xkcd 1679: If we can't have accurate news, then let's at least have fun news

sillysubstitiutions.js

(function() {
	var replacements = {
		"random": "broken",
		"gaffe": "haunted",
		"star[- ]studded": "blood-soaked",
		"remains to be seen": "will never be known",
		"silver bullet": "way to kill werewolves",
		"subway system": "tunnels I found",
		"surprising": "surprising to everyone except me",
		"war of words": "interplanetary war",
		"tension": "sexual tension",
		"cautiously optimistic": "delusional",
		"Doctor Who": "the Big Bang Theory",
		"win votes": "find pokemon",
		"behind the healines": "beyond the grave",
		"read between the lines": "see into the future",
		"email": "poem",
		"facebook post": "poem",
		"tweet": "poem",
		"facebook ceo": "this guy",
		"Mark Zuckerberg": "this guy",
		"latest": "final",
		"disrupt": "destroy",
		"meeting": "menage a trois",
		"you won't believe": "I'm really sad about",
		"scientist\b": "Channing Tatum",
		"scientists": "Channing Tatum and his friends",
		"journalist\b": "Obama",
		"journalists": "Senators",
		"journalism": "voyeurism",
	};

	Object.keys(replacements).map(function (target) {
		document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp(target, "gi"), replacements[target]);
	});
}());

sillysubstitutions.html

<a href="javascript: (function () {
	document.body.appendChild(
		document.createElement('script')
		.setAttribute('src', 'https://gist.githubusercontent.com/d4goxn/20dd112df6b64dc0862d25d2dec141d3/raw/f07b6ef10291fe4c65806725ada749f0dca271c9/sillysubstitiutions.js')
	);
}());">bookmark me</a> for great lols