was awesome.
  I loved just being around her. She was fun, had a great sense of humor and she was
  absolutely gorgeous. It was high school, and shit happens. We broke up after a little
  less than a year. Fast forward to 22 year old me at Walmart in the middle of the
  night buying bullshit snacks after work and who do I see in line? Awesome girl from
  high school. She''s with some guy who I assume is her boyfriend. We talk a little
  in line and I head home. By the time I get home, I have a text that just says "he''s
  not my boyfriend btw" and that''s when I knew that I should pursue this again. We
  went on our first date and it was just like high school. She was still amazing,
  and I realized that my feelings for her seemed as if they hadn''t dulled in the
  slightest. Everything seemed perfect. That night we went back to my place and I
  very quickly learned two things. I learned that 1. she had gotten her nipples pierced,
  and so I didn''t really focus on number 2, which was that she had a portrait of
  Marilyn Monroe tattooed on her waist, with a dermal piercing for the beauty mark.
  I thought "that''s weird, but those are great". Little did I know that there was
  a pot of crazy brewing underneath all of it. We dated for less than 2 months when
  she told me that she didn''t want to be together anymore. I was upset, but after
  talking about our relationship and our feelings, I told her that I understood. A
  couple of days later, I get a phone call. She''s fucking pissed. Screaming at me
  about how much I hurt her. I''m confused to say the least. She tells me that breaking
  up with me was a test. I was supposed to fight for her. She wanted to see if we
  were meant for each other. Needless to say, I blocked her phone number and haven''t
  looked back since. '
- 'Proof:


  Cash me ousside girl''s instagram display picture is Marilyn Monroe'
- I've found the same pattern in women obsessed with the nightmare before christmas.
- TIL one of my guy friends is a princess. I'm gonna start calling him that.
- Every time she's on her cell phone, you take out your cell phone and be surfing
  porn.  Don't hide it, either.
- I went on a date with an incredibly hot girl in college, who was easily 9/10 in
  looks. However, I never wanted to see her again after the date, as she was doing
  a lot of this during the date. Her personality was 3/10 at best.
- 'will, however, complain constantly about how ''you''re always on the phone'' as
  she sits there scrolling through instagram and Facebook, and you''re checking the
  *occasional* work email. '
- 'Dude that''s exactly where gender fluid goes '
- Transmission fluid in the gas tank is one I haven't heard.  You know what the damage
  to the engine was?
- "No joke I worked with a woman in her later 20's who was married and didn't know\
  \ how to put gas in her own car (and it's not like we lived in a state that mandated\
  \ service gas stations). She'd never had to do it. Daddy did it until she got married\
  \ then hubby did it. He didn't realize she was low once and we didn't have a service\
  \ gas station nearby so he drove from 30 minutes away, took her car to the gas station,\
  \ filled it, dropped it back off at the office and drove back to his own job. A\
  \ lot of the women thought it was romantic. I thought it was creepy. \n\nI'm a woman\
  \ but I was in charge of mowing the yard since I was 13 and my mom wouldn't let\
  \ me get behind  the wheel of a car until I knew how to change a tire, check fluid\
  \ levels and pump gas.  No artificial helplessness in this house. My parents also\
  \ made my nephew learn how to do laundry and feed himself. "
- My brothers trophy gal came with him to Christmas dinner. After dinner we were playing
  Cards Against Humanity and her "dumber than a box a rocks" was showing big time.
  Poor darling is 21 and didn't know what an Athenian wrestler or a clitoris was,
  nor did she have a clue as to who Dick Cheney was. When you have to explain what
  every card means the funniest part of the game was her asking what something meant.
- Princess, not Klan member.
- 'Conical hennin! '
- I'm a girl who has no friends, do I still fall in this category?
- '"I hate drama" - princess who proceeds to cause all sorts of drama'
- Collecting swarmers to get showered in gifts.
- '"I''m too pretty to settle and haven''t paid for a drink since college"'
- I've seen that so many times!!! Why is that a thing?! Jesus...
- '"Oh yeah, you can feel a pea through 99 mattresses and yet you still ask me, ''Is
  it in yet?''"'
- Even at 98, I've met a few psychos.
- If you can pee through 99 mattresses too
- "You know, I always thought this story meant that princesses had some sort of secret\
  \ power or whatever. But I recently just realized it meant the princess was just\
  \ so spoiled that even the smallest lump would disturb her sleep\u2026"
- I passed out on a rattan sleeping mat that had a beer bottle under it once, and
  felt it the next morning. Does that count?
- fourth, forgot her horse owning friends
- 'Horse girls are weird.


  This is just something I''ve learned over the years.'
- 'Ohhh...this is too true.


  I had such a crush on a long-legged French girl who rode.


  I didn''t even rank a distant 10...'
- 'The only thing worse than horse girls are Disney girls. Sure, most people like
  Disney but then there are the girls who have Disney *everything*- Disney t-shirts,
  Disney car decals, Disney shoelaces, 20 sets of Mickey Mouse ears and so on. For
  some reason they''re equal parts entitled and totally psychotic. '
- I once read somewhere that a male horse's penis has to be manually cleaned of smegma
  if the horse wasn't getting laid, and this is something that horse girls like to
  do to their horses.  So I've been trying to find a horse girl because she'd be down
  with regularly cleaning my horse-sized penis.  But none of them seem to be responding
  to my request for some reason.
- Come see the violence inherent in the system!
- '> Always late herself, while constantly being impatient with others not working
  on her time frame.


  Fuck, I''m a 27 year old male princess.'
- I can't help but imagine birds with fingers right now. I'm frightened.
- Bernie Sanders for Princess 2020.
- And how she just wants the title, but never even cleaned up after herself and makes
  her nasty stepsister do it all because she's pretty much an orphan now.
- Well, excuuuuuse me. I'll just take my menagerie of chattering chipmunks elsewhere.
- So Eliza Thornberry is out of consideration for you, I guess?
- You risk your lives trying to rescue her, and what do you get when you finally succeed?
  A fucking cake.
- Have on for Mario
- 'I apologize that you understand it this clearly. '
- 'This is the woman whois camped out on my couch now. She has "6 years in" and will
  not leave. She has alienated my daughters, my parents, my siblings, my friends,
  my complete social circle, and now my neighbors. She is indebted to me for 10''s  of
  thousands of dollars and will not leave. She said the law is on her side and she
  is right.  I have to pay her to leave, and so she remains. If I have a big day at
  work tomorrow, she will torture me all night with drunken foolishness and not let
  me sleep. When she goes into one of her punch fests, if I report her, she will say
  I raped her. She told me she is going to "slice my throat" while I sleep. I have
  that particular audio recorded, and the judge said I''m bigger, no problem. But
  I have to move back to my house, or forfeit it to her, lest I abandon the property.
  And here I am, drunk on Monday. '
- 'Nice analysis. '
- 'This. This is who my mother is. I''ve just now seen what she''s been doing to me
  and my siblings. The ways she''s been teaching us. "Her way" which was not in fact,
  the "right way". It''s messed up how good some people are at manipulation. Some
  don''t even know they''re doing it. '
- Perfect
- 'Sadly I feel, like a lot of people are this way. Manipulation isn''t just from
  princess types '
- 'I''m glad at least one person can point out the harsh truth in this sea of jokes.


  You''re spot on mate, even if it''s anectodal I''ve been through the same series
  of events in the exact same order with my "princess".

  Thank god i wisened up and left before the wedding.'
- "I married a beautiful woman who told me while dating \"I'd live in a cardboard\
  \ box as long as it was with you.\" she meant it. She's lived with me through two\
  \ degrees, kids, a medium house, a giant house, and a tiny house. She's my traveling\
  \ buddy, my best friend. Didn't care how much money I made when we were poor, didn't\
  \ care when I made a lot. \n\nPrincesses love things. Either material things or\
  \ self image things. Good women love people. \n\n"
- 'Can confirm. '
- 'Damn. My experience with other girls has literally all been drama. I couldn''t
  deal with it anymore, so I have friends that are guys. This thread *really* likes
  calling me a bitch.


  Also bullying. There was so much bullying from girls. Middle school sucked, man.'
- "My ex told me within a week of meeting me, \"I'm a princess.\"  Huge red flag,\
  \ right? Turns out, she was an actual direct descendant and princess of Mowri royalty\
  \ in hawai'i and meant she was a princess in that she always acted with grace, charm\
  \ and dignity because she represented her family, which was greater than just her.\
  \  \n\nGlad I ignored that red flag.  She's an Ex, but never thought ill of her.\
  \  "
- 'I always thought this as the trashy Walmart dwellers. '
- Her dad's financial advisor owns a parrot. Like what?
- 'If you can''t handle me at my diddliest you don''t deserve me at my doodliest '
- If you can't handle me at my worst, I really respect your healthy boundary setting
- '"I wear heels bigger than your dick"'
- Completely removes all responsibility to self-improve some of the weaker, more impatient
  parts of someone's personality. People with that attitude should be avoided like
  the plague.
- If anyone says this, especially frequently, chances are that they're always at their
  worst.
- '>"I''m not like most girls."


  -Most girls'
- 'She''s the princess we deserve but not the one it need right now. '
- If she has a pain doctor, run for the hills.
- 'As someone with a bone disorder that actually does have a pain doctor... ):'
- 'As a man, I have expensive taste when I buy things for me. If I''m buying something,
  I want a nice thing.


  When I spend someone else''s money, just being there is good enough.'
- 'But that means she''s a prole, and therefore not a princess '
- I don't see the problem as long as she lets me seize her means of reproduction.
- Hell ya I'm the mothafuckin princess
- 'Men of reddit: give it a try, just for like a month or two. It''s nice to feel
  pretty, and maybe you''ll meet a wealthy prince who''ll marry you for political
  reasons while screwing the serving staff'
- I get mad when my boyfriend tries to feed me anything besides pizza.
- 'To be fair, grown women having temper tantrum-like behavior in response to their
  men not buying them something is pretty normal in Chinese culture. There''s still
  a strong belief in gender roles, one of which is that men should pamper their women.
  By acting child like, pouting, stamping their feet, etc in response to their men
  refusing to buy them something, it''s a reminder of his place in his gender role.
  In fact, for a woman to never do so is to come across as overly masculine. As a
  feminist raised in American culture, I wanted to baulk hearing about it, but I have
  to remember not to view things from the lens of my own culture.


  Now, stripping naked? Correct me if I''m wrong, but I''m pretty sure that was considered
  a step too far.'
- Stop dating mutes then.
- I don't mind paying for the first few dates and don't even have a problem with them
  expecting me to do so; it's kind of a social norm for a lot of people. But it's
  unbelievable how many women don't even think to show any kind of appreciation for
  it. How hard is it to just slip me a quick "thanks for dinner by the way!".
- "To be fair, especially on first dates, I'd assume that I was paying for myself\
  \ (I think it's only fair and never wanted to be caught in a situation where I was\
  \ expected to but didn't bring funds). Almost always offended the guy horribly.\
  \ \nThough, I'll say my now husband thought it was great I wanted to/was willing\
  \ to pay for myself. "
- you could always sing instead
- Every thread
- Or just in general.
- Talking shit about other people, especially superficial shit.
- '"Bitch, eat ya noodles."'
- "> \"Broken women are the best girlfriends, because we're grateful \" \n\nThere\
  \ is so much wrong with this statement"
- So that eliminates Ronda Rousey
- 'I think it''s weird when people call their Dad "father"


  Edit: And guys'' problems with the word "daddy" is a porn thing. Where I grew up,
  "daddy" was your dad''s name, and then y''all went and made it weird. '
- This isn't so big of a deal in the South. I know grown men who still call their
  fathers that.
- 'It took me a while to realize you were talking about selfies. At first I thought
  it was something wrong with her elbow. '
- She was trying to set a precedent.
- My mind continues to expand with cynicism.
- They don't. She crazy.
- 'Of course they do. The one week gift material is latex. '
- "That's generally how relationships start, with a few dates. It's hard to say \"\
  we're a couple!\" when you're just getting to know someone - that's what dates are\
  \ for, getting to know each other in a romantic setting. \n\nGenerally you'll either\
  \ use the date you chose to be \"official\" (have the exclusivity talk/whatever\
  \ floats your boat) as your anniversary or the day of your first date, if it was\
  \  a big deal... "
- 'My neighbour is a pilot.  He insists that everyone in the building calls him "Captain".  '
- 'This is so perfectly specific. '
- 'But handjobs in the Nordstroms parking garage are still the epitome of class right? '
- Story..?
- 'I assume anyone calling themself Sassy is a cat & once ran away from home with
  two dogs '
- I'm convinced, what's your mother's number?
- "I would argue that \"high maintenance\" only applies in cases when someone *else*\
  \ has to do the maintaining. If she's self-sufficient and buys all her own shit,\
  \ that's not really high maintenance IMO. \n\n\nMost of the girls I've met who say\
  \ this expect to have everything handed to them without really doing anything.\n\
  \n\nEDIT: Since it came up, I am not, and I don't think OP was, referring to people\
  \ who are emotionally high maintenance. Usually girls who are emotionally high maintenance\
  \ don't openly talk or boast about it, which is a big difference here. Being high\
  \ maintenance doesn't mean a girl is a \"princess\", but openly proclaiming it usually\
  \ does."
- Idk, my wife told me on our first date that she wasn't high maintenance at all.
  She's not.
- '"Aren''t you a little sandy for a Senator?"'
- Like you'd turn that ass away.
- 'But she didn''t know he was there to rescue her at the time, its entirely possible
  to insult the person who bursts into her cell without really coming of as anything
  but snarky to the guys who were just torturing her for information and then blew
  up her planet. '
- 'can confirm... ex once told me she was a terrible person. turns out she was *very*
  right. '
- 'I just commented the opposite. People that go around describing themselves usually
  get the description wrong. '
- 'Yep one guy once told me he was bad at relationships. He was right. '
- I really look like Margot Robbie. The fat woman you see is a manifestation of your
  own insecurities. Get your crap together.
- Why do they get all tomboyish if they cant tell time properly?
- "Also, the easiest, most predictable thing to do is act pissy when something doesn't\
  \ go your way. It's what children do when they're upset. It's the easiest thing\
  \ to be nice to people when you're feeling great... you don't get brownie points\
  \ for being the same as everyone else.\n\nIf I ever hear someone say, \"I'm a really\
  \ nice person unless you piss me off\" I automatically assume you're just a terrible\
  \ person who can't see or won't see how you really act. \n\nOne of my good friends\
  \ brags about this all the time. She actually thinks I'm the fake one because I\
  \ try to be cordial even if I'm angry at someone."
- "If you can't handle me when my palms are sweaty, you don't deserve my mom's spaghetti\
  \ \n\n\n\n\nEdit: much obliged"
- 'Yep, met someone like this. She essentially used it as an excuse to justify bad
  behaviour. '
- 'My answer to that one is "If you''re planning on showing off a lot of your *worst*
  and you think I deserve that then your best isn''t worth it." '
- I don't want vast tracts of land, I want to sing!
- She's got huuuuuuuge.....tracts of land!
- And his sons. And his grandsons. Until his daughter (your wife) is the heir.
- '"Why don''t you dress as nice as [name of friend]?"


  The shit I took from that girl...'
- 'You''re theoretically looking at eventual marriage with this person. Most likely
  some kind of long term partner based relationship at least. If you aren''t each
  other''s biggest cheerleaders you''re fucked. If your partner tells you their dream
  (that isn''t insane like being the next Pablo Escobar or Dahmer) help them, encourage,
  etc. You guys are a team, fucking act like it. Be the Pippen to their Michael Jordan,
  and they should reciprocate the same way cheering you on and being your rock when
  it comes to your dreams.


  Relationships get fucking adversarial and antagonistic so often and that''s total
  cancer for a relationship. If you guys aren''t setting up passes for the other to
  dunk it''s time to go get professional help or break it off. Please don''t think
  a puppy or a kid is going to fix that either. Be the greatest teammate your partner
  could ever imagine.'
- 'I hear you. I wasted years of my dating life in the same boat. '
- Fairfax here. I believe you meant North and "Real" Virginia.
- The doctor's gone!
- You look different
- R/unexpectedmulaney
- Batman?
- "My intro line on my old dating profile was:  \n \"I'm not like most guys. Most\
  \ guys are Chinese.\"\n\nIt didn't do too well. "
- Well, I'm not like most girls. I'm worse
- Nia Jax
- '>"I''m not like most girls" - Nia Jax


  FTFY'
- '"I don''t have any female friends, they''re all bitches."'
- Go full Princess Bubblegum - don't just wear pink, *be* pink.
- 'I had a brief phase where I felt I related to her and people called me "Marilyn,"
  can confirm I was a mess at the time.  '
- Whoa that super sucks. This is why Kanye sings about prenups
- In your best possible Dr. Cox impersonation
- '[ ](/fl_bored)"Believe it or not but the plot to this porn is actually more interesting
  than your life"'
- 'No joke my ex would answer the phone if I was mid sentence, zero fucks given. No
  "sorry I need to take this" no "let me text them to say Im busy". Just straight
  up answer and talk for 20 minutes, and then failed to understand why I was upset,
  because "do you absolutely have to answer that?" means "please answer that".


  My response was to call my friend and keep talking long after she had finished her
  call. This was met with outrage, obviously'
- So overall she's a 12/20
- She just wants the free meal not the free willy.
- "That's always the case isn't it? \n\nHot = Crazy"
- I'm not 100% sure why I snorted so loud at this
- Probably fatal.
- I can't imagine it'd be too much... Probably just really smokey exhaust and shitty
  performance for the duration of the tank.
- I mean, the Klan's got wizards, what's to say it can't have princesses too?
- 'Were there non-conical hennin? Edit: stupid auto-correct'
- Nah you're just a loser like the rest of us.
- It's not that I don't get along with other girls. Eye contact and human interaction
  just frighten me.
- its me ur friend
- 'I am also a girl with no friends but my therapist says it''s because I don''t know
  how to build long lasting friendships due to moving 22 times. So uh. '
- 'I hate *other people''s* drama...


  Because it takes the focus off of *my* drama!'
- 'The phrase "I hate drama" is like the female equivalent of "I''m a nice guy." Much
  like how they say if you have to go around telling everybody what a nice guy you
  are, then you aren''t actually nice: if you have to go around telling everybody
  how much you hate drama, then you don''t actually hate drama. '
- Sure...Gifts...
- That or "JUICY".
- It's^just^that^small.
- 'My ex could only feel through 97.


  ..*now that I think about it*, she might''ve had a couple screws loose. '
- I got 99 problems but urine ain't one.
- Fifth, don't forget all the horse shows she has to show at.
- horse people are just cat people with more money
- And also wild in bed.   But it's best they don't know where you live.
- Why even is that? I've dated one and holy shit is this ever true. She wasn't awful
  or anything, and she wasn't rich, but she was a fucking handful and always awkward
  to be around. I still don't understand what it is about the horses that causes this.
  Or is it just that these types of girls are attracted to horses?
- "Plot twist: long-legged because she was actually a \U0001F434."
- 'Can confirm: my most recent ex thought she was fuckin'' Cinderella. Absolutely
  insane'
- I feel like reading his comment took something from me, but I don't know what.
- "I can confirm horse people have to do this. \n\nFor yourself I think you should\
  \ take regular showers"
- Same. Ohmygod what's your favorite soup at Panera?
- /r/birdswitharms
- '> Well, excuuuuuse me


  [... _PRINCESS._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM)'
- Take your damned eagles while you're at it, you tiny footed hobbit.
- The animals can't speak, she can *speak to* animals, come on, right in the intro
  sequence.
- '>Hard on for Mario


  FTFY'
- Honestly Peach seemed stuck up Mario could do better
- What did he have to go through to get so detailed about it.
- "Please call one of these types of things:    \nhttp://www.thehotline.org/\n\nIf\
  \ anything, you may get a fix on your options. Don't let yourself feel cornered\
  \ with no hope. I once dated a girl who threatened to say I beat her (and inflict\
  \ the wounds herself) if I went to an already-planned outing with friends after\
  \ she decided she didn't want me to after first agreeing. It only made it worse\
  \ that it worked, and it became an Ace in the sleeve.\n\nThe further you find yourself\
  \ in the hole, the harder it is to get out. Start looking at options while you still\
  \ have a chance to remain the human being you deserve to be."
- There's waaay too much sex stuff for you to be this cool about your mother doing
  it to you and your siblings.
- "I was in my 30s before having female friends again. I went over 10 years without\
  \ one. I had my kids, old high school friends didn't. The other moms were married,\
  \ I was single with 2 kids under 5. I didn't have a \"place\" with them. Almost\
  \ 37 now and no longer feel the need to have them fit a demographic, or even me\
  \ for that matter. I like chill people who like to laugh, but not at the expense\
  \ of others. I enjoy the company of kind people. \n\nAnyways, I went a very long\
  \ time o lu friends with guys. I could be a bitch but typically wasn't. That one\
  \ thing doesn't define you as a whole."
- "I think there is a difference between \"uhg, girls are so much *drama*!\" And \"\
  I do not have patience for that\". \n\nI at least like to think I am level headed\
  \ about it. There are other women like me with similar priorities in a functioning\
  \ friendship. No \"drama\" there. I still do have more male friends than female,\
  \ but friends are friends, so who cares? I don't believe in being friends with people\
  \ out of necessity or obligation, so my friends are people I genuinely l get along\
  \ with."
- '> Also bullying. There was so much bullying from girls.


  I''ve never understood how women will often psychologically and emotionally demolish
  another, and often over such petty crap.


  And it''s not just in school... I witnessed first-hand this kind of thing in the
  workplace from (allegedly) grown women.  And this wasn''t just a little taunting
  here or there, this was full-on emotional abuse.'
- Oh, absolutely... But they're the kind that'll get demanding and psycho. Perhaps
  not a "princess" in the "pretty and high maintenance" way so much as the do "things
  my way; if you can't handle me at my worst..." way.
- Nothing at all
- If you can't handle me at my fastest, you don't deserve me at my furiousest.
- I'll diddle your doodle.
- 'I don''t like drama, but I''m really into sitcoms. '
- So flats?
- '"so why don''t you go fuck yourself then"'
- I find most guys fit this description as well.
- A duck princess.
- wtf is a pain doctor?
- a red flag none the less
- Isn't there also a huge disparity between the number of men and women in China which
  leads to women being able to be super, super picky with who they want to have a
  relationship with and men having to go ridiculously above and beyond to keep a woman.
- Why should I, he's a pretty good operator
- '#NO SINGING!!!'
- 'Indeed. Here are some other classic predictions on this sub which don''t disappoint
  me whenever the question is asked:


  * "What cancelled TV show should come back?" *Firefly*.


  * "What cover song was better than the original?" "Hurt" by Johnny Cash, with a
  reply that Trent Reznor no longer considered it his song.


  * "What should be illegal?" Child beauty pageants.


  * "What mind-blowing fact do you know?" Cleopatra lived closer to the moon landing
  than the building of the Pyramids.


  * "How did you meet your SO?" Top answer is invariably "Don''t have one" or "My
  hand has been with me since I was born".'
- Every. Single. Fucking. Thread.
- "I use \"dad\" as a pronoun when I'm addressing my father, but use the noun \"father\"\
  \ when speaking about him as an object. Is that weird? \n\ne: Thanks guys, it's\
  \ not weird!"
- '"Father" is the person who provided half your DNA, "dad" is the person who lovingly
  raised you to the best of his ability.  I don''t use a term of endearment for a
  man who beat me as an infant.'
- '> Where I grew up, "daddy" was your dad''s name


  Yup same here. Still call my dad daddy'
- I thought he was implying something clock based, idk why
- 'It''s been one week since you looked at me


  Cocked your head to the side and said I''m angry'
- "Sounds like a golden opportunity. You could use any one of the following:\n\nCaptain\
  \ Dickbag\n\nCaptain Douchebag\n\nOr, the classic Captain Kangaroo\n\nWhy Kangaroo,\
  \ he'll ask. \n\nOh you know, *boing, boing, boing, boing* you'll say while simulating\
  \ your hand being an airplane bouncing against the runway multiple times. Believe\
  \ me, no pilot ever wants to be accused of bouncing their landings."
- Just throw in some nautical / piratical flavor. Like you spot him in the hall, you
  call out "Ahoy Cap'n!"
- And yet broad enough to cover all the bases.
- Knew a girl who sucked dick behind Macy's, was a total princess and got pissed off
  when everyone found out she was more trashy than her Facebook statuses had suggested
- Oh my god I was suddenly flooded with so many specific memories of that movie and
  I had completely forgotten it existed until you brought it up lol.
- 'Funny enough, I had a cat named Sassy. Always wondered where my sister got the
  name.


  That was a big, nice kitty.'
- 'Hang on I''ve got it here somewhere. '
- Caveat. Buying your own shit doesn't mean maxing out your credit cards and living
  above your means.
- '"High maintainence" can also apply to those who need a lot of emotional coddling. '
- That's only true if they also pay half the bills. Paying for all your fun stuff
  while someone else pays all your living expenses isn't really any different from
  paying your living expenses but expecting someone else to pay for your expensive
  luxuries.
- 'My girlfriend is very high maintenance. But she returns the favor. She expects
  a lot but because she gives a lot. She''s high maintenance but she maintains me
  a lot. It''s nice '
- Yeah this doesn't apply for every woman. I'm a woman and I tell guys that I'm not
  high maintenance every once in a while. I just think it can help ease minds when
  picking out places for dates and what not.
- I am the sand.
- '"Aren''t you a little ''the'' for a Senate?"'
- Ex told me I was vindictive, made sure she never said that again
- 'Because they can''t tell that it''s actually psycho bitch time.


  Edit: I''ve just been informed that this gold was for Moonlight, but I''m keeping
  it anyway. '
- "My SO owns 5 wrist watches, yet she is always late for everything. Every watch\
  \ of hers is an expensive piece of shit, but two don't work ( it is just batteries),\
  \ and two are showing the wrong time. \n\nWhen I pointed it out, she went ballistic."
- A modern poet, if ever there was one
- Gilded in 20 minutes! My dude!
- '"That''s just the way I am"


  Oh, so you know you''re awful but are unwilling to change? Is that supposed to make
  it better?'
- 'STOP THAT! '
- 'Just wipe out the bloodline. And any other stray claimants.

  '
- Im sorry man. I had a bitch of a girl in high school too really fucks up your self
  esteem. I had hot girlfriends before her and she totally made me feel worthless
- 'I believe Virginia can be divided most accurately into three: Traffic, Navy, and
  Hicks.'
- You gots to go!
- Upvotes for everyone with the Mulaney reference.
- 'It''s obviously because you confused the largest minority for the majority kappa


  Statistically most guys are not Chinese'
- 'I heard you like bad girls. Well, I''m bad at everything '
- 'I work with that girl. She''s a 40 something white lady with the last name Rameriez
  and wears nothing but pink everyday. I don''t even know her name. She goes by pinky. '
- Well, she is the flag bearer of the term "hot mess".  To me.
- Wow that is some advanced messiness
- You a wavy dude...
- We want prenups!!
- If you are going to go with the Dr Cox impression, you need to start calling them
  random girls names, and do your best to never repeat them. You got that, Janice?
- '"You stupid lemon stealing whore"'
- "I only watch it for the plot.[](/sp)[](/manspike) \n\n[](/sp)\n\n[](/rtwiplot) "
- Ugh my ex and I got into a spat about this too. At least say something, like "Oh,
  I'm getting a call!" You have enough time to say that if you have to interrupt me
  to answer!
- 6/10. Simplify your fractions!!!!
- Allergies
- 'And they have dragons. It''s about time the KKK encouraged some gender diversity
  and added a princess title. '
- 'Yes and the non-conical ones look even more ridiculous to modern eyes.


  https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/15th_century_-_head_dress_of_jeweled_velvet_and_lawn.jpg'
- ^this guy gets it
- One of us! One of us!
- We're talking about semen, aren't we?
- ^^^^^^smaller-than-this-text
- Maybe sixth, I mean "me" is kind of part of her daddy's money, so she puts herself
  before you too.
- 'I saw a bumper sticker on a SUV over the weekend that read: Take my husband...but
  stay away from my horse!


  They proceeded to blow right past someone in a no passing zone!'
- "Taking notes: \n\n*Centaurs are rich*"
- 'Ya that suckered me in twice.  There''s not going to be a third strike.  It''s
  just not worth it. I''ve learned my lesson. '
- Actually, she's a broom.
- 'Best course of action is to bippity, boppity break up. '
- You must have failed the horror check, -1 sanity.
- like your innocence? Welcome to Reddit.
- 'I love Reddit '
- 'I can confirm this too. I worked on a farm a few years back and one day I was sitting
  right outside the stables eating lunch and I was talking to one of the girls who
  worked with the horses. We were chatting and she nonchalantly just starts cleaning
  the horse''s dick like it''s no big deal. Not the best sight when eating lunch.
  But not the worst either. '
- Why did I watch that whole thing
- Sounds like he was put through some shit, or realized through other peoples experiences.
- "Thank you. I will call tomorrow when sober and out of\nearshot. \n\nEdit: word"
- 'You described it perfectly, it''s kinda scary. '
- Stupid sexy Flanders
- '*Nothing at all*'
- The guys and girls who aren't actually like most guys/girls don't have to mention
  it.
- 'a drug dealer with a medical license '
- You would see that pretty easily though. She'd be flying it openly.
- U N D E R R A T E D  P O S T
- Maybe he should stick with Sledge. Honest and brash.
- Don't for get to talk about how not using your blinkers should be punishable by
  death.
- Thanks to this comment I don't need to look at ask reddit again for at least 3 months
- 'Unwanted movie death: baby sitter in Jurassic world.


  Most disappointing video game: no mans sky.


  Over rated comedian: amy schumer.


  Biggest let down: Eragon movie... and no mans sky.


  Badass thing in history: "nuts" and "if"'
- "> \"What should be illegal?\" Child beauty pageants.\n> \n\nThe new karma maker\
  \ is \"Not vaccinating\", child beauty pageants have slipped off the top five for\
  \ a few of the previous threads"
- '> "What mind-blowing fact do you know?"


  FYI the most mind blowing fact is the Tyrannosaurus was closer, in terms of timeline,
  to attending a Miley Cyrus concert than a Stegosaurus concert'
- 'That makes sense to me - the familiar and the formal. So mine would be "daddy"
  as a pronoun and "dad" when I''m talking about him. '
- my SO just calls him her sperm donor
- "It could also be Zeus throwing lightning bolts \U0001F914"
- 'Five days since you laughed at me saying,

  "Get back together come back and see me."'
- Hell, I'm not a pilot, I don't even drive, but I knew right away what a sick burn
  that was
- I gotta remember that, my buddy is going through his flight hours right now.
- 'God damn someone call the fucking burn unit. '
- 'Can confirm. Captain Kangaroo is an OUTSTANDING pilot burn. Ty for the ammo. '
- If he's **really** bad, you can call him Captain Kingfisher, because he dives straight
  down into water.
- '"Yarr, we be meetin'' again on the treacherous 4th floor, Captain Bob!  Surrender
  your riches or I''ll send ye to the briny depths, landlubber!"


  '
- We already covered all the bases, in the parking lot behind Macy's.
- Covered all the bases with your mom
- And base enough to cover all of the broads!
- Now when you say "sucked dick behind Macy's" was this a reoccurring thing or...?
- Check the bathroom.
- You wrote it down? Hell she just calls me
- It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
- I told you it would come to this! I was right! The sand is taking over!
- '"Aren''t you a little ***UNLIMITED POWERRR*** for the sand?'
- Wh- what did you do to her?
- Bravo
- "> Edit: I've just been informed that this gold was for Moonlight, but I'm keeping\
  \ it anyway. \n\nToo soon."
- "I'm imagining a clock with twelve marks, one for each hour, all saying \u201CPsycho\
  \ Bitch Time\u201D."
- Holy fuck my sides
- 'My new favorite is:


  "Everything happens for a reason"


  No, things happen because of the choices you''ve made. Accept some damned responsibility. '
- '"I don''t intend to change, I like me..."


  Well, that makes one of us.'
- We live on a bloody swamp! We need all the land we can get!
- '*hiccups*'
- The thing is...I thought your son was a lady.
- 'When is a good day for a purge?


  Trick question, every day is a good day for a bloodline purge!


  Excommunication, imprisonment, execution!'
- Maybe keep a couple around to inbreed and laugh at when their children are horribly
  deformed
- Good thing is, once you're out of such a relationship - providing you made it in
  one piece - you grow a lot wiser. I don't see a better way to learn that "better
  alone than in poor company" thing.
- ' But sometimes I get nervous on airplanes'
- Asian would've worked, though.
- He really screwed it with those sexy statistician ladies, didn't he
- Most guys are dead.
- Gotta give her props for committing to the gimmick though
- Well... Some Like It Hot.
- It's something that you need to have
- 'Got it, Victoria '
- 'I''ve always been partial to Margaret. '
- Sure thing, Rebecca.
- "Okay. His name is Leslie.... His name... Is Leslie.... \n\n\n\nLESLIE!!!!! "
- 'Nine months later, Brooke gave birth to a baby boy. She died in childbirth.


  Marco has no idea that he has a son, and continues to creampie teens to this day.'
- '[](/dashponder) Yes. I''m very interested to see what happens to these "LEMON STEALING
  WHORES"'
- 3/5
- And a Ku Klux Klown, er joker.
- From your mum, apparently.
- My time is now.
- He has an itsy bitsy, teenie... weenie.
- Dated a horse girl for six years. Sex was phenomenal. But everyone is right - if
  you have any aspirations for a healthy relationship that allows your perspective
  to be valid and considered, look elsewhere.
- That's a keeper...
- 'I knew exactly what video that guy linked, yet I still watched the whole thing.


  It was entertaining, in an annoying way. '
- Because it's only 2 minutes long and you're on the toilet.
- 'To answer /u/Okmn12345 and yourself:


  Both.


  It was first being put through the ringer, in more separate occasions than I am
  proud of admitting due to the implication about my choices, and then the recognition
  of the same behavior in some of the relationships of people I know that paralleled
  far too closely to the experiences I have had for it to be a coincidence, later
  confirmed by them in more detail.


  I have always been very aware of what goes on in my relationships, and part of my
  own denial from the start of these "princess" scenarios was that it was something
  that could be modified or worked out. After several failures of my expectations
  regarding this, I realized that I was fighting a losing battle. I am nowhere near
  perfection, but I noticed a trend and once I removed myself from the pattern I was
  finding myself in due to correlated choices, relationships became a two-way conversation
  again. There were still faults and blocks, but it was a forward momentum.


  Now days I don''t really go there much. I enjoy life to myself and I don''t know
  if the battle scars are a reason for that, but I do know that it is not hard for
  me to figure out whether I am about to backstroke in a lava pit simply by dipping
  my toe into the waters and feeling the burn.'
- 'Shit man, your situation is awful. Look up the laws regarding conversation recording
  in your state, and if it''s legal, buy a small recorder and flip it on whenever
  you''re around her. The amount of time stamped evidence of her being batshit crazy,
  as well as the evidence of blackmail/extortion will probably go very far in your
  favor. If you have the money, start seeing a therapist about it and talk to a lawyer.
  Biggest thing is, document as much of everything as you can. You want to be completely
  transparent with the law showing that you have done nothing wrong, and so make sure
  that you don''t. Best of luck, you''re in a tough situation, but you''re better
  than her. '
- Can I have one?
- BMW drivers, amirite?
- See you tomorrow!
- Biggest let down movie is also often *The Last Airbender*, or pretending it doesn't
  exist.
- 'Three days since the living room,

  I realized it''s all my fault, but couldn''t tell you'
- Yeah... I'd just say 'Alrighty then captain kangaroo- whatever you want.'
- I just imagined those boings in such a cartoony way
- Dam Son
- At least twice
- 'That''s where I got it. '
- So it's chaffing then
- 'Calmy and politely showed her how he''s not vindictive obviously. '
- But... father. I don't, like it!
- 'Oh go and get a glass of water. '
- Well I can understand that.
- Well isn't that just so easy for you? I'll have you know, not all of us are lucky
  enough to be the nephew of the pope! We have to purge bloodlines the old fashioned
  way, shoddy railings and tyranny.
- 'Only he was wearing glasses, to show that time had passed. '
- Cuz when she leave yo ass she gon leave with half
- That's great Susan!
- I hate myself.
- Step right up folks! Come get your Ku Klux Klan Krusty Klown Krab Kebabs!
- "\u0F3C \u3064 \u25D5_\u25D5 \u0F3D\u3064"
- Yellow polka dot wee peeny.
- Your time in the stables is truly appreciated!
- Oh yeah the sex is always great. Turns out they're really good at riding...
- Yous one erudite sombitch.
- Realizing bad situations sometimes takes awhile if you're unaccustomed and unexpectant
  to and of the behavior. It helps others by reading this type of stuff, either to
  realize similar situations or a virtual support group. Thanks.
- Oh, BMWs come with a turn signal indicator?
- Yesterday you'd forgiven me, but it'll still be two days 'til I say I'm sorry.
- WHERE'D YA FIND THIS?
- I got her number behind a Macy's
- '*sedimentary screeching*'
- But mother...
- Idiom.
- 'Don''t forget inns filled with horse shit and nice carriage rides over a cliff.


  Too bad about the carriage though.'
- IM SOOORRRY
- 'Excuse me! I''m homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS.  I''m new in town. '
- 'This thread is like dogs without horses '
- This week I am going with pop star names l, Brittany.
- 'Look at ''em including a Jewish clown - so inclusive and non-judgemental '
- He should probably see a doctor for that.
- "\U0001F3B6\U0001F3B6 that he used for the first time today \U0001F3B5\U0001F3B5"
- '*stables'
- 'Hold it now and watch the hoodwink

  As I make you stop, think'
- 2meta2fast
- Boing boing boing!
- It's over Anakin! I have the young strata!
- FATHER!
- 'Message for you sir! '
- Now, we cannot forget poisoned wine.  Shall we celebrate with... beer?
- Ima push em
- How many times a day do you pee?
- Why? It's not like you shit in my hand.
- SCATTERRR!
- "Hold back Hold back \n\n\nBuild to that "
- They've never spoken!
- IM SOOOORRRY
- I read this in a sing-song voice that went with the song.
- There's nothing stable about a relationship with a horse girl.
- '*Neighs*'
- You'll think you're looking at Aquaman.
- We don't know the whole story
- You underestimate my deposition!
- /r crusaderkings is leaking
- "I was playing as the high chief of Novgorod today (starts as holomomor or something)\
  \ and I had to kill that motherfucker who owns the only port at the start of the\
  \ game and holy shit that guy survived more assassination attempts than I have ever\
  \ seen. \n\nHe avoided poisoning by wine eight times, EIGHT! Finally just said,\
  \ \"Fuck it,\" and imprisoned his ass and executed him. That mother fucker was so\
  \ god damn lucky. Course once the tyrant awakens he doesn't sleep. I slaughtered\
  \ the rest of the country for their land. "
- Yeah thas whamgunna do Ima push em
- 'I''m a little fat girl. '
- You have your own history.
- '*I HAVE AAAAAIIDS*, no that''s too subtle...   '
- Now take this meal voucher that DOESN'T WORK!